Therapists Overview

WORKING THROUGH SHAME

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. 2. 3. 4. Maintain a program of recovery that is free of sexual promiscuity and addictive behavior. Recognize and understand issues of shame and negative self-image. Understand connections between negative self-image and addictive behaviors. Build a more positive self-image as part of a recovery program.

ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS FOR WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL

Childhood Trauma

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH CLIENT

The Working through Shame activity is intended to guide clients in correcting distorted perceptions and expectations that generate shame. Its approach is to guide the client in evaluating his/her own behaviors more objectively than in the past and to apply the same standards to himself/herself as to others. Follow-up could include sharing responses and outcomes of the affirmation-style portion of the exercise with the therapist and treatment group, as well as the exercise titled Using Affirmations for Change and bibliotherapy using the works of John Bradshaw, Janet Woititz, Claudia Black, and others who have written on this topic.

EXERCISE XXXV.B

WORKING THROUGH SHAME

Shame is thinking that as a person, you are bad, inadequate, defective, unworthy, or less than other people. It results in feeling hopeless, helpless, and unable to change or succeed. Shame frequently accompanies addictive behavior. Theres a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is feeling that an action is unacceptable, but shame is feeling that we ourselves are unacceptable. We can deal with guilt by correcting our actions, but shame is destructive because we cant change who we are. If left unresolved, this puts us at high risk of returning to drinking, using, or other addictive and self-destructive behaviors. Shame convinces us that we cant get better and dont deserve to feel better. This exercise will help you identify and correct shame in your beliefs about yourself. You deserve to heal! 1. In the first column below, please list some mistakes you have made and things you have done wrong as a result of alcohol, other drug use, or other addictive patterns. In the second column, list things you should have done, but didnt do because your addiction(s) interfered. Mistakes and Wrong Actions Things Not Done

2.

What kinds of shaming things do you say to yourself about the things you listed? Describe any thoughts in which you call yourself bad, weak, stupid, lazy, evil, or other negative labels.

EXERCISE XXXV.B

3.

What true and positive messages do you want to repeat to yourself about the things you listed in question 1, to replace these shaming messages (i.e., what might you say to a good friend who was in your situation)?

4.

Each night for the next two weeks, please write your answer to the following questions, and talk with your therapist about what you write and any changes you see in your beliefs about yourself. Of everything I did today, what do I feel the best about? What kind of person acts that way?

Be sure to bring this handout back to your next therapy session, and be prepared to talk about your thoughts and feelings about the exercise.