Running head: CLOUD & TOWNSEND

A Theory Critique of Counseling Model Boundaries in Marriage Theology and Spirituality in Counseling Laurie Hartlein Liberty University

2 CLOUD & TOWNSEND A Theory Critique of Counseling Model Boundaries in Marriage Summary In their book, Boundaries in Marriage, Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend offer a theory model for nurturing a healthy marriage. They emphasize that marriage is first and foremost about love (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p.9). However, marriage cannot live or exist solely on love alone. Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend affirm that boundaries must be present in order for a marriage to flourish. Boundaries define who we are as individuals, as well as, the guiding lines for our relationships. Personal boundaries vary and also affect our relationships with other individuals. We are responsible for communicating our boundaries and taking ownership of those things within our guidelines. Personal freedoms, both individual and relational, are guided by our set boundaries. The place to find the most important boundaries is in a marriage. Marriages are based on a loving relationship and can easily fail without set boundaries. Freedoms and responsibilities should be well-communicated boundaries inside a marital relationship. By taking the initiative to control our boundaries we protect ourselves from forms of abuse and manipulation in marital relationships along with others. Unfortunately, marriage is the best place to have boundaries become confused and care of responsibilities fail. It appears that Cloud and Townsend do not specify between husband and wife what boundaries should include. Behaviors are a key element inside marriages and often a marriage can be saved just by changing a few conflicting behaviors. According to Cloud and Townsend (1999), when we live free, take responsibility for our own freedom, and love God and each other- then life, including marriage, can be an Eden experience (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, p. 25).

3 CLOUD & TOWNSEND Evaluation I found Cloud and Townsends model coinciding with Dr. Wilsons approach in the book, Hurt people hurt people. Dr. Wilson (2001) also emphasized the importance of having a system of well established boundaries in relationships. Dr. Wilson stated, We must each take responsibility for our own choices (Wilson, 2001, p. 99). Cloud and Townsends approach also gives light to strengthening the elements of spiritual and psychological health. Sense of self, of ones needs, and maintaining healing relationships all transpire from clear defined boundaries of freedom and responsibility. I found weaknesses in their lack of explaining the context of dysfunctional behaviors. They merely construed the unwanted behaviors as being uncontrolled by boundaries. Cloud and Townsend (1999), conspire that clear boundaries are maintained by self-control and self preservation. They fail to suggest that boundaries could be manipulated and used to control others. Establishing boundaries in a relationship can be very hard to accomplish and can be easily misused. However, they state that boundaries are not about fixing, changing, or punishing your mate. If you arent in control of yourself, the solution is not learning to control someone else (Cloud & Townsend, 1999, pp. 11-12). Application Although I feel behaviors are not completely covered in this model, I do think it is a powerful model to use in building and maintaining a healthy marriage, along with other meaningful relationships. I can appreciate their emphasis on personal responsibility and completely agree. I think incorporating this approach would be beneficial in most counseling settings. Marriage is not easy and it has been my experience that communication is the key

4 CLOUD & TOWNSEND element. Respect of others boundaries are just as important as establishing your own personal guidelines. Philippians 2: 3-4 states, Dont be selfish; dont live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Dont just think about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and in what they are doing. Respect, communication, and compromise, in my opinion, are at the heart of any long healthy relationship.

5 CLOUD & TOWNSEND References Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1999). Boundaries in marriage. Grand Rapids: Zondervan. Wilson, S.D. (2001). Hurt people hurt people: Hope and healing for yourself and your relationships. Grand Rapids: Discovery House Publishers.