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Don’t fall in love

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Written by Chioma Gabriel (08052201257)   
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I will like to tell a story that I pieced together from different singles I have counseled over the years
and polished to suit what I have writhen on. So it’s really not a story of any particular individual but  
a combination of many individuals…     
When Tami was young, she has always relished the idea of getting married to someone who will be Advertisement
different from her father. Her father was irresponsible; he didn’t care much about his family. He FxPro.com - Trade Forex Like a
often times come home late in the night drunk. Several times he has beaten up his wife in front of Pro
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She met Danny not long after she was through with her university degree; their first meeting was
like time stood still for her. When their eyes came in contact, time seems to stand still. Danny was
what every woman who day dream will like; tall, good looking, well mannered, rich, and was a not
a ‘freak’ when it comes to the issue of religion. One aspect of his behavior that made Tami love him
the most is his caring nature, he treats her like his angel. Tami believes that he was different from
his dad since he paid attention to her like no one else has done before and was not cheating on her;
at least that is what she thought.

Tami because of the love she has for Danny seems to be blinded by it, that she didn’t give a thought
to the number of times he will have a call and instead of answering the phone in her presence, he
walks out to pick it; he seems to disappear sometimes and he can’t be traced because his phone is So why didn't 9ice show up in
switched off at those times while his friends are doggy of his where about; she missed noting the Dublin?
number of times his words didn’t tally when he repeats himself unconsciously.

One year into the relationship, it was like a veil been removed from her eyes, she began discovering
Danny for who he really is. She began to sober from the love drunken feelings she had for him,
when one of his numerous lovers attacked her and told her to leave Danny or else she will regret not
making the decision. When she confronts him, he seemly said she was a fling and he was in love
with her (Tami). Tami couldn’t believe that all this while he was cheating on her; she felt hurt and
quitted the relationship and she discovered that he not only cheats but also he’s also a fraudster. It
left her not being able to bring herself to trust the opposite sex.

Why do people get married? The answer is mainly out of love; a strong emotional feeling that cause
an attraction between two people to the point that they believe that they can’t do without each other.
So they take the initiative of consolidating the relationship by getting married. Why then is it that
years later, the two love birds come to a conclusion that divorce is the only option to saving their
souls? The answer to that is; the emotion people call love is not strong enough to build a successful
marriage on. Hollywood and Nollywood, have painted a picture of love as meeting a person who
will be out of this world. So people who are given to this films, when they meet someone who their
heart skip a beat for, they make a conclusion that this is the love of their lives.

One of the horrifying things about what people call love, is the blinding effect on those who are
given to it, like Tami in the story. You just can’t see reasons with someone who has being engulfed
by this love feeling; it’s like talking to a zombie, a walking dead. I have counseled singles that are
into relationship that a red signal is obviously flashing on, but irrespective of how much I tried to
make them look objectively into the state of their relationship, often times the counsel often seem
like throwing a ball on a wall- it bounces back. This is the state I call falling in love.

Another is the madding effect, falling in love cause to them that are trapped by it. You have
probably heard someone say; I am crazy about her/him, it is a statement common with people who
fall in love. If you observe a man that is suffering from psychosis and a person who falls in love,
you will discover that they both live in a world of illusion; a world of their own. If you observe
them, you will notice some similar trends in their behavior, some of these trends are… Crazy people
do not listen to others; they always conclude that they are not while others are the ones that are
crazy. People who are crazy about someone also do not listen to advice that conflicts with their
feelings. Crazy people have lost their mind. People who are crazy about someone also experience
the same loss of mind, i.e. loss of control of their thinking faculty.

Permit me to say that People who fall get up with pains in their body. So also people who fall in
love get up with a broken heart, unforgiveness, sometimes with psychosis, and suicide tendency.
Kemi Dayo-Aiyetan said, ‘Love shouldn’t be blind; you love with your eyes wide open and your
senses intact.’ When your love makes your heart to skip a beat when you are with your partner, then
you need to sit down and let your mind ruminate on the relationship you are in objectively before
you take it to the next level.

I will like to share with you a more excellent way of having a successful relationship; I call it
walking in love. Rather than fall in love which don’t have a speed break, it is better to walk in love

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Vanguard Online Edition - Don’t fall in love Page 2 of 3

and be able to control your speed. My perception of walking in love is developing relationship with
a person based on knowledge, long time relationship, and friendship rather than a spontaneous
feeling that has no foundation to hold the relationship to the level of marriage, which requires a till
life do us apart commitment.

One of the advantages of walking in love is that your eyes are open. It implies that the relationship
is based on knowledge not on feelings of love alone. It’s a love that is based on what you know
about the person out of your interactions together over a period of time rather than that of what
happened in a fairy tale manner. Couples who paid the price of opening their eyes before making the
decision to get married are now enjoying that decision. Another is that your speed is progressive.
When you walk in love, you don’t move at an alarming speed in the relationship. When people fall
in love, emotions becloud their sense of reasoning and not too long in the relationship they start
engaging in sexual intimacy.

 The progressiveness in this type of love enhances deeper friendship, and commitment on the part of
the parties involved. It enhances stability in the relationship which is vital for a successful marriage
in the future.
 Femi Fasanya singlesaffair@yahoo.com , 08037257479, 08083906405

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  Comments (4)
 1 
People have not yet come to know love
Written by Bro. OGUGUA Chinedu .E. , on 27-09-2008 08:26 , IP: 134.146.0.54
Great article again by my great friend. The truth of the matter is that people have not come to
know what love is. satan has succeeded in deceiving mankind into calling lust love. When a man
looks at a girl and because of he shape of her hips, boobs and buttocks some chemistry reaction
takes place within him, he instead of telling himself the simple truth that he is suffering from lust
will go on to deceive himself and others that he has falling in love with the pretty damsel. a young
Chinese girl recently asked me "why do love hurt so much"? and i quickly responded it is lust that
hurts, love doesnt hurt!
Pls, BE WISE!!! JESUS STILL LUVs U!

 2 
love is ot blind
Written by olayinka , on 27-09-2008 10:59 , IP: 82.128.44.21
i quite agree with the writer that love is not blind but it is the people who are in love that are
blind.from experience what cuoples called loves fdes after about sometimes after marriage and
what is left is tolerance and perseverance

 3 
Walking in love is not just the solution
Written by Justin O. Uloho , on 27-09-2008 13:17 , IP: 83.138.172.72
It is true that people have to walk in love instead of moving fast in love or falling in love but we
have to understand the true definition of love and what it means to different individuals.
 
People fall in love and get married for different reasons and this was exactly what happened in
Tami's case. I think her desire to find a perfect man overshadowed her reasoning when she met
Danny. Don't you think that the earlier people start realising that we are in an imperfect world,
would make a difference in relationships? I believe it would be difficult for people to stop falling
in love foolishly because of our weaknesses and our differences as individuals. Hence, I do not
agree that walking in love will completely work in a contemporary world.

 4 
na God get power shaa

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Vanguard Online Edition - Don’t fall in love Page 3 of 3

Written by ifeanyi , on 27-09-2008 19:49 , IP: 41.219.230.106

Am tired of this love of a thing, wahala wahala everywhere, i think it is best for one to stay alone,
maybe get one or two kids out of marriage, then patronize ashawo if needed, women know how
to kill men before their time.

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