Qualitative Analysis of Spousal Bereavement in Later Life

Dionne Angela Donnelly PSYC222: Research Methods & Statistics Scored: 80

Introduction

Almost all people tell stories. The stories that people tell are not chance occurrences. Rather they often recount important events in the tellers life - births, marriages and deaths (Bruner, 1990, 1991; Gersie, 1991). For example, Bruner (1991) suggests that stories are told about events which are departures from the ordinary, so it is possible to argue that major life-events are worthy of storytelling because they are not everyday occurrences (Labov & Waletsky, 1967). Other people have examined the functions of narrative (Bauman, 1977, 1986; Nicolaisen, 1984, 1991). Nicolaisen (1984, 1991) has also discussed the functions of narrative and encapsulates them well: They show events to have structure and meaning and not simply sequence. They selectively duplicate, belatedly rehearse and retrospectively mediate the past for us ... (1984, p. 176). In the fields of socio-linguistics, ethnography of communication and narrative folklore there are rich discussions of definitions and approaches to informal oral narrative (see for example: Bauman, 1986; Bennett, 1986; Hymes 1981; Polyani, 1979). Whilst there is less to be found within the psychological literature it does not mean that narrative does not have psychological importance. For example, McLeod (1997) working from a counselling perspective suggests that narratives convey meaning, a sense of self, and the emotional context. In a similar vein there has been research which has examined life review and reminiscence (Butler, 1963, 1980-1; Merriam, 1980; Molinari & Reichlin, 1984-5). In their review Molinari and Reichlin (1984-5) argue that life review reminiscence is personal and intense and represents an active attempt to come to terms with the past.

One life-event where there appears to be value in relating events in the form of a narrative is around bereavement (Gersie, 1991; Pennebaker, Mayne & Frances, 1997; Riches & Dawson, 1996a & b; Walter, 1996)). For example, in the work of Riches and Dawson (1996a, 1996b) they show the

importance of narratives following the deaths of children, often in most distressing circumstances. They argue that the opportunity to tell it like it is (1996, 357) enables parents to explore painful events whilst keeping control over their own narratives. Studies introduced by Folkman (1997) in a special issue of Journal of Personality and Social Psychology around the use of narratives of bereaved gay men whose partners died of AIDS also provides interesting insight. For example, Stein, Folkman, Trabasso and Richards (1997) found a positive relationship between the appraisals made in the narratives of bereaved caregivers and their levels of wellbeing. The work of Pennebaker and his colleagues, in the above issue and elsewhere, suggests that those people who have discussed or written about traumatic events have more positive physical and emotional outcomes than those who did not (Pennebaker & Beall, 1986; Pennebaker & Francis, 1996; Pennebaker, Mayne & Francis, 1997). In a different literature, Gersie (1991) uses traditional stories to illustrate aspects of bereavement and argues that traditional stories may help people come to terms with their loss. So, there is a body of evidence to suggest that narratives may play an important role in bereavement.

Spousal bereavement in later life is a particularly common event, and this is especially so for women (Morris, 1997). However, there have been relatively few studies of widowhood in later life and yet there is evidence to suggest that the experience of widowhood is as important to older people as it is to people widowed off-time, and also that the challenges of widowhood in later life may be different from those widowed earlier (Bennett, 1996, 1997; Thuen, Reime & Skrautvoll, 1997; Zisook, Shucter, Sledge, Paulus & Judd, 1994). There is also evidence to suggest that men and women in later life experience widowhood differently (Stroebe & Stroebe, 1983). There have been even fewer which have explored the stories and narratives that widowed people tell with respect to the deaths of their partners (Ducharme & Corin, 1997; Pickard, 1994; van den Hoonaard, 1999). For example, van den Hoonaard (1999) found that women, unasked, recounted their experiences of their husbands deaths. She suggested that these narratives provided a transition from

wife to widow.

The present paper discusses the narratives of four people (2 male and 2 female) widowed in later life. The focus is specifically on the events surrounding the deaths of their partners - a central aspect of the experience of widowhood (Bennett & Bennett, 1999; van den Hoonaard, 1999).

Method

Interviewee one was 66 year old widow Mrs Jones. She was married to her husband for forty years and had been widowed six years. She had a son in Australia and during her marriage she worked part-time as a shop-assistant and her husband worked in a packaging factory.

Interviewee two was Mr Smith, a widower of two years, who was 63 and married for 35 years. He had two daughters and four grandchildren. Mr Smith was a storekeeper during his marriage, and was still working at the time of the interview, his wife worked part-time in a shop.

Interviewee three was an eighty year old widow called Mrs Green, she was married to her husband for 49 years. She had been widowed for 13 years. Her marriage produced two children, eight grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. Mrs Green never worked, whilst her husband worked in an electronics factory.

Interviewee four was Mr Field, a retired engineer. He gave up his job to care for his wife of 26 years. Mr Field has been a widower for three years and has no children. He was also a widower from a previous marriage.

Interviewees were questioned using semi-structured interviews as this allowed the interviewer to gather rich, detailed data reflecting the interviewee's true opinions without leading them towards preconceived choices (Zorn, n.d.) Despite allowing elaboration on a subject, and impromptu questions from the interviewer, the semi-structured interview followed a set scheme of questions, allowing for comparison of the data which would not be possible if the interviewee was allowed to speak freely on the subject (ESDS Qualidata teaching resource, 2007). The interviews in this study begin with factual questions about the interviewees and their spouses, such as their age and length of widowhood, this is then followed by open questions relating to the circumstances of their spouses' deaths and their feelings relating to this event.

Analysis of the transcripts was done using the inductive method of Grounded Theory. It was developed by Glaser and Strauss (1967, cited by Borgatti, n.d.) to create theories that are thoroughly grounded in the data they represent. In order to do this, unlike other methods, the literature review comes at the end of the analysis so that the researcher has no preconceived ideas about the research area. There are several stages which take place before this literature review. The first is line by line coding, which involves looking at each line or sentence and identifying the most important word(s), each code should be as close as possible to the original words used by the interviewee. This stage is followed by focused coding, which involves looking at each transcript as a whole and identifying the main categories which have emerged, this is done by taking all the codes and identifying which are similar in order to create a particular category. Once this has been completed for each transcript it is necessary to then look at all the categories created and combine those which are similar to create 'super-categories'. Throughout this whole process, it is also necessary to write memos which suggest possible relationships which appear to emerge from the codes. Odis Simmons (2008) states that memoing should take precedence, because it is the actual write-up of what is emerging from the data and the analysis. Once relationships between the super-categories have been established,

this can then be moulded into a theory. Finally, once this theory has been created it can then e compared to wider literature to assess whether the theory supports or contradicts subsequent research. Analysis

Conclusion

Appendices Interview 1: 9 September 2002 Mrs J Thank you very much Mrs Jones for agreeing to talk about your experience of widowhood. I am interested in your own personal experience which may be different from other peoples so if you could tell me what its been like for you. The interview will probably last between one and one and a half hours. Id like to tape record it with your permission. We can arrange for you to have the opportunity to hear the tape if you would like. Should you wish to stop the interview at any time or take a break, please tell me. Because the topic of our discussion is sensitive I can assure you that it will remain confidential. First of all Id like to ask you a few factual questions and then ask you some more open questions about the experience of being both married and widowed. So first of all can I ask how old are you? And when were you born? And where were you born? And how many years were you married up until your husband died? So when would you have been married? Right. Youve been widowed how long? 40. 1956. Six years. 66. In 1936. In Liverpool.

Do you have any children? Just one son? And does he live locally? Any grandchildren? What was your job? And did your husband work?

A son. Yes. No. Hes in Australia. No. I worked in the little shop, just part-time. Yes, he worked in the packaging factory.

Yes. Id like to ask you about the time leading up to when your husband died. If you could just tell me what happened. I know this may be painful so we can take it slowly and we can stop if you like. Well my husband had always been very fit very energetic. Mm. Well one day he came home from work and I remember it distinctly because it was a really wet day and he came in and he looked grey, really grey, and I can just remember being taken aback and I said to him I said George whats the matter you look terrible. And he said I feel really odd I just feel odd, I havent got any energy. Im just going to go off to bed so he went off to bed. Bit later on I brought him a cup of tea and he said he was feeling OK but still a bit strange. He couldnt put his finger on what it was. It wasnt that hed got a headache, stomach-ache or anything he just felt odd. So I said well if youre not feeling right in the morning, if you still look terrible and you still dont feel well well make an appointment for you to see the doctor. So we went to bed and got up the next morning and I asked if he was feeling OK and he said he was. Well I wasnt sure but you know what men are like they dont want to go to the doctor. So um he went off to work and he came back at the end of the day and he still didnt look right he was still looking grey and this went on for a couple of weeks you know when he just wasnt right. He wasnt right. He wasnt himself. So eventually I made an appointment with the doctor and I went with him because I knew he wouldnt go on his own and er the doctor looked at him and he said you look terrible Mr Jones. He said Ive never seen you look like that. Really? Mm. The doctor was ever so concerned and he said Im going to take some blood and then see what and about a week later we heard from him and he said will you come in and see me in my surgery so we went in straight away. And the doctor said well theres something thats not thats

just not right so Im going to make an appointment for you to see somebody at the hospital. That appointment took forever it youd think when something seemed so serious youd get an appointment straight away it was like two months before we got the appointment and then it was another two months later and I was really worried and he was just getting worse. Hadnt got the energy to go down the allotment. Didnt even feel like going for a drink with his mates on Friday night. Was that unusual? Yes cos he always went down the allotment and he always went for a drink with his friends on a Friday night. That was what hed always done all the way through our marriage. So we went to the appointment and they took some more blood and they didnt say what was wrong we knew there was something wrong but you know you dont know how to be pushy. Yes. How did you feel about that? Well angry although at the time I didnt feel angry. I felt angry later. Helpless. I felt helpless Id always looked after him Id always done everything that I could for him and there was nothing I could do for him I didnt know what was wrong and I didnt know how to deal with it. You know I couldnt tell () he was so far away so I couldnt. And the doctor was OK but you know the doctor wasnt you know our GP wasnt sort of pushy but he kept going back and eventually they said youve got cancer. And I remember saying to the doctor well what can we do, what treatment is there, and he said oh nothing theres nothing you can do. That must have been awful. Yes it was. We just sat there you know usually they tell you - he wasnt I just watched. We went home we got a taxi home rather than the bus. We sat at home thinking what do we do now. Wed not even asked how long hed got. Wed just heard the word cancer and then that was it it was a life sentence. How did you feel then? Um nothing really. I mean we were left with no information we didnt know we couldnt even remember you know what kind of cancer it was just cancer. I remember sitting there that evening not knowing what to say and not knowing what to do; not knowing how long wed got, not knowing if it was going to be painful. I mean at that point he said he just felt odd he was really tired

without any energy, not feeling any pain Yes. but we didnt know what it was going to be like. Im sorry this must be painful for you but I would like to know what happened then. We had an appointment with the GP and then we went and the GP phoned and got a bit more information about what it was you know and really it was just a very slow process. He just gradually faded away and it was as if hed given up so that hed given up before the cancer got him really. You know it wasnt that, not the pain, he just faded away. And I had to do more and more for him. You know its he got to the point where he didnt want to move, he didnt want to go out, he didnt want to get up, to go to bed, he couldnt be bothered. Think he got depression and he just gave up. And what about you, how did you feel? Well you know he was my childhood sweetheart I couldnt imagine what life would be like without him. My son came over from Australia - he was very good he did what he could he helped me and did the shopping and bits of things around the house George would have done. But we couldnt talk about it. I mean after that day when we saw the GP we didnt talk about it. Did you have anyone you could talk to? I talked a bit to my sister. I mean she was very good but George and I didnt talk about it. I mean for a while before he got sort of really low he taught me how to sort out the money and showed me how to do things. And my son did things around the house. I mean we all we all became a bit knowing that he was going to die but we didnt you know we didnt talk about it. And we didnt have any help so at the end you know he had no energy, he didnt want to get up, he didnt want to eat anything you know I was more or less feeding him and doing everything for him. Nobody offered. The neighbours maybe they didnt know but they didnt ask so how would they know. You dont go round telling people you know shouting to all and sundry you know George has got cancer, hes dying you know you dont do that. So how did that make you feel? Bitter. You know Ive done everything for my neighbours Id always helped them when they

were in trouble. I think people are embarrassed and they dont know what to say. People do say that, yes. And then one morning I got up you know by that time we werent sleeping in the same room I got up and went through to George and hed died in his sleep. How did you feel then? Well it was unexpected completely. When Im being sensible about it and thinking about George and not thinking about how I feel then but if I think about how I feel it was the worse day of my life. Thank you very much.

Interview 2: 9 September 2002 Mr S Well thank you for coming Mr Smith and agreeing to talk about your experience of widowhood. I am interested in your own personal experience of widowhood and that may be different from other peoples what its like for you. The interview will probably last between one and one and a half hours. And if you dont mind Id like to tape-record it. If youd like

to hear the tape then we can arrange that for you. Should you wish to stop the interview at any time or take a break, please tell me. Because the topic of our conversation is sensitive I can assure you that it will remain confidential. First of all Id like to ask you half a dozen factual questions and then ask you some more open questions. Right. So how old are you? And when were you born? And where? For how many years were you married up until your wife died? And how long have you been widowed? Do you have any children? Im 63. I was born in 1939. I was born in Birkenhead. Um now then lets see. I was married in 1965 so 35 years. Ive been widowed its two years now. Yes I do. Ive got two daughters.

And do you have any grandchildren? And what was your job? Youre still working? And did your wife work?

Yes Ive got four grandchildren two little girls and two little boys. Oh Im a storekeeper. Oh yes still working. Im a storeman over in Birkenhead. Yes she worked too. She only worked parttime because you know of looking after the daughters she worked in a shop part time.

I wonder whether you could tell me about the week around the time that she died, what happened. I know it may be painful so we can take it slowly if you like and we can stop the tape. No its alright. Can you tell me what happened? Well um where shall I start. Well wed been away um wed been down one of the daughters lives down south, married somebody from down there, so wed been down to see her one weekend and um oh I dont know we were coming back we were coming back in the car and you know the wife wasnt very well. I didnt think it was anything - nothing serious you know just that she hadnt been very well on the way back. Anyway we got back and carried on you know doing what we would do at home after the weekend, getting ready for the next week, going to work, that sort of thing, but she wasnt well that night at all. I mean the next day I came back to work but she was really quite sick. Was she actually sick? Yes. She was really sick and so anyway we went to see the doctor well she went to see the doctor I didnt. Why was that, because you were working? Yes I was working I was working full time then and I couldnt take time off work I mean I did take time off work later - anyway no she went to the doctor and things went on from there really. It started off she was going to the doctor and then going to the hospital. Were you still working then? Yes, I was working. Im still working. I had to take a lot of time off but you know Ive got good

daughters and they were a great help. What sort of things did they do? The daughters? Oh they helped a lot with you know, they came and helped well Ive got one daughter lives nearby she came and she virtually lived in our house. Looking after the missus. She took her to the hospital. They just seemed to be going backwards and forwards to the hospital. Was she staying in hospital? Yes she stayed in for a few days and then shed be a bit better and shed be home well shed be sick when she came out but after that she seemed a bit better. But then shed go back. Did you know what it was? Well I dont know you know you thought they didnt really say what it was exactly. But you know you could see on her that she wasnt well. We all knew she wasnt well. Well the daughter was there you know I had to go back to work. My other daughter, the one from down south she kept coming up now and then. We all knew she wasnt well. How did you feel? Well, it was hard really it was hard working hard you know, trying to keep going, coming home, seeing her like that, you know I didnt know what to do really for the best. Yes. So what happened then? Well the daughter was looking after her. Shed virtually moved in completely by then, she was doing all the work, looking after her and cooking all that sort of thing. You know she was getting worse and worse. I didnt think she could cope shed got young children herself as well and she had them to look after. And then in the end wed had some help you know wed had quite a lot of help from social services and the nurses but in the end they said well shell have to go into this hospice. Yes and you know um we thought that maybe shed just go in to give my daughter a rest or something and shed be back home. Well she wasnt in there for a couple of days and that was it like. And you still dont know ..?

Well you know you think dont you you think to yourself you can put it down to maybe the Big C. But you dont know? Well we didnt talk about it in - you know Im not one for bothering the doctors and talking to them and really I didnt see them that much it was the daughter who went with her. Do you think your wife knew? Um well. How did she feel? How did the wife feel? Yes. Oh she was brave really you know. She never complained. You know, maybe she knew I dont know. We didnt talk about it. Maybe she talked more to the daughter. Do you wish youd talked more? Well looking back, yes, yes. But you know it wouldnt have helped would it. Would it have helped? I dont think so. Some things you know inside you but you dont talk about them. You know she never talked to me about it.

Were you with her when she died? Yes - yes I was with her. I used to go in well you could go in whenever you wanted to there and I did spend a lot of time in there with her I was off that last week cos they kept saying well they said that she was bad and they said I could come and go and I felt I wanted to be up there. And I was with her when she died. Yes. She went peacefully in the end. Was she in pain beforehand? Well you know they done a good job in that place I think they kept the pain down.

So you were able to say goodbye? Yes. Yes. Well yes in a way. I was holding her hand and she just seemed to slip away. Thank you.

Interview 3: 9 September 2002 Mrs G Hello Mrs Green. Hello.

Thank you very much for coming in to talk about your experience of widowhood. I am interested in your own personal experience which may be different from other peoples. The interview will probably last between one and one and a half hours. Id like to tape record the conversation if thats alright with you. Mm.

And if you want to hear the tape then we can make arrangements for you to do that. If you want to stop the interview at any time or take a break please tell me. Because the topic of our

discussion is sensitive I can assure you that it will remain confidential. So first of all I would like to ask you a few factual questions and then go on to ask some more open questions. First of all, how old are you? Eighty. And when were you born? And where were you born? And how many years were you married up until your husband died? Im eighty. 1922. Oh I was born in Birmingham. Well I was married 49 wed almost got to our Golden Wedding. It was terrible terrible that he died when he did I mean I just dont understand you know we got married in the War very quickly after wed met you know cos it was the War and it was just oh true love really. We were just starting to plan what wed do for our Golden Wedding just but it wasnt to be. No. Can I just carry on asking you a few factual questions. Can you just tell me how long youve been widowed? So its quite a little while ago. Does it? Do you have any children? And any grandchildren? Really? Are they? Any great grandchildren? Oh, well he died in 1989 so its thirteen thirteen yes. It is but it feels like yesterday. Yes. Mm. Yes. Got a girl and a boy. Well Ive got eight. Well my sons got five children; my daughters got three. But theyre all grown up now. Mm. Ive got two great grandchildren. Ive got one of two a little girl, and a little boy thats just six months old. And theyre lovely. And they live close by I see a lot of them. No. I never worked. Yes he worked as a Im not quite sure what he did really he worked for that electronics factory but I dont know what he did. Long hours.

Can you tell me, did you work? And what about your husband, did he work?

Can I ask you what it was like in the time leading up to his death. I know it may be painful for you and if you want to stop or have a break just say. Well wed both retired so wed been having hed been retired for quite a while hed worked till he was 65 hes a couple of years older than me so hed been retired four years and Id never worked so we had four years doing things together. For the first time in our lives. What sort of things did you do? Well we went um we did the garden and we went on bus trips you know coach trips to places like Blackpool and Llandudno and stately homes and we went to um well we were very involved in the church so we went to lots of things in the church. We were really very busy and then we went to see our children and to visit grandchildren. So no we were very busy. Did you do most things together? Oh we did everything together. You did? Yes. I mean throughout all the time we were married did everything together. Mm everything. Except you know in the War but everything outside of that it was together. Never had I mean apart from during the War never had a night apart. Really? Mm I know. So er and he was very fit, very fit, very healthy, nothing wrong with him at all. Hed not had any previous ill health? Nothing. Nothing. It was just completely out of the blue. He went to bed one night. Wed had a nice day wed been wed been to Chatsworth on a coach trip really nice day it was and everyone was saying how nice it was and Id made a nice picnic. And wed got back in time just for a late you know for a late tea. And we watched the telly what did we watch well we watched the lottery cos it was Wednesday and then some drama and then we went to bed about ten oclock as we usually do. Made a cup of tea, went to bed. You know you dont think being married all those years. And I woke up about five oclock and I just felt strange. I wasnt sure.. In what way?

Just cold really cold. And it took me a few minutes to realise that it was Frank Frank wasnt cold he was always warm and wed usually wake up in the morning you know back to back. But he was really cold and then I realised that he wasnt breathing. And I leaned over him and shook him and nothing and I screamed. And I must have screamed loud because my neighbour heard -the walls are very thin theyre very thin between us and I woke up my neighbour and she came to the back door and when she came she was banging on the door and I just I was just by Frank. I just couldnt - I couldnt get and open the door or anything. What happened then? My neighbour she went back inside her house shes got a key you know for when were away and thats how. She came and held me and sat me down and put a blanket round me. How were you feeling? Shocked. I dont think I could believe it. So she got her husband and he phoned the ambulance, they came - it was cold it wasnt that the room was cold it was cold. And the ambulance came but they didnt come with the siren on. I think well it was early in the morning I suppose they didnt want to wake people. Maybe my neighbour had said he thought he was dead. Hed been dead a long time. The ambulancemen were very good they really were. But it was all automatic all a blur - and I dont know how I got through the next week really. Did your family help? Yeah, yeah, I mean although they you know they lived a long way away they all came. My neighbours have been marvellous too you know this one here shes helped with all sorts and I can talk to her you know. Shes helped me - and Id never done anything Id never even looked at a bank statement in my life. Now I can do all of those things but at that time I couldnt do anything.

You said it was a blur at the time I cant remember what happened no cant think. You know I can remember clearly, vividly up to finding him dead but after that as I say its a blur. You just dont think something like this is going to happen. You just think youre going to be together. Its like losing half of yourself.

Interview 4: 9 September 2002 Mr F Thank you for agreeing to talk to me Mr Field about your experience of widowhood. Im interested in your own personal experience which may be different from those of other people so tell me what its been like for you. The interview will probably last between one and one and a half hours. If you dont mind Id like to tape-record the interview. No thats fine.

If you wanted to listen to the tape then youd be very welcome. And if you wish to stop the interview at any time or take a break please tell me. Because the topic of our conversation is sensitive I can assure you that it will remain confidential. Id like to start off by asking you half a dozen factual questions, and then ask you some more open questions. Can I ask you how old you are? And when were you born? And can I ask you where you were born? How many years were you married up until your wife died? Oh have you, I didnt know. Im seventy. I was born in 1932. Yes I was born up in the north, near Newcastle way. Well Ive been married twice you know. Yes. Mm. Well the first time I was married well we werent married long she died she wasnt well when I married her but is it the second time you want to know about? OK. Well I was married oh when was I married I think it was about 1973. And she died in 1999 so thats 26 years is it, something like that. Ive been widowed since 1999 so its coming up three years now. Oh I dont know Ive had bad luck really with these women. Both of them werent well women at all. And um Elsie she wasnt she wasnt well really either from the time we got married. Well you know she had arthritis she started off with arthritis - she was young really to start with arthritis and then I dont know one thing after another, she had a hysterectomy, and then they said she had osteoporosis I think they call it and really she became quite disabled. I had to give up my job to look after her. It got to the point where I couldnt leave her you know she couldnt do that much for herself. I used to have to No. No. Well she was a bit younger than me five years younger than me I should think. So she was in her early sixties when she died.

Yes.

And how long have you been widowed?

Oh dear.

Oh - why?

Can I just go back a bit and ask you if you have any children? How old was your wife?

When you were working what did you do?

Well I was an engineer I had a good job you know a good job which paid well but as I say I had to give it up. It was difficult you know we lost the money it was a bit difficult to manage at times. I had to give up quite a long time ago. It must have been in 83, 84 Im not good on dates. Anyway you know I could do most things in the house and um you know I liked being with her I loved her and I wanted to be with her and do all I could for her. She couldnt do it and um you know I was brought up in the way my mam used to say you know give a hand in the house not like these youngsters now we used to have to help, so I could do it you know do the washing. I can iron too. Im a good ironer. Oh yes Im quite good at cooking yes. I can do anything. I can do a joint and two veg yes Sunday dinners no trouble. Oh she was yes. Yes. She was in a wheelchair for a long long time. I can hardly remember when she wasnt but you know we used to go out I used to take her out and we used to go she was very keen on music we used to go along to the Philharmonic do you know that? Theyve got good wheelchair access there. Very good. We used to go twice a week sometimes they have concessions for pensioners. She was very keen on now whats that fella called Handel is it. Oh yes she liked the music. And we had lots of music at home had a stereo thing so we listened to music a lot. I think it helped her you know because she was so housebound the music seemed to calm her, soothe her.

So how old were you when you stopped working?

What about cooking?

So was she in a wheelchair?

Mm.

Yes.

Can you tell me about the time you know immediately before she died, can you remember? Really she was just fading away you know how they are when osteoporosis takes hold. She just shrivelled up. Well no she hadnt been particularly unwell. She was as she normally was but then all of a sudden oh (upset). Do you need a break? OK if youre ready to carry on. (tape paused)

Yes Im sorry about that. Sometimes it just gets to me. I know of course. Its only three years and you know I miss her. I do. Yes Im sure. Perhaps you could, if its OK with you, could you tell me you know what happened? Well as I say nothing really happened it was just a normal day. You know it took a while to get her organised in the morning as it usually does. Getting her up and dressed and once shes washed she liked to sit in the chair there for a while in the morning and then after lunch we usually go out in the afternoon and we went out that afternoon. We went round the park it was a nice day. Yes I remember the bulbs were coming through in the park and she was you know she seemed pretty happy really she was pretty good. We both like being outside in the fresh air. Yes it was a nice warm day. Anyway we came in and I settled her in the back room and went through to start to make the tea and I brought her in a cup of tea and then I went back to find something for the tea and um oh (sighs) peeling potatoes and um heard a funny noise and er didnt think much, carried on, got the potatoes on. Um anyway something made me go through to the other room and shed gone just like that she was just there and then shed gone. So what did you do? I called the ambulance and they came but it was too late. It was just too late. You know there was no warning at all. I just couldnt believe what happened. I couldnt believe it. You know one minute shed been there, she was there and I was doing the tea and the next minute shed Did they say what it was? Well they said it was a heart attack massive one and couldnt do owt but shed not had one before. Did she have heart trouble? No, not so far as I knew she had all these other problems but it was mostly to do with the bones. Oh it was a terrible shock. So what did you do? Well um well of course I had all the things to see to. The doctor came and he was very good but I dont know it was a terrible shock really. I dont know what I did. You know I didnt have any

close family.

Ive got a brother but he lives up in Newcastle he was on the phone telling me I

had to do this that and the other but I wasnt really sure what to do. Anyway he came down in the end with his daughter and they stayed for a while.

References

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