What to Look for in a Mate: A Message for Single Men I knew, from the moment I saw her, that

she was the woman I wanted to marry. Youve probably heard someone say that, or maybe even said it yourself. Chances are, it didnt quite happen. Not in your case and usually, it doesnt happen for most people. Love at first sight (or, in the case of people who meet online: love at first byte) rarely happens, and when it does, it rarely lasts. Many men in todays world, including many Christian men, are in a quandary. Theyre no longer sure what constitutes good wife material. I know, I know! She must be a Christian, she has to be smart, and it wouldnt hurt if she was a looker. When all is said and done, however, you may well be surprised to know that such things are only alluded to in scripture. Even the part about being a Christian isnt clearly defined (shock!) Before we go into the actual things to look for element, lets take a look at some things men say they want. She has to be good looking. I have a rule of thumb for you guys: Unless youre a Ken dont think you should get a Barbie. Aside from the fact that both are anatomically correct, theres a danger in wanting someone because of their looks: Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30. The Bible says charm is deceitful for a very good reason. The original word there is favor. In modern translations charm CHEN meaning kindness or grace. Modern translators use the word charm for a reason. In this case, and in its context, kindness and grace are not exactly complimentary character traits. The word charm has its roots in the occult:
Main Entry: charm

Date: 14th century transitive senses 1 a : to affect by or as if by magic : COMPEL b : to please, soothe, or delight by compelling attraction <charms customers with his suave manner> 2 : to endow with or as if with supernatural powers by means of charms; also : to protect by or as if by spells, charms , or supernatural influences 3 : to control (an animal) typically by charms (as the playing of music) <charm a snake> intransitive senses 1 : to practice magic and enchantment 2 : to have the effect of a charm : FASCINATE synonym see ATTRACT

For those who are unfamiliar with the purpose of charms and incantations, or witchcraft, its nothing more nor less than manipulation of unseen forces in order to gain control over a person or event. Now, I know in the modern vernacular to say someone is charming is supposed to be a compliment. But in biblical application, it is anything BUT complimentary! Then the writer goes on to say that beauty is vain. Some people (mostly women) have taken this to mean that a woman with a good genetic code is probably evil and vain and bad. Sorry to say, this passage has nothing to do with the woman blessed to have natural beauty. The Hebrew word here is YOPHIY and it comes from the root word YAPHAH, meaning to make oneself fair or beautiful. This is a direct reference to women who rely on the current trends in make-up, hair, cosmetic surgery, etc., in order to be beautiful. Does this mean a woman cannot wear make-up? No. It doesnt. Its a clear reference to the OVER USE of make-up with the purpose of charming men. In other words, look out for women who are, as the teens say suck ups. A woman who is more concerned with her looks and you liking her, than she is with your spiritual welfare, isnt a godly woman. I want her to be a Christian! Ive personally debated this issue when people claim a particular bible passage means we can only marry fellow believers. The passage in question is: Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath

light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14) Taken alone, this passage could apply to anything from business dealings to marriage. But, taken in total chapter context, its a reference to imbibing in the behaviors of non-believers, specifically pagans and pagan ceremonialism. Please note the passage uses two terms: fellowship and communion. The word fellowship is CHASHASH meaning dry grass or chaff. The word communion is YAQOWSH, meaning entangled. In his ministry, John taught that the Lord, himself, would separate chaff out and send them to eternal burning (Luke 3:16-18). Who was Johns audience? Jews. Believers in their time. Those who would not accept the baptism unto repentance. But Jews, nonetheless, who were secure in their faith system. In other words being a Christian isnt the prerequisite to look for. Its what kind of Christian they are that the Apostle references. He then goes on to talk about fellowship (entangling) oneself with these types. The woman who claims the Cross, yet loves by the image of Belial, is not one with whom you should be yoked. The passage isnt about teaming up with a non-believer, its about teaming up with a NOMINAL believer, someone still playing with the world. Those two things being settled, lets move on to what makes a woman good wife material. Bible-based Wife Material At one point, in fact not too long ago, I said: I would make poor wife material. Several people disagreed with me, however, they didnt know me well enough to say to the contrary. *I* did know. And I knew because I had bothered to look at certain passages which discussed certain aspects about what it means to be a wife. It wasnt a pity ploy, rather, and honest confession that I wasnt prepared to become a wife. If the depiction of a wife in Proverbs 31 were all there were to being a godly wife, sure, I wouldve fit. But, unfortunately, thats a depiction of a virtuous woman, and is not a definitive description of biblical wife material. Believe it or not, there is a LONG list of things to look for, if one is seeking

a biblical wife. Going by passages which clearly define the role of a wife, the list totals FIFTEEN distinct characteristics. Well look at each one of these. Can She Be A Helpmeet? When Jim and Joan got married, Jim was sure that Joan was helpmeet material. She was always saying how proud she was that he served his country in the armed forces. But, during his first Naval deployment, he found out that Joan was far from prepared. Every letter, every phone call, was an urgent plea, not that she missed him, but that she couldnt handle being alone. Joan made constant threats about leaving, going home to Mom, or going to local bars and clubs to find company. Jim became so concerned after one call, that he asked the Commanding Officer for a pass to fly home. No, the CO said. She knew she married a Navy man and she had the predeployment briefing like all the other wives. This time will make or break your marriage, but your duty is to the United States Navy. She knows this. The phrase help meet is seen in Genesis two, where its used to describe a need Adam had. Apparently a faithful dog and the pet elephant just werent able to support Adam in his lifes venture. We get the understanding of what a help meet is from the Aramaic EZER, meaning to aid. When you aid someone, you in essence assist them. Granted, modern women cannot always literally go into the workplace with the man, but they can encourage them, not get in the way, and even offer practical solutions or ideas, should he need them and ask for them. Something as simple as packing his lunch or dinner for him can be of more use than a woman can possibly imagine! As a former Navy wife, I can tell you the importance of supporting a man in his work. During the time I was Ombudsman, I saw many a whiney wife write letters or make calls which required the CO to, in turn, call me and say: Get over to so-and-sos house and see what you can do! Shes affecting her husbands work over here! Many is the time I had to take younger wives under wing and show them ways to cope with separations, while being supportive of their men at sea. My ex, to this day, tells stories like this one: Every time she sent a box, it went through 30 or 40 other people before it

ever got to me. Between the funny cartoons and encouraging messages on the outside of the package, it always took longer for me to get my goodie boxes from home. Is she encouraging of your work? Is she asking you to give up your job so that she can keep hers? She is supposed to aid, not be the provider. She is to assist you. If she is jealous and envious of the time you spend working; if she is unable to encourage; if she wants you to give up all for her; or if she doesnt encourage you TO work, then she may not be good wife material. Feminisms Thorn in the Flesh Todays woman is discouraged from showing weakness. And many men say they want a strong woman. Hopefully, this means strength of character. But quite often, women today are being expected to deny the weaker vessel aspect of themselves. In 1 Peter 3:7, women are recognized as the weaker vessel. The word weak (ASTHENES) refers directly to physical strength. The word vessel (SKEUOS) refers to implement or equipment. In other words: shes the weaker equipped, physically, of you two. In a church I attended was a husband and wife body-building team. I remember asking the wife: how do you maintain being the weaker vessel when you can bench press more than most men? The reply was cute and reassuring: I make sure I cannot bench-press more than my husband. In other words, she didnt compete with him! A woman who boasts about being as strong as a man not only deceives herself (sorry ladies, but when it comes to, at least upper body strength, most men have it all over us), she denies the natural softness God granted her at birth. In a book that was popular during the heyday of the womens movement, women who wanted to maintain their femininity were advised to not kill their own snakes. Instead, they were told to feign weakness. I believe that is deceptive and wrong. There will come times when a woman has to kill her own snake, especially if the man isnt available nor able to do it for her.

On the other hand, if she is competing with the man over strength, and trying to prove herself to be physically equal, she is probably not good wife material. Modern men are discouraged from saying this but: They like being the strong one, including physically strong. If the woman is more of a man than you are, and is trying to prove it, chances are, shes not good wife material. But, if shes not ashamed to ask you to help her open the ketchup jar, change the tire, or lift the heavy objects around the home, then hang on to that honey! Whats on your Head? In Proverbs 12:4, it talks about the woman who is a crown to her husband. Interesting concept there. Back in Old Testament days, a crown signified royalty or, at least, a place of honor. One who wore a crown wore, not only a decorative piece of clothing, but also a distinction, something which set him apart from other men. It was, as it were, a symbol of glory. The word crown is ATARAH, literally meaning a piece of adornment. It comes from the root word, ATAR, which can mean compass or encompass and is often used as a term for protecting against warfare. Now, lets get this straight: A godly wife is a crown, and ornament or adornment which does what? GLORIFIES AND PROTECTS THE MAN IN TIMES OF WARFARE? Sounds odd until you remember that a wife has a duty to protect her husband, without resorting to manly methods of so doing. When Judy and Jim first got married, he wasnt a Christian. Later on, he became a Christian yet battled with pornography. Initially, Judy took to sneaking his porn magazines and throwing them away. This only increased Jims anger toward his wife, whom he felt was trying to control him. She then resorted to yelling at him, crying at him, and placing him on the proverbial guilt trip. None of this worked. One day, in desperation, she talked with the Pastor. Have you tried praying for him and setting the example? The Pastor asked. Of course I pray! But, set the example? Well, I dont buy porn magazines, if thats what you mean! She retorted.

The Pastor looked at Judy and smiled. You know, Judy, when you don that mini-skirt, wear low-cut shirts, and those stiletto heels, youre competing with the women in the magazines, not really setting an example for your spouse. In fact, without meaning to, you could be actually encouraging his behavior. Judy offered a million arguments, but finally had to admit she was sending mixed messages to her husband and not softly, and in a womanly way, glorifying and protecting her husband. Some men get offended when a woman spurns sexual advances, or at least, resists them. The Christian woman, however, desires to be a crown that protects the man, more than the object of his desire. Does the woman youre considering marrying take steps to be a crown to you? Does she protect you in a soft, womanly way? Companionship Counts! Weve all said it: I want a lifelong companion. In Malachi 2:14, the term companion is used to describe a wife: Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the LORD has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. Newer versions say partner. The word companion comes from the root word CHABER, meaning knit together. The metaphor here is like that of finely woven cloth, where the weave is so tight, you cant see any daylight through it. This is more than buddies or friends. This is an interlacing of two strands. What, exactly, does it mean to be knit together? Well, obviously we arent talking Siamese Twins here. Two people cannot always be in the same place together. No, the implication here is two becoming one, meaning they share the same thoughts, ideas, hopes, dreams, etc. etc. That doesnt mean either party uses its uniqueness, any more than a strand from the loom loses its unique twists and turns. But it does mean that, in important matters, you will be woven together. Nate and I just cant seem to agree on how to discipline our daughter,

Courtney, Marilyn said. He wants to spank her. I think thats abusive! And besides, Courtney isnt Nates biological daughter. Ive always believed that the husband and wife should share separate bank accounts. His and Hers and then a third that they share. The above examples, if you think about it, not only place more work on the couple, they also create an irresolvable situation, one where the man is essentially subordinate to the woman, by the way. The parties are not knit together, instead, their thread of marriage is unraveling. Are you contemplating marriage to a woman who is not willing to be knit with you in all of the important matters? If so, reconsider marrying her. Subjection: The Feminists worst nightmare! I remember when I first met Ted, Gina laughed. The first thing he said was: youre pretty but would you be willing to submit to my authority? I thought he was pretty cocky, until I realized that he bore the burden of answering to God for how he led! In 1 Peter 3:5,6, there is a discussion about the woman submitting to male authority. I must admit, this is something difficult for me to do, especially in situations where its unclear just whom is in charge. Not long ago, I found myself apologizing to a man for arguing with him. Admittedly, I was wrong in arguing. And whether or not he was right, was not the issue. The issue was, as my Pastor put it: the man was in charge at the time. Its like in the military, you may not respect the man, but you still salute the uniform. UGH! HUPOTASSO means to recognize the orderly manner or design. For instance, if a man is her boss, she must recognize his position, whether she agrees with him or not. The same is true in marriage. She may not agree with him, she may not like his decisions, but as long as he isnt demanding that she violate her morals and values, she has an obligation to recognize the mans authority. Now I know that some people take this into the dating realm. Personally, I believe that the authority over a single woman, in terms of her daily life, is whatever male God places in her life as a leader in the home, be it a father, brother, son or a Pastor. In terms of the courtship situation, she still offers

due courtesy to the man she is courting, however, in spiritual, moral and daily living matters, he is not in charge until the day they wed. Look at the woman youre considering marrying. Is she willing to salute the uniform worn by male authority figures? Is she willing to come under the leadership of the men God has placed in her private life as well? Reverence: A trait long since lost In a contemporary Christian song by Ray Boltz, theres a particular line: When others see a Shepherd Boy, God may see a King, even though your life seems filled with ordinary things. In Ephesians 5:33 it speaks of the wife who reverences her husband. Modern translations use the term respect. This seems a tad watered down to me, actually, given that the original Greek uses the term PHOBEO (from where we get the term phobia) meaning to frighten or cause awe, by analogy. We see this term used in reference to God. We are to fear the Lord, meaning to stand in awe of Him. And, for good reason, since he controls our very breath! I have to admit, theres very few men I stand in awe of. Mainly, and dont take this wrong guys, its because they havent instilled that in me. Theres been nothing theyve shown me that causes me to be in awe of them. Im not talking about the awe of silly romantics, wherein youre goey-eyed over some white knight in shining armor. No, Im talking about the mans character, his life accomplishments, and his spirituality. Example #1: A male friend whose ex took everything he owned in a nasty divorce settlement re-started his life as a broken man, broken in spirit and financially. He took a job shining shoes, and yet didnt lose faith in God. Eventually, starting with one taxi, built a business, and continued to grow in faith. He worked hard, and still works hard, to grow in faith, in trusting the Lord, and in his business. Example #2: A man who was court-ordered, after a long and distinguished military career, to a state mental hospital due to sudden onset schizophrenia. He went through electro-shock, humiliating times, and

worked hard. Now he is a born-again Christian, working a fulltime job, and maintaining himself medically. Example #3: A man who sexually abused his daughters as young girls, gets help and submits himself to therapy without being forced to do so by the law. When confronted by one of the daughters, he admits his abuse, offers no excuses, and accepts Jesus as Lord and Savior, living the remainder of his life serving Christ and reaching out to his daughters as a real Dad. Example #4: A young man born with Downs Syndrome. The experts say to put him away somewhere. Now, at the young age of 26, he works a fulltime job, maintains his morals and values as a Christian, in spite of attempts by young women to try and seduce him, and becomes an encourager to all around him. Example #5: A man is left to raise three boys alone. His wife of fourteen years abandoned him and the children. He could easily have dumped them off on his parents or someone else. Instead, he decided to keep his children with him and maintain his employment in the military, in spite of the devastation of his wife leaving him. He took on two more children through remarriage and adopted them, as well, accepting the responsibility without complaint. These men have something in common: They didnt sit back and whine forever about their lot in life. Instead, they got on with life, facing their responsibilities bravely. Someone once said: Heroes arent extraordinary people doing extraordinary things; theyre ordinary people doing extraordinary things. I concur. The woman youre involved with, contemplating marriage to, does she reverence you? Is she in awe of you? If not, either a) you havent given her a reason to or b) she doesnt know what it means. Lets Talk About Love Everyone wants someone to love them. Very few of us have a grasp of what kind of love it is that we want! In Titus 2:4, there is the mention that a woman should be trained to love their husbands. Strange!

Loving a man is something a woman LEARNS to do? Apparently so! There are two distinct uses of love in this passage. One is FILANDROS, when referencing the love for a husband. The other is PHILOTEKNOS, referencing the love of children. Filandros means to show affection towards. It implies, believe it or not, intimacy. Now, the problem arises: How do I know she will be affectionate to me in marriage if were not supposed to be sexual outside of marriage? Affection is defined as: a tender attachment. Ohhhh! So she feels attached to you, in a tender way. A way devoid of anger (which comes from jealousy usually). She is able to express this in a good way (devoid of sexual innuendo). In other words: she can say I love you; I want to be your bride one day; I desire to spend my life with you and display all of these things in tender actions and words. Wow! In this case, love is taught. Its an art form in a sense. And older women teach it to younger women. Its rather disheartening to see good, tender expressions of love between a couple placed in the category of worldly expressions of tender affection. Especially since we older women are to teach the younger women how to do this! I remember telling someone once that I was unable to express love to a man. Of course, I was foo-fooed. You just havent met the right one is all! WRONG! I needed to be taught and, courtesy of a great counselor, I did learn how to express tender affection. Please bear in mind, however, that there is a proper method here. Before marriage, expressions are limited. However, post-wedding, the whole ball of wax, including the physical, comes into play and yes, older women should teach younger women about sexually expressing their love to a husband. Can the woman youre considering marriage to express affection and do so, pre-martially, in an appropriate manner? Will she be able to do so, after

the vows are said, in an appropriate manner as well? [NOTE: I will add in here, she must also have maternal fondness (PHILOTEKNOS) towards any children involved, hers or yours or both]. Ya Cant Teach me Nothin! Jeannie and Paul had a problem. Jeannie had multiple degrees and Paul had a GED. I feel so inadequate, intellectually, to Jeannie. And believe me, she lets me know who the smart one is between us. In 1 Corinthians 14:34-35, theres a reference to women wanting to learn about something spiritual. The context is plain: theyre in church, where spiritual matters are being taught, and the woman has a question. Apparently, women were blurting out their questions, perhaps even arguing it with the leaders. This caused division within the worship body and service. The Apostle makes it clear: Ladies, save it for home. Dont blurt out your questions in public. Now, theres a quid pro quo here: Hubby has to be able to answer her questions and willing to discuss things! Is the woman willing to listen and be taught? Is she willing to ask questions of you? Help! Im being Chased!? When a truly godly man meets up with a truly godly sister in Christ, chances are, hes going to chase her because she is chaste. But what, exactly, does it mean to be chaste? Some modern translations say pure. The Greek term is HAGNOS, meaning clean, pure, modest. A note here however: A womans purity isnt defined by her past, rather, by her present. This took me a while to learn. For a long time, I thought that because I had

been raped, that made me impure and unfit. Then, one day, a dear sister asked me this question: But how are you acting? I stopped dead in my tracks on that one. I was acting purely, without immodest actions. I was seeking to be clean before the Lord. Is the woman youre contemplating marrying acting and behaving modestly? Is she seeking to be clean and pure before God? [Note: this passage also adds such things as discreet, busy at home and kind. I would add here that if a woman is seeking to be HAGNOS, those things will usually follow]. I dont do Housework! Sometimes I see people talking about their homemaking skills and joke a little: I do windows, 95, 98, 2000, NT and XP. This isnt what the scripture is referring to. In Titus 2:5, we are told that a woman should be able to keepers at home. What does this mean? Does it mean she runs around barefoot and pregnant? That her idea of a good time is scrubbing out the toilet? Nope. The word keeper is OIKOUROUS, implying to guard or a stayer or domestically inclined. In context, its root word OUROS refers to both a temple and the family. IN other words, her primary duty is to the home, to guard it, to stay there, and to be domestically inclined. If we regard the home as the temple of the family, a concept long since eschewed by feminism, then we have a clearer understanding. She isnt a domestic goddess, shes a domestic guardian. She stays there, seeing to the needs of her mate and children. Ensuring that the home remains a temple or a household of faith, as the song says. Is the woman youre contemplating marrying someone willing to stay at home and guardian her mate and family? Is she domestically inclined? Love, Honor and WHAT??????? Obedience. Most of us have a hard enough time obeying the Almighty. Even

though we know He could devour us with a single puff of air, we still have a hard time obeying Him. And yet a woman is being asked to obey someone who toots in the sheets, leaves his socks laying around, and belches in front of his mother-in-law? GET OUT!!!!! Okay, lets take a look at a disobedient wife. In Genesis chapter three, we see where Eve is tempted by the serpent to imbibe in a fruit compote of some sort. Before this happened, however, Adam was given clear instructions, which he apparently passed on to Eve. To wit: dont eat de fruit! Once she begins her trek into rationalization, she then turns and hands the fruit to Adam. Okay, he takes it without argument. Who became the leader here? Before this, they were essentially spiritual equals before the Lord, however, she was Adams aid or assistance (divine order established in Eden, sorry ladies!) But now, in HER disobedience, the positions are juxtaposed. EVE is getting ADAM to follow HER in disobedience to God. The fact that he does so willingly is irrelevant to the discussion. The fact is, she is no longer following, but leading, and that leadership ended up in separation from God for BOTH of them. In Colossians 3:18, the Apostle uses the term HUPTASSO (remember that from the part about submitting?) In this context its a clear reference to obeisance or placing oneself in the position to be obedient to your spouse. Now granted, we have some quid pro quo here. Husbands are to love their wives and not be bitter toward them. The word, bitter, comes from the root word for sharp or pungent. No, were not talking about how the guy smells. Were talking about how he acts towards his wife! Is the woman willing to obey you (within the confines of you loving her as Christ loved the church and not being sharp towards her?) Is she able to be Faithful to you? In John 4:17,18, the Lord is talking to a woman who has been with five husbands. Some commentators say these were just men with whom shed

had sex, meaning she formed a bond with these men which would necessitate them being husbands. The text, however, doesnt indicate this. Rather, Jesus asserts: Youve had five husbands, but the one youre with now is not your mate. Kate sat with her head in her hands, despair in her voice: I thought when I left Rudy to be with Jack, things would be better. Jack was everything Rudy wasnt. But then, Jack ended up not being everything I hoped he would be. Thats when I met Tom. Tom became my love, the love of my life. We were so happy until his kid came to live with us. It was a terrible time and Tom was totally unsupportive. Thats when I met Harry and we have been together going on five years now. But I will never get married again. Its too difficult. When I see someone who has been married three or more times, I have to wonder: what the heck went wrong here? Usually they blame the other party: Im a loser magnet! But in reality, when you look, what you find is someone who bailed when the going got tough. The woman who spoke with Jesus was probably a lot like Kate in the above vignette. She had married so many times, that she became embittered towards marriage. Faithfulness in marriage isnt limited to sexual fidelity. Many years ago, a woman advice columnist wrote a book called The grass is always greener on the other side of the septic tank. Granted, some men make it easy to go looking elsewhere. But, a Christian womans first obligation is to resist the temptation to look elsewhere, regardless of how bad things seem. Does the woman youre contemplating marrying have a track record of hanging in there during the rough times? Were not talking about abuse and infidelity. Nor are we talking hanging in there in a pre-marital relationship wherein its obvious that the two people shouldnt be together. Im talking about a history of hanging in there where there is no sin nor abuse. If shes never been married, is she a hanger in there person with

friendships? Does she bail out for popularity or fame? Does she hang in there in her calling? In her church? Ya Talk too Much! An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale." In Proverbs 21:19 it says that its better to live in the wilderness than to live with an angry and contentious woman. EGADS! Thats a lousy reference! The Hebrew word here is MADOWN, meaning to brawl as in contest.

Imagine, if you will, a wrestling match. Both parties are determined to win. Twists and turns take place. Someone is pinned for a little while, only to get loose again, and on and on it goes. The contentious woman is not a woman who disagrees with you or your point of view. She is a woman who COMPETES with you for supremacy in the home. She sees the relationship as a contest of wills, for power, and seeks to usurp your position. Do you realize that when you say a woman likes to wear the pants in the family, youre accusing her of wanting to usurp authority over her mate? This is probably the greatest insult a Christian man can levy against a sister. Sadly, many Christian men cannot differentiate between differences of viewpoint and an attempt to usurp. Is the woman youre interested in trying to gain a position traditionally belonging to males? Does she fight with men over the role of men? Does she put males down as insignificant? If so, shes likely more than angry, shes also contentious.

Whos the Boss? Some of you may remember that sitcom. In the story, a man (played by Tony Danza) took on the househusband role while his boss, a successful advertising executive, and a woman, supported the group. But what does the Bible say about such things? Many modern Christian women have difficulty with passages like 1 Timothy 1:11-14. They feel that, since men arent willing to step up to plate, God calls women to be Pastors. Quite frankly, I am amazed that a woman would want the title of Pastor, even if shes pastor over teenagers or other women. Why? Because its very much in contradiction to scripture. In the early Christian church, there were two terms used interchangeably for those in charge of a congregation. One was PASTOR and the other was BISHOP. The Greek word for pastor is of uncertain origin and means shepherd. The Greek word for Bishop is EPISKOPE and means overseer or superintendent. Today, as then, with the exception of high

churches (Episcopalian, Lutheran and Catholic), the two terms are generally used interchangeably, meaning, a pastor takes on the epsikupe role, and is overseer of the flock. There are qualifications for a pastor or bishop. Among them are: a) he must be blameless b) have only one wife (no polygamists need apply) c) be vigilant d) be sober e) have good behavior f) be hospitable g) be able to teach h) not be a drunk or brawler i) not be covetous j) rule his home well, including having well behaved children k) not be a novice to the faith l) have a good reputation in his community at large Thats some list there! And hardly applicable to a woman, especially the part about ruling your home. Not too long ago, I was speaking with a sister who asked me where I stood on the issue of women pastors. I explained to her my stance and also provided a logical reason. If we look out in society, we see where women have become the equal, or in some cases, primary bread-winner. Theyre no longer at home, but out in the workforce. The end result hasnt been so good, actually. Rape is up over 100%, as more and more women have to be out at odd times of the day and night. Divorce is on the rise as well, even in Christian homes. Women are no longer protected by the men in their lives, instead, we have lawsuits for discrimination on account of gender and the issue of sexual harassment being enforced to protect women in the workplace. And what happens at home? Hubby, after a long day of battling the world, comes home to frozen dinners, if there is a dinner to be found. The kids are in daycare or raised by schools,

and the family is in a general state of disarray. Somehow, I dont think this is Gods intention for the home, do you? A godly wife will not want to be head honcho in the home. She will realize and recognize the great gift given to her as a keeper of the home; the protection she is afforded in her position; and the spiritual benefits of having a man who leads in spiritual matters as well as temporal care. The Virtuous Woman Proverbs 31, the woman above rubies passage. The primary focus is on her being a woman of virtue (noble character), and in the passage virtue is defined: a) hubby has full confidence in her [he doesnt have to worry about her cheatin heart] b) she sees to it that he doesnt lack for anything [shes willing to meet all his needs] c) she brings him good and not harm [shell never be a suspect in a spousal-related who dunnit] d) she knows how to shop for the home [she remembers to buy the toilet tissue ;)] e) she sees to it that nobody goes hungry [everyone under her roof gets fed; nobody is omitted] f) she supports the income of the home but does it FROM home [okay, she bought a field, but where did she get the money? Saved from household stash! Anyone for Tupperware?] g) she stays in as best physical health as possible [she gets exercise and watches her diet, gets enough sleep and stays in good spiritual condition as well. Maybe the lower 40 has spread with age, but she still tries to look good!] h) she knows how to get a deal [bargain shopper? ] i) she helps the poor in her community [ahhhh volunteerism! The one thing many lonely singles could do with their time, eh?] j) she stays in at night and doesnt carouse around town alone [shes not out there prostituting herself] k) she sees to it that the bedchamber is appealing (*wink*)

[who wants to make love in a pig sty?] l) she has dignity [she doesnt act like one of the guys; nor does she act like a fishwife] m) she speaks with wisdom [what she says, you can bank on! And she never assumes things] n) she is able to instruct [she knows how to translate what shes trying to communicate] o) her children rise up and call her blessed [Oh, listen to what a womans kids say about her; how they treat her; thatll give you a clue about her character!] p) her husband also praises her [if shes been married before, find out what the ex thinks of her! Talk about revealing! If shes never been married, ask an ex-boyfriend! If those arent available, see what another male leader says, a Pastor, brother, or someone else.] Summary Chances are, theres going to be some people, men and women, who take exception to certain things said in here. Well, take it up with God. He wrote the book, not I! Brothers, the biblical check list is as in force today as it was back then. Maybe she isnt quite there in all areas, but if shes at least trying, then you will find someone so far above rubies, shell stun your socks off! The List Summarized: 1- A willing helpmeet (assistant) 2- Sees herself as weaker vessel 3- Crown, guardian and ornament, to her home and husband 4- Makes a good companion 5- Willing to submit to leadership of male in home 6- Stands in awe of you 7- Able to express affection 8- Willing to learn spiritual truths from her mate 9- Is Chaste 10- Able to tend to the home (domestic) 11- Able to resist the natural inclination of women to disobey spousal instruction 12- Is faithful in all areas of the relationship

13- Doesnt struggle for domination over the male 14- Doesnt seek for authority over the male 15- Is Virtuous (see Proverbs 31)