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find the square root of 1 million. Student: Dont you think thats a bit too radical? Surgeon: Nurse! I have so many patients! Who do I work on first? Nurse: Simple. Use the order of operations. Q: Why wont Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it? A: Its too cubed. Q: Why did the relation need a math tutor? A: It failed the vertical-line test. Parent: Did you study your algebra lesson at the family reunion? Student: Sure, it was a function with relations. Student: I had French class today; Ive done enough Algebra ! Parent: How? Student: All we did was translate! Teacher: Why did your mother and father do your algebra homework? Student: They really understand parent functions. Q: Why were the similar triangles weighing themselves? A: They were finding their scale. Q: Why was the student afraid of the y-intercept? A: She thought shed be stung by the b. Student: Ill just draw a quick line by hand and guess the slope. Teacher: No. Its point-slope form, not point-sloppy form. Teacher: Why are all your transformations in French? Student: Theyre translations. Q: Why did all the apples in the fruit bowl know each other? A: They were core-relations. Q: Why are you so negative? A: Just take me for my absolute value! Q: Why was the parent function upset with its child? A: It was stretched to its limit.

Q: Why didnt the chicken cross to the other side of the inequality? A: It couldnt get past the boundary line. Q: What do you get when you cross a linebacker with a computer geek? A: A linear programmer. Teacher: Why is your homework paper blank? Student: I solved all the systems by eliminating them. Q: Why did the matrix entry get lost? A: It couldnt remember its address. Q: Why was the matrix arrested? A: Illegal entry. Fred: These reflections are tough. I keep getting them reversed. Fran: My trouble is with rotations. They make my head spin. Q: Why are you watching Seinfield? A: I need to find out Kramers rule. Q: Yesterday you were sneezing like crazy. Today you are fine, what happened? A: I used a decoding matrix. Watson: Holmes, what kind of row operations did you use to solve that system? Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson. Q: What do you call a rodent with babies? A: A quad-rat-ic parent. Q: What is the hidden math term? BOLA BOLA A: Parabolas (pair of bolas) Q: Why did the algebra students throw bottles of hand cream across the classroom? A: They were investigating projectile lotion. Q: How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation? A: By completing the scare. Q: Whats a mathematicians favorite dessert? A: square root of -1ce cream. Q: What do you get when you cross an algebra class with the prom? A: The quadratic formal. Q: How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?

A: By using a cod-ratic inequality. Q: Why was the mathematician bad at baseball? A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them. Q: Why did the imaginary number turn red? A: It ran out of i-drops. Knock, Knock. Whos there? Polly. Polly who? Polynomial. Why the third degree? Q: When is a solution not an answer? A: When you make it in a chemistry lab. Teacher: Why didnt you do your homework? Student: The long division took too long, and the synthetic division just wasnt real. Student: The artist Picasso must have been really good at algebra. Parent: Why do you say that? Student: He was a famous cubist, so he probably had to do a lot of factoring. Q: Why is the Rational Root Theorem so polite? A: It minds its ps and qs. Q: Why did the polynomial plant wilt? A: Its roots were imaginary. Q: Why did the function f(x) = -xsquared finally get kicked out of class? A: In the end, its behavior was just too negative. Q: Why didnt the function recognize itself in the mirror? A: It had been completely transformed. Q: Why was the function so bent out of shape? A: Its regression model was too tight a fit. Q: How do you know that your dentist studied algebra? A: She said all that candy gave me exponential decay. Q: How did the chicken find the inverse? A: It reflected the function across y = eggs. Q: Why are you drumming on your algebra book with two big sticks? A: Because we are studying log rhythms.

Teacher: What are some properties of logs? Student: Theyre round, they have bark, and they come from trees. Teacher: Did you get an answer? Student: Well, I got closer and closer to it, but I guess it was just an asymptote. Kurt: What are you studying? Amy: e! Kurt: Natural logarithms? Amy: No I mean, eee! Theres a wasp on your leg. Lee: We need to stretch the exponential function. Sal: It looks stretched already. Gia: Were fitting curves to data again. Pam: I want to move forward, but we keep regressing! Q: Whats reverse variation? A: The relationship between the length of a driveway and the chance of backing into a mailbox. Q: Why did the doctor send the expression to a psychiatrist? A: Because it wasnt rational. Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and f(x) = x squared 1/ (x 1)? A: Tiger gets a hole in one and the other has a hole at 1. Q: Why did the rational equation get a poor grade in chemistry? A: It kept producing extraneous solutions. Q: How is an artificial tree like the fourth root of -68? A: Neither has real roots. Q: How can you predict how many protesters will show up at a rally? A: By using a radical function. Teacher: Your behavior reminds me of square root of 2? Student: Why? Teacher: Because its completely irrational. Teacher: Would you use a table, graph, or equation to solve this problem? Student: A tablethen I could sit down and eat while I worked. Teacher: This piecewise function begins with high profit but shows big losses as it continues.

Student: Sounds like a piece-unwise function to me. Teacher: Why did you write Count Fins and In fun cots all over your quiz? Student: I wanted to show you I could transform Functions. Student: I havent figured out composite functions yet. Teacher: Why not? Student: I think my brain is in a f o g. Parent: Why are you making all of your homework answers rhyme? Student: Im studying functions in verse. Parent: Why are you reading the Sunday paper when you should be doing your Algebra homework? Student: Its ok. Im reading the conic section. Q: What wild animal is good at algebra? A: The tangent lion. Q: What do you call a snake after it drinks three cups of coffee? A: A hyper boa. Q: What did the math student say when his pet bunny tried to steal his parabola? A: Silly rabbit, directrix are for kids! Q: Where do circles, ellipses, hyperbolas and parabolas like to hang out in the summer? A: Coney Island. Q: Why wont the circles invite the ellipses over for dinner? A: They are too eccentric. Q: How can you tell when a factorial is enthusiastic? A: Its always enthusiastic- it has an exclamation point! Sue: My chances of winning are 1 in 10! Bill: Your chances of NOT winning are 9 in 10. Sue: Go away! Bill: Some people can not take a compliment. Q: What did the IRS couple consider the birth of their new baby? A: A dependent event Q: Why did the mutually exclusive events break up? A: They had nothing in common. Q: Why do mathematicians watch so much TV? A: They like all types of series.

Teacher: You have the terms of the sequence all mixed up. Student: If you wanted them in order, why didnt you just say so? Q: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle? A: They were right for each other. Q: What do you call a math teacher who takes his vacations at the beach? A: A tangent. Q: Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter? A: She covers the story from every angle. Q: Why couldnt the angle get a loan? A: His parents wouldnt cosine Q: What is a birds favorite equation? A: Herons Formula Q: How do you know when trig class is almost over? A: When time starts getting asymptotically close to the end of the period.

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