8 Marriage OH 1.

4 (Screen read version)

The Abuse of Sex
Sex can be a wonderful thing. It can also be destructive and harmful. What Genesis 1-3 Teaches about Marriage
e.g. the damage caused by jealousy, abuse and rape. Sex:
What is intrinsically good
can be subverted and cause the greatest damage when misused.
Control is required.
A delicate subject?
There are many allusions to sexual behaviour in the Bible – good and bad!
Scripture recognises an inherent instability about sexual desire. So Christians should not be embarrassed by it!
The lustful look (Job 31:1),
Provided, of course, they
the adulterous look (Matt.5:27-30),
the difficulty of guarding pure thoughts (Ps. 119:9)
think, talk & act
are all examples of the difficulties inspired by sexual desire. according to God’s Word!
The bible is realistic about sexual arousal, noting that it is a fact of life
(Eze.23:18).
To Discuss:
Marriage and Public Order
The social consequences of the abuse of sex seen in How do most people in your culture think of sex?
rape, adultery, molestation of the young, and homosexuality. What is the perceived purpose of sex?
Marriage is an obvious hedge against such abuse.
But the maintenance of public order in sexual matters is not • To express love in its most intimate form?
the primary purpose of Marriage. • To let a man have a “good time” with his wife?
• Just to perpetuate the human race?
To Discuss • To rejuvenate the body?
• To bond husband and wife?
• Is it wise to marry off daughters as soon as they reach puberty, • To provide relief from stress and boredom?
or should Christians have another approach to an appropriate age for • Any other popular concepts?
marriage?
What are the advantages of delaying marriage to a later age?
The Big Question about Sex

What wider purpose can the love of wife and husband for each other,
Next Session expressed supremely in sexual intimacy and delight,
Having Children possibly serve in God’s world,
except the obvious one of creating a family of “gardeners”?
Assumption:
The purpose of having male and female, the reason for the existence of sex Marriage & Sex
and the essential goal of marriage, is the creation of children. Genesis 2:18-25
True? Or not?
Marriage is instituted by God
and sexual attraction has been built into us by God.
2 7
Genesis 2:18, 22-25 Marriage & Sex Love
The Lord God said,
“It is not good for the man to be alone.
The thought moves The task as set out in the Great Commission
I will make a helper suitable for him.”…. from can only be achieved through
The Lord made a woman A: Marriage a faithful love for God and for your fellow man.
from the rib he had taken out of the man, (companion This love for the world can only flow from
and he brought her to the man. The man said, to help him) a life which lives out this love
“This is now bone of my bones, through
and flesh of my flesh; B: Physical identity God’s Purpose for Sex
she shall be called ‘woman’ (bone of my bones,
for she was taken out of man.” flesh of my flesh), A marriage of a husband and wife, who both live out this love
For this reason and physical union as part of their private experience,
a man will leave his father and mother
(united… one flesh) fulfils the purpose God when He made man and women
and to desire each other in the intimacy of sexual delight.
be united to his wife. to positive
and C: Sexual awareness The Purpose of Sex: not to meet needs, nor to create children;
they will become one flesh. (naked and no shame) rather it is to nurture love between husband and wife.
The man and the woman were both naked, “Sex created in order to build intimacy and love between the couple
and they felt no shame. that then ‘explode’ onto the world
with the security and experience of a private bliss.
Adam & Eve’s Response to Sex
The strengthening of relationship, the joy in the midst of life
Adam and Eve were not ashamed,
is vital for the effectiveness of the couple…
because they were not aware of evil and had no sinful thoughts.
There is a mutual delight in each other, an intimacy
The “knowledge of good and evil” had not entered into their lives,
in the midst of life and household responsibilities.
though the potential danger was there, (see Gen.2:17)¨
To refresh and restore one another, to strengthen the relationship
A Pro-creational View of Sex - An Ancient Misconception which is then able to take on the task given to it.” (IH)
The early Church Fathers, including Augustine,
The faithful intimate love of a committed couple
thought sex could only serve God when it led to a pregnancy.
can provide a centre of stable security, so that
Otherwise it was essentially sinful!!
this safe home becomes a refuge into which others can be welcomed.
To Discuss:
Sex In the Service of God
• What is wrong with this interpretation of Genesis 2?
Look up Gen 26;8, Is 62:5, Pro 5:18-19 The Song of Songs is best known for its celebration of
the intimacies of love as experienced by two lovers.
Corinth’s Degradation of sex But how does it fit the context of the service of God?
Corinth was well known for its sexual immorality. Gardens in the Bible are not primarily there to provide a beautiful place
So some people were reacting by encouraging married couples to sit and enjoy the pleasures of its colourful flowers and lovely fragrances.
to avoid sex altogether (“Don’t touch! - 1 Cor 7:1) A garden is there to produce fruit
So the lovers revel in the springtime of love
Paul’s High View of sex because it gives hope for the autumn of fruitfulness.
Paul, however, told them it was much better for a couple to be married Fruitfulness is a great Bible picture, not only of children,
and enjoy equal “conjugal rights” over each other. but more significantly,
They owe it to each other to do all they can to satisfy each other’s sexual desires. of a world properly ordered and cultivated :the Kingdom of Heaven itself.
6
Public Acknowledgement of a Calling
Marriage is not just a private matter of two lovers making a covenant
together.
Rather it is a calling to which husband and wife are
called by God by virtue of being married.
The Public Nature of Marriage
Further it is a relationship initiated, hedged and bounded by
public recognition and support.
Hence it should never be totally private, least of all secret.
Public Feast – Private Intimacy
Placing bride and bridegroom on the marriage bed in front of the cameras
has sound biblical justification.
The married state is thus publicly recorded.
There can be no doubt of their new sexual relationship as married couple.
What happens subsequently is privately conducted.
To Discuss
Modern secular portrayals of marriage and sex
give the idea that it is “cool” to have a private wedding
(say, on a remote exotic beach)
and that sex can be a public (adult) affair.
•Discuss the comparisons between a traditional Shadi in the East
and the above scenario often portrayed in the West.
What has Scripture to say about such practices
(Eastern and Western)?
5
The Creation of Woman
The purpose of sex is not primarily the satisfaction of a need
(to experience a relationship), That would cheapen sex.
God’s Purpose
Our view of sex changes radically when we stop seeing it in terms of
meeting man’s needs
and start to see it as expressing God’s purposes,
which began with
A. a garden to be worked and cared for,
continued with a people called to be
B. light to the nations,
and proceeds now with
C. a Kingdom to be extended
through the carrying out of the Great Commission.
3
Before Marrying…
Note: On your wedding day
you surrender authority over your body to your wife or husband.
So you had better make sure before you agree to marry
that you trust that person!
1 Corinthians 7:3-4
The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife,
and likewise the wife to her husband.
The wife’s body does not belong to her alone
but also to her husband.
[The wife does not have authority over her own body,
but the husband does. – NKJV]
In the same way, also,
the husband’s body does not belong to him alone
but also to his wife.
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time;
so that you may devote* yourselves to prayer.
Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you
because of your lack of self-control.
* Devote give time, energy and attention
Conjugal Rights
•We need to avoid anything that diverts our sexual energies
away from the one to whom we owe them
e.g.
– Overwork leading to neglect of the spouse
– Pornography leading to loss of interest in the marriage
For married couples:
We need to pay attention to, and guard, those life-style factors that
cause sexual delight in marriage to flourish.
e.g.
–Making regular times for being together
–Having time to attend to each other’s needs and interests
Cf. “devote” time, energy and attention
In marriage each owes his or her body to the other,
to give the other all the love and intimacy of which they are capable.
Sometimes there will be sheer delight for both.
 At other times, for one partner this will be more of a costly giving not “sexuality”, (merely an added comment),
when, for whatever reason, he or she has little or no desire to be intimate. that is “the culminating high point in the story of Genesis 2”.
4 5
Genesis 2:24
For married couples: For this reason WHY?
Remember on your wedding day you committed yourself sexually a man will leave his father and mother WHO? WHAT?
to your wife or husband for life. and
Make space for it as marriage goes on; nurture it and nourish it in love be united to his wife, WHAT? WHO?
and
A Marital Duty
they will become one flesh. WHO? WHAT?
The Bible forbids sex outside marriage, But it commands sex within marriage! The man and the woman were both naked,
Guard the fires of your heart so that the warmth of your love and
can spread outwards to others! they felt no shame.

A Relationship View of Sex: A Modern Misconception Transition to One Flesh

“The neuter earth creature became gendered. A deliberate consequence of a man leaving his parents
to become united with his wife (and so form a new family unit).
Sexuality is to become the means by which we overcome isolation. Not a casual union of any two people.
It is to carry us past isolation to relationship.
Sexuality is the culminating high point in the story in Gen 2.
To Discuss:
It is a story of the energy God built into humanity’s flesh.”
• Why do some newly-weds live with their parents while others
choose to start their own homes?
• Which way does the Bible indicate is the better way of starting
To Discuss: married life?
• What is wrong with this interpretation of Genesis 2? • What can be done to encourage couples to follow the Bible pattern?
Study the context of both passages following…
A New Social Order: “United With His Wife”
There is something special that takes place in the union of a man and a woman,
and that the union must be preserved intact
Genesis 2:7 Genesis 2:23 without the undue influence of, or addition of, any other people.
The Lord The man (‘adam’) said,
formed man from “This is now bone of my bones, A Unique Sexual Union: “One Flesh”
the dust of the ground and flesh of my flesh; Sex outside of marriage leads to trouble!
(“adamah”) she shall be called Sexually transmitted diseases
& breathed into his nostrils ‘woman’ (‘ishah’) are spread from unions outside the sanctified marriage union
the breath of life, for she was taken out of
& the man (“adam”) became man (‘ish’)” The Purpose of Weddings: They Publicise a Marital Union
a living being. Weddings in both the Old and New Testaments portrayed as
a public acknowledgement of a new married state.

A Wrong Exegesis Private Intimacy

The beautiful and mutually delightful intimacy of a man “knowing” a woman is
• Can “the breath of life” be equated with ‘energy’? a private matter recognised only in the pregnancy of the (married) woman.
• God “breathed the breath of life” into man Those who took a woman outside of marriage were described as
before he ‘gendered’ him and made male and female “lying with” (rarely as “knowing”) the woman.
• It is the marriage union (cf. ref. to “wife” in the following verse),
“Knowing” is normally reserved for legitimate intimate relationships
So sacred is it that it is sometimes used as a picture of
the spiritual intimacy that God wants to have with His people.