Girlfriend Application

THE BASICS 1. Are you a girl? ___________.

***A girl constitutes a human being with a pair of tits and a working vagina***
2. What is your name? ___________. 3. If you have a stripper name, what is it? ___________. 4. Are you legal enough to have sex? ___________.

***Legal enough really means over 16***

5. Just kidding. Are you atleast 18 or have an I.D that says you are? ___________.

GOTTA ASK, YA KNOW? 1. Do you have any known gang affiliations? ___________.

***If you answer yes, please kill yourself immediately.***

SEX STUFF 1. Are you fully prepared to have sexual intercourse with me under any condition(s) I set forth, including but not limited too: six or more times a day, in public places at your disclosure, on a school bus, in the car, on the car, near the car, or in the vicinity of a car? Oh yeah, and on a bed? ___________.

***If you answer no, please proceed to drink bleach because you suck at life***
2. Do you know what Kegels are, and do you do them regularly? ___________. 3. Can you meet the 10pm required topless rule? ___________. 4. Are you willing and capable of giving oral sex? ___________. 5. Do you swallow? ___________. 6. Can you juggle my balls in your mouth while deep throating my penis? ___________.

***If you answered yes to question #6, proceed to question #7. Otherwise, proceed to the

next paragraph.***
7. Will you marry me? ___________.

ORAL SEX PART 2 1. Have you ever given road head? ___________. 2. If not/so, would you be willing to give me road head? ___________. 3. What if I was in the passenger seat and you were driving, would you still attempt to give me road head because you are a determined woman? ___________.

***If you answered yes to question #3, proceed to question #4. Otherwise, proceed to the next paragraph.***
4. Will you marry me? ___________.

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES 1. Do you have perky tits? ___________. 2. Does your vagina look like a roast beef sandwich from Arbys? ___________. 3. Are you shaved? ___________. 4. I dont want no hairy ass pussy. That is disgusting. 5. Do you have any piercings? ___________. 6. If so, where are they? ___________. 7. Do you have any tattoos? If so, where and why? ___________. 8. Do you actually look and smell like a girl? ___________.

***I like girlie girls that have painted nails, tight vaginas, perky tits, belly rings, girls that wear make-up but dont need it, and shit like that***
9. Do you pee in the shower? ___________. 10. Do you find other girls attractive? ___________. 11. Have you ever eaten muff before? ___________. 12. If so, please describe in elaborate detail:

MENTAL ATTRIBUTES 1. Are you a dumbass? ___________.

***Not all applicants will be disqualified if answering yes, however if all or any sexual requirements are not met, you will be stoned to death***
2. Do you think youre not a dumbass but actually are? ___________. 3. Can you count past 5? ___________. 4. Are you good at anything that doesnt involve putting dicks in your mouth? ___________. 5. If yes, what are you good at? ___________. 6. Do you have any special talents that dont involve putting dicks in your mouth? If yes, what are they? ___________. 7. Did you graduate junior high? ___________. 8. High school? ___________. 9. College? (dont lie) ___________. 10. Do you possess any form of common sense? ___________. 11. If yes, why are you filling out this application? ___________.

RANDOM SHIT 1. Can you operate a motor vehicle successfully? ___________. 2. Can you drive without killing all/most occupants? ___________.

***Applicants without vehicles are OK. Unlike most women, Im not a materialist***
3. Do you drink alcohol? ___________. 4. Do you do any drugs? ___________. 5. Will you give me the drugs? ___________. 6. Do you sell drugs? ___________. 7. Have you ever killed anybody? ___________.

8. Will you buy me stuff? ___________. 9. Do you like rap music? ___________. 10. Will you go to punk rock shows with me? ___________. 11. Do you fart in public? ___________. 12. Are you allergic to peanuts? ___________. 13. Do you like cats? ___________. 14. Do you dislike other women because they are worthless sluts? ___________. 15. Do you have a job? If so, where? ___________. 16. Will you send me naughty pictures when Im gone? ___________. 17. Are you a Myspace whore? ___________. 18. Roughly, in inches, how many inches/feet/yards/miles of dick have you touched/seen/sniffed/swallowed/sat on? ___________. 19. Is math difficult for you? ___________. 20. Could you enjoy, or atleast tolerate my sarcasm on a daily basis? ___________. 21. Do you believe in ghosts? ___________. 22. Are you actually alive? ___________.

***Dead applicants will be considered based on decomposition***

23. Would you take me to the zoo? ___________. 24. If yes, would you throw rocks at the tigers with me because its fun to make caged animals pissed? ___________. 25. If I robbed a bank, would you tell the police? ___________. 26. Do you gamble? ___________. 27. Can you cook? ___________. 28. Do you do laundry? ___________.

***If you are unable to answer yes to either questions #27 or #28, please ask your sister/best friend/lesbian lover to apply instead because you suck as a woman***

Thank you for applying. Not all applicants will be selected. However, if you are the lucky lady selected to become my GIRLFRIEND, then I can promise you a lifetime of happiness, laughter, fun, and squirting orgasms! All the things a girl could ever want