Manh Dao Cultural Anthropology 11/20/11

THE RELIGIOUS RITUALS OF A HINDU WEDDING

Everywhere around the world, marriage is one of the most important rituals; it is the ritual to connect two people, and in Hinduism, it is believed that only through a relationship from previous births can two strangers be fated to marry. Particular regions always differ from another in terms of actual practices, but for the most parts, they follow the outlines and rules of Hinduism. In this paper, I will talk about the specific marriage traditions of the Arya Samaj community in north India. The marriage can be roughly divided into three parts - engagement, marriage, and consummation which may be spread over the course of a year (Monger, p.153). All three parts need fixed rituals that involve many people from the two families, and then the marriage is concluded by the show of the bond between the bride and the groom, acknowledged by the people as well as the gods and goddesses of Hinduism. And the comparison in this piece will be made with modern Vietnamese Kinh wedding my native culture. I. Finding the spouse

It should be noted that the marriage is arranged by the parents and the elders. They take the responsibility of finding the suitable one for their sons/daughters; marriage is believed to be the continuation of bonds from previous lives. Suitability concerns family heritage, age, health, height, education, personality, etc. Usually the parents look at certain families, who they already know and wish to have future kinship. But in the modern society, parents do take their son/daughters feelings and expectations into account. When they find someone suitable, they seek help from a go-between relative or friend to explore the other familys feel. If both sides agree, the two fathers will meet, and the father of the girl proposes. Now an astrologer comes into the scene; the horoscopes of the spouses-to-be need

to be suitable to marry. It is very similar in Vietnam, especially with the astrology, except that to find a suitable spouse is now mainly the job of the young people, not the parents. However, the agreement of the parents is still crucial. Furthermore, for the Arya Samaj, if the two families accept the marriage, the boys mother puts an old gold necklace, usually passed down through the family, around the girls neck. II. Engagement

The engagement ceremony is almost as significant as the marriage ceremony itself. The Indian again ask an astrologer for a good day. The girls father, a priest, an elder person of the girls clan, and the girls elder brother bring gifts (gold ornaments, clothes) to the boys house and meet the adult males of the boys clan. The girls brother does tilak (red markings on the forehead) to the boy, and the boy does the same thing to him. Also, the boys familys gifts to the girls family require cosmetics for the future bride, mehandi (dried green leaves), scented oil, kajal (lamp-black), sweets for the youngsters (Browning, p272). Date for wedding is discussed. It is the opposite in Vietnamese engagement wedding: the boys family and friends visit the girls house and bring the gifts, without taking anything back. The gifts usually consist of cooked food, rice, clothes, traditional cakes carried by an odd number of unmarried male relatives or friends of the future groom, and received by unmarried female counterparts of the bride. During the ceremony in India, Hindu mantras are chanted continuously by the priests, some blessing songs are sung by groups of females; the wedding music is also important for the Vietnamese, except that there is no religious chanting and songs are performed by both males and females, especially the carriers and the receivers of the gifts. III. Preparation for the Wedding Ceremony

The Arya Samaj community has a much more complicated series of actions to be carried out. The girls parents must send a formal, religious, hand-written invitation to the parents of the boy. The relatives and ancestors of both families are described, fostering the match of the two families. The boys and

girls parents also must go and invite the grandfathers of the boy and the girl by themselves; some gifts are fixed to be brought, and tilak will be done. Five days before the date of the marriage, various religious ceremonies are held at both houses. One of the most important events is Mangalagana music playing, dancing, and sweet distributing at the end by the ladies. Well Pujana is the event when the mothers and the female members of the families fetch a pot of water from a nearby water source, singing songs in chorus while walking. The water is used for a sacred bath for both the future bride and groom. It is to remind the family members of the importance of water and its sanctity. And in such a male-dominated society, a new person plays a key role the maternal uncle. His family is first hosted at a friends house, and then at the main house, where they are welcomed by the females with songs and tilak. The eldest male member represents the maternal grandparent to give out gifts called Bhata, which consists of the formal, traditional wedding clothes for the groom/bride (they are expected to wear these for the wedding), and some gold rings, silver anklets (just in the girls family), as proof of the virginity of the girl, reminder of the family traditions, and blessing to her future. Also, the maternal uncle acts as the bhandara treasurer, who handles the money, the gifts, and the food made. There is also Sehra Bandhi ritual, a day prior to the marriage. This is the event in the grooms house when he takes a vows to live up to the expectations, wears wedding clothes, rides on a well-decorated horse, and goes to the temple to worship. He also receives blessings and cosmetics to ward off evil spirits, and some other gifts. However, there are no ritualistic prewedding preparations for the Vietnamese. IV. Wedding Day

Usually the grooms family travel by modern transportations, but a mile from the brides house, they start walking. The groom uses the same horse, or sometimes an elephant, while a band of musicians

play and the children and the adults dance along. It may take two to three hours. For Vietnamese wedding march, a well-decorated car is used, but music is not played, and no dancing is performed. When the grooms group arrives at the brides house, the relatives of the bride stand at the gate for reception and the grooms brother-in-law recites a blessing poem, which is called Sehara. Then perfumed rose water is sprinkled on the relatives from both families. Garlands made out of fresh flowers are arranged by the brides side to give to the grooms side, and vice versa. The mother or the eldest sister of the bride does arati (circular waving of a lighted lamp) of the groom at the entrance of the home while the women sing songs. The bride then steps forward, washes her husbands feet, and puts a garland of flowers around his neck (Browning, p277). Afterward, they are led into the Vivaha Mandapa, the place where the ceremonies take places. Food is served, but the groom must start eating before everyone else, and the parents and grandparents of the bride dont eat until the next day. The ceremony is started by the priests from both sides, and where each person sits is already determined and cant be violated. And then many religious rituals must be followed. First the bride offers to wash the grooms feet and hands. The grooms parents give their new daughter-in-law a new name. They apply mild paste of turmetic powder to the brides palms and forefingers, wishing for the immunity of the bride, the health of the newly-wed couples relationship. After that come the most important part the brides parents fill the hands of their daughter with dhana (unhusked rice) and give these hands to the groom. It is called Kanya Dana, the greatest donation in life a couple can give. The rice is the symbol of the bride totally unaffected by the outside influences, as well as the fertility and prosperity the bride will bring. Finally the brides parents give jewelry, gifts, and a cow to their daughters new family. The grooms parents must receive it without any judgment or feelings. The responsibility of the brides side is over.

The Mangala Phera comes next It is the act of going around the fire at least four times, each lap representing a phase of life, covering 25 years. Agni, the sacrificial fire, is the witness of marriage. The bride leads the first three laps, as it is believed that the wife is more mature and should take care of the household responsibilities, keep harmony, bear the children, and so on The groom leads the last lap, as he becomes the preacher of the society (Monger, p161). The bride needs to do Saptapadi next taking seven steps on a piece of stone, which is moved with each step, while the groom sings some ancient verses. And the priest greets the couple, sprinkles them with holy water, and gives blessings. They also give offerings to the fire purify their souls. A cup of prefect mixture of yogurt, milk, honey is fed by the couple to each other, which is called Pancamrta. They also try to find a ring in a big bowl of water in a joyful mood, which is called Puja, and the groom puts the ring on the finger of the bride. Vidai (farewell) is the last ceremony at the brides house: they sit together on a bed and other married couples walk around, spraying puffed tice on them. Another round of gifts from the brides parents is given, and they see their daughter off (Browning, p289). At the grooms house, rituals are also carried out. The grooms mother does arati on the couple. They bribe the sisters of the groom to go though, and worship Ganapati and Ista Devata for the acceptance of the new family member. The groom takes kangana off his new wife, and let her touch the feet the elders as a show of respect. The last part is Goda Bharai, a young male child is put on the brides lap; they hope the couple soon gets a son. It is highly contrasting with Vietnamese wedding, where the main events happen at the grooms house. The rituals of the Vietnamese Kinh have been much simplified; it should also be noted that Vietnamese mostly are non-religious. When the grooms side goes to the brides house, they ask for permission to marry the daughter, and food is served while music is sung and small games are played. And then the bride is taken to the grooms house on the car, but the brides parents, relatives, and friends also come along, and the real events begin. The father of the bride and the groom, the two most important persons in the wedding will come forth and have a word of announcement and

blessing to the newly-wed couple. And then the couple gives each other a ring and then kisses, which is a trait from Western style of wedding. The two afterward drink a toast of whisky or wine and cut the wedding cake, and go to each table so that everyone can cheer and congratulate them. This may take two or three hours, as Vietnamese dont believe in gods, but the recognition of the society. Music is performed all along to make the mood the wedding. Conclusion The Hindu marriage is filled with extremely explicit rituals; each has a meaning: blessing for the couple, wishing for the unity between the two families, or notifying the gods and goddesses. We see the big difference between a religious wedding and a secular one. The Vietnamese wedding has been greatly modernized after all the years of Confucianism influence, French invasion, and Communist rule, and now it is a blend of different cultures, to the point that traditional qualities are not fixed, and can be easily modified according to the conditions. Additionally, it is easy to see how Hindu brides family is expected to give many dowries, with valuable jewelries included. It reflects the traditions of intensive use of gold and silver in life. Religiously, the act of giving a daughter to another family though is great karma, but it costs a lot of money the daughter is no longer part of the clan. Along with it, the Indian society doesnt recognize the inheritance rights of a married daughter, as a way of transferring all the responsibilities to the husbands side. In modern Vietnamese weddings, most gifts are given in cash; it is because of the fast-living trend of life. Nonetheless, the two families share quite equally and they treat both of the couple as part of the family, since the Vietnamese society is not as male-dominated as the Indian one, or as it was before.

Works Cited: Browning, Don, et al, eds. Sex, Marriage, and Family in World Religions. New York: Columbia University Press, 2006. Monger, George. Marriage Customs of the World: From Henna to Honeymoons. Santa Barbara, California: ABC-CLIO, 2004.