Confidence and Competence:

Their Relationship and Impact on Workplace Performance

Julie Savage-Milner, B.A., Grad.Dip.Ed.

A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts (Psycho-Social Studies) in the Department of Political Science, Faculty of Arts, University of Melbourne

December 1999

Abstract
The research question is: What is the perceived relationship between confidence and competence and its impact on workplace performance in the cases studied? In particular, I am looking for any association between levels of confidence and levels of competence and the differences, if any, between peoples self-perceptions of their levels of confidence and competence as well as the perceptions of others. In other words, how they project themselves to others. A number of social scientists have written about self-confidence and about competence. Most of the work I have found relating the two dimensions has focussed on studies of child and adolescent developmental psychology through research on students in schools and universities. In work with adults, researchers have focussed either on one dimension (confidence) or the other (competence). I have seen little quantitative or qualitative research linking the two in adult experience and I have not found any research that considers the impact on workplace performance. The majority of articles that consider the topic in relation to adult experience are written by people whose main interest is in human resource management and are more conjectural than research based. The present research is based on interviews with 14 people either employed or self-employed in the public and private sectors. Psychoanalytic interpretation is used to assist in understanding any relationship between confidence and competence and why certain factors impact on some individuals and not others. In addition, it provides a useful approach for examining the coping strategies and defense mechanisms that individuals, work groups and organisations construct to deny or avoid interpersonal issues.

Acknowledgements
I have learned that the success of any project depends on the support, encouragement and mentoring that is provided by others throughout the process. I am grateful to all those who took such an interest in this thesis but would like to acknowledge those who played a special role: Clare and Jennifer my daughters who gave me exceptional love and support and demonstrated an absolute belief in my confidence and competence when I consistently doubted it. And the late Ian Savage my first husband of 23 years whose untimely death robbed me of my confidence and competence when I thought I had it all. Robert Milner my second husband who has listened to my confidencecompetence debate for three years and who provided a learning environment in which I could do battle with my confidence and competence and learn so much more about myself. Dr Graham Little and Dr John Cash who provided and maintained the intellectual and academic challenge and generously shared their own academic and professional knowledge and expertise. Dr Helen Kimberley and Robb Mason whose mentoring, role modeling and practical assistance ensured that I completed this thesis this century. Joanne Abbey, Dianne Berlin, Elinor Crossing, Marnie Gandrabur, Winifred Hirst, Professor Richard Johnson and Barbara Stone who provided unconditional collegiality, friendship and encouragement. Dr Tudor Bostock and Ken Heyward who shared my personal, professional and academic journey, and challenged my thinking and the consequences of living my thesis topic on a daily basis. Finally, I want to thank the people who agreed to be interviewed and so willingly shared their thoughts and experiences with me. Their goodwill and honest responses gave me a wealth of material and the constraints of a minor thesis do not do them justice.

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Dedication
I dedicate this thesis to the late Robert Hockley who bequeathed me his dream and to Clare and Jennifer who never doubted that I could fulfill it.

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Table of Contents
Abstract .............................................................................................................. i Acknowledgements ........................................................................................... ii Dedication ........................................................................................................iii Chapter One: Introduction ............................................................................... 1 The question .................................................................................................. 1 The context .................................................................................................... 1 Personal context......................................................................................... 1 Professional context................................................................................... 2 Significance of the issue ............................................................................ 3 The research background.............................................................................. 3 What researchers say about confidence.................................................... 4 What researchers say about competence.................................................. 5 Adequacies and inadequacies of these approaches and findings in relation to my question.............................................................................. 7 Method ........................................................................................................... 8 Chapter Two: Method ...................................................................................... 9 Chapter Three: What do people I interviewed say about my question? .... 13 Competence.................................................................................................. 13 How is competence defined? .................................................................... 13 What would it mean to be competent but lacking confidence? .............. 14 Mistaken or unsuitable competence ....................................................... 15 Confidence ................................................................................................... 16 How is confidence defined?...................................................................... 16 Confidence and competence together...................................................... 16 What influences confidence? ................................................................... 18 The gap between inner and outer confidence? ....................................... 19 Between seeming and being .................................................................... 20 Confidence and competence: a difficult relationship ................................. 22 What influences the gap? ............................................................................ 24

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Affect ........................................................................................................ 25 Change of circumstance........................................................................... 26 Gender ...................................................................................................... 27 Isolation.................................................................................................... 28 Management style ................................................................................... 29 Parental influence ................................................................................... 30 Past experience ........................................................................................ 31 Social factors ............................................................................................ 32 Support..................................................................................................... 33 Critical life events.................................................................................... 34 Chapter Four: What does this mean? ........................................................... 35 Competence.................................................................................................. 36 Inner competence..................................................................................... 36 Outer competence .................................................................................... 36 Impostor syndrome and perceived fraudulence...................................... 37 Optimism, pessimism and depression .................................................... 40 Confidence ................................................................................................... 42 Coping and defending .............................................................................. 43 Possible selves and shame....................................................................... 46 Ego defenses/defense mechanisms.......................................................... 48 Closing the gap ........................................................................................ 49 Chapter Five: Conclusion ............................................................................... 52 Bibliography.................................................................................................... 58 Primary Sources: Transcripts ..................................................................... 58 Secondary Sources....................................................................................... 59 Appendix I: Profiles of Participants .............................................................. 62 Appendix II: Letter to participants ............................................................... 66 Appendix III: Research Interviews ................................................................ 67 Appendix IV: Management style and its impact ........................................... 68 Appendix V: Critical life events (CLE) and associated coping strategies..... 76

Chapter One: Introduction

The question
For personal and professional reasons I became curious about the relationship between confidence and competence. I wanted to know how people perceive confidence. What factors contribute to changes in levels of self-confidence, what enhances it, what diminishes it? Further to those questions, what impact if any do differing levels of self-confidence have on peoples competence? I also wanted to know how people perceive competence? What factors contribute to changes in peoples perceptions of their competence, what enhances peoples perceived and/or actual competence and what diminishes it? Responding to all these questions is beyond the scope of a minor thesis. Therefore I needed to apply boundaries to the research task and focus on a particular aspect of the broader question about the relationship between confidence and competence. Accordingly, the research question became: What is the perceived relationship between confidence and competence and its impact on workplace performance in the cases studied?

The context
Personal context
Following the death of my first husband in 1994 and a number of subsequent critical events in my life, I became increasingly aware that I was not only losing my personal confidence but I was beginning to feel incompetent in certain professional areas. Regardless of various attempts to stop this from happening, it escalated with each new negative experience. This was confusing and illogical. Why would both my confidence and

competence be affected by events beyond my control? If confidence and competence can be lost, how are they gained? Are they discrete entities or are they linked? How have traumatic or negative experiences impacted on others confidence and competence? Finding some answers to these questions became important. If I could find a link between confidence and competence then what I had deemed to be illogical or irrational may be an unfortunate but predictable outcome and, by researching the topic, I hoped I would find some answers that could help me to recover what I felt I had lost.

Professional context
In early 1997, when my confidence and competence were perhaps at their lowest, I received a telephone call from Robert Hockley, an individual, group and organisational consultant in Sydney. At the time I knew Hockley only by reputation. He asked to meet me in Melbourne although he knew only three things about me: that we shared similar professional interests, that I was keenly interested in the psychoanalytic approach to individual, group and organisational behaviour, and that I could write. Hockley had been thinking about the relationship between confidence and competence in relation to chief executive officers (CEOs) and senior managers. He had been collecting articles and books that were helping him to make sense of the connection. He had begun to develop a theory and was excited about the significance it might have for work practices. His dream was that when his work was completed an article about the relationship between confidence and competence would be published in the Harvard

Business Review. Hockley had just been told he had terminal cancer. His
wish was for me to take up his work and fulfil his dream. He died five weeks later but not before collecting his material and notes together and passing them on to me, despite the fact that I was living the negative consequences of the confidence/competence relationship on a daily basis.

Hockley provided me not only with a meaningful study but a way of making sense of my own reality. If, as a result of my research, I found that others were affected similarly then the potential implications for both their personal lives and their workplace performance could be serious. This would be especially so if their employers were indifferent to their needs-at-the-time, not through lack of care for their staff, but through ignorance that their staff might find themselves in what seemed to be a permanent situation, but one which could be interim if they were given appropriate support. The human and economic costs or savings to organisations depending on the management of such situations could be significant, either way.

Significance of the issue

For senior managers of organisations this study explores a different way of thinking about changes in individual performance. It also explores how management styles may enhance or exacerbate the levels of confidence and competence of staff. For social scientists and health professionals it explores a range of factors that impact on individuals perceptions of their confidence and competence and the way in which physical and mental health can be affected.

The research background

A number of social scientists have written about self-confidence (Bandura, 1977; Elliot et al, 1997; Campbell et al,1998; King et al, 1998; Shrauger, 1998) and about competence (Kolligian, 1990; Markus et al, 1990; Norem & Cantor, 1990; Sternberg & Kolligian, 1990; Kets de Vries, 1993; Clance et al, 1995; King & Cooley 1995). However, the majority of the works relating the two dimensions have focussed on studies of child and adolescent

developmental psychology through research on students in schools and universities. With regard to adults, researchers seem to have focussed on one dimension (confidence) or the other (competence). There seems to be little research linking the two and very little about the impact on workplace performance. In light of this it is interesting that the majority of articles considering the topic in relation to adult experience have been written by people whose main interest is in human resource management and these are more conjectural than research based.

What researchers say about confidence

Levels of confidence (or self-efficacy) are related to emotional factors in early childhood and are carried into maturity. In the middle years, performance at school and the attitudes of teachers affect peoples confidence in their ability while peer group feedback is a key factor in the development of social confidence (Harter, 1990). As Phillips & Zimmerman (1990) found

Children who seriously underestimated their abilities were characterized by unrealistically low expectations for success, believed that significant adultsheld unfavourable impressions of their abilities, were reluctant to approach and sustain efforts on difficult achievement tasks, and had greater feelings of anxiety about evaluation, in comparison to children with more positive self-perceptions. (p. 46)
Optimism and pessimism are other personality traits that impact on peoples self-confidence (Seligman, 1990). Over a number of years Seligman worked in a program to test potential insurance salespeople on an optimism/pessimism scale and interpreted the outcomes in relation to their potential clients. He accurately predicted the following outcome:

Pessimistic salesmenwill say personal things to themselvesIm no good or No one wants to buy insurance

from me or I cant even get to first base. This undoubtedly will produce the giving-up response and make it harder to dial the next prospectand eventually quit altogether. The optimistic agent, on the other hand, will talk to himself in more constructive ways: He was too busy right now, or They already have insurance or I called during supperThe next call wont be any harder to make, and within a few minutes the agent will have gotten through to the one person in ten, on average, who makes an appointmentIn this way hell live up to his selling potential 1 . (Seligman, 1990: 98-99)

What researchers say about competence

Markus et al (1990) have written about the role of self-systems in competence and conclude that competence is an important dimension of selfesteem. Primarily, they argue that feelings of self-efficacy and competence are joint factors protecting the self from effects of stress and that felt competence is an essential component of actual competence which, in turn, is linked to action and effective performance. Although good performance is likely to impact positively on confidence, good performance with low selfesteem does not always result in feelings of competence. Therefore, people must have both some ability and a self-schema 2 for that ability in order to feel competent. Sometimes the abilities and skills present first and the selfschema follows. For others, the self-schema presents first and the abilities develop later. Markus et al stress the importance for people to have clear perceptions about their possible selves and to the extent to which these possible selves are well elaborated and effectively summarised such people will perceive themselves as competent and either persist in a given task or withdraw. They believe that global and task-specific possible selves are the carriers of competence.

1 This begs the question as to whether or not optimists are generally more confident than pessimists, or just more optimistic and would be worthy of further study. 2 Self-schema is defined as the self-knowledge that represents ones important attributes or abilities. (Markus et al, 1990)

Bandura (1977) shares a similar view and claims that peoples need to feel competent is related to a basic need to know that one exists: who one is and how one is different from another. Feeling or being competent not only validates ones self-defining generalisations but provides assurance to others. Subsequently, a crisis in identity will occur when ones perceptions of self-specific competencies are challenged, threatened or not allowed expression. In such cases people will experience an unstable and diffuse identity as well as a sense of general incompetence. Different patterns of socialisation for boys and girls raise interesting gender issues. Boys are socialised to attribute success to ability and failure to lack of effort whereas girls are socialised to attribute success to effort and failure to lack of ability. Such socialised negative self-perceptions for girls means that they are more likely than boys to underestimate their true ability and suffer deficiencies in motivation and coping (Bandura, 1977; Phillips & Zimmerman, 1990). Socialisation also impacts on the extent to which individuals are able to perceive themselves as being competent as opposed to feeling fraudulent or as if they are impostors (Kolligian, 1990; Kets de Vries, 1993; Clance et al, 1995). Females are more susceptible to this phenomenon because of the type of family and female gender-role socialisation that they experience but it is reported also by many high-achieving individuals who feel ashamed for failing to live up to their parents [and their own] standards of perfection (Clance et al, 1995: 79). Kets de Vries (1993) points out the serious implications of feeling imposturous as opposed to being imposturous for both the individual and the organisation, The vicious circle of feelings of inadequacy, overcompensatory hard work, procrastination (fear of taking action), doubt, and guilt can be extremely difficult to break (p. 132).

The Peter Principle every employee rises to his level of incompetence offers another consideration of competence, namely that peoples confidence in their ability to carry out a given task exceeds their capacity to do so (Peter & Hull, 1969). In organisations which are unable to discern the difference between confidence and competence, such people are often promoted beyond their level of competence and not only the individual but also their work group and the customer/client suffer as a consequence and thus, ultimately, the organisation. Peter & Hull (1969) declare that:

For each individual, for you, for me, the final promotion is from a level of competence to a level of incompetenceIn time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out their dutiesWork is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence. (p. 24)

Adequacies and inadequacies of these approaches and findings in relation to my question

The literature I have read is rich in information about confidence and/or competence but I have yet to find any literature that specifically addresses the impact on workplace performance either positively or negatively when these two dimensions together change work performance. Furthermore, I am interested in what happens to employees as a result of factors that may be external to the workplace. Finally, I am interested in a psychoanalytic interpretation of coping strategies and the defense mechanisms that individuals, work groups and organisations construct as a way of denying or avoiding the relevance of interpersonal issues. I believe people are largely unaware of such strategies and, consequently, they are not talked about.

Method
I propose to use a case study approach to explore my research question by interviewing 14 participants from a range of work backgrounds about their perceptions of confidence and competence and other related questions. Chapter Two will document the research method. Chapter Three will deal with how interviewees responded. Chapter Four will comprise my interpretation of the case studies in conjunction with what I have learned through the available literature. I will focus on what does this mean? How can this be understood? Chapter 5 will present my conclusion.

Chapter Two: Method

I began to think about the relationship between confidence and competence in relation to CEOs but this gave rise to a number of considerations. Would I select a cross-section of private and public sector organisations in order not to influence the choice of CEO per se but rather whoever happened to be in that role? Would I simply write to the CEO of the organisation and trust that s/he would grant an interview? Furthermore, why would they make the time? I began to think that CEOs could be too narrow a sample for the following reasons: their specific role in their organisations presupposes a certain degree of perceived competence and confidence; there was a risk that such perceived competence and confidence was more likely to make their experiences of related issues more remote than those experienced by a more general sample of people in the paid workforce; their perceptions of their position in their organisation could influence the way in which they responded to the questions, that is, they had more to protect. Although I was aware of the traditional sampling attributes more closely associated with quantitative research, e.g. balance of gender, age, socioeconomic background, these were not my priority. I was more interested in seeking diversity. I asked colleagues to identify people with a range of workplace experiences in diverse occupations that would provide the greatest opportunity for learning. I ended up with some 50 names; some I knew personally, others were friends, associates, or contacts of people I knew. I intended that each would be a case study in itself. Together, as a collective case study, they would help me learn about peoples self-confidence and how it affects workplace performance. Bearing in mind Stakes maxim that:

We do not study a case primarily to understand other cases. Our first obligation is to understand this one casesome cases would do a better job than others. Sometimes a typical case

works well but often an unusual case helps illustrate matters we overlook in typical cases. (Stake, 1995:4)
The 14 participants who form this case study were selected on three general criteria: recommendation, diversity, accessibility. There were nine females and five males with ages ranging from 22 to 63 (although most participants were in the 45 55 age group); ten lived and worked in Melbourne, four in Adelaide. The criterion for selection was based on my knowledge of specific attributes that were unique to certain participants or were shared by several but not all participants. These included: the uniqueness of their work relative to other participants; their demonstrated success (or otherwise) in the workplace; educational diversity; public versus private sector workplace experience; diversity in organisational hierarchy; experience of redundancy; history of work stability/instability; and different critical life events. The main common attribute was that they were or had been in paid employment. Profiles of the participants are included in Appendix I. After establishing the sample I wrote to each participant explaining my research in broad terms. I explained that I expected the interview to take no more than 30 minutes and that, although I would be taping the interview, I was guaranteeing their confidentiality (Appendix II). Within ten days of sending the letter I contacted participants to set up an interview time. The duration of the interviews and the sample size contributed to the way in which the questions were constructed. For example, I knew the sample size meant that I would not be able to make explanations about cause and effect relationships. At best I would have a clearer understanding of the research question and the opportunity to think about any new questions that might arise and could possibly be explored in further research.

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Also I was acutely aware of my personal interest in the research question. Thus I was seeking understanding of others experience in light of my own and vice versa. Finnish philosopher Georg Henrik von Wright (1971) wrote that:

understanding also has a psychological ring which explanation has notunderstanding as a method characteristic of the humanities is a form of empathy or recreation in the mind of the scholar of the mental atmosphere, the thoughts and feelings and motivations, of the objects of his studyUnderstanding is also connected to intentionality in a way that explanation is notThis intentionalisticdimension of understanding has come to play a prominent role in more recent methodological discussion. (quoted in Stake, 1995:37)
I developed 11 open-ended questions (Appendix III) which were in two parts. The first question asked participants to define confidence and competence and the remaining four questions asked them to reflect on associated issues in their work lives. In the second part, the orientation changed from impersonal to personal accounts and/or experiences. Four questions in this part of the interview were related to the interviewees workplaces or work experiences. The final question was open to interpretation and had the potential to move the interview away from workplace and/or work experiences to whatever the participant chose to talk about. This particular question was Tell me about any experiences of loss; how you have dealt with any loss With all questions I was aware that:

Impersonal issues applied to carefully observed human beings become personal issues. Privacy is always at risk. Entrapment is regularly on the horizon as the researcher, although a dedicated noninterventionist, raises questions and options previously not considered by the respondent. (Stake, 1995:46)
Each interview was recorded on a dictaphone and transcribed in full. I sent a copy of the transcript to participants with a covering letter which thanked them for their time and participation. In each letter I wrote briefly about

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what I had found to be especially valuable about their interview, that is, what special light they shed on the issues or anything they had raised which had not been discussed or raised by any other participant. None of the participants contacted me to question either the content of the transcript or the summary points I had made. I read each transcript twice, the second time highlighting comments that related to the research question or raised specific questions that were unique to that interview. I then worked through each transcript recording my understanding of what each participant had intended by what they had said. I developed a coding system for text analysis to group the information within each transcript without losing associated connections. I sorted the transcripts into two piles according to participants gender. Finally, I worked through each coded transcript and developed tables for each pattern that seemed to emerge, deviations from the pattern, and unique contributions to my understanding of the pattern. The scope of this work does not allow for a comprehensive discussion of every theme or pattern that emerged from the material collected. Therefore in the next chapter I present only the main patterns or themes; first, how the participants defined competence and pertinent themes that arose; second, how they defined confidence and the issues and pertinent themes arising; and third, what main factors the participants felt impacted on their competence and confidence.

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Chapter Three:

What do people I interviewed say about my question?

This chapter deals with what the participants had to say about confidence and competence and any relevance to their own and others workplace performance 3 . It is my analysis of the interviews: the way I have taken them apart

to see the parts separately and how they relate to each otherWhere thoughts come from, whence meaning, remains a mystery. The page does not write itself, but by finding, for analysis, the right ambience, the right moment, by reading and rereading the accounts, by deep thinking, then understanding creeps forward(Stake, 1995: 72-73)

Competence
How is competence defined?
The majority of participants defined competence as being an internal attribute, using such words as:

knowing that whatever you are about to do that you are able to do that (Erica: 1)being aware of the ability (Max: 1) a proven ability (Anthea: 1)a demonstrated capacity (Deborah: 1)actually being able to do what they say they can do (Betty: 1) doing the job properly (Marjorie: 1)getting it right (Todd: 1)the best result (Tim: 5).
Candice and Charles defined it in terms of the expectations and observations of others, that is, as an external attribute:

Profiles of the participants have been appended to this document. To protect their privacy and to ease discussion, I will refer to the participants by fictitious names.

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competence is actually somebody elses opinion of how you meet their criteria[it is] very much based around the outer person [and is] not necessarily an inward qualityits an outward imposed set of criteria that you either meet or dont meet. (Candice: 1-2) its really the observation of others in terms of their behaviour. (Charles: 1)
Competence has an internal and external component to it. Inner competence is ones perception of ones capacity or ability to undertake a given task. Outer competence is how ones ability and/or capacity is assessed against objective criteria.

What would it mean to be competent but lacking confidence?

Erica talked about two members of her staff whose competence was not in doubt but who lacked confidence and, consequently, needed different support from her:

Ive got an assistant whos very competent in her role, shes very clear about what she has to dobut what she does is lack confidenceshe has to keep coming back to meshe needs my approval almost to know shes done it right. (Erica: 2) Ive had another male who worked for me who was very competent but lacked confidence so hed constantly have to come and get directions sethe was looking for leadership and clarity. (Erica: 2-3)
It is not sufficient to be competent; one must also have confidence in ones competence. Without accompanying confidence the individual seeks approval and/or direction.

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Mistaken or unsuitable competence

A former general manager observed that a member of her staff had been very competentbut shes not necessarily competent at the things she thinks shes competent at. (Deborah: 2) This concept was endorsed by a state manager who said that:

Sometimes it has to do with the style of the manager and what youre actually expecting them to deliver. You may have somebody, for instance, who is very good technicallybut not so competent in the area of managementtherefore they need some coachingand that can be quite difficult. (Anthea: 1-2)
An RAAF squadron leader described the problems associated with competency-based assessment in an organisation that consistently moves staff across different work areas:

a person can be zooming along doing extremely well with one job and then get into a job they just dont have the skill sets for and, although they try, it can be very, very difficult because your assessments can then vary quite markedly one of the problems is that you know that the person is just not suited to this job but youre stuck with them and theyre stuck with the job. So one of the hassles with that is trying to work out whether even though they may be trying their best but not reaching the mark theyre still competent its very, very difficult when you feel youre negative in a skill seteven if you try your best, your best never appears to be good enough so whatll happen is like a cycle, and then youll find that they dont try as hard because they dont think theyre going to achieve so therefore I get a negative opinion about their role in that job. (Candice: 2-3)
These comments illustrate the discrepancy between inner and outer competence. Some people are mistaken about the areas in which they are competent; others know they are competent in some areas, but not in others. In both circumstances this presents a management dilemma how to 15

encourage staff to identify the areas in which they are competent (that is, build on their strengths) and to develop new skills that are appropriate to their existing role (that is, eradicate their weaknesses).

Confidence
How is confidence defined?
Participants had difficulty defining confidence: Ive got no ideaI guess its feeling comfortable with what youre doing and feeling motivated and feeling sure, feeling positive about how you do things (Anthea: 1) and you are personally trusted and treated well and that if you make a decision, your management will back you up (Marjorie: 1) Deborah and Candice split the concept of confidence but in different ways; Deborah worked from the inside out, whereas Candice worked from the outside in.

self-confidence is to do with believing that you can do things as well as you can do them. General confidence is having an attitude to life that says you can overcome difficulties and challenges. (Deborah: 1) Confidence [is]two things. One is the outward appearance or the outward persona that you reflectso if youre confident then you reflect a very positive and directioned persona on the outside. If youre totally confident in yourself, then you also have that as an inner reflection. (Candice: 1)

Confidence and competence together

Most participants defined confidence in terms of how it related to competence:

confidence, I feel is what I perceive in a persons ability, their belief in themselvesself-efficacytheir ability to pull

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something offself-esteem, how a person naturally feels about themselves. (Betty: 1) confidence happens when Im in a positive frame of mindits almost an assumption that Ill do it well (Heidi: 1) ...when my confidence is low, I feel as if I have absolutely no competence. I dont see any of the positiveswhen Im really confident Ive got heaps of skills and when I dont have any confidence its like I cant think of any skills that I do have at all. (Heidi: 10) confidence is when youre feeling able, self-assured, you have motivation, you know what youre doing, you know you have the support of the people youre working with, you know your ideas are accepted, its a freedom of being able to work efficiently all of those things. And a feeling of well being and knowledge in your heart that what youre doing is good work, you have the ability to make a decision and stand by that decision knowing it to be the best. (Jennifer: 1) confidence is a knowledge of your own abilityyou have been able to judge your own level of ability and be comfortable with that level of ability and achieve that level of ability. (Vanessa: 1) confidence? A state of mind, usually measured by the behaviour of the individual. (Charles: 1) Confidenceis a capacity to undertake something, knowing that you have the ability to do it. (Max: 1)
Tims definition carried a different meaning: true confidence is the ability to love and respect yourself and in loving and respecting yourself, you can achieve anything (Tim: 4). Thus confidence means different things to different people. It is about the feelings one has about ones self (inner confidence) and the perceptions of others (outer confidence); its about optimism (inner confidence) and trust (outer confidence). Confidence is also strongly associated with how one functions in the workplace (competence).

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What influences confidence?

A range of internal and external factors influence confidence: comparisons with others, self-doubt, mood swings, vulnerability to external attack, lack of self-love and self-respect, and the impact of critical life events.

Im always amazed at how fragile human beings are, how their self-esteem can be shattered in a day, in a moment, by someone who they see as maybe being more competent, telling them theyre an idiot. (Betty: 1-2) I know my days. Sometimes I [know] Im going to have a great day and it is. More often, now, Im not so confident, I [feel] panic. (Heidi: 8) I can wake up in a morning and know when I am confident, I am competentif Im feeling flat, or dejected or whatever, then Im not confident and Im not able to achieve anything. And my confidence tends to go with my moodI almost divide my life into periods of being confident and not being confidentAnd that can be a week or it can be six months (Vanessa: 8) Well confidence is one of whose intangible things that are almost impossible to deliberately acquire. It arrives, and sometimes it goes. Its a bit like a golf swing. One day its there and the next its not (Max: 1)
Again Tims view was different:

If you havent got full love of yourself and respect for yourself then the confidence whatever confidence you might have will be easily washed away at the sign of a major problem. (Tim: 4)
Confidence is bewildering. It is intangible, difficult to grasp and hold, and seemingly beyond ones control. It is linked to moods, feelings and values. It is also associated with competence. When one feels confident, one feels competent and behaves accordingly. When one does not feel confident, ones competence feels uncertain.

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Confidence also has an inner and outer dimension which suggests that there is a gap between how participants see themselves (and others) as opposed to how they perceive, and are perceived by, others?

The gap between inner and outer confidence?

Deborah, Candice and Albert describe the gap between how they feel about their confidence and how others perceive them:

I oscillate enormously in terms of confidencemost people see me as being an extremely self-confident person but I actually dont think that I amThere are times when I look around at peopleand I think God, Im much more competent than you and I believe it, and it helps my confidence. There are other time when I have grave self-doubts and I think Im just full of bullshit, Ive led my life as a con-artist, Im not really any good at all, so theres no sort of pattern to that except obviously if I do something well it makes me feel much more confident. (Deborah: 8) they [my family] think that Im a pretty confident person. I think its just how you think of yourself. You know sometimes when you have doubts (Albert: 2) But I still dont think that Im as good as people told me I am, and I dont think Ill get over that. What people think of me is different to what my own opinion of me is. Im happy for them to think that but, sometimes I think, how did I manage to fool them? (Candice: 12)
These reflections are particularly interesting because of the professional achievements of each accompanied by the sense of self-doubt or perceived fraudulence: Deborah as a former general manager of a state government agency, Albert as a PhD and principal of a trans-national organisation, and Candice as an RAAF squadron leader and Member of the Order of Australia. Given that there seem to be varying gaps between how participants perceive themselves and how others perceive them, it is likely that gaps also exist

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between how others present themselves to participants and how participants actually perceive them.

Between seeming and being

Deborah describes three people from her previous organisation who demonstrate the relationship between how others seem to be and how they actually are. Sandra Chief Executive Officer

Whats amazing about her is that she managed to con her way into jobs successfully until she was 52 or 53 when she hit a wallwhat I realised was that she had never been in a job for more than two years in her lifeand the referees shed used for the jobwere people she had not reported to. She was totally incompetent in her capacity to plan for the long-term, to look at the needs of the organisation. She was driven by a need for self-aggrandisement, for furthering her own ambitions and that was at any cost really, including the costs paid by the organisation but she was extremely confident and a lot of people were taken in by her. And when she was trying to get outwhich she was frequently trying to do even within six monthsbecause she had this overwhelming ambition to move on to something even biggershe would tell me what jobs she was applying for and she would tell me who her referees were and they were again no-one she was reporting to, not even from the Board. They were people she had impressed through a social connectionshe sucked up to him [a former State Governor], took him to expensive dinners, she was charming to him. That poor man never had an idea what on earth she was like as a CEO. He only saw the charming side of her and yet he was willing to be her referee. (Deborah: 1-3)

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Alice a Principal Officer

[She] exudes self-confidence and Ive never actually seen much evidence that shes actually lacking in confidencebut she was much less competent than she believed she was[and] shes not necessarily competent at the things she thinks shes competent at. When she reported to meI found that she actually talked a lot of bullshit and that often when I tried to unpick what she was sayingit didnt actually stand up to scrutiny Shes been an incredibly successful personshe gets runs on the boardso shes a fascinating mixture of competence even though part of it is sometimes a little bit of a con-job. (Deborah: 2)
Brenda a Senior Manager

One staff member who reported to mealways presented very confidently but actually was deeply lacking in selfconfidenceI did try to help [with a significant organisational task] but it was very difficult because she thought I was criticising her. I decided I would bring someone in to help her[and she] never forgave me for doing thatshe put up barriers and then thought I was unhelpful and she actually got a secondment out of the organisation. Thats one example of someone who is more confident that she deserves to be, or should be, considering her actual competence. (Deborah: 5-6)
These examples demonstrate differences between the way people present themselves to others. Sometimes, as with Sandra, the outer confidence is so persuasive that others believe in a commensurate outer competence which may be an illusion. With others, as with Alice, the outer confidence may be appropriately matched with outer competence, but inappropriately in terms of its application. Or the outer confidence may create an illusion of competence that protects the person, and others, from realising or identifying the persons actual competence. For people like Brenda, the 21

outer confidence is so linked to (her own and others) perceptions of competence/incompetence, that both the inner and the outer confidence are susceptible to any implied or real criticism of the outer competence. Consequently, both the inner confidence and competence are then diminished. I suggest that this last scenario is the one most prevalent in the workplace.

Confidence and competence: a difficult relationship

If one has outer confidence how can competence be measured except through performance? Betty discussed two aspects of this dilemma within her organisation which had been through a large recruiting process both demonstrating the relationship between inner and outer confidence and competence:

people that came across as being confident of their ability to perform particular tasks and their CVs looked great they interviewed extremely well but as far as competence in actually putting that task into practice, they just didnt have iteven with coaching there was still not that ability. So I think theres a vast difference between confidence and competence. (Betty: 1)
She contrasted this with overconfidence which has the potential to cloud competence:

there are instances that we still have on staff where people are overconfident but theyre extremely competent, soif theyre overconfident but extremely competent, you can wear it because you know that theyre going to pull off what theyve said theyll do, where the words will match the action. (Betty: 1)
In the legal profession Max was insistent about the significance of outer confidence as a precursor to success and warns what lack of confidence can do:

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the expression of confidence breeds on itselfbarristers to a large extent live on confidence. If you dont have confidence, youre not going to be particularly successful as a barrister. (Max: 1)
Courtroom work exemplifies the illusion of confidence and its relationship to competence and how the measure of outer competence feeds back into outer confidence.

You can be over-prepared which is a sign of lack of confidence. If you write down verbatim everything you think youre going to say, I think you perform less well than if you go in confident of your ability to be able to put the argument viva voce and just respond to whichever line of questioning the judge might take. (Max: 8)
But, you can lose it overnight. I think what sometimes happens at the Bar is the barristers get old and tired, gun-shy, lose the taste for fighting. (Max: 1) This quote is representative of much of the language used throughout the interview with Max. He likened the law to warfare and theatre and said directing or stage managing is what I tend to call itits really an exercise in stage management with you as the director (Max: 3). This acknowledgement of workplace performance being like theatre was the most candid representation of the relationship between outer confidence and outer competence, that is, people tend to play out a perceived role in the workplace rather than allow others to see their actual confidence and competence. Vanessa demonstrated an age-appropriate relationship between confidence and competence that was consistent with the literature reviewed. Confidence, at my age [22]tends to come from a social situation[and]I have based my level of self-confidence on how other people perceive me rather than how I perceive myself (Vanessa: 1). She also demonstrated ambivalence about proving her competence.

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Im probably overly confident at Uni. Even though I dont think Im going to do well in my exams I have the belief that I will do, if I studybut then I dont study so I dont prove my competence, or my confidence (Vanessa: 1)
These examples suggest the complexity of the nature of the relationship between confidence and competence, whether it be as it is perceived by others or by ones self, and how one feeds the other. Betty articulated this best when she said:

I guess Id like to think that the [gap] between my own confidence and my competence is lessening, that Im as competent as I am confident, but[the] gapmakes you work a little harder, or strive for other things, because the more you do, the more competent you become, [and] the more confident you are. And I think its probably an ever-escalating thing. (Betty: 7)
The gaps discussed by participants both overtly and covertly were principally the gaps between confidence as it is inwardly felt and how it is outwardly expressed and competence as it is inwardly known to be and how it is outwardly demonstrated. And if there are gaps then what increases or decreases the size of the gaps and what is the subsequent impact on inner and outer confidence and competence?

What influences the gap?

Participants identified factors that changed their levels of confidence and/or competence but whether or not the changes were positive or negative depended on their perception which differed. The factors were: age; affect; the need for balance in their lives; change; comparisons with others; criticism and/or the lack of others approval; gender; group dynamics; isolation; learning a new skill; management style; parental influence; past experience; self-doubt; social factors; the level and type of support received;

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and the impact of critical life events. Participants also discussed different way of coping with these influences. Clearly it is beyond the scope of this work to explore the impact of each of these influences in any depth although the range of responses deserves greater consideration and further study. I will present the more extreme examples to demonstrate the points. In doing so I am cautioning the reader of my tendency as a qualitative case study researcher to become, in effect, an artist constructing my own landscape of understanding. As Stake quotes Ren Magritte,

Which is how we see the world: we see it as being outside ourselves even though it is only a mental representation of it that we experience inside ourselves. (Stake, 1995: 98)

Affect
Negative feelings, such as fear, panic and anxiety were named by a number of participants. Fear was generalised or associated with the dichotomy of fear of failure/fear of success. Anxiety also tended to be generalised either as a permanent reactive state or as being specific to a given situation.

I often have this fear that comes up. Its fear about a lot of things but its a real anxiety and part of it goes to money or lack of it and worrying about it, so it almost becomes a selffulfilling prophecy, that Im almost sabotaging my situation. (Heidi: 5) anxiety is a cause and effect of physical and emotional hell. You can look at it in two ways. It can have an acute phasewhere its very closely aligned to a fear response in its very rapid and overpowering effectsBut anxiety can also have a long-term, almost demoralising component to it where its not too bad but its there for so long that it actually is quite debilitating. (Charles: 9)

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It is interesting that the participants use of language heightened the impact of the points they were making, e.g. sabotaging, overpowering, demoralising and debilitating.

Change of circumstance
Most participants identified change as having a detrimental effect on confidence and/or competence. The degree to which their lives were changed as a result of the new circumstance was reflected in the degree to which they responded or reacted to it. Marjorie talked about a situation which confronts many women in the paid workforce:

The only time I was between jobs was when I left work to have children and then coming back to the workplace. I felt an extreme lack of confidence because Id been out of the workplace for four years and I no longer felt like a working person. I felt like a Mum and it took me a long time, a few months anyway, to get used to the fact that I could actually do this stuff again. (Marjorie: 5)
For Tim, the breakdown of his second marriage brought about substantial change:

the only way I was ready to go through this [was to] be plunged into the dark night of the soulAnd what plunged me into the dark night of the soul was the loss of self-love and selfrespect of me. That was a tragedy (Tim: 6)
By contrast, Vanessa actively sought change as a way of regaining her confidence:

I almost always have to go away to get it back. One of the reasons that I went to America was because I lost my confidenceand I couldnt cope with schoolI knew if I went away then Id be able to come back and people might see me differentlybecause if youve been away from something for a period of time, people expect you to be different, whereas if they

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see you every day, they dont expect you to be any different. (Vanessa: 10)

Gender
Most males and most females expressed the view that, generally, confidence comes more easily to men in relation to feelings of competence, and often precedes competence, whereas:

women tend to be lacking in self-confidence and so they want to be really able to be sure and doubly sure and triply sure that they can do something and then they might start feeling confident about it. (Deborah: 7)
Some participants felt that this was changing and that a new pattern was emerging:

womenTheyve always been competent but I think theyre much more confident now and I think that men are starting to lose their confidence with respect to women (Albert: 3)
Tim provided a stronger view about the difference between males and females:

there are areas where men are as strong and, the way their emotions are, actually can produce better results than a woman butthe man needs to get more in touch with his feminine side and that way youll get a much stronger relationship between men and women. I mean, I dont think women would be going out there making wars. Theyd find a different way to do it. (Tim: 8)
Further to this, Vanessa felt that the younger generation was more focussed on developing masculine and feminine traits:

it is more of a masculine trait to need to be confident before theyre competent and more of a feminine trait to be competent before theyre confident, but I dont necessarily think that those traits are then in men and women separately. (Vanessa: 3)
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She also talked about the greater ease with which males of her generation are able to express their emotions:

we were talking about boys crying. And whether they cry, and what their fathers thought of them crying. And all of them cry, and none of them had a problem with saying that they cryOne guy whos gay though, he was saying that his father has a real problem with it, and always has since he was little, because he associates him crying with being gay. (Vanessa: 4)
In support of the minority view that gender per se is not the issue, Anthea said:

there arent as many differences between men and women that some people would like to assume there are and I think its to do with peopleYou can always see that there are examples of people, regardless of their gender, who operate in a way that you might attribute to the other gender; so I dont know that its gender-based although a lot would probably tell you that it is. (Anthea: 2)

Isolation
Isolation carried different meanings for participants. Those who held the most senior positions in their organisations talked about isolation as part of their role. As Betty said:

I find it a very lonely place and I guess its something I have to trade for doing the job and its not always what I would prefer to do. At times Ive thought, stuff it. (Betty: 2)
Other participants believed that working from home or on your own created feelings of isolation that have detrimental effects: People who feel isolated lose confidence and competence in the end (Todd: 3). This seems particularly relevant to Heidi who described both the feeling and her strategy for coping with it:

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because Im working from homeits not a feeling of loneliness but its a feeling of doing it all on my own. And so what Ive actually done is Ive put my doll on a chair in my officeI dont even talk to herAnd even that lifts how I feel and it moves, I think, in the direction toward my confidence. Im not saying it makes me confident[its] the idea of the proximityof just feeling that theres somebody else there, Dolly. (Heidi: 6)
Peer group isolation resulting from their high levels of intelligence impacted on two participants to their academic detriment. When she was in preparatory school and again in Year 8, Vanessa felt different from her peers. There was little that she could do about it in Prep but I vowed I would fail Year 8 if I had to rather than feel such difference. (Vanessa: 7) Charles had a similar experience:

from 15 through to 18, I quite consciously stopped being good at what I was good at because of social pressure. My grades at school reflected that and I was happier and my parents werent. (Charles: 6)

Management style
The positive and negative impacts of different management styles proved to be the most predominant influence in terms of levels of confidence and competence. By this I do not mean that management styles had a greater impact on the confidence and competence of all individuals than any other influence. Rather, participants referred to management styles more often (Appendix IV). Because the scope of this study does not allow for appropriate consideration of this issue I will generalise the findings. When participants perceived their managers as being positive and constructive toward them their confidence and their perceptions of their competence were enhanced. Some felt that their work creativity was also enhanced. By contrast, when participants perceived their managers

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negatively, their confidence and their perceived competence were diminished, in some cases, significantly. In such circumstances they could not feel creative about their work. The issue here is not a managers style per se but the management style combined with the way it is perceived by members of staff that is critical. This means that if managers want the best performance from their staff, then their management style is a determining factor and responsibility for the outcomes becomes much more shared between manager and member(s) of staff. Clearly this factor warrants further study.

Parental influence
As with management style, parenting styles had either a positive or negative effect on how participants perceived themselves and their potential. Erica commented that in most cases because I had supportive parents, I always thought I could do most things. (Erica: 5) Anthea had a similar experience, my parents brought me up believingthat we were very able not in any particular way but that we were just capable people (Anthea: 3) and she carried this philosophy into her own parenting. The negative parenting style to which Betty was subjected provides a strong contrast:

I was brought up with Youre a little girl. As long as youre pretty and get married and have babies, thats all you have to do. So I did that. And then I found out it wasnt what I really wanted (Betty: 3)
Tim described the different influences of his parents.

My father, it wasnt until I was 23, that I realised that he loved me. Twenty three. I was 32 when he actually said a compliment to me Youve done a fantastic job. Fucking 32. So the reality is Id had no support (Tim: 7)

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It seems that the need for his fathers recognition was stronger than his mothers influence because Tim went on to say:

apart from my mother who gave me unconditional love. Just incredible support like always being there at school, telling me I was marvellousMy mother gave me emotional support and physical support. (Tim: 7)
Repeating parenting patterns is, as with Anthea, exemplified in Tims description of his style with his children:

I made a lot of mistakesas a father and if I ever had the situationwhere I have so young children again, I would parent absolutely [180] difference in terms of how I would raise them. I would never use the words Youre hopeless. I would find some other way Now look, we really need to look at what youve done there because there has to be a better way whereas the old me would have said Youre pathetic, youre hopeless and then not even realising thats impacting on them, which is terribly sad. (Tim: 6)

Past experience
Some participants used past experience as a coping strategy in different situations. When talking about a new or additional task Betty said: You know you can do it because it then reminds you, now hang on, remember you did X, Y and Z? You didnt think you could do that either. (Betty: 3) Jennifer used her early experiences under a negative management style to influence how she functioned as a manager:

I use those experiences when Im working with my staff inasmuch as I show them that I respect their individuality, their skills, their level of skills, empower them, if you like, to find their own space and elements to work in, always keeping the door open if they need to come in and talk to me about things (Jennifer: 2)

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And Charles used his experiences within ambulance services to provide a context for organisational pressure:

This workplace here has its traumas. For me, in relation to what I was doing beforeIm just as susceptible to pressures here and to some traumas herebut at least I have an experiential base that I can always put this into some form of context as if it were not that important. (Charles: 5)

Social factors
At times it was difficult to differentiate between the ways in which social factors influence confidence/competence beyond needing the approval of others or making comparisons with them. I believe that social factors are a discrete influence and this was demonstrated by those participants who realised that they operate within a social context, that is, in relation to others, yet their examples were quite different. For example, Jennifer said: Confidence is something that comes from within but it also comes from other people. You gain confidence from the people youre working with and from superiors in particular. (Jennifer: 1) Erica saw socio-economic factors as being significant: part of my confidence is to do with the fact that I have been exposed to a range of people in my lifetime (Erica: 6). For Heidi, social influence functioned more as a reality check:

I have an external frame of reference so I need other people to tell meIm still even now struggling withhaving a strong enough internal frame of reference to [know] whether or not theyre right. (Heidi: 3)
And for Vanessa, social factors were a significant influence in determining confidence.

Confidence at my agetends to come froma social situationI think you only worry about people liking you when youre not confident that people will like you (Vanessa: 1)

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Support
Where do participants gain support? I divided their responses into three categories: personal, professional and other. Most received personal support from their family and/or friends and professional support from their work colleagues. The exceptions to this were the two participants who held the most senior positions and, as such, felt that they could not seek support from within their organisation (see also Isolation):

as the State Manager, youre seen to be the State Manager so there are a lot of issuesif you have concerns, you really dont discuss them with your staff so, sometimes with colleagues from other states on the phone, face-to-face or colleagues in Central Office but its a lonely job and thats how it is. (Anthea: 2)
In terms of other support, some participants were in search of something that could almost be described as spiritual, as providing a greater depth of meaning to their existence. Jennifer said that it gives me another dimension. That means that Im not trying to do it in my own strength (Jennifer: 3-5). Heidi attended a number of personal and professional development courses but saw this in a larger context:

one of the things that is really going to make a big difference is just to let go of trying to have control over the whole situation and just let it happen. Its a bit of trusting in the universe or whatever (Heidi: 5)
Tim had also attended a number of personal development programs and his financial success enabled him to seek out teachers beyond the reach of most other participants. These included people such as Anthony Robbins in Fiji; Dr Carolyn Myss in the United States and in Cairo; Dan Millman in San Diego. He also had regular sessions with his spiritual teacher in New Jersey. I am stressing the breadth of Tims experiences because it demonstrates the intensity of his search for the link to divine support which

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has become both his life purpose and his motivation for his future work as he sees it (running seminars for men and writing a book):

even if I do it properly and it doesnt get published, thats fine too because I have such an inherent belief now in spirit. And I suppose Im really saying in God. And to me if God wants it published, its going to be published. If He feels its not important, but that it was important that I did it, thats fine too. (Tim: 11)

Critical life events

Experiences of critical life events such as adoption, death, loss of relationship and loss of job or redundancy had a significant impact on those participants who talked about such events. Again, it is not possible to give due consideration to this important influence (Appendix V). Suffice to say that where death of a family member was concerned, most participants blocked out grief as a way of coping and reported that this strategy enabled them to get on with their lives. By contrast, participants dealt with the loss of a relationship in a variety of ways which included using it as a motivator to change and/or to achieve with the notion of Ill show them (Heidi: 9). And those who experienced loss of a job or redundancy described responses akin to the grief reactions that could have been expected by those who experienced the death of a family member. Throughout this chapter I have reported what the participants of this qualitative case study research had to say about the questions I posed to them. I divided this into: competence; confidence; confidence and competence: a difficult relationship and what influences the gap. In the following chapter I will explore what their responses mean in terms of the research question and I will apply a number of social theories to their responses which will include thinking about the question psychoanalytically.

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Chapter Four: What does this mean?

Competence and confidence are words that form part of the general workplace discourse. They are used liberally in job descriptions and performance appraisals and feature significantly in any employees work history. Competence seems clear cut; one is either competent or one is not, and perhaps this has been emphasised by the industry that has emerged around competency standards. Although confidence is used just as liberally in the workplace discourse, people are less sure about what it means. What they do know is that they feel they do better work when they feel better about themselves. In this chapter I will integrate the participants observations and experiences of the relationship between confidence and competence, and how this impacts on workplace performance, with my personal understanding and that of other researchers. Firstly, I will discuss competence; how an individual feels about their competence (inner competence) and how it is perceived by others (outer competence). I will then discuss two factors that contribute to the difference between inner and outer competence: the impostor syndrome or perceived fraudulence, and optimism, pessimism and depression. Secondly, I will discuss confidence; how an individual feels about their confidence (inner confidence) and how it is perceived by others (outer confidence). I will then discuss the way individuals cope or defend against conditions that influence levels of confidence; the merits or otherwise of developing future possible selves and the potential for experiencing shame; and the significance of the gap between inner and outer confidence.

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Competence
Although competence seems more discernible than confidence, it is not as straightforward as it seems. It has internal and external components to it; what I will call inner and outer competence. The term actual competence will refer to the individuals actual capacity to carry out a certain task or behaviour in a given domain.

Inner competence
Inner competence is how individuals perceive their own ability, particularly in the workplace but also in other domains. For example, they may perceive their inner competence as a family member as altogether different from their inner competence in a social situation or in the workplace. There are several factors that impact on inner competence including the impostor syndrome and/or perceived fraudulence, and whether or not the individual is an optimist or a pessimist. Regardless of how an individual perceives him or herself, there is likely to be a significant gap between their inner competence and how it is perceived by others.

Outer competence
This is how individuals perceive anothers competence. Any number of factors could influence how the observer perceives the competence of the observed 4 . Some such factors are the relevant levels of competence of the observer in relation to the observed, how the observer feels about the observed, and how the observed may present to the observer. Given that most participants talked about the difference between inner competence and

In this section, I am referring to the person who perceives the other as the observer and the one being perceived as the observed. I am choosing this language for this part of my discussion to avoid any confusion of meaning later when I will offer a psychoanalytic interpretation of confidence which will relate the concepts of subject and object to the concept of self.

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outer competence, what contributes to the difference? Such factors as familiarity with the task and repetition are important but other issues lie hidden in the gap, out of the view of some, but not all observers and in some cases out of view of the observed themselves.

Impostor syndrome and perceived fraudulence

Kolligian (1990) talks about perceived fraudulence, or impostorous thoughts and feelings, as a real psychological experience for individuals. He describes it as a continuum:

at one extreme is the true impostor who assumes multiple false identities in order to deceive deliberately and, at the other, is the self-perceived impostor who tends to feel fraudulent and inauthentic when, to the outer observer, he or she is not. Thus, both extremes encompass self-perceptions; the continuum is the underlying reality upon which these perceptions are based. (p. 262)
Deborahs former CEO illustrates the true impostor end of the continuum. As a classic high achiever, Sandra manipulated people and situations in her constant move upwards until she was no longer able to sustain the traits that characterise the true impostor, namely mimicry, excessive use of charm, and exaggerations all of which lead to narcissistic selfenhancement, perfectionism, and acute audience sensitivity. When that happens, The discrepancy between the person one is supposed to be and the person one actually is becomes too vast to reconcile (Kolligian, 1990:264). The impostor is exposed, their actual competence revealed. The degree to which the impostor is unable to continue to tolerate this discrepancy is a measure of the extent to which they will self-sabotage in an effort to relieve internal tension.

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At the other end of the continuum is perceived fraudulence, which is linked to perceived incompetence. Kolligian (1990) summarises the extensive work done by Kohut to explain its developmental cycle:

perceived fraudulence may evolve through (1) an initial defective or incompetent view of the self, (2) an intolerance for this defective or negative self, (3) a perceived need for maneuvers that protect the self against the negative thinking of self and others, leading to both fraudulent actions and self-perceptions, and (4) additional negative thoughts and feelings about the self now because of both incompetence and fraudulence. (p. 268)
In other words, it is not that those who experience perceived fraudulence/perceived incompetence are actually fraudulent or actually incompetent. Rather, they are unable to believe that they are competent and they carry with them a sense that one day someone will discover that they are really not as competent as they (the observers) think they are. Although both males and females are prone to this phenomenon, it seems to be particularly prevalent amongst women (King & Cooley, 1995; Clance et al, 1995). This study supports that view, as evidenced by comments made by a number of participants (e.g. Deborah, Albert, Candice, Betty) and as reported in the previous chapter. Adult education presents one way of testing such perceptions away from womens traditional domains as most women who return to study do so with self-doubt and a strong sense of perceived incompetence. Studies carried out by Kimberley (1986) and Savage (1991) on participation in adult education in Australia found that the majority of women returning to study reported a general lack of confidence as well as an inability to accept that they really did deserve the good results they achieved. Clance et al (1995) claim that these women attribute such results externally as a fluke or luck and that, on an unconscious level[this]allows a woman to deal with her ambivalence

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about being successful, by allowing her to keep her achievement out of her awareness. (p. 79) Breaking away from this pattern presents women with a major challenge to their perceptions of self, as exemplified by the following two quotes: the first from Albert drawing on his experience as a university lecturer, and the second from Betty, a woman who returned to study and within eight years became a state manager of an organisation overseeing an annual budget of several million dollars:

the classic example is that of older women once the family goes they start going back to universityThey start offand you can see that they were highly competent, they were very capable people, and they picked things up, but they just lacked the confidence until they got their first set of results through and until they started to see that others perceived them as being capable. (Albert: 3) Ive only realised that Ive had brains since I was about 44I was brought up with Youre a little girl. As long as youre pretty and get married and have babies, thats all you have to do. So I did that. And then found out it wasnt what I really wantedI enrolled in uni and just to be accepted absolutely blew me awayAnd I think from that point I suddenly thought, well, maybe I have got some brains. Maybe I could and I guess its been incremental since then (Betty: 3)
Vanessa presents a contrasting example of perceived fraudulence. Whereas Kolligian (1990) suggests that novel situations present risky social comparisons and are avoided because of the fear of unfavourable or negative self-evaluations, Vanessa deliberately sought out novel situations going away from her family and friends to another country and later to another state as a way of being able to regain her sense of self. But which self? Being in a new environment and thus able to create a new self to bring back

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for a fresh start and outer re-evaluation possibly provided Vanessa, as Kets de Vries (1993) suggests, with:

a form of self-protection, as they give the impostor control over inner conflict. It is not a particularly large step from this point to the loss of the capacity to differentiate between fantasy and realityThey seem to reject and devalue their own identity, despite their awareness of their own genuine gifts and talents. (p. 120)
According to Kets de Vries (1993), the impostor syndrome is potentially inherent in us all:

we all fall victim to negative thoughts and self-doubt. When these become a grinding preoccupation, however, they can spell a miserable life for the individual and those close to him or her. A great deal of time and effort is [sic] needed in order for the individual to recapture a sense of authenticity. This change is difficult but not impossible if we are prepared, and given the opportunity, to acquire insight into our motivations and actions. (p. 141)

Optimism, pessimism and depression

Also influencing inner competence is whether or not an individual is an optimist or a pessimist. Seligman (1990) sums up the differences:

The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events will last a long time, will undermine everything they do, and are their own fault. The optimists, who are confronted with the same hard knocks in the world, think about misfortune in the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case (p. 4-5)
He names three dimensions of the explanatory style they use: permanence, persuasiveness and personalisation. The optimists explanatory style for each is temporary, specific, and external; for pessimists it is permanent,

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universal, and internal. The consequence for pessimists is that this can lead
to learned helplessness and, subsequently, to depression (Seligman, 1990). Erica and Heidi were both made redundant more than once, an experience that would be likely to demonstrate their tendencies toward optimism or pessimism. Erica, although being quite cross with [herself] in both cases [for] not being prepared (Erica, p. 9), used an optimistic explanatory style following both experiences and subsequently re-evaluated her work choices to advance her career. Conversely, Heidis pessimistic explanatory style, expressed in phrases such as Well Geez, can I do anything?I dont see any of the positives What am I doing wrong? (Heidi, p. 9), portrays the symptoms of learned helplessness and, in other comments, some if not all of its accompanying affect depression, anxiety, stress, frustration, hostility, fatigue, anger, shame, and alienation (Campbell & Martinko, 1998). Although these explanatory styles and resultant affect may seem more consistent with confidence, as will be indicated below, Campbell & Martinko (1998) represent learned helplessness and empowerment as being part of the same continuum and report its significance in organisational behaviour. They write that:

As a result of their interpretation of events, empowered individuals are proposed to be active, to concentrate on tasks, to be flexible, to be self-initiating, and to be resilient to obstacles. On the other hand, LH [learned helplessness] individuals are described as passive, withdrawn, less productive, more likely to be absent, likely to turnover, more dissatisfied, likely to avoid challenges, low in persistence, and more inaccurate. (p. 4)
Despite this, Seligman (1990) points out the advantages in being a pessimist:

Depressed people most of whom turn out to be pessimists accurately judge how much control they have. Nondepressed

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people optimists, for the most part believe that they have much more control over things than they actually do, particularly when they are helpless and have no control at allthey markedly overestimate [sic] their skillsDepressivesown up to both failure and successnondepressed people distort reality in a self-serving direction and depressed people tend to see reality accurately. (pp. 109-111)
It is because of this ability to see reality accurately (Seligman, 1990; Shrauger et al, 1998) that pessimists (or depressed people) are needed in organisations. They are:

the people who have an accurate knowledge of present realities. They must make sure grim reality continually intrudes upon the optimistsThe genius of evolution lies in the dynamic tension between optimism and pessimism continually correcting each other. (Seligman, 1990:112-114)
One challenge for organisations is to recognise that for some individuals the gap between inner and outer competence can be so great that their actual competence could remain as much a mystery to the observer as it is to the observed. Even this limited discussion raises the question as to how competence can be assessed when, despite many claims that it is (or should be) measurable, it is subject to conscious and unconscious variables.

Confidence
Respondents in this study had much greater difficulty defining confidence than competence. This is consistent with the difficulties other researchers have discovered:

Indeed in the literature of the self, the terms of self-theory, selfesteem, self-concept, self-perception, self-competence, selfevaluation, self-efficacy, and self-worth are often used interchangeably even though theorists and researchers frequently are talking about different notions or concepts,

42

however slight the difference[they] have not been explicit about their precise working definitions of these terms, leading to much confusion (Kolligian 1990: 273)
As with competence, confidence has two components: an inner confidence which is how one really feels about ones self and an outer confidence that one projects to others. Authenticity is that potential state of being which we all seem to seek where there is consistency between inner and outer confidence, where whatever lies within the gap becomes meaningless in terms of its ability to impact on ones authenticity. In Chapter Three, I named a number of factors that influence the levels of inner and outer confidence. It is not possible to provide detailed interpretation of each factor within the limitations of this study but, within its context, I have elected to discuss the following: how people perceive an event and how they use the experience; why they differ in their choice of coping strategies or defense mechanisms; and why certain strategies are successful for some people but not for others.

Coping and defending

Weisman (1984) differentiates between coping and defending:

Coping is a strategic effort to master a problem, overcome an obstacle, answer a question, dissipate a dilemma anything that impedes our progressWhen one defends, the primary aim is to do away with dysphoria. The purpose of coping is to clarify and contend with a problem as adeptly as possible. Defending tends to turn a problem into a nonproblem, with which one is then, understandably, comfortable. Copingis positive in approach; defending is negative. (p. 36)
Candice, Heidi and Tim provide contrasting examples of coping/defending against the ending of personal relationships (Appendix V). Candice set herself a number of quite specific goals:

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I set myself challenges quite deliberately based on the things that my partner, who had robbed me of my confidence, had done or said I would never be able to doAnd when I first ran into him when I was commissioned, he deliberately crossed right over [the road] so that he didnt have to salute me (Candice:14)
Heidi was angry but she did not deal with the anger in a way that was either appropriate or healthy. Like Candice, her attitude was

Ill show them because in business they were relatively successful and Im still struggling to do thatI have glimpses of them every so often, seeing into my life as it is now, and Id hate for them to know where Im at. (Heidi: 10)
But, unlike Candice, Heidi sets herself daily and weekly goals which she inevitably fails to achieve. She lacks a long-term vision beyond that of being successful one day and her inner confidence, which seriously impacts on her inner competence, causes her to move in and out of self-employment, seemingly as fearful of success as she is of failure, although failure seems to provide her with a greater degree of comfort. Like Candice, Tim used the breakdown of his second marriage to set a number of life goals that were personally, professionally and spiritually oriented. Unlike Candice and Heidi, whose goals were about proving something to others, that is, strengthening their outer confidence, Tims goals were focussed on strengthening his inner confidence. His life goals, as with Candice, involved daily discipline as a means to his end:

I had one of two options: I could totally self-destruct (which is a very Scorpio thing)or I could do something about changing my life. And the wonderful thing about making the choice to change my life, is that over the last four years, its been a very tranquil, very exciting journey. (Tim: 1)

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Both Candice and Tim used positive coping strategies (Weisman, 1984: 3637). Heidi, perhaps because of her general learned helplessness, negatively defended against her situation by using only one strategy, blame. As Weisman points out,

blaming or shaming someone assigns fault for a misfortune somewhere outside, probably because we have a sense of having failed to meet inner expectations or standards. (Weisman, 1984: 57)
The coping strategies used by these participants is interesting in light of a study about inner or subjective well-being (SWB) in which King et al (1998) found that:

relations that exist between daily goals and life goals/worst fears between the ends that we seek and the means to those ends have implications not only for the quality of goal pursuits but also for SWB. Although seeking daily goals that are instrumental to ones life goals weakly predicted SWB, seeking daily goals that avoid ones most dreaded outcomes was strongly associated with lowered SWB. (p. 13)
Candice and Tim were both seeking life goals rather than an avoidance of their worst fears, which was Heidis motivation. Both were successful, albeit Candices SWB (her inner confidence) seems much lower than Tims, that is, having life goals did not necessarily have a strong influence on Candices inner confidence despite her achievements. Heidis case supports the other aspect of the researchers claim in that her daily goals were set around the avoidance of a dreaded outcome, namely that the men with whom she had shared disastrous relationships would see into my life as it is now.

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Possible selves and shame

Bandura (1977), Norum & Cantor (1990) and Markus et al (1990) use different language but stress the importance of the development of possible selves as being a critical part of the development of a self-schema. Such a schema enables the individual to move from a current state of low selfesteem and/or perceived incompetence to a desired future state. The gap between the existing self and the future possible self, the self one desires to be or desires not to be, provides the space in which to set goals and become motivated to appropriate action to decrease the distance between the existing self and the future possible self: with effective performance comes a validation of ones sense of competence and a concomitant strengthening of identity (Markus et al, 1990: 208). However, these researchers warn that:

Unless possible selves are rooted in core self-structures they are likely to remain idle fantasies, because effective performance depends on a link between desires and goals and the schemas that contain the relevant procedural knowledge for realizing them. (Markus et al, 1990: 208)
But what happens if the future possible self remains an idle fantasy? If success is dependent on a relatively stable existing self, then Markus et al do not seem to consider the potentially destructive impact if the future possible self is so distant from the existing self that the ideal self is not attained and the individual experiences failure. In such circumstances the inner confidence and/or inner competence would be diminished even further. My concerns are partly addressed by Elliot et al (1997) who question the role of the expanding self-motivation industry, especially since the release of Norman Vincent Peales The Power of Positive Thinking:

Although not particularly fond of Pealian thought (nor that of Mary Baker Eddy, Dale Carnegie, Tony Robbins, etc.)our

46

results appear to lend empirical support to the virtues of positive thinking and imagingUnfortunately, our results also implicitly suggest that altering ones mental or self-regulatory focus may not be as straightforward a process as that suggested by the positive thinking campFrom our perspective, personal goal adoption must be considered within the more general context of personhood, and our data suggest that approach and avoidance goals emerge from general emotional predispositions and presumably stable self-perceptions. (p. 16)
Heidi, more than any other participant, exhibited a repeated inability to live up to her own expectations both personally and professionally. Her case study provides an exaggerated snapshot of what Morrison (1989) considers a universal experience:

We have all felt shame. We have all suffered feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, incompetence (p. 1) self-esteem may represent an inner product of the relationship between ego and ego ideal or the changing relationship between representations of an ideal and a current selfI regard shame as a central ingredient to the experience of low self-esteemmany of the attributes associated with depression are the very same qualities and feelings that generate shame and low self-esteem. In addition, the searing quality noted frequently in descriptions of the shame experience appears to reflect a sense of helplessness to alter the compromised state of the self. Thus, I believe that helplessness as well is part of both shame and depression. (p. 113)
When this view of shame is considered in conjunction with theories of possible future selves and the value of positive thinking propounded by an increasing number of motivational speakers, I reiterate my earlier concern and the caution expressed by Elliot et al (1997): without a stable selfperception, such theories are potentially damaging. This raises a dilemma for both the manager and the worker engaged in management practices which focus on performance goals. If there is a significant gap between the workers inner and outer confidence then the manager, who is privy only to

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the workers outer confidence, is in danger of exacerbating poor performance and further diminishing self-esteem rather than enhancing it. It also begs the question as to how it is possible for the manager to know the inner confidence of a worker when the worker is consciously and unconsciously protecting such knowledge out of fear of the repercussions of such vulnerability and the risk of further shame.

Ego defenses/defense mechanisms

Whereas coping strategies are associated with conscious behaviour and hence the outer self, ego defenses/defense mechanisms are unconscious behaviours which are linked to the inner self. They function to protect self-esteem[and]To qualify as a full-fledged defense, it must do more than merely make people feel better: It must ward off some threat to the self (Baumeister et al, 1998: 1-2). This threat is usually internal; it is the way the ego protects itself against any (further) violation to its preferred view of the self such as the feelings of shame exemplified particularly by Heidi, and the denial expressed by most participants following the death of a close family member or friend. Regardless of the coping/defending behaviours people adopt to protect their self-esteem/inner confidence, they serve a legitimate function in protecting ones sense of self. Given this, an understanding of such behaviours needs to remain a tool for therapy or analysis because bringing them to the level of awareness has the potential to limit their effectiveness. Therefore I am interested in Norems (1998) speculation that:

we may be unnecessarily limiting ourselves in our current, overly conscious, undermotivated, and underintegrated models of human personality and social behaviour. Consciously thinking about unconscious defenses makes salient the limitations, for example, of viewing different forms of coping as inherently good or bad, without reference to both individual

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and situational factors that influence what needs to be coped with. (p. 10)
In a post-modern world of uncertainty, how can we judge who chooses which method(s) to cope with the gaps that lie between their inner and outer confidence and competence in both the personal and professional domains.

Closing the gap

In this study, all participants experienced gaps between their inner and outer confidence, as if they did not know who they really were and were foreigners to themselves. Some participants did not seem to know where they really belonged professionally; they were either discontented with what they were doing or had arrived as if by accident or default. As Kristeva (1991) puts it:

Always elsewhere, the foreigner belongs nowhere. But let there be no mistake about it: there aretwo kinds of foreignersOn the one hand, there are those who waste away in an agonizing struggle between what no longer is and what will never beOn the other hand, there are those who transcend: living neither before nor now but beyond, they are bent with a passion that, although tenacious, will remain forever unsatisfied (p. 10)
For some participants the gaps between their inner and outer confidence and competence were greater than for others; gaps they admitted impacted on their workplace performance but did not know how to close. Something was missing.

But I need something more!I obviously need help! I realize that I dont have what it takes. I can will it, but I cant do itMy decisions, such as they are, dont result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me (Romans 7: 1517 5 )

Translation: The Message: The New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs.

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Some participants drew on a force or power they believed to be greater than their own to help them deal with closing the gap. Heidi referred to the Universe (p. 5), Jennifer acknowledged that her greatest support came from her belief in God and her spiritual life (p. 5) and Tim, having achieved great professional and material success, was focussing his personal life and professional future on sharing his spiritual experiences and belief in the divine, which he called Spirit (p. 3). Moore (1992) writes that:

The great malady of the twentieth century, implicated in all of our troubles and affecting us individually and socially is loss of soul. When soul is neglected, it doesnt just go away; it appears symptomatically in obsessions, addictions, violence, and loss of meaningFulfilling work, rewarding relationships, personal power, and relief from symptoms are all gifts of the soul (xi-xiii)
This study demonstrates that there is a gap between inner and outer confidence and competence. A number of factors contribute to the width of such a gap and enhanced or diminished confidence and competence impacts on workplace performance. The findings of the researchers cited above support the findings of this study in relation to the factors that influence confidence and/or competence and, in a few cases, that this has the potential to impact on workplace performance. What is particularly evident from this study is the importance of the inner and outer selves that are felt and/or presented the gaps and the strongest relationship seems to be between outer confidence and outer competence. As long as the individual is able to present confidently then they are able to function competently. When factors such as a critical life event are perceived negatively and impact on ones inner confidence to the extent that the outer confidence can no longer be sustained, then competence is diminished. Conversely, when events are perceived positively and confidence is enhanced, then competence is also enhanced.

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This indicates that further study about the gaps between inner and outer confidence and competence; the relationship between the gaps and workplace performance; and the significance of caring for the soul as a means of experiencing a more supported and fulfilling work life, is warranted. This is especially important given the increasing emphasis on perceived competence in the workplace in terms of interview situations, assessments of worker performance, career moves and redundancy decisions. Some may think that the increasing practice of performance management schemes and the development over the past decade of industry-specific competency standards make such studies redundant. However the very nature and significance of the gap between inner and outer competence as opposed to actual competence, and the role of unconscious influences, makes it imperative.

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Chapter Five: Conclusion

I have been told that all theses are to some extent autobiographical. Given the circumstances preceding my decision to research the relationship between confidence and competence and its impact on workplace performance, I expected some similarities between the content of others experiences and my own. I did not expect that the process of undertaking and completing this study would mean that I would live out the topic on a daily basis. Throughout, my confidence and competence has been tested. As I have tried to understand the confusion that others feel I have struggled with the gap between my confidence and the way others perceive me and their expectations. As I have tried to carry out the various tasks associated with the study, I have struggled with the gap between my inner competence and the way others perceive it to be and, again, their expectations. To the observers, those who judge my confidence and competence, it should have been an easy task. When are you going to finish? and Why dont you just do it? became distressingly familiar words. They did not know the struggle. If they had understood it then this study would have been devoid of meaning. There is a relationship between confidence and competence and that relationship impacts on workplace performance. As Markus et al (1990) say:

most of the time when one has a sense of competence, one will be competent (or be on the way to becoming competent), at least relative to ones self without this feeling. And conversely when one feels incompetent, one will be incompetent. (Markus et al, 1990: 213)
That is the way it has been. I have lived it. When I have had a sense of being competent, then I have been competent. But when I have felt incompetent, then I have been incompetent. I wish it could have been different. The keyword in the Markus quote is felt. Actual competence 52

becomes meaningless when pitted against the unstable feelings that hover in the gap between inner and outer confidence. The search for authenticity becomes like the search for the holy grail and as unattainable. Yet without it, inner competence (or perceived incompetence) takes over and the wheel of personal uncertainty starts turning, again. The speed at which it turns is determined simply by the everyday events that happen to us and over which we have no control. Most if not all of the participants in this study would be considered successful. The degree to which they would be deemed successful is a function of their outer confidence and their outer competence. It is as if we all wear masks as part of our daily wardrobe; a mask of confidence and a mask of competence. Some days we do not need to wear confidence as a mask. For indefinable reasons we wake up feeling that we can achieve anything; our world seems certain. On other days, perhaps because of something tangible like a critical life event or something so insidiously intangible that we can not identify it, we need the mask of confidence. As long as we are feeling confident or wearing its mask, we can present ourselves to the world as being confident. But if while wearing the mask we catch a fleeting glimpse of the impostor inherent within us all, the one that Kets de Vries talks about, it does not bring us comfort. The mask of competence functions differently. Primarily, the need to wear it is dependent on the degree to which we need the mask of confidence. When we feel confident we are unlikely to wear competence as a mask. When we need the mask of confidence, its twin is waiting. Competence seems unable to operate independently. In a stable work environment, the gap between outer and inner competence may start to narrow and we may come close to realising our actual competence. But any number of factors related to our work may suddenly emerge to undermine us. We may be asked to undertake a new task that feels as if it is beyond our capability; we may be

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advised of change initiatives that threaten our security; we may be justly or unjustly criticised for our work; or we may make a mistake, the cost of which becomes immeasurable when it impacts not only on our work progress and our outer competence but starts to erode our confidence as well. We reach for both masks. At times we may experience a critical life event and our perception of that event will influence the extent to which it impacts on our confidence and subsequently our competence. If we interpret the event as being traumatic then we will find that there is not a mask big enough to disguise the impact that our way of perceiving the event has had on our confidence. We then feel naked, exposed to the world and vulnerable. When this happens, we cannot find the mask of competence which our observers judge to be our outer competence. Alternatively, we may experience an event that brings great joy and heightened confidence. We then throw the masks of confidence and competence away because we feel loved and know that we are (super)competent and this is sufficient for us to bridge the gap and move closer to our actual competence; an environment which also fosters our creativity. At other times we may experience work-related despair often as a result of being made redundant which feels tantamount to being told we are worthless such that our inner competence plummets to a depth where again we feel naked, exposed to the world and vulnerable. We feel even worse because this happens in the public domain amid our work colleagues and superiors, Our pride is at stake as is our reputation, and our egos feel raw. Perhaps we did not bring the masks of confidence and competence to work that day and there is nothing to shield us from our observers. Our fear is that they will see behind what the masks had previously hidden. As with confidence, we can experience the converse. We successfully complete a difficult and challenging task; we win a potentially lucrative project, or an

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award, or at least the accolades of our colleagues for some work-related achievement; we are offered a promotion. Our competence has been affirmed beyond our subjective view of it and, along with our accompanying increased confidence, it soars. We can achieve anything. Many of the organisations in which we work rely on the masks. I have been told stories where people have been judged to be incompetent when it is really their confidence that is temporarily diminished or where day-to-day events that could happen to anyone are happening to these people right now. It does not mean that they are incompetent. It means that they could not find the masks that would have enabled them to bluff their way in an unsupporting world at work until they were able to bring their confidencecompetence equation back into balance. Such people have been made redundant when organisational support and personal understanding might have relieved the stress and narrowed the gap between inner and outer confidence and competence. Instead, the organisation loses valuable talent and experience and the work group must reform as a new group with a new member, albeit few groups perceive it that way and the newcomer is simply appended to the existing group. And the person who is now superfluous is left clinging to the spoke on a wheel that is moving downward and widening the gap between inner and outer confidence and competence. It is a waste of human potential and of the organisational resources that are used to pay out this once competent but now seemingly incompetent person and to replace them with a newcomer wearing their own masks. No guarantees that they will not become subject to a similar experience; no realisation that at some point in our careers we have all experienced something similar that may not be as bad but could also have been worse. If we havent already had such an experience, we are fortunate. Public and private sector organisations are spending unprecedented amounts of money in their attempts to ward off the projected negative

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consequences of the millennium bug the outcome of which will ultimately be known within a second. As we wait, people are choosing to either confront or avoid their personal and professional uncertainties. There is an illusion that even if technology fails life will be the same. But we are all strangers to the 21st century. We are all strangers to uncertain futures. Uncertainty is not new but the emotional fall-out of this new age seems to be intensifying the range of destructive and debilitating emotions that is increasing the gap between our inner and outer confidence, and thus our competence. Yet it is in our sustained competence that the success of the organisations of the 21st century lies, not in the technology that has proved so pernicious to so many. Perhaps it is just a coincidence that with the expansion and advancement of technology and other dehumanising organisational work practices we have seen a return to spirituality. Perhaps this is a way of trying to nurture those aspects of ourselves that lie within the gap between our inner and outer confidence, those aspects that render us feeling powerless to slow down the changes around us:

Sometimes aperson in need of power will look to conventional places for it and overlook her own inherent qualities. She tries self-consciously to talk smoothly and to appear comfortable when in fact shes anxious and full of self-doubt. The assumption in some quarters is that if you can effect a cool appearance, power is sure to follow. But these crude evocations of strength and confidence inevitably fall apart, and the person is immersed even more deeply in a vat of insecurity. (Moore, 1992: 120)
As we move into the next century we need organisations to divert at least part of the substantial resources currently allocated to technology into creating a supportive work environment in which workers do not have to pretend that their personal lives are perfect and that their competence is somehow fixed and unrelated to their personal circumstances. We need

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management education and organisational support to nurture workers through difficult times and not label them as incompetent. Instead, organisations could allow workers to take off their masks and to trust in their authenticity and their actual competence. Perhaps care of the soul will make this possible because God cares about honesty in the workplace; your business is His business. (Proverbs 16:11) If we do not invest in ways, including further research around this topic, to assist people to bridge the gaps between their inner and outer confidence then not only will we have a workforce disadvantaged by its own ignorance and negligence, we will also have a society that continues to value machines over people. Langs

Metropolis will be revisited and Kristevas view will remain unchallenged: Strangely, the foreigner lives within us: he is the hidden face of our identity, the space that wrecks our abode, the time in which understanding and affinity flounder. (p.1)
It need not be that way.

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Interview 1: Interview 2: Interview 3: Interview 4: Interview 5: Interview 6: Interview 7: Interview 8: Interview 9: Interview 10: Interview 11: Interview 12: Interview 13: Interview 14: Erica, 6 July 1998 Deborah, 14 July 1998 Max, 20 July 1998 Candice, 22 July 1998 Vanessa, 23 July 1998 Heidi, 27 July 1998 Todd, 31 July 1998 Albert, 7 August 1998 Anthea, 13 October 1998 Marjorie, 13 October 1998 Jennifer, 13 October 1998 Betty, 13 October 1998 Charles, 10 November 1998 Tim, 13 November 1998

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King, J.E. & Cooley, E.L. (1995), Achievement orientation and the imposter phenomenon among college students in Contemporary Educational Psychology, July, Vol. 20(3), pp. 304-312 King, Laura A., Richards, Jeanette H., & Stemmerich, Emily (1998), Daily goals, life goals, and worst fears: means, ends, and subjective wellbeing, in Journal of Personality, October 1998 Vol. 66, No. 5, pp. 713745 (Full text downloaded from Expanded Academic ASAP International Education, pp. 1-17) Kolligian, John Jnr (1990), Perceived Fraudulence as a Dimension of Perceived Incompetence in Competence Considered, (eds), Sternberg, Robert J., & Kolligian Jnr, John, New Haven: Yale University Press, pp. 261-285 Kristeva, Julia (1991), Strangers to Ourselves, New York: Columbia University Press Markus, Hazel, Cross, Susan & Wurf, Elissa (1990), The Role of the SelfSystem in Competence in Competence Considered, (eds), Sternberg, Robert J., & Kolligian Jnr, John, New Haven: Yale University Press, pp. 205-225 Moore, Thomas, (1992), Care of the Soul, New York: HarperPerennial Morrison, Andrew P. (1989), Shame: the Underside of Narcissism, Hillside: The Analytic Press Norem, Julie K. & Cantor, Nancy (1990), Cognitive Strategies, Coping, and Perceptions of Competence in Competence Considered, (eds), Sternberg, Robert J., & Kolligian Jnr, John, New Haven: Yale University Press, pp. 190-204 Norem, Julie K. (1998), Why should we lower our defenses about defense mechanisms? in Journal of Personality, December 1998, Vol. 66, I.6 p. 895 (Full text downloaded from Expanded Academic ASAP International Education, pp. 1-16) Peter, Laurence J. & Hull, Raymond (1969), The Peter Principle, Sydney: Pan Books

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Petersen, Eugene H. (1993), The Message: The New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs, Colorado Springs: NAVPress Publishing Group Phillips, Deborah A. & Zimmerman, Marc (1990), The Developmental Course of Perceived Competence and Incompetence among Competent Children in Competence Considered, (eds), Sternberg, Robert J., & Kolligian Jnr, John, New Haven: Yale University Press, pp. 41-66 Savage, Julie (1991), Celebrate the Difference: Skills Formation Through Community-Based Adult Education, A Report funded by the Department of Employment, Education and Training Seligman, Martin E.P. (1990), Learned Optimism, Sydney: Random House Australia Shrauger, J. Sidney, Mariano, Eric & Walter, Todd J. (1998), Depressive symptoms and accuracy in the prediction of future events in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, August 1998 Vol. 24, No. 8, pp. 880-893 (Full text downloaded from Expanded Academic ASAP International Education, pp. 1-16) Stake, Robert E. (1995), The Art of Case Study Research, Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications Sternberg, Robert J. & Kolligian, J. Jr. (1990), eds. Competence Considered, New Haven: Yale University Press Swanson, Guy E. (1988), Ego defenses and the legitimation of behaviour, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press von Wright, Georg Henrik, Explanation and Understanding, Routledge & Kegan Paul, London, 1971, p. 6 cited in Stake, Robert E. (1995), The Art of Case Study Research, Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications Weisman, Avery D. (1984), The Coping Capacity: On the Nature of Being Mortal, New York: Human Sciences Press, Inc.

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Appendix I: Profiles of Participants

To protect the privacy of the participants and to assist in the discussions within the body of the thesis, I have allocated fictitious names for each participant. Participant One: Erica Female, mid forties. Born in New South Wales. Upper socio-economic family and social group. Married with three teenage step-children. Worked in public sector organisation in Melbourne before returning to live in Sydney and taking up first position in the private sector. Retrenched twice from private sector organisations. Currently Group Human Resources Development Manager for a large insurance company. Participant Two: Deborah Female, early fifties. Born in New South Wales. Working class family background. Married with two adult step-children. Originally trained as primary school teacher. Moved in to area of adult education. Last permanent position was as Assistant Director to the Chief Executive Officer of a State Government Agency. Diagnosed with breast cancer in 1994. Currently working from home as a consultant. Participant Three: Max Male, mid fifties. Upper socio-economic family and social group. Married with three sons. Queens Counsel and recognised leader within planning law. Active in the Victorian Planning and Environmental Law Association. Retained chambers in Owen Dixon Chambers during his professional career. Conservative values. Participant Four : Candice Female, mid forties. Lower middle-class family background. Squadron Leader in the Royal Australian Air Force (middle manager). Married twice, no children. Left the RAAF in 1984 as a consequence of harassment from

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Air Commandant. Subsequently returned to the service. Awarded Member of the Order of Australia. Participant Five : Vanessa Female, early 20s. Single. Upper middle-class socio-economic family and social group. Final year double-degree student, Bachelor of Commerce/Bachelor of Arts, The University of Melbourne. Part-time employee (waiter). Undertook cultural exchange program in Florida, USA, during Year 11. Father killed shortly after her 18th birthday. Lived away from home since age 19. Undertook an institutional transfer to The University of Sydney for third year of undergraduate studies. Participant Six : Heidi Female, mid 40s. Unmarried, no children. Working class family background. Two long term relationships both ending in bitterness and subsequent court battles. Retrenched some years ago and has subsequently had many career moves, including several unsuccessful attempts to be selfemployed. Extremely interested in personal development and undertakes courses to try to overcome feelings of depression and inadequacy arising out of both personal and professional situations. Participant Seven : Todd Male, mid 60s. Lower middle-class family background. Retired former CEO, state government agency. Married, three adult children. Prior to last full-time position, responsible for setting up an alternative secondary school, deemed to be innovative and successful. Moved from this educational sector into adult education until early retirement. Subsequently worked for some five years as a consultant whilst retaining a position on the board of another state government agency. Participant Eight : Albert Male, early 50s. Ph.D. (Science). Upper middle-class socio-economic family and social group. Married, three adult children. Principal of transnational organisation. Recruited from Tasmania to play Victorian Football League.

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Critical life event at age 23. Chose opportunity to work in Indonesia over football career. Academic, four years at the University of Tasmania prior to moving in to the private sector. Participant Nine : Anthea Female, mid 40s. Upper middle-class socio-economic family and social group. Divorced, adult and teenage sons. State Manager, Health Insurance Commission. Prior to undertaking this position, Human Resources Manager in Organisational Development in an organisation in Canberra. Participant Ten : Marjorie Female, early 50s. Middle-class socio-economic family and social group. Divorced, adult children. National Technical Services Manager for the Health Division of a large insurance company. Participant Eleven : Jennifer Female, early 50s. Working-class family background. Married, two adult children. Site Supervisor, Commonwealth government funded employment agency. A number of critical life events, once as a child (accidental death of brother) and another in early 40s as a result of unresolved issues around that event. Participant Twelve : Betty Female, early 50s. Lower middle-class family background. Adopted. First child born when she was seventeen; adopted out. Divorced, three adult children (including adopted son). Returned to study in mid 40s. State manager for a Commonwealth government-funded employment agency. Participant Thirteen : Charles Male, late 40s. Middle class socio-economic family and social group. Married, two children. Production Manager, computer-based publishing company. Previously worked with ambulance services for more than 20 years as a paramedic and senior training officer.

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Participant Fourteen : Tim Male, mid 50s. Middle class family background. Married and divorced twice; three children including step-son. Successful salesperson for large national insurance company. In early 70s, joined with father in developing a new business venture. Bought father out in early 80s. Sold the business two years ago for a few million dollars. Collector of Disney art. Now dedicated to a path of spiritual enlightenment and developing associated workshops / seminars for men.

Table 1: Summary details of participants

Participant

Gender

Age

Status *

Occupation

45

Group HR Development of large transnational insurance company Self-employed consultant Queens Counsel RAAF Squadron Leader Full-time student, part-time waiter Career changer Retired Chief Executive Officer Principal of transnational organisation State Manager, Health Insurance Commission National Technical Services Manager, Health Division of insurance company Site Supervisor, Commonwealth funded employment agency State Manager, Commonwealth funded employment agency Production Manager, computer-based publishing organisation Semi-retired; former Chief Executive Officer

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

F M F F F M M F F

52 55 44 22 46 63 51 44 52

M M M S S M M D D

11 12 13 14

F F M M

50 52 48 54

M D M D

* M = married; S = single; D = divorced

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Appendix II: Letter to participants

15 July 1998

Dear I am currently undertaking my thesis research for a Master of Arts (Psychosocial Studies) at The University of Melbourne. For this, I am exploring the relationship between confidence and competence in organisations. Given your position as a Queens Counsel with chambers at Owen Dixon West and your role in the community, I believe your understanding of organisational life, and issues relating to confidence and competence would greatly inform my topic. I hope you will be willing to share your perceptions with me during a 30 minute recorded but confidential interview. I will contact you over the next few days to discuss this and, if you are willing to participate in my research, to establish a convenient time for an interview. I do hope you will agree to participate.

Yours sincerely

Julie Savage-Milner

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Appendix III: Research Interviews

The relationship between confidence and competence in organisations
Firstly, how would you define: confidence competence

Now, tell me some stories about people in your organisation or others you know where issues relating to either competence or confidence come to mind. Tell me about any situations with staff/colleagues around confidence building. Where do you get your support? Do you think men and women perceive the relationship differently? What about group confidence: when do their spirits lift?

Tell me about when you first knew you were good at something. Tell me about your confidence how it affects your work. If there are there days when you feel more comfortable/confident about your work, what factors contribute to this? Tell me what you have learned about any concerns you may have had about changing skills. Tell me about any times of job insecurity. Tell me about any experiences of loss; how you have dealt with any loss.

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Appendix IV: Management style and its impact

Positive Management Style Erica Negative Management Style she more impacts on my competence because shes acted in the past like I basically cant do anything without passing it by her and also indicating that things have to be done certain ways Impact thats where I find my creativity is being stunted so, does it effect my confidence? I think it affects my confidence when I deal with her because in other areas in the organisation it doesnt. she effects my creativity more than my confidence so that in effecting my creativity it in some ways effects my competence. Erica I think I would have been more relaxed if they werent [there] and I think I would have been more open with him [the CEO] [Harassment]I ended up with a nervous breakdown over it basicallyI just couldnt do anything right. It didnt matter how I tried, and one of the biggest problems was because I have this hassle with anything thats illogical. I couldnt work out why he was picking on me. I thought I was being judged by those two.

Candice

so inwardly I had this I cant cope [attitude] I was single at the time, and it had a reflection in my private life. I became a mess privately in the fact that I was jumping from one relationship to another.

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Positive Management Style Candice

Negative Management Style we have a review team that comes around once a yearand I got three excellents and two very goods and his only comment was Did you sleep with all of them?

Impact It was just after that comment that I stood up, walked three yards and collapsed on the floor, curled into a foetal position for about three hours. They picked me up and carted me to Medical and shot me full of Valium but it was the final straw and not able to hold a decent conversation with people because every time they spoke to me, I thought they were trying to get me. I ended up with this real paranoia about the fact that I couldnt do anything right and eventually it all got too much

Candice

[On being made a Member of the Order of Australia]: The lower levels were quite interesting. Quite a number of them came up to me and said Congratulations, Maam, you deserved it and finally someone got one that did some work and so I was really pleased with that. I cant really comment on how many people [may have] said, Oh my God, whats she get one for?

a lot of the work that I got credited with was actually done by my staff. And I asked the guy who put me up for it, did he realise a lot of this had actually been done by the staff and he said, yes, but it takes a good leader of staff to do that.

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Positive Management Style Betty I think if you can keep your staff feeling good about the way theyre performing and encourage them to grow underlying peoples own sense of integrity I would encourage my staff to take well days rather than have a sick day I asked a friend of mine if she wanted to manage [a particular site]shed never worked in employment services but I knew how competent she was as well as being confident. She said, yes, shed like the challenge. Nowits just doing beautifully and I think its because she has engendered a team spirit in there. Shes said, Listen guys, together we can do anything. You know we can leap tall buildings in a single bound. You dont need a running start, etc and it just paid off.

Negative Management Style then they do.

Impact

Betty

So its the openness and the out there, encouraging people to be honestso I think its treating people as youd like to be treated yourself All these people together suddenly think theyre sensational and the results are showing. Because the confidence is growing, the competence is following. Quite exciting.

Betty

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Positive Management Style Betty often they dont know when theyve done a good job and I think thats an amazing tool we as managers have, to get the best out of staff, to tell them how great they are and what a good job theyve done.

Negative Management Style

Impact

Jennifer

I have worked for an organisation beforeI could do the work and knew I could do it well but the person I was working for at that time gave me such negative vibes

that it robbed me of my confidence and therefore my skill level dropped. And I didnt learn and grow in that job. I wasnt allowed to use initiative or creativity which are some of my stronger pointsand although I did what I did well, I wasnt enjoying it because I wasnt allowed to work with confidence it did have an effect in my personal life as well. But probably not many people knew about it.

Jennifer

I got out of it eventually.

It made me very determined to increase my skills so I guess it had a positive effect in that way, because through that situation I knew in my heart I was better than these vibes I was getting and it gave me

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Positive Management Style

Negative Management Style

Impact determination to improve my skills to the point where (a) I could move into another position where I knew I could work with confidence and with people who were more supportive, or (b) I would get myself into a position where I could speak with more authority and be more assertive, whereas I was fairly submissive at that time.

Jennifer

Well because of that experiencewhen I actually moved into this place of employment and worked under a director who just gave mespace and a feeling that she trusted me, and what I was doing. And respected my skills and ability I work as a manager, an encourager, as a supporter, confronting when its needed I think Im a pretty good boss.

therefore I grew enormously and I notice the contrast of the level of my work, it shifted, it just went up two or three notches so quickly because of that support.

Jennifer

but confronting in such a way that its not putting them down but building up and empowering them to reach their potential.

Anthea

Its OK to make mistakes. Listening is really important. Working with other people is really important. And its OK to say, I dont know everything even though

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Positive Management Style professionally you might not want people to think that, at the end of the day youve got a job to do Anthea people who may come in [to the organisation] and you discover that they have some competence so they have to be built up. Albert First of all we try and focus on the areas that theyre good at. I guess we dont try and bolster them up falsely. But I guess by being positive, pointing to areas where theyve been successful in the pastand know theyre sort of losing it a little bit, so they need to boost their confidence. through treating them completely and also essentially improving their efficiency.

Negative Management Style

Impact

but because theyve come in at a lower level, they dont yet have the confidence to go with it

Charles

I have learned that a lot more work can be done in the workplace in terms of both reducing the trauma of people generally and improving performance.

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Positive Management Style Todd any leader has to be alert to all the possibilities in raising both confidence and competence and theres the morale question tacked at the end of thatyoure continually looking for ways in which you might achieve that I always treated the staff like family and made them feel that way and, as a result of that, I had terrific rapport with the staff and most of the staff were with me like 18 years, 15 yearsthis sort of thing. I was in that business for 24 years. well the juniors, you tell them what theyve done right and what they could do differently next time, but I think if you encourage them

Negative Management Style

Impact

Tim

At the time I sold the business, we had probably the best team wed ever been able to put together.

Max

it just builds their confidence anyway, its not a deliberate confidence/competence building exercise. Its more something to try and hone the ability of the overall team to do the job. and if you dont do it then, the client tends to be a little unsure and unhappy about whether his case is being entrusted to the right people.

Max

the critical part of a case where confidence is essential is in the initial conference with the client. Thats where you have to appear confident

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Positive Management Style Max But if you convey the image that youre right on top of things, even if youre not on top of this particular case, if youre on top of the tactical side of things, if they can go away from that first conference feeling reasonably content you tend to build your teams in the sort of cases I do, so I think its important to try and inspire confidence amongst the members of the team

Negative Management Style

Impact then I think youve probably established the sort of relationship with the client that you need. Because ultimately you want your client to be doing what you tell him to do.

Max

but generally thats not a problem because theyre selected, because theyre competent in their field anyway.

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Appendix V: Critical life events (CLE) and associated coping strategies

CLE Adoption Betty Theres been a huge sense of loss, I guess, in my life that Ive had to deal with on a very personal level. Andit was as I got older I realised some of the more significant thingsI was adopted and thats no big deal; thats fine because I know my family so Ive got two families but I think initially, when you start looking at that as an adult, you think Hey, the day I was born nobody got excited. It wasnt a big deal for anybody, so you start to think Oh shit. And then my mother died, my natural mother, just before I met herI had a son when I was just 17 and he was adopted out and thats a sense of loss you never come to terms with. But in saying that, I think in some ways you do because you eventually realise that you gave that person choices and theyve made choices not to see you, so theres always that sense of loss and hoping that that will change one day. Affect Coping strategy

Death Deborah

Sudden death of friend (at age 32): the biggest experience of losswas actually a really close friend of ours who died when he was 52 of a massive heart attackAnd I was devastatedI sat there [in the funeral parlour] but it was no longer him. I sat there hoping there was some kind of spirit floating around but there wasntAnd I was just so upset and I hadnt had a chance to say goodbye to him

I dont think I managed it at all well, I just went through itI was astonished how deeply upset I was by his death. How did I manage it? I saw the family a lot, we had lots of reminiscences.

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CLE Candice

Affect

Coping strategy because we had to have this outward appearancerunning a business and nothing to do with the people staying therethat the proprietors husband, or my father, had just died out the backwe had this nice front we had to put up andover a period of time, the inner met the outer so I think it was really what held my mother together. If I am suffering a loss or trauma in my life, I dont cry easily; my emotions are pretty much in check and most people would see me as coping extremely well, but deep within me anger swells until that just blows up one day. And then I usually have a good howl and Im fine.

Sudden death of father (at age 20): The loss there wasbecause we
had this business to run that afternoonDad had died at 8 oclock in the morningwe had to go down to the Coroners and identify his bodythat afternoon we were checking people in and checking people out and saying Hope you enjoyed your stay at the motel

Jennifer

Accidental death of brother (at age 9): thats the biggest loss in my
lifeAnd Ive learned a lot over the years of why Ive been so affected because when he died, he was the most important person to me in the whole of the world. He was closer to me, by far, than my parents and so therefore my whole life crashed around memy mother had a nervous breakdown and left for 12 months and my fatherI was put out to foster parents. So my whole life really changed at that pointI wanted to see Brian. I wanted to make sure it was really him, that it wasnt just a story. I didnt see him and I think there were some questions about whether I would go to the funeral or not. And you do that with childrenor you used toI wasnt allowed to grieve at the time.

Vanessa

Accidental death of father (at age 18): it increased my confidence.

Because I had everybodys attention.and I knew the attention would only last for so long but whilst I had it, I was strong. I was everything I thought everybody would think was almost perfect. I spoke at Dads funeral. I didnt cryI was perceived to be the

So Ive never had a period of not coping as much with that. Or if I do, its very private not coping. I dont not cope in publicwhen it comes down to the loss issue, the way Ill publicly deal with loss, and how Ill privately deal with loss are very different

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CLE

Affect strong onethat I sort of went Well, its a shame but Ive got to get on with my life, the way that people should, in theory, deal with grief. And while people were looking, that was what I was doing. And so it increased my confidence because everybodyso admired the way I was copingwhen people are admiring you, constantly admiring your coping skills, it builds your confidence to the point that you can cope.

Coping strategy

Albert

Sudden death of mother (at age 23): I dont really even want to talk
about it but she was shot, she was murdered basically and I still dont talk about it. I had to go through all of the things that you do when your mother dieshad to bring the family together, not that its a very big one, butwe had to sort of stick togetherand also it was pretty public and [you] dont get too much in the way of signals from the outside because itll just from my viewpoint it could be very distracting and hurtful

I tend to sort of block that out basicallywhen I say block it out, I try to put my mind on other things and just get on with things. Its very sad really, isnt it? just sort of shutting it out and eventually you can face it, you know.

Max

Death of dog: My dog got killed a couple of years ago and I was
terribly upset about that. Im still upset about that. I dont know why. In fact, I think its very odd. Id only had it a yearI was distraught.

I suppose by crying. I dont know. Im trying to work out why I was so concerned about the dog dying.

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CLE Loss of relationship Candice

Affect

Coping strategy

I still, up to a year ago, was frightened of this guy and he was in the Military and I ended up running into him periodicallyas soon as he was around Id become under-confident and I would just sort of lose it allit was mainly psychological violence he would say Youre useless, youre hopeless, putting an opinion in a conversation you dont know what youre talking about, why cant you do this, why cant you do that, just sit there and shut up all the confidence-destroying methodology he could use. Loss of relationship has been pretty critical and I probably havent dealt with it. And I know that my personal life affects my work lifeI just dont just kind of leave it at the front door when I go to work

but what I did was just started setting myself certain challenges and, in fact, I set myself challenges quite deliberately based on things that my partner, who had robbed me of all my confidence, had done or said I would never be able to doAnd when I first ran into him, when I was commissioned, he deliberately crossed right over St Kilda Road so that he didnt have to salute me

Heidi

I think one of them is to be angry and not dealing with that anger in probably the most appropriate way where it actually flows through and gets out properly in a healthy wayDone a lot of coursesI think at times my attitude is, Ill show them because in business they were relatively successful and Im still struggling to do thatI have glimpses of them every so often, seeing into my life as it is now, and Id hate for them to know where Im at.

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CLE Anthea

Affect The day I was divorced, I was at work and nobody knew that its actually happened so you get on with it.

Coping strategy going through separation and divorce is a horrible feeling. How did I deal with it? Probably not all that well at the time because Im an introvert so tend to close into myself and then when Im feeling better, thats when I start talkingI dont know that thats the best approach but thats mine anyway. And keeping busy, not just at work but doing things that are important to me at home, so thats probably what I domanage it internally. I had one of two options: I could totally self-destructor I could do something about changing my life. And the wonderful thing about making the choice to change my life is, that over the last four years, its been a very tranquilvery exciting journey.

Tim

[she] told me on a number of occasions that she loved me but she couldnt live with me. Sadly, Id lost all my self-respect. I had no feelings of self-worth. I ballooned out to about 18 stone. I was also angry, aggressive. Id say the last four maybe five years of our relationship, I would certainly be classified as an alcoholicfour years ago to the day, she left me and I was just devastated and within 48 hours I made the decision to change.

Redundancy, loss of job Erica a real mix of feelings; one of feeling powerless that having been removed from an organisation on two occasions and I had no control over it but also in all that stuff the anger, why me, and in both cases a sense of relief too because of not wanting to be in that organisation. And being quite cross with myself in both cases it required a lot of self-talkfinding positive outlets to deal with emotion, whether it was going home and ranting or raving or screaming or kicking the tree orallowing space, not racing out and finding the first job that came along but also trying to give some space and turn it arounduse it to say, alright this is a time for me and time to reflect and try to look for the positives

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CLE Heidi

Affect I think it was about eight years ago and I started a new job. My manager and I didnt get on that well and he led me to believe that the job was ongoing AnywayI lost my job after three months and it was scaryIt wasnt a label that Id put on myself, that Id be made redundant And it just wasnt a place that I felt comfortable being in and I got very panicky. Since that time I have never slept well. And its a real apprehensive sort of feeling that I wake up And Ive had that situation happen to me a few times. Loss? The greatest loss in my life was not working at Ambulance any more, in terms of personal trauma, and I would probably be angry about that for the rest of my life but I have no intention of destroying myself at the momentI left Ambulance under circumstances which were traumatic for me. The organisation went through a restructure and I just happened to be on the wrong side of the fence so I was made an offer I couldnt refuse

Coping strategy I really struggle. I try and get a tape, I try to utilise different strategies and tend to complicate the process. And I think what Im endeavouring to do now is just trust and to let go, [instead of] trying to make everything happen, just trust that it will work, just do the things that I need to and do less.

Charles

I can open the emotional box and I can actually sit here and reflect on that and I will become very aggrieved; I will become bereaved at the loss and then, if I do that, depending on the strength of the response Ill either close the box or I will justAnd having spent 20 years in a very intensive, people-focused business, I quite specifically wanted work associated with computers with minimal contact with people. I really had had enough of people and Id be quite happy to spend the rest of my life editing books on a computer and not having to talk to anyone.

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