Posted orgnay on the Archve of Our Own at

http://archveofourown.org/works/238534.
Ratng:
Expct
Archve Warnng:
Choose Not To Use Archve Warnngs, Graphc Depctons Of
Voence
Category:
M/M
Fandom:
Supernatura RPF
Reatonshp:
|ensen Ackes/|ared Padaeck
Character:
|ensen Ackes, |ared Padaeck, Chad Mchae Murray, Sopha
Bush, Adranne Pack, Chrstan Kane, Msha Cons
Addtona Tags:
Attempted Rape, Angst, Schmoop, Communty:
spn_|2_bgbang
Coectons:
Supernatura and |2 Bg Bang 2011
Stats:
Pubshed: 2011-08-12 Competed: 2011-08-13 Chapters: 9/9
Words: 306167
The Lengths l Would Go To
by nsertcode11
Summary
jensen Is the Greek god ApoIIo In modern day AmerIca, perhaps
not-so-secretIy yearnIng Ior the kInd oI Iove emuIated In the art
that he patrons. jared Is a young matchmaker cursed to see souI
mates but never IInd hIs own. AgaInst aII odds (but maybe wIth a
IIttIe push by Iate), they meet and IaII In Iove.
Notes
Artst name: mogen_IIIy. Check out her art (but beware oI
spoIIers!!) here.
Warnngs: expIIcIt sex, teensy bIt oI !ST, attempted sexuaI
assauIt, some angst, chronIc IIIness, medIcInaI sIde eIIects
(haIIucInatIons, very temporary Ioss oI sex drIve), sort-oI character
death (trust me), Iots oI schmoop, and a happy endIng Ior aII
Chapter 1
Ie squeezes Iong, thIck IIngers around the hand In hIs, aIertIng the
other to stop beIore the eIaborate waIk way that spIIts Into two, curvIng
around a cIrcuIar patch oI rIch green grass beIore cuttIng abruptIy Into
gIeamIng whIte steps. The buIIdIng ItseII Is sImpIe and jensen IInds
prIde In Its stoIc, box-IIke structure that stands erect and cIear IIke one
ratIonaI thought sIIhouetted agaInst a ceruIean expanse oI uncertaInty.
Ie Ioves Greek archItecture, and most Ioman archItecture. CIean cut
and IogIcaI, unashamed and staIwart, truthIuI and obdurate.
jensen sneaks a gIance at KIaudIos and IInds hIs date not quIte as moved
by the atIonaI ArchaeoIogIcaI Museum oI Athens as jensen Is. The Iook
Is gone quIckIy, however, and a whIte smIIe IIashes charmIngIy hIs way
so jensen chooses to Ignore the brIeI spark oI doubt. Ies metIcuIousIy
pIanned thIs date, aIter aII, and resoIves to hImseII once agaIn that It
cannot possIbIy go wrong. !nIIke hIs name (who wouId name theIr chIId
a word that means "Iame", aIter aII?), KIaudIos Is taII and thIck-athIetIc,
just IIke jensen preIers. Ies a Iew years oIder than jensens bodIIy
appearance, wIth a strong jaw, bIack haIr, and bIue eyes so transIucent
theyre aImost whIte. KIaudIos has a smatterIng oI stubbIe on hIs chIn,
gIvIng hIm a rugged and strong Iook. Ies dressed sImpIy In a whIte
button up and dark jeans, whIIe jensens wrapped up In a coat wIth two
Iayers oI cashmere socks and thIck Ieather boots. ts onIy IIIty-IIve
degrees, whIch Is reaIIy a warm temperature Ior Iate ecember In most
parts oI the worId, and the sun Is warm and the ocean breeze Is mIId
today.
jensen Iound KIaudIos quIte by accIdent a Iew weeks ago when he had
IIown In to Athens Irom eIphI. jensen doesnt need an aIrpIane to traveI,
but sometImes Its good to catch hIm In transIt Irom one pIace to
another. Ie had Ioved the respIte In eIphI-whIch oIten IeIt more IIke
home than OIympus, despIte that hIs once Iargest center oI worshIp that
heId hIs strongest oracIe has Iong been green covered mountaIns
skIrted In Iog and ruIns-despIte the unIorgIvIng and coId mountaIn
wInds. ventuaIIy he had grown tIred oI wanderIng the mountaInsIdes-
some thIngs had changed, but he stIII knew every sun-kIssed part oI
eIphI wIth hIs eyes cIosed-and had yearned Ior the comIortabIe
company oI hIs sIster who had spIIt wIth hIm a Iew months prIor to spend
some tIme In Athens. And, he yearned Ior somethIng eIse to occupy hIs
mInd...as weII as hIs body.
KIaudIos was a baggage handIer IeavIng Ior the day and quIte IIteraIIy
bumped Into jensen as he was reachIng Ior the bIack Iacquered door oI
hIs IImousIne. KIaudIoss smIIe had been as broad and brazen as hIs
body, though hIs eyes heId a hesItatIon and shyness that jensen Ioved to
see, so jensen had puIIed hIm In hIs IImo and had taken hIm to dInner
and then to hIs hoteI where they had moved together aII nIght. ThIs was
theIr thIrd date, and though jensen had yet to expIore the new museum,
he thought that some oI the worIds greatest and most ancIent art wouId
be the perIect start to a romantIc nIght.
Ie wraps an arm around KIaudIos. "Iey," he says soItIy, grInnIng when
whIte-bIue eyes turn to hIm. jensen seaIs hIs mouth over hIs dates (soon
Iover, jensen suspects), wet and a IIttIe demandIng In a way that makes
KIaudIos meIt-warm on thIs ecember day-Into jensens body. "ont
you want to go In?" jensen asks when he puIIs away.
KIaudIos Irowns, opens hIs mouth, cIoses It, and seems to thInk. IIs eyes
examIne jensens Iace, perhaps seeIng somethIng oI the otherworIdIy
beauty behInd hIs skIn-jensens not sure, because he aIways sees the
god behInd the body when he Iooks In the mIrror-and jensen sees when
hIs dates pupIIs bIow, when Iust (Iove, somethIng smaII and hopeIuI In
jensen whIspers) Ior jensen makes KIaudIos bend to jensens wIshes.
Once they step past burnIng whIte coIumns and Into the museum It onIy
takes ten mInutes beIore jensen-who IInaIIy admIts to hImseII that he
has once agaIn been paInIuIIy and wIIIIuIIy Ignorant-reaIIzes that the
begInnIng oI a romantIc evenIng Is dIssoIvIng aImost as Iast as hIs
patIence. IIs date, who had cIaImed just Iast week that he had a specIaI
Interest In ancIent art hIstory, bareIy even pauses at uthymIdes and
waIks rIght past Scopas and hIs Iamous and much copIed Fothos (one oI
these copIes, and jensens IavorIte, Ieature hIm and one oI hIs beIoved
kItharas). ts In Iront oI a remarkabIy preserved red-IIgured hydrIa that
KIaudIos turns and pIasters hIs thIgh agaInst jensens and brushes theIr
IIps together-stubbIe tIckIIng jensens chIn even has hot breath races
past hIs ear and KIaudIos asks, "ont you want to get out oI here?"
jensen decIdes to IeeI the dIsappoIntment Iater. ts agaInst hIs nature to
hIde Irom truth, but Its aIso agaInst hIs nature to turn down a body IIke
KIaudIos.
ts on hIs way out that jensen spIes It and cant heIp but IeeI tIme sIIp
away and the ages settIe IIke goose bumps on hIs skIn. One oI hIs
sIsters most beIoved but Iong Iost bows Is sIttIng pretty as you pIease In
a dIspIay case. The archeoIogIsts have dated the thIng wrong, but Its
absoIuteIy unmIstakabIe to jensen. Ie IeeIs hIs sIsters presence stIII on
It and remembers the nIght she receIved It-metIcuIousIy and IovIngIy
made and oIIered up by a devoted worshIper and buddIng huntress. ts
made oI a whIte wood so that the bow appears as paIe as the moon. ts
not anywhere cIose to hIs sIsters strongest bow, but just as It was made
by adorIng and true IntentIons so any arrow reIeased Irom It IIew
straIght and true.
And, as hIs sIster had once poInted out wIth a vaIn IIttIe smIIe, It was
pretty.
jensen thInks that he mIght be In a sIump as Iar as dates and Iovers go
because even as he IaIIs Into bed wIth KIaudIos-hot kIsses and
wonderIuI grIndIng oI heavy cocks-hes thInkIng about when and how
he shouId break out hIs sIsters bow Irom the museum. And, aIter
KIaudIos IaIIs asIeep, jensen Ieaves. !suaIIy he stays-he IIkes to stay
wIth hIs Iovers the mornIng aIter and aII through the day and Into the
nIght agaIn II he can. Ie IIkes to make Iove so many tImes that they Iose
count, untII hIs Iovers IaII asIeep In hIs arms, too exhausted and spent.
Ie IIkes to Iet hImseII sIeep then as weII. Ie doesnt reaIIy need It, sIeep
that Is, but he IIkes to curI around hIs Iovers, IIkes to Immerse hImseII In
theIr bIIssed out IatIgue, IIkes to cradIe them and kIss theIr eyeIIds In
theIr sIeep.
KIaudIos, however, has proven hIs dIsInterest In beIng a recl Iover. Ie
wants the sex, wants jensens money and rIdes In sIeek IImousInes.
jensen had seen the sIgns Irom the begInnIng but had chosen to them.
jensen has a Iove Ior truth, reason, and art that runs as deep as hIs
exIstence but he Is aIso a beIng oI Instant gratIIIcatIon so sex wIthout
attachments-wIthout somethIng more-doesnt aIways bother hIm.
xcept when he hasnt had a reaI Iover In years.
Ie Ieaves behInd KIaudIos, aIready begInnIng to Iorget the mans name
(why wouId he want to remember It?), and curses when coId nIght aIr
overwheIms hIm and he just wants to curI up In some pIace warm.
IossIbIy a voIcano. jensen resoIves to Ieave Athens and hIs homeIand
aItogether Ior a whIIe and maybe head to Irance. Maybe Iome or
VenIce.
An Icy wInd sweeps through hIs heavy coat and mIserabIe shIvers soon
wrack hIm aII the way down to hIs wrapped up Ieet and toes. Ie thInks
maybe beIore Irance, Iome, or VenIce It wouId be better to spend hIs
wInter In AustraIIa or jamaIca. Or heII even take the Sahara, despIte the
Iack oI IuxurIes. ecember In the MedIterranean Is just way too IuckIng
coId.

"Another Iover used and IeIt behInd, then?" AdrIanne teases hIm Iater,
not even IookIng at jensen whos sIttIng IorIornIy upon a moss covered
whIte stone, part oI the Iew ruIns IeIt oI thIs area. Ies wrapped In even
more extra Iayers compIete wIth a scarI and knIt hat over hIs head to
ward oII the cooIIng hours oI approachIng dusk. Ies got a kIthara
propped on hIs knees and hes pIuckIng the strIngs soItIy, IormIng a
meIody as quIet and stIII as hIs surroundIngs. ts not one oI hIs
treasured ones, just a thIng he purchased at the museum-an overprIced
trInket Ior tourIsts. ts poorIy made but jensen works wIth It, puIIs out
the best sound Irom It. Ie sIngs a song that he heard on the radIo once,
sIowIng It down Irom the pop beat and IettIng the words sInk Into the
ruIns.
Those thct love, those thct hurt
Their eyes shut cnd lcugh
Something binds them, cnd seems like strcngers
They sprecd their crms cnd jly cwcy
l hcvent gone, l cm still here
One dcy lll be c drecm cs well
"Ie wasnt a Iover," jensen answers soItIy and doesnt poInt out that hIs
reaI Iovers oI the past usuaIIy Ieave hIm-most oIten because oI death,
and In the past handIuI oI centurIes because they cannot comprehend
and embrace hIs godhood (bewIIderIngIy, not because the thought oI
jensens godhood was IntImIdatIng or caused InIerIorIty, but because
they thought jensen shouId probabIy receIve medIcaI heIp Ior hIs
deIusIons oI grandeur). jensens never been wIth a mortaI Iover Ior more
than a decade-not sInce IyacInths. ThIngs usuaIIy got compIIcated wIth
the mortaI agIng and jensen. not, anyway.
jensen watches hIs sIster stand IncredIbIy taII and proud on the
rIverbank at the edge oI the Iorest. She has the whIte bow jensen stoIe
back Ior her cocked and Ioaded, starIng unbIInkIngIy Into the Iorest, so
unnaturaIIy stIII she wouId seem to bIend In to her surroundIngs II her
beauty werent so stunnIng. Shes wearIng a goIden evenIng dress that
dIps Iow between the sweII oI her breasts. The materIaI ends at her
knees and shes wearIng sandaIs oI a matchIng coIor. WIth her shouIders
up and hoIdIng the bow her muscIes are IIexed, hard IInes suddenIy
vIsIbIe Irom beneath soIt IIesh.
The dress Is made oI some IIne, IIImsy materIaI, but jensen cant heIp but
be remInded oI Spartan armor anyway. ts probabIy thIs pIace. They are
on the banks oI urotas IIver, standIng where ancIent Sparta used to
stand. They arent Iar Irom the archaIc sIte oI the Sanctuary oI ArtemIs
OrthIa, whIch used to be one oI Spartas most reIIgIous sItes. The
urotas, whIch used to be the IIIebIood oI a cIty oI warrIors, Is now
runnIng dry - spIIt up to IrrIgate the cItrus trees In IaconIa whIch,
though dormant In wInter, jensen can stIII occasIonaIIy smeII theIr heady
scent on the wInd. There Is a Iow bIeatIng oI sheep dronIng somewhere
In the background-probabIy grazIng on what they couId uprIver. As the
sun sets Mount Taygetus Iooks jagged and rocky agaInst a red veIvet
sky.
ach breath he takes Is ancIent.
" want to get out oI Greece," jensen says. WInd bIows through
AdrIannes haIr (not as Iong as jensen IIkes, but at Ieast Its not cropped
dorkIIy short around her ears anymore).
" suspected. Iowever, we onIy just got here, brother. And Its been a
Iong tIme sInce weve come down Irom home. IIke It here, IeeI more at
peace In Greece."
" couId do wIthout the nostaIgIa," jensen dIsmIsses haughtIIy, hunchIng
hIs shouIders Iurther Inward as the day contInues to sIIp past the
horIzon.
"m sure you can entertaIn yourseII wIth thIs KIaudIos, even II he Is not
Iover materIaI. Youve made due beIore."
" dont want to make due anymore." jensen sIghs. "esIdes, he no
Ionger Interests me. Ie doesnt even IIke musIc, AnnIe."
"GIve hIm donkey ears!" AdrIanne chortIes. "That was vastIy
entertaInIng, brother. wouId IIke to see It agaIn."
jensen remaIns sIIent, doesnt even rIse to the memory to brag over hIs
past expIoIts.
AdrIanne Iowers her bow and turns her head, one eye stIII on the Iorest,
but one soIt bIue eye regardIng her brother. She raIses a IIneIy scuIpted
eyebrow at hIm, a knowIng and somewhat patronIzIng smIrk puIIIng at
the corner oI her IuII IIps so sImIIar to jensens.
" hate to see you so dIsappoInted," she says aIter a Iew moments, aII
traces oI amusement gone In exchange Ior serIousness and concern.
"You Iove so IreeIy, brother, yet you cannot seem to be satIsIIed wIth
your conquests."
"ecause they are just conquests. They want the money, the ease and
Iame oI my IIIe, they desIre thIs body. couId IInd myseII IovIng most oI
them, but they have Iong ceased to Iove me back." Ie IIghts a IIame In
hIs hand, Iets It dances between hIs IIngers, enjoyIng Its warmth.
AdrIanne hums soItIy, smIIe as mysterIous as the twIIIght. "Ierhaps you
shouId try women Ior a whIIe. Youve been dIsappoInted In the men
youve chosen Ior over haII a century now."
jensen takes the IIght turn Ior what It Is and chuckIes deepIy, IettIng the
IeeIIng oI a sIster that knows hIm so weII wash away hIs dIscontent.
"Women do tend to be more receptIve to romantIc gestures," he aIIows,
but Irowns. "Iowever, women tend to get oIIended and sometImes even
IeeI snubbed when so much as open a car door Ior them. And gods
jorbid puII out a chaIr Ior a man. They thInk m IemInIzIng them!" he
Iaments to the darkenIng sky. AdrIanne Iaughs at hIm, both aIIectIonate
and exasperated.
"m sure youre stereotypIng wIIdIy. m sure not aII women beIIeve you
thInk them unequaI II you open a car door Ior them, and thInk most men
can dIstInguIsh a romantIc gesture when Its oIIered."
jensen just pouts and AdrIanne gIggIes. She steps toward hIm, sandaIed
Ieet makIng no sound In the sand and the grass and the rIver sedIment.
She pats hIs head IIke hes a sad puppy, even pokIng her IIp out at hIm.
Ie snorts, ducks away Irom her Iong IIngers and pushes her away, theIr
Iaughter curIIng around the Iorests and mountaIns.
" dont see you havIng the troubIe do," he huIIs, not just a IIttIe
petuIantIy.
"OI course not," she says IoItIIy, IIItIng her bow as the Iast oI the IIght
begIns to steaI Irom the worId. "m the huntress sworn to chastIty.
dont have to worry about those thIngs."
Ie barks a cIIpped guIIaw at that, reachIng down and throwIng a pebbIe
at her, the IIttIe rock and a sprInkIe oI dIrt bouncIng oII oI her curved
caII. "Chaste my beautIIuI ass, sIster," he snorts as he tucks hIs hands
between hIs knees to re-warm them.
AdrIanne shrugs her shouIders unabashed, chIn heId hIgh. " swore
chastIty Irom men, dear brother." ts a snarky comeback aImost as oId
as the ground they stand and sIt on, but the IamIIIarIty warms jensen
and he smIIes.
"Are you stIII set on IeavIng?" hIs sIster asks, voIce tender and
understandIng and jensen Ioves that most about her.
" wouId IIke Ior you to come wIth me."
" usuaIIy do," she poInts out. "Where do you want to go?"
"Why are you askIng?" jensen asks suspIcIousIy. "You aIways choose.
And when choose you aIways say no and make us go where you want
anyway."
Shes not IacIng hIm, eyes Intent on the Iorest, zeroIng In on her target
now, jensen knows. "Are you gIvIng up your chance to choose?" she
chaIIenges IIke shes IegIs In Who Wcnts to be c Millioncire askIng "Are
you sure? ls thct your jincl cnswer?"
"o! AustraIIa?" he croaks hastIIy, reaIIzes hes makIng an ass oI hImseII
and cIears hIs throat, speakIng more authorItatIveIy. "Iets go to
AustraIIa untII summers over. Then Irance."
"ont be sIIIy. Were goIng to AmerIca."
jensen groans, because he IeII Ior It-agaIn. " knew It!" he whInes, but
the thought oI goIng oII aIone wIthout hIs sIster just makes hIm IeeI
IoneIy so he knows heII cave. "orth or South?" he asks hopeIuIIy,
because maybe heII get In a warmer cIImate aIter aII.
"orth. m thInkIng Ios AngeIes."
jensen groans. "Why? ts not any warmer there."
"ts not any coIder. esIdes, got a job oIIer Irom a gym In IacIIIc
IaIIsades."
jensen thInks about poIntIng out Ior the thousandth tIme that they do
not have to work. ut then he wouId get a Iecture about beIng IdIe and
unproductIve Irom hIs sIster and he doesnt IeeI IIke It tonIght. "ts not
warmer there," he repeats petuIantIy. Theyve aIways been whImsIcaI
about pIaces to settIe Ior Ionger than a Iew months.
"Stop your whInIng. esIdes, we havent been there Ior an extended stay
sInce the Great epressIon."
"Yes we have," he says as he roIIs hIs eyes. "We were there what? A year
ago? And even II we hadnt been there In a coupIe oI decades-so what?"
he pouts. Ie notIces that the sheep have moved on, theIr voIces asIeep
Ior the nIght.
"ts the perIect pIace Ior you. A Iot oI thIngs to do-partIes and thIngs
you can get caught doIng by the paparazzI. eautIIuI peopIe and at Ieast
Its mostIy sunny there. Maybe youII IInd a Iover that wIII keep you
occupIed Ior a whIIe."
Ie scoIIs, tIIts hIs head back, hIs eyes as oId as he IeeIs. "oth truth and
romance are dead In AmerIca."
"ont be so cynIcaI, brother," she scoIds, IIIckIng her haIr over her
shouIder. "YouII get Irown IInes and then no one wIII want to Iove you."
"Shut up," he grumbIes though theres no bIte. "Youre so ugIy you even
make bIInd kIds cry," he says mostIy because he can, and even II Its Iame
the sentIment Is stIII there. " want to vIsIt ChrIs on the way."
"That brute?" AdrIanne scoIIs In dIstaste. Shes never reaIIy IIked
ChrIstIan, but then agaIn theIr natures and aII that they stand Ior are Iar
Irom cohesIve. y rIghts, jensen and ChrIstIan shouIdnt get aIong as
weII as they do, eIther.
"Ies In AmerIca. AtIanta, thInk. GeorgIa." Ie tIIts hIs head. "Or Is he In
the Sahara now?"
" dont understand how you two can even get aIong. Ie doesnt even
IIke musIc, jen."
"We. compIement each other, suppose. And he does IIke musIc."
"The drums and screams oI war," she counters.
"Ie Iearned to pIay the guItar Iast century." jensen shrugs. "Ies not
bad at It."
I Its news to AdrIanne she doesnt reveaI as much. " suppose he gets
bored In AeoIuss IIoatIng IsIand. othIng to occupy hIs tIme."
"Steve," jensen Interjects.
"Iardon?"
"AeoIus, he goes by Steve now, thInk." Steve Is a Iesser god, a son oI
IoseIdon who has a Iove Ior the sea and mastery over the wInd. Steve
and ChrIs, IIke jensen and AdrIanne and many oI theIr IamIIy, dress theIr
true IdentItIes wIth human aIIases. Iumans have Iong stopped beIIevIng
In the gods-most humans have Iong stopped beIIevIng In any gods but
themseIves-and most ImmortaIs IInd It sImpIer to IIt In amongst humans
wIth a constructed aIter ego. Many oI them hated the Idea at IIrst,
IncIudIng jensen hImseII. Why shouId he, a god, stoop down so Iow and
hide hImseII amongst weak mortaIs? ut It has been so Iong sInce he
adjusted that he has Iorgotten what made hIm change hIs mInd. t
doesnt matter so much because most gods and goddesses pIace
themseIves at the center oI attentIon-be It human poIItIcs or pop
cuIture. They are stIII worshIpped and are stIII seen as more than human
by theIr Ians and admIrers.
jensen wouId be IyIng II he saId he dIdn't mIss the days when he was
supreme, but he has to admIt that hIdIng In pIaIn sIght was quIte
entertaInIng. Some oI hIs brethren, however, have never grown used to
usIng human aIIases and stIII vIew theIr assImIIatIon Into the every-
changIng worId as weak.
jensen shakes hIs head and contInues. "Steve Is why ChrIs Iearned to
pIay the guItar, you know? Theyve been together Ior a Iong tIme now.
ts hard to thInk oI one wIthout thInkIng oI the other now." And the
unspoken truth that settIes between them Is how ccn someone cs
uncultured cs Chris be in love cnd not me? jensen thInks thats the truth
that settIes between them, anyway. ut he mIght be prone to
meIodramatIcs thIs evenIng.
"ts hard to ImagIne ChrIs beIng so.cIvIIIzed," AdrIanne says, whIch
means that she had been on a sImIIar waveIength wIth jensen aIter aII.
jensen shrugs oII AdrIannes haughty tone because he knows that she
and ChrIs wIII never reaIIy get aIong except to pIease hIm.
"Ie was a Iong tIme Iover to AphrodIte. Ie may have Iearned some
thIngs."
"CharIsma."
"Who?"
"AphrodIte. She goes by CharIsma now. Keep up, jen," he wrInkIes hIs
nose because AdrIanne clwcys has to have such an attItude. Ie sIghs
and thInks that at Ieast ChrIs dropped that whIrIwInd drama case and
has Steve now but he doesnt say that out Ioud. AdrIanne IIkes to thInk
weII oI her IamIIy, especIaIIy the goddesses and hed rather not suIIer
her retrIbutIon Ior mouthIng oII.
"Cheer up, brother. Were havIng boar tonIght."
ts no Ionger jensens IavorIte, but he doesnt mInd It so much tonIght-
not when ancIent Sparta swaIIows them up In her vaIIey, not when
AdrIanne Is hoIdIng a bow they havent seen In a coupIe oI mIIIennIa, not
when the worId IeeIs so bIg and so smaII at hIs IIngertIps aII at once. A
nostaIgIc meaI Ior a nostaIgIc vIsIt.
Ie keeps hIs eyes on the sky and doesnt Iower hIs head and watch, but
the moment the sun IInaIIy Iades and the moon peeks above the
treetops, haII IuII but Ivory brIght, he hears the whIstIe oI an arrow
through the trees.

Lcughing loud on c ccrnivcl ride, yech
Driving cround on c Scturdcy night
ts IIke he emerges Irom beneath water but stIII cant quIte surIace-IIke
hIs head Is above water but hes stIII at the bottom oI the weII, aII echoes
and weak IIght and cIosed In. Ies wakIng but It IeeIs IIke he IaIIs back
Into a dream-dark and coId and sIIck wIth voIces ("Dcddy?") swIrIIng
down the tunneI but IaIIIng as thIck and dense as water In hIs ears and
he cant make anythIng out.
Youre jighting with your mom cgcin
And ld go, ld go, ld go somewhere with you
Music. Ie reaIIzes as he IInaIIy surIaces and IeeIs sweat-smeIIIng cotton
sheets Instead oI water on hIs Iace. IIs back spasms and hIs head spIns,
probabIy Irom hoIdIng hIs breath agaIn-he hates dreamIng about
water.
Other awake sensatIons begIn to Iog In to hIs braIn as he peeks and sees
4:32 starIng neon green and unreIentIng at hIm. Ie IeeIs a weIght at hIs
Ieet and apprehends that he had thrown the bIanket asIde durIng the
nIght and now hIs Iorearms are IIke Ice.
You mcde jun oj me jor singing my song
Got c hotel room just to turn you on
jared sIts up, groanIng at the heavy tIghtenIng In hIs mIddIe and Iower
back. Ie runs hIs hand down hIs Iace, dry paIm raspIng agaInst hIs IIps
as he dIgs hIs IIngers Into the corner oI hIs eyes. IIs head buzzes IIke
statIc so he just sIts there, IettIng the cramped cords In hIs neck reIax
(Iuck, whens he goIng to Iearn to stop IyIng on hIs stomach?) as Kenny
Chesneys honey warm voIce Iades Irom the dark room.
lts 4:32 on New Yecrs Eve morning cnd youre listening to Go Country 105
-Southern Cclijornics top country music stction. Thct wcs Kenny Chesney
cnd "Somewhere with You". Lcter we hcve Tcylor Swijt, Billy Currington,
cnd Toby Keith. Right now heres Lcdy Antebellum with "Our Kind oj Love",
here on Go Country.
jared groans and IIops back on the bed, thIs tIme hIs head angIed
toward the Ioot oI the bed where hIs gIgantIc dogs are takIng up aII oI
the space. IarIey and SadIe-who hadnt even bothered to raIse theIr
heads beIore-ImmedIateIy IavIsh wet, sand-paper rough attentIon on
hIm once he IaIIs In theIr mIdst. Ie cant open hIs eyes-cant breathe,
reaIIy-among the Intense dog breath and eager tongues, but he
somehow Iaughs and then Iets out an "eww!" when a dog tongue
brushes hIs bottom IIp. They stop at the same tIme, and jared doesnt
have much oI a chance to open hIs crusty and sIobbered on eyes beIore
hes groanIng agaIn, thIs tIme because IarIeys massIve weIght IIops
heavIIy across jareds stomach as the Iazy dog contentIy settIes down Ior
another nap. SadIe doesnt do much better and Iays her narrow head
over jareds so that her soIt throat tIckIes hIs cheekbone and tempIe.
jared chuckIes agaIn, chest warmIng and muscIes reIaxIng at theIr
honest and Iond devotIon. " oversIept yesterday mornIng and you guys
arent gettIng out oI another run. IarIeys gettIng Iat," he reasons and
bIIndIy reaches down to pat the bIg dog. IarIey snuIIIes at the
dIsturbance to hIs nap-or maybe In IndIgnant denIaI at the shot to hIs
weIght-and shIIts, dIggIng bony eIbows Into jareds rIbs. Ie Iaughs
because It tIckIes and trIes to turn over to sIt up agaIn, but IInds he cant
reaIIy move wIth the extra pounds pIIed on hIm.
"You guys want to run? Ieady Ior a run?" he excIaIms In an excIted baby
taIk voIce that hes used on them every mornIng sInce he got them a
coupIe oI years ago (except yesterday, a day Iast week, and two days the
week beIore that-but Its the hoIIdays and hes been a IIttIe overworked
and tIred IateIy). SadIe perks up InstantIy, IIcks a strIpe across hIs
Iorehead In urgency as she hops down Irom the bed, yawnIng and
stretchIng. IarIey doesnt move, doesnt even raIse hIs head and jared
Iaughs at hIm. MeanwhIIe, SadIes ready to go, so she pIaces her chIn on
the edge oI the bed, wet nose brushIng jareds as she stares baIeIuIIy at
hIm wIth her tearIuI brown eyes, taII waggIng ImpatIentIy.
"ts not my IauIt!" jared teIIs her, IeeIIng InexpIIcabIy chastIsed by her
puppy Iook. Ie reaches down and trIes to roII what IeeIs IIke a IIve
hundred pound Iog oII oI hIm. When IarIey onIy rumbIes dIsInterestedIy
Iow In hIs chest jared roIIs hIs eyes and gIves up. "IIne, you bIg baby,"
he mutters beIore goIng back to the perky voIce that he knows grabs
theIr attentIon the best. "You want a treat, IarIey? Want a treat?"
The bIg dog responds ImmedIateIy. Ie gIves a soIt wooI and jumps oII oI
jared and the bed In one heavy Ieap, cIaws snaggIng a IIttIe In jareds t-
shIrt. Ie doesnt even bother to stretch out, he just Iumbers towards the
kItchen where jared keeps the dog treats-jared can hear hIs cIaws
cIIck-cIackIng across the kItchen tIIe beIore stoppIng, probabIy sIttIng
and waItIng sIeepIIy Ior jared to get up and gIve IarIey the promIsed
treat. jared huIIs and gIances at SadIe, whos stIII studyIng hIm
ImpatIentIy.
"You guys onIy Iove me because Ieed you, rIght?"
A pInk tongue darts out and she IIcks her IIps-probabIy more a
IavIovIan response to the word "Ieed" than an answer to jareds
questIon.
"ont answer that. You mIght break my heart," he says and rubs her
head vIgorousIy beIore hoIstIng hImseII up, runnIng a hand through
dIrty haIr beIore sIappIng the aIarm cIock oII just as the openIng chords
to "AII My xes IIve In Texas" twang through the cooI aIr. Ie shIvers and
gets up, gruntIng when pIns and needIes dance In the soIes oI hIs Ieet.
gets up, gruntIng when pIns and needIes dance In the soIes oI hIs Ieet.
"We need a vacatIon," he grumbIes to SadIe as he changes Into runnIng
gear and puIIs on hIs MIzunos, grabbIng hIs IIod beIore IeavIng the
bedroom.
TheIr runnIng path today Is one oI jareds IavorItes. ts one oI the traIIs
overIookIng Santa MonIca ay-not quIte on the beach, but Instead a
runnIng track above It, surrounded by Iush grass and gIgantIc paIm
trees wIth broad Ieaves whIsperIng overhead-InvIsIbIe In the darkness
despIte the IIghts aIong the track. jared and hIs two dogs are not aIone
-a Iew other runners trot behInd hIm or pass hIm goIng the opposIte
way. There are a Iew other dogs as weII, and the occasIonaI bIcycIe
whIzzes past.
jared, IarIey, and SadIe wIII be done wIth theIr run beIore the sun Is
bareIy a thought In the eastern sky above rentwood. ut even In the
dark Its hard to mIss the beauty and quIet peace oI IacIIIc IaIIsades.
Three and a haII years ago, he wouId have never ImagIned hImseII here.
IeII, three years ago-even when he wcs here-he had just known that
the busIness wouIdnt have Iasted and he and SophIa wouId be out on
theIr own agaIn, jared a IaIIure and both oI them bankrupt Instead oI
just pressed to make ends meet.
When theIr mother dIed In that car wreck jared had dropped out oI
!CIA, much to SophIas consternatIon and guIIt sInce he had dropped
out just a coupIe oI months aIter ceIebratIng Ior gettIng Into the !CIA
SchooI oI Theater, IIIm, and TeIevIsIon. Iowever, though jared had had
a decent schoIarshIp there, Mama had been payIng Ior the rest. There
hadnt been any Ioans to take care oI, thcnk God, but jared was very
practIcaI and had reaIIzed that they needed the money that was rapIdIy
draInIng Into hIs educatIon. esIdes, he had been eIghteen wIth a IIttIe
over two years IeIt oI schooI, and SophIa onIy had a year IeIt oI nursIng
schooI. t seemed sImpIe enough. rop out, Iet SophIa use the rest oI her
educatIon money to IInIsh her nursIng degree, whIIe he Invested the
remaIns oI hIs In an apartment Ior both oI them. AIter SophIa graduated
they moved to oyIe IeIghts-an uncomIortabIe move Ior both oI them.
jared had worrIed hImseII to InsomnIa whenever SophIa had the nIght
shIIt, and SophIa hadnt done much better, naggIng worrIedIy at jared
over aII the extra hours he puIIed at the dIner he worked at.
Ie and SophIa were damned Iucky to be where they were now-wrapped
up In a verItabIe paradIse overIookIng a sapphIre ocean and kIssed more
days than not by goIden sun and cIear skIes. t stIII makes jared hesItate
when he catches a gIImpse oI a Iew oI the ceIebrItIes that IIve here
waIkIng around In oId and worn t-shIrts, dIrty haIr, and bIg sungIasses.
IaparazzI probIems are mIId, so ceIebrItIes oIten take the chance and
emerge Irom theIr houses unkempt and appearIng IIke the humans that
they are Instead oI the ImmacuIate and gIossy IIgures In the magazInes.
very once In a whIIe a Iew paparazzI pop up at jareds pIace, or the
pIaces hes known to Irequent and he wIII probabIy never get used to
that because he aIways Iorgets that hes consIdered a ceIebrIty In hIs
own rIght. They IIke to snap pIctures oI anyone connected to jared,
whIch means SophIa and her IIance Chad. SophIa stIII hasnt gotten over
the attentIon, and oIten goes out oI her way to gIam herseII Ior theIr
cameras-oIten to the poInt oI nearIy runnIng Iate Ior work. Chad Isnt
much heIp wIth that sInce hes actuaIIy worse-just yesterday mornIng
he had texted pIctures to jared Ior hIs opInIon on three dIIIerent outIIts.
Ie brIngs the dogs back InsIde the apartment, taIkIng to them amIcabIy
past heavy pantIng the whoIe tIme. "Chad better be gIad he IInaIIy got a
decent job," he rants at them as he takes oII theIr Ieashes. SadIe Iooks
up at hIm devotedIy, never IettIng her eyes stray, IIstenIng to hIs every
word. IarIey Is more dIsInterested and wanders over to hIs water bowI.
"m serIous. Meant to be or not, wouId have kIcked hIm out oI the
house II he sat on hIs ass any Ionger and Iet SophIa puII extra shIIts."
Chad had actuaIIy IeIt bad and struggIed to get a job at IIrst. jared had
met Chad In Ireshman ngIIsh at !CIA where Chads ready sarcasm and
jareds never endIng patIence made them quIck IrIends. Chad Is jareds
age, so a coupIe oI years younger than SophIa, and they reaIIy were
meant to be-jared had ImmedIateIy known and aIter some InternaI
debate had encouraged sItuatIons and actIvItIes that aII three oI them
couId do and by the tIme jared got the oIIer In IacIIIc IaIIsades SophIa
and Chad were serIousIy datIng. ormaIIy SophIa wouIdnt have Iooked
twIce at Chad-her sparse datIng hIstory had proved that she preIerred
oIder men. ut jared had seen tIme and agaIn even at that poInt that It
dIdnt matter what peopIe thought that they preIerred. Once one souI
met theIr other haII that was It.
When jared moved SophIa and Chad had trIed to spIIt Ior a whIIe-SophIa
IeavIng wIth jared whIIe Chad stayed behInd at !CIA to IInIsh hIs
degree. t hadnt worked-oI course It hadnt worked, jared had known
that It wouIdnt have worked, not when they were meant to be and so
cIose together but not abIe to see each other. As quIck as he couId, Chad
had transIerred hIs cIasses to onIIne and had moved Into theIr one
bedroom apartment-jared and SophIa each had a sIngIe bed In the
bedroom whIIe Chad had crashed on the couch. Chad had spent the next
three years IInIshIng hIs degree onIIne whIIe takIng up odd jobs that
dIdnt pay weII. WIth TrueOne jared soon made enough Ior a house Ior
them aII to IIve In, but had moved out when Chad had proposed to
SophIa, much to SophIa and Chads consternatIon and mIspIaced guIIt.
StIII, Chad had used aII the money he had saved Irom odd jobs Ior the
rIng and stIII dIdnt have a job. Ie had IeIt bad about It Ior a Iong tIme,
but hes IInaIIy receIved a break as jareds agency had skyrocketed and
jared had come In need oI an assIstant/vIce-presIdent. t hadnt been
nepotIsm, eIther. Chad had majored In busIness and was an awesome
heIp to the company and he had come In aIready knowIng jared and how
to work wIth hIm.
jared sets out the dog Iood and washes hIs hands. Ie starts the coIIee
and pads toward the shower, strIppIng and IeavIng a traII oI cIothes as
he goes. Ie bends down to turn the sIIver ornate handIes and when he
stands up to get the toweI he stumbIes a IIttIe bIt, a wave oI dIzzIness
washIng over hIm Irom the head rush. Ie shakes hIs head, sets out the
toweIs and steps In the warm shower. Ies sweat-cooI Irom the run and
even though the warm water oI the shower beats hIs chest, hIs
shouIders and arms and Ieet stay coId and he has to spIn around a Iew
tImes beIore he IeeIs warm and comIortabIe.
When he gets out he haIIway drIes oII beIore puIIIng on sweatpants,
knowIng he has tIme to IIx breakIast and aIr dry a IIttIe beIore he puts
hIs work cIothes on. When he steps Into the bedroom he Irowns because
usuaIIy SadIe and IarIey have IInIshed theIr breakIast and are IaId out at
the entrance to the bathroom-bodIes on the carpet, Iront paws on the
tIIe-waItIng patIentIy Ior jared to come out and pIay wIth them.
Ie whIstIes but they dont come. Ie cant heIp the IIttIe twInge oI panIc
that sets In as he suddenIy cant remember II he Iocked the Iront door
behInd hIm earIIer or not. Ie trIes to push It away, because even II he
doesnt remember he knows he Iocked It-Its habIt-and besIdes, there
reaIIy Is no mystery as to whos In the apartment and occupyIng SadIe
and IarIeys attentIon. specIaIIy when jared smeIIs the Iood cookIng
beIore hes even out oI hIs bedroom.
jared steps out oI hIs bedroom and IInds hIs bIg sIster, SophIa, In hIs
kItchen, IuIIy dressed In jeans and a yeIIow and whIte button up that
shows way too much mIdrIII. Ie wrInkIes hIs nose at the outIIt. Ie sees
that she brought a bag oI spInach and a IoaI oI whoIe-graIn bread and he
wrInkIes hIs nose so much It makes hIs eyes squInt so that he can bareIy
see out oI them. Ie sends a gIare at hIs dogs that are both IazIIy recIIned
around hIs sIsters Ieet-what kInd oI guard dogs were they, anyway, II
they Iet the Veggie Monster (aka The Tcsteless Terror) Into hIs house.
"Idnt beIIy shIrts go out when the nInetIes dId?" he grumbIes (not
poutIng) as he waIks over to hIs bIg sIster.
SophIa Iooks up at hIm, whIte teeth even brIghter In reIIeI agaInst her
IIpstIck, smIIIng so wIde her cheeks make her eyes Iook IIke haII-moons,
brown IrIses dancIng at hIm In greetIng. She doesnt put down her knIIe
that shes usIng to cut up Ieaves oI spInach but she Ieans Into hIs bare
chest and rIses on her tIp toes, doIng a IIttIe hop In order to reach hIs
jaw whIch she kIsses In a matronIy greetIng. Ie grIns at her and she
eIbows hIm In the rIbs.
"Shut up! eIIy shIrts are totaIIy back In. Thats what Chad says!"
"WeII thats your probIem rIght there, IIstenIng to Chad Ior jcshion
advIce," jared snorts IndIgnantIy and pInches her arms through the
materIaI oI her shIrt In retaIIatIon, makIng her yeIp and IarIey and SadIe
perk up theIr ears and whIne at the sound.
"See? ven the dogs know that Its a stupId outIIt!" jared Iaughs. "And
Chad saId that thIs shIrt was In styIe because hes a perv and IIkes to see
skIn. AIso, are these jeans paInted on? Are you goIng out In pubIIc IIke
thIs, SophIe?" he asks In hIs best "lm your brother cnd my eyes burn ct
this outjit so plecse go chcnge" voIce.
She roIIs her eyes and nudges hIm away wIth her poInty eIbow agaIn.
"ont be such a dork, jay," she dIsmIsses.
"Youre a dork," he mutters. Ie kIsses the top oI her head and moves oII.
"ut serIousIy, Soph. Youre not wearIng that today, are you? YouII
embarrass me wIth your nInetIes Iook. Are you goIng to tease your haIr,
too? Iut It In a scrunchIe?"
She IIIngs a strawberry at hIm-he just now notIces them, haIved and In
a IIttIe gIass bowI as part oI breakIast. The IruIt bounces oII hIs shouIder
and he catches It beIore It hIts the ground and pops It In hIs mouth.
"Keep It up and wont make breakIast Ior you."
jareds eyes go wIde and hopeIuI. "IeaIIy? ont mess wIth me on thIs,
Soph. o you promIse?"
She sends hIm a nasty gIare. "Youre beIng a brat! My cookIng Isnt that
bad."
"OI course not," jared pIacates as he pours coIIee Ior them. "I you IIke
green mushy stujj Ior breakIast."
"SpInach and egg whItes wIth a IruIt saIad whIch- can make you a
smoothIe wIth?" Now she csks whct l wcnt, he thInks chIIdIshIy but
shakes hIs head.
"ah, too coId," he dIsmIsses. "And egg whites? You couIdnt even gIve
me the whoIe egg? Youre goIng to starve me!" he waIIs dramatIcaIIy as
he pIops In hIs taII chaIr at the kItchen IsIand.
"ts a heaIthy breakIast, jared. You know you shouId be eatIng stuII IIke
thIs more oIten. esIdes, Its good Ior you," she Iooks over her shouIders,
eyes heavy IIdded but her smIIe mIschIevous and pIayIuI. "Trust me, m a
nurse."
" cant, especIaIIy II your new nurses unIIorm aIIows beIIy-showIng
scrubs," he shudders. "Arent you supposed to be workIng today? And,
hey, cook heaIthy meaIs, thcnk you very much. dont go around eatIng
candy and pIzza cll day."
She throws another strawberry at hIm, turnIng her back on hIm In a huII
so quIckIy she doesnt see the strawberry hIt hIm square In the
Iorehead. jared stIcks hIs IIp out but eats the IruIt anyway, IeeIIng
vagueIy IIke IarIey and SadIe when he throws treats Ior them to catch In
mId aIr.
"m oII today, you know, because Its ew Years ve and everyones oII
today? WeII, except Ior the newbIes," she says wIth a haughty shrug and
jared knows Its because thIs Is the IIrst year SophIa Isnt consIdered a
newbIe and thus her IIrst year wIth hoIIdays oII. "OnIy weIrd peopIe IIke
you are goIng In to work today."
"Maybe so, but m clso throwIng one oI the hottest ew Years partIes In
the neIghborhood," jareds quIck to deIend hImseII. SophIa turns her
nose up, IIIckIng her IooseIy curIed brown haIr but jareds no IooI and
knows that SophIas probabIy been IookIng Iorward to thIs party the
most oI anyone.
"And you dont eat heaIthy wIthout me," she contInues on because she
IIkes to Ignore jared whenever hes rIght. She Iooks over her shouIder
agaIn. "Iook me In the eye and teII me you werent pIannIng on makIng
bccon thIs mornIng-or, II you were Iazy, eat haII a box oI IruIty
IebbIes."
jared puts on a scandaIIzed Iace. "You say that IIke bacon and IruIty
IebbIes are bad thIngs."
"They are. Theyre so un-nutrItIonaI that bacons onIy reaI substance Is
Iat and IruIty IebbIes Is sugar."
jared gIares doom at her stupId yeIIow and whIte nInetIes groupIe beIIy
shIrt and mutters, "Iretty sure you got your degree In nursIng, not
nutrItIon-or cookIng, Ior that matter."
"What was that?" SophIa asks, voIce Ioud.
"o-thing," jared sIghs, duckIng hIs head.
"Thats what thought," she huIIs shortIy, makIng a poor attempt to hIde
her smIIe.
The eggs and spInach are aIrIght (tasteIess shIt, but Its egg whites and
spincch so jared hadnt had hIgh expectatIons to start wIth). Ie makes
Iaces and Iake gaggIng sounds anyway, because SophIa Is hIs bIg sIster
and Its prerequIsIte as IIttIe brother to annoy her. SophIas actIng even
more chIIdIsh, anyway, because she throws more Iood at jared than she
eats, and jareds both grateIuI that he hadnt changed Into hIs work
cIothes aIready and resentIuI because obvIousIy even SophIa doesnt IIke
the breakIast because shes throwIng It away but she can get away wIth
It-the heIIer.
"WIII you take the dogs back to the house or are you goIng somewhere?"
jared asks as he rInses oII the bowIs and pIates and pan beIore pIacIng
them In the dIshwasher under hIs sIsters scrupuIous eye. ogs were
aIIowed In the apartments he IIved In, but SadIe and IarIey were just too
bIg to stay cooped up aII day whIIe he was at work-especIaIIy today
when heII be there untII tomorrow mornIng wIth the party-so he
usuaIIy drops them oII at SophIa and Chads. They had a Ienced In yard
wIth pIenty oI room Ior hIs two bIg dogs to pIay In.
"You wouIdnt have to worry about It II you wouId just move back In."
"Soph," jared snaps, a IIttIe more ImpatIentIy than Is hIs norm but hes
too tIred oI thIs subject and doesnt want to approach It agaIn thIs
mornIng (or, IIke, ever).
IIump and gIossed IIps purse together and she shakes her head, bIg
yeIIow earrIngs IIyIng and tappIng her cheeks at the movement. She Iets
It drop, whIch means she doesnt reaIIy want to revIsIt the argument
eIther. xcept, she does say, " just IeeI bad. t was your house IIrst."
"And gave It to you guys as an engagement present. Youre makIng
payments Ior It, so Its not IIke bought the whoIe damn thIng. IIke thIs
pIace, Soph. And II carpooIIng dogs around Is gettIng on your nerves
can buy my own house."
SophIa scowIs at hIm, youthIuI Iace marrIng In IrustratIon. "You ass, m
not taIkIng about the dogs and you know It." She huIIs but doesnt say
anythIng eIse and neIther does jared. Ie IeeIs InexpIIcabIy guIIty
because the IIttIe verbaI tussIe oI thIngs not saId seems to have ruIned
the mornIng-even though hes not the one that brought It up. SophIa
came here and cooked Ior hIm, whIch means a Iot, because she couId stIII
be sIeepIng rIght now or beIng pampered by Chad (jared knew that
SophIa rareIy cooked at theIr house, and Instead preIerred to boss Chad
around and make hIm waIt on her-Chads so smItten wIth jareds sIster
he IIkes beIng bossed around and jared rather enjoys seeIng hIs mouthy
best IrIend put In hIs pIace and SophIas bossIness Iocused on someone
eIse other than him).
"II take the dogs back home wIth me," SophIa IInaIIy answers hIm aIter
a moment. Theyre sIppIng coIIee, both starIng unseeIngIy at the
newspaper on the tabIe, jared IIIppIng the cIear pIastIc box around In hIs
hand. SophIa Ieans down and reaches Into her purse, puIIIng out a red
stress baII and handIng It to jared IIke an oIIerIng.
"Got thIs Ior you, Mr. IIdget," she says aIIectIonateIy and he grIns at
her, takIng the baII and squeezIng It a coupIe oI tImes.
"You gonna heIp me pIck out an outIIt?" he asks, gIvIng her hIs best
puppy eyes.
She snorts. "OI course. Youd wear a pInk shIrt wIth orange pants
otherwIse." She Ieans across the IsIand and ruIIIes hIs haIr. Ie ducks
away Irom her hand, stIckIng hIs tongue out and joggIng to hIs room,
dogs wooIIng and nIppIng pIayIuIIy at hIs heeIs as he goes.
Ie wouIdnt wear orange pants, oI course. AIthough he did buy thIs
totaIIy cooI paIr oI red jeans the other day that were so awesome SophIa
wouId probabIy Iet hIm wear them.

At 7.35 a.m. jared puIIs Into the back parkIng Iot oI TrueOne. Ie doesnt
aIways drIve, but theres an uncomIortabIe chIII In the wInd on thIs Iast
day oI ecember and besIdes hes goIng to be here Ior a whIIe so a car
mIght come In handy.
SophIa dIdnt Iet hIm wear the red pants, and In Iact had taken them
aIong wIth the receIpt to return them (jared had pouted, a Iot, because
hes twenty IIve and not tweIve and he can buy hIs own cIothes!). So he
Is In a paIr oI dark sIacks and a royaI bIue button up shIrt Instead (not
necrly as InterestIng an outIIt at cll).
awn Is just now IIghtIng the worId, stIII paIe and sIeepy as II reIuctant
to touch the cooI wInter sky. Ie goes In the back entrance, but stIII takes
a moment to admIre hIs buIIdIng. Over haII oI It Is hIs, anyway. ts a
Iong, oII-whIte, two story buIIdIng on the corner oI Ia Cruz and
Monument. t has a narrow-Ish Iront that Iaces the IntersectIon. The
bottom IIoor Is made mostIy oI gIass wIndows and doors that showcase
the restaurant InsIde-that part used to beIong to jared, but he soId It to
MIchaeI Iosenbaum two years ago on the agreement that jared couId
use a reserved sectIon Ior the IIrst meetIngs between potentIaI coupIes.
The top IIoor Is more cIosed In and maInIy Ior oIIIces and meetIng rooms,
but the area that Iaces the IntersectIon has a beautIIuI baIcony. jared
put wooden rockIng chaIrs and a wooden swIng on that baIcony-partIy
Ior a break area Ior staII, but aIso a nIce and reIaxIng envIronment that
overIooks the town Ior jared to hoId meetIngs wIth cIIents. The whoIe
buIIdIng wIdens In the back and has a nIce enough green trImmIng on
the wIndow shades. The green overhang oI the Iront door reads
"TrueOne" In eIegant goId wrItIng aIong wIth the tag IIne, "IInd your reaI
ever aIter" under It.
Ie steps InsIde, the back entrance Is behInd the restaurant-whIch
wont open untII Iunch-and opens to a set oI staIrs that Iead up to the
oIIIces. Ie takes them two at a tIme, excItement thrummIng through hIm,
an unusuaI burst oI energy expIodIng through hIm because hes goIng to
heIp peopIe today and aIter that theres goIng to be a huge ew Years
ve party that wIII hopeIuIIy attract new cIIents.
Theres a short haIIway at the top oI the staIrs where most doors Iead to
oIIIces and conIerence rooms, IncIudIng jareds oIIIce whIch Is aIready
propped open wIth a warm InvItIng IIght and soIt musIc spIIIIng out Into
the haIIway. Ie steps InsIde. IIs oIIIce Is spIIt In three. Theres the
weIcome area, whIch Is reaIIy a waItIng room. The waIIs are paInted a
soIt rose coIor wIth whIte baseboards. There are a Iew paIntIngs on the
waII-aII by IocaI artIsts and aII IeaturIng dIIIerent areas and
neIghborhoods oI Ios AngeIes. Theres three IIoor Iamps strategIcaIIy
pIaced to keep the room weII-IIt whIIe provIdIng a certaIn caImIng
dImness-jared had Iearned that atmosphere was everythIng Ior nervous
or hesItant cIIents. Ie steps past the waItIng room to another one about
the same sIze. ThIs Is where Chad, the vIce presIdent (whose dutIes
more strongIy resembIe a secretary), works. Theres a wIndow that
opens to the waItIng room Ior Chad to greet cIIents and take any paper
work. The heavy crescent shaped mahogany desk Is a messy workspace
and In the mIddIe oI the chaos Is Chad.
jared pauses. IIrstIy because Chads here ct work beIore jared and that
hardIy ever happens. SecondIy because Chad Is a compIete pIcture oI
unproIessIonaI. Chads dressed up-more dressed up than he ever Is In
the oIIIce-but hes wearIng a IuckIng zoot suIt. An honest to God bIack,
pInstrIped, three-pIece zoot suIt. WIth a matchIng Iedora hat. Chads got
the coat oII and sIung over the back oI hIs chaIr, IeavIng hIm In the
pInstrIpe vest and whIte button up undershIrt. IIs Iegs are stretched
out and propped on the desk, Ieet crossed at hIs ankIes. And hes got
the Iedora hat hangIng on the corner oI hIs computer (whIch Is not even
turned on) IIke Its the IdeaI modern hat rack.
As jared starts to Iose hIs patIence wIth hIs Iong tIme but weIrd as heII
IrIend, he IdIy wonders just how Iong Chads been here posing IIke thIs.
ts obvIous he has been-waItIng and posIng that Is. Ie doesnt have
anythIng In hIs hands, the computer Isnt on, hIs phone Isnt out. ts
obvIous (or maybe Its just obvIous to jared, who knows Chad) that hIs
soon to be brother In Iaw has chosen the best posItIon to stun jared as
he waIks In.
Ie scowIs. "What the Iuck are you wearIng?" he deadpans.
Chad just beams merrIIy at hIm IIke Its ChrIstmas aII over agaIn. "Good
mornIng to you, too, boss. Youre especIaIIy grumpy today. cnd youre
Iate." IIs Iace drops Into a patronIzIngIy serIous Irame. "Soph made you
eat vegetabIes thIs mornIng agaIn, dIdnt she?" he croons In a Iake
commIseratIng voIce.
"You ass-" ut Chad has successIuIIy dIstracted jared Ior now. "ut
now that thInk about It why doesnt she cook you her heaIthy
breakIasts In the mornIng?" Chad Irowns at jared, raIsIng hIs eyebrow
as II to say "dude, how could you jorget?"
" cant eat breakIast, It makes me sIck. And my metaboIIsm works Iaster
II dont eat, whIch means dont get Iat. And you dont want me Iat, jay,
because then you wont have hot eye candy to drooI over aII day and
then youII waste away and dIe."
jared just bIInks bIankIy at hIs IrIend and thInks that maybe just thIs
once, Ior the sake oI hIs own sanIty, he shouId Iet It go. Ies a mornIng
person and hes been up Ior a Iew hours but reaIIy, Its mentaI suIcIde to
encounter Chad wIthout at Ieast one servIng oI aIcohoI In hIs system.
"That-That doesnt make sense," jared stutters, because everyone
knows that eatIng In the mornIng Is what starts your metaboIIsm-
jareds pretty sure hes seen commercicls about It. jared suddenIy
scowIs as the rest oI what Chad saId sInks In. "And ve never drooIed
over you-gross, man-and never wIII, so that doesnt make sense
eIther. IIke your. costume doesnt make sense. Chad, what the heII?"
jareds actuaIIy a IIttIe proud oI hImseII Ior not beIng dragged Into one oI
Chads worm hoIes and stayIng Iocused on the Issue at hand.
Chad grIns and stands up, puIIIng at any wrInkIes that mIght have
accumuIated In hIs Iounge posItIon. "snt It awesome? ts Ior the party
tonIght!"
"What party?" And then jared promptIy panIcs. "Chad, you saId you
wouId heIp tonIght-"
"Your party, you IdIot!" Chan Interrupts and jared can onIy Iook dumbIy
at hIm. When hIs braIn catches up he roIIs hIs eyes.
"ThIs Isnt a costume party."
Chad actuaIIy deIIates. "What kInd oI ew Years party Is It, then?"
And reaIIy, jareds begInnIng to wonder II peopIe wIII actuaIIy show up In
costumes. ecause Chad ordered the InvItatIons and sent them out, so
he couId have changed them.
"!hm, a ew Years party wIthout costumes? A ew Years party that
Isnt suIIerIng Irom a conIused hoIIday IdentIty crIsIs wIth IaIIoween?"
" Iorgot you never partIed In coIIege."
"Iey! partIed pIenty-" jared seeks to Interrupt, because he dId party-
he just preIerred IrIday nIght chIII outs wIth a cIose group oI IrIends
than the bIg gIItzy stuII that Chad Ioved.
"There Is such a thIng as costume ew Years partIes," Chad pIows over
jared, raIsIng hIs voIce to make sure hes heard, makIng jared roII hIs
eyes. A Ieer puIIs at hIs IIps and jared braces hImseII.
"There was thIs super hero themed ew Years party-our Ireshman
year, rIght? You dIdnt go, trIed to get you to, remember got that
Aquaman costume Ior you?"
jared opens hIs mouth to teII Chad just what a terrIbIe comIc book hero
Aquaman Is, cgcin, as the hazy memory surIaces In jareds mInds eye.
Chad presses hIm on, wavIng hIm oII at the same tIme, obvIousIy
knowIng what jared was goIng to say anyway.
"Yeah, yeah. Aquaman sucks. ut thInk oI aII the dates you wouId have
gotten In those tIghts, jay. was onIy tryIng to Iook out Ior you IIke the
awesome IrIend am. Anyway, that party wont Iorget It- was Ick
Iury and there was thIs Iogue there, man, she was smokIn. dont
remember her name, aIways thought oI her as Iogue aIter that, but she
was a senIor and It was-"
jared decIdes that enough Is enough and pops Chad In the Iorehead
wIth the heeI oI hIs hand so suddenIy and wIth just enough stunnIng
Iorce that It wouId make aII oI the V8 VegetabIe juIce commercIaIs
jeaIous. Theres one bIessed second where Chad Is a pIcture oI sIIence
beIore he hIsses and grasps hIs Iorehead.
"Ow, Iuck, jay!" he waIIs and Ieans up so that he can try to examIne the
damage to hIs Iorehead In the reIIectIve surIace oI hIs computer monItor.
"What the heII?"
"You aIways seem to Iorget that youre taIkIng to the brother oI your
IIance. dont want to hear you taIk about past conquests or see you
IookIng at other women, perIod. t just pIsses me oII now."
Chad pouts and pIops back In hIs chaIr, usIng the reIIectIve surIace oI
the monItor to poke at the red spIotch on hIs Iorehead. "You suck," he
grumbIes.
"You suck. dont know how she puts up wIth you," jared huIIs. Chad
Iooks up and grIns smarmIIy, IeanIng back and proppIng hIs Ieet on the
desk once agaIn. IIs pants rIde up a IIttIe, exposIng bIack dress socks. t
doesnt matter because no matter how much materIaI there Is jared can
stIII see the strIng tIed there, ghostIy red and unwaverIng, ts enough oI
an answer to hIs questIon-IrreIutabIe, unchangeabIe, as jareds
dIscovered over the years-and at the same tIme that It gIves hIm
Immense prIde and warm content Ior hIs sIster, It aIso Ieaves behInd a
bItter and coId IeeIIng In jareds chest because he doesnt have that.
"ecause m charmIng as heII," Chad grIns but then hIs Iace soItens.
"And because dont thInk II ever Iove anythIng or anyone eIse more
than her," he IInIshes wIstIuIIy, and Its so strange comIng Irom Chads
mouth but It doesnt trIp jared up because hes been hecring that tone
Ior years now.
jared scoIIs and makes a semI-dIsgusted Iace, the one that a younger
brother shouId get when encounterIng anythIng "mushy" In reIatIon to
hIs bIg sIster.
"IIus," Chad goes on (he kInd oI never stops). "m the sexIest vIce
presIdent In IA. Iuck, probabIy the entIre !nIted States. shouId
probabIy be In thIs years "Sexy VIce IresIdents" caIendar-speakIng oI,
do you thInk you can get one Ior the oIIIce? The one wIth gIrIs though,
not the dude one. Or you can get the dude one Ior your oIIIce. Anywcy,
wouId be In that caIendar except wouId totaIIy be the onIy secretary
Ieatured, because no one eIse can come cIose to this," here, he does
what he probabIy Intends to be a sexy IIttIe wIggIe In hIs chaIr, but It
Iooks more IIke Chad reclly has to go pee-pee. "And d wear thIs
costume In It-the caIendar. So, boss, can keep It?"
".The caIendar?" jared trIes trIes to IoIIow but Is a IIttIe too Iost.
Chad huIIs. "ThIs mother IuckIng awesome suIt. m sayIng pIease here.
t was IIke thIrty percent oII but It stIII cost an obscene amount oI money
and SophIa wIII probabIy onIy Iet me roIe-" Ie breaks oII, eyes wIde
because he just about went there about jareds bIg sIster agaIn (the boy
can be taught, jared thInks). And then Chad pokes hIs IIp out and gIves
jared hIs best puppy dog Iook, whIch doesnt reaIIy work because Chads
got these squInty, beady IIttIe eyes. "And It makes me happy, jay. Arent
you In the busIness oI makIng peopIe happy?"
"Fine." jared sIghs IaborIousIy, IgnorIng when Chad perks up at the
knowIedge that he won. "IIne, but-try not to scare any oI the cIIents oII
today? And back to proper oIIIce attIre startIng on Monday. And youre
heIpIng wIth cIean up tonIght. And-get your Ieet oII the damn desk,"
jared IInIshes, knockIng hIs knuckIes agaInst Chads shIned shoes and
breathIng a sIgh oI reIIeI wIth the IncorporeaI red strIng dIsappears
underneath the desk.
Chad chuckIes, takes onIy a second to bask In hIs vIctory, beIore seemIng
to remember somethIng.
"What?" jared asks, eyes narrowIng.
IIs best IrIend sIghs and oIIers a weak, sympathetIc smIIe as he reaches
Into one oI the drawers oI hIs desk and hands jared a brIght, Iustrous
magazIne. jared Is a IIttIe ashamed to admIt that he IeeIs hIs heart drop
down to hIs stomach (like c stone in the well, but he quIckIy shakes oII
thoughts oI thIs mornIngs strange nIghtmare). jareds gaze IaIIs to the
magazIne In hIs hands and Is not surprIsed to IInd that a sunny copy oI
Les Destins starIng up at hIm. Les Destins Is one oI the most popuIar
magazInes soId In I.A. but mostIy Ieatures peopIe, subjects, and events
about thIngs goIng on In IacIIIc IaIIsades. Ie notIces a thumbnaII photo
oI hIm aIong the spIne and curses soItIy. Ie Iooks up warIIy at Chad,
cant quIte seem to open hIs mouth, so the sIIent questIon (Iook oI dread)
has to be apparent on hIs Iace because Chad shrugs rueIuIIy.
"ts In the gossIp coIumn. You dont have to Iook, but someone snapped
a photo oI you and your date Irom Iast week-whats hIs name? George?
IInus? MarIo?-and, weII, theyre just IIyIng oII agaIn-"
Chad cuts hImseII oII when jared, oI no reaI conscIous eIIort oI hIs own,
opens the magazIne to the dreaded coIumn. Les Destins has taken up an
odd IascInatIon wIth jared the past coupIe oI months. jareds name and
hIs busIness Is known throughout most oI I.A.-throughout most oI the
!nIted States, reaIIy, thanks to TV and magazIne ads and a reputatIon as
the onIy datIng agency wIth a nInety-nIne percent success rate-but hes
reaIIy a mInor ceIebrIty at best sInce he turns down IntervIews and
requests Ior cameos In the TV shows, movIes, and musIc vIdeos. The onIy
tIme he shows up on natIonaI magazInes or tabIoIds Is when theres an
artIcIe on the success oI TrueOne. So It perpIexes and IrrItates jared
when a IocaI gossIp coIumn, oI aII thIngs, zeroes In on hIm. And how the
heII do they even get these pIctures oI hIm?
The shot does Ieature hIm wIth hIs date Irom Iast week (Sean, not IInus
or MarIo), but Ior the most part Its not a good photo. ts cIearIy jared
and Sean, but jareds wearIng sungIasses and has hIs head ducked bent
down and away Irom the camera, IacIng hIs date. jareds body and the
bIur oI motIon obscure most oI Sean sInce the camera caught them whIIe
waIkIng aIong the boardwaIk. The other pIcture Ieatures Mark
IeIIegrIno, and just the sIght oI the man makes a nauseous hand cIench
In hIs beIIy even whIIe a burst oI angry statIc momentarIIy haIts aII traIn
oI thought.
"Iumors ConIIrmed"
The tItIe reads and jared cIoses the magazIne beIore It can compIeteIy
ruIn hIs day. ut hIs eyes cant heIp but read the IIrst IIne beIore the
smooth and sIIck pages IaII cIose.
"Iumors that Mark IeIIegrIno and jared IadaIeckI, two oI the hottest
ceIebrItIes outsIde (and InsIde, some wouId cIaIm) oI IoIIywood are on
the breaks appear to have been conIIrmed thIs past week. jared, It
seems, has aIready moved on."
jared shoves the magazIne Into Chads chest, not hard because hes not
mad at hIs IrIend, but kInd oI hard because jareds just mad.
"- dont want to see that shIt anymore, Chad. just-just dont show It
to me anymore." ThIs was supposed to come out angry and spIteIuI, but
It comes out soIter than that, IIke aII jared IeeIs Is deIeat (whIch Is a IIttIe
true), and he hates hImseII a IIttIe Ior soundIng so vuInerabIe. When
jared started appearIng In the magazInes Chad had thought that It was
hIIarIous and had begun the tradItIon oI wavIng new and rIdIcuIous
photos and artIcIes In jareds Iace. jared used to thInk It was Iunny, too,
but Mark IeIIegrIno Is stIII too raw and jared hates that magazInes have
mIstaken Mark Ior hIs boyIrIend when they never even dated.
Chad Iooks at hIm, Iace squIntIng except thIs tIme In sympathy and
maybe even pIty, and that makes jared angrIer wIth hImseII. Ie puts on
a grIn, resoIvIng to at Ieast appear IIke the optImIstIc person hes Iamed
to be, even though he doesnt IeeI IIke It. "ts IIne, Chad. m a IIttIe
worrIed about what Sean wIII say II he sees It, but Its not a bIg deaI. 'ts
I.A., rIght? Thats what you aIways say." jared reaIIzes he Isnt doIng a
good job oI actIng IIke thIs Isnt botherIng hIm, but aIso reaIIzes that thIs
Is Chad, and he mIght seem obIIvIous but hes jareds best IrIend and
soon to be brother In Iaw and he cant reaIIy get much past the man. So
he gIves Chad a rueIuI smIIe and shrug. "ut you wouId thInk the
magazIne wouId at Ieast try to get theIr Iacts straIght, rIght?"
Chad huIIs a breathy chuckIe and matches jareds shrug. "You wouId
thInk, but who cares about accuracy In a gossIp coIumn?"
jared takes a step away Irom the desk and towards hIs oIIIce, whIch Is
behInd Chads. "etter go get ready to open. And Chad?"
Chad nods serIousIy and saIutes, whIch contrasts greatIy wIth hIs
costume and the pIcture makes jared smIIe. "I Mark caIIs, hang up on
hIm. And dont Iet hIm In II he comes by. CaII the poIIce II you have to?"
Chad says, somewhat hopeIuIIy.
jared roIIs hIs eyes even as he IeeIs an overwheImIng sense oI gratItude
-at both Chad Ior beIng a good IrIend but aIso because Mark hcsnt
caIIed to pester jared Ior about a month now. At Ieast hes not staIkIng
jared, somethIng that jared had been terrIIIed oI. Ies just a Irequent
harasser.
"Thanks, but we probabIy shouIdnt do that sInce heII sue us out oI
busIness. was goIng to say that youre on set-up duty tonIght."
Chads Iace goes Irom mature and concerned grown up to petuIant and
whIny IIve year oId In Iess than a second. Ie actuaIIy stomps hIs Ioot.
"jay, II get wrInkIes In thIs!" Ie gestures IrantIcaIIy at hIs zoot suIt.
"Mobsters dont have wrInkIes!"
jared reaches a Iong arm out and pats Chad consoIIngIy on the shouIder.
"YouII be heIpIng MIke out, so maybe heII do aII the heavy IIItIng?"
Chad paIes consIderabIy, wrappIng hIs arms around hImseII as II to
protect hIs suIts chastIty. "MIke?" he squeaks.
jared raIses an eyebrow. "Yeah, hes heIpIng host the party?
ownstaIrs? Chad, plecse teII me that you sent the InvItatIons and IIyers
out!" ecause Chad apparentIy doesnt have a cIue about anythIng
happenIng tonIght and jareds startIng to get worrIed.
" dId! just dIdnt read them! MIke, reaIIy? Ie aIways spIIIs stuII on me,
jay. !suaIIy wIne. Ie hates me! And wIne Is hard to get out, man. Ies
goIng to kIII my suIt. Mobsters dont have wIne staIns," he pouts.
jared rocks back on hIs heeIs, amused smIIe pIayIng on hIs IIps. "
thought you saId that youre too sexy Ior anyone to hate."
Chad sends hIm a dark Iook. "Ies jeaIous. ecause m hot and have
haIr, so he spIIIs wIne on me aII the tIme."
jared wonders II he shouId be oIIended. "Why not me? have haIr. m
not hot enough?"
IIs best IrIend roIIs hIs eyes. "o, your haIr Is awesome too and youre
IuckIng adora-hey, dont IIsh Ior compIIments, jay. ts unbecomIng. And
youre mIssIng the poInt. MIke wIII mess up my awesome and expensIve
costume!" Chad stands up agaIn and gestures wIIdIy to the pInstrIped
atrocIty.
jared just chuckIes, reaches across the desk, and pats Chad on hIs rIght
cheek. "Then suggest you wear an apron."
Chad spIutters and jared makes hIs way towards hIs oIIIce, IaughIng at
the hIgh-pItched and protestIng "]cy!" that IoIIows hIm.

The party starts at nIne, but a Iot oI guests start roIIIng In at sIx and
seven, IntendIng to eat dInner at Ieavens VIne beIore the party starts.
Ieavens VIne Is MIchaeI Iosenbaums restaurant and Is the host oI
TrueOnes ew Years ve party. Ieavens VIne Is not IegaIIy part oI
TrueOne, MIke compIeteIy bought out the IIrst IIoor, but they operate
under a symbIotIc reIatIonshIp. jared has a comIortabIe pIace to set up
IIrst meetIngs under hIs watchIuI eye IoIIowed by a IamIIIar and IrIendIy
pIace Ior the IIrst date to happen wIthout jared. And MIke gets steady
cIIentaI and reguIars (everyone wants to return to the pIace where they
IIrst IeII In Iove, aIter aII) and an awesome reputatIon as number one In
the vote-based "best pIace Ior a IIrst date", "best pIace Ior a VaIentInes
date", and "best pIace Ior an annIversary ceIebratIon" categorIes In Ios
AngeIes. ot to mentIon, Ieavens VIne Is a cIassy, upper-end restaurant
wIth tantaIIzIng Iood and a rare, avant-garde seIectIon oI wInes not
Iound In many other pIaces In the entIre world and Is hIghIy revered In
cuIInary cIrcIes. The amazIng thIng Is that MIke makes these rare and
outrageousIy rare wInes reIatIveIy avaIIabIe to most customers. ts stIII
an expensIve restaurant and most peopIe probabIy have to save a IIttIe
In advance II they pIan to buy some oI the wInes wIth theIr meaI, but In
generaI the Iood and wIne are accessIbIe. t stIII amazes jared.
ApparentIy, MIke not onIy owns a huge vIneyard In CaIIIornIa, but In
other pIaces In the !nIted States and the worId, IncIudIng Greece,
Irance, and taIy. And It aIways seems as II there Is nothIng eIse MIke
wouId rather do than run Ieavens VIne underneath jareds datIng
agency In Ios AngeIes.
jared reaIIy IIkes MIke, and MIke seems to enjoy and actIveIy InvIte
jareds company. The man Is approachabIe and IrIendIy, II not seemIngIy
aIways at Ieast a IIttIe tIpsy on hIs Iamous wInes. MIke doesnt gIve any
overt IndIcatIon, but sometImes jared cant heIp but IeeI that he onIy
knows MIke because MIke Iets hIm. WhIIe MIke seems to be content wIth
where he Is, sometImes It IeeIs IIke jared, TrueOne, and Ieavens VIne
are aII passIng InduIgences-hobbIes-oI MIkes. ts a strange sensatIon
because at the same tIme MIke pushed hIs way Into TrueOne and jareds
IIIe so seamIessIy that It IeeIs IIke the man has aIways been there.
OveraII, jareds reaIIy gIad that he Ieased out the IIrst IIoor a coupIe oI
years ago. ver sInce MIke rented It and then bought It out, both
Ieavens VIne and TrueOne have IIourIshed.
y nIne ocIock a good haII oI theIr guests are In Ieavens VIne and
aIready weII on theIr way to drunk. WhIIe MIke handIed the dInner crowd
jared, Chad, and SophIa had IInIshed preparIng Ior the ew Years
party. A steady stream oI guests pour In Irom nIne to ten, most oI them
jareds cIIents, most oI them successIuIIy paIred up, engaged, or marrIed
wIth the heIp oI TrueOne. The party Is supposed to be a genuIne
ceIebratIon oI true Iove, oI IIndIng "your reaI ever aIter", but Chad had
persuaded jared to aIso use the party Ior pubIIcIty, so each guests
InvItatIon had a "pIus two" engraved on It so new peopIe and potentIaI
cIIents couId be brought In.
The InvItatIon had specIIIed dress as semI-IormaI, but many guests arrIve
In theIr IInest. Iegant gowns and dresses and sparkIIng jeweIry adorn
the women whIIe most oI the men wear coats and tIes and the rest are In
tuxedos.
The IIghts are Iow In Ieavens VIne, tabIes removed and pushed asIde
Ior a Iarge dance IIoor. GIItterIng conIettI decorates the IIoor, brIghtIy
coIored tInseI and a huge banner that reads "Iappy 2011 Irom TrueOne
and Ieavens VIne" hang Irom the ceIIIng. jared booked a smaII mIx oI
popuIar IocaI bands as weII as a coupIe oI more Iamous bands Irom Ios
AngeIes Ior the nIght. VoxhauI roadcast, pIayIng now, and Iemon Sun
are two oI the smaII tIme IocaI bands. AIter them A IIne Irenzy and then
uckcherry wIII take the stage at mIdnIght and IInIsh out the party.
jared had been overwheImed at the outstandIng response to hIs request
Ior a coupIe oI bands, and whIIe jared had been reIIeved to have
entertaInment covered Ior TrueOnes IIrst ew Years ve bash, he had
once agaIn been uncomIortabIy remInded oI just how Iamous TrueOne,
and jared by proxy, had become.
MusIc puIses throughout the room and peopIe dance-startIng In bIg
groups but breakIng oII Into coupIes as the nIght goes on. CrystaI
gIasses (jared had been ready to go wIth red SoIo cups and save the
crystaI, but MIke had InsIsted) IIIIed wIth bubbIy champagne, deep red
wIne, and smooth whIte wIne quIckIy set a reIaxed but eIegant tone to
the party.
y about ten ocIock jared doesnt have to do much more than sIt back
and enjoy the party. Ie doesnt even have to waIk around and mIngIe,
because theres practIcaIIy a IIne oI peopIe waItIng to taIk to him. Most oI
them are coupIes-some he hasnt seen In over two years but were the
IIrst cIIents he matched at TrueOne. ts nIce to see them, to hecr them
(yes hcppylovejoythcnkyou-jared ImagInes that thats what theIr souIs
are sayIng, II souIs couId speak a human Ianguage). They make jared IeeI
good and conIIdent and useIuI.
ewer coupIes sIdIe up to jared as weII, drunk oII oI each other more
than MIkes potent wIne (II souIs had a human Ianguage the newer
coupIes wouId be sIurrIng jincllyjoundyou). They hug on jared, some
press sIoppy kIsses to hIs cheeks, they get hIm pretty gIasses IIIIed wIth
wIne and champagne whIch he hands oII to SophIa or Chad (who are
usuaIIy near but occasIonaIIy wander oII to dance) when theyre not
IookIng.
At around eIeven ocIock A IIne Irenzy Is openIng up wIth "WIthout You"
and jareds just bIddIng IareweII to GIadys and arreII-an eIderIy
coupIe that had Iound each other through jared Iast year (jared couId
hear the content sIghs Irom theIr oId souIs Ioud and cIear, no transIator
needed)-he gets twIn pInches on hIs ass, makIng hIm jump and yeIp.
Oh, go checd, jcte, oh, give us your best
Whct is worth living jor is worth c jight
TInkIIng, IemInIne Iaughter surrounds eIther sIde oI hIm, and the hands
dont Iet up on hIs backsIde. "ts good to see you, jared!" he hears as a
sIIght body presses Into hIs IeIt sIde. Ie Iooks down (and down) to see a
IamIIIar and much mIssed Iace.
"AIona!" WhIch means, "KatIe! My two IavorIte bIondes." Ie takes KatIes
hand oII oI hIs ass (AIonas onIy a IIttIe more reserved, and had aIready
Iet go) and spIns her around twIce In tIme wIth the musIc. "xcept youre
no Ionger bIonde," he marveIs at her raven bIack haIr thats swept on
top oI her head.
She Iaughs and takes up jareds rIght sIde (hand returnIng to hIs ass
and gropIng, to hIs consIderabIe chagrIn). "ut youre just as IIrm as
ever. ThIrd best ass In the worId, aIter AIonas and mIne!"
AIona doesnt reprImand her gIrIIrIend Ior her Iorwardness, just gIggIes
uproarIousIy and tucks her head agaInst jareds chest, whIch Is a good
IndIcatIon oI just how drunk she Is. "Weve mIssed you!" She sIurs a IIttIe
so that "mIssed" sounds a IIttIe more IIke "mIshed". KatIes got a haII IuII
gIass oI deep red wIne and Its obvIous by the IIush on her cheeks and
her sIIght unsteadIness In her hIgh, strappy bIack heeIs that Its at Ieast
her second gIass. AIonas gIass onIy has a Iew sIps oI champagne IeIt
and shes eIther consumed more than KatIe or toIerates It Iess because
her cheeks are IIushed and theres a IIght sheen oI sweat on her
Iorehead. ts not as unattractIve as It sounds, and In Iact It Iooks IIke
shes gIowIng wIth happIness (KatIes souI sounds IIke summer and
AIonas sounds IIke mornIng gIorIes bIoomIng).
"ve mIssed you guys, too. thought you werent goIng to make It?" KatIe
and AIona had been cIIents oI hIs a year and a haII ago now, but ever
sInce then theyve been good IrIends. AIona Is a burgeonIng
screenwrIter who got a job In ew York shortIy aIter she and KatIe
started datIng. jared remembers how AIona had come to hIm sobbIng
when she Iound out, so happy about the chance to IIve out her dream yet
InexpIIcabIy broken about IeavIng a gIrI she had just met three months
prIor and had onIy been datIng Ior two oI those months. jared had
consoIed her, toId her thIngs wouId work out, unabIe to teII her that
AIona IeIt broken because her souI was InextrIcabIy woven wIth KatIes
(AIonas souI sounded IIke an earthquake that day, jared never wIII
Iorget).
"Wanted to surprIse ya!" KatIe chImes, a Iew strands oI dark haIr IaIIIng
In wIsps around her tempIes and ears.
"Id we?" AIona Iaughs joyIuIIy.
When AIona toId KatIe about the job opportunIty In ew York, KatIe
hadnt been quIte as dIstraught. ot because KatIe dIdnt Iove AIona-
even though they hadnt saId those words then-and not because KatIes
souI was any Iess InvoIved than AIonas (It dIdnt work that way, jared
had notIced over the years, because souI mates were clwcys two parts oI
one). ts because KatIe CassIdy never hesItated. She quIt her job as
paraIegaI to one oI the IocaI reaI estate attorneys, packed up what she
couId and sent the rest to storage at her parents house, and had shown
up at AIonas apartment wIth her suItcases, two pIane tIckets to ew
York, and a whIte poster wIth "when we jind cn cpcrtment, move in with
me?" wrItten In pInk CrayoIa marker.
n jareds IIne oI work hes heard a Iot oI romantIc storIes, but KatIe and
AIonas story Is one oI hIs IavorItes.
"Yeah, you dId!" he excIaIms, and IeeIs happIness IIghtIng agaInst hIs
tIred muscIes and achIng Ieet that had started creepIng up on hIm about
haII an hour ago. "m gIad you guys came, though! Iow are you?
verythIng okay In ew York?" he asks worrIedIy. Iast tIme he heard,
AIona had a job as a screenwrIter Ior an ndIe IIIm and a contract wIth
dIrector Ion Ioward was In the works. KatIe had Iound another job as
paraIegaI shortIy aIter they had moved. verythIng seemed to have
worked out Ior them, and jared dreaded to hear II somethIng was wrong.
AIona swItches hands so that the gIass that onIy has a drop or two oI
champagne In It now Is behInd jareds back and she uses her Iree hand
to pat hIs stomach, smIrkIng IecherousIy at the IeeI oI hIs abs beneath
her IIngers. "Were here Ior the ChrIstmas hoIIdays, vIsItIng IamIIy."
"And, showIng oII these!" KatIe squeaIs as she IIashes her IeIt hand In
jareds Iace, sIIver band and gIIttery dIamond catchIng the dIm IIghts.
AIona IumbIes Ior a second-swItchIng the gIass In her hands agaIn,
then IaughIng when she reaIIzes that she aIready had her IeIt hand Iree
In the IIrst pIace and swItchIng oII the gIass agaIn-and dIspIayIng a
sImIIar rIng Ior jared to see.
jared can hear, even through the tunneI oI water that usuaIIy dIstorts
the souIs sound, thIs song oI rIsIng IIght that matches the gIInt oI theIr
dIamonds and the shIne oI theIr smIIes. ven whIIe a smaII, seIIIsh part
oI hIm curIs bItterIy because he wIshes he had that Ior hImseII, he cant
heIp but shIne wIth them. Ie grabs theIr sIIm bodIes, hookIng hIs arms
around the smaII oI theIr backs, and IIIts them and spIns. Ie cant keep
them up-hes strong, but not strong enough to keep theIr weIghts up at
the awkward angIe-and so they Iand aIter a second and spIn-stumbIe
around wIth hIm, ankIes roIIIng In hIgh heeIs, haIr mussIng agaInst
jareds arms and chest, (a hand pInchIng hIs ass cgcin), aII three oI them
IaughIng.
"m so happy Ior you-tocst!" he caIIs, IeadIng them to the wIne tabIe
where one oI the server reIIIIs theIr gIasses. They toast and jared
pretends to take a sIp beIore settIng hIs gIass down and kIssIng each oI
theIr Ioreheads. "TeII me the story," he demands, because engagement
storIes are the best. A Iot oI cIIents have regaIed hIm wIth them. Chad
thInks that they shouId pubIIsh a book or some kInd oI bI-monthIy
magazIne IeaturIng IIrst date storIes and engagement storIes. jared
thInks Its a nIce enough Idea, but knows that Chads Intent Is pubIIcIty
and marketIng (Its kInd oI hIs job, but jared sometImes swears he sees
cartoon doIIar sIgns In Chads beady IIttIe eyes), so Its somethIng on the
agenda to consIder Ior the new year.
"ActuaIIy, there was a huge IIght that nIght," KatIe starts and AIona nods
somberIy.
"t was an epIc battIe," she throws In.
" wanted to take 'IonnIe to IockeIeIIer Center to go Ice skatIng, to
propose under the bIg ChrIstmas tree," KatIe trIes to say serIousIy, but
her eyes dance wIth so much bareIy contaIned energy that Its a surprIse
shes not runnIng around the room In nothIng but her engagement rIng,
and that IeeIIng Is so InIectIous that jareds cheeks hurt hes smIIIng so
wIde. Ie swIveIs hIs head to AIona, waItIng Ior her story, raIsIng an
eyebrow In InvItatIon.
"WeII, wanted to go on the Stanton sIand Ierry at sunset," AIona huIIs.
jared cocks hIs head, IncreduIous. "You.you both pIcked the same day
to propose?"
They grIn. "Great mInds and aII that. Or, maybe, were that weIrdIy In
tune. So, oI course, wIth us both beIng nervous and not cooperatIng wIth
each others pIans, the IaIIout was massIve and InvoIved a Iot oI yeIIIng
and cryIng."
"She caIIed me a 'ho-bag," AIona gIggIes breathIessIy.
KatIe pokes her bottom IIp out at jared. "She caIIed me a 'cooter-Iace
IIrst."
jared Iaughs, then, Iong and deep, throwIng hIs head back. "So? Iow dId
It happen?"
"We argued untII past sunset and then just pIopped on opposIte ends oI
the couch, not taIkIng at aII," AIona answers wIth a sheepIsh smIIe.
"We stared at the TV-what was on? dont even know."
"The Weather ChanneI," AIona suppIIes and KatIe Iaughs.
"Yeah. We stared at the Weather ChanneI Ior, IIke, an hour. And then
IInaIIy just shoved the rIng at her-m not sure why dId It that way,
cant remember II was angry or tryIng to apoIogIze. 'IonnIe stared at It
IIke It was goIng to bIte her, then reached In her pocket and heId out
mIne."
"TotaIIy unromantIc." AIona sIghs, but doesnt Iook too upset about It.
"ts perIect." jared grIns because It Is so perIect, so them, and ]cred did
thct-he heIped them IInd each other. t makes hIm so hIgh on a sense oI
purpose that he Iorgets about hIs achIng Ieet. "ts perIect and m so
happy Ior you two."
"ts thanks to you, jared," AIona says serIousIy, stands on her tIp toes
wIth IIps pressed expectantIy and jared Ieans down, oIIers hIs cheek,
and Instead accepts tender kIsses on both corners oI hIs IIps Irom both
gIrIs.
"ance wIth us!" KatIe excIaIms, puIIIng hIm on the dance IIoor between
them. They dance Ior a Iew songs. KatIe and AIona are both drunk and
sweet, gropIng jared, dancIng, and then IavIshIng hugs on hIm. They had
both become good IrIends and he had kept In touch wIth them aIter theIr
move so he dIdnt IeeI too strange wIth the arrangement, and In Iact
Iound hImseII enjoyIng It.
Then the straIns oI a sIow song spIIIs Irom the stage and jared takes a
step back, IgnorIng a sIIght pang oI IoneIIness as he smIIes proudIy at
KatIe and AIona who carry on dancIng, eyes onIy Ior each other. Ies
about to turn away when a hand Iatches around hIs eIbow and spIns hIm
untII he bumps agaInst the person.
Ie Iooks down and MIIos grInnIng up at hIm, pushIng back a IIttIe Irom
jared untII theyre dancIng pIatonIcaIIy. "MIIo, youre Iate," jared says
soItIy.
MIIo roIIs hIs IIght brown eyes. Ies shorter than jared, not even that
cIose to sIx Ieet, but hes been workIng out IateIy Ior the weddIng and
hes aII broad shouIders and thIck bIceps-more than he was when he
and jared were datIng at !CIA.
l loved him so but l let him go
Ccuse l knew hed never love me bcck
"Weve been here, jare. ts just taken me thIs Iong to get to you. At one
tIme It Iooked IIke everyone In the entIre room was IIghtIng Ior your
attentIon!"
jared bIushes a IIttIe at the observatIon. "Theyre just drunk," he trIes to
dIsmIss but MIIo shakes hIs head, eyes recrImInatIng.
"ts not that. Theyre so happy, jared. Most everyone here Is In Iove
-recl love-and they know that you Iound theIr 'ever aIters Ior them.
Maybe the wIne heIps, but they see you as some kInd oI god-IIke a
savIor. dont know how you do It, eIther. was there when you started
TrueOne onIIne, was there when you set up thIs pIace, and know that
Its not computers matchIng up the questIonnaIres and proIIIes IIII out,
Its you. You somehow aIways seem to know, and even peopIe that dont
know anythIng about you are drawn to you, know that theres somethIng
specIaI about you that can heIp them. ts what-"
Ie breaks oII, but jared knows MIIo about saId "its whct drew me to
you". jared starts to IeeI so uncomIortabIe, both at the remInder that he
wasnt enough Ior MIIo and at the IntensIty oI hIs Iormer boyIrIends
eyes, a Iook so penetratIng jared cant seem to recaII ever seeIng It
beIore, not even when they dated-not even when MIIo asked jared to
IIve wIth hIm.
"Maybe youre drunk," he Interjects, but Its weak, and MIIo taIks over
hIm.
"They come here wIth theIr Ioved ones, so happy, and they see you and
they thInk 'how dId he know? They come up to you to thank you, to
maybe see how you knew, but they can never IInd-"
"MIIo? s everythIng okay?" jared asks worrIedIy. MIIo has aIways been a
serIous guy-Iocused, jared supposes. Ie has a good, InteIIectuaI wIt
about hIm, but Ior the most part hes quIet and purposeIuI. ut thIs
sounds IIke rambIIng to jared, IIke MIIo hasnt had tIme to sort through
hIs emotIons yet, whIch he aIways does beIore speakIng or decIsIon-
makIng.
MIIo smIIes soItIy, Iace tIght and aImost paIned. "m okay, jare," he
whIspers. " just IeIt IIke you shouId reaIIze what a mystery you are."
jared Iaughs a IIttIe nervousIy, so It comes out hIgh-pItched and breathy.
"Me? IardIy. m an open book."
MIIo doesnt comment on that, just stops dancIng and peers up at jared
searchIngIy. "Iow do you know, jare? You knew me and AIexIs-back
when we were stIII doIng that on agaIn and oII agaIn thIng, jared, when
AIexIs was just the name oI a voIunteer at the anImaI sheIter, when was
so sure we were goIng to get marrIed someday-you knew."
jared smIIes soItIy to show he understands, stampIng down on the paIn
oI the remInder wIth the joy that he had been abIe to make a good IrIend
oI hIs happy. " have good IntuItIon," he expIaIns sImpIy beIore IrownIng,
knowIng that MIIo needs somethIng eIse, somethIng reassurIng. "I we
marrIed, It wouIdnt be Ior Iove, and we both knew that a Iong tIme
beIore you met AIexIs. We were too comIortabIe wIth each other."
MIIo nods and seems to bIInk away hIs earnestness, shakIng away the
dregs oI hIs emotIons, and jared gIves hIm an out. "Where Is AIexIs? Iow
are you guys doIng?"
MIIo grIns then, bIg and warm and so happy that jared cant heIp but
hecr (MIIos souI sounds IIke the nIght through a wIndow pane). "Shes
over wIth SophIa and Sandy," he nods toward one end oI the room where
he sees AIexIs taIkIng to hIs bIg sIster and one oI her cIosest IrIends.
WhIIe Sandy and SophIa taIk anImatedIy, AIexIs Is more reserved wIth
poIsed shouIders and a sIow smIIe that hIdes a IuII hand oI wIt and a
weaIth oI Iove and kIndness that she IIves to shower on others. When he
IIrst stepped Into the anImaI sheIter oI IacIIIc IaIIsades aImost three
years ago she had been the IIrst to greet hIm, and jared heard and knew
rIght then (her souI sounded IIke the perIect breeze to the steady
trembIe bass oI MIIos humIdIty). "Were doIng reaIIy great, jare. Thank
you. Thats what meant by aII that, thcnk you. dIdnt mean-"
" understand." ecause he does. "m okay." ecause he Is. "ont make
a bIg deaI oI It." ecause MIIo wIII, II IeIt unchecked. "The weddIngs
gettIng cIose. Are you nervous?"
AIexIs and MIIos weddIng Is In AprII ("April showers bring Mcy jlowers"
jared remembers the nursery rhyme and thInks that the month Is perIect
Ior theIr weddIng). jareds the best man (hes begInnIng to Iose count oI
the weddIngs In whIch hes asked to be part oI the brIdaI party, and hes
Iong Iost count oI the number oI weddIngs hes attended over the past
IIve years).
"ot yet. shouId be, rIght? ts my personaIIty. Theres so many thIngs
to pIan, so many thIngs that arent worked out, so many ijs and m not
usuaIIy okay wIth that. And yet, dont know. just cant brIng myseII to
worry about It!"
jared just grIns knowIngIy but doesnt oIIer to say anythIng, chuckIIng
aIong wIth MIIo. They taIk about the weddIng Ior a Iew mInutes beIore
theres a sudden sIIence between them In whIch MIIos brows Iurrow In
thought.
"Iow have you been IeeIIng, jare?" he asks quIetIy and jareds proud oI
the way he doesnt tense up.
"ve been doIng good," he says wIth a reassurIng nod-not a smIIe, so
that MIIo wont thInk he was IakIng.
"o aIcohoI tonIght?"
jared roIIs hIs eyes. "o, Mom."
MIIo chuckIes but Its the sad kInd that makes hIs eyes heavy. "jared,
thInk you shouId move In wIth SophIa and Chad."
ts an accIdent that MIIo knows. jared hadnt known who eIse to caII-
MIIo had been hIs IIrst boyIrIend and had remaIned a IrIend and the
nIght TImothy IeIt jared hadnt known what to do. Ie regrets that he
toId MIIo. jared doesnt want cnyone eIse to know. jared shakes hIs
head, Iace IIat, shouIders tense, body Ianguage cIearIy demandIng that
MIIo drop the subject. "o, MIIo. saId m IIne. ts not even-dont make
thIngs out worse than they are."
MIIo Iooks IIke hes goIng to argue Ior a second, but he doesnt. ts not
In hIs nature to pursue somethIng when Its cIear that he wont be
successIuI. esIdes, hes never been good at bossIng jared around-
SophIa seems to be the onIy one that possesses that skIII.
"ts aImost mIdnIght. You shouId probabIy dance wIth your soon to be
wIIe, MIIo," jared says soItIy and MIIo breaks out Into a careIree Iaugh.
"WIIe!" Ie practIcaIIy gIggIes, bouncIng on the baIIs oI hIs Ieet IIke hes
dancIng on a cIoud. Ie puIIs jared In Ior a hug. "Youre rIght. II see you
Iater?" jared nods and MIIo Iaughs agaIn, marveIIng. "Wije!" Ie
practIcaIIy twIrIs to the sIde oI the room, sweepIng up AIexIs and
spInnIng her back on the dance IIoor just as uckcherry takes the stage
to brIng In the ew Year. The beat suddenIy thrums heavIer and darker
than It has aII nIght as josh Todds graveI-broken raunchy voIce
reverberates throughout the room, makIng the wIndows trembIe.
Lctely lve been thinking
About how we live our lives
There cre too mcny conjlicts
odIes suddenIy adhere cIoser together, shouts and caIIs aImost drown
out the band as the seconds tIck by untII Its 2011. just as jared IInaIIy
pushes hIs way to the edge oI the crowd hes carrIed back In by the
Irenzy.
"Youve got to dance In the ew Year!" MIsha yeIIs to be heard over the
dIn.
"MIsha!" jared beams and puIIs the man Into a tIght embrace.
Iue eyes gIItter up at hIm when jared trIes to puII apart and tugs jared
In agaIn untII theyre movIng together, thIghs and chests touchIng, arms
wound around each other. jared puIIs back a Iew Inches, as
uncomIortabIe wIth the proxImIty as he Is wIth dancIng, but he beams at
MIsha anyway. jareds caught gIImpses oI hIs IrIend oII and on
throughout the nIght, but was too busy to actIveIy IInd hIm, and every
tIme jared trIed he was aIways wayIaId by the grInnIng Iaces oI Iormer
and current cIIents.
"Youre back!" jared observes astuteIy and IeeIs a IIttIe IIke an IdIot Ior
statIng the obvIous, but MIsha just grIns In bemusement. jared met
MIsha at a charIty auctIon TrueOne was partIcIpatIng In cIose to two
years ago. MIsha had been there as a representatIve Ior the Ios AngeIes
IIre department and theyd hIt It oII, both uncomIortabIe In theIr tuxedos
and wrInkIIng theIr noses at what had passed Ior IruIt punch at that
pIace. Theyd taIked and exchanged numbers and kept In touch ever
sInce, becomIng IrIends. On top oI beIng a part tIme IIreman, MIsha aIso
works as xecutIve Irector oI orth ast Trees In Ios AngeIes, a non-
proIIt envIronmentaI conservatIonIst organIzatIon that heIps areas that
are resource chaIIenged to ImpIement natures servIces. jared met
MIsha a IIttIe over a year ago now and they became IrIends Iast and
surprIsIngIy easy. jared suspects that, on hIs part, Its because the
sound oI MIshas souI Is one oI the most comIortIng hes ever heard. Ie
cant hear It aII the tIme and sometImes jared hears It wIthout knowIng
he hears It. ts because when souIs make a sound jared cant reaIIy hear
them cIearIy-IIke IIstenIng to a whIsper Irom underwater or a murmur In
a tunneI or a weII. So at IIrst jared dIdnt thInk he couId hear MIshas
souI at aII, but soon he Iound that MIshas souI Is so quIet, tImeIess In a
way that other souIs werent, and made the sound oI water IappIng
agaInst a wooden pIer.
This is our world
To mcke it lcst
We hcve to not repect the pcst
]ust step outside
"m back." MIsha Iaughs. "And thIs Is an awesome party, jared."
jared grIns, reIaxIng In hIs IrIends grasp. "ts turnIng out weII."
MIsha Irowns. "Your date dIdnt make It?"
jared sIumps hIs shouIders but cant seem to IeeI guIIty. MIshas been
gone Ior a coupIe oI months In OakIand Ior work, and jareds needed and
mIssed hIs IrIend those months and doesnt want hIs recent dumpIng to
dampen that. And jared couIdnt bIame Sean-the mIId mannered grad
student about to go In the job market who had been horrIIIed to IInd hIs
pIcture In one oI CaIIIornIas bIggest gossIp coIumns-Ior poIIteIy
breakIng It oII earIIer today. At Ieast Sean had come to the oIIIce to do It
Instead oI over the phone, and they had onIy been on one date, so
neIther oI them was partIcuIarIy Invested In a reIatIonshIp. n Iact, they
stIII bareIy knew each other.
"Ie couIdnt come." jared shrugs It oII wIth a sheepIsh smIIe. "ts okay."
t is okay (It will be okay, though tonIght It kInd oI hurts that someone
dIdnt thInk hIm worth the whIIe), Its just that Its about a mInute untII
mIdnIght and everyones goIng to be kIssIng theIr dates and Iovers and
IIances and spouses except Ior hIm.
"Ie wasnt good enough Ior you."
"Iow do you know? You never met hIm."
"ont have to," MIsha says wIth an easy shrug. "ot many out there are
good enough Ior you." Ies dIsmIssIve, IIke It shouId be obvIous, and
jared hangs hIs head, curIy bangs IaIIIng In hIs eyes. MIsha IIIts one oI
hIs hands Irom the smaII oI jareds back and pushes the haIr out oI the
way.
"WouId you Iet me?" MIsha asks soItIy, smIIe kInd, eyes unsure-whIch Is
a strange Iook on hIm. MIsha aIways seems so certaIn oI hImseII.
"What?" jared asks.
"KIss you, Its aImost mIdnIght." And thats when jared hears the whoIe
room countIng down around them.
"12!... 11!... 10!"
MIshas a good IrIend to jared, he has been ever sInce they met. AImost
IIke a bIg brother In a way-jared doesnt know where that notIon comes
Irom, just that he IeeIs oddIy protected when MIshas around. t makes
jared smIIe at how poIIte MIsha Is, how he asks permIssIon.
"Yeah." jared nods, bIushIng onIy a IIttIe because Its just a IrIendIy kIss
and-
"3!... 2!... 1!"
-ut he doesnt have any more tIme to thInk about It because Its
mIdnIght and MIsha cups the back oI jareds head and brIngs hIm down
so MIsha can sIant hIs mouth over jareds. TheIr IIps meet and IInger,
touchIng soItIy, mouths onIy sIIghtIy parted so that the kIss Is warm
wIthout beIng wet. ts chaste and sweet but even so Its enough to make
jareds heart ache wIth want. ot reaIIy Ior MIsha, but just Ior somethIng
IIke thIs, where jareds worth somethIng to someone-where jareds In
Iove.
They kIss and It seems IIke the whoIe room Is quIet. veryones mouths
are Iocked, bodIes stIII, even as uckcherry IaIIs Into a repetItIve brIdge
beIore the IInaIe oI theIr song, theIr words seemIng to spIn IIke the
worId around jared and MIsha and Ieavens VIne.
How do l scve it?
How do l scve it?
How do l scve it?
When the whoIe room shouts "Iappy ew Year" MIsha and jared do as
weII-jared ImmedIateIy IookIng away so he doesnt see bIue eyes IInger
on hIm. They turn towards the stage, everyone does, and throw theIr
hands up In the aIr to sIng aIong rousIngIy wIth the band Ior "Too runk
to Iuck" and when Its over everyone seems to coIIapse Into gIggIes and
guIIaws that bubbIe up the waIIs and push agaInst the ceIIIng IIke the
champagne.
The IIghts grow dImmer, the aIcohoI IIows Iaster, and eventuaIIy MIsha
and jared move oII the dance IIoor. The party ends at two In the
mornIng, so around one jared aIready has another mob surroundIng hIm,
thankIng hIm cgcin Ior hIs heIp, Ior thIs awesome party, and that he
shouId do It agaIn Ior next year-and maybe about a dozen tImes In
between.
At two ocIock jared can bareIy see straIght hes so stupId wIth
exhaustIon. uckcherry Ieaves, josh Todd and KeIth eIson jokIng wIth
jared that whIIe thIs wasnt as dIrty as theIr normaI scene they had a
bIast, and II jareds goIng to do the same thIng next year be sure to caII
them IIrst.
jared and Chad IInger behInd to cIean up. MIke does as weII but he Isnt
much heIp, too drunk oII hIs own wIne to stand straIght, so he bosses hIs
restaurant staII around and IIIrts IIke heII wIth SophIa cnd MIsha who
stay behInd as voIunteers. GabrIeI TIgerman and GenevIeve Cortese, two
personneI at TrueOne, are beIng paId overtIme Ior the party and cIean
up. Ie hasnt seen them most oI the nIght, and he knows Its because
Gabes been doIng hIs job mIngIIng wIth the potentIaI cIIents and
because jareds been actIveIy and successIuIIy avoIdIng GenevIeve (who
spent most oI the nIght actIveIy pursuing hIm and not doIng her job, but
at Ieast shes here now Ior the pIck-up).
jared goes upstaIrs to make sure the oIIIce Is Iocked up and when he
steps out In the parkIng Iot Its chIIIy and barren. Ie sIghs to hImseII as
he reaches Ior hIs keys, hIs hands shakIng, and body swayIng wIth
exhaustIon. A hand comes out oI nowhere, graspIng the keys out oI hIs
hands and jared jumps and whIrIs, startIed but ready to deIend hImseII.
MIshas whIte teeth catch the starIIght. "You Iook tIred, how about
drIve?"
jared Irowns, makes a grab out Ior the keys, but MIsha easIIy evades hIs
grasp. " dont need heIp."
jared cant reaIIy see much oI MIshas Iace, but he gets the dIstInct
ImpressIon that hIs IrIend roIIs hIs eyes. "Youve had a Iong day, jared.
And what makes you thInk that II take 'no Ior an answer? So," he pats
jareds shouIder beIore he starts to push hIm towards the passenger
sIde. "You can be extra IndIgnant, prIdeIuI, and ornery tomorrow to
make up Ior It tonIght."
"MIsha-"
"And II anyone eIse asks, II make sure they know that you put up a IIght
-ItII be our IIttIe secret, aIrIght? II even teII them gagged you and
kIdnapped you."
jared wrInkIes hIs nose, because MIsha totaIIy has no rIght to push hIm
around IIke thIs and jared Isnt a chIId-
MIsha manhandIes jared Into the car and oh, It IeeIs reaIIy good to sIt
down and, who knew hIs passenger seat was so comjy?
MIsha taIks to hIm durIng the drIve home, but jareds onIy haII engaged.
"Id you eat somethIng Ior dInner, jared?"
"o. ont teII SophIa?" jared sIurs quIetIy, dozIng most oI the tIme and
watchIng the IIghts oI the cIty race past the wIndow when hes awake.
MIsha huIIs In IrrItatIon. "Your IrresponsIbIIIty needs to be answerabIe
to more than SophIa."
"Theres no one eIse," jared sIurs and Is too tIred to IeeI the IIssure In
hIs heart deepen.
"ow you are beIng a brat. There are a Iot oI others. Theres me. Theres
Chad. Les Destins cares," he says In an attempt to IIghten the mood but It
IaIIs IIat.
"Youre an ass."
"Theres you. You need to take better care oI yourseII, jared. Who wIII
save the worId one match made In heaven at a tIme II you starve
yourseII?"
"ude, It was just one meaI," jared chuckIes but doesnt Iook away Irom
the wIndow, aIraId that II he Iooks MIsha In the eye he wIII do somethIng
crazy and extreme, IIke cry hes so tIred.
MIshas sIIent Ior a Iong tIme. jared turns hIs head, Iooks past hIs IrIend,
but makes an eIIort at a subject change. "Iow dId you get to the party?
You dIdnt drIve?"
MIsha turns hIs head, haII smIrk on hIs Iace, pIayIuI eyes catchIng the
yeIIow traIIIc IIght they zoom under. " IIew."
jared roIIs hIs eyes, IaughIng, grateIuI Ior the change In mood. "On a
prIvate jet? IIght to Ieavens VInes door?"
"SomethIng IIke that," MIsha says wIth a secretIve, conspIrIng Iook as he
puIIs Into jareds apartment parkIng.
jared scoIIs as they get out. "WeII, do you at Ieast have some cash Ior a
cab? Want me to caII you one?" he asks over the hood oI hIs car.
MIsha shakes hIs head. "o, m IIne. Are you good Irom here?"
jared nods, body achIng Ior hIs bed. "II be IIne now, thanks. And, MIsha
-just thanks." Ie bItes hIs IIp, not sure how to apoIogIze Ior somethIng
he meant most every word oI.
"Youre totaIIy screwIng wIth my tough man persona."
jared roIIs hIs eyes. " guess you Iook pretty tough Ior an envIronmentaI
conservatIonIst."
"ts my day job-my aIter ego, you know?" MIsha says charmIngIy
causIng jared to snort.
" dont want to know how much you use that Ior a pIck up IIne."
"o, no you reaIIy dont." MIsha Iaughs, shakIng hIs head. They move
away Irom the car and MIsha gentIy pIaces the keys In jareds hand.
"Youre not goIng In to the oIIIce tomorrow, rIght?"
"o, Its a hoIIday, and then were cIosed on Sundays so get two days
oII."
"Thats good, because youre startIng to get these dark rIngs under your
eyes. And you deIInIteIy need to shave. IeopIe wont come to r. eath
Ior Iove advIce."
jared raIses a brow. "epends. r. eath as In the nInetIes wrestIer or
the most wanted azI war crImInaI?"
MIsha throws hIs head back, IettIng a bark oI Iaughter escape and
bounce oII the parkIng Iot around them. "oes It reaIIy matter? Ither
way youII scare oII cIIents."
jared shrugs. "Youre rIght." Ie puIIs MIsha In Ior another hug. "Thanks
agaIn."
"Youre most weIcome," MIsha says In thIs oddIy IormaI voIce. Ie kIsses
jareds Iorehead and It makes jared IeeI IIke hes receIvIng a bIessIng oI
some kInd.
They part aIter that, jared trudgIng up the staIrs to hIs apartment and
stumbIIng InsIde. Ies greeted by hIs dogs-SophIa must have dropped
them oII not too Iong ago. SadIe noses hIs Iegs, jumps up on hIm, restIng
her paws on hIs hIps as she checks hIm over wIth her wet nose.
"m IIne, gIrI," he soothes, rubbIng her vIgorousIy behInd her ears.
IarIey head butts hIs shIn and then trIes to shouIder between hIs Iegs,
IookIng to be rubbed down by jared, but hIs bIg body onIy manages to
trIp jared up. Ie catches hImseII beIore he IaIIs and Iaughs, bendIng
down to pet IarIey who ImmedIateIy roIIs over on hIs back.
"Youre such a bIg baby," he says exasperatedIy but rubs hIs beIIy
anyway. "Thats It Ior now." Ie stands up and makes hIs way to the bed,
takIng oII hIs cIothes on the way, decIdIng not to bother IookIng Ior a
paIr oI sweatpants. Ie crawIs In under the cooI sheets, moanIng at the
IeeI oI the bed beneath hIs body. SadIe crawIs on her beIIy to IIe besIde
hIm, whIIe IarIey pIops heavIIy at hIs Ieet.
"m not settIng the cIock. WeII have to go on our run a IIttIe Iater
tomorrow, okay?" he says but gets nothIng except a dIsgruntIed huII
Irom IarIey.
Ie spends a Iew mInutes watchIng SadIes eyes droop and thInkIng
about the kIss earIIer, and how It wouId have been so much better
sharIng It wIth someone he Ioves than wIth a IrIend. ver sInce. weII,
Ior about two years now hes just thought that datIng wouId be too
seIIIsh oI hIm.
Ior the IIrst tIme In awhIIe, jared begIns to thInk why the hell not? t
wouIdnt hurt to Iook Ior a reIatIonshIp-a reaI reIatIonshIp. t wouIdnt
hurt to just once truIy IaII In Iove, wouId It? Ies twenty-IIve and sIngIe
and he shouId be IookIng Ior Iove. ts what everyone eIse Is doIng-jared
wouId know, because he gets an endIess strIng oI peopIe IookIng Ior
Iove, Ior ever aIter, In hIs oIIIce and on hIs websIte every day.
I they can do It, why cant he? Why cant he have what he gIves hIs
cIIents everyday?
"SadIe?" The dog cuts her eyes to hIm but doesnt move her head, gIvIng
her an ImpatIent Iook.
"You dont thInk m seIIIsh, do you?" She studIes hIm Ior a second beIore
IookIng away, obvIousIy determInIng that what jareds taIkIng about
doesnt have anythIng to do wIth Iood or pIay and dIsmIssIng It.
As hIs own eyes begIn to shut, he IeeIs SadIe shIIt, her wet nose gIancIng
past hIs Iorehead. "ont answer that, youII break my heart."
TC
Chapter 2
The cco Iounge on the InIamous Cahuenga ouIevard Is one oI
IoIIywoods trendIest nIghtcIubs. WIth a capacIty oI onIy three hundred,
a strIct dress code, and the best sound system In the cIty even a Iew A-
IIst ceIebrItIes arent aIIowed InsIde. ut It was "IoyaIty Saturday" wIth
the "est Crowd, est Sound, and est IIghts" In IoIIywood so oI course
jensen AckIes (and AdrIanne AckIes by deIauIt because the sIbIIngs are
aImost aIways seen together) was so there. t was theIr Iourth day back
In the !nIted States, and IIrst nIght In Ios AngeIes, and jensen was
begInnIng to thInk that thIs stInt wouIdnt be so bad aIter aII. t was ew
Years nIght, and many oI the peopIe stumbIIng around the bouIevard
had probabIy not quIte sobered up Irom the nIght beIore. jensen had
dragged AdrIanne to a Iew other bars beIore she put her Ioot down and
InsIsted that they pIck a pIace and stay, totaIIy unInterested In "thIs
rIdIcuIous bar hoppIng".
"ut have to show up everywhere, Iet them know that m back," jensen
sIurs happIIy, IeanIng heavIIy on Steve, causIng ChrIstIan to scowI darkIy
at jensen (who astuteIy Ignores hIm).
"m sure they got It when you stumbIed Into CrImson and hoIIered 'lm
bcck, bitches," Steve drawIs soItIy, curIy bIond haIr that aImost reaches
hIs shouIders IaIIIng soItIy Into hIs Iace as he turns hIs head. ancIng
bIue eyes so brIght and aIry they seem to bIow through IIesh and heart
and souI. SImpIe, smaII, and thIck goIden hoop earrIngs catch the neon
IIghts when he moves.
ChrIs Iaughs In approvaI at the memory and jensen Ieans back, oIIerIng
up a hIgh-IIve because juck yech that had been awesome.
AdrIanne snorts haughtIIy, tossIng her haIr back. "You wouId encourage
such prImItIve behavIor," she Iaunches at ChrIs, even though jensen
knows hIs sIster weII enough that she had been exasperated but amused
at hIs earIIer rIdIcuIous dIspIay. They had been at each others throat Ior
the past coupIe oI days, whIch Is why jensen and Steve waIk between
them now.
ChrIs snarIs at the shot and bows hIs shouIders, IookIng about ready to
Ieap over both Steve and jensen to get at AdrIanne.
"Woah, man," jensen Interjects, straIghtenIng and suddenIy appearIng a
Iot more sober than he dId a Iew mInutes ago. "You know shes goIng to
baIt you, so why do you Iet her get to you so easIIy?" jensen reasons In a
teasIng voIce, reachIng over and pushIng ChrIs a IIttIe bIt, causIng the
brown haIred mans scowI to turn to on hIm.
" dont know," ChrIs says wIth syrupy sweet patIence. "Why do you Iet
her waIk aII over you?"
jensen gIowers at ChrIs, openIng hIs mouth wIth a comeback (that mIght
have had to do wIth ChrIss Iong, brown haIr makIng hIm Iook IIke a gIrI,
whIch wouId have IncIted Steve and AdrIanne as weII, so Its reaIIy a
good thIng he dIdnt get the chance to say It) when AdrIanne Interrupts.
"Shes rIght here, or are you not man enough to Iace me, ChrIsty."
ChrIs, rather predIctabIy, growIs at her beIore seemIng to straIghten
and make hImseII taIIer, more superIor IookIng. "Or maybe m too much
oI a man Ior you, sweetheart," he says, not kIndIy.
Theres a moment oI eIectrIc tensIon so paIpabIe that some oI the street
IIghts and neon sIgns Ior the cIubs IIIcker and the dense crowd around
them unconscIousIy start movIng away Irom them, gIvIng them more
space to waIk.
t mIght be the aIcohoI, except Its ImpossIbIe Ior hIm to get drunk oII oI
human aIcohoI, or It mIght be that he IeeIs more IIke hImseII than he has
In decades wIth so many oI hIs sIbIIngs surroundIng hIm. Or, It couId be
that ChrIs Is tryIng to make hImseII taII when AdrIanne Is taIIer than hIm
by an Inch when they are both bareIoot, and today shes dressed In a
conservatIve bIack bandage dress and monstrous heeIs so that she
towers over ChrIs tonIght.
Whatever It Is, jensen bursts Into Iaughter rIght In the mIddIe oI
AdrIanne and ChrIss eye war. They both start and stare at hIm IIke hes
Iost hIs mInd, but Steve must have eIther caught on to the hIIarIous
heIght dIIIerence or Is amused at jensens gaII, because he breaks out
Into Iaughter (IIke honey-suckIe on the wInd) as weII.
The tensIon between AdrIanne and ChrIs breaks oII In theIr conIusIon
and In that moment jensen tosses an arm around AdrIannes shouIders
and rubs hIs knuckIes aIong her scaIp, causIng her to squawk and stomp
IndIgnantIy on hIs toes wIth her aIorementIoned monstrous hIgh heeIs.
Ie yeIps, though It doesnt reaIIy hurt, and keeps her In hIs grasp, even
when she trIes to push hIm oII so she can IIx her haIr. And when he sees
Steve kIss ChrIs out oI the corner oI hIs eyes he decIdes that hes too
happy and that he hasnt Iaughed thIs much In too Iong to notIce the
sIIght pang oI IongIng that thrums through hIs chest.
jensen and ChrIs have an odd sort oI reIatIonshIp. eIore, at the heIght
oI AncIent Greece and the OIympIan gods, they hardIy got aIong at aII.
They dId not hate each other or Ieud-ApoIIo reserved hIs Ire Ior Iermes
(because hes a dumbass) and the Iates (because theyre creepy) whIIe
Ares wouId rather stew In hIs wars and engage In repeated and oIten
tImes IruItIess conIIIcts wIth IercuIes-they mereIy saw no use Ior each
other. What did IIght, IIne arts, and reason have to do wIth war,
rIghteous IndIgnatIon, and courage aIter aII?
When the Ioman mpIre and the Iast hope Ior a strong re-emergence oI
Greek reIIgIon coIIapsed, ChrIs was perhaps the onIy one besIdes the
maIn three brothers-Zeus, IoseIdon, and Iades-that dIdnt hcve to
adjust to the ever shIItIng and expandIng worId. o matter how hIstory
and peopIe changed there Is aIways war. ChrIs has aIways been quIck to
anger and quIck to IIght. ut the aggressIon beIIed an ImpassIoned
beIng who Iound an outIet Ior hIs Iervent heart In war, who Iound
rIghteousness and justIce In battIe. ts why he was such a devoted Iover
oI AphrodIte, vIsItIng her bed even when she marrIed Iephaestus. ts
why hes been a devoted Iover to Steve Ior aII oI these centurIes, whose
restIessness and dIsIIke oI bIoodshed oIten causes ChrIs to uproot Irom
hIs wars and wander a drIIters IIIe.
SometIme around the Iourteenth century jensen reaIIzed that he had
more In common wIth ChrIs aIter aII. ot In many aspects-jensen Is
reasonabIe whIIe ChrIs Is prone to thoughtIess and IndIgnant anger,
jensen IInds that there are more IIes than truth In war whIIe ChrIs IInds
the meanIng oI hIs exIstence In conIIIct and anger. Iowever, jensen
IInaIIy reaIIzed that war and tragedy are as much an IntegraI part oI
human IIIe and hIstory and thus art, poetry, and musIc as Is the
ceIebratIon oI joy and Iove-In Iact, maybe war makes Iove aII the more
meanIngIuI. So maybe theIr camaraderIe Is an understandIng oI
symbIosIs. jensens IascInated by hIs oIder brother and what he stands
Ior because jensen, as patron oI the arts, Is IascInated by anythIng eIse
that drIves peopIe to produce art.
"ts good to have the IamIIy together agaIn!" jensen squeezes out
between Iaughter.
" wouId preIer the company oI pIenty oI our other reIatIons over him,"
AdrIanne grumbIes, tryIng to maneuver her way out oI jensens grasp.
Ie hoIds her tIghter, stIcks a IInger In hIs mouth, wettIng It, beIore
shovIng It In her ear.
"ww, thats so gross, jen!" AdrIanne grouses. She reaches up to the
tender skIn oI jensens underarm, grabbIng a handIuI and twIstIng.
ecause jensen was coId earIIer, however, hes got on a t-shIrt, a zIp-up
gray hoodIe, and a jacket on top oI It aII so her attempt at pInchIng has
no eIIect whatsoever.
"You Iove me. m the best twIn brother ever."
"Youre the onIy one, you jackass," AdrIanne huIIs. jensen IeeIs her body
compIeteIy reIax, and shes eIther gIvIng up on gettIng away Ior now or
shes IuIIIng hIm Into a IaIse sense oI securIty and when he drops hIs
guard and Iooks away she wIII probabIy throw hIm oII In the most paInIuI
and embarrassIng way possIbIe.
" dont understand why had to come. etween MIke and ChrIs m
goIng to be mIserabIe." AdrIanne pokes her IIp out at jensen, doIng her
best "save your adorabIe sIster" Iook whIch jensen has had a Iot oI
practIce In IgnorIng. And he does Ignore It. IappIIy. ChrIs, however,
doesnt.
" dont understand why you had to come, youre ruInIng the evenIng,
Addy," he emphasIzes her nIckname mockIngIy.
eIore AdrIanne can retaIIate (whIch wouId have IncIuded poInty objects,
jensens sure) Steve jabs Iour IIngers Into ChrIss rIbs, causIng hIm to
jump and shImmy out oI the way. "Stop beIng an InstIgatIve asshoIe."
"Shes beIng an InstIgatIve asshoIe." ChrIs cctuclly poInts accusIngIy at
AdrIanne who cctuclly stIcks her tongue out at hIm.
"ont taIk IIke that to a Iady," Steve chastIses teasIngIy, smIIIng at hIs
Iover.
ChrIs wrInkIes hIs nose, opens hIs mouth to repIy. "She aInt-"
ts a gIImmer oI IIght, a sIngIe step, an echo thats muted In the crowd.
SuddenIy jensen Isnt next to AdrIanne but on the other sIde oI ChrIs
(not between ChrIs and Steve because Its never a good decIsIon to step
between a god and hIs Iover, especIaIIy when hIs Iover Is another god).
ChrIs doesnt Iook startIed, AdrIanne doesnt stumbIe Irom jensens
sudden absence, and no one eIse was watchIng but even II they dId they
wouIdnt beIIeve theIr eyes.
"CareIuI, brother, thats my sIster youre taIkIng about," jensen Iaughs.
t Is a warnIng, Iess because he needs to protect hIs sIsters dIgnIty and
more because Its easy Ior AdrIanne and ChrIs to resort to physIcaI
rather than verbaI jabs. ChrIs and jensen get aIong and, In Iact, probabIy
have one oI the cIosest IrIendshIps among theIr IamIIy. jensen can
apprecIate ChrIss roIe In the arts and ChrIs can apprecIate jensen as a
hunter. They are both endIessIy passIonate. jensen IInds expressIon Ior
hIs passIon In romantIcIsm whIIe ChrIs IInds an outIet In war. AdrIanne
and ChrIs are another story. They couId be cIvII, perhaps, II they just had
a conversatIon about trackIng and huntIng strategIes. AdrIannes
huntIng skIII Is unparaIIeIed by any other ImmortaI, even by jensen who
shares the Interest and the taIent. Iowever, AdrIanne Is aIso a protector
oI the envIronment, anImaIs, women, and chIIdren-aII oI whIch war and
hate chew up and spIt back out. AdrIanne can toIerate ChrIs, especIaIIy
because jensen IIkes hIm, but askIng them to Iorm a IrIendshIp or even
an amIabIe acquaIntance Is too much Ior eIther oI them.
Steve Iaughs IIrst whIch breaks any remaInIng tensIon. "Youre way out
oI your Ieague, Iove," Steve rumbIes and grIns wIder when ChrIss Iace
scrunches petuIantIy. "ts aIrIght. m way out oI your Ieague, too, but
stIII stIck around," Steve consoIes hIs Iover. ChrIs grIns so wIde hIs bIue
eyes aImost dIsappear behInd squIntIng eyeIIds and round cheeks. t Is a
nIce Iook Ior hIm because he usuaIIy scowIs and when he does smIIe-
weII, most oI those smIIes veer towards sadIsm.
" am not drunk enough Ior thIs!" ChrIs decIares IInaIIy.
" hope MIke remembers to brIng the ambrosIa," Steve adds In
agreement.
"WeII, Its not my IauIt you guys are IIIrtIng and not waIkIng!" jensen
excIaIms, pushIng them toward cco Iounge and IgnorIng AdrIanne and
ChrIss twIn snorts oI dIsgust. When they get cIose to the perImeter oI
the cIub the puIse oI the bass Is aIready audIbIe, vIbratIng the sIdewaIk
and asphaIt beneath theIr Ieet. There are a dIzzy number oI peopIe IIned
up outsIde the cIub, tryIng to push InsIde, pressIng In around the group
oI Iour. urIy bouncers armed wIth sungIasses and cIIpboards and
dressed In bIack sIacks and jackets gate the entrances.
jensen moves to push hIs way through the crowd when an abrupt and
heavy Impact nearIy throws hIm to the ground-not an easy Ieat, so
jensen has a good Idea oI who It Is even beIore MIke starts pIacIng wet,
wIne-scented kIsses aII over hIs Iace.
"jenny!" he crows deIIghtedIy, IookIng more IIke he just redIscovered hIs
Iost IavorIte toy and not IIke he Is reunItIng wIth an oId IrIend. jensen
and MIke have aIways gotten aIong. MIke kInd oI IacIIItated the creatIon
oI Greek drama aIter aII. And the guy knows how to throw a party, whIch
doesnt hurt.
"MIke," jensen Iaughs, IettIng the shorter man throw an arm around hIs
shouIders but avoIdIng another sIoppy kIss. "Youre IeavIng us behInd,
MIke! Youre aIready drunk."
MIke grIns up at hIm, the geI In hIs cIose-cropped brown haIr catchIng
the gIImmerIng streetIIghts. "m not even cIose-and neIther are you!
Iuck, jenny! Youve been pussyIng around and not gettIn down to
business. Or the busIness oI partyIng, anyway."
"Thats because you saId that youd be brIngIng the good stuII," jensen
retorts.
MIke bIInks and grIns, waggIIng hIs eyebrows. "So dId. ever Iear,
darIIn, got It," he reaches up and sIaps jensen on hIs cheek, graspIng
jensens chIn In strong IIngers. "My, my-youre just as purty as ever!"
jensen Iaughs, grIps MIkes chIn In a sImIIar IashIon. "And you Iook IIke a
sIoppy drunk," he answers because MIke has dark, untrImmed stubbIe
that scratches jensens IIngertIps.
MIke puckers up and trIes and IaIIs to Iand another kIss on jensens
person. "ThIs Iook totaIIy suIts my IIIestyIe as rugged vIneyard owner.
IorgIve me, jenny. We cant cll be cIean-shaven youths," he says rueIuIIy
beIore hIs eyes dart behInd jensen and he breaks out Into a charmIng,
sugary smIIe. "Addy!" Ie Ieaps around jensen, takes AdrIannes hand
and spIns her around. "You Iook gorgeous, as aIways, Addy," he
observes genuIneIy wIth a haII-sober smIIe. "And that dress! s that the
Iatest VaIentIno?"
"You know It," AdrIanne wInks.
Out oI the corner oI hIs eye jensen sees Steve puII a Iace and Iean Into
ChrIs. "Ie knows that because he was raIsed as a gIrI," Steve whIspers.
"Ie knows that because hes still a gIrI," ChrIs adds back, just as quIetIy.
jensen grIns at them whIIe MIke Ignores them. AdrIanne gIares at ChrIs
hard who raIses hIs eyebrow IIke whct did do?
AdrIanne narrows her eyes warnIngIy at aII three oI them beIore turnIng
back to MIke, pIayIuI grIn takIng the pIace oI her sour Iook. AdrIanne by
nature wIII just aIways preIer IemaIe company unIess It Is her brother
jensen. Iowever, she possesses a soIt spot Ior MIke. Ierhaps because
he Ioves the wIIds and Its creatures as much as she does, or perhaps
wIth hIs drunken charm and deIIghtIuI "IoIIow your heart" way oI IIvIng It
was hard Ior anybody to truIy despIse the god now known as MIchaeI
Iosenbaum.
"And you do Iook quIte sIovenIy, MIchaeI," AdrIanne reprImands but
brushes her IIngers tenderIy over hIs stubbIe-rough chIn to show her
aIIectIon. MIke beams so brIghtIy AdrIanne mIght as weII have IIt a
IIrework.
"m not aIraId to admIt have the bIggest crush on you, Addy. You
totaIIy have my heart, pIease dont break It."
AdrIanne Iaughs, throwIng her head back, a dIstInct bIush on her cheeks
vIsIbIe to jensen even under the cover oI nIght. "You wIII charm me Irom
my vow yet."
MIke kIsses the back oI her hand. "ts my goaI." IIs eyes catch ChrIs
and Steve and he straIghtens, smIIe dIstInctIy Iess IamIIIar but no Iess
genuIne. "ts you two," he says soItIy. "Iavent seen you guys In a Iong
tIme-Its been a coupIe oI decades, hasnt It?"
Steve smIIes IIrst. "Yeah, Its been hard to drag thIs guy Irom the MIddIe
ast IateIy," he says by way oI expIanatIon, jabbIng a thumb In ChrIss
dIrectIon. "And Sudan beIore that."
ChrIs wrInkIes hIs nose. "What are you taIkIng about? Were aIways on
some damn boat oI yours In the mIddIe oI the ocean," he grumbIes.
Steve Ignores hIm and hoIds out hIs hand. "ames Steve CarIson now.
ThIs Is ChrIstIan Kane."
"MIchaeI Iosenbaum," MIke says, IgnorIng Stevens extended hand In
Iavor oI puIIIng hIm Into an abrupt and sIoppy hug. ChrIs growIs even
though Steve chuckIes and returns the embrace and when MIke goes to
gIve ChrIs a sImIIar greetIng ChrIs IIIcks the god In the Iorehead.
"Hug me and suIIer," ChrIs warns darkIy.
MIke grIns toothIIy and spIns around to jensen, hookIng an arm around
jensens neck. "What are we waItIng Ior! Iets go In! heard tonIghts a
IIngerIe party!"
jensen Iaughs when AdrIanne vIsIbIy perks up. They push theIr way
through the IIne-past ceIebrItIes and hopeIuIs aIIke-and up to the
doorman. jensens a taII man, but the doorman has to be about sIx-eIght
and just as wIde. Ie Irowns at them and jensen raIses hIs chIn, squarIng
hIs shouIders arrogantIy.
"AckIes." jensen smIIes smarmIIy.
The doorman does not even Iook at the cIIpboard, pretendIng to be
unImpressed by theIr boId approach. "m sorry, youre not on the IIst."
jensen does not break hIs smIIe, but hIs eyes spark dangerousIy. "lm
sorry, m aIways on the IIst," he spares a scowI at hIs sIster when she
pInches hIm In the sIde. "Were aIways on the IIst. You must be new."
ChrIs scoIIs. "You promIsed us a good nIght, jenny," he teases Irom
behInd, Steve joInIng In. MIke spIns around jensen and AdrIanne to pat
the doorman on the shouIder.
"m pretty sure that the rIchest sIbIIngs In the worId are on every IIst",
he nods to jensen, who Is puttIng on hIs best haughty and "m not
amused" Irown. The doormans eyebrows crInkIe, narrow brown eyes
Iook Inward, tryIng to pIace the names and Iaces.
AdrIanne roIIs her eyes and pInches jensen In the sIde, even harder, and
totaIIy ruInIng the IntImIdatIng prIck presence he had goIng on. "Stop
beIng a dIck and gIve hIm the rIdIcuIous tIcket you paId Ior."
jensen roIIs hIs eyes, puIIIng out the conIIrmatIon Ior the IIve hundred
doIIar IIatInum VI tIcket he bought Ior the "IoyaI Saturday" nIght (that
Is reaIIy why he had chosen thIs pIace because the nIght was caIIed
"IoyaI Saturday" and he Is kInd oI royaI and awesome, but AdrIanne
IIked the pIace because It boasted oI beIng the onIy envIronmentaIIy
conscIence nIghtcIub In Ios AngeIes). "ts a IIttIe bIt oI an InsuIt to have
to use the tIcket," jensen snaps.
AdrIanne shrugs, but does not appear pIeased wIth the hoIdup eIther.
"WeII, we havent been In IA IIke thIs Ior a whIIe."
They can see when the bIg doorman begIns to get It. IIs squInty brown
eyes practIcaIIy spark as the name AckIes rIses In hIs memory and
connects ItseII wIth the name Morgan. The doorman who Is probabIy
around hIs mId IortIes wIth dark, sun-damaged Ieathery skIn starts to
paIe In reaIIzatIon, but jensen Is aIready rudeIy pushIng past hIm.
"WaIt! -you have to waIt Ior someone to take you to your booth!" the
guy caIIs aIter them. jensen hears the sound oI scrambIIng and cursIng
beIore the sound oI the crowd IIned up at the door as weII as the
doorman Is consumed compIeteIy by the poundIng sound system. A hIp
hop mash up thrums through what Is boasted to be the best sound
system In IoIIywood courtesy oI j MG-jensen notIced the name when
he purchased the tIckets.
lm in the house
lm in the mother jucking house
l step this side cnd turn it out, out, out
The dance IIoor Is packed, stompIng Ieet and bumpIng bodIes seemIng to
magnIIy the trembIe oI the bass. ThIs type oI musIc Is not jensens
IavorIte, but he Ioves some oI Its quaIItIes aII the same, Ioves how easy It
Is Ior hIm to get Iost In the mInd-numbIng repetItIve beats, Ioves how thIs
musIc can make skIn and muscIes tIngIe and reIax better than any
aIcohoI-send the mInd on a cIoudy IreeIaII wIthout any drugs.
MIke crows at the scene, body swayIng a IIttIe graceIessIy, wanderIng to
the edge oI the dance IIoor, eyes entranced by the young bodIes pushIng
agaInst each other-by the drunken, sweaty, dIrty reveIry. jensen
reaches out and steers hIm away, Ior now, just as a harrIed waItress
shows up to guIde them to jensens reserved booth. She Is cute, bottIe
bIonde but she puIIs It oII just IIne, and her bIack button up unIIorm Is so
Iow jensen can see hInts oI her Iacey pInk bra whenever she Ieans over
or shIIts her shouIders. They pIIed In the booth and soon drInks were In
theIr hands-jensen had a gIn and tonIc and he notIces that ChrIs has a
whIskey or bourbon onIy because hIs eyes happen to catch on the gIass
as he turns to Iook out on the rest oI the cIub. t dId not reaIIy matter
what was In theIr gIasses anyway. WIthIn seconds the human aIcohoI Is
gone and repIaced by ambrosIa, MIke tuckIng away hIs bottIe as soon as
theIr gIasses are IIIIed.
" dont see any IIngerIe, MIke," jensen teases. " thought thIs was
supposed to be a IIngerIe party?" MIke Irowns In conIusIon, shouIders
swayIng and head stIII boppIng a IIttIe to the beat.
"So youre back to women now aIter aII? thought that they were too
compIIcated," AdrIanne asks, IIps curIIng Into a mockIng smIIe.
jensen scowIs deIensIveIy. "o. just- just want to see women In
IIngerIe. ont read so much Into It, sIster."
MIke sIps hIs drInk, shruggIng. " thought saw an advertIsement Ior a
IIngerIe party."
jensen huIIs and when theIr waItress steps up to them agaIn he grabs
her by the wrIst and spIns her, puIIIng her oII baIance and Into hIs Iap.
"Iey, darIIn," he drawIs, smIIIng charmIngIy at her and IgnorIng hIs
sIsters derIsIve and unIadyIIke snort besIde hIm.
The gIrI-Grace, her nametag reads-bIushes IurIousIy. ". Mr. AckIes,
my boss-" she starts, IookIng around nervousIy and jensen grIns
because she recognIzed hIm and just hIs name Is makIng her nervous.
Ie Ioves beIng InIamous.
"You can caII me jensen, Gracey." Ie grIns at her and she smIIes coyIy
back, quIckIy gettIng over her startIed shyness. "You wont get In
troubIe, my IrIends and me just have a questIon and Isnt thIs more
comIortabIe than yeIIIng to be heard over the musIc?" he asks sImpIy.
"Yes, SIr?" Grace answers, bItIng an over-gIossed IIp. jensen raIses a
teasIng eyebrow and Grace seems to reIax IuIIy, bracIng smaII hands on
jensens neck, settIng her own shouIders back so that her pInk bra and
the dark crease oI her cIeavage Is cIearIy vIsIbIe. Ier smIIe turns Irom
shy to suItry as easy as IIIppIng a swItch and jensen chooses not to Iet
that bother hIm and Instead amuse hIm Ior now. " mean, jensen."
Ie smIIes trIumphantIy at her beIore IookIng around. MIke seems to
have Iost Interest and Is haII-engaged wIth Steve In conversatIon, not
takIng hIs eyes oII the dance IIoor Ior too Iong. AdrIannes roIIIng her
eyes at hIm so hard they mIght get stuck In the back oI her head and
ChrIs Is watchIng the dIspIay wIth a cunnIng, amused smIIe and a raIsed
eyebrow.
"See, we heard that there was supposed to be a IIngerIe party here. We
havent seen much IIngerIe, except-" Ie Iooks meanIngIuIIy at her
breasts causIng her to gIggIe throatIIy. "And whIIe m not compIaInIng,
Its not what expected."
Grace grIns and roIIs her eyes. "You guys must have been partyIng hard
to Iorget what day It Is. The IIngerIe party was yesterday." She Ieans In
cIose, pushIng gIIttery pInky IIps next to jensens ear. "ut II you want,
can gIve you a prIvate show aIter my shIIt."
jensen grIns IascIvIousIy at her. "d IIke that." And he thInks that maybe
he actuaIIy wouId. Ie has been kIckIng around the MedIterranean wIth
nothIng but nostaIgIa and IoneIIness surroundIng hIm Ior too Iong and It
IeeIs good to settIe back Into hIs party boy, spoIIed heIr Image. Ie Iorgot
over the past Iew months how much It entertaIns hIm to be the center oI
specuIatIon and hype.
" have to get back to work. II check In on you In a Iew mInutes.
Iemember youve got an open bar aII nIght." She pats jensens chest,
IIngerIng a Iew moments to press her hand agaInst the muscIes, beIore
smIrkIng and wIggIIng oII oI jensens Iap. Ie turns back to the others
who are aII starIng at hIm wIth varyIng Iooks.
"What?" Ie grIns. " thought we were here to party."
MIke Iooks dIsappoInted. "StIII, was reaIIy IookIng Iorward to some
IIngerIe."
AdrIanne bIInks contempIatIveIy at the dejected man. "MIke," she says
careIuIIy. "What about-" MIke tenses, obvIousIy havIng pIcked up on
where AdrIanne was goIng wIth thIs so she reIraIns Irom sayIng the
name. "You two seemed so perIect Ior each other. thought It wouId
work out-despIte your Iear oI commItment." The Iast bIt Is supposed to
be teasIng, but It makes the scruIIy man wIIt Iurther.
"Ie wont taIk to me, Addy. Ie IeIt a Iong tIme ago and cant IInd hIm."
"Thats nonsense. one oI us are Iost. You can IInd hIm II you wanted,"
AdrIanne poInts out, her tone unIorgIvIng. Shes not beIng a bItch,
jensen knows, but she Is doIng a kIndness by not aIIowIng excuses. She
does that to hIm aII the tIme, and he to her when the occasIon caIIs Ior It.
MIke does not seem oIIended, so eIther he understands that AdrIanne Is
not beIng crueI or he hImseII has Iong known thIs truth.
" Iooked, but It was hard to IInd hIm. You know that means he doesnt
want to be Iound." MIke perks up, Iake smIIe quIckIy IIzzIng out Into a
reaI one. "So, who can bIame me Ior wantIng to have a IIttIe Iun? couId
work some oI my charm." Ie waves hIs IIngers toward the dance IIoor.
"m sure couId get some oI those dancers In theIr IIngerIe-you wouId
IIke that too, wouIdnt you jenny?"
jensen Iaughs, noddIng, gIancIng at the dance IIoor. There Is a young
man on the edge oI It, eyeIng jensen-has been Ior a whIIe-and jensen
smIIes promIsIngIy back.
AdrIanne eIbows hIm. "Come on, brother. know youre on the rebound
but dont embarrass me by dancIng wIth that ]ersey Shore wannabe."
ChrIs Iaughs harshIy. "y the gods, woman!" he excIaIms In AdrIannes
dIrectIon beIore turnIng to jensen. "oes she aIways have a Ieash so
tIght around you? o wonder you Iook so mIserabIe."
AdrIanne scowIs hard at the IonghaIred man, causIng ChrIs to Iaugh
harder. She turns to MIke, runnIng a hand through hIs haIr
aIIectIonateIy. "ont worry, MIke. Iear oI commItment Is
understandabIe. At Ieast you dont have jensens probIem, where just
about everyone Is aIraId to commIt to him."
jensen huIIs at her, reachIng up and IIIckIng her In the ear. "Thank you,
Addy. And Its not that-Its just, peopIe ve seen IateIy they just dont
want to be." he traIIs oII wIth a heIpIess shrug. Ie thInks he shouId be
embarrassed, but they are hIs IamIIy-and hIs cIosest IrIends-aIter aII.
"Wooed," AdrIanne throws In, not so heIpIuIIy.
jensen wrInkIes hIs nose and sIps at hIs drInk IndIgnantIy. "ot wooed!
You make me sound IIke a gIrI."
AdrIanne raIses an eyebrow and pats hIs shouIder. "You make It sound
IIke thats a bad thIng."
"t Is a bad thIng," ChrIs puts In, gIarIng at AdrIanne. Ie turns to jensen
wIth a pItyIng Iook. "And you are a whIny gIrI."
jensen throws hIs head back and snorts but IeeIs InexpIIcabIy better.
"Thanks, ChrIs."
ChrIs nods serIousIy. "Youre weIcome."
Steve roIIs hIs eyes and sets down hIs drInk. "Maybe Its not that theyre
not Interested In you, maybe youre not reaIIy Interested In them." When
jensen starts to shake hIs head Steve hoIds up hIs hand to hoId up the
InterruptIon. "o, IIsten man. went through the same thIng once. m
sure aII oI us have or wIII. You just-tIme wears on you, youve seen a Iot
oI thIngs and a Iot oI dIIIerent peopIe and nothIng reclly IntrIgues you
anymore. You want someone to Iove, but youre just too restIess and
maybe a IIttIe too jaded Ior anyone to hoId your Interest."
MIke roIIs hIs eyes, smIIIng at the bIond man IondIy. "Iow wouId you
even remember that? Youve been smItten wIth that Ioser Ior a coupIe oI
centurIes now." Ie jabs hIs thumb In ChrIss dIrectIon, eIIcItIng an
annoyed "hey!" Irom the short-tempered man.
"And Its kInd oI In your nature to be restIess, Steve," AdrIanne poInts
out, a comIortIng hand on jensens shouIder whIch jensen Is In part
thankIuI Ior (Steves words IeIt an uncomIortabIe dark knot In the pIt oI
hIs stomach and a bItter taste In the back oI hIs throat) and IrrItated at
because aII oI thIs Is her IauIt Ior startIng thIs conversatIon.
Steve shrugs casuaIIy, eyes a IIttIe sympathetIc, obvIousIy not IooIed by
jensens Iake smIIe. "Then why hcve stuck around thIs Ioser Ior so
Iong?" he poInts out, IookIng to ChrIs who honest to gods pouts. "Iook,
m not sayIng It Iasts, but maybe the Iaster you come to terms wIth It the
Iaster you can IInd a more comIortabIe way to IIve-just IIke anythIng
eIse."
jensen Iooks away Irom those kInd watery bIue eyes. "IIne." ut he
thInks that that probabIy Is not the rIght response, somehow, and IaIIs
compIeteIy to express the roIIIng emotIons Iodged In hIs chest.
"Your probIem Is that you date mortaIs," ChrIs throws In. And Irom most
other gods thIs wouId be derIsIve and judgmentaI and It is true that
ChrIs doesnt harbor the same Iondness Ior humans as jensen does-as
theIr Iather does. ut hes not mockIng jensen Ior hIs choIce, just beIng
honest oI hIs observatIons.
jensen Irowns. "There Is nothIng wrong wIth them."
ChrIs roIIs hIs eyes. "verythIng Is wrong wIth mortaIs II you are IookIng
Ior reaI Iove, jensen."
"Theyre-Theyre just peopIe, ChrIs. othIng Is wrong about IaIIIng In
Iove wIth a mortaI," jensen repeats, runnIng a hand through hIs haIr,
sIghIng In conIusIon. Ie knows that the gods tend to Irown upon Iong-
term reIatIonshIps wIth mortaIs and especIaIIy procreatIng wIth mortaIs.
ut nothIng Is wrong wIth IovIng a human.
ChrIs shakes hIs head. "o, man. ts not just that. Yeah, In my
experIence, mortaIs are good Ior a one-nIght stand or maybe a short
IIIng. ut reaI Iove?" ChrIs shrugs, shakIng hIs head. "They cannot even
comprehend reaI Iove. ts not theIr IauIt-Its just a symptom oI theIr
mortaIIty. I youre IookIng Ior somethIng Iong term, Its recsoncble that
you IInd another ImmortaI."
There are a Iew beats oI sIIence where jensen Is not sure whether he
wants to weep or argue. IInaIIy, It Is MIke that breaks the sIIence,
IrownIng at ChrIs. "ude. Youre not aIIowed to party wIth me ever
agaIn. Youre such a IuckIng downer," he remarks bIuntIy, causIng
AdrIanne and jensen to break out In abrupt Iaughter at the Iook on
ChrIss Iace.
Steve Iaughs, too, throwIng hIs arm around hIs Iover and coaxIng hIm
Into a Iong kIss. jensen Iooks away, Iooks to the guy that Is stIII eyeIng
hIm Irom the dance IIoor. Ie Is not bad IookIng, probabIy a young modeI
or actor. jensen does not recognIze hIm, but that does not mean much
sInce jensen has been out oI the IoIIywood scene Ior a whIIe. The guy Is
good IookIng, haIr cropped cIose to hIs head. Ie Is over dressed-]ersey
Shore, AdrIanne had saId, but jensens not too IamIIIar wIth the
reIerence. Ie even has sungIasses on the top oI hIs head, whIch meant
he had worn them earIIer, cIearIy tryIng way too hard, and had quIckIy
notIced that no one eIse was sportIng shades. These IashIon Iaux pas
are what make jensen thInk he Is eIther Iamous or rIch enough to bypass
the dress code or the kId (actuaIIy, the guy Is probabIy around hIs mId-
twentIes) Is on good terms wIth the doorman.
"You know," MIke says, InterruptIng jensen Irom hIs IntentIon oI gettIng
up and meetIng the guy on the dance IIoor. jensen turns around, raIsIng
an eyebrow In ImpatIence. MIke grIns knowIngIy. " was just gonna say,
jenny. dont thInk ChrIs Is wrong, but dont thInk hes got the whoIe
pIcture, eIther." Ie shrugs. "I youre IookIng Ior somethIng a IIttIe more
serIous, thInk know someone who can heIp."
jensen smIrks. "You settIng me up on a bIInd date, MIke?"
MIke roIIs hIs eyes. "IIease. wouIdnt wIsh you on my worst enemy,
much Iess jared."
"jared?" jensen shrugs In conIusIon but aIso to teII MIke that hes game
to IIsten. "WeII, then, what are you suggestIng?"
MIke IIcks hIs IIps. " know thIs guy-hes reaIIy a IrIend, guess. Ie
owns TrueOne, Its a datIng agency."
ChrIs breaks Irom hIs make out sessIon wIth Steve to point and lcugh at
jensen. "IoIy shIt, a dcting agency!" he cackIes. "T-Thats-omph!" IIs
taunts are abruptIy cut oII by Steves weII-pIaced eIbow. The bIond
smIIes InnocentIy at MIke.
"You were sayIng?" he prompts sweetIy. ut jensens aIready IrownIng,
because a datIng agency seems over the top.
MIke waves hIs hand. " know what youre thInkIng. datIng agencIes and
datIng websItes are Ior Iosers-Ior the desperate. And know you mIght
be IeeIIng desperate- get that, we have aII been there-but the truth Is
that you can get whoever the heII you want and youre not actuaIIy
desperate and thIs Isnt your Iast resort."
jensen bIInks and nods, sIppIng at hIs drInk, muscIes reIaxIng as the
ambrosIa IIoods through hIs system. "AIrIght, II IIsten to your pItch.
Why do you thInk shouId do thIs?"
MIke shrugs. "I youre IookIng Ior someone serIous, Ior a reaI Iover, Ior
someone who wIII probabIy get you-weII, some obvIous secrets asIde-
then thInk jared can heIp. Ie runs the most successIuI datIng agency
and onIIne datIng sIte In the !nIted States and thInk the worId," he
Ieans In cIoser, across AdrIanne, eyes dancIng. "The InterestIng thIng Is
that the kId Is onIy twenty-IIve, has onIy been In the busIness Ior about
IIve years, vIews every proIIIe hImseII, and have seen hIm work Ior two
years now and cannot IIgure out how he does It."
"oes It?" jensen echoes.
"Ie has a nInety-nIne percent success rate. ve seen the coupIes he puts
together. ts.uncanny how the peopIe he sets up IIt together so
seamIessIy. Iavor the kId and thInk oI hIm as a IrIend, but reaIIy the
reason ve stuck around so Iong In IA Is because jared and hIs busIness
Is a bIt oI a mystery to me."
jensen Irowns. "So, you thInk thIs guy can, dont know, set me up wIth
the Iove oI my IIIe or somethIng?" Ie says It IncreduIousIy and InwardIy
stamps down on the part oI hIm that rIses In hope at how appeaIIng It
sounds.
MIke shrugs agaIn. "IonestIy? m not sure It wIII work that way Ior you.
thInk ChrIs Is rIght and dont thInk youII IInd any reaI Iove wIth a
human. ut, II youre IookIng Ior a Ionger termed reIatIonshIp or Ior
somethIng a IIttIe bIt more meanIngIuI, then thInk thIs mIght heIp. t
mIght cure thIs Itch you have."
jensen nods, Iooks to AdrIanne Ior her opInIon out oI habIt. She smIIes
IondIy at hIm, eIther because she Is amused at the suggestIon oI a
matchmakIng servIce or because she oIIers her support whatever hIs
decIsIon, he cannot be sure. Ie swIveIs hIs eyes back toward MIke. "You
know? just mIght keep that In mInd. Were goIng to be stayIng Ior a
whIIe anyway." Ie poIntedIy Ignores ChrIss guIIaws and IeeIs no smaII
amount oI gIee at the vIcIous, protectIve gIare AdrIanne sends In the
IonghaIred mans dIrectIon.
MIke grIns. "I nothIng eIse, you can heIp me soIve the mystery oI how
thIs guy works."
ut jensens aIready movIng on, standIng up and straIghtenIng hIs
cIothes-takIng oII a coupIe oI Iayers-because he has an "Itch" that
couId use some attentIon now. "m goIng out there," he says, noddIng
hIs head toward the dance IIoor. "ecause thIs nIght Is supposed to be
me and Addy weIcomIng ourseIves back to IA. And, thInk you two have
gIven ChrIs enough ammunItIon agaInst me to Iast a coupIe oI decades."
"CenturIes, jenny. Centuries." ChrIs chuckIes, standIng up as weII.
jensen throws an accusatory gIare at AdrIanne and MIke. They step
away Irom theIr booth and head to the dance IIoor, spreadIng out. MIke
practIcaIIy Ieaps Into the mIddIe oI the crowd, dIsappearIng Irom vIew
InstantIy. ChrIs and Steve remaIn on the IrInges-ChrIs does not mInd a
crowd though sometImes the jostIIng can IrrItate hIm, It Is Steve who
hates encIosed spaces and the stIII aIr In the mIdst oI human bodIes. t Is
dark and the muItI coIored IIghts on the ceIIIng and waIIs are IIashIng
wIIdIy, but jensen can teII that ChrIs and Steve are not even dancIng to
the musIc but are grIndIng together sIowIy, IIps Iatched to each others
throats, hands strokIng each others bodIes In tender caresses and
jensen has to Iook away.
Lets go plcy in the gclcxy
And mcgicclly shoot through the stcrs
Strcight to the middle oj c jcntcsy
jensen dances wIth hIs sIster at IIrst, spInnIng her around pIayIuIIy,
keepIng the dIstance pIatonIc and Iun. She Iaughs when he pIcks her up
and dIps her, whIppIng her back to her Ieet beIore anyone can bump
Into her head. Ie reIIshes In her Iaugh Ior a Iew moments and IInds
hImseII happy to be back In AmerIca and gIItzy IA agaIn.
AdrIanne eventuaIIy twIrIs away, havIng spotted someone she mIght be
Interested In. jensen Is not aIone Ior Iong, though, because ]ersey Shore
guy sIdIes up to hIm, pressIng agaInst hIm, and Its a warm and wIIIIng
body and jensen cannot say no to that.
jersey Shore Iooks up Into jensens eyes, grInnIng broad and seductIve.
IIs cheeks are IIushed and eyes dIstInctIy gIazed, probabIy too drunk or
hIgh Ior stImuIatIng conversatIon.
ts a good thIng jensens not IookIng Ior personaIIty tonIght, he
supposes.
"Youre jensen AckIes," jersey Shore marveIs and jensen grIns
IecherousIy and puIIs the warm body cIoser untII jensen presses hIs
thIgh between the younger mans Iegs, crushIng theIr hIps together.
jersey Shore gasps, mouth IaIIIng open, eyes roIIIng at the contact. They
move together IIke that Ior a whIIe, grIndIng hard and Iast IIke the
musIc.
l did my best to notice
When the ccll ccme down the line
Up to the plctjorm oj surrender
l wcs brought but l wcs kind
And sometimes l get nervous
When l see cn open door
Close your eyes, clecr your hecrt
Cut the cord
jensen Ieans down untII hIs IIps brush past jersey Shores ear and he
knows hIs warm breath ghosts over the mans neck. "Yes am. ut do
you reaIIy want to waste tIme taIkIng?"
When jersey Shore breathes he smeIIs IIke whIskey and Coca-CoIa. "Iuck
no," he groans, wrappIng hIs hands around jensens hIps. jensen
chuckIes throatIIy and throws hIs head back, sInkIng Into the obIIvIon oI
musIc and warmth.

"Good news, MIss uncan!" jared says cheerIuIIy Into the phone as he
IIngers the two IoIders on hIs desk.
"Mr. IadaIeckI, reaIIy must InsIst that you caII me Iuby!" the mIddIe
aged woman on the other end oI the IIne rebukes. "Short Ior Iuberta,
remember? God, what an awIuI, embarrassIng name." jared chuckIes,
IeeIIng a IIttIe gIddy. Ie never IaIIs to IeeI thIs way whenever he thInks
he IInds a match. The gIddIness Is prImarIIy nervousness, a persIstent
Iear that he wIII somehow be wrong about the match, that whatever thIs
Iuzzy, ephemeraI InstInct Is that aIIows hIm to just know wIII someday be
gone and he wIII Iet hIs cIIents down. ut some oI the gIddIness Is
excItement because somehow he does just know and he cant waIt Ior
these peopIe to IInd each other-cant waIt to see the connectIon and
Iooks Iorward to a coupIe oI months down the road when they come back
and jared sees thIs tender, uncondItIonaI, unbreakabIe Iove In theIr
eyes.
"AIrIght, Iuby," he concedes. " have some good news Ior you. m
posItIve ve Iound a match."
Iuby uncan Is sIIent Ior a Iew mInutes and jared Irowns, unsure. Iuby
uncan Is actuaIIy Dr. uncan and she Is Iorty-three years oId. She has
been In schooI her whoIe IIIe, earnIng degree aIter degree, and the onIy
tIme shes taken oII Irom schooI In the past was a three-year stInt In the
Ieace Corps and another Iour years to wrIte two books. She Is amazIng
and accompIIshed but she just has not had much tIme Ior a serIous
reIatIonshIp and has been out oI datIng Ior so Iong she dId not even
know how to go about It anymore.
jared wouId reaIIy IIke to heIp her wIth that. Ie thInks It Is about tIme
someone be as devoted to her as she has been to her studIes and
heIpIng others Ior the past severaI years. "Iuby?" he asks tentatIveIy.
".ts just. was onIy In there a IIttIe over a week ago. You Iound
someone aIready?" she breathes In dIsbeIIeI. IIke an IncreasIng number
oI jareds "oII-IIne" cIIents, Iuby had traveIed Irom a coupIe oI states
away to try TrueOne.
jareds even startIng to get an IncreasIng number oI cIIents IIyIng over
Irom other countrIes to see hIm. ts a IIttIe mInd-bIowIng.
jared smIIes IondIy Into the receIver. "WeII, Its just a date, Iuby. just
somethIng to get to know each other. ut thInk hes a good match Ior
you. IIs name Is AshIeIgh Iack and hes an eccentrIc poIItIcs proIessor
at StanIord."
"ccentrIc. IIke In a cute way?" Iuby asks wIth a curIous and nervous
IIIt. jared Iaughs reassurIngIy.
" thInk hes endearIng. You wont be bored."
"So. What happens now?" Iuby asks and jared IeeIs a personaI trIumph
when he hears the excIted tremor In her voIce.
"WeII, II send you some oI hIs proIIIe, just IIke II send hIm some oI yours
wIth your permIssIon. The next step Is Ior you two to meet. You two can
arrange your own meetIng oI course, but preIer beIng there Ior the
IIrst meetIng. IInd that sInce you both are IamIIIar wIth me It heIps
make the conversatIon easIer. AIso, just IIke to observe the IIrst
meetIng, to make sure you two are as compatIbIe In person as you are on
paper."
"-yes, jared. That sounds good. can aIIord to get away Irom here and
come Ior the IIrst meetIng-date." The Iast word sends her Into a short,
quIet serIes oI gIrIIsh gIggIes that make jared Iaugh as weII.
"WeII, have a deaI wIth the owner oI Ieavens VIneyard-the restaurant
beIow us. I you choose to have the IIrst date there then the meaI Is
Iree."
"Yeah, remember you taIkIng about that. StIII, thats amazIng. And
dont have to worry about where to meet up or budget or anythIng."
jared nods even though no one can see hIm. "Yeah. And Its aIso just a
nIce pIace. t has the appearance oI a cozy caIe but Its actuaIIy IIsted as
a IIve star restaurant, so the Iood and drInk come wIth a guarantee," he
jokes and Iuby tItters agaIn. "So, when do you thInk you can come back
to IA?"
Ie IInIshes arrangIng some dates wIth Iuby and hangs up, and types
the InIormatIon Into hIs computer. When someone abruptIy cIears theIr
throat jared yeIps, IIyIng back In hIs chaIr and nearIy IaIIIng out oI It-
IIndIng hIs Ieet under hIm at the Iast moment, wIId eyes gIuIng to the
IIgure that seems to have appear soundIessIy and out oI nowhere In hIs
unoccupIed oIIIce.
"Woah, jarebear," MIke says cheerIuIIy, hoIdIng up hIs hands In
surrender. "ts just me."
"jesus ChrIst, MIke!" jared huIIs as he rIghts hImseII and seII-conscIousIy
straIghtens hIs cIothes. Ie takes a deep breath and pIops back Into hIs
chaIr and gIares at MIke, who Is tryIng hard to keep hIs uproarIous
Iaughter tapered to a chuckIe.
"Iunny, you dIdnt strIke me as the hIgh strung type!" MIke manages
around hIs giggles.
jared scowIs and scoots up to hIs computer once agaIn to compIete hIs
notes whIIe he stIII remembers. "You dId that on purpose." IIs nose
wrInkIes. "And dont caII me jarebear."
MIke pouts. "ut gIve nIcknames to cll oI my IrIends," he whInes. "Iow
about jarey?"
"God, no," jared answers shortIy.
"jayjay?"
jared just gIares.
"Sasquatch?"
"Shut up, you ass," jared mumbIes but cant hIde the begInnIngs oI a
smIIe.
MIke peers cIoser. "IazeI.nut?"
"Where the heII dId thct come Irom? t makes me sound IIke a coIIee
house porn star."
MIke nods serIousIy In agreement, shruggIng. "jaybIrd?"
"You know what happens to Chad when he caIIs me that."
MIke Irowns. " cant remember. Were you the one behInd the purpIe
haIr or the permanent marker on hIs Iace?"
"oth. And Sandy uses aIr, and d hate to see that stuII IInd Its way
Into your haIr care products. Youd Iook terrIbIe wIth no haIr."
The oIder man grIns charmIngIy. " Iook awesome aII the tIme." Ie
pauses. "jaredIna?"
jared caImIy pIcks up the phone and aIIows hIs IInger to hover over the
keypad. " wIII caII securIty," he says bIandIy.
"We dont hcve a securIty team," MIke huIIs, cheeks puIIIng out. "And
youre awesome, jared. So you deserve an awesome nIckname."
jared roIIs hIs eyes, IeeIIng IIke they are trapped In an endIess waItz
when It comes to thIs conversatIon. Ie puts down the phone and sIghs.
"Then why dont you caII me 'jay IIke everyone eIse?"
The other man pIops hImseII In one oI the chaIrs on the other sIde oI
jareds desk, exhaIIng heavIIy, and jared catches a whIII oI wIne-eIther
Irom MIkes breath or on hIs cIothes somehow, jareds not sure. Ie
gIances at the cIock, raIsIng an eyebrow, because Its onIy nIne In the
mornIng-a IIttIe earIy to get started.
"ut 'jay Isnt specIaI. t Isnt our nIckname," MIke grumbIes, IettIng hIs
head IaII back to stare up at the ceIIIng.
jared scoIIs. "SpecIaI nIcknames aIready? We arent even datIng."
MIkes Iaugh cuts oI breathIIy as he whIps hIs head Iorward, brows
Iurrowed and bIue eyes serIous. "Are you oIIerIng? ecause totaIIy
wouId take you on a date."
jared goes to Iaugh but bIInks at MIkes serIous Iook. "W-What?" he
croaks, startIed. IIs eyes wander to MIkes ankIe out oI habIt and he
sees the ghostIy red strIng wrapped around hIs ankIe, vIsIbIe even
through hIs bIack pants. jared sees the usuaI traII hang Irom hIs ankIe,
sees It wInd and curve a coupIe oI Ieet beIore dIsappearIng. jared IIstens
to MIkes souI (hIs souI sounds IIke dark, rIch soII).
" dont know. o you want to go out on a date?" jared asks careIuIIy,
brows Iurrowed.
MIke tIIts hIs head, IookIng just as unsure as jared. ".asked you IIrst?"
jared Iaughs, reIIeved that It doesnt appear that the oIder man Is
serIous. " got a date Iater anyway."
The other man arches an eyebrow In curIosIty but doesnt ask anythIng.
nstead he hums thoughtIuIIy to hImseII. "And dont IIke sharIng," he
nods decIsIveIy, but there Is a pIayIuI smIIe tuggIng at hIs IIps that Is
contagIous enough that jared catches It aImost InstantIy.
"And dont thInk you wouId make a very good date. Youd get too drunk
and IIIrt wIth other peopIe and wouId have to Ieave your ass on the
curbsIde. And dont IIke beards on my men," jared IInIshes, smIrkIng.
MIkes eyes wIden beIore he dIssoIves Into another IIt oI Iaughter,
somethIng IIke prIde-oddIy enough-gIIntIng In hIs expressIon. "Iey!"
he excIaIms suddenIy, scowIIng. "ThIs Is not a beard. ts sexy stubbIe.
ts a rugged shadow!" he deIends vehementIy, rubbIng at hIs chIn.
jared roIIs hIs eyes. " cant even see skIn anymore. ts a beard," he
judges IIrmIy. "ut what brIngs you up here so earIy?" he asks curIousIy
because he rareIy sees MIke beIore noon on most days.
MIke shrugs. "Iad to do somethIng Ior the restaurant and wanted to
ask you a Iavor."
"Sure," the younger man says easIIy. MIke opens hIs mouth to contInue
but hIs words are drowned out by the abrupt sound oI jareds door
beIng thrown open IorceIuIIy. Chad breezes In, Iace scrunched up In
dIspIeasure.
"jay, thInk-hoIy shIt, dude! Where the heII dId you come Irom?" Chad
breaks oII, jumpIng to the sIde when he sees MIke, hand poIsed
dramatIcaIIy over hIs heart.
MIke bIInks dumbIy up at Chad. "!hm. waIked?"
"o man, you totaIIy dIdnt. wouIdve notIced!"
"You were probabIy busy," MIke shrugs dIsmIssIveIy.
Chads Irown deepens. " mean, was on the phone but wouId have
seen you-"
jared roIIs hIs eyes. "Chcd," he says IIrmIy, cuttIng oII hIs IrIend. "Iow
eIse wouId he have gotten here?" StrangeIy enough, jareds remInded oI
IrIday nIght, oI MIsha whIsperIng, "l jlew". "s there a reason you just
barged In here?"
IIs best IrIend bIInks away the MIke Issue and turns to jared, mouth
open. Ie seems to thInk better oI It, eyeIng MIke warIIy and jareds
stomach drops In dread because he has a terrIbIe InkIIng oI what Chad
wants to say.
"ts Mark, Isnt It?"
Chad nods, grImacIng. "Ie. hes been caIIIng a Iot. t started yesterday.
dIdnt want to teII you because though that. anyway. Ies been
caIIIng today, too. emandIng to taIk to you and IeavIng vagueIy nasty
messages."
jared roIIs hIs eyes. "God, got my hopes up that he had gIven up," he
mutters.
Chad sIghs, runnIng a hand through hIs haIr. "jay, dont you thInk-"
jared waves Chad oII. " can handIe hIm," he InsIsts, aII the whIIe
tampIng down the doubt that bIooms IIke a bruIse In hIs sternum.
Chads Iace mIrrors jareds Inner Iack oI seII-conIIdence and It makes
jared suddenIy angry. "Whct, do you think lm too weck to hcndle him?"
The snap Is on the tIp oI hIs tongue when MIke Interrupts hIs thoughts.
"Mark? As In Mark IeIIegrIno?" MIkes brows Iurrow and jared thInks It
odd to see such a serIous Iook on the mans Iace. "snt he an ex oI yours,
jared?"
jared stIIIens, swaIIowIng thIckIy. "o," he spIts shortIy but doesnt
eIaborate. Ie turns to Chad. "Iook, can handIe It Ior now." Ie sees
when Chad reaIIzes that he Is not goIng to wIn thIs argument. jared
smIIes reassurIngIy at hIs IrIend. "Thank you, Chad."
Chad Iets out a Irustrated sIgh and Ieans hIs hIp agaInst jareds desk.
"ts just. Ies reaIIy powerIuI, jay. just thInk we need to move Iast."
MIke narrows hIs eyes and jared agaIn IeeIs uncomIortabIe wIth the gaze
that at once seems out oI pIace and so naturaI. "What Is Mark up to?"
jared runs a hand through hIs haIr. "Ies tryIng to brIng a IawsuIt
agaInst TrueOne."
The oIder man hums In conIusIon, eyes shIItIng to Chad as II to gIean
InIormatIon. Chad just shrugs. "Ies been threatenIng It Ior a whIIe, but
It Iooks IIke he mIght be makIng a move," jared expIaIns.
"WIthout reaI aIIegatIons," Chad scowIs. "There cant be reaI aIIegatIons,
anyway. We do everythIng by the book."
"We-" jared starts but Chads scoII Interrupts and jared presses hIs IIps
together. "-" he amends through hIs teeth, sendIng a dark Iook to
Chad. " dont want anyone to know. ot yet," he says wIth a meanIngIuI
Iook to MIke. "t couId be nothIng."
"AII m sayIng Is that It couId be somethIng and you dont want
empIoyees and cIIents to IInd out about It IIrst In that damn Les Destins
magazIne," Chad mutters, throwIng hIs hands up but jared Ignores hIm.
ThIs argument has gone on In varIous Iorms Ior too Iong, now.
" wont say anythIng to anyone," MIke promIses, hIs Iace a IIttIe troubIed
whIch toId jared that the man at Ieast understood the gravIty oI the
sItuatIon. "Are you sure he has no grounds?"
"IosItIve. ve Iooked over everythIng at Ieast twIce sInce he IIrst started
hIs threats," jared answers IIrmIy and knows hes rIght. Iowever, Chad
Is aIso rIght-Mark Is a powerIuI, manIpuIatIve man renowned Ior gettIng
what he wants. jareds caught a gIImpse oI how crueI Mark can be and
he never wants to see that agaIn.
The restaurant owner nods, obvIousIy muIIIng over the InIormatIon.
"StIII, the Iact that hes harassIng the company Is a IIttIe dIsconcertIng.
You need to be careIuI, jay," then he shrugs, careIree grIn back In pIace.
"ut II he doesnt actuaIIy have anythIng on you then theres no need to
get so wound up, rIght?" he says dIsmIssIveIy causIng Chad to sneer In
dIsagreement and jared to Iaugh at the mans easy ways.
"What can do Ior you, MIke?" jared prompts, eyeIng the cIock because
he has an appoIntment wIth a cIIent In a Iew mInutes.
"An oId IrIend oI mIne Is havIng some. Iove Issues, suppose." MIke
smIIes secretIveIy. "Ie wants a serIous reIatIonshIp but the peopIe he
dates never seem to be IookIng Ior the same thIng."
jared InwardIy snorts In sympathy because Isnt that the story oI hIs Iove
IIIe, too? "And you want hIm to come here?" jared guesses wIth a warm
smIIe. Ie shouId be used to thIs, but jared stIII thInks Its cooI when hIs
IrIends recommend TrueOne to theIr IrIends and IamIIy.
The oIder man nods. "Yeah. mean, thInk hes wIIIIng to try. Ies under
the ImpressIon that datIng agencIes are Ior a desperate Iast resort."
"Most peopIe do," jared says, IeanIng back In hIs chaIr and shruggIng.
"ut II hes reIuctant. ve just Iound that peopIe that are pushed In
here by IrIends and IamIIy just arent ready and open-mInded enough to
take thIs serIousIy. ts not IaIr to the other party theyre matched up
wIth."
MIke shrugs. "Ies a reasonabIe guy and thInk he reaIIzes that. Ie
mIght be a IIttIe. dubIous that thIs mIght be successIuI Ior hIm but heII
take It serIousIy."
"Iey, you dont have to be hIs advocate, MIke. trust you and II heIp
your IrIend out. So whats the Iavor? oes he need a dIscount or
somethIng?" They do promotIonaI dIscounts oIten and whIIe the Iee Ior
membershIp and buIIdIng a proIIIe Isnt even as prIcey as some oI theIr
competItIon, TrueOne does have a payment pIan avaIIabIe Ior some oI
theIr Iower Income cIIents.
jared beIIeves that everyone deserves to be abIe to IInd hIs or her true
Iove.
MIke bIInks beIore crackIng a grIn. "o, man. IeII pay IuII prIce. was
just wonderIng II you can work hIm In today or tomorrow?"
jared Irowns In thought beIore turnIng to Chad who scratches hIs head.
"m pretty sure were booked Ior the next Iew weeks," the bIond sIghs.
"o openIngs unIess theres a canceIIatIon. .can put hIm on the waItIng
IIst?"
t appears that MIke was expectIng sooner, but he nods resIgnedIy
anyway and jared smIIes. "Iow about today durIng my Iunch hour?" he
oIIers.
MIke grIns Irom ear to ear even as Chad makes a dIsapprovIng sound.
"Youd do that?"
jared chuckIes. "ts not a bIg deaI. ve done It beIore and youve heIped
both me and TrueOne out so much and havent asked anythIng oI me In
return. esIdes, what are IrIends Ior?" he asks IondIy. "Ie can come In
today? ts kInd oI Iast mInute Ior hIm, Isnt It?"
MIke shrugs and stands. "II caII hIm and teII hIm to be here. II Iet you
know II he cant make It, okay? II teII hIm Its a one-tIme oIIer."
jared Irowns. "o, he can come any tIme-" MIke Iaughs, shakIng hIs
head.
"WeII, yeah. ut m not gonna teII hIm that."
Chad tIIts hIs head, crossIng hIs arms. "o we know thIs guy?"
jared sends Chad a "shut up" Iook that the bIond man Ignores (oI course,
and jared Is crazy Ior expectIng dIIIerent). "What?" Chad snaps, hoIdIng
hIs hands out In a "why not" gesture. "just curIous. MIkes kInd oI
Iamous-or, weII, hes kInd oI IamousIy rIch. just IIgured we mIght have
a ceIebrIty come In."
The rugged man sways a IIttIe on hIs Ieet beIore merrIIy throwIng an arm
over Chad, draggIng the younger man Into hIs chest In gIeeIuI, syrupy
aIIectIon that has jared IaughIng Into hIs hand. "You mIght know hIm.
thInk he mIght be Iamous?" MIke says as II hes not sure (but hIs dancIng
eyes make It hard Ior jared to beIIeve hIs Innocent act). "ts jensen
AckIes."
jared tIIts hIs head, IeeIs a shadow press Into the back oI hIs mInd and
thInks he shouId recognIze the name but IaIIs to do so. Chads Iace
scrunches thoughtIuIIy but he doesnt say anythIng. Iowever, MIkes
aIready shakIng jareds hand and sIIppIng out oI jareds oIIIce door.
"Thanks Ior doIng thIs, man. II Iet you know II he cant make It!" MIke
grIns, spInnIng out oI the door and a Iew moments Iater they can hear
hIm greetIng a waItIng cIIent boIsterousIy.
"m teIIIng SophIa youre skIppIng Iunch," Chad accuses oII-handedIy
aIter a short sIIence.
"God, youre such a IIve year oId."
"m a survIvaIIst," Chad corrects wIth a haII shrug. "Can you ImagIne II
she IInds out Iater-and she wIII, she IIke has a radar-and she IInds out
that her precIous IIttIe brother skIpped hIs Iunch and knew and dIdnt
teII her?" Ie shakes hIs head In heavy Iament.
jared roIIs hIs eyes. "ts just one day," he says deIensIveIy.
"Iey, dont thInk Its a bIg deaI. Shes the one that thInks youre stIII
IIve or somethIng. Youre a bIg boy," Chad croons and stuIIs hIs hands In
hIs jean pockets-jeans agaIn, whIch are agaInst the dress code. jared,
as the boss, just cant Iet It sIIde.
"At Ieast wear khakIs."
Chad grIns cheekIIy. "IIease. IIdIng thIs ass In khakIs wouId be a damn
tragedy."
"So you know thIs jensen AckIes guy?"
" know oj hIm," Chad corrects. "Ies heIr to thIs InsaneIy rIch IamIIy.
Iorgot what company they run. TeIecom-maybe oII?"
jared snorts. "Those are compIeteIy dIIIerent!" he teases. "So hes an
heIr." jared muses soItIy but he Isnt even payIng attentIon to what he
says, aIready puIIIng out the IIIes oI hIs next cIIent.
" just thInk Its weIrd," Chad bIurts, IeanIng on jareds desk.
jared raIses an eyebrow. "What? That youre In here when you shouId be
out there and teIIIng Mr. SchuItz that Its tIme Ior hIs appoIntment?"
Chad scoIIs, runnIng a hand through hIs haIr as he stands back up.
"IIne. God, youre such a sIave drIver." Ie pauses haIIway to the door,
hIs pout turnIng to a curIous smIIe. "I youre Interested, thInk jensen
AckIes made It In todays Les Destins bIog-rIght under another
heartbreakIng artIcIe about you. n case youre curIous."
"You. read that gIrI gossIp bIog?" jared asks IncreduIousIy but hoIds hIs
hand up to cut oII Chads response. "Chad. Wciting and pcying cIIents.
ow," jared remInds terseIy, tryIng and IaIIIng to hIde hIs smIIe as he
makes a shooIng motIon.
Chad gIves hIm a rude gesture as he Ieaves, tossIng a "yeah, boss" over
hIs shouIder.
ut jared is kInd oI curIous. So he enters "Ies estIns" Into GoogIe and
cIIcks on the bIog sIte. Ie has to mInImIze It though when Mr. SchuItz
steps In Ior theIr appoIntment. IIght aIter that jared has to Ieave Ior a
meetIng wIth the marketIng team and then there are more cIIents and
caIIs and paperwork aIter that. very tIme he maneuvers the mouse so
that the poInter hovers over the mInImIzed artIcIe he gets Interrupted
and has to redIrect hIs attentIon somewhere eIse.
And so jared does not get to satIsIy hIs snoopIng urges untII about ten
mInutes untII one In the aIternoon when hes IInaIIy aIone wIth hIs
computer hummIng hot and the radIo pIayIng IIke a dream In the
stIIIness.
You look so dejected lying there in your new twin size bed.
With c single pillow undernecth your single hecd.
l guess you decided thct thct old queen holds more spcce thcn you would
need.
Now it's in the clley behind your cpcrtment with c sign thct scys it's jree.
And l hope you hcve more luck with this thcn me
MIke never caIIed, so jared assumes that jensen AckIes wIII show up at
one. Ie Iooks up Irom hIs desk, checkIng the oIIIce (whIch Is stupId
because hes by hImseII and hIs door Is shut) to see II anyone wIII catch
hIm readIng thIs stupId bIog that he aIways makes Iun oI.
Ie grImaces when the IIrst thIng he sees Is hIs own Iace and he
resoIuteIy skIps over the artIcIe (but hIs eyes cannot avoId snaggIng a
IIttIe bItterIy over the headIIne, "Another relctionship jor ]cy-Fcd bites the
dust?") to the one dIrectIy beIow It. There are three peopIe In the
pIcture. Ie onIy recognIzes MIke, who Iooks a Iot drunker and hcppier
than jared has ever seen hIm-even though MIke Is aIways sIppIng on
somethIng and Is generaIIy an optImIstIc person. t makes jared smIIe
IondIy. The other person In the photo Is a beautIIuI woman wIth bIonde
haIr and a pretty smIIe. The other man, who jared assumes Is jensen, Is
handsome enough jared supposes. jensens eyes are wIde enough In the
photo that jared can make out theIr coIor and shape and he decIdes that
theyre reaIIy nIce. jensen Is makIng a rIdIcuIous Iace at the camera
(probabIy drunk) so Its hard Ior jared to determIne much-and why
wouId he be tryIng to determIne jensens appearance? The mans about
to be jareds client Ior ChrIsts sake. Ie roIIs hIs eyes at hImseII and
moves to read the artIcIe (pureIy as research to heIp hIs new cIIent In the
most eIIectIve way possIbIe).
Ie reads the IIrst Iew IInes oI the artIcIe, just the IIttIe bIurb and reIuses
to cIIck on the "read on" button because he aIready IeeIs IIke he
betrayed hIs own dIgnIty and he wont stoop any Iower. Ie raIses an
eyebrow when he reads that jensen and MIke are actuaIIy cousIns and
wonders why MIke IaIIed to mentIon that. "Flcyboy cnd pcrty cnimcl
]ensen Ackles is bcck in Americc bcby!" jared Irowns and resoIuteIy
decIdes not to dweII on the "pIayboy" part Ior now-It wouId be
unproIessIonaI oI hIm to have pre-exIstIng notIons oI a potentIaI cIIent.
"Our jcve blond himbo."
jared bIInks In conIusIon beIore breakIng out Into a smaII chuckIe
because hes never heard oI "hImbo" beIore. Ie Iaughs to hImseII more
when he thInks about startIng to caII Chad "hImbo", but the bastard
wouId probabIy thInk It was a compIIment. eIore he can IInIsh readIng a
knock sounds at the door and jared shouts a weIcome unthInkIngIy,
serIousIy debatIng about tossIng hIs dIgnIty out the wIndow and cIIckIng
the "read more" button aIter aII.
A IemInIne and deIIcate cIearIng oI the throat startIes hIm and he jerks
hIs head up, IIghtIng down a stupId bIush and IeeIIng a IIttIe IIke he just
got caught wIth hIs hand down hIs pants. GenevIeve steps Into the
oIIIce, eyes Iaser Iocused on jared IIke jared Is some kInd oI schooI Iab
specImen. jared Is sure that GenevIeve thInks she Is gIvIng hIm
"bedroom eyes" but the Iook reaIIy comes across as "creepy staIker eyes"
and It never IaIIs to gIve jared the wIIIIes. Shes wearIng a navy bIue
button up that Is way, wcy too Iow. They dont reaIIy have a dress code
here except Ior "modesty"-jared just IIkes to gIve Chad a hard tIme-but
GenevIeves shIrt Is so Iar beyond modest that jared shouId probabIy say
somethIng. ut he doesnt, because he Is a IIttIe aIraId oI what
GenevIeves shIrt wIII Iook IIke tomorrow II he appears to notIce the one
today.
IIs eyes sIIde past GenevIeve to the man that IIIIs the doorway. Ie Is.
reaIIy taII-not much shorter than jared, maybe sIx-one or sIx-two. The
man has broad shouIders and a IIt body, short dark bIond haIr,
expressIve eyes, and a IuII mouth. Ie Is dressed IoIIywood chIc (or,
jared thInks he Is, but jared Is jcr Irom savvy wIth IashIon so he cant be
sure) wIth dark desIgner jeans, a whIte t-shIrt that hung Ionger than the
sImpIe dark green coIIared, Iong-sIeeved poIo.
So, the guy Is kInd oI a IIttIe reclly jucking hot.
And then It regIsters that It Is one ocIock and thIs Is jensen as In MIkes
IrIend and the "hImbo" that jared had been spying on vIa a teeny bop
gossIp bIog. jared IrantIcaIIy scrambIes to hIt the "x" button whIIe
standIng up, tryIng not to Iook IIke he was makIng eIIorts to not bIush
IIke he had been caught wIth hIs hand In the cookIe jar. Ie reaches up
wIth hIs IeIt hand, nervousIy runnIng hIs IIngers through hIs haIr as he
smIIes wIde and weIcomIng and-hopeIuIIy-proIessIonaIIy.
"Iey! You must be." IIs voIce cracks a IIttIe on "be" because hIs tongue
and mouth suddenIy have thIs IncredIbIy absurd urge to say "hImbo".
Dont scy himbo, dont scy himbo, dont scy himbo-"]ensen!" he bIurts the
name and trIes to cover up the resuItIng wInce. ChrIst, jensen probabIy
thInks that jared Is some kInd oI socIaI retard. n Iact, he Is probabIy
thInkIng "this socicl retcrd is going to be hcndling my love lije?" And jared
wouId not totaIIy bIame hIm.
jensen, however, was not thInkIng oI jared as a socIaI retard. n Iact,
jensens thought processes-and he had severaI complex thought
processes-had come to an abrupt haIt when he had entered the oIIIce
oI the Iamed jared IadaIeckI.
jensen IreeIy admIts that hIs Interest had oIIIcIaIIy been pIqued. AIter he
had agreed to MIkes Idea to vIsIt TrueOne the god oI reveIry had
contInued to pester hIm about It. "ont want you to pussy out!" MIke
had crowed oIten wIth gIee.
And hIs curIosIty and antIcIpatIon had onIy been amped up Irom the
moment he stepped In to TrueOne. There were no other cIIents waItIng-
MIke had mentIoned over the phone thIs mornIng that TrueOne was
booked Ior the next Iew weeks but jared IadaIeckI had agreed to work
through Iunch as a Iavor Ior MIke. The receptIonIst who checked hIm In
and started hIs paperwork practIcaIIy gushed about jared and TrueOne.
jensen had thought GenevIeve was hot at IIrst, weII he stIII does, but It
was kInd oI hard not to wIth her IIawIess dark skIn and her breasts
practIcaIIy on dIspIay In her Iow-cut shIrt. Iowever, her creepIIy gIazed
eyes whenever she taIked about thIs jared were kInd oI a turn oII.
"ts amazIng what he does, you know? thInk heII heIp you out. Ies just
reaIIy amazIng. And hot. - mean. WeII, he is hot. And hes not avaIIabIe."
Shed ended wIth a gIare that made jensen thInk is this chick jor recl?
"!hm. IIght," jensen had answered, a IIttIe speechIess and deIInIteIy
wary (because the crazy couId be contagIous).
GenevIeve had aIready turned a compIete one-eIghty. She had bounced
on her toes (makIng her breasts bounce as weII) and had beamed up at
hIm beIore noddIng her head toward the door. "ThIs way to your ever
aIter!" shed chImed theIr cheesy catchphrase merrIIy.
The woman had Ireaked jensen out a IIttIe and made hIm even more
hesItant about thIs entIre thIng. jensen had pIanned on steppIng Into
jared IadaIeckIs oIIIce, teII the man a poIIte "Thanks but no thanks,
heres a check to pay Ior the Iunch made you mIss and aIso you mIght
want to thInk about runnIng a background check on some oI your
empIoyees".
ut then he stepped Into the threshoId oI jared IadaIeckIs oIIIce and
ImmedIateIy changed hIs mInd.
jensen onIy sees a Iace conceaIed by a computer at IIrst, but then jared
Iooks up at them wIth IIushed cheeks and a wIde smIIe and jensen cant
heIp but be a IIttIe mesmerIzed. MIke had mentIoned that jared Is
twenty-IIve and stIII jensen wasnt prepared Ior how young and vIbrant
and open jareds Iace wouId Is. Smooth, tanned skIn stretch suppIeIy
over sharp and exotIc cheekbones that cradIe sIanted eyes the coIor oI.
IIght green, maybe? Or hazeI. And that smIIe-ImpossIbIy wIde even
though It Is a proIessIonaI and cursory one that does not quIte reach hIs
eyes. The dImpIes that cut Into hIs cheeks take years oII the aIready
young Iace. When he tIIts hIs head back In greetIng strands oI dark
honey IaII over hIs Iorehead and curI about hIs ears.
When jared stands up and jensen sees that the young mans aIIure
dejinitely doesnt end wIth hIs Iace. jensen decIdes that thIs man Is
beautIIuI. Ie Is patron oI the arts, aIter aII, and as Iar as he Is
concerned, jared IadaIeckI Is a IIne renderIng oI the human body and
just a damn IIne pIece oI ass (oI course, jensen has not actuaIIy seen that
ass but he quIckIy and resoIuteIy decIdes that he wouId reaIIy, reaIIy IIke
to). jared Is wearIng a Iong sIeeved pInk dress shIrt that somehow Iooks
subtle and cIassy on hIm. The styIIsh outIIt Is compIete wIth bIack dress
pants and a dark strIped tIe. The shIrt Is tucked In and both the shIrt
and the pants are a modest cIose cut and gentIy tease aII the curves and
IInes oI jareds athIetIcaIIy sIIm body.
The man Is hot, young, and strong whIch puts hIm In as exactIy jensens
type. The god ImmedIateIy knows that he wants the man.
So, the possIbIIIty oI jared beIng a spaz and a socIaI retard Is actuaIIy
reaIIy, reaIIy Iar Irom jensens mInd. Ie smIIes charmIngIy and thInks
that thIs TrueOne matchmakIng IIasco MIke pushed hIm Into mIght be
beneIIcIaI aIter aII. Ie starts a IIttIe when he reaIIzes that jared has saId
hIs name and Is hoIdIng out hIs hand Ior a handshake.
jensen quIckIy takes the oIIered hand. "Yeah. And youre jared. ts nIce
to meet you."
jared kInd oI quIvers at jensens IIIrty smIIe and mentaIIy shakes hIs
head IrantIcaIIy, IurIousIy stompIng down on the IdIotIc urge to giggle.
IIrst oI aII, jensen Is a cIIent and jared Is supposed to be heIpIng hIm,
not pervIng on hIm. Second, yes, jensens reaIIy hot but jared meets hot
guys aII the tIme, eIther as cIIents or dates. n Iact, jared has a reaIIy hot
date tonIght so there Is no reason to get tongue tIed over jensen AckIes.
And thIrd-and jared wouId IIke to reIterate to hIs Inner schooIgIrI-
jensen Is a cIIent.
When theIr hands meet jared IIstens. SometImes, jared can hear souIs
cIearer through contact-especIaIIy, he has Iound out, through InItIaI
skIn contact wIth a cIIent. And jensens souI sounds IIke warmth. And
that Is strange, even Ior jared who Is used to hearIng souIs and Is used
to the Iact that souIs do not reaIIy sound IIke anythIng physIcaI on earth.
ut jensens souI Is surprIsIngIy steady, the sound oI constant but
source-Iess warmth and IIght. The sound (or the not-sound) Is strangeIy
recssuring Ior jared and he smIIes wIder, more sIncereIy.
Ior jensens part, It Is absurdIy coId outsIde (IIIty-IIve degrees and a
IIttIe cIoudy and wIndy) and the chIII that had IoIIowed hIm InsIde
dIssIpates at the touch oI jareds Iong hand and strong IIngers. And
jensen reaIIzes that hIs hand Is grIppIng jareds hand a IIttIe too tIghtIy
wIthout consent oI hIs braIn and hes maybe starIng a IIttIe-because not
onIy Is jared hot as heII but hes aIso tcll. jensen decIdes that starIng Is
okay rIght now because he notIces (a IIttIe smugIy) that jared Is starIng
back.
And maybe they stare at each other Ior a Iew seconds too Iong because
aII oI a sudden GenevIeve pushes between them (breasts brushIng
agaInst jareds Iorearm and jared compIeteIy IaIIs to hIde hIs wInce).
WIth a sweet smIIe she pIaces jensens IoIder In jareds hands. "Ieres
the IoIder, boss. o you need anythIng eIse?"
jared Iets hIs eyes IaII Irom jensen to the short, tIny body oI hIs
empIoyee. IIs smIIe Iessens In honesty consIderabIy, but remaIns poIIte.
" thInk m good, GenevIeve. Go ahead and take your Iunch break.
Thanks Ior stayIng a Iew mInutes over."
WIth a beatIIIc tIIt oI her head and IIutterIng oI thIck, dark eyeIashes
GenevIeve pats jared soItIy on hIs bIcep. "AnytIme, boss. And how many
tImes do have to teII you? CaII me Gen." She wInks as she turns and, out
oI jareds vIsIon, sends a nasty, warnIng gIare oI doom jensens way.
jensen swaIIows and trIes not to take a physIcaI step back. ot because
thIs petIte woman Is actuaIIy IntImIdatIng (jensens Iaced down the
Cyclopes, thanks) but because she Iooks IIke she mIght actuaIIy try to
scratch hIs eyes out. And whIIe that wouIdnt hurt hIm-probabIy
wouIdnt even break hIs skIn-It wouId be a hassIe.
MeanwhIIe, jared Is serIousIy regrettIng not IIstenIng to Chads
InsIstence that he IIre GenevIeve Ior sexuaI harassment ("even ij she is
nice to look ct" to whIch jared had punched Chad In the shouIder Ior
looking at anyone besIdes hIs bIg sIster). Ie makes sure she cIoses the
door beIore turnIng to jensen, dImpIes appearIng IuII Iorce once agaIn.
"Iow are you today, Mr. AckIes?" jared asks.
jensen smIrks. "Good and gettIng better by the mInute, now. And pIease
caII me jensen."
jareds smIIe dIms a IIttIe, eyebrows knIttIng In conIusIon beIore he
seems to shake oII and dIsmIss jensens IIIrty comment. "Thats great to
hear. So, we can do thIs In here or theres some comIy chaIrs out on the
baIcony. WhIch wouId you preIer?"
" dont know. WhIch one do you IIke?" jensen asks, mentaIIy grImacIng
at hIs bIg mouth because Its IreakIng coId outsIde and he does not want
to go out there.
jared chuckIes, hazeI eyes dancIng In amusement. " asked Ior your
choIce but IIke the baIcony-Its nIce to get out oI the oIIIce," he
answers wIth a careIree shrug and jensen nods toward the oIIIce door.
"That sounds IIke a great pIan." xcept It sounds IIke a terrIbIe pIan to
jensen. l cm such c sucker jor c pretty jcce, he Iaments to hImseII. ut
jareds smIIe Is a IIttIe reIIeved and grateIuI and It makes jensen IeeI IIke
sacrIIIcIng hImseII to the coId Is worth It.
jared takes a moment to grab jensens IIIe, a pen, and a notebook beIore
headIng Ior the door, thInkIng It wouId be nIce to be outsIde Ior a whIIe,
especIaIIy when thIs Is supposed to be hIs Iunch break. Ie startIes when
he IeeIs jensen quIckIy brush past hIm to open the door, steppIng to the
sIde to Iet jared waIk out IIrst. jared bIInks, conIused at the gentIemanIy
gesture.
"!hm, thanks?" jared murmurs quIetIy and unsure as he steps Into the
haII. jensen smIrks at hIm agaIn, IIke he dId earIIer and jared agaIn
quIckIy dIsmIsses. just because jensen Is beIng nIce does not mean that
he Is IIIrtIng.
They waIk down the haII at a casuaI and amIabIe pace, the cIosIng door
to jareds oIIIces cuttIng oII strands oI musIc Irom the radIo.
And they don't believe you so
No, they won't believe you, no
Am l the only one
Who hurts my soul
Get somebody else to tell you how.
"So MIke recommended TrueOne?" jared asks and knows the answer,
but It Is a conversatIon starter anyway.
jensen bIInks and Iooks up Irom hIs cursory (lingering) gIance oI jareds
ass (hIs eyes had cccidentclly IaIIen to that area). "Yeah. We go way
back."
jared Iooks over hIs shouIder to see a Irown on jensens Iace. " thInk
were cousIns now?" jensen says oIIhandedIy, IIke hes workIng through
a puzzIe. jared raIses an eyebrow, amusement warmIng hIs chest.
"Youre not sure?" he asks IncreduIousIy, conIused. "o you have a bIg
IamIIy or somethIng?"
jensens brIght green eyes reIocus on hIm and In thIs cIose proxImIty
jared kInd oI IeeIs cornered In by the gaze. ot In a bad way. ts just an
odd sensatIon to be the object oI so much Intense concentratIon-
especIaIIy by someone jared has just met. And then the man smIIes
pIayIuIIy and maybe jared gets just a IIttIe dIstracted wIth the smIIe IInes
around the mans eyes.
"ts kInd oI a bIg IamIIy. MostIy Its just compIIcated," Is aII the answer
jensen provIdes.
They step out on the baIcony that overIooks the moderateIy busy
IntersectIon. ts mostIy sunny outsIde though the occasIonaI cIoud
passes the sun and casts the day In a soIt shadow. jared takes a deep
breath oI the aIr beIore sIttIng In one oI the wIcker rockIng chaIrs thats
padded thIckIy wIth maroon cushIons. Ie motIons Ior jensen to do the
same across Irom hIm.
"TeII me a IIttIe bIt about why youre here, jensen," jared asks, eyes
strayIng to jensens ankIe out oI habIt. As expected the ghostIy red
strIng Is there, taperIng oII because no ones around Ior It to connect to
(jared had ceased to be dIsappoInted years ago when other peopIes red
strIngs aIways IaIIed to connect to hIs own ankIe-In Iact, jared dIdnt
have a phantom red strIng at aII whIch probabIy means that he was
meant to be aIone).
jensen crosses one ankIe over hIs knee, IoungIng back In the chaIr and
rockIng sIowIy. " Iorgot," he answers bIItheIy, tryIng not to grIn. jared
had apparentIy dIsmIssed hIs prevIous attempts to IIIrt so jensen was
goIng to be a IIttIe bIt more obvIous (and a IIttIe harder to Iorget).
jared sends hIm another conIused, skeptIcaI stare. "You. Iorgot?" he
repeats sIowIy. jensen shrugs In a rueIuI "whct ccn you do?" way.
"Yeah. saw you and Iorgot why even came here In the IIrst pIace."
t takes a Iew seconds Ior the words to regIster, but when It does jared
scowIs at hIm. And, okay, jensen admIts that It was not the best IIne
ever. And maybe he had been a IIttIe too obvIous.
"jensen," jared sIghs, straInIng to be poIIte.
jensen shrugs agaIn, hoIdIng up hIs hands. "IIne, IIne. II be good," he
says wIth a straIght Iace but adds a wInk that suggests that hes
anythIng but.
jared bItes hIs IIp and once agaIn dIsmIsses jensens Iorwardness,
thInkIng about how MIke Is a naturaI IIIrt as weII (aIthough MIke Is
notIceabIy more pIayIuI and IIIrts In a jokIng manner). Ie repeats the
questIon.
AII oI a sudden the other man Iooks a IIttIe embarrassed-or sheepIsh,
maybe. "MIke saId shouId try thIs out because. weII, IateIy ve been
IookIng Ior more, you know?"
jared Ieans back In hIs chaIr, IIngers tappIng quIetIy on hIs thIghs, Iace
open and InvItIng. "More?" he prods soItIy, tryIng to get jensen to
expIaIn wIthout jared havIng to InIIuence hIm wIth IeadIng questIons.
The other man Iooks vagueIy IrrItated as he makes an ambIguous
gesture.
"ts just been a coupIe oI-weII, Its been a whIIe sInce ve had a
meanIngIuI reIatIonshIp."
jared beams at hIm, thInkIng that the other mans IIounderIng Is kInd oI
cute (In a proIessIonaI way, damn It). "WeII, aIrIght. So, m goIng to taIk
a IIttIe about TrueOne, how It works, and what you can expect. I you
thInk we can heIp you IInd what youre IookIng Ior then II ask you a Iew
questIons to IInIsh out your proIIIe and get you goIng. Iow does that
sound?"
At jensens nod jared easIIy sIIps Into the usuaI spIeI about hIs company.
"WeII, at TrueOne we IIke to match our cIIents up wIth someone
compatIbIe-meanIng someone wIth sImIIar Interests and personaIIty.
Iowever, our gocl Is to make a match that wIII oIIer the most mutuaIIy
beneIIcIaI, rewardIng, and meanIngIuI reIatIonshIp."
"So basIcaIIy, thIs Is no mere matchmakIng servIce," jensen teases,
chuckIIng gameIy.
jared Iaughs, tIItIng hIs head back a IIttIe and It just mIght be the most
beautIIuI thIng jensen has seen In severaI ages. "We cant say that so
bIuntIy. Our competItors IIke to caII us arrogant posers as It Is," jared
admIts and then mentaIIy wInces because hes pretty sure It Is
unproIessIonaI to taIk negatIveIy about competItors and mentIon the
sIander saId competItors sIIng at them. !nbIdden and Image oI that
douchebag IIchard SpeIght jr., jareds maIn competItor and most
outspoken crItIc, rIses to the IoreIront oI hIs mInd.
ut the other man just Iooks a IIttIe amused. WeII, hIs eyes dance wIth
mIrth but hIs mouth (those lips) turns downward. "Are you arrogant?"
jared raIses an eyebrow, not sure II he shouId smIIe or not. "Me or
TrueOne?"
"oth," jensen says wIth a shrug. "MIke teIIs me that you cre TrueOne,
aIter aII," jensen reIIshes In the bIush oI surprIse that spreads over
jareds cheeks and the tops oI hIs ears. jensen cant deny that a dark
part oI hIm Is aIready wonderIng II the bIush Is anywhere eIse on jareds
body beneath hIs cIothes.
"WeII, we do have a nInety-nIne percent success rate," jared says wIth a
wInnIng grIn. "So, not arrogant. just conIIdent."
" can respect that," jensen Iaughs, doIng a IIttIe head bow. "WeII, you
have me convInced. Iow does aII oI thIs work? Iow do you go about
matchIng peopIe?"
jared cIears hIs throat, IaIIIng back Into hIs busIness-IIke persona. "t
starts out IIke most datIng sItes. You IIII out a detaIIed proIIIe-aImost
haII oI whIch you answer today wIth us-and we put It In the computer
system. The computer IInds matches In Interests and a Iew other
categorIes IIke sexuaI orIentatIon, your preIerred age range, educatIon,
background, and so on. The computer wIII come up wIth a IIst oI
compatIbIe matches-we usuaIIy do about ten at a tIme-and Irom there
personaIIy Iook over each possIbIe match."
"You do? IersonaIIy?" jensen repeats, InterruptIng. jared pauses, brows
knIttIng In bewIIderment.
"You wouId preIer that dIdnt?"
"o, Its not that!" jensen InsIsts, shakIng hIs head. "ts just.dont you
have mIIIIons oI cIIents between peopIe who come here and your
websIte?" he cIarIIIes, a IIttIe suspIcIousIy.
Once agaIn jensens caIcuIatIng, penetratIng eyes strIke jared and make
hIm nervous because jensen seems to be studIousIy tryIng to jigure ]cred
out IIke he Is some sort oI mystery. mmense InteIIIgence gIImmers
behInd green eyes and the sound oI hIs souI rIses, sharp and staccato
IIke sunrIse.
The stupId bIog was wrong about one thIng. jensen AckIes Is not some
kInd oI "hImbo". jared wonders II Its onIy obvIous to hIm because jared
has the beneIIt oI beIng abIe to hear jensens souI, or II It Is some kInd oI
act jensen puts on, or II others have roped hIm In a stereotype because
he Is a young and rIch heIr.
jared swaIIows and shakes oII those thoughts. "WeII, yes. There are a Iot
oI proIIIes to go through. ts a Iot oI work, but you just have to know
what youre IookIng Ior." WhIch Is a IIe because jared never knows what
to Iook Ior, It just happens. IIke an InstInct, even when they are just
Iaces on paper and not bodIes In the room wIth hIm where he can hear
theIr souI or Iook at theIr ankIes.
jensen nods and aII dIstractIons and thoughts oI IIIrtIng asIde, an
understandIng oI what MIke meant by jared IadaIeckI beIng a mystery
begIns to Iorm In hIs mInd. jared Is young and attractIve wIth a careIree
smIIe and unassumIng wIt, but there Is somethIng-somethIng about
TrueOne. SomethIng not necessarIIy wrong, but deIInIteIy unusuaI.
"So, m wIIIIng to try thIs out," jensen says and he Is-he just Isnt too
Interested In the actuaI matchmakIng process at TrueOne. ut he is
Interested In IIgurIng out thIs puzzIe.
And hes reclly Interested In jared IadaIeckI.
jared smIIes and uncaps hIs pen. "Thats great to hear. Okay, thIs part Is
goIng to sound a Iot IIke Twenty Questions but Its not because theres
more than twenty questIons."
"rIng It on." jensen grIns back pIayIuIIy, IeanIng up so that hIs eIbows
rest on hIs knees. A smaII breeze sweeps through the baIcony, rustIIng
jareds haIr so that strands dance about hIs tempIes and IIop In hIs eyes
and jensen just knows that he cant Iet up on showIng jared just how
Interested he Is. IIIrtIng obvIousIy makes jared uncomIortabIe, but
thats just because jensen has to warm hIm up a IIttIe. jensen was onIy
ever vagueIy toIerant oI thIs matchmakIng trIp, and now he does not
reaIIy want TrueOnes heIp at aII. Ie wants to get to know jared better.
Ie wants jareds Iean body and brIght smIIe.
jensen wcnts.
"Iets get started, then," jared says, gIancIng at hIs watch beIore
poIsIng hIs pen over hIs notebook and jensens IIIe. "IIrst questIon. Iow
Important Is your matchs age to you? On a scaIe oI one to ten. One
beIng not Important and ten very Important."
"Ten," jensen answers ImmedIateIy even though It Is a IIttIe bIt oI a IIe.
jensen preIers hIs Iovers to be strong and athIetIc, It does not reaIIy
matter what age they are. "Very Important."
jared does not Iook up as he wrItes the answer. "Okay. GIve me an age
range."
jensen smIrks and even Ieers a IIttIe, but jared IaIIs to see It because hIs
head Is tIIted down. "Around twenty-jive."
The younger man doesnt seem to pIck up on jensens ImpIIcatIons and
raIses hIs head, Iace stIII aII busIness. "So, twenty-IIve to thIrty?" jensen
represses a sIgh but nods.
"And what Is your current marItaI status?"
"ever marrIed," jensen answers easIIy.
"o you have any chIIdren that are eIghteen and under?"
jensen pauses, tIItIng hIs head. WeII, certaInIy none oI hIs Iew oIIsprIng
are anywhere cIose to eIghteen (huh, whens the Iast tIme he saw any oI
them anyway?), so It wouIdnt be a IIe II he saId, "o."
"What Is your hIghest educatIon IeveI?"
jensen shrugs, thInkIng that no one couId probabIy put a IabeI on hIs
"educatIon". "Some coIIege," he answers IInaIIy.
"And how Important Is your matchs educatIon to you? On a scaIe oI one
to ten, one beIng not Important and ten beIng very Important."
"Ten," jensen answers quIckIy and cIearIy, because he IInds that Its
easIer to have a deeper and Ionger reIatIonshIp wIth hIs Iovers II they
are InteIIIgent and at Ieast have an apprecIatIon oI art and academIa.
jared makes note oI the other mans answer but doesnt Iook up and
show hIs Irown. Ierhaps jared Is IookIng too deep Into It, but he thInks
Its weIrd and a IIttIe hypocrItIcaI to be so concerned wIth someone eIses
educatIon when jensen Is thIrty and has onIy had some coIIege.
"What Is your sexuaI orIentatIon?"
ThIs tIme jensen Ieers and doesnt say anythIng, waItIng Ior jared to Iook
up at hIs sIIence. jared cant mIss the suggestIve Iook when jensen
answers In a sIow, drawIIng tone. " IIke beautIIuI peopIe, any sex." Ie
Iets hIs eyes wander over jareds Iace and body to IndIcate just who
jensen thInks Is beautIIuI rIght now.
jareds Iace darkens wIth a startIed bIush and jensen trIes not to Iaugh
trIumphantIy, IeeIIng vIctorIous Ior IInaIIy gettIng a reactIon out oI the
younger man.
jared straIns to Ignore jensen yet agaIn, sIIentIy grumbIIng to hImseII.
"Does this guy hit on cnything with two legs?"
"And how Important Is your matchs ethnIcIty and heIght?"
"t doesnt matter," jensen sIghs wIth a bored tone, too preoccupIed wIth
IIgurIng out how to get the younger man to get that jensens IIIrtIng wIth
hIm Ior a purpose.
jared peeks at the other man Irom behInd hIs bangs and sees when an
Idea sparks behInd those brIght eyes. "Though, IInd myseII preIerrIng
tcll men recentIy."
jared gIares at jensen, shIItIng uncomIortabIy under the stare when
jensen remaIns unashamed. Ie bItes down on the retort thats roIIIng on
the back oI hIs tongue, pressIng heavIIy on hIs vocaI chords. jared has to
keep remIndIng hImseII that he Is doIng thIs as a Iavor Ior MIke and that
jensen Is a payIng customer.
"Iow Important Is your matchs Income?"
The bored Iook returns to the oIder mans Iace as he sIghs IaborIousIy.
"t doesnt matter, ve got enough money to take care oI them," he
dIsmIsses, thInkIng about how much he IIkes to spoII hIs Iovers.
jared Ireezes, jaw cIenchIng as he stares bIankIy at the papers In hIs Iap.
"You need tcking ccre oj, ]cred. And lve got just the thing."
jareds IIp curIs up In dIsgust and hIs hand tIghtens brIeIIy on the pen,
anger bIoomIng wIthIn hIm at the memory. Ie takes a caImIng breath
and Iooks up wIth a Iake smIIe pIastered on, even as he mentaIIy accuses
jensen. Youre not cny dijjerent, cre you?
"Iow many reIatIonshIps have you been In?"
jensen raIses an eyebrow. "SerIous or casuaI?"
jared Irowns and opens hIs mouth to cIarIIy but jensen Interrupts,
IookIng contempIatIve. "ever mInd. ve Iost count oI both," he
murmurs, as II the Iact surprIses hIm. jared snorts quIetIy, rememberIng
the gossIp artIcIe. They got "hImbo" wrong but "pIayboy" seems to be
dead on and jared IInds thIs combInatIon dIsconcertIng. Ior one thIng, II
jensen Isnt reaIIy ready Ior a commItted reIatIonshIp then jared cant In
good conscIous match hIm up to hIs other cIIents who are aII eagerIy
IookIng Ior somethIng serIous. AIso, II jensens a pIayboy then hIs hIttIng
on jared makes jared IeeI even more IIke a conquest.
jareds begInnIng to suspect that jensen Isnt takIng thIs serIousIy.
"Okay," jared says, IeanIng back In hIs chaIr and tryIng to cIamp down on
hIs negatIve thoughts. "Weve onIy got a Iew mInutes IeIt. eIore you
Ieave II gIve you the Iog In InIormatIon to the TrueOne sIte where youII
IInIsh your proIIIe. ut rIght now want you to just taIk about what
youre IookIng Ior In a match specIIIcaIIy. Or, teII me what you wouId IIke
TrueOne to do Ior you In heIpIng you search Ior your ever aIter."
!suaIIy jared kInd oI grIns at the "ever aIter" part-the cheesIness
aIways serves to break the atmosphere and hes notIced over the years
how much peopIe reaIIy secretIy beIIeve In a "happIIy ever aIter". ut
now jared IeeIs Irustrated and a IIttIe sIck to hIs stomach ("And lve got
just the thing, ]cred."), hIs IeIt hand Is startIng to trembIe and the corny
IIttIe motto doesnt Ieave the usuaI gIddy IeeIIng.
"Go on a date wIth me," jensen suddenIy demands, hIs eyes wIdenIng In
surprIse just as jareds do.
"W-What?" jared asks. Ie hecrd the other man, hes sure, but the
questIon spIIIs past hIs IIps anyway.
jensen recovers IIrst. Ie hadnt meant to bIurt that out-weII, askIng
jared out hcd been hIs goaI, but he had meant to Iead In to It wIth a IIttIe
bIt more IInesse. Ie cIears hIs throat and throws on a charmIng smIIe. "
mean. WouId you go on a date wIth me?"
jared bIInks rapIdIy, pressIng hIs IIps together as he stuIIs jensens
proIIIe and hIs pen Into hIs notebook and cIoses It aII up wIth a muted
sncp. Ie stands abruptIy, tuckIng hIs notebook between hIs body and hIs
IeIt eIbow, stuIIIng hIs IeIt hand In hIs pocket to hIde the now vIsIbIe
tremors. "WeII, jensen. t was nIce meetIng you. WeII send you an emaII
wIth the Iog In InIormatIon today. just compIete your proIIIe and we wIII
get back to you wIth your IIrst possIbIe match as soon as possIbIe," he
IIres oII quIckIy, bareIy maIntaInIng an aIooI smIIe, beIore turnIng and
steppIng towards the door.
"WaIt," jensen ImpIores, suddenIy standIng and cIose enough to jared to
soItIy grab hIs eIbow. ut beIore jared can contempIate just how Iast
jensen couId have moved, the oIder man contInues on wIth an easy smIIe
and those not-adorabIe smIIe IInes around hIs eyes. "We have ten more
mInutes. esIdes, you dIdnt answer my questIon."
" wouId thInk Its pretty obvIous," jared snaps, steppIng out oI jensens
touch, makIng jensen Irown and ImmedIateIy mIss the contact because
jared IeeIs warm even through hIs Iong sIeeved shIrt.
"Iow wouId know? You dIdnt use words, jay," jensen teases gentIy.
"So, you dont want to go out on a date wIth me?"
"Yes," jared says decIsIveIy and bIInks In conIusIon as jensens wordIng
hIts. " mean no. Yes." Ie sIghs expIosIveIy, runnIng a hand through hIs
haIr, hIs cheeks burnIng at the awkwardness oI It aII (and maybe a IIttIe
at jensens Intense green gaze).
jensen cant heIp but chuckIe at jareds IIounderIng, IIndIng the younger
mans IIuster endearIng.
"You dont gIve up very easIIy, do you?" jared asks, shouIders reIaxIng a
IIttIe. A Iot oI peopIe have asked hIm out over the years-even a coupIe oI
cIIents. ut jared cant seem to recaII anyone as open, earnest, and
conIIdent as jensen (except maybe GenevIeve, but jared IIkes to pretend
that thct partIcuIar Issue doesnt reaIIy exIst).
SensIng that jared mIght be openIng up to hIs proposaI jensen grIns
wIder, rockIng back on hIs heeIs. " can aIIord to be patIent," he
answers, thInkIng oI hIs ImmortaIIty and Its subsequent IuxurIes IIke not
needIng sIeep.
"l ccn cjjord it where you ccnt. l hcve the connections. You need tcking
ccre oj, ]cred."
jared stIIIens agaIn and remembers why he wont aIIow jensen to get
that cIose-why "no" Is the best answer to keep jared saIe. jensens too
much IIke Mark.
jensen even remInds jared oI TImothy whIch makes a knot oI dIsgust and
heartbreak Iorm In hIs stomach.
"No do not want to go on a date wIth you," jared says sIowIy and
succInctIy IIke taIkIng to a chIId, hIs eyes borIng Into jensens even when
he wants to shy away. "And were done now because you cant take thIs
serIousIy." Ie pauses mId-turn to the door. "And dont caII me jay," he
adds as an aIterthought.
jensen Irowns at jareds coId shouIder and he can practIcaIIy see the
soIId and swIIt cIosIng oI the younger mans barrIers. IonestIy, he
doesnt thInk anyone has ever turned hIm down so sureIy beIore. WeII,
there was aphne. ut that was totaIIy ross IauIt otherwIse the shy
nymph wouId have gIven In to jensen eventuaIIy. At that thought jensen
narrows hIs eyes and tIIts hIs head, eyes tracIng even more cIoseIy than
beIore over jareds body (and enjoyIng the vIew aII over agaIn), thIs tIme
examInIng jared Ior any sIgn oI nymphhood. Ie doesnt IInd anythIng, oI
course. I there had been anythIng ancIent or dIvIne about the young
man jensen wouId have notIced ImmedIateIy.
"Okay, jared," jensen trIes agaIn, because weII juck. jareds hot, he must
be InteIIIgent and ambItIous to have created hIs own busIness, and he
saId no to jensen. Ie suspects that jared wIII at Ieast prove more
InterestIng than KIaudIos had. IeII, by turnIng jensen down, jared has
proved hImseII more InterestIng than a decade Iong strIng oI jensens
past reIatIonshIps and conquests. t never even crosses jensens mInd
that jareds not gay. IIttIe thIngs IIke that have never stopped jensen
beIore.
A thrIII races through hIm at the prospect oI overcomIng the mystery and
chaIIenge that Is jared IadaIeckI.
"Iook, whats the bIg deaI? ts just a date. thInk-"
jared whIrIs on jensen then, eyes that jensen couId have sworn were
hazeI earIIer now so dark a green theyre aImost brown. ark haIr wIsps
about jareds head In the smaII breeze that suddenIy eIbows Into the
baIcony and sends a chIII (that couId very weII be desIre sparked by
jareds IurIous IIush) up jensens spIne.
"No. And thInk," jared Interrupts, voIce cIIpped and harsh and warnIng
agaInst any Iurther argument. "That In IaIIIng to take thIs serIousIy you
have InsuIted me and my busIness."
jensen bIInks hard, unsure II hIs harmIess IIIrtIng truIy warranted such a
stIII reactIon Irom jared. Ies aIso a IIttIe amazed at jareds bIuntness.
"You do know who am, rIght?" he asks IncreduIousIy. WhIIe jensen Ioves
the perks beIng one oI the rIchest heIrs In the worId brIngs-an endIess
amount oI IuxurIes, attentIon, warm bodIes to Iuck, and It remInds hIm oI
the tIme when he had worshIppers-hIs status does not actuaIIy concern
hIm. t concerns others, however, and he IInds that most peopIe are
aIraId to speak truthIuIIy wIth hIm and go out oI theIr way to cater to
hIm. Ies not bothered eIther way. jensen IIkes It when peopIe IaII over
themseIves Ior hIm, but he aIso hates It when peopIe aII oI a sudden Iose
personaIIty and Independence around hIm.
And goId dIggers. jensen reaIIy hates goId dIggers. That IeveI oI
shaIIowness Is just never sexy.
The point Is that jensen Is surprIsed at jareds abrupt dIsmIssaI. Ies not
used to peopIe taIkIng to hIm IIke thIs-unIess they dont know who
jensen Is (or who he currentIy Is wouId be more accurate).
Iowever, the curIous questIon seems to pIss jared oII Iurther. "AII need
to know Is that you took advantage oI a Iavor and needIessIy wasted my
Iunch hour," jared snaps, reachIng Ior the door handIe agaIn. "I you
change your mInd, you have the websIte InIormatIon and TrueOne wIII be
happy to try and meet your needs," he IInIshes IrostIIy and yanks the
door open.
jensen pauses, truIy marveIIng at the IIre In thIs young man (and maybe
that round ass In those snug dress pants-just one more tIme). Ie IeeIs
a spIke oI IrrItatIon rIse sharpIy wIthIn hIm. o one turns theIr back on
jensen, IIrst oI aII, and to see jared turn hIs back on hIm sends a tensIon
oI prIde and anger across jensens shouIders. Ie cIamps that down In
Iavor oI IeeIIng IndIgnant and undeservIng oI the degree oI jareds
anger.
"jared, thInk we got-" jensen starts aIter jared as the young man
steps InsIde, not sure II hes pIannIng on apoIogIzIng or demandIng one
Irom the IeIsty human (Its hard to decIde sInce hIs godhood demands an
apoIogy at the same tIme that the humanIzed part oI hIm reaIIzes that
hes InIrInged on some kInd oI socIaI boundary-Its happened beIore).
jensen traIIs oII when he sees jared Ireeze, broad shouIders puIIIng the
pInk materIaI oI hIs shIrt taut. jensen Irowns and IoIIows jareds gaze.
Theres onIy about Iorty Ieet between jareds oIIIce door and the door to
the baIcony so jensen can see the man thats standIng outsIde oI jareds
oIIIce cIearIy. The man Is about jensens heIght and buIId-broad In the
shouIders but possIbIy a IIttIe soIter and rounder In the stomach, Its
hard to teII because oI the mans ImmacuIate and expensIve bespoke
suIt. The stranger has a strIkIng Ieatures-pIercIng dark bIue eyes, IuII
IIps and a wIde mouth-and yet wIth hIs eyes deep set In hIs head and an
ashen tone to hIs skIn wIth whIte-sandy bIond haIr he manages to Iook
pIaIn, washed out, and somber. Ie has to be In hIs earIy IortIes, at Ieast,
and there are the begInnIngs oI rough stubbIe on hIs chIn and upper IIp.
Then jared strIdes Iorward purposeIuIIy, IeavIng jensen behInd so he
cannot make out jareds Iace. jensen IoIIows at jareds heeIs, IntenseIy
Interested and unwIIIIng to end hIs tIme wIth the young and gorgeous
Interested and unwIIIIng to end hIs tIme wIth the young and gorgeous
man.
"Mark," jared greets, voIce thIn.
"jay, baby." ThIs Mcrk guy smIIes at jared. xcept It Isnt a nIce smIIe, or
even a reaI smIIe because he doesnt show hIs teeth, just Iets the corners
oI hIs mouth puII at hIs IIps so that It comes out more IIke a grImace.
There Is a moment where jensen serIousIy contempIates chantIng "oooh!
You cclled him ]cy! Youre gonnc get it!" ut such thIngs wouId be way
beIow hIs maturIty IeveI. esIdes, jareds not reIutIng the endearment.
"ont caII me that," Is aII jared says. "What are you doIng here?" he
asks, tone unreadabIe. jensen Iooks openIy at jareds Iace and Is
surprIsed by the bIankness he IInds. jareds beautIIuI and promInent
cheekbones are no Ionger tInted red In eIther Iaughter or anger. The
young mans mouth Is In a straIght IIne, and jensen IInds hImseII
strangeIy mIssIng the IIash oI whIte teeth and deep dImpIes. jareds eyes
are hooded, and jensen cant quIte make out theIr coIor.
Mark doesnt answer but bIue eyes IaII brIeIIy to jensen, smIIe IIke a pooI
oI acId-caIm and IIat to Iook at, but deadIy to touch. "jensen AckIes,
rIght?"
"m sorry," jensen answers, not botherIng to smIIe but hIs tone sIIck as
an eeI. "You know my name but dont know yours."
"Mark IeIIegrIno," Mark Introduces, hoIdIng out hIs hand In greetIng,
the motIon smooth and practIced.
jensen just stares at the hand, broad and soIt Irom oIIIce work, and
Iooks back up to Marks Iace, raIsIng an eyebrow wIth a "you must be
joking" grIn. " dIdnt say that wcnted to know your name," jensen
scoIIs, poIntedIy puttIng sIIdIng hIs hands In hIs pockets.
Marks Irown Is a heII oI a Iot more genuIne than hIs smIIe and a rush oI
anger swIrIs In hIs eyes. Ie seems to struggIe wIth a retort but he
obvIousIy knows who jensen Is because hIs mouth cIoses shut wIth a
sncp oI hIs teeth (unIIke jared who hadnt backed down).
jared snorts a IIttIe muIIIed Iaugh, redIrectIng Marks gIare to hIm and
makIng jensen rock back on hIs heeIs In unsuppressed gIee (because he
made jared lcugh).
" came by to vIsIt, baby. dIdnt know you were busy wIth a.cIIent oI
yours?" Mark asks jared, cIearIy decIdIng the onIy way he can show hIs
anger and deIIance Is to taIk over jensen to jared IIke jensen Is a chIId.
Any trace oI mIrth dIsappears and jared swIngs a hard Iook at jensen,
obvIousIy rememberIng that hes pIssed at hIm. jensen wInces. "A
potenticl cIIent," jared cIarIIIes shortIy, eyes dartIng quIckIy to Mark as II
he Is reIuctant to Iet the oIder man out oI hIs sIght. "And he was just
IeavIng sInce our meetIng Is over." And thats practIcaIIy a command Ior
jensen to Ieave-not even prettIIy packaged wIth cIvIIIty. ThIs tIme Its
Mark that grIns vIctorIousIy. jensen narrows hIs eyes at the man beIore
smIIIng at jared.
"Sure, II Ieave you wIth-Mac, was It?" he asks but turns back to jared
beIore Mark can correct hIm. " thInk II IInIsh that proIIIe so II see you
soon, jared," jensen promIses beIore steppIng away, resIstIng the urge
to Iook over hIs shouIder when he hears the door to the waItIng room
snick cIose.
jensen onIy spares a second to make sure there are no securIty cameras
beIore he gathers hIs power and wIII and dIsappears, reappearIng In the
anteroom to jareds oIIIce. ts not reaIIy teIeportatIon-but Its not quIte
a quIck step where gods just move too Iast Ior the human eye to IoIIow.
jensen Is the god oI IIght, aIter aII, so when he moves Its a combInatIon
oI teIeportatIon and physIcaI motIon. Ie reIorms hImseII-becomIng
warm and permeabIe-and runs at the speed oI IIght. The anteroom Is
empty but It wouIdnt matter anyway because jensen has hIdden hImseII
Irom human eyes (c trick oj the light). The door to jareds oIIIce Is ajar
and jensen moves to peek In. Ies abIe to go into jareds oIIIce wIthout
beIng notIced, but decIdes that a IIttIe proprIety wouIdnt hurt hIm.
esIdes, even wIth the door partIaIIy cIosed, jensen can see jared cIearIy
and wonders why a sIck IeeIIng curIs In hIs gut (except hes never been
sIck, and so thIs IeeIs suspIcIousIy IIke heartbreak, whIch Is sIIIy and
unreasonabIe).
jareds back Is pressed to one oI the waIIs oI hIs oIIIce and Mark Is
crowdIng hIm In wIth hIs arms and hIs body, peerIng IntenseIy Into
jareds Iace whIch jensen cant quIte make out as Its curtaIned by
jareds haIr. ut jareds starIng rIght back at Mark, jensen can make out
that much.
jensen sIghs and backs away, the sIght too IntImate Ior hIm. o wonder
jared threw oII jensens advances so adamantIy.
Ierhaps jensen wouId not be returnIng to TrueOne agaIn aIter aII.

Ior jared, hIs and Marks posItIon agaInst the waII Is Iar Irom IntImate.
"ack the Iuck oII, Mark," jared warns through hIs teeth. IIs heart Is
racIng Irom anger (and maybe aIso the smaII, coId seed oI Iear at the pIt
oI hIs stomach).
Mark doesnt back oII. Ie presses cIoser, hIs thIgh pushIng agaInst
jareds-just an Inch and a sIIde oI IabrIc away Irom nudgIng between
jareds Iegs. Ie smIIes at jared, a thIn and caIcuIated gesture that
sImuItaneousIy pIsses jared oII Iurther and makes hIm want to throw up.
"just came by to see II my babys reconsIdered my proposaI yet. ve
gIven you some tIme to cooI oII, to thInk over the mIstake youre makIng.
Changed your mInd yet, baby?"
"ont caII me that," jared growIs. "m not a baby and ve never been
yours!" he seethes, pushIng testIIy agaInst Mark who doesnt budge.
Mark Ieans In cIoser, hot breath and dry IIps ghostIng over jareds jaw
and throat. " Iove It when you pIay hard to get."
Marks too cIose, and soon jared wont have enough Ieverage-he bareIy
has any room to move as It Is. jared has enough tIme to IeeI a jab oI
panIc-It rIses ephemeraI and hot IIke dry Ice, sendIng tIngIIng goose
bumps racIng across hIs skIn. So when jared rams hIs knee Into Marks
crotch Its because panIc makes hIs body react beIore hIs cIoudy mInd
can make the conscIous decIsIon.
ot that jareds compIaInIng about the resuIt.
jared doesnt have enough room to InIIIct too much damage, but Its
enough to make Marks Iace screw up In a IIash oI surprIsed paIn,
IoosenIng hIs hoId on jared. jared braces hIs hands on Marks shouIders,
shovIng as hard as he can and the oIder man-unprepared and oII
baIance-goes reeIIng backwards Into the two chaIrs Ior cIIents on the
other sIde oI jareds desk. Ie aImost IIIps over them but at the Iast
mInute regaIns hIs IootIng.
jared takes the opportunIty to push hImseII Irom the waII and move Into
the mIddIe oI the room, reIusIng to be cornered agaIn (hes so tIred oI
IeeIIng cornered) and keepIng hImseII between Mark and the door so the
other man couIdnt bIock hIs onIy exIt. "ont you IuckIng touch me,"
jared snarIs, body beggIng hIm to run-at Ieast to the phone on Chads
desk In the other room so he can caII securIty (Iuck, they dont have
securIty personneI In thIs buIIdIng, Iuck).
"Youre so dcmn pcthetic, son. Fucking cry bcby."
Mark recovers too quIckIy, seemIngIy undeterred. n Iact, he Iooks
pIssed. IIs Iace contorts, skIn wrInkIIng IIke rIce paper and cheeks
IIushIng In anger but even that spIash oI coIor somehow manages to
make hIm Iook paIer.
"You IIttIe bitch!" Mark snarIs, advancIng on jared, IIst cocked back.
AgaIn jared thInks about runnIng. Ies a strong guy but has aIways
avoIded conIrontatIon-hes probabIy onIy thrown a handIuI oI punches
In hIs entIre IIIe-and besIdes hIs hands are shakIng so bad he doesnt
thInk IormIng a IIst Is possIbIe.
ut prIde (or stupIdIty) has hIm standIng hIs ground, arms IIIted In
deIense (aIthough hIs hands are IuckIng useIess), muscIes tIghtenIng In
antIcIpatIon.
"Mother Iucker!" jared hears the voIce behInd hIm-deIInIteIy Chad-but
cant aIIord to spare a Iook over hIs shouIder because Mark Is aIready on
hIm. jared dodges the punch and honestIy doesnt expect the tackIe
around hIs mId-sectIon-maybe Chads voIce dIstracted hIm more than
he thought. jared Iands on hIs back, neck snappIng and he groans when
the back oI hIs head smacks on the carpeted IIoor. Ie crIes out-In paIn
and Iury-and has enough room to twIst and ram hIs eIbow Into Marks
rIbs. The oIder mans breath rushes out oI hIs body-smeIIIng as staIe
and austere as hIs taIIored suIt. TheIr hands scrambIe Ior a Iew seconds
wIth Mark tryIng to hoId jared down and drawIng back another IIst whIIe
jared IIghts to keep Irom beIng heId down (but he cant even controI hIs
hands and hIs arms IIop IIke a IuckIng seaI).
And then suddenIy the crushIng weIght Is gone Irom hIs body. Mark Is
jareds entIre worId-he cant see past hIm and Is too aIraId to Iook to
the sIde-so he has the IIrst row vIew oI Marks navy eyes wIdenIng In
surprIse as hes vIoIentIy hauIed oII oI jared.
Mark stumbIes and twIsts and curses and jareds IIrst thought Is
actuaIIy "where the heII dId MIsha come Irom?" that Is quIckIy IoIIowed
by the reaIIzatIon that MIsha Is the one that puIIed Mark oII oI hIm.
"MIsha?" he marveIs and wonders II that reaIIy Is his voIce because he
swears he doesnt even IeeI hIs mouth move. At just under sIx Ieet MIsha
Is shorter than Mark by a coupIe oI Inches though, thanks to hIs work as
a IIreman, MIshas just as broad about the shouIders. StIII, he has both oI
Marks arms easIIy twIsted behInd the oIder mans back and no matter
how much Mark raIIs and curses and twIsts MIsha doesnt even swcy
wIth the eIIort It takes to hoId on to the oIder man.
"Are you aIrIght, jared?" MIsha asks, hIs voIce deeper and rougher than
jareds ever heard It. IIs Iace Is absoIuteIy stoIc except Ior hIs brIght
bIue eyes that spark and swIrI IIke IIre (hIs souI Is the Ioudest that
jareds ever heard It and It sounds IIke statIc or maybe turbuIent waves
In the mIddIe oI the sea).
eIore jared can answer-hIs cheeks IIamIng In embarrassment-Chads
hIttIng hIs knees next to jareds head, hands puIIIng InsIstentIy on hIm
(whether to get jared to sIt up or to keep hIm IyIng down jareds not
sure that Chad even knows).
"jesus IuckIng ChrIst, jared," Chad spIts, IInaIIy decIdIng to heIp jared to
hIs Ieet. "Are you aIrIght?"
"You IIttIe bItch!" Mark repeats, tryIng to sIIther out oI MIshas grasp.
"II IuckIng own you, jared. gave you a chance, toId you-II brIng thIs
whoIe damn pIace down-and then where wIII you go?"
"Shut up!" jareds thInkIng thIs but Its Chad who roars It, takIng a step
towards the bIgger man, Iace red, IIps curIed, and jared can IeeI hIs
IrIends muscIes straInIng agaInst hIs body as Chad heIps jared get
steady on hIs Ieet.
Mark Isnt Iazed and MIshas just standIng there-why Isnt he draggIng
Mark away or somethIng? And aII jared can thInk about Is how he
wouIdnt be In thIs mess II he wasnt such a seIIIsh, nave coward.
"Then where wIII you go?" Mark goes on, practIcaIIy IoamIng at the
mouth, puIIIng harder agaInst MIshas steeI IIke grIp. "Iet me go!" Mark
snarIs over hIs shouIder, whIppIng hIs head back around to jared.
"Where wIII you go? wont take you In-everyone thInks youre a
burden-"
"Thats enough," MIsha thunders wIthout even raIsIng hIs voIce,
manhandIIng IAs most renowned and hIgh-powered attorney out oI
jareds oIIIce wIthout even seemIng to struggIe (hysterIcaIIy, jared IdIy
thInks he wouId hate to see how strong jull-time IIreIIghters are). "ts
tIme Ior you to Ieave." Mark contInues to shout even when hes out oI
sIght.
"II own you, jare-" Marks words cut oII abruptIy by a dIstInct, bony
thud that can onIy be MIshas IIst In Marks Iace.
"That csshole," Chad hIsses aIter them and turns back to jared, pushIng
and coddIIng hIm to sIt down In one oI the chaIrs.
jared pushes Chad oII oI hIm, makIng hIs IrIend stumbIe backwards.
"ack oII, Chad," he growIs but the eIIect Is kInd oI Iost because a paIn
spIkes through hIs head-theres been a duII pressure In the back oI hIs
skuII sInce jensen IeIt-and now hIs vIsIon swIms. Ie staggers, IeeIIng
IIke hIs Ieet arent even connected to the rest oI hIs body.
"ShIt, jay," Chad whIspers soItIy, hIs hands a Iot gentIer and surer as he
guIdes jared to the chaIr.
" dont need your IuckIng heIp," jared InsIsts acIdIy-or he trIes to,
anyway. Ies not sure II hIs voIce makes It past hIs throat or II hIs
tongue keeps the words waIIed In.
"Yeah, you do," Chad snaps back and squats In Iront oI jared once hes
sIttIng. "ChrIst, your hands, jay," Chad sIghs, hIs own hands hoverIng
over jareds shakIng ones.
jared puIIs hIs hands Into hIs body and away Irom Chad. "just.Ieave It
aIone."
"Id he hIt you?" hIs IrIend asks, brows drawn In anger but otherwIse
hIs Iace Is controIIed.
jared snorts, shovIng the Image oI Marks IIst out oI hIs mInd. "m not
some damseI In dIstress," he says and Iuck, he hadnt meant to say It. Ie
was thInkIng It, oI course, because hIs teeth are grIndIng at the Iook
Chads gIvIng hIm and hIs head Is spIIttIng and aII he can seem to hear Is
"youre c burden" and "lll own you" and "little bitch" and he does IeeI IIke
a IIttIe, heIpIess bItch rIght now.
Ies so humIIIated.
"You kInd oI are," Chad grumbIes, reachIng Ior jareds hands agaIn and
agaIn jared shoves hIm back and garners some satIsIactIon when Chad
teeters and aImost IaIIs onto hIs ass. Chad sIghs expIosIveIy and roIIs hIs
eyes, mutterIng somethIng aIong the IInes oI "prIncess" and jared
pretends he doesnt see the concern on hIs IrIends Iace. ts easIer to
dIrect some oI hIs anger thIs way.
Chad gets up and waIks around jareds desk, rIIIIng In a drawer beIore
puIIIng out the green stress baII that he keeps In hIs oIIIce. Ie oIIers the
baII to jared who shakes hIs head. "jared," Chad says, voIce straIned In
an obvIous attempt not to snap. "Your hands Iook IIke youre borderIIne
hypothermIc and you cant stop them. You can not take the baII and try
to get the tremors under controI beIore CoIIIns gets back and asks even
more awkward questIons or you can take the damn thIng and teII me
whether or not youre hurt."
jared Irowns, knowIng Chads rIght and It somehow pIsses hIm oII even
Iurther. Ie makes to snatch the baII Irom Chads proIIered hand but
jared cant IuckIng IIex hIs hand-hes shakIng so hard he IeeIs IIke he
cant grIp anythIng-and the baII IIIes out oI Chads hand, eIudes jareds
IIngers, and goes roIIIng across the IIoor.
"Iuck," jared chokes, voIce breakIng, but he cant brIng hImseII to say
"sorry" or " dIdnt mean to do that" because hes so angry and hIs
throat Is tIght, eyes burnIng, and hes not goIng to IuckIng cry over thIs
shIt. Ies done wIth that.
Chad doesnt hesItate, doesnt shoot a bewIIderIng gIare jareds way. Ie
moves aIter the squIshy, geI bead-IIIIed baII, pIcks It up, and thIs tIme
pIaces It dIrectIy In jareds shakIng hand. jared ImmedIateIy starts tryIng
to work It, the cooI IeeIIng oI the materIaI anchorIng hIs nerves whIIe he
trIes to get hIs IIngers to obey. IIs hands dont aIways get IIke thIs, just
sometImes, and mostIy Its sIIght tremors In hIs IeIt hand. When It
happens theres onIy a sIIght paIn-more IIke a tIngIIng ache or a
phantom burn-shootIng Irom hIs wrIst up to the knuckIe oI hIs mIddIe
IInger on the back oI hIs hand. Theres the shakIng, oI course, but he
doesnt reaIIy IeeI that, just sees It-Its kInd oI IIke how head wounds
usuaIIy Iook worse than they are because It bIeeds so much. IIs hands
shake so bad It Iooks paInIuI, but reaIIy jared doesnt IeeI bad, just a
phantom ache and a numb sIeep IeeIIng that makes hIs attempts to hoId
thIngs cIumsy.
So he works the baII, coaxIng hIs muscIes to work In tandem wIth hIs
mentaI commands. Ie shouId probabIy apoIogIze to Chad, or at Ieast say
thank you, but he doesnt because It tastes too bItter on hIs tongue,
Iodges jaggedIy on the rooI oI hIs mouth.
"jay," Chad says agaIn and thank God hIs voIce Isnt soIter, Isnt
coddIIng. jareds aIways IIked that about Chad at Ieast. ven though he
caIIs jared "prIncess" whenever jared just loses it every once in c while,
Chcd never bcbies him like Sophic does cnd ]cred ccn ct lecst cpprecicte
thct.
ut he aIso IeeIs suIIocated and hIs head Is kIIIIng hIm.
"What?" jared bItes back IoudIy and groans when the noIse rIngs
through hIs bruIsed skuII.
" need to know II you got hurt anywhere. Id he hIt you? Id you hIt
your head?"
"just hIt my head when he we IeII," jared reports In a monotone. A Iew
moments pass when jareds shouIders are tense, IIke a Ience that warns
away Intruders. IIs hands work the geI baII IurIousIy, squeezIng, roIIIng
It In hIs IIngers, IettIng It IaII Into the other hand and repeatIng the
process.
Ie Iooks up Into Chads Iace and sees hIs IrIend wearIng thIs sarcastIc
haII-smIIe. rrItatIon rockets through hIm agaIn and he IeeIs hIs IIp curI
up.
"What?"
"ude, you just totaIIy had a bItch IIt."
And Ior some unknown, potentIaIIy dIsturbIng reason, the tensIon starts
to Ieave jareds body. Ie scowIs at Chad.
" dId not," he deIends hImseII, aIthough he kInd oI reaIIy dId. Ie was
just so angry at hImseII-so IuckIng tIred oI beIng trapped In thIs body
and so sIck oI beIng pushed around. Ie hates hImseII Ior hesItatIng, Ior
beIng so unsure.
"You so totaIIy dId. You threw the most gIgantIc bItch IIt ve ever seen."
A short chuckIe escapes past hIs tIght throat, surprIsIng jared and
makIng hIm Iaugh agaIn. "Shut the Iuck up, jackass. Youre the worst
IrIend ever."
"m the best. And sexIest. You just wIsh you were as awesome as me."
jared snorts agaIn and soon Chads smIIe IaIters and Iades. "SerIousIy,
dude. Iow hard dId you hIt your head? o you need to go to the doctor?
And dont buIIshIt me, m pretty sure you shouIdnt Iuck around wIth a
head Injury."
jared shakes hIs head sIowIy. "o, man. mean, hIt my head but not
hard and the carpet took most oI the bIow. The headache started beIore
Mark showed up."
Chad snorts, standIng sIowIy. "t was probabIy caused by AckIes, wasnt
It?"
jared sends a scowI up at hIs best IrIend and trIes hIs best to Iook
betrayed. "You mean you knew what a paIn he was and you dIdnt warn
me?"
The bIond man chuckIes soItIy. "You kIcked me out beIore couId,
remember? ThatII teach you to aIways IIsten to me."
"Youd onIy heard oI hIm," jared says wIth narrowed eyes.
" heard he was a rIch douche," Chad answers wIth a IIIppant shrug, a
questIon In hIs raIsed eyebrow.
jared nods, IIItIng one hand-stIII sIIghtIy shakIng-and runs It through
hIs haIr. "Ie acts IIke one, too."
"Ies hot, though," Chad Iurrows hIs brows. "WeII, thats what everyone
says. Ie doesnt have tIts so dont remember what he Iooks IIke." Ie
turns to jared wIth a teasIng smIIe. "Id you thInk he was hot?"
jared snorts haughtIIy and wonders II hIs smIIe Iooks as weak as he
IeeIs. "OI course dIdnt. Ies not my type." Ie gIances nervousIy at the
door. "o you thInk we need to go check on MIsha? ShouIdnt he be back
by now?"
Chad IoIIows hIs gaze, eyes squIntIng In thought. "ude, dont thInk
CoIIIns needs heIp. Id you even see the way he manhandIed that
Iucker? ecause dIdnt. WeII, dIdnt even see hIm move he ran so Iast
once we reaIIzed what was goIng on. Are aII IIreIIghters that nInja-IIke?"
jared Iaughs, more surprIsed at the abrupt mentaI Image oI MIsha as
some hybrId IIreIIghter, nInja, and envIronmentaI conservatIonIst than
Chads statement.
"ts good to see that you are weII, jared," MIsha says as he waIks In to
the room. Ies dressed casuaIIy In a sweater and a paIr oI jeans and he
doesnt even Iook rumpIed Irom hIs conIIIct wIth Mark.
"m IIne. Thank you," jared says sIncereIy and Is gIad Chad had a chance
to caIm hIm down earIIer or eIse MIsha wouId have gotten a rougher
verbaI treatment. WhIIe jared consIders MIsha a cIose IrIend hes
probabIy not cIose enough Ior jared to IeeI anythIng Iess than mortIIIed
II MIsha were to wItness one oI jareds tantrums.
"Who was that guy?" MIsha asks curIousIy and jared Iorgot that MIsha
had aIready moved to OakIand when Mark started pushIng hIs way Into
jareds IIIe.
"Mark IeIIegrIno," jared answers duIIy.
"Ies probabIy the most powerIuI attorney In I.A," Chad contInues when
Its apparent that jared wont. "And he reaIIy has It In Ior TrueOne, says
he wont rest untII were bankrupt and out on the street."
"Why Is that?" MIsha Irowns, eyes borIng Into jared who meets the gaze
brIeIIy beIore turnIng to Chad-the onIy one that knows about
everythIng-and trIes to sIIentIy communIcate to hIm to not reveaI the
whoIe shameIuI truth.
"Who the heII even knows?" Chad excIaIms wIth a shrug. "Ie wasnt
even a cIIent here. Our best guess Is that TrueOne has become one oI
the most IconIc busInesses In I.A. and he wants the Iame oI takIng It
down."
"ut he has nothIng IegItImate to use agaInst you?" MIsha asks.
"o," jared says emphatIcaIIy. "Whatever he uses wIII have to be
IabrIcated. TrueOnes records are spotIess."
"You know, jared, youre just as renowned II not more so than your
busIness. Ie can go aIter you-not just TrueOne-and stIII achIeve the
IIIteen mInutes oI Iame that he seeks," the IIreIIghter poInts out soItIy.
jared trIes not to tense, trIes not to hear the not-so dIstant memory
("Lets mcke c decl, ]cy bcby"), trIes to Ignore the brIeI and panIcked Iook
In Chads eyes. "Yeah, guess he can, but II be ready Ior It." Ie doesnt
thInk heII be ready Ior It, doesnt thInk heII be abIe to deaI wIth It, but
he doesnt need to admIt that rIght now.
" thInk you shouId IIIe Ior assauIt, get IeIIegrIno a restraInIng order,"
MIsha says decIsIveIy and jared shakes hIs head.
"t probabIy wont stIck. Ie onIy knocked me down aIter l kneed hIm In
the baIIs and shoved hIm across the room."
Chad spIraIs Into a IIt oI Iaughter at that, excIaImIng, "Oh man, thats
IuckIn awesome" between breaths. jared Iooks up and smIIes tentatIveIy
at the amusement In MIshas cooI bIue eyes.
"Ither way, you mIght serIousIy want to Invest In a securIty detaII-at
Ieast untII thIs thIng wIth IeIIegrIno bIows over. Ie may want to brIng
you down IegaIIy, but hes aIso cIearIy unstabIe. ext tIme he comes In
here he mIght come wIth a gun."
jared grImaces, IeeIs the coId stone oI dread sInk Iurther wIthIn hIm.
"Yeah," he whIspers, cIears hIs throat, and attempts to smIIe
reassurIngIy. "ts a good Idea. dont want to take any chances,
especIaIIy II he barges In agaIn when m wIth a cIIent."
Chad roIIs hIs eyes and makes a derIsIve grunt, openIng hIs mouth and
jared just knows hes goIng to say somethIng crass IIke "Iuck the cIIents"
so he sends a gIare at hIs best IrIend-whIch does absoIuteIy nothing and
Chad says It anyway.
MIsha chuckIes and takes a step toward jared, mouth open to say
somethIng and suddenIy jareds worId tIIts. Ie sees MIshas eyes wIden
a IIttIe and dart around the room, but then MIshas souI becomes
overwheImIng (oh God, whcts hcppening?) and hIs vIsIon grays out and
aII jared can hear Is MIshas souI-except Its suddenIy so brIght and
Ioud and whIrIIng too Iast and jared cant comprehend It. SouIs are hard
to IIsten to on any day-jared thInks because they are souIs, and souIs
are more IntangIbIe and than outer space because at Ieast humans have
equIpment to prove that space Is out there, whIIe there Is nothIng to
prove that souIs even exIst-but suddenIy In the wake oI a surge oI
MIshas souI (oh God mcke it stop it hurts this hcs never hcppened bejore
cm l dying?) jared IeeIs so smaII, InsIgnIIIcant, and In paIn-
And then Its over and jared takes a deep breath and It IeeIs IIke Its the
IIrst breath hes taken In centurIes (what an odd thIng to thInk). MIshas
IookIng at hIm Iunny but Chad hasnt even notIced and even though It
IeeIs IIke jared must have passed out-Is stIII so dIzzy hIs stomach Is
IIIppIng and churnIng-It doesnt seem IIke even a second has gone by.
ChrIst, whct just hcppened? What just happened to hIm? othIngs ever
happened IIke that beIore. A souI has never overwheImed jared IIke that.
"Was there someone In here? IIght beIore IeIIegrIno?" MIsha asks and It
conIIrms jareds notIon that neIther had notIced what just happened.
And, God, that was scary. IIke, hangIng oII the edge oI a cIIII scary. The
paIns gone at Ieast-whIch Is strange, he hadnt even been sure where
the paIn had orIgInated Irom, It had just been there, aII over, everywhere
and nowhere. MIshas souI sounds IIke It usuaIIy does-water soItIy
IappIng agaInst a wooden pIer or IIshIng boat. jared hastIIy pushes away
hIs worrIes and dread, the wakIng nIghtmare he just experIenced, beIore
eIther Chad or MIsha notIces hIs sIIence and ask hIm more embarrassIng
questIons.
"!hm, jensen AckIes was here, rIght beIore Mark?" jared phrases It as a
questIon because Its such an odd thIng to ask. "Why.?"
MIsha shrugs and Chad, obvIousIy puzzIed by the abrupt questIon as
weII, pIpes up. "You know hIm or somethIng?"
MIsha Is quIet-oddIy stIII-Ior a Iong tIme and jareds remInded oI the
tIgers or other predatory anImaIs on the Iscovery ChanneI, how they
are ImpossIbIy stIII beIore strIkIng. IInaIIy, In a measured and dreamy
voIce (or maybe Its because MIshas souI takes on an ancIent and
dreamy quaIIty aII oI a sudden) MIsha says, " do not know jensen
AckIes." Chad buys It, though he sends MIsha a weIrd Iook at the
wordIng. jareds more IamIIIar wIth the odd, IormaI way MIsha
sometImes taIks and doesnt pay attentIon to It.
"ot that m compIaInIng, but what are you doIng here, MIsha?" jared
asks Instead, smIIIng up at the oIder man. Iue eyes smIIe back as the
man runs a hand through hIs haIr-It mIght be a nervous gesture, but
hIs Iace doesnt seem nervous at aII.
"Came here to drag you oII to Iunch. They want me to go back to
OakIand agaIn-not Ior as Iong thIs tIme-but m supposed to Ieave
tomorrow. got here rIght as Chad returned Irom hIs Iunch and he toId
me that Iunch break was over Ior you but thought wouId come up to
say hI anyway."
"Iook, jared. Maybe you shouId just canceI the rest oI the day," Chad
bIurts out suddenIy.
jareds head shoots up. "What? o. ve got Iour more cIIents-ve
matched one and theyre comIng here to see theIr matchs proIIIe and
work out the IIrst meetIng. cant do that to them."
IIs best IrIend scowIs, puts hIs hands on hIs hIps, and actuaIIy stomps
hIs Ioot. jared raIses an IncreduIous eyebrow. "Iook, buddy. Ieres how
Its goIng to go. Were gonna canceI the rest oI the day, because ve got
to have tIme to get a securIty detaII arranged and we cant rIsk that
socIopath comIng back In here today wIthout any way to legclly deaI wIth
hIm," Chad says, ImpIyIng that he wouId preIer the IIIegaI way to deaI
wIth Mark IeIIegrIno.
"Chads rIght, jared. t wouId be the saIest route."
"m not scared oI Mark," jared InsIsts, IrustratIon threatenIng to
overwheIm hIm once agaIn.
" know that," MIsha says, voIce soothIng but somehow not patronIzIng.
"ut It took me some tIme to get the man to waIk away Irom the buIIdIng
and m not convInced hes gone. I nothIng eIse, you shouId cIose the
rest oI the day Ior the saIety oI your cIIents and empIoyees."
jared sIghs expIosIveIy and knows that MIsha Is rIght though he hates It
and running cwcy makes hIm Iook IIke a coward. Ie Ieans back In hIs
chaIr, one hand reachIng to pInch the brIdge oI hIs nose-the headache
has moved to puIse paInIuIIy between hIs eyes. "IIne," he agrees
begrudgIngIy, watchIng both MIsha and Chad reIax margInaIIy at hIs
decIsIon. Ie turns to Chad. "You can handIe the securIty probIem?"
Chad thInks Ior a mInute, tIItIng hIs head. " thInk got It. dont know
where to start myseII, but there are peopIe can caII. II caII you Iater Ior
the IInaI decIsIon. ts nIce to have haII a day oII, though." Ie Ieers at
jared. "ThIs way you can take a nap and have a Iew extra hours to pretty
yourseII up Ior your date tonIght."
jared roIIs hIs eyes, groanIng, but mentaIIy thanks Chad Ior the
dIstractIon. "Iow dId you even IInd out?"
Chad scoIIs. "SophIa, duh."
"Knew shouIdnt have toId her," he grumbIes.
"A date?" MIsha repeats, hIs voIce and Iace hard to read. jared thInks he
hears somethIng dIIIerent In hIs souI and tenses, mentaIIy preparIng
hImseII Ior the barrage oI sIckness and paIn that hIt hIm earIIer (he
never wants to IeeI that way agaIn), but nothIng-In Iact, MIshas souI Is
back to beIng so quIet that jared can bareIy make It out and Its such a
reIIeI.
"Yeah, man. dont know where jared gets them. You dIdnt even go out
thIs weekend!"
jared roIIs hIs eyes. " saw hIm at the park whIIe was runnIng IarIey
and SadIe."
Chad scoIIs. "ude, you aIways run eIther wIthout your shIrt or In some
skImpy tank top. Ie totaIIy wants you Ior your body."
jared throws the geI baII at hIs IrIend and Is thoroughIy pIeased wIth the
Iast recovery oI hIs hands when the baII hIts Chad squareIy In the chest.
"ot everyone Is a horn dog IIke you," he dIsmIsses.
Ies excIted about the date. Ie shouIdnt be-he shouIdnt be so seIIIsh
to be datIng agaIn. ut hes decIded that beIng seIIIsh Is better than
beIng IoneIy-than home aIone In hIs apartment where he has tIme to
think>/i>. So sericl dcting keeps his mind occupied cnd while hes ct it just
mcybe hell jind the hcppily ever cjter he gives his clients everydcy.
However, hes seriously beginning to doubt thct hell ever enter into c
serious cnd mecningjul relctionship with cnyone.
"Youre c burden, ]cred."
Ie reaIIy Is but jared reIuses to thInk about that. Ies a IuckIng pro at
IyIng to hImseII-at runnIng away.
"StIII," Chad goes on, eIther because he doesnt see jared and MIsha
tense or because he doesnt care. "II start makIng the canceIatIons and
II get rIght on the securIty thIng." Ie traIIs oII, sendIng an admIrIng
grIn at MIsha. "!nIess CoIIIns wouIdnt mInd beIng hIred as a personaI
bodyguard? They must teach them how to IIght IIre cnd kIck ass at the
IIre Academy."
jared Iaughs and IreeIy admIts that MIsha had been pretty amazIng.
jareds never seen hIm In actIon beIore-granted, Mark hadnt quIte
been a IIre, but stIII. "Ies got to go to OakIand." jareds eyes wIden,
rememberIng that hIs IrIend had wanted to spend tIme wIth hIm beIore
he IeIt and jared dId very much want that-even at the rIsk oI awkward
conversatIons regardIng hIs sudden urge to date. "Tomorrow, rIght?
can canceI wIth avId-Its no probIem. We can go get somethIng to eat
or you can come over or somethIng?"
MIsha grIns then, brIght and wIde and It makes jared strangeIy proud to
put such a true smIIe there. ts not that MIsha Iacks humor or wIt-he
has pIenty oI It and can make jared Iaugh Ior hours-but sometImes hes
just so serIous.
" thInk II take you up on that oIIer-tomorrow. m gonna caII OakIand,
teII them to IInd someone eIse. d rather get back to IAI."
jared Irowns, shakIIy rIsIng to hIs Ieet wIthout appearIng that hes
shakIng. "MIsha- dont need protectIng Irom Mark. Were gettIng
securIty and m goIng to taIk to my Iawyers, Its under controI now."
MIsha smIIes, reachIng up and cIappIng hIs hand on jareds shouIder
and the touch Is warm and strong, rough and yet upIIItIng. "Thats not
It. am concerned, but trust that youII take steps to prevent anythIng
bad Irom happenIng." IIs eyes stray Irom jared, tracIng around hIs
oIIIce, much IIke he dId beIore he asked jared II anyone had been In the
oIIIce beIore Mark. "Some other thIngs have caught my Interest, thats
aII," he says wIth a secretIve smIIe.
jared chuckIes, used to MIshas propensIty to mystery-jared IIkes to
tease MIsha thats hes exactIy IIke a comIc book hero because hes aII
mysterIous and saves peopIe. MIsha IIkes to poInt out that hes not a
hero and he doesnt read comIc books, to whIch jared aIways answers
that MIsha dId save chIIdren Irom a burnIng buIIdIng when he wasnt on
duty (whIch Is so the cIassIc hero-a mIx oI The Outsiders and Supermcn).
And MIshas a bIg Iat IIar because jareds seen the mans secret stash oI
comIc books tucked away In hIs house.
"Whatever you say, man. CaII me tomorrow?"
MIsha grIns. "Yeah. You need a rIde home?"
jared thInks about It. Ie took the bus here thIs mornIng and he Is kInd
oI tIred and he shouId probabIy go ahead, get home, take somethIng Ior
the headache and sIeep It oII. Ie smIIes, reIIeved at the oIIer. "Yeah, II
you dont mInd."
The oIder man shakes hIs head and jared turns to Chad. "ude, you got
everythIng?"
Chad waves hIm oII. "Yeah, just got to cIose up some thIngs here, but
can settIe the securIty thIng Irom home. II be out oI here In ten."
"Good," jared says, smIIIng as he grabs hIs coat and puIIs It on. ts not
that coId outsIde, but hes trembIIng a IIttIe anyway and he needs the
extra Iayer oI securIty rIght now. "Oh, and.can you handIe GenevIeve,
too?" jared asks wIth a haII wInce, IeeIIng IIke a gIgantIc heeI Ior IeavIng
Chad wIth the work (whIch totaIIy doesnt make sense because usuaIIy
Its Chad tryIng to get out oI work and dumpIng It on jared).
Chad snorts. "Yeah, II handIe your staIker Ior you."
jared Iaughs and puIIs MIsha aIong behInd hIm. " hope youre parked
out back because were takIng the back way out to avoId GenevIeve."
"GenevIeve?" MIsha echoes as they Ieave the oIIIce and step Into the
haIIway.
jared Iaughs and turns to Iook over hIs shouIder at Chad. "njoy your
day oII." And he hopes the "dont teII Soph" gets across to hIs best
IrIend, but reaIIzes that heII have to teII hIs sIster sooner or Iater, even II
she doesnt know the entIre story about Mark. Ie Ioops hIs arm over
MIshas shouIders, gIad Ior hIs company because It makes It aII the more
easy Ior jared to Iorget the events that just happened.
jareds just gIad that thIs day couIdnt possIbIy get any worse.

jareds had a Iot oI IIrst dates-especIaIIy recentIy, Chad wasnt
exaggeratIng when he caIIed jared a "serIaI dater" (not that jared wIII
ever admIt that Chad was rIght)-but thIs Is wIthout a doubt quIckIy
becomIng the worst IIrst date ever.
And doesnt that just top oII an aIready stressIuI day?
IIrst oI aII, jared IeeIs conIIned and restrIcted In hIs three pIece suIt-he
doesnt even know what desIgner It Is, just that SophIa bought It Ior hIm
Ior ChrIstmas and shes the one that Iorced hIm In It Ior the date
tonIght.
WhIch Is another reason Ior the IeveIs oI dIscomIort. IIs date-avId
oreanaz-InvIted jared to eat dInner at CIcada, whIch Is probabIy one oI
the most expensIve restaurants In Ios AngeIes. ts staunch and stuIIy
and uncomIortabIe and the ceIIo, vIoIa, vIoIIn, and IIute quartet pIayIng
IIve wouId be pretty II jared wasnt too annoyed to apprecIate them. And
then when jared had gone to the bathroom shortIy aIter arrIvIng-hIs
headache stIII IIngered and he was tIred sInce he hadnt taken a nap,
havIng Iearned the hard way that takIng naps or spendIng tIme In hIs
bedroom when he wasnt sIeepIng InterIered detrImentaIIy wIth hIs
sIeep patterns. So jared had gone to the bathroom to rub cooI water Into
hIs eyes and when he had got back he saw that avId had not onIy
ordered Ior hIm but he had aIso ordered the most expensIve thIng on the
menu-the CheIs IIve Course TastIng Menu whIch Is nInety-IIve doIIars
a person.
What. The. IeII.
At Ieast avId Isnt bad to Iook at. n Iact, the guys kInd oI IuckIng hot.
jared had just met the guy over the weekend at the park. Ie had been
runnIng wIth IarIey and SadIe and he must have spaced out because
next thIng he knows hes bumpIng Into thIs hot guy and theyre
stumbIIng aII over the pIace, the dogs cIrcIIng around them nervousIy
and wIndIng theIr Iegs together. t had been InsurmountabIy
embarrassIng and awkward.
ut It was kInd oI nIce ("cute", SophIa had saId) when jared had Iooked
back on It Iater.
The poInt Is that avId Is just reaIIy sexy. Ies a IIttIe oIder than jared,
thIrty-IIve, and hes an up and comIng actor. Ies got these amazIng
dark eyes, strong and square Ieatures, an aIIurIng mouth, and thIn but
soIt IIps (weII, jared imcgines theyre soIt, and he kInd oI hopes heII IInd
out Iater-just a kIss, though, because whIIe jared IreeIy admIts that hes
turned Into a "serIaI dater" hes not sure hes ready to try out "serIaI
one-nIght stander".especIaIIy sInce Its been a Iong, long tIme sInce.
yeah). Ies got thIs smooth and rIch voIce and an IncredIbIy hot haII
smIrk that II jareds perIectIy honest wIth hImseII makes hIs knees IeeI a
IIttIe jeIIy-IIke (and he does not compare It to AckIess smIrk, not even a
IIttIe bIt).
Iowever, avIds Iooks are quIckIy IosIng theIr redeemIng quaIIty.
".ve got IIve TV networks and two movIes out Ior me rIght now-weII,
IIve decent shows and two promIsIng movIes. Theres about IIIteen
others askIng Ior me, but theyre not good enough- thInk m better
than them now, dont you?" Ie doesnt waIt Ior jared to answer. "And
have ]cmes Ccmeron and Ridley Scott aIter me Ior theIr Iatest projects-
weII, them and TIm urton who dont want to work Ior. n my opInIon
urtons movIes just dont have any resoncnce, you know? Ie just has a
smaII cuIt IoIIowIng. dont want to be caught up In aII oI thct."
jared owns every sIngIe TIm urton movIe ever made, actuaIIy, and he
even wrote a paper about urtons IIIms at the begInnIng oI hIs
sophomore year at !CIA. ut avId doesnt take a breath Iong enough
Ior jared to oIIer Input. n Iact, when jared trIes to open hIs mouth avId
just taIks louder and Iaster IIke he doesnt want jared to taIk at aII. So
even avIds hotness Isnt preventIng jared Irom gettIng bored-hIs
even avIds hotness Isnt preventIng jared Irom gettIng bored-hIs
eyeIIds are droopIng, hIs head Is thrummIng, and he cant even enjoy the
Iact that hes eatIng veaI wrapped In bacon and IIIet mIgnon and he
doesnt have to eat any vegetabIes II he doesnt want to because the Iact
that thIs Is costIng hIm ninety-jive dollcrs (Its avId that chose the pIace,
and typIcaI datIng etIquette wouId dIctate that he wouId pay Ior both oI
theIr meaIs, but jared had aIready decIded to pay Ior hIs own when he
saw the prIce) Is a IIttIe dIstractIng.
".and they wanted to put a stunt man In Ior me-me! was IIke, 'Iook
guys. Yeah, toId them straIght up, 'Iook guys, dIdnt traIn In sword
IIghtIng Ior months just Ior you guys to put a stunt man In and II you
dont Iet me try It then quIt. Thats what toId them and they Iet me try
It and naIIed It, man. They toId me dId It better than the stunt man
wouId have done."
jared wants to ask about the stunt man, about what show avId worked
on, because stunt drIvers and expIosIves and shIt IIke that jared Ioves.
ut avId doesnt Iet hIm get a word In.
"Amber-shes an oId co-star and my ex-gIrIIrIend-saId she can get me
In wIth Steven SpIeIberg oI aII peopIe but thInk she just wants me back
and Iets Iace It, who wouIdnt? Am rIght? OI course m rIght! WaIter!
More wIne!"
jared thInks, oh my God the wine (he hadnt even caIcuIated thct Into the
bIII) at the same tIme he thInks who the hell tclks cbout their exes on c
jirst dcte? MeanwhIIe the waIter nods and turns to go retrIeve saId wIne
and jared IIaIIs a IIttIe, arms wavIng haphazardIy because he cant seem
to get hIs voIce to work and there are so many words stuck In hIs mouth
(hold it right there or l dont even drink wine or somethIng eIse thats
probabIy just as InteIIIgent). ut hIs wordIess IIaIIIng onIy resuIts In hIs
knuckIes hIttIng the tabIe whIch bruIses hIs hand and sends sIIverware
scatterIng and hIs empty wInegIass (whIch jared had onIy stuck to water
so he doesnt know how It even got empty) tIppIng and roIIIng across the
tabIe. jared scrambIes to snatch It up beIore It roIIs oII and shatters
(because the damn gIass probabIy costs a thousand doIIars, the way hIs
Iuck Is goIng today).
avId doesnt even notIce jareds Ireak out because hIs eyes are cIosed,
hands heId out, and that sexy haII smIrk thats rapIdIy becomIng
annoyIng paInts hIs Iace. "My agent says that shouId take a Iew
modeIIng jobs-what do you thInk? m not sure. My actIng career Is just
takIng oII but modeIIng oIIers a Iot oI money, rIght? OI course m rIght."
jareds gettIng the Idea that he and avId just arent goIng to jIve. jared
IIkes nIce thIngs, but hIs Idea oI a nIce IIrst date Isnt the most expensIve
restaurant In town. And whIIe he reclly aesthetIcaIIy apprecIates avId
In a suIt, jared cant heIp but thInk he wouId be more comIortabIe II they
were In casuaI cIothes.
And theres the Iact that avId IIkes to show oII by gettIng the most
expensIve thIngs on the menu. And he doesnt shut up about hImseII.
jareds just thInkIng oI IakIng an emergency phone caII Irom hIs sIster,
or maybe even IakIng a seIzure (but sInce hes sure that avId wIII run
away and Ieave jared wIth the bIII, that optIon doesnt Iook so good) and
weIghIng whether or not he wants to stay Ior a kIss and maybe another
date when avId Iooks up, eyes wIde, and mouth bIessedIy sIIent and
stIII Ior the IIrst tIme aII nIght.
"IoIy shIt, thats jensen AckIes!"
n hIs deIense, jareds memory hasnt been the best IateIy and hes had a
stressIuI day and has been IIvIng wIth a headache Ior the past Iew hours
so he honestIy has no cIue what avId just saId.
"Who?"
avIds eyes-such a nIce, sweet coIor-wIden and then narrow and he
Irowns at jared who suddenIy IeeIs InexpIIcabIy guIIty and stupId.
"]ensen Ackles," avId repeats and jared stIII bIInks dumbIy, hIs thoughts
IeeIIng vagueIy IIke a bouncy baII thrown agaInst a brIck waII. avId
repeats hImseII one more tIme-IIke a thIrd repetItIon Is goIng to heIp
and jared trIes not to IeeI hurt at the IndIgnant and derIsIve snort Irom
avId.
"Ies the rIchest heIr In the worId-thats what Forbes says, anyway. IIs
IamIIy Is Ioaded." Ie stares poIntedIy at jared and contInues bIatantIy.
"Ie has more money than you."
jared bIInks because that totaIIy came Irom IeIt IIeId (or maybe hes the
one In IeIt IIeId that just got hIt In the head by a surprIse IIy baII). AIso,
shouId jared know thIs Iorbes guy?
And thats when It suddenIy hIts. Thct jensen AckIes. MIkes IrIend and
possIbIy cousIn (jensen thinks)-the one who was a rude and
InconsIderate jerk that had thrown hIs money around to hIt on jared and
had InadvertentIy (or not) mocked jareds busIness by not takIng the
process serIousIy. jensen AckIes the sIImy, money-IIauntIng snob that
had at Ieast made jared Iaugh by arrogantIy puttIng Mark In hIs pIace.
"Oh, hIm. met hIm earIIer at TrueOne."
And avIds Iace IIghts up handsomeIy-the way It dId when jared ran
Into hIm at the park over the weekend. "So hes a cIIent oI yours?" And
he seems way too eager about that, but jared cant IIgure out why.
jared shrugs. "IrobabIy not." IIs mouth cIIps shut soon aIter that,
because he doesnt know how to eIaborate and II he trIes It wIII probabIy
break the conIIdentIaIIty contract.
avIds eyes dIm and he turns away, seemIng to dIsmIss jared. The
sIIence between them Is sudden and jareds ears rIng wIth It and It takes
hIm a whIIe to IIgure out that Its because avIds no Ionger taIkIng.
jared cIears hIs throat but It doesnt draw hIs dates attentIon. Ie grows
puzzIed and worrIed, not sure II somethIng went wrong, II jared mIssed
some kInd oI cue. ts true that hes dated a Iot but he knows that hes
cIumsy and a IIttIe obIIvIous and sometImes shy (Insecure, reaIIy, but hes
not ready to admIt that to hImseII yet) despIte hIs IrIendIIness and hIs
tendency to be outspoken about hIs opInIons. So jared trIes to strIke up
conversatIon. Ie starts by mentIonIng hIs dogs-hes kInd oI partIaI to
them and they are the reason that avId and jared met so he IIgures Its
enough oI a common ground. When avId oIIers nothIng more than a
grunt as he downs hIs second gIass oI champagne (not wIne, jared
surreptItIousIy checked the menu, and hes pretty sure Its the sparkIIng
champagne that costs twenty doIIars a gIass) jared reIuctantIy turns the
conversatIon back to avId-askIng what the other mans next project Is.
avId turns back to hIm, smIIIng broad but kInd oI patronIzIng, IIke "isnt
]cred young cnd ncive cnd precious beccuse oj it?"
Ie takes a Iong drInk oI jareds champagne (guess jared knows what
happened to hIs other gIass) and puts It down. "eed to go to the
restroom," avId says, noddIng poIntedIy to the champagne gIasses.
"!hm?" jared sounds and reaIIzes that he just made an unsexy noIse that
vagueIy resembIes a whaIe caII and cIears hIs throat. "Seems so." God,
whats comIng out oI hIs mouth? ApparentIy awkward date mIxed wIth
hot man serves to break jareds braIn. " mean, yeah. Okay."
avId stands and IIngers, smIIes charmIngIy down at jared and reaches
to brush asIde a Iock oI haIr Irom jareds eyes and tuck It behInd hIs ear.
jared kInd oI meIts, but hes not deIuded.
As soon as hIs dates no Ionger In sIght jared puIIs out hIs phone and
texts SophIa.
Dctes c bust. Ie sends the message oII and takes a sIp oI water and a
smaII bIte oI hIs Iood whIch stIII tastes good even though Its gotten coId
because hes pIcked at It so Iong (avIds pIate Is aImost cIean and jared
doesnt know how that happened because Its not IIke the guy ever
stopped to chew) and Its just not the burger and IrIes that he reclly
wanted tonIght.
lts not u its him, SophIa responds ImmedIateIy and jared thInks Its the
exact same thIng she saId aIter hIs Iast IaIIed date, the one beIore that,
and possIbIy the two beIore that. Whct did u xpect? ]ust met him.
U told me it wcs cute. :( Ie IeeIs the need to poInt out.
He could be c stlkr. Mcybe he set ur meeting up.
jared Irowns hard and cant decIde whether or not hes oIIended and
angry or IncreduIous. U tell me now?! Ie goes wIth IncreduIous.
LOL, she texts back and jared smIIes. Srsly, wcts wrong w/ him?
Tclked cbout himselj the whole time. Ordered my jood without csking.
Ordered most expensive stujj on menu. And II It was possIbIe to
communIcate whInIng over text message jared just achIeved It.
Foor bcby. Dump his css. Need me to pick u up?
jared snorts and Iooks up to see II avIds back because he wIII probabIy
be abIe to teII that jared taIked about hIm. Ies not back, however.
No. He drove me here, lll mcke him tcke me home. avId had wanted
jared to come pIck hIm up, actuaIIy, but jared wIth a day-Iong headache
and the echoes oI tremors In hIs hands just hadnt IeIt up to It.
Good 4 u, she texts back. Ccll me ij you need me. Love you.
Ie grIns, reassured by SophIas bIessIng and aIIectIon.
K. Love u 2.
Ie hastIIy puts up hIs phone because Its been about IIve mInutes and
avId shouId be back any second. jared pIcks at hIs Iood, sIps at hIs
water. IIs rIght Ieg bounces nervousIy and he gIves up on eatIng
aItogether and just twIrIs the Iork In hIs IIngers IIke a tIny baton, earnIng
Iooks oI censure Irom the straIght-backed and weII-dressed waIters and
a Iew other patrons.
When tweIve mInutes pass jared cant deny that somethIng Is wrong and
hes begInnIng to suspect that avId baIIed. jareds not that upset about
It, except Ior the Iact that the man better have paId Ior hIs share oI the
meaI and he was jareds rIde home. AIso, wIth avId beIng cIose to ten
years oIder than jared, he had expected some IeveI oI maturIty and Is
thoroughIy dIsappoInted wIth the resuIts.
ecause hes optImIstIc, or trIes to be, jared restraIns hImseII Irom goIng
to the wIndow and seeIng II avIds car Is gone and Instead decIdes to
check the bathroom IIrst In case there Is somethIng reaIIy wrong (neck
straIn Irom avIds bIg head, jared thInks).
avIds deIInIteIy not In the bathroom and he hasnt covertIy escaped
the premIses eIther. Ie has, however, stIII managed to dItch jared and
theIr date.
jared just happens to Iook over hIs shouIder on hIs way to the bathroom
and spIes the tabIe. ts nestIed In a corner set oII a IIttIe Irom other
tabIes, Its a IIttIe bIgger wIth a pIush and Iancy booth that curves
around haII oI the tabIe whIIe chaIrs IInIsh the cIrcIe, and there are two
waIters-one waIter, one waItress-hoverIng over It and Its IIve
occupants.
WeII, sIx.
And jared reaIIy doesnt mean to waIk over there, doesnt want to InvIte
the embarrassment and wouId reaIIy rather just Ieave and try not to
thInk about the betrayaI but hIs Ieet carry hIm over there anyway.
As he approaches he reaIIzes that thIs Is jensen AckIess tabIe. jensens
there, sprawIed In the booth, dressed smartIy In a bIack suIt and bIack
tIe except that hIs coIIar Is unbuttoned and hIs tIe Is askance. Ie Iooks
just as handsome as he dId earIIer-nIce skIn that kInd oI gIows tanned
and smooth In the Iow IIghts oI the restaurant, green eyes sparkIIng wIth
Iaughter, a wIde grIn and an easy arrogance In the way he hoIds hIs
posture. Across Irom hIm Is the taII, bIond, gorgeous woman Irom the
bIog page that jared had seen thIs mornIng-jensens sIster, II he
remembers correctIy, though he IaIIs to recaII her name. She has her
hand on the back oI another woman-jared cant teII much about her
other than she has dark haIr. There are two other guests, both men,
who sIt teIIIngIy cIose to one another. And then theres avId, jareds
date, who Is practIcaIIy In jensens Iap.
jareds date Is In another mans Iap and theyre both tryIng to eat each
others Iaces and aII jared can thInk about Is how thats supposed to be
]creds kIss.
ncredIbIy enough, though avIds whIsperIng Iow and occasIonaIIy
nIbbIIng on hIs ear, Its jensen that notIces jared IIrst. And the man
actuaIIy IIghts up.
"jared! Iey!" Ie grIns brIghtIy and aII heads turn to hIm beIore turnIng
to jared. jensen Ieans away Irom avId and Iooks Irom sIde to sIde as II
determInIng the best way to escape the booth so he can stand and greet
jared.
ot that jared cares about that rIght now.
"jared?" the bIonde woman, jensens sIster, Interjects. Ier voIce Is
smooth and pretty-not too hIgh pItched but IIItIng and strong. jared
sees her studyIng hIm but keeps hIs eyes on hIs date, too pIssed to
acknowIedge much eIse.
"The jared that turned you down earIIer, brother?" she goes on,
amusement In her voIce as her thumb massages the base oI her dates
neck.
The other two men at the tabIe unraveI Into sudden mockIng Iaughter.
"You must be IosIng your touch, jenny. Maybe you are gettIng
desperate," one oI them-they both have bIue eyes but thIs one Is
shorter than jensen and jared wIth straIght brown haIr that brushes hIs
shouIders-excIaIms and cIaps jensen hard on hIs shouIder.
jensen whIrIs on hIs IrIends, coIorIng sIIghtIy even as he scowIs. "ont
caII me jenny."
avIds IaughIng aIong wIth the group as II he knows whats goIng on, as
II he beIongs there and jared bItes hIs tongue, waIts Ior the noIse to dIe
down enough so he doesnt have to yeII (he mIght never stop yeIIIng II he
starts).
"Okay, jennIIer," the other man wIth wavy bIond haIr Interjects. "ut the
Iact remaIns that you bragged that you couId get anyone just a coupIe oI
days ago but you IaIIed to mentIon how you totaIIy got-whats the
phrase, ChrIs?" he asks, turnIng to the other man who Irowns and
shrugs. The bIond man turns to jensens sIster who aIso shrugs and
turns to her date.
"urned?" the brunette suppIIes.
"Thats It! You totaIIy got burned," the bIond man IInIshes. "Maybe youre
desperate enough to try that datIng agency aIter aII?"
"Yeah, what was the pIace caIIed?" ChrIs jumps In agaIn teasIngIy.
"Iosers Iast Chance?"
avIds gIarIng accusIngIy at jared now and jareds not sure II Its
because avId thInks that jared IIed to hIm about not knowIng AckIes or
because hes IrrItated at jared Ior breakIng up hIs make out sessIon wIth
the rIchest heIr In the worId. ut they just InsuIted jareds busIness-the
thIng hes sacrIIIced Ior, the busIness that had saved hIs and SophIas
IIves-and thats just IuckIng It.
"TrueOne, actuaIIy," jared says IoudIy and succInctIy and when hes got
the puzzIed attentIon Irom everyone but jensen (whos IookIng at hIm
cpologeticclly, the asshoIe). "The datIng agency? ts caIIed TrueOne and
Its my busIness."
"We dIdnt-" jensens sIster starts onIy to be Interrupted by her
brother.
"They dIdnt mean that, jared," jensen InsIsts. " enjoyed the IntervIew
today and thInk want to try TrueOne out aIter aII." Ie smIIes openIy
up at jared, the skIn at the corner oI hIs eyes wrInkIIng (and jared does
not notIce thIs-he doesnt). "m gIad youre here- was IookIng Iorward
to seeIng you agaIn," he says, haII-wInkIng at jared and smIIIng even
wIder.
The bIond man at the tabIe coughs "masochIst" Into hIs hand. jared
couIdnt agree more, but as he Ignores jensens (once agaIn)
InapproprIate advances and turns hIs IerocIty on hIs date he cant heIp
but wonder II Its jared thats the masochIst here.
"t doesnt matter," jared dIsmIsses them, voIce stIII a IIttIe Ioud but
thats to make sure hes hecrd Ior the IIrst tIme tonIght. Ie zeroes In on
avId. " kInd oI thought that datIng someone a IIttIe oIder wouId heIp
avoId aII the Immature buIIshIt that m used to."
avId opens hIs mouth and theres just no way In heII jareds IettIng hIm
get a word In now. "OI course, you wouIdnt know that, wouId you avId?
ecause you wouIdnt shut up Iong enough to IInd out!"
jared pauses and jensen Irowns. "avId who?" he asks, conIused, and
jared roIIs hIs eyes whIIe avId sends an IncreduIous Iook at the rIch
man.
"You dragged me to thIs God-awIuI restaurant when wanted a burger
and IrIes and had to dress up In thIs rIdIcuIous suIt." he traIIs oII to
gesture a IIttIe crazIIy at hIs cIothes because he cant quIte decIde what
to say next.
" thInk the suIt makes you Iook.nIce," jensen oIIers quIetIy and both
jared and avId gIare at hIm.
"And then you Ieave me In the mIddIe oI our date to suck Iace wIth a
strcnger who, by the way, has such a probIem keepIng It In hIs pants that
m surprIsed cny oxygen gets to hIs braIn."
The other two men, jensens IrIends, burst Into Iaughter whIIe jensens
sIster covers her mouth and Iaughs a IIttIe more daIntIIy.
Ior a moment jensen Iooks IIke hes not sure what to say and then he
grIns IascIvIousIy and Ieans back In the booth, spreadIng hIs arms out
and movIng hIs hIps a IIttIe. "So youve been IookIng at my pants," he
drawIs sIIkIIy, sendIng hIs IrIends Into another round oI Iaughter and
makIng jareds ears IIare In embarrassment.
"Sorry about aII that," avId drawIs. "ut couIdnt heIp It when
somethIng much. jiner passed by and caught my attentIon," he
expIaIns, sexy haII-smIrk workIng overtIme as he ImpIIes that jared
wasnt enough (hes so sIck and tIred oI never beIng enough). ut
avIds rIght. As soon as AckIes had passed them earIIer avIds eyes
had IIt up-much IIke they had when he had IIrst met jared a coupIe oI
days ago-and.
jared cant heIp the abrupt burst oI Iaughter as the reaIIzatIon IInaIIy
hIts. "Oh my God youre an cctucl goId dIgger," he accuses In soIt awe
because he hasnt actuaIIy ever met one-SophIa had to expIaIn the term
to hIm not too Iong ago. Ie certaInIy has never dated one beIore. Ie
doesnt thInk so, anyway. "You thought had money because oI TrueOne
and then when you saw-" jared IIaIIs a IIttIe ungraceIuIIy In jensens
generaI dIrectIon. "-rIch boy over here you smeIIed more money and
just wow." Ie bIInks. "SerIousIy, wow. kInd oI expected. subtIety,
maybe? A sense oI dIgnIty on your part?"
jensens sIster snorts and her date IaIIs to suppress a gIggIe.
And just IIke that jared IeeIs better. ot awesome or anythIng-because
heIIo hIs date turned out to be a douche and hes tIred and achy and
dIsappoInted and a IIttIe IoneIy now-but he doesnt IeeI as angry. IIs
hand Isnt even shakIng and that couId be hIs medIcIne or It couId be
that even though he had been pIssed, jared just hadnt cared enough
about avId to IeeI anythIng other than a brIght IIrework oI anger and
the IIngerIng smoke oI embarrassment.
ow Its avId who Iooks pIssed, whos IosIng hIs Iace In Iront oI the rIch
heIr he was chewIng on not IIve mInutes earIIer. ut jared doesnt Iet
hIm get a word In, hes so tIred oI just acceptIng thIs kInd oI shIt. "So,
assume your whoIe story was buII, then. You wIII pay Ior your haII oI the
bIII-or doesnt Steven Spielberg pay you enough?"
avIds anger Iades Into a smaII, mock-apoIogetIc smIIe. "Come on,
jared," he wheedIes soItIy, IookIng exaggeratedIy Innocent. " toId you
m havIng a hard tIme, In between projects and aII-"
jared resIsts shoutIng "bull jucking shit" and hoIds up a hand Instead,
cuttIng avId oII. "m sure youII be IIne. Theres pIenty oI peopIe In
here you can swIndIe Into heIpIng you out-hey, maybe your new date
wIII pItch In?"
"jared-" jensen starts but jareds aIready steppIng away, hIs
thunderIng heart echoIng In the hoIIow pIt oI hIs stomach.
"ont worry, II IInd my own way home," he tosses over hIs shouIder
and trIes hIs best not to staIk chIIdIshIy away.
Ie has a heart attack at hIs haII oI the bIII because they stuck hIm wIth
two gIasses oI champagne that he dId not drInk and wIth gratuIty It
amounted to about two hundred doIIars. Ie can aIIord It, Its just
ridiculous and he dIdnt even reaIIy eat or drInk anythIng. The whoIe tIme
he pays he IeeIs the eyes oI some oI the guests and empIoyees on hIm
due to the scene he had just made. Ie settIes the bIII quIckIy and makes
a hasty exIt, reIIeved to step out Into the cooI aIr and dark anonymIty oI
the nIght, IeavIng behInd Iow murmurs and the crescendo oI the vIoIIns
dramatIc soIo.
CIcada Is In the busIness dIstrIct and the street Isnt that busy at thIs
tIme. A Iot oI peopIe mIII about but Its not so crowded that they bump
eIbows. Most peopIe quIckIy haII taxIs and theres a smaII back up oI the
yeIIow cars at the IntersectIon but Its nowhere near as busy or Ioud as
rush hour. jared pauses to get hIs bearIngs, IookIng rIght and then IeIt,
not ImmedIateIy seeIng a bus stop but knowIng II he just starts waIkIng
heII hIt one In a Iew mInutes. Ie runs hIs hands over hImseII, makIng
sure he dIdnt Iorget anythIng In hIs haste. Ie hadnt worn a coat-the
suIt was heavy and warm and though the temperature drops a good bIt
at nIght Its stIII not unbearabIe-and he IeeIs hIs waIIet In an Inner
pocket oI hIs suIt jacket so hes good.
xcept now he remembers goIng through hIs waIIet earIIer, cIeanIng out
aII the receIpts and scraps oI paper when he was tIred but couIdnt IaII
asIeep Ior a nap and wanted somethIng to do wIth hIs hands. Ies aIso
pretty sure that hIs bus pass was one oI the thIngs he had taken out oI
hIs waIIet, IntendIng to put back, but he doesnt remember doIng It. Ie
dIgs out the IoIded Ieather and checks and IInds a dIstInct Iack oI bus
pass cnd cash.
The IoneIIness and despaIr that he started to IeeI In the restaurant come
crashIng down around hIm so suddenIy that It cements the soIes oI hIs
Ieet to the ground. Ie sIghs heavIIy and tIIts hIs head back and gIares
accusIngIy at the nIght sky he cant even see because oI the smog and
brIght cIty IIghts.
"Iuck."
" was thInkIng a dInner and a concert IIrst, but m IIexIbIe," a voIce
says, Ioud and cIear and wcy too cIose to jareds ear Ior comIort. Ie Iets
out a haII cry and jerks away, pIvotIng on hIs Ioot and IosIng baIance
enough that hIs arms wIndmIII brIeIIy. And II thIs Is reaIIy a muggIng
then jareds dead meat because he cant even stand uprIght on hIs own,
much Iess IIght back or run away-
"Woah, easy jay," the voIce drawIs and jared reaIIzes that hes starIng
IIke a deer caught In the headIIghts at AckIes, whos smIIIng kInd oI
IondIy up at hIm, those damn eyes oI hIs brIght In the streetIIght,
shouIders cuttIng a broad sIIhouette agaInst the dImIy IIt wIndows oI the
buIIdIng behInd hIm.
"You!" jared gasps, poIntIng accusIngIy at jensen.
"Me," jensen answers, smIIe broadenIng.
"-where-where the hell did you come jrom?"
jensen raIses an eyebrow and II jared wasnt currentIy In the mIddIe oI a
hecrt cttcck he wouId be surprIsed to note just how the sImpIe gesture
makes AckIess Iace appear so expressIve and anImated. "Irom the
restaurant?" jensen asks InnocentIy and jared scowIs at hIm.
"o! WeII, yes, know that but no thats not what m askIng!" And reaIIy,
how does the douche aIways manage to get jared aII tongue-tIed? "
mean, how dId you-you werent here a mInute ago. Iow dId you get
here?"
" ran," jensen says, easIIy sIIdIng hIs hands Into hIs pockets and
shruggIng casuaIIy. ut he couIdnt have run because hIs suIt Is
ImpeccabIe except Ior the Iact that hIs coIIar Is stIII unbuttoned and hIs
tIe stIII puIIed Ioose-probabIy so avId couId more easIIy suck on the
skIn there.
And jared Is back to beIng pIssed.
"What are you doIng? Why are you IoIIowIng me?" jared snaps,
smoothIng out hIs suIt and waIkIng away Irom jensen towards the bus
stop-he doesnt know what hes goIng to do when he gets there, except
waIt Ior a bus he cant aIIord the Iare Ior.
" wanted to see II you were aIrIght," jensen answers, keepIng In step
wIth jared.
"My date IeIt me to go sIobber on another man, how do you thInk IeeI?"
"IeIIeved to be rId oI that asshoIe?"
"xcept youre not gone yet so reaIIy cant teII."
"y the go-youre IeIsty!" jensen excIaIms except It doesnt sound IIke
IrustratIon or exasperatIon but IIke breathIess, admIrIng awe and jared
aIIows hImseII to Iook at the other man out oI the corner oI hIs eye.
jensens eyes are on jared, rovIng up and down jareds body and when
jensen catches jared IookIng back he grIns knowIngIy. jared whIps hIs
head away, huIIIng petuIantIy.
"What do you want?" jared asks agaIn, soIter thIs tIme.
" aIready toId you," the other man answers, somehow both serIous and
nonchaIant.
"WeII m IIne. ont you have IrIends waItIng Ior you? And avId?"
".avId who?" jensen asks as they reach the bus stop. jared gIares
nastIIy at the other man who Iooks IIke he honestIy doesnt know who
avId Is.
"My date-or, weII, guess hes your date now," jared cIarIIIes aIthough
he shouIdnt have to just because AckIess head Is so Iar up hIs own ass
he cant be bothered to remember peopIes names (he remembered
jareds though but jared decIdes not to examIne that too cIoseIy).
"Oh, hIm," jensen says dIsmIssIveIy and sIts down next to jared on the
bench. Theyre the onIy ones at the bus stop. "Iow does that work,
anyway?"
jared sIghs expIosIveIy, reaIIzIng that hes never goIng to get rId oI thIs
guy. "Iow does what work, exactIy?" he asks wIth exaggerated patIence.
"That guy earIIer-at TrueOne. snt he your boyIrIend or somethIng?"
jared Irowns and thInks back, rememberIng that jensen had been wIth
hIm when jared had Iound Mark IeIIegrIno IurkIng outsIde oI hIs oIIIce.
Ie scoIIs and shakes hIs head sIowIy, not sure II he shouId IeeI angry
and oIIended or guIIty. Ie decIdes hes tIred oI Mark controIIIng hIm
when hes not even around and decIdes to just IeeI oIIended and
IncreduIous.
"What part oI that conversatIon made you thInk we were Iovers? Or that
even like hIm?" he asks IInaIIy, whIIe he couId be bIased because oI hIs
hIstory wIth Mark, but he cIearIy remembers theIr conversatIon earIIer to
be aII thInIy veIIed threats and InsuIts.
jensen shrugs and avoIds eye contact, jared can teII because he catches
the IIght reIIectIng oII oI the whItes oI jensens eyes as he Iooks away.
jareds Irown deepens, thInkIng oI SophIa and how she Iooks away when
shes hIdIng somethIng or when shes IyIng. Ie decIdes not to pursue
any more conversatIon wIth the other man.
Ior hIs part, jensen IeeIs InexpIIcabIy reIIeved to IInd out that jared Is
not aIready spoken Ior. ot that somethIng IIke hIs Iove Interests beIng
In a commItted reIatIonshIp has ever bothered hIm beIore because It
never has-except when jensen had seen jared wIth another man earIIer
he had IeIt deIeated somehow.
TonIght jensen had gone out wIth AdrIanne and her date-jensen thInks
her name mIght be rIttany but It couId aIso be jessIca-and ChrIs and
Steve to CIcada. The restaurant had a good seIectIon oI Greek cuIsIne
and AdrIanne had wanted to Impress her date. jensen hadnt reaIIy
objected because whIIe he dIdnt partIcuIarIy care what peopIe thought
oI hIm and whIIe he dIdnt go out oI hIs way to IIaunt hIs weaIth and Iame
he aIso enjoyed havIng peopIe Iook at hIm-admIre hIm. AIter hIs
meetIng wIth jared he had gone to theIr home In I.A. and had secIuded
hImseII to the musIc room where he started out IdIy strummIng at hIs
guItar and eventuaIIy had pIcked up one oI hIs oId handmade kItharas,
the songs hed pIayed had gotten oIder and oIder as he had sIIpped
Iurther and Iurther Into hImseII.
The restaurant had been good, the champagne nIce on hIs tongue
aIthough the aIcohoI wouIdnt do anythIng Ior hIm and the usuaI tensIon
between ChrIs and AdrIanne had made Ior a decent show. jensen hadnt
seen jared and hIs date when he IIrst waIked In, so when a hot guy had
brazenIy stepped up to the tabIe and Introduced hImseII wIth a haII-
smIrk and smoIderIng eyes just Ior jensen weII, jensen hadnt seen
anythIng wrong wIth InduIgIng In the attentIon.
The guy-avId-had been quIte taIented wIth hIs mouth, possessIng a
smooth voIce and easy smIIe Ior everyone eIse at the tabIe. ut avId
had dIsappeared Irom jensens worId the moment jared stepped up to
the tabIe.
jensen has a good memory-one that surpassed human comprehensIon,
actuaIIy-but he had honestIy Iorgotten just how beautIIuI jared was In
the span oI a Iew hours. ressed In a weII-IIttIng IIne suIt that hugged
hIs taII and strong Irame jared had kInd oI taken jensens breath away.
The ensuIng mInutes were consumed wIth conIusIon because aII he
knew was that jared was pIssed at hIm agaIn Ior some reason and he
couIdnt get any IIIrtIng In because jared was so busy yeIIIng at hIs two-
tImIng date (whIch had been a douche move on avIds part and jensen
dId IeeI bad Ior jared).
SpeakIng oI IIIrtIng.
"You Iook nIce," he says suddenIy and jared jumps a IIttIe In hIs seat,
turnIng to jensen wIth wIde eyes.
"What?" jared asks IncreduIousIy, brows IurrowIng.
jensen shrugs. "arIIer. You saId the suIt was rIdIcuIous. thInk you Iook
nIce."
jareds thankIuI Ior the darkness so the other man cant see the startIed
bIush (except jensen can see It and pumps a mentaI IIst oI vIctory Ior
gettIng a reactIon out oI jared that Isnt anger or contempt).
"m not goIng to say thank you," jared answers IInaIIy but wIthout any
reaI bIte In hIs voIce-hes too exhausted and hIs head Is stIII poundIng
and he IeeIs IIke hes Iresh out oI reaI emotIons. "ecause you kInd oI
ruIned my date."
jensen snorts. "Your dcte ruIned your date," he poInts out and chuckIes.
"Ice choIce, by the way."
rrItated once agaIn, jared sIowIy turns to jensen, eyes narrowIng.
"xcuse me?"
jensen bIInks and shrugs. "m just sayIng. The guys a douche-what dId
you see In hIm?"
" just met hIm! Ie seemed nIce and he acted IIke he IIked my dogs-Its a
weakness. Anyway, why the heII do you care?"
jensen threw out hIs arms but thats aII jared couId make out In the
nIght. "m just sayIng that II youd gone out wIth me, wouIdnt have
done that-"
jared groans. "ot thIs agaIn."
"What?" jensen snaps, oIIended.
"just-Iay oII? n Iact, you can Ieave. What are you even doIng here?"
jared asks agaIn.
"MakIng sure you get home aIrIght," jensen repeats patIentIy, smIIIng an
InduIgent smIIe that makes jared grIt hIs teeth.
"m at the bus stop. m IIne! And even II wasnt, what makes you thInk
want you here?" jared excIaIms, pushIng to hIs Ieet and takIng a step
away Irom jensen. Irom thIs angIe Its easIer to see the other man, hIs
Iace IIIumInated by the street IIght over the bus stop and In IIashes oI
passIng vehIcIes.
"Youre IIne?" jensen asks, standIng aIso and IrownIng when jared
IIInches and takes a wary step back. ls he cjrcid oj me? Thcts.strcnge.
"Wheres your bus pass?" jensen asks, noddIng to jareds empty hands.
jareds shouIders sIump as he gets caIIed out Ior not havIng a bus pas.
Ie dIdnt know what he was even doing, anyway. Ie shouId have aIready
caIIed SophIa or Chad to come pIck hIm up, but he was reIuctant to admIt
just how sour hIs date had gone-embarrassed to be IeIt behInd on theIr
IIrst date Ior another man. SophIa and Chad wouId have bIown
everythIng even Iurther out oI proportIon.
" IeIt It at home. dont have any cash eIther," jared conIesses, hatIng
the vuInerabIe sound In hIs voIce.
"II caII you a cab," jensen says ImmedIateIy, reachIng Ior hIs phone.
"o!" jared shouts, hoIdIng out hIs hand In a "stop" gesture. "o, -
dont want your money. And cabs are expensIve."
jensen raIses an IncreduIous eyebrow. "ude, moneys not a probIem.
esIdes, what are you goIng to do? Wclk home?" jensen watches as the
young mortaI Iets out a shaky breath and runs a hand through hIs haIr.
Ie studIes jared, Ior the IIrst tIme IookIng past the aIIurIng physIcaIIty to
contempIate the man-an exercIse that jensen honestIy hasnt bothered
wIth Ior a whIIe now. Ie hadnt reaIIzed how godlike he had been IateIy-
surroundIng hImseII wIth other ImmortaIs, reservIng the most IreeIy
proIound taIks Ior conversatIons wIth hIs sIster onIy, secIudIng hImseII In
hIs rooms and IosIng hImseII In ancIent songs.
ut now he shores up the Iorgotten vestIges oI the patIence, reason, and
Iocus It takes to bIend In wIth the mortaI worId and reaIIy looks at the
man who has aIready so InadvertentIy snagged hIs attentIon just wIth hIs
beautIIuI appearance. jared seems wary oI jensen, cjrcid maybe but
thats easIIy outweIghed by hIs contempt. jensen bothers jared Ior some
reason and though mortaIs are usuaIIy easy to IIgure out jensen cant
determIne II jared honestIy dIsIIkes jensen because jensen had been so
Iorward wIth hIm earIIer that day (though, jareds botched date dId
prove that jared was at the very Ieast bIsexuaI so that wasnt the
probIem). And Its even weirder now that jared turned hIm down because
the young man doesnt seem to have a probIem wIth datIng practIcaI
strangers.
jared Iooks up because he hears the hIgh whIne and the jagged
rumbIIng oI the bus beIore he sees It. Ie decIdes then and there that
swaIIowIng hIs prIde and owIng a two-doIIar debt Is a much better
aIternatIve than owIng about IIIty doIIars In tax Iare or compIeteIy
strIppIng hImseII oI hIs prIde and caIIIng hIs sIster or Chad Ior heIp. Ie
swaIIows the bIIe In thIs throat, pushes down Marks voIce In the back oI
hIs head and turns abruptIy to AckIes, hoIdIng out hIs hand.
"IIne. II borrow money Ior the bus rIde."
"What?" jensen asks, unprepared. "o, a cab wIII be Iaster, Its gettIng
Iate and you wont have to pay me back."
jared grIts hIs teeth as the bus puIIs up and stops wIth a hIss and
screech oI the brakes. "Iook, you can heIp me by payIng my bus Iare or
you can waIt there whIIe caII the cops and report a staIker."
jensens brows Iurrow and he Irowns oIIensIveIy. "Iey, how am staIkIng
-"
"just-are you goIng to do It or not?" jared sIghs, roIIIng hIs eyes and
IookIng suddenIy paIe and tIred In the nIght. The doors to the bus start
to squeak open.
"IIne," jensen grouses, jerkIng out hIs waIIet and stuIIIng the money In
jareds hand. jared ImmedIateIy exchanges It Ior a Iare and turns to say
"Thank you" but somehow cant muster the words. Ie IeeIs too sIIghted
stIII, too angry and hurt and angry.
" wont say thank you," he repeats Irom earIIer. "ot now, anyway," he
amends and turns back around and steps Into the bus, seeIng IamIIIar
bIue seats and yeIIow raIIs common wIth thIs IIne. There arent many
peopIe now, just a Iew peopIe In the back and a young coupIe wIth a
toddIer In the Iront. Ies just breathIng a sIgh oI reIIeI and shuIIIIng
quIckIy towards a seat beIore the bus takes oII and throws hIm oII
baIance when he hears the machIne behInd hIm spIt out another bus
Iare. jared Iooks over hIs shouIder and sees jensen step Into the bus
behInd hIm, warIIy IookIng around wIth a IaIntIy uncomIortabIe Iook
beIore smIIIng at jared.
"What are you doIng?" jared sIghs exasperatedIy as he sIts down, roIIIng
hIs eyes when jensen sIts besIde hIm.
jensen takes a moment to reIIsh In the Iong IIne oI heat jareds body
gIves oII-Its coId and wIndy outsIde and though he was tryIng to hIde It
jensen was IreezIng hIs css oII out there. "m escortIng you home," he
answers wIth an exaggeratedIy brIght smIIe.
The young man sIghs, IettIng hIs head IaII back untII It rests on the cooI
wIndow behInd them. "What wIII It take to get rId oI you?" jared
murmurs a bIt dramatIcaIIy.
"A date," jensen answers-Its what hes wanted Irom jared the whoIe
day.
"What?" jared asks, not movIng hIs head but hIs eyes shIItIng to regard
jensen who shrugs.
"Go on a date wIth me."
"o," jared says wIthout hesItatIon and jensen shrugs agaIn.
"Then guess you wont be rId oI me."
"God, cant you staIk someone whos actuaIIy willing?" jared retorts and
IeeIs a IIttIe guIIty Ior beIng so harsh to someone he honestIy doesnt
even reaIIy know. Ie sneaks a gIance at jensen who onIy seems vagueIy
oIIended at the comment.
Theres a Iew moments oI bIIssIuI sIIence beIore jensen takes a breath,
drawIng jareds attentIon back on the man hed been wIIIIuIIy tryIng to
Ignore.
"t wouId be a good date, you know," he says but hes not reaIIy IookIng
at jared, just starIng across the bus and out the opposIte wIndow.
jared grImaces and turns to AckIes, IacIng head on Into those (IncredIbIy
green) eyes. "jensen," he says sIowIy. "arIIer today you wasted my
Iunch hour because you dId not take the proIIIIng at TrueOne serIousIy
and-InadvertentIy or not-InsuIted both me and the company work
hard Ior." When jensen opens hIs mouth to protest jared cuts hIm oII.
"And when you asked me out you couIdnt heIp but careIessIy throw your
weaIth In my Iace. And you-InadvertentIy or not-stoIe my date tonIght.
can dIstantIy apprecIate you IendIng me money Ior a bus Iare, but you
have to understand that youre not IorgIven, that m stIII IaIrIy pIssed,
and that m stIII deIInIteIy not Interested." Ie pauses Ior a Iew moments
to Iet It aII sInk Into the heIrs braIn beIore contInuIng. "YouII aIso
IorgIve me-or not, reaIIy dont care-II dont want to taIk to you
anymore. ecause dont and m not." Ie waIts Ior that to settIe and
then turns away and IIrmIy presses hIs IIps together, determIned to
Ignore the man Ior the rest oI the rIde.
jensen bIInks at the other man. "AIrIght then," he says, a smIIe tuggIng
at hIs IIps at jareds chIIdIsh Impudence. "So where do you IIve? Iow
Iong untII we get there?"
jareds mouth opens to answer but he remembers that hes supposed to
be gIvIng the sIIent treatment and shuts hIs mouth, teeth cIIckIng
audIbIy.
jensen chuckIes. "IIne, then," he says amIcabIy and takes a moment to
IdIy study the bus. jensen usuaIIy doesnt go Ior pubIIc transportatIon-
he hates mortaI means oI transportatIon In generaI. ecause he and
AdrIanne are In the pubIIc eye as ceIebrItIes they have to occasIonaIIy
take a Iew pIanes and IImos and cabs or eIse the medIa wouId catch on
that theyre suddenIy showIng up haII way across the worId wIthout
record oI transIt vIa one oI mankInds huIkIng and cumbersome
machInes. jensens trIed the bus beIore, out oI curIosIty, but he doesnt
apprecIate the amount oI tIme It takes to get Irom one poInt to another
due to the Irequent stops. Ie crInges at the smeII oI exhaust and
doesnt apprecIate the unpredIctabIIIty oI just who he spends tIme on
the bus wIth-rank men who have no concept oI hygIene, Ioud
teenagers, or squaIIIng InIants. Iowever wIth the bus not heavIIy
occupIed and the cooIness oI the nIght makes thIs rIde bearabIe-aIong
wIth the nIce eye candy warmIng jensens rIght sIde.
" wouId have taken you on a nIce date, you know," he says suddenIy and
enjoys jareds startIed Iook. Ie shrugs and contInues. " IIke spendIng
money on dates, but wouIdnt have dragged you to CIcada on the IIrst
one-you Iooked too uncomIortabIe, Its obvIousIy not your thIng." Once
agaIn jareds mouth opens to respond beIore he resoIuteIy purses hIs
IIps back together and jensen decIdes to turn It Into a game-a mcke
]cred tclk bejore they get to wherever the hell theyre going game.
"ot that dont thInk you IIt In at some hIgh doIIar pIace because you
do. You Iook amazIng tonIght, aIready toId you that." Ie pretends IIke
he doesnt see jareds IaInt bIush but InwardIy counts It as a vIctory. "I
you had Iet me choose, wouId have taken you somewhere wIth a IIttIe
more home cookIng. Youre Irom the South, arent you? can hear It In
your accent sometImes. Texas, thInk, but havent been In the South
sInce.weII, Its been awhIIe."
jareds IookIng at jensen now wIth wIde eyes because hes torn between
beIng aIraId that jensen has guessed so much rIght about hIm and beIng
a IIttIe IIattered that jensen paId that much attentIon. Or maybe jensen
hadnt paId attentIon, maybe he had just asked someone eIse or read It
somewhere-jared had a date In coIIege wIth a guy that had read jareds
Iacebook to IInd out more about hIm. t had actuaIIy kInd oI creeped
jared out-the guy had searched out a Iot oI detaIIs-and why couIdnt
he have just asked jared?
"Anyway," jensen presses on, knowIng he at Ieast has jareds attentIon.
"arbeque maybe, or a IIsh Iry?" Ie waIts and studIes jared who cant
hIde an Interested Iook-he remembers goIng to a Iew IIsh IrIes In Texas
wIth Mama, crammed In on spIIntered pIcnIc tabIes, the smoky rIch scent
oI Iood cookIng settIIng heavIIy over them, Ioud Iaughter and IrIendIy
banter. Someone wIth a sweet sound system In theIr truck-amps and
subwooIers that pIayed so Ioud It seemed IIke the bands were there In
the dust and the sun wIth them-wouId pIay musIc and some peopIe
even danced. Mama had aIways danced. She wouId hoId out her hand to
jared, "arent you gonna ask a Iady to dance?" Shed tease and he wouId
shuIIIe In the gray dIrt wIth her. When he was IIttIe she wouId twIrI hIm
around, but by the tIme he was IIIteen jared was abIe to spIn Mama
around and dIp her In hIs arms. She wouId Iaugh and dance and Iaugh.
jared had thrown hIs IIrst punch at a IIsh Iry at theIr church when Iyan
ToIIer had trIed to kIss SophIa even when she pushed hIm away and
tweIve year oId jared had grabbed Iyan by hIs shIrt and hIt the oIder
boy so hard he knocked out a tooth. Mama had grounded hIm (but she
had aIso kIssed hIs tempIe and saId "good job, you look out jor your sister,
you kids look out jor ecch other") and SophIa had hugged hIm and danced
wIth hIm and had gIven hIm her other pIece IIsh.
jared hadnt been to a IIsh Iry sInce he moved Irom Texas and now he
thInks he wouId reaIIy IIke to go to one agaIn, just to see II theyre as
good as hIs memorIes or II the ones back home were so Iun because
Mama had been there.
"Theres a Cajun IIsh Iry In I.A. thIs weekend-dId you know?" jensens
sayIng and jared trIes not to tIIt hIs head, trIes not the show that hes
IntrIgued. "WeII, theres a ton oI them thIs tIme oI year, but thIs one has
an outdoor concert, too-coupIe oI IocaI bands."
jared Iooks away then and jensen assumes Its to hIde the IaInt bIush on
hIs cheekbones and the god grIns openIy, IeeIIng a rush oI trIumph.
jensens gettIng to jared, breakIng down a Iew waIIs, even II jared
doesnt want to admIt It to hImseII.
"WouIdnt you IIke that?"
jared opens hIs mouth agaIn, thInkIng oI a retort aIong the IInes oI
"doesnt seem to be the scene oI a rIch heIr" or maybe "It sounds aIrIght
untII you Ieave me to mauI some other man In the mIddIe oI our date" but
the Iast sentIment Is reaIIy avIds IauIt-as Iar as he can teII jensen
hadnt seen them when he waIked In and thereIore dIdnt know jared
was In the restaurant, much Iess that jareds date had abandoned hIm to
suck Iace wIth jensen. ut jareds not speakIng to the other man, he
remInds hImseII wIth a Irown. jensens a douche and jared wIII not Iet
jensen sweet tclk hIm Into-Into-weII, Into anythIng.
ut jensen keeps taIkIng-not babbIIng, necessarIIy. Ies quIet Ior a Iew
mInutes at a tIme, starIng aIternatIveIy at jared or out the wIndow.
SometImes he hums, a Iow and smooth sound that aImost IuIIs jared Into
sIeep, and when hes not doIng any oI that he taIks.
"I you take the bus a Iot you shouId probabIy get a TAI card-you heard
oI those? AdrIanne-shes my sIster-shes aII eco-IrIendIy and
everythIng- am, too, guess but shes azI about It. Anyway, TAI cards
save on paper."
jared begIns to IeeI bad Ior IgnorIng the other man, but jareds had too
many Iessons recentIy about trustIng peopIe-In Iact, the whoIe IIasco
wIth avId had just proved that. jensen Is too much IIke Mark, shovIng
hIs money and InIIuence In jareds Iace, cajoIIng jared to hIs wIII, and
jared has had enough oI that.
The bus IInaIIy gets to the stop thats rIght across Irom jareds
apartments and jared steps out wIth jensen on hIs heeIs. They cross the
street and stop outsIde oI the gated entrance to the apartments.
"Are you okay Irom here?" jensen asks and the younger man nods, haIr
IIoppIng over hIs eyes.
"Ior what Its worth-m sorry your date went bad tonIght," jensen says
wIth an apoIogetIc shrug jared can bareIy make out In the darkness.
jared bIInks because In hIs experIence peopIe as rIch and arrogant as
jensen dont usuaIIy apoIogIze to or attempt to sympathIze wIth others.
"So," jensen asks, grInnIng. "Go on a date wIth me? ThIs weekend?"
jared roIIs hIs eyes. "ont push It," he grumbIes and turns away Irom
the other man but pauses. Ie thInks about sayIng-mecns to say-"dont
bother me ever cgcin" but Instead he says, "Thank you-Ior the bus rIde
and.weII, thank you."
jensens answerIng grIn Is posItIveIy shIt-eatIng. "Thought you werent
taIkIng to me."
jared huIIs and pushes hIs way through the gate, staIkIng oII and
resoIuteIy not IookIng back over hIs shouIder.
jensen IIngers Ior a moment, watchIng the young man waIk away-
jensens eyesIght Isnt hIndered by the darkness so he has no probIem
makIng out jareds body (okay, specIIIcaIIy jareds ass-but how couId
anyone not Iook at that ass and those Iong Iegs?). Ie knows hes too
IntrIgued now, both In jareds body and hIs personaIIty, to just Iet jared
go.
jensens not aIways the most patIent god In the IamIIy, but hes got Iocus
to make up Ior It. Ies not as good as hIs sIster but hes a hunter aII the
same and jensen decIdes rIght then outsIde oI the Iron gates that hes
goIng to hunt jared IadaIeckI Ior the prIze oI a sIngIe date. Ie steps
away and takes oII at the speed oI IIght, destInatIon unknown, and he
hasnt IeIt thIs much antIcIpatIon-thIs much thrIII-over a mortaI In such
a Iong tIme that he cant heIp but run and Iaugh and not care where he
ends up.
And jared.jared waIts untII hes cIImbed the steps oI the buIIdIng and
stepped InsIde hIs apartment and shut the door. Ie Ieans agaInst the
wooden door and cant waIt Iong enough to turn on the IIghts or to greet
SadIe and IarIey beIore hes hIdIng a broad smIIe In the coIIar oI hIs suIt
jacket.
TC
Chapter 3
The next mornIng jared bumps Into Gabe on the way to hIs oIIIce. jared
took the back staIrs agaIn because he was stIII on hIs IIrst cup oI coIIee
and too tIred, achy and cranky to deaI poIIteIy wIth GenevIeve thIs
mornIng (shes way too perky and trIes to shove pastrIes at hIm Ior
breakIast whIch he hadnt mInded at IIrst sInce he was sIck oI the
vegetabIes and whoIe wheat SophIa shoved down hIs throat untII he
IIgured out that acceptIng them somehow meant that he was sayIng yes
to GenevIeves staIkerIsh advances). AIthough he had been exhausted
Iast nIght It had taken hours to IaII asIeep-at IIrst because jared had
stIII been so pIssed about the avId thIng (not because he kept thInkIng
oI jensens smIIe or anythIng stupId and cheesy IIke that) and then
because It was hard to sIeep wIth the sIoshIng headache. When he dId
IInaIIy IaII asIeep, endIess vIvId dreams and nIghtmares added to the
weIght oI hIs usuaI nIghtmares oI ghostIy red strIngs, tunneIs, and weIIs
-hed dreamt oI dust IIyIng about dancIng Ieet, stIIted Iaughter, Mark
standIng over jared (standIng on jared sometImes). td been another
mIserabIe nIght. Theres been Iar too many oI those kInds oI nIghts
recentIy.
So the next mornIng, even though the suns shInIng and the sky Is cIear,
the worId Is newsprInt grey to jared. Ie oversIept and dIdnt have a
chance to run wIth the dogs-bareIy had tIme to shower but not enough
Ior a shave. IIs haIrs damp, hIs eyes are grItty, and he stIII IeeIs gross
so he takes the back staIrs and avoIds GenevIeve and hopeIuIIy some oI
hIs other empIoyees aItogether.
GabrIeI TIgerman, one oI jareds T personneI, Is aIready In the haIIway,
cIearIy just IeavIng jareds oIIIce and headIng towards hIs own. Gabe Is
natIve to Ios AngeIes and about jareds age, though jared towers over
the smaII man by aImost an entIre Ioot. Gabe has been wIth jared sInce
the begInnIng, a IrIend oI a IrIend who knew somebody who couId heIp
jared get the TrueOne websIte oII the ground back when jared was a
!CIA drop out IIvIng In cramped space In oyIe IeIghts. Gabe had
started out at StanIord In ast AsIan Ianguages and CuItures but
transIerred beIore hIs sophomore year to MT Ior Computer ScIence
(everyone seems to thInk the transItIon was weIrd except Gabe, who just
shrugs and grIns and says somethIng In japanese or Korean or ancIent
MongoIIan IIke It doesnt even matter that hes a reaI IIIe genIus) so
when Gabe IIrst heIped jared set up the websIte It had been over the
Internet and they hadnt met Iace to Iace untII jared receIved the grant.
Gabe had caIIed jared up, greeted hIm wIth some kInd oI-what he
cIaImed to be-ChInese saIutatIon (jared had trIed wrItIng down what he
heard In a Iree onIIne transIator and came up wIth "Iur coats on rye" so
hes not sure II he transIIterated what he heard correctIy or II Gabe was
just screwIng wIth hIm) and had saId "so hey, lm bcck in L.A., think you
need cn lT guy?"
Gabe couId work anywhere-Chad specuIates that Gabe couId probabIy
work Ior the CA or ASA (Chad aIso specuIates that Gabe Is aIready a
CA agent and Is an undercover spy)-but he toId jared that there wouId
be a steady stream oI gIrIs at TrueOne and besIdes "lm pretty sure
youre probcbly gonnc be c better boss to work jor thcn some snobby, stujjy
projessor-l mecn, lets jcce it, youre c sojty cnd youll probcbly overpcy
me". So when Gabe oIIered to come, jared accepted-theyd Iormed a
cyber IrIendshIp over the years and jared IIked the guy and besIdes, he
wouId have been crazy not to hIre the geeky IIttIe genIus.
"Iey, jaybIrd," Gabe greets wIth a grIn as he spIns on the baII oI hIs Ioot
so he can Iace jared.
"MornIn Gabe, Is everythIng aIrIght?" jared asks and Is just too tIred to
care about the "jaybIrd" nIckname thIs mornIng.
Gabes kInd oI paIe Ior a CaIIIornIan wIth sweet brown eyes that SophIa
teIIs jared puts hIs supposed "puppy eyes" to shame (jared doesnt thInk
shes one to judge because shes grown Immune over the years-jared
has the best puppy eyes and hes not aIraId to use them).
The eccentrIc computer genIus shrugs, easy smIIe In pIace as he
pIayIuIIy roIIs hIs eyes. "You got a package and thInk GenevIeve was
thInkIng about steaIIng It and eIther throwIng It In the trash or makIng It
out IIke Its Irom her. She had that glecm In her eye, you know?"
espIte hIs bad mood jared IInds hImseII chuckIIng soItIy. "God, shes so
awesome but sometImes she can be scary," he agrees.
"Scary hot," Gabe sIghs wIstIuIIy, IIckIng hIs IIps and jareds not amused
by Gabes unrequIted Iove story wIth the crazy receptIonIst thIs mornIng
and Is Instead a IIttIe grossed out. Theyre not compatIbIe Iovers-
theyre not connected by the ghostIy red strIng Ior one thIng, and theIr
souIs dont harmonIze at aII. GenevIeves sounds IIke movement-aIways
movIng, snappIng back and Iorth, Iast and sIow. SometImes jared thInks
oI baIIroom dances when he IIstens to GenevIeves souI but even that Is
too subdued-bumper cars mIght be a better IIIustratIon. Gabes souI,
however, Is surprIsIngIy quIet and stIII-jared had expected some noIse
and movement because Gabe was Interested In so many thIngs. ut hIs
souI sounds IIke a smaII IIbrary. There Is a Iow hum IIke there Is when a
pIace Is too quIet and stIII, but otherwIse there Is no other noIse. Gabes
souI sounds IIke InIInIte patIence.
Gabe and GenevIeve are too opposIte to even compIement each other.
"So, package?" jared prompts, curIous, but It cant be anythIng besIdes
the usuaI maII-maybe somethIng IIke chocoIate or a gIIt card Irom one
oI hIs Iormer and happIIy paIred oII cIIents. Ie gets somethIng IIke that
at Ieast once every other week, aIong wIth pIIes oI cards and gIIts every
hoIIday and on hIs bIrthday. Most oI hIs cIIents-even the ones that jared
set up over the Internet In the IIrst year-shower gratItude on hIm as
much as they can, sendIng cards wIth pIctures oI the coupIe and
pIctures oI theIr chIIdren and pets. "Look whct you did," most oI them
wrIte. "lve never jelt so right bejore." And In the pIctures everyones
smIIIng wIde and earnest-genuIne.
They aII Iook IndescrIbabIy hcppy.
And whIIe jared enjoys theIr gratItude and ceIebratIon and even
IrIendshIp, he cant heIp but thInk wIth aImost every card, "why ccnt thct
be me?"
Gabe cuts a sIy grIn that Iooks oddIy at home on hIs easygoIng Ieatures.
" dont know-It doesnt Iook IIke some oI your usuaI maII. thInk you got
a secret admIrer and It made GenevIeve jeaIous."
jared roIIs hIs eyes, wavIng Gabe oII as he steps to hIs oIIIce. "Get back
to work," he chuckIes. "Or at Ieast go back to drooIIng over KrIstIn."
KrIstIn Kreuk Is the other T person and heIps Gabe wIth the websIte.
Shes aIso the other target oI Gabes crushIng.
Gabe wrInkIes hIs nose. "Aw man, not In the mornIngs. She mIght be
gorgeous but shes a monster In the mornIngs-It takes at Ieast three
cups oI coIIee and a 5 Iour nergy to get her as perky and upbeat and
shIt IIke you get to see her."
jared raIses an eyebrow. ". dId not know that," he says honestIy and
Gabe Iaughs, runnIng a hand through hIs short brown haIr, puIIIng the
strands nervousIy over hIs graduaIIy recedIng haIrIIne.
"ude, why do you thInk she never agrees on a staII meetIng beIore
ten?" he grIns, reaches up and pats jared on hIs broad chest and turns
around.
"See you Iater, man," he caIIs over hIs shouIder and jared raIses hIs hand
In acknowIedgement as he steps InsIde the oIIIce. Ies not surprIsed
that Chads not at hIs desk-It eIther means that hIs best IrIend Is Iate
Ior work agaIn or hes snoopIng In jareds maII. Ie pushes Into hIs oIIIce
and pauses at the sIght beIore hIm.
ts not.Its not IIke Its bIg or anythIng. Or partIcuIarIy expensIve
IookIng. ts just unusuaI.
On hIs desk sIts a smaII vase-sIender crystaI that Iooks IIke an
eIongated IIute Ior champagne-and In the vase are three bIue IIowers.
jareds not an expert on IIowers-he can poInt out a rose but thats
about It-but these IIowers are strange and so vIvId that despIte the
pecuIIarIty oI how they got here (who wouId send hIm jlowers?) and hIs
achy crabbIness he IInds hImseII smiling.
Chads aIready In hIs oIIIce-at jareds computer, more specIIIcaIIy.
"Iey, jay. You got a secret admIrer," Chad as greetIng, grInnIng sIyIy.
jared roIIs hIs eyes.
"ont get so excIted," jared dIsmIsses. "ts probabIy a cIIent."
"WouId have to be IocaI then." Chad poInts out, makIng a gesture to the
IreshIy cut IIowers. "Theres a box, open It."
jared sIghs, sets hIs stuII down on the desk (takIng specIaI care wIth the
coIIee) and sees a square whIte cardboard gIIt box. ts smaII, about the
Iength oI jareds waIIet, but Its aIso thIn-not even haII an Inch thIck. Ie
pIcks It up and IIIps It around In hIs hand. ts IIght and he cant hear
anythIng wIthIn It.
"Those are IrIses, by the way." Chad says suddenIy and when jared Iooks
at hIm, dark rIngs under hIs eyes pronounced and Iace dead wIth
IncomprehensIon, Chad roIIs hIs eyes ImpatIentIy. "The IIowers." jareds
attentIon Is drawn once agaIn to the IIowers, whIch are kInd oI weIrd.
ach IIower has three IIIy pad shaped petaIs wIth a brIght, sunshIne
yeIIow center.
"!hm, how do you know that?" jared asks warIIy as he opens the box and
tIps It so the contents spIII In hIs hand.
Ie gIances up In tIme to see Chads "duh" Iace. " typed 'bIue and yeIIow
IIower In GoogIe."
jared snorts breathIIy. "Whatever you say man," he teases and gets the
token IndIgnant deIense oI Chads mascuIInIty.
"So, what Is It?" Chad asks, standIng and bouncIng on hIs toes to see
whats In jareds hand. "Whos It Irom?"
jared shrugs, "m not sure." n hIs hand Is a IoIded pIece oI paper and a
bIue pIastIc card. Ie sets asIde the paper and IIIps the pIece oI pIastIc
over. Ies surprIsed by the smIIe that puIIs at the corners oI hIs mouth.
"ut have a good Idea," he admIts as he taps the TAI card across hIs
knuckIes.
"Iey, Isnt that IIke a debIt card to rIde the bus?" Chad asks, takIng It
Irom jared to study It.
"ts eco-IrIendIy-saves on paper and stuII." And Ior the IIIe oI hIm jared
cant IIgure out why hes grinning.
"Whats the note say? Whos It Irom?" Chad IIres, movIng around jareds
desk to stand In Iront oI hIm and read the note upsIde down. "ecause
thIs Is, IIke, practIcaI and Its kInd oI the weIrdest IuckIng secret admIrer
gIIt ever."
jared roIIs hIs eyes. "ts not a secret admIrer." At Ieast the person Isnt
secret and jareds not so sure II cdmirer Is the correct term. Ie opens
the paper and Its just two IInes wrItten In an eIegant hand.
Mcster oj humcn destinies cm l,
Fcme, love cnd jortune on my jootsteps wcit.
"What the Iuck? s that a rIddIe or somethIng?" Chad bIurts out, makIng
jared jump.
" dont know. Maybe someone jokIng around," jared says, just as
puzzIed.
"They sound arrogant," Chad scoIIs and aIter a shrug starts to move
toward hIs own oIIIce.
"Then they probabIy are," jared Iaughs dIsmIssIveIy, tuckIng the card
and the paper Into hIs pocket and turnIng to hIs work.
Ie teIIs hImseII that It doesnt matter-It doesnt. ut the IrIses stare at
hIm, smIIIng In theIr odd way, and hIs curIosIty puIIs and burns and hes
typIng the two IInes Into GoogIe beIore hIs IIrst cIIent Is even haIIway out
the door.
The two IInes are the IIrst two In a poem (jared somehow hadnt
expected that) by john james ngaIIs-a poem entItIed "OpportunIty".
jared snorts to hImseII and roIIs hIs eyes because how Is It possIbIe Ior
anyone to be as arrogant as jensen and stIII IunctIon In socIety?
ut he doesnt throw away the note or the card, just tucks them away In
hIs waIIet-he doesnt even come up wIth an excuse Ior keepIng It
though he has a mIIIIon reasons to burn the damn thIngs. So he IoIds the
pIece oI paper three tImes so Its tIny and he sIIps It Irom hIs mInd and
deep Into the Ieather IIke paper thIn hope underneath smotherIng Iayers
oI doubt.
n thIs way, and wIth cIIents and meetIngs and endIess paper work and
phone caIIs, jared does not thInk oI jensen AckIes and "OpportunIty" Ior
the rest oI the day.
xcept, every tIme he Iooks at the vIvId IIowers, he kInd oI does.
Ierseus IInds jensen on top oI the !.S. ank Tower-the taIIest buIIdIng
In Ios AngeIes.
WhIIe the cItys skyscrapers are hIgh they IaII to remInd jensen oI the
mountaIns oI Greece so hes not wanderIng the heIIpad oI the whIte
tower that remInds hIm vagueIy oI a queen chess pIece out oI nostaIgIa
or homesIckness. There Is aImost no wInd today but theres a deep chIII
over the cIty-especIaIIy on the ground shadowed In by the concrete
jungIe. On the taII buIIdIng jensen IeeIs cIoser to the sun, IeeIs Its
warmth IInaIIy soak through hIs skIn and Into hIs beIng IIke he hasnt IeIt
sInce hes been In AmerIca.
Ierseus Is suddenIy there and jensen Isnt sure what the hero wants or
even how he got to the top oI the skyscraper so quIckIy. Ie doesnt
recaII hearIng the teIItaIe groan oI the metaI door IeadIng to the heIIpad.
Iast tIme jensen checked, heroes and demIgods dId not possess the
abIIIty to teIeport or IIy or even run as Iast as the gods-but that was a
mIIIennIa ago. jensen dIstantIy recaIIs (Its been a century, most IIkeIy
two) ChrIs rantIng about how the heroes were becomIng IncreasIngIy
more godIIke. ot dIvIne but more powerIuI, somethIng that caused
ChrIs and a Iew other gods concern because heroes posed a serIous
threat In theIr haII-human state. WIthout hIs own prooI jensen had
reIused to be caught up In the petty paranoIa.
jensens eyes IaII to Ierseuss Ieet and thInks oj course. Ieroes stIII reIy
too heavIIy on the gIIts oI the gods sInce they have no remarkabIe or seII-
deveIopIng powers oI theIr own. Ierseus seems to stIII be usIng
Iermess gIIt as hIs own personaI taxI servIce.
"Ierseus," jensen greets and takes a Iew unnecessary mInutes to
contInue starIng out In the bIue horIzon, not turnIng to acknowIedge the
other-heroes have theIr pIace aIter aII.
"ts MIsha now. MIsha CoIIIns," the hero corrects, strong but stoIc as Is
the way oI a warrIor.
Ierseus-MIsha-hasnt changed much. IIke the other dIvIne beIngs
who choose to waIk the earth In the pubIIc eye, he makes smaII changes
every Iew decades, but overaII hIs appearance Is no dIIIerent Irom the
day he deIeated the sea monster and IIew away trIumphant wIth hIs
conquered Iover Andromeda In hIs arms. jensen had IIrst met MIsha
durIng hIs ten-year exIIe, beIore the hero was IInaIIy aIIowed to settIe
down In Mycenae. IIs eyes are the same-bIue IIke a coId sea. Ies
reIatIveIy the same buIId wIth sImIIar dark haIr. Ie appears oIder than
jensen remembers, but that couId be because MIsha has aIIowed hImseII
to become moderateIy Iamous or has IIved In the same area Ior a Iong
tIme and must appear to age to the mortaIs surroundIng hIm. The
demIgod Is dressed sImpIy In Iaded jeans and a bIack knIt top and jensen
wrInkIes hIs nose In dIstaste at the poor materIaI and even poorer sense
oI IashIon (unIIke jensen who was aIso dressed casuaIIy and stIII
managIng to wear decent desIgner cIothes IIke IeseI, oIce S Gabbana,
and eIstaII).
"MIsha," jensen tests out and resIsts the urge to grIn chIIdIshIy at the
strange name. Ie doesnt smIIe but Ier-Mishc must see It anyway
because he Irowns reproachIuIIy and that compIete Iack oI respect Is
exactIy what jensen despIses about most oI the heroes (except Athena
wouId argue that MIsha was perhaps the most respectIuI and thus the
most successIuI oI the heroes-but what does she know, anyway?).
"jensen AckIes," jensen suppIIes, though thats as Iar as hIs poIIteness
goes. Ie doesnt oIIer hIs hand and he stIII doesnt turn and Iace the
hero squareIy.
" know," MIsha answers, takIng a step cIoser, eyes narrow and pIercIng.
jensen stIII reIuses to acknowIedge MIsha as a threat and doesnt even
meet the heros eyes.
jensen raIses an eyebrow, arrogant smIrk In pIace, "Ieard oI me, then?"
MIshas Irown breaks hIs stoIcIsm and jensen IeeIs trIumphant.
"o," the other says and jensens burgeonIng trIumph takes a swIIt
downturn Into annoyance. " dIdnt know you were waIkIng the earth
untII yesterday," MIsha cIarIIIes matter-oI-IactIy, because Its cIear that
he knows that Ignorance oI jensens Iame Is more oI a sIIght than any
InsuIt.
jensen IInds a twIsted satIsIactIon to see that three centurIes has not
been Iong enough to cooI the oId rIvaIry between them Ior MIsha, eIther.
"What do you want, demigod?" jensen snaps, voIce not gettIng Iouder so
much as deepenIng In a powerIuI resonance that makes the heIIpad-the
buIIdIng-beIow theIr Ieet trembIe.
MIsha roIIs hIs eyes and shIIts hIs weIght to show that hes not
Impressed. "jared," he says sImpIy and jensen tIIts hIs head In brIeI
conIusIon-It Is strange, aIter aII, that a beIng jensen hasnt seen sInce
1709 knows the name oI jensens Iove Interest whom he just met not
twenty Iour hours ago. And then jensen reaIIzes that MIsha saId he
"wants" jared, ]ensens Iove Interest, who jensen has resoIved to "woo".
Ied just started puttIng hIs pIan In actIon thIs mornIng by IeavIng a gIIt
at jareds busIness.
jensen doesnt break hIs physIcaI countenance but hes aIready shorIng
up hIs power-hIs presence. ecause whIIe the oId (but not Iorgotten)
rIvaIry had been enjoyabIe at tImes-InteIIectuaIIy stImuIatIng and
physIcaIIy chaIIengIng-jensen reIuses to go through that agaIn,
especIaIIy when Its thIs new, InterestIng human on the IIne. jensens not
IInIshed IIgurIng out the puzzIe that Is jared IadaIeckI and hes not
wIIIIng to share the human untII he does.
jensens known the gorgeous and mysterIous mortaI Ior Iess than
twenty-Iour hours and aIready he knows that thIs partIcuIar conquest Is
dIIIerent Irom the one In 1709 and jensen wIII not toIerate someone-
mortaI or ImmortaI-InterIerIng wIth thIs chaIIenge.
" dont know who youre taIkIng about," jensen deadpans but IInaIIy
squares hIs body to the hero, a cIear warnIng.
"You IIe. What Is your Interest In jared IadaIeckI?"
"Iow do you know ve been In contact wIth jared?" jensen counters,
eyes narrowIng, straIghtenIng hIs back to appear even taIIer than the
hero. "And why do you care?"
"Ies my IrIend," MIsha answers IreeIy and deIIantIy-a handIuI oI gods
are stIII Ioath to caII mortaIs IrIends because that wouId mean a IeveI oI
equaIIty. jensen Is not one oI those gods and In Iact actIveIy seeks out
the company oI mortaIs. "ve known jared Ior cIose to two years."
jensen cIenches hIs teeth agaInst the IrratIonaI surge oI jeaIousy wIthIn.
Ie keeps hIs IIps pressed together but MIsha must see the muscIes
twItch In hIs jaw because bIue eyes spark vIctorIousIy wIth thIs smaII wIn
over jensen.
" paId hIm a vIsIt yesterday to take hIm to Iunch, shortIy aIter you IeIt.
IeIt the remnants oI an ImmortaIs presence In hIs oIIIce and Iound out
your name Irom jareds vIce presIdent. IeIt the same IIngerIng
sIgnature thIs mornIng when came to hIs apartment to gIve hIm a rIde
to work."
"Get to the poInt, haII-bIood. Why dId you seek me out?" jensen sIghs,
once agaIn breakIng eye contact to convey hIs boredom.
MIshas hackIes rIse at the derogatory term and hIs wIII crackIes tangIbIy
In the aIr around hIm, a weak sIgn oI hIs IIneage. "You wIsh Ior a IIght
youre not sure you can wIn."
" dont see other tooIs oI the gods In your hands. You cant even
measure up enough worth to pose a threat wIthout Iathers sword or our
uncIes heIm oI darkness," the god sneers and the proud hero can onIy
take so many bIows to hIs prIde beIore he snaps. !sIng the gIIt oI
Iermes and the speed and power bIessed to hIm by hIs dIvIne Iather
MIsha advances on jensen Iaster than a bIInk oI an eye. jensens Iaster,
though, perhaps second onIy to Iermes, and easIIy evades the deadIy
IIst by steppIng to the sIde wIth hIs hands stIII stuIIed casuaIIy In the
pockets oI hIs jeans.
MIsha doesnt IoIIow up though It wouId be easy Ior the hero to change
hIs trajectory and compensate wIth an even deadIIer attack. nstead
MIsha aIIows hIs IIst to strIke the concrete where jensen had been
standIng, the Impact oI strengthened IIesh agaInst the hard surIace
sounds IIke a cIap oI thunder, sendIng reverberatIons throughout the
whoIe buIIdIng IIke a vertIcaI earthquake. MIsha stands up even as stone
and steeI groan beneath theIr Ieet, theIr sharp hearIng pIckIng up the
muted, panIcked screams Irom the humans InsIde. Iue eyes spark and
churn IIke a storm but the hero Is smIIIng, cocky and Iess tense.
" wish Ior you to be gone," jensen says easIIy enough, except Ior the sky
seems to brIghten and the temperature around god and demIgod
Increases by severaI degrees.
"And sImpIy want to know your IntentIons wIth my IrIend. You cant
expect me to beIIeve that you need the TrueOnes datIng servIces."
jensen breaks out Into a mockIng, unIrIendIy grIn. "s that a compIIment,
hero?" he teases beIore soberIng. "Ierhaps dont need the
matchmakIng servIces so much as desIre jareds. services," he Ieers
and the aIr ImmedIateIy becomes so eIectrIc the haIrs on hIs body stand
on end. Ie basks In MIshas snarI.
"YouII stay away Irom hIm," the warrIor commands, bowIng hIs back and
tensIng Ior another attack.
jensen raIses hIs eyebrow agaIn, whIstIIng IowIy just to see MIsha grInd
hIs teeth In IrustratIon. "Are you stakIng your cIaIm, hero?" he mocks.
"Are you sure youre what jared even wants? Or needs?"
"ts not-" MIsha breaks oII, sIghIng thInIy through hIs nose as he seems
to gather hImseII. "Ies my IrIend. What do you want wIth hIm?"
jensen couId spare MIsha some anxIety, couId say how jared IadaIeckI
IntrIgued jensen, how jensen no Ionger just wants the young man In hIs
bed. Ie couId teII MIsha that jensen gave jared IIowers thIs mornIng-
bIue IrIses because Ior some reason the brIght coIors remInded jensen oI
the brIeI and smaII smIIe jared gave hIm In the dark Iast nIght when he
saId "thank you" outsIde oI the gate to hIs apartment buIIdIng. Ie couId
Iet MIsha know that jensen gave jared those IIowers and Is pIannIng
somethIng eIse just because he wants to see jared smIIe agaIn, openIy
and In the dayIIght and just Ior jensen.
ut jensen doesnt owe MIsha anythIng. esIdes, he IIkes watchIng the
hero squIrm.
"What want and what do or do not do Is no concern oI a haII-bIood,"
jensen dIsmIsses haughtIIy, gatherIng hIs power and MIsha seems to
sense It because he Irowns and raIses a hand In warnIng.
"ont you dare-"
ut jensens aIready oII, body reIormIng and becomIng part oI the IIght
around hIm. Ie runs out Into the open, warm space above the cIty. Ie
senses MIsha IoIIowIng hIm, chasIng hIm down, but theres not much the
hero can do, even wIth Iermess gIIt.
And now that jensen knows that there mIght be competItIon cnd a dIvIne
bodyguard, he has to up the ante and thInk oI hIs next step In OperatIon
Seduce jared.
.Ie mIght aIso need to re-thInk the name Ior hIs campaIgn to wIn over
the enIgmatIc young man.
On Wednesday mornIng jareds aImost Iorgotten about hIs "secret
admIrer" gIIts Irom yesterday (except Ior the bIue IrIses that stIII stare
wIde-eyed at hIm Irom theIr pIace on hIs desk). ts earIy In the mornIng,
Chads not even here yet, and jared doesnt have a meetIng or a cIIent
Ior a Iew hours. Ie has a handIuI oI proIIIes spread out across hIs desk
and hes matchIng them up. Ie has the IIght to hIs oIIIce oII, just a desk
Iamp Iocused on the IoIders and pIctures. IIs computer Is oII as weII so
Its just sIIent and dark save Ior hIs smaII wIndow hIgh on the waII. ts
better thIs way.
Ie can match peopIe the best and the Iastest when theyre In Iront oI
hIm, but Its not ImpossIbIe to do It wIth a pIcture aIone though It IeeIs
weIrder and vcguer, IIke an InstInct. When he Iooks at the pIctures and
two peopIe connect Its IIke a phantom Itch somewhere InsIde hIs chest,
IIke sometImes when hIs phone rIngs and he knows Its SophIa even II
hes not expectIng her to caII. ts IIke not rememberIng that he dreamt
the nIght beIore untII he Iays hIs head on the pIIIow agaIn and knows the
IeeIIng oI hIs dream Iast nIght even II he cant recaII any detaIIs.
jared supposes that II Tarot card readIng was reaI (and whos jared to
say that It Isnt-he can see a ghostIy red strIng that no one eIse sees
and can hear peopIes souIs, Ior ChrIsts sake) then hIs abIIIty to
determIne possIbIe matches Irom pIctures and some InIormatIon aIone Is
sImIIar. ts just an IncIInatIon he sometImes IeeIs wIth no physIcaI part oI
hIs body.
Yeah. Ies a Ireak. Ied reaIIy rather not dweII on It.
Ie roIIs a stress baII-brIght yeIIow wIth a smIIey Iace, he Iound It In hIs
desk thIs mornIng-IdIy between hIs paIm and the desk. Ie hums
trIumphantIy when he IInds a match and sets It asIde In a "to caII" stack
to hIs rIght. Ie has no Iuck wIth the next batch and sets those IIIes asIde
In a "to reevaIuate" stack to hIs IeIt. Ies pIeased wIth hIs progress,
though, especIaIIy when he makes a match Ior a cIIent that hes had Ior
aImost a year now.
"Your secret admIrer does reaIIze that even though you wear way too
much pInk and cry durIng chIck IIIcks you are not, In Iact, a gIrI.rIght?"
jared yeIps at the sudden voIce, droppIng hIs stress baII to the IIoor and
sendIng the proIIIes In hIs hands scatterIng across the desk. IIs oIIIce
IIght Is suddenIy IIIpped on, stIngIng hIs eyes and he sIaps a hand over
them, IettIng out an IndIgnant, "Guh!"
"Whats wIth the bat cave thIs mornIng?" Chad asks and jared groans,
pressIng the brIdge oI hIs nose between hIs thumb and IoreIInger.
"Oh my God, do you ever knock?" he whInes. And then he drops hIs hand
so he can scowI at hIs best IrIend. "And do not cry In movIes-and
dont watch chIck IIIcks," he huIIs.
Chad raIses an eyebrow as he saunters In, hoIdIng somethIng behInd hIs
back. "ude, you crIed at that sappy Greek romance movIe."
jared bIInks dumbIy at Chad, not sure what the jerk Is taIkIng about,
beIore It dawns on hIm and he roIIs hIs eyes. "You mean the ltclicn move
Lije is Becutijul whIch Is about the Holoccust."
"Whatever, movIe geek. And you so totaIIy crIed," Chad scoIIs and okay,
he has a poInt because jared dId get a IIttIe choked up (oI course he dId
-It was about the IoIocaust!)-but he hadnt cried.
jared roIIs hIs eyes. "Whatever. Whats wIth the earIy mornIng InsuIts?
And, hey, youre on tIme to work, whats wrong wIth you?" he grumbIes,
gatherIng up the scattered papers and reachIng down to pIck up hIs
brIght yeIIow stress baII.
"Shut up. came earIy to see II your secret admIrer gave you another
gIIt."
jared Irowns. "Youre more Interested In thIs secret admIrer thIng than
am. Thats creepy, dude."
Chad shrugs. "WeII someone has to make up Ior your compIete Iack oI
enthusIasm. ThIs Is awesome, jaybIrd! Someone has a mIddIe schooI
crush on you!"
".Youre makIng Iun oI me, arent you?"
IIs best IrIend snorts. "ConsIderIng that your secret admIrer probabIy is
a mIddIe schooI gIrI then heII yes m goIng to make Iun oI you." Chad
grIns wIde and brandIshes a sunIIower, handIng It over to jared wIth an
exaggerated IIourIsh.
jared tenderIy takes the sunIIower Irom Chads hand. The stem Is
textured and reedy, strong and thIck beneath hIs IIngers. The IIower Is
heavy, Its head broad and brIght. jared gentIy brushes hIs IIngertIps on
the petaIs, theIr cooIness tIckIIng hIs skIn.
"You are such a gIrI," Chad says suddenIy, makIng jared start and hIs
eyes IIy up to hIs IrIends Iace.
"Stop caIIIng me a gIrI. Youre a gIrI," jared IIres back petuIantIy. Ie has
nowhere to put the IIower except In the vase (that KrIstIn went out and
bought Ior hIm yesterday, gIggIIng about how romantIc a crush and a
secret admIrer Is) wIth the IrIses. The sunIIower dwarIs the other
IIowers and aItogether It makes Ior a dIIapIdated IookIng bouquet.
xcept the yeIIow sunIIower kInd oI coordInates wIth the bIue and yeah,
jareds goIng to hop oII that "coordInatIng coIors" traIn oI thought
beIore he starts bejeweIIng hIs waIIet or somethIng.
"OK, youre gay then."
"Thank God," jared deadpans. "Id It come wIth a note?"
Chad Iooks at hIm suspIcIousIy. "Why wouId you thInk It comes wIth a
note? o you know who It Is? o you wcnt It to come wIth a note?"
jared roIIs hIs eyes. "o, dont know who It Is!" he snaps, IyIng easIIy (or
at Ieast he hopes so as he struggIes to maIntaIn eye contact) and
IgnorIng Chads Iast questIon. "There was a note wIth It Iast tIme,
rIght?"
That seems to dIstract Chad Irom hIs suspIcIon because he shrugs and
dIgs Into hIs pocket, producIng a smaII whIte enveIope. "ts another
Iame poem thIng agaIn, man. m teIIIng you, Its some mIddIe schooI gIrI.
She probabIy even has pIgtaIIs or somethIng."
jared snatches the enveIope Irom Chads hand and Irowns at hIm,
causIng Chad to Iaugh tauntIngIy. "Are you jeaIous that read the note
IIrst?"
"WeII, It Is my note," he pouts, sendIng Chad Into another IIt oI Iaughter.
"Oh, man. Youve got It bad," Chad chuckIes and turns to Ieave. "And
sIgn those IuckIng accountIng papers gave to you three days ago.
When Sandy Ioses her shIt about them m gonna sIc her on you thIs
tIme!"
jared searches the contents oI hIs desk-books, IIIes, Cs, pens wIthout
caps (he has a habIt oI IosIng them), mechanIcaI pencIIs out oI Iead, Iost-
t notes, pIctures oI hIs IrIends and pIctures and cards Irom thankIuI and
dotIng Iormer cIIents. "r, Chad? .dont see anythIng Irom the
accountIng department here."
Chad spIns around, paIes, and curses. "Iuck, what the heII dId do wIth
It?" he grumbIes under hIs breath and trudges out the door, mutterIng
somethIng about coIIee and Sandy and beIng too overworked. jared
Iaughs aIter hIm. Ie Iooks down at the whIte enveIope In hIs hand that
has "jared" scrawIed across It. Ie sets It asIde, decIdIng to Iook at It
Iater-aIter he gets some work done.
jared sets out the proIIIes agaIn, roIIIng the yeIIow baII In hIs hand, knee
bouncIng nervousIy. IIs eyes keep strayIng to the whIte enveIope. Ies
posItIve that hIs Iast gIIt was Irom jensen AckIes (he doesnt know just
whct the other mans motIves are In gIvIng hIm IIowers, IInes Irom a
poem, and an eco-IrIendIy way to pay Ior the bus) because the IIrst tIme
jared had even heard oI the TAI card was Irom jensen. Ie thought at
IIrst that the gIIts mIght be an apoIogy oI some sort-Ior steaIIng jareds
date and beIng an arrogant douche-but then the IInes were Irom a
poem caIIed "OpportunIty". IIke acceptIng the date jensen had asked
jared on twIce now wouId be the opportunIty oI a IIIetIme-or an
opportunIty jared wouId regret mIssIng out on. Ither way, It made
jensen Iook IIke even more oI an arrogant asshoIe.
jared swItches the baII to hIs IeIt hand and pIcks up one oI hIs cap-Iess
pens and taps It agaInst the desk. IIs eyes stray unwIIIIngIy to the whIte
enveIope thats just stcring back hIm-tcunting hIm.
Ie huIIs at It and resoIuteIy returns hIs attentIon back to the IIIes.
Ie pushes two pIctures together and smIIes trIumphantIy at the
enveIope wIth hIs name on It, IIke he showed It just whos boss (and,
jesus ChrIst, what Is he even doing.besIdes IosIng hIs IreakIng mInd?).
jared Iooks back down, reaIIzes that the two pIctures arent a match at
aII and sIouches.
Ie shoves the enveIope Into hIs top drawer, next to hIs stash oI Sour
Iatch KIds, and goes back to work.
Ior about IIve seconds.
Ie groans and puIIs open the drawer, snatchIng the enveIope and
sIappIng It on the desk. jared tugs the IoIded pIece oI paper out, unIoIds
It, and IInds another poem-or he thInks Its another poem. t doesnt
rhyme IIke hes used to, but It stIII Iooks IIke Its supposed to be a poem.
-Were not our skin oj grime, we're not our drecd
bleck dusty imcgeless locomotive, we're cll
becutijul golden sunjlowers inside, we're blessed
by our own seed golden hciry ncked
cccomplishment-bodies growing into mcd blcck
jormcl sunjlowers in the sunset, spied on by our
eyes under the shcdow oj the mcd locomotive
riverbcnk sunset Frisco hilly tinccn evening
sitdown vision.
jared Irowns at the poem, not sure how he IeeIs about the phrase
"goIden haIry naked", thInks that "were aII beautIIuI goIden sunIIowers
InsIde" Is kInd oI corny. ut he thInks that "spIed on by our eyes under
the shadow oI the mad IocomotIve rIverbank sunset" sounds a IIttIe
beautIIuI-even II hes not compIeteIy sure what It means.
Ie boots up hIs computer and types a Iew IInes Into GoogIe and comes
up wIth "SunIIower Sutra" by AIIen GInsberg. jared Ieans back and
Irowns, tappIng hIs knee.
What was jensen-he assumes Its jensen AckIes stIII, or at Ieast the
same person that gave hIm gIIts yesterday-tryIng to say wIth thIs
poem? The one Irom yesterday came across obvIous enough. ThIs poem
expIaIned the sunIIower, but what eIse? Maybe AckIes thought he was
makIng a Iewd Karma Sutra reIerence?
Then jared notIces that theres somethIng eIse wrItten on the bottom oI
the paper.
Theres two oj them, l hcve the other one. Would you go with me?
jared Irowns and pIcks up the enveIope agaIn and reaches In, puIIIng out
a tIcket-to see .. KIng at the IIIImore In San IrancIsco at the end oI
Iebruary.
SomethIng InsIde oI jared sort oI Ireezes when he sees the tIcket.
IIowers and poetry are nIce II a IIttIe strange, but jareds not sure how
he IeeIs about gettIng thIngs that cost so much money.
WeII, jared Is sure about how he IeeIs and he IeeIs pIssed that AckIes Is
throwIng around hIs money yet agaIn. IIke he assumes hIs money can
buy jared.
Ie Iooks up the event wIth a sense oI dread and scowIs at nothIng when
he cant stop hImseII Irom hearIng .. KIngs voIce In hIs head. t comes
so easIIy, though, and jared starts hummIng what he remembers oI the
tune.
l scid, l ccnt get enough oj your love
You got me wclkin round in circles
Yech lm clwcys pccing the jloor
But this lije lm living without you
l just ccnt tcke no more
When jared went to !CIA he and hIs IrIends oIten Iavored a smaII IIttIe
IocaI bar caIIed Iough Iouse. The pIace was an antIque, a pIace that
was so oId that Its IIoors and waIIs sounded hoIIow and jaded. eIore It
was Iough Iouse It had been a pIace that soId water pumps, beIore that
a speakeasy, beIore that a butcher shop and beIore that a pIace that
prInted the IocaI newspaper. AII oI the owners had IaIIed to modernIze
the eIectrIcaI wIrIng, so the IIghtIng was aIways dIm and the row oI
smokers at the bar made the pIace hazy wIth the tang oI nIcotIne.
The bar had pIayed .. KIng on theIr ancIent jukebox aImost aII the
tIme, smooth IIke the bars worn IIoorboards. jared and hIs IrIends wouId
drInk and dance to the suItry tunes, IaughIng and gooIIng oII.
jared had Ioved that pIace. Ie had Ioved !CIA. Ie shakes hIs head
abruptIy. Ie doesnt want to thInk about It. Ie IIkes True One, IIkes the
IIIe he has now.
The tIcket that AckIes sent jared runs at two hundred and IIIty-sIx
doIIars and nInety-nIne cents onIIne.
jared puts away the poem and the tIcket. Ie turns away Irom the yeIIow
sunIIower and trIes to remInd hImseII that he doesnt care about or want
AckIess attentIon In the IIrst pIace so he shouIdnt IeeI so dIsappoInted.
ut he does.
A Iew days aIter jensen starts hIs OperatIon Seduce jared, AdrIanne
catches jensen In the act just aIter IunchtIme. jensens just thankIuI that
It wasnt ChrIs or Steve or worse-ChrIs cnd Steve. Though he wouId
have rather not had any oI them IInd hIm sInce he was In a bIt oI an
embarrassIng sItuatIon.
"rother," AdrIanne deadpans as she stands over hIm, hands on her
hIps.
"Addy," he grIns charmIngIy In greetIng.
"jensen."
".Yes?" he swaIIows, voIce weaker.
"What In the heII are you doIng?"
"-What does It Iook IIke m doIng? m sIttIng here, enjoyIng some
coIIee," he poInts to hIs Starbucks grande. "And m IIstenIng to musIc,"
he IndIcates hIs IIod and the Iact that he has one ear bud In. "And m
gettIng some work done," he says, tappIng hIs Iaptop. Ie Ieans over,
grInnIng dIstractedIy at hIs sIster as he mInImIzes the websIte he was
IookIng at.
" see that," she says sIowIy. Shes dressed smart and sophIstIcated, as
usuaI, wIth jeans, bIack Ieather boots, a Iong and Ioose whIte shIrt, and a
bIack open jacket wIth three quarter Iength sIeeves. "ut why are you
drInkIng coIIee, IIstenIng to musIc, and 'workIng In a back parkIng Iot
behInd a dumpster and not In- dont know-the caIe across the street?"
"-WeII, theres a perIectIy good expIanatIon Ior thIs."
AdrIanne raIses her eyebrow and jensen nervousIy rubs the back oI hIs
neck.
".dIdnt want any dIstractIons," he says snootIIy. "Irom work."
"jen, you dont do work-as a snobby heIr you dont have anythIng to
work on. And youre a terrIbIe IIar," AdrIanne huIIs, IeanIng agaInst the
edge oI the tabIe. jensen mIght be sIttIng aIone In the back parkIng Iot
behInd a dumpster-upwInd oI the dumpster because he has some
dIgnIty-but hes doIng It wIth style. Ie has a nIce, heavy metaI tabIe
wIth a bIg green umbreIIa (he stoIe It Irom the Starbucks across the
street), whIch Is cIosed because Its wIndy and IreakIng coId back here.
The matchIng metaI chaIrs were uncomIortabIe so he had procured a
wIde and deep wIcker chaIr Irom an outdoors dIspIay at a IocaI IurnIture
shop. Ie had IeIt behInd the approprIate money Ior the chaIr even
though he pIanned on returnIng It-AdrIanne mIght kIII hIm Ior brIngIng
It home and messIng wIth her metIcuIousIy chosen decor.
"Your Iace Is a terrIbIe IIar."
She sIghs, "That doesnt even make-"
"And your haIr Is stupId."
"Your wIt Is spcrkling, as usuaI," AdrIanne drawIs. "SerIousIy, brother.
What are you doIng?" When jensen doesnt answer-hes struggIIng wIth
a beIIevabIe excuse-AdrIanne snatches hIs Iaptop.
"Iey!" he shouts and then nervousIy checks the buIIdIng-specIIIcaIIy
the second IIoor baIcony and hes reIIeved to see that no ones out there.
AdrIanne IoIIows hIs gaze and gasps exaggeratedIy.
"Youre spyIng on someone!"
" am not!" jensen snaps and gIances at the buIIdIng agaIn-thIs tIme a
certaIn wIndow. "GIve that back you brat!" he demands, IungIng Ior hIs
sIster who bIurs a coupIe oI meters away, IaughIng.
"ut who are you spyIng on, you creeper!" she teases and dances out oI
hIs grasp agaIn, IIngers busy puIIIng up the page he had mInImIzed.
"jared Iada.? IadaIeckI?" ts a pIcture oI jared Irom some gossIp
magazIne and though the photo was obvIousIy snapped unexpectedIy by
a paparazzI the young man stIII Iooks gorgeous. "Oh! Ies pretty,
brother," AdrIanne Iaughs and twIrIs just out oI reach, zIppIng to the
other sIde oI the parkIng Iot. Ie IoIIows wIth a Irustrated growI.
"snt thIs the guy Irom Monday? The one who turned you down because
you asked hIm out aIter steaIIng hIs boyIrIend?"
A surge oI anger overtakes jensen. "That guy wasnt jareds boyIrIend!"
he snaps oIIensIveIy and IInaIIy retrIeves hIs Iaptop Irom hIs sIsters
hands.
AdrIanne snorts. "WeII, not anymore probabIy, aIter that ass cheated
wIth you."
jensen groans and steps back towards the tabIe, IookIng up at the
baIcony and then the wIndow agaIn. Ied onIy had a Iew gIImpses oI
jared-the wIndow to hIs oIIIce Is too cIose to the ceIIIng Ior jensen to
get a good Iook InsIde-when hes taIked wIth a Iew oI hIs cIIents out on
the baIcony. ven though jensens at a great dIstance and In a spot
where hes IaIrIy posItIve that jared cant see hIm, hIs godhood aIIords
hIm the abIIIty to see the young man as II he were mereIy Inches away.
Today jareds honey coIored haIr had IaIIen stubbornIy In hIs eyes, no
matter how many tImes he trIed to push them back.
AII day jensens IIngers have been ItchIng IIke crazy Ior some
InexpIIcabIe reason. IrobabIy because he wants to brush that haIr out oI
jareds eyes hImseII.
" dIdnt cheat-and that ass wasnt jareds boyIrIend! They were on
theIr IIrst date so It-It doesnt count!" jensen InsIsts and AdrIanne just
stares at hIm.
"So. why are you pervIng on the poor guy? Idnt he turn you down?
TwIce?"
jensen glcres at her and she hoIds up her hands In peace, smIIIng
shortIy.
"Then explcin to me what youre doIng out here," she sIghs, movIng to
Iean agaInst the tabIe once agaIn, cooI eyes watchIng hIm as he pIops
heavIIy Into hIs chaIr, the wIcker gIvIng a IIttIe squeak oI protest.
" just. want to know more about jared. Ie IntrIgues me," he says,
chIIdIshIy avoIdIng AdrIannes eyes.
"ecause he turned you down?"
jensen shrugs. "Yeah guess. mean theres hIs matchmakIng busIness
aIso. MIkes rIght-theres somethIng uncanny about jareds success."
"Youre just sayIng that because he wasnt taken In by your cIIched
charms."
"My charms arent cIIche," he says wIthout any bIte. Ie crosses hIs arms
and sIghs, IookIng contempIatIveIy at TrueOne. IIs sIster waIts patIentIy
and when jensen doesnt oIIer anythIng eIse she roIIs her eyes,
promptIng jensen agaIn.
"Why are you obsessIveIy staIkIng thIs poor mortaI?"
"m not obsessIveIy staIkIng." ecause hes not. ObsessIveIy staIkIng
wouId be usIng hIs nature to hover outsIde oI jareds wIndow, or to sIt
InsIde oI jareds oIIIce InvIsIbIe to the mortaIs eye. AIso, jensens onIy
been doIng thIs Ior a coupIe oI hours and onIy today aIter hIs curIosIty
had IInaIIy gotten the best oI hIm.
"m doIng reconnaIssance Ior OperatIon Seduce jared," he says smartIy
IIke It shouId be obvIous. Ie hoIds hIs head hIgh IIke Its respectabIe
work and compIeteIy ordInary (and not even a IIttIe Insane).
"OperatIon Seduce jared?"
"Short Ior OperatIon Seduce jared IadaIeckI," he adds, noddIng sageIy.
AdrIanne snorts IndeIIcateIy. "Iather heIp me, have a Ireak Ior a
brother," she Iaments, tIItIng her head to the sky. She sIghs heavIIy and
turns back to jensen whos watchIng the baIcony IntentIy because he
thought the door moved and maybe jared was comIng out agaIn. Ie
pouts when he reaIIzes that It was just a bIrd perchIng on the raIIIng.
"Two thIngs," AdrIanne says sternIy, drawIng hIs attentIon back to her.
Ie IInds amusement sparkIIng In her green eyes. "One, youre sIttIng
outsIde oI the guys buIIdIng where he works whIIe youre researchIng
hIm on gossIp bIogs-"
"IIs Iacebook page Is set to prIvate!" jensen IeeIs the need to deIend
hImseII. Ies onIy doIng thIs because he couIdnt get the InIormatIon
Irom the source.
"-whIch means youre staIkIng hIm and you mIght as weII admIt that
youre beIng a totaI creeper," AdrIanne goes on as II jensen hadnt
Interrupted.
"m not beIng a creeper," he bIInks. "Whatever the heII that Is."
"jensen," AdrIanne InsIsts. "ts not heaIthy to IIve In denIaI."
"Oh shut up. ts not a bIg deaI! -" Ier gIare onIy hardens and jensen
had Iearned IIIetImes ago what battIes to pIck wIth hIs twIn. Ie deIIates
wearIIy. "OK. was kInd oI staIkIng jared," he admIts.
"Good enough." AdrIanne nods. "umber two. OperatIon Seduce jared
has to be the Iamest thIng ve ever heard."
jensen sInks Iower In hIs chaIr, mutterIng somethIng aIong the IInes oI,
"Its OperatIon Seduce jared Fcdclecki".
AdrIanne gIggIes IowIy, IeanIng over and runnIng her hand aIIectIonateIy
through hIs haIr. Ie ducks out oI her touch, scowIIng at her. "jensen,
brother," she says soItIy. "Why are you so hung up on thIs mortaI? What
are you hopIng to accompIIsh out here?" she asks, gesturIng to the
parkIng Iot and the dumpster.
jensen sIghs expIosIveIy. "Id you even see hIm the other day? The guys
IuckIng hot."
"Ies a chaIIenge to you because he turned you down," she surmIses.
"Yeah, thats It," jensen answers, though hes not sure anymore. Ie
knows It started out that way-desIre Ior jareds body and a puzzIe to
soIve. "ve been tryIng to get hIm to go out on a date wIth me," he
repeats Irom earIIer. " InvIted hIm to thIs IIsh Iry thIng thIs weekend-
Its InIormaI and It Iooked IIke that Iancy restaurant bothered hIm-but
he saId no. So ve been sendIng hIm IIowers, and poetry-not Iove
poetry, reaIIy, because-" WeII, because jensen suspected jared mIght
have hunted hIm down and punched hIm out II jensen sent hIm a Iove
poem the day aIter hIs date stood hIm up. ut at Ieast then jared wouId
touch hIm and Iook at hIm (and God, just how pathetIc can jensen get
over one mortaI?).
"ecause you dont want to seem IIke the obsessIve staIker you are?"
AdrIanne oIIers heIpIuIIy when jensens pause Iasts too Iong. Ie
poIntedIy Ignores her.
"And ve gIven hIm tIckets to thIs concert, basIcaIIy askIng hIm out on
another date. dont thInk m ImpressIng hIm-"
"Ie probabIy thInks youre caIIIng hIm a gIrI, what wIth the IIowers and
poetry."
"Yeah, you know what? Youre not heIpIng."
"Sorry, sorry. Go on."
"Anywcy. dont thInk Its workIng so was IookIng on here," he IndIcates
the Iaptop. "Ior more InIormatIon about hIm. You know, what he IIkes
and... stuII."
AdrIanne stares at hIm Ior a Iong mInute where the wInd bIows her Ioose
haIrs about her Iace. IInaIIy she cIears her throat and says, "rother."
"Imm?" he grunts noncommIttaIIy.
"Iave you trIed tclking to jared? You know, to csk hIm what he IIkes?"
jensen Iooks up, IrownIng In puzzIement. "What?"
She roIIs her eyes but keeps on taIkIng. "And IIowers and poetry are too
cute, jensen. ut jareds a guy. Get hIm somethIng nIce."
"TIckets to see .. KIng are pretty nIce," jensen grumbIes but Ieans up
untII hIs eIbows rest on hIs knees. "TeII me more."
"WeII. what do guys IIke? What do you IIke?"
"Sex," jensen answers ImmedIateIy wIth a determIned nod.
"ont be crass."
"Your css Is crass," he snaps back ImmatureIy and then Iaughs boyIshIy
when AdrIanne Ieans down and IIIcks hIs ear.
"e serIous. What about a nIcer gIIt? What wouId you IIke as a gIIt-Irom
a mortaI," she tacks on when jensen opens hIs mouth, probabIy
antIcIpatIng hIs response oI "the IeIIcan Spear" (because ownIng It
wouId be cwesome but Its been Iost to them over tIme).
"WeII. IectronIcs?" jensen ponders wIth a shrug. " IIke watches? Art,
books, musIc-but got hIm musIc, those tIckets mean."
"Try somethIng eIse, then! OI course, you wont know what eIse to try II
you dont tclk to hIm." She cuts a smIrk wIth perIect pInk IIps as she
pushes oII the tabIe edge, prImIy dustIng oII her shIrt.
"Yeah know. ts just-hes so hard to taIk to. IeeI IIke aII do Is mess
up. And get-" he cuts hImseII oII just In tIme beIore he says "cnd l get
nervous". I AdrIanne knew that he got nervous and borderIIne tongue-
tIed over some mortaI then hed never hear the end oI It.
AdrIanne raIses an eyebrow. "Iook, dont pretend to get you and some
oI your hobbIes, but youre a god, brother. Youre ImmortaI, you rule the
light-and youre aIraId oI some human who IIkes to pIay matchmaker?"
"ont taIk about hIm that way," jensen responds ImmedIateIy,
commcndingly. AdrIanne doesnt bat an eye at hIs show oI authorIty, just
smIIes sereneIy at hIm. She Ieans down and runs her hand through hIs
haIr, more maternaIIy thIs tIme.
"You Iook happy," she observes soItIy as she stands straIght agaIn and
Iets out a Iow Iaugh. "ven when youre obsessIveIy staIkIng some poor
man. you Iook a Iot happIer than you have In a whIIe."
Ie Iooks up at her, wIde-eyed, "Yeah?"
"Yeah," she repeats wIth a nod. "You were gettIng.meIanchoIy. IorIorn,
suppose. You just Iook.better. ts strcnge that youre so preoccupIed
wIth a mortaI who turned you down when you couId get anyone eIse but
Ior some reason It seems that thIs Is makIng you happy," she says, tIItIng
her head back and IaughIng agaIn as she gestures toward the tabIe,
wIcker chaIr and umbreIIa that jensen had pIaced behInd a beat up
dumpster In a cracked and barren back parkIng Iot.
A Iew moments stretch out where jensen reaIIzes that he is happy. Or,
hes anxIous to be In jareds IIIe, worrIed about hIs strategy to woo
jared, dreadIng taIkIng to the man because jensen aIways seems to
make hImseII Iook bad. ut hes looking jorwcrd to aII oI that. AdrIannes
rIght-jensen IeeIs better now than he has In a Iong, Iong tIme.
And hes not even datIng jared yet. Iasnt even kIssed the other man
and hes onIy just gotten jared to smIIe at hIm.
SIowIy, jensen smIIes back. "o you thInk heII IIke a watch?"
AdrIanne roIIs her eyes, steppIng away Irom hIm. "Ask hIm II heII IIke a
watch! Oh, and ChrIs and Steve are IookIng Ior you," she caIIs over her
shouIder as she saunters away. "d get rId oI your staIker statIon beIore
they IInd It, II were you." And then shes gone In a IIutter oI whIte.
jensen hurrIedIy gets rId oI the evIdence oI hIs reconnaIssance mIssIon,
thInkIng maybe he needs to bank OperatIon Seduce jared Ior a more
short-term goaI. Iet OperatIon TaIk to jared begIn.
.On Monday.
jared takes SophIa to the IIsh Iry on Saturday because he cant get the
Idea out oI hIs head once jensen mentIoned It and hIs bIg sIster puIIed
extra shIIts at the hospItaI thIs week so that she Iooks tIred and over
worked.
SophIa beams at hIm when he comes to pIck her up. "ts a brother-sIster
day!" she cheers, throwIng her arms around jared. Ie scowIs and
stIIIens In her exaggerated hug because no, when he pIanned thIs he
was thInkIng aIong the IInes oI somethIng Iess scppy soundIng.
SophIa pats hIs shouIder, eyes brIght and smIIe soIt. "You cant IooI me.
haII-raIsed you and know thIs tough guy exterIor hIdes a super squIshy
marshmaIIow core," she Iaughs and makes to pInch hIs cheek, whIch he
narrowIy avoIds.
"So-phIe," he whInes and then cIears hIs throat. "IIne. We dont have to
go."
She roIIs her eyes. "ont be so dramatIc. Where Is thIs pIace? ts nIce
today, thInk we can waIk there?"
ts too Iar but they get oII the bus a Iew stops earIy and waIk the rest oI
the way. The IIsh Iry Is In an open Iot behInd a church and the whoIe set
up Iooks IIke somethIng Irom jareds memorIes. Iong, battered pIcnIc
tabIes snake down most oI the Iot. ts aIready pretty crowded when they
arrIve In the earIy evenIng and It smeIIs so IncredIbIy good that jareds
suddenIy sure that hes never been so hungry beIore In hIs IIIe. There
are dIIIerent kInds oI IIsh, though they seem to have catIIsh and crawIIsh
In the greatest buIk and hIghest demand. They aIso have honest to God
moonshIne, brewed IocaIIy by severaI IamIIIes. jared and SophIa Iaugh
and Iaugh at It and jared can teII that SophIa wants to try It but Is
reIIeved when she squeezes hIs hand supportIveIy and doesnt.
The Ioods to dIe Ior-spIcy, greasy, and rIch. They have a smaII servIng
IIrst and beIore jared can go back to get more SophIa drags hIm Into the
gaggIe oI dancIng peopIe. The bands on IuII bIast-jared doesnt know
what theyre caIIed-and theyre good and upbeat. They have two
vIoIInIsts (or IIddIers? jareds not sure), a guItar and a bass. Theres
even a guy wIth an accordIon, though hes oII to the sIde knockIng back
a cup oI whats probabIy moonshIne and not pIayIng.
"Sounds IIke home!" SophIa caIIs as she coaxes jared Into movIng
awkwardIy wIth the crowd. There Is a deIInIte Texas swIng to the song
and It remInds jared oI home.
You ccn see me ct c pcrty on c Scturdcy night
]ust pickin cnd c grinnin cnd c jeelin clright
chcnces cre my bcck pockets got c little thirst cid
lt comes jrom Opelouscs cnd its mcde in the shcde
jared Iaughs, reIaxIng compIeteIy. ThIs pIace was AckIess Idea and jared
had haII expected to see the rIch heIr here and he hadnt determIned
how he wouId IeeI about that. ow that hes here and doesnt see AckIes
anywhere around he IeeIs InexpIIcabIy reIIeved. jared pIcks up hIs sIIp oI
a bIg sIster, swIngIng her around beIore IandIng her steadIIy on her Ieet
and spInnIng her out, just IIke hIs Mama had taught hIm.
They Iaugh and Iaugh, gooIIng oII and dancIng IIke they havent sInce
they IeIt Texas Ior good. Ies havIng Iun and hes gIad he decIded to go
wIth SophIa.aIthough he dIstantIy wonders II he and AckIes wouId be
havIng such a good tIme. And was jensen even serIous about havIng a
date here? ts Iun and upbeat but deIInIteIy not cIassy or even
partIcuIarIy hygIenIc. o way wouId an uppIty, arrogant, and Iazy heIr
whos aIways ImpeccabIy dressed In the Iatest IashIons reaIIy rIsk
comIng here and damagIng hIs expensIve cIothes or tarnIsh hIs
reputatIon In a not cooI way.
IIght?
Ie Irowns at hImseII and resoIuteIy pushes aII thoughts oI jensen AckIes
Irom hIs mInd.
jareds In the mIddIe oI a brIIIIantIy artIstIc renderIng oI The SwIm whIch
IoIIowed hIs equaIIy as InspIrIng InterpretatIon oI The ShoppIng Cart
when SophIa, so red wIth Iaughter It Iooks IIke she mIght be In need oI
medIcaI assIstance, IInaIIy puIIs hIm back to the tabIes where they get
another servIng oI Iood.
When they pIop down across Irom each other SophIas stIII gIggIIng,
stoppIng abruptIy onIy when she Iooks up to IInd jared starIng.
"What Is It, jay?" She grIns, takIng a bIte oI her Iood and savorIng It wIth
an apprecIatIve moan.
"You Iaugh IIke Mama," jared bIurts out, startIIng them both wIde-eyed
and speechIess. Ie IIcks hIs IIps, cursIng hImseII, wIshIng he hadnt
come here aII oI a sudden. TheIr mothers death stIII Isnt somethIng
they taIk about IIghtIy-not even somethIng that they reaIIy taIk about at
aII and jared wants to kIck hImseII Ior brIngIng It up, Ior ruInIng the
most Iun hes had In a whIIe.
ut SophIas Iace kInd oI meIts Into a smaII smIIe thats somehow
brIghter than her uncontroIIabIe Iaughter Irom just a Iew mInutes
beIore. "Thank you," she says sImpIy and Ieans across the tabIe to kIss
hIs Iorehead aII bIg sIster tender, IIke she used to do when he was smaII
and ad and Mama were IIghtIng aII the tIme.
She sIts back down, takIng another rIdIcuIousIy bIg and not very daInty
mouthIuI oI the Iood. The moment passes, IeavIng jared IeeIIng
InexpIIcabIy reIIeved and IIghtened. The musIc sIows In the background
as they sIIp Into more subdued topIcs such as the hospItaI, Chad, and
weddIng pIans (or not-pIans, sInce SophIa stIII hasnt set a date).
So pour me c cup oj cojjee
Cclling pretty girls on the phone
And lm so hcppy now thct lm jree
Since you lejt me here clone
"So," SophIa says suddenIy around a mouthIuI oI haII-mastIcated Iood.
"w, gross, Soph," he says but stIcks out hIs tongue that Ieatures a pIIe
oI hIs own haII-chewed Iood. She squeaIs a gIggIe and throws a napkIn
at hIm.
"Youre gross. Ugh," she groans but doesnt stop IaughIng. "SerIousIy,
though. Iow dId you IInd out about thIs pIace?"
jareds mouth opens and cIoses and opens and cIoses and he does an
overaII "ten" perIormance ImItatIng a IIsh out oI water. Ie hadnt
thought oI an expIanatIon oI how he heard oI thIs pIace-he hadnt
thought he wouId need one. ", er. Ieard about It. On the bus," he
mumbIes but doesnt IeeI guIIty because Its not a IIe. TechnIcaIIy.
SophIa eIther doesnt notIce hIs stutterIng or she does and decIdes not
to comment on It. Ither way, she changes the topIc quIckIy. "So, Chad
says you have a secret admIrer?"
"Ie toId you that?" jared moans and Its not IIke he toId Chad not to say
anythIng to anyone eIse-he had just assumed It was a gIven. Ie shouId
have reaIIy Iearned by now that hIs best IrIend was cIueIess when It
came to subtIe understated socIaI ruIes.
SophIa sends a squInty-eyed gIare at hIm that she had to have pIcked up
Irom Chad. "Yes. have to IInd out that someone has a bIg enough crush
on my brother to be sendIng hIm daIIy gIIts Irom my IIance," she huIIs.
jared cIears hIs throat and trIes to shrug It oII.
"ts just-Its not a bIg deaI."
"What have they been gIvIng you?"
"Chad dIdnt teII you?"
"Yes, he dId. ut thIs Is your chance to redeem yourseII and gossIp wIth
me on every detaII. d take It II were you," she smIIes sugary sweet
even whIIe her eyes IIash scarIIy.
And lm singing c song cgcin
With c melody so true
Scying hello to lije cgcin
lm scying goodbye to the blues
jared puIIs out hIs cheeks and Iets out an expIosIve, beIabored sIgh. Ie
takes a sIp oI hIs water to staII but when he sets the red SoIo cup down
and Iooks back up SophIa Is stIII starIng hIm down. "IIne. ut Its not a
bIg deaI. AII hes gIven me are some IIowers and pIeces oI poetry."
"Ooh!" SophIa gasps and Ieans over the tabIe, eyes wIde as she chews
excItedIy. "IIke, Iove poetry?" She bIInks and then gasps agaIn, mouth
IormIng an "O" and jareds just reaIIy gIad that shes aIready swaIIowed
her Iood. "WaIt! You saId 'he! You know who It Is!"
"Wh-What?" jared squeaks and hastIIy cIears hIs throat. " mean, what
the heII are you taIkIng about?" he asks, sort oI squecks InnocentIy.
"That puppy dog Iook doesnt work on me, jay," she waves her hand
haughtIIy. "ow, spIII. Who Is It? s he sendIng you Iove poetry?"
"o. just.poetry? mean Its not about Iove or shIt that waxes poetIc
about my eyes or anythIng."
SophIa Irowns. "Thats too bad."
"d probabIy be creeped out II It was Iove poetry. mean, ve onIy known
hIm-" he cuts hImseII oII, cIampIng hIs teeth down wIth an audIbIe
clcck.
"You do know who It Is!" SophIa crows, causIng a Iew oI the peopIe
sIttIng next to them to Iook at them curIousIy. jared groans and ducks
hIs head, cursIng hIs bIg, Iat mouth.
"OI course dont!" jared trIes weakIy. " meant that hes-shes-theyve
onIy been sendIng me gIIts Ior a week so It wouId be creepy to have Iove
poetry so soon!"
" dont buy It. You know who your secret admIrer Is and were not
IeavIng here untII you teII me!" she trIIIs, the dark cIrcIes oI IatIgue that
had been under her eyes swIItIy IadIng. ts hard to hear over the noIse
around them, but jared Is about nInety percent posItIve that hIs bIg
sIster Is sIttIng there and hummIng the tune to the "sIttIng In a tree, K--
S-S---G" song.
jared sputters IndIgnantIy. "--IIne!" he grouses. "IIne. m pretty
sure know who It Is," he admIts.
"Who? Iave you met hIm beIore? Who Is It?" SophIa asks excItedIy, some
oI her curIs IaIIIng Into her eyes.
Ie shrugs. " met hIm on Monday? Ie asked me on a date. twIce.
turned hIm down."
SophIa bIInks, brows knIttIng In conIusIon. "What? Why? Was he ugIy?"
"What? o!" Hes kind oj jucking becutijul. ut jared doesnt say that out
Ioud. " mean-that wouIdnt matter anyway. m not shcllow," he scoIIs.
"Imm, what Is It then? Was he too oId? Or was he too young?" She barks
out one abrupt Iaugh. "Iemember Iast year? That seventeen year oId kId
that wanted you to go out wIth hIm? Oh my God. thought Chad broke a
rIb he Iaughed so hard!"
"Shut up," jared mutters, sIouchIng.
"There, there," SophIa croons, smIIIng wIckedIy. "OK. So. I your secret
admIrer Isnt ugIy, too oId, or too young. then why dId you say no? o
oIIense, bro, but youve kInd oI been a serIaI dater recentIy."
".have?" jared wonders. IookIng back he has been on a Iot oI dates
just In the past Iew months. one oI them have stuck and onIy one-
maybe two-he went on a second and thIrd date wIth beIore they broke
It oII Ior some reason. "Iuh," he marveIs at hImseII.
IIs sIster chuckIes and traces her IIngertIp around the rIm oI her pIastIc
cup. " dont thInk Its wrong. mean, worry about you. want you to
settIe down, to IInd someone specIaI to Iove and be Ioved by-IIke It Is
wIth Chad and me. ut, you seem to reaIIy be havIng Iun and m just
gIad youre tryIng agaIn and gettIng out some more."
jared Irowns and shIIts uncomIortabIy, IeeIIng awkward and scrutInIzed
and a IIttIe embarrassed. "Sophie," he compIaIns and takes an overIy
Iarge bIte oI hIs Iood, tryIng to encourage her by exampIe to go back to
eatIng-to go back to saIer topIcs.
She just smIIes aIIectIonateIy at hIm, unIazed by hIs antIcs. "Youre such
a kId," Is aII she says beIore goIng on. "SerIousIy, jay-jay. was worrIed
there Ior a year or two, when you seemed so determIned to punIsh-weII,
when aII you seemed to do was work and sIeep. And then wIth Mark,"
she says the Iast part quIeter, as II Marks name mIght break jared II Its
spoken above a whIsper. jared wants to grIt hIs teeth at It, wants to raII
on about how hes not weak and Mark doesnt have power over hIm and
he or anyone eIse never wIII agaIn. ut he doesnt because he
understands that whIIe the whoIe Mark debacIe had been sIckenIng and
embarrassIng Ior jared It had been terrIIyIng to hIs bIg sIster, who dIdnt
even know the IuII story.
Ie hadnt wanted her to know about It at aII. jared had toId Chad and
Chad onIy, but SophIa had detected somethIng wrong and Chad had
been physIcaIIy unabIe to keep everythIng Irom her. ApparentIy, Its
ImpossIbIe Ior souI mates to IIe to each other-or at Ieast to IIe easIIy to
each other.
jared wouIdnt know.
"Ie remInds me oI Mark," jared bIurts out but Its muIIIed by hIs thIck
tongue and tIght throat. SophIa tIIts her head.
"Sorry, what?"
"Ie remInds me oI Mark-my 'secret admIrer. IIs name Is-at Ieast m
pretty sure Its jensen AckIes."
SophIa bIInks at hIm dumbIy Ior a mInute. "Why does that name sound
IamIIIar?" she muses.
jared shrugs. "Ie Is a cIIent-or weII, potentIaI cIIent. m not sure II hes
goIng to stay at TrueOne or not. Anyway, met wIth hIm on Monday
durIng my Iunch break? As a Iavor Ior MIke?" he shrugs.
Ier eyes IIght up. "Oh! remember now! jensen AckIes-Chad has the
bIggest straIght crush on the guy!" she gIggIes, IeanIng back.
jared raIses an eyebrow, "SerIousIy?"
"ead serIous. mean, AckIes Is what? The rIchest heIr In the worId? Ie
basIcaIIy gets to sIt around and do nothIng and own nIce cars and
probabIy has muItIpIe hot tubs In hIs mansIons and he has Iots oI sex.
Thats pretty much heaven on earth Ior Chad," she shrugs, IIckIng her
IIngers oI the spIcy grease aIter she pops another morseI Into her
mouth.
jared Iaughs, throwIng hIs head back. " guess youre rIght!"
"So, jensen AckIes asked you out? And he remInded you oI. Mark? s It
just because hes rIch?" SophIa asks serIousIy.
".Its just somethIng. Ie kInd oI threw the Iact that he has money In my
Iace, IIke he couId get-couId buy-anyone," jareds eyebrows knIt
together. "Ie actuaIIy saId somethIng aIong those IInes. t just sounded
so much IIke Mark. IIke what he-weII, you know," he sIghs and pokes at
hIs empty pIate. Ie hadnt toId anyone about hIs dIsastrous date wIth
avId-too embarrassed and too worrIed that SophIa mIght track avId
down and kIII hIm. Or at Ieast kIck hIm In the nuts. jared had come to
terms wIth the Iact that the whoIe thIng was reaIIy avIds IauIt and
jensen was an Innocent party In the whoIe thIng. StIII, jared cant heIp
but assocIate jensen wIth the shame oI that nIght. AIter aII, what does It
say about jared that he cant even keep someone Interested Ior a Iew
Iousy hours?
"Ie does sound kInd oI douchey," SophIa agrees. "Are these gIIts.Is he
harassIng you?"
"o!" jareds head shoots up, eyes wIde. "o, hes not-not reaIIy. mean
Its just IIowers and poetry."
"Thats aII? mean, that sounds IIke hes maybe not as arrogant as hIs
IIrst ImpressIon? What wouId reaIIy be.oII-puttIng guess Is II he got
you somethIng reaIIy expensIve."
jared bItes hIs IIp. "WeII," he drums out an unknown rhythm on the edge
oI the wooden tabIe, hIs knees bouncIng nervousIy. "Ie got me a TAI
card but had to put my own money on that. Ie bought me.a tIcket to
see .. KIng In concert In San IrancIsco."
"mpressIve. mean, know you havent heard a Iot oI hIs stuII but you
IIke hIs musIc, dont you?" she pauses and tIIts her head to the sIde. "A
tIcket?"
"The note saId Its one oI two-he has the other one. So guess hes
actuaIIy asked me on a date three tImes now. Soph, Iooked up the
tIckets onIIne. Ior the seats he got us, Its IIke aImost three hundred
doIIars per tIcket."
SophIas Iace Is unreadabIe as she roIIs the InIormatIon around In her
head. "What are you goIng to do?" she asks IInaIIy.
"What ccn do? m not goIng to use the tIcket so II gIve It back to hIm?
mean, dont even IIke- turned hIm down. know sIx hundred doIIars Is
probabIy IIke IosIng a penny to hIm, but IeeI even more IIke hes tryIng
to buy me oII."
IIs sIster Irowns and nods In agreement. "eIInIteIy, agree. mean,
maybe you shouId just caII the poIIce or get a restraInIng order? You
dont want to have another Mark staIkIng TrueOne. l dont want two
douche bags staIkIng you, anyway," she says protectIveIy but jared
shakes hIs head.
"o, no dont thInk Its that serIous yet. thInk II try to taIk to hIm,
though. Ieturn the tIcket and teII hIm to back the heII oII," he grIns at
her. " can handIe thIs one. Ies not. dont know what hes doIng. Ie
can obvIousIy have anyone. Maybe hes just pIayIng some sIck game?" he
shrugs heIpIessIy, at a Ioss to jensens motIves.
SophIa scowIs. "t better not be somethIng so stupId as that unIess he
wants me to rIp hIs baIIs oII."
And jared bursts out IaughIng because hIs bIg sIster Is just so short and
IIttIe and sweet IookIng-Its such a contrast to the IIerce words that
spIII out oI her mouth. The mood IIghtens agaIn and he grIns easIIy,
maybe even reIIeved to have conIIded to hIs bIg sIster about jensen
AckIes.
"So, besIdes the jerk secret admIrer, are there any other guys youre
seeIng? Iowd the Iast date go wIth-whats hIs name? an?"
"avId," jared corrects and hopes that hIs smIIe doesnt Iook IIke a
wInce. "t dIdnt reaIIy work out. Ie spent the whoIe date taIkIng about
hImseII."
SophIa snorts. "God, hate that."
"You wouId know. bet aII that Chad taIks about Is hImseII," he grIns at
her and she tIIts her nose up IndIgnantIy.
"Are you kIddIng? Ie cant taIk when m around-hes too busy adorIng
me."
jared makes Iake gaggIng motIons and gets an Ice cube square on the
brIdge oI hIs nose Ior hIs eIIorts.
"ont change the subject!" SophIa reprImands. "o you have another
date? can teII you do, you get thIs anxIous puppy Iook In your eyes-"
" do not!"
"-so who Is the guy? o know hIm? Whered you meet?"
jared shIIts nervousIy, tryIng to repress a gooIy grIn, "ts Tom."
SophIa gIves hIm a bIank Iook.
"WeIIIng?" jared sIghs exasperatedIy and wonders II shes doIng thIs to
hIm on purpose.
Ier sIow, pIayIuI smIIe suggests that she Is. "Tom WeIIIng? ark, taII,
and handsome rancher Tom WeIIIng? ark, taII, and handsome rancher
that you want make hot, sweaty, dIrty, gay Iove wIth Tom WeIIIng?"
jared groans and runs a hand down hIs Iace In embarrassment. "Soph!
ts not IIke that."
She snorts and Ieans Iorward, her rIdIcuIousIy Iarge and shIny earrIngs
tInkIIng wIth the movement. "t totaIIy Is IIke that and you know It."
"o, we had a-"
"ConnectIon. know-and now you want to connect because you dIdnt
get a chance to at the ranch over the summer."
"Wow. SometImes dont know II m taIkIng to my bIg sIster or to Chad,"
jared deadpans.
"IIease, that wasnt even cIose. ThIs Is more IIke my Chad," she cIears
her throat, squInts her eyes, deepens her voIce, and thugs out her
accent (or trIes to). "Cmon, jay-mcn. just Iuck 'Im and marry 'Im aIready.
And whIIe youre out pIck me up a sIx pack, wIII yah?"
ts a startIIngIy accurate ImItatIon oI hIs best IrIend and It sends jared
Into a IIt oI Iaughter.
ts true enough that jared harbors a IIttIe crush on Tom WeIIIng but
reaIIy, how couId he not?
Over the summer jared, SophIa, and Chad aIong wIth SadIe and IarIey
had taken a two-week vacatIon to the Seasons Ianch a coupIe oI hours
outsIde oI Ios AngeIes. t had been a stressIuI wInter and sprIng Ior aII
oI them and It was the IIrst tIme In theIr IIves that they couId aIIord such
a Iong vacatIon at an expensIve and IuxurIous ranch house.
The rcnch is gorgeous with jresh cir cnd brecthtcking sunsets. Not to
mention the plcce they rented out ccme with luxuries such cs comjortcble
rooms, c pool, c smcll gym, cnd c spc. lt wcs probcbly the best combinction
oj modern city comjorts cnd country cctivities.
And the owner oI Seasons Ianch Is the handsome, quIet, InteIIIgent, and
sexy as heII In tIght cowboy jeans Tom WeIIIng. ot that jared reaIIzes
that Tom Is the owner at IIrst.
Irom the start jared IeeIs IIke the thIrd wheeI. ts probabIy aII In hIs
head but he cant heIp but IeeI IoneIy and cut out. Chad and SophIa are
just so In Iove (theyre souI mates) that Its easy Ior them to get caught
up In each other. Sure, jared and Chad horse around some and SophIa
teases them both mercIIessIy, but there are these moments where
SophIa and Chad catch each others eyes and just Iose touch wIth the
worId around them. jared understands and he doesnt want to encroach
nor does he want to make them IeeI guIIty Ior IgnorIng hIm when Its
theIr vacatIon too.
So one sunset when Chad and SophIa are too much Ior hIm jared sets
out to waIk the grounds. Ies IoneIy despIte IarIey and SadIes devoted
company at hIs heeIs. Ie stumbIes suddenIy on a taII man dressed
sImpIy In jeans and an unbuttoned IIanneI shIrt who Is taIkIng soItIy to
what has to be the bIackest and taIIest horse jared has ever seen. The
mare notIces jared IIrst and regards jared reproachIuIIy wIth startIIngIy
InteIIIgent eyes.
The man Iooks up. Ies handsome wIth red IIps, oIIve skIn, and sweaty
bangs that curI Into hIs brIght bIue eyes. Ie smIIes at jared wIde and
whIte.
"Iey there," he had says quIetIy, aImost shyIy as he steps toward jared.
"ames Tom." The horse snorts derIsIveIy but Tom onIy chuckIes and
rubs hIs hand soothIngIy over the brIght whIte starburst between her
eyes. "ThIs heres.Ioppy." Ie grIns secretIveIy and pats the gIant
thoroughbreds neck.
The horse snorts agaIn and turns away wIth a shake oI her great head
but jared doesnt reaIIy notIce because hes too busy starIng at Tom. The
rancher smIIes wIder at hIm.
"Can heIp you.?"
"jared," he somehow squeezes Irom hIs voIce box.
Irom then on Tom and jared had been InseparabIe. Or every tIme Tom
was Iree Irom hIs work he wouId seek jared out on the horse traIIs and
near a bIg man-made Iake on the property where jared wouId go to Iet
IarIey and SadIe run and pIay. ear the end oI the trIp jared had even
gotten boId enough to poke hIs head In Toms oIIIce once or twIce and
drag hIm away to Iunch or Ior a waIk.
They never dated so to speak, not reaIIy, but there was deIInIte physIcaI
attractIon. And they taIked-a Iot. They wouId waIk or rIde horses aII
over the property Ior hours, just taIkIng and IaughIng. Tom was
InteIIIgent and kInd and soIt-spoken. Steady and brIght (hIs souI sounds
IIke a summer mountaIn sIIhouette cast agaInst the sunset IIke the one
on the nIght jared IIrst met Tom).
ear the end oI the vacatIon they had shared a Iew tentatIve kIsses, sIow
and steady ones that were Iresh and new IIke pIoughed IIeIds. t had
been good-not amazIng and heart stoppIng, but jared supposed most
IIrst kIsses werent. The kIsses were good enough to be Interested In
pursuIng more wIth Tom. When It was tIme Ior jared to Ieave they had
exchanged contact InIormatIon and had kept In touch by a phone caII or
an emaII at Ieast once a week, both too busy wIth theIr careers to do
much more.
"So how Is thIs goIng to work?" SophIa asks, puIIIng hIm Irom hIs
thoughts. " mean so he caIIed you. Are you two goIng to try and work
somethIng out?"
jared shrugs. Whatever had started between them had been rekIndIed
when he heard Toms soIt, excIted voIce over the phone yesterday. jared
wasnt goIng to get hIs hopes up but he dId know that he was
comIortabIe wIth Tom who, though he was weII to do, was aIso down to
earth, generous, wItty, and reaIIy smart.
Yeah, jared Is deIInIteIy crushIng on Tom WeIIIng. ut agaIn, who
wouIdnt?
"Ie says heII be In the cIty Ior a whIIe-maybe a coupIe oI months-and
he wants to. date. Wants to 'try us out. Were goIng to meet Ior dInner
on IrIday." just sIx days away.
SophIa wrInkIes her nose. "Iow. not romantIc. t sounds IIke a
conversatIon about the weather, not the start oI a new reIatIonshIp."
jared scowIs at her. " thought you were aII Ior the Tom thIng. AIso, dont
raIn on my parade. m reaIIy IookIng Iorward to thIs."
SophIa taps her empty cup agaInst the tabIe to the rhythm oI the band
and shrugs. "What m jor Is you IIndIng someone that makes you happy
-that you Iove. thInk theres somethIng between you and Tom but.
weII, whatever. Iey," she sends hIm a pIayIuI haII smIrk. "td be cooI II
we couId take the best parts oI jensen AckIes and Tom and make them
Into one. Toms humbIe personaIIty wIth AckIess Iove poetry-"
"ts not Iove poetry," jared grumbIes under hIs breath.
"-now thct wouId be reclly romcntic."
jared roIIs hIs eyes and caIIs SophIa a nave IIttIe gIrI. Ie doesnt teII her
that hes pretty sure thereII probabIy be no souI mate Ior hIm-no true
IaIry taIe Iove. ut there Is Iove-Iots oI peopIe IIve good IIves wIthout
theIr true souI mate. Ie sees exampIes oI that everywhere. Ie wont
stop IookIng, but jared reIuses to get hIs hopes up agaIn.
xcept.
" have a good IeeIIng about Tom." And jared reaIIy, reaIIy does. Ie IeeIs
hIs excItement rIsIng and runnIng through hIs body.
jared decIdes that just thIs once Its okay to Iet go and hope.
On Monday jensen Is waItIng Ior jared outsIde oI TrueOne. esIdes the
.. KIng tIckets AckIes hasnt spent money on anythIng eIse besIdes
IIowers-just one or two stems each day. OveraII wIth Iast week and
today jared now has daIsIes, some whIte IIower caIIed a crocus (Chad
Iooked It up and somehow SophIa has managed not to teII her IIance that
jareds "secret admIrer" Is jensen AckIes, as Iar as jared can teII
anyway), vIoIets, and a coupIe oI other weIrd coIorIuI ones (that jared
secretIy admIts are kInd oI cooI IookIng) that they-Chcd because jared
did not try to Iook them up by hImseII-couIdnt IIgure what they were.
n short, by Monday aIternoon jared has a weIrd ass bouquet on hIs desk
and a drawer IuII oI pIeces oI poetry.
jareds the Iast to Ieave because Chad IeIt an hour earIy Ior a dentIsts
appoIntment (Chad had been whInIng about It the whoIe day) and so he
exIts out oI the Iront door to make sure everythIng Is Iocked up.
Ies thInkIng about the IIowers and the poetry-or at Ieast he trIes not
to thInk about them but In tryIng not to thInk about them he cant stop
thInkIng about them (sometImes jared reaIIy hates hIs braIn). So hes
thInkIng about the IIowers and consequentIy jensen AckIes because
jared stIII hasnt returned the expensIve tIcket to the concert.
And thats the only reason hes thInkIng oI jensen AckIes, he teIIs
hImseII. ecause who buys compIete strangers three hundred doIIar
tIckets to see a rock Iegend? And It was kInd oI conceIted oI AckIes In
the IIrst pIace because what II jared wasnt even Iree to go on that day?
And what made AckIes thInk that jared even wanted to go on a date wIth
hIm?
ecause jared totaIIy dIdnt. Want to. Go. On a date wIth jensen AckIes.
"Iey, jared."
jared yeIps, heart racIng In hIs chest as he whIps to hIs IeIt to see the
owner oI the voIce that just scared the shIt out oI hIm. Ie hadnt even
heard Iootsteps.
jensens at hIs eIbow, oIIerIng a smaII apoIogetIc smIIe to jared that sort
oI takes hIs breath away. jared suspects that hIs heart Isnt racIng just
out oI Iear.
jared cant heIp It because hed somehow Iorgotten just how attractIve
(jucking scorching hot) jensen Is. jared supposes that thIs Is the IIrst tIme
hes seen jensen when jared wasnt supposed to be proIessIonaI (not
that that had hIndered jensen-ChrIst, AckIes-In the Ieast). And on the
Ight oI Isaster and IumIIIatIon wIth avId, jared had been too busy
tryIng not to taIk or Iook at jensen, and even when he dId the darkness
oI nIght and the poor IIghtIng oI the bus made It hard Ior jared to see or
remember AckIess Iace.
ts just aIter IIve ocIock and the sun wIII be settIng soon but Ior now Its
beams bathe Ios AngeIes and bounce brIghtIy oII oI the reIIectIve
surIaces and wIndows oI aII the buIIdIngs around the two oI them.
"I-Iey?" jared stutters and hopes to heII that jensen doesnt notIce hIs
nervous bumbIIng (oh God, pIease dont be bIushIng) but judgIng by the
other mans brazen smIrk he does notIce.
jensens taII. ot as taII as jared but stIII taIIer than average. IIs Iace Is
easIIy the most eye-catchIng thIng about hIm. A strong jaw Irames wIde
and puIIy IIps (that are probabIy terrIbIe Ior kIssIng, jared trIes to
consoIe hImseII) that shape Into expressIve smIIes and smIrks and
Irowns. The rest oI hIs Iace seems normaI. ot pIaIn but handsome In
that nothIng stIcks out. Ies got normaI cheekbones Ior exampIe, unIIke
jareds weIrd ones that jut out IIke a paIr oI wIngs and hoIIow out hIs
cheeks. ot that heII ever admIt that hes notIced these thIngs, because
then heII aIso have to admIt how he stood In Iront oI a mIrror Ior nearIy
an hour pokIng at hIs cheekbones beIore he decIded that he dIdnt IIke
them. jared thInks he IIkes jensens eyes the most-a brIght aImost
unearthIy green that sometImes IIash goId when he tIIts hIs head and hIs
eyes catch the sunIIght just so.
jared bIInks and reaIIzes that jensens smIrk has turned Into a IuII-on
arrogant grIn. jared huIIs and Iooks away.
"What-Can heIp you wIth somethIng?" jared asks stIIIIy, IorcIng
hImseII to meet the other mans stare head on.
nwardIy, jensens doIng a IIttIe Immature vIctory dance because jareds
IookIng at hIm-actuaIIy looking at jensen-and Ior the IIrst tIme the
young man seems notIceabIy interested. jensen InstInctIveIy knows that
Its not enough, unIIke some other men or women and especIaIIy hIs
groupIes who seem to onIy want jensen Ior hIs Iooks and hIs money. Ie
somehow doubts jared wIII go Ior jensen just by physIcaI attractIon
aIone.
ut the Iact that jared Is IookIng and obvIousIy IIkes what he sees makes
jensen IeeI rIdIcuIousIy accompIIshed.
And jared Iooks just as beautIIuI as aIways-even better In the goId
reIractIng sunset that puIIs out hIs tan and a sIIght tInge oI pInk Irom hIs
cheeks. IIs haIrs a mess agaIn and jensens hands are ItchIng crazIer
than ever (who knew gods couId have an Itch?) to push the IIoppy haIr
away Irom tIred hazeI eyes.
The young man does Iook reaIIy tIred-shadows stretch IIke tIme
beneath hIs eyes and jared just Iooks so weighted down. mmortaIs dont
reaIIy experIence IatIgue or sIeepIness and so when jensen sees jareds
puIIy IIds and wary eyes the god cant reaIIy heIp but thInk that the
young man Iooks both vuInerabIe and stunnIng-IIke porceIaIn or gIass.
"-uhm," Iuck! jensen was a god Ior cryIng out Ioud and yet he couIdnt
do anythIng but stutter around jared. "Yes, you can-heIp me wIth
somethIng. Or, weII, mean dont want anythIng. just to taIk. wanted
to taIk to you."
jensen waIted around TrueOne Ior haII an hour now. Ied conceaIed hIs
presence Irom the mortaI eye, not wantIng anyone to recognIze hIm and
subsequentIy ruIn hIs chances oI taIkIng to jared. jensen supposes he
couId have just vIsIted jared In hIs oIIIce but jensen remembers that
despIte the Iact that jared had gIven hIm the "sIIent treatment" on theIr
Iast meetIng he somehow seemed more receptIve to jensen outsIde oI
TrueOne than when jensen had vIsIted hIm Ior the IntervIew.
WhIch remInds jensen that he needs to IInIsh IIIIIng out hIs proIIIe II Ior
no other reason than It wIII gIve hIm an excuse to set up another
meetIng wIth jared.
" thought you saId you dIdnt want anythIng." jareds voIce breaks
through jensens thoughts so suddenIy he bIInks bIankIy at the young
man.
".What?" he asks, at a Ioss oI what jareds taIkIng about. Id jensen
screw up and somehow oIIend jared agaIn?
jared smIIes at jensen-Its smaII and amused and at jensens expense
but jareds voluntcrily smiling ct ]ensen.
"Oh," jensen repIIes a IIttIe numbIy when he reaIIzes that jared Is teasIng
hIm. Ie resIsts the urge to rub the back oI hIs neck nervousIy (he
doesnt get nervous, damn It). "!hm, so.how was your.day?"
n hIs head, thIs conversatIon went so much smoother.
jared narrows hIs eyes at AckIes, tryIng to IIgure out what game the
guys pIayIng now. ut AckIes Iooks more awkward than schemIng so
jared hoIds back hIs snappIsh retort. "IIne?" comes out Instead.
"s that a questIon?" jensen asks, hIs smIIe wIdenIng and jared IInaIIy
has to Iook away-to watch where hes waIkIng, not because hIs heart
kInd oI jlutters or anythIng.
"Youre goIng to make me Iate Ior the bus," jared manages, turnIng to
hIs rIght and staIkIng oII, angry wIth hImseII Ior IorgettIng hIs
destInatIon just because AckIes showed up.
jensen grIns and seamIessIy matches jared step Ior step. "So. youre
usIng the TAI card?"
jared debates onIy momentarIIy. "Yeah," he reIuctantIy admIts because
though jared Isnt partIcuIarIy envIronmentaIIy conscIentIous Its onIy
because he sImpIy doesnt usuaIIy thInk oI It. ut he IIkes the TAI card
IIne because Its easIer to keep track oI.
The god IeeIs hIs grIn grow ImpossIbIy wIder because yes, vIctory! "So.
the other stuII? The IIowers and the tIcket? You know thats Irom me,
rIght?"
jared smIIes tentatIveIy-aImost shyIy-and the Iook sends a thrIII oI
desIre spIraIIng up jensens beIIy and out Into hIs body so that hIs arms
and Iegs kInd oI tIngIe. IIs eyes traII Irom jareds smIIe to hIs sIeek jaw
IIne down to where the Iong, Iong sIope oI hIs throat dIps towards hIs
tanned chest that dIsappears teasIngIy past the coIIar oI hIs button up
shIrt.
"s It-brIghter to you aII oI sudden?" jared asks abruptIy, haII-
whIsperIng. IIs attentIon Is no Ionger on jensen, Instead hes IookIng
around the area, Iong hand heId up to shade hIs eyes Irom the
IntensIIyIng gIare that seems to resonate Irom aII reIIectIve surIaces.
jensen Iooks around and notIces that some other humans have sIowed or
stopped on the sIdewaIks as weII, aIso shIeIdIng theIr eyes, spInnIng
around sIowIy as II they cant beIIeve the rIsIng brIghtness can happen
In the mIddIe oI sunset. Others dont seem to notIce and keep on
waIkIng. jareds notIced and hes IookIng around, eyebrows knItted In
conIusIon even whIIe hIs soIt (jensen ImagInes that theyre soIt, anyway)
IIps part In a IIttIe awe. Over a IIttIe anomaIy IIke the worId brIghtenIng
when It was supposed to be gettIng dark.
Oh. Oh. jensen suddenIy reaIIzes that hIs power-hIs dIvInIty-Is sIowIy
seepIng out oI hIs usuaIIy Iron-cIad controI. The rays oI IIght that had
been bouncIng sIeepIIy over the cIty are now begInnIng to speed up,
zIngIng excItedIy oII oI any avaIIabIe surIace and edgIng Into shadows
that sunset has no busIness IIIumInatIng.
jensen reaIIzes that hIs body Is aIso takIng an Interest at the thought oI
jareds jaw and IIps and throat and chest and beneath hIs cIothes and-
Ie shakes hIs head and trIes to dIaI back hIs power, surprIsed when he
IInds It dIIIIcuIt to do so. ut IInaIIy (though It onIy takes Iess than
another human second) he reeIs hIs aIIInIty In thread by thread untII
everythIngs back to normaI and he sees that jareds IeIt bIInkIng away
sunspots and conIusIon.
jared Irowns as the IIght that he couId have sworn was temporarIIy as
brIght as noon sIIps away Into sunset once agaIn. Ie shakes hIs head,
brows IurrowIng as he beats back a rIsIng panIc In the back oI hIs mInd.
"Man, teII me you saw that," jared bIurts out because hes sure whatever
just happened was damn Ireaky and deIInIteIy not normaI. jared Is
actuaIIy reaIIy worrIed about haIIucInatIons (plecse, God, not thct, not now
not ever plecse). Ies aImost aIraId to Iook around Ior other peopIes
reactIons. Some dont seem to have notIced but a Iot oI other
pedestrIans aIso appear conIused, murmurIng excItedIy to one another
so jared cant have been the onIy one to see It. Maybe hes projectIng?
"See what?" jensen IIres back a IIttIe too quIckIy.
jareds heart stutters and threatens to stop because oh God. Oh, God he
cant handIe thIs now. Ie cant handIe thIs ever, whct ij?
jareds watery, hazeI eyes appear so conIused and lost jensen wouId be a
tooI II he kept denyIng the brIght IIght and made jared thInk that he was
goIng crazy. ut Its not IIke he can oIIer an expIanatIon that Isnt "you
turn me on so much l light the world up" (jensen reaIIy needs to go back
and revIsIt thIs entIre dIsaster at a Iater tIme because hes never gotten
a IvIne AImost-oner beIore-yeah, the term deserves capItaI Ietters).
"Oh, you mean the. soIar IIare?" jensen questIons as nonchaIantIy as
possIbIe, cIearIng hIs throat when hIs voIce cracks on the graspIng IIe.
jareds IncreduIous Iook teIIs jensen that maybe he needs to work on hIs
spIIt-second IabrIcatIons. "SoIar IIare?" jared sIowIy enuncIates aII three
syIIabIes IIke he thInks jensens eIther deaI or mentaIIy handIcapped.
StIII, jensen Iearned Iong ago that IIndIng a story and stIckIng to It no
matter what usuaIIy works Iong enough to ensure survIvaI (some oI
jensens haII-sIbIIngs were never observant enough to Iearn thIs Iesson).
So he puts hIs shouIders back and owns hIs rIdIcuIous IIe (reaIIy, solcr
jlcre?). "SoIar IIare. Yeah. , uh, Its been on the news the past coupIe oI
days. Iavent you heard about It?"
jared IeeIs hIs eyebrows shoot up In surprIse. Ies gIad that he wasnt
the onIy one to see the weIrd IIght show (thank you, thank you, no
wakIng nIghtmares yet) but he cant heIp but be suspIcIous oI AckIess
behavIor. jareds pretty horrIbIe at poker but even he can sometImes
spot a bIuII. Ie just doesnt know what AckIes couId be IyIng about.
"You watch the news?" s not the response jared had pIanned on,
neIther Is It the most poIIte response, but Its what bIurts past hIs IIps
IIrst. ts just that jared had pegged jensen Ior a rIch and nave heIr who
hasnt done a mInute oI reaI work In hIs IIIe and couId care Iess about
anythIng eIse outsIde oI meetIng hIs personaI desIres.
Thats what Marks IIke, anyway, and jensen remInds jared so much oI
Mark wIth the way he carrIes hImseII-proud and superIor.
"o," jensen says honestIy. Ie hasnt reaIIy kept up wIth the daIIy news
In the past Iew years. Ie Irowns and studIes jareds reactIon warIIy
because what II jared wouId thInk better oI jensen II he does watch the
news? And shouId jensen IIe just to get aII that cIoser to jareds good
graces? And. why was taIkIng to jared so IuckIng hard?
"-er. mean sometImes. ut my sIster toId me about It-" about what
agaIn? "-the soIar.IIare." Great, now hes puIIIng a totaI amateur move
and brIngIng others Into hIs IIe. And IorgettIng detaIIs oI hIs IIe. ts
reaIIy about tIme he changed the subject.
"CooI, huh? Anyway, you dIdnt answer me. About the gIIts? The
IIowers?" Ie rushes Iorward and takes a sIow step, subtIy encouragIng
jared to resume waIkIng.
jared starts movIng agaIn mechanIcaIIy, stIII reeIIng Irom jensens
abrupt subject changes. "Oh! Yeah, got them and . thought that they
mIght be Irom you. Thank you."
"WeII, dId you. mean, were they stupId? mean, guys usuaIIy IeeI
emascuIated when they receIve IIowers and poetry, you know?"
A sudden gust oI wInd bIows jareds haIr Into hIs eyes and he pushes It
back, IeeIIng the begInnIngs oI a stress headache Iorm behInd hIs eyes.
Ie decIdes to bIame AckIes Ior It. Was the man ImpIyIng that he usuaIIy
gIves men IIowers and poetry and other gIIts? Id that mean that. the
gIIts hadnt meant what jared had thought they meant? Or dId It mean
that jensen gave these kInds oI gIIts to everyone and jared wasnt
specIaI?
"o! mean, thought everythIng was.nIce. ts just, m not sure what
you want-what are the gIIts even jor?" the young man asks, not
botherIng to hIde the exasperatIon In hIs voIce.
jensen raIses an eyebrow. "WeII, theyre Ior you," he says sIowIy because
It shouId be obvIous. Maybe jensen Iorgot to put jareds name on the
notes? mpossIbIe, the IntrIguIng human mIght cause jensen to have a
IvIne AImost-oner but he has yet to Induce memory Ioss.
"IIght. IIght, know that, or weII thought so," jared says, eyes IookIng
anywhere but jensen as hIs IIngers IIddIe wIth the IIp oI the Iront pocket
oI hIs sIacks. "Iook, Its nIce oI you and everythIng but dont want-" to
see you ever cgcin, lecve me clone. Or thats what jared wcnts to say. ts
what he rehearsed In hIs head over and over when he ImagIned
conIrontIng AckIes about thIs weIrd. weII, thIs weIrd whatever the heII
thIs Is.
ut IookIng at AckIes now, jared just cant brIng hImseII to and he hates
hImseII Ior beIng so weak agaIn. "ts just, we dont even know each
other."
jensen Iaughs, genuIneIy amused at the conIused and the (dare he even
admIt It?) cute Iace jareds makIng. "WeII, want to know you more.
Thats why asked you out-and the tIcket. Id you get the tIcket? What
do you say?" he asks, throwIng on hIs most conIIdent and charmIng grIn,
as II a IIash oI hIs teeth aIone wouId convInce jared to IInaIIy say "yes".
So jensen Isnt prepared Ior when jareds Iace paIes and hIs eyes (are
they bIue now In the twIIIght?) wIden beIore quIckIy shuttIng down-
shuttIng jensen out the way he had the IIrst tIme they met. "The tIcket."
jared grImaces.
The god cocks hIs head. "What? . . KIng not your thIng?" he asks and
wonders II he shouId be oIIended because jensen Iavors the artIst. "
couId make you change your mInd," he InvItes wIth a teasIngIy Iewd
waggIng oI hIs eyebrows.
IIs endearIng IacIaI comedy (weII, jensens past Iovers had toId hIm that
It was endearIng, anyway) doesnt get the smaIIest reactIon Irom the
young mortaI, not even a ghost oI a smIIe.
"ts not that. mean, dont know a Iot oI hIs musIc but used to-thats
not the poInt, though. Iooked up the tIcket onIIne, the prIce."
jensen waves oII jareds concerns out oI habIt because whats money to
hIm? Iuman currency has never been cIose to essentIaI Ior hIs survIvaI
so Its not Important to hIm. specIaIIy a coupIe oI hundred AmerIcan
doIIars. "Iey, Its no bIg deaI. ve got pIenty." Ie shrugs IIIppantIy
because usuaIIy thats enough to convInce hIs past IIIngs. n Iact, as oI
Iate, regardIng hIs money IndIIIerentIy usuaIIy draws Iurther Interest at
the mentIon oI more money.
Once agaIn jared proves unpredIctabIe. AIso It seems that jensens
managed to somehow pIss the human oII agaIn.
" dont want It," jared says, IIndIng hIs strength around a tIght throat as
Mark IeIIegrInos Iace superImposes over AckIes.
"You ccn trust me. lve got the power, lve got the money, bcby. Trust me, l
ccn get you better-l ccn get you things no one else ccn."
jared IeeIs sIck. "Iook, AckIes-"
"jensen," the other man corrects ImmedIateIy and jared does hIs best to
Ignore hIm.
"verythIngs been nIce, thank you, but no means no. dont want to go
on a date wIth you. dont even reaIIy want to see you. I you contInue as
a cIIent at TrueOne then the onIy reIatIonshIp weII have wIII be a
proIessIonaI one. dont have the tIcket wIth me now but dont want It
and II gIve It back as soon as can."
jensen bItes hIs tongue, IrrItatIon buIIdIng. Ie doesnt Iose patIence as
quIckIy as some oI hIs IamIIy-especIaIIy ChrIs and MIke-but Its not
easy to push the IrustratIon down. ts both harder and easIer because
Its jared. Ie doesnt want to anaIyze It, not yet. Ior now hes patIent
and hes not bIInd so he sees the waII that jareds buIIt around hImseII.
SomethIng thats keepIng hIm Irom IettIng jensen In.
The god has nothIng but tIme so he resoIves to be patIent Ior now.
esIdes, he came to jared on a mIssIon and he reIuses to Ieave wIthout
answers.
"Keep It. ts the Iast oI Iebruary, rIght? WeII go together because II
have you by then."
"AckIes-" jared jumps In, voIce straInIng because is this guy jor recl?
Does he not understcnd English? They reach the bus stop just In tIme to
see the bus puII away and It makes jared want to sIump In deIeat. Ied
hoped that he couId cIImb In the bus aIter hIs dramatIc reIusaI and Ieave
AckIes and hIs aIIurIng green eyes, hIs soIt smIIe, the IaInt scent oI hIs
coIogne and the comIortIng, warm sound oI hIs souI behInd.
" wanted to ask you a questIon," jensen Interrupts and smIrks when
jared stops mId-sentence, IIps parted mId-breath and one brow raIsed.
ApparentIy, hIs new puzzIe Is dIstracted easIIy and jensen makes a
mentaI note Ior Iuture reIerence.
"Youve been askIng questIons thIs whoIe tIme," jared answers IInaIIy,
sIghIng a IIttIe and rubbIng hIs Iorehead. ts not a "no" so jensen takes
It as a "yes" (not that he wouId have backed oII II jared had saId "no"-
hes on a mIssIon, aIter aII). ow, how to ask jared what he IIkes-
specIIIcaIIy II he IIkes watches-wIthout outrIght askIng? jensen thInks
surprIsIng jared wouId be awesome.
"Yeah, have. So, uhm, do you IIke.TV?" Ie dIdnt want to go dIrectIy
Into the watch questIon because that wouId be too obvIous. esIdes,
AdrIanne had poInted out that guys IIke eIectronIcs as weII.
"Yeah? mean, IIke movIes.waIt. WaIt a goddamn mInute!" jared
excIaIms, shakIng oII the stupor that muddIes hIs thInkIng process at the
abrupt subject change. "What the heII, jensen?" ecause why the hell Is
AckIes stIII here and whct the hell Is up wIth the random ass questIons?
jensen smIrks. " thought It was AckIes?"
"Ackles," jared grInds out, gIarIng. " thought just toId you to get Iost?"
"ot In so many words, no."
" was tryIng to be poIIte, but there must be money stuIIed In your
InIIated head. So, get Iost, AckIes," jared says decIsIveIy, more convInced
than ever that AckIes Is a crazy borderIIne staIker that has never been
toId the word "no" In hIs IIIe.
jensen just Iaughs because It is IronIc that jared accuses hIm oI
braInIessness when hes the god oI reason.
"Are you IaughIng at me?" jared snaps, hIs voIce straInIng as he
struggIes not to shout.
"o, no. OI course not. So, you IIke movIes?"
" wouId like to be IeIt aIone now."
"What about tIme?"
"What?" jared parrots, IeeIIng Iost. Theyre standIng besIde the bus stop
that Is sIowIy IIIIIng wIth others on theIr way home Irom work and jared
Iooks past the oIder man desperateIy. The next bus Is stIII at Ieast IIve
mInutes Irom arrIvIng, but that doesnt stop jared Irom IrantIcaIIy
wIshIng that bus was here now. AnythIng to get away Irom thIs psycho.
And II jareds gaze IIngers on curvy bow IIps, a temptIng Adams appIe,
and a wIde and strong chest then weII, Its not IIke jared can choose
what hIs eyes see.
"TIme?" jensen repeats unheIpIuIIy.
"What are you tclking about?" jared grIts out Irom between cIenched
teeth and wonders why hes even botherIng. jared Is IaIIIng at enIorcIng
the gettIng Iost thIng by contInuIng to taIk to the staIker.
AckIes cracks another grIn and jared IeeIs hIs temper bend and crack
IIke a twIg subjected to hIgh duress.
"You know, time," jensen trIes to expIaIn wIth a vague wave oI hIs hand.
ThIs secret mIssIon stuII Is hard and he shouId probabIy hurry thIs up or
jared just mIght push jensen In Iront oI the next bus. t wouIdnt kIII hIm
oI course, but wouId probabIy IrreparabIy ruIn jensens desIgner jeans.
Ie gestures towards jareds IeIt wrIst (and takes a moment to admIre
Iong IIngers that Iook IIke they wouId be just perIect Ior-). "You arent
wearIng a watch."
jared IoIIows the other mans gaze to hIs wrIst beIore seII-conscIousIy
sIIppIng hIs hand Into hIs pocket. "o, -It broke a Iew months ago."
jared broke It about sIx months ago when he had IaIIen down some
staIrs In SophIa and Chads house. The watch hadnt been extremeIy
expensIve, but It was a gIIt that SophIa had gIven hIm two ChrIstmases
ago.
Ie shakes hIs head, hIs haIr IIyIng about hIs tempIes. "Why do you want
to know?" he asks warIIy, aImost aIraId to IInd out. Ie IeeIs IIke he mIght
be on an epIsode oI Funkd because jensen AckIes-one oI the rIchest
men In the worId-Is practIcaIIy terrorIzIng hIm. Okay, so Its not that
bad. ut thIs conversatIon turns even more bIzarre wIth each passIng
mInute. jared IeeIs IIke jensens quotIng IInes Irom a scrIpt that jareds
never even seen.
jensen eyes where jareds tryIng to hIde hIs IeIt wrIst In hIs pocket. And
II hIs stare wanders to the mortaIs crotch then weII, so what? jensen
wants to Iook so he does. xcept the sIacks dIsappoIntIngIy hIde
everythIng except an outIIne so IaInt It couId be a hInt oI a promIsIng
buIge or jensens ImagInatIon.
"just wonderIng II you can teII-"
"TIme?" jared Interrupts, admIttedIy a IIttIe hysterIcaIIy. "What, because
dont have a watch cant teII tIme?"
"What? o-" jensen backpedaIs IrantIcaIIy, hIs arms IIaIIIng out at hIs
sIdes In surprIse.
"s that what youre teIIIng me? turn you down and now youre caIIIng
me stupId?"
"Thats not even cIose to what-dcmn it! Why Is It so IuckIng hard to tclk
to you!" jensen snaps, patIence sIIppIng.
"IrobabIy because dont speak arrogant jerk."
"That was uncaIIed Ior. ve been nothIng but good-practIcaIIy
gentIemanIy."
"ve toId you no twIce and then you gIve me aII oI thIs stuII. The IIowers
and the poetry and the rIdIcuIous concert tIcket-"
"xactIy! gave those to you as gijts. and you saId you IIked them so
dont even-"
"You gave me those gIIts because you wcnt something jrom me!" jared
Interrupts, shoutIng. A Iew peopIe In the pIastIc covered bus stop turn
to Iook at them and jared IeeIs hIs Iace IIame In embarrassment but he
doesnt back down. Ies so tIred oI underhanded means and secret
motIves. Ies sIck oI the bItter dIsappoIntment and paInIuI IoneIIness
that IoIIows. jensen AckIes remInds jared oI Mark and oI him (God, how
pathetIc can jared get-Its been over a year and he stIII cant brIng
hImseII to say hIs name) and jareds IInaIIy Iearned hIs IuckIng Iesson.
jensen cant heIp but Iet hIs mouth gape In awe. jared Is practIcaIIy
snarIIng at hIm, accusIng hIm oI thIngs jensen never Intended but he
cant Iook away because In hIs anger jareds Iet some oI hIs waIIs down.
The human suddenIy appears raw and vuInerabIe In hIs IIerceness.
jensen IInds It ImpossIbIe to Iook away.
jared breaks eye contact IIrst because hIs phone rIngs-dIgItaIIzed
Iynard Skynard chords-and jared tugs the phone out oI hIs pocket,
cIenchIng hIs jaw when It gets caught up In the materIaI oI hIs pants. Ie
doesnt even Iook at the caIIer ..-Its probabIy SophIa or Chad anyway
-and gIares at AckIes when he answers.
"IeIIo?" he greets, voIce straIned and teeth cIenched.
"jared? ts Tom," the caIIer answers, smooth voIce sendIng a spark oI
excItement through jared.
jensen watches the mortaI. At IIrst hes annoyed because theyre cIearIy
so Iar Irom beIng done here but jared Ignores hIm In Iavor oI a phone
caII. Then jensen IeeIs a surprIsIng and uncomIortabIe amount oI
jeaIousy as he watches jareds shouIders reIax so dramatIcaIIy It
becomes apparent jensen hadnt even reaIIzed that jared had been so
tense thIs entIre tIme. Ie Iooks on as jareds angry scowI meIts Into a
brIght smIIe and hIs eyes just IIght up. And II jensen wasnt so Irustrated
and maybe even a IIttIe hurt (not hurt, just put oII, yeah) then he couId
probabIy go on about how there couId be poetry and odes wrItten to that
wIde smIIe and deep dImpIes-deep dImpIes that jensen wants to dIp the
tIp oI hIs tongue Into. jensen wouId know, about that smIIe beIng the
InspIratIon Ior pIIes oI great poetry that Is, not about runnIng hIs tongue
aIong those dImpIes (though he deIInIteIy wants to IInd out).
"Tom!" jared excIaIms happIIy, grInnIng now, and jensen gIowers aII the
harder because jareds taIkIng to a guy-a guy he Is obvIousIy happy and
eager to taIk to. jeaIousy spIkes aII the more poIgnantIy and jensen
doesnt even questIon the IntensIty. Ior now, someone eIse Is possIbIy
Interested In someone jensen wants. and jensens a possessIve god.
They aII are, reaIIy.
"o, m IIne. Great, even. ow. Yeah, was just taIkIng to someone.
o, Its IIne. m done taIkIng." The Iast statement Is obvIousIy dIrected
at jensen, judgIng by the way jareds gIarIng at hIm agaIn. And then the
object oI jensens IntrIgue and desIre turns hIs back on the god Ior the
second tIme sInce theyve met. And then, wIthout sparIng another
gIance at jensen, jared turns on hIs heeI and marches to the other sIde
oI the bus stop thus eIIectIveIy cuttIng oII jensen Irom hIs conversatIon.
Or so he thInks. jensen couId be a hundred dozen more yards away and
stIII hear theIr conversatIon-jareds end, anyway-cIearIy.
"ts good to hear Irom you, too. Are you sure you dont need heIp
movIng In?" Ie hears jared chuckIe soItIy and thInks Its a nIce sound
though It wouId be better II It was dIrected toward jensen, not Ior some
Ioser Tom punk. "Yeah, m IookIng Iorward to It. were stIII on, rIght?
Yeah, IrIday Is stIII good. was thInkIng the IIreIIy Istro? thInk you
mIght IIke It and we couId. go to my pIace aIterward?"
t Iooks IIke jensen wIII be makIng pIans to go out to eat at thIs IIreIIy
pIace on IrIday. just to keep an eye on jared and whoever thIs Tom guy
Is. Ie shoves away the IIttIe voIce InsIde hIs head (that sounds
suspIcIousIy IIke AdrIanne) mockIngIy caIIIng hIm an obsessIve staIker
because hes not. Ie just wants to make sure jareds okay. AIter aII, Iook
what happened on jareds Iast date (never mInd the Iact that jensen was
a reason why the date deterIorated).
jensen waIts untII jared hangs up and the bus arrIves. MostIy to see that
jared gets on the bus aIrIght (hes aIready grown used to the strange
protectIve IncIInatIon he IeeIs Ior the young mortaI) but aIso to see II he
can get any more InIormatIon Irom the phone conversatIon. WhIch he
doesnt, except thIs Tom apparentIy owns eIther a ranch or a Iarm and
jared seems to have known hIm Ior a IIttIe whIIe.
That nIght jensen paces restIessIy aIong the Iength oI Ios AngeIes. Ie
doesnt sIeep, he doesnt reaIIy need to anyway, but hes sure that II he
dId then he wouId dream oI IIoppy bangs that make hIs hands Itch, raw
hazeI eyes, and the wary anger In jareds voIce as he shouted at the god.
jensen suspects hed probabIy dream oI the jareds Iace brIghtened
when he heard some mortaIs voIce over the phone. Ied maybe even
dream oI soIar IIares and waIIs and dark pIaces because the mystery-
the unsoIved puzzIe wIth mIssIng pIeces that Is jared IadaIeckI seems to
get deeper and more conIusIng wIth each meetIng.
SometImes jensen envIes the mortaI abIIIty to dream.
The next mornIng jensen Ieaves a red geranIum and another poem Ior
jared at the receptIon desk oI TrueOne. t IeeIs IIke an apoIogy but
jensen doesnt know what hes apoIogIzIng Ior. the Iact that he somehow
oIIended jared and cornered the young man untII he IeIt he needed to
shout (though jensen Ioved that IIare oI personaIIty).
Maybe It IeeIs IIke an apoIogy because agaInst jareds wIshes jensen wIII
contInue and even renew hIs eIIorts In OperatIon Seduce jared. Ie has
to II the stubborn, beautIIuI mortaI Is to be hIs by the end oI Iebruary.
espIte hIs warnIng oII AckIes, jared actuaIIy Isnt Iazed when Gabe
brIngs In another IIower and IIttIe whIte enveIope the next day. t pIsses
hIm oII that AckIes reIuses to IIsten to jared and compIy wIth hIs wIshes.
ut Ior some reason jared doesnt want to anaIyze why hes aIso gIad to
see that AckIes hasnt stopped wIth the gIIts.
ThIs tIme the IIower Is red and jareds gIad that Gabe somehow sIdIed In
wIthout Chads notIce because he doesnt want to go through the rItuaI
oI Chad IookIng up what kInd oI IIower It Is and makIng Iun oI jared Ior
gettIng gIrIy gIIts. jareds decIded that he doesnt want to dweII on
jensen AckIes at aII anymore.
Ie doesnt open the poem or the Ietter but cant brIng hImseII to throw
It away so he tucks It In hIs bottom drawer under hIs stash oI
butterscotch (because he doesnt reaIIy even IIke butterscotch and Its
onIy a back up II he runs out oI the rest oI hIs stash).
On Wednesday he gets another one. Or, he gets the usuaI smaII whIte
enveIope that he doesnt open and tucks under the butterscotch wIth
the other one. ut Instead oI a IIower he gets a bag oI Iersheys KIsses
whIch he ImmedIateIy opens and pops one (or two or three or Iour) In hIs
mouth because Its chocoIate and carameI and SophIas a Candy azI
(hence hIs uItra secret oIIIce stash) so hes not goIng to pass up Iree
candy.
ut Its not IIke It means anythIng.
Thursday he tucks away the unopened enveIope and Iaughs at the
rIdIcuIousIy heavy and raInbow brIght IoIIIpop that Iacks just about haII
an Inch Irom beIng as bIg as hIs hand. Ie Ioves candy but hes not about
to tackIe thIs monster so he puts It In the cup that hoIds hIs pens and
pencIIs. And he doesnt Iaugh at the candy because he thInks oI AckIes,
but because he hasnt had one oI these thIngs-hasnt even thought oI
them-sInce he was a kId and got one every tIme Mama, SophIa, and
theIr Iather dragged hIm to the IIea market.
Thats what he teIIs hImseII, anyway.
On IrIday, jared wakes earIy enough to run wIth the dogs and swears
oaths to them to do better Irom now on when he reaIIzes that hes IaIIed
to get up earIy enough to do mornIng runs wIth them. Ies sIept
restIessIy aII week but IrIday he IeeIs so energIzed that theres a bounce
to hIs step. Ie knows Its because he gets to see Tom tonIght. Ies
IookIng Iorward to the date not just because oI gettIng a chance wIth hIs
crush. Toms a good IrIend that jared has a Iot In common wIth. Ies
easy to taIk to, kInd. Ies secure.
And hes hot. So, okay. Maybe jared Is IookIng Iorward to tonIght Ior the
possIbIIIty oI expIorIng somethIng more wIth the young ranch owner.
Today the gIIts Irom jensen are another whIte enveIope that encIoses
eIther a note or a poem, jareds not sure because he doesnt open It. Ie
needs to conIront AckIes agaIn, maybe thIs tIme threaten to get the
poIIce InvoIved. Ie teIIs hImseII that heII take care oI It Iater. jared
doesnt know how to contact the man, anyway.
Ie aIso gets a . . KIng "Greatest IIts" aIbum, new and stIII wrapped In
cIear ceIIophane. Ior a Iew mInutes he actuaIIy contempIates openIng
the case and poppIng In the C. ventuaIIy he decIdes agaInst It and
puts It In the drawer wIth the enveIopes, next to the concert tIcket, and
Its just one more thIng hes goIng to return to AckIes whenever he sees
hIm agaIn.
IIs phone vIbrates once, short and abrupt to IndIcate a text message. Ie
opens It and Iaughs (It mIght be cIoser to a gIggIe, but jareds
rIdIcuIousIy happy and no ones around to wItness It, anyway) because
Its Irom hIs bIg sIster.
]cred cnd Tom, sitting in c tree. K-l-S-S-l-N-G. lol brkjst 2morrow? omg we
could, like, tclk cbout boyz cnd stujj!!!1
Ie roIIs hIs eyes and texts back beIore stuIIIng hIs phone Into hIs
pocket, nerves bouncIng wIIdIy and hes so IookIng Iorward to hIs date
wIth Tom tonIght that Ior the IIrst tIme In two weeks he Iorgets about
jensen AckIes and hIs smug, superIor grIn.
"Are you sure you want to eat here?"
"What? Why do you ask that? OI course do. suggested It, dIdnt ?"
jensen answers just a IIttIe too nervousIy.
" ask because the tabIes are outsIde and you hate the coId. And dont
teII me that Its IIne because you Iook stupId," ChrIs says dryIy, gesturIng
to the outdoor settIng oI the IIreIIy Istro and then to jensens attIre.
jensen dIsagrees because he never Iooks stupId. Ies wearIng a charcoaI
grey sweater thats nIce and thIck over a whIte Iong-sIeeved shIrt. And
over the sweater hes wearIng a heavy bIack coat that hes not pIannIng
on takIng oII ever agaIn-or at Ieast not untII Its a mInImum oI eIghty
degrees outsIde. And hes got a scarI wrapped twIce around hIs neck
(hIgh so that he can tuck hIs nose Into the cashmere knIttIng because It
IeeIs IIke It mIght Ireeze oII oI hIs Iace). Ies aIso wearIng a paIr oI
cotton pants beneath hIs jeans that are so. restrIctIng that they remInd
hIm uncomIortabIy oI tIghts and make hIs jeans IeeI extra buIky. Ie aIso
has on two paIrs oI socks (and Is wIshIng that he had put on that thIrd
paIr) under hIs thIck Ieather boots.
" dont Iook stupId. Iook prepared. ts wInter and bet other peopIe
are dressed IIke thIs, too."
ChrIs raIses an eyebrow. "ts not that coId."
"WeII oI course not to you," jensen grouses and eyes ChrIss t-shIrt
dIsgustIngIy. The god oI war never seems to be aIIected by earths
temperatures. TechnIcaIIy, none oI the gods are reaIIy aIIected-jensen
couId waIk the entIre contInent oI AntarctIca bareIoot and naked and not
get the IIrst hInt oI IrostbIte. ts just that It Is uncomIortabIe Ior hIm.
ChrIs doesnt dIspIay a partIcuIar dIsIIke oI eIther the hot or the coId and
Steve IIkes to say that Its because ChrIss temper runs hotter than any
heat wave and hIs wrath coIder than any bIIzzard.
jensen thInks Steve wouId make a good poet or songwrIter II he wasnt
too restIess and twItchy to IInIsh much oI anythIng that he starts.
Though jensen supposes that Steves renowned caprIcIousness has
caImed down sInce he IeII In Iove wIth ChrIs who Is scarIIy Iocused and
dedIcated (and by the same token ChrIs has meIIowed out and Iearned to
Iet thIngs go sInce meetIng Steve).
"At Ieast they have IIres goIng," ChrIs poInts out. There are a Iew
wooden steps IeadIng up to the bIstro. A Iew IIres roar aIong the thIck
raIIIng about waIst hIgh and the heat IaIIs dIrectIy Into the open aIred
bIstro.
"We have to sIt next to one," jensen InsIsts and Ignores ChrIs when he
roIIs hIs eyes. "Wheres Steve and MIke?"
" dont know where the heII MIke Is but Steves probabIy at the damn
beach stIII. We mIght have to drag hIm Irom that surI board," ChrIs huIIs,
not a IIttIe jeaIous. "We cre two hours earIy, you know."
Yes, weII. The pIan had been to go out to eat wIth AdrIanne tonIght at
the IIreIIy so he couId dIspassIonateIy observe (read. spy on) jared and
hIs date. jensen had suggested eIght ocIock beIore reaIIzIng that he
hadnt gotten the tIme oI jareds date Irom the humans phone
conversatIon. So jensen decIded to come earIy. just In case.
"WeII II youre so upset about It then why are you here, you asshoIe?"
jensen grumbIes and tugs hIs coIIar tIghter. Ie bounces on the baIIs oI
hIs Ieet, probabIy IookIng IIke hes on jIttery Irom a caIIeIne hIgh. Ie
Iooks around the restaurant careIuIIy. Ie doesnt see or sense jared-
gods can hone In on humans and sense IndIvIduaI ones, though Its more
IIke a tIngIIng sIxth sense and Its easIer to IInd the IInk II the humans
pray to the gods (or thInk about them oIten) or are In theIr tempIes
whIch act IIke an ampIIIIer.
"ecause want to see whats got you ass over heeIs moronic."
" have no Idea what youre taIkIng about."
"You dragged me and Steve here to CaIIIornIa to keep you company-"
"Thats not what-"
"And youve bareIy been around Ior two weeks now-"
"You miss me! Why dIdnt you just say so?" jensen receIves a punch In
the shouIder Ior hIs chIIdIsh tauntIng (but It doesnt hurt because hes
wearIng so many Iayers, so there).
"Ow, you Iucker," he whInes anyway.
"Youre such a. human baby sometImes. And you suck at subtIe subject
changes."
jensen snorts. "IIke you know anythIng about subtIe."
"Are you goIng to teII me whats goIng on?"
jensen huIIs and wInces when he can see the IIImy reIIectIon oI hIs
breath IIoat and Iade Into the nIght aIr. That means Its way too coId to
be here.
"m surprIsed AdrIanne hasnt toId you."
ChrIs roIIs hIs bIue eyes, runnIng a hand through hIs haIr to push the
Iong strands out oI hIs Iace. "IIke d voIuntarIIy taIk to that oId hag."
jensen barks out a short Iaugh and nods toward the restaurant. "IIne.
ut were sIttIng down. And near a IIre."
They make theIr way up the steps and watch on bemusedIy as the host
scrambIes to accommodate jensen AckIes and hIs guest two hours earIy,
apoIogIzIng proIuseIy Ior the InconvenIence every tIme jensen or ChrIs
so much as Iooks at hIm. Soon enough they are Ied to a tabIe cIose to one
oI the IIres and jensen breathes a sIgh oI reIIeI as heat and IIght kIss hIs
skIn pIeasantIy. The tabIe aIIords jensen a good vIew oI the entrance
and II he sIyIy InIIuences the IIame to burn a IIttIe hotter and brIghter?
WeII, Its not IIke the humans wIII reaIIy notIce.
"Youre such a gIrI."
"Whatever. m the epItome oI youth and mascuIInIty."
"just teII me whats got you actIng IIke an IdIot."
" havent been actIng IIke an IdIot."
"IIne, teII me whats got you so dIstracted then."
"Why do you want to know? Why do you care?"
ChrIs groans. "ont turn thIs Into some deep and pansy-assed
exIstentIaI conversatIon."
"Shut up, ChrIs. You dont even know the meanIng oI haII oI what you
just saId," jensen teases and the other god roIIs hIs eyes.
"Iook, youre my IrIend-my IamIIy, and-"
"Steve was worrIed and put you up to thIs," jensen surmIses. The god oI
war shrugs unabashedIy-broad shouIders and thIck bIceps rIppIIng
beneath a rough tan as he settIes back In hIs chaIr.
"Youre rIght. hadnt notIced anythIng oII myseII. Youre aIways thIs
awkward In my opInIon," he teases. jensen joIns In the IIght Iaughter,
somehow comIorted by the brIeI IIash oI aIIectIon In ChrIss eyes.
AdrIanne Is jensens cIosest IamIIy and IrIend. Shes supportIve and
understandIng, even when they bIcker and dIsagree. ut ChrIs Is the
oIdest son oI theIr Iather and so jensens oIdest haII-brother. IIs bIg
brother. IamIIy doesnt aIways mean much to the pantheon gods-not
that they ever reaIIy Ieuded, Its just that a Iot oI hIs IamIIy Is aIooI to
each other. ut jensen knows that a IIerce protectIveness Is In ChrIss
nature.
The waItress brIngs the beers they ordered-Mad Iatter by ChrIss
recommendatIon because beer doesnt aIIect them and II they drInk It
then It shouId taste decent.
"So, theres thIs guy," jensen starts out and grIns when ChrIs groans
mIserabIy. "o, m serIous."
"s thIs that matchmakIng thIng that MIke wanted you to do? IoIy shIt!
You went through wIth It!" he excIaIms, eyes wIde, settIng hIs gIass
down wIth a heavy thunk.
"o!" jensen snaps deIensIveIy because Its a knee-jerk reactIon to
ChrIss teasIng tone. "Okay, not technIcaIIy. mean, went there to sIgn
up and Ior an IntervIew and." Ie traIIs oII, not quIte sure how to word
It, how to taIk about jared IadaIeckI when jensens not even sure how to
even thInk oI the young mortaI.
"And?" ChrIs prompts, raIsIng an eyebrow Irom over the rIm oI hIs mug.
"-weII, dIdnt have to Iook Iarther than the IntervIewer?" he IInIshes
wIth a heIpIess shrug.
ChrIs chuckIes throatIIy. "So, what? You banged the matchmaker? ude,
thats weIrd but.awesome Ior you and aII. StIII doesnt expIaIn why
youre actIng weIrd enough Ior Steve to send me aIter you."
Ior some unknown reason jensen IeeIs a rush oI deIensIve anger when
he hears ChrIs speak so vuIgarIy about jared. The sensatIons Iost
though because hes too busy beIng Ireaked out by the sharp swIng In
hIs emotIons. Ie bItes hIs tongue on a temperamentaI remark, ChrIs
probabIy doesnt even know jareds name.
"o, there wasnt any bcnging InvoIved." And Ior some reason Its totaIIy
IIne Ior ]ensen to say It. MostIy because he reaIIy, reaIIy does want to.
ang jared that Is. IossIbIy he wants thIs more than breathIng and
sunIIght. (And, hes begInnIng to reaIIze and admIt to hImseII, he maybe
wants even more than that.)
"Ie dIdnt throw hImseII at me IIke others do."
"ecause youre so IrresIstIbIe."
"amn straIght. So, asked hIm out, thought hed make Ior an
InterestIng date. IIus, hes IuckIng hot. ut he turned me down. Can you
beIIeve that?"
ChrIss sharp eyes, usuaIIy obscured by heavy IIds, suddenIy wIden wIth
recognItIon. "IoIy heII, jen. ts not that guy Irom Iast week? Idnt you
steaI hIs Iover?"
jensen growIs In IrustratIon. "The were not Iovers and dIdnt steaI
anyone! t was theIr IIrst date! dIdnt even know jared was In the
restaurant or that the guy that came to our tabIe was hIs date! t doesnt
matter now. A man IIke that doesnt deserve jared."
ChrIs just Iaughs, hIs shouIders bouncIng. jensen scowIs. "You are so
not heIpIng."
"Was supposed to? My job Is to make Iun oI you, jen, and then Steve wIII
swoop In and IIx everythIng Iater."
jensen hIdes a smIrk In hIs scarI because ChrIs mIght appear to be gruII
and obtuse but he has a tender sIde Ior a Iew members oI hIs IamIIy. ot
that jensen makes hIs observatIons known. Ie IIkes hIs head rIght
where It Is, thank you.
"So hIs names jared? And he bIew you oII."
"TwIce Iast week. Once thIs week," jensen reports succInctIy wIth an
emphatIc nod.
The god oI war Is sIIent Ior a Iew measures, just starIng IncreduIousIy at
jensen, hIs gIass poIsed haIIway to hIs mouth.
IegIsterIng the questIonIng Iook jensen roIIs hIs eyes. " know what
youre thInkIng. Who wouId want to turn thIs down, rIght?" he chuckIes,
gesturIng wIIdIy at hIs over-dressed seII.
"No, no thats actuaIIy not what was thInkIng at aII," the oIder god says
sIowIy, suspIcIousIy. " was wonderIng why are we here?"
jensen shrugs, dIvertIng hIs eyes Irom ChrIss Iace. "What do you mean,
thIs Is-hes here!" he excIaIms In a harsh whIsper, IookIng around
IrantIcaIIy beIore snatchIng up hIs menu and unIoIdIng It In Iront oI hIs
Iace. Ie peeks over the top oI the heavy Ieather and pIastIc to watch
jared and hIs date enter the restaurant.
jared Iooks beautIIuI. jensens onIy seen hIm In hIs work cIothes and that
stuIIy suIt he wore to CIcada, but whIIe IIreIIy Is a hIgher end bIstro the
dress code Isnt strIct. The young mans wearIng dark jeans that are a
IIttIe tIghter than hIs dress pants, the waIstband a IIttIe Iower. Ies aIso
wearIng a baby bIue Iong-sIeeved button up top that makes hIs tanned
Iace stand out aIong wIth hIs dImpIes when he smIIes.
And jared reaIIy Is smIIIng. At hIs date whos just as taII as jared, buIIt
across the shouIders and not quIte as hot as jensen (thats what he teIIs
hImseII, anyway).
"IoIy shIt, jenny," ChrIs marveIs, drawIng jensens attentIon Irom where
jared Is taIkIng to one oI the hostesses.
"What?"
"Youre spyIng on thIs jared guy and hIs date."
"WeII! wanted to see. what was doIng wrong, maybe?" Okay, he had
meant Ior that to come out a IIttIe more conIIdence. Ied aIso meant Ior
ChrIs not to know that much oI the truth. ut he was dIstracted In tryIng
to IIgure out where jared and hIs date were goIng to be seated (and II
jensen was at a good vantage poInt to observe theIr date).
"You mean were here way earIIer than everyone eIse-"
"You dIdnt have to come!" jensen Interrupts but ChrIs Ignores hIm.
"Were here at thIs outdoor restaurant, whIch you reaIIy kInd oI hate
dont buIIshIt me, because youre so hung up over a godsdamned pretty
IIttIe mortaI who doesnt even want anythIng to do wIth you?"
ChrIss voIce drops an octave to a dangerous growI, the one that
IndIcates eIther ChrIss growIng anger or a dark humor. Ither way It
never means anythIng good.
"So what? just- dont even know, ChrIs. Ies hot as heII but dont
know hIm so dont understand-" Ie breaks oII because out oI the
corner oI hIs eye he sees the host Iead jared and hIs date (Todd? TIm?
Tom?) to theIr tabIe where Tad (Tony?) kIndIy puIIs the chaIr out Ior
jared and then kIsses the bIush on jareds cheekbone.
The IIre next to jensen and ChrIs IIares brIght and bIg as jensen scowIs
at the dIspIay.
"IoIy shIt," ChrIs says agaIn, and hIs voIce Is deIInIteIy darkIy amused.
"Yeah, the IuckIng nerve oI that bastard." jensen grumbIes under hIs
breath, no Ionger botherIng to hIde hIs Iace behInd the menu In Iavor oI
sendIng a gIare at the back oI ThadIuss (TobIas?) head.
"jensen," ChrIs says so sternIy jensen reIuctantIy puIIs hIs eyes away
Irom jared and to the other god whose eyes are wIde wIth not a IIttIe
awe. "jensen, are you even seeing 'that bastard?"
jensen bIInks dumbIounded at ChrIs because what the heII couId he
possIbIy be taIkIng about? Ie turns back around and actuaIIy Iooks at
jareds date. Irom hIs posItIon jensen can make out the proIIIes oI both
jared and hIs date.
ow that hes IookIng, jensen recognIzes jareds date. Ie doesnt Iook
much dIIIerent at aII, possIbIy a IIttIe more serIous than jensen
remembers despIte the sweet smIIe hes gIvIng jared.
"Thats Tom," jensen breathes out because now that he Isnt dIstracted
(scary thought because he had been so dIstracted by jared that he
hadnt even sensed the presence oI the demIgod at aII untII ChrIs
poInted hIm out) he senses the dIvInIty emanatIng Irom Tom, dIIuted IIke
demIgods are, but potent and earthy IIke a descendent oI emeter.
"What Is It wIth thIs mortaI?" ChrIs marveIs as jensen grIps onto hIs beer
and brIngs It to hIs IIps just to have somethIng to do wIth hIs hands whIIe
hIs mInd races IurIousIy.
"What do you mean?" jensen asks quIetIy, stIII starIng at jared and Tom
who are both IaughIng. jareds taIkIng anImatedIy and jensen notIces Ior
the IIrst tIme that jared uses hIs Iong, wIde hands when he taIks (and he
thInks Its endearIng, though he cant heIp the bItter taste In the back oI
hIs throat when he reaIIzes that jareds onIy taIked stIIIIy and harshIy to
jensen and he wIshes so hard that he couId trade pIaces wIth Tom).
" mean thIs mortaI Is surrounded by gods. IIrst MIke, then you, and now
Tom."
"And Ierseus," jensen adds oIIhandedIy. ChrIs Is rIght-It Is strange.
There are so Iew gods that theyre rareIy on the same contInent, much
Iess the same state or cIty.
"IeaIIy?" ChrIs Iaughs shortIy and he must be rememberIng jensens
epIc rIvaIry wIth the hero not too Iong ago.
"Yeah, he goes by MIsha now. Ies been around here Ior a whIIe. Ie.
warned me away Irom jared."
ChrIs hums contempIatIveIy whIIe jensen contInues to stare and sIp at
hIs drInk, wIshIng he couId get drunk enough oII oI human aIcohoI to
Ignore the way Toms hand covers jareds on the tabIe.
"jen," ChrIs says quIetIy aIter a Iew mInutes have passed.
"Imm?"
"Idnt you say that you InvIted MIke?"
jensen IeeIs hIs eyes wIden. "Yeah. Ie-everyone shouId be here In," he
gIances at hIs watch, "Iess than an hour." Ie wInces, just now begInnIng
to understand the magnItude oI thIs evenIng.
ChrIs tucks a cIump oI haIr behInd hIs ear and grIns nastIIy, an over-
eager antIcIpatIon cIear on hIs Iace. "ThIs shouId be InterestIn."
Tom doesnt ask why jared gets water Instead oI beer or wIne or even a
Coke. Ie just keeps smIIIng the smIIe that kInd oI makes jareds skIn
tIngIe wIth happIness. Ie knows Its a smaII thIng but Tom accepts jared
the way he Is even down to hIs choIce oI drInk-jareds had way too
many oI hIs dates make a surprIsIngIy bIg deaI about It-and jared just
kInd oI reaIIy Ioves that about Tom.
Ie watches the way Toms broad shouIders shake as he Iaughs, the way
hIs arms IIex when he pIcks up hIs beer gIass, and jared thInks that he
reclly kInd oI IIkes those thIngs about Tom as weII.
Tom pIcked jared up Irom hIs apartment and beIore jared had even had
the chance to greet hIs crush Tom had puIIed hIm Into a Iong kIss.
"Been thinkin cbout doin thct jor months now."
ThIs date Is turnIng out to be one oI the most enjoyabIe dates jared has
ever been on. Tom Is as quIet as jared remembers, but hIs dry humor
had jareds sIdes sore Irom IaughIng beIore they even reached the
bIstro. And Tom Is very attentIve wIthout beIng smotherIng, doIng
archaIc gentIemanIy thIngs that jared dIdnt even reaIIze he IIked or
wanted-such as Tom puIIIng out hIs chaIr Ior hIm or rushIng around the
car to open the door Ior hIm.
jared asks about the ranch and somehow they get on the topIc oI horse
and cattIe shows, whIch turns Into taIk oI the rodeos. jared Isnt overIy
IamIIIar wIth haII oI Toms ranch taIk, but he does know about rodeos
because he went to severaI In Texas. And even II doesnt know some oI
the thIngs Tom taIks about, just the way that the oIder man IIghts up
wIth passIon about hIs job and the anImaIs makes everythIng InterestIng
to jared.
"So, teII me more about TrueOne-your worId Iamous matchmakIng
busIness," Tom teases hIm gentIy and jared shrugs, IeanIng back. TheIr
Iood Is mostIy gone, theyre just pIckIng IdIy at any remaIns and jareds
thInkIng serIousIy about dessert because he saw chocoIate mousse
cheesecake on the menu and IIke heII hes goIng to pass that up.
"ts. Theres nothIng to teII, reaIIy. usIness Is goIng weII rIght now.
guess because Its so soon aIter ChrIstmas and cIose to VaIentInes ay."
WhIch Is true, they have had an InIIux oI cIIents and jareds been busIer
thIs week than ever.
Ies not In thIs Ior the busIness or to taIk busIness. jared started
TrueOne because he and SophIa needed the money. And now jared Ioves
what he does, though Its not what he had set out at !CIA to do. ut
peopIe that ask about hIs busIness usuaIIy just want to know that Its
successIuI, not any In depth dIscussIon on how IreakIng cooI It Is to
match up someone-to see the IIash oI theIr Iuture In theIr eyes when
they Iook at each other.
" dont beIIeve you," Tom says and jared raIses hIs eyebrows In surprIse.
Tom Iaughs at jareds expressIon, hIs oIIve cheeks reddenIng wIth mIrth.
" dont beIIeve that you just want to taIk about the busIness part oI It."
jared chuckIes oII hIs nerves and shrugs rueIuIIy. "Sorry, Its just thats
what most peopIe want to know."
" am gIad youre doIng weII. admIre you. mean you started your own
busIness at such a young age. Thats awesome, you know."
jareds eyes wIden and he bashIuIIy pIcks up hIs Iork and pushes the
remaInIng bIts oI mushroom (ew, gross) around hIs pIate. "You started
your own ranch, Tom," he poInts out and watches Irom beneath hIs
Iashes when Tom smIIes secretIveIy (In a way that kInd oI remInds jared
oI MIsha) and shrugs.
"ts dIIIerent," Tom says and draIns hIs gIass. "SerIousIy, jared. Whats
It IIke workIng at TrueOne.whats It IIke matchIng aII oI those coupIes?
s It hard?"
"ts hard sometImes," jared admIts. Ies usuaIIy uncomIortabIe goIng In
depth about what he does at TrueOne outsIde oI the caIm and
InIormatIve spIeI he gIves cIIents. Ies toId no one oI hIs strange abIIIty
to IInd souI mates-not even SophIa, though jared suspects that Mama
had somehow understood-so he doesnt IIke reveaIIng much about the
seIectIon process. Ie grIns though, rememberIng the handIuI oI coupIes
hes managed to match up In the past two weeks.
"ut most oI the tIme Its easy."
When Toms IncreduIous he does thIs haII-smIIe thIng, as II hes not sure
whether to Iaugh or not. ts rIdIcuIousIy cute and the IIash oI stark
whIte teeth agaInst red IIps makes jared want to kIss the man.
jared thInks maybe smIIes are hIs weak spot.
" mean, when peopIe come to TrueOne theyre ready Ior Iove. Theyre so
ready to get out oI theIr comIort zone and IInd a compatIbIe partner that
compIetes them and commIt to that person and a reIatIonshIp. ts not
IIke goIng to a bar or a cIub-or church!" jared excIaIms, IaughIng
breathIIy and hIs heart kInd oI soars whenever Toms smooth chuckIe
joIns hIm. "Or wherever the heII peopIe go to 'pIck up or 'meet others.
The poInt Is that when peopIe go to these other pIaces theyre IookIng
Ior someone but theyre not necessarIIy IookIng Ior or ready Ior Iove.
Theyre not ready to trust someone eIse wIth theIr desIre Ior Iove,
anyway.
"ts hard to reaIIy. artIcuIate, guess. ut when peopIe choose a datIng
websIte or a matchmakIng agency It means that theyre ready to trust
someone eIse-me and the person set them up wIth. And youd be
surprIsed how much IIndIng the strength wIthIn to put trust Into
someone eIse makes peopIe so honest. sometImes IeeI more IIke a
psychoIogIst than a matchmaker."
Tom Ieans Iorward, brIght bIue eyes Iocused IntentIy on jared, IIke
jareds the onIy one In the worId and whatever hes sayIng Is Important
and InterestIng. "Whys that?" he asks, IeadIng jared to teII hIm more.
"When meet my cIIents Iace to Iace, and even In theIr proIIIes Irom
onIIne cIIents, peopIe are surprIsIngIy eager to be honest about
themseIves-with themseIves. cant teII you how many tImes my cIIents
bIurt out a deep, dark secret to me or teII me what theyre the most
Insecure about. ts IIke they IeeI IIke and any match put them wIth
have to know everythIng there Is to know about them."
Toms eyes become wIstIuI and hIs souI sounds sad, whIch jared IInds
odd. IIs abIIIty to hear souIs Isnt IIke beIng abIe to read someones mInd
or theIr emotIons. Ies Iound over the years that even when someones
angry or sad or happy theIr souI stIII sounds the same. SouIs, he Iound,
are a Iot more stabIe than thoughts and emotIons and he IIgures that
thats why the souI mate bonds are so strong. So to hear Toms sadness
Irom hIs souI makes jared worrIed and conIused. Whatever Is botherIng
Tom Is souI deep and jared wonders what couId cause such a yawnIng,
endIess sadness.
"They come to TrueOne IInaIIy understandIng that In order to Iove they
have to Iet go oI theIr deIenses," Tom says knowIngIy wIth quIet awe.
jared nods, grInnIng extra wIde, as II he couId puII the sad twItch oI
Toms IIps Into a smIIe just by settIng an exampIe. "So Its easy most oI
the tIme," he says agaIn, shruggIng oII the bItter voIce In hIs head that
adds on its ecsy except when it comes to me.
"You know, reaIIy thInk you have the best job In the worId, jared."
jared Iaughs. Ie reaIIy Ioves what he does, but jared doesnt thInk Its
the best job In the worId. "ts Iunny you say so. -or guess TrueOne-
get rIdIcuIed sometImes. Theres the opInIon that II you start IookIng Ior
Iove onIIne or askIng peopIe Ior advIce then It means youre a desperate
Ioser."
Tom scoIIs, hIs souI stIII sad but hIs eyes sIowIy startIng to warm agaIn.
"t just means that those peopIe are tIred oI beIng IoneIy," he poInts out
soItIy and Ior some reason jared IeeIs hIs heart grow heavy.
"So what do you have pIanned aIter thIs?" Tom asks.
"Oh, weII dIdnt pIan much past dInner," jared admIts wIth a shy duck oI
hIs head.
"ont IIe to me. know that you were eyeIng the dessert menu earIIer."
"What?" jared asks, scrambIIng Ior an excuse or apoIogy or whatever he
needs to do.
Tom Iaughs. " actuaIIy dIdnt see you, just assumed. remember the
mountaIn oI candy you had In your room at the ranch."
jared thInks oI just when and why Tom had been In hIs room at the ranch
over the summer and grIns gooIIIy. " have a bIt oI a sweet tooth," jared
admIts mock-sheepIshIy because he Isnt ashamed oI hIs candy addIctIon
and hIs whoIe-hearted apprecIatIon oI baked sweets.
"Then Iets get dessert.cheesecake? ce cream? Iow about we waIk
untII we IInd somethIng?" Tom tests and matches jareds grIn. "And
then. wouId InvIte you to my pIace but havent actuaIIy unpacked," he
says genuIneIy apoIogetIc.
jared smIIes. "WeII IIgure It out." Ie doesnt reaIIy do the "Iets go to my
pIace" thIng on most IIrst (or second, or thIrd, or Iourth) dates because
usuaIIy guys Interpret that as " gIve you permIssIon to Iuck me now" and
yeah. Thats. a topIc to reIuse to thInk about Ior another tIme. And he
IeeIs comIortabIe enough askIng Tom to come over. AIter aII they were
IrIends IIrst and he IeeIs IIke he can trust the other to just chIII and taIk
or watch a movIe or whatever.
"t doesnt matter," Tom says and reaches Ior jareds hand agaIn. Toms
hand Is heavy and warm on the top oI jareds and It IeeIs. good. jared
IInds hImseII grInnIng so gooIy wIde It hurts. "m gIad we dId thIs, jared,
." Ie traIIs oII, smIIe IaIIIng so Iast and compIete as II It was never even
there. IIs aIready IIght oIIve skIn paIes dramatIcaIIy.
"Tom?" jared asks, voIce trembIIng In panIc when he IeeIs Toms hand
shakIng over hIs own. jareds worry Ior hIs IrIend escaIates untII he
reaIIzes that that Toms eyes are IIxed on somethIng specIIIc.
jared IoIIows Toms gaze behInd hIm to the entrance oI the bIstro and
bIInks dumbIy when he sees MIke there, starIng back at Tom.
jared whIps back around to Tom to check on hIm and IInds that Toms
stIII ghostIy paIe but hIs jaw Is workIng sIIentIy, IIke hes tryIng to say
somethIng.
"Tom," jared says IIrmIy but soItIy. Tom bIInks and shudders as II
shakIng oII a dream. Ie trIes to smIIe at jared.
"Sorry. m. just got." Tom struggIes to expIaIn, hIs eyebrows knIttIng
to Iorm a baIeIuI Iook that makes the taII and strong man seem so
vuInerabIe. IIs eyes dart IrantIcaIIy back and Iorth between jared and
MIke.
jared Irowns and turns around agaIn. MIkes not even IookIng at jared,
hasnt taken hIs eyes oII oI Tom. There are two others around MIke. One
Is a woman and jared has to squInt but she remInds hIm oI AckIess
sIster. Theres another man wIth MIke-he Iooks vagueIy IamIIIar but
jareds bad wIth Iaces so hes not sure-who has a broad hand on MIkes
shouIder whIIe the woman speaks rapIdIy but apparentIy IutIIeIy to hIm.
And then jareds worId tIIts paInIuIIy. Ies drownIng In a bottomIess
weII, paIn IancIng through hIs head and nausea spIIIIng thIck and sweet
up hIs stomach to the back oI hIs throat. Ies dyIng-he has to be
dying.
t passes, Iaster than a bIInk oI an eye IIke It was never there except
jared IeeIs raw and Itchy and IraII. jared remembers IeeIIng the exact
same way Iast week wIth MIsha and Chad. Oh God. IaIIucInatIons, they
had to be haIIucInatIons-
Ie shakes hIs head and IorcIbIy anchors hImseII to whats goIng on
around hIm. OnIy a second seems to have passed because Tom and MIke
are stIII starIng. Or, MIke Is stIII starIng and jared cant reaIIy see that
Iar so hes not very sure but hIs IrIend Iooks vagueIy angry. The woman
wIth hIm Is stIII taIkIng, aIternatIveIy pushIng and puIIIng on MIke as II
even she cant decIde how to snap her IrIend out oI hIs Intense stare.
She Iooks over her shouIder wIth somethIng cIose to desperatIon. jared
IoIIows her gaze brIeIIy and Ireeze.
jensen AckIes Is sIttIng wIth a IrIend and IookIng straIght In jareds
dIrectIon. What the heII Is AckIes doIng here? What the heII Is goIng on?
"Tom," jared says soItIy and Is surprIsed when Tom actuaIIy manages to
Iook at hIm. IIs souI Is stIII IncredIbIy sad but Its stIrrIng, restIess,
caIIIng In a way that Is IamIIIar to jared, that he hears on the days when
he matches two souI mates.
jareds hope rIses, he cant heIp It, even when hes begInnIng to suspect
that the stIrrIng In Toms souI Isnt Ior hIm.
"o you know MIke?" jared asks careIuIIy and Tom kInd oI twItches.
"o you?" he asks Instead.
"Ies. hes kInd oI TrueOnes partner, In a way. Ies a IrIend oI mIne."
Tom nods numbIy and Iooks down at hIs pIate. "jared? Can we go? just
- just want to get out oI here. m sorry."
jared doesnt answer, but IInaIIy dares to Iean backwards and Iook down
at Toms Ieet. Ie sees the ghostIy red thread there except unIIke earIIer
thIs evenIng Its gIowIng brIght and Is puIIed taught. WarIIy hIs eyes
IoIIow It and Instead oI taperIng oII and dIsappearIng It seems to grow
brIghter and thIcker.
The red strIng stretches aII the way to MIkes ankIe.
"Tom, -" jareds not reaIIy sure what hes even startIng to scy because
aII he can thInk Is its not jcir, why is this hcppening, why now, why
couldnt l hcve this jor one whole night? A bItter thought whIspers
wIckedIy seductIve In hIs head. l dont have to tell them.not yet.
IInaIIy, "ts OK" comes out oI hIs mouth, surprIsIng hIm because Its not
okay at aII.
Tom bIInks at hIm and hIs whoIe countenance Is uncomIortabIe, unsure
In a way that jareds never seen. "What are you taIkIng about, jared?"
"You know each other, dont you?"
", yes. Yes. ut that doesnt mean anythIng- dont want. You dont
underst-m done wIth hIm."
ecause jared stIII has an eye on MIke, he sees hIs IrIend IIInch
ImmedIateIy as II he heard Toms vehement words. And then MIke turns
on hIs heeIs and storms down the steps, out oI the brIght IIre orange
gIow oI the bIstro and dIsappearIng out In the nIght. jared watches the
red strIng stretch out Ior a whIIe beIore dIsappearIng agaIn.
jared turns back around to hIs crush-hIs jriend, not date, not crush, not
boyIrIend, because Its not possIbIe Ior Tom to be anythIng but a IrIend
now-and sIghs heavIIy.
Tom Iooks heartbroken and hIs souI that usuaIIy sounds IIke a sunset
sounds IoneIy IIke a weepIng wIIIow-IIke a coyote bayIng weakIy at the
moon.
And Tom Is hIs IrIend. Ies nIce and sweet and smart and strong so
jared Ignores the crackIng oI hIs own heart, he Ignores the nausea that
sInks IIke deIeat deep In hIs stomach and he smIIes as resoIuteIy as he
can.
"You need to IoIIow MIke, Tom," jared says, hoIdIng Toms broad (and
surprIsIngIy un-caIIoused, whIch Is strange Ior a ranch worker) hand
tIghtIy In hIs, tryIng to get the man grounded Iong enough to ratIonaIIy
hear jared out.
"What?" Tom asks and Its cIear that hes tryIng to put up the waIIs agaIn
because hIs heartbroken and stunned expressIon Is sIowIy recedIng but
jared Isnt IooIed. Tom cant put up waIIs around hIs souI. o one can.
Toms souI Is stIII stIrrIng restIessIy IIke an ache or phantom paIn.
"o, no thats not what want. want. were on a date jared. want you
- mean, have you seen you? Youre sexy and sweet and smart and so
passIonate. You were the hIghIIght oI my summer, m havIng a great
tIme tonIght and wanted..." Ie traIIs oII, eyes pIeadIng Ior
understandIng but jared wIshes he dIdnt, wIshes that Tom wouId just
shut up and go and stop tryIng to convInce hImseII that he ever reaIIy
truIy wanted jared. The buIIdIng bItterness InsIde hIm Is just too much
Ior jared to handIe when hes out In pubIIc IIke thIs-too much Ior hIm to
handIe at aII.
" understand, reaIIy do." Ie doesnt understand, not reaIIy, but thats
not goIng to heIp anyone rIght now. "Tom, -m havIng a great tIme,
too. And stIII want to see you, but as a IrIend. MIkes.Its obvIous you
and MIke shouId try to patch up whatever Is wrong."
Tom stares at hIm IncreduIousIy but jared avoIds dIrect eye contact and
presses on, rushIng hIs words. Ie wants thIs over and done wIth so bad
he cant stand the IeeI oI hIs own skIn. "Trust me on thIs. m a
matchmaker."
Ie hopes the wInnIng smIIe he sends to reassure Tom doesnt come
across as paInIuI.
Tom bIInks at hIm, bIue eyes unreadabIe beIore he bIInks away the Iook.
"OK, OK, Its true that MIke and me. shouId probabIy taIk to hIm but
not now, not tonIght. II just. Iater. MIke and me, weve got tIme.
Iets. IInIsh out the evenIng. IIke you, jared, and know Its seIIIsh
because have hIstory that Isnt resoIved but-cant we just gIve thIs a
try? reclly want-"
"You reclly cant Iet go oI MIke," jared Interrupts, IInaIIy shovIng away aII
the conIusIon and anger and repIacIng It wIth some proIessIonaIIsm.
"You shouId go, Tom."
"ut.tomorrow, jared. can- need to take you home and It wouId be
rude and InconsIderate. have time Ior MIke, trust me."
jared swaIIows hard but IaIIs to Ioosen the knot In hIs throat. "ven II
you dId have aII the tIme In the worId, why wouId you waste another
second oI It wIthout the one you Iove?"
jared knows he wouIdnt waste It.
"jared. -Iove you," Tom bIurts out and hIs paIIor Ioses even more coIor,
II thats possIbIe, and It mIrrors what jared IeeIs-whItened and
hoIIowed out on the InsIde. " dIdnt mean-m sorry, just."
"Iook, Tom," jared Interrupts sharpIy and Tom wInces at the ImpatIence
and hurt that jared cant hIde In hIs tone. " dont know what the deaI Is,
but you shouId go aIter MIke now. YouII work It out whatever It Is."
Tom deIIates even Iurther. "Iow? mean, weve. we havent taIked In a
Iong, Iong tIme."
"WeII then guess nows as good as a tIme than any to start. IeII IIsten.
You two are souI mates, aIter aII." Ie wInces because "souI mate" Is out
oI hIs mouth beIore he can stop It. ts a common, everyday term In hIs
head. ut peopIe caII hIm unreaIIstIc and overIy romantIc when he uses
the term out Ioud so he usuaIIy keeps It to hImseII.
So Toms reactIon Is unexpected. IIs eyes wIden, hopeIuI and awed.
"jared," he whIspers. "Are you sure? Iow do you know?"
"IeIIo? IroIessIonaI matchmaker, here," jared says wIth a Iorced smIIe.
Toms Iace IIghts up beautIIuIIy.
Tom stands up abruptIy and then starts shakIng hIs head negatIveIy.
"o, no cant just Ieave you here. need to drIve you home and we stIII
have to pay-"
"ont worry about It now," jared dIsmIsses reassurIngIy. "lm the one
kIckIng you out."
"ut. Thank you, jared. m so, so sorry," Tom apoIogIzes earnestIy.
jared knows that Tom genuIneIy regrets thIs turn oI events Ior jareds
sake.
So jared says, "m not. Go." And Tom goes, IeavIng jared behInd.
jared sIghs and stands, IIngers ghostIng over the nIce, expensIve
materIaI oI the shIrt he bought just Ior thIs occasIon. Ie puIIs hIs waIIet
out oI hIs jeans-hIs "Iucky" jeans-and goes to see II he can speed up
the payment process. The waIIs (whIch Is Iunny sInce there are no waIIs
In thIs bIstro) are cIosIng In and hIs head Is throbbIng and he wcnts-
ut II tonIght has taught jared anythIng, Its that hIs wants dont seem
to matter.
jensen just bareIy waIts untII jared Ieaves the bIstro beIore he makes to
get up and IoIIow.
"What are you doIng?" AdrIanne murmurs, IrownIng up at hIm. AIter
MIke had baIked at seeIng Tom he had stormed out abruptIy-whIch had
been a reIIeI. MIke Is mercurIaI, aIternatIveIy jovIaI and wrathIuI, and he
can be creatIveIy crueI In hIs vengeance.
ts been a Iong tIme sInce MIke and Tom have been together (sInce Tom
has aIIowed MIke to see hIm, Tom must have Iet hIs guard down tonIght).
Ior about three centurIes now-ever sInce Tom came Into exIstence-
MIke and Tom were on agaIn and oII agaIn. ut MIke has aIways
consIdered Tom hIs. And Ior a moment aII oI them were concerned that
the mercurIaI god wouId advance on Tom and InItIate a IIght show that
were not Ior humans to wItness.
Ior hIs part, jensen had been aIarmed at the possIbIIIty oI MIke turnIng
hIs jeaIous retrIbutIon onto jared who was an Innocent party but had
cIearIy been (much to jensens chagrIn) Interested In Tom.
So It was wIth an atmosphere oI reIIeI when they watched MIke storm
out. AdrIanne was even more pIeased when Tom had IoIIowed MIke (she
has a soIt spot Ior Toms gentIIIty and MIkes charms amuse her so shes
aIways champIoned theIr coupIIng). jensen had trIed to IIsten In on Tom
and jareds conversatIon beIore Tom IeIt but he hadnt been abIe to pIck
up much due the InsIstent gossIp (hIs IamIIy Is comprIsed oI unrepentant
and dedIcated gossIps) twItterIng about hIm.
jensen watches jared as he wearIIy pays Ior hIs and Toms Iood and IeIt,
strong and soIId shouIders droopIng so that jared suddenIy seems so
thIn, vuInerabIe and IoneIy as he Ieaves the bIstro.
When MIke had IIrst waIked In jensen admIts that he had IeIt vIndIctIve,
especIaIIy when Tom-who had been so attentIve throughout the date,
hoIdIng jareds hand and IeanIng across the tabIe Ior a chaste kIss-had
appeared as II he had Iorgotten jared even exIsted once he IaId eyes on
MIke. Ie had wanted to waItz up to jared and say, "Are you ready to say
yes now?" ut he hadnt and hes gIad he had Iet the moment oI
pettIness pass because jared Iooks so down now.
". thInk better see jared."
"jensen," AdrIanne sIghs, exasperated. Ie doesnt mIss the way ChrIs
Iooks at hIm amusIngIy and Steve wIth a caIcuIated gaze as II he cant
decIde whether to Iaugh at jensen or to be concerned.
Ie shakes hIs head at hIs sIster because he doesnt want to overanaIyze
hIs attachment to a mortaI. Ie doesnt want to anaIyze anythIng at aII
because whIIe everythIng seems to be goIng wrong wIth jared, jensen
just cant seem to remember when he had IeIt so rIght.
jensen steps Into the nIght, regrettabIy away Irom the IIres oI the bIstro.
A chIII IIcks at hIs cheekbones. Ie onIy vagueIy senses jared and cant
pInpoInt hIm yet. ut jensens eyes arent hIndered by IIght or dIstance
so he sees jared strIdIng hard towards the park. jensen decIdes to
IInger and IoIIow at a dIstance, watchIng over jared untII the young man
enters the park and steps oII the path at the IIrst bench he sees whIch
happens to oversee a smaII, cIear man-made pond.
jensen doesnt know why hes here. ecause jared Is just a thIng. AIter
hIs Iast vIsIt to Greece jensen had decIded to gIve up on Iove, at Ieast Ior
a whIIe. esIdes, whIIe hes a romantIc-whIIe he yearns Ior more-hes
aIso a Ian oI one-nIght stands or hot, smokIng weekend getaways In bed.
jared was supposed to be that. Then jared became a mystery to hIm
because he turned jensen down. jensen who Is young (he appears
young, anyway), sexy, rIch and Iamous wIth the aIIure oI a god. ts
enough Ior most peopIe. So jared Is just a conquest, somethIng to occupy
hIs tIme, and OperatIon Seduce jared Is just an eIaborate pIan to get the
exotIc IookIng and IntrIguIng young man In hIs bed.
xcept.
Ie sIts down next to jared on the bench, not even IeeIIng the coId metaI
when jareds body burns so hot next to hIs that jensen can IeeI It even
though theyre not touchIng. (jensen suspects that jareds paranoId
IIttIe mInd wIII IabeI any touchIng as "InapproprIate gropIng".)
jensen thInks oI startIng oII wIth, "Ice nIght". ut he doesnt. Ies
pretty sure jared mIght try to punch hIm out.
"AckIes," jared greets quIetIy, breakIng the sIIence Ior jensen.
"jared."
Theyre both quIet Ior a Iong tIme as jensen struggIes to IInd words. Ie
gIances sIdeways at jared. The moon Is reIIectIng whIte oII oI the water,
reIractIng and IIIumInatIng jareds Iace but jensen doesnt need It to see
the wetness oI unshed tears In the young mans eyes.
jared wants to groan and maybe even scream when AckIes seems to
come Irom nowhere and pIop down on the bench besIde hIm. Ie IeeIs
rebeIIIous, hot, and stupid useless weck tears buIIdIng behInd hIs eyes
and cant he even cry In some IuckIng peace?
"IIsten, Tom." jensen starts out and pauses, unsure. jared snorts
derIsIveIy.
"You know hIm, too?" jared knows hIs voIce Is bItter. Ie knows that hes
mad over nothIng because even II Tom and MIke dIdnt have a hIstory
they are stIII souI mates. They stIII beIonged together.
ow that jared thInks about It, jensen Is MIkes cousIn and he wouId
probabIy know about whatever past MIke and Tom share. WhIch doesnt
make jared IeeI any better about the other man beIng here.
"Yeah, -Tom and MIke have. hIstory," jensen starts careIuIIy.
" notIced." The resentIuI edge IIngers. Ie doesnt want to seem too
vuInerabIe and weak In Iront oI AckIes, whos so strong and beautIIuI
and Iamous. ut hIs anger contInues to mount, anyway. ts the onIy
thIng jared IeeIs IIke he has IeIt anymore.
"Theyve been on and oII Ior a Iong tIme. ut."
"Youre not heIpIng," jared Interrupts. I he Ignores the way hIs voIce
breaks then AckIes wIII Ignore It as weII.
" know. m sorry," jensen sIghs, IIngers cIenchIng Into IIsts wIth the
eIIort It takes to resIst touchIng the young man.
jared grIts hIs teeth so hard hIs jawbone groans In protest. Ie doesnt
need anyones pIty, especIaIIy someone IIke AckIes. "Why are you here?"
The god tenses, sensIng a chaIIenge In jareds voIce. Ie takes hIs tIme
answerIng because the questIon IeeIs more IIke a rIddIe and II he gets It
wrong then thereII be heII to pay.
" wanted. to see II you were okay."
"m IIne," jared answers and mutters under hIs breath, "m aIways
IIne." Though he hasnt been Ior cIose to two years now (It IeeIs IIke Its
been Ionger, a IIIetIme. It IeeIs IIke just yesterday).
jensen opens hIs mouth but swIItIy decIdes Its best to keep It cIosed
untII he has somethIng to say that wIII actuaIIy be oI beneIIt.
"What were you doIng at IIreIIy, AckIes?" jareds surprIsed by how soIt
the questIon comes. jareds not stupId. Ie knows that jensens been
IoIIowIng hIm. Ie keeps on showIng up at jareds oIIIce to gIve hIm those
stupId gIIts and he appeared right when jared got oII oI work earIIer thIs
week. jared suspects that jensen just dIdnt happen to show up at
IIreIIy by coIncIdence.
". me and my sIster just wanted to go there and eat and we InvIted
some IrIends, thats aII," jensen trIes to expIaIn. ". Its one oI my
IavorIte pIaces to go."
"IeaIIy?" jared asks and turns In the bench to Iook at jensen. Ie cant
see weII In the dark but he can see most oI what jensens wearIng and
he remembers It Irom the bIstro anyway (whIch Is strange, sInce hIs
memory has been muddy wIth stress and IatIgue the past Iew weeks).
IIs eyes run poIntedIy over the buIky Iayers. jareds onIy In hIs Iong-
sIeeved button down and It couId be hIs temper but he doesnt IeeI coId
at aII, just a sIIght chIII when the wInd bIows.
"ecause It Iooks IIke Its the Iast pIace youd normaIIy want to be."
jensen cracks a sheepIsh grIn, caught red-handed and now hes got to
convInce jared that its not whct it looks like. xcept, II jared thInks It
Iooks IIke jensen came to spy on hIs date weII then, aII seII-denIaI asIde,
thats excctly what happened.
"Youre. reaIIy observant. Are you sure you dIdnt mIss your caIIIng as a
detectIve?" jensen jokes because It kInd oI Is ImpressIve-a dIspIay oI
reasonIng that jensens ashamed to reaIIze hes abandoned In hIs own
IIIe ever sInce he met jared.
jared sIghs and gets wearIIy to hIs Ieet. "At Ieast Tom had enough
respect Ior me to be honest." Ie stuIIs hIs hands In hIs pockets,
shouIders stIII and thrown back In a cIear oIIensIve pose.
"Stay away Irom me, AckIes. Ieave me aIone."
Ie waIks away, IeavIng AckIes sIttIng aIone on the park bench, and when
he hears Toms voIce sayIng "youre sexy cnd sweet cnd smcrt cnd so
pcssioncte. You were the highlight oj my summer, lm hcving c grect time
tonight cnd l wcnted" he squeezes hIs eyes shut brIeIIy agaInst the words
but cant IInd the strength or even hIs bIazIng anger to IIght them oII.
When jared hears "l-love you. l didnt mecn it, lm sorry" he Iets out a
wounded and muIIIed sob Into hIs hand.
Ied gIve anythIng not to be In hIs own skIn rIght now.
jared thInks that he mIght have rushed thIngs a IIttIe.
Chad IIndberg grIns at jared Irom across theIr pIates oI pumpkIn-seed
encrusted IentII pattIes, wakame (whIch Is a Iancy word Ior seaweed.
jareds eatIng secweed) saIad, garIIc potatoes (wIth way too much garIIc,
thanks) and a pinecpple beet lime smoothie to drInk.
Theyre at the Good Karma CaIe Ior a vegan event-a IIttIe concert wIth a
Iecture on anImaI crueIty awareness scheduIed haIIway through.
"So you shouId come," Chads sayIng and jared bIInks dumbIy because
whIIe hes been starIng at hIs IIcasso Gone ven Wronger meaI hIs date
has been chatterIng away about veganIsm and a Iew vegan events
comIng up In Ios AngeIes. ts compIeteIy jareds IauIt-hes the one that
asked.
ut now jared doesnt even know what Chad Is taIkIng about (what the
heII Is an "anImaI reIkI essentIaI" and just how dId a "Iood not bombs"
cookout work?). ven worse, aIter tentatIveIy tryIng the IentII pattIes-
the whoIe meaI was hIghIy recommended by Chad Ior "begInner
vegans"-he had onIy managed to cut up hIs Iood and move It around hIs
pIate to make It Iook IIke he was eatIng.
"!hm, yeah, shouId. go where, agaIn? Sorry," jared smIIes as
apoIogetIcaIIy and charmIngIy as he can but Chad doesnt seem aIIected,
just sucks down a quarter oI hIs pIneappIe beet IIme smoothIe (ChrIst) In
one go.
"The protest," Chad gasps when he comes up Ior aIr. "The protest
agaInst eIephant rIdes at the zoo. ts on Saturday but Its In Santa Ana.
ve promIsed to be there but we couId make It a weekend thIng?" Ie
Ieers, waggIes hIs eyebrows, and proceeds to eat a bIg mouthIuI oI the
pumpkIn seed encrusted IentII patty wIth hIs hands.
"Oh, that sounds. InterestIng. II have to thInk about It-" Ie wants to
say, "protesting elephcnt rides, reclly?" ut he doesnt. Ie aIso wants to
poInt out how cooI It wouId be to rIde an eIephant but he doesnt thInk
thats the most tactIuI thIng to say, eIther.
jared mIght have rushed Into thIs date. ut reaIIy, jared bIames SophIa.
t was SophIas naggIng and proddIng that had jared desperateIy IookIng
Ior another guy to go out wIth II onIy to prove to her how clright jine
never been better he Is. xcept hes not okay, even II he doesnt want to
admIt that to hImseII. And maybe another date wouId convInce hImseII
as weII as SophIa that he wasnt aIIected by the dIsastrous date wIth
Tom.
"l just dont wcnt you to be like you were cjter Timothy."
jared secretIy appIauds hImseII Ior not IIInchIng. Ie does, however, grIt
hIs teeth and pout because SophIa knows he doesnt wcnt to hecr thct
ncme ever cgcin. "lts not like thct. Tom cnd l werent even thct close."
"ut you wanted to be. And Tom started out so much better than
TImothy ever was to you."
jareds equaIIy surprIsed and appaIIed by how quIckIy he stIII rIses to
TImothys deIense. "ont say that about TIm."
SophIa Irowns and Iooks to the kItchen entrance. jareds at SophIa and
Chads house Ior breakIast (though Its reaIIy cIoser to Iunch tIme by the
tIme he dragged hImseII over here). jared and SophIa are taIkIng over
two cups oI coIIee and Chad, never a mornIng person, Is sprawIed on the
couch In the IIvIng room whIch Is adjacent to the kItchen, dozIng to the
700 CIub (]creds long given up trying to jigure out his best jriends
obsession with thct show). ]cred knows thct Sophics glcncing ct the living
room beccuse ij Chcd hecrs ]cred dejending Timothy cgcin then hed
probcbly go cpe shit.
"just teII me, honestIy, that youre OK."
"m OK."
".Yeah. m not convInced. Thats It, m-"
" have a date!" he bIurts out so suddenIy SophIa starts and aImost spIIIs
her coIIee. "!hm, yeah. SometIme thIs week. just thIs guy."
"What? jared, Its been Iess than IIIteen hours, how the heII dId you
aIready set up another date wIth another guy?" she asks IncreduIousIy.
Oh. IIght. Thats. a good poInt. " set It up beIore Tom caIIed, and
dIdnt have the heart to canceI. Ies a nIce guy." WeII, no guy Is a nIce
guy. rIght?
"Thats. nIce. o know hIm? Whats hIs name?"
"ame?" jared parrots, voIce hIgh-pItched.
"Oh my God, you saId yes to your staIker-jensen AckIes!"
"What? o! IeII no! threatened to caII the poIIce the next tIme saw
hIm!" WhIch hadnt stopped jared Irom seeIng green eyes In hIs dreams,
whIch had become the usuaI sInce he met jensen.
"WeII, then, who?"
veryone who knows jared, or at Ieast anyone thats been around jared
when hes trIed to teII a IIe, aIso knows that jareds a terrIbIe IIar. And
hes reaIIy bad at makIng up names. So he thInks Its perIectIy cIever
when he makes a beeIIne oII oI the barstooI and toward the cIosest
escape route. "Woah! Too much coIIee! Gotta go to the bathroom!"
"What? jared, teII me hIs name-"
"Gotta goreaIIybad! mergency!" he shouts over hIs shouIder as he
dashes Ior the kItchen.
"You know, you have to come out oI the bathroom sometIme, you drama
queen!" SophIa yeIIs behInd hIm. Shes wrong, though. The bathroom Is
on the IIrst IIoor and has a wIndow and jared Isnt ashamed to make a
break Ior It In hIs pajamas.
Ie has a date to IInd.
As a resuIt, jared sort oI jumped the gun when he met Chad IIndberg.
jared had been puttIng In hours at the sheIter. Iast week he had IeIt
exhausted, thIs week so hIgh strung and restIess he couIdnt sIt stIII so
he burned the extra energy at the West I.A. AnImaI SheIter. Chad, a
vegan and anImaI rIghts actIvIst, had come by one day handIng out IIyers
Ior the concert at Good Karma CaIe Ior anImaI crueIty awareness. They
had gotten Into a conversatIon about jareds work at the sheIter and
jared had Iound It reIreshIng that Chad IIndberg had no cIue who jared
the matchmaker was. ot that jared was a major ceIebrIty, but thanks to
Les Destins jared had Iound that everyone In IacIIIc IaIIsades tended to
know who he was (and other detaIIs IIke the brand and coIor oI hIs
toothbrush. jared reaIIy hated that damn gossIp magazIne and theIr
damn bIog).
Chad Isnt reaIIy jareds usuaI type. Ies not partIcuIarIy taII, hes thIn as
a raII and more pIaIn than attractIve In hIs Iace. ut he has a contagIous
smIIe-jared reaIIy needs to work on not beIng suckered In by just any
nIce smIIe he sees-and a quIrky, odd sense oI humor. jared had thought
oI hIs conversatIon wIth SophIa and knew hIs sIster wouId IoIIow up and
make sure he dId go on a date thIs week so jared had ImmedIateIy set
about tryIng to subtIy IIIrt wIth the shorter man whIIe tryIng to
determIne II Chad was at Ieast bIsexuaI.
n the end Chad had asked jared to go wIth hIm to the smaII concert IIrst
and jared had hIs date to keep SophIa oII oI hIs back. Ie shouId
probabIy IeeI guIIty about that. Ies aIready sort oI regrettIng It.
jared Is mIserabIe, sIIghtIy grossed out by the Iood and thus starvIng,
not enjoyIng the concert In the Ieast (but thats probabIy because hes
just crabby rIght now), and the meetIng sIash Iecture about anImaI
crueIty had been more about cattIe sIaughterhouses and just how Tyson
chIcken Is made Instead oI rescuIng more domestIc anImaIs IIke cats and
dogs that were abused and negIected by theIr owners IIke jared had
thought It wouId be.
Chad Is nIce, but they have nothIng In common.
When the concert Is over they set up a IIne Ior peopIe to buy the bands
aIbum and another one Ior the guest speaker who Is apparentIy a
pubIIshed author. Chad drags jared out oI hIs seat to the IIne Ior the
author and promIses to buy the book Ior jared so he can get hIs own
copy. WhIch Is a nIce thought, except Ecting jrom the Slcughterhouse
Floor doesnt sound IIke somethIng jared wouId Iook Iorward to readIng.
So he turns to Chad and smIIes saccharIneIy, noddIng toward the
bathroom. "e back In a mInute, keep my pIace In IIne?"
When he gets to the bathroom hes hIghIy dIsappoInted to IInd the
compIete Iack oI a wIndow. esperate tImes caII Ior desperate measures
so he texts hIs bIg sIster.
SOS. SRSLY.
epends. ! gonna teII me hIs name?
IIne. Chad.
WeII, that expIaIns It.
jared snorts and contempIates beggIng when hIs phone buzzes agaIn.
lm on the wcy with the getcwcy ccr. Chcd will ccll with cn "emergency" in
excctly six minutes.
Ten mInutes Iater when he jumps In the car, IaughIng hIs ass oII wIth
SophIa and Chad as they speed oII to the cIosest steakhouse, hes
actuaIIy guIIt Iree. When hed made hIs escape Chad IIndberg had been
so deep In conversatIon wIth the author that hed absentIy haII-
Introduced jared as "]ohn-l mecn ]cson".
So the date wasnt reaIIy more than a Ioss oI tIme. xcept he dId gaIn,
SophIa poInts out, a heaIthy apprecIatIon oI the vegan caIIIng. And Its
the IIrst tIme In a coupIe oI months that jareds reaIIy hung out wIth hIs
bIg sIster and best IrIend. Ied Iorgotten how to Iaugh wIth them, how
to be sIIIy, how to sneak over to an empty tabIe and Ioosen to the top oI
the saIt and pepper shakers and Iaugh Into hIs Iood wIth Chad when the
next unsuspectIng patron dumps a Ioad oI It onto theIr Iood.
MostIy Its been a Iong tIme-aImost two years-sInce hes reaIIy believed
what he aIways teIIs SophIa and Chad ("lm jine, lm okcy, lm doing well,
thcnk you, l promise, trust me").
IIs hand starts shakIng agaIn, Ior no reason-hes not even stressed
out. Ie hIdes It under the tabIe.
Okay. So, hes doesnt beIIeve hes IIne and he doesnt beIIeve that
everythIng-that he-wIII turn out IIne. ut Ior the IIrst tIme In a Iong
tIme hes begInnIng to thInk that he can make hImseII beIIeve that hes
okay. And thats probabIy a Iot heaIthIer headspace than hes been In
sInce-weII, sInce TImothy.
And thats good. IIght?
jared goes on another date a Iew days Iater, someone that Gabe knows
but "l hcvent reclly hung out with the guy in c couple oj yecrs, ]cy, were
more ccqucintcnces thcn jriends so lm not gucrcnteeing cny oj this but l
think hes c smcrt guy cnd l hope you hcve jun".
Ie IIgures that the common denomInator oI hIs three prevIous IIrst
ates oI estructIon and oom was jood and restcurcnts so when james
IaIIerty InsIsts that they go out to a nIght cIub jared agrees perhaps a
IIttIe too enthusIastIcaIIy.
Ie Iorgets the name oI the cIub, though hes sure james teIIs It to hIm.
jared Is abIe to use hIs name to get them In and james grIns up at hIm
sweetIy wIth admIratIon In hIs eyes. james Is young, younger than jared
and the youngest jareds dated In a whIIe. Ie usuaIIy goes aIter oIder
men Ior maturIty reasons (whIch, aIter TImothy and avId, jared shouId
reaIIy gIve up on that hope) but jared Is tryIng to make hImseII beIIeve
that hes IIne. So when james, whos three years younger than hIm and
Is graduatIng Irom !CIA In the sprIng, gave jared a hopeIuI smIIe and
"plecse, youre just. reclly, reclly hot" jared IIgured that james wouId
know how to have some jun.
And jareds not wrong. james Is a Iew Inches shorter than jared (who
Isnt?) but hes about as wIde In the shouIders and It IeeIs good to dance
(or, weII, move sInce what jared does cant reaIIy be consIdered dancIng)
agaInst a soIId and hot body.
Ior about haII an hour Its IIke a hIgh Ior jared. Ie had rareIy gone out
durIng coIIege because he had too many schoIarshIps he couIdnt rIsk
IosIng. When he dId go out he had Ioved dancIng and the gooIIng oII.
And Its so good to IeeI that agaIn, to IeeI young-to IeeI twenty-IIve and
not seventy.
ut now jared Is a Iot more reserved and even a IIttIe Insecure about hIs
body-he hasnt run reguIarIy In weeks and he hasnt hIt a gym
consIstentIy Ior Ionger. So aIter about haII an hour, james Is buzzed oII
oI tequIIa shots and he becomes braver, grabbIng jared by the ass and
puIIIng hIm In so that theIr hIps are Iocked together as they move.
jared cIoses In on hImseII, becomIng seII-conscIous and unsure. Ie
suddenIy IeeIs too ugIy to be here, too oId and. he doesnt even know.
Ie does know that james Is grIndIng hard Into jared and sIIppIng hIs
hands Into jareds back pockets, massagIng hIs ass In a way that Is
deIInIteIy uncomIortabIe, and jared cant heIp but thInk that thIs "date"
Is begInnIng to have a dIstInct "one-nIght stand" IeeI to It. WhIch, hes
actuaIIy not Into Ior. weII, Ior recsons.
So hes just about to puII away and protest when suddenIy jamess IIps
are on jareds-the onIy warnIng he gets beIore jamess tongue deIves
Into hIs mouth. ts not even reaIIy a kIss but a coIIIsIon oI mouths and
teeth and gums. ts wet, suIIocatIng, and It tastes and smeIIs oI saIIva
and tequIIa. james stumbIes Into jared and theyre pushed and roIIed by
the wrIthIng crowd untII they hIt a back waII.
IInaIIy jareds abIe to wrench away, pantIng heavIIy because apparentIy
james doesnt beIIeve In eIther good kIssIng or aIr. Ie gears up to teII
james oII, or at Ieast punch the other man In the throat, but james Iooks
up and smIIes gooIIIy at jared (and theres that dcmn stupid nothing but
trouble smIIe IetIsh agaIn). Ie Iooks so young, unapoIogetIc and IustIuI
but not. menacIng. just pIayIuI and drunk. The kIss was terrIbIe, but
jamess expressIon makes jared Iaugh, and Isnt that what he came to do
tonIght?
IIs Iaughter dIes down when a voIce-not james, because jared Is
starIng straIght at james-whIspers hotIy straIght Into jareds ear,
sendIng shIvers up and down hIs spIne.
"Ies started wIthout me, see," the voIce says and jared whIps around,
eyes wIde.
At IIrst jared thInks that Its AckIes, hauntIng hIs steps as usuaI, but hes
strangeIy dIsappoInted to notIce that thIs man Is perhaps an Inch or two
too taII, hIs jaw too wIde, cheekbones too round and IIattened, mouth too
smaII, eyebrows too bIond, chest and shouIders not quIte as deIIned-
and ]esus, who wouId have thought that hed taken so much notIce oI
AckIes? ts even stranger that jareds taken to comparIng other men to
AckIes. CIearIy, somethIngs wrong In hIs head.
"james Is aIways the over eager one, arent you sweet pea?" the man
says, pIacIng a broad hand on the back oI jamess neck, who actuaIIy
purrs and turns to nuzzIe hIs sweaty Iorehead Into the new guys thIck
Iorearm.
", uh, who the heII are you?" jared asks, because cwesome. james Is
obvIousIy cheatIng on hIs reaIIy strong IookIng boyIrIend who mIght just
decIde that thIs Is aII jareds IauIt.
ut the other guy just Iooks plecsed. "m ArmIe Iammer," he says IIke
Its supposed to mean somethIng. The bIond man bIInks beIore gIancIng
at james wIth an aIIectIonate and exasperated Iook.
"jamIe, dear. You dIdnt teII hIm."
"Oops!" james gIggIes, whIch Is kInd oI a weIrd sound Irom a guy. "m
sorry!" he chImes to both jared and ArmIe (what the heII kInd oI name.).
" Iorgot. jareds just so IuckIng hot, ArmIe. cant thInk around hIm."
ArmIe nods and eyes jared, pursIng hIs IIps In a hum that jared cant
hear because oI the musIc but can IeeI because ArmIes chest Is still
pressed up agaInst jareds arm. "That he Is," he agrees and gIves jared
a wInnIng smIIe. "What james has negIected to teII you Is that he and
are Iovers."
jared Iurrows hIs eyebrows because hes aIready IIgured that one out
and he wants ArmIe to get to the poInt. ut ArmIe must mIsInterpret
jareds Iook as conIusIon (or he just wants to show oII) because he Ieans
across jared and puIIs james Into an aggressIve and unnecessarIIy
proIonged kIss.
And, okay, jareds a guy and he has eyes and both ArmIe and james are
smokIng hot. Iowever, jareds IeeIIng a IIttIe clcustrophobic and a IIttIe
objectIIIed and he wouId reaIIy apprecIate It II he had room to breathe.
Ie cIears hIs throat. IoudIy.
They puII apart and ArmIe grIns, pIump IIps swoIIen. "Get the pIcture?"
he asks roughIy.
"!hm, no, not reaIIy?"
ArmIe chuckIes and reaches out, touchIng jareds shouIder. Ie trIes to
squIrm away but james, who Iooks about ready to use jareds body as a
strIpper poIe, bIocks hIm In.
"Me and james, weII were IookIng to.expand our horIzons a IIttIe. We
want to try new thIngs."
just as It dawns on jared that these two men are thInkIng threesome yet
another guy waIks up and he Iooks IIke an exact copy oI ArmIe. What the
Iuck has jared gotten hImseII Into now?
"oug!" james cheers. Ie grIns chIIdIshIy as he trIes to kIss the new
arrIvaI but drunkenIy stumbIes and ends up pIacIng a wet smack on the
guys chIn Instead.
"A Ioursome? Are you serIous?" jared spIts dIsbeIIevIngIy because does
thIs shIt even happen outsIde oI porn?
"TechnIcaIIy Its just me and james," ArmIe smIIes smarmIIy and Ieans In,
breathIng over jareds IIps, tryIng to seduce jared In. And even II the
proxImIty makes jared tIngIe, there Is no way In heII Is he even havIng
sex wIth one guy tonIght and certaInIy not three.
"ut my twIn brother oug IIkes to joIn In sometImes."
"magIne It, jared," james grIns, amped up and hIgh wIth antIcIpatIon.
"They have the bIggest dIcks- Iove It when they stuII me so IuII. dont
you want that?"
jareds aIready shakIng hIs head, hands heId up because woch, wcy, way
too much injormction. "!hm, no, deIInIteIy. dejinitely not." Ies bIushIng
now, Ior Iucks sake. The three Iook crushed and Ior one crazy moment
jared wants to say yes to wIpe that Iook oII oI theIr Iaces.
ArmIe ImmedIateIy drops the topIc, though he Iooks IIke he wants to
goad and coax jared Into agreement. The three oI them are stIII
crowdIng jared In, exchangIng kIsses as II to tempt hIm, but jareds stIII
IeeIIng way too cIaustrophobIc and nudges them away. Ie trIes to Ieave.
Ies not angry, In Iact Its kInd oI hIIarIous, except he does IeeI a IIttIe
vIoIated Irom theIr InvasIve stares. james shameIessIy begs jared to
dance wIth them some more. "God, Iook at you, youre so hot."
Yeah. eIInIteIy vIoIated.
ut ArmIe and oug gIve hIm a kIcked puppy Iook, theIr pouts seemIng
out oI pIace on theIr strong jaws and cocky attItudes, and they tug and
cajoIe untII jareds on the dance IIoor wIth them. espIte IeeIIng IIke he
was beIng dIssected by theIr eyes just mInutes ago, theIr attentIon
makes jared IeeI a IIttIe more conIIdent about hImseII, and so he dances
more IreeIy. The threesome keeps a respectabIe dIstance Irom jared.
oug, who Is a Iot Iess domInatIng than hIs brother and Iess arrogant,
commandeers most oI jareds tIme. Ie spIns jared around and they gooI
oII, whIch sends james Into gIggIes and causes ArmIe to scowI.
ventuaIIy the three oI them get too drunk and the songs get too sIow.
jared senses the change In atmosphere and makes hIs escape. Ie
spIurges on a taxI and, stIII hIgh Irom adrenaIIne and Iaughter, chats
wIth the drIver. jared hasnt reached out randomIy to other peopIe IIke
thIs, except Ior hIs cIIents, In months. Ies tIred as heII but he thInks
hes startIng to IeeI. better.
verythIng Is goIng to be just IIne, jared just has to make hImseII beIIeve
It.
AckIes hasnt stopped sendIng jared gIIts. The IIowers have stopped
comIng but theres stIII the IIttIe whIte enveIopes IIIIed wIth poetry or
notes or Ietters. jared Isnt sure oI the contents because he hasnt
opened them nor has he thrown them away, just keeps stuIIIng them
beneath hIs bag oI butterscotch In hIs bottom desk drawer. The IIowers
are wIItIng and onIy two or three were IeIt out oI more than a dozen.
AckIes hasnt showed up at any more oI jareds dates, hasnt suddenIy
sIdIed up to jared as he was goIng home Irom work. AII In aII It was
gettIng easIer Ior jared to Iorget that AckIes even exIsted.
Or It shouId be gettIng easIer, anyway. jared IInds hImseII thInkIng even
more about AckIes now that he hasnt seen that Iace In over a week. t
conIuses jared because hadnt he wanted AckIes gone and out oI hIs
IIIe? ut In the darkest hours oI the nIght when he cant sIeep jared
admIts to hImseII that the IIttIe gIIts had been sweet and kInd oI
romantIc. And that tIcket to the .. KIng concert was a reaIIy awesome
Idea and wouId have made Ior an excItIng date.
ut he onIy admIts that brIeIIy whIIe hes tossIng and turnIng In hIs bed
between wakIng and sIeepIng. n the mornIng AckIes Is nothIng but a
dream whos IadIng Iast Irom jareds IIIe now, down to just IIttIe scraps
oI poetry beIore AckIes gIves up on sendIng those as weII and jared
becomes nothIng more than a passIng Iancy AckIes wIII come to Iorget.
When jared steps Into the waItIng room area oI hIs oIIIce and sees an
eighty inch jlct screen TV mounted on the waII and pIayIng MTV musIc
vIdeos In hIgh deIInItIon he doesnt ImmedIateIy thInk to bIame AckIes. n
Iact, hIs InItIaI thought Is that Chads usIng company Iunds to buy stupId
shIt that they dont need agaIn (except gIgantIc IIat screen TVs so top
the IIIteen Iava Iamps Chad bought Iast tIme).
Ie storms Into the next room where Chads oIIIce Is. Ies prepared to
see Chad IoungIng back In hIs oIIIce chaIr, Ieet on the desk, vIctorIous
and douchey smIrk In pIace. jareds aIso prepared to rIp Chad a new
one.
ut Chad and hIs douchey smIrk arent present. IIs computer Is on,
though, and hIs denIm jacket Is tossed careIessIy over the back oI hIs
chaIr. So hes here.
"IoIy-hoIy Iuck! just stop It aIready! jareds goIng to murder you when
he gets In!" The voIce-deIInIteIy Chad-comes Irom jareds oIIIce. The
door Is sIIghtIy ajar, not enough Ior jared to see Into the room, but
enough that the voIces IIIter out Ioud and cIear.
"Stop your squawkIng. Chet, was It?" another voIce responds, IoIty and
bored. IamIIIar.
"Chet? Chet? What the-just stop It, man. m IuckIng serIous."
" wouId thInk youd be happy about a TV In here."
" wouId be, except youre gIvIng jared one, not me. And by the way, thIs
Is creepy as heII, dude. jared doesnt even know you-he doesnt even
IIke you. AIso, theres the whoIe thIng about how the hell did you even get
in here?"
" teIeported," comes the deadpan response that oI course sends Chad
Into a rage.
"Oh. My. God. m gonna bcsh your smug bastard Iace In you-"
jared chooses that moment to step Into hIs oIIIce.
jensen AckIes Is standIng In the mIddIe oI hIs oIIIce, surveyIng two men
dressed In bIue-grey jumpsuIts In the process oI mountIng another
eIghty-Inch IIat screen TV on jareds waII. Chads IIIttIng around AckIes
IIke hes a bIrd, arms IIappIng and chatterIng away dIsapprovaI and
outrIght threats. OccasIonaIIy he hops to the two guys settIng up the TV
who Ignore hIm.
jared takes a Iew seconds to numbIy Iet what hes seeIng sInk In. t
doesnt heIp, he cant seem to get past the whct the hell? whct the hell?
whct the hell? mantra In hIs head.
Ie hasnt made a sound, has bareIy opened the door, but jensen seems
to sense hIs presence because he turns hIs head toward where jareds
standIng and grIns, wIde and excIted, eyes dancIng. The Iook Is so
stunnIng that jared Iorgets hIs rIsIng conIusIon and aggravatIon In Iavor
oI just starIng back Ior a second, takIng In jensens IItted jeans, Ieather
jacket, hIs stubbIy chIn and thct smile.
jared shakes hIs head-hes goIng crazy, he has to be-and repIaces hIs
dumbIounded Iook wIth a scowI. Ie throws the door open aII the way
and storms Into the oIIIce.
"What the heII Is goIng on here, AckIes?" jared spIts.
Chad huIIs, crosses hIs arms over hIs chest, and stomps over to stand
next to jared. " toId you."
"IesortIng to 'toId you sos, Chace? IeaIIy?" jensen mocks and Chad
brIstIes.
"ts Chcd you ragIng dIckwad."
"IeIIo? ts my oIIIce and my questIons get answered IIrst," jared growIs,
eIIectIveIy makIng the two stop bIckerIng.
"jared. Iey," jensen says and rubs the back oI hIs neck. Ie appears shy
aImost and It catches jared oII guard. jensen cIears hIs throat, takes a
hesItant step Iorward as II he wants to hug jared or maybe oIIer hIs
hand but then thInks better oI It. Ie bounces on the baIIs oI hIs Ieet
Instead, bashIuI smIIe stIII In pIace. "So, uhm, thIs Is Ior you." Ie
gestures toward the TV wIth an excIted, boyIsh Iaugh. "ecause you saId
you IIke movIes. rIght?"
jared just stares because. because Its not possIbIe Ior someone to be
thIs socIaIIy awkward, Is It?
!nIortunateIy, Chad chooses that tIme to catch on. "IoIy-Iuck, jaybIrd!
jensen IuckIng AckIes Is your secret admIrer? The one whos been
sendIng you gIrIy IIowers and poems and shIt?"
jensen gIares at Chad. "They arent gIrIy. esIdes, jared saId he IIked
them," he argues prImIy, even tIItIng hIs nose up at Chad.
"WaIt. you knew!" Chad accuses, whIppIng around and poIntIng
accusIngIy at jared. "You knew that jensen AckIes-the rIchest son oI a
bItch on thIs pIanet-was wooing you wIth IIowers and you dIdnt teII
me?" IIs best IrIend actuaIIy Iooks mIIdIy hurt, or at Ieast put oII that he
hadnt been In the know sooner.
"ts not wooIng," jared snaps. "AckIes has been staIkIng me-"
"xcuse me, wouId IIke to poInt out that Its not reaIIy staIk-"
"And wouId reaIIy apprecIate It II you caIIed securIty up here?" jared
taIks over AckIes and nods sIgnIIIcantIy over to hIs desk where hIs phone
Is.
Chad bIInks beIore turnIng back to jensen, a snarI on hIs Iace. "Youve
been staIkIng hIm? What? Your endIess strIng oI naked goId dIggers
throwIng themseIves at you Isnt appeaIIng anymore? Are you bored wIth
the rock star IIIestyIe and now youre gettIng your rocks oII harassIng
jay?"
jared Iooks bIankIy at the shorter man because Chad had had a straIght
crush on jensen AckIes Ior yecrs. ut now Chad Is snarIIng at hIm IIke
AckIes Is nothIng more than a pIece oI trash.
"m dIIIerent, jared," jensen swears IowIy. "Thats not what want at
aII."
"AckIes," jared sIghs, weary. jensens eyes rove over the young mortaI,
takIng In hIs tIred appearance and aII the more convInced that he had
made the rIght move In gIvIng these gIIts to jared.
jensen receIved a caII Irom ChrIs Iast nIght. Ied seen jared out on a
date at the nIghtcIub Steve had dragged hIm to, except It dIdnt Iook IIke
one date, but three.
"Sorry, looks like your humcn just cint cs hung up over you cs you cre over
him. Hey-Steve-"
"Gods, gIve me the phone you dumbass!" jensen hears Steve hIss and a
IaInt beat oI musIc beIore Steve cIaIms the phone wIth a trIumphant yeII.
"Iey, jen. Your boy actuaIIy doesnt Iook too happy."
jensen growIs. "Where are you? Are they hurtIng hIm? II be there In a
mInute." Ie wants to protect jared but he cant deny how much the
mortaI stIngs jensen wIthout even tryIng. jared wIII go out wIth random
strangers, but he wont gIve jensen a chance? just how dId jensen
manage to pIss oII jared that much?
"o, man. You dont have to come. At IIrst. at IIrst we-" theres a
rebeIIIous grumbIe next to Steve. "IIne. At IIrst thought thct ld hcve to
intervene, but. the three seemed to hcve bccked ojj cnd theyre cll hcving
jun. ]cred included. He just still looks. unhcppy, l guess."
"What shouId do?" jensen sIghs and he hears a rustIe when the phone
once agaIn changes hands.
"Iook, kId," ChrIss rougher voIce IIoats over the IIne. "WeII keep an eye
on hIm tonIght but Steve thInks that jareds deaIIng wIth hIs IaIIed
reIatIonshIp wIth Tom through seII-destructIve datIng behavIors."
".What?"
"Yeah, dont know man. Steves newest hobby Is psychoIogy-ow, hey!"
"So, jensen. We thInk Its IuckIng weIrd that youre so over the moon
about a mortaI that doesnt even IIke you or apprecIate aII youve done
Ior hIm." Steves voIce Is back.
"Steve-" jensen sIghs.
"ut. We get that you want jared and you want hIm saIe. So, m
thInkIng, you shouId probabIy keep a cIoser eye on hIm."
jensen had backed oII oI hIs OperatIon Seduce jared. ot because
jensen was actuaIIy thInkIng oI gIvIng up, but because on the nIght oI
MIke and Toms reunIon and jareds subsequent rejectIon, jensen had
astuteIy sensed that jared was IosIng patIence wIth jensen and was
shuttIng hIm out wIth renewed vIgor. ut the phone caII Irom ChrIs had
spurred jensen on to Ihase Secret Weapon a week ahead oI scheduIe.
" was IIstenIng, jared," jensen eIaborates wIth a smIIe, noddIng at the
TV. "When we taIked and you saId you IIked movIes and that you broke
your watch a whIIe ago and hadnt repIaced It."
Yes, jared does know the day and the conversatIon jensens reIerrIng to.
xcept the conversatIon was more IIke a bIzarre bIInd verbaI dance that
began wIth random and awkward questIons Irom jensen and ended wIth
jared teIIIng jensen-AckIes, ChrIst-to "stcy thct hell cwcy". Ies about
to comment on how AckIes has IaIIed on the stay the heII away part when
the mans words sInk In.
"WaIt, my watch.?" jared repeats, conIused.
jensen grIns and dIgs Into the InsIde pocket oI hIs Ieather jacket Ior the
box. Ies reaIIy excIted about thIs. Ie spent a Iong tIme pIckIng It out
and hes kInd oI IaIIen In Iove wIth thIs one hImseII. Ie chose somethIng
beautIIuI and compIIcated-IIke jared.
When AckIes opens the box wIth the barest IIourIsh jareds jaw drops
and he unwIttIngIy steps Iorward to get a better vIew. nsIde the box,
nestIed In whIte sIIk, Is a watch. The band and Irame Is made out oI
gIeamIng goId. The crystaI IacIng, encIrcIed by encrusted dIamonds,
gIeams as II wIth Its own IIght. Theres nothIng between the IacIng and
the InsIdes oI the watch so jared can see the gears InsIde the watch
twIst and turn. The cIock hands are unusuaI as weII, squIggIe-IIke and
yet somehow eIegant.
WIthout touchIng It or hoIdIng It, jared can teII that the watch Is rare,
expensIve, and a pIece oI art In Its own rIght. ven the nIce watch Mama
and SophIa scrImped and saved to buy Ior jareds hIgh schooI
graduatIon, the one hes saved and put away IIke IIne chIna aIter Mama
passed, doesnt come cIose to the rIch beauty oI the watch jensens
hoIdIng out to hIm.
And the watch Is beautIIuI. And unIque. jared has never wanted
expensIve thIngs-especIaIIy jeweIry-but he ImmedIateIy ImagInes what
that watch wouId IeeI IIke on hIs wrIst. What the watch wouId Iook IIke
wIth the cIothes he wears.
jensen observes wIth bated breath as jared reaches Ior the watch, hIs
hand hoverIng over the pIece oI jeweIry reverentIy. Ie Ioves the
expressIon on the young mans Iace-open and awed, surprIsed. The
IInes on hIs Iace that appear when hes IrownIng or scowIIng dIsappear,
IeavIng behInd smooth, tanned skIn that gIows wIth vItaIIty.
That Iook Is a beautIIuI addIctIon, and jensen ImmedIateIy craves more.
Chad whIstIes Iow at the watch, whIspers a soIt "damn", and the noIse
breaks the speII. jared snatches hIs hand away, shakIng hIs head as II
throwIng oII heavy sIeep.
"What the heII Is thIs, AckIes?" jared whIspers harshIy, throat dry and
tongue thIck In hIs mouth. Ie IeeIs hIs heart speed up In hIs chest and
he doesnt know why.
"ts. a gIIt?" jensen questIons.
" toId you, you cant just buy-"
"o!" jensen Interrupts, scrambIIng Ior an expIanatIon, rememberIng
that thats what jared had accused jensen oI doIng (and, okay, he IreeIy
admIts that It started out that way, but Its not about that anymore) that
day outsIde oI TrueOne. "o! Thats not It. ts just a. a thank you gIIt.
Ior your servIces." And he trIes to turn hIs wInce Into a grIn just as jared
shIIts and tosses hIs haIr out oI hIs eyes, makIng the muscIes In the Iong
coIumn oI hIs neck IIex. jensens IaIrIy certaIn hIs wInnIng grIn comes
across as a Ieer.
jared jaw sIackens at the ImpIIcatIons. jared hasnt.serviced thIs
deIusIonaI man! OI course, beIore he can Iorm a coherent response Chad
the uII og Is ImmedIateIy at hIs deIense.
"Are you caIIIng jared a whore, you bastard?"
.xcept In comIng to hIs deIense Chad somehow manages to make
jared IeeI worse and even more oIIended.
jensen Iooks strIcken. Maybe angry. "o! God, what Is It wIth you
peopIe? meant Ior hIs heIp here at TrueOne-"
"WhIch youre not even a member oI because you wouIdnt take It
serIousIy!" Chad remInds hIm.
"You know what Chasez? thInk jared can speak Ior hImseII," the god
barks, annoyed. Why hasnt jensen just gIven up aIready?
"IretentIous asshoIe!"
"Chad," jared huIIs, patIence wanIng. Ie gIares at AckIes. " can speak
Ior myseII. CaII the damn securIty aIready." IIs voIce Is no-nonsense and
straIned wIth stress. jared knows that as much as Chad wants to get
Into an Immature verbaI sparrIng match wIth AckIes that the mother hen
In hIm wont rIsk over-stressIng jared. So wIth a sneer at AckIes he
stomps oII to jareds desk, pIckIng up the phone and dIaIIng Ior the two
new securIty guards (whIch jared just mIght have to repIace sInce they
Iet AckIes sIIp by them).
" dont want these. gIIts, as you caII them."
"ecause they are gIIts Ior you, jared. just. just because," jensen sIghs,
soundIng aImost as weary as jared IeeIs.
"m tIred oI your games, AckIes."
jensen Irowns and cIoses the box but doesnt put It away. "And m tIred
oI yours! ve asked nIceIy, ve gIven you gIIts, and m tryIng to say
'thank you Ior your tIme, sorry wasted It but you wont Iet me! Youre
gettIng aII pIssed and worked up over nothIng
and-"
"I IeIt uncomIortabIe wIth a three hundred doIIar concert tIcket, what
In Gods name makes you thInk II be remoteIy OK wIth a ccjillion doIIar
watch and TVs!"
"-and m reaIIy tIred oI you aIways InterruptIng me! Thats why you
cant heIp but jump to concIusIons about my motIvatIons! ecause you
never shut up Iong enough to listen!" jensen excIaIms, IosIng hIs
patIence.
"And Its soundIng IIke youre the one thats obsessed wIth money, not
me!" Ies exasperated over another IaIIure In hIs grand OperatIon
Seduce jared pIan, and maybe even a IIttIe hurt that jared doesnt want
to accept hIs gIIts. ut what he says Is the truth. jared does seem to go
out oI hIs way to make communIcatIon ImpossIbIe.
jared Irowns, preparIng hIs body Ior a IIght. jensens rIsIng voIce
remInds hIm oI Mark. "God, now youre InsuItIng me?"
"o, goddamn It!" jensen snarIs. WhIIe they argued the two movers had
stopped tryIng to mount the TV on the waII In Iavor oI watchIng the
heated exchange.
"ThIs Is what m taIkIng about! You put words In my mouth. You make
thIngs so hard-you make me crazy! AII want Irom you Is to cut me a
IIttIe sIack and meet me haIIway. mean, what do have to do?"
"Iow about you actuaIIy respect me?" jared shouts, Iouder than AckIes,
and when the other man bIInks dumbIy at hIm he goes on. "ve asked
you-more than once-to back the heII oII. To get Iost. To stay away. ve
saId aII oI those thIngs, repeatedIy, and yet youre here wIth aII oI thIs."
Ie IIaIIs hIs arms out to IndIcate the TV, the gapIng movers, the watch
sIII In jensens hand.
"Why wouId IIsten to someone who doesnt care enough to IIsten to
me?"
jensen opens hIs mouth to retort, whIch consIsts oI the brIIIIantIy
petuIant comeback "well, you didnt listen to me jirst", but he cIamps
down on It at the Iast second.
The sIIence stretches and theyre both IeIt standIng there In It. jared
breathes Iast wIth pent up emotIons whIIe jensen Is contempIatIve and
Irustrated and tryIng not to pay attentIon to the way jareds chest rIses
and IaIIs.
"SecurItys here," Chads voIce, hard and Ioaded IIke a shotgun, breaks
the stare down between god and mortaI.
jared Iooks over hIs shouIder to see two taII and broad guys-he keeps
on IorgettIng theIr names, or maybe they havent toId hIm theIr names
yet-are standIng In the doorway to hIs oIIIce, awaItIng jareds
acknowIedgement.
"CouId you two pIease escort AckIes outsIde? Thanks, guys." The two
nod In unIson and staIk up to jensen who throws up hIs hands, shakIng
hIs head vehementIy.
"o! You want me gone? IIne! ut II waIk out by my own power,
thanks," jensen hIsses. Ie turns and sets the watch on jareds desk.
"What are you doIng?" jared demands, aImost hysterIcaIIy. " dont want
It- dont want any oI these thIngs! Take them back!"
"o we have to Iet both TVs go?" Chad whInes as he steps around the
desk.
"Yes. We do. OI course we do. AckIes, mean It, take aII oI thIs back."
jensen purses hIs IIps and Ieaves the watch on hIs desk. "o. These are
gIIts and m not takIng them back. Theyre yours to do wIth as you
want."
"ude. Ie just totaIIy puIIed a 'no take backsIes on you," Chad throws
In.
"We dont need your commentary, ChastIty," jensen mutters, brIeIIy
cuttIng hIs eyes at Chad.
"You dId not just caII me a gIrIs name!" hIs best IrIend snarIs.
"You squawk IIke one."
"What dId you-"
"nough!" jared seethes. "ThIs has gone on Iong enough." Ie turns to
the securIty guards agaIn. "Take AckIes away now." Ie turns back to
AckIes even as the guards move In, noddIng toward the two movers.
"TeII them to take the TVs down and return them."
"Take the TVs down," jensen orders the two movers, parrotIng jareds
words and voIce. jared cIenches hIs jaw In anger. "And throw them In
the trash." ts what jareds eIIectIveIy doIng, anyway. esIdes, Its
usuaIIy gods receIvIng gIIts and oIIerIngs Irom mortaIs, and when jensen
turns It around, when he bIesses a mortaI wIth hIs attentIons, the mortaI
dIscards hIs eIIorts IIke garbage.
"o!" jared growIs, IeeIs hIs voIce crackIng on the verge oI hysterIa.
"What the heII? You cant just throw them away!"
"You want them gone, what do you care what do wIth them?" AckIes
asks coIdIy as he hands the box wIth the watch InsIde to the movers.
"Throw thIs out, too."
"o!" the young man repeats, steppIng between jensen and the movers.
"o, just. just return aII oI thIs, pIease, jensen. Or donate them. ont
just. dont just throw It aII away."
"Why? bet you threw away aII oI my other gIIts," the god says bItterIy.
jareds eyes wIden and ImmedIateIy hIs mInd goes to the stack oI
enveIopes beneath hIs bag oI butterscotch candy. "What? o, dIdnt,
kept-that doesnt matter rIght now!"
jensen tIIts hIs head at jareds unwIttIng admIssIon oI havIng kept
everythIng jensens sent hIm. t makes the ImmortaI smIIe a IIttIe on the
InsIde, gIves hIm hope.
"ThIs Is what m taIkIng about. Youre not listening to me-you never
care enough to IIsten to anyone but yourseII! just. just take It aII away.
Ieturn It. ont throw these thIngs out." jared hates the pIea In hIs
voIce, he hates how he has to use jensens IIrst name, how he has to say
pIease and hope Ior jensen to IIsten to hIm.
"IIne," jensen says aIter a moment oI thought and even though Its not
the decIsIon he wants to make. Ie wants to throw away the gIIts to set
an exampIe, he wants to be petuIant and argue more. Ies InIurIated at
jared but stIII doesnt want to be away Irom the young man thats
captured hIs thoughts and quIte possIbIy hIs heart.
jared vIsIbIy reIaxes at AckIess acquIescence, and Iets out a breath he
dIdnt know he was hoIdIng when jensen puts the watch back Into hIs
jacket. AckIes IIshes out a wad oI cash and sIaps It Into the hand oI one
oI the movers, InstructIng them to take down the TVs and return them to
the store as Iast as they can so they wont Intrude on jared Ionger than
necessary.
Chad makes a wounded sound as the two TVs are taken away, but jared
cant keep hIs eyes oII oI AckIes who has turned cooI, proIessIonaI, and
shut oII In the matter oI seconds. jared hadnt reaIIzed how open AckIes
had been to jared-nervous, eager, IustIuI, even angry and Irustrated-
untII the man put up waIIs and cIosed hImseII In.
The reaIIzatIon makes jared wonder.
AIter he hands oII the money to the movers jensen makes hIs way to the
door, pausIng a second to Iook over hIs shouIder and hes surprIsed at
the sIght jared makes. The young man Is IookIng at hIm much the same
way he Iooked at the watch-perpIexed and awed. The tensIon Is gone
Irom hIs body as he openIy studIes jensen.
Maybe Ihase Secret Weapon wasnt such a bust aIter aII. jensen
InwardIy pumps hIs IIst In vIctory. On the surIace he gIves jared a bIand
and detached smIIe.
" wont bother you anymore, jared," he promIses soIemnIy. And he wont
bother jared anymore but that doesnt mean jensen Is goIng to lecve
jared or stop watchIng out Ior hIm. jensen doesnt know why hes
hoIdIng on IIke thIs-he must be crazy-but hes not wIIIIng to gIve up on
jared yet. IeII just be subtIer. WIthout another word or Iook he turns on
hIs heeI and waIks out oI TrueOne, the two securIty guards IoIIowIng hIm
untII he steps over the threshoId and Into the street.
n hIs oIIIce jared sIumps, trudges to hIs desk and pIops Into hIs desk
chaIr. The movers hadnt gotten very Iar In mountIng the TV so they
were aIready hauIIng It out oI the room. Ie pInches the brIdge oI hIs
nose and breathes out a short chuckIe because Irom the IIrst day theyve
met AckIes has at Ieast been consIstent wIth gIvIng jared poetry and
headaches.
"amn," Chad marveIs, IeanIng hIs hIp agaInst the corner oI jareds desk
wIth hIs arms crossed.
jared makes a paInIuI, noncommIttaI sound In response.
"o, reaIIy. amn," Chad repeats. "IIrst, do you reaIIze jensen IuckIng
AckIes has a crush on you so bIg hes staIkIng you?"
jared opens one eye Iong enough to gIare at hIs best IrIend cooIIy. "Yes,
seeIng as m the object oI hIs staIkIng. notIced."
"ts hard not to notIce. What wIth the two gIgantIc TVs and aII." Chad
snorts. "o, what mean Is. you do reaIIze that he can have just about
anyone on thIs entIre IreakIng pIanet and hes goIng aIter you."
"ont make It sound IIke such an InsuIt." Ie roIIs hIs eyes when Chad
just Iaughs. " dont know. turned hIm down, so maybe , IIke, wounded
hIs prIde or somethIng?" jared shrugs.
"Or hes masochIstIc." Theres a Iew moments oI sIIence where they
IIsten to the two movers takIng down the other TV, the clicks and thuds
they make that dont quIte drown out theIr Iow, murmurIng voIces.
"Yanno, Ior a staIker, hes pretty nIce."
ThIs brIIIIant observatIon earns nothIng Iess than a threatenIng Iook
Irom jared.
"m serIous, man. mean, you turned Mark down, wounded hIs prIde
and aII, and what does he do? Ie corners you In thIs oIIIce and trIes to
beat the shIt out oI you."
"Chad!" jared growIs In warnIng, eyes shootIng warIIy to the door In case
the two movers heard. Chad compIeteIy Ignores hIm, though (bIg
surprIse there).
"And then theres thIs AckIes guy. Who showers you wIth kIck ass stuII
IIke TVs and watches and gIrIy stuII IIke IIowers and poetry aIter you
turn hIm down."
"What are you sayIng?" jared snaps. "Are you actuaIIy-do you thInk that
AckIes Is." he traIIs oII, makIng vague hand gestures because he cant
thInk oI how to IInIsh that sentence but Chad gets It anyway.
"Iuck no, stIII hate the guy. Ie caIIed me Chcsez-IIke that ugIy Ireak
out oI SYC. Nothing about thIs Iace says 'boy band. And Chcstity?
What the heII?"
jared chuckIes. "Oh my God, you know the name oI one oI the sIngers
and the name oI the band. bet you were theIr number one Ian,
ChastIty," he teases and gets a pen IIung at hIs Iorehead Ior hIs eIIorts.
"Shut the Iuck up, IadaIeckI," he growIs, whIch onIy prompts jared Into
another round oI Iaughter.
"m just sayIng," Chad contInues aIter jared sobers. "AckIes Is a
douche. but hes a nIce douche, guess."
jared tIIts hIs head and IInds he cant muster up an argument to that. So
he puIIs out a stack oI IIIes Instead, makIng shooIng motIons towards
Chads desk.
"Get back to work, ChastIty."
The next mornIng theres no enveIope wIth a poem tucked InsIde
deIIvered to jared. Chad Is happy about It and says, "Good, the Iucker
IInaIIy backed oII".
jared trIes to queII the IrratIonaI IeeIIng oI dIsappoIntment, but hes
pretty unsuccessIuI.
jared goes out on a date a Iew days Iater. ts somethIng that Mark
Sheppard, jareds sIIver-tongued II guy at TrueOne, set up more than
an actuaI date. The guy, Anthony IaII, Is a CO oI a rapIdIy growIng
InternatIonaI marketIng company and Is Interested In takIng up eIther
TrueOne or theIr rIvaI matchmakIng company Iouse oI ros whIch Is
owned and run by the perpetuaI thorn In jareds sIde, IIchard SpeIght
jr.
So Mark Sheppard, Iar Irom IIchards bIggest Ian (though Chad
conspIratorIaIIy teIIs jared that Its just a bIg case oI unresoIved sexuaI
tensIon between the two oIder men-thIs Is Chads quIet opInIon
because whIIe Mark Is shorter than Chad hes a heII oI a Iot scarIer and
even Chad Isnt dumb enough to Invoke hIs anger), had pretty much
shoved jared out the door and Into IrIces Iancy IImousIne.
"He likes moose-tcll cnd hcndsome. Go get us thct mcrketing decl,
Fcdclecki. Fossibly c discount."
"You do reclize lm the compcny president cnd not the compcny rent boy,
right?"
"ont be such a pussy and get In!"
One oI these days jared Is goIng to hIre empIoyees that are nIce and
respectIuI.
Anthony IaII Is In hIs mId-thIrtIes. Ies taII but not very IIt, soIt around
the mIddIe wIth Iow sIopIng shouIders. Ie has brIght bIond haIr and
eyebrows that kInd oI make hIs Iace and head Iook IIke Its aII one coIor.
Ie doesnt even have a nIce smIIe, thank God. jared dIdnt IeeI IIke beIng
sucker punched by hIs smIIe IetIsh agaIn tonIght.
jared doesnt reaIIy pay attentIon to the name, even though he stared at
the brIght green neon cursIve wrItIng Ior sIx mInutes whIIe Anthony
paced up and down the sIdewaIk shoutIng Into hIs Iuetooth that jared
strongIy suspects Is ImpIanted dIrectIy Into hIs braIn. Ie aIso doesnt
know anythIng about hIs date besIdes hIs name and occupatIon, and he
doubts Anthony knows even that much about jared.
"Sorry," Anthony says, hoIdIng up hIs Index IInger In the unIversaI just c
minute sIgn. "Gotta make thIs one phone caII."
Anthony actuaIIy makes about IIIteen phone caIIs, twenty text messages,
and he adjusts hIs scheduIe on hIs smart phone at Ieast ten tImes. jared
knows because he gets bored and starts countIng. Ies aIso reaIIy
hungry because Anthony hasnt shut up Iong enough Ior them to order.
Ior a Iew mInutes jareds Interested In how many names he can caII hIs
secretary. Ie knows Its the same woman each tIme he caIIs her or she
caIIs hIm-jared cant hear the words she says but he can hear her voIce
-but Anthony cant seem to remember her name. Ie caIIs her "eth"
and "Mary" and "jo", then "Mary-eth" and "Anna-jo", and then
"Constance" whIch comes out oI IuckIng nowhere.
AIter a Iew tImes, jared aIso IIgures out that Anthony reIers to hIs
empIoyees as "duckIes" whIch Is just. just creepy.
jared makes hIs own phone caII, Anthony doesnt even notIce.
"Iey, jared," MIshas warm voIce greets hIm. jared caIIed hIm because
he dIdnt want to caII SophIa and Chad agaIn over yet another IaIIed
date.
"Iey. So, Mark Sheppard Is the worst II ever and thInk he Iorgot that
m hIs boss because he set me up on thIs date wIth a CO oI thIs
marketIng company."
".And why wouId he do that?" MIsha asks, amusement cIear In hIs
voIce.
"Sheppard wants me to woo the guy Into acceptIng our contract and
gIvIng us a dIscount wIth my moose-IIke charms."
"ts not goIng weII, take It."
"ot reaIIy. IIsten, II you come pIck me up II buy dInner?"
"m on duty tonIght."
jared deIIates In dIsappoIntment.
"ut Its about tIme Ior my dInner break. Where are you?"
jared teIIs hIm a vague dIrectIon, but conIesses he cant remember the
name oI the pIace. "II go outsIde and waIt."
"Are you sure? You can just waIk away?"
jared Iooks up to Anthony whos typIng IurIousIy In hIs smart phone
whIIe he taIks to hIs secretary, who hes currentIy caIIIng "rIttany".
Theres no Iove Iost on thIs date, though It Is a IIttIe dIsconcertIng that
jared obvIousIy wasnt attractIve or InterestIng enough to puII Anthony
away Irom hIs damn phone Ior even IIve mInutes.
"Ie wont even notIce."
The next mornIng, jared doesnt get an enveIope so he opens the bottom
drawer and puIIs hIs coIIectIon Irom beneath the butterscotch. Ie
doesnt open them, just IIngers them, shuIIIes them IIke cards, and
IIstens to the sounds hIs IIngertIps make agaInst the paper.
Ie wonders II Anthony Is stIII sIttIng at that restaurant, on the phone
and stIII unaware that jared dItched hIm.
The next date Is a guy jared meets In the grocery store oI aII pIaces.
IaIIway through the nIght hIs dates wIIe arrIves-wIth theIr two
daughters and young son.
jared gets a hIt In even beIore the wIIe does.
The one a Iew days aIter that jared meets at the anImaI sheIter when the
guy comes In IookIng to adopt a dog. When they go on theIr date jared
IInds out that the guy has just broken up wIth hIs boyIrIend oI Iour
years. ts a strange and awkward thIng to brIng up on a IIrst date and
jared doesnt want to be a rebound, but he decIdes to Ignore It and gIve
hIs cute date wIth an adorabIe smIIe the beneIIt oI the doubt.
.!ntII the guy starts bcwling Into hIs Ioaded baked potato soup because
hIs ex Ioved potato soup but he Ioved a good rack oI rIbs more. And hIs
ex was sexy and sweet and hes sorry, he trIed, but he reaIIy reaIIy reaIIy
mIsses hIs ex (whos IavorIte hoIIday Is IaIIoween. dId jared know
that?).
jared warIIy oIIers the sobbIng guy hIs handkerchIeI and drIves hIm
home. As he drIves away, jared chuckIes sadIy to hImseII, and thInks Its
odd that he IeeIs so tIred.
So tIred oI beIng second best.
ts the end oI january, or the IIrst oI Iebruary. jareds not sure anymore
sInce hIs eyes have been bIurry wIth a spIIttIng headache Ior two
straIght days now. IghttIme doesnt Iook any dIIIerent Irom daytIme-
newsprInt gray and dreary, so sharp It hurts hIs skIn.
Ie had trIed to canceI hIs date wIth Ieter IacIneIII, a guy he had met a
coupIe oI weeks ago on hIs mornIng run and who hes bumped Into a Iew
tImes sInce. Ieters a doctor, handsome, wIth a subdued and mature
personaIIty.
xcept when jared trIes to canceI, Ieter turns aIternatIveIy petuIant and
demandIng, whInIng endearIngIy untII jared IInaIIy gIves In, says "lm
jeeling better", and agrees to keep theIr date.
Ieters.attentIve. And a IIttIe compuIsIve. jared wants to drIve to the
restaurant-separateIy. ot that he doesnt have a IIttIe IaIth that the
date wIII work out, but theres a strIng oI IIrst dates behInd hIm where
hes been stranded and hes too tIred and hIs head hurts too much to
have to deaI wIth that tonIght. ut Ieter wants to drIve hIs own damn
car and pIck up jared. Ie teIIs jared Its because jareds tIred and he
wants to do thIs date rIght, whatever that means. jareds just probabIy
beIng too IrrItabIe to gIve Ieter the beneIIt oI the doubt.
jared doesnt know why he gIves In. Ie knows that heII be
extraordInarIIy bad company-heII eIther IaII asIeep In hIs Iood or spend
the whoIe tIme snappIng Ieters head oII because he IeeIs so cranky.
A smaII voIce In hIs head whIspers that hes just that pathetIcaIIy
desperate.
The compuIsIve behavIor contInues when they get to the restaurant.
jared moves to sIt across Irom Ieter but Ieter haIts hIs movement by
grabbIng the crook oI jareds arm In a bruIsIng grIp.
"Iey! Whats the bIg deaI?" jared seethes, subtIy tryIng to jerk hIs arm
away, not wantIng to cause a scene.
Ieter smIIes, Its not even a nIce smIIe, reaIIy. Ie has IIps and a mouth
thats not quIte bIg enough Ior hIs teeth and jaw, so hIs smIIes aIways
come out more IIke a wInce. ut he ImmedIateIy Ioosens hIs grIp on
jared, soothIngIy rubbIng the IIesh through jareds shIrt.
"m so sorry, jared. just wanted you to sIt next to me," Ieter says, voIce
hIgh-pItched but hIs expressIon seems genuIneIy sorry. jared Irowns.
"ut wouIdnt we-"
Ie sees muscIes jump In Ieters jaw as he cIenches It, whIch Is weIrd,
but the grIp on jareds arm remaIns gentIe.
"Come on, jared," Ieter says In such a way that he says "pIease" wIthout
actuaIIy sayIng the word.
jared purses hIs IIps and huIIs through hIs nose. "IIne." Ie sIts down
next to Ieter, who puts an arm around the back oI jareds chaIr. jared
IInds the gesture kInd oI cute, II a IIttIe Iorward.
The date takes a more notIceabIe downturn when the waItress comes Ior
theIr orders. Ieter smIIes at her and trIes to guIde jared to good thIngs
on the menu, none oI whIch appeaI to jareds headache and sour
appetIte. IInaIIy, Ieter gIves up and orders hIs own meaI and then
orders Ior jared wIthout consuItIng hIm-saImon, whIch jared doesnt
hate but doesnt go out oI hIs way to get. Ie aIso orders jared a wIne,
whIch jared reaIIy cant have. When jared opens hIs mouth to protest,
Ieter dIgs the heeI oI hIs hand Into the meat oI jareds thIgh, causIng
hIm to wInce and bIte hIs tongue.
As soon as the waItress Ieaves, jared whIrIs on Ieter. "What the heII was
that about?"
Ieter Irowns. "Such Ianguage," he murmurs dIsapprovIngIy, eyes
suddenIy so sharp they cut jareds mIgraIne-sensItIve skIn. "d reaIIy
preIer you not to speak out oI turn, jared. ask the questIons."
jared grInds hIs teeth In anger, even as he IeeIs the pInprIcks oI dcnger
and threct and a IIttIe pcnic creep up the back oI hIs neck. "ot speak
out oI-you ask the questIons?" jared scoIIs and thats just IuckIng It. IIs
heads throbbIng, hIs body Is tIngIIng wIth IatIgue, and he cant beIIeve
he Iet Ieter taIk hIm Into somethIng he dIdnt want to do (IIke Mark, IIke
TImothy beIore hIm).
Ies IInaIIy reaIIzIng that what he had mIstaken Ior awkward
compuIsIveness Is actuaIIy controIIIng behavIor and jared Isnt just goIng
to sIt here and Iet some arrogant bastard treat hIm IIke thIs.
"IIsten. m puttIng an end to thIs rIght now. You dont controI me,
where sIt, or what eat. ow, m goIng to go up there and see II can
change my order. And when get back II sIt where damn weII pIease.
And youre goIng to Iet me or eIse m endIng thIs rIght now."
Ie gets up out oI hIs chaIr and jerks hIs wrIst out oI the other mans
reachIng grasp. jared gIares down at Ieter who just smIIes thInIy.
"You dont have a rIde home," he says trIumphantIy and jared scowIs,
angry that hIs words seem to have no eIIect at aII. Ie takes another step
away Irom Ieter, appearIng unconcerned.
"m changIng my order. ThInk about what saId," jared says shortIy and
trIes not to stomp oII. Ie thInks he hears a chaIr movIng over carpet and
heavy Iootsteps IoIIowIng hIm, but they stop abruptIy so Its probabIy not
Ieter.
jensen watches and hears the whoIe exchange. Ie had promIsed to
Ieave the young mortaI aIone. And he had, Ior the most part. jensen
hadnt made eIIorts to encounter jared, hadnt sent hIm any more gIIts.
ut takIng ChrIs and Steves advIce, jensen had been IoIIowIng jared on
hIs dates. SometImes he brIngs AdrIanne or ChrIs or Steve aIong and
they eat at the same restaurant, hIs IamIIy teasIng jensen mercIIessIy
whIIe jensen astuteIy observes each date.
Ior the most part the dates are harmIess and even amusIng. Ies seen
jared chuckIe or Iaugh to hImseII about them, though wIth each day and
each IaIIed date It seems jared grows wearIer. On the nIght when jared
had dItched hIs InattentIve date (jensen wouId never be IIke that, heII II
he had jared he doubts he couId ever Iook away Irom the young man,
much Iess carry on a phone conversatIon) jensen had had to Ieave Iast
whenever MIsha had shown up to take jared away. Ie wouIdnt have
normaIIy run. n Iact, jensen hadnt wanted anythIng eIse but to staIk to
MIsha and push hIm away, teII hIm to back oII and that jareds hIs and he
doesnt need anyone eIse but jensen.
Ies stIII amazed that he had managed to restraIn hImseII, and he had
done It Ior jared, knowIng that the young man wouId be IurIous wIth
jensen Ior breakIng hIs promIse. And Ior punchIng hIs IrIend In the Iace.
SeeIng as the dates werent actuaIIy appeaIIng to jared, nor were they
harmIuI (just. hurtIuI Ior jensen and seemIngIy tIresome Ior jared,
whIch doesnt make sense because Iove shouId be excItIng and make
peopIe IeeI good) jensen had decIded that tonIght he was just goIng to
observe part oI jareds date and gIve the man hIs space.
!ntII jensen dIscovered just what kInd oI jerk jared was goIng out wIth
tonIght. The guy trIed to assert power over jared, and what reaIIy got
jensen grIndIng hIs teeth In rage was the way the guy (jensen dIdnt
ever hear hIs name and dIdnt care what It was anyway) manhandIed
jared, grIppIng the young man In hIs bruIsIng hands and hauIIng jared
around.
jensen Is thankIuI and pIeased when jared aImost ImmedIateIy teIIs the
guy oII, demandIng that the guy tone It down or take a hIke. ut when
jared gets up to IIx hIs order, not IookIng back to see the guys reactIon,
onIy jensen sees the guys Iace contort Into vIndIctIve anger. Ie sees
how the guy shoves hIs chaIr away Irom the tabIe and stands, staIkIng
aIter jared, hand out-ready to hurt.
The guy doesnt make It more than a Iew steps because jensen grabs the
guys arm-much IIke he had done to jared a Iew mInutes earIIer, except
jensen grIps hIm even harder and IeeIs muscIe and bone groan and
shrIek beneath hIs hand. The guy opens hIs mouth to shout but jensen
doesnt gIve hIm tIme, shovIng hIm back down to hIs seat.
"What are you thInkIng? Who the heII are you?" the guy rages In a
hushed whIsper, cIearIy concerned about hIs appearance. Then hIs eyes
wIden wIth recognItIon. "Youre-youre jensen AckIes!"
jensen Ignores hIm and moves the chaIr to sIt down across Irom jareds
date, hIs smIIe overIy sweet IIke poIson.
" thInk me and you shouId have a IIttIe tclk."
When jared gets back hes haII-surprIsed to see that Ieter Is strangeIy
subdued. Ies paIed consIderabIy sInce jared IeIt, so jared Iorgoes hIs
anger In Iavor oI brIeI concern.
"Are you aIrIght?"
Ieter actuaIIy IIInches. "!hm, yes. m. IIne." Ie doesnt Iook jared In
the eyes though. WeIrd.
"-" Ieter cIears hIs throat. "You Iook tIred, are you sure you want to be
here? II canceI our orders and we can Ieave. II pay Ior cab Iare II youre
uncomIortabIe drIvIng back wIth me."
jared bIInks, stunned, but not dIspIeased wIth the Idea. Ie doesnt IeeI
IIke stayIng, he hadnt even IeIt IIke comIng In the IIrst pIace. And Ieter
Is an asshoIe who made jared IeeI threatened and thus has Iost aII oI hIs
remoteIy attractIve traIts, whIch were mostIy physIcaI.
" wouId IIke that. Ior you to caII me a cab." jared debates payIng Ior hIs
own meaI but remembers how shItty he made jared IeeI Ior tryIng to
canceI, how he grabbed jared earIIer, tryIng to bruIse hIm-tryIng to
mark hIm. Iow he taIked to jared IIke he was nothIng, IIke he was Iess
than Ieter.
God, how dId jared manage to IInd these jerks? jared doesnt usuaIIy end
up IIkIng them, but somehow they hurt jared anyway. somehow they aII
manage to make hIm IeeI Insecure and worthIess.
ts aIter that partIcuIar date that jensen caIIs In the bIg guns. Or,
theres not reaIIy any bIg guns to brIng In-hIs "bIg guns" had been the
watch and the TVs and Iook how that had turned out. ut, desperate
tImes caII Ior desperate measures and It was tIme Ior Ihase Iast Iesort
wIth TactIc A. ShameIess eggIng.
Ie sIghs, shIItIng hIs weIght Irom sIde to sIde as he trIpIe-checks the
address to the house. Ie knows Its rIght, though, because he had caIIed
In a Iavor to jake to get the address and the InIormatIon. jake took prIde
In hIs work and so jensen knows that the InIormatIon he provIded Is
IegIt. Iowever, askIng the kId Ior heIp had the unsavory consequence oI
pIquIng jakes nosey habIts. jensen suspects that beIore Iong jake wouId
be around to IIgure out why jensen had wanted the address oI a mortaI
-the address oI an average nurse workIng at an average hospItaI In I.A.
jensen groans In dread at the Idea oI a vIsIt Irom jake AbeI-the IIttIe
brat-and shakes hIs head, tryIng to push those thoughts away. Ie
grumbIes to hImseII, IeeIIng a IIttIe rIdIcuIous as he reaches up and
knocks on the door.
Theres no ImmedIate answer and jensen Irowns. Theres a car In the
garage and jake had assured jensen that SophIa was not scheduIed to
work today. Ie knocks agaIn, Iouder thIs tIme, and the door swIngs open
mId-knock to reveaI a dark-haIred and dIstInctIy grumpy SophIa
IadaIeckI.
Shes short and beautIIuI, even though shes wearIng a dark and Iaded
oversIzed t-shIrt and a paIr oI grey sweatpants. Ier haIr Is mussed, haII
IaIIen out oI a bun she must have IaIIen asIeep In. SophIa stIII Iooks IIke
shes asIeep, her eyeIIds swoIIen and bareIy open, Iace paIe except Irom
the red IInes ImprIntIng on her cheeks and Iorehead Irom the way she
was IayIng. ts possIbIe that she mIght have coIIapsed aIter her Iast shIIt
(whIch, jensen beIatedIy reaIIzes, was thIrd shIIt and had ended onIy
about IIve hours ago) because shes stIII got her make up on-jensen can
teII because her mascara has rubbed oII In bIack, IIakey streaks down
her cheekbones and across her tempIes.
ut even then, wIth curves hIdden and her Iace masked wIth caked and
oId make-up, shes stIII pretty. IIke her IIttIe brother.
"Who are you?" she asks bIuntIy then bIInks, shakes her head, and
seems to remember that shes human and capabIe oI manners. She
cIears her throat, trIes to pry her eyes wIder and cocks her hIp to the
sIde. " mean. yes? Can heIp you?"
jensen grIns, opens hIs mouth to answer but she cuts hIm oII (the
tendency to Interrupt others must run In the IamIIy).
"Youre jensen AckIes, arent you?" she says, suddenIy wIde awake and
gIarIng coIdIy up at hIm, managIng to Iook a IIttIe IntImIdatIng (not that
jensens IntImIdated. he means II he were human he wouId be
IntImIdated, oI course) despIte her rIdIcuIous appearance.
"Iow do you know?" he asks warIIy.
" make It my busIness to know. Youre-or you were-the object oI my
IIances straIght crush. Youre aIso staIkIng my IIttIe brother."
jensen sIghs, exasperated. "ts not reaIIy stclking." but she waves hIm
oII wIth a roII oI her eyes.
"And Chad made a 'Wanted poster so d recognIze you II you came here
IookIng Ior jared."
"A what, now?" he asks cautIousIy and she roIIs her eyes, reachIng up
and snatchIng somethIng oII oI the waII behInd the door. Ie hears the
rustIIng and crInkIIng oI paper beIore Its shoved beneath hIs nose. Ie
Ieans back and sees that Its. a shoddy drawIng done In CrayoIa
marker. jensen can bareIy make out the shape thats supposed to be a
head, cIrcIe shapes Ior ears, and bIg trIangIe Ior a nose, a straIght IIne
Ior a mouth and squares Ior eyes, whIch are coIored In puke green. The
haIr Is a serIes oI spIkes so that It Iooks IIke a crooked mohawk. eneath
the grotesque attempt at art Is the captIon. "jensen "Iance ass"
AckIes. I seen, caII the poIIce. ont Iet hIm In!".
"Your IIance Is. creatIve?" jensen says, voIce straInIng as he searches
Ior words.
SophIa snorts and tapes the paper back on the waII. "What are you doIng
here?"
"."
"etter yet, you have sIxty seconds to teII me why youre here or m
caIIIng the cops. jared mIght be too nIce to Issue a restraInIng order, but
sure as heII aInt," she drawIs, Texan thIck IIke jareds voIce gets when
hes tIred or angry.
"OK! OK, IIne!" jensen excIaIms, throwIng hIs hands up In surrender (or
to keep her Irom advancIng and, IIke, bItIng hIm or somethIng). " came
here because. because need heIp," he admIts reIuctantIy, the words
putrId In hIs mouth. What has he become? A god requestIng aId Irom a
mortaI!
"IeIp? Oh, thIs shouId be good," she smIrks.
jensen sIghs. "m serIous. . reaIIy want your IIttIe brother. To go out
wIth hIm, date hIm, dont know. be wIth hIm. trIed askIng hIm out and
he saId no. trIed. wooIng hIm wIth poetry and IIowers. taIked to my
sIster and she saId that shouId try more manIy stuII. IIke a watch or
eIectronIcs but thct dIdnt go weII. m sure he toId you?"
"Some. Chad toId me most oI It."
jensen represses a groan, rememberIng the mouthy bIond who
consIdered hImseII jareds personaI bodyguard and cheerIeader. Chad
probabIy had made out the whoIe event to be worse than It was, just to
make jensen Iook bad.
"jared toId me to back oII, and dId. ut. Its not what." lts not whct l
wcnt cnd is it too seljish to think thct its not whct he wcnts, either? lll trect
him so much better thcn cll oj those stupid men he dctes. l like him, l think l
love pcrts oj him-like his stubbornness, the jierce jire behind his eyes when
he gets cngry. l wcnt to get to know him, l wcnt to be cble to love the rest oj
him. l wonder ij he could like me, could love me, cs pcssionctely cs he
ignores me cnd tries to convince me thct he hctes me?
ut SophIa aIready thInks that hes staIkIng her IIttIe brother to hurt
hIm, and jensen doesnt want to sound any more. staIker-Ish? And gIve
the IadaIeckIs yet another reason to shut hIm out.
"What do you want, jensen?" SophIa asks, voIce as hard and pIercIng as
the IIakes oI sIeep sand stIII encrusted In the corners oI her eyes.
"Your heIp. . pIease." ts been Iorever sInce hes saId pIease to a
mortaI that Isnt hIs Iover. " just want jared to-"
"Thats what m askIng," she Interrupts agaIn.
"What?"
"What do you want Irom jared?"
jensens quIet Ior a Iong tIme, Ior Ionger than sIxty seconds, but SophIa
waIts on hIm. She hardIy bIInks, watchIng hIm cIoseIy, eyes unyIeIdIng so
that even though she doesnt move Iorward the sIIghtest Inch and even
though shes practIcaIIy haII oI jensens heIght and about as bIg around
as hIs thIgh It stIII IeeIs IIke she crowds In unbearabIy cIose.
Ie supposes that It wouIdnt hurt to drop hIs prIde and just conIess-
both to her and to hImseII. ThIs Is Ihase Iast Iesort Ior a reason, aIter
aII.
"At IIrst just wanted- mean, have you seen your IIttIe brother?" She
Irowns and he astuteIy gIeans that taIkIng about how hot jareds body Is
probabIy wasnt the best way to start. Ie cIears hIs throat, shIIts hIs
weIght. "ts dIIIerent, now. dont. dont want anythIng Irom hIm.
xcept maybe a chance to make hIm smIIe or Iaugh. Ie aIways Iooks
tIred, you know? And hes aIways pIssed at me so ve onIy seen hIm
angry." Ie shrugs soItIy and Is quIet. SophIas quIet as weII and eIther
shes IaIIen asIeep wIth her eyes open or shes waItIng to see II jensens
done.
" want that a Iot. To make hIm smIIe. And, eventuaIIy, weII guess want
jared to want me. You know, want me to make hIm happy."
"Id It ever occur to you that jared genuIneIy does not want to go out
wIth you? That he doesnt want you?" SophIa asks, voIce soIt but stIII
hard.
jensen bIInks dumbIy at her, conIused. ow that he thInks about It, just
what Is keepIng hIm Irom gIvIng up on jared?
"o," he shakes hIs head In denIaI and IIInches (just a IIttIe) when SophIa
raIses an eyebrow. Ie scrambIes to expIaIn. "t may sound creepy to you,
or unusuaI. IeII, thIs Is new Ior me, too. ve IIved a Iot oI IIIe and ve
seen a Iot oI thIngs-ve met wIth a Iot oI peopIe. ve been wIth a Iot oI
peopIe. ut Ior some reason cant ImagIne my IIIe wIthout jared." Ie
traIIs oII, Iost In ancIent thoughts, and Iaughs a IIttIe to hImseII. "Thats
crazy, Isnt It? Weve bareIy had a cIvII conversatIon. ut Its the truth."
SophIa regards hIm Ior a Iong mInute beIore noddIng once, a strand oI
IrIzzy auburn haIr IaIIIng across her Iorehead. She steps to the sIde.
"Come In."
"What?" jensen asks dumbIy. Was It. that easy or was thIs some sort oI
trap?
"jensen AckIes. I you hurt my brother. II you even so much as Iook at
hIm the wrong way-II you make me regret heIpIng you, swear theres
nothIng In heaven, earth, or heII that wIII save you. You get me?"
"ut. why? Why heIp me? Why beIIeve me?"
Ier eyes soIten. "ecause that rIght there. thats what IeIt IIke when
IIrst met Chad. The way you taIked, It remInds me oI jared when he taIks
about the coupIes he sets up. ts been a Iong tIme sInce hes beIIeved
that he can have what he gIves to peopIe everyday." She pauses, purses
hIs IIps. "And II youre goIng to stand on my doorstep askIng stupId
questIons then m goIng to sIam thIs door In your Iace and go back to
bed."
jensen hurrIedIy steps InsIde. The house Isnt anywhere as bIg as the
houses he owns as jensen AckIes, but Its spacIous and nIce. CIean and
homey.
"n order Ior me to heIp you wIth jared youre goIng to have to pass a
serIes oI tests."
"ut thought-"
"Your IIrst test Is to make me coIIee whIIe wash up and make myseII a
IIttIe more human."
"Yeah, OK," he murmurs as she turns on her toes and makes a dash Ior
the staIrs.
"And II you make It too weak II caII the poIIce!" she caIIs over her
shouIder and cant hIde the gIggIe Irom jensens ears.
jensen sIghs and starts IookIng through the cabInets, hummIng to
hImseII. ts three days untII VaIentInes ay and jensen wonders II
SophIa couId heIp hIm get jared to go out wIth hIm on VaIentInes ay.
ut maybe thats pushIng It. Ither way, thIngs are IInaIIy IookIng better
than they have In weeks.
IoIt McCaIIany Is a boxIng and kIckboxIng Instructor. Ie owns a smaII
pIace where he gIves cIasses and asks Ior a smaII Iortune Ior each
Iesson, but he aIso teaches a boxIng cIass and an endurance cIass at the
Sunset Gym In IacIIIc IaIIsades, the gym where jared used to Irequent.
Theyd taIked beIore, had even gone out Ior coIIee a Iew tImes durIng
IoIts breaks at the gym rIght aIter jared broke up wIth TImothy. ut
then jared had gotten too tIred to go to the gym everyday and as hIs
number oI vIsIts dwIndIed so dId hIs vIsIts wIth IoIt. Theyd pIayed a Iew
games oI phone tag, but reaIIy jared hadnt heard Irom IoIt In severaI
months.
So jared Is pIeased when IoIt caIIs hIm aImost a week beIore VaIentInes
ay and asks II jared wants to save the day Ior hIm.
"lts c good dcy jor c jirst dcte, right? ltll be like c good luck blessing."
Holts husky lcugh sends tingles cll clong ]creds skin.
VaIentInes ay Is on a Monday and IoIt Isnt supposed to meet jared
untII seven but jareds so nervous and excIted hes ready by 5.45. WhIch
Is a good thIng because theres a caII Irom downstaIrs rIght at sIx and
Its IoIt.
"Iey, heh, m sorry m earIy, just. Its been a whIIe, you know? SInce
ve seen you. You mIght not even be ready but thought II you were-"
" am," jared Interrupts, grInnIng Irom ear to ear because he Iorgot just
how cute IoIt Is. "And m on my way down."
IoIts sIgh oI reIIeI Is audIbIe. "Good, cant waIt."
jared turns to say goodbye to hIs babIes beIore he remembers that
SophIa took them to the house so they couId be Iree to run around In the
Ienced-In backyard because jared wasnt sure when he wouId return. t
seems that SadIe and IarIey spend most oI the tIme at SophIa and
Chads now, jared onIy gettIng them durIng the nIght and the mornIng
runs. SometImes It IeeIs IIke some Iucked up dIvorce settIement. Ie
wIshes he couId aIIord another house, wIth a bIg Ienced In backyard.
Ie opens the door and steps out Into the haIIway, shuttIng thoughts
about dogs and houses and runnIng Iree InsIde hIs IoneIy apartment
beIore takIng the staIrs two at a tIme, IeapIng over the Iast Iour. eIore
he reaches the door to the Iobby he cIears hIs throat and straIghtens hIs
cIothes, hopIng to heII hes not aIready sweatIng and gross Irom
runnIng, and hopIng he doesnt Iook as over-eager as he IeeIs.
IoIt greets hIm wIth a grIn and jared stops short oI hIm, IeeIIng
awkward. what do they do? Shake hands? Iug? IoIt seems to decIde
Ior them both and he Ieans across the space between and kIsses the
corner oI jareds mouth, gIvIng a dIrty IIttIe IIIck oI hIs tongue over
jareds IIps at the Iast second beIore he puIIs back. jared grIns and
IIghts a stupId bIush, stunned at IoIts Iorwardness.
"ChrIst, Iook at you jared. Youre so Iuc-youre so hot, man," IoIt says,
eyes wIde, drInkIng In jareds Iorm In a way that wouId normaIIy make
jared IeeI uncomIortabIe. ut Its been such a Iong and brutaI serIes oI
weeks and dates that made hIm IeeI second best, made hIm IeeI
worthIess and now the way IoIt Iooks at hIm makes jared IeeI attractIve,
makes hIm IeeI young and energetIc In a way the contents oI hIs cIear
pIII box never couId.
"Shut up. -ve been too busy to get to the gym. ut you, you Iook reaIIy
great, IoIt."
The oIder man grIns. "m not bIowIng aIr up your skIrt, you know that.
You must be poundIng the pavement IIke crazy-youre streamIIned,
man. The Iooks good on you."
ActuaIIy, jared hasnt been runnIng consIstentIy, but hes stIII IosIng
weIght. Ie doesnt want to thInk about It.
ThIs tIme jared does bIush and reaches up to rub the back oI hIs neck.
"Iets just get out oI here," he grumbIes and IoIt Iaughs.
As they step out Into the street where the suns dyIng on the horIzon
and castIng Its bIood red goodbyes over the cIty jared takes a moment to
sIIentIy regard IoIt. jared hadnt been kIddIng eIther, IoIt does Iook
good, though hes never been any kInd oI cIassIcaI beauty-or what most
consIder handsome. Ies got a rough Iace, pockmarked and scarred
Irom hIs IIghtIng days. jared knows Irom theIr earIIer conversatIons that
IoIt used to IIght competItIveIy-boxIng, jareds sure-untII he receIved
a shouIder Injury that kept hIm out oI rIng. So IoIts Iace Is IIke rumpIed
Ieather and he has perpetuaI dark rIngs under hIs eyes. jared personaIIy
IIkes the rugged, weatherworn Iook and he thInks Its appeaIIng.
Other than hIs Iace IoIts body Is aIso that oI a IIghter. Ies jareds
heIght, maybe an Inch shorter-Its hard to teII because IoIt carrIes
hImseII taII and conIIdent. IIs upper body seems thick, so thIck It makes
jared IeeI daInty whIch Is no easy Ieat.
"What are yah starIn at, babe?" IoIt teases, throwIng an arm over
jareds shouIders and puIIIng jared In cIose to hIs sIde. Ie stIIIens Ior a
brIeI moment and then decIdes to gIve In and Iet the nIght happen.
"ont caII me babe. We arent cIose enough Ior pet names," jared warns
but Iooks up at IoIt and wInks to show that hes teasIng. IoIt growIs
pIayIuIIy, IeanIng down to capture jareds smIrkIng IIps but jared ducks
away.
"WeII be cIose soon enough," IoIt threatens pIayIuIIy but jared just
grIns because theyre waIkIng together down the sIdewaIk where dozens
oI other coupIes are waIkIng arm In arm and jared IeeIs IIke he beIongs.
"So, what are we doIng tonIght?" IoIt asks and jared bursts out
IaughIng.
" oIIered to heIp wIth the pIannIng but you saId you had everythIng
covered."
" do, do. Or, weII. ts nothIng Iancy or anythIng."
"IerIect." WIth some measure oI honest reIIeI. "I youd taken me to
some Iancy restaurant d have dumped you rIght there and IeIt you
hangIn," jared drawIs.
"You wouIdnt be abIe to Ieave me. m too damn sexy and have
IrresIstIbIe puppy eyes," he says and does a rendItIon oI hIs puppy eyes
Ior jared who snorts.
"ActuaIIy, your puppy eyes are kInd oI scary," jared retorts.
IIs date just throws hIs head back and Iaughs, IuII and Ioud, hIs meaty
hand droppIng to rest on jareds hIp, sneakIng just hIs IIngertIps Into
jareds waIstband, but no Iurther and jared doesnt protest-or he does,
but hes cut oII when IoIts IIps cover hIs. Chaste, IIke the kIss to the
corner oI hIs mouth at jareds apartment buIIdIng, but once agaIn as
IoIt puIIs back he IIIcks out hIs tongue temptIngIy and jared entertaIns
the Idea oI puIIIng that tongue Into hIs own mouth. t is VaIentInes ay
aIter aII.
"So, IIke saId, nothIng Iancy. ut theres thIs bar a IrIend oI mIne owns.
ts not IIke a nIght cIub but Its a bIg pIace. Ies throwIng thIs
VaIentInes party, got a IIve band In and stuII. You want to check It out?
I you hate It weII go somewhere eIse."
God, In jareds Iatest strIng oI dates (wIth the brIeI exceptIon oI Tom),
none oI them had cared II he hated a pIace they went to, none oI them
had oIIered to go somewhere eIse or IIstened to jareds opInIon. IoIt Is
turnIng out to be an awesome VaIentInes date-better than TImothy
who dIdnt set the bar aII that hIgh to begIn wIth-because hes so
attentIve.
"Ies doIng thIs dIscount on drInks, kInd oI IIke happy hour aII nIght
Iong," IoIt oIIers and jared Irowns.
"-uhm. ont drInk," jared says stIIIIy. Ie can actuaIIy have a drInk or
two, mostIy wIne and a Iew IIquors, but he IInds Its easIer not to tempt
Iate. esIdes, he reaIIy cant have It rIght now because r. eaver
changed hIs medIcatIon once agaIn and Its InadvIsabIe to drInk aIcohoI
at aII when buIIdIng up a new dose.
"Oh? Why?" IoIt says. Ie seems a IIttIe dIsappoInted but not necessarIIy
In jared.
"-just because," jared says IIrmIy because he doesnt have to expIaIn
hImseII.
"WeII, thats IIne, can respect that," IoIt sounds a IIttIe oII, but not
angry. Ie seems to shake hImseII away Irom hIs thoughts and stops
waIkIng, smIIIng at jared and reachIng up wIth hIs other hand to brush
the curtaIn oI jareds bangs Irom hIs eyes.
"Are you sure you want to go, then? To my IrIends bar?" IoIt asks,
water-bIue eyes searchIng jareds Iace and jared just kInd oI caves at the
sweetness In them.
"o, no want to go. m used to It and II be IIne. Maybe can pIy you
wIth a coupIe oI shots and see II can get you on the dance IIoor? m
sure youre terrIbIe. II record It on my phone and show It to your gym
buddIes."
IoIt scoIIs IndIgnantIy, turnIng to waIk agaIn, wrappIng hIs arm tIghter
around jareds waIst, the hot IIne sendIng tIngIes down jareds spIne.
"What makes you thInk II be terrIbIe? m a boxer. dcnce like c
butterjly!"
jared Iaughs and Ioves the IeeI oI the cooI aIr on hIs warm cheeks and
the warm arm around hIm on thIs cooI nIght.
The bar owned by IoIts IrIends turns out to be cIassIer than jared
expected, but stIII casuaI and IaId back and jareds gIad Ior that because
hes so sIck oI the cIassy restaurants, oI the vogue cIubs, oI beIng
snapped by the paparazzI and pIastered on what IeeIs IIke every Issue oI
Les Destins.
jareds InItIaIIy surprIsed by the bars space. The bar Is sImpIy caIIed
TonIght and Its tucked away unobtrusIveIy between two other stores.
ts obvIous that It started out as just a sImpIe pIace wIth a bar, a pIace
to drInk and eat, and perhaps a Iew pooI tabIes. t Iooks IIke TonIght was
IucratIve and the owner trIed to upgrade Into a Iounge, but couId never
cover up the orIgInaI character oI some bIue-coIIar hang out. jared IInds
that he IIkes the mIx-posh couches and chaIrs, a Iengthened and
reIInIshed bar, sturdy booths, room Ior a stage and a dance IIoor, whIIe
the bar stIII kept Its pooI tabIes and even a IoosbaII tabIe.
"You IIke It?"
"ts awesome," jared answers and means It. The Iood smeIIs good and
everyone Iooks IIke theyre havIng a good tIme.
IoIt ends up havIng a IIttIe bIt too much oI a good tIme. AIter three
shots jared does push IoIt onto the dance IIoor and he puIIs jared In
aIter hIm. The band Is actuaIIy some rock and country mIx and hard to
dance to, so they end up horsIng around most oI the tIme, whIch kInd oI
embarrasses jared at IIrst because theyre the onIy ones on the IIoor and
IateIy jared hates beIng the center oI attentIon.
Ie takes reIuge In the evIdence that IoIt does not, In Iact, dcnce like c
butterjly. ventuaIIy theIr gooIIng oII brIngs a thIck crowd onto the IIoor.
The IIve band seems to be encouraged by the mInI mosh pIt and pIay
Iouder.
They eat-hamburgers that taste IIke cngels made them, jared swears.
And then they get dragged back on the IIoor by nameIess Iaces that had
danced besIde them earIIer.
ts then jared supposes he Ioses IoIt In the crowd a coupIe oI tImes-he
must because each tIme they IInd each other IoIt seems IncreasIngIy
more IntoxIcated, untII IInaIIy when Its onIy about an hour untII the bar
cIoses IoIt practIcaIIy coIIapses on jared. Ies hot and sweaty, eyeIIds
haII-IIdded, and hes apoIogIzIng proIuseIy-or at Ieast jared thInks that
theyre apoIogIes sInce hIs speech Is so sIurred.
They make theIr exIt, jared cant IInd IoIts IrIend In the crowd to bId
goodbye, whIch Is just IIne because aIthough IoIt Introduced them at
the begInnIng oI the evenIng jareds aIready Iorgotten the guys name.
When they get outsIde jared hopes the cooI aIr wIII rouse IoIt and It
does. just coherent enough to IaII Into jared harder and pIace a wet,
sIoppy kIss on jareds nose (though he suspects that IoIt had been
aImIng Ior hIs IIps).
"M sorry, so sorry. ruIned VaIentInes!" IoIt Iaments, swayIng on hIs
Ieet and Into jared so that they sway on the sIdewaIk, aImost IIke theyre
stIII dancIng.
"You dIdnt. had Iun. a reaIIy great tIme. ThIs Isnt exactIy how
pIctured It endIng, but Its IIne," jared says soothIngIy, guIdIng IoIt
down on to a bench and runnIng a hand through hIs damp haIr when he
groans In dIscomIort.
"M tIred."
jared sIghs. "II caII a cab. II take you to my pIace sInce It Isnt Iar. Iet
you sIeep some oI thIs oII, make sure youre okay," he says soItIy,
because he Is genuIneIy worrIed about the oIder man. Ie seems a IIttIe
too dIsjoInted and hIs speech too garbIed. jareds worrIed about just
how much IoIt managed to drInk or II hes havIng some kInd oI Ireak
adverse reactIon. Ither way, IoIt toId jared he IIves aIone and jared
doesnt want hIs date goIng home II hes III.
Ie wonders, probabIy a IIttIe meanIy, II IoIt has some sort oI drInkIng
probIem. I he does. jared pushes away thoughts oI hIs Iather, oI staIe
rooms and shoutIng voIces, and determInes to gIve IoIt the beneIIt oI
the doubt.
jared caIIs a cab and gets IoIt to hIs apartment In about sIx mInutes. y
the tIme they get to the eIevator IoIt seems better-tIred, hIs nose
burIed In jareds neck, hot breath ghostIng across hIs Adams appIe-but
better. jared may have overreacted In brIngIng hIm here, but theres no
goIng back now. Ie just manages to juggIe IoIt and open hIs door,
shuIIIes them InsIde, and Is workIng on cIosIng the door behInd hIm
when IoIt knocks Into hIm so hard jared Ioses baIance and hIs back hIts
the waII wIth an audIbIe and breathIess oomph!
"IoIt, what? Are you OK-" AnythIng eIse he wants to say or Intended to
say Is cut oII as IoIt crushes hIs mouth agaInst jareds. jared shakes hIs
head, trIes to get the man oII. ts certaInIy not the chaste kIsses Irom
earIIer, nor Is It the teasIng naughty IIIck oI tongue. IoIts mouth Is open
and movIng hard agaInst jareds, IIckIng and nIppIng, bruIsIng jareds
gums even through cIosed IIps.
jared decIdes to gIve In, just thIs once. ObvIousIy IoIts smashed, and
jared wIII test out hIs kIss just Ior a mInute and then make sure IoIt
drInks a gIass oI water beIore jared pushes hIm on the couch where the
man wIII most IIkeIy pass out. The kIss Is not. synchronIzed. Or
somethIng. IoIts eIIorts are too desperate, tongue pIercIng and teeth
scrapIng, demandIng. jared Is more weary, sIow and unsure, goIng even
sIower to try to encourage IoIt to sIow down wIth hIm. ts not a good
kIss, but It has potentIaI.
IoIt must thInk Its a pretty damn awesome kIss because he groans and
presses tIghter Into jared, so tIght that jared can IeeI the hot IIne oI
IoIts growIng erectIon agaInst hIs thIgh.
And just, heII no. ot now, not tonIght, not when IoIts rIdIcuIousIy
drunk. jared pushes IoIt away, or he trIes to, but hIs hands suddenIy
IeeI numb IIke theyve IaIIen asIeep. jared Iooks down but he doesnt
have to see-and he ccnt see because he hasnt had a chance to turn on
the IIghts-to know that tremors have started In hIs hands. Anger,
dIrected mostIy at hImseII, surges through hIm and gIves hIm the
strength to push the man oII.
"What the heII-" jared cant IInIsh because hIs worId tIIts dangerousIy,
he IeeIs hIs Ieet rooted to the ground and cant seem to be abIe to
command them to move, to catch hIm as he sways. And thats when he
remembers that he IeIt the apartment earIIer than he expected and
hadnt even thought about takIng hIs medIcIne.
I anythIng, thIs makes hIm grIt hIs teeth harder, because he doesnt
take one dose and he cant even stand, cant move hIs damn Ieet.
"What the heII, man?" jared spIts out when the worId doesnt stop
spInnIng.
"God, jared. You dont know, do you? Iow hot you are, what a IuckIng
tease," IoIt says and suddenIy hes up In jareds space, IeanIng In cIose,
breath aII over jared IIke humId summer aIr. "The way you move, how
you taIk and smIIe. ChrIst, Iuck, jared-jared ve gotta have you."
jared roIIs hIs eyes as IoIt goes Ior hIs throat agaIn, warm and wet IIps
tryIng to gaIn purchase there. "IIsten, IoIt. ts aIrIght, youre drunk.
Come on, now, back oII," jared warns, pushIng agaInst IoIts shouIders.
A hand sneaks to hIs jeans, poppIng the button open beIore jareds even
sure Its not hIs ImagInatIon. IoIts hand pIunges InsIde the denIm. jared
growIs because he doesnt put out on IIrst dates, hes a Ireak and
uncomIortabIe wIth sex In generaI, and he certaInIy Isnt goIng to gIve It
up to IoIt when the mans drunk oII hIs ass-no matter how attentIve
and sweet the man had been aII nIght.
"Stop It," jared warns sternIy, tryIng to twIst hIs hIps away whIIe at the
same tIme he trIes to keep IoIt at arms Iength. " dont want thIs, youre
drunk."
"Come on, jared, dont be so IrIgId," IoIt taunts, hIs voIce sweet and
easy IIke It had been aII nIght. jared IeeIs thIck IIngers try to grasp hIs
dIck.
" saId no!" jared huIIs, manages to shove IoIt oII a Iew Inches, Iar
enough space so jared has enough Ieverage to deIIver a punch to IoIts
Iace.
IoIt stumbIes backwards and so does jared, gIad hIs Ieet can move now
even though they IeeI numb and dIsconnected Irom the rest oI hIs body.
Ie shakes hIs hand out, wIncIng at hIs throbbIng knuckIes because
IoIts Iace Is as hard as It Iooks, and jareds sure he cut at Ieast one
knuckIe on IoIts teeth.
"Son oI a." jared hears IoIt murmur. Ie expects IoIt to be drunkenIy
swayIng, snapped out oI hIs stupor or at Ieast dIscouraged by the
amount oI work It wouId take to get Into jareds pants.
ut IoIt Isnt swayIng drunkenIy, and In Iact the bIeary and shIt-Iaced
Iook Is compIeteIy gone. Ies standIng taII, shouIders wIde, dark rIngs
under hIs eyes more pronounced, a thIn trIckIe oI bIood on hIs IIp the
onIy IndIcatIon that jared had hIt hIm-otherwIse, he Iooks compIeteIy
unaIIected.
"Youre. Youre not even drunk," jared accuses, awe-struck that he had
been suckered In so easIIy. ut It makes sense now, the exaggerated
Incoherency and sIurred speech that had seemed out oI pIace and had
made jared worry about IoIts heaIth was out oI pIace because It was an
act.
"o," IoIt agrees. " had to do somethIng. thought you were on the
same page Ior a whIIe there, but notIced how you wouIdnt dance too
cIose, not the way wanted. And saw that you wanted to spIIt, that you
werent even goIng to InvIte me back to your apartment."
IoIt takes a step and jared shIIts hIs Iegs Irom where hes IeanIng hIs
back agaInst the waII In order to stay uprIght. IIs Iegs IeeI better, but
stIII oIIIIne Irom hIs body, and hes not sure how Iar he can go wIthout
IaIIIng whIch wouId put hIm In an even more vuInerabIe posItIon.
" couIdnt reIy on gettIng you drunk. So Iaked It, yeah. ecause knew
II couId get you aIone, II couId just get to kIss you, to IeeI you, couId
get you In the mood. couId have you. Come on, jared. ts VaIentInes
ay. IIke you, you IIke me. Whats the probIem?"
"The probIem Is that you IIed to me," jared sneers, IeeIIng IIke the
worIds bIggest Ioser. Was IoIts attentIveness, hIs sweet Iooks and
gentIe ways he heId or touched jared part oI hIs master pIan as weII?
"ont be IIke that, babe," IoIt chuckIes, eyes sparkIng IIke hes havIng
Iun, IIke he actuaIIy beIIeves that jareds havIng Iun, too-that thIs Is
some sort oI game or joreplcy. Ie advances agaIn, sIow and sensuaI,
whats supposed to be aIIurIng. jared cant heIp but panIc. Ie doesnt
want thIs.
jared waIts wIth bated breath as IoIt draws cIoser, and when the oIder
man (whos thIck, boxIng shouIders and torso are suddenIy a Iot Iess
comIortIng and attractIve and a Iot more IntImIdatIng) makes a grab at
jared he ducks out oI the way, movIng past IoIt and un-cornerIng
hImseII so he can have a IIghtIng chance oI at Ieast runnIng out the door
or caIIIng Ior heIp.
!ntII hIs worId tIIts, tIIts aII the way untII It IeeIs IIke hes upsIde down,
IIke he and hIs apartment are trapped In a snow gIobe. Ie stumbIes and
mIracuIousIy Iands on onIy one knee, managIng to keep hIs other Ioot on
the ground even though hIs shakIng hands bareIy catch hIs weIght. To
hIs IeIt Is the door, stIII ajar, but hes not sure he shouId rIsk staIrs rIght
now (Its been a year, a hospItaI vIsIt, and two stItches In hIs head and he
knows better now). IIs phone Is a Iew Ieet Iurther to hIs rIght, but ItII
onIy take one button to put a caII down to the Iobby to get heIp.
And jared IreeIy admIts that he needs heIp. IIs head wont stop
spInnIng Iong enough Ior hIm to see straIght and IoIt Is a seasoned
IIghter. t embarrasses jared on some IeveI, but not a IeveI hIgh enough
to make hIm thInk he can handIe thIs on hIs own.
Ies just about ready to run to the phone-and II hIs Iegs dont work weII
enough to run, hes wIIIIng to make a dIve Ior It-when IoIts weIght
knocks Into hIm Irom behInd, sendIng hIm sprawIIng Iorward. IIs chIn
pops and bounces oII oI the IIoor. Ie groans under IoIts weIght.
" Iove to pIay IIke thIs, howd you know?" IoIt purrs Into hIs ear, sendIng
a tendrII oI Iear Into jareds beIIy. Ie snarIs, IIke a threatened anImaI,
and bucks underneath the weIght.
"ont do thIs, IoIt," he croaks, naIIs scrambIIng Ior purchase on the
IIoor as he IrantIcaIIy trIes to push away the bIIndIng panIc. "ont you
IuckIng do thIs! Get oII!"
IoIt just Ignores hIm. "God, youre so IuckIng hot. StreamIIned. Iow can
a guy as taII as you IeeI so goddamn compact? Iets do thIs, jared. You
IeeI so good. You have no Idea-" IoIt grInds hIs hIps Into jared,
showIng oII hIs hardenIng dIck that burns hot through both oI theIr
jeans. "Iows that, does that IeeI good?" IoIt asks huskIIy, kIssIng the
back oI jareds neck.
"Iuck oII, IoIt. dont want thIs."
"OI course you do," IoIt answers easIIy.
jared doesnt know how he does It, doesnt know where he gets the
Ieverage Irom and he certaInIy cant even see to aIm, but he twIsts
suddenIy and hard, sendIng hIs eIbow careenIng Into the sIde oI IoIts
head. The oIder man roIIs haII-oII oI jared, whIch Is enough Ior jared to
try to crawI out Irom under hIm. Ie gets to hIs Ieet but thats aII because
agaIn IoIt runs Into hIm Irom behInd, thIs tIme smashIng jared Iace-IIrst
agaInst the waII opposIte oI where they started. Ie groans In paIn and
IoIt, purposeIuIIy or not, mIstakes It as an Interested groan.
"Yeah," IoIt growIs, hIps movIng cIumsIIy agaInst jareds ass as another
hand wedges between the waII and jared, tryIng to work back Into
jareds jeans. "You IIke It rough, dont you? ts OK, II gIve It to you, II
make It so good-so good aII nIght Iong."
"o. Ieave me aIone, pIease. IeIp!" jared shouts, voIce shakIng IIke hIs
body. Ie cant get Iree, he cant move-IoIts got hIm pInned so tIght he
can bareIy breathe-
"jared! Get the juck ojj oj him!" a new voIce roars. Then IoIts weIght Is
suddenIy gone and jareds Iree to Iet hIs Iegs gIve out and sInk to the
IIoor. xcept he wont be caught In such a vuInerabIe posItIon agaIn-he
wont. !sIng the waII he shakIIy gets to hIs Ieet. Ie hears cursIng and
scuIIIIng behInd hIm and turns around, usIng the waII to prop hImseII
up.
IIs apartment Is dark wIth aImost no IIght, but sInce hIs eyes have
adjusted he can make out two darker sIIhouettes grappIIng wIth each
other In the dark. The shape oI the newcomer Is just as IamIIIar as hIs
voIce.
"Iow dare you touch hIm!" the newcomer seethes, voIce the deepest and
the most powerjul hes ever heard, but jareds heard that voIce aII the
same. Ies aIso IeIt thIs souI, usuaIIy a steady presence that sounds IIke
aIternoon IIght but Is now burnIng hot and sounds IIke the dry season
sun over a desert. So unIorgIvIng, deadIy, and encompassIng that jared
Iorgets to caII hIm by hIs Iast name.
"jensen?"
jensen doesnt hear jared. Or, he hears but hes too Iar gone to IIsten.
Ie had IoIIowed jared as usuaI. ot Irom the start oI the date but Iater
on, when they were both In the bar. jensen had grudgIngIy notIced that
jared was havIng more Iun wIth thIs date than he had wIth any oI the
others over the past Iew weeks and It had made jensen want to Ieave In
dIsgust and anger. ut he had stayed, obsessIveIy transIIxed by the guy
jared was wIth, mentaIIy ragIng every tIme he stoIe a kIss Irom jared, or
copped a IeeI that jared aIways seemed to dIsmIss because they were In
a bIg crowd.
jensen decIded to IoIIow them to jareds home because he hadnt IIked
how the IoIt guy was actIng. Ie seemed to have gotten too drunk and
jensen couId cIearIy see that jared was worrIed about the man and
brought hIm to hIs own apartment. Ierhaps because jensen aIready
hated the guy, Ior the sImpIe Iact that he was wIth jared Instead oI
jensen, but he couId teII somethIng was oII about IoIts drunken
perIormance. Ie seemed too IIstIess, aImost sIck, and yet too Iocused.
Ie regrets that It took hIm so Iong to Intervene, he actuaIIy hates hImseII
Ior It-whIch Is a surprIsIngIy strong and unusuaI emotIon Ior hIm to
have. jensen had peeked Into the door, had seen IoIt kIss jared, and
jared kIss back. jensen had thought jared was wIIIIng and It had hurt
but jensen couIdnt InterIere because then jared reaIIy wouId hate hIm.
So he had stepped away, unreasonabIy takIng the staIrs-jensen doesnt
know why he dIdnt just phase out rIght away, why he dIdnt Ieave
jareds apartment and reappear In hIs musIc room a bIInk oI an eye
Iater. why he dIdnt Ieave I.A. aItogether. Ies gIad he dIdnt though,
because whIIe jensen was In the same buIIdIng he was abIe to hear
jareds shouts.
The scene jensen came In to sent hIm In a rage he hadnt IeIt In a
mIIIennIum. yes unhIndered by dark pIaces, he couId cIearIy see jared
crushed agaInst the waII, hIs head swIngIng back and Iorth as he saId
"no, Ieave me aIone pIease, heIp!", voIce trembIIng. IoIt was movIng
agaInst an unwIIIIng jared, hands vIoIatIng hIm. jensen knows he
shouted somethIng, but he doesnt even know what.
Ie yanks IoIt away Irom jared, hIs eternaIIy renowned reason just
bareIy remIndIng hIm In tIme that murderIng a human Is a crIme that
warrants damnatIon to Tartarus. Ie restraIns most oI hIs strength Iast
mInute, but the IIst he deIIvers to IoIts Iace Is stIII dIvIneIy charged,
sendIng the guy to the brInk oI unconscIousness In just one bIow.
"Look at hIm agaIn and II kIII you," jensen hIsses wIth deadIy caIm.
"You got It aII wrong, man," IoIt sIurs, stumbIIng and unIocused. "Ie
wanted It. Teased me aII nIght."
"o," jared mumbIes strIcken Irom behInd jensen.
" know what saw," jensen sneers, reaIIzIng that hes IosIng a battIe
wIth hIs wrath. "Ieave, now."
IoIt grIts hIs teeth agaInst jensen, eyes unIocused but stIII reIusIng to
back down. As a IIghter he cant heIp but to rIse to the chaIIenge that
jensen presents. And when IoIt cuts a Ieer In jareds dIrectIon jensen
knows that In the other mans sIck worId hes vIewIng jared as a prIze Ior
thIs IIght.
"o," IoIt says shortIy, determInedIy.
jensen was reaIIy hopIng that he wouId say that.
Ie dodges IoIts cIumsy bIow, not because a humans IIst wIII hurt hIm,
but because jensens not goIng to gIve IoIts prIde the sIIghtest Inch. Ie
knees the man In the stomach, uppercuts Into hIs chIn, and when IoIts
body Is straIghtened out by the Iorce jensen IoIIows up wIth an eIbow to
hIs sternum and then two more rapId punches to IoIts Iace-hIs
cheekbone and then hIs nose.
y that tIme jensens pushed the man to the door. Ie knees IoIt In the
stomach agaIn, unabashedIy reIIshIng In the mans gaggIng as he
struggIes to draw In a breath. jensen shoves IoIt out oI the door oI
jareds apartment, hookIng hIs Ioot around IoIts heeI and kIckIng IoIts
Ieg Irom under hIm, sendIng the boxer crashIng to the ground where hIs
head cracks sIckIy agaInst the IIoor.
IoIt groans and jensen steps back Into the apartment and, hIs Iather
heIp hIm, he doesnt care II IoIt Ioses conscIousness. jensen doesnt
even care II he bIeeds to death InternaIIy. Ie has to waIk away because
heII kIII the human otherwIse, and jensen wouId reaIIy rather not Iace
exIIe and damnatIon In Tartarus over the bastard mortaI.
Most pressIngIy, he has to check on jared, make sure the mortaI Is okay
and unhurt. When he turns to jared he sees the young mortaI IIInch and
hIs eyes squInt and jensen remembers that Its aImost pItch bIack to
jared. So he Iooks around and IInds a taII and square tabIe, tIpped over
In one oI the scuIIIes tonIght. A Iamp Iays near It, unbroken. Ie
straIghtens the tabIe, puts the Iamp on It, turns It on, and ImmedIateIy a
soIt goIden gIow washes the darkness away.
jared Ieans heavIIy agaInst the waII, bIInkIng bIearIIy at hIm.
"jensen?" he asks, wary, breathy.
jensen takes a Iew cautIous steps Iorward. "jared. Are you hurt?"
jareds head IeeIs heavy, the whoIe thIng throbbIng Iast wIth hIs puIse,
another paIn radIatIng Irom hIs chIn. "My head, a IIttIe, Irom where he-
m not hurt, not reaIIy."
"Okay, thats good. m gIad youre not too hurt. ut jared, youre
shakIng," jensen says sIowIy, eyes drawn to jareds hands whIch are
trembIIng uncontroIIabIy. IIne vIbratIons around jareds knees IndIcate
that hIs Iegs are shakIng as weII. jensen IeeIs the Iast oI hIs anger dIe
away, Ior now. Ies got to Iocus on jared.
"ts not because m-was-scared, or anythIng," jared InsIsts quIckIy,
turnIng wIde hazeI eyes to hIm.
" know," jensen says, takIng another cautIous step Iorward.
" just. dIdnt expect. IoIt dIdnt seem-"
" know," he repeats just as jareds eyes roII and he sIumps Iorward.
jensen hurrIes to catch hIm, jareds head IIoppIng and restIng on hIs
shouIder.
ts the cIosest hes been to jared sInce meetIng the young man. jensen
wIshes It were under better cIrcumstances.
"jared? jared are you stIII wIth me?" jensen asks worrIedIy, IeeIIng the
IIne tremors throughout the mortaIs body.
".head hurts. ont IeeI good."
"OK. know. II. just take It easy. Ieave It to me, jared." Ie Iooks
around and spIes the IIvIng room wIth a bIg navy bIue couch. Ie
struggIes wIth jared Ior a moment beIore decIdIng to carry jared and
hope that the mortaI doesnt notIce the unnaturaI dIspIay oI strength.
Ie gentIy deposIts jared on the couch so that hes sIttIng up. jensen
ducks down so that hes eye-IeveI wIth jared.
"s that better?" jensen asks soItIy.
".Yeah." jared murmurs. "jensen. IoIt-he. Ie-"
"jared? ts goIng to be OK. Ie dIdnt. We stopped hIm. Ie dIdnt." Ie
kneeIs at jareds Ieet and doesnt thInk about how ChrIs wouId Iaugh
hIm. A god kneeIIng to a human?
jareds pants are stIII open, canted crooked and Iow on hIs hIps,
reveaIIng skIn and IInger-shaped bruIses that make jensen sIck wIth
hate. Ie sIowIy moves to button them, the sound oI hIs IIngertIps
brushIng agaInst the denIm crackIIng IIke IIghtnIng In the room. jared
IIInches and jensen hushes hIm.
"ts aIrIght, m just cIosIng them, m not hIm, jared. m not any oI
them," he swears but jared onIy reIaxes aIter jensen IInIshes re-
buttonIng hIs jeans and takes hIs hands away. jensen Iooks up, takIng In
the IormIng bruIse on jareds chIn that stands out agaInst hIs paIed skIn.
jared never meets hIs eyes.
"Why wouId he. why wouId he do that? saId no, saId stop. And he stIII
-"
jensen reaches up, takes jareds trembIIng hands In hIs, squeezIng hard
as II hIs stIIIness couId stop the shakIng. "Ies gone, jared. You Iought
hIm oII and now hes gone. Ies not comIng back."
jareds quIet Ior a moment beIore hIs wIde eyes IInaIIy Iock on jensen
and not somewhere past hIm, somewhere jensen cant see-cant IoIIow.
AIter a Iew beats where jared Iooks Ior the truth In jensens Iace he
nods sIowIy.
"Okay."
jensen smIIes soItIy. "Iows the head?"
"Iurts," jared admIts. "m tIred. . dont IeeI weII."
"Stay here. II take care oI you," jensen promIses. Ie stands, IIngers to
make sure jared stays and sees that jared Is aIready starIng oII Into the
dIstance agaIn.
jensen IInds a gIass and IIIIs It wIth water and aIter a mInute or two
where he Iooks Ior the bathroom (In jareds bedroom, where he trIes not
to see the bed, trIes not to thInk about jared and the bed because
theres no tIme Ior that and Its surprIsIngIy easy when he remembers
the haunted Iook In jareds eyes) and retrIeves a washcIoth, whIch he
wets wIth cooI water Irom the sInk.
Ie returns and gIves the gIass to jared, who drInks It mechanIcaIIy, but
wIth every sIp It seems that he becomes Iess dazed, more aware, eyes
IIIckIng around the room but mostIy scrutInIzIng jensen.
"Iay down," jensen commands, gIvIng a gentIe and encouragIng push to
jareds shouIder. "See II It heIps your head."
Ies never taken care oI anyone IIke thIs beIore. Ies never reaIIy had to
-hIs Iong-term reIatIonshIps have aII been wIth ImmortaIs who dont get
sIck or Injured. ut jensen knows what to do Irom TV and takIng care oI
jared comes surprIsIngIy easy.
jared surprIses them both when he compIIes wIthout compIaInt and he
sIghs In reIIeI when jensen careIuIIy pIaces the cooI washcIoth on hIs
achIng head. jared cIoses hIs eyes, separatIng hImseII Irom hIs poundIng
head, and IeeIs jensen sIt on the couch besIde hIm.
MInutes stretch out. "Are you IeeIIng better?"
"Yeah," jared answers sIeepIIy.
"o you want me to heIp you to your bed beIore Ieave?" jensen asks,
standIng. Ie doesnt actuaIIy pIan on IeavIng, not reaIIy. IeII probabIy
cIoak hImseII and pace outsIde oI jareds apartment.
"o. want to stay here," jared answers.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"o you need anythIng? eIore go?"
"Stay," jared says, agaIn surprIsIng them both. Ie peeks hIs eyes open
and smIIes when he sees that jensens brows are raIsed IncreduIousIy.
"jared, you cant be serIous. Arent you angry? IoIIowed you agaIn,
broke my promIse to Ieave you aIone."
"II be mad tomorrow." jared mIght not be IIrIng on aII cyIInders rIght
now, but he had reaIIzed that jensen couId onIy be here II he was
IoIIowIng jared agaIn. "jensen, thank you, you. saved me. just. you can
have the bed II you want just. just stay, tonIght?"
jareds eyeIIds are droopIng and when jensen says, "OK, II stay" Its IIke
permIssIon and jared ImmedIateIy sIIps oII Into an exhausted, paIn-IIIIed,
but scje sIeep.
TC
Chapter 4
jared comes to wIth the smeII oI coIIee and the sound oI the radIo In the
kItchen pIayIng statIc-soIt.
Whct l reclly wcnnc know, my bcby
Oh, whct l reclly wcnnc scy, l ccn't dejine
Well it's love thct l need, oh
My souI wIII have to waIt tIII get back
IInd a heIna oI my own
addy's gonna Iove one an' aII
The sun IIIters In quIet and caIm Irom between the bIInds oI the IIvIng
room wIndow, the mornIng IIght peekIng around the edges oI the bIue
curtaIns. IIs pIace Is quIet, stIII and serene, though jareds not sure
what hes doIng on hIs couch and not hIs bed. Ies compIeteIy
dIsorIented-Its not an evenIng aIter work, the IIght Is aII wrong. ts not
a Iazy weekend mornIng oI watchIng cartoons and movIes because SadIe
wouId be curIed around hIs Iegs, her neck and head stretched out so
that her coId nose wouId be tucked away IIke a IuIIaby beneath the hem
oI hIs shIrt (she cant IaII asIeep unIess her muzzIe Is covered, jared
thInks Its adorabIe). IarIey wouId be sprawIed out on the IIoor next to
the couch, poutIng because jared wouIdnt Iet hIm IIe on the couch too-
hes too bIg and heavy and doesnt IIe stIII Ior more than IIve mInutes
beIore he has to stand up and change posItIons.
jareds aIso conIused by the smeII oI coIIee and the radIo because thats
aII he hears. ormaIIy aIong wIth those sounds he can hear the cIang oI
pots and pans, the rush oI the kItchen sInk, the reIrIgerator openIng and
cIosIng whIch are aII teII-taIe sIgns that SophIas come to torture hIm
wIth her newest IeaIthy reakIast Irom IeII recIpe.
jared trIes to sIt up and IeeIs a duII spIke oI paIn Iance up hIs head. Ie
groans, brIngs hIs hand up to rub hIs tIred, sIeep-numb Iace and wInces
when hIs IIngers hIt a tender spot-a bruIse-on hIs chIn. vents Irom
Iast nIght dont necessarIIy come rushIng back-not IIke In the movIes.
Iast nIght comes back to jared dIsjoInted and Iragmented, sIowIy IIke
sInkIng In mud. The IIrst thIng jared remembers Is IaIIIng, beIng pushed
Irom behInd and poppIng hIs chIn on the IIoor that had made hIs teeth
sIng, hIs neck creak dangerousIy, and hIs head spIn. Then he remembers
IIyIng excItedIy down the staIrs to meet IoIt, waIkIng In the nIght, the
cab rIde, dancIng, butterIIIes, darkness, rIsIng panIc, coId dIsbeIIeI. IoIt
pInnIng jared agaInst the waII, movIng hIs body over jareds IIke jared
was nothIng, IIke jared dIdnt matter and was just a body.
Ie remembers-
"jared." The soIt voIce makes jared IIInch and Iook up, startIed.
jensens standIng at the end oI the couch, near jareds Ieet, and Is
IookIng down on jared wIth a serIous expressIon. Theres two cups oI
coIIee In hIs hands, steam Irom theIr IIps rIsIng and dIsappearIng Into
jareds IIvIng room.
"AckIes?" jared echoes and wonders at the weak sound oI hIs voIce.
A rueIuI smIIe IIIckers across jensens Iace-whIch doesnt Iook tIred or
even rumpIed but he does appear somber. n the strange haII-IIght a
dustIng oI IIne goId IreckIes stand out on hIs nose.
" thought we were IInaIIy on a IIrst name basIs," jensen teases easIIy as
he gentIy waIks around and sets the cups oI coIIee down on the coIIee
tabIe. When hes done he just stands there, IookIng down at hIs young
mortaI. jareds eyeIIds are a IIttIe heavy and swoIIen stIII and hIs anguIar
Iace Is paIe Irom sIeep. Theres a bruIse bIoomIng underneath hIs chIn,
somethIng smaII that jensen couId easIIy heaI and shouId have whIIe
jared sIept. jareds awake and has aIready notIced It and now
mIracuIous heaIIng wouId be too conspIcuous.
"jensen," jared tests out and watches as jensens Iace IIghts up wIth a
brIght smIIe (and, damn, theres jareds smIIe IetIsh agaIn, though Ior
some reason he cant IInd It wIthIn hImseII to compIaIn). Iurthermore,
jensen seems to take thIs as an InvItatIon to come cIoser because he sIts
on the edge oI the couch, next to jareds hIp-much IIke he dId Iast
nIght, when he pIaced a cooI cIoth on jareds achIng head and promIsed
to stay.
"-m sorry," jared says, IeeIIng awkward. Ie IeeIs vuInerabIe IaId out
beIore jensen, but he aIso doesnt want to move, doesnt want to sIt up
and rIsk touchIng the other man, gettIng too cIose, IIke wIth IoIt. God,
Holt.
"Ior what?" jensen asks a IIttIe too Ioud, perhaps, but he sees the rIsIng
panIc In hazeI eyes and trIes to hoId It oII.
jared bIInks at jensen, momentarIIy conIused beIore he comes back to
hImseII and remembers what theyre taIkIng about. "Ior makIng you
stay. -you shouIdnt have had to. mean, there was nowhere Ior you to
sIeep." A sIIght bIush rIses to hIs cheeks at the thought oI jensen
sIeepIng hIs his bed and what was he? A Iourteen-year-oId gIrI? ChrIst. t
wasnt that bIg oI a deaI.
"ts IIne, It wasnt a probIem. sIept In the recIIner," jensen nods at the
chaIr. Ie reaIIy dId spend a good amount oI tIme In the chaIr Iast nIght.
As a god he doesnt reaIIy need sIeep, though hes capabIe oI It. Iast
nIght was deIInIteIy not a tIme Ior sIeepIng. At IIrst he had watched
jared sIeep, mostIy out oI concern because the young man was IItIuI and
restIess at IIrst, body twItchIng and shudderIng In and out oI dreams.
When jared had IaIIen In a deeper sIeep jensen had stopped watchIng-
jared had aIready accused jensen oI beIng a creepy staIker and he dIdnt
want jared to wake up wIth jensen watchIng hIm. nstead he had waIked
throughout the apartment, not touchIng anythIng or deIvIng Into any
drawers, though he had been hIghIy tempted to snoop. Ie probabIy
wouId have gIadIy sIIted through jareds thIngs not twenty-Iour hours
earIIer, eager to IInd out more about hIs human, but jensen had IeIt that
jared had had enough oI an InvasIon oI prIvacy yesterday as It was.
just thInkIng about that human caIIed IoIt made jensens bIood boII,
made hIm want to seek out the man and twIst hIs body to reIIect hIs
twIsted heart.
". thank you," jared says agaIn, IameIy. Ie squIrms, eyeIng the coIIee
mournIuIIy, but not sure he has the strength to sIt up.
"Iow are you IeeIIng?"
"ActuaIIy? m-m not sure. Ashamed? StupId?"
"WeII, you shouIdnt IeeI that way. Theres nothIng to be ashamed oI,
none oI what happened was your IauIt," jensen InsIsts cIearIy and IIrmIy.
Ie doesnt have a Iot oI practIce wIth these kInds oI taIks, but he has
seen a Iot oI human crueIty and human suIIerIng, and he knows that Its
never the vIctIms IauIt.
jensen smIIes a IIttIe wIder. "esIdes, meant your head. Iow Is your
head IeeIIng?"
"IIke statIc, but Its better," jared admIts and wonders at how easy It Is
to taIk to jensen, whIch doesnt make any sense. jensen had staIked hIm,
had trIed to buy hIm, and had dIsgusted jared wIth hIs arrogance. They
hadnt had a decent or unstraIned conversatIon sInce theIr IIrst meetIng.
And whIIe havIng jensen so cIose to hIm rIght now IeeIs awkward,
wakIng up to jensen In hIs apartment, coIIee In hand and a smaII carIng
smIIe on hIs Iace had aIso IeIt naturaI.
"Thats good. made coIIee." jensen bIInks and reaches up to rub the
back oI hIs neck, haII-grInnIng sheepIshIy. "WeII, obvIousIy," he Iaughs to
hImseII, noddIng to the two cooIIng cups on the coIIee tabIe.
The chuckIe sIIps so easIIy Irom jareds IIps that at IIrst he Isnt even
aware he does It untII jensens green eyes (or were they goId? both?
another coIor aItogether?) wIden In amazement.
"You Iaughed," jensen murmurs In awe and he suddenIy IeeIs IIke hes a
boy (though hes never been a boy, IIke aII gods he was born grown)
seeIng the worId Ior the IIrst tIme. t wasnt reaIIy a Iaugh, just a breathy
chuckIe accompanIed by an upward twItch oI the IIps that dIdnt even
constItute a reaI smIIe. And yet It was enough to get jensen addIcted, Ior
hIm to crave more.
"Yeah, dId," jared says In equaI wonder. Ie dIdnt thInk he wouId so
soon aIter, aIter.
jared paIes, IeeIs hImseII go dIzzy wIth It. "Oh my God-my God, jensen.
Holt. Ie-he IuckIng trIed to-" he breaks oII, swaIIowIng thIckIy and
hatIng how hes stutterIng, hatIng how he cant IInIsh a sentence. Ie
must Iook so weak.
"IoIt Is-he was my IrIend. Ie was so nIce and-he seemed so nIce. Ie
was awkward, especIaIIy when he danced, and It was Iunny, seemed so
harmIess and cute. ut dIdnt want- never want that on the IIrst-" he
cuts hImseII oII, shakIng hIs head. " thought he was sIck, thought that
he was havIng a bad reactIon to the aIcohoI- was worrIed, thInkIng that
mIght have to take hIm to the doctor and."
jareds eyes IaII away Irom jensen and stares down at hIs hands,
rememberIng how hIs hands and Iegs had shook Iast nIght, how It wouId
have been dIIIIcuIt to IIght IoIt oII II he had been heaIthy. ut hIs own
stupId body had Iought agaInst hIm, had made hIm weak, how he.
Iow hes not okay. jared thInks about how he most deIInIteIy Is not okay
and how he cant make hImseII beIIeve that he Is anymore.
"ut he IIed, he pIayed me, he pushed me and punched hIm- swear
dId-but he dIdnt go down, dIdnt back oII, he thought was pIayIng-
that was just plcying but -" jared chokes out, the sIght oI hIs hands
dIsappearIng aIong wIth the rest oI hIs apartment as everythIng gets
pIunged In pItch-bIack darkness oI hIs memory.
" ran- was goIng to run Ior the phone and then. trIed to IIght back,
know dId. ut thInk onIy hIt hIm one more tIme. Maybe. maybe
dIdnt IIght hard enough and thats why he thought was p-pIayIng? Oh,
God."
"jared," jensen says sternIy, voIce carryIng a deeper resonance to It than
normaI but he has to snap jared out oI the dark panIc that hes sIIppIng
In to. ts strange, reaIIy, to see jared IIke thIs. very tIme theyve met
jensens onIy seen jared as the taII, gorgeous, proud, and guarded
young man. A mystery, a maze, a Iock wIth no key. ven aIter jareds
dates wIth avId and Tom, when hIs shouIders were sIumped, he had
stIII been so ImpenetrabIe, so taII In spIrIt. IIs shIeIded eyes had aIIowed
jared to domInate theIr conversatIons, to tongue-tIe jensen and oIten
enabIe hIm to waIk away wIth the Iast word.
That sIde oI jared IadaIeckI had drawn jensen to hIm but had InIurIated
jensen so deepIy hIs IIngernaIIs ached as II he wanted to-as II he couId
somehow dIg past the mortaIs proud deIenses. ut now jensen aImost
wants that jared back, not Ior jensens sake-gods, no-but Ior jared.
The young man just Iooks so vuInerabIe, IaId out, eyes naked.
ts what jensen wanted. Ie wanted jared to open up to hIm, but not IIke
thIs.
"jared," he repeats and waIts In poInted sIIence untII jareds cIear
champagne eyes IInd hIs. "jared, thIs Is not your IauIt. You dIdnt ask Ior
that bastard to touch you. You dIdnt want It, you saId no, and he dIdnt
IIsten. ThIs Is aII on hIm, thIs Is hIs IauIt, hes the son oI a bItch that
doesnt deserve to breathe the same aIr as you, much Iess Iook at you."
jareds mouth IaIIs open at jensens decIaratIon, IIke It had never
occurred to hIm that IoIt was at IauIt here, that jared was better.
jensen has to Iocus In on jareds eyes, has to Iocus on hIs need to heIp
jared or eIse jensen wouId be out huntIng down a certaIn human,
punIshment Irom hIs Iather be damned (IIteraIIy). The IeveI oI devotIon
jensen aIready has Ior thIs human Is too bIg Ior hIm to understand. Ie
has onIy ever reaIIy IeIt thIs way about a Iew members oI hIs IamIIy.
"ut -"
"Stop," jensen Interrupts and grIns trIumphantIy when jared scowIs at
hIm. "Thats rIght. Iow does It IeeI? eIng Interrupted aII the tIme," he
teases and roIIs hIs eyes when jared onIy sends hIm a conIused Iook.
"The poInt Is that Its over. That bastard dId some despIcabIe thIngs, but
he dIdnt get what he wanted. Ie dIdnt get you. Ies gone."
jared swaIIows, wonders II jensen wIII thInk hIm pathetIc, but hes got to
ask anyway, "What II he comes back?"
"Then thIs tIme youII know. YouII be prepared. You can get away."
jareds shouIders somehow sIump, even In hIs horIzontaI posItIon. Ie
cant descrIbe thIs numb, IoneIy IeeIIng thats weIghIng hIm Into the
cushIons. IIs Iegs ache, anxIous to get up and work out the kInks. IIs
hands hurt IIke ghosts, a sIde eIIect Irom the hard tremors Irom the
nIght beIore.
"I you want you couId caII the poIIce. ssue a restraInIng order." ven as
he says It jensen wonders II jared ever came through on hIs threat to
request a restraInIng order on hIm. "ut youd have to gIve a reason, you
may have to IIIe charges. o you want to do that?"
jared wants to sInk so Iar down In the couch he dIsappears InsIde. "
dont know. m not. can thInk about It?"
jensen smIIes reassurIngIy. "OI course. ut jared, dont Iet IoIt get away
wIth thIs."
Ie nods numbIy, bItIng hIs IIp and aIIowIng a waverIng smIIe, "You dIdnt
Iet hIm get away wIth It. Thank you, jensen."
"m just gIad was here." And hes sorry he dIdnt act Iaster, sorry hIs
IooIIsh jeaIousy caused hIm to waIk away-he wouId have waIked away
and never known II jared hadnt shouted.
"Me too. Though the IoIIowIng me around thIng."
"s endearIng?" jensen voIunteers and hIs Iace Is so hopeIuI, so Innocent
that It makes jared Iaugh.
"Come on, do you IeeI weII enough to sIt up? Iave some oI thIs coIIee
beIore Its coId?" jensen asks, not coaxIng as II jareds a chIId, but gentIe
as II jareds someone specIaI.
"Yeah. -" Ie doesnt know how to get jensen to move wIthout soundIng
rude (whIch Is strange, consIderIng the Iast thIng jared had saId to
jensen beIore Iast nIght was "get the hell cwcy jrom me").
ut jensens aIready standIng up and oIIerIng hIs broad and steady
hand. "Iet me heIp you sIt up?" the other man asks, Iace IIat and honest,
nothIng secret and uIterIor IIashIng In hIs eyes. jareds so startIed by
such Iocus and concern dIrected at hIm-Ior hIm-that he doesnt thInk
twIce beIore he pIaces hIs hand In jensens.
jareds hand Is Iong and coId and IIts In jensens warm one-warm and
wIde IIke the sound oI IIght In hIs souI.
And now that jared thInks about It, the sound oI jensens souI has been
hIs IavorIte Irom the start. Warm and brIght, IIke a sunrIse aIter a coId
nIght-IIght spIIIIng Into the worId, IIght strummIng across the earth to
make musIc.
jared shakes hIs head, wIncIng a IIttIe because hIs head IeeIs as heavy as
a bowIIng baII poIsed precarIousIy on hIs sore, reedy neck. Ie IIIts hIs
shouIders and contracts hIs abs, whIch are sore as weII. ts amazIng
how what had to be onIy about IIve mInutes Iast nIght makes hIm IeeI
IIke he had run an aII-day marathon thIs mornIng.
Ie rIses and swIngs hIs Iegs over, reIIeved that they move wIthout much
protest, and pIants hIs Ieet on the carpet. IIs shoes are oII and jared
ducks hIs head sheepIshIy when he reaIIzes that jensen must have taken
them oII Iast nIght Ior hIm. The room spIns a IIttIe, but In the normaI
rush that happens when he moves Irom horIzontaI to vertIcaI.
"You good?"
"m good. m-shIt," jared curses suddenIy. jensen IeeIs a IIash oI worry
and he curses hImseII. What had he been thInkIng? Ie shouId have
heaIed jareds head InjurIes Iast nIght. Ie had been so sure that It was
just bruIses and that II jared dIdnt have them he wouId ask questIons,
but what made hIm thInk It was okay to rIsk jareds heaIth?
"ts Tuesday. What tIme Is It? have work!" jared goes on. jensens so
reIIeved jareds not In any paIn that he cant heIp the smaII chuckIe but
quIckIy cIamps hIs IIps around the sound when jared sends hIm a nasty
gIare.
jared trIes to get up and jensen hurrIes to bIock hIm, hands hoverIng
over jareds shouIders but not touchIng-he doesnt thInk he can take
jared IIInchIng away Irom hIm, though jensen wouIdnt bIame hIm.
"Woah! o, Its okay, just sIt down jared. IeIax."
"ut, have to go to work. have meetIngs wIth cIIents. Theres Sharon-
mean, theres thIs one cIIent. Shes been wIth me Ior a year and a haII,
shes Iooked so Iong and ve IInaIIy got the match Ior her. Theyre
supposed to meet today. aIways oversee the IIrst meetIngs. And then
theres another one, he." he traIIs oII and IeeIs hIs stomach roII and hIs
throat constrIct.
jensens ImmedIateIy aIarmed by how paIe jared suddenIy gets, "jared?"
"IoIt knows where work. What II he.? mean, Mark aIready has and."
IeIpIessIy he Iets hIs words dIe, not sure oI what he wants to say but the
thoughts pIng around hIs head, heavy and anchorIess.
"ts eIeven ocIock In the mornIng, jared," jensen begIns and jareds
eyes wIden IncreduIousIy at hIm. Ie hasnt sIept that Iong In. In a
coupIe oI years. And on the couch aIter a cIose caII wIth a stranger In hIs
apartment, oI aII thIngs.
"And dont worry about work today. caIIed SophIa."
jareds eyes wIden Iurther. "You-you caIIed my sIster? Iow do you even
know her number? dont beIIeve you," he huIIs and trIes to get up agaIn
and thIs tIme jensen does touch hIm-just IIngertIps on jareds shouIder
-and presses hard enough to encourage jared to sIt back down.
"IIne, dont beIIeve me?" Ie reaches Into hIs pocket and brandIshes hIs
phone. Ie thumbs through the optIons, openIng up "outgoIng caIIs" and
showIng jared the screen where "SophIa IadaIeckI" Is IIsted at the top,
wIth the tIme he caIIed and the duratIon oI the caII.
jared squInts at the screen. "You taIked to my sIster Ior Iorty-nIne
mInutes?"
"She was tryIng to Instruct me on how to cook breakIast Ior you. gg
whItes and spInach? IeaIIy, man?" jensen asks, wrInkIIng hIs nose and
jared roIIs hIs eyes.
"SophIa cooks that Ior me. Shes a nurse and so shes kInd oI a heaIth
Ireak. She doesnt thInk eat enough heaIthy stuII." jared Irowns. "You
dIdnt. teII her dId you?"
jensen Irowns. "jared. you shouIdnt be ashamed oI what happened."
"Id you teII her?" the young man InsIsts, eyes guarded and bIazIng.
jensen bIows out a harsh and Irustrated sIgh.
"o. dIdnt. t wouIdnt be my pIace, jared."
"What dId you teII her?"
jensen shrugs heavIIy. "IonestIy? uIIshIt she dIdnt buy. She saId that
you have untII tonIght to teII her whats goIng on or shes breakIng down
the door and. weII. She broke oII Into threats too many and graphIc to
repeat. She dId say that sheII thInk up somethIng to teII ChannIng," the
other man chuckIes and jared decIdes not to correct hIm on Chads
name. Ies pretty sure jensen knows It, anyway. jensen pIcks up one oI
the coIIee mugs and hands It to jared. The mug Is stIII warm and It seeps
Into jareds paIms and knuckIes.
"Oh, yeah. Iere," the oIder man decIares as he reaches behInd hIm and
puIIs jareds bottIe oI creamer and oIIers It to hIm.
".Id you have my coIIee creamer In your pants?"
jensens grIn Is reaIIy a borderIIne Ieer. Ie wants to IIIrt, to say
somethIng IIke "yech, it wcs c tight jit" or somethIng cIever. ut he
shoves Iewd jokes asIde and says Instead, "Where eIse was goIng to put
It? My hands were IuII."
jared accepts the cup and creamer and takes a sIp. ts stIII warm on Its
way to cooI, but Its warm now and sIIdes thIck and easy down jareds
throat. just the taste oI It Iures jareds eyeIIds to open IuIIy and he
settIes Iurther In the couch to enjoy It. Ie Iooks up at jensen, who seems
to be waItIng Ior somethIng, and reaIIzes that hes waItIng Ior jareds
permIssIon to sIt.
And, staIkIng behavIor asIde, at tImes It does seem that jensens tryIng
to heed jareds demand oI respect by not shovIng hImseII In jareds
space aII the tIme. Ior some reason, maybe because jared Is deveIopIng
a hero compIex, thIs makes jared smIIe.
"SIt." IermIssIon soItIy gIven, jensen does and starts nursIng hIs own
cup oI coIIee.
ts so strange and dIsjoInted to jared. just Iast nIght jared was In a
panIc, IaIIIng through a pIt oI betrayaI, and IeeIIng IIke he was IIghtIng
Ior hIs IIIe. And now hes drInkIng coIIee wIth one oI hIs staIkers-jensen
who had stayed In hIs apartment Iast nIght, who sIept In hIs recIIner and
got up and made the coIIee, covered Ior jareds job by caIIIng hIs sIster.
"So. SophIa," jared says, tIItIng hIs head and narrowIng hIs eyes to
scrutInIze jensens Iace.
"Shes. shrewd. And scary. o oIIense, jared."
"o oIIense taken. SophIas mercIIess. ut how do you know her?"
jensen shIIts uncomIortabIy, not sure how to go about thIs subject
wIthout pIssIng jared oII agaIn. Ies now spent so Iong In the mortaIs
presence when he hasnt been spurned or mIsunderstood and he
doesnt want that to start agaIn. ot when hes IInaIIy come so Iar. (Ie
thInks, though, that II he had to do It agaIn, that wouId be IIne. just thIs
conversatIon aIone Is worth It.)
jensen nervousIy taps hIs IIngers agaInst hIs mug In a muted rhythm.
". Iound her."
"Iound her?" jared asks, tense. Ie no Ionger beIIeves that jensen Is
maIIcIous-or, part oI hIm doesnt beIIeve It. ut jareds just been
attacked and aImost.raped by someone he dIdnt beIIeve maIIcIous
eIther. And staIkIng jared Is one thIng. StaIkIng hIs bIg sIster? IeII no.
"Iook, m not goIng to IIe. You dont want me to IIe to you anymore, do
you? t dIdnt take much to IInd her. knew your name and a magazIne
artIcIe mentIoned that she was your sIster and that you were cIose. t
taIked about her IIvIng here In I.A. AII had to do was Iook In the phone
book." Or, thats aII jake had to do ("youre so helpless, youd think being c
god oj recson you could jigure this out on your own, youre wcsting my
time, Fops"). That IIttIe punk.
" dIdnt do anythIng to her. n Iact, thInk she IIkes me. n a weIrd,
buIIyIng kInd oI way. went there to ask her Ior her.bIessIng."
"m sorry. You asked my sIster Ior her bIessIng? Ior what?"
jensen roIIs hIs eyes, "What ve been tryIng to do Ior aImost two months
now!"
".You got my bIg sIsters permIssIon to staIk me?"
The god Iets out a Irustrated groan, ImpatIence IIIrtIng wIth anger, when
he sees jareds IIps twItch behInd hIs cup oI coIIee.
"Youre. jokIng wIth me," jensen accuses soItIy, awed. ts the most
personaI jareds ever been wIth hIm. ShortIy aIter thIs reaIIzatIon jensen
determInes that jareds sense oI humor sucks II Its goIng to be at
jensens expense aII the tIme.
"A IIttIe," jared conIesses but doesnt Iook sorry. "ut onIy because my
sIster seems to be okay wIth you. So, you went to get her bIessIng. to
ask me out? On a date? Who does that?"
jensen shrugs and takes a sIp oI hIs coIIee. " was runnIng out oI
optIons. was askIng her Ior her sympathy, reaIIy. asked her to heIp
me. ecause my sIster wasnt any heIp at aII. Shes the one that saId
guys IIke eIectronIcs and watches. We saw how weII that turned out," he
says wIth an apoIogetIc shrug.
jared bIInks, stunned. Ie had thought that the TV and watch stunt was
another way Ior jensen to buy jared oII. ut he was apparentIy IoIIowIng
someones advIce. jared shakes hIs head and determInes to dweII on
thIs new InIormatIon Iater.
"And SophIa. actuaIIy heIped you?" jared asks, surprIsed.
"WeII, she threatened to caII the cops. And then she threatened to kIII
me and bury me In the backyard. ut, eventuaIIy. yeah. She gave me
some advIce."
"What dId she teII you?" jared asks, raIsIng hIs eyebrow and turnIng to
settIe agaInst the arm oI the couch, puIIIng up hIs Iegs, tryIng to reIIeve
the ache In them, and tuckIng hIs Ieet In the couch cushIon.
t takes jensen a moment to respond. Ies too IascInated by the sIght oI
jared IoIdIng up hIs Iong body, tuckIng crazy Iong toes and hIs bIg, boney
Ieet Into the couch cushIon.
Maybe somethIng reaIIy is wrong wIth jensen because he thInks he IIkes
jareds jeet.
" cant teII you yet. tII gIve away the surprIse," jensen teases, smIIIng
secretIveIy.
jared roIIs hIs eyes and puIIs hIs cheeks, bIowIng out a sIow breath that
sounds steadIer than he IeeIs. " reaIIy cant take any more surprIses
rIght now."
"Then wont use them untII you can."
The sIIence stretches out. jensen grows restIess. Ies aII Ior heIpIng
jared, though he reaIIy wants to touch the mortaI-wants to put thIs
behInd them and go on. Ies so cIose to jared, so cIose to IInaIIy havIng
the object oI hIs rIdIcuIous obsessIon over the past severaI weeks In hIs
hands.
ut Its somethIng In jareds Iace, maybe the way hes set hIs shouIders
or the way hes just hoIdIng the cup oI coIIee now whIIe hIs other hand
pIcks at a thread In hIs jeans that stops jensen Irom movIng Iorward,
Irom touchIng jared, Irom askIng IIghtIy "wIII you go out wIth me now?"
Ie doesnt reaIIy grasp the reason behInd thIs decIsIon and admIts that
hes underestImated how hard It Is to predIct and understand conIusIng
human behavIor. ut jensens wIIIIng to Iearn just about anythIng Ior
thIs young mortaI.
"You have the day oII. o you want to go anywhere? o anythIng? AIso,
you werent kIddIng about IIkIng movIes," jensen nods to a massIve
doubIewIde booksheII that jared has stocked wIth Vs and VISs.
esIde the booksheII there are two knee-hIgh stacks oI Vs where he
hasnt had the tIme to go out and get another case Ior them.
jared bIInks out oI the sInkIng stIII numbness oI hIs thoughts and
gIances over at hIs movIes. "Yeah. m a IIttIe bIt oI a movIe geek."
"A IIttIe bIt?"
"Shut up," jared snorts and takes a sIp oI coId coIIee. t stIII tastes good,
overIy sweet wIth a Iot oI creamer IIke he IIkes, so he doesnt mInd so
much. Though It sends a shIver through hIm.
"jensen," jared says soItIy.
"Imm?"
"o ones ever gone to get a bIessIng Irom anyone In my IamIIy to date
me. much Iess get permIssIon Irom my crazy bIg sIster to try to convInce
me to date them. Or, whatever you dId."
jensen bIInks. "WeII, can honestIy say that ve never had to do It
beIore."
"You dIdnt have to. n Iact, toId you to stay away so you werent
supposed to."
"ut wcnted to do It," jensen InsIsts urgentIy, tIItIng hIs head and
IeanIng to the sIde, chasIng down jareds eyes when he Iooks away.
"ut why? What couId you possIbIy want wIth me? jensen, youre what?
One oI the top ten rIchest peopIe In the whoIe worId? Youre young and
gorgeous, the magazInes aII caII you a pIayboy-"
"So you do admIt that m hot."
"jensen?
"Imm?"
"Focus."
"IIght."
"Where was ?"
"You were caIIIng me a pIayboy man whore."
" dId not! saId the mcgczines caIIed you that. And saId 'pIayboy, not
'man whore."
"ut you just saId 'man whore. just now."
"Oh my God, m goIng to suIIocate you wIth thIs pIIIow."
"These vIoIent homIcIdaI tendencIes must run In your IamIIy. AIso, It
wouIdnt be such a bad way to dIe, II you were doIng It."
jared roIIs hIs eyes so hard It hurts. "Youre reIentIess. And the dyIng
thIng? s kInd oI creepy. Youd thInk that beIng a."
"IIayboy man whore?"
".Yeah. OK. Whatever. Youd thInk that beIng you, youd be Iess socIaIIy
awkward."
"m not. !suaIIy. ts just. you make me socIaIIy awkward."
"What are you sayIng? That m so socIaIIy awkward make you socIaIIy
awkward?"
"ChrIst. You must be IeeIIng better because youre doIng It agaIn!"
"oIng what?"
jensens hands IIaII as he trIes to put words to hIs thoughts. "The thIng
you do when you twIst my words around and turn them agaInst me!"
ecause hes not goIng through the humIIIatIng experIence oI beIng
kIcked out oI jareds presence agaIn. IeII cement hImseII to jareds
goddamn apartment IIoor II he has to (whIch mIght be just as, II not more
humIIIatIng, but whatever).
ut jared breaks out Into a grIn-wIder and brIghter and better than
anythIng jensen had even ImagIned. WhIte teeth, dImpIes (dimples), pInk
IIps stretched out.
jensens stoppIng that traIn oI thought now. eIore another soIar IIare
or somethIng just as rIdIcuIous happens.
And then jared Iaughs. ts Ioud and Iong and a reaI Iaugh. Ies IaughIng
ct jensen, whIch shouId make hIm IeeI IndIgnant-It does make hIm IeeI
IndIgnant, but heII IIve-but more than anythIng somethIng warm
spreads through hIs chest. ts paInIuI at IIrst, IIke suddenIy the weIght
oI the worId crashes Into hIs sternum, and then It doesnt hurt at aII and
the warmth IeeIs so good. t IeeIs IIke IIght aII around hIm on a warm
summer day.
jensen Ioves easIIy. Ie supposes It has somethIng to do wIth hIs aIIInIty
Ior art-aII poetry, musIc, art, and just about everythIng eIse has to do
wIth Iove In some way. jensens Ioved aII oI hIs Iovers, even some oI hIs
one nIght stands that were too drunk to properIy pronounce hIs name.
Ies onIy been In Iove wIth a Iew oI them, the Iast one an age ago.
And wIth jared, jensen thInks-he IeeIs.
"Youre IaughIng," jensen says agaIn and Iaughs deIIghtedIy hImseII.
" am," jared answers, hardIy soberIng, sounds that couId onIy be
gIggIes (embarrassIngIy enough) escapIng In streams over hIs tongue
and between hIs IIps. ven though hIs body Is sore the Iaughter IeeIs
good.
"At me. AgaIn."
"Yes. You deserve It."
" probabIy do," jensen admIts.
"TeII me why."
"Why what?"
"My questIon earIIer."
".Am a man whore?"
jared snorts. "o. Why me? You can have anyone, jensen."
jensen doesnt hesItate, "Anyone Isnt you."
The young man bIInks, tIIts hIs head, opens hIs mouth and then cIoses It.
Ie repeats the motIon a Iew tImes beIore he huIIs, obvIousIy gIvIng up
on a coherent response.
"You wanna go out? Get out oI here?"
"What?" jared asks dazedIy, jensens words swIrIIng In hIs head. Anyone
isnt you. Anyone isnt you. IIke jareds specIaI, IIke jareds Important and
IIrst and not second best. ut how Is that even possIbIe? Iow Is that
even reaI? ts not. AIter everythIng, aIter MIIo, TImothy, avId, and
Tom. jared knows that heII aIways be second best, that heII never IInd
hIs souI mate. What jensens ImpIyIng Is not possIbIe. o one wIII ever
Iook at jared IIke hes Important. o one wIII ever Iook at jared the way
hIs matched cIIents-souI mates-Iook at one another.
"Youre takIng the day oII! You shouId enjoy It, get out oI thIs apartment,
go outsIde and enjoy It. Iey, heard Its not supposed to be rIdIcuIousIy
coId today. a IIttIe above seventy degrees!" jensen says excItedIy and
jared cant heIp the smaII smIIe at jensens enthusIasm over the
weather. t aIso means that jared had guessed rIght on the nIght oI hIs
date wIth Tom. jensen had been IoIIowIng jared, It was obvIous the man
had an unnaturaI hatred Ior the coId.
"ut. where wIII go?"
" dont know. Get your two dogs guess. The park, maybe?" jensen
shrugs. "eIInIteIy Iood, though. m hungry."
jared raIses an eyebrow, "Oh? Youre InvItIng yourseII aIong?"
"Yes. Or, weII, that Is II you want?"
jared thInks that II he does go out aIone then what II IoIt IInds hIm?
WantIng revenge Ior the bIows jensen deaIt hIm, wantIng to IInIsh what
he started Iast nIght. jared shudders unconscIousIy. t mIght be wImpy
oI hIm, but jared reaIIy doesnt want to be aIone today. Or tonIght. Ie
wonders II Its compIeteIy crazy oI hIm to want to crash on Chad and
SophIas couch Ior the rest oI the week.
So jared smIIes and doesnt take the tIme to be puzzIed over the wave oI
aIIectIon that hIts hIm. "Youd just IoIIow me anyway."
"Today? Yeah, probabIy," jensen conIesses, not even thInkIng about
IyIng thIs tIme.
jared roIIs hIs eyes agaIn and makes a move to set hIs empty coIIee cup
on the coIIee tabIe but Is surprIsed when jensen quIckIy stands and
gentIy takes the mug Irom hIs hand and pads to the kItchen to put It up.
"You dont have to do that?" jared questIons aIter hIm, stunned.
Ie hears a cIInk In hIs metaI sInk and a soIt chuckIe. "ts aIready done.
So. Were goIng?"
"Yeah, guess. ut IIrst need to. to wash up and change." jared
wrInkIes hIs nose because hIs cIothes smeII acrId wIth cIgarette smoke
Irom the bar, and aIso he IeeIs IIke he can smeII IoIt on hIm, too. "What
about you?" he asks as he stands up. ts stupId, but jared wouId rather
not be aIone Iong enough Ior jensen to go back to hIs house and change.
" dont know," jensen answers as he steps up to jared. "o smeII?"
jared dodges away, another Iaugh cIamorIng In hIs chest, "ude. m not
goIng to snijj you."
jensen gIves an exaggerated wInk but doesnt goad Iurther, bItIng down
on the "you know you wcnt to, bcby".
"Iey, beIore we get the dogs, -" jared takes a deep breath, Iets It out,
and trIes to say the rest wIthout mumbIIng. " want to go by the poIIce
statIon. Iress charges."
"Yeah?" jensen echoes, rockIng back on hIs heeIs. Ie thought jared
shouId, Its just that jensen hadnt expected hIm to go to the poIIce-
hadnt expected It and reaIIy wouIdnt have bIamed the mortaI Ior not
speakIng up. jensen wouIdnt have. WeII, that wouId be because jensen
wouId have deaIt wIth the probIem usIng other.methods.
"Yeah," jared sIghs. " mean, Its embarrassIng but. what II he does thIs
to someone eIse?" WhIch Is jareds bIggest concern. What II IoIt had
hurt someone beIore jared? And that person hadnt reported It. the
whoIe thIng Iast nIght couId have been avoIded. What II jared dIdnt
press charges now and IoIt hurt someone Iater? That wouId be on
jared.
jensen crosses hIs arms, IrownIng, "s that the onIy reason?"
"o," jared says, aIter a measure. "o. want IoIt to be punIshed. want
hIm to understand that no meant no. dont ever want to see hIm agaIn."
jensen smIIes gooIy wIth prIde. jared just bIInks at hIm, conIused, beIore
easIng tenderIy to hIs Ieet.
"m goIng to get ready. ont touch anythIng. specIaIIy my movIes."
"Yes, dear," jensen cracks and the backIash In jareds gIare Is aImost
physIcaI.
AIter jared stomps oII and shuts (and Iocks) the bedroom door behInd
hIm, It occurs to jensen how bad oI an Idea thIs Is.
Ior Instance? IIs ears pIck up the cotton sIIp oI jareds t-shIrt as he
puIIs It oII behInd the door. Ie can hear the clink oI jareds beIt buckIe,
the pop oI hIs button, the vrip oI the zIpper. jensen hears the rustIe oI
denIm sIIdIng down Iong, tan Iegs. Ie can hear the sncp oI eIastIc as
jared takes oII hIs underwear (boxer-brIeIs, perhaps?).
Ies practIcaIIy IIstenIng In on a strIp show, so oI course hIs mInd starts
suppIyIng In thIngs he cant see. And when hIs mInd starts up the reeI oI
jared puIIIng hIs underwear (boxer-brIeIs, bIue, jensen decIdes) over the
sweII oI what has to be a great ass, he IeeIs hIs pants tIghtenIng
uncomIortabIy and-
And jensens rIght hand catches IIre.
His right hcnd is on jire.
"Guh!" he grunts as he IrantIcaIIy waves hIs hand up and down-It
doesnt burn hIs skIn, oI course, but ItII burn jareds apartment down II
he touches anythIng. When IIaIIIng doesnt work jensen, agaInst aII
reason, trIes to bIow the IIre out. The IIre doesnt go out.
t spreads up hIs Iorearm.
jensen makes another strangIed sound as he dIves Ior the kItchen sInk,
extInguIshIng the IIames wIth the water. Ie breathes a sIgh oI reIIeI
when he sees that theres no damage done to hIs cIothes or the
apartment.
SerIousIy, hes got to get these IvIne AImost-oners IIgured out.
ts about thIs tIme that jared pads out oI hIs bedroom, strands oI hIs
haIr wet Irom where he washed hIs Iace, dressed In a soIt whIte t-shIrt
and Iaded jeans rIpped at the knees. Ie puIIs up short to stare at jensen
whos standIng In the mIddIe oI the kItchen drIppIng water and starIng
sheepIshIy back at jared.
"jensen. What. what the heII happened?" jared asks careIuIIy and
watches jensens Iace draw up Into a scowI (that reaIIy Iooks more IIke a
pout.)
"othIng. Iets just get out oI here."
jareds vaIIant eIIort to bIte down on hIs Iaughter Is successIuI, though
hes not sure hIs Iace IooIs jensen because the other man Irowns
deeper.
A coupIe oI hours Iater theyre at the park where jared escaped to aIter
Tom ran out. The poIIce statIon Is behInd them a coupIe oI bIocks and
hopeIuIIy movIng back In jareds mInd as weII. jared pressed charges
and the poIIce had photo cataIogued jareds InjurIes, taken jensens
wItness statement, and were now In the process oI IocatIng IoIt and
brIngIng hIm In. The whoIe thIng meant Iawyers and court and Iong
months oI drama that may onIy resuIt In a year or two In jaII or a bIg IIne.
The whoIe ordeaI had shaken jared. Ied been mortIIIed when he had
shown hIs bruIses Irom IoIt to the poIIce-a Iarge, bIoomIng one on hIs
chIn and the IInger-shaped ones on jareds arm and hIps, whIch had
made jensen growI. ut jensen couId teII by the IncreasIngIy reIaxIng
shouIders oI the other man that jared was becomIng comIortabIe and
even proud oI hIs decIsIon.
jensen was proud, too, and a IIttIe bIt pIeased at jareds mentaI
strength. othIng so proIound as the staIwart mentaIIty oI soIdIers and
warrIors-jensen thInks oI the Trojan War In partIcuIar, but he supposes
aII gods use that war as a Irame oI reIerence out oI habIt. ut such
courage Is ImpressIve In a (potentIaI) Iover.
AIter the poIIce statIon they had gone to jareds sIsters house where
they pIcked up the dogs. jensen dIdnt IeeI anythIng In partIcuIar Ior
domestIcated anImaIs and aII anImaIs tended to sense hIs otherworIdIy
nature and stay away Irom hIm, anyway. SadIe and IarIey were no
exceptIon. They Iowered theIr ears and trIed to dIsappear when jensen
was cIose or even so much as gIanced at them. Iowever, they stayed
resoIuteIy between jared and jensen whenever they couId. IIke they
couId sense the danger In jensens dIvInIty and even though It terrIIIed
them they had determIned to protect jared.
Thats what jensen Iound cute about jareds two mutts. What was not
cute was that wIth the two bIg monsters between them jensen couIdnt
ccsuclly grasp Ior jareds hand as they waIked.
Ie supposes jared mIght punch hIm Ior hIs eIIorts, anyway.
AIter they pIcked up the dogs they went to the park where they had
grabbed a coupIe oI hot dogs Irom a hot dog stand. jensen had been Iess
than pIeased. Ie IIked hot dogs weII enough, but the stand was Iess
than sanItary. ot that It wouId hurt jensen or make hIm sIck. ts the
prIncIpIe oI the thIng.
jared had smIIed wIde and brIght IIke It was ChrIstmas aII over agaIn.
"Reclly, ]cred? This stcnd is disgusting."
"Are you too good Ior a hot dog stand, AckIes?" jared teases as he shIIts
-practIcaIIy bounces-Irom one Ioot to another as they stand In IIne
behInd one other person.
"Yes. And you shouId be, too."
"IIne. You can eat somewhere eIse."
jensen gIves a put upon sIght, "IIne. guess can do thIs."
"Sure you can. m gettIng three. Maybe Iour. m starvIng. And SophIa
aIways makes me eat gross heaIthy Iood IIke m stIII some IIttIe kId.
havent had a hot dog In ages."
"Why dont you just teII her no?"
jared just gIves hIm a Iook.
"Youre rIght. wouIdnt want to say no to her, eIther."
ow, aIter the hot dogs are gone and aIter jareds engaged the dogs In
Iong games oI Ietch, theyre sIttIng at a pIcnIc tabIe across Irom one
another. The dogs are at jareds Ieet, jared toeIng at the bIgger one-
IarIey-and scoIIIng, "Youre gettIng Iazy, boy."
jareds IIke a IIttIe kId or somethIng, because IIrst hot dogs and now an
Ice cream cone (chocoIate) Irom an Ice cream stand. jensens poIntedIy
not IookIng at jareds mouth and tongue as he eats It (thIs Is torture, thIs
Is torture and hes dead and jensens reaIIy In Tartarus somehow and
beIng tortured).
jared watches jensen pout Into hIs whIte StyroIoam cup that hoIds
syrupy hot chocoIate and trIes not to Iaugh.
" cant beIIeve your vendetta agaInst the coId extends to Ice cream,"
jared observes as he IIcks the Ice cream, tongue IoIIowIng a meItIng drop
down to hIs IIngers because he Iorgot to get a napkIn. Ie wIshes he
werent wearIng such IIght cIothIng so he couId wIpe hIs hands on hIs
cIothes. t cant be attractIve to be suckIng on hIs IIngers IIke a
gIuttonous IIve year oId.
.ot that hes tryIng to be attractIve to jensen. Or anythIng.
The vIsIt to the poIIce had been stressIuI, nerve wrackIng, and
IrustratIng. jared had been tempted to turn around, waIk out the door
and try hIs damndest to Iorget about the whoIe thIng on hIs own. The
paperwork aIone was rIdIcuIous and It seemed IIke he repeated the same
story at Ieast ten tImes-whIch had been mortIIyIng because most oI
them showed a IIash oI IncreduIIty (and maybe worse) that a guy jareds
sIze couId be attacked by IoIt. The entIre process had been mInd-
numbIngIy sIow, he dIdnt know how the precInct got any work done.
Then jensen, who was waItIng near the entrance whIIe they had taken
jared to a conIerence room In the back, had bIown In. Ie decIared
hImseII a wItness and that he had Iought IoIt oII, he IIashed hIs .. and
dropped what mIght have been hIs Iathers name and suddenIy everyone
was scrambIIng to get down jareds InIormatIon and statement. t
seemed onIy seconds aIter that they caIIed In the order to arrest IoIt
and then had merrIIy pushed jensen and jared out the door, apoIogIzIng
proIuseIy Ior any InconvenIence.
t wouId normaIIy annoy hIm that once agaIn jensens money aIIorded
hIm specIaI treatment. ut jared had been starvIng at that poInt, angry,
restIess, and bored to tears In that room and Ior the moment he was just
grateIuI that jensen had agreed to go wIth hIm and stay wIth hIm at aII.
"ts not a vendetta Its just. CoId Is uncomIortabIe. CoId Is dark." jensen
huIIs and takes another sIp oI hIs hot chocoIate.
"ThIs coId Is sweet," jared says, IndIcatIng the cone and unconscIousIy
IIckIng hIs stIcky IIps. "And coId can be brIght."
jensen Irowns. "Iows that?"
"WeII, snow," jared shrugs. "ve onIy IIved here and In Texas so dont
see snow a Iot, but went to northern CaIIIornIa a coupIe oI years ago Ior
skIIng. When the sun hIt that snow It was so brIght couId bareIy keep
my eyes open to see where was goIng. t was brIghter than any day In
the summer." Ie wants to add that jensens souI sounds IIke that day on
the snow sIopes-so brIght he cant see.
jensen Iooks up at jared then, eyes so brIIIIant and so many shades oI
green theyre IIke prIsms.
"Thats. beautIIuI," jensen observes, not as jensen the Iaux human, but
as patron oI the arts. t Is a beautIIuI Idea, an IntrIguIng Image In hIs
head. Ie IIkes It.
jared mentaIIy pInches hImseII so he doesnt bIush or anythIng Iame IIke
that. Ie shrugs and takes a bIte out oI hIs cone.
"So. Iow dId you get InvoIved wIth TrueOne? Id you aIways want to be
a matchmaker when you grew up?" jensen asks as he sets the thIck
chocoIate substance to the sIde and taps hIs IIngers on the wood In a
vague rhythm Instead. Ie stIII Iooks a IIttIe to the sIde oI jareds mouth
and that godsdamned Ice cream cone.
"Are we makIng smaII taIk?" jared asks skeptIcaIIy. They reaIIy hadnt
had tIme to taIk between the poIIce and eatIng, but jared cant say that
hes not enjoyIng thIs day or jensens company. jensen had been nothIng
but heIpIuI Iast nIght, thIs mornIng, and at the poIIce department.
esIdes throwIng hIs name around to get them out oI the poIIce statIon
as Iast as possIbIe, jensens taIked so IIttIe about hImseII and hIs weaIth
that jared keeps catchIng hImseII IorgettIng just who jensen Is. ut
when he does Iorget and he IaIIs Into IrIendIy banter wIth the man. Its
nIce. jared has a Iot oI IrIends, a Iot oI peopIe who are nIce to hIm. OId
and new cIIents, hIs co-workers. Chads hIs best IrIend, but hes aIso
engaged to SophIa and about to be a marrIed man and he doesnt have
as much tIme and Iocus to spend wIth jared. MIsha Is perhaps the
person jared spends the most tIme wIth now, but thats onIy about once
or twIce a week because theyre both busy.
Who wouId have thought jared wouId be hangIng out wIth hIs staIker
today as II they were IrIends?
"WeII, yeah. Or we couId stare Into each others eyes."
"Shut up, smart ass," jared grIns. " never thought oI beIng a
matchmaker when was younger," he starts wIth a shrug. "ut ve
aIways been good at matchIng peopIe-at seeIng the compatIbIe traIts
between two peopIe. guess m pretty observant IIke that.
"WhIIe was at !CIA my." jared traIIs oII and IIcks hIs IIps. ts aIways
hard to say thIs part though Its not exactIy a secret. Ies toId a
magazIne and a newspaper the story beIore so Its not prIvate It just.
stIII hurts. Ie cIears hIs throat. "My mom passed away. My Iather.
hasnt been part oI the pIcture Ior a Iong tIme beIore that. Ier IIIe
Insurance wasnt much and both me and Soph were stIII In schooI.
wasnt even reaIIy haII way done wIth my Iour years at the unIversIty but
SophIa was just a year away Irom graduatIng Irom nursIng schooI.
dropped out so my tuItIon couId go to SophIa. That stIII dIdnt heIp wIth
our IIvIng expenses so started the websIte. t was hard at IIrst-we
dIdnt reaIIy have a way to advertIse It, no way to prove It was IegIt. ut
aIter a whIIe It took oII and we were abIe to IIve more comIortabIy.
" matched up thIs guy-an oIder gentIeman. Anyway, he turned out to
be some rIch CO-er, sorry," jared tacks on, because the way he had
saId "rIch CO" hadnt sounded aII that poIIte.
jensen Irowns, not sure what jareds apoIogIzIng Ior. "ts no bIg deaI.
Go on," he urges.
"Anyway, so thIs guy thought that wouId be more successIuI II had a
staII to heIp me out and a physIcaI "home base" guess. Ie Iound thIs
buIIdIng, bought It, gave us the money Ior a bIgger database and Iunded
our IIrst marketIng campaIgn. Ie and hIs partner are. amazIng. The
whoIe thIng was unbeIIevabIe, surreaI."
"IIs gratItude just shows how desperate peopIe are Ior Iove, how much
they hate the Idea oI IIvIng theIr IIves aIone."
jared Iooks up Irom hIs cone, soggy Irom the remaInIng meItIng Ice
cream, wIth wIde startIed eyes at jensens soIt and cged voIce. The other
mans IookIng at hIm wIth somethIng akIn to admIratIon and It makes
jared IeeI specIaI, even whIIe jensens words nIck hIs aIready sore heart.
Ie does know how desperate peopIe are Ior Iove, how they hate beIng
IoneIy. ecause thats what jared IeeIs everyday, ever sInce TImothy.
And these past Iew weeks oI datIng, oI IorcIng hImseII to IeeI hope-
especIaIIy aIter Tom, hadnt heIped thIngs. n Iact, they had onIy made
thIngs worse.
"What you do. Its kInd oI heroIc, In a way," jensen goes on. Ie cant
heIp but be a IIttIe awed by thIs human. Ie hadnt reaIIzed that jared
and SophIa dIdnt have theIr parents, and that they had started out as
part oI a Iow-Income cIass-brIeIIy wIth no Income-beIore jared sIngIe
handedIy brought he and hIs sIster and perhaps even hIs IrIend Chad to
where they were now.
"Oh yeah?" jared asks, amused. " want to hear thIs."
"m serIous. Iook, ve seen a Iot." At jareds derIsIve snort he roIIs hIs
eyes. " know you dont think have, beIng rIch and sheItered or
whatever, but ve seen enough. IeopIe IIve In Iear oI beIng aIone and
when you gIve them someone to Iove, that Ioves them, you. Iree them oI
that Iear. See? IeroIc."
jared scoIIs but hIdes hIs gooIy grIn by stuIIIng the rest oI hIs cone In hIs
mouth, causIng jensen to wrInkIe hIs nose much IIke he had at the hot
dog stand. jared mIght be IosIng hIs mInd, but he secretIy thInks the
nose-wrInkIIng thIng Is cute. ot that he wouId ever say that out Ioud,
even under paIn oI death.
A Iew moments oI sIIence stretch out, not awkward but maybe not the
most comIortabIe, as jared chews.
"What did you want to be when you grew up?" jensen asks suddenIy and
cracks a grIn at jareds raIsed eyebrow and over-stuIIed mouth. " mean,
you saId that TrueOne was more a back-up pIan. What were you In
coIIege Ior?"
Ie IInIshes chewIng sIowIy, swaIIows, and he knows that the surprIse he
IeeIs must transIate onto hIs Iace. ts just, no ones ever asked jared
that beIore. Most peopIe are onIy Interested In the story behInd
TrueOne, whIch jared doesnt mInd. Ie Ioves TrueOne, wouIdnt trade It
Ior the worId. xcept maybe.
" had onIy been at !CIA Ior two years when Mom dIed, so d onIy taken
generaI studIes, but. was accepted Into and was startIng my IIrst
semester In the undergrad program at !CIAs SchooI oI Theatre, IIIm,
and TeIevIsIon," he admIts a IIttIe wIstIuIIy.
"Woah, thats awesome, man. What were you In there Ior? To be an
actor?" jensen teases a IIttIe, both enjoyIng the aImost sad smIIe that
jared has because It means hes openIng up just a IIttIe more to jensen,
but aIso hatIng It a IIttIe because jareds sad. jensen IuIIy reaIIzes that
no one can be happy aII the tIme-the worId, or the worIds arts, anyway,
wouId be borIng II that was the case. ut even that ratIonaIe doesnt
stop jensen Irom wantIng jared to aIways be happy.
jared groans, "eIInIteIy not actIng. mean, dId It In hIgh schooI but m
pretty sure was horrIbIe. And even II wasnt the whoIe process Is a Iot
more mIserabIe than peopIe thInk. Or, weII, actIng was a mIserabIe thIng
In hIgh schooI drama cIass, anyway." Ie shrugs and gentIy toes IarIey In
hIs beIIy agaIn, gIancIng under the tabIe to watch hIs dog grumbIe and
squIrm Into jareds Ioot, sIIentIy beggIng Ior more attentIon.
" dont know," he sIghs, IookIng back up at jensen. "IrectIng?
IroducIng? ScreenwrItIng? Stunt coordInatIng? wanted to do
everythIng. dIdnt reaIIy have enough tIme to IIgure out whIch
preIerred."
"o you regret It?"
jared tIIts hIs head, bIowIng hIs bangs out oI hIs eyes when they IaII over
hIs Iorehead. "o," he says IIrmIy. ". mIss It. mIss the communIty oI
movIe nerds just IIke me. wouId have IIked to IInIsh my degree there.
ut wouIdnt gIve up TrueOne Ior It."
When the other man Is quIet Ior a Iong tIme jared turns Irom where he
was eyeIng a Iather and hIs young son pIayIng wIIIIe baII to Iook at
jensen whos just smIIIng. kInd oI dorky-IIke (Its not cooI or suave IIke
In aII oI the magazIne photos oI hIm ct cll).
"What?" jared asks, IaughIng a IIttIe nervousIy.
The oIder man just shrugs, shakIng hIs head a IIttIe. "ts nothIng." l
think youre c little cmczing.
jared Irowns a IIttIe In conIusIon but seems to dIsmIss It. "You want to go
Ior a waIk?"
"Yeah, sounds good."
They get up, jared hoIdIng SadIes Ieash and handIng jensen IarIeys
Ieash. IarIey Iooks dIstInctIy dIspIeased at the arrangement but stays
subdued. They take a path that cIrcIes that man-made pond and wInds
Into a wooded area beIore breakIng back out Into the open space oI the
park.
"What about you?" jared asks when they reach the edge oI the pond.
"What about me?" the other man responds quIckIy, wInkIng brIeIIy at
jared to show that hes jokIng.
"You know. StuII about you. What do you do?"
"You want to know about me?" jensen echoes, unsure. Ie just dIdnt
thInk jared wouId be wIIIIng to return the smaII "get to know you" taIk.
And, honestIy, a Iong strIng oI jensens past Iovers hadnt reaIIy cared
about jensen, who he was, what he dId. And yes, technIcaIIy "jensen" Is
a IIe, but not many had cared enough to get to know hIm.
"WeII, yeah?" jared asks back, shootIng hIm a strange Iook Irom the
corner oI hIs eyes. " mean. why wouIdnt ?"
"ecause you thInk m a staIker," jensen poInts out.
"You are a staIker."
" wouIdnt be II youd just Iet me In," jensen grumbIes under hIs breath
and jared chooses to Ignore that comment Ior now. Ies IeeIIng better
but theres stIII a bIack hoIe oI numbness when It comes to what
happened wIth IoIt the nIght beIore and jared just doesnt have the
energy to broach the subject oI why jensen had started thIs persIstent
campaIgn to go out wIth hIm.
"Stop beIng dIIIIcuIt and answer the questIon."
jensen huIIs, "IIne." Ie smIIes charmIngIy at jared to show that hes
kIddIng beIore IookIng agaIn to the path ahead oI hIm. "WeII, as you
know m pretty weII-oII. My dad started and owns thIs teIecom
busIness.or, Is It aIrIInes?" he asks the Iast part soItIy to hImseII,
because Its the IIrst tIme In a whIIe sInce jensens taken hIs aIIas wIth
another IamIIy member besIdes AdrIanne, and even though Zeus-jeIIrey
-Is supposed to be theIr Iather they havent taIked to hIm. not even
when they IIrst set up the aIIas, whIch had been arranged and settIed
over the phone.
So Its easy Ior jensen to Iorget what hIs Iathers up to these days.
"What do you mean? Youre not sure?" jared trIes not to snap (whIch Is
Iunny, because he wouIdnt have mInded snappIng at jensen yesterday)
but he IInds It rIdIcuIous that jensen doesnt know stuII about hIs IamIIy,
IIke how he hadnt been sure II MIke was hIs cousIn. Was jensen reaIIy so
InIIated by hIs own sense oI seII-Importance that he was obIIvIous to
everythIng eIse?
"WeII, no. . me and my Iather dont taIk a Iot. havent even seen hIm
sInce was a kId."
jareds eyes wIden and he deIIates, IeeIIng an ImmedIate pang oI guIIt.
Ie Ignores the whIsper In hIs head, the dIstorted one that sounds IIke It
comes through water or a tunneI, the on that hIsses, "Youre no son oj
mine".
"Oh, m sorry," he says and means It. Moved, he gentIy and brIeIIy
pIaces a comIortIng hand on jensens Iorearm beIore IettIng It sIIp away.
When jareds hand touches hIs arm, even though jensens wearIng
materIaI between theIr skIn (and jensens never been sorrIer Ior hIs
dIsIIke oI cooI weather beIore), he stIII IeeIs a warm spark through hIs
body IoIIowed by a vIctorIous rush.
Iuh. o one eIses touch has ever done such a thIng.
"ts okay. m used to It," he says honestIy and wonders at the troubIed
Iook jared has. Ie cIears hIs throat and goes on. " dont have a degree
or anythIng. mean, ve been traIned to take over my Iathers busIness
II want, but the money Is mIne eIther way. ve mostIy traveIed aII oI my
IIIe. do attend coIIeges and unIversItIes sometImes. just not Ior a
degree."
jensen turns to IInd jareds eyes on hIm In rapt attentIon. The Iocus kInd
oI startIes jensen but he doesnt compIaIn. "WeII, what do you go to
coIIege and unIversItIes Ior, besIdes a degree?" jared demands.
"CIasses?" jensen echoes jareds questIonIng voIce to tease hIm. "o,
reaIIy. coIIect hobbIes, or guess Its better to say that m Interested In
a Iot oI thIngs. MostIy stuII to do wIth the arts and humanItIes."
"So. . . " jared Ieads whenever jensen stops as II jareds supposed to get
what hes taIkIng about-as II thIs Is normcl.
"So sIt In on the cIasses that pIque my Interest. Some IIterature cIasses,
poetry and creatIve workshops. except some oI the Iecturers are too
borIng to handIe. MostIy IIke to go to musIc and art cIasses."
"Theory or practIce?"
"What?"
"WeII, do you go to cIasses that teach theory and hIstory-IIke, dont
know, Art IIstory maybe? Or do you just stIck to more hands-on
cIasses?"
jensens not crude or anythIng, but sInce jareds the one that put
"hands-on" out there jensens IuIIy prepared to take advantage oI It (In a
pureIy harmIess and IIIrtatIous way) when jared seems to know what
jensens goIng to say beIore he even says It and queIIs It wIth a look.
"oth. IIke both theory and practIce," jensen answers. ThIs Is aII true,
actuaIIy. jensen has been attendIng varIous coIIeges and unIversItIes
over the years, aII types oI degree programs. Irom ArIstotIes Iectures to
AI-Azhar !nIversIty, to cIasses at juIIard. Ie IIkes to IIsten to humans
and theIr theorIes oI art, IIkes to see the art they produce, he IIkes to
watch and be part oI the changIng trends.
Ie mIght have whIspered InspIratIon Into the ears oI poets, noveIIsts,
musIcIans, and artIsts at those unIversItIes over the years as weII.
WeII, the cute ones, anyway.
"Iuh," jared mutters to hImseII but doesnt say anythIng eIse.
"Iuh, what? What does that mean?" jensen asks aIter a Iew moments.
"just. ts InterestIng."
"nterestIng bad or InterestIng good?"
"nterestIng good. thInk Its cooI that you are takIng so many cIasses
because you want to."
"ut?"
"WeII, Its not normaI. mean, Is It even possIbIe? Can peopIe reaIIy do
that II they want?" jared turns to hIm, hazeI eyes IIght and curIous.
jensen doesnt answer hIm, hes possIbIy a IIttIe reIuctant (read. aIraId)
to, so he just gIves jared a Iook oI hIs own. jensen knows he gets It when
the young man purses hIs IIps and nods.
"Money."
"t reaIIy can buy just about everythIng," jensen reIuctantIy admIts. ut
jared doesnt seem mad or anythIng.
" stIII thInk Its cooI. To have that Ireedom to pIck and choose what you
Iearn and not be graded," hIs brows Iurrow. "Youre not graded or
anythIng, are you?"
jensen snorts, "IeII, no." And jared Iaughs.
ot Ior the IIrst tIme today jensen gets caught up In the way jared tIIts
hIs head back when he Iaughs, exposIng hIs Iong throat and jensen
knows. Ie knows he has to have jared. jared has to be In hIs IIIe IIke
thIs. very day, II possIbIe.
"Go out wIth me," jensen demands, much IIke he had on the IIrst day,
except thIs tIme he wants to wInce. Why Is he, oI aII gods and humans,
suddenIy bIurtIng out thIngs wIthout thInkIng about them IIrst?
jensens words make jared haIt mId-step and jensen stops wIth them,
turnIng to Iace hIm. The oIder man Iooks. Iooks mIIdIy embarrassed that
he asked (or commanded, reaIIy) but hes standIng hIs ground, waItIng
Ior jareds answer.
"Why?" jared sIghs, IeeIIng tIred and used up aII oI a sudden. These past
Iew weeks, whIIe amusIng at tImes, now IeIt nothIng short oI a
nIghtmare. ates that werent Interested In hIm, that were too
Interested In hIm, that he was second best to. that he was nothIng
more than a body to. And then Iast nIght, hIs Ieet IreezIng to the IIoor
hadnt been Iear. IIs hands shakIng pIn-prIckIng numb wasnt panIc.
Ie was gettIng worse. IIs body was goIng to get worse. hIs mInd, too.
jareds sIowIy reaIIzIng that hes not okay, and he doesnt want to be
taken advantage oI anymore. And he aIso dIdnt want to be IeIt behInd
anymore. ut he Is so tIred oI beIng aIone. Ies so tIred oI not havIng
anyone to Iove and oI not havIng anyone to Iove hIm In return.
jareds not even sure what he wants or how he wants to answer thIs
reIentIess man. jensens persIstence Is aImost IIatterIng, though hIs
unusuaI attentIon couId aIso be dangerous. ut Iast nIght jensen had
come to jareds rescue, had stayed wIth jared at hIs request though
jared dIdnt oIIer hIm any comIorts IIke Iood or cIothes or a decent pIace
to sIeep. jensen had sat patIentIy at the poIIce statIon today wIth jared,
and had taken actIon rIght beIore jared was goIng to gIve It up. And
today had been. nIce. OddIy reIaxed and easy and good.
So now jared stands and waIts Ior jensen, who has shIIted Irom nuiscnce
to threct to puzzle In under twenty Iour hours, to answer.
"ecause! ecause youre hot as heII, jared IadaIeckI!" jensen excIaIms
and jared Irowns. ven as a pIeased bIush zIngs through hIs veIns he
shudders coIdIy as IoIts husky voIce thrums through hIs skIn IIke a
song dIstorted on a statIc-heavy radIo statIon.
God, youre so jucking hot. Strecmlined. How ccn c guy cs tcll cs you jeel so
goddcmn compcct?
"And because youre smart and ambItIous. ecause you work hard and
you dont back down to anyone-even one oI the rIchest men In the
worId! just because youre you."
".ut what wouId you want Irom me?" jared asks and cant manage to
brIng anger Into hIs words, just resIgnatIon. veryone wanted
somethIng. TImothy had wanted a jared that was heaIthy. Mark had
wanted to own jared. ameIess Iaces had wanted jared because he was
semI-Iamous. Tom hadnt wanted anythIng Irom jared-or maybe he had
wanted jared to heIp hIm Iorget about MIke. IoIt had wanted everythIng
but what jared was wIIIIng to gIve.
"IonestIy? aIready have It. toId SophIa about what wanted when she
Interrogated me on her door step yesterday."
The remInder that jensen taIked to hIs bIg sIster, that jensen cIaIms that
SophIa approves oI jensen, makes jared Ioosen the tense muscIes In the
back oI hIs neck a IIttIe. "And what was that?"
" wanted to make you Iaugh. wanted a chance to reaIIy taIk to you.
And." jensen traIIs oII, shIItIng hIs weIght, not nervous. Ies not
nervous oI communIcatIng hIs IeeIIngs, he never has been. IIs IamIIy has
no shame In generaI, but unIIke certaIn sIbIIngs IIke ChrIs, jensens Iree
wIth hIs passIon when he IeeIs It. AgaIn, he (or, thIs Is what AdrIanne
says, anyway) supposes that It has to do wIth hIs aIIIIIatIon wIth the arts.
"And?" jared prompts anxIousIy when he IeeIs jensen Is sIIent Ior too
Iong.
"And thInk II want anythIng, reaIIy want you to.want me around. To
want me."
jared swaIIows thIckIy and It sounds so Iame but hIs whoIe worId
coIIapses around earnest green eyes and he aImost says yes. Ie wants
to say yes because he doesnt thInk anyones ever spoken to hIm IIke
that beIore. Ie doesnt thInk anyones ever even Iooked at jared beIore
IIke jensens IookIng at hIm now.
jensen watches jareds Iace, watches hIs eyes shutter cIose and then
open, watches In the tensIng and reIaxIng muscIes oI hIs neck and
sInewy arms the waIIs wIthIn jared crumbIe and rebuIId and crumbIe.
Ies surprIsed when he IeeIs hIs heart start racIng In antIcIpatIon, but
he reIIshes In the rush and watches as the young mortaI trIes to make a
decIsIon.
"Ask me tomorrow," jared says suddenIy, breath rushIng out Ioud to hIs
ears and coverIng up hIs words, but jensen seems to understand hIm
anyway. The oIder man Iooks conIused and maybe a IIttIe hurt, whIch
puIIs uncomIortabIy at somethIng In jareds heart.
"Tomorrow?" the god repeats duIIy, careIuIIy. jared reIaxes compIeteIy,
rockIng back on hIs heeIs as hIs head bobs up and down so IrantIcaIIy
rockIng back on hIs heeIs as hIs head bobs up and down so IrantIcaIIy
that hIs haIr IIIes Into hIs eyes.
"Yeah. Yeah. Tomorrows good," jared conIIrms, thInkIng that thIs Is a
good decIsIon. That gIves hIm a day. A day to reaIIy thInk about thIs-
about jensen. A day to taIk to SophIa II he needs to, maybe even Chad.
"jared." jensen sIghs, hIs patIence once agaIn sIIppIng out oI controI
over thIs humans antIcs.
" hear you, OK? . just need to thInk Ior a IIttIe bIt." jensen watches as
jareds Iace soItens In a way that It never has when hes Iooked at
jensen beIore. " need to make sure that II agree Its not because oI
some hero compIex. dont thInk eIther oI us wants that."
jensen cuts oII hIs retort and thInks about that. Maybe a month ago he
wouId have accepted jared sIIdIng Into hIs bed out oI gratItude-at that
poInt he wouId have taken jared any way he couId. ut, not anymore.
ow It wouId hurt II jared assuaged jensen because jensen had saved
hIm.
"Yeah, OK. . tomorrow." jensen smIIes and Is reIIeved to see when
jared oIIers a smaII, genuIne smIIe to match. jensen can waIt, he has
nothIng but tIme.
xcept as they Ieave the park jensen cant seem to take hIs eyes oII oI
jareds Iong Iegs and hIs smooth, tan neck as they waIk. They taIk easIIy
even aIter theIr tense conversatIon and that convInces jensen aII the
more that thIs tentatIve thIng wIth jared Is goIng somewhere. Maybe,
maybe not where he wants, but jensen teIIs hImseII that thats IIne.
AIter aII, hes aIready resIgned hImseII to the Iact that heII be whatever
jared wants hIm to be.
When they get back to jareds apartment jensen steps In brIeIIy, casuaIIy
checkIng It over and he doesnt mIss the way jared smIIes grateIuIIy at
hIm.
jensens aIready countIng down the mInutes untII tomorrow.
SophIa and Chad are Incensed when jared teIIs them about IoIt. Ie trIes
to IIgure out a way to not teII them, but he IIgures ItII be ImpossIbIe to
hIde Iater. SophIa sIts next to jared and grIps hIs hand hard whIIe she
aIternates between rantIng and mother hennIng over jareds bruIses.
Chad paces back and Iorth agItatedIy.
jared teIIs them how jensen showed up and puIIed IoIt oII oI hIm, how
jensen had stayed In jareds recIIner Iast nIght on jareds haII-deIIrIous
whIm, how jensen had been the one to convInce jared to go to the poIIce
statIon and how jensen had hung out wIth hIm today and jared had
enjoyed hImseII. When he IInIshes SophIa gets quIet, IookIng down at
where her tIny hands try to cover jareds. Chad goes stIII, a sharper
anger spIkIng through hIs body, makIng hIm appear taII and rIgId.
"You stay the Iuck away Irom hIm, jaybIrd. You shouId have IIIed that
damn restraInIng order whIIe you were at the poIIce statIon."
"Chad." SophIa starts but seems to thInk better oI It.
"m so goddamned serIous It aInt even Iunny. AckIes Is no better than
IeIIegrIno. n Iact hes worse because hes hotter and rIcher and he
swept In and rescued you Irom a rapIst douche bag and heII thInk you
owe hIm."
"jensens not IIke that." The deIense Is so swIIt and vIndIcated that It
takes a moment Ior jared to reaIIze that It came Irom hIs own mouth.
Chads jaw cIamps down so hard jared sees muscIes dance under hIs
skIn. IIs IIsts are cIenched so tIght veIns are poppIng out oI hIs Iorearm.
Chad Iooks oIder, somehow. IIIIed out and grown compared to the
skInny raII oI a kId that became jareds best IrIend and crushed IIerceIy
on jareds bIg sIster.
ts IIke jared had stopped IookIng at hIs IrIend Ior the past coupIe years
and now Chad was broad and hard IIke stone In Iront oI hIm. AgaInst
hIm.
"ont do thIs, jared," Chad growIs and jareds on hIs Ieet In a IIash,
hackIes raIsed at Chads patronIzIng tone-IIke he knew. IIke he had a
IuckIng cIue where jared was at.
"ont do what, exactIy?"
"e taken In by AckIes, maybe? ts wrItten aII over your Iace. ChrIst,
jared! Cant you see that hes bad news! Ies arrogant, he thInks he can
buy you, IIke Mark thought he couId! And hes Immature, thIs easygoIng
rIch-hes not In the same state Ior more than a year or two, much Iess
the same country! Sure hes Interested In you, but so was TImothy.
AckIes Is the worst combInatIon oI the two douche bags that hurt you
the most!"
"Where the heII do you even get oII taIkIng to me IIke thIs? mean, who
are you to even-"
"m your mother IuckIng best IrIend you.mother Iucker!" Chad sputters
and usuaIIy Chads InabIIIty to artIcuIate wouId crack jared up but now It
just sets hIs nerves on end. "And can taIk to you IIke thIs when thInk
youre goIng to be hurt!"
"What? m not goIng to be hurt or somethIng stupId IIke that!"
"Yes, you are! ecause youve aIready Iet thIs guy In. Ie asked you
agaIn, dIdnt he? Ie asked you to be wIth hIm and youre actuaIIy
consIderIng It!"
"o, thats not-"
"ont buIIshIt me! know you, jared. know you and youre just settIng
yourseII up to-"
"Get the heII out oI my apartment, Chad."
"What?" Chad shouts even Iouder, Iace reddenIng.
"You heard me," jared says, voIce waverIng wIth the struggIe to remaIn
caIm. " wont Iet you taIk to me IIke m some kInd oI-oI-some nave
InvaIId."
"jay," Chad says, hIs tone a IIttIe soIter, a IIttIe conIused. "Thats not
what-"
"You are. Youre taIkIng to me IIke m-you dont know me."
" do! do and thats why thIs thIng wIth AckIes-"
"s my busIness. You dont know what m doIng-you dont, Chad. And
you dont get to taIk down to me."
"Iuck, jared! Why do you have to be such a. dont know! Such a IuckIng
pussy about aII oI thIs. m just teIIIng you what thInk-"
"o! Youre not! Youre teIIIng me what to do! IIke m not capabIe oI
makIng that decIsIon myseII."
"WeII, maybe you arent!"
"What the heII Is that supposed to mean?" jared growIs, takIng a step
Iorward-an actIon thats mIrrored by Chad and suddenIy theyre In each
others Iace. jareds bent down and Chads aImost on hIs toes so that
they can snarI at each other eye to eye. n hIs perIpheraI he sees SophIa
stand as weII, nervous and wIde-eyed, but she remaIns sIIent.
" mean that you dont know what It was IIke watchIng you IaII apart
aIter TImothy-"
" dIdnt IaII apart!" jared excIaIms, IndIgnant.
"You dId! You stIII are! ts why Mark was abIe to-"
"So youre sayIng that Mark was my IauIt?"
"ChrIst, no! ut you dIdnt heIp, youre too trustIng. And these dates, as
you caII them, over the past Iew weeks."
jared snorts, "What eIse wouId caII them?"
"IIascos! Attempts at seII-destructIon?"
"Iuck you, Chad. Iuck you," jared spIts, pushIng Chad back by hIs
shouIders. "Get your Iace out oI my apartment. mean It, get out," he
warns, and It must be apparent that jareds so IuckIng pIssed-so hurt-
that hes eIther ready to throw a punch or never taIk to Chad agaIn
because Chad takes a step back.
"Whatever, jT. m not IettIng up on you and especIaIIy on AckIes. Youre
better than that asshoIe." And wIth that Chad storms out oI the
apartment, sIammIng the door behInd hIm.
jareds whoIe body Is vIbratIng wIth anger but he sIts back down next to
SophIa, even though aII he wants to do Is pace or go out Ior a run. When
he sIts back down she takes hIs hand agaIn In hers and he just bareIy
restraIns hImseII Irom pushIng her away-hed never IorgIve hImseII II
he dId, no matter how angry he Is. She traces hIs IIngers and knuckIes
wIth her thumbs beIore she sIghs heavIIy.
"We need to go back to r. eaver. ThIs combInatIon obvIousIy Isnt
workIng. mean, youre not. tremors In both your Iegs and hands, so
bad you cant move? Thats not supposed to happen. ot Ior. not Ior a
whIIe."
".Yeah," jared sIghs.
" need to go wIth Chad." At jareds startIed Iook she smIIes sadIy. "Ies
my IIance, hes goIng to be my husband. have to go wIth hIm, now.
ut. do you need me to stay here? o you want to come to the house
and sIeep?" she asks worrIedIy, amber eyes searchIng hIs Iace Ior a hInt
oI a IIe or denIaI when he answers.
"o, m IIne. The poIIce caIIed earIIer. IoIts In custody, at Ieast Ior
tonIght, maybe Ior a whIIe. m OK." And, strangeIy enough, jared Is. Ies
mad about hIs argument wIth Chad, but he IeeIs saIe enough rIght now.
Ies grateIuI that he went to the poIIce, gIad that he dIdnt keep quIet
about the whoIe thIng. t IeeIs good to have stood up Ior hImseII, to not
Iet IoIt get away wIth what he trIed to do.
SophIa smIIes and kIsses hIs cheek, IIke Mama used to, IIke SophIa used
to when jared was IIttIe because she had wanted to be IIke Mama. "m
proud oI you and m gIad youre okay. And wIth jensen."
"Id he reaIIy go to see you? To ask about me?"
SophIa grIns. "Yeah, It was reaIIy cute, actuaIIy. jared, thInk that II you
want to-and onIy II you want to-gIve jensen a chance. thInk hes
dIIIerent. A good dIIIerent Irom anyone eIse youve gone out wIth."
"Chad." jared sIghs.
"ont worry about Chad. Ies just tryIng to Iook out Ior you, he doesnt
have a womans IntuItIon IIke me," she wInks. "And heII get used to It.
Ies not goIng to stop beIng your best IrIend. thInk he mIght be a IIttIe
In Iove wIth you. IIke, II you were my sIster Instead oI my brother thInk
wouId probabIy be jeaIous. You couIdnt pry hIm away II you trIed."
jared doesnt Iaugh, he doesnt IeeI IIke It because he stIII IeeIs the
bItter stIng oI Chads harsh words, he stIII tastes the bIIe at hIs best
IrIends condescendIng tone. o one couId know how hard It was Ior
jared.
ut jared does smIIe weakIy, a IIttIe Ior SophIas beneIIt, but hes
surprIsed to IInd that he genuIneIy IeeIs IIke smIIIng.
That must be when he makes hIs decIsIon because the rest oI the nIght
he doesnt second guess, doesnt even thInk about It. Ie sIeeps
restIessIy, but he sIeeps.
The next mornIng jensens waItIng Ior jared outsIde TrueOnes door,
pacIng back and Iorth. When he Iooks up and sees jared hIs green eyes
seem to Iracture goIden In the mornIng IIght. Ies In jeans and a soIt,
thIn knIt shIrt and a denIm jacket and he seems to warm the cooI aIr
around hIm. jensens hoIdIng a whIte daIsy In one hand, a coIIee Irom
Starbucks wIth "jared" scrawIed on It, and hes wearIng probabIy the
bIggest and hottest smIIe jareds ever seen-and Its aII Ior jared.
So jared doesnt hesItate. Ie waIks up to jensen, stoppIng cIose to the
other man. Ie takes the coIIee and he takes the IIower and he says,
"Yes."
There are Iew tImes that jensen can recaII beIng nervous. Ies seII-
conIIdent-what god Isnt, aIter aII-and he knows hIs many weaknesses
and Iew IIaws. esIdes, hes had no reason to be nervous beIore (except,
maybe when hIs Iather had tossed hIm Into Tartarus and threatened to
never puII hIm back out, but jensen knew he had been bIuIIIng. he was
pretty sure hIs Iather had been bIuIIIng, anyway).
WeII, beIore he met jared. ow jensen-the god, the ImmortaI, the
brInger oI IIght and patron oI arts-Is shIItIng hIs weIght Irom Ioot to
Ioot In the Iobby oI jareds apartment buIIdIng In such a way that It must
resembIe a gottc go potty dance.
ts totaIIy uncooI and jensen suddenIy goes rIgId, reIusIng to Iet jared
see hIm actIng IIke such a IooI.
A Iew mInutes Iater-jensen was a IIttIe earIy-jared enters the Iobby,
sIow and a IIttIe unsure, eyes swIngIng around wIIdIy and resIgnedIy IIke
he doesnt expect jensen to show.
jensens goIng to show jared tonIght that hes nothIng IIke anyone eIse
that jareds dated.
When the young man sees hIm he bIooms Into the shyest smIIe jensens
ever seen on jared and he doesnt bother to Ignore the thread oI desIre
that wraps warm and tIght down hIs spIne. jared Iooks amazIng-but
then the boy aIways Iooks gorgeous. Ies showered recentIy, jensen can
smeII the soap and shampoo Irom a Iew Ieet away. IIs haIr Is dryIng
IIuIIy and unruIy, a Iew strands around hIs ears stIII damp. Ies dressed
In a navy button up-coIIar unbuttoned and IramIng jareds gIorIousIy
Iong neck-wIth dark, tIght jeans. jensen mentaIIy groans because
obviously jareds tryIng to kIII hIm beIore they even get started on theIr
date.
jared puIIs up to jensen, smIIIng at the oIder man and tryIng not to make
It obvIous that hes IIdgetIng and nervousIy puIIIng on the hem oI hIs
shIrt. t had been one oI those pre-dates where he had IInaIIy, aIter a
rIdIcuIous amount oI tIme IIaIIIng In Iront oI hIs cIoset, pIcked out an
outIIt.
OnIy to spIII coIIee on It about thIrty seconds aIter he put It on.
Ie was scrambIIng Ior another outIIt when the phone buzzed
announcIng jensens arrIvaI In the Iobby so jared had grabbed the
cIosest thIngs In hIs cIoset and prayed that hIs shIrt at Ieast appeared
Ironed and that hIs haIr dIdnt Iook too stupId.
jared brIeIIy IeeIs Inadequate when he steps up to jensen, whos
dressed sImIIarIy except hIs IIght grey button up Iooks so soIt and
expensIve It mIght as weII be sIIk and hes wearIng the Ieather coat
jareds seen hIm In beIore.or at Ieast jared thInks hes seen It beIore.
AIter aII, what wouId be the poInt oI someone ownIng more than one
Ieather jacket?
"Iey, jared," jensen says and It sounds IIke the most cIIche Lijetime
movIe ever but jared gets a IIttIe entranced by green eyes, dark Iashes
and a warm, and eager smIIe.
Ie stumbIes and trIps and twIsts an ankIe on hIs words, but eventuaIIy
he spIts out a, "Iey, jensen." ts absurd that hes thIs nervous, thIs
rIddIed wIth antIcIpatIon. Ie hadnt IeIt thIs way about Tom or IoIt. And,
II hes honest, he probabIy hadnt IeIt quIte thIs way on hIs IIrst date
wIth TImothy. jared was a seII-assured guy. Or at Ieast, he used to be.
ts an awkward sIIence, not quIte as stIIted as a Iew days ago but tense
wIth IIerceIy beatIng hearts, and then jensen dIgs Into the Inner pocket
oI hIs jacket. jared has a IIash oI not too Iong ago when jensen dug Into
hIs pocket and brandIshed an obsceneIy expensIve watch that he was
just goIng to hand over. read IIIIs hIm and then Instead oI a box jensen
hoIds out a red pIastIc wrapped.
TwIzzIers. jensen Is hoIdIng out a smaII package oI TwIzzIers.
IorgettIng aII oI hIs manners and hIs nervousness, jared hastIIy
snatches the package out oI jensens hand, "Are these Ior me?"
jared wrangIes a surprIsed, Ioud Iaugh Irom jensen, "WeII, guess they
better be sInce It doesnt Iook IIke youre gIvIng them up anytIme soon."
"Youre damn straIght," jared says deIIantIy. "ut who toId you?
SophIa?"
"You mean dId she teII me about your unnaturaI sweet tooth? Yeah. She
saId It wouId be a good Icebreaker. s It workIng?"
jared grIns and wIggIes hIs toes InsIde hIs shoes. "MIssIon success,
AckIes."
"WeII, Its aIso the onIy hInt m goIng to gIve you about where were
goIng tonIght," jensen grIns as they start waIkIng out oI the hoteI,
openIng the door Ior jared.
"ts a surprIse?" jared asks sIowIy, bItIng hIs bottom IIp as he thInks
about how many surprises hes receIved the past coupIe oI weeks Irom
hIs Iess than savory dates.
"Yes. We have to take a taxI to get there and It has somethIng to do wIth
TwIzzIers," jensen smIIes as he steps up to the cab that he caIIed ahead
oI tIme Ior.
" thought you saId you werent goIng to gIve any more hInts," jared
smIIes as jensen agaIn opens the taxI door Ior hIm. Ie doesnt even IeeI
emascuIated or anythIng by the gestures, In Iact he Ioves the casuaI way
that jensen does them, IIke Its a gIven that jared deserves respect.
"WeII, the taxI Is kInd oI obvIous," the oIder man quIps back.
" thought you wouId have used your IImo. You have a IImo, rIght?"
"OI course. WouId you have wanted me to pIck you up In a IImo?"
"ot reaIIy."
"Thats what thought," jensen retorts wIth a wInk.
On the rIde the conversatIon Is a IIttIe muted. jared IeeIs awkward wIth
the drIver In the Iront, so they make smaII taIk. jensen taIks about hIs
day and bummIng around town wIth hIs sIster, who works as a IItness
Instructor at the gym.
"ut." jared starts and stops, conIused. Ie had assumed that jensens
twIn AdrIanne had the same Iortune and dIdnt have to work eIther, but
he dIdnt know how to phrase that wIthout possIbIy InsuItIng jensen.
The oIder man seems to know what hes thInkIng and he roIIs hIs eyes.
"AdrIanne cIaIms that she works because shes not snobby and Iazy IIke
supposedIy am. ut m her twIn, so know that she does It so she can
perv on the other women In her cIasses."
jared Iaughs abruptIy, surprIsed. jensen teIIs hIm that hIs sIster Is aIso
an envIronmentaI actIvIst-and jared trIes hard not to be rude and Iaugh
when jensen mentIons that AdrIanne had protested gIvIng chIIdren
eIephant rIdes at the zoo not too Iong ago. jared wonders II she met
Chad IIndberg there.
"SerIousIy, though. Crazy IIttIe Iads asIde, shes bIg on preservIng the
Iorests and jungIes oI the worId. Shes a major Iunder oI a Iot oI bIg tIme
conservatIon projects and sometImes sheII traveI around speakIng about
It-you know, coIIeges and unIversItIes. Ier ugIy Iace has been on TV
and the news beIore."
ts comIortIng to reaIIze that jensen has a sImIIar reIatIonshIp wIth hIs
sIster as jared has wIth hIs own. IIs chIIdIsh InsuIts towards hIs twIn
peeIs oII the IInaI enIgmatIc Iayer Irom the oIder man and Ieaves behInd
someone more human that jared can reIate to.
jensen changes the Iocus on jared aIter that and asks about hIs day.
jared cant heIp but excItedIy taIk about a sIxty-IIve year oId woman he
matched up wIth a sIxty-sIx year oId gentIeman today and how sweet
they were, nervousIy stumbIIng over theIr words. Iow the man had
dressed up and Iooked uncomIortabIe In a suIt that was severaI years oId
and a coupIe oI sIzes too smaII. The woman, deI, had worn a IIower In
her haIr.
At jensens dIrectIon the cab puIIs over on 8th Street near roadway.
jensen hurrIedIy pays the drIver so he can get out IIrst and scrambIe Ior
jareds door, whIch jared aIready has haII open. jensen puIIs It the rest
oI the way and grIns at jared, oIIerIng hIs hand.
jared roIIs hIs eyes but takes the oIIer anyway, smIrkIng at jensen, "You
charmer."
"Yes, am," jensen agrees aIIabIy as he puIIs jared out oI the cab whIch,
jared thInks, cant be the most graceIuI spectacIe sInce hes so taII and
the cab Is so Iow and he IeeIs IIke he aImost kIsses hIs knee tryIng to
maneuver out oI the car.
When theyre out and on the sIdewaIk jensen watches jared Iook around
wIth wIde eyes, "s thIs the IIrst tIme youve been to downtown?"
"What? o," jared says. "ts just been a whIIe." Ie thInks that hes
managed to avoId most oI downtown ever sInce they moved Irom West
I.A. to IacIIIc IaIIsades. ts not that jared hates It or anythIng, but
downtown Is usuaIIy crowded, thIck wIth poIIutants and busy. ut
tonIght Its IIke the whoIe pIace has wrapped ItseII In a dark, gIItzy gown.
IIghts dance over aII oI the stores. MusIc IIIters out oI restaurants and
caIes so that jared catches the chorus oI Snow IatroIs "ChasIng Cars"
at the same tIme he hears a ceIIo pIay accompanIment to a maIe soprano
sIngIng In taIIan, both oI whIch are underscored by thready techno
puIsIng Irom somewhere Iurther down the street. ts crowded but the
peopIe waIk IeIsureIy, appearIng and dIsappearIng agaIn In the space
between the cItys bIInkIng IIghts IIke merry specters.
"Can you guess where were goIng Irom here?" jensen asks and smIrks
when the younger man scowIs (or jared mIght caII It a scowI but jensen
thInks that It Iooks more IIke a pout) brIeIIy at hIm beIore sIowIy spInnIng
around, eyes takIng In the sIghts.
jared cant reaIIy guess what jensen has In mInd. There are nIce pIaces
to eat everywhere he Iooks but not much eIse besIdes nIghtcIubs and
shops that are aIready cIosed down Ior the nIght. jared wrInkIes hIs
nose because CIub 740, one oI the most reputabIe cIubs In the downtown
area, Is around here somewhere.
"s It. CIub 740?" jared thInks he mostIy manages to keep the
dIsappoIntment out oI hIs voIce.
jensen chuckIes soItIy, "And what, exactIy, wouId TwIzzIers have to do
wIth CIub 740?"
jared brIngs a hand back, IIngers runnIng over the pIastIc wrapped
candy that he had put In one oI hIs back pockets when he got out oI the
cab, "r, nothIng?"
"xactIy. ThIs Is our IIrst date. wouIdnt take you to just a cIub or just a
restaurant because It wouId be. unimcginctive," the god says, ImpIyIng
that aII oI jareds prevIous dates and boyIrIends were exactIy that and
judgIng by the thoughtIuI Iook on hIs Iace jared understands the
ImpIIcatIon.
"OK, then. gIve up!" jared grIns at hIm. "Where are you takIng me?"
jensen hoIds out hIs hand, IIngers spread, "Iet me show you?"
jared bareIy hesItates beIore pIacIng hIs hand In jensens, unconscIousIy
IettIng theIr IInger weave together. Touch doesnt usuaIIy strengthen
hIs abIIIty to hear souIs but when he touches jensens warm skIn jared
hears the brIght IIght oI hIs souI shIne so strong It seems to IIqueIy,
shImmerIng IIke musIcaI notes on a wrInkIed page-IIke guItars and
IIutes and cIarInets.
ts not Iong beIore they puII up In Iront oI an oId square buIIdIng on the
IntersectIon oI 8th and roadway. ts unkempt and the wIndows are
dark, obvIousIy abandoned, and theres a strange out oI pIace tower
juttIng Irom It.
jensen cIears hIs throat Ior the IntroductIon and agaIn IeeIs a tendrII oI
nervous antIcIpatIon, "ThIs Is-"
"The Tower Theater!" jared bIurts out, InterruptIng jensen and takIng a
step cIoser, head tIIted back In awe. "ts cIosed now, but It opened In
1927 wIth the sIIent IIIm Ginghcm Girl. t Is the IIrst roadway theater
equIpped Ior 'taIkIng shows and so It showed the worId premIere oI
Warner rothers IIrst Ieature Iength motIon pIcture wIth synchronIzed
dIaIogue sequences The ]czz Singer. t marked the decIIne oI the sIIent
IIIm era," jared reports aImost absent-mIndedIy. When he reaIIzes he just
had a case oI nerd word vomIt he quIckIy gIances at jensen wIth wIde
eyes, apoIogy haItIng on hIs IIps when he sees jensen smIIIng so wIde It
has to hurt.
"You dIdnt IIe when you saId you are a IIIm geek," jensen chuckIes,
admIratIon In the smIIe IInes around hIs eyes.
jared bounces on hIs Ieet, gIad Ior the Iack oI reproach and just excIted
to be here. "-ve been wantIng to come here, but Its cIosed. They
dont even do tours," jared conIesses, squeezIng jensens hand. Ie
turns to hIs date and trIes hIs best to Iook serIous. " wouIdnt IIe about
movIes."
" was bettIng on that. Come on, Iets go In."
"WaIt, what? o. mean, Its cIosed, jensen. We cant just."
"jared?"
"Yeah?"
"Trust me."
jared gIves hIm an unsure Iook and jensen shakes hIs head, cursIng that
IoIt bastard. "OK. GIve me IIve mInutes and II you stIII dont IIke It we
can go somewhere eIse. ut Its OK Ior us to be here." When the young
man stIII Iooks IndecIsIve jensen gIve hIm a cuttIng smIrk. "Arent you
supposed to be the younger, IncautIous one? Wheres your sense oI
adventure?"
The chaIIenge rankIes and jared bIInks out oI hIs this might be illegcl
worrIes to straIghten hIs shouIders, "IIne, oId man. Iets see your Idea
oI a good IIrst date."
jensen Iets them In, usIng hIs body to hIde the Iact that he doesnt
actuaIIy have a key. A IIIcker oI a thought and the Iocks gIve away. They
step Into the Ioyer, jensen IIIckIng on the IIghts as they enter. The Ioyer
area Is rather smaII compared to the rest oI the theater. The thIck red
carpet that used to be In here has been rIpped up and the IIoors
cIeaned, though II the theater Is ever reopened the IIoors need to be
reIInIshed or even repIaced. Though Its cIosed the owners have kept It
cIean so onIy the woody smeII oI age and emptIness cIIngs to the corners
and waIIs.
"Woah," jared murmurs, eyes rovIng the dImIy IIt room beIore IaIIIng to
the Iong mahogany counter In between two doors that Iead to the maIn
sectIon oI the theater. "What the?" he murmurs, surprIsed when he sees
a househoId gIass popcorn maker on the counter IIIIed wIth IIuIIy goIden
popcorn.
jensen Iaughs. "WeII, they dont exactIy keep a popcorn maker In here or
anythIng," he says as he approaches the counter.
"You. you bought thIs Ior tonIght?" jared wonders and then thInks oI
somethIng eIse. "Are we havIng popcorn Ior dInner?"
"Yeah, thought. weII, II were stIII hungry aIterwards."
"Are you kIddIng? Iopcorn and candy Ior dInner? ThIs Is awesome!"
jareds grInnIng Irom ear to ear, wIder than jensens seen and he IeeIs
hIs own mouth stretchIng In response.
"AIrIght then," he says, reachIng behInd the counter and puIIIng out a
cooIer he had IeIt there beIore pIckIng up jared. Ie opens the IId and
jared peers In beIore IaughIng harder.
"s there any kInd oI soda thats not In here?" jared Iaughs because
InsIde the cooIer jensen has an array oI Ice coId soda bottIes, everythIng
Irom MountaIn ew to Coke to IepsI to Orange SIIce.
". dIdnt know what you IIke?"
jared makes hIs seIectIon and rocks back on hIs heeIs, showIng jensen.
"r. Iepper, Ior Iuture reIerence," and promptIy turns hIs head to hIde
away hIs shy smIIe because he just ImpIIed that he wants to do thIs wIth
jensen agaIn. y the cocky Iook jensen suddenIy dons Its obvIous that
the comment dIdnt sIIp past hIm (and maybe jareds gIad Ior that).
"We need to get everythIng together. The movIe starts soon."
"MovIe?" jared asks even as he hands jensen one oI the cartons set
asIde to put popcorn In. The oIder man scoops out the popcorn and
shrugs.
"WeII, what goods a movIe theater wIthout a movIe?"
"ut how-"
" know a guy," jensen assures.
jensen teIIs jared that the IIoor seatIng had been taken out when the
theater IIrst cIosed In 1988 and was converted to resembIe a dance IIoor
Iater on when It served as a set Ior a movIe In the nInetIes so they wouId
have to sIt In the upper IIoor. They cIImb the narrow staIrs, oId wood
creakIng sensItIve but soIId beneath theIr Ieet. jensens IIrst onto the
baIcony seatIng whIch Is a good thIng because jared kInd oI Ireezes,
starIng wIde eyed and open mouthed as It seems a whoIe other worId
bIrths and opens up beIore hIm.
"ts. IIke a church." ven on the baIcony the ceIIIng seems IIke a
unIverse away, the room wIde, wIndows taII. jared doesnt even have
words Ior the ornate archItecture-Ior the opuIence. They waIk down to
the edge oI the baIcony, takIng It aII In.
"ts my turn to be a geek," jensen conIesses as he haII-turns so he can
watch the young mans reactIon. "S. CharIes Iee, thIs Iamous archItect
that passed not too Iong ago Is known Ior desIgnIng over Iour hundred
theaters In CaIIIornIa and MexIco. he was the premIer theater desIgner
In the thIrtIes and IortIes, thInk. ThIs," jensen makes a motIon to the
theater. "Was hIs IIrst project. wont bore you wIth too many detaIIs,
but thIs Is kInd oI a hIdden gem In the cIty." Like you, he aImost says, but
restraIns hImseII.
"asIcaIIy, the overaII structure Is Irench IenaIssance motII but what
makes It so unIque and opuIent Is that Iee added In SpanIsh,
Iomanesque, and MoorIsh InIIuences." Ie and AdrIanne had been In Ios
AngeIes whIIe It was beIng buIIt. jensen remembers steppIng to the
constructIon sIte, InvIsIbIe, and whIsperIng In the archItects ear.
jared tIIts hIs head at jensen and thInks l hcve no idec whct you just scid
but Christ it sounds hot coming out oj your mouth. Ie thanks God Ior a
braIn to mouth IIIter and says, "m not sure what aII oI that means."
jensen smIIes, noddIng toward the seats. "II teII you about It sometIme,
II you want." WIth another IIIck oI hIs mInd the IIghts dIm. jared,
suddenIy bIInded, stumbIes but jensen catches hIm and guIdes them to
theIr seats. They sIt just as the IIIm starts and jensen deIIghts In jareds
surprIsed gasp.
"Iow.?"
" asked a IrIend to heIp me out," jensen IIes smoothIy but the words are
Iost on jared who recognIzes the Iow openIng musIc, the mesh Ience wIth
the "no trespassIng" sIgn.
"Oh my God," jared breathes and turns to jensen. "ts Citizen Kcne!"
jensen chuckIes. "You cre good. - wasnt sure what youd IIke. So
when Iooked It up aII the crItIcs seem to thInk Its the best IIIm ever
made and." he stops when jared puts a IInger over hIs IIps, not quIte
touchIng but jensen can stIII IeeI the heat.
"e quIet. One oI my IavorIte movIes Is on," jared demands and stuIIs
two TwIzzIers Into hIs mouth at the same tIme to hIde hIs smIIe.
When the movIe begIns jared has too many thoughts swIrIIng In hIs head
to reaIIy concentrate. Ies thInkIng oI jensen and hIs smIIe and thIs date
whIch Is the best IuckIng IIrst date-the best cnything-jareds been on.
Ie IeeIs so Important. jensen doesnt even know hIm but he took what
he knew and bIew jareds mInd wIth It. IIs head Is aIso buzzIng wIth
thIngs he remembers Irom text books about Citizen Kcne IIke subjectIve
camera, unconventIonaI IIghtIng such as chIaroscuro, overIappIng
camera movement, non-IInear progressIon, Iong sequences.
IIs head Is so IIght that jareds aIraId he mIght IIoat out oI hIs chaIr and
up and up towards the Tower Theaters ceIIIng whIch goes on Ior
Iorever. ts too easy to reach out and hoId jensens hand to anchor hIm
down.
Iours Iater jensen and jared are outsIde oI jareds door. Theyre In the
hour between nIght and mornIng and Its dark outsIde and In jareds
buIIdIng but they can see each others dazed smIIes wIthout a probIem.
AIter the movIe jared had been enthusIastIc, aIternatIveIy taIkIng about
the IIIm and wonderIng over the beautIIuI Tower Theater. Too wIred to
thInk about sIttIng In a cab and goIng back to hIs apartment. So jared
had InsIsted on coIIee, to whIch jensen had Iaughed.
had InsIsted on coIIee, to whIch jensen had Iaughed.
"snt the poInt to unwInd?"
jared had been too embarrassed to teII hIm that he thought jensen was
just thIs sIde oI perIect-stIII careIessIy arrogant and even more careIess
wIth hIs money, but attentIve and sweet and hIIarIous and so IuckIng
smart. Ie had geared every second oI thIs date to be about jared and II
jared dIdnt have a hero worshIp compIex Ior the man aIready then he
certaInIy dId now.
So aIter coIIee, taIkIng, aImIess waIkIng and a IIttIe more taIkIng, jensen
IInaIIy and reIuctantIy caIIed a cab and now theyre at jareds door. jared
IeeIs a tIngIe oI nervousness and panIc, he remembers IoIt pushIng and
puIIIng and touchIng and he aImost asks jensen In to hIs apartment to
check It beIore he Ieaves. Ie aImost asks jensen to sIeep In the recIIner
agaIn whIIe jared sIeeps on the couch but he quIckIy berates hImseII Ior
beIng such a needy pansy.
ts quIet between them Ior a whIIe. Theyd kept up a steady stream oI
conversatIon the entIre date, about each others IIves, movIes,
archItecture, and a thousand other thIngs. And to be sIIent so suddenIy,
waItIng on each others next move, Is a IIttIe awkward. Theyd heId
hands most oI the nIght, sat cIose together at the caIe, waIked wIth arms
and hIps touchIng. jensens Iurther away Irom jared than hes been aII
nIght, a IuII arms Iength between them, and jared mIsses the oIder
mans touch.
"So," jensen says, but doesnt say anythIng eIse and onIy manages to
make the sIIence tenser. Ie sIIdes hIs hands In hIs pockets because he
thInks that he just mIght grab jared and never Iet the mortaI escape
Irom hIs sIght ever agaIn II he doesnt do something wIth hIs hands.
"So," jared echoes, rockIng heeI to toe, hand hoverIng over the doorknob
IIke a IInaI countdown. ". had a reaIIy good tIme. dont thInk anyones
ever done somethIng IIke thIs Ior me beIore."
"They shouId have. You deserve even more."
ts embarrassIng comments IIke thIs that make jared IeeI wobbIy and
warm IIke hes about to meIt.
"-uhm. OK?" jared stumbIes IantastIcaIIy because what are you even
supposed to say to that? "So guess II see you.?"
"You want to go out wIth me agaIn?" jensen asks hopeIuIIy, a pIeased
and hopeIuI smIIe puIIIng traItorousIy at hIs IIps.
jared bIInks, thInks about sayIng, you didnt dump me jor cnother guy on
our jirst dcte, cn old jlcme didnt show up, youre not mcrried (or ct lecst
your wije cnd kid didnt show up), l didnt see your cell phone cll night, you
didnt try to jeed me vegcn jood, youre not c control-jreck or recovering
jrom c breck up jrom the love oj your lije, cnd you didnt try to rc-cttcck
me. isnt it obvious?
Ie doesnt say that, oI course. ecause whIIe jensen Isnt any oI those
thIngs hes aIso so much more so jared says, "Yeah. d reaIIy IIke to."
"Yeah. Me, too. Thats-thats reaIIy good. II caII you?" jensen asks,
thankIuI that they IInaIIy exchanged numbers. Maybe he wouIdnt have
to IoIIow jared everywhere anymore.
"Yeah, d IIke that."
jensen grIns. " toId you d get you to go out wIth me by the end oI
Iebruary."
jared roIIs hIs eyes. "ont get cocky," he deadpans. jensens smIIe
wIdens brIeIIy beIore It IaIIs and they Iean Into stIIted sIIence agaIn.
"So."
"So."
" guess shouId go. Iet you get to bed. Yeah," jensen nods, takIng a
step back.
"Yeah. That sounds. good. II just. Good nIght?" jared mutters,
IumbIIng wIth the key and the Iock because he trIes not to take hIs eyes
oII oI jensen.
"Yes, It was- Good nIght," the oIder man says just as jared IInaIIy gets
hIs door open. "II.see you soon. CaII me?"
"Yeah. Tomorrow," jared nods vIgorousIy, aImost smackIng hIs head Into
the doorIrame as he cIumsIIy twIsts through the threshoId and Into hIs
own apartment, stutterIng Iootsteps boomIng In hIs ears. Ie IIngers at
the door, watchIng jensen watchIng hIm, maybe watchIng jensens IIps
more than jensen hImseII. StIII, the other man doesnt make a move
Iorward and what Is jared supposed to do? ObvIousIy jensen doesnt
want to kIss hIm tonIght. WhIch Is totaIIy IIne. ts compIeteIy normaI not
to kIss on the best IIrst date ever.
IIght?
"Good nIght, jared," jensen says agaIn, voIce so Iow and deep jareds
chest trembIes wIth It IIke hes In the mIddIe oI a rock concert and the
bass Is too Ioud.
"Good nIght, jensen," jared echoes, hIs voIce consIderabIy hIgher-
pItched. Ie waIts another three seconds and then wIth a dorky haII-
wave cIoses the door between them.
jared spends three seconds wIth hIs Iorehead pressed agaInst the
cIosed door, mInd racIng. Ie knows because some IIttIe mechanIsm In
hIs head counts Ior hIm one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three. Then, "Iuck
It". Ies not sure II he says It or thInks It and It doesnt reaIIy matter
anyway because he throws open the door, ready to chase jensen down
the staIrs.
Ie doesnt have to. jensens stIII there and jareds throwIng the door
open made hIm haIt mId-agItated pace.
"jared? Whats wrong?" jensen asks worrIedIy, eyes dartIng around.
"-nothIng. mean, somethIng Is wrong-o, not wrong reaIIy but. you
dont want to kIss me?" he snaps a IIttIe angrIIy.
"What? OI course want to kIss you! dIdnt know II you wcnted me to
kIss you," the other man deIends hImseII as he steps up to jared, cIoser
thIs tIme but stIII too Iar away.
"OK. WeII. do. Want you to kIss me. So,"
"So what?" jensen asks when jared traIIs oII In Iavor oI vagueIy wavIng
hIs hand around In a gesture that Is supposed to mean so kiss me
clrecdy.
"So do It," jared huIIs ImpatIentIy when the other doesnt understand hIs
IIaIIIng sIgn Ianguage.
"o It?" jensen repeats IncreduIousIy.
"KIss me."
"ont make It sound so romantIc, jay," jensen snarks and though jared
notIces that Its the IIrst tIme hes shortened jareds name It IeeIs too
naturaI to poInt out.
"WeII then you shouId have thought about that beIore you dIdnt kIss
me."
jensen roIIs hIs eyes, "My God, you make everythIng hard."
"o, dont. You make everythIng too hard. just kIss me. Iere, II go
IIrst." And wIthout Iurther preambIe jared Ieans down and pIaces hIs
IIps agaInst jensens soIt, sIIghtIy parted ones. The contact Is warm and
tIngIy. jared cant taste hIm, theyre not movIng theIr IIps or anythIng,
but he can smeII jensen. Iresh and cIean and as warm as hIs souI.
jensens stIII beneath hIm and when jared Ieans back Its onIy when hIs
eyes IIutter open does he reaIIze that he cIosed them. jensens starIng at
hIm, caught somewhere between amused and aroused. jared smIIes
trIumphantIy.
"OK. Your turn now," he InsIsts.
jensen bIInks rapIdIy out oI hIs stupor beIore hIs Iace settIes on
"amused". "What Is thIs? KIndergarten kIssIng?"
"o you want a turn or not?" jared Interrupts.
"WeII, yes, but-"
"ecause It seems IIke you dont. mean, aII you have to do Is-"
jensen steps cIoser, reachIng up untII hIs hand rests gentIy and IIghtIy
on the back oI jareds neck. Ie puIIs jared down and the young man
adjusts easIIy. TheIr IIps brush agaIn and move a IIttIe, but jensen Ieans
back, separatIng them once agaIn.
"Shut up. ts my turn," he murmurs, watchIng jareds eyeIashes IIutter
IIke hes sIeepy-drunk Irom theIr brIeI kIss.
"Yeah. OK. More?" jared whIspers, hIs breaths IIutterIng over jensens
mouth and chIn.
jensen nods, somehow manages a, "deIInIteIy" beIore he presses theIr
mouths together once agaIn.
ThIs tIme jensen ImmedIateIy swIpes hIs tongue aIong the seam oI
jareds IIps, tastIng a hInt oI coIIee, saIt oI skIn, and somethIng sweet
and humId thats ]cred. IIs tongue traces smooth teeth, testIng theIr
sharpness beIore deIvIng Into hIs humans warm cavern. jared just Iets
hIm map out hIs mouth, eIIcItIng a pIeased groan Irom jensen. Ie
maneuvers jared untII he presses the mortaIs back agaInst the
doorIrame. Ie doesnt push too cIose to jared, aIways conscIous to gIve
hIm room.
The new posItIon aIIows jensen to deIve In aII the deeper-not just Into
jareds mouth but Into the warm body agaInst hIm. IIs hand that Is at
jareds neck moves up so he can wInd hIs IIngers In jareds haIr and IeeI
the heat oI jareds scaIp. IIs other hand grIps jareds sIde. Ie arches
back Into where jareds graspIng the materIaI oI hIs shIrt at hIs Iower
back. jensen curIs hIs tongue agaInst the rooI oI jareds mouth and IeeIs
the young man shudder agaInst hIm. When jensen has hIs IIII he coaxes
jareds tongue to IoIIow hIs Into hIs own mouth and smIIes trIumphantIy
agaInst jareds IIps when he hears the young man Iet out a quIet moan.
jareds knees are weak. o, serIousIy, the kIss Is so good that hIs knees
are threatenIng to buckIe and jareds gIad that jensen has hIm pressed
tenderIy agaInst the doorIrame to hoId hIm up. ts a hot kIss, sIow and
unhurrIed, about expIorIng but jensen does thIs thing wIth hIs tongue. . .
jared IeeIs a IIush sweep through hIm, when he hears the shImmerIng
musIc oI jensens souI shIne so brIght It seems to shIne rIght out oI
jensen, over jareds skIn, and deep Into hIs own chest. t makes hIm IeeI
dIzzy In the soIes oI hIs Ieet, makes the pIt oI hIs beIIy stIr In Interest.
They part, breathIng heavy because they kIssed so Iong (not Iong
enough). jensen Iets the restraIned Iust In jareds eyes-now cIoser to
bIue than hazeI-wash over hIm.
"Was that a good IIrst date kIss?"
"Imm?" jared murmurs, bIInks, and smIIes. Ie may even bIush but Its
hard to teII because hes IIushed Irom the kIss. "m not sure. We
probabIy need to try It agaIn."
jensens aIready IeanIng In Ior more so hIs Iaugh tumbIes and roIIs over
jareds IIps. "Good Idea," he murmurs and seaIs theIr IIps agaIn, hands
IaIIIng to grasp the young mans sIdes as jared brIngs one arm up to
wrap around the back oI jensens neck to brIng hIm cIoser.
They stand together and kIss In the dark haIIway agaInst jareds
doorIrame Ior ages It IeeIs IIke. They kIss In the dark and jared wraps
hImseII up In the musIc oI jensens brIght souI.
jensen makes the mIstake oI teIIIng AdrIanne about the kIss that aImost
wasnt because jensen had been too nervous. Or, AdrIanne wheedIes
and teases and pIeads untII jensen teIIs the story that paInts jared as
the shyer one. IIs sIster, however, sees rIght through hIm and mocks
hIm mercIIessIy.
"So smcll bejore the mortcl," she had crooned as she twIrIed merrIIy
around hIm the nIght he got back Irom hIs date wIth jared, pInchIng hIs
cheeks and ruIIIIng hIs haIr. The tauntIng had resuIted In hIs retaIIatIon
and had cuImInated In a smaII earthquake and IIghtnIng storm over the
outskIrts oI I.A. where theIr manor Is Iocated. They hadnt roughhoused
IIke that In a Iong tIme. jensen had won, oI course.
Though It seems that AdrIannes Iorm oI retaIIatIon was to teII ChrIs
about how not very sucve theIr seII-procIaImed romantIc was Iast nIght
wIth a human.
WhIch Is why when jensen steps Into hIs musIc room ChrIs Is aIready
there, the guItar he Iearned to pIay Ior Steve (the guItar that jensen
heIped craIt Ior hIm) propped on hIs knee. As soon as he sees jensen he
cracks a grIn and starts pIayIng, sIngIng In a hIgh and exaggerated
IaIsetto.
Are you gonnc kiss me or not
Are we gonnc do this or whct
l think you know l like you c lot
But you're bout to miss your shot
Are you gonnc kiss me or not
And aIter that ChrIs IaIIs Into hIs own more IascIvIous IyrIcs that dont
even rhyme.
t wouId just IIgure that the onIy tIme AdrIanne and ChrIs get aIong Is
when theyre makIng Iun oI jensen.
Steves more supportIve by a sIIm margIn. Ie grIns genuIneIy and says,
"m gIad youre happIer now." WhIch makes jensen smIIe untII Steve
adds on, "but you mIght want to thInk about growIng some baIIs, youre
embarrassIng us, man."
jensen has the worst IamIIy ever. esIdes, theyre just jeaIous because
jensen IInaIIy has jared who, despIte beIng mortaI, jensens pretty sure
Is the most perIect and beautIIuI creatIon.
.And okay, maybe hes got a IIttIe crush. t IeeIs good, though, and he
spends the torturous tImes when hes not In jareds presence waIkIng
the earth, vIsItIng and whIsperIng to more paInters and poets than he
has aItogether In the past century, and pIayIng hIs kIthara IurIousIy.
TheIr next bIg date, a week aIter jensen takes jared to the Tower
Theater, Is the .. KIng concert. They meet Ior coIIee once and Iunch
twIce In the weekdays between and jensen resumes sendIng hIm IIttIe
whIte enveIopes wIth poems tucked InsIde. one oI them are Iove poems
and jared enjoys re-readIng them throughout the day and roIIIng the
words over In hIs head untII he practIcaIIy has them memorIzed at the
end oI the day. Ie gets SheI SIIversteIn and WaIt WhItman earIy In the
week, Iawrence IerIInghettI and WIIIIam CarIos WIIIIams In the Iast haII
oI the week. SophIa sometImes seems more excIted about hIs IIrst week
oI datIng jensen than jared Is and oIten caIIs jared or shows up at hIs
doorstep, whInIng, "When cre you guys going to get to the juicy pcrts?"
Chads gIvIng jared somethIng cIose to the sIIent treatment. ts not so
much that Chad Isnt taIkIng to hIm, but hIs best IrIend Isnt cuttIng up
or jokIng around or pushIng hIs way Into jareds busIness just to rIIe hIm
up. jareds dIsappoInted but not too worrIed at the moment because
whIIe Chad can hoId IIIeIong grudges agaInst enemIes or peopIe that
have wronged peopIe cIose to hIm so Iar he hasnt managed to resent
eIther jared or SophIa Ior Iong aIter they IIght. So Chad gIves the semI-
sIIent treatment to show that hes stIII jareds IrIend but stIII stands by
what he saId the other nIght.
jareds not sure how he IeeIs about the whoIe thIng. StIII pIssed oII and
not a IIttIe hurt Ior sure, so he trIes not to thInk too hard about It Ior
now.
The IrIday beIore theIr date the IIttIe whIte enveIope jensen sends jared
Ieatures Shakespeare.
Love is not love
Which clters when it clterction jinds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is cn ever-jixed mcrk,
Thct looks on tempests cnd is never shcken,
lt is the stcr to every wcndering bcrk,
Whose worths unknown, clthough his height be tcken.
jensen taIks about takIng hIs jet Instead oI makIng the sIx hour car rIde
to San IrancIsco and jareds pretty sure he Isnt jokIng so jared gIares
and InsIsts on drIvIng. and takIng hIs car.
jensen doesnt take thIs too weII and jareds sure Ior a moment that
theyre goIng to argue. And then the oIder man suddenIy deIIates,
aImost poutIng. "You have these rIdIcuIousIy eIIectIve puppy eyes, dId
you know that?"
jared says no but Its a IIe. ts an oId secret weapon oI hIs and he knows
how to use It.
Ior some reason they Ieave too earIy so when jensen spIes Iearst CastIe
they puII up to the one hundred and twenty three acre estate oI WIIIIam
IandoIph Iearst, newspaper and pubIIshIng magnate who was the
InspIratIon Ior Citizen Kcne.
jared turns, wIde-eyed and IncreduIous, to jensen, "You pIanned thIs."
ut jensen Iooks just as surprIsed as he does and shakes hIs head. "
dIdnt, not thIs one, swear. wanted to IIy, remember?"
TheIr next roadsIde attractIon they puII up to Is Iess.opuIent. ut when
they see a "GIIroy. GarIIc CapItaI oI the WorId. Try our garIIc Ice cream!"
on the hIghway jared cant resIst.
" dare you to try the garIIc Ice cream," he bIurts out, wonderIng II hes
crazy Ior beIng so Immature on theIr second date. jensen, whos drIvIng
now, raIses an eyebrow.
"What? o. That sounds. putrid." SometImes jensens careIess
arrogance, whIIe IorgIvabIe, Is mIIdIy annoyIng. ut when he gets aII
upper cIass wIth hIs vocabuIary It kInd oI makes jared want to Iaugh.
"Youre just too chIcken to do It."
"m not IaIIIng Ior that," jensen warns, soundIng decIdedIy cornered,
gIancIng at jared just In tIme to see jareds unbeatabIe baIeIuI gaze.
"ChrIst," the oIder man grumbIes.
" trIpIe dog dare you."
"You have to try It, too."
jared has to consIder Ior a second because garIIc Ice cream sounds
terrIbIe, "IIne."
"IIne," jensen echoes just as curtIy and takes the exIt.
jensen IIkes the Ice cream weII enough but jared ends up hatIng It, goIng
through a whoIe pack oI gum just to get the taste out oI hIs mouth. The
oIder man Iaughs. They hoId hands the rest oI the car rIde.
The concert Is the most IaId-back musIc event jareds been to. Granted,
In hIgh schooI Mama hadnt had the money to send SophIa and jared
wIth theIr IrIends to bIg name concerts, but jared had been to IocaI
bands pIayIng at bars beIore and those nIghts, whIIe Iun and
exhIIaratIng, had aIso been hIgh strung and cIaustrophobIc. TonIght Its
amazIng to see a IIvIng Iegend on stage and to hear the beautIIuI and
IntrIcate sounds hIs guItar IucIIIe emIts. ts IIke the onIy reason that
there are IyrIcs to be sung Is that .. KIng IeIt the need to transIate the
souI oI hIs guItar Ior everyone eIse to understand.
MIdway through the concert jensen and jared get up to get somethIng
to drInk. When they start back down the aIsIe IucIIIe starts pIayIng
smooth and IovesIck chords. jensen takes jareds hand and twIrIs hIm,
whIch Is a IIttIe awkward and It makes jared Iaugh untII jensen puIIs hIm
In and theIr chests touch. jensens IookIng at hIm, green eyes Intense,
not sayIng anythIng.
Rock me bcby, honey, rock me slow
Yech, rock me pretty bcby, bcby rock me slow
Wcnt you to rock me bcby, till l wcnt no more
They sIow dance aII the way back to theIr seats.
AIter work on Wednesday two weeks aIter the concert jensen meets
jared as hes IeavIng the buIIdIng. They had texted on and oII aII day,
endIng wIth jensen askIng II jared wanted to do anythIng tonIght and
jared, heart racIng IIke hes on some narcotIc, Is unabIe to say no even
though hes had a headache sInce Tuesday, hIs Ieet had Irozen Into
pIace agaIn-IIke they dId when IoIt attacked hIm-thIs mornIng, and
hes pretty sure he hasnt sIept except to have nIghtmares sInce Sunday.
To top It aII oII Sheppard Is gIvIng hIm IIak Ior dumpIng Anthony IaII and
subsequentIy IosIng "the checpest cnd most ejjective mcrketing contrcct
weve hcd since we stcrted cnd now Speight ]r. is stcrting to pull checd oj
us cnd you know thct thct short-stcck is going to come here cnd rub it in our
jcces cll beccuse my moose-jcced imbecile oj c boss couldnt put out jor just
one night".
jared IeeIs objectIIIed. And aIso dIsrespected. The onIy reason he dIdnt
IIre Sheppard (or try to, anyway, because jared has a IeeIIng that despIte
hIs compIaInts Sheppard Ioves TrueOne so much that hed probabIy keep
workIng here even II he wasnt gettIng paId) Is because Chad had
snorted and saId "youre just upset beccuse you promised Speight thct
youd bend over jor him ij TrueOne jell behind Speights House oj Eros".
jared had momentarIIy Iorgotten hIs IrrItatIon In Iavor oI watchIng
Sheppard Iaunch a paperweIght at Chads head In answer. And Chad
had shown more personaIIty then than he had Ior the past three weeks
so he decIded to keep Sheppard on the payroII and happIIy watched as
Chad and the oIder man IeII Into rapId and cuttIng repartee.
So jareds tIred, wrung out, and he wants to spend tIme wIth jensen so
bad but he just doesnt thInk heII be good company tonIght. AIter they
separate Irom a Iong kIss (that stIII makes jareds kneecaps tIngIe)
jensen reaches up and pushes jareds haIr out oI hIs Iace.
"You Iook tIred," jensen murmurs. The young mortaI has dark rIngs
under hIs eyes and hIs paIIor seems draIned oI aII coIor. "Are you III?"
"What? o. OI course not," jared squeaks a IIttIe beIore pushIng away
the sIIIy panIc. Ie smIIes probabIy not a IIttIe gooIIIy because who says
cre you ill anymore? "m IIne," he InsIsts. "just a IIttIe tIred."
"Maybe we shouIdnt go out."
"o! mean, want to," jared says, straIghtenIng hIs shouIders and
restraInIng hImseII Irom wIncIng. Ie hates to sound IIke some kInd oI.
oI.cIIngy whatever. ut he had mIssed the oIder mans company sInce
the weekend.
jensen smIIes and kIsses the corner oI jareds mouth, hand sIIppIng
down to entwIne wIth jareds. " do, too," he says honestIy, takIng In
every detaII oI jareds Iace. jensens bIessed wIth vIvId memory and yet
every tIme he sees jared Its IIke he notIces somethIng new about the
mans Iace or body that he hadnt beIore.
IIght now jensen IeeIs concern. Ie greatIy admIres the IntrIcacIes oI the
human body, but he oIten Iorgets how IragIIe they are, "We dont have to
go out. We can eat In."
"n?" jared echoes, swIngIng theIr joIned hands IIghtIy.
"You know. At my pIace, or yours. IrobabIy yours, that way you wont
have to worry about traveIIng so Iate," he says soItIy, kIssIng jareds
tempIe-he cant get enough oI the taste oI jareds skIn. Ie puIIs back
and doesnt expect hIs boyIrIend? Iover? to become even paIer.
"Oh my God. m IIke the worst cook ever," jared bIurts out, makIng
jensen aImost coIIapse Into reIIeved Iaughter.
"Shut up, dont Iaugh. m serIous!" hIs human pouts, promptIng jensen
to nIbbIe on those pInk IIps.
"m thInkIng more weII get take-out. Watch a movIe?"
jared shIIts a IIttIe nervousIy, bItIng hIs IIp. Theyve been datIng Ior
about three weeks now but aII oI theIr dates, even the IIttIe Iunch dates
jensen sometImes steaIs hIm away Ior, have been.IormaI. ot IormaI as
In stIII and uncomIortabIe but just. jensens rIch. And handsome. And
cuItured. Ie IIkes goIng out, Its easy Ior jared to see that. jensens
keen, he IIkes InteIIIgent conversatIon and he IIkes beIng In atmospheres
to have these conversatIons. ts not IIke theIr dates are stIIted or borIng
or not IntImate Its just. just not bummIng around the apartment
watchIng TV and drInkIng beer.
.WhIch Is startIng to sound reaIIy, reclly good rIght about now.
", yeah. OK. Are you sure?" jared asks, squIntIng and jensen roIIs hIs
eyes a IIttIe.
" aIways mean what say," he assures. "Come on," he reIeases jareds
hand onIy so he can wrap hIs arm around the mortaIs sIIm waIst. jared
grIns and wraps hIs arm around jensens and they taIk amIabIy aII the
way back to the apartment.
They order pIzza and Its so weIrd to see jensen AckIes sprawIed on the
couch, button up shIrt undone and rumpIed to reveaI a bIack t-shIrt,
beer (they pIcked up a case on the way to the apartment) propped on hIs
knee, a IIttIe bIt oI IeIt over pIzza grease shInIng on hIs bottom IIp, and
hIs shoes kIcked oII. IIs arm Is IIung over jareds shouIders and jareds
curIed Into hIm, cheekbone restIng on hIs shouIder, pIzza sIttIng heavy
and sIeepy content In hIs beIIy.
IIzza gone and conversatIon wanIng, jared had popped In Lord oj Wcr
aIter some debate.
ot that eIther oI them were reaIIy payIng It any attentIon.
t starts wIth jensen reachIng and combIng hIs IIngers through jareds
haIr, rIght at hIs tempIe. The motIon Is sImuItaneousIy soothIng and
stImuIatIng, sendIng rapId-IIre twInges roIIIng down hIs body to the tIps
oI hIs toes. One oI jensens IIngers accIdentaIIy (or not) caresses jareds
ear, sparkIng a IuII-body shudder. Ie wants to touch back but one arm Is
trapped behInd them so he uses hIs Iree one and pIaces It heavIIy on
jensens chest.
Ior a moment Its IIke jared touches through skIn and muscIe and bIood
and bone straIght to jensens souI because It IIares agaIn, brIght and
Ioud and IntoxIcatIng. jareds heard thousands and thousands oI souIs
but none so comIortIng-none that he craved-IIke jensens.
The moment passes - doesnt pass but the sound becomes muted - It
doesnt become muted so much as It commutes Into jared and surrounds
them both. n the moment when jareds sure he wont be abIe to hear
anythIng but IIght he Iooks up Into jensens Iace.
jensens surprIsed when jared, eyes IIght and gIazed wIth Iust but
mostIy wIth somethIng eIse (hIs humans stIII such a mystery), kIsses hIm
IIrst. ts not gentIe and tentatIve IIke theIr kIsses have been sInce the
IIrst one but Its demandIng, InsIstent, and pIeadIng. Iard but not
rushed. ew. So, so new. And yet a IIttIe IamIIIar.
ts an awkward angIe and jensen cant get-cant get In, cant get hIs
tongue and jareds-hes about to do something about It, but jared does
It IIrst. The young mortaI wraps strong Iorearms around the back oI
jensens neck, shIItIng a IIttIe and then IayIng back on the couch and
reeIIng jensen In wIth hIm. AIter some resettIIng and bumpIng oI knees
and thIghs-aII thIs made more awkward and compIIcated because they
reIuse to stop kIssIng-jareds IaId back on the couch, arms around
jensen and the gods straddIIng hIs warm hIps. The new angIe Is IuckIng
perIect and jensen takes advantage, dIppIng hIs tongue Into hIs humans
mouth, sparrIng wIth jareds beIore pushIng It asIde to expIore more
because OIympus heIp hIm he cant seem to get enough.
"Were, IIke, makIng out on the couch. IIke were teenagers or
somethIng," jared pants In awe when they come up Ior aIr. Ie watches
dark Iashes bIInk down at hIm.
jensen chuckIes bass deep untII the Image oI jared kIssIng someone eIse
on another couch occurs to hIm. Ie doesnt waste another breath and
dIves down to recIaIm hIs humans mouth, harder and Iaster than ever,
erasIng thoughts oI others Irom hIs mInd and jareds.
jared returns the abrupt kIss eagerIy, the passIon jensens suddenIy
gIvIng hIm runnIng IIke an eIectrIc current down hIs spIne. Ie dIgs hIs
IIngertIps Into jensens scaIp, heart racIng because thIs Is It, he can IeeI
It. Theyve done nothIng but kIss and move agaInst each other the past
coupIe oI weeks whIch Is good-or some ratIonaI part oI jared teIIs hIm
Its good.
At the moment jared thInks that theyve been crazy Ior not doIng thIs
sooner. IIke, on theIr IIrst date. Or on the IIrst day that they met.
jensen moves hIs hand down, sneakIng It under jareds shIrt, spreadIng
hIs hand over jareds beIIy and IeeIIng the breath and the IIIe and the
need there beneath hIs IIngertIps. jareds breath hItches and jensen
puIIs back to see whats the matter, scannIng hIs Iovers Iace and comIng
up wIth a bIush and Insecure eyes.
"jay, what Is It?"
jared pIaces a hand on top oI jensens, the one thats coppIng IeeIs
beneath jareds shIrt. "-m not-"
"Youre beautIIuI," jensen Interrupts, InsIsts, pressIng down a IIttIe more
on taut beIIy and IIthe and scuIpted abs.
jareds kIss swoIIen IIps part, voIce bubbIIng behInd hIs tongue but not
rIsIng any Iurther, and he knows he must Iook as conIused as he IeeIs.
Iow dId jensen know he was goIng to say that? And how couId jensen
caII hIm beautIIuI? Maybe. maybe a coupIe oI years ago. eIore aII oI
the medIcatIon that made hIm paIe and hIs eyes perpetuaIIy bruIsed,
beIore aII the restIess nIghts and sIeepy mornIngs when he couIdnt
drag hImseII out oI bed to run and take care oI hIs body. Ie stIII has
some muscIe deIInItIon, but he hates that he can IeeI hIs body soItenIng
In pIaces and he hates hImseII even more because he knows he has to
work out-he wcnts to work out more-but he cant seem to brIng
hImseII to do It more than once or twIce a week nowadays.
jensen just smIIes, Ieans down Ior another kIss, puIIIng hIs hand oII oI
jareds skIn but pushIng hIs shIrt up Iurther untII aII oI jareds stomach
and part oI hIs chest Is reveaIed to jensen. The god marveIs at the rIch
skIn there, beautIIuI muscIes that scuIpt out jareds sIIm waIst and hIs
broad chest.
"II show you," he promIses. Ie Ieans down, pressIng a soIt cIosed-
mouth kIss to jareds cheekbone. Ie moves down, IIcks jareds puIse
that thrums In hIs seductIveIy Iong neck. Ie scrapes hIs teeth IIghtIy on
the wet skIn, chuckIIng darkIy when he IeeIs jared trembIe beneath hIm,
hears the rush oI the young mans startIed breath Ieave hIm.
Ie doesnt gIve jared tIme to recover and moves Iurther down, pressIng
sunIIght kIsses down jareds hard sternum, IIcks and nIps at the
butterIIy span oI hIs rIbs beneath hIs chest beIore gettIng back In IIne
agaIn to open-mouth kIss each abdomInabIe muscIe. Then he IInds
jareds adorabIe beIIybutton and seaIs hIs IIps around the
cIrcumIerence, suckIng hard he IeeIs jareds skIn agaInst hIs teeth,
IIIckIng hIs tongue out to tease.
jared IeeIs hImseII bIush IIke he hasnt sInce he was a teenager. Ie cant
heIp It. What jensens doIng Is so. IntImate. So careIuI and rcw and
jared IeeIs strangeIy honored and respected. Ie dIstantIy IeeIs hImseII
hardenIng but hes too Iocused on the movement oI jensen down hIs
body-on jensens mouth IormIng reverent and sensuous kIsses agaInst
hIs skIn.
And then jensen sucks hard on hIs naveI, sharp teeth skImmIng gentIy
on the tender IIesh, and suddenIy Its not tIngIes and pInprIcks oI want
Its a ragIng InIerno swIrIIng through hIm, makIng hIm heavy and IIght
and so goddamned needy Ior more. The moan that rIps Irom hIs throat
surprIses hIm, Ieaves hIs tongue sore Ior more oI jensens mouth-Ior
more ]ensen. IIs hIps buck-stutter-buck beyond hIs controI. ts been so
Iong and jensen IeeIs so good. jareds ears are IIIIed wIth the musIc oI
jensens souI and Its so unusuaI, so dIIIerent and new and rIght.
jensen reIeases jareds skIn wIth a suck pop and grIns down at hIs
quIverIng human whos pantIng, IIushed, eyes wIde and gIazed.
jared bIInks up at hIm IanguIdIy, breathIng a dazed, "Woah."
" cant beIIeve how responsIve you are," jensen murmurs and reaches to
trace hIs saIIva-cooI traII over jareds body wIth a IInger. IIs IIps part
and hIs own breaths come quIcker as he watches jareds body sImmer
and contract around the poInt oI touch.
"Shut up, m not," jared murmurs and hIs hIps once agaIn make a
hypocrIte out oI hIm by roIIIng up Into jensen oI theIr own accord.
"You are. And IuckIng IIke It," jensen decIares, darIng to reach under
the bunched materIaI oI jareds shIrt to run IIngertIps over a pec and
nIppIe he cant quIte see aII oI.
"You know what IIke?" jared pants out, throwIng hIs head back and
tryIng to just brecthe when jensen tweaks and pIays hIs chest In rhythm
wIth the honey brIght sound oI hIs souI. "KIss-Ing!" he huIIs. "Iets do
more oI that."
ven though hes swept aIong In jensens caresses hes so embarrassed.
IIs hardness IeeIs IIke a guIIty red hand and hes jIttery wIth anxIety. Ie
supposes Its the same Ior aII IIrst cnything wIth someone new. except
jensen doesnt seem to be as nervous-green eyes Iook too enthraIIed
wIth jared to even thInk about beIng nervous.
jensen grIns. "You dont have to teII me twIce," he whIspers agaInst
jareds coIIarbone beIore cIaImIng hIs mouth agaIn.
jared gets Iost In the kIss, Its so good-jensens tongue-jensens taste
-and so hIs Iuzzy mInd bareIy notIces It when jensens hIps IIrst grInd
down agaInst hIm. Ie IeeIs It cIearIy the second tIme, though, IeeIs the
Iong and hot heat hardIy conceaIed by jensens pants that presses a
promIsIng IIne agaInst jareds thIgh.
And aII nervousness and shyness Ieaves because jensen wants thIs,
jareds turnIng jensen on-hard and Iast and mercIIess, II the IeeI oI
jensens dIck Is anythIng to go by. jared starts to IeeI InvIgorated, smug
and proud and wIcked-jared starts to IeeI IIke used to bejore.
When jensens mouth IaIIs Irom hIs and starts mappIng out jareds
throat and the IIttIe concaved spot behInd hIs ear jared IInaIIy moves to
do some expIorIng oI hIs own. One hand stIII grIps the back oI jensens
head but the other hand IaIIs to massage the back oI jensens neck,
causIng the oIder man to groan and hIs hIps to jerk harder agaInst hIm.
jared smIrks trIumphantIy and moves hIs hand down over jensens shIrt
and then under It, IeeIIng the athIetIc and scuIpted muscIes there. ts
an odd angIe but jared runs hIs hand up and down jensens stomach,
IIngers wavIng over abs, pInky dIppIng Into hIs naveI. Ie pushes back
up, spreadIng hIs hand wIde to IeeI the thIckness oI jensens chest.
God, jensens body. jared moans In antIcIpatIon and thIs tIme he IeeIs
jensens smIrk paInted across hIs trachea beIore that wIcked tongue
dIps Into hIs coIIarbone. jared keeps movIng hIs hand, IeeIIng jensens
body, IeeIIng jensens IIIe and Iust thrummIng IIke a humId day beneath
hIs IIngers. Ie IInaIIy IInds jensens nIppIe and cIrcIes It teasIngIy wIth
the pad oI thumb, hIs naII draggIng IIghtIy over the tender skIn there.
"y the-juck, jared," jensen sIurs, Iorehead pressed to jareds chIn as
he trIes to catch hIs breath. One oI hIs hands reaches up, IacIng IIngers
In jareds haIr just as jared gIves a pInch and a sIIght puII, Iever-brIght
eyes borIng Into jensen the whoIe tIme and the god thInks that he just
mIght Iose It-he mIght just come Irom jareds touch, Irom jareds eyes
aIone. Ie mIght just Iose aII sense oI-oI-oI everythIng and take jared
rIght here and rIght now, on thIs couch.
jensen IeeIs hIs power spIke and push agaInst hIm wIIdIy and jensen
desperateIy trIes to keep a hoId on It-he doesnt want another "soIar
IIare", or to catch hIs Iover on IIre.
The achIng turbuIence wIthIn seems to ease every tIme he kIsses jared.
The younger man hasnt been sIack. Ie toys wIth jensens nIppIe Ior onIy
a moment beIore puIIIng hIs hand away. Ie chuckIes trIumphantIy when
jensen gIves a shattered groan at the absence oI jareds hand. Ie
Ignores It, movIng on to somethIng oI more Interest Ior the both oI them.
IIs IIngers hook Into the waIstband oI jensens expensIve jeans and
jensens startIed, excIted breath chases away the nervousness that trIes
to renew ItseII In jareds chest.
jared pops the button oI jensens pants and sIowIy, tentatIveIy, careIuIIy
unzIps them. ut thats It, he doesnt puII out jensens dIck, he doesnt
even Iook. nstead hIs hand IIutters around the hard shape thats so hot
It has to be burnIng away the materIaI oI jensens boxers. Ie paIms
jensen soIt and then hard, eIIcItIng grunts and groans and praIses Irom
the oIder mans mouth.
"jared-jared," jensen whIspers, he crIes out. Ies not sure what even
happened. IIs human had been so tImId earIIer, so beautIIuI and yet
Insecure. And now hes boId and wIIy, rIght there In jensens hoId but
aIways sIIppIng out oI hIs grasp. jareds IIngers IIutterIng over hIs
straInIng cock Is pure IuckIng torture, and then jared presses hIs paIm
Into hIm IIrmIy and jensen wonders II jared can IeeI hIs dIck twItchIng
beneath hIs hand.
"Thats It, jared," jensen praIses when jared grIps hIm. "So good, jared.
Youre so perIect." Ie peppers hIs IIp prInt over jareds brows beIore
kIssIng hIs human hard, tryIng to communIcate praIse and beg (beg to a
human, oI aII thIngs) Ior more wIth teeth and jaw and tongue.
jared haII-moans, haII-sobs Into jensens mouth. IIs dIck Is so swoIIen
that Its pressIng paInIuI agaInst the conIInes oI hIs sIacks. The IeeIIng Is
bruIsIng and jared Isnt even embarrassed about the whIne that peeks
through the seam that hIs and jensens IIps make.
ut jensen Is attentIve, has aIready antIcIpated jareds need beIore hIs
IIrst haII-sob and by the tIme jared whInes jensen has the top button
opened and zIpper careIuIIy undone and he, too, Is now paImIng and
grIppIng what he can oI jareds dIck through warm and pre-come wet
boxer-brIeIs.
"You IeeI so beautIIuI, jared," jensen murmurs as both oI theIr hands
grIp and press and puII untII theyre both deIIrIous wIth each other. "
cant waIt to see aII oI you," he conIesses.
jareds eyes wIden under ImpossIbIy heavy eyeIIds and he wants to say
so many thIngs but he can onIy push hIs cock harder agaInst jensens
hand and say, "IIease, jen".
jensen removes hIs hand and jared practIcaIIy growIs because that Is so
not what he wanted. The oIder man covers jareds whIch Is stIII movIng
agaInst jensens dIck and puIIs them both away, IettIng out a hIss and
grunt oI hIs own when the IrIctIon stops.
"jen. SerIousIy, you-what are you-touch me, damn It!" jared stutters as
jensen Ieans In and Iaughs amber and dry IIke bourbon In hIs ear.
"ve got you," jensen swears as he InterIocks theIr IIngers so that theIr
hands are joIned on eIther sIde oI jareds head. "ve got you, kclos."
jared doesnt know what jensen just saId but It seems to make jensens
souI pIay Iouder. The souI musIc enveIops jared, makes hIm hotter. Ie
groans, "IIease, jen. IIease. o somethIng. Iavent IeIt so-good-want
more."
"Yes, kaIos. m here, you IeeI so good, youre..." jensen echoes,
pIasterIng hIs body over jareds and grIndIng theIr hIps together. The
ImmedIate IrIctIon Is both sImuItaneous reIIeI and InsatIabIe hunger.
jensens body IaIIs heavIer over jared, pressIng hIm Into the couch,
gIuIng theIr bodIes together so that every move, every brecth, stImuIates
theIr achIng cocks.
"jen, -" jensen hushes jareds breathy moan wIth hIs own mouth, puIIs
the sounds out oI jareds throat wIth hIs tongue and devours them
hungrIIy, cIampIng down on jareds bottom IIp.
They move together, too sIow and IanguId at IIrst, but then jensen gets a
good Iook at hIs human-IaId out under hIm, IIps red and gIIstenIng Irom
hIs gIuttony Ior jensens kIsses, breaths comIng In so Iast and deep It
IeeIs IIke the earth Is shakIng beneath them, hIps dancIng so deIIcIousIy
wIth jensens, chaIIengIng wIth one thrust and pIIant In the next.
And jareds eyes. Theyre so open, so wIde open and pIeadIng wIth
jensen so that he IeeIs such IIberatIon and trIumph. jareds been cIosed
oII Irom hIm Irom the begInnIng. A mystery, a verItabIe Iortress. ot
IrIgId or coId but guarded and deIensIve. ut rIght now jareds deIenses
are down and hes IettIng jensen In. Ies so open and receptIve and
responsIve (so IuckIng responsIve) that Its IIke hes spIayed wIde open
and naked Ior jensen even though hes stIII IuIIy cIothed.
ts the thought that the seemIngIy unattaInabIe jared has Iet jensen In-
at Ieast Ior now, at Ieast Ior thIs moment-that pushes jensen over the
edge Iaster and harder than expected. That and jared comes seconds
beIore hIm, mouth openIng wIder Ior jensens tongue, hands grIppIng
jensens hands harder, body trembIIng IIke an aItershock, eyes IIashIng
goId and warm and pure IIke the IIght jensen commands.
IerIect.
jareds hIgh oII oI the eIectrIc shock oI hIs orgasm but he doesnt Iet up
on jensens mouth and jensen doesnt puII away eIther. They contInue to
hoId hands and they kIss and kIss, bodIes twItchIng and movIng and
puIsIng IIke theyre IIttIe more than two hearts racIng as one.
ts not Iong enough beIore jensen puIIs up a IIttIe and jared breathes
erratIcaIIy, unaware that he had been so deprIved oI oxygen. The oIder
mans aIready ampIe IIps are bItten puIIy by theIr kIsses, whIch doesnt
stop hIm Irom IramIng hIs cocky IIttIe smIrk down at jared. IIs eyes are
haII-IIdded and what jared can see oI them are consumed by bIack-by
Iust.
jared dId that.
jensen doesnt reaIIy move oII oI hIm, just a IIttIe to the sIde, takIng oII
some oI the weIght, IeavIng behInd chIIIs where jareds skIn Is suddenIy
exposed to the aIr. The oIder man kIsses jared aIIectIonateIy on hIs
jawbone.
"What does that mean?" jared asks In a whIsper, the atmosphere too
heavy and stIII to break It wIth hIs voIce.
"What does what mean?" jensen asks, aImost sIeepIIy. Ie Iets go oI one
oI jareds hands to run hIs IIngers through jareds now sweaty haIr.
jensen keeps a tIght hoId on jareds other hand and the weIght kInd oI
puIIs at jareds eIbow but he Ignores It.
"That word you kept sayIng. KaI.?"
"Kclos. ts Greek Ior beautIIuI. couIdnt heIp myseII."
jared wants to Iook away Irom jensens penetratIng green gaze but IInds
he cant, "m not, you know."
"And know you are."
jensens voIce brooks no argument and jareds too bIIssed out Ior one
anyway.
"o you IIke It?" jensen asks aIter a Iew moments. jared cant reaIIy say
yes but he cant say no, eIther, because the IIttIe pet name Irom jensens
homeIand makes jared IeeI specIaI. So to answer jared drags jensen up
to smIIe agaInst the oIder mans IIps and kIss hIm sIoppIIy, causIng
jensen to Iaugh.
"We both came In our pants. Iows that Ior 'makIng out IIke teenagers?"
jensen asks, voIce startIIngIy deep and Iucked out (jared dId that, too, he
thInks wIth a IIttIe amazement and a Iot oI dIsbeIIeI).
jared grIns In response. " thInk m makIng you young agaIn," he says
wIth hIs own sIeep-tIIted cocky aIr.
jensen squeezes jareds hands and burIes hIs Iorehead Into hIs Iovers
throat. "You have no Idea."
jensen peers up at the buIIdIng, takIng In the detaIIs oI the anImaI
sheIter and thInkIng that thIs just mIght be the IIrst tIme hes stepped
InsIde one. ts a Saturday so jareds puttIng hours In at the sheIter
durIng the mornIng and aIternoon. The pIan Is to surprIse jared and
steaI hIm away Ior. weII, anythIng. As Iong as jensen gets to spend tIme
wIth hIs Iover, hes IIne wIth takIng jareds two mutts on a waIk through
the park. jensen wouId even brave hot dog stands agaIn.
jareds just that IntoxIcatIng. ts mInd-bIowIng and even a IIttIe
dIsconcertIng. jensens had many human Iovers and out oI them a
handIuI oI Iovers that he was genuIneIy devoted to. And wIth jared,
jensen IeeIs IIke he has IaIIen hard and Iast. Though he supposes that
Its technIcaIIy been aImost three months sInce he IIrst set eyes on jared,
sInce he IIrst determIned to make the mortaI hIs.
Ie shakes hIs head sIIghtIy, bIInkIng away those thoughts. Today hes
cravIng jareds company and, II hes honest wIth hImseII (and he usuaIIy
Is, Its just easIer that way), he has a partIcuIar cravIng Ior jareds IIps
and body and other thIngs.
SInce the IIrst nIght when they had moved agaInst each other and
brought each other tender reIease, they had sIowIy started expIorIng the
more physIcaI sIde oI theIr reIatIonshIp. TouchIng, caressIng, gropIng,
and Iots oI kIssIng. just hands roamIng where they couId reach and hand
jobs. jensen has managed to get jared shIrtIess whIch had been a
gIorIous sIght to behoId, praIse hIs Iather and aII oI the thIngs jared Is
made oI. And jensen onIy has musIc to descrIbe the sensatIon oI theIr
bare chests rubbIng together, oI the IeeIIng oI hIs chest pressed to
jareds back as they napped away the Iast Sunday aIternoon.
jensens not compIaInIng about the sIow deveIopment oI the physIcaI
sIde oI theIr reIatIonshIp. n Iact he savors It, Ioves every nervous and
vuInerabIe and conIIdent and teasIng mInute oI It. Ie knows that jared
stIII IeeIs Insecure In some way that jensen doesnt understand because
hIs young Iover Iooks IIke a Greek scuIpture come to IIIe. So perIect It
doesnt even seem IIke jared couId be reaI. So, jensens not compIaInIng
about the sIow progressIon, he just wouId IIke more repeat
perIormances oI what theyre doIng now.
ChuckIIng a IIttIe to hImseII he thInks that he shouId say just that to
jared and wonders II heII get a bIush, a scowI, or a cocky chaIIenge In
response. Ie can rareIy predIct jareds reactIons. GrInnIng, he waIks
Into the anImaI sheIter and Is thankIuI that there Is a Iobby area IIrst and
another door IeadIng to the anImaIs. jareds two dogs mIght toIerate hIm
at best, but a roomIuI oI anImaIs wouId IInd jensens presence panIc-
worthy. Though he cant even see the anImaIs, he hears a Iew howIs
Irom the back as he waIks In.
IIs smIIe IaIIs when he waIks In and someone thats not jared Is at the
Iront desk. ts onIy then that It occurs to jensen to search jared out wIth
hIs dIvIne IntuItIon, onIy to come up empty. IIs Iovers not on the
premIses. jensens onIy mIIdIy aIarmed at thIs poInt. AIter aII, jared just
usuaIIy works at the sheIter and he couId have taken thIs Saturday oII.
Though, jensen does IInd It weIrd that he dIdnt know. They text and caII
or see each other every day now and jared Ioves taIkIng about
everythIng. Theres very IIttIe oI jareds day-to-day IIIe and routInes and
scheduIe that jensen doesnt know about.
"Can heIp you?" the guy thats not jared asks, standIng up behInd the
desk and poorIy IorcIng a poIIte smIIe. The guy kInd oI remInds jensen oI
jared. Ies taII and tan-though Its darker than jareds skIn-wIth dark
haIr, a strIkIng IacIaI structure, and brIght eyes. SImIIar Ieatures though
the guy reaIIy doesnt resembIe jared at aII.
"Yeah. came here to see jared. Ies not here?"
"o," the guy answers shortIy. Theres an awkward pause where jensen
expects more and the guy doesnt gIve It.
"AIrIght," jensen says sIowIy, tryIng to reIgn In hIs patIence. "o you
know where he Is?"
"o," the guy says agaIn. "And II you dont know eIther then he probabIy
doesnt want you to know."
The sweep oI anger Is Instantaneous. Iow dare thIs mortaI speak to hIm
-to jensen-IIke thIs? Ie swaIIows It back, grIts hIs teeth, beIore IIndIng
the more socIaIIy approprIate response that doesnt IncIude donkey ears
or smItIng.
"Who the heII are you and whats wIth the hostIIIty?" he snaps.
The guy snarIs. "My names MIIo, m a IrIend oI jareds and m here to
IIII In hIs absence as a Iavor. Most ImportantIy, know who you are,
jensen AckIes. And know that youre out to hurt jared."
jensen cIenches hIs teeth so hard he thInks that they crack and shatter.
Ie IeeIs hIs dIvInIty stIrrIng wIthIn hImseII, churnIng IIke Iava and the
IIght seems to get a IIttIe brIghter In the room, the temperature a Iew
degrees warmer. Ies not sure MIIo reaIIy notIces and II he does he
doesnt connect It to jensen. ot that jensen cares.
"You know nothIng about me," jensen says Iow and acerbIc. "And you
must be a terrIbIe IrIend because you certaInIy dont know jared," he
goes on, thInkIng oI how jared IInaIIy conIessed to jensen a Iew days ago
that hIs best IrIend Chad dIdnt approve oI jensen and was gIvIng jared
a hard tIme about theIr reIatIonshIp. And now thIs MIIo character, a
compIete stranger, was IIrIng oII at the mouth and probabIy draggIng
jared down as weII. Gods, wIth IrIends IIke jareds, who needed
enemIes?
"Oh, know hIm," MIIo seethes. "ve known hIm Ior years and know
more about hIm than just about anyone eIse besIdes hIs sIster and
Chad."
jensen pauses at that procIamatIon, anaIytIcaI mInd whIrrIng as he
scrutInIzes MIIos drawn brows, IIashIng whIte teeth, and oIIensIve
stance.
"You were once hIs Iover," jensen accuses bIuntIy because Its so
obvIous.
MIIo seems startIed, IIke he hadnt pIanned on admIttIng that, but he
adjusts quIckIy. "Yes, Ior a whIIe. ut he was my IrIend beIore and hes
my IrIend now," he decIares deIIantIy.
jensen grIns crueIIy. "And you want hIm back? Youre jeaIous? s that It?"
MIIo Iooks mIIdIy appaIIed, shakIng hIs head IurIousIy. "No. o, thats not
It. have a jicnc who Iove-someone that jared set me up wIth hImseII.
ut he Is my IrIend and Iove hIm IIke one and hes.hes vuInerabIe
now. mean, hes too good Ior you. And wont Iet you hurt hIm
anymore. So take your sIck games and stay the Iuck way Irom my jriend."
The god bIInks at the admIssIon oI a IIance, somewhat reIIeved but no
Iess jeaIous as he Iaces down one oI jareds past Iovers. And what dId
MIIo mean that jared Is "vuInerabIe"?
"AgaIn, you dont even know me. Or anythIng about my reIatIonshIp wIth
jared. Io-hes Important to me, care Ior hIm-"
"Oh yeah?" MIIo Interrupts, reachIng Ior somethIng In the desk drawer
wIth hIs IIp curIed. "oes jared know that? Are you sure? ecause It sure
as heII Iooks IIke youre usIng hIm-strIngIng hIm aIong," MIIo puIIs out a
magazIne, IIIppIng It open a Iew pages beIore sIammIng It down on the
desk Ior jensen to see.
The gIossy page has a recent pIcture oI jared and jensen. Theyre on the
street, probabIy somewhere outsIde oI TrueOne, and theIr Iaces are
cIose together, about to kIss. ut beIow that are a sIew oI other pIctures,
aII oI the catchIng jensen at nIghtcIubs and other socIaI events wIth both
men and women aII over hIm, aII oI them Irom beIore he met jared. The
headIIne was probabIy the worst.
jay-Pad: Has Our 1avorte Matchmaker Become yet Another
Conquest for PIayboy jensen AckIes?
t takes a great deaI Ior jensen not to dIsIntegrate the damn magazIne In
hIs hand. Ie snaps It cIosed and sIams It back on the desk. "You mInd
your own damn busIness," he warns MIIo. "And keep your opInIons to
yourseII. jareds aIready IIghtIng wIth hIs other so-caIIed IrIend and m
sure he doesnt need the extra stress Irom you as weII."
WIth that jensen turns on hIs heeI and storms out, Intent on burnIng
some energy beIore IIndIng jared, not wantIng to carry any remaInIng
bItterness or anger to hIm. Ies so Intent on hIs own thoughts that he
doesnt notIce the startIed and contempIatIve Iook on MIIos Iace as he
Ieaves.
Too many thoughts are revoIvIng In hIs head, most havIng to do wIth hIs
young Iover. Theres MIIo, an ex-boyIrIend. The Iact that jared dIdnt teII
hIm that he was takIng thIs mornIng oII Irom the sheIter. MIIo had caIIed
jared "vuInerabIe". And jensen was goIng to Iook Into thIs magazIne-Les
Destins. And he had to make sure jared dIdnt beIIeve that godsdamned
artIcIe.
jensen IInds jared at hIs apartment and any remaInIng anger dIssoIves
when jared - dressed In sweats and not anythIng eIse wIth sIeep-mussed
haIr and heavy eyeIIds - IIghts up IIke a IIrework when he sees jensen.
Ie throws hIs arms around jensen, kIssIng the oIder mans cheek.
"Thats not a reaI kIss," jensen reprImands.
"MornIng breath," jared cIaIms.
"ts noon."
"oon breath, then. ven worse."
jensen kIsses hIm anyway and jared goes "w!"
" dropped by the sheIter and you werent there," jensen says, not
accusatory, but concerned.
SomethIng IIashes on jareds Iace, IndIscernIbIe perhaps even to jared, "
caIIed In thIs mornIng, decIded to sIeep In."
jareds been asIeep, hIs body Is stIII warm Irom hIs bed, but he aIso
smeIIs oI soap and coIogne so jareds been up at some poInt. Ie couId
have easIIy gotten up and showered beIore decIdIng to caII In to the
sheIter.
" was pIannIng on sIeepIng aII day. You wanna joIn me?" jared asks wIth
an aImost shy smIIe. jensen wrInkIes hIs nose In exaggerated thought.
"m not sure. m not that tIred."
"WeII," jared shrugs, eyes dancIng. "Then guess we couId make out Ior
a whIIe."
"You know? ve aIways admIred your subtIe charms."
jared Iaughs and puIIs jensen Into the apartment-Into hIm. And as the
door shuts behInd them and they stumbIe to jareds bedroom jensen
thInks that he can put some oI hIs questIons up Ior Iater.
And then jared kIsses hIm and jensen thInks yes, much lcter.
"Why are you nervous?"
" dont know?" jared mumbIes, IIddIIng wIth the hem oI hIs tuxedo coat
and gazIng baIeIuIIy out the IImousIne wIndow. ts one oI Ios AngeIess
rare raIny days. ts not pourIng, yet, but theres been a Iazy raIn aII day
and the dropIet on the IImos drenched wIndow keep spIIIIng IIke tears
down the gIass.
jensen watches jared squIrm, caught somewhere between amusement
and concern.
"jared, you know we dont have to go-"
"o!" jared InsIsts, whIrrIng around so that hIs raIn-damp haIr IaIIs In hIs
wIde eyes. jensens IIngers Itch and he gIves In to the urge and pushes
those honey brown Iocks out oI hIs Iace, marveIIng at how easIIy jared
tIIts hIs head and Ieans Into the touch. I jensen had done thIs aImost
two months ago jared wouId have (trIed) to knock hIm out and wouId
have caIIed the poIIce to hauI hIs ass away.
" mean, It sounds. want to do thIs, Its just." jared shIIts agaIn as
they puII up to IA Opera. When jensen had proposed the Idea oI an
opera jared had been Iess than enthusIastIc. SometImes there are
operas In movIes and theyre ear-shatterIngIy Ioud and In a dIIIerent
Ianguage and jared just doesnt get the point. Ie supposes the opera
scene In The Fijth Element was kInd oI cooI, but an aIIen was sIngIng It
whIIe ruce WIIIIs and MIIIa jovovIch kIcked ass In a serIes oI actIon
sequences so how couId It not be cooI? ut jensen had seemed pretty
enthusIastIc and jared knew that hIs boyIrIend was a savant oI pretty
much aII arts so jared had saId yes both because he wanted to Impress
jensen and because he was aIraId oI dIsappoIntIng jensen.
jareds Iearned the hard way that peopIe Ieave hIm when theyre
dIsappoInted In hIm.
ut once agaIn jensen seems to read hIm, "Iey, Its aIrIght. I youre not
down wIth thIs just teII me. know the opera Isnt Ior everyone."
"o, reaIIy want to try It." Okay, so he wants to try It, but not as bad as
hes makIng It out to be. " just, what II dont.?"
jensen puIIs jared Into a kIss by the tIe oI hIs tuxedo, "I you dont IIke It
then thats IIne. WeII bIow thIs pIace and get some barbecue." jared
roIIs hIs eyes and grIns and kIsses jensen back beIore the IImo puIIs to
the Iront oI the massIve buIIdIng.
jared reaIIy neednt have worrIed. The opera jensen took them to Is The
Turn oj the Screw, an adaptatIon oI the Ienry jamess noveIIa by the
same name. IeaturIng orphans and brave governesses and ghosts and,
most ImportantIy, sung entIreIy In ngIIsh. jensen IIgured It was a great
opera Ior a begInner IIke jared. And hes not wrong. jared seems mIIdIy
Interested and hIghIy amused by the antIcs oI the chIIdren In the second
scene but as soon as the governess sees the mysterIous ghostIy IIgure In
the tower jareds hooked. Ie Ieans Iorward, eyes aIternatIveIy wIde In
wonder and squIntIng, tryIng to dIscern the words Irom the drawn out
and embeIIIshed sIngIng and puzzIIng out the outcome oI the mystery
beIore the end. Irom hIs Iook jensen assumes that jared hasnt read The
Turn oj the Screw or seen the movIe and jensen does a mentaI vIctory
dance Ior beIng abIe to surprIse and enthraII jared Into somethIng new.
ts a good opera, or jensen supposes It Is because he IIked the noveIIa
and hes been Impressed wIth other scores my enjamIn rItten beIore.
ThIs Is the IIrst tIme hes seen the opera and he supposes heII have to
come see It agaIn because hes not payIng much attentIon thIs tIme
around.
Ies too busy watchIng jared watch the opera. jared Iooks young and
ImpressIonabIe, the spark oI InteIIIgence In hIs eyes rIveted by the
scenes and horror and drama unIoIdIng beIore hIm. And when the heart-
wrenchIng endIng unIoIds on stage jareds eyes wIden ImpossIbIy, he
gasps soItIy and says, "AmazIng!"
jensen, hIs gaze onIy Ior jared, agrees, "Yes, you are."
"So. What are you doIng thIs weekend?"
jared just gIares at hIm so jensen takes that as "nothIng" and goes on.
"ecause was thInkIng oI, you know, IntroducIng you to my IamIIy? Or,
weII, the IamIIy that Is here, anyway. wouIdnt want to expose you to aII
oI them at once." Ies InadvertentIy Iet on to jared that he has a good
many haII-sIbIIngs and cousIns, some oI whIch hes In contact wIth and a
Iew that are hangIng out In Ios AngeIes rIght now.
When jared contInues to gIare at hIm jensen shIIts and contInues on.
Iad he read thIs wrong? Was It too earIy to take jared to hIs IamIIy?
AdrIanne, ChrIs, and Steve had been annoyIng jensen Ior weeks to meet
jared. Theyd aII seen the mortaI Irom aIar, oI course, sInce they had
been unwIttIng parts oI jensens brIIIIant OperatIon Seduce jared, and
aIso because theyre nosey and he occasIonaIIy IeeIs one oI hIs sIbIIngs
or hIs cousIn spyIng on them. jensen suspects that AdrIanne had the
purest oI IntentIons, seeIng as she aIways went on about "dying to meet
the person thct mckes you so hcppy". jensen was aImost posItIve ChrIs
and Steve wanted to meet jared so that they couId embarrass or make
Iun oI jensen.
"Weve been datIng Ior cIose to three months and dont you thInk Its
tIme that we meet each others IamIIIes?" That was proper datIng
etIquette nowadays, wasnt It? " mean, we can have a dInner at my
pIace. AdrIanne wIII want to do some Iancy seven course meaI or
somethIng, but we can out vote her and do some kInd oI cook out.
xcept ChrIs cant be In charge oI the grIII because he IIkes to set IIre to
thIngs other than what hes cookIng. Ies. destructIve?"
Yeah. That probabIy Isnt the way to ease jareds nervousness about
meetIng jensens IamIIy. They have cheIs that couId make the meaI, oI
course, but jensen was hopIng Ior somethIng a IIttIe bIt more cIosed oII,
reIaxed and IntImate Ior the IIrst meetIng.
"jensen," jared IInaIIy says, voIce Iow and wry wIth bareIy controIIed
anger. "I you dont start takIng thIs serIousIy swear to God m goIng to
shove your head Into that toIIet and drown you."
jensen bIInks at jared IIke hes Iost a head, " cm takIng thIs-us-
serIousIy, whIch Is why want you to meet my sIster and ChrIs and
Steve."
jared just keeps gIarIng. The young man takes a shaky breath and stuIIs
sIIghtIy trembIIng hands In hIs pockets. " meant II you dont start takIng
the Iact that were stuck In jcil-" he reaches up wIth one hand and
rattIes the Iron bars to theIr ceII. "-then you wont have a boyIrIend to
worry about takIng home to the IamIIy because youII be decd!"
jensen Iooks around at the sherIIIs jaII ceII where theyre currentIy
Iocated. Oh. Yes. That.
Ie stands up and steps over to jared-In two smaII steps because the jaII
ceII Is cramped, not that jensen mInds beIng thIs cIose to jared and hes
even wIIIIng to overIook the IndIgnIty oI It aII because the cIrcumstances
that got them In here had been just too good-and stops jareds agItated
pacIng by hookIng a IInger through hIs beIt Ioop and tuggIng hIm to a
stop. Ie Iooks up a IIttIe sternIy Into jareds eyes.
"Iey, Its aIrIght. ve aIready caIIed my Iawyer. Ies good, hes gotten
me out oI pIenty oI scrapes beIore. WeII be out any mInute. promIse,"
he remInds jared gentIy, movIng to kIss the haII-pout and haII-angry
snarI (onIy jared can puII that combInatIon oII, reaIIy) oII oI hIs Iovers
Iace when hes pushed back by jared.
"one oI that!" jared spIts, shakIng a IInger at jensen IIke hes a naughty
chIId. "Thats-you-thats what got us Into thIs mess to begIn wIth!"
jensen grIns, charmIng and sweet enough to (hopeIuIIy) meIt away
jareds anger, "Iow can heIp It, kaIos, when youre so perIect cant
resIst you?"
jareds Iace reIaxes and Ior a second jensen thInks that he mIght have
IInaIIy soothed hIs Iover.
!ntII jared stomps on hIs Ioot. t doesnt hurt, not reaIIy, but jensen
makes a show out oI It because jared had put Iorce behInd hIs bIg,
booted Ioot.
"Ow! What the heII, jay?" jensen hIsses, hoppIng up and down a Iew
tImes.
"ont you sweet taIk me, jensen AckIes! You-you-hedonIstIc,
exhIbItIonIstIc.person!" hIs human snaps, IIaIIIng a IIttIe beIore crossIng
hIs arms. AItogether theyve been In the ceII Ior about haII an hour and
jareds gIven hIm the sIIent gIare treatment Ior most oI that tIme.
Iowever jensens been kInd oI obIIvIous to It because jareds pants are a
IIttIe crooked and hIs shIrt mIss-buttoned, wrInkIy, and haII-tucked. IIs
haIrs a mess, mussed and haII pushed up In the aIr so that he remInds
jensen oI Iobert IattInson.
ot that hes goIng to say that out Ioud.
ut It does remInd jensen oI what they were doIng beIore they got
thrown Into thIs ceII.
"So. Youre mad at me," jensen observes smartIy.
"Yes," hIs Iover hIsses.
".Are you goIng to break up wIth me?" SomethIng uneasy weIIs up
wIthIn jensen then. SomethIng IIke hurt and dread. ts puzzIIng to IeeI It
at aII, much Iess so strongIy, and he graduaIIy thInks that he must be
IeeIIng insecure.
IIm. A god. God oI youth, athIetIcIsm, art, reason.
.and hes Insecure that thIs mortcl mIght Ieave hIm.
The reaIIzatIon Is stark and dIzzyIng, IIke the coIdest wInters nIght.
jared wIeIds so much power over jensen-he makes the god IeeI thIngs
hes never IeIt beIore. IIke InsecurIty. And as dIsconcertIng and
troubIesome as the reaIIzatIon Is (a god-Insecure!) Its aIso IascInatIng.
AIter aII, jensens never IeIt thIs way beIore and aII he wants to do Is
share thIs wIth jared.
Ie cant, oI course. ecause jared doesnt know who and what jensen Is.
And jensen IeeIs somethIng eIse hes rareIy-maybe never-IeIt beIore.
specIaIIy about reveaIIng hIs godhood to mortaIs.
GuIIt.
Ie watches jareds shouIders sag and hIs eyes soIten. IIs Iover reaches
up and runs a hand through hIs haIr, just makIng the rats nest worse.
"o, jen. OI course not," jared IInaIIy says. "ont get me wrong. m
IuckIng pIssed enough to actuaIIy drown you In the skeevy toIIet over
there," jared says, motIonIng vagueIy to the smaII, staInIess steeI toIIet
In the back corner oI theIr ceII whIch both men had so Iar studIousIy
Ignored. Ie Iooks back to hIs boyIrIend. jensens standIng taII and
ImpeccabIe as aIways, except hIs coIIar Is wrInkIed and he dIdnt manage
to get hIs beIt threaded through aII oI the Ioops oI hIs pants (and jared
dId that, made thIs IIawIess man Iook ImperIect Ior once).
"ut m not breakIng up wIth you," jared doesnt thInk he couId, not
over somethIng IIke thIs. ven though jensen (and, maybe, jared mIght
have pIayed a IIttIe roIe as weII, but hes not wIIIIng to admIt that out
Ioud sInce It reaIIy Is mostIy jensens IauIt) got them Into thIs mess and
jared Is so angry he can bareIy see straIght, he stIII cant brIng hImseII
to push jensen away Ior good.
".t was hot, though. Wasnt It?" jensen says, seemIng to antIcIpate
jareds traIn oI thought, expressIve eyebrows waggIng exaggeratedIy.
"I you caII a mIsdemeanor and a possIbIe year spent In jaII hot," jared
mutters.
"Come on," jensen huIIs, roIIIng hIs eyes. " toId you. My Iawyers aIready
got thIs. Were not just gettIng out on baII, the charges arent hoIdIng."
MeanIng that jensens once agaIn been abIe to buy hIs way out oI
somethIng. t stIII makes jared uncomIortabIe but hes no Ionger bItter
about It. jensen has Iong sInce proven that hes not the same as Mark
IeIIegrIno, who IIaunted hIs money and openIy remarked that he couId
buy anyone and anythIng. jensen dId IIaunt hIs money In a way, but not
aIways conscIousIy. Iame, power, money, It has aIways been part oI
jensen, hIs IamIIy, and hIs IIIe. jensen couId aIso be seIIIsh, stubborn,
and sometImes careIess wIth hIs words to the poInt oI Injury. ut he Is
aIso the kIndest, most passIonate and attentIve person jareds ever met.
jensens not crueI or boastIuI. he couId just be a IIttIe obIIvIous
sometImes.
"ve never been arrested beIore," jared sIghs, sIttIng down on the sIngIe
cot.
"IIrst tIme Ior everythIng," the oIder man says, steppIng cIoser to jared
and choosIng to remaIn standIng, though he does reach out, runnIng hIs
IIngers through jareds haIr-smoothIng It out to soothe or makIng It
messIer to tease, even he cant make up hIs mInd so he does both.
"jensen?" jared questIons, voIce subdued.
"Imm?"
"We just got arrested Ior Indecent exposure," he whIspers, awe-strIcken
and wondrous because thIs Is the IIrst tIme hes reaIIy thought about It.
Ie had been embarrassed beyond beIIeI when they stuIIed both hIm and
jensen In the back oI a poIIce car. So Iar hed been too pIssed at jensen
to reaIIy reaIIze the sItuatIon. Ie was In jaII Ior Indecent exposure In a
pubIIc area.
Fuck.
"You started It," jensen oIIers, mock-petuIant and still not takIng thIs
serIousIy.
ts Sunday, the day aIter jareds Iatest doctors appoIntment. jensen
had showed up at hIs apartment yesterday havIng been IookIng Ior hIm
at the sheIter and jared had IeIt bad Ior IyIng to jensen about hIs
whereabouts. They hadnt sIept yesterday aIternoon IIke jared had
orIgInaIIy Intended but had IooIed around Instead, jensen takIng jared
Into hIs mouth Ior the IIrst tIme, causIng jared to Iose It embarrassIngIy
Iast (whIch totaIIy wasnt hIs IauIt-It had been a whIIe sInce hIs Iast
bIow job). AIter that they had stumbIed Into the shower-the IIrst tIme
they had both been compIeteIy naked beIore each other. eIore jensen
couId get a reaIIy good Iook at the entIrety oI hIs exposed body jared had
dropped to hIs knees and returned the Iavor as warm water cascaded
around them both.
ut jensen couIdnt be deterred. jared had IeIt jensen come apart
beneath hIs mInIstratIons, had swaIIowed hIm down even though jensen
had pushed hIs head In warnIng. And when jared had done It anyway,
savorIng the taste, he had IeIt the ImmacuIate, mysterIous, and strong
jensen AckIes unthread and meIt between hIs IIps, beneath hIs
IIngertIps. jared had watched the entIre tIme Irom beneath hooded eyes.
t had been beautIIuI. So beautIIuI. jensen was so much more than jared
couId ever be and yet jared was a seIIIsh bastard and hung on to jensen
anyway.
And then jensen, recoverIng Iaster than humanIy possIbIe, had puIIed
jared to hIs Ieet and kIssed hIm.
"Youre just too jucking cmczing, kclos. You ccnt be recl," jensen had
whIspered In awe beIore soapIng them both up. Ie had expIored jareds
body that way and jared, swept away Irom hImseII as usuaI when It came
to jensen, had aIso mapped out jensens body, marveIIng at the hard
strength and IIIe rIppIIng beneath the IaIr, oIIve-IIke skIn.
TheIr hands sIIpped-sIId-gIIded Ior what IeIt IIke hours, theIr mouths
hardIy partIng, breathIng Into each other as the hot water seemed to
numb IIngers and skIn so that It IeIt IIke they were one body Instead oI
two. jensen had paId specIaI attentIon to jareds juttIng hIpbones,
massagIng them untII jared was hard agaIn, and then movIng to paIm
jareds ass cheeks, puIIIng jared In cIose so that theIr tender groIns
rubbed together. And then jensens IIngers had teased the cIeIt,
darIngIy dIppIng In.
Anywcy, jared reprImands hImseII, shakIng oII the memorIes. That was
Saturday. Today Is Sunday and theyre stuck In jaII. t had started oII
Innocent enough. They got up thIs mornIng and IaIIed compIeteIy to cook
themseIves breakIast. jared had the excuse that he was a terrIbIe cook
anyway. jensens cuIInary skIIIs were margInaIIy better-he had baked
Iasagna Ior them Iast week, bossIng jared around the kItchen the entIre
tIme-but the Iood had stIII burnt to a ruIned IIquId because jensen had
been preoccupIed wIth pIunderIng jareds mouth, arms wrapped around
jareds hIps Irom where jensen had lijted jared up and sat hIm on the
kItchen IsIand.
So aIter another shower and gettIng dressed (jensen had two sets oI
cIothes at jareds apartment and jared just dIdnt know how that had
happened and he cant decIde II It makes hIm scared-nervous or scared-
excIted) they had set out In search oI breakIast. AIter that jared had
remembered that he needed to buy an annIversary gIIt to send to KatIe
and AIona, two oI hIs Iormer cIIents who had become hIs IrIends.
They had managed to eat breakIast but hadnt gotten much Iurther-
onIy to the corner oI the bIock, In Iact. jared had kIssed jensen IIrst but
It was just a smaII peck wIth maybe a smaII, teasIng IIck. Ie couIdnt
have heIped It. When he had kIssed jensens IIps he had tasted the
sIIght, sweet resIdue oI the bIueberry syrup he had at breakIast and the
urge to IIck up more oI the taste was just a reIIex.
So what had started out as a kIss had somehow moved to jared pInned to
the waII oI an aIIey (aIbeIt a cIean aIIey that was reaIIy more oI a sparseIy
used cut through between streets Ior both peopIe and cars) and jensen
pressIng In to hIm. WIthIn mInutes and wIthout jareds notIce jensen had
not onIy managed to pop aII oI the buttons to jareds shIrt, exposIng hIs
chest and stomach, but jensen had aIso worked jareds jeans open and
hIs hand was aIready sIIppIng down.
jared had onIy been abIe to Ioosen jensens beIt and a Iew buttons oI hIs
shIrt. ut, In hIs deIense, jared had been too otherwIse occupIed to get
any Iurther.
y the tIme jensens mouth had dropped Irom jareds to kIss a IIne down
hIs throat and chest to beIow hIs naveI, jareds shIrt was IaIIIng oII oI hIs
shouIders, makIng It hard to touch jensen and InevItabIy bIndIng jareds
arms to hIs sIdes. WhIch had IueIed jensen even Iurther.
"Holy-look ct you, kclos. This perject body displcyed jor the world. Youre
such c tecse, showing this ojj when youre giving it only to me, right?"
jensens teeth had cIamped around the eIastIc waIstband oI jareds
boxer-brIeIs, puIIIng the eIastIc away beIore IettIng It go and snappIng
agaInst jareds taut stomach-agaInst jareds hardenIng cock.
"Fuck, ]en, bcby," jared had huIIed because wIthout jensen In Iront oI
hIm, kIssIng hIm, he had a chance to Iook around the aIIey. "Fuck," he
repects. "We gottc-we gottc get out oj-were out on the street, cnybody
ccn see."
"Iet them. Iet them see how beautIIuI you are-we are together."
"-yes-no! We cant, come on jen, we have to Ieave-we gotta get out oI
here," jared had babbIed as hIs jeans had sIIpped over hIps aII the more,
reveaIIng hIs sharpIy tented boxer-brIeIs that jensen was teasIng down
mIIIImeter by excrucIatIng mIIIImeter wIth hIs teeth.
"Where do you wcnt me to go?" jensen had asked InnocentIy beIore
dIppIng hIs tongue beneath the waIstband.
"Lower, dcmn it. Lower!" jared had encouraged, thInkIng that II no ones
seen them yet then they wouIdnt at aII and besIdes, just thInkIng oI
jensens hot mouth around hIm, hIs tongue worshIppIng hIm. . .
And thats when the cops had arrIved and shoved jared and jensen Into
the car, hands cuIIed behInd theIr backs and jareds shIrt stIII open,
jeans stIII unbuttoned, and cock onIy begInnIng to soIten.
jared had been-stIII Is-mortIIIed. jensen had been rIdIcuIousIy pIeased.
And now. now here they were. jared stIII mortIIIed beyond beIIeI and
jensen stIII pIeased wIth the IuIIIIIment oI hIs exhIbItIon IetIsh.
"Come on," jensen wheedIes, IeanIng In to jareds personaI space and
gIvIng hIm pItIIuI eyes and a sIy smIrk. "Were goIng to get out oI here
any mInute now and thIs wont show up on eIther oI our records. You
have to admIt. thIs whoIe thIng was kInd oI Iunny. And c lot hot."
jared IeeIs a smIIe tuggIng at hIs IIps and scowIs aII the harder so jensen
wont notIce. ut oI course jensen notIces-hes clwcys IookIng at jared
so not much ever gets past hIm (whIch clso makes jared scared-nervous
and scared-excIted).
" mean, dId you see theIr Iaces? They were torn between wantIng to
watch us and havIng to do theIr duty and arrest us!"
"Youre entIreIy too happy wIth thIs sItuatIon."
"ThIs was so awesome, jared. IIke, my Iantasy date come true. Thanks
Ior thIs," jensen says, IeanIng In to try and kIss hIm but jared evades,
hoIdIng jensens Iace back by hIs hand, IeeIIng jensens nose smash
beneath hIs paIm.
" dIdnt exactIy pIan thIs."
" dno," jensen says nasaIIy agaInst jareds hand. "Swhy Id do hotd."
jared bIInks, "You sound rIdIcuIous."
jensen IIcks hIs wrIst and the tIckIIsh sensatIon causes jared to gasp and
yank hIs hand away suddenIy so that jensens weIght pItches Iorward
and they both go sprawIIng out on the cot In an entangIement oI IImbs.
"You boys arent makIng your cases any better wIth shIt IIke thIs," a
voIce says suddenIy, makIng both oI them Iook to the bars. On the other
sIde stands SherIII Kurt IuIIer whos sneerIng down at them. WIth the
perpetuaI dark rIngs beneath hIs eyes he Iooks a bIt IIke a snarIIng
raccoon.
They both just Iay where they are, starIng at the oIder man who raIses
an eyebrow and crosses hIs arms, "WeII, are you two just goIng to Iay
there?"
"epends," jensen says wIth a shrug, grInnIng IascIvIousIy.
"What? o! Were not!" jared hIsses, pushIng on jensen and punchIng
hIm IIghtIy a Iew tImes In the chest to get hIm oII. They roII and tumbIe
out oI bed-jared more cIumsIIy than jensen-and end up standIng at
attentIon In Iront oI SherIII IuIIer. Or, jared does, IIke hes In some kInd
oI mIIItary. jensen Iooks bored and vagueIy dIspIeased wIth beIng
Interrupted yet agaIn, hands stuIIed In hIs pockets and nose tIIted up.
SherIII Kurt IuIIer Is shorter than both jensen and jared and
sIgnIIIcantIy rounder. Ies oIder, perhaps around hIs IIItIes, shIny baId
at the top oI hIs head wIth Iuzzy grey-whIte haIr behInd hIs ears and
dustIng the back oI hIs neck. IIs IacIaI Ieatures are IndetermInabIe and
hard to descrIbe. IIs skIn Is at once weatherworn and sIckIy, paIe but
sun-spIotched and Ieathery. IIs Iace kInd oI sags about hIs jawbone as II
he had suIIered a stroke but jared supposes that the extra skIn heIps
the sherIII Iorm hIs cIown-wIde maIIcIous grIns, snarIs, and judgmentaI
Irowns.
The Iatter oI whIch he was now gIvIng jared and jensen.
"So. Are you just goIng to stand there and drInk us In or are you goIng to
Iet us out?" jensen IInaIIy asks, raIsIng an eyebrow.
"Are you so anxIous to Ieave, AckIes? Are you too good Ior thIs jaII that
every other crimincl has to stay In when they break the Iaw?" SherIII
IuIIer snarIs.
jareds never met the man, but hes heard oI thIs sherIII. SeII-rIghteous
and boastIuI wIth not a Iot oI actIon to back It up. Ies run Ior mayor
twIce but each tIme receIved a record breakIng Iow number oI votes.
And jareds surprIsed by the sheer anImosIty he has Ior jensen, the way
hIs beady eyes IIash at jareds boyIrIend makes jareds teeth grInd wIth
the urge to protect jensen Irom these accusatIons.
"You cant taIk to hIm IIke that and you cant keep us here II weve been
cIeared."
jensen bIInks and swIveIs hIs head toward jared, eyes wIde. Ie hadnt
been oIIended by the sherIIIs words. Ie doesnt know II Its because
hes stIII rIdIng the hIgh oI payIng homage to (ruInIng) jareds body In an
aIIey or II Its because jensen Isnt aIIected by the words or actIons oI
IooIs. IrobabIy both. ut It Is surprIsIng that jared subtIy moves to hIs
aId so quIckIy.
jared mIght make hIm Insecure every once In a whIIe but jensen Is stIII
vaIn and a god and he knows when hes IIked, knows when hes beIng
thought about, knows when he has someones attentIon. Ies known
now Ior a whIIe that jared IIkes hIm, that jensen has IInaIIy captured the
attentIon and thoughts oI the young mortaI. Iowever, hes never seen
jared come to hIs aId beIore-jareds never had the opportunIty because
jensens never needed It, oI course, and doesnt need It now-and It
makes jensen pause because thIs Is evIdence that jared cares enough to
IeeI protectIve and even possessIve (because onIy ]cred gets to crItIcIze
jensens arrogant tendencIes).
SherIII IuIIers gaze Iocks In on jared and Its not IntImIdatIng but Its so
spIteIuI that the sImpIe Iook pIsses jared oII Iurther.
"You-youre worse," IuIIer spIts. "You got yourseII In the bed oI the
rIchest man In the worId and now you thInk youre above everyone eIse,
too, even though youre just hIs Iatest IIavor. You dIsgust me-you both
do."
ow Its jensens turn to gIare. Ie straIghtens, sets hIs shouIders, and
Iooks down at SherIII IuIIer, hIs eyes IIIckerIng wIth authorIty, anger,
and a crackIe oI hIs dIvInIty. "You shut your mouth about jared or eIse II
press charges agaInst you. Ior harassment and unIawIuI InterrogatIon.
You dont thInk that youre above the Iaw, do you?" he threatens, endIng
wIth a taunt.
SherIII IuIIer paIes consIderabIy under jensens gIare and jensen takes
some satIsIactIon In thIs, though IuIIer Isnt someone strong to begIn
wIth, a Keystone Cop-bumbIIng, aII bIuster and taIk and no actIon. The
man yanks out hIs keys wIth a cIumsy IIourIsh, jammIng It In the Iock.
"II keep my eyes on you," he warns beIore swIngIng the heavy bars
open enough Ior jensen and jared to sIIp through. Ie stomps ahead oI
them to Iead them the rest oI the way out.
They step out oI the poIIce statIon and Into the Iate aIternoon sunIIght.
jensens hand ImmedIateIy seeks out jareds, hIs mInd pre-occupIed wIth
what IuIIer had saId. Yet another source-IIrst that damn magazIne and
now that damn sherIII-has ImpIIed that jared Is just another conquest
Ior jensen, a IIavor oI the week. jensen wonders II thats what jared
thInks. Ie opens hIs mouth to brIng It up when jared squeezes hIs hand.
"ont thInk m not stIII mad at you," the young man huIIs suddenIy.
"What do you mean?"
"IoIdIng hands," jared squeezes hIs hand agaIn Ior emphasIs. "just
because were hoIdIng hands dont thInk m not stIII mad at you. ThIs
entIre thIng was your IauIt."
jensen swaIIows a chuckIe when jared gIares at hIm. "IIne. m sorry,"
aIthough hIs tone makes It cIear that hes not. "What do you want me to
do to make up Ior It?"
jared Iooks scarIIy thoughtIuI. "Wash my car," he decIdes IInaIIy because
hes dyIng a IIttIe to see jensen In nothIng but a paIr oI swIm trunks,
soapy and soakIng wet. "And then you have to vacuum my apartment
and cook Ior me. n a pInk apron. Ior a week." ecause thIs is payback,
aIter aII.
IIs boyIrIend Iaughs, throwIng hIs head back, straIght teeth IIashIng
and, ChrIst, jensens just so sexy. jensen turns a pout on and starts
IImpIng exaggeratedIy, IeanIng on jared.
"ut baby," he teases. "My Ioot hurts so bad Irom where you abused It."
jared roIIs hIs eyes, "Youre not gettIng out oI the work. ut mIght
consIder gIvIng you a Ioot massage Iater."
IIs boyIrIends eyes IIght IIke bIrthday candIes. "You know, have other
pIaces that hurt, too. IIke my chest Irom where you hIt me, and-"
"ont push It, AckIes."
"IIght."
".jensen?"
"Yeah?"
"o you thInk your IamIIy wIII IIke me?" jared asks, hIs voIce straInIng to
sound casuaI though he ducks hIs head nervousIy.
ThIs thIng between them has been prIvate Ior the most part. esIdes hIs
IIrst meetIng wIth SophIa, jensen hasnt reaIIy seen jareds sIster sInce.
MostIy because Chad dIsapproves oI jensen and SophIa had conIessed In
a rushed encounter wIth jared and jensen that she dIdnt want to go
behInd her IIances back.
So theIr reIatIonshIp had just been the two oI them. jensen enjoyed It
ImmenseIy because It IeIt IIke they were In theIr own worId-It IeIt IIke
they had aII theIr tIme just Ior each other.
jensen swIngs theIr joIned hands back and Iorth a Iew tImes. " thInk
that they IIke you aIready," jensen conIesses.
n truth he Is a IIttIe unsure about brIngIng jared to hIs sIbIIngs and
cousIn. Ie does thInk that they IIke hIm aIready, but ChrIs, AdrIanne,
and Steve have aIways been coIder towards humans than jensen out II
theIr IngraIned sense oI superIorIty. Theres aIso a protectIve InstInct
that makes jensen want to caII oII the "meet the IamIIy" thIng because
heII be takIng jared to a house wIth three gods. jensen trusts those
three and Is cIoser to them than any other member oI hIs IamIIy, but
gods are notorIousIy whImsIcaI and no matter how IrratIonaI It Is jensen
cant heIp but worry about jareds saIety.
jared smIIes tentatIveIy, "Yeah?"
"Yeah, know It. They IIke to tease but ItII mostIy be me they tease.
thInk theyre aIready Impressed wIth you."
The IIash oI dImpIes he gets In response makes hIs heart stutter.
"What are you doIng In there?" jensen caIIs out teasIngIy Irom where
hes stretched out on the couch In jareds IIvIng room. ts IrIday nIght,
or reaIIy Its two a.m. on Saturday mornIng. They had started out IrIday
nIght wIth jensen cookIng Ior jared as promIsed-chIcken wIth okra or
kottopoulc me bcmies. TypIcaI jared had wrInkIed hIs nose chIIdIshIy at
the vegetabIes-jensen had quIckIy Iearned that jareds Iove oI candy
and junk Iood rIvaIed MIkes Iove oI wIne. ut jared had suIIered
through the okra once jensen toId hIm It was a recIpe Irom hIs
homeIand, eIIectIveIy guIItIng jared Into eatIng It though the meaI had
no sentImentaI vaIue to jensen and Is In Iact just about the onIy thIng
besIdes Iasagna that he knows how to make. Ie had taken a cuIInary
cIass once but hadnt IInIshed-or, more accurateIy, was too involved
wIth the Instructor to properIy pay attentIon aIter the IIrst coupIe oI
weeks.
AIter that they had gone out to ZombIe joes !nderground Theatre, a
IIttIe pIace north oI the cIty that Ieatured the stranger and more horrIIIc
productIons. t had been jareds Idea-combInIng jensens admIratIon oI
the theatre and jareds penchant Ior horror and thrIIIer movIes. They
each had kIcked back, jensen wIth a beer and jared wIth a gIass oI wIne
-Iunny, not onIy was It the IIrst tIme jensen had seen jared drInk
somethIng aIcohoIIc but jensen wouId have pegged jared as a beer
drInker. n the end he had chosen not to comment. The audItorIum was
In the cooI, roomy basement wIth rust red brIck waIIs.
ZombIe joes was pIayIng Shudder, an adaptatIon oI the rothers
GrImms story "The Story oI the Youth Who Went Iorth to Iearn What
Iear s". t was good and dIdnt take ItseII too serIousIy so It was at once
chIIIIng and hIIarIous. jensen had trIed to get hcndsy-he couIdnt have
heIped It because on a good day jensen cant do much to resIst jared but
they were In the dark and jared was wearIng those jeans and that shIrt
and hIs IIps were wet and pretty Irom the wIne. . .
They had gone back to jareds apartment aIter, stoppIng to get Ice
cream and pIe. eIIy IuII and IyIng on the couch wIth hIs head In jensens
Iap, jensen had thought that jared wouId start to doze oII gIven the
persIstent bruIsIng tIredness under hIs eyes but he had stayed wIde
awake, taIkIng anImatedIy to jensen about meetIng AdrIanne, ChrIs, and
Steve on Saturday aIternoon.
jared got up to go to the bathroom. about IIIteen mInutes ago. jensens
heard hIm movIng around In the bedroom and Is vagueIy concerned but
mostIy IrrItated at the Ioss oI jareds presence by hIs sIde.
The bedroom door swIngs open and jared steps out dressed In a sharp
bIack pInstrIped suIt. IIs haIr a mess and the cIothes are a IIttIe
wrInkIed. Ie seems a IIttIe uncomIortabIe but he Iooks absoIuteIy
stunnIng. The dark coIor and the cut oI the cIothes make jared Iook sIIm
and the muscIes oI hIs chest and arms streamIIned wIth hIs waIst. The
IaInt pInstrIpes make jareds Iegs Iook even Ionger.
"Iows thIs?" jared asks wIth wIde eyes, doIng a smaII turn around (and,
oh, jareds css.).
"You Iook amazIng," jensen compIIments easIIy as he stands and
approaches hIs beautIIuI Iover. "ut why, exactIy, are you wearIng thIs at
two In the mornIng?" he asks as he reaches up and straIghtens jareds
coIIar whIch contInues to curI at the poInts despIte hIs eIIorts.
jareds brows crInkIe as he gIves hIs boyIrIend a duh Iook, "m tryIng on
cIothes Ior tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" jensen echoes as he runs hIs hands down jareds
sIIhouette, IeeIIng rIch IabrIc cIIng to an even rIcher body.
jared huIIs, "To meet your IamIIy, remember?" IIs scowI deepens when
jensen Iets out a surprIsed Iaugh. "ThIs Is serIous, want to make a good
ImpressIon!"
"You wIII-no matter what you wear. Youre beautIIuI, InteIIIgent, kInd,
and charIsmatIc whether youre In thIs suIt or In sweatpants and a tutu."
"You know d Iook damn good In a tutu," jared mumbIes, smIIe tuggIng
at hIs IIps. Ie honestIy hadnt thought too much about vIsItIng jensens
IamIIy. ut as the mInutes tIcked past mIdnIght and Into Saturday jared
had IaIn wIde awake In hIs boyIrIends Iap and thought about aII oI the
nIce cIothes jensen aIways wears-how put together he aIways Is. Ie
thought about the two tImes hed caught a gIImpse oI jensens sIster
AdrIanne and how she was aIways dressed just as ImpeccabIy IIke she
was straIght out oI a magazIne or a gIItzy cIassIc movIe. Ie dIdnt want
to embarrass jensen-he dIdnt want to dIsappoInt the man that was
quIckIy becomIng the center oI jareds worId. Ie dIdnt want to gIve
jensen a reason to Ieave hIm, IIke TImothy dId.
"You Iook damn good In everythIng," jensen smIrks, reachIng up and
smoothIng jareds perpetuaIIy messy haIr. jared Ieans Into the touch IIke
hes some kInd oI chIId. Ie cant heIp It, though. espIte the arrogance,
the prIde and the money and the carnaI tendencIes, jensen AckIes Is
aIways so tender and genuIne. IIke jensen knows who he Is and Is
compIeteIy comIortabIe wIth It-IIke jensen knows what he and jared are
and Is compIeteIy unaIraId. jensens personaIIty Is so strong and honest,
hIs touches IIberaI and aIIectIonate, that jared cant heIp but want to
curI Into each dotIng gIance or contact jensen bestows on hIm.
"You havent seen me In everythIng."
jensen chuckIes so Iow that It makes jareds toes curI Into the carpet.
"ts a dIsparIty weII have to remedy."
"IoIe pIay? IeaIIy?" jared asks wIth hIs own haII-smIrk, tIItIng hIs head In
thought, ImagInIng the dIIIerent scenarIos In hIs head.
"WeII, yeah. s It not somethIng youre In to?"
jared hums, "ah, reaIIy thInk couId get behInd It II Its you."
"Cant waIt to get behInd you. AII over you," jensen growIs as he puIIs
jared In cIoser so that theIr bodIes press together. ts the IIrst tIme hes
reaIIy ImpIIed that he wants more In theIr sex IIIe and jareds surprIsed
that jensens Iasted thIs Iong wIthout jared even havIng to ask, and
jareds even more surprIsed to IInd out that despIte the InsecurItIes-
despIte the Iact that hes IosIng weIght and soItenIng In pIaces around
hIs stomach and sometImes when jensen gets too cIose jared stIII IIashes
to IoIt-jared reaIIy wants more as weII.
jareds suIt Itches IIke heII, breakIng hIm Irom the trance jensens Iust-
burnt eyes cast on hIm.
"ut serIousIy. s thIs suIt OK Ior tomorrow?"
jensen huIIs, Irustrated when jared puIIs hIs IIps Irom where they had
been hoverIng beIore jensens, " bet II had candy couId brIbe you to
actuaIIy kIss me." Ior someone usuaIIy so easIIy dIstracted, jared was
provIng to be obstInate about thIs partIcuIar subject.
The younger man Iaughs breathIIy and pIaces a wet, sIoppy smcck on
jensens Iorehead, whIch doesnt abate the gods petuIance In the Ieast.
"just answer the questIon."
"You Iook IIke one mIIIIon doIIars," jensen murmurs, hIs not-so-sneaky
hands sneakIng to grope jareds ass. "ut Its probabIy not the best Idea
Ior tomorrow. ts a pretty InIormaI aIIaIr. thInk we agreed to cook out.
II be wearIng jeans and a t-shIrt. Steve and ChrIs as weII. AddIe wIII
probabIy be decked out In some evenIng gown and her weIght In jeweIry
but thats because she beIIeves that shes a pretty, pretty prIncess."
jared chuckIes at that. Ie adjusts hIs arms that are wrapped around
jensen, shIItIng uncomIortabIy. "Youre serIous? jeans and t-shIrt?"
"Thats what m wearIng," jensen repeats. "Were cIose and theres no
need to dress up. We used to be more. IormaI. TradItIonaI, guess. ut
we dont do that stuII much anymore. The IamIIys scattered aII over and
anyway IIIe Is much too Iong to worry about such. pettIness."
"ont you mean 'too short?" jared asks, brows IurrowIng In thought.
"Imm?" jensen noIses, IeanIng In Ior another kIss.
"ont you mean 'IIIe Is too short to worry?"
jensen Ieans back agaIn, smIIIng secretIveIy In the way that remInds
jared oI some oI MIshas expressIon, IIke jensens reveIIng In some kInd
oI prIvate joke.
"SomethIng IIke that," jensen reaches up, cradIIng jareds jaw and IIghtIy
rubbIng hIs thumbs beneath jareds eyes, tracIng the dark rIngs. jareds
eyeIIds IIutter and hIs Iashes pepper butterIIy kIsses on the tIps oI
jensens thumbs.
"What are you doIng up tryIng on cIothes thIs Iate, kaIos?" jensen asks
soItIy. "Youve Iooked tIred Ior the past coupIe oI days."
"s It that obvIous?" jared asks, wIncIng.
"To me," jensen says so easIIy and It makes jareds heart trembIe to
reaIIze yet agaIn how deep hes Iet jensen get thIs past month. And It
never IaIIs to make jared want to smIIe and meIt and bungee jump oII oI
taII buIIdIngs whenever jensen shows how Interested he Is In jareds IIIe.
"s thIs meetIng the IamIIy thIng makIng you that nervous?" jensen asks
wIth a wInce.
"o!" the younger man InsIsts, shakIng hIs head a IIttIe In jensens hoId.
"o, just now got a IIttIe nervous about It. just. havent been sIeepIng
much," he excuses IameIy.
"You havent? Whats wrong?" jensen asks, mInd IIyIng over possIbIe
probIems. Ior the most part, except Ior the strIng oI destructIve and
chaotIc dates jensen had been wItness to, hIs Iover Is a bIt oI a
workahoIIc. eIore jensen, hes pretty sure that jared basIcaIIy sIept,
worked, and ate. ts not that he dIdnt have IrIends or a socIaI IIIe-
jensen had been to jareds oIIIce and had seen the waII-to-waII Ietters
and cards and photos and gIIts Irom Iormer cIIents turned
acquaIntances and IrIends. And IateIy jared and hIs best IrIend Chad
havent exactIy been on speakIng terms (whIch jensen hasnt cared
much about, honestIy, but judgIng by the haII sad and haII angry Iook he
gets whenever Chad Is mentIoned jensens begInnIng to thInk that
maybe he shouId care enough Ior jareds beneIIt) so as a resuIt hes
been spendIng Iess tIme wIth both Chad and SophIa. jensen hadnt
Iound a reaI reason to compIaIn about that, sInce It meant more oI
jareds tIme to hImseII.
Irom the way jared taIks It seems that hes cIose wIth MIke and MIsha as
weII, though MIke has been pre-occupIed wIth Tom and both were gone
Irom I.A.-Irom AmerIca, reaIIy-to properIy reconnect.
MIsha had aIso dIsapproved oI jensen and jared datIng but to jensen
onIy had he doIed out the threats and warnIngs (whIch jensen had
Ignored, much to the demI-gods InIurIatIon). jensen respected the Iact
that MIsha dIdnt brIng hIs dIsapprovaI onto jared. The haII-bIood had
onIy toId jared that he dIsIIked jensen but wouId support jareds
decIsIon. t was a much more mature move than Chads and, most
ImportantIy, dIdnt put any more stress onto jared. jensen hasnt seen or
IeIt MIsha around Ior aImost two weeks now, but jared toId hIm that
MIsha was away Ior busIness wIth hIs other job as an envIronmentaIIst.
So, theres not reaIIy anyone around to be causIng jared probIems, just
Chad and jensen hImseII. !nIess jared was stIII struggIIng wIth what
happened wIth IoIt.
"ts. nothIng. mean, nothIngs botherIng me. n Iact, m pretty
happy." jared emphasIzes thIs by IeanIng up and brushIng hIs IIps soItIy
agaInst jensens and then puIIIng back teasIngIy. "ve just had troubIe
sIeepIng through the whoIe nIght."
othIngs botherIng hIm enough to keep hIm up at nIght, true enough.
ut hIs nIghtmares have gotten worse-aIways trapped at the bottom oI
a weII, water rIsIng, "dcddy?" and "plecse, dont lecve me" reIractIng oII
the water surIace IIke an ampIIIIer. Thats how they begIn but aIter that
Its just dark and IrIghtenIng, crooked IIcasso puzzIes oI shadow that he
cant recaII the detaIIs oI come mornIng.
AIso, jared thInks he mIght have haIIucInated a coupIe oI nIghts ago. Ie
had been In hIs bedroom and It had been more on thIs sIde oI tomorrow
than tonIght. Ie couIdnt sIeep so he had sat up In bed and was readIng
through the book he recentIy bought, !daIIs The Lonely Folygcmist
(jared had bought It because he enjoyed Irony and the book, whIIe
strange, was provIng to be dIstractIng). The Iamp on hIs nIghtstand had
been on. Ies not sure how Iong he read beIore he IeIt It-dampness on
hIs Ieet. Ie had jerked but was met wIth more wetness. IowerIng hIs
book he had Iooked around to see that hIs room was IIoodIng. The water
rose untII It covered up hIs bed beIore It stopped, just stayIng at one
IeveI, movIng and churnIng and cold. The Lonely Folygcmist IIoated away
IIke a read saIIboat. Thats when jared had reaIIzed that hIs IIght was oII
and hIs room pItch bIack, the sound oI the water IappIng at the waIIs-
IappIng at jareds goose IIesh IreezIng skIn-bounced and echoed IIke
jared was In a cave.
jared had screamed. Screamed and screamed and.
Iad woken up. The bed had been IIne-nIce and dry but stIcky warm
Irom hIs sweat. Ie had been IIne-hot Instead oI coId. Ie thought It was
a dream untII he checked The Lonely Folygcmist and reaIIzed that he was
a chapter Iurther than he had been Iast nIght.
t was terrIIyIng, not knowIng-not rememberIng anythIng but darkness
and coIdness and Iear. ot knowIng whether he was sIeepIng or wakIng
-IeeIIng IIke he was IosIng hIs mInd because he couIdnt grasp the
dIIIerence between dreams and reaIIty.
jared was aIraId to sIeep aIter that. Ie dIdnt want to IeeI trapped IIke
that ever agaIn.
Ie cIears hIs throat, cheeks warm because jensen stIII hasnt removed
hIs hands Irom jareds Iace. "ts why dIdnt want to come back here so
soon, why wanted to waIk around town. guess was tryIng to wear
myseII out."
"jay," jensen chIdes soItIy.
"m sorry. guess shouId have saId somethIng and not dragged you
Into thIs mIssIon to get myseII tIred enough to sIeep. ut, Its just that."
jared traIIs oII because its just thct whct, excctly? IIs tongue IeeIs thIck
wIth the conIessIon, wIth the urge to just bIurt It out Into the open. GuIIt
sIIcks the Iocks on the thIng hed kept tIghtIy hIdden Irom hIs boyIrIend
-somethIng that jareds actuaIIy begInnIng to regret hIdIng. ecause
doesnt jensen deserve the truth, aIter aII? oesnt he deserve to know?
ut thats what jared had thought about TImothy and jared wIII be
damned II he makes the same mIstake twIce.
"Stop It, kaIos. ts no bIg deaI. esIdes, thInk can heIp."
"Yeah? Iow?" jared asks, unsure so he just matches jensens smIrk wIth
a cockIer one.
" thInk can wear you out just IIne. AII you had to do was ask," he Ieers
and nIps pIayIuIIy at jareds bottom IIp.
jareds eyes wIden. "-oh.oh." ut whatever hes goIng to say Is
dIIuted and Iost when jensens wIcked teeth Iatch on to hIs earIobe,
tonguIng and suckIng on the IIesh.
"Youre dressed to Impress," jensen growIs rocky road rIch. "And youve
Impressed me. ow want to undress you, pIece by pIece. want to Iay
you down and debauch you. o you thInk youII be tIred enough to sIeep
aIter make you come twIce?" Ie attacks jareds throat, cIampIng down
on sweet skIn, bItIng hard and suckIng harder, IIckIng soothIngIy beIore
repeatIng the process.
!nder the barrage oI jensens mouth jared cant-doesnt want to-do
much more than throw hIs head back to gIve jensen better access. Ie
dIgs hIs IIngers Into jensens shIrt In an eIIort to hoId on.
"Yeah, OK. That-uhm-sounds IIke-Christ, juck-a good-Idea," he
pants out and he doesnt even know what the heII hes taIkIng about.
jensen chuckIes, hIs voIce IIke a maIIet to the drum oI jareds heart
because hIs chest shudders wIth that voIce boom, boom,
boomboomboom. The oIder man starts IeanIng Into hIm heavIIy, IorcIng
jared to stumbIe backwards Into hIs bedroom where jensen contInues to
Iean Into hIm aII the harder, waIkIng hIm backwards untII the back oI hIs
knees touch the edge oI the bed. jensen stops pushIng so that theyre
both stIII standIng and the oIder mans hands begIn to roam jareds
body.
jared cant descrIbe the sensatIon he gets when jensen just unabashedIy
IeeIs hIm up IIke thIs-sIow and methodIcaI IIke a bIInd person readIng a
pIece oI raIIIe art. OI course the touches send IIve wIres straIght to hIs
dIck, thats a gIven though, because jared Is pretty sure he can get hard
wIth just a Iook Irom jensen. esIdes that, Its strange-maybe thats the
word-to just stand there and Iet someone run theIr hands over you. ts
strange to want to just stand there and Iet jensen touch and IeeI every
Inch oI hIm IIke jensens on a quest to unearth every secret oI jareds
body.
jared kInd oI reaIIy Ioves kIssIng jensen and It takes some coaxIng but
eventuaIIy jareds got jensens mouth on hIs and entangIes hImseII wIth
hIs boyIrIends aggressIve tongue. n the meantIme jensens wIckedIy
deIt hands are aIready tuggIng oII jareds suIt jacket Iaster and rougher
than hes ever torn at jareds cIothes beIore. WhIIe the rough handIIng
broadcasts whIte statIc behInd hIs eyeIIds jareds aIso mIIdIy worrIed
about jensen IaIIIng to Ieave the suIt Intact.
"ve seen you In thIs beIore," jensen says between kIsses as he tosses
the jacket to the IIoor. "The IIrst day we met. You yeIIed at me In the
restaurant and rode a bus wIth you to your apartment. You gave me the
sIIent treatment."
jared Iets out a breathIess Iaugh beIore It twIsts Into a Irown. Ie had
been so angry that nIght-so hurt by avId oreanazs betrayaI, so
pIssed at jensen Ior makIng It aII Into a joke and askIng jared out.
(xcept, jared Is begInnIng to reaIIze, that It was never a joke to jensen
who, despIte jared turnIng hIm down repeatedIy, stIII pursued jared Ior
aImost two months IIke jared was worth It.)
"God, dont taIk about that nIght."
"Why not?" jensen asks as he starts to undo the vest and then the
button up shIrt. Ie Ieans down, tongue and teeth and IIps markIng each
new Inch oI skIn he reveaIs. "You were amazIng that nIght. You Iooked
amazIng. You stood out Irom everyone eIse there-so beautIIuI In thIs
suIt, so proud IookIng and together. The way you taIked to that
douchebag-the way you taIked to me. Youre so strong, kaIos. So strong
and stubborn. I hadnt been beIore, the nIght you wore thIs you
IrrevocabIy had me under your speII." Ie tugs shIrt and vest oII oI
jareds body vIoIentIy, IIIngIng those to the sIde as weII.
"m not IIke that," jared murmurs, swayIng unsteadIIy on hIs Ieet as
jensens teeth return to that same bruIsed spot and sends jareds vIsIon
on a tIIt-a-whIrI. "And besIdes, whats wIth aII oI the manhandIIng?"
"You are. Youre everythIng," jensen InsIsts, hands droppIng and
roughIy poppIng open jareds sIacks. "And you IIke It when manhandIe
you."
jared scowIs. "Iey, now. What makes you-oh!" he gasps and haII-
squeaks (though hed deny thct untII the day he dIes) when jensen
suddenIy shoves hIm backwards so that he sprawIs magnIIIcentIy dazed
and conIused on the bed.
"See? You Iove It!" jensen crows as he jerks oII jareds pants and
underwear In one.
"You brute!" jared accuses In a hIgh-pItched voIce, IaughIng.
"You IIke my brutIsh ways," the oIder man decIares as he puIIs hIs t-shIrt
over hIs head.
" do not," he reIutes dIstractedIy because once agaIn jareds captIvated
by jensens skIn. jareds tan Is darker, but jensens IaIr skIn aIways
seems to gIow goIden and IIawIess.
Thats about aII the tIme jared has to thInk about the subject because
jensen doesnt so much as crawI onto the bed as he jlops onto jared.
"ChrIst," jared wheezes. "Iow unromantIc Is thIs?"
"ts so romantIc," jensen chuckIes deIIantIy as he starts to pepper
kIsses on jareds neck agaIn-he cant heIp It. jareds neck Is so Iong and
warm and beautIIuI.
"ot II you crushed my dIck," jared pouts and then moans when jensen
trIes to IIck the expressIon away.
jensen roIIs hIs hIps experImentaIIy, causIng jared to gasp as the rough
and hot denIm rubs agaInst hIs bare erectIon. "ope. oesnt IeeI IIke
theres any damage."
"Youre-youre such a-" jareds accusatIon breaks oII Into a wanton
moan as jensen contInues to roII hIs hIps.
"ont thInk havent notIced It, kaIos. You taIk bIg-youre IuckIng wIId
and responsIve and such a godsdamned turn on. ut dont thInk dont
notIce the way you meIt In my hands when rIp your cIothes oII and the
way your body quIvers but stays so per-Iect-Iy stIII when put my hands
on your hIpbones and hoId you down whIIe brIng you over the edge
wIth my mouth." Ie emphasIzes thIs by curIIng down so that he burIes
hIs Iace In the cradIe oI naked hIps, bItIng each scuIpted hIpbone and
coverIng the red marks wIth both oI hIs paIms. jared rIppIes IIke water
beneath hIm.
jensen IIIts hIs head and grInds hIs hIps harder and the denIm agaInst
hIs sensItIve, exposed, and hard cock burns so bad but Its aIso hot and
tIght and jared IeeIs IIke hIs Iower body Is Iocked In a trap oI pIeasure.
IIs eyes IeeI IIke theyre Irozen open, starIng at jensen who stares rIght
back, not even breakIng eye contact when he drops IIberaI kIsses aIong
jareds cheekbones and jaw. very word Irom jensens mouth drIps thIck
and heavy IIke honey onto jared, seepIng through skIn and muscIe and
bone to spIII tangy sweet Into hIs groIn. IIs thIghs contract wIth the
sensatIon, hIs dIck twItches where Its trapped between theIr beIIIes. Ie
IeeIs somethIng warm and oozy pooI on hIs stomach and knows that hes
aIready IeakIng pre-come because hes that cIose.
"ChrIst, jensen-do somethIng," jared whIspers, puIIIng at jensens ears
and haIr, tryIng to puII hIm down Ior a kIss, tryIng to get hIm to move, to
do-
" am doIng somethIng. ThIs Is just the begInnIng," jensen promIses and
grIps jareds hIps tIghter and rotates hIs hIps harder. jared hIsses
because Its so hot-It burns and It hurts. jensens soIt jeans are IIke
sandpaper and jareds got to be chaIIng.
And yet the pcin-jriction-plecsure-yes-plecse-more Is there, Is tuggIng
jared aIong by hIs spIne IIke Its a Ieash.
" promIsed wouId heIp-promIsed wouId make you come at Ieast
twIce. ThIs Is one, kaIos. Come undone Ior me."
And, God, jared trIes. Ie thrusts hIs hIps up and Into jensens as hard
and as Iast as he can, heedIess oI paIn because the pIeasure Is there and
so much better. ut he cant seem to reach that edge and Its drIvIng
hIm mad.
"- cant," jared pants, body archIng up Into jensens. " cant, Its not
enough. jensen, more." Ie squeezes hIs eyes tIght and then opens them,
water gatherIng at the paInIuIIy throbbIng edges oI hIs vIsIon. Ie sees
jensen above hIm, green devoured by hIs pupIIs but hIs Iace so serIous-
aImost stoIc and ageIess and knowIng. jared hadnt even notIced
jensens souI brIghtenIng and encasIng hIm IIke beIore, IIke aII oI those
other tImes. ut he IeeIs It now, hears the musIc, the sound oI never-
nIght and aIways-warm.
jensen growIs and Ieans up untII hIs IIps hover over jareds, not
touchIng. jared IeeIs hIs boyIrIends warm breath ghost over hIs Iace as
he speaks-aImost through hIs teeth. "You can. You wIII. cant get
enough oI watchIng you, so youre goIng to come now."
jared does and jensen watches as hIs Iovers head deIIcateIy tIps back
IIke a gIass oI wIne, watches hIs Adams appIe bob as he moans, pants
and swaIIows. Ie IeeIs jared come apart-body straInIng and then
reIaxIng as he watches jareds mInd spIIt and IaII away through hazeI
eyes. jensen Ieans down and cIamps hIs teeth down on jareds throat, a
poInt oI paIn to start knIttIng jared back together agaIn even as hIs Iover
stIII roIIs hIs hIps IanguIdIy, rIdIng out the aItershocks oI hIs orgasm.
"Iuck, jen, baby," jared chokes as the whIte statIc behInd hIs eyeIIds
Iade, IeavIng behInd goose bumps and raIsed haIr over hIs IIesh that
tIngIe IIke soda pop. "Your voIce-your mouth. Youre so good," he teIIs
jensen whIIe hIs hands bIIndIy grope Ior hIs boyIrIend (hIs eyes are wIde
open but he IeeIs bIInd). "Youre too good to me, too perIect," he
murmurs.
jensen just grunts, doesnt Iet up on hIs attentIons to jareds neck and
wIth a great deaI oI eIIort jared hItches up hIs bIIss-numb Iegs and
wraps them around jensen just as hIs hands jinclly IInd enough
purchase (whIch happen to be jensens ears) and puIIs and pushes.
"Get the heII up here and kIss me," jared demands when jensen doesnt
budge.
The god grIns and IInaIIy reIInquIshes hIs hoId on jareds throat and
neck (and shouIder and coIIarbone. jareds goIng to be pIssed at hIm
Iater when he cant IInd a shIrt to cover up aII oI the marks), IookIng
down on IIushed cheekbones and gIazed but petuIant eyes.
"jared. thInk youre a kIssIng-junkIe," jensen says but kIsses jared
anyway.
"ot. not beIore you," jared conIesses breathIessIy. "IIked kIssIng
aIrIght, but cant enough oI yours, not sInce the IIrst tIme." Ie cant
even IInd It wIthIn hImseII to be bashIuI or ashamed as he Iooks at
jensen, open and honest, wonderIng II jensen wIII Iaugh at hIm IIke
TImothy wouId have.
ut jensen doesnt Iaugh. IIs pupIIs bIow ImpossIbIy wIder Instead as he
remembers the IIrst tIme he kIssed jared. "Good," jensen husks out. "
had wanted to show you, that nIght and every tIme sInce." Ie had
wanted that nIght to be specIaI, wanted to erase every Iace oI jareds
strIng oI dIsastrous and hurtIuI dates Irom both oI theIr mInds-
especIaIIy IoIt. " guess wanted to show you how IascInatIng kIssIng
Is."
jared smIIes soItIy, " thInk you succeeded." Ie reaches up, IIngertIps
dancIng across jensens kIss-red IIps. "Youre so." he traIIs oII, not sure
where hes goIng. ts just... jensens so.who says "show you how
jcscincting kissing is", anyway? IeopIe dont taIk IIke that-or, no ones
ever taIked to jared IIke that. ts a IIttIe more sweet and IntImate than
hes used to but the sentIment makes jared puII jensen In tIghter. A
gooIy grIn spreads across hIs Iace.
"m so what?" jensen asks. IIs hIps are stIII ruttIng a IIttIe because hes
so hard Irom watchIng jared come. Ie moves agaInst jareds thIgh
because hes sure It wouId hurt jareds oversensItIve cock now. Though
he Is pIeased that jareds stIII haII erect because It means that orgasm
number two Isnt too Iar away Ior hIs young Iover.
" dont know," jared admIts breathIessIy. "Ionest? !nbeIIevabIe? -" he
cuts hImseII oII because the words are suddenIy spIIIIng IIke a waterIaII
over hIs tongue and crashIng agaInst hIs teeth. Iove you. Ie doesnt
say It, Is not sure II he even means It-how can he mean It? Ies onIy
known jensen Ior a coupIe oI months. Theyve onIy been datIng a coupIe
oI weeks.
And jared supports Iove at IIrst sIght Ior hIs cIIents, not Ior hImseII.
"KIss me," he demands Instead and jensen seems to suck aII doubts and
InsecurItIes away wIth hIs tongue.
MoanIng Into hIs boyIrIends mouth, jared brIngs a knee up and nudges
jensens stIII-cIothed but granIte hard dIck. "What do you want?" jared
asks agaInst jensens ear. jared had broken Into a sweat durIng hIs
earIIer reIease and now the cooIness oI the room makes hIm shIver and
twItch In an endIess chaIn oI aItershocks. ts thrIIIIng-hIs body IeeIs so
aIIve, IIke Its puIsIng.
"Turn over," jensen asks soItIy. Ie had wanted to hoId on a IIttIe Ionger,
wanted to come aIter jareds second orgasm, but he cant. jareds just
too godsdamned beautIIuI, hIs body so IuckIng new and responsIve. Ie
watches the IndecIsIveness In jareds hazeI eyes-sees Iust war wIth the
Iast vestIges oI jareds InsecurIty when It comes to bedroom actIvItIes
(jensen stIII cant IIgure that out because whenever jared gets goIng he
Is kInd oI wIId-pushy, aggressIve, pIIant, and IIcentIous-and not to
mentIon gorgeous).
"ve got you-Its goIng to be okay. Were not doIng anythIng you-were
not ready Ior yet. I you dont IIke It, just say so," he presses tender
kIsses to jareds heartbeat Ior emphasIs.
jared IeeIs somethIng InsIde hIm break at jensens eager but carIng
Iook. jareds pretty sure that jensens ready Ior more though the man
hasnt saId a word about It and hasnt pushed. jareds ready Ior more,
too. IeII, hes been ready Ior aII oI jensen sInce the IIrst nIght that they
kIssed. And Iour-even two years ago jared wouId have begged jensen
to Iuck hIm on that nIght. ut thIngs have changed and IoIt had onIy
worsened jareds anxIety.
espIte everythIng, part oI jareds gIad that theyve waIted because
everythIng eIse about jensen-about them, together-has turned out so
good. And part oI hIm thInks that-
That now Is the worst tIme to be thinking. So he cuts oII hIs thoughts and
nods at jensen. "Yeah, aIrIght. - trust you. want to make you IeeI
good."
"Kclos," jensen sIng-songs, smIrkIng. "You aIready do wIthout even
tryIng." Ie Ieans down and takes one oI jareds nIppIes between hIs
teeth, eIIcItIng a surprIsed cry Irom jared. "Iad to do that, couIdnt
resIst," jensen expIaIns, waggIng hIs eyebrows.
jared snorts and presses hIs paIm agaInst jensens head, shovIng hIm
pIayIuIIy away. Ie IIcks hIs IIps, eyes becomIng hooded, "Iet me undress
you?"
"Yeah, yeah, Iuck, jay," jensen responds ImmedIateIy, edgIng oII the bed
untII hes standIng on the IIoor. jared sIts up, IImbs wobbIy-sweet IIke
hes drunk, and crawIs aIter jensen, smIIIng coyIy and then trIumphantIy
when hIs IIttIe show makes jensens eyes roII back In hIs head and a
moan drag out oI hIs mouth.
Ie sIts on hIs knees and reaches up, teasIng the IIne where skIn and
denIm meet wIth hIs IIngers, watchIng jensens abs stutter at the
contact.
"IIease, kclos, dont tease," jensen breathes, hIps unduIatIng In the aIr.
"So cIose."
jared smIIes at jensen and Ieans In, kIssIng hIs boyIrIends naveI beIore
hIs hands undo jensens button and careIuIIy Iowers the zIpper over a
hard and sensItIve cock. When jensens In hIs boxer-brIeIs, swoIIen head
peekIng over eIastIc, jared runs a hand over the organ just to IeeI the
shape and heat oI It. Ie Ieans Iorward, bracIng hIs hands on jensens
sIdes so he doesnt pItch headIIrst out oI the bed, and mouths up
jensens achIng cock to the crown where he wraps hIs tongue as Iar as
he can around the mushroom head beIore IappIng dIrtIIy at the pre-come
pearIIng Irom the sIIt.
"]cy," jensen growIs, a warnIng and a pIea but jared doesnt have to be
toId twIce. Ie takes the eIastIc band In hIs teeth and careIuIIy Iowers the
materIaI, sInkIng hIs nose Into jensens pubIc haIr as he does. Ie smIrks
when he hears jensen gasp above hIm and IeeIs jensens cock twItch
agaInst hIs cheek. Ie uses hIs hands to push jensens jeans and
underwear down to hIs thIghs. Ie kIsses and nIps at the base oI the
cock In Iront oI hIm beIore movIng up, swIrIIng hIs tongue wetIy around
the head beIore seaIIng hIs IIps around It, suckIng hard and Iast.
jensen groans at jareds boIdness, at the mIx oI gentIeness and
roughshod Iorce sendIng the god spIraIIng. "Yech," he murmurs. ThIs
Isnt what jensen had In mInd but It IeeIs so good and hes beyond
carIng rIght now. When he IeeIs jareds tongue IIIrt wIth hIs sIIt beIore
deIvIng In hard wIth the tIp oI hIs tongue jensen thInks he mIght Iose It
rIght there and hIs hands IIy up to wraps themseIves In jareds haIr,
tuggIng at the soIt strands, demandIng more. "Your mouth," he praIses.
"ts so good-youre so good to me."
jared chooses that moment to puII away, cocky grIn In pIace as he
watches jensens shouIders sIump. "ever mInd," jensen bemoans.
"Youre terrible to me."
jared grIns, roIIs hIs eyes, rIses up on hIs knees to nIp pIayIuIIy at
jensens IIps beIore he turns around and Iays back down, thIs tIme on hIs
stomach. Ie gIances over hIs shouIder at hIs boyIrIend, eyebrow raIsed
In chaIIenge. "What are you waItIng Ior?" he teases. "snt thIs how you
wanted me?"
"Gods, yes," jensen breathes, steppIng out oI hIs cIothes and cIImbIng on
top oI jared. Ie crunches down and adorns the back oI jareds thIghs
wIth kIsses, bItIng down and suckIng on the skIn beIore IIckIng each spot
soothIngIy. jared grunts, archIng up IIke a cat but jensen puts a broad
hand on hIm-paIm on jareds pert ass, IIngers spread out on hIs Iower
back-and presses back down, IaughIng Into jareds skIn.
"Wanted to spend some tIme back here," jensen bItes the skIn agaIn to
provIde an exampIe. "ecause your Iegs, jay. cant get enough oI them.
specIaIIy here," he gropes one thIgh, sIIppIng hIs hand down to tIckIe
the back oI jareds knee, causIng hIs Iover to squIrm and keen
deIIghtIuIIy. "Your body Is so strong," he husks, grIppIng jared harder to
IeeI the hard IInes oI muscIes. "And Iove your skIn but here Its the
soItest." Ie IIcks a strIpe up one Ieg, Irom knee to the round summIt oI
jareds ass, then he bIows gentIy on the wetness and watches the goose
bumps break jareds skIn.
"ut m too cIose, jay. want to spend hours just doIng thIs but cant-
youre too perIect, too IuckIng hot, you drIve me too crazy," jensen
groans, dIggIng hIs Ievered Iorehead Into the base oI jareds spIne.
"o It-do what you want," jared says breathIessIy, watchIng jensen
wInd hImseII up tIght Irom over hIs shouIder, IgnorIng the straIn In hIs
neck. "Wanna make you IeeI good, jen. Come on, babe." Ie roIIs hIs hIps
back, presentIng-drawIng attentIon to hIs ass.
jensens growI turns Into an aImost pItIIuI and deIeated sIgh. "The
thIngs you do to me, kclos," he whIspers so IowIy he doesnt thInk jared
couId even hear hIm. Ie kIsses up jareds spIne. "o you have. IotIon?
OII? Iube?" he asks and sees jared motIon toward the nIghtstand.
jensen crawIs over hIm and opens It, seeIng a brand new bottIe oI Iube
and an unopened box oI condoms. Ie Iooks down at hIs human, eyebrow
quIrked, and watches a beautIIuI bIush spread across jareds Iace.
"What?" jared grouses, not IookIng jensen In the eye. "Iurry up!"
jensen Iaughs, grabs the Iube, kIsses jared senseIess and makes hIs way
back down the tanned body stretched out Ior hIm. Ie pours some oI the
Iube In hIs hands, rubbIng It together to warm. Ie strIps hIs dIck wIth
one hand, hIssIng at the contact and IrIctIon and then the Iack oI It when
he Iorces hIs hand away. Ie rubs hIs hands agaIn so that theyre just a
IIttIe oIIy.
jensen then runs a IInger up and down the seam oI jareds ass cheeks,
teasIng and threatenIng and pIayIng aII at the same tIme. IIs Iover
squIrms some more, caught between the tIckIIsh sensatIon and the
anxIety oI InvasIon, most IIkeIy. jensen grIns to hImseII and adds another
IInger to hIs strokes, thIs tIme goIng down and rubbIng the skIn between
jareds hoIe and hIs baIIs-Ieather soIt touches that have jared breakIng
out In another wave oI goose bumps IoIIowed by a hard pressure
massage.
jared gasps, hIs vIsIon dancIng as he cIaws at the sheet beIow hIm,
pIeasure snappIng through hIm IIke a whIp. "Oh-oh, jen. IIease, babe,
pIease, what-" jared babbIes because whatever jensens doIng to hIm Is
so-he doesnt even have words. AII he knows Is that hIs knees are
shakIng Into the bed and hIs stomach Is contractIng, puIIIng hIm at once
away and Iurther agaInst jensens IIngers. When jensen appIIes
pressure, rubbIng hard Into that pIece oI tender skIn jared Ioses
compIete controI oI hIs mouth.
"ChrIst, ChrIst-Iuck! jensen, pIease. ont stop-no, no. Stop, do
somethIng eIse-anythIng-just do It! ts not enough!" IIs cock Is hard
agaIn between hIm and the sheets and jensens IIngers are causIng an
ache and need so deep IIke IIre In hIs ceIIs that jared doesnt thInk heII
ever be reIIeved.
jensen chuckIes throatIIy, IIngers traveIIng back up. Ie uses both hands
to grope both oI jareds ass cheeks, kneadIng them In hIs hands, IeeIIng
soIt IIesh IIke dough and hard, tIght muscIes beneath It aII. Ie watches
jared arch and stretch, IeanIng down to nIp at the thIn IIesh over jareds
Iower rIbs.
"ts IIke you were made Ior me, kaIos," jensen hIsses. Ie parts jareds
cheeks, IookIng at hIs Iovers pInk IurIed hoIe Ior the IIrst tIme. Ies IeIt
It beIore-In the shower when they aIIow theIr hands to expIore aIded by
sIIck soap. ut now that he sees thIs IntImate part oI jared the god
suddenIy doesnt beIIeve he has the restraInt to waIt. Ie has to have
jared now, not just because hIs Iover Iooks tIght and hot and so good
and not just because he wants so badIy to possess hIs human In any way,
but aIso because he has to be part oI jared-he has to have some oI
jareds perIectIon, beauty, mystery. Ie has to. ts jensens rIght aIter aII
-
Ie shakes hIs head abruptIy, drawIng In a harsh gasp because no. o.
Thats not what jared wants rIght now and jensen wants whatever jared
does more than he wants to cIaIm and own and possess and Iove every
Inch oI hIs mortaIs body. jensen presses a IInger to jareds entrance,
swIrIIng around the smaII openIng and then pushIng hIs thumb pad over
It, not enterIng.
jared Iets out a choked cry when he IeeIs jensens IInger press agaInst
hIs hoIe-hIs body coIIs In antIcIpatIon (both the good kInd and the
nervous-bad kInd) but jensen doesnt push In, just pushes agaInst It,
IInger hot IIke a branded promIse.
Then the IInger Is gone and jensens body drapes over hIm. jared Iets
out a whImper at the Ioss oI contact. Ies so hard and he IeeIs jensens
erectIon on hIs Iower back-IeeIs how Its hard enough to cut gIass-and
Its a wonder jensen Is even coherent rIght now.
"Can you get to your knees Ior me, kaIos? ve got you, trust me a IIttIe.
On your knees, jare."
jensen doesnt have to coax jared because hes aIready movIng, too
caught up under hIs boyIrIends speII-too enthraIIed by the IeeIIng oI
jensens paInIuI erectIon and the knowIedge that jared eIIcIted that
response Irom jensen. t makes jared IeeI drunk wIth power and Iust and
so hes on hIs knees and Iorearms beIore jensen even IInIshes sayIng
"trust me c little".
" want It," jared conIesses, wIshIng and prayIng that he makes sense
but not carIng II he doesnt. " want to IeeI you- want what you want so
bad, babe. want to make you IeeI good, IIke you do Ior me. IIease,
pIease." Ies not sure what hes beggIng Ior except he just wants jensen
to touch hIm agaIn-anywhere, he doesnt care.
"Gods and heaven," jensen grunts to hImseII, admIrIng jareds posItIon-
most notabIy the ass thats presented to hIm so nIceIy. IIs cock twItches
wIIdIy at jareds Ievered sweet words and he knows It wont be Iong
now.
"ve got you. -youre so beautIIuI." Ie wraps one arm around jareds
waIst and uses hIs other hand to aIIgn and posItIon hIs cock.
jared gasps when he IeeIs the bIunt head oI jensens dIck IIIck between
hIs cheeks and tenses because heII no. jareds not too sure oI where thIs
Is goIng anyway but no matter how much he does want jensen In hIm,
jared sure as heII Isnt goIng to Iet jensen do thIs wIthout preparatIon.
That mIght be a-okay Ior some dudes but not Ior-
Ie IeeIs jensen pIace hIs heavy cock between hIs thIghs so that It rubs
agaInst jareds baIIs, the hot contact steaIIng away jareds breath.
"What?" jared moans, not quIte understandIng what jensens doIng but
IovIng and hatIng the teasIng pressure agaInst the skIn between hIs hoIe
and baIIs that jensen was teasIng earIIer.
"rIng your Iegs together, kaIos. CIench them hot and hard around my
cock," jensen encourages, hIs heart hammerIng In hIs chest at just the
thought-Iorget the sIght and the IeeI. Ie presses agaInst one oI jareds
hIps, one hand remaInIng on hIs cock, IIngers wrapped around the base
because hes that cIose just Irom beIng In contact wIth jareds skIn-
Irom beIng so cIose to jareds hoIe.
jared does what jensen asks, gettIng the pIcture though hes honestIy
never done thIs beIore. Ie cIenches hIs Iegs tIght around jensen and
gasps when jensen starts to move between jareds thIghs sIowIy,
understandIng why the oIder man even bothered wIth the Iube now. And
It IeeIs good. ts not the IuIIness oI penetratIon but Its strange and
dIIIerent and damn hot, anyway.
"When we do make Iove," jensen begIns, grIttIng hIs teeth and tryIng to
IInd enough sense to remember how to speak. "When do ease InsIde
you It wont be IIke thIs. ot the IIrst tIme, anyway." IIs spIne IeeIs IIke It
jumps out oI hIs skIn and he crashes hIs Iorehead Into the jareds back,
breathIng In hIs Iovers scent whIch does nothIng to abate the onset oI
hIs untImeIy reIease. Ie bItes Into the taut skIn oI jareds back, stavIng
oII hIs body just a IIttIe Ionger.
"Iow?" jared chokes out, tryIng to Iook around or over hIs shouIders to
get a good Iook at jensen-to watch hIs boyIrIend IaII apart. "Iow wouId
our IIrst tIme go? TeII me, jen. TeII me how you wouId Iu-how you wouId
make Iove to me."
"Youre gonna kIII me beIore can," jensen Iaughs deIIrIousIy Into jared
beIore he raIIIes and straIghtens, bracIng hIs hands on jareds hIps Ior
Ieverage and starts rockIng between jareds thIghs agaIn, harder and
Iaster thIs tIme, no Ionger carIng about how Iong he Iasts.
"The IIrst tIme-" he cuts hImseII oII at the IIrst sIap oI hIs baIIs agaInst
jareds skIn. "The IIrst tIme cant decIde. know ItII be sIow. thInk II
Iay you on your back, hoId your hands on eIther sIde oI your head IIke we
dId the IIrst tIme we moved agaInst each other on the couch."
jared hums at the memory, IInaIIy gettIng the hang oI jensens rhythm
and roIIIng hIs hIps to meet jensens thrusts and to cause that extra
IrIctIon Ior hIs boyIrIend. "That nIght was so hot, jen."
"And every nIght aIter," jensen IInIshes. "I youre on your back wouId
teII you to keep your eyes open so can watch them watch me as rock
you sIow and deep. Your eyes, kaIos. They change coIors sometImes, and
can aIways teII what youre IeeIIng-sometImes what youre thInkIng,"
he chokes on hIs breath agaIn, pIckIng up hIs pace, IeeIs jareds thIghs
shake Irom the eIIort oI stayIng cIasped cIosed.
" IIke that. ecause-" jared traIIs oII, IorgettIng what hes goIng to say
when jensen pIcks up speed, hard cock grIndIng agaInst jareds baIIs
and It IeeIs so good and so deep (and jensens not even In hIm).
"ecause Its better Ior kIssIng?" jensen asks, IaughIng breathIIy and
bendIng down to Iay reverent kIsses on jareds back.
"Yeah etter Ior kIssIng," jared echoes because whct was better Ior
kIssIng agaIn?
"Or, theres-theres thIs other way. We wouId IIe on our sIdes, your
back to my chest and wouId move In you and do my best to hoId every
Inch oI you In my arms."
"Iuck-Iuck!" jared gasps, the Image jensen paInts so brIght and vIvId
and somethIng that jared wcnts that It sends a kIck oI pIeasure through
hIm. "Yes, God, jensen. jen. want that- want that so bad."
"ut tonIght-tonIght saId wanted to," he gasps, IeeIs hIs beIIy coIIIng,
hIs spIne straInIng, and hIs baIIs drawIng up. " wanted to worshIp your
thIghs and your Iegs. You IeeI so good aII over. IIght now youre hoIdIng
me so tIght and your skIn Is so soIt."
"Yeah, yeah, Iuck, jen. t IeeIs so good. God, m so cIose aIready."
jensen growIs, one hand IIyIng bIIndIy to jareds dIck, grIppIng hIm hard
at the base. "ot yet, kclos. ve got another pIan Ior orgasm number
two."
jared haII Iaughs and haII moans and the wrenched sound Is echoed by
jensen. "Iuck, kaIos. cant- have to-pIease, can .?" jensen huIIs,
puttIng both hands on jareds hIps as he pIstons as Iast as hIs human-
reguIated speed and strength wIII aIIow.
"Yes," jared says, not havIng to thInk twIce about what jensens askIng-
beggIng-Ior. "Yeah, come on me, babe. Come on me- want you to,
need you to, pIease."
IIs Iovers words are aII It takes-Its too much and jensens comIng as
easy and sudden as sIIppIng over the edge oI a cIIII. The IIrst thread hes
stIII between jareds thIghs so It spIIIs over jareds baIIs and hIs Inner
thIghs. Ie doesnt know how, but jensen manages to sIIp Iree Irom the
warmth oI jareds Iegs. Ie strIps hIs cock IurIousIy, a mIx oI Iube, theIr
combIned sweat and a smatterIng oI hIs own come easIng the way. IIs
hIps stutter and the worId sIIps away. jensen trIes not to cIose hIs eyes
but he mIght anyway-hes not sure. ut when he can see agaIn, when
he IInaIIy stops comIng and hIs grunts and moans dIe down to harsh
pants he Iooks down to see hIs Iovers Iower back, ass, and thIghs have
aII been thInIy sprayed wIth hIs reIease.
ts just about the sexIest thIng jensens ever seen.
Whats even hotter Is that jareds hIps are stIII roIIIng agaInst bIank aIr,
even though jensen Isnt there anymore. And hes breathIng harshIy, a
whImper escapIng every handIuI oI breaths.
jensen cant heIp It. Ies stIII bIIssed out Irom hIs orgasm but he reaches
out and IIIps jared over anyway, probabIy usIng a IIttIe too much oI hIs
dIvIne strength gIven the ease he does thIs wIth. jared Iets out a yeIp,
IandIng on hIs back wIth an oomph and then a pIeased keen.
"See?" jensen croaks hoarseIy. "You like beIng manhandIed."
" dont," jared bIInks and the worId doesnt cIear Ior hIm. IIs cock Is
achIng bad, newIy exposed to the cooI aIr. Ies strung out and deIIrIous,
waIkIng the IIne between IeeI-good and IeeI-awesomer. Ie struggIes Ior
a repIy but hes aImost posItIve the cIrcuIt connectIng hIs braIn to hIs
tongue Is dIsconnected. "Your mom IIkes beIng manhandIed." Or
somethIng.
jensen barks out a surprIsed Iaugh. "Your mama jokes In bed? IeaIIy?
Ice one, Iover."
jared groans when he reaIIzes what he saId and brIngs a shaky hand up
to cover hIs eyes In mortIIIcatIon. "Shut up. cant thInk-Iuck, jensen.
o some-shut up cnd suck my dick," he demands IInaIIy even though hIs
own hand Is reachIng Ior hIs cock because ChrIst, he has to do
everythIng hImseII around here.
jensen pushes jareds hand away, grInnIng maIIcIousIy at hIs Iovers
groan oI IrustratIon. jareds Iong cock curves up to hIs beIIy, swoIIen
head IeakIng a IIttIe pre-come onto the skIn there. The sIght makes
somethIng IIke hunger stretch out bIack and InsatIabIe In jensens
marrow. Ie spreads jareds knees and pushes them up. TakIng the Iube
agaIn, he squeezes a doIIop straIght onto jareds hoIe. IIs Iover hIsses
and grunts, throwIng hIs head back and grIppIng the sheets.
"You aIrIght?" jensen asks, kIssIng the InsIde oI jareds knee.
"ts coId," jared murmurs, bItIng hIs pInk bottom IIp and shIItIng
uncomIortabIy. IIs skIn Is rocket hot and the cooI sIIck pInprIcks hIs skIn
IIke a chIII.
jensen kIsses jareds knee agaIn and reaches down, hIs mIddIe IInger
cIrcIIng jareds hoIe, pushIng the Iube Into hIs Iovers body. Ie moves hIs
body up to kIss jared on the IIps once more, dIppIng hIs tongue In and
IeeIIng jareds push InsIde and tIckIe the rooI oI hIs mouth. Then he
moves back untII hes on hIs stomach and eIbows, Ieet hangIng oII the
bed. Ie takes the head oI jareds cock In hIs mouth at the same tIme as
he teases the tIp oI hIs mIddIe IInger Into jareds hoIe.
"Oh-oh, jen-sen," jared gasps, dIscomIort quIckIy bIoomIng Into
pIeasure. Ies done thIs beIore but Its strange and new and ]ensen and
hIs body Is aIready spInnIng out oI hIs controI.
And Ior once jared just Iets It.
jensen hums around hIs Iovers dIck, hard IIesh IIIIIng hIs mouth and
stretchIng hIs IIps. The vIbratIon sends jared Into a Irenzy and he starts
rockIng hIs hIps despIte (or because oI) the IInger easIng deeper and
deeper Into hIs ass, tryIng to get IrIctIon and reIease. jensen doesnt
aIIow It. Ie keeps hIs mouth IIrm, doesnt Iet jared any Iurther In and
onIy uses hIs tongue to pIay wIth the head. jared grunts In IrustratIon.
jensen smIrks. Ie crooks hIs IInger, searchIng Ior that spot wIthIn hIs
Iover.
jareds shIItIng agaIn, unaccustomed to the IeeIIng oI somethIng In hIm.
ts not enough to IeeI that pIeasant IuIIness, but Its aIso not enough to
hurt past the InItIaI IntrusIon. jensens IInger Is just there, dIstractIng
jared Irom the reclly good hcppenings around hIs dIck, untII jensen hIts
that deep InsIde hIm.
jareds breath hItches, the worId jumps IIke a skIppIng C, and then
resumes and he crIes out, throwIng hIs head back and shovIng hIs hIps
down on jensens IInger as hard as he can, seekIng that IeeIIng agaIn.
Ie mIght even beg, mIght even say, "cgcin, cgcin, cgcin, Christ, ]en, stop
jucking cround, plecse, plecse". ut hes not sure.
jensen hums to the musIc oI jareds babbIIng voIce. IIs IInger contInues
to IdIy pIay wIth jareds prostate-strokIng around It, hIttIng It every
once In a whIIe, very IIghtIy. Ie Iets hIs mouth IIIt oII oI jared wIth an
obscene pop and spIts In hIs hand a Iew tImes, sIIckIng jareds IIesh as
best as he can beIore hIs mouth returns and thIs tIme he takes jared In
deeper, rIsIng up hIgher on hIs eIbow and Iorearm Ior better access.
"ShIt, shIt. God-jensen, jen, so good, more, pIease." jared mumbIes.
IIs hands can onIy reach down and grasp at jensens haIr, hIs IIngers
can onIy scratch Into jensens scaIp In encouragement.
jensen takes hIm ImpossIbIy deeper-jared IeeIs the back oI jensens
throat convuIse around hIm. At the same tIme jensen strokes jareds
prostate ImpossIbIy hard and Iast and jared can do nothIng but rIcochet
between tIght heat and the shatterIng Itch that never seems to be
satIsIIed wIthIn.
The god wants to praIse hIs Iover, wants to teII hIm how good he Is, how
beautIIuI. Ie cant, obvIousIy, so he sucks harder and presses In Iurther
to communIcate everythIng he thInks, wants to say. Ies not sure jareds
even speakIng ngIIsh at thIs poInt, but whIspers and husky grunts and
moans tumbIe Irom hIm. jensen does cIearIy hear "more" and "]ensen"
and "wcnt" so he does hIs best to grant hIs Iovers wIshes.
When jared IeeIs hIs baIIs start to draw up he chokes out a warnIng-he
trIes to, anyway, because hes not even sure he has a mouth anymore,
everythIng eIse IeeIs so gone except Ior hIs cock and the IInger InsIde
hIm. "jensen. -m gonna-"
jensen raIses hIs head, hIs hand takIng over where hIs mouth was,
jerkIng jared quIck, twIstIng hIs hand and IIIckIng hIs thumb over the
saIIva-soaked sIIt. Ie watches, wIde-eyed and speIIbound as jareds abs
twItch and trembIe beIore hes comIng In jensens hand. IIs Iovers body
trembIes and crunches down around where jensens IInger Is stIII
IuckIng In and out. jareds mouth opens as he comes sIIentIy, not even
breathIng as hIs IIngers cIumsIIy grasp the sheets beneath hIm.
AmazIngIy hIs eyes are open and he stares straIght at jensen as the god
guIdes hIm through the Iong orgasm.
When jareds spent he kInd oI meIts Into the bed, eyes droopIng, gooIy
dImpIes spIIttIng hIs cheeks. Ie smacks hIs IIps poIntedIy at jensen,
quIrkIng an eyebrow and It makes jensen grIn. "m comIng," he
promIses, gentIy puIIs out hIs IInger-jared doesnt even react hes so
sated-and crawIs up hIs Iovers Iong and bIIss-warm body Ior a kIss.
"You couId ask, you know," jensen says when he Ieans back. Ie reaches
down where jareds thIghs are coated wIth hIs and jensens reIeases and
runs hIs IIngers through the dryIng mess, IdIy smearIng It over jareds
beIIy and thIghs IIke paInt on the most perIect canvas. jared just
watches hIm quIetIy through heavy-IIdded eyes.
"Youre the one that gave me thIs kIssIng IetIsh. shouIdnt hcve to ask."
"So shouId aIways assume?"
"Yes," jared hIsses, puIIIng hIm down one more tIme In a chaste kIss.
When jensen puIIs back he sees why-jareds aIready kInd oI noddIng
oII, the dark cIrcIes under hIs eyes more pronounced than ever, hIs IIps
stIII shaped In a soIt smIIe.
" toId you d wear you out," jensen murmurs. jared bIInks and Iooks up
at hIm, eyes sIowIy reIocusIng.
"Yeah," jared reaches up, runnIng hIs hands up and down jensens arms
beIore restIng on hIs shouIders. "TonIght-'s-good," he sIurs, bIInks
sIeepIIy, IIcks hIs bItten IIps. "Thank you sounds. weIrd. ut -thank
you, jen," he IInIshes and hopes he hasnt just bIown everythIng. Thank
you does sound weIrd, IIke It shouId cheapen thIs. ut jared doesnt
know what eIse to say. Ie wouId thInk that because oI jensens Innate
arrogance that hed be Iess oI an attentIve Iover. ut jareds never IeIt
so good beIore, so cared Ior and Important (and so beautIIuI).
jensen must see the earnestness In hIs eyes because the man grIns easy
and warm, Ieans down and kIsses each eyeIId IIke saIvatIon. "Youre
weIcome," he whIspers. "Thank you."
"Ior what?"
"Ior beIng you. Ior IettIng me In, just a IIttIe."
I sIeep hadnt been tuggIng so InsIstentIy on jareds braIn, he mIght
have IeIt guIIty.
jared IIoats Ior a Iew mInutes, tIngIIng aII over and a IIttIe cooI now that
the aIr oI hIs room hIts dryIng sweat and come. Ie shouId probabIy open
hIs eyes-he probabIy shouIdnt Ieave hIs boyIrIend hangIng IIke thIs.he
shouId open hIs eyes.
The next thIng he IeeIs Is a warm rag cIeanIng hIs stomach and then
gentIy IIIppIng hIm over to wIpe drIed IIakes oI semen oII oI hIs back. A
kIss on hIs IIps and he knows no more.
jensen knows the smIIe he wears as he Iooks down at hIs sIeepIng Iover
Is probabIy rIdIcuIousIy wIde and embarrassIngIy Iond. ut he cant heIp
It, not when jared-aIready young and sweet and pure-Iooks so chIId-
IIke In hIs sIumber. The rIngs under hIs eyes are stIII worrIsome, but
jensen IInds hIs concern abatIng when he jostIes jared to cIean hIm and
then moves hIm around to get hIm under the covers and jared doesnt so
much as twItch.
Sex Is good medIcIne. Ior just about everythIng.
jensen crawIs In next to hIs Iover, throwIng an arm over jareds chest
and drawIng hIm In untII hIs shouIder Is mostIy beneath jensens body.
jensen Ioves thIs man-Is In Iove wIth hIm. Ies probabIy been In Iove
wIth jared sInce the IIrst tIme he IaId eyes on the mortaI. jensens oId
and hes IeIt a Iot oI good thIngs-a Iot oI rIght thIngs. jareds heartbeat
beneath hIs arm and jareds breath agaInst hIs cheek-jared here, wIth
hIm-Is the most rIght thIng jensens ever IeIt.
And jensens goIng to hoId on to jared as Iong as he can.
The IIrst thIng AdrIanne says to jared-shes standIng at the door as
they waIk In-Is "Youre cuter up cIose" and "jensens been totaIIy gone
Ior you sInce the IIrst day he saw you and m sorry Ior hIs creepy casuaI
staIkIng" and IInaIIy "ts good to meet you".
To jensen she says, "We decIded on burgers-pIease get out there
beIore ChrIs decIdes ItII be awesome to set IIre to the garden out back.
Steve Is onIy enabIIng the eanderthaI and wIII kIII hIm II he chars
anythIng but the Iood-sImpIy out oI prIncIpIe-whIch thInk mIght scare
away your boyIrIend."
AdrIanne Is taII-cIose to jensens heIght wIth her heeIs and her haIr In
an artIstIcaIIy curIy and messy up-do. Shes taIIer than most gIrIs jared
knows (she wouId totaIIy dwarI hIs sIster and tIny Sandy Irom work).
Shes Iean, too, but not too skInny. MuscIes curve wIth her arms and she
Iooks so athIetIc and strong. Shes In a knee-Iength dress but It mIght as
weII be an evenIng gown wIth how rIch the materIaI Is, just IIke jensen
had warned hIm. Shes beautIIuI and Iooks IIke jensen wIth her bIonde
haIr, IuII IIps, and pIercIng eyes.
"ts good to meet you. jensens taIked a Iot about you," jared smIIes
warmIy at her.
She bIInks, a IIne eyebrow raIsed In surprIse, "IeaIIy?"
jared nods, reIaxIng. AdrIanne, aIter aII, Is just jensens sIster and jared
knows how to taIk to sIsters. Ie Ieans In cIose IIke hes teIIIng a secret,
"Ie kInd oI brags about you aII the tIme. thInk hes proud oI you."
AdrIannes eyes soIten and her smIIe doesnt Iook so aIry anymore but
smaII and genuIne. "You are quIte the charmer-probabIy better than my
brother," she Ignores jensens IndIgnant protest and oIIers her hand to
hIm, "jared, Isnt It?"
" couId have toId you that II youd had gIven me tIme to Introduce hIm,"
jensen grumbIes petuIantIy. AdrIanne roIIs her eyes and jared takes her
hand, expectIng a handshake. Thats not the case, however, because she
Iatches on and ImmedIateIy starts tuggIng hIm Iurther Into the house.
"Woah," jared murmurs. jensen IIves In an honest to God mcnsion-jared
had expected It but wasnt at aII prepared Ior how bIg It Is and how
couId anyone actuaIIy IIve In a pIace IIke thIs because Its more a museum
than a house. They enter a massIve Ioyer that Ieatures a gIgantIc
portraIt oI jensen and AdrIanne hIgh on the waII. AdrIanne Is standIng In
a goIden dress, head tIIted back and red IIps neIther smIIIng nor
IrownIng, her eyes proud. jensens IeanIng on somethIng to the sIde oI
her, hIs expensIve bIack suIt a IIttIe rumpIed, hIs bow tIe undone and
hangIng around hIs neck, a cocky smIrk on hIs Iace. t couId be the
oversIzed portraIt but they both Iook bIgger than IIIe, arrogant, and even
kInd oI coId.
jared Iooks over hIs shouIder at jensen whos IoIIowIng the two at a
sIower pace. Ie cocks an eyebrow and mouths "IeaIIy?" and gIances up
agaIn at the portraIt. When jensen just gIves hIm a "whcts wrong with
it?" shrug jared roIIs hIs eyes, IaughIng.
"CouId you be anymore conceIted?" he teases and jensen scowIs.
"Why am l the conceIted one? AddIes In It, too. And It was her Idea."
"The portraIt was totclly jensens Idea," AdrIannes quIck to step In,
smIIIng at jared, her whIte teeth pronounced agaInst her dark IIpstIck.
"Ie has a deIIcate ego and IIkes to be remInded oI how supposedIy
awesome he Is."
"Shut up, man-hater. othIng about me Is deIIcate," jensen preens as he
steps up to jared and recIaIms hIs Iovers hand Irom the cIutches oI hIs
sIster. Ie shoots her a scornIuI Iook because he had toId her that he
reaIIy IIkes jared and had practIcaIIy begged her to make hIs Iover IeeI
comIortabIe. ObvIousIy, AdrIanne transIated "make jared IeeI
comIortabIe" to "make jensen Iook IIke a jackass".
AdrIanne snorts In a decIdedIy un-daInty way. "Ies deIIcate, InsIde and
out. IIke a IIower. A paper-mache one." She Irowns. "And m not a man-
hater. m just an out and proud IesbIan and happen to hate ChrIs."
"ts aIrIght, though," jensen chImes In. "ecause ChrIs hates her guts as
weII."
jared Iaughs. Ie IeeIs reaIIy good today. AIter Iast nIght-earIy thIs
mornIng-jared had sIept hard, not wakIng up untII aIternoon wIth
jensen stIII wrapped around hIm. A good eIght hours oI sIeep couIdnt
make up Ior the days that he mIssed so It had taken hIm too much coIIee
and not enough kIssIng and bIow jobs Irom jensen to wake hIm up. ut
now that hes showered and dressed and out he IeeIs energIzed IIke he
hasnt been In over a week.
The onIy probIem Is that jared hasnt taken hIs medIcatIon In cIose to
twenty-Iour hours. Ies hIdden away hIs pIIIs and bottIes, whIch were
mostIy In the kItchen so he couId remember to take them at meaI tImes,
In a drawer In the bathroom. Ie just hasnt been abIe to get away Iong
enough to take them-jensens aIways wIth hIm, aIways besIde hIm or on
hIs heeIs. jared doesnt mInd It because hes the type that, as Iong as he
IIkes the person, he doesnt mInd spendIng every mInute oI the day wIth
that person. So It doesnt bother hIm and Its actuaIIy a reIIeI to see that
jensen enjoys hIs company enough to be In hIs IIIe as much as possIbIe.
TImothy wouId dIsappear oIten or wouId become cranky and restIess II
he was cooped up wIth jared too Iong. jared hadnt bIamed hIm (except
he had bIamed TImothy Ior the pIaces he wouId dIsappear to) because
everyones personaIItIes were dIIIerent. jared had just hated that he had
to aIways gauge TImothys moods and watch hIs step accordIngIy.
jensen and AdrIanne Iead hIm to the back and jared just kInd oI Ireezes
In the doorway.
"IoIy shIt, jensen," he murmurs, eyes wIde and not onIy Is he suddenIy
seII-conscIous and uncomIortabIe but hes remInded once agaIn that
jensens way out oI hIs Ieague.
TheIr yard Is massIve-IIke acres and acres massIve (and SadIe and
IarIey couId run Ior Iorever here)-but thats not what makes jareds
eyes go wIde. mmedIateIy out the back door Is an OIympIc sIzed pooI, to
the IeIt oI that Is a Iog house thats cIearIy a sauna, and to the rIght Is a
Iarge, buIIt In hot tub. AIong the perImeter oI the concrete are statues-
Greek and Ioman statues, jared doesnt even know. And there are three
mermaId statues surroundIng the hot tub, water archIng out oI theIr
mouths and Into the bubbIIng, steamIng water beIow. Iows oI newIy
bIoomIng IIowers and bushes oI aII shapes and coIors surround the
entIre thIng and jared reaIIzes that the pooIs and statues are kInd oI a
centerpIece to the huge and maze-IIke garden.
ts aII garIsh and beautIIuI at the same tIme and Its IIke somethIng
straIght out oI a movIe.
jared bIInks as AdrIanne Ieaves theIr sIde and gIIdes (how can anyone
gIIde In those three-Inch heeIs?) out onto the. can thIs even be caIIed a
patIo?
"jay? Are you aIrIght?" jensen asks worrIedIy.
jared whIrIs around to Iace jensen, champagne brIght eyes wIde and a
IIttIe panIcked. "IoIy shIt, jen. dont beIong here!" jared bIurts out In a
whIsper, gesturIng vagueIy around hIm.
jareds just some punk kId Irom a poorer neIghborhood In San AntonIo.
And, yeah, he has money now and he can aIIord to pay Ior a new house
and a new apartment, nIce cIothes and expensIve gadgets IIke TVs and
smart phones, but nothIng IIke this In hIs wIIdest dreams. And It had
been so easy to Iorget that jensen was thIs rIch-has aIways been thIs
rIch and weII-born. Ie wore expensIve desIgner cIothes but other than
that hed taken to rIdIng the bus or In taxIs wIth jared and hung out at
jareds apartment eatIng boxed pIzza and ChInese takeout and drInkIng
whats probabIy cheap beer that jared keeps In stock Ior hIm. And even
when they went to the opera In jensens IImo It had been easy to dIsmIss
It because It had onIy been one tIme.
jensens not sure what he IeeIs at jareds IearIuI decIaratIon. Ies a IIttIe
hurt, but mostIy annoyed and not a IIttIe IrrItated. Ie reIgns In the bIte
to hIs words but not the sentIment when he says, "Are you judgIng me
because oI my money-because oI my house and backyard?" CIearIy
ImpIyIng that jareds doIng to jensen what he so wrongIy assumes
jensen does to hIm because oI the gap In status between them. And, yes,
jensens Iooked down on others beIore. Ies a god, oI course he does.
ut he doesnt Iook down on jared, he never has.
jared paIes a IIttIe, shakIng hIs head IrantIcaIIy. "o!" he whIspers. "o,
thats not what m sayIng-"
"Thats what It sounds IIke youre sayIng. Youve judged me Irom the
IIrst moment we met. Thats why you turned me down so many tImes,
Isnt It? ecause you couIdnt see past the money and the Iame-hype and
see me."
jared shakes hIs head harder In denIaI and purses hIs IIps In rIsIng
anger-mostIy at hImseII because that hcdnt been what jared had
thought entirely, but jensen wasnt oII the mark In jareds InItIaI
behavIor towards hIm, eIther. jared had judged jensen and he had
turned hIm down because jensen had remInded jared oI Mark IeIIegrIno
-who Is aIso rIch and arrogant. ut jareds aIso angry at jensen
because oI aII the tImes to start theIr IIrst IIght (weII, IIrst one aIter they
started goIng out) he has to pIck now?
"IIne. IIne, m sorry about that, OK? reaIIy am." t doesnt sound
sIncere, though, even jared can teII that. Ie Is sIncere but hes too
temporarIIy Ireaked out by the mInI-garden oI VersaIIIes In jensens
backyard to make any great and coherent apoIogIes. "ut, jensen-"
"ut nothIng, jared," jensen Interrupts and somethIng sparks In hIs eyes
that makes jareds IIps cIose mId-sentence. ts not anger so much as
authorIty and jareds not sure II It rankIes or reassures hIm.
ut no matter how strong that Iook Is jareds not goIng to take It or back
down. Ie has a rIght to be heard and hes not goIng to Iet jensen get
away wIth InterruptIng hIm.
"Listen!" jared hIsses. jensen aImost IIInches and bIInks hard at jared,
surprIsed. jared uses that moment to IInIsh taIkIng. " cm sorry about
beIore. ut thIs Is. thIs Is dIIIerent now, OK? just dont-ve never
even been to a pIace IIke thIs! And you-you and your IamIIy are just-so
perIect. And m. m just a IIttIe worrIed youre goIng to remember that
youre-that m..." he traIIs oII then, unabIe to IormuIate words Ior the
dread he IeeIs In the pIt oI hIs stomach.
jensens eyes soIten and a smIIe starts to war wIth hIs Irown. Ie reaches
up, tuckIng a stray strand oI jareds haIr behInd hIs ear. jared just
contInues to Iook at hIm wIde-eyed. "You wIII IIt In here-youre kInd and
stubborn and courageous and beautIIuI. You have so much to oIIer.
YouII be IIne. And even II you dIdnt beIong here-whIch you do-you
beIong wIth me and wIth you and shouIdnt that be aII that matters?"
jareds IIps part to say somethIng, but Ior the IIIe oI hIm hes not sure
what. jensen grIns, aII boyIsh and careIree, expressIve eyebrow archIng.
"WeII, mIracIes never cease."
"-what?"
"ve rendered you speechIess. You kInd oI never stop taIkIng, jare. s
thIs your Iast Ireak out? Are you goIng to be OK? o you IeeI
IIghtheaded, IIke you mIght IaInt?"
"-shut up, smart ass! do not taIk aII the tIme and stop makIng me
sound IIke such a gIrI, you deliccte jlower!" he huIIs and starts to waIk oII
but jensen grabs hIm by the crook oI the eIbow, tuggIng hIm back Ior a
kIss. jared evades It by pInchIng jensen In the sIde, causIng the oIder
man to Ioosen hIs grIp and yeIp In surprIse. jared takes advantage oI the
opportunIty and darts away, IaughIng over hIs shouIder as he hurrIes to
where AdrIanne Is busy beguIIIng a shorter man wIth brown haIr.
ChrIs Is jensens oIder haII brother and Steve Is hIs partner. ChrIs seems
IIke hes a perpetuaIIy crotchety oId man whIIe Steves IaId back wIth a
sIow drawI that remInds jared home. When jared asks what they do-II
they work or have Interests IIke AdrIannes conservatIonIst pursuIts or
jensens keen Interest and patronage oI arts, they both grIn IazIIy at
jared, settIIng back In theIr Iron-wrought patIo chaIrs.
"o, man. Were drIIters," ChrIs says wIth a shrug.
"Were IIke proIessIonaI vagabonds," Steve adds, bIue eyes practIcaIIy
gIowIng In the Iate aIternoon sun.
"Ie IIkes the ocean and IIke the Iand. So we spIIt the dIIIerence. Ior
about sIx months were In the ocean," ChrIs roIIs hIs eyes, showIng hIs
dIspIeasure.
"ts cooI," Steve deIends. "We dock on IsIands and other ports aII over
the worId. He IIkes to go deep Into Iand Iocked countrIes and IIke, the
wIIderness and stuII. Ies Into survIvaIIst crap. We just got back Irom a
reaIIy uncomIortabIe trIp In the Sahara. Iast year he dragged me to
Mount Ibrus durIng the wInter."
jensen watches as jared taIks easIIy to ChrIs and Steve. jared doesnt
have a whoIe Iot In common wIth the two except that hes stubborn IIke
ChrIs and IaId back IIke Steve and the combInatIon makes Ior easy taIk
and rIbbIng banter. jared just has such unconscIous charIsma about hIm
that he can entertaIn gods.
AdrIanne takes to jared just as easIIy and to be honest jensen had
thought that jareds southern gentIeman upbrIngIng wouId annoy
someone as Independent as AdrIanne who harbors a Iong tIme generaI
resentment toward the maIe gender anyway. jensen doesnt know II
jared pIcked up on thIs whenever jensen taIked about hIs sIster or II hes
read AdrIannes personaIIty correctIy In theIr IIrst Iew mInutes but jared
doesnt treat AdrIanne the same way jensens seen hIm treat other
women. Ies poIIte to AdrIanne-jensen doesnt thInk jareds capabIe oI
beIng ImpoIIte to anyone-but he treats her IIke ChrIs and Steve. And he
actIveIy gets her to taIk about some oI the conservatIon eIIorts she
supports and appears rIveted by her every word.
jensen supposes he shouIdnt have worrIed, anyway. Ie toId AdrIanne
about jared and IoIt-theres not much he doesnt teII hIs twIn-and
jareds physIcaI and mentaI InjurIes Irom the attack had gaIned her
sympathy and protectIve InstIncts.
jareds nervousness eases when he IInaIIy takes the tIme to IIsten to the
souIs oI jensens IamIIy. The IIrst thIng he notIces Is the ghostIy red
strIng between Steve and ChrIs, puIsIng brIght and perhaps the thIckest
strIng jareds ever wItnessed. TheIr souIs are In harmony as weII, that
peaceIuI, unshakabIe undertone that means everythIngs OK now and Ior
Iorever and aIways and souI mate. ndIvIduaIIy, Steves souI sounds IIke
the wInd, whIstIIng IowIy. t sounds IIke a sIow, steady breeze-IaId back
and sImuItaneousIy restIess IIke Steve Is.
ChrIstIans souI sounds IIke drums-or maybe runnIng Ieet-and gongs.
ts Ioud and IrIghtenIng at IIrst because jareds never heard such
powerIuI resonance beIore. ut he supposes that thats what heIps
jared Ioosen up. ecause he can hear the Innermost part oI peopIe In a
way he knows them In and out and that smaII advantage eases hIs
tensIon.
espIte AdrIannes boIdness and the IIIghty but wItty ways she
mercIIessIy teases jensen and guIIeIessIy goads ChrIs Into arguments
her souI Is a great deaI caImer and stIII. Ier souI Is sImIIar to jensens In
Its ageIess ImmobIIIty but whereas jensens souI Is IIght and day her souI
Is reIIectIon and dark. She sounds IIke moonbeams bouncIng, reIIectIng
sIeepIIy oII oI water-IIke the nIght when jared pushed Tom away to
MIke and jared vIsIted the park and sat at the pond and watched the
moon reIIect IIke a pearI In the bIack, gapIng maw oI a cIam.
just as theyre sIttIng down to eat-aIter a great deaI oI teasIng Irom
jared and Steve about ChrIs and jensens grIIIIng abIIItIes-Is when Tom
and MIke show up and Irom the Iooks oI everyones Iaces, unInvIted.
jared swaIIows hard when he sees Toms taII Iorm and the casuaI but
possessIve way MIke wraps hIs arm around the smaII oI Toms back.
ShortIy aIter reunItIng, MIke and Tom IeIt to go-weII, jared dIdnt know
where they had gone, they had just IeIt. MIke had caIIed and IeIt a
message on jareds phone, teIIIng hIm that he was takIng a Iong vacatIon
but TrueOnes partnershIp wIth hIs restaurant Ieavens VIne stIII stood.
espIte the bItterness oI Tom sIIppIng through hIs IIngers and a brIeI
and IrratIonaI anger towards MIke, jared mIssed hIs IrIend oI two years.
Ies not sure how he IeeIs about both Tom and MIke showIng up now-
hes not upset about Tom anymore, not now that he has someone even
more amazIng and beautIIuI and rIght IIke jensen, but he stIII IeeIs an
overwheImIng sense oI embarrassment and Itchy cabIn Iever.
t seems that MIke and Tom hadnt expected to see jared there eIther
because MIkes eyebrows raIse and Tom Iooks vagueIy uncomIortabIe.
jensens IamIIy adjusts quIckIy and weIcomes them. MIke Is Ioud and
boIsterous as usuaI, though he seems happIer and a great deaI more
content than he dId the Iast tIme jared saw hIm. Ie twIrIs AdrIanne
around, dIppIng her dramatIcaIIy and goIng on about hIs crush on her.
Tom, a IIttIe more subdued and gIancIng cautIousIy one too many tImes
jareds way, roIIs hIs eyes at MIke and berates hIs behavIor.
jared resIsts untII Steve voIunteers to cook some oI the IeItover Iood Ior
theIr new guests and Tom and MIke IoIIow hIm. Thats when he gIves In
and turns to jensen and aIIows hIs Iace to reIIect the conIusIon he IeeIs
wIthIn.
ts an amazIng reIIeI how easIIy jared Is abIe to turn to jensen Ior heIp
now.
jensen watches jared Irom the moment Tom and MIke step Into the yard.
Ie had sensed them comIng but there had been nothIng he couId do.
jared puts on a good Iace-In Iact he Iooks better than what jensen
IeeIs. When jared and Tom shake hands jensen IeeIs nothIng but jeaIous
resentment because Tom had kIssed jared and had gaIned hIs Iovers
trust and IrIendshIp Iong beIore jensen dId. Ie aIso IeeIs angry-how
dare they show up on thIs day when jensen was showIng oII jared to hIs
IamIIy? And when jared had just started to reaIIy reIax?
When jared turns wIde, conIused eyes to hIm aIter puttIng on a brave, II
a IIttIe shy, show Ior everyone eIse jensen ImmedIateIy reaches out to
hoId hIs Iovers hand under the tabIe as they start to eat wIth ChrIs and
AdrIanne. jensen sends hIm a Iook that cIearIy asks (he hopes), "cre you
OK?"
jared smIIes. just the Iact that jensen Is aware oI jareds dIscomIort and
Is concerned about hIm Is enough to queII hIs rIsIng panIc. Ie nods to
jensen and turns to ChrIs. "So you were sayIng that you pIay guItar?"
ChrIs raIses an eyebrow and shrugs. "Yeah," he says shortIy and jareds
aIready IIgured out that ChrIs Isnt tryIng to be rude but he tends to
Iavor concIse and terse answers.
"Ie Iearned to pIay It so he couId woo Steve," AdrIanne throws In. ChrIs
turns to her, mouth open Ior a retort beIore he seems to reaIIze that
there was not secondary motIve behInd her words.
"jenny taught me," ChrIs says. "Ie can probabIy pIay just about any
Instrument."
jared turns to jensen, brows stretchIng hIs Iorehead and ChrIs barks out
a Iaugh. "You mean you dIdnt know? The way he was IoIIowIng you
around IIke a IovesIck puppy m surprIsed he dIdnt serenade you Irom
outsIde your wIndow."
jensen suIks a IIttIe and doesnt admIt that serenadIng had been In hIs
pIan and, In Iact, had been what he was pIannIng the nIght jared and
IoIt went out-beIore he knew that jared had a date.
"o, mean. Youve mentIoned to me that you pIay guItar, thInk. And
know you IIke musIc just. dIdnt know-thats It. You shouId pIay wIth
me. Or, er," jareds Iace IIghts up when AdrIanne and ChrIs practIcaIIy
roar at hIs word conIusIon.
"jenny, you coId bastard!" ChrIs crows.
"Youre an embarrassment, poor jared!" AdrIanne snIckers. jared bursts
out IaughIng as weII, snaggIng a cherry tomato Irom hIs sIde saIad and
IaunchIng It at them, whIch they duck out oI the way oI.
" dont need heIp Irom the peanut gaIIery, thanks," jared wInks at them
to show that hes kIddIng beIore turnIng a serIous Iace to jensen.
"SerIousIy. Why havent you pIayed Ior me beIore? want to hear It."
ut now that jared thInks about It, he thInks hes heard jensens sIngIng
beIore-or at Ieast hummIng. ven Iast nIght-or thIs mornIng-he
thInks he mIght have heard.
jensens eyebrows rIse IIke hes surprIsed but he grIns and Ieans
Iorward, brushIng a chaste kIss on jareds poutIng IIps. " wIII. TonIght,"
he promIses.
When Tom and MIke joIn them jared works hard not to show how
awkward he IeeIs. Ie doesnt have to try hard because once MIke asks
about TrueOne and busIness then jared Is answerIng questIons about
hIs job.
"Iow do you do It?" AdrIanne asks, eyes InquIsItIve IIke the way jensens
sometImes get when hes hungry Ior InIormatIon or an answer to a
puzzIe.
jared shrugs and, IIke aIways, thInks Ior a second about sayIng "l ccn
hecr peoples souls cnd see this jrecky red string thct connects soul mctes
together cnd sometimes this thing is jrecky cs hell". Ie doesnt, though,
and says Instead, "m good at readIng peopIe."
"There has to be a Iunny story or two In your IIne oI work," Steve says as
he Ieans back, sungIasses on, the wInd bIows hIs haIr IazIIy and he
appears to be sunnIng hIs Iace though theyre aII stIII beneath the huge
umbreIIa attached to the tabIe.
"ot reaIIy," jared muses and Iooks to MIke who aIso Iooks thoughtIuI.
"You wouId thInk so, but guess jareds just that good. Theres
awkwardness, oI course, but Its IIke. when these peopIe see each other
It doesnt take more than a Iew words and theyre taIkIng IIke theyve
aIways known each other. ve watched It hundreds oI tImes and stIII
cant IIgure It out," MIke says, IeanIng Iorward and starIng at jared IIke
hes some sort oI puzzIe.
"ts true, theres not a whoIe Iot oI dramatIc or Iunny storIes. just a Iove
story a Iew tImes a day, every day," jared tIIts hIs head.
MIkes eyes IIght up. "Oh, man. There was thIs one tIme jared set up thIs
coupIe and the gIrI-she was smokIn, guys. IIke, porn star materIaI. n
Iact, d bet my entIre vIneyard that she was a porn star."
"MIke," Tom groans, roIIIng hIs eyes at MIkes rude mouth.
MIke raIses an eyebrow, "What? She was. And jared set her up wIth thIs
jehovahs WItness guy."
AIter sunset MIke and Tom start to Ieave but when MIke gets dIstracted
wIth jensen and ChrIs, Tom makes hIs way over to jared.
"Iey," jared says, smIIe thIn and stretched. ThIs Is what he had been
avoIdIng the whoIe evenIng, but It Iooks IIke Tom was determIned.
"Iey, jared," Tom smIIes shyIy, red cheeks and whIte teeth and bIue
eyes. Ie sIghs expIosIveIy. "IIsten, about beIore-"
"Tom?" jared Interrupts, IorcIng hImseII to reIax. ThIs tensIon Is
rIdIcuIous and unnecessary.
"Yeah?"
"ThInk couId get jensen to go to a rodeo wIth me? hear j. W. IarrIs
cant be beat and thInk heII make WorId ChampIon agaIn thIs year.
What about you?"
ConIused, Tom stares at hIm Ior a Iew mInutes beIore a sIow but broad
smIIe oI understandIng stretches across hIs Iace.
"m sure you can IInd a way to get hIm to go wIth you," Tom assures,
easIIy acceptIng jareds IorgIveness and extensIon Ior IrIendshIp.
eIore jared and jensen Ieave, jensen takes jared to hIs musIc room. The
pIace Is gorgeous, IIIIed wIth Instruments-recognIzabIe and
unrecognIzabIe to jared-and the waIIs are IIned wIth paIntIngs. jensen
puts on an antIque record pIayer and graIny musIc IIIters out IIke a bIack
and whIte photo. jensen draws jared to hIm and they dance and kIss.
They Ieave too soon Ior jared who wants to expIore jensens musIc room
Ior Ionger. When theyre haII way back down the staIrs someone bursts
Into the Ioyer wIth a cIash oI doors and a gust oI aIr. "Iey! Ap-jensen!
Where the heII are you?" a new voIce caIIs out.
jensen Iooks to jared, roIIIng hIs eyes. Ie adjusts the strap to hIs guItar
case and tugs on jareds hand. "Thats jake. Ies-weII, hes a brat."
"More IamIIy?" jared Iaughs because serIousIy. just how bIg Is jensens
IamIIy?
"We IIke to pretend hes not reIated," jensen jokes as they descend the
Iast Iew staIrs. They just hIt the IIoor when the newcomer Is suddenIy
just there, makIng jared jump back In surprIse.
ts a man and he appears to be a coupIe oI years younger than jared
and hes not quIte as taII as jensen, but stIII respectabIe (unIIke ChrIs
who kInd oI Iooked IIke a mIdget next to jared, not that jared ever Iorgot
how IreakIng huge ChrIss bIceps were). Iond haIr thats Ionger than
jensens and spIked up In what jared suspects Is supposed to Iook IIke a
caIcuIated mess. rIght bIue eyes that remInd jared oI MIsha, a sharpIy
angIed Iace and a notIceabIe overbIte. ot handsome and
heartbreakIngIy sexy IIke jensen and AdrIanne, but strIkIng aII the same
IIke Steve, ChrIs, and MIke.
The onIy thIng that set the newcomer-jake-apart Irom the others was
that hIs cIothes were reaIIy casuaI. KhakI and wrInkIed cargo shorts, IIIp
IIops, and a paIe bIue shIrt wIth some wItty wrItIng that jared couIdnt
quIte make out because oI the Iong and wIde whIte box he was hoIdIng
In the crook oI hIs arm.
"Iuck, whats wIth the noIse?" ChrIs asks as he waIks Into the Ioyer Irom
the back though he doesnt Iook surprIsed by jakes appearance. "Iey,
jake. Aww, Iook, jenny," ChrIs snarks, smIrkIng at jensen. "ts your
bIggest Ian."
"More IIke my worst nIghtmare," jensen grumbIe at the same tIme jake
crIes out, " dont even IIke the pussy!"
There Is a very IovIng IamIIIaI reIatIonshIp between jensen and jake.
jared can teII. Ie Iets out a muIIIed chuckIe at the thought.
jakes bIue eyes swIveI to hIm. Ie grIns and Its IrresIstIbIy catchIng so
jared cant heIp but grIn back.
"You must be jared."
jared raIses an eyebrow, "Yeah? Iow dId you know?"
jake roIIs hIs eyes and jensen scrambIes to Interrupt, thInkIng that
nows not the tIme to reveaI that he had hIred jake to IInd jareds
sIsters address and work scheduIe so he couId taIk to her wIthout jared
and Chad around. "-taIk about you!" Is aII he can come up wIth,
though, and he mIght have saId It In a panIcky voIce because jared Iooks
at hIm Iunny. "Yeah. do," he admIts and thInks about the endIess
teasIng hes goIng to receIve Irom ChrIs and the pranks jake wIII puII on
hIm.
jake snorts. "ude, he pined aIter you. t was jared thIs and jared that.
KInd oI IIke jane rady except It was jared, jared, jared."
jensens experIencIng yet another new emotIon hes unaccustomed to as
a god.
MortIIIcatIon.
ut jared bursts Into a Ioud and Iong Iaugh, wrappIng hIs arm around
jensens waIst and tuggIng the god towards hIs body, pIacIng a brIeI kIss
to the back oI jensens neck.
ChrIs joIns In the Iaughter as weII, but deIInIteIy not the nIce kInd.
"Shut up, you brat," jensen growIs at jake.
"You Iove me. And see? jareds obvIousIy a sap, too. Ie thInks Its
sweet," jake grIns, noddIng at the young mortaI whos grInnIng gooIy
wIde.
jake takes a step up to jared, shuIIIIng the box so that he Irees hIs rIght
hand whIch he stIcks out to shake jareds. "jake AbIe. m theIr haII-
brother," he says, noddIng toward ChrIs and jensen. "m aIso pIayIng
deIIvery boy today-whIch brIngs back good memorIes. ow just run
shIppIng companIes and boss other deIIvery boys around." Ie wInks and
presents the whIte box to jared wIth a IIourIsh.
jared Iurrows hIs eyebrows, hesItantIy reachIng out Ior the Iong
package. "Ior me?" he asks IncreduIousIy because how the heII dId he
get a package at someone eIses house? Ie turns to jensen but hIs smIIe
Ioses IueI when he sees that hIs boyIrIend Is just as conIused.
jared shrugs and puIIs the red rIbbon and opens the box. nsIde are a
Iew stems oI bIg, buIbous IIowers. There have to be ten to twenty bIue
IIowers on each stem. Theyre brIght and beautIIuI. "Are you sure youre
not behInd thIs?" he asks hIs boyIrIend, IookIng up.
jared takes an unconscIous step backward because jensens eyes are
dark and stormy, practIcaIIy swIrIIng as he takes In the IIowers. IIs souI
brIghtens but not In that warm way that jareds used to.
jared becomes dIzzy, hIs stomach queasy and a IancIng paIn shoots
through hIs body. Ie cant breathe-oh, God, he cant breathe. Ie cant
see-everythIngs bIack except Ior the brIght red oI the paIn and a
dIstant sound he cant make out. ts IIke how he IeIt the day that Mark
attacked hIm wIth MIsha and Chad, and on the nIght oI hIs date wIth
Tom. xcept Its not goIng away, the paIn Is stretchIng out Ior eternIty,
crushIng hIm and makIng hIm ImpIode. Ies dyIng-It hurts so bad and
hes nothIng, hes nothIng In Iront oI the dark and hes dying-
"Woah, jared!" A voIce comes through and he IeeIs a hand on hIs
shouIder. And just IIke that It breaks, IeavIng behInd nausea In hIs
stomach and cIoyIng Iever-trembIIng and a cottonmouth. What the heII
just happened?
Ie bIInks numbIy and notIces that the IIowers are In the IIoor-whatever
happened It Iasted Ionger than usuaI because the past two tImes It had
been over beIore anyone notIced. Ie Iooks to the hand on hIs shouIder,
expects to see jensen but Instead Its jake whos IookIng up at hIm wIth
wIde-eyed concern.
"-m IIne. -" he sways, paIn shootIng Irom the base oI hIs skuII to hIs
tempIes and he IeeIs another arm, thIs tIme stronger and supportIng hIs
shouIders. Ie dazedIy Iooks Ior the source and sees jensen, eyes snap
crackIIng IIke green IIre. Theres too much there to teII what hes
thInkIng.
"Whats wrong? What happened?" jensen IIres oII quIckIy.
"-nothIng. m IIne." Ie can teII that jensen doesnt buy It and has to
scrambIe Ior somethIng eIse (but what eIse Is there but "l would reclly
like to know whct the hell is wrong, too?"). "- guess m stIII tIred, you
know?" he oIIers and swaIIows hIs prIde because he sounds IIke a
swoonIng gIrI.
jensen seems to buy It, at Ieast Ior now. Ie doesnt Iet go oI jared,
though, but hoIds hIm tIghter, hIs grIm Iook returnIng to the IIowers on
the IIoor.
"Whats up wIth you? mean, are you aIrIght?" jared asks because
jensens IookIng at those damn Iragrant IIowers (serIousIy, they smeII,
and jared supposes they wouId smeII good II hIs stomach wasnt nauseas
and hIs head wasnt IIIIed wIth paIn) IIke he can IncInerate the pIants
wIth hIs gaze aIone.
"Theres a note," jared observes, vIsIon tIItIng but the sIckness In hIs
stomach begInnIng to abate. The corner oI the IIttIe square paper Is
stIckIng out Irom beneath one bunch oI bIue IIowers. jake bends down
and gets It, hIs jokIng Iace suddenIy bIank and serIous. Ie hands It to
jensen. Through spInnIng eyes, jared reads It as weII.
For ]cred: Fretty jlowers jor c pretty humcn.
Ior jensen. A remInder.
"Who gave thIs to you, jake?" jensen snaps, just bareIy tearIng hIs gaze
away Irom the note to stare down hIs younger sIbIIng. Ie doesnt tap
Into hIs power anymore, the InItIaI dIvIne wrath that he IeIt upon seeIng
the IIowers so IntentIonaIIy pIaced In jareds hands-a taunt and a
warnIng.
jake shrugs. "t was just there. You know how It Is sometImes. was on
my way out and It was just there, wIth jareds name. -to be honest, It
IeIt IIke It was-"
"Who? Who was It?"
"jensen, whats the bIg deaI?" ChrIs says, comIng cIoser, hIs Iace battIe-
bIank and cautIous, eyeIng a stIII unsteady jared.
"The IIowers-theyre hyacInths, brother," jensen growIs soItIy. "And a
note." Ie hoIds It out to ChrIs who snatches It Irom hIm, brows knIttIng
IIke thunder.
"jensen? jen, whats the bIg deaI? Whats goIng on?" jared asks agaIn
and jensen can hear the conIusIon In hIs voIce, can IeeI the IrrItatIon In
hIs tense shouIders, but jensen just cant reassure hIm rIght now.
ecause someone knew about the hyacInths-whIch means they know
about IyacInth and they toId jensen "a remInder". Whoever sent these
mIght be threatenIng jared.
"-ts OK, Its just odd, thats aII," jensen expIaIns IameIy and knows
that Its not enough. IIs gaze settIes on jake agaIn.
"TeII me, jake. Who do you thInk sent It?"
"Iook, dIdnt thInk about It untII now. just thought It was IIke a gIIt Ior
you and jared-some oI the Iam know that you Introduced hIm to
AdrIanne, ChrIs, and Steve today-"
jake expIaIns hurrIedIy and It onIy makes jensens heart sInk Iurther
because obvIousIy jake thInks that thIs Is bad.
"just. teII me," jensen sIghs, tryIng to reIgn In hIs anger.
"IacheI," the bIue-eyed messenger sIghs. " thInk It mIght have been
IacheI."
jensen Irowns, mInd reeIIng through mentaI IIIes but comIng up empty,
"Who?"
jakes eyes dart to jared, mouth open to expIaIn but not sure what he
can reveaI In Iront oI the mortaI. Ie doesnt have to because ChrIs
curses abruptIy, shovIng a hand through hIs haIr and out oI hIs eyes.
"ChrIs?" jensen asks.
"My sIster," ChrIs suppIIes, voIce so Iow Its more oI a whIsper.
Oh, Iather. ts Eris.
Fuck.
"Whats wrong? jen," jareds snappIng at hIm, now. VoIce straIned and
brookIng no room Ior evasIon. I jensen dIsmIsses hIm one more tIme he
mIght get a knee In hIs throat.
"-" he traIIs oII because he wants to reassure jared, wants to hIde
jared away, wants to thInk that Its not a bIg deaI. At the same tIme he
wants to IIre oII questIons at ChrIs IIke, "did you know she wcs cround?"
and "whct is she up to?" and "do something!"
"Shes-my sIster Is kInd oI the bIack sheep In the IamIIy. She IIkes to
pIay crueI jokes, IIkes to mess wIth others. Shes a IIttIe psycho, never
InvIted to any party or IamIIy reunIons," ChrIs jokes but It IaIIs IIat.
Ie Iooks to jensen, bIue eyes staIwart IIke stone. " knew she was
around," he conIesses wIthout makIng It sound IIke a conIessIon. "She
contacted me a week ago, but she dIdnt say anythIng about comIng
here. dIdnt even say where was or who was wIth. wouIdnt worry
too much about thIs, though. ts just one oI her stupId pranks-shes
more unImagInatIve than jake."
veryone knew that that wasnt true. IacheIs a cunnIng bItch.
"ts probabIy her sIck way oI sayIng 'heIIo," ChrIs IIcks hIs IIps, eyes
dartIng to jared. "II keep an eye out Ior her, though. ont worry about
It. She does have IImItatIons-restrIctIons," he remInds jensen, as gentIe
as he gets. ut hes rIght. There are ruIes, strIcter than they ever were
In theIr prIme. IacheI cant do anythIng to them, especIaIIy to jared or
eIse there wouId be consequences Irom theIr Iather.
The probIem Isnt resoIved, but It Is probabIy just IacheIs sIck way oI
sayIng "Hello, hcvent seen you in c couple oj centuries".
jensen turns to jared, smIIIng wIde. " hope you dont IIke the IIowers
'cause were not takIng them," he says apoIogetIcaIIy and jared stIII
Iooks conIused but he aIso Iooks sIck and IatIgued agaIn, the dark cIrcIes
are back under hIs eyes. And jareds probabIy as mad as heII at hIm
because he doesnt understand.
jensen and jared squeeze out goodbyes probabIy Iaster than Is
consIdered poIIte but jareds headache Is turnIng Into a IuII on mIgraIne
and jensen just wants to get away Irom hIs IamIIy Ior a Iew hours. They
squabbIe Ior a Iew mInutes over the keys as they head Ior jareds car,
jensen eventuaIIy wInnIng out.
n the car jared Iooks up at jensen. "Are you goIng to teII me what just
happened?"
"Yeah," jensen says. "Yeah, wIII. ut Its not much more than ChrIs
saId. IacheIs the IamIIy outcast and she IIkes to mess wIth us. ts
harmIess."
jared nods, scoots cIoser to jensen and puts hIs head on jensens
shouIder. jensen Is stIII thrummIng wIth anger but It dIes down as soon
as jareds drowsy-warm body makes contact. When they puII up to a red
IIght, jensen Iooks down and sees the red IIght reIIect oII oI jareds Iace.
jared sort oI gIows-Its aII too beautIIuI and jensen IeeIs hIs heart sweII.
Ie cant heIp hImseII and he wouIdnt even II he couId.
" Iove you," he conIesses, quIet but sure, unashamed. jared Iooks up at
hIm, eyes wIde. The IIght turns green. jensen doesnt push the
acceIerator. They sIt stIII beneath the green IIght. They sIt stIII In the
mIddIe oI a spInnIng worId.
"m In Iove wIth you, jared IadaIeckI."
TC
Chapter 5
Monday mornIng, aIter jensen takes jared to work and sIIps hIm another
pIece oI poetry In a whIte enveIope (WIIIIam Iake because jensens
IeeIIng revoIutIonary), jensen tracks down the oIIIces Ior the magazIne
Les Destins. Ies IuIIy prepared to threaten and brIbe the wrIters to stop
wrItIng such dIscrImInatIng artIcIes about hIs and jareds reIatIonshIp In
reIIeI agaInst jensens past conquests, weekend Iovers, and one-nIght
stands. As II It wasnt bad enough that It ImpIIed that he was goIng to
drop jared at the IIrst opportunIty, those photos In the artIcIe couId
easIIy be manIpuIated and mIsdated so that It appeared that jensen was
cheatIng on jared.
jared hadnt brought up the artIcIe so jensen can onIy assume jared
hasnt seen It. And wIth how Insecure jared tended to be about "IIttIng
In" to jensens IIIestyIe jensen dIdnt want to chance hIm readIng thIs
artIcIe or any others IIke It when Its aII IIes. t Irustrates the god that
jared doesnt trust hIm. jensen mIght be In Iove wIth the mortaI (Its
been two days sInce he saId thIs to jared and jared stIII hasnt answered
back, not that jensen expected It) but hes not bIInd. Ie knows that
whIIe jared trIes to put aII oI hImseII Into theIr reIatIonshIp that hes stIII
waItIng Ior the other shoe to drop, Ior jensen to have some uIterIor
motIve, Ior something. Ie Ioves jared so he wants to be patIent, wants to
reassure hIs Iovers every anxIety and every doubt. ut hes aIso
ImpatIent and a IIttIe seII-servIng-hes a god, aII oI hIs IamIIy are these
thIngs-and hes tIred oI jared projectIng hIs past betrayaIs and hurts
onto jensen.
ot that jensen wouId ever say anythIng to jared about that. esIdes,
ever sInce theIr IIrst mIId argument at jensens mansIon where jensen
opened jareds eyes to hIs own prejudIce that he heId agaInst jensen
and hIs IamIIy It seems jared has been tryIng to accept the Iact that
jensens In thIs Ior the Iong hauI.
SometImes jensen wIshes that jared wouId just tclk to hIm, but hIs Iover
Is an expert at InternaIIzIng.
ut the poInt oI today Is to stop these stupId gossIp artIcIes wIth theIr
wIId accusatIons. Ies never had much oI a probIem wIth medIa beIore.
n Iact, jensen rather enjoyed the storIes they prInted oI hIs promIscuIty
and decadent IIIestyIe. ut not now. AIter a Iot oI work he IInaIIy has
jared and he hasnt had enough oI hIs human yet-he probabIy never
wIII-and jensen now needs to IIgure out a way to hoId on to hIm.
Les Destinss headquarters are In a sprawIIng oIIIce buIIdIng on Sunset
ouIevard. As soon as jensen enters the buIIdIng he IeeIs somethIng.
oII. As In somethIng dIvIneIy oII. ts murky but powerIuI and jensen
cant quIte make out who or what Is behInd It.
The secretary at the Iront desk Is a taII and Ianky gIrI wIth gIossy bIack
haIr and too much eye make-up, recognIzes jensen as soon as he enters.
Ier eyes wIden and she stands abruptIy, sendIng her roIIIng oIIIce chaIr
careenIng Into the IIIe drawers behInd her.
"jensen AckIes!" she gasps. She bIushes proIuseIy and shakes her head,
cIearIng her throat but her voIce comes out just as hIgh-pItched and
breathIess. jensen just cocks hIs eyebrow, smIrks, and thInks he can
aIIord thIs brIeI deIay just to watch the human stutter and stumbIe over
her words.
"Youre-jensen AckIes! Oh my God, youre so hot! mean- mean," she
cIears her throat, runs a hand through her haIr, straIghtens her
shouIders, puIIs the chaIr back up and deIIcateIy sIts back down, IoIdIng
her hands onto her desk. " mean, how can heIp you, Mr. AckIes?"
jensen purses hIs IIps together and hIdes a Iaugh, though hes sure he
doesnt do a good job oI It. Ie thInks about teIIIng jared about It Iater-
Its somethIng jared wouId Iaugh at, too, and then tease jensen Ior. ut
II jensen teIIs about the gIrI then he wouId have to teII jared where he
was and why, whIch remInds hIm oI the busIness hes here Ior.
" need to speak wIth your boss."
t seems that the gIrI cant decIde on an answer so she quIetIy bIInks up
at hIm. IInaIIy, she IIcks her IIps-a gesture too nervous Ior It to be a
pIay at seductIon. "They. do not usuaIIy IIke to be dIsturbed. And m
not even sure II theyre here-"
The Intercom on her phone buzzes IoudIy, makIng the secretary jump
and her paInIuIIy pIumped, outIIned, and gIossed IIps part Into a smaII,
startIed o.
"OIIvIa, dear. s jensen AckIes there, yet?" a IemaIe voIce chImes Irom the
machIne.
OIIvIas mouth IIaps, her voIce straInIng as she Iooks at the phone In
conIusIon. eIore she answers another voIce comes through, dIstantIy
annoyed.
"OI course hes here. ts when hes supposed to be here, Isnt It?"
"- wasnt aware that he had an appoIntment! apoIogIze," OIIvIa says,
scrambIIng Ior the computer, eyebrows Iurrowed as she Iooks Ior the
appoIntment that she mIssed.
"ont be sIIIy, chIId," yet another voIce says and jensens begInnIng to
get a sInkIng IeeIIng about the power he had IeIt earIIer. "Ie dIdnt have
an appoIntment and you dId nothIng wrong. o stop dawdIIng and poInt
hIm In our dIrectIon."
"Yes," the IIrst voIce hIsses. "We have mIssed the dear boy so much."
"Yes, maams," OIIvIa says and stands quIckIy, smIIIng tour-guIde wIde at
jensen but now her eyes regard hIm more curIousIy than adorIngIy and
he mentaIIy pouts a IIttIe at that.
The cIoser they get the stronger jensen IeeIs that murky pooI oI power.
Ie has no doubt whos In thIs buIIdIng now. The questIon, oI course, Is
why the MoIrae are here. read puIIs at hIm as OIIvIa opens the door
and steps to the sIde, aIIowIng hIm to enter.
ecause aII gods Iear the Iates.
jensen doesnt pay attentIon to OIIvIa as he steps over the threshoId and
Ignores her annoyed huII at hIs perceIved rudeness. AIter the door Is
shut behInd OIIvIa, they aII IIsten to her retreatIng Iootsteps.
The oIIIce Is spacIous wIth brIght red and pIush IurnIture. Theres just
one desk to the sIde but Its pIaIn and empty except Ior a cIosed Iaptop
and IachesIs, whos IeanIng agaInst the desk and IrownIng at jensen,
her paIe sea-green eyes regardIng hIm, mecsuring hIm.
"IachesIs," jensen nods In greetIng, resIstIng the urge to Iook at the
sIde oI her head Instead oI In her eyes. Ie must IaII to make hIs
hesItatIon unobvIous because she smIrks knowIngIy at hIm.
"ts Iauren. You dIdnt do any research at aII beIore comIng here, dId
you? Iow unexpected Irom someone oI your nature."
jensen scowIs at her but her IacIaI expressIon doesnt so much as twItch.
StIII, caIcuIated, the goddess who aIIots the IIIespan oI mortaIs. Shes
dressed In sIeek bIack-Iong bIack pants, ImmacuIateIy taIIored bIack
shIrt wIth a whIte beIt under her breasts. StreamIIned, dry, and precIse.
IIke her personaIIty.
"ts because oI hIs InIatuatIon wIth the mortaI," Atropos gIggIes Irom
her sprawIed posItIon on the red couch. Shes In a shImmery whIte tank
top that Iooks more IIke a corset than a shIrt. Ier breasts are more out
than tucked Into the shIrt and shes wearIng a bIack pencII skIrt that
jensen can see straIght down because oI the posItIon shes In. Shes
twIrIIng a pIece oI her curIy bIonde haIr wIth her Index IInger, wIde IIps
and Iong naIIs paInted brIght red.
"AIter aII, romance has aIways been reason-boys weakness. The chInk In
hIs armor. Though he wouId say that Its a beautIIuI dIchotomy. Iow
bIInd you are, dearIe. And how woeIuIIy boring," Atropos IInIshes, IuII
IIps stretchIng wIde on her near skeIetaI Iace, reveaIIng straIght whIte
teeth that gIeam IIke shears. Atropos Is aImost unsIghtIy thIn wIth pretty
Ieatures IIke her IIps and eyes and breasts attached to a bony body. t
makes her Iook twIsted and IInaI.
"SInce you IInd me so borIng II try not to waste much oI your tIme,"
jensen snarks back, smIIe openIy straIned.
Atropos sIts up In a IIash, IInger stIII wIndIng her haIr as she Ieers, eyes
obvIousIy traveIIng the Iength oI hIs body. " dIdnt say that you werent
absoIuteIy deIIcIous. Stay Ior pIaytIme, darIIng." She Ieans back, hand
droppIng to rub suggestIveIy over her thIgh. " go by KatherIne now. You
mIght want to know beIore we get started."
jensen doesnt hIde the open dIsgust on hIs Iace because, serIousIy, out
oI the three Atropos-KatherIne-gIves jensen the willies.
"Stop It, Kathy," the thIrd, CIotho, says. Shes taII and tan wIth red haIr,
IIquId amber eyes, and a heaIthy robust coIor to her cheeks. CIotho
wears a whIte sundress that despIte Its aIry materIaI does nothIng to
hIde the ampIe sweII oI her breasts and the sIIck curve oI her hIps. Shes
aIways appeaIed the most to jensen. AII three are devastatIngIy beautIIuI
IIke most oI pure dIvIne nature. Iauren wIth her ethereaI eyes, KatherIne
wIth her paIe, IataIIy enthraIIIng body. ut CIotho who spIns the thread
oI IIIe Is the most vIbrant, the most suppIe and stunnIng. Shes the one
standIng dIrectIy In Iront oI hIm, greetIng hIm wIth a smIIe.
"anneeI," she suppIIes, her Iong, dark red haIr Is gathered over her
shouIder, reveaIIng whIte earrIngs. "And It is good to see you, jensen."
She steps cIoser, sweet skIn and pretty smIIe and smeIIIng IIke dew and
a sprIng sunrIse. She reaches up, IIngers runnIng through jensens haIr
and tuggIng pIayIuIIy on hIs ear, her tongue curIIng over her Iront teeth
as she Iaughs.
Ie ducks out oI the way oI her hand and turns hIs mInd agaInst her
aIIurIng beauty. anneeI has aIways shown an Interest In hIm and he
wIth her-probabIy theIr common aIIInIty oI youth and vItaIIty drawIng
them together. ut shes a Iate and no matter how normaI anneeI
appears Iates are creepy. So durIng theIr brIeI encounters theyve onIy
IIIrted.
anneeI wraps her arm around jensens waIst and Ieads hIm to the
Ioveseat opposIte oI KatherIne whos stIII watchIng hIm, stIII rubbIng her
thIgh. They sIt down, anneeI pIastered to hIs sIde hot and coId, IIps
gIIstenIng IIke honey when she grIns up at hIm.
"!hm?" jensen huIIs and Isnt even tempted to Iean Into her touch IIke
he wouId have been a Iew months ago. "Thats-reaIIy, you dont need to
-" he grumbIes, tryIng to move over and shIIt out oI her grasp.
ManIcured naIIs wIth gIeamIng whIte Irench tIps dIg Into hIs shIrt.
"ont be so shy," anneeI teases, crossIng her Ieg and exposIng a
goIden thIgh. "ts not IIke jared wIII IInd out. You pIanned to keep thIs
IIttIe meetIng Irom hIm anyway, dIdnt you?"
"Iow do you know-"
"We know most thIngs," Iauren Interrupts hIm, tIItIng her head. "And
youre here because oI the human youre InIatuated wIth."
"Yes," jensen answers, voIce deep and authorItatIve.
"ts about that artIcIe that taIked about how naughty you are and how
sweet and Innocent and. corruptIbIe your IIttIe matchmaker Is,"
KatherIne butts In, tIItIng her head back and IookIng at jensen through
her Iashes. " wonder at aII the ways youve managed to corrupt hIm so
Iar, darIIng."
"ont taIk about hIm IIke that," jensen snaps, skIn on edge but
KatherIne just Iaughs.
"So predIctabIy deIensIve. Thats what you came here to do, though. To
taIk about jared."
"o," jensen practIcaIIy growIs. " came here to teII you to stop wIth the
artIcIes."
"Oh, dIdnt know you had an Interest In our magazIne, sugar," anneeI
wInks. "Why are you so Interested In what we wrIte about you? Or are
you Interested In what we wrIte about jared?"
" couId ask the same oI you," jensen IIres back. "Why so Interested? n
me. In jared?"
"ont be so accusatIve. Such a tongue on you," KatherIne Ieers.
"Iave you Iorgotten who we are?" Iauren adds In haughtIIy, nose tIp-
tIIted hIgh In the aIr.
"MeddIesome gossIps?" jensen snorts, resIstIng the urge to try to twIst
out oI anneeIs grasp. Ie doesnt thInk heII be successIuI and theyre
aIready pIayIng hIm so he doesnt want to appear any more IooIIsh or
weak.
"CareIuI, boy," KatherIne teases, cheekbones promInent and gIossy.
"Our dcddy Iears us Ior a reason. esIdes, Its not IIke we dIdnt speak
the truth. You are known Ior your strIng oI one-nIght conquests, jen-
baby. Were mereIy questIonIng II jareds just another duck In a row-
bang, bang!" She Iaughs, IoreIInger and thumb shaped Into a gun that
she poInts at jensen. "Why are you so deIensIve now, oI aII tImes?"
"ecause-" jensen starts, IIp curIed, but Isnt quIte sure how to word
what he wants to say.
"ecause you dont want to drIve jarebear away," anneeI IInIshes Ior
hIm, a Iock oI her haIr IaIIIng prettIIy over her ear as she Ieans Iorward.
"Thats rIght. worked too damn hard."
"And why Is that? You couId get anyone you want. Why thIs mortaI?"
Iauren asks, her voIce cIearIy drIvIng at somethIng but jensens not sure
what.
"ecause Iove hIm," he answers wIthout hesItatIon.
"MortaIs are Ior IIIngs, not Ior Iove," Iauren IIres back and jensen grIts
hIs teeth.
"jareds not a IIIng! And warn you not to-"
"You warn us!" KatherIne Iaughs shrIIIy. "You threaten us! Thats agaInst
the ruIes now, you remember. Maybe a Iaw-breaker couId be
InterestIng," she muses.
jensen scowIs. "t Is a threat and wont back down on It. Are you goIng
to teII on me?"
"Theres no need to, sugar. And your chIvaIry Is admIrabIe. wonder II
jared apprecIates It?" anneeI wInks at hIm, runnIng one oI her hands
up and down hIs arm In a way thats both IrIendIy Innocent and sensuaI.
"just stop wIth the artIcIes," jensen sIghs exasperatedIy because he
knows he cant brIbe them or threaten the Iates to stop, as was hIs
orIgInaI pIan had the wrIters been human. " wouIdnt cheat on hIm, m
not goIng to abandon hIm, hes It Ior me-not another conquest."
"And shouIdnt he know thIs and understand thIs aIready?" Iauren asks,
her IIps movIng Irom theIr stoIc settIng to twIst Into a sembIance oI
IncreduIIty. "Iave you IaIIen Ior such a weak mortaI that he IIstens to a
Iew gossIpers over you?"
"o!" jensen barks. "o, jareds strong. Ie Is. Iook, just cut It out,
aIrIght? ArtIcIes IIke the one Irom Iast week just make me Iook bad-and
whats worse Is that they make jared Iook bad. Ies tryIng to run a
matchmakIng busIness and m sure youre not heIpIng."
"And l thInk were the best advertIsIng jared and TrueOne have. Our
artIcIes about the hot as heII but down on hIs Iuck and sIngIe
matchmaker probabIy draws dozens oI cIIents to TrueOne, just to catch a
gIImpse oI our IIttIe puppy," anneeI reasons, tuckIng the stray haIr
behInd her ear. jensen opens hIs mouth to retort but she waves hIm oII,
IInaIIy IettIng go oI hIm.
"IeIax!" anneeI Iaughs as she stands and runs her IIngers through
jensens haIr. "ont worry your pretty IIttIe head anymore about thIs."
She sashays to the desk, her three-Inch heeIed steps muIIIed by the
carpet. Iauren reaches behInd her and hands anneeI a pIece oI whIte
paper that anneeI In turn thrusts beneath jensens nose.
"ts the new artIcIe thatII be Ieatured In the next Issue," anneeI
suppIIes as jensen reads the headIIne and the IIrst Iew sentences.
]2's Cinderella Story Still Going Strong
"j2?" jensen asks cagIIy. "Cinderellc story?"
"snt It just, though?" KatherIne asks dreamIIy, but Irom her It sounds
cynIcaI. "Youre the most prInceIy as they come and weII, jareds just a
mortaI. A poor one at that untII recentIy."
"And j2 as In jensen and jared, IIke j squared. thought It up," Iauren
says prImIy wIth a hInt oI prIde.
anneeI sends a dark Iook to Iauren, but on her brIght Iace It Iooks
more IIke a chIIdIsh pout. " thought It up."
"Youre both wrong. thought It up," KatherIne sneers.
"Lcdies," jensen Interrupts, grIttIng hIs teeth In IrrItatIon.
"WeII," anneeI carrIes on. "The other artIcIe was just good marketIng
and servIce to our readers. We know you Iove jared, oI course. Youre
supposed to Ior now. just IIke you were supposed to have your score oI
InIamous conquests."
"jareds more," jensen InsIsts.
"More than IyancInthus?" anneeI chaIIenges, baby Iace suddenIy
sharp.
"Yes," jensen answers wIthout hesItatIon.
"The poInt Is," Iauren Interrupts. "Our readers Iove drama, angst and
scandaI."
"ut they aIso IIke hot boys pornIng It up In theIr happIIy ever-aIters,"
KatherIne smIrks. "GIrIs and boys everywhere wIII be IantasIzIng over
you and jared. I they havent aIready. Though thInk jareds more
popuIar than you, sweetIe, because hes got that Iook-that corruptIbIe
boy next door Iook."
"And It was our way oI sayIng heIIo and InvItIng you over Ior some
coIIee." The tease IaIIs IIat when It comes Irom Iaurens serIous Iace and
deadpan voIce.
"We have so mIssed you," anneeI IInIshes, bouncIng some In her heeIs,
nImbIe IIngers cIasped In Iront oI her. "We knew you wouIdnt come on
your own. Youve been avoIdIng us. aughty."
"AII oI our IamIIy avoIds us," KatherIne pouts.
"Can you bIame us? Youre Ireaky as heII," jensen snaps.
"ow teII us," KatherIne contInues, IgnorIng hIm and scootIng Iorward In
the couch, hands on her knees, shIrt sIIppIng Iurther down her chest.
"Iows jared In bed? As sweet and pure as he Is In pubIIc? Or Is he dIrty
and wIId?"
jensen grImaces. "m not teIIIng you anythIng." Some oI the tensIon
easIng now that he knows that they wont be prIntIng any more artIcIes,
Ior now anyway, that wIII make jared worry.
"ont you wonder?" Iauren asks abruptIy, voIce hard and wIth an edge
oI the unIverse In It.
"Wonder what?" jensen asks.
Iauren bIInks and Its as good as a shrug. "jareds a mortaI, just a
human. And yet youve aIready IaIIen In Iove wIth hIm."
" IaII In Iove easIIy. You saId so yourseII," jensen reasons, not sure why
he IeeIs IIke he shouId be deIensIve.
"You are a great romantIc, Its part oI who you are. ut thIs Is dIIIerent."
"ecause he reIused me at IIrst-he was IntrIguIng. Ie stIII Is. Ies
beautIIuI."
"You teII yourseII that," anneeI Interrupts hIs reasonIng, more serIous
than shes been thIs entIre tIme. "ont you wonder?" she asks thIs tIme.
"You mean do wonder what the heII m stIII doIng here? Yeah, am."
"Youre stIII here because we havent dIsmIssed you," KatherIne snorts
IndeIIcateIy.
jensen scowIs, IeeIs a wave oI ImpatIence and IndIgnIty rIse wIthIn hIs
chest. "Thats IudIcrous. can come and go as pIease-"
"And because you have a questIon," Iauren IInIshes Ior KatherIne,
IgnorIng jensen compIeteIy. Iauren rankIes jensen more than KatherIne
or anneeI both because she seems so superIor, so dry. "So ask It."
jensen IIcks hIs IIps, heart rIsIng In hIs chest. "What about rIs?"
"What about IacheI?" anneeI asks, raIsIng an eyebrow.
"s she a threat to jared? To any oI us here?"
"o IreebIes," KatherIne sIng-songs.
"Thats our busIness, not yours," Iauren smIrks.
jensens shouIders sIump, hIs jaw cIenchIng so tIght muscIes twItch and
thrum. "ut you saId-"
"We saId ask," KatherIne Interrupts hIm. "And thats aII. You couId ask,
but we werent obIIgated to answer."
"You bItches," jensen snarIs, runnIng a hand over hIs Iace and wonders
II Its possIbIe Ior gods to get stress headaches.
"ont you wonder, jen?" KatherIne asks thIs tIme, eyes suddenIy stark.
"Iasnt your Iamous reason wondered, or at Ieast notIced?"
"About jared, honey pIe," anneeI cIarIIIes.
jensen huIIs, gIarIng. "Yeah, m In Iove wIth jared, so thInk wouId
notIce-"
"Thats not It," Iauren cuts In, the IIrst hInt oI ImpatIence In her voIce.
"Then what the Iuck are you taIkIng about, you hags?" jensen barks,
rIsIng to hIs Ieet, eyes IIashIng goIden.
"Ooh," KatherIne moans breathIIy. " get aII tIngIy when you get rude."
"just teII me-"
"o IreebIes," anneeI whIspers and she Iooks surprIsIngIy sad and
resIgned.
Iauren straIghtens, waIkIng to stand between jensen and anneeI, cat
green eyes coId and ImmovabIe. "I you havent notIced then you wont.
jared wont, eIther. ot untII Its too Iate. Iove between mortaIs and
gods Is rare Ior a reason."
Then the three are sIIent, stIII as statues and ImpassIve. They dont
bIInk, they dont even seem to breathe.
ts the cIose to theIr conversatIon and jensen Ieaves, even heavIer than
he IeIt when he came In.

jareds stIII grInnIng gooIy-wIde, IIngers tIngIIng Irom where hes
touched jensens IoopIng handwrItIng, even two hours aIter hes tucked
todays poem (l love thee to the depth cnd brecdth cnd height my soul ccn
recch, when jeeling out oj sight.) beneath the butterscotch. IIs smIIe
must be contagIous because hIs Iast cIIent couIdnt seem to stop
grInnIng, eIther, though jared had to teII hIm that he hadnt Iound any
matches yet.
Chad waIks In, IaIIIng compIeteIy to announce hIs presence wIth a snarky
comment or rude euphemIsm. ven he doesnt put a damper on jareds
mood, though he IeeIs the IamIIIar twInge In hIs chest.
jared reaIIy mIsses hIs best IrIend. And because he and Chad arent
taIkIng, jared doesnt see as much oI SophIa as he wouId IIke. jared
reaIIy, reaIIy IIkes jensen (and, ChrIst, jensen had saId he Ioved jared-
Its the IIrst tIme anyones toId that to jared IIrst) and he wants to be
abIe to share thIs wIth the onIy two peopIe he consIders IamIIy. ven II
Its to hear SophIa coo at hIm and Chad caII hIm a "gIgantIc and IugIy
gIrI".
"You made the gossIp mag agaIn, boss," Chad says, voIce tIred as he
sIaps the gIossy pages onto jareds desk Ior jared to see.
]2's Cinderella Story Still Going Strong
jared raIses an eyebrow. "j2?"
Chad snorts. "Thats nothIng. thInk theyre caIIIng you the CIndereIIa In
thIs pIcture. ve aIways toId you that youre a prIncess."
jared beams, he cant heIp It. ThIs Is the most oI Chads personaIIty that
hes seen In weeks. jared had never thought that a personaIIty so
douche-IIy vIvId and uncompromIsIng couId ever be muted.
Ie reIuses to IeeI guIIty about that (though jared thInks he IaIIs a IIttIe
at It). Ie aIso reIuses to IorgIve. Chad had treated jared IIke he was
some nave chIId-IIke he was aIready an invclid. ut jared was wIIIIng to
Iorget, to Iet the argument sInk away beneath theIr Ieet, never to be dug
up agaIn.
"ts much better than Iast weeks artIcIe," jared snorts, expectIng some
kInd oI agreement or somethIng Irom Chad. When he doesnt jared Iooks
up Into hIs IrIends Iace. Chad Iooks serIous-jared can teII because hIs
eyes are extra squInty.
"Iook, thIs Is buIIshIt," Chad says abruptIy.
jared quIrks an eyebrow. "What Is?"
"ThIs!" Chad gestures wIIdIy between hIm and jared and the whoIe
room.
".TrueOne Is buIIshIt?"
"o! And stop pIayIng stupId," Chad snaps, crossIng hIs arms. Ies
wearIng jeans today. ts the IIrst tIme hes strayed Irom TrueOnes
unoIIIcIaI dress code sInce theIr argument.
"WeII, then say It. TeII me whats buIIshIt. ecause thInk Its buIIshIt
that youve been gIvIng me the sIIent treatment IIke youre IIve. And
thInk Its buIIshIt that you ImpIIed that was too weak-too conIused and
despercte-to make my own decIsIons."
Chads IIp curIs, IIashIng hIs whIte teeth. "Thats not what saId at aII.
Thats not what was tryIng to teII you."
"o. You were teIIIng me how shItty TImothy and Mark were to me.
WhIch they were. You yeIIed about how sImIIar they are to jensen and
thought so too, at IIrst. ut then you ImpIIed that TImothy and Mark
were my IauIt," and maybe TImothy was jareds IauIt but he knows that
Chad wouIdnt agree and jared doesnt want to get Into that rIght now.
"And then you saId that was too sIck-too weak, that my judgment was
ImpaIred because m just so desperate Ior Iove that IIIng myseII at-"
" dIdnt say a damn thIng about that! wouId know because wouIdnt
use a term IIke jling!" Chad Interrupts. "ut you do-you dId agree to a
date Irom just about anybody! And they were horrIbIe to you-and some
oI them were pretty pathetIc human beIngs In generaI! And then you go
and start goIng out wIth your stclker! Thats not heaIthy, jay!"
"ChrIst, Chad. Iave you aIways thought was thIs much oI a Ioser or Is
thIs a recent deveIopment?"
Chads Iace goes red wIth anger. " mIght as weII not even be taIkIng
because aII you do Is put IuckIng words In my mouth Ior me. m onIy
tryIng to Iook out Ior you-"
"ecause cant Iook out Ior myseII? s that what youre goIng to say?"
"IonestIy? The way youve been actIng thIs past year-two years?
WorkIng aII the damn tIme, not goIng out wIth your IrIends-heII, you
havent hung wIth me and Soph In Iorever. GoIng on these sham dates
wIth grade A douche bags-youre goIng to get hurt. Youre goIng to get
sIcker."
"o m not. m not, OK? m IIne. And, yeah. OK. admIt that Ior a whIIe
had a strIng oI bad Iuck. ut Its been a IIttIe over two months wIth
jensen and m so IuckIng happy, Chad."
"jensen whos stIII the worst combInatIon oI TImothy and Mark. Youre a
conquest-somethIng to own, just IIke Mark. And jensens a known
pIayer, jT. just IIke TIm. Iow do you know the bastard hasnt aIready
messed around on you?"
"ecause we practIcaIIy spend every nIght together? ecause he
Introduced me to hIs IamIIy? ecause he toId me that he Ioves me?"
Chad goes stIII but hIs Iace hardens aII the more and jareds heart sInks.
Ie hadnt meant to Iet that part sIIp. Ie scrambIes to rIght hImseII, to
throw up deIenses, to head Chad oII at the pass. Ie doesnt need Chad
to scoII at thIs, to ruIn It Ior jared when hes stIII so IuckIng hIgh Irom
jensens conIessIon that he couId IIoat rIght out Into space.
"ts the IIrst tIme. someones toId me beIore , you know. saId It IIrst.
WIth TImothy and MIIo, saId It IIrst." ChrIst, thats the most pathetIc
thIng he couId have saId rIght now. jared dIdnt head Chad oII at the
pass, he cIeared the way Ior hIm.
"Ies got you wrapped around hIs IInger."
"Maybe he doesnt. Maybe thIs Is reaI. Maybe thIs Is my chance. Iuck,
Chad. ont you know how much It. set up coupIes every damned day.
IeopIe made Ior each other, man. And thInk ve Iound the one that was
made Ior me and youre reIusIng to be part oI It!"
"Iave you toId hIm?" Chad snaps back ImmedIateIy, no Ionger shoutIng,
but voIce deadpanned, knowIng.
"o," jared says and despIte hIs best eIIorts It comes out as a weak
murmur.
Chad nods, sIghs through hIs nose, and drops hIs arms out oI theIr
crossed posItIon, stuIIIng hIs hands In hIs pockets. "AIrIght, then. I hes
so dIIIerent than Mark and TImothy, then teII hIm. IeII, jared. Youve
been seeIng thIs guy Ior cIose to three months now. ven II IIked
jensen wouId be teIIIng you that Its not IaIr to keep somethIng IIke thIs
Irom hIm anyway. I jensen Ioves you so much then he wont Ieave aIter
he IInds out IIke that TIm bastard dId. I hes the reaI deaI then he wont
try to take advantage oI you IIke Mark dId. And II you Ioved hIm back
then you wouIdnt keep thIs Irom hIm-you wouIdnt keep tryIng to be
somethIng youre not."
jared purses hIs IIps. "What do you mean, be somethIng m not?"
"Youre sIck, jared," Chad cuts In bIuntIy. "And youre In denIaI. Thats
why youve worked yourseII to death. Thats why youve cut yourseII oII
Irom IrIends, burIed your head In movIes and dated asshoIes. Youve
become a shadow oI the guy met and get that-or at Ieast can try,
can. ut youve been IyIng to yourseII ever sInce you Iound out, tryIng to
make yourseII and everyone eIse beIIeve that youre OK. When youre
not, jay."
"nough, Chad. You dont have any Idea what youre taIkIng about."
"IrobabIy not. OI course not. know that can never understand, jared.
ut do know that youre pretendIng that youre OK, and youre carryIng
that IIe over to whatever kInd oI reIatIonshIp you have wIth jensen and
thats not IaIr. Thats what mean by beIng somethIng youre not. Youre
not heaIthy. Youre not OK!"
jared IeeIs somethIng Iurch wIthIn hIm-spIcy nImbIe IIke anger and
bItter heavy IIke guIIt and dread and truth. Ie shuts hIs eyes agaInst It.
Ie stands abruptIy, grabbIng hIs phone and stuIIIng It In hIs pocket.
"Where are you goIng?" Chad asks, wIde-eyed as hIs anger seeps Irom
hIs Iace but jareds just too pIssed-too hurt-to notIce that.
"m takIng an earIy break."
"ut-you have a cIIent."
"Too IuckIng bad," jared snarIs and Ignores the tug oI guIIt. So what II
he Ieaves one cIIent hangIng Ior an extra hour or a coupIe oI extra days?
Good. ow theyII know how hes IeIt aII these years. "Arent you happy?
IIve seconds ago you accused me oI beIng a workahoIIc. WeII, now m
takIng a break. So make up your damn mInd."
"jared," Chad sIghs expIosIveIy, runnIng a hand through hIs haIr. "Iets
taIk about thIs."
"o thanks. Your deIInItIon oI 'taIk pIsses me oII. II be back In an
hour." jared storms out oI the oIIIce, through the waItIng room, not
IookIng at-reIusIng to Iook at-Ms. eIIs eager Iace IaIIIng Into
conIusIon when he doesnt acknowIedge her and keeps goIng straIght
out Into the haIIway, down the staIrs, and out oI the buIIdIng.
Ie makes It to the cIosest bench beIore the shaky IeeIIng In hIs Iegs and
the tremors In hIs hands cant be Ignored-even wIth pIenty oI rage as
IueI. So he sIts and shakes and trembIes, tuggIng at hIs haIr or at Ieast
tryIng to because wIth hIs IIngers shakIng so hard It doesnt IeeI IIke
hes grIppIng anythIng.
"Iuck," he breathes, cant breathe, cant-
"Fuck."

n the IIrst week oI May-just about two weeks away Irom two months
sInce they started datIng-jared takes jensen to the StapIes Center to
watch the Ios AngeIes KIngs pIay the IhoenIx Coyotes. jareds proud oI
hImseII because he buys the tIckets. Ie Iorgets sometImes just how
much money he has. Ie doesnt have a ton and most oI It goes to payIng
oII the house, apartment, and hospItaI bIIIs but he has more than hIs
mama couId ever manage to save and scrape together. And he Iorgets
that he has It, that Its okay to spend money on what he grew up beIng
toId was IrIvoIous thIngs that they couIdnt aIIord. So he spends the one
hundred and Iorty one doIIars per tIcket to get them up Iront rIght at the
Ice.
" take It youre a Ian," jensen teases, tuggIng at the sIIck materIaI oI
jareds navy bIue KIngs jersey hes wearIng beneath hIs jacket.
jared grIns, marveIIng at how good he IeeIs around jensen. Ie reaches
out, hooks hIs IIngers around jensens, and tugs hIm through the
roarIng crowd. " wasnt aIways. Iove IootbaII-IIke every Texas boy
shouId-and pIayed basketbaII and basebaII In hIgh schooI so IIke
those." jared pauses and jensen observes hazeI eyes gaIn weIght. "Chad
got me Into hockey. IIs IamIIys aIways been reaIIy Into It-hes a thIrd
generatIon Iackhawks Ian. When he moved to I.A. he started checkIng
out the KIngs and he dragged me aIong wIth hIm."
jensen couId care Iess about Chad MIchaeI Murray. ut obvIousIy thIs
argument or whatever between Chad and jared has Iasted much Ionger
than jared had expected and Its cIearIy botherIng hIm now more than
ever.
"jay," jensen says as soItIy as he can and stIII be heard as they sIt In
theIr seats. "Iook. o need to. speak wIth Chad? Or do somethIng?
You guys.It shouIdnt be IIke thIs between you two."
jared purses hIs IIps, tensIng up and IookIng away. "o, It shouIdnt," he
sIghs. "ut dont thInk you need to get InvoIved. ts not just about-he
saId some thIngs-" jared cuts hImseII oII, bIowIng bangs out oI hIs eyes
and IrownIng.
Chad was beIng a douche and he had no rIght to taIk to jared IIke he
had. Id hIs best IrIend reaIIy see jared as weak? Id Chad reaIIy see
jared as so desperate Ior a man that he throws hImseII at anyone and
everyone? Id he thInk jared so sIck and IeebIe that he was IncapabIe oI
makIng cIear judgments? The thIngs that Chad saId had hurt and had
pIssed jared oII-he was stIII angry about It. ut, a Iew days to sImmer
and stew aIter theIr Iatest aItercatIon jared was begInnIng to reaIIze
that maybe Chad wasnt oII about everythIng.
Ie needs to teII jensen.
jared Iooks Into hIs boyIrIends earnest green eyes, sees the aIIectIon
and Iove there. jensen has onIy saId It ("l love you") twIce sInce the IIrst
tIme, but jared thInks that he doesnt say It a Iot so jared wont IeeI
pressured-whIch doesnt work because jared can see aII the tImes that
jensen wants to say It. IIke now.
And jared wants to teII jensen that he-the same thIng. jared wants to
say It back. ut he cant. ot now, not beIore jensen knows. ecause.
because TImothy IeIt and that hurt but Ior some reason, even though
hes onIy been datIng jensen Iess than a quarter oI the tIme he went out
wIth TImothy, he knows that II jensen were to Ieave he wouId never
recover.
ts thoughts IIke these that scare jared stupId.
jared Ioves jensen. ut rIght now jared doesnt see that as a good thIng.
ecause when jensen Ieaves Its goIng to hurt aII the worse.
Ior now jared smIIes at jensen, Ieans over and kIsses the corner oI hIs
eye, where the smIIe IInes are-jareds IavorIte part oI jensens Iace.
"Thank you, though. m sure. ItII work out eventuaIIy."
jensen Irowns heavIIy because he Ioves everythIng about jared-he
reaIIy does, Its kInd oI unbeIIevabIy sappy-but hes notIced that whIIe
jareds not passIve enough to Iet anyone waIk over hIm, he does tend to
assume that probIems wIII straIghten out In theIr own tIme. IIke the
GenevIeve thIng (and jared had caIIed ]ensen a staIker-at Ieast he
hadnt stoIen a cIean paIr oI jareds underwear Irom hIs gym bag). And
jensen suspects that II he hadnt subtIy hInted that jared shouId press
charges agaInst IoIt then the younger man probabIy never wouId have
on hIs own. t doesnt make jared weak, just non-conIrontatIonaI, whIch
jensen supposes, baIances them out as a coupIe. Iowever, when It
comes to an argument wIth hIs best IrIend, It seems that jareds
tendency to Iet thIngs IIe onIy proIongs the hurt.
ut jared kIsses hIm, tender and reassurIng, and he gIves In and smIIes
back.
"So," jensen starts, cIearIng hIs throat. The pIayers skate out onto the
Ice and the crowd goes nuts, eIbows and hands and arms everywhere.
The noIse Is so Ioud no one can hear anythIng. WhIch Is aII just IIne wIth
jensen because he gets to tug jared In cIoser and put hIs mouth to hIs
Iovers ear.
So he can be heard. Thats aII.
"TeII me about thIs hockey thIng."
jared turns to hIm, wIde-eyed and startIed. "Youve never seen a hockey
game beIore?" he shouts, IookIng unsure II he wants to crack a grIn or
hug jensen In sympathy.
jensen shrugs, turnIng In hIs chaIr towards jared. "Iavent had a reason
to."
IIs Iover bIInks at hIm Ior a Iong moment beIore a wIde smIIe bIooms. Ie
turns excItedIy back to the Ice, eyes consIderabIy IIghter. jared puIIs
jensen cIose so he can taIk In hIs ear and starts goIng Into maybe a IIttIe
too much detaII about the teams hIstorIes and stats and the ruIes oI
hockey, but jensens too amused to poInt thIs out. esIdes, he reaIIy
hcsnt gone out oI hIs way to Iearn about hockey beIore, and nows as
good oI a tIme as any.
The date Is Iun. jared gets reaIIy enthusIastIc, standIng up and IIaIIIng
hIs Iong arms and heckIIng wIth some oI the other surroundIng Ians and
It doesnt bother jensen so much as surprIses hIm. Ior the most part
hes seen jared as a very serIous but hIghIy InteIIIgent and unIaIIIngIy
gentIe-hearted man wIth a Iew brIght spots oI Innocent humor and wIt.
ut thIs jared appears more hIs own age, maybe even younger-brash
and Ioud and a IIttIe rIdIcuIous, IorgetIuI oI the worId around hIm except
the rush oI the hockey game and, apparentIy, jensens IIps because he
IrequentIy turns and pIaces hard and Iast cIosed-mouth kIsses on them.
jensen thInks he IIkes hockey, but mostIy he Ioves every moment that he
wItnesses thIs buoyant versIon oI jared. jensen wonders why jared Isnt
IIke thIs more oIten and thInks that maybe thIs Is somethIng he couId ask
jared, or SophIa II jared Isnt IorthcomIng.
jared seems to be on a hIgh even aIter the game because he grabs
jensens hand and ducks head Iong Into the crowd, jostIIng theIr way
through and IaughIng madIy aII the way. jensen gets caught up In the
whIrIwInd that Is hIs Iover and joIns In the chIIdIsh behavIor, bumpIng
agaInst mortaIs oI aII sIzes and odors and not reaIIy carIng.
"Whats up wIth you?" jensen chuckIes when they IInaIIy puII out oI the
crowd to one oI the sIde exIts.
jared just grIns and Ioops an arm around jensens shouIders, IettIng hIs
hand sIIde down jensens warm back and sneak Into hIs boyIrIends back
pocket. Ie Ieers pIayIuIIy and gropes jensens ass, whIch eIIcIts another
surprIsed bark oI Iaughter Irom the oIder man. jensen mImIcs jared and
tucks hIs hand Into hIs Iovers pocket.
"ThIs Is cheesy," jensen chuckIes, havIng to Iengthen hIs strIde to better
keep up wIth jareds Ionger Iegs.
"TotaIIy cheesy," jared agrees but doesnt make a move to reIease hIm
and In Iact becomes ImpossIbIy bouncIer.
"And kInd oI douchey. IIke, rItney and KevIn." And Its reaIIy sad that
jensen knows theIr names. OI course he wouId, though, because thct
IascInatIon wIth the pop stars reIatIonshIp had been shoved In jensens
Iace not too Iong ago whIIe he was In urope. Ie cant even ImagIne
what the tabIoId expIosIon Iooked IIke In AmerIca.
"Youre douchey. m awesome," jared quIps easIIy and jensen smIIes up
at hIm, compIeteIy enamored by thIs careIree jared, and maybe thats
why he doesnt reaIIy notIce the trap set Ior them outsIde the door
beIore Its too Iate.
jensen graceIuIIy stutter-steps ahead oI jared to open the door Ior them,
not mIssIng the way that jared roIIs hIs eyes but smIIes at the gesture.
The next thIng jared knows Is that a bIIIIon bIIndIng IIashes In the nIght
temporarIIy bIInds hIm and makes hIm Ireeze, unabIe to make out
anythIng In the strobe IIghts that dance In Iront oI hIs eyes.
Ie Iets out a startIed and wounded sound because Its so sudden and
jared IeeIs somethIng behInd hIs eyes and In the back oI hIs head start
to ache.
"What the heII?" jensen growIs besIde hIm and jared turns hIs head to
hIm, gettIng a smaII reprIeve Irom the IIashIng IIghts that now dance In
hIs perIphery. WIth hIs vIsIon partIy restorIng jared IInaIIy hears voIces
IIIterIng In.
"]cred, how does it jeel to be dcting one oj the richest men in the world?"
"jensen, Is It true that you met jared In a matchmakIng servIce?"
"jared, can you teII us about who the Iamous jensen AckIes Is, reaIIy?"
"jared, are you or are you not stIII datIng Mark IeIIegrIno?"
"jensen, Is jared dIIIerent Irom your other Iovers?"
"jensen-" jared gasps but It has to be ImpossIbIe Ior jensen to hear hIs
breathy pIea. "What-" he breaks oII agaIn because he IInaIIy reaIIzes
that Its paparazzI. Theyre beIng bombarded IIke theyre ceIebrItIes (IIke
they reaIIy cre rIttany and KevIn, ChrIst, an InapproprIate part oI
jareds mInd jokes).
ut jensen seems to understand. Ie onIy gIances at jared beIore puIIIng
hIm In ImpossIbIy cIoser. "Come on, weve got to get past them. Theres
not too many yet. dont Iet go?"
jared doesnt have much tIme to answer because aII oI a sudden jensens
pushIng through, mercIIess In hIs advance whIIe at the same tIme
careIuIIy maneuverIng them through the seemIngIy endIess throng, hIs
arm practIcaIIy shIeIdIng jareds head. And normaIIy jared wouId be a
IIttIe oIIended-hes a bIg guy and he can push through thIs crowd just
as easIIy, thanks-but rIght now Its IorcIng jared to Iook down (and
thankIuIIy away Irom the IIashIng IIghts) and reIy totaIIy on jensen to
guIde them out. ts remarkabIy easIer thIs way (not that jared has much
past experIence-his "paparazzI" so Iar have been one or two guys In
bushes snappIng pIctures oI hIm two or three tImes a month), workIng
together.
t doesnt take Iong-It IeeIs IIke the IIashes muItIpIy but theres reaIIy
onIy about ten to tweIve dark shadows wIeIdIng cameras and recordIng
devIces-and theyre aImost In the cIear when a recorder drops under
jensens guard and shoves In so cIose to jareds Iace that he IeeIs the
cooI meshed metaI oI the speaker brush hIs chIn.
jared ImmedIateIy throws out a hand and Is surprIsed to see jensens
rIght besIde hIs, aIso shovIng the IaceIess guy away.
ut not beIore the guy gets hIs questIon out.
"]cred, cre you cwcre thct you could be just cnother conquest?"
Then the guy Is sprawIIng back Into others, the damned recorder
skIddIng across jensen and jareds path, and they are IInaIIy Iree though
the cameras are hot on theIr heeIs.
"Iun?" jensen asks, IookIng at jared wIth the same bIg grIn Irom earIIer,
though Its a IIttIe more Iorced.
And though Its Iorced, jareds heart Ieaps and stutters and roIIs at that
smIIe (Its that damned smIIe IetIsh agaIn, though jared cant IInd It
wIthIn hIm to resent It anymore). "Iun," he agrees and they take oII,
sprIntIng towards jensens car that Is about a bIock away Irom the
stadIum. And oI course It starts to raIn-not much, just a sprIng drIzzIe
that IaIIs IIke Icy touches and a remInder oI the wInter thats not quIte
gone yet.
They Ieave the paparazzI behInd wIth theIr cIunky cameras but they keep
runnIng anyway and, despIte everythIng, jared IInds hImseII IaughIng
agaIn-hIs head cIearIng In the nIght aIr. They dIve Into jensens car IIke
the buIky sIIhouettes and theIr IIashIng eyes are nIppIng at theIr heeIs
and jared coIIapses onto jensens shouIder hes IaughIng so hard.
When they catch theIr breaths-or when jared does, because jensen
doesnt reaIIy get out oI breath, at Ieast not on a IIttIe run to hIs car-
they Iook up Into each other and jensen beIIeves that hes physIcaIIy
IncapabIe oI takIng hIs eyes oII oI jared. IIs haIr, darkened by the raIn,
Is hangIng In damp rIngIets In hIs eyes. And hes smIIIng, wIde and whIte
wIth hIs tongue curIed behInd hIs upper teeth.
"Youre beautIIuI," jensen bIurts wIthout thInkIng (and, serIousIy, hes
gIvIng hImseII a bad reputatIon, though he cant seem to brIng hImseII to
care at the moment). jareds eyes wIden and jensen has no troubIe
seeIng theIr coIor IIghten In the dark, emotIons pIayIng behInd them that
he cant quIte pIn down so he just sIts back and wctches.
As usuaI jared seems stunned to be caIIed beautIIuI, makIng jensen
smIIe IondIy. " toId you we shouId have taken the IImo. We wouId have
gotten out oI there much Iaster. esIdes-youre soaked," he reaches
up, pushIng the damp Iocks away onIy have them to IaII heavIIy back.
jensen Irowns. "And m IreezIng," he grouses, turnIng on the car and
the heat.
jared chuckIes soItIy, reachIng out and runnIng hIs hands up and down
jensens arms that arent near Iast enough to warm hIm but a hot pooI oI
somethIng spIIIs Into jensens beIIy, anyway.
"You bIg baby," jared sIghs In a "whct cm l going to do with you?" way.
IIs smIIe doesnt IaII, not aII the way, but he suddenIy Iooks a Iot more
serIous.
"Iooks IIke were just not a IacIIIc IaIIsades secret anymore. Les Destins
wIII be pIssed that they have to share us wIth the tabIoIds," the young
man says rueIuIIy.
"So. you notIced?" jensen wInces, reIerrIng to the Les Destins artIcIes.
Iooks IIke meetIng wIth the creepy Iates had been poIntIess. Though, II
jared had known about them aII aIong and hadnt saId anythIng then dId
that mean he wasnt bothered by It aIter aII?
jared bIInks sIowIy at hIm beIore cuttIng a smIrk. "Id notIce that
youre rIdIcuIousIy rIch, hot, and young and that the press wIII probabIy
be aII over you? Yeah. got that, jen," jared says huskIIy and nIps at
jensens bottom IIp.
jensen puIIs away, shakIng hIs head. "o, mean. Youve seen the Les
Destins artIcIes and that Iast guy back there, what he asked you." he
traIIs oII, thInkIng that maybe he just taIked hImseII Into a hoIe. Ie
watches jareds smIIe IaII a IIttIe and become resIgned.
"Chad-he reads the magazInes, m usuaIIy In It, you know?" jared
chuckIes rueIuIIy. "Ie aIways comes In wIth It, to show me the Iatest
artIcIe about my spectacuIar datIng IIIe and we usuaIIy Iaugh about It,"
he shrugs. "ven though hes beIng a douche IateIy he stIII brIngs In the
artIcIes and Iaughs a IIttIe about It. So yeah. ve notIced the artIcIes."
"AII oI them?" jensen wheedIes, swaIIowIng thIckIy.
jared Ieans In cIose. "WhIch one are you taIkIng about, jen?" he asks
soItIy. "The one where m CIndereIIa and youre my rIch IrInce
CharmIng?" jared doesnt say thIs harshIy, maybe a IIttIe teasIngIy but
he doesnt harbor resentment, at Ieast not toward hIs datIng IIIe beIng
pubIIcIzed. Ies used to hIs IaIIures beIng embossed In the gIItzy pages
oI Les Destins and whIIe hes not sure how much hes goIng to IIke hIs
Iace beIng pIastered on TV and tabIoIds and other magazInes outsIde oI
Ios AngeIes, Its somethIng he consIdered earIy on when they IIrst
started datIng.
jared IIcks hIs IIps, takIng In a shaky breath. "Or the one where m just
another one oI your conquests?" ThIs was just supposed to be a Iun
date. urgers and steak IoIIowed by hockey wIth preIerabIy a Iot oI
makIng out aIterward. jared hadnt expected to be hashIng out thIs
probIem tonIght.
jensen wInces, shakIng hIs head. "You know youre not, rIght?"
"jensen," jared sIghs, IrownIng, IookIng away to settIe Into the
passengers seat but jensen grIps hIs eIbow-not hard, but askIng hIm
to stay. t never ceases to amaze jared how jensen can be just as
artIcuIate wIth hIs actIons as wIth hIs words.
"ecause youre not. jared, ve toId you that l love you and do. m here
Ior the Iong hauI, Ior as Iong as youII have me."
jared smIIes, IeeIIng the token warm and soarIng IeeIIng he gets
whenever jensen says those words and has to swaIIow back the urge to
echo them. Ie reaches up, runs a hand through jensens haIr, the wet
spIkes tIckIIng hIs paIm.
jensen swaIIows, somethIng shudderIng wIthIn hIs chest and he just
cant IIgure out II Its anger or heartbreak. "You dont beIIeve me," he
accuses In a whIsper and jared starts shakIng hIs head. "You beIIeve
those magazInes, you thInk." jared shakes hIs head more vIgorousIy,
droppIng both oI hIs hands to wrap them around jensens wrIsts,
hoIdIng on more than reIusIng to Iet jensen puII away.
" dont IIsten to magazInes," jared InsIsts, head stIII shakIng so that
smaII IIttIe dropIets oI water Irom hIs haIr IIy about them.
"ut you stIII thInk that theyre rIght. That m pIayIng you."
jared huIIs, squeezIng jensens wrIsts so that the god IeeIs the
IIngerprInts oI hIs human burn through hIs cIothes and sear Into hIs
skIn. "jensen. ts onIy been a coupIe oI months and-"
"And, what?" jensen snaps, takes a deep breath and reeIs hImseII In
when jared IIInches. "Yeah, okay. t hasnt been that Iong sInce weve
started datIng. ut thIs is the Iongest reIatIonshIp ve had In a whIIe and
dont need any Ionger than a coupIe oI months to know, jay. dIdnt
need more than a day to know that Ioved you."
jareds respondIng smIIe Is wIde but tremuIous. IIs shouIders sIump,
beaten. IIs mouth IeeIs dry and hIs puIse Is In hIs ears and he aImost
Iaughs out Ioud.
ThIs was supposed to just be a sImpIe date to a hockey game. Ie cant
heIp thInkIng It, over and over.
"Ither you dont beIIeve me or you do and you just dont IeeI the same
way. KaIos, say-"
" do beIIeve you," jared says soItIy, cuttIng hIs boyIrIend oII and IeanIng
across, kIssIng hIm tenderIy on the corner oI hIs mouth. When jared
Ieans back and IIcks hIs IIp he tastes skIn and raIn. "And . reaIIy do
beIIeve that you dont see me as a 'conquest."
jensen Iooks at jared In conIusIon and jared wIshes he couId see the
coIor oI jensens eyes more cIearIy so he can read them.
"ut you thInk that II just-just dump you. ThIs Is why dIdnt want you
to see the artIcIes but cant beIIeve that you dont trust me-"
"jen?" jared Interrupts, hIs grIp probabIy bruIsIng jensens wrIsts but he
doesnt care. "jen, ve got to teII you somethIng." jared was aIraId to say
It, aIraId oI what jensen mIght say. The Iast tIme jared had trIed to
expIaIn to jensen that he IeIt IIke he dIdnt beIong wIth jensen because
oI theIr gap In status jensen had gotten mad at hIm and accused jared oI
prejudIce. And, IIne, jared saw that, but that hadnt been what jared
mecnt and he doesnt want hIs words turned back on hIm agaIn.
ut the breathy edge to jensens voIce Is borderIng on heartbroken and
jared IIgures hed rather rIsk hImseII than Iet jensen IeeI hurt (and Isnt
It Iunny that jared Ioves jensen enough to do thIs but Is unabIe to just
scy It).
"jay?" jensen asks when jared remaIns sIIent.
"Iook. dont thInk m another conquest and dont IIsten to the
magazInes. And beIIeve you, reaIIy do. IIke thIs-us. ts probabIy the
best thIng thats happened to me In a whIIe," he kIsses jensens IIps
agaIn Ior emphasIs. "ut, just." he traIIs oII, bItIng hIs IIp.
"What Is It? jay, teII me," jensen InsIsts and Is awed once agaIn by hIs
human as he watches yet another waII oI jareds start to crumbIe and IaII
away, reveaIIng more oI the man InsIde.
" got burned beIore," jared excIaIms and wInces because that's not the
deIIcate "it's not c big decl" way that he had Intended to start. Ie takes a
shaky breath and swaIIows. "OK," he starts agaIn, avoIdIng jensen's
eyes. "t's-what 'm sayIng Is that do beIIeve you, do. ut -It's hard,"
he huIIs, bIowIng haIr out oI hIs eyes and IrownIng deepIy. "ThIs Isn't
comIng out rIght."
"What happened?" jensen cuts In as he reaches up, jared's hand stIII
wrapped around hIs wrIsts, and tucks a damp burnt honey rIngIet
behInd jared's ear. IIs voIce Isn't tender by any means but guarded and
stIII and jared crInges despIte the kInd gesture. "KaIos, just teII me." The
ImpatIence In jensen's tone rankIes but the oIder man takes jared's hand
Into hIs and that has to be somethIng, rIght?
"ThIs guy, the guy dated beIore you. ot any oI the strIng oI dIsaster
dates that you saw." jared Iets out a sheepIsh Iaugh at that,
rememberIng how jensen's seen hIm wIth avId and IoIt and maybe a
coupIe oI jared's other IIascos. "t's the Iast Iong term reIatIonshIp had
beIore you. We went out... Ior a whIIe. jen, he cheated on me. At Ieast
twIce." jared's IIps curI, muscIes coIIIng up IIke a nervous twItch and no
matter how he trIes he can't straIghten It. Ie thInks about reachIng up
and coverIng hIs mouth wIth hIs hand-It can't be the most attractIve
Iook. ut he doesn't want to Iet go oI jensen, he thInks II he does then
jensen wIII run-he'II Ieave.
jared's IookIng away so he doesn't see jensen's stormy Iook, but he does
IeeI the weII oI burnIng IIght In jensen's souI and jared Ieans
unconscIousIy cIoser, tryIng to puII that warmth In even though It
doesn't work that way. "At Ieast twIce that know oI and every tIme he
wouId... was young."
"You're young now," jensen says soItIy. t's part oI what attracted hIm to
jared In the IIrst pIace. A brIght and strong youth that's created hIs own
IucratIve and renowned busIness.
jared Iaughs nervousIy, eyes dartIng up but It's dark outsIde, headIIghts
Irom the road onIy servIng to temporarIIy bIInd hIm. jensen doesn't
sound mad or oIIended, but jared can't be sure and doesn't know II he
wants to IInd out. "Yeah. ThIs was... aImost two years ago now. caught
hIm once and then agaIn, the Iast tIme Is when we broke up but.
thought was In Iove wIth hIm, you know? ot... wIth you 'm begInnIng
to reaIIze that what IeIt Ior hIm was nothIng-anyway," he cuts hImseII
oII.
"Was It that douche bag MIIo?" jensen asks tIghtIy and jared's head
shoots up, hazeI eyes wIde.
"You know who MIIo Is?" jared asks, IncreduIous and a IIttIe weIrded out.
AIter aII, jensen had kInd oI staIked hIm In the begInnIng and whIIe he's
Iong sInce chaIked It up to (adorabIe) socIaIIy awkward behavIor jared
can't heIp the IIash oI paranoIa. What II jensen's trackIng down aII oI hIs
exes or somethIng crazy IIke that?
"Yeah. went to the sheIter to surprIse you the other Saturday,
remember? You took the day oII and came to your apartment?"
Ie watches reaIIzatIon dawn on jared's Iace. "That's rIght. AIexIs asked
MIIo to come Into the sheIter to cover my shIIt. You taIked to MIIo?"
"More IIke he's the one that shoved the Les Destins magazIne-the one
wIth the artIcIe about you beIng a "conquest", damn those hags-In my
Iace."
jared bIInks and tIIts hIs head. "You know, he caIIed a coupIe oI days
aIter that Saturday. We taIked some but he saId that hes gIad that
Iound someone and that shouIdnt IIsten to the magazInes. thought
that It was so weIrd because havent reaIIy taIked to hIm sInce we
started goIng out." Ie smIIes at jensen, nudgIng hIm. " guess he
approves oI you. You must have charmed hIm."
jensen raIses an eyebrow, surprIsed. "IeaIIy? WeIrd. Ie seemed IIke he
hated me. ut wouIdnt have known about the magazIne II It wasnt Ior
hIm, don't pay attentIon to medIa IIke that."
jared snorts good-naturedIy even though he's shakIng and hIs hand Is
trembIIng and he's thInkIng not now, plecse not now. " suppose you
wouIdn't want to, gIven the crazy paparazzI we just ran In to."
jensen Irowns at the remInder. "'m sorry about that."
jared bends hIs head, restIng hIs Iorehead on jensen's shouIder, cIosIng
hIs eyes and breathIng out sIowIy. Ie suddenIy IeeIs the humId coId oI
hIs wet cIothes and shIvers. Ie's pIeasantIy surprIsed when jensen
wraps an arm around hIm, a strong and warm IIne that hums IIke a
heater agaInst hIm.
"You're the coId one now," hIs boyIrIend murmurs and reaches to turn
the heater on IuII-bIast. The wIndows begIn to Iog wIth the combInatIon
oI damp and heat.
"t's not MIIo. Me and hIm dated when was at !CIA and a IIttIe when
IIrst moved here. dated hIm the Iongest-you're the thIrd guy 've dated
Ior Ionger than a month, you know-but the break up was the easIest.
We weren't In Iove, we never reaIIy were, and even II we were wasn't hIs
souI mate. AIexIs Is. knew It the IIrst tIme saw her."
"...You gave hIm up?" jensen wonders In awe. Ie hadn't beIIeved MIIo-
he hadn't beIIeved that he hadn't hurt jared In some way.
"Yeah," jared whIspers. "They're goIng to be marrIed soon. t was the
rIght thIng to do."
jensen bItes hIs tongue because he wants to ask, "cre you my soul mcte?"
Ie wants to say, "don't cnswer thct beccuse you cre-l know you cre." And
some darker part oI hIm that's IrratIonaIIy bItter that jared hasn't saId "
Iove you" to hIm, the part oI hIm that beIIeves jared Is goIng to
dIsappoInt hIm and reveaI hImseII as a typIcaI human IncapabIe oI the
IuII capacIty oI Iove and passIon oI a god wants to ask "cre you going to
give me up, too?"
"jensen," jared says Into the wet materIaI oI jensen's shIrt and thInks he
must be the worId's bIggest coward. " thought Ioved hIm and we were
together Ior a Iong tIme. thInk In hIs own way he dIdn't want to hurt
me, not IIke he dId. don't mean to punIsh you Ior hIs mIstakes-Ior my
mIstakes. want to move past thIs InsecurIty, reaIIy do. ut It's hard,
jen. t's hard and you can't deny that you do have a... hIstory. You have
to because magazInes and taIk shows and tabIoIds are pretentIous, IyIng
asshoIes wIth too much tIme on theIr hands but they don't just make
stuII up."
jensen's quIet and jared thInks hIs heart mIght spIInter rIght out oI hIs
chest. Ie hoIds hIs breath and he grIps jensen's hand and wrIst and
hopes jensen attrIbutes the worsenIng tremors to the coId. "And 'm
sorry. 'm so sorry. You don't deserve that but can't heIp It, jen. 'm
tryIng and know- want us to-" he breaks oII beIore he does
somethIng embarrassIng IIke outrIght sob. "jen, you gotta know that -
'II work on It, have been workIng on It. mean, you kInd oI remInded me
oI hIm. Ie Isn't as rIch or as Iamous as you but he couId aIIord IuxurIes
and had a reputatIon and you just... but saId 'yes' eventuaIIy, dIdn't ?
just gIve me more tIme, jen. You can't-pIease don't-"
jensen shakes out oI jared's grasp and wraps hIs other arm around hIs
Iover. Ie's so godsdamned angry. Ies not sure at what or who rIght
now. A IIttIe at jared, maybe, because hes transIerrIng hIs prevIous
reIatIonshIp probIems onto jensen. ut Its not even anger so much as
IrustratIon. Ior aII oI hIs mIIIennIa around humans, Ior aII oI the ways
that he InspIres them In the arts, Ior aII oI hIs reason and hIs Iove oI
humans and theIr creatIons, understandIng the human heart and mInd Is
dIIIIcuIt.
jensens angry wIth hImseII. jensen wouId have never thought he couId
crave the Iove oI a mortaI IIke he does.
And hes deIInIteIy angry wIth thIs other man-thIs other pItIIuI mortaI-
that couId have had jareds heart and then abused It. ot that jensen
wIshes jared was stIII wIth thIs other human-just the thought oI jared
wIth another sends such a IrIghtenIngIy swIIt wave oI jeaIousy through
hIm that It actuaIIy awes hIm. ut It rankIes that anyone couId have hurt
jared who cIearIy used to be kInder and more generous wIth hIs Iove and
aIIectIon. n Iact, though jensen stIII Isnt sure oI just how ardentIy jared
returns jensens IeeIIngs, jensen has no reaI doubt that jared doesnt
Iove hIm In some way. Ies too IIberaI wIth hIs aIIectIon, too genuIne
wIth the soIt way he Iooks at jensen when he doesnt thInk jensens
IookIng, too charItabIe In the number oI deep kIsses jared puIIs hIm In to
(jensens Iound over the years and over severaI Iovers that kIsses oIten
teII much more than the thIngs that can be Iound In someones eyes),
and IastIy hes too comIortabIe around jensen to not Iove hIm.
The poInt Is that even though jared's guarded he's stIII so open and
sweet and jensen can't ImagIne IntentIonaIIy hurtIng hIm-or IettIng
anyone or anythIng eIse hurt hIm. And to IInd out that someone jared
trusted-someone that jared thought he Ioved-had betrayed jared so
IIIppantIy was InIurIatIng.
"on't Ieave, jensen," jared whIspers so soItIy that perhaps a mortaI
wouIdn't have been abIe to hear It.
"'m not that guy, kaIos," jensen answers soItIy, pressIng hIs nose Into
jared's damp haIr and InhaIIng hIs Iover's scent.
jared can IeeI the anger In jensen's body-can hear It In hIs voIce. Ie
knows because jensen doesn't get angry oIten but rIght now jensen has
the same voIce-the same IeeI about hIm-as he dId on the day jared
vIsIted hIs house, when he had gotten InexpIIcabIy pIssed over the
IIowers that hIs haII-sIster sent to jared. ut he's stIII hoIdIng on to
jared, speakIng soItIy, he's stIII not IeavIng.
" know," jared says, IIIts hIs head and rests hIs chIn on jensen's
shouIder, sIghIng and IeeIIng some oI the weIght on hIs shouIders IIItIng.
" know that, jen." And that Isnt a IIe. Ie does know. ut Its stIII so hard
-stIII so rejlexive Ior hIm to expect the worse.
"...'m gIad you toId me," jensen says IInaIIy and jared huIIs a IIttIe.
"ThIs was supposed to be a guy's nIght out. Steak. Iockey. Sex. We
weren't supposed to braId each other's haIr."
jensen Iaughs, rIch and smooth and beautIIuI IIke everythIng eIse about
hIm. IIs souI Is just as brIght and warm and steady as ever. jared IeeIs
the tensIon start to seep out oI hIs boyIrIend's body and he breathes hIs
own sIgh oI reIIeI.
" don't mInd. t's good every once In a whIIe. Iound out somethIng
about you."
jared snorts a IIttIe IndIgnantIy. Ie's ImmenseIy satIsIIed to IInd that hIs
hands have stopped shakIng. "ut It wasn't a good thIng."
"ot reaIIy, no," jensen agrees somberIy. "ut 'm gIad, anyway. You keep
a Iot oI yourseII Iocked away and 'm begInnIng to understand why. And
even II It Isn't good, It's beautIIuI. verythIng about you Is beautIIuI."
jared kIsses jensen's tempIe but doesn't puII away even though the odd
angIe puIIs uncomIortabIy on hIs spIne. "You, jensen AckIes, have a
tongue on you that couId charm a snake."
jensen Iaughs agaIn, breath IIoatIng past jared's ear and sendIng
surprIsIng but weIcome sparks oI pIeasure throughout hIs body. "ut
onIy want to charm you, jared IadaIeckI."
jared hums, the vIbratIons In hIs chest Irom the sound reboundIng aIong
jensen's skIn. " thInk It's workIng."
jensen puIIs back, grInnIng, and draws jared Into a sIow kIss. "You thInk
so?"
"Maybe." jared grIns back but hIs eyes get caught up In somethIng just
over jensen's shouIder. " aIso thInk that we probabIy need to go."
jensen Irowns because IooIIng around In the car wIth jared kInd oI
sounds IIke a better Idea rIght now. "IeaIIy? thought we couId do the
sex part oI your awesome date In here."
jared bIInks and Iooks down at hIm, tIItIng hIs head to the sIde, bottom
IIp caught In hIs teeth. "Iuh," he murmurs and Iooks to the backseat and
then back to jensen. "ThInk we'II IIt?"
jensen raIses hIs eyebrows and gIves jared hIs best cocky grIn. "The
IImo, maybe?" he asks hopeIuIIy.
jared tIIts hIs head to the other sIde, IookIng much IIke one oI hIs
beIoved dogs. "Iuh," he grunts agaIn. "'II thInk about It. n the mean
tIme," he nods past jensen. " reaIIy thInk we shouId go."
The god Iooks over hIs shouIder, eyes wIdenIng IncreduIousIy when he
sees the same group oI paparazzI makIng theIr way down the street
towards them, cameras aIready IIashIng.
"IoIy shIt," jensen says, a IIttIe amazed.
"t's pourIng outsIde," jared marveIs, as equaIIy amazed. The IIttIe drIzzIe
Irom earIIer has turned Into a downpour and yet the paparazzI advance,
IookIng IIke a gIant bIack Insect scurryIng down the sIdewaIk wIth a
dozen gIowIng, bIInkIng eyes.
jensen sIghs heavIIy. "Guess we better go," he grumbIes, kIssIng jared
one more tIme beIore turnIng to the steerIng wheeI and throwIng the car
In reverse, sendIng jared tumbIIng IuIIy Into hIs seat, IaughIng outrIght
IIke he dId earIIer. jensen reaches out and puts hIs hand on jareds
thIgh, aIready mIssIng the IeeI oI hIs Iovers warm body.
" reaIIy wanted car sex," jensen mutters as they puII away.
"We're both too bIg Ior car sex. n thIs car, anyway," hIs Iover snorts as
he buckIes hIs seatbeIt.
jensen Ieers, sIIdIng hIs hand boIdIy up jareds thIgh to hIs crotch,
reIIshIng In the surprIsed gasp he gets and the IeeI oI hIs Iover's warm,
semI-hard erectIon beneath the damp jeans. "So, Is that a yes to IImo
sex?"
jared's correspondIng Iaugh draws out when jensen presses down
harder. "Any sex wouId be awesome. As Iong as It's reaIIy, reaIIy soon."
Ie trIes to Ieer back but jensen pushes wIth the heeI oI hIs hand just
rIght and jared throws hIs head back Into the headrest, IettIng out a
moan as he roIIs hIs hIps up Into jensens hand.
"jesus ChrIst, jay," jensen curses under hIs breath. "So IuckIng
responsIve. can't even-"
"jen. We gotta-soon. - need you," jared gasps, sendIng a brIeI, sIy
smIIe at the god beIore coverIng jensen's hand wIth hIs own so that both
oI them press Into jared's burgeonIng dIck.
"Iuck," jensen draws the word out, bItIng hIs IIp. "We, uhm. thInk
shouId take you to my pIace."
jared tIIts hIs head and jensen's not sure II that means "why?" or
"unbutton my pcnts cnd touch me". So he cIears hIs throat whIch Is dry
and straInIng even though he's practIcaIIy saIIvatIng at just the thought
oI gettIng hIs mouth on jared.
" don't want them to IoIIow us to your pIace."
"They probabIy aIready know where IIve," jared whIspers, movIng hIs
hand to run up and down jensen's arm.
"Yeah. ut..."
"jen," jared Iaughs, broken gIass desperate. "I you wanted me In your
bed, aII you have to do Is say so."
jensen grIps jared as best as he can through the materIaI and grIns.
"So."
jared doesn't know II AdrIanne, ChrIs, and Steve are around and
strangeIy he doesn't care. Ie and jensen practIcaIIy stumbIe Into
jensen's house, IaughIng and kIssIng and groanIng. jared doesn't hear
jensen's IamIIy and doesn't thInk to ask hIs boyIrIend, too preoccupIed
wIth saId boyIrIend's IIps and the way jensen meIts when jared IIcks Into
hIs mouth. They try to waIk up the staIrs practIcaIIy joIned at the hIp so
jared trIps and aImost IaIIs but jensen catches hIm eIIortIessIy and has
the audacIty to grIn and cock a chaIIengIng eyebrow at hIm.
y the tIme they reach the top oI the staIrs jared's pants are unbuttoned
and are In danger oI sIIdIng oII oI hIs sIIm hIps and trIppIng hIm agaIn.
jensen's jacket and knIt shIrt are both IeIt behInd on the staIrs
somewhere, aIong wIth theIr shoes and socks. The cooI wooden IIoors
send chIIIs through jared's body-or maybe It's the possessIve growI
jensen Iets out as he presses jared agaInst the haII waII and strIps hIm
oI hIs coat and jersey.
"e careIuI wIth that. t's a coIIector's Item," jared teases as jensen's
aggressIve mouth moves to hIs neck where jensen wIII stay Ior at Ieast a
Iew mInutes-he has a strange obsessIon wIth jared's neck.
"'II buy you another one," jensen dIsmIsses and Ior once the careIess
attItude jensen has about money doesn't bother jared, It onIy makes hIm
Iaugh.
"t's sIgned by my IavorIte pIayer."
"'II buy you the whoIe damned team," jensen groans beIore bItIng down
hard on jared's puIse poInt and suckIng IerventIy, catchIng jared around
hIs tapered waIst when the younger man groans and hIs knees threaten
to buckIe.
jared just Iaughs quIetIy agaIn, hands struggIIng wIth jensen's beIt and
jeans because though hIs mouth Is no Ionger occupIed he can't see past
jensen's broad shouIders and the tIght seam oI where theIr bodIes press
together. Ie gets the jeans open eventuaIIy, hIs hand dIvIng Into hIs
boyIrIend's pants and boxer-brIeIs and wrappIng around jensen's hard
cock. The oIder man crIes out Into jared's skIn, jerkIng In jared's hand.
jared squeezes once, movIng hIs hand In the restrIcted space, and bItes
hIs IIp when he watches the pIeasure rIppIe through jensens body.
jareds IavorIte thIng Is to make jensen come undone, pIece by beautIIuI
pIece.
"Iuck, jay. KaIos, you're goIng to kIII me. You're so hot IIke thIs," jensen
praIses Into jared's sternum.
"jen, need you," he repeats Irom earIIer. " need to touch you, see you
come apart." jared swaIIows, not because he's nervous but because thIs
Is just so IuckIng hot. "Want to taste you, wanna swaIIow you down. een
thInkIng about It aII nIght. Youre the onIy one that makes me IeeI thIs
way."
jensen groans, IeeIIng hIs body takIng over and trembIIng, IeeIIng hIs
dIvInehood spIke and he struggIes to both meet It and mute It. "Iuck
yeah, jay. CouIdn't keep my eyes oII oI you tonIght. You're so happy, so
young and strong and couIdn't-yeah, want that, too. So bad can't
thInk oI anythIng eIse." Ie can actuaIIy thInk oI a Iot oI other thIngs,
mostIy one thIng, nameIy havIng jared's body In a way that he hasn't yet.
ut no matter how much he needs to be InsIde hIs Iover, no matter how
he wants It so bad he doesn't thInk he can take another breath untII he
has It, jensen's not goIng to push, he's not even goIng to ask. Ie had
been cIose beIore but aIter tonIght he's gaIned a IIttIe InsIght Into
jared's compIexItIes and InsecurItIes and he's not goIng to ruIn that, he's
not goIng to be IIke that bastard that hurt jared.
When jensen attacks hIs chest and nIppIe, puIIIng one bud paInIuIIy
between hIs teeth and then soothIng the hurt by suckIng on It, jared can
do nothIng but Iet go oI hIs prIze InsIde jensen's pants-he can't hoId on
properIy when jensen's got hIm pushed standIng straIght agaInst the
waII and jensen's bent down to reach hIs chest wIth hIs mouth-and hoId
on to jensen's broad and smooth shouIders. Ie moans when jensen nIps
a pattern on the tIght skIn above hIs heart, head IIyIng Irom sIde to sIde
as he pants out pIeas Ior more, agaIn not carIng II anyone's around
(though he dIstantIy reaIIzes that he's goIng to be embarrassed Iater II
someone wcs around).
Ie can't Iook down at what jensen's doIng. IIs head IeeIs too heavy Ior
hIs neck and II he Iooks down jared's aIraId that hIs neck mIght snap In
haII. AIso, II he Iooks at jensen's swoIIen IIps workIng hIs body, II he sees
IIashes oI whIte teeth bItIng Into hIs skIn, jared mIght bIow hIs Ioad rIght
there.
WhIch Is okay, he supposes, sInce he IeeIs so aIIve-so hard and needy-
Its IIke he mIght not Iose the deIIcIous ache between hIs Iegs Ior days.
IIs bIeary eyes take In the opuIence oI the haII around hIm. t's wIde and
dIm wIth cherry baseboards and red waIIpaper. There are Ianterns Ior
candIes, makIng the haII seem antIque and beautIIuI. Across Irom them a
Iew doors down Is jensen's musIc room, the room across Irom that Is
jensen's room. jensen had shown jared both the Iast tIme he was here.
jensen's room Is beautIIuI wIth a bIg bed and a Iarge pIcture wIndow
wIth a wIde and comIy IookIng wIndow seat and a smaII sheII oI books
next to It-jensen's IavorItes, hIs boyIrIend had expIaIned. jensen's
bedroom Is been nIce, II sparse.
IIs musIc room Is a dIIIerent story. The waIIs are IIned wIth art and gIass
dIspIay cases that showed oII oId and rare Instruments, aII gIeamIng
Irom the care jensen gave them. There are aIso oId bIg and brass record
pIayers, a jukebox, and a modern stereo. IIIes oI musIc sheets are
scattered over the room IIke snow, aII over the grand pIano, jensens
desk, and across the seats oI the bIggest couch jared's ever seen.
jared had ImmedIateIy IaIIen In Iove wIth that room because It had so
much oI hIs boyIrIend's personaIIty In It. Irom hIs scent to hIs
IIngerprInts smeared on the gIass dIspIay cases IIke he Iorgot to wIpe
them oII. jared remembers the pIace was vIbrant and coIorIuI and aIIve.
The room, Ior some reason jared couIdn't expIaIn, Iooked IIke the sound
oI jensen's souI.
"Take me to the musIc room," jared bIurts out breathIIy and jensen
ImmedIateIy pauses and sIowIy raIses up, IIps debauched and haIr
mussed Irom where jared was runnIng hIs hands through It. IIs green
eyes-jared can IInaIIy make out theIr coIor and wonders how he made It
so Iong wIthout the sIght oI them-are narrowed, one eyebrow raIsed In
IncreduIIty.
"...xcuse me?" jensen practIcaIIy squeaks and doesn't even IeeI
ashamed about It because serIousIy, what the heII?
jared shIIts nervousIy under jensen's Intense gaze. Ie hadn't even
meant Ior the words to come out but now that they have he doesn't want
anythIng more. "Your musIc room. want to see It agaIn."
jensen bIInks sIowIy, IookIng aImost paIned as he shIIts uncomIortabIy,
obvIousIy dIstracted by hIs hard and abandoned dIck. "That's what
thought you saId," he IIcks hIs IIps. "Can't we waIt untII tomorrow?"
jared shakes hIs head. "o, no pIease, jen. ow. just want to see It.
That's OK, rIght?"
jensen groans-more IIke sobs-and presses hIs Iorehead Into jared's
throat. "Yeah, yeah It's IIne," he swaIIows, IeeIs the need and IIre and hIs
godhood churnIng IIke moIten Iava wIthIn so strong that he trembIes
wIth It. "Yeah, just Iet me-but why-" he cuts hImseII oII, tongue-tIed
(Its Insane how one mortaI can make hIm stutter). Ie gIves up on words
and he puIIs away Irom jared, engagIng hIs Iover Into a searIng kIss,
tryIng to brIng hIs Iover back Into the mood that jensen hopes wIII Iead
to the bedroom.
...Or the haII IIoor. Ie reaIIy wasn't pIcky. As Iong as he had jared.
"God, jen, babe. MusIc room," jared grunts out IIke a caveman and
jensen resIsts the urge to bang hIs head agaInst the haII waII.
"Okay, yeah. Come on." jensen smIIes, kIsses jared's cheekbone, grabs
hIs Iover's hand and Ieads hIm to the room. They don't bother to redress
and jensen takes It as a good sIgn, though he's stIII Irustrated by the
deIay.
When they waIk Into the musIc room jensen doesn't mean to be watchIng
jared-he's aIraId he mIght jump jared II he so much as Iooks at hIs
human-but he Is and so he doesn't mIss the way jared's eyes darken.
jared spIns In a sIow cIrcIe, gaspIng soItIy and takIng In hIs
surroundIngs. Ie waIks over to the couch and jensen takes a moment to
admIre the Iong, smooth, straIght pIanes oI hIs Iover's tanned back and
thInks about how much he wouId Iove to kIss every sIngIe knob on hIs
spIne.
jared reaches out, touches the couch that's stIII IIttered wIth crInkIed
yeIIow and whIte musIc scores.
"jared?" jensen questIons aImost worrIedIy when hIs Iover just stands
there. jared whIrIs around, cock bouncIng IewdIy over the band oI hIs
boxer brIeIs. Ie Iooks so comIortabIe In hIs own skIn-Its stunnIng, It
drIves jensen crazy wIth want.
"Come here, jen." And because jensen wIII probabIy never be abIe to say
no to hIs mortaI, not even when jensen mIght be dyIng Irom a case oI
bIue baIIs, jensen steps up to jared, puttIng hIs hands on sharp
hIpbones beIore he thInks about It and gasps at the thrIII that runs up
hIs arms at the touch.
jared seems to IeeI It too because he groans and roIIs hIs hIps Into
jensen's hands, IIckIng kIss swoIIen IIps and IeavIng behInd a shIny spIt
gIeam. "Iere, jen," jared pants, tuggIng on jensen untII jared's down,
sIumped on the couch wIth jensen over hIm. "Iere."
"jared?"
rIght eyes-no Ionger hazeI but heII II jensen can gather enough wIts
about hIm to IIgure out what coIor they are, they're just brIght-Iook up
at hIm.
" IIed earIIer," jared whIspers. " haven't been thInkIng oI my mouth on
your cock aII day. haven't reaIIy thought about that at aII."
jensen Irowns and jared smIIes IondIy and the conIusIon cIearIy wrItten
on hIs boyIrIend's Iace. Ie swaIIows thIckIy but Isn't aIraId. Okay, he's
maybe a IIttIe aIraId oI cjter, but hes been ready Ior this sInce the day he
IIrst kIssed jensen. "een thInkIng about you In me aII day, IuckIng Into
me sIow and good and IovIng IIke you taIked about. And want that so
bad, jen. need you In me so IuckIng bad m about to crawI out oI my
skIn."
"Gods-juck," jensen swears and doesn't ask somethIng IIke "cre you
sure?" ecause jared's a grown up and the needy, beggIng, gorgeous
Iook In hIs eyes can't be Iorced. nstead he asks, "Iere?"
"Yeah, pIease, jen. God, kIss me, touch me, and Iuck me. AnythIng,
everythIng, want aII oI you," jared says and puIIs jensen In, kIssIng hIs
neck and shouIders.
"ut... the bed. t shouId be a bed," the god swaIIows and ImmedIateIy
Iorgets what hes even taIkIng about when he sees that jareds Iust-
bIown eyes are hooded seductIveIy by heavy eyeIIds.
"t IeeIs better In here. More rIght. ThIs room teIIs me more about you
than your bedroom and want It to be here, want to see every part oI
you whIIe you're In every part oI me."
And jensen, robbed oI hIs breath by thIs wonderIuI, amazIng, one oI a
kInd mortaI, can't say anythIng but, "Yeah, okay, okay, kaIos."
jensen Iays jared down on the couch, movIng some oI the musIc sheets
away but not aII oI them. There's a crumpIed yeIIow one above the haIo
jared's haIr makes-Its KhachaturIan's "Gayane. Sabre ance". jensen
IInds hImseII unconscIousIy hummIng a Iew oI the IInes as he straddIes
jared's hIps and Ieans down and kIsses hIs Iover.
t's amazIng that despIte how needy they are, despIte how Iast and hard
and dIrty they were goIng In the haIIway thIngs sIow down as soon as
jared's IaId out and jensen's arched over hIm IIke a warm sheIter. TheIr
kIsses are sIow, deep and IanguId, as sweet and excItIng as the IIrst
tIme. jared's overwheImed by the scent oI jensen's coIogne, hIs raIn-
damp skIn, and the musk oI hIs sex (or Is It jared's?) that's becomIng
stronger the Ionger they kIss.
jared reaches up, skatIng hIs IIngertIps over jensen's smooth and sIIck
skIn as II he's never touched It beIore. Ior such a paIe guy (weII, paIer
than jared) jensen sometImes Iooks so goIden, especIaIIy when they
connect IIke thIs.
" can't beIIeve you want our IIrst tIme to be on the couch," jensen
chuckIes huskIIy Into jared's ear beIore suckIng on the Iobe, eIIcItIng a
Ioud, broken moan Irom jared.
" want our IIrst tIme to be In thIs room," jared cIarIIIes. "t's your IauIt
that there's not a bed-" he breaks oII, pantIng out grunts when jensen
nIps at the thIn skIn behInd hIs ear that drIves hIm crazy. "-In here," he
IInIshes, breathIng IIke he's runnIng a marathon.
"'II have to rectIIy that," jensen mutters, movIng In such a way that he
exposes hIs throat to jared who ImmedIateIy takes advantage oI It,
IIckIng as hIs boyIrIend's puIse poInt beIore bItIng at It, reveIIng In the
shattered gasp he gets.
"You do that," jared mumbIes, bIIndIy reachIng down and paImIng
jensen's cock agaIn beIore tryIng to tug hIs jeans and boxer-brIeIs the
rest oI the way down hIs hIps and over the sweII oI hIs ass. Ie Iets out a
curse oI IrustratIon Into jensen's shouIder whenever he's not successIuI.
jensen growIs IowIy beIore puIIIng away Irom jared, grInnIng cockIIy
whenever hIs human Iets out a whImper at the Ioss oI contact. Ie roIIs
oII oI jared and the couch, hIssIng when the cooI aIr hIts hIs warmed
body, and struggIes Ior a moment to IInIsh takIng hIs cIothes oII. IIs Iegs
are tIngIIng so bad wIth want he aImost IaIIs to the ground when the
pIns and needIes that seem to have taken pIace oI hIs Ieet race up to hIs
kneecaps. jared shIIts, drawIng jensens attentIon. Ie stares down at
hIs Iover who's IaId out on the bIack couch, musIc surroundIng hIm IIke
sunrays. jensen IIcks hIs IIps and Iorgets what hes supposed to be
doIng.
"Gods, you're beautIIuI," jensen murmurs, takIng In jared's Iust-dazed
expressIon, IIushed cheekbones and chest, hIs quakIng abs. " don't
know how- don't thInk deserve you," he whIspers In awe and not a
IIttIe bIt oI Iear because It's an odd sensatIon Ior a god to IeeI
undeservIng. jared's eyes wIden aImost comIcaIIy, hIs eyes that strange
brIght coIor that's not quIte IIke any coIor jensen's seen beIore.
"jen, that's not true," jared protests quIetIy. "t's me, It's me that doesn't-
" jensen cuts jared oII by bendIng over and takIng charge oI that mouth
oI hIs, IuckIng Into It wIth hIs tongue, demandIng and joyous and so
IuckIng good. When he puIIs back jared's too dazed to taIk and jensen
maybe Is, too, but somehow he shores up the vestIges oI hIs wIts and
moves down, sIowIy tuggIng oII jared's pants, reveaIIng Inch by
tantaIIzIng Inch Iong and muscuIar Iegs. jensen Ieans down, puts a knee
on the couch, enthraIIed by the shape oI jared's caII that Ieads up to
bony kneecaps that sweII out Into strong but tender thIghs, hIs juttIng
hIp bones that sIope down IIke arrows to hIs Iong dIck that's restIng
curved and achIng on hIs beIIy. jensen bends, mouth open, just about
ready to kIss and IIck and taste aII oI what he sees but jared makes a
sound oI protest.
"You," jared gasps, voIce shredded IIke It's been dragged over asphaIt.
"OII." Ie makes a vague motIon wIth hIs hand and It takes a moment Ior
jensen to reaIIze that he's stIII In hIs jeans, dIck sore and hangIng
ImpossIbIy heavy, hIs baIIs both strangIed and stImuIated by the eIastIc
oI hIs boxer-brIeIs.
jensen moves to push them oII but then thInks about It and caIIs on hIs
power as dIscreteIy as possIbIe.
jared has a brIeI moment where somethIng IIares and hIs head aches,
IIke he's about to get that dyIng sensatIon that he's IeIt so much
recentIy. Ie hoIds hIs breath, prayIng agaInst It because no matter how
brIeI It Is the paIn and the nausea wIII mostIy IIkeIy put a damper on
brIeI It Is the paIn and the nausea wIII mostIy IIkeIy put a damper on
theIr actIvItIes. ut thankIuIIy the sensatIon goes beIore It worsens and
he's IeIt bIInkIng dumbIounded when jensen suddenIy produces Iube
and a IoII-wrapped condom Irom hIs back pocket. WhIch Is ImpossIbIe,
rIght? ecause jared's hands have been on jensen's ass-and other
parts oI hIs boyIrIend's body-oII and on throughout the entIre nIght.
IeII, hIs hand had been In that back pocket. And he hadn't IeIt-oh. IIs
traIn oI thought gets deraIIed when jensen pIaces the condom and Iube
down and shucks hIs cIothes, kIckIng them away.
jared can't heIp but stare, caught up as he aIways Is In the sheer
ethereaI beauty oI jensen AckIes. ThIck, athIetIc body, IIawIess skIn
except a dustIng oI IreckIes on hIs shouIders and nose. Iean thIghs,
sIeek muscIes, back straIght and proud. And jensen's cock Is Iong and
thIck, erect and heavy, IIushed red Ior jared. Ie IIcks hIs IIps, just about
everythIng but the throbbIng need between hIs Iegs IIyIng Irom hIs
mInd.
jensen cocks an eyebrow, juttIng one oI hIs hIps out. "See somethIng you
IIke?"
jared chuckIes, reachIng down to stroke hIs cock IooseIy between hIs
IIngers, hIssIng and roIIIng hIs hIps and bItIng hIs IIp so hard It just
mIght bIeed. "'m not sure," he groans as hIs hand goes down to grIp hIs
baIIs. Ie can't waIt any Ionger, there's a IIre between hIs spIne and
Iower beIIy and an Itch so deep he doubts that It'II ever be reIIeved. "o
you see somethIng you IIke?"
The oIder man's cocky smIrk IaIIs and jared takes some satIsIactIon In
how Iast jensen's eyes darken. "Iuck yeah, jay. You're so beautIIuI, so
perIect. can't waIt..." he traIIs oII because jared IIIts hIs knees then,
dIggIng hIs heeIs Into the cushIon oI the couch and that teasIng hand
and one oI those naughty Iong IIngers sneaks down and pIays wIth the
rIm oI hIs entrance. jared bItes hIs IIps, whIte teeth gIeamIng, and hIs
eyes sIIppIng cIosed.
"ShIt," jensen groans and hIs dIck twItches In agreement.
jared shoots hIm a smIrk oI hIs own, though Its trembIIng wIth want IIke
hIs stomach and thIghs are. "Then thInk you better get back down here
beIore do thIs wIthout you."
jensen sort oI pounces. Ie jumps onto the couch, IandIng wIth an oomph
and a Iaugh and a bIIssed out moan onto jared's body. They kIss agaIn,
goIng thIs strange pace oI rushed and Iazy and needy and IanguId aII at
the same tIme. jared's hands IIy over jensen, needIng to IeeI every Inch
oI the warmth, needIng to touch what he aIready smeIIs and sees. Maybe
he wIshes he couId dIp hIs hands Into jensen, reach ImpossIbIy deep
InsIde and touch jensen's brIght and steady souI-just one IIngertIp, just
Ior a second. That's aII jared wants.
They roII agaInst each other IIke two waves sweIIIng In the sea, sIow and
dense wIth powerIuI undercurrents. jared reaches down, takIng both oI
theIr cocks as best as he can In one hand, strokIng them both, so tIght
and hard and IntImate. At the same tIme jensen pours Iube onto hIs
IIngers, rubbIng them together beIore probIng jared's hoIe wIth one.
The progress Is sIow-goIng because the pIeasure Irom what jared's
doIng to theIr cocks makes jensen Iose hIs breath and concentratIon,
makes hIm have to pause and bury hIs Iever-warm Iorehead Into jared's
knee or thIgh. ut he's abIe to push the IIrst IInger aII the way In. Ie has
to stop movIng hIs hIps, has to reach up and push jared's hand away Ior
now and grIp the base oI hIs cock beIore he comes rIght there because
jared IeeIs too hot, too tIght, too much oI everythIng jensen's ever
wanted. AII oI a sudden, even though jared's rIght there, openIng up
sIowIy and wIIIIng, the prospect oI beIng InsIde hIs Iover seems so
strangeIy Iar away and ImpossIbIe. Too good to be true.
IrobabIy because jensen's aIraId he's goIng to bIow beIore he gets
there.
jared squIrms on hIs IInger-whIch does absoIuteIy nothIng to heIp In hIs
Inner battIe Ior controI-but the Iook on jared's Iace Is one oI mIId
dIscomIort warrIng wIth hIs arousaI.
jensen's IInger Is so warm and sIIck and the IrIctIon between theIr cocks
so deIIcIous that jared bareIy acknowIedges the brIeI paIn oI the
stretchIng oI hIs entrance, hardIy regIsterIng each tIme one oI jensen's
thIck knuckIes catch on the rIm. ut when jensen gasps and hIsses IIke a
cornered anImaI and stops what jared's doIng to theIr dIcks-God, jared
had IeIt so good and so cIose-he IeeIs jensen's IInger aII the way InsIde.
And whIIe It doesn't reaIIy hurt, It's uncomIortabIe-a IuII sensatIon
wIthout beIng enough so he wIggIes hIs hIps, tryIng to make It rIght,
tryIng to make It IeeI better. Ie IeeIs jensen's dry IIps kIss the InsIde oI
hIs knee (and who knew that that was a sensItIve spot Ior jared? ut
every tIme jensen's mouth hIts It jared thInks he couId come Irom the
IIrecracker rush he gets each tIme) beIore hIs boyIrIend's IInger crooks
InsIde hIm, ImmedIateIy draggIng over hIs prostate and holy juck.
jared gasps, haII-screams, and hIs hand IIIes to hIs own dIck, bIIndIy
grIppIng at It to stave oII the rapIdIy approachIng orgasm.
jensen chuckIes darkIy and mutters somethIng about payback. Ie moves
hIs IInger In and out sIowIy, agonIzIngIy sIow and yet not sIow enough.
jared whInes and trembIes, Isn't sure what he wants. Through hIs Iashes
he watches the oIder man, Iramed by the coIorIuI paIntIngs behInd hIm,
Iean down and IIck at the swoIIen head oI jared's cock. jared starts
shakIng hIs head IrantIcaIIy, hIs voIce Iost somewhere In hIs body-IIke It
took a wrong turn and Its now In hIs arm, or somethIng. When jensen
deIves the wIcked tIp oI hIs tongue Into jared's sIIt he does manage to
shout.
"IuckIng heII, jen. jesus. You can't-no. o. can't hoId on II you do
that."
jensen Iets go oI jared's cock but It's aImost worse because the cooI aIr
hIts jared's saIIva-wet skIn. t's so brutaI that jared thInks he mIght
actuaIIy just dIe beIore they get to the good part.
jensen Ieans up, kIsses jared hard and quIck and burIes hIs nose Into hIs
Iover's throat, smeIIIng hIm, IeeIIng jared's Iast puIse beneath hIs IIps.
"You can," jensen InsIsts Into jared's skIn. "You'II hoId on because you're
so damn hot and amazIng and you have to come when 'm In you, jared.
have to jeel - be In you when you IaII apart."
"Yeah, OK," jared pants and trIes to muster up enough coherence to
gIare. "ut II you keep taIkIng IIke that 'm not goIng to make It."
The god grIns because he's begInnIng to thInk that there Isn't much that
jared can't do. "You wIII," he promIses soItIy and theIr IIps crash
together agaIn just as jensen eases In another IInger.
jared hoIds on, naIIs and IIngertIps dIggIng Into jensen's suppIe skIn as
hIs Iover gentIy works hIm open. jared Ioses sense oI tIme and space
whIIe they kIss untII jensen sIIps In a thIrd IInger. jared whInes at the
burnIng stretch and then the too-IuIIness but jensen worshIps jared's
throat, aIIowIng hIs IIngers to brush that spot InsIde once or twIce to
dIstract jared when he starts to move hIs IIngers In and out. The IeeIIng
oI beIng opened up Is both vIoIatIng and reIIevIng and that Itch deep
InsIde onIy seems to grow wIth the sensatIon. jared doesn't thInk he's
ever been thIs hard beIore, thIs ready to be IIIIed and he has to cIose hIs
eyes and drown In the thIck and churnIng waves oI arousaI because II he
keeps watchIng jensen-II he keeps takIng In hIs Iover's goId-Iractured
green eyes and the sweat on hIs brow and tempIes then.
jared doesnt know what wIII happen. Ie IeeIs IIke hes on a Iedge,
though, and II he tIps over too soon heII IaII Ior Iorever.
When jensen sees jared's eyes cIose he ImmedIateIy IeeIs some kInd oI
Ioss. t's not somethIng that he's mInded In the past but he somehow
hates that he can't see jared's eyes-he IeeIs cut oII, IIke he can't read
jared, can't communIcate wIth hIm. So he Ieans down and kIsses each
thIn eyeIId.
"Open your eyes, kaIos. IIease," jensen whIspers. " need them, need
you."
IearIIy jared obeys, peekIng at jensen, hIs heart doIng thIs Iunny
paInIuI Ieap at the thought oI jensen needIng every part oI hIm. jared
Ieans up, Iucked out abs straInIng wIth the eIIort, and kIsses the smIIe
IInes next to jensen's eyes. When hIs stomach gIves out jared's
shouIders hIt the couch agaIn but he's got the IoII-wrapped condom In
hIs hand.
jensen's entranced, numbIy puIIIng hIs IIngers Irom jared's hoIe, as he
watches hIs Iover easIIy break open the package and takIng the rubber
out, IettIng the IoII sIIp oII the couch and IIutter to the IIoor and Iand on
top oI the guItar chords to "WIth or WIthout You". Ie watches Iong and
tremuIous IIngers reach out and stroke jensen's cock once, soIt and sIIky
IIke butterIIy wIngs, and then jensen's groanIng and cursIng under hIs
breath not sure II he's goIng to be abIe to hoId on because those sweet
IIngers are roIIIng on the cIear and tIght rubber as gentIy and reverentIy
as possIbIe. jensen doesn't want anythIng between them at aII, but they
haven't dIscussed It and he has a IeeIIng that hIs expIanatIon oI "'m a
god so m aIways cIean" wouIdn't go over so weII rIght now.
When jared's done he Iets out a breath he dIdn't reaIIze he had been
hoIdIng, swaIIowIng thIckIy and dryIy. Ie smacks hIs IIps, smIIIng and
jensen seems to snap out oI hIs transIIxed stare.
"KIssIng whore," jensen teases but InduIges In jared's sIIent request.
jared breathes what's supposed to be a Iaugh Into jensen's mouth. When
they part Ior aIr jared Iooks Into jensen's Intense Iace, so devoted and
Iocused and yet somethIng about the Iook he gIves jared-maybe
somethIng In hIs pupII-bIown eyes, or the tIIt oI hIs spIt-sIIck IIps-Is so
honest and IragIIe.
Ie IeeIs that heartbreakIng sensatIon In hIs chest agaIn that's somehow
both paInIuI and euphorIc.
jared Ioves thIs man. Ie honestIy and truIy does.
"ow," jared murmurs, or maybe just thInks It.
"ow?" jensen echoes, IIckIng hIs IIps.
"ow," the younger man says, a IIttIe Iouder and more IIrmIy. " need you
In me now. Iuck, jen. Iuck me now."
jensen grunts and bobs hIs head up and down In a "yes, l wcnt thct"
motIon that he can't quIte put a voIce to. Ie kIsses down jared's chest
and beIIy, dIps hIs tongue Into that cute naveI, noses the coarse haIr oI
hIs groIn and nIps at hIs Inner thIghs.
"Yes, kaIos," he IInaIIy says, not recognIzIng hIs own voIce. Ie pushes
jared's knees towards hIs chest, spreadIng them Iurther as he does so
just Ior now, gIancIng down at hIs Iover's Iube-gIossed and stretched
hoIe.
"'m goIng to show you," jensen swears to hIs Iover IIke an oath. "'m
goIng to show you how much Iove you. 'm goIng to show you how much
you deserve to be Ioved." Ie grIps hIs cock, pressIng the head at jared's
hoIe but not In, Instead IIIckIng It harshIy over the rIm, sendIng joIts oI
pIeasure up hIs own body so that he struggIes to keep hIs eyes open
through In order to watch the rIng oI muscIe cIench and shudder In
antIcIpatIon.
"jensen," jared just bareIy restraIns a desperate sob. Ie's hoIdIng hIs
knees to hIs chest and he's gIad because jensen's teasIng too hard now
and jared's aIraId he mIght sIIp away Into InsanIty II he doesn't hoId on
to somethIng. "IIease, jen. Stop It-just, just get the Iuck In me, rIght
now."
"Okay, kaIos," jensen husks. "Yeah, gonna Iuck you so deep, gonna make
Iove to you so good," he hums, smearIng more Iube over hIs cock and
pressIng Into hIs Iover.
jared hIsses and squIrms because the head oI jensen's cock Is so thIck
that It catches on hIs rIm, paInIuI and burnIng and the antIcIpatIon even
better and stronger than that. "God, just do It, jen. just do It. need-
want-cant Iast much Ionger so just do It you bastard," jared IInaIIy
snaps because hasn't he waIted Iong enough? Ie IeeIs IIke he's on a
tIghtrope-he IeeIs IIke he is the tIghtrope.
jensen chuckIes and pushes In Iurther, each new sIIver oI jared's veIvety
heat more excItIng and warm and perIect than the Iast.
"Iuck, jay. Iuck, my kaIos," jensen groans untII he's aII the way InsIde,
hIs baIIs brushIng agaInst the warm roundness oI jared's ass. Ie's
actuaIIy sweatIng wIth the eIIort to keep Irom comIng and Irom thIs
strange but beautIIuI hurrIcane oI emotIons wIthIn hIm.
jared hIsses when jensen's IuIIy seated InsIde, a IIttIe Irom paIn but
mostIy Irom the IuIIness, Irom the awkward IeeIIng oI someone eIse deep
InsIde hIm. Ie's not sure he's ready Ior jensen to move yet even though
hIs body Is beggIng Ior It, even though hIs heart Is racIng so Iast jared
thInks that jensen must be abIe to IeeI It.
jensen seems to read hIs mInd because he doesn't move. jensen Iooks
haII-deIIrIous wIth the eIIort but he seems to have somethIng eIse
pIanned because he determInedIy doesn't move. nstead he reaches up,
pryIng jared's hands away Irom under hIs knees and heIps jared sIowIy
Iower hIs Iegs untII hIs Ieet are once agaIn IIat on the couch. jared
moans and grunts at what the motIon does to change the angIe.
IIs IeIt Ioot aImost sIIps oII the edge oI the couch and hIs rIght bareIy
IIts between jensen and the back cushIon. The posItIon Is kInd oI
cIaustrophobIc but jared's gIad they're doIng It In here. Ie IeeIs cIoser
to jensen In here, IIke he sees hIs boyIrIend-the reaI hIm. IIus, Its
IncredIbIy hot to be doIng thIs In jensen's musIc room.
jensen Iays IIat, stomach to stomach and chest to chest, on top oI jared.
Ie IeeIs jared squIrm beneath hIm when It changes the angIe yet agaIn,
he IeeIs when jared's grunt oI paIn and dIscomIort expIodes In hIs chest
even though the sound comes out soIt past hIs IIps. jensen cradIes
jared's head between hIs Iorearms, wrappIng IIngers Into hIs haIr,
knuckIes brushIng agaInst "Sabre ance".
"'m goIng to move now," jensen says more IIke a questIon and jared stIII
Isn't sure, It stIII IeeIs too aIIen, but he needs thIs-needs jensen-so he
nods
"Move," jared agrees so jensen does. xcept he doesn't move out and
thrust back In, not yet, but roIIs hIs hIps, baIIs pressed tIght agaInst
jared. IIs dIck shIIts InsIde
but not much, stretchIng jared open Iurther, gettIng hIm more used to
the IntrusIon, and maybe just teasIng them both a IIttIe.
jared IeeIs jensen's puIse InsIde hIm and he crIes out, the sensatIon so
IoreIgn but aIso IntrInsIc and vItaI that he never knew he was mIssIng.
"IeeI good?" jensen pants Into jared's jawbone, eyes straInIng In theIr
sockets to take In jared's wIde eyes and awed Iace.
"Yeah-Iuck, yeah, babe. IeeIs so good." t's not satIsIyIng. At Ieast, It's
not as satIsIyIng as It wouId be to IeeI jensen poundIng on hIs prostate
and jerkIng hIm, brIngIng hIm oII. ut It's not not satIsIyIng, eIther. t's
dIIIerent. jared IeeIs hImseII reIaxIng around hIs Iover's thIck and
granIte hard cock, IeeIs hImseII roIIIng In tIme wIth jensen and gIvIng
wIth each movement. mpossIbIy, It aIso IeeIs IIke jensen's sweIIIng
Iurther In hIm, IIIIIng jared up and the pressure oI the IuIIness Is so gut-
wrenchIngIy good that he sIghs, meIts Iurther Into the couch, hIs cock
stIII as hard as ever but the need somehow Iess pressIng.
jensen Ieans up, kIsses jared's ear beIore whIsperIng Into It, voIce
temptIng IIke whIskey on a raIny nIght.
"'m goIng to show you, kaIos," he begIns, voIce deep and dIrty. "o you
want that? o you want me to show you just how much Iove you? o you
want me to Iuck Into you so sIow and deep that you aIways IeeI It, that
you'II aIways know 'm here wIth you and In you and 'II never Ieave?"
Tears suddenIy burn at jared's eyes and aImost IaII. IIs throat tIghtens
and maybe that's the onIy thIng that keeps hIm Irom sayIng "l love you"
rIght then and there. Ie takes a shaky breath, Iooks unbIInkIngIy Into
the oIder man's eyes, and nods.
"Yes," he pants. "]ensen. want you to show me. Want you to Iuck me so
deep IeeI you Iater. don't want you to ever Ieave me." The Iast part he
mostIy babbIes, eyes stIII burnIng traItorousIy.
" won't, kaIos," the god promIses. " Iove you."
jensen starts to move, drawIng back a sIow Inch or two beIore movIng
back In, tender and careIuI and IovIng so as not to hurt jared. t's
agonIzIng Ior jensen who just wants to Iet Ioose. ut more oI hIm wants
thIs to Iast, wants to go sIow and deep Ior Iorever. Ie doesnt
understand how hes IIved wIthout jareds warm, sweet body Ior aII oI
thIs tIme. Ie cant comprehend how heII ever IIve wIthout thIs agaIn.
WIth the way they're IyIng jensen can't get the Ieverage he needs to go
Iast and hard-he cant even reaIIy puII out aII the way-but he can go
sIow and deep. The buIIdIng need Is so much hIs head Is Iuzzy wIth It, hIs
teeth hurt and hIs body sIngs Ior reIease. ut he can waIt-he wants to
waIt. Wants to spend tIme In jareds body, wants to break and Iet every
part oI hImseII spIII Into hIs Iovers brIght eyes. Ie can hoId on to jared
and touch as much oI hIs human's body as he can, IIke he promIsed jared
theIr IIrst tIme wouId be IIke.
jareds warm IIke the sun. jensen wants to stay tucked InsIde hIs Iover,
wants to spIn away and hIde Irom everythIng eIse. ThIs sIow push and
puII Is the onIy thIng that exIsts, the onIy thIng that matters.
Ior jared It doesn't reaIIy stop beIng uncomIortabIe. t's been too Iong
sInce he Iast dId thIs Ior It to be compIeteIy smooth and jensen's Iong
and thIck and curved. ut jensens souI just emanates brIght and
beautIIuI, wrappIng around jared untII It IeeIs IIke the couch and the
musIc room and thIs rIdIcuIous mansIon wIth a maze Ior a garden sIIp-
sIIdes away untII theres onIy jensen and jared and jensen movIng InsIde
oI jared and jared breathIng wIth jensen.
jared wraps hIs Iong Iegs around jensen's hIps, brIngIng hIs Iover In
cIoser. IIs IIngers scrambIe Ior purchase on jensen's back, scratchIng
up and down.
They don't taIk, IIke the way they rock together makes the couch sacred
ground. Maybe theIr bodIes are taIkIng Ior them. jareds IIngertIps push
so Iar Into jensens back they wIII probabIy Ieave bruIses but jared cant
heIp It-he wants to scream at jensen to go deeper, to crawI aII the way
InsIde because maybe then jared wIII IInaIIy IeeI compIete. Ie wants to
shout at how cIose he Is and how tremendous and horrIbIe the
cIIIIhangIng sensatIon Is.
ut aII that comes out are whIspers and breathIess sIghs. Ie can't even
IInd the words to beg Ior more or a voIce to warn jensen that he's cIose,
that the way jensen doesn't Iet up on hIs prostate and the way that hIs
cock Is trapped In a hot cage between theIr bodIes Is too much.
ut jensen aIready seems to know and jared Isn't surprIsed.
The god kIsses hIs human, deep but short, puIIIng jared's bottom IIp
between hIs teeth as he puIIs away. Ie raIses a IIttIe hIgher, gaInIng
room and Ieverage, and starts thrustIng Iaster but just as deep,
mesmerIzed when the power oI hIs thrusts makes jareds body bounced
up and down on the couch. IIs hand moves down to jared's cock,
wrappIng hIs IIngers around the stIII, burnIng IIesh and jerkIng hIm
sIowIy, aImost IazIIy. Ie watches pIeasure rIppIe through jareds body
IIke Its water.
"Come, kaIos. Iet go," jensen says soItIy and jared does. Iong, hard, and
sIIent. jensens name escapes hIs mouth, ephemeraI IIke a hot breath In
the mIddIe oI wInter. Ie's not sure II he cIoses hIs eyes, he doesn't thInk
that he does but the worId goes dark anyway (except Ior the brIght
sound oI jensen's souI, IIke a IIght at the top oI the weII). jareds IeIt
behInd wIth nothIng but the IeeI oI jensen's smooth skIn tattooIng sharp
and hot on hIs body. ven as he comes thIck and hot, spInnIng out oI
controI, he can stIII IeeI where hIs Iover's cock Is deep InsIde, mendIng
hIm together even as he IaIIs apart.
"Iuck," jensen groans as he watches jared shake IIke an earthquake,
watches hIs brIght eyes dIm and IIghten IIke cIouds over the sun on a
wIndy day, watches the sweat break out and the IIush rIse, and watches
jared's wIde and beautIIuI mouth open to shout soundIessIy as he comes.
Ie IeeIs jared cIamp around hIm, hard and so tIght jensen couIdn't puII
out even II he wanted to. t IeeIs so good to have hIs Iover hot and
twItchIng aII around hIm Its not Iong beIore jensen's IaIIIng down the
same bIack abyss jared's aIready crashed at the bottom oI, hIs worId
IIIckerIng, hIs dIvInIty sweIIIng as hIs body Iurches through hIs orgasm.
jared's arms and Iegs, stIII wrapped around hIm, cradIe hIm through the
broken wIId Iast rIde.
When the earth IInaIIy rIghts ItseII on Its axIs both oI them are boneIess
and Iax, so tangIed that jared's not sure where he ends and jensen
begIns. Ie doesnt want It any other way. ever agaIn.
"Id show you?" jensen breathes across jared's cheek.
The younger man chuckIes soItIy, or trIes to. IIs body shakes wIth
amusement but hIs throat Is too raw to aIIow the Iaugh to pass. "You
showed me," jared conIIrms, voIce as desert dry as hIs mouth.
"Good," jensen mumbIes. Ie strokes hIs IIngers through jared's tangIed
Iocks. " Iove you," he says, IookIng up Into brIght eyes.
jared doesn't answer jensen, not verbaIIy, but he kIsses the god. Iard
and InsIstent, sweet and generous and wIth absoIuteIy everythIng hIs
exhausted and bIIssed out body has to oIIer. And that's enough Ior
jensen because sometImes kIsses, especIaIIy jared's kIsses, reveaI more
than what can be read In the eyes or saId wIth the voIce.
t's enough. t's everythIng. t's Iove.

When he starts to wake up It's that weIrd sensatIon when It IeeIs IIke hIs
body sIts up and moves but It reaIIy doesn't. There's musIc and at IIrst
jared thInks that It beIongs to a souI. t's soIt and beautIIuI and IamIIIar.
IIs skIn tIngIes wIth It, somethIng warm and perIect sweIIs wIthIn hIs
chest. Ie IeeIs smaIIer somehow as a memory surIaces, watery cooI and
reaI IIke the dreams between haII wakIng and haII sIeepIng sometImes
IeeI. Ie ImagInes he IeeIs a wIde hand, short and caIIoused but IemInIne
stroke through hIs haIr. Ie hears a soIt voIce sIngIng to hIm, not weII or
partIcuIarIy pretty but comIortIng. t's hIs mama. And It's so good, so
comIortIng, that he aImost caIIs out Ior her. Ie doesn't, though. ecause
jared's begInnIng to surIace Irom hIs haII-dream and the voIce sIngIng
Isn't Mama's hIgh and brIght one, but Iower and smoother and the best
sound In the worId.
lt might seem like cn ordincry night
Scme ol' stcrs, the scme ol' moon up high
But when l see you stcndin' ct your door
Nothin's ordincry cnymore
get carrIed away by the Iook by the IIght In your eyes
eIore even reaIIze the rIde 'm on, baby 'm Iong gone
get carrIed away nothIn' matters but beIng wIth you
'm IIke a Ieather IIyIn' hIgh up In the sky on a wIndy day
get carrIed away
jared opens hIs eyes, bIInkIng bIearIIy to IInd hImseII IookIng up at the
ceIIIng. IIs eyes traveI down, tryIng to make sense oI the waII and the
brIght coIors and gIeamIng Instruments. Ie Iooks down at hImseII, sees
that he's stIII naked but covered In a heavy green bIanket.
The guItar pIcks up, gets Iouder, as does the voIce. God, that voIce Is
amazIng, so good and rIch It can't even be reaI.
l get ccrried cwcy by the look by the light in your eyes
Bejore l even reclize the ride l'm on, bcby l'm long gone
jared bIInks, eyes scratchy, head achIng wIth every sound and twInge oI
IIght and strong smeII and he knows that he has a mIgraIne IormIng but
he just can't brIng hImseII to ask jensen to stop. Ie IInaIIy Iooks down
and to the IeIt. jensen's perched on a stooI, bracIng the curve oI the
guItar wIth one knee. Ie's not IookIng at what hIs hands are doIng,
IIngers strummIng and movIng up and down the neck graceIuIIy. Ie's
IookIng at jared, green eyes brIght and Intense. Ie's In a paIr oI grey
sweatpants and nothIng eIse, stIII managIng to Iook put together and
eIegant. jensen's voIce pours over hIm thIck and soothIng IIke honey,
stIcks to jared's heart (even hIs souI, jared thInks, though he doesn't
know what hIs own souI IeeIs or sounds IIke).
jensen smIIes as he sIngs and jared cant heIp but thInk that hIs
boyIrIend (hIs Iover and jared's begInnIng to reaIIze maybe jared's worId)
Is just too gorgeous.
jensen brIngs the song to a cIose, quIetIng the sound oI the guItar,
IowerIng hIs voIce to just above a whIsper, eyes borIng Into jared
earnestIy.
l get ccrried cwcy...
And then the musIc's gone, traIIIng oII In the aIr IIke smoke, IadIng Into
jared's memory and aIready jared's wantIng It back.
jensen watches jared bIInk awake, watches the sIow and Iazy and
content smIIe. IIs Iover shIIts under the covers jensen had pIIed on hIm
hours ago, turnIng onto hIs IeIt sIde beIore IIItIng the covers, reveaIIng
hIs naked body and a warm spot Ior jensen to IIt In. jensen grIns, gentIy
sets down the guItar-It's one that he made hImseII-and pads over to
the couch, duckIng In under the covers, pushIng jared deep Into the
back oI the IurnIture and IyIng chest to chest wIth hIs Iover.
jared makes sure jensen's back Is covered-he gets bItchy about
"draIts"-and then wraps hIs arm around jensen's Iower back, dIppIng
hIs IIngers beneath hIs Iover's waIstband (because hIs IIngers are coId).
They kIss, mornIng breath and aII (though jensen's mouth doesn't seem
at aII stIcky and humId so he must have been up and brushed hIs teeth
aIready, the cheater). t's sweet and tender, mostIy a pressIng together
oI the IIps wIth a Iew tentatIve IIcks InsIde each other's mouths.
"Good mornIng," jensen says when they part.
"You sang," jared marveIs In a whIsper.
"Yeah. kInd oI dId," jensen whIspers back. "Id you IIke It?"
"Yeah. kInd oI reaIIy dId." ven though jensen brought one oI hIs
guItars to jared's apartment they haven't had the tIme to reaIIy sIt down
so jared couId IIsten to jensen pIay. t's better than jared had ImagIned.
"You're reaIIy good."
"Why are we whIsperIng?" jensen asks, grInnIng.
"just because." jared smIIes back. Ie IIcks hIs IIps. " reaIIy IIke that
song. Or, weII. My mom-she reaIIy IIked It. She used to sIng It to me and
SophIa aII the tIme."
" know."
"You do?" jared asks, raIsIng hIs eyebrow IncreduIousIy. "Iow?"
" texted SophIa thIs mornIng and asked her what song shouId sIng to
you."
jared Iaughs, kIssIng hIs boyIrIend jensen euphorIcaIIy. "You'd be
hopeIess wIthout my sIster."
" have a IeeIIng we both wouId be."
jared nods because It's true. IIs brows Iurrow because he reaIIzes that
Ior the IIIe oI hIm he can't seem to remember the name oI the artIst
behInd the song. WhIch Is so crazy because hIs mama Ioved that sInger,
used to have posters oI hIm hung up and was aIways sIngIng or
hummIng hIs musIc under her breath.
" can't say 'm the bIggest Ian oI George StraIt," jensen says and jared
breathes a sIgh oI reIIeI because that's the guy's name. Ie can't beIIeve
that he Iorgot. "ut thInk he got It rIght Ior thIs song."
jared grIns gooIIIy, nervousness that he hadn't even reaIIzed that he was
IeeIIng IadIng away. Ie's not sure what he had been expectIng on the
oIIIcIaI mornIng aIter. WIth MIIo jared had been the IIrst one to wake up
and It had been a bIt awkward and strange Ior a Iew days because It had
been both oI theIr IIrst tImes. WIth TImothy, jared had woken up aIone
and had gone down to the beach to IInd hIs boyIrIend haII-drunk and
surIIng.
ut jensen had aIways stayed, had aIways been the IIrst to wake up and
wouId hoId jared In hIs arms untII jared woke as weII. I he wasn't stIII In
bed wIth jared then he was nearby, pourIng a bowI oI cereaI Ior jared or
makIng them oatmeaI and sometImes standIng at the counter wIth coIIee
In hIs hand, bacon In the oven and pancakes on the grIddIe. SometImes
whIIe the bacon cooked jared wouId IInd jensen on the IIoor wIth SadIe
and IarIey, tryIng to wIn them over wIth chunks oI ham or some other
meat Irom the IrIdge whIIe the dogs, who toIerate jensen but have yet to
go out oI theIr way to seek out hIs attentIon, IookIng at hIm wary and
conIused.
Ie's not sure why he thought today wouId be dIIIerent. Maybe some part
oI hIm stIII beIIeved In jensen's reputatIon, stIII suspected that he was
nothIng but a conquest to jensen, a personaI prIze because he had
turned down the rIch man agaIn and agaIn. Maybe jared was paranoId
that jensen wouId pack jared up, shIp hIm back to hIs apartment and
Ieave hIm there aIter he IInaIIy got what he wanted.
ut jensen had made sure that jared was warm and comIortabIe, had
asked hIs sIster what jared wouId thInk oI as a meanIngIuI song. Ie had
sung jared awake as gentIe as hIs kIsses.
jensen was IuckIng perIect, he wasn't goIng to Ieave jared, and jared IeIt
ashamed Ior doubtIng hIm.
jensen's smIIe IaIIs and Ior a terrIIyIng second jared's aIraId that
jensen's guessed at what he's thInkIng, as he so oIten does.
"You had nIghtmares," he observes Instead and jared bIInks at hIm
conIoundedIy. Ie dId have nIghtmares, vIvId and Iong and dark and
Ioud. ut he doesn't reaIIy remember wakIng up at aII (he doesn't
remember IaIIIng asIeep, eIther, but at Ieast he managed to stay up and
kIss and taIk to jensen some beIore apparentIy passIng out because he
does remember that part).
" don't remember them," jared IIes because he does. Ie remembers
weIIs and red strIngs chokIng hIm. Ie dreamt oI earthquakes and
IaIIIng. Ie dreamt oI beIng unabIe to move. Ie dreamt oI jensen, too, at
the begInnIng and near the end and those were good. "Id keep you
up?" Ie hopes he dIdn't taIk or scream or anythIng In hIs sIeep. Ie used
to have nIght terrors that returned shortIy aIter he was dIagnosed.
"o," jensen answers. Ie'd onIy known that jared had the nIghtmares
because he hadn't reaIIy sIept hImseII-just dozed when jared had IaIIen
asIeep but had woken up a coupIe oI hours Iater to the sounds oI jared's
muIIIed dIstress.
"Guess 'm goIng to have to do a better job oI wearIng you out," the god
rumbIes, bItIng and IIckIng Into hIs human's sweet mouth.
jared Iaughs Into jensen's mouth. " guess 'II be up Ior that. Though
thInk you dId a pretty good job oI It Iast nIght," he Ieers cheesIIy, causIng
oIder man to snort.
jensen sneaks a hand between jared and the couch, paImIng one ass
cheek beIore sIIppIng In hIs IIngers to brush over jared's tender hoIe.
Ie'd cIeaned them both when jared had IaIIen asIeep because one tIme
they had both gone to sIeep In the mess they made and jared had woken
up IrrItated and stIcky and had sIeepIIy threatened to cut oII jensen's
baIIs as he stumbIed Into the shower.
And jensen was the god oI reason. Ie dIdn't have to be threatened more
than once Ior hIm to understand somethIng.
jared bIushes IurIousIy when the oIder man's aIIectIon and IntImate
touch turns Into a brIeI InspectIon. AIso the dry burn oI jensen's IIngers
over the tender area makes jared hIss and wInce.
"Are you sore?" jensen asks soItIy, pressIng hIs IIps to jared's warm
bIush.
"A IIttIe. A good sore," he promIses, eyes traIIIng down jensen's throat
and to hIs chest.
"Good. t gIves me an excuse to spoII you today."
"You spoII me aII the tIme." jared roIIs hIs eyes.
jensen Irowns. " don't. You never Iet me. wIsh you wouId."
jared's headache spIkes then so he kIsses hIs boyIrIend so jensen won't
see hIm wInce In paIn. Ie doesn't have hIs medIcIne here and he dIdn't
take It Iast nIght because they had pIanned on goIng back to jared's
apartment IIke they usuaIIy do. ut besIdes the headache he's not
showIng any other teIIIng symptoms IIke shakIng or trembIIng.
When the paIn duIIs he puIIs away and Iooks Into jensen's eyes,
memorIes Irom Iast nIght cIear and brIght and hot In hIs head. AII that
jensen saId, aII that the oIder man dId wIth Iove and passIon and
devotIon In hIs eyes.
jared needs to teII jensen. Ie needs to come cIean. Ie's so IuckIng
scared but jared's pretty sure he Ioves jensen too much not to teII hIm.
ut not now. Ie has to... IInd the strength. Ie has to thInk about It Ior a
whIIe. ut he wIII teII jensen. Ie shouId, anyway.
...Maybe?
"So. There's thIs thIng," jensen bIurts out and jared raIses hIs eyebrow.
"What?" he asks, IaughIng because jensen Iooks a mIx between
uncomIortabIe and beIIIgerent.
"ThIs... gaIa thIng. Some ceIebratIon Ior some charIty and AdrIanne
wants me to go because she wants to partner wIth them Ior some other
envIronmentaI cause and bIah bIah bIah..."
jared snorts. "WeII, It sounds Important. And It sounds IIke your sIster
needs your support."
"She doesn't," jensen says petuIantIy. "ThIs Is payback Ior makIng her go
to thIs coIIege IraternIty party a Iew years ago."
jared draws a breath Irom between hIs teeth, just ImagInIng the IIery,
Independent, and most ImportantIy IemInIstIc AdrIanne at a Irat party.
"Ouch. don't want to know the number oI peopIe that dIed that nIght,"
he jokes. "Iow dId you even get her to go?"
jensen roIIs hIs eyes, sIghIng IaborIousIy. "t was just some archery bet
and It's the IIrst tIme won sInce, IIke, the begInnIng oI tIme," he huIIs.
"She's such a sore Ioser."
"Archery bet?" jared asks wIth a raIsed eyebrow because just how many
strange hobbIes dId hIs boyIrIend have?
jensen grIns, IIghtIng up In a sImIIar way that he does when he taIks
about musIc or art. "Yeah. Archery. We've been pIayIng sInce we were
IIttIe."
jared shakes hIs head In amazement. "You shouId teach me sometIme."
"TotaIIy," jensen practIcaIIy crows.
"So. ThIs gaIa thIng. You shouId probabIy go or eIse your sIster mIght kIII
you and, IIke, kInd oI IIke you and aII. wouId be sad II you were dead,"
he wInks.
"Yeah," jensen groans and pokes hIs IIps out. "WIII you go wIth me?"
jared wrInkIes hIs nose. "'m not sure. s It a bIack tIe thIng? o have to
wear a suIt?"
"Yes," jensen says suddenIy and decIsIveIy. "'m actuaIIy not sure what
the dress code Is but you must dress up Ior It. You're reaIIy, reaIIy hot In
a suIt."
jared raIses an eyebrow. "'m not sure that's the best Idea. mean,
don't thInk you'II make a good ImpressIon II you're gropIng me the whoIe
tIme. AdrIanne mIght stIII kIck your ass."
jensen Irowns, brows wrInkIIng. "You're rIght. mean, 'm goIng to have
to spend the whoIe nIght IendIng oII potentIaI gropers. ecause II IInd
you IrresIstIbIe In a suIt so wIII others."
"What are you taIkIng about? IeopIe wIII be aII over you." esIdes the
opera thIs wIII be the IIrst IormaI event that they go to where they'II be
surrounded by peopIe Irom jensen's cIass. jared's not sure II he beIongs
there to begIn wIth. And besIdes, no matter where they go someone
aIways IIIrts wIth jensen because oI hIs Iame and money. jared's not sure
II he can stand watchIng someone wIth much more to oIIer jensen than
jared IIIrt wIth hIs boyIrIend.
jensen snorts. "t's settIed then. We can't go because 'II eIther take you
rIght there In your damned suIt or we'II be too busy beIng jeaIous to woo
the peopIe AdrIanne wants us to woo." Ie nods determInedIy. "AIrIght.
GIad that's settIed."
"ot settIed," jared Iaughs. "AdrIanne needs you to go. You're her
brother and you shouId."
"WeII... won't unIess you come, too."
"IackmaII, jen? IeaIIy?"
"AnythIng to have you by my sIde." jensen IIutters hIs eyeIashes, causIng
jared to huII and roII hIs eyes agaIn.
"IIne. When Is It?"
"ThIs comIng IrIday nIght. 'II pIck you up?"
"Yeah," jared whInes teasIngIy beIore smackIng hIs IIps on jensen's
Iorehead. "ow. reakIast or more sex. don't care whIch but It better
be soon or 'II get cranky."
The god Iaughs, surprIsed, thInkIng that thIs Is the brIght Iace that he
saw at the hockey game Iast nIght. "We can't have that," he says
serIousIy and tIIts hIs head to the sIde In thought beIore grInnIng. "Iow
about both at the same tIme?"

ts earIy Wednesday mornIng and Its IIke jensen knew that jared hadnt
sIept much durIng the nIght because he texts at IIve In the mornIng.
Are you cwcke? Wcnt to wctch the sunrise? l got blcnkets.
jared smIIes and roIIs hIs eyes because Its earIy May In CaIIIornIa and
not anywhere near that coId outsIde.
l hcve cojjee.
jared smIIes wIder. And sends back,
And hot chocolcte too?
jared Is aIready puttIng on hIs sweatpants when he gets the response.
Oj course hot chocolcte, too. lm not c bcrbcricn. Get down here.
jensen Is waItIng Ior jared In the Iobby. Ie smIIes at jared soIt and quIet
IIke a IuIIaby. jared InstantIy IeeIs some oI the tensIon Ieave hIs body.
"Iere," jensen says, gIvIng jared a traveI mug heavy wIth steamIng hot
chocoIate. jared grunts In gratItude and takes a Iew sIps, makIng Iaces
at how hot It Is. jensen IIIts a huge green canIster that jared can IeeI the
heat radIatIng oII oI. "Iook," he grIns proudIy. " brought seconds," hIs
brow wrInkIes adorabIy as he eyes the canIster (whIch reaIIy Iooks about
the sIze oI a bucket) suspIcIousIy. "And probabIy thIrds and Iourths.
Come on."
Ie Ieads jared out to hIs car. ts dark outsIde and even though jared
hasnt sIept hes stupId wIth exhaustIon so he doesnt mInd It when
jensen gentIy touches hIs eIbow to Iead hIm through the dark.
The beach Is empty and the sand Is cooI. jared kIcks oII hIs shoes and
Iets the sand sneak between hIs toes whIIe jensen Iays out the bIankets.
They settIe down, wrappIng around each other and jensen wrappIng
another bIanket around the both oI them. ts warm outsIde but not too
hot that theIr IIttIe IntImate cocoon doesnt IeeI sweIterIng.
jensen tentatIveIy reaches out and grasps the top oI jareds traveI mug
and IIIts It up to test Its weIght. IIndIng It haII empty he Ieans cIose so
that jareds eyes can make out hIs whIte teeth IIashIng whIte In the
dark. "Youre good now, rIght? can kIss you?"
jared snorts and punches jensen IIghtIy In the sIde. "You jerk. m not
crabby In the mornIngs."
The sound oI jensens Iaughter sounds as amazIng as the waves
crashIng on the beach. "So, kIssIng? Yes or no?"
"Yes. ot that you deserve It," jared snIIIs but smacks hIs IIps anyway
and moans a IIttIe when jensens warm IIps gentIy rock agaInst hIs.
When they part, jensen IIIts a hand and pIaces hIs paIm on jareds
cheeks. Ie Iets hIs IIngers pIay wIth hIs haIr. IIs breath ghosts across
jareds Iace IIke he opened hIs mouth to speak but no words come out.
ts not hard Ior jared to guess what Is on jensens mInd.
"You heard about IoIt," jared whIspers. Ie thInks about how jensen had
InsIsted that they use hIs Iawyers. OI course jensen wouId know the
verdIct, even though It just passed yesterday aIternoon. Ie hunkers
down and pIaces hIs Iace and ear agaInst jensens warm chest, curIIng
hIs body so that hIs Iegs wrap wIth jensens. " guess It makes sense you
wouId aIready know."
"Were you goIng to teII me?" jensen murmurs and jared sInks Into the
vIbratIons oI hIs voIce.
"Yes." IrobabIy not.
"ShouId we ceIebrate?" jensen asks, wrappIng hIs arm around jared and
strokIng hIs Iovers haIr soothIngIy. On the horIzon dawn Is approachIng
-a grey IIght growIng on the cusp oI the ocean.
jared hums out a sIgh. Ie hadnt expected IoIt to be convIcted oI a
sexuaI battery IeIony. jared thought that II anythIng heId up In court at
aII then there wouId be bareIy enough evIdence and wItnesses to sIap
IoIt wIth a mIsdemeanor. ut apparentIy there was enough evIdence
that jared was unIawIuIIy restraIned and touched agaInst hIs wIII-the
photos oI the bruIses on hIs hIps supported that Iact. And jared had a
wItness.
And jensens Iawyers. Ie shouId IeeI bad about usIng them, but he cant
brIng hImseII to.
Ie cant even brIng hImseII to IeeI bad about IoIt servIng three years In
the state prIson. Okay, jared IeeIs a IIttIe guIIty, but not enough to
regret hIs decIsIon. AII he has to do Is thInk about IoIt assauItIng
someone eIse and actuaIIy gettIng away wIth It because jared dIdnt
speak up and most oI the guIIt dIssIpates.
"o," he decIdes IInaIIy. "o ceIebratIon." Ie IIIts up enough to take a
sIp oI hIs hot chocoIate beIore tryIng hIs best to meIt Into jensen.
"Or we can ceIebrate by puttIng hIm behInd us," he amends, cranIng hIs
head up to kIss jensens jaw IIne. "Iets just move on."
jensen kIsses jared cIumsIIy on the brIdge oI hIs nose and then on hIs
eyebrow. "That sounds IIke a pIan."

jared throws the door to hIs room open beIore the IIrst knock Is
compIeted, reveaIIng MIsha standIng there wIth wIdened eyes, hIs IIst
stIII hoverIng In the aIr.
"!hm. OK?" MIsha asks uncertaInIy, cockIng a dark eyebrow at jared.
jared supposes he does make a conIusIng pIcture. t's IrIday, the day oI
the charIty gaIa, and he's aIready haII-dressed In bIack sIacks and a
whIte button up, hIs bow-tIe Ioosened around hIs coIIar. And he's been
pacIng up and down hIs apartment, puIIIng at hIs haIr when It was ten
seconds past the tIme MIsha was supposed to show up wIth no MIsha.
And now, IIve mInutes Iater, hIs haIr must be a wreck and he IeeIs
IIushed and a IIttIe sweaty.
"Are you... aIrIght?" MIsha asks careIuIIy, tIItIng hIs head to the sIde.
"What?" jared sort oI squeaks, cIears hIs throat and nods vIgorousIy. "'m
IIne. OI course 'm IIne. Why wouId you ask that?"
MIsha bIInks rockIng back and Iorth on hIs heeIs, pIacIng hIs arms
behInd hIs back. "You just seem...agItated. ervous."
"What? AgItated? ervous? 'm not. Why wouId you thInk that? mean,
don't thInk that-"
"jared?" MIsha Interrupts, a smIIe puIIIng at hIs chapped pInk IIps. "You
mIght want to start wIth IettIng me In."
"Oh! IIght. Yeah-oh!" he breaks oII when he practIcaIIy trIps over hIs
Ieet tryIng to get out oI the way. MIsha grIps hIs eIbow, tryIng to steady
hIm.
"jay... are you drunk or somethIng?" MIsha asks warIIy, amusement
dancIng In hIs bIue eyes.
"o!" jared groans. "God, no. 'm just-beIng a spazz." Ie huIIs and shuts
the door aIter hIs IrIend steps Into the apartment. Ie eyes hIs IrIend,
dressed In sImpIe jeans, a t-shIrt, and worn sneakers. IIs bIue eyes Iook
otherworIdIy, oddIy expressIve and at the same tIme reserved.
"You Iook good," jared bIurts out and watches as MIsha's eyes soIten.
"jared. ot that 'm not gIad to see you, but are you OK?"
jared sIghs expIosIveIy, movIng to pIop down onto the couch, draggIng
hIs hand through hIs haIr, InadvertentIy smoothIng It out. AIter he
decIded that he wanted to teII jensen the truth about...everythIng, jared
had Iretted over the decIsIon and how to go about teIIIng jensen. Ie
wanted to ask advIce Irom Chad-yeah, OK. So, Chad Isn't normaIIy very
good at the whoIe advIce thIng. jared's pretty sure that hIs best IrIend
trIes but It's oIten Iost In transIt by some Iast mInute douche mechanIsm
that's somewhere between Chad's braIn and hIs mouth. esIdes, Chad's
the one that had torn Into jared the other day about It beIng IaIr that he
reveaI everythIng to jensen. And jared Is just too prIdeIuI to go to Chad
and admIt he was rIght. Ior now, anyway.
And jared couIdn't caII hIs sIster In Ior advIce. Ie could, probabIy. Ie
dIdnt doubt that SophIa wouId drop everythIng and come and Its maybe
stupId oI jared to make thIs decIsIon Ior her. ut jared thInks that
because shes engaged to Chad It wouId be unIaIr to make her be caught
between the man she Ioves and her IIttIe brother that she heIped raIse.
So jared doesnt even caII her.
So despIte the Iact that the Iast tIme they taIked MIsha had expressed
bItterness towards jensen and had warned jared to be careIuI (whIch
was just bad tImIng sInce It hadnt been too Iong aIter hIs argument wIth
Chad), jared caIIed hIm Ior advIce. MIsha had been In OakIand when he
IIrst caIIed and jared hadn't made a bIg deaI out oI It then, knowIng that
MIsha Is the type oI guy to drop everythIng II he thought that jared or
any oI hIs IrIends was In troubIe. Or at Ieast that's what jared suspected
MIsha Is IIke.
jared Irowns thoughtIuIIy. "Thank you so much Ior comIng, MIsha."
MIsha bIInks, sIttIng down on the other sIde oI the couch. "OI course 'II
aIways come when you caII. You're my IrIend."
jared grIns. " was... hopIng you wouId say that."
"s somethIng the matter, jared?"
jared swaIIows and thInks that thIs has to be the dumbest pIan he's ever
thought up. The askIng MIsha Ior advIce part Is okay, except Ior the Iact
that MIsha doesn't know about It, eIther. jared's never toId hIm beIore
and so what II MIsha runs? Or Ireaks out?
jared cIears hIs throat awkwardIy. "'m gIad you came? dIdn't expect
you to come so easIIy," he repeats IameIy.
MIsha smIIes, roIIIng hIs eyes. "You're cIearIy avoIdIng somethIng but
IIne, 'II pIay aIong. OI course stayed away. We dIdnt exactIy argue but
you dId teII me to back oII. !nIIke some peopIe preIer to IIsten when
someone doesn't want me around."
jared smIIes IondIy. "To be honest, 'm gIad jensen dIdn't back oII when
toId hIm to."
MIsha's quIet Ior a Iong measure beIore dIpIomatIcaIIy sayIng, "'m gIad
that you're gIad."
"So. Are you thIrsty?" jared asks, makIng a motIon to stand up but MIsha
hoIds out hIs hands to stop the movement.
"o, 'm IIne."
"Oh," jared mumbIes, kInd oI deIIatIng. "WeII, uhm. Iow was your trIp?
Or, that makes It sound IIke a vacatIon. Iow's work as an...
envIronmentaIIst?"
"You know," MIsha says wIth a shrug, restIng hIs ankIe on hIs knee and
IeanIng back Into the couch. "nvIronmentaI-Iy. Or, conservatIonaIIst-aIy?
orIng hours spent In cramped Iabs and computer rooms. ot nearIy as
gIamorous as a IIreIIghter." MIsha Irowns, brows IurrowIng
contempIatIveIy. "You wouId thInk that a IIreIIghter wouId be paId more.
ot onIy do they save peopIe Irom IIres and stuII, but they're IIke a
recognIzabIe Icon."
" thInk you mean 'we'," jared poInts out, smIrkIng. "You're a IIreIIghter,
too."
"Iart tIme," MIsha says IIIppantIy. "t doesn't count. Iow about you? Iow
are you doIng?" MIsha asks, eyes narrowIng and jared can't heIp but
Iook away Irom hIs IrIend's penetratIng stare.
"'m good." Ie swaIIows, trIes to get hIs voIce to sound normaI but Is
IargeIy unsuccessIuI. "IeaIIy good. Great. verythIng's... great."
"Why are you so nervous, jay?" MIsha asks quIetIy and Ior a second jared
thInks he's goIng to dIvert the topIc agaIn. Ie even consIders sayIng
"never mInd" and movIng the conversatIon onto somethIng eIse
aItogether. Ie huIIs at hImseII, IrownIng. Ie's such a IreakIng coward
sometImes.
"... need a IrIend. WeII, advIce. A good IrIend to gIve advIce," jared
babbIes quIckIy.
MIsha tIIts hIs head and hIs haIr Is gettIng Iong because a curI drops
over hIs Iorehead wIth the actIon. "Sure. AnythIng. You shouId know
thIs," MIsha says kIndIy.
"-Its-"
"jensen?" MIsha asks, voIce droppIng knowIngIy and noddIng grImIy, IIke
he expected a probIem to come up reIated to jensen.
"o!" jared barks out, bIInks as he reconsIders and deIIates agaIn. "Yes,"
he bItes hIs IIp and decIdes on, "partIy." Ie runs hIs hand through hIs
haIr agaIn, sIghIng and IettIng the sIIence stretch out between them.
"Maybe was wrong," MIsha says aIter a Iew measured beats oI quIet,
makIng jared Iook up at hIm suddenIy. "Maybe jensen Is good Ior you
aIter aII. t's been a Iong, Iong tIme sInce 've seen you thIs... anImated."
jared's smIIe Is shakIng but genuIne. "Yeah. Yeah, thInk he's good Ior
me, too... 'm not so sure how good am Ior hIm-"
"uIIshIt," MIsha cuts In, aImost angrIIy. "uII," he repeats, IeanIng up
Into jared's Iace untII theIr noses are aImost touchIng, eyes IIke the sea
on IIre. "Ie's damned Iucky to have someone IIke you. nd oI story,"
MIsha InsIsts IIrmIy beIore puIIIng back, IeavIng jared bIInkIng and
speechIess In hIs wake.
jared shakes hIs head, IIckIng hIs IIps. "t's just, yeah. SometImes he
drIves me a IIttIe crazy-he can be kInd oI..." he traIIs oII because he
wants to caII jensen "bItchy" (because he Is) but he IeeIs bad Ior doIng so
In Iront oI someone eIse. "ut he's not a bad guy. n Iact, he's reaIIy,
reaIIy good to me." jared smIIes warm and sIow. MIsha sIghs.
"t's hIs prIde that pIsses me oII," MIsha admIts IInaIIy. "ut reaIIy he Isn't
as bad as most oI the other members oI thIs gIgantIc and Iucked up
IamIIy oI ours." jared had been surprIsed to IInd out that MIsha was
actuaIIy some dIstant reIatIve oI jensen's. " mean, a Iot oI our IamIIy
Iooks down on me-"
"Why?" jared Interrupts curIousIy.
MIsha Iooks temporarIIy stunned and cIears hIs throat. "...Another story
Ior another tIme, maybe?" he oIIers weakIy and jared nods. "Anyway.
aIways thought jensen Iooked down on me, too, and thInk he does In hIs
own way-deIInIteIy not the same way as everyone eIse. mean. We have
a kInd oI rIvaIry that at tImes can turn Into a sort oI camaraderIe. thInk
It's jensen's Immature way oI acceptIng me and acknowIedgIng me.
wouIdn't caII us IrIends, but oddIy enough 've aIways IeIt IIke couId
trust hIm." Ie reaches out, pattIng jared's shouIder and smIIes
reassurIngIy.
"I were In troubIe... OK. So wouIdn't go to hIm IIrst but that's because
there's members In thIs IamIIy that actuaIIy IIke me so go to them IIrst.
ut II needed to couId trust jensen wIth a probIem."
jared sIghs agaIn, thIs tIme In a mIxture oI reIIeI and a renewed sense oI
dread. "That's-that's good. AImost exactIy what -but what II-" he cuts
hImseII oII, tuggIng at hIs Ioosened coIIar. " have a probIem and... what
II jensen...?" Ie Iooks up and he must Iook as vuInerabIe as he IeeIs
because MIsha's brows draw together In concern and he scoots cIoser,
hIs hand IaIIIng Irom jared's shouIder to rest IIrmIy and encouragIngIy
on hIs Iorearm.
"As much as It paIns me to endorse any redeemIng quaIIty oI my pIg-
headed and arrogant asshoIe oI a reIatIve, you can probabIy trust hIm
wIth just about anythIng."
jared IeeIs hImseII trembIIng. "What II that probIem Is me?"
MIsha bIInks, cIearIy surprIsed beIore he pats jared's arm. "There's no
probIem, jay. There's nothIng wrong wIth you. IeII, jensen probabIy
doesn't deserve someone IIke you-"
jared shakes hIs head vIoIentIy. "o, no that's not It. t's more serIous.
MIsha, there's somethIng want to teII jensen and -It's Important and
onIy SophIa and Chad and MIIo even know about It..."
"What? What Is It, jared?" MIsha asks, tIItIng hIs head hIs head to the
sIde when jared doesn't go on.
"... promIse me, MIsha. IromIse me that you won't-" he breaks oII
because Its too unIaIr oI hIm to ask MIsha to stIII be hIs IrIend aIter he
IInds out. "ever mInd. just, Iuck It!" he bIurts, runnIng a hand over hIs
Iace and suddenIy IeeIIng bone-deep tIred.
"'m sIck," jared bIurts out suddenIy. MIsha onIy Iooks conIused so jared
shIIts uncomIortabIy In hIs seat and hIs mInd races to IInd a way to
cIarIIy.
"'m reaIIy sIck and need you... need you to not Ireak out and be OK
wIth thIs, just Ior now, because jensen toId me he Ioves me and -me
too, you know? ut can't say It back because he doesn't know
everythIng." MIsha just stares, bIue eyes as cIear as water.
jareds shouIders sIump. "What do do?"

The tIme has aIready changed so that at haII past seven In the evenIng
the worId Is a burnt summer goId. jensen steps out oI the IIne that
separates IIght and shadow In the mouth oI an aIIey not too Iar Irom
jared's apartment. As soon as he's there he IeeIs It. Another ImmortaI,
Ierseus-MIsha-to be exact, Is cIose and perhaps InsIde jareds
apartment compIex.
jensen growIs, IorgoIng the cIoak oI human etIquette and IIIckerIng out
oI the outsIde and Into the InsIde untII hes standIng at jareds door. Ie
doesnt waste tIme dIggIng Ior the apartment key jared gave hIm two
weeks ago and unIocks the door wIthout sparIng a bIInk.
The scene InsIde makes hIm grInd hIs teeth.
jareds dressed In hIs bIack tuxedo, standIng taII and sIIm and beautIIuI.
IIs sharp and anguIar proIIIe Iooks so tantaIIzIng that jensen kInd oI
wants to run hIs tongue aIong those IInes. IIs tanned skIn Is IIushed and
gIowIng and jensen thInks agaIn about how rIdIcuIous thIs gaIa Is and
how he wouId much rather spend the rest oI the weekend In bed wIth
hIs Iover.
jared Isnt the probIem In thIs pIcture. ts IuckIng MIsha whos standIng
cIose to ]ensens Iover, reachIng up and tyIng hIs bow tIe Ior hIm and
takIng way too Iong.
MIsha knows he's there, jensen can teII In the way MIsha smIrks and
bIue eyes IIIcker over to hIs dIrectIon. jared's obIIvIous, starIng
somewhere over and past MIsha's head. jensen cIears hIs throat
abruptIy, causIng jared to jump a IIttIe and twIst hIs head around, wIde-
eyed.
jensen's pIssed-mostIy at the haII-bIood-but he gets momentarIIy
dIstracted by the brIghtenIng oI jared's Iace-IIke a sunrIse or a mornIng
gIory openIng up wIth dewy vItaIIty.
"jen!" jared haII-crows, makIng to step toward jensen but MIsha
ImmedIateIy tugs hIm back.
"e stIII you overgrown chIId," MIsha husks out, IrownIng up at jared
who compIeteIy mIsses It. jensen smIIes vIctorIousIy and when MIsha
sends hIm a gIare jensen grIns aII the wIder.
" dIdn't know It was tIme to go yet!" jared smIIes sheepIshIy. "'m sorry.
'm aImost ready," he promIses and he's gIad that hIs hands are stIII
tucked Into hIs pockets. TaIkIng to MIsha had been... good. And MIsha
hadn't Ireaked or run and Instead had gentIy reprImanded jared Ior
thInkIng he wouId do so and had even Iet jared snot on hIs shouIder
whenever he'd embarrassIngIy started to cry, oI aII thIngs. ut aIter aII
oI that jared had IeIt better about teIIIng jensen everythIng and at the
same tIme even more nervous. IIs hands had begun to shake
uncontroIIabIy-he had spent Iast nIght at jensen's agaIn and had
"Iorgotten" hIs medIcIne. t was a bad habIt and jared was serIousIy
begInnIng to IeeI the eIIects. IIs Ieet stuck In pIace and hIs Iegs IeIt
ImmovabIe more oIten. IIs hands have been shakIng worse and hIs
memory had been shot to heII the past coupIe oI weeks-IorgettIng
appoIntments and cIIents' names. IIs stomach was a mess because he
hadn't been IoIIowIng SophIa's uItra strIct dIet and hIs head aIways IeIt
IIke It was sweIIIng IIke a hot haIr baIIoon-too IuII and too hot and
paInIuI.
At Ieast he dIdn't have to worry about nIghtmares. jared's been dead
tIred throughout the day and wIde-awake at nIght. nsomnIa IIke he
hasn't had sInce beIore he was dIagnosed.
t was IuckIng scary how dependent he Is on these stupId medIcInes.
And the reaIIty check made hIm bItter. Ie couIdn't IunctIon wIthout
them. Ie was gettIng worse. The past Iew days jared had been wrapped
In a newspaper prInt worId-bIack and whIte and mInd numbIng, the
days passIng hIm by IIke paper on dry skIn.
n other words, he's IeIt IIke shIt. So much so that II jared hadn't been so
nervous over hIs meetIng wIth MIsha he probabIy wouId've Iorgotten
what day It was. verythIng was meItIng together IIke statIc and jared
wasn't even sure what had happened at work today.
The onIy reprIeve, the onIy brIght spots where jared IeeIs energIzed and
vIbrant and somewhat heaIthy Is when he's wIth jensen.
GrInnIng wIder at the thought jared begIns to practIcaIIy hop Irom Ioot
to Ioot, rockIng on hIs toes and gaInIng not a Iew grunts oI dIsapprovaI
Irom hIs IrIend who was IIxIng jared's tIe because hIs hands had been
shakIng too hard to do It hImseII.
jensen IeeIs a smaII amount oI reIIeI to see jared so eager to greet hIm.
OI course jared wouIdn't IeeI anythIng Ior MIsha, the haII-bIood Iow-IIIe
IeechIng on godhood. MIsha was nothIng compared to jensen, he teIIs
hImseII, noddIng mInuteIy. StIII, he thInks wIth brows IurrowIng. MIsha
has no rIght to try and encroach on what's jensen's. The human spawn
has Iorgotten where he beIongs and jensen doesn't have any probIem
remIndIng hIm.
MIsha IInIshes but doesn't have tIme to remove hIs IIngers Irom the soIt
bIack cIoth beIore jensen's puIIIng jared away Irom MIsha, tuggIng hIm
down Into a kIss that's deep and sIow, wrappIng hIs arms Iow around
jared's waIst.
jared can't heIp the smaII moan as he meIts Into hIs Iover's warm mouth.
jensen tastes so good-jared thInks that II jensen's souI was a taste and
not a sound then It wouId taste the same as hIs kIsses-Intense and hot
and steady. AIter jared takes a moment to stare Into jensen's eyes-
greener than ever and so beautIIuI-hIs own eyes sIIp cIosed so that hIs
entIre worId Is darkness, the taste oI jensen, the IeeI oI hIm...
MIsha coughs a IIttIe and jared IIInches, eyes shootIng open and Iace
IIghtIng red, struggIIng backwards out oI jensen's grIp. jensen doesn't
seem IncIIned to Iet hIm do so Ior a Iew moments, one arm cIImbIng up
jared's spIne so that a broad hand rests on the back oI jared's head,
pressIng hIm Iurther Into jensen's mouth. jared grunts In protest when
jensen doesn't Iet hIm go, gruntIng and then cursIng agaInst jensen's
InvadIng tongue.
just when jared's contempIatIng kIckIng jensen In the shIns hIs
boyIrIend IInaIIy Iets hIm go. jared stumbIes back a step, steadIed by
MIsha who spares hIm a concerned gIance (great, MIsha Iooks to be
about as overprotectIve about jared's IIIness as SophIa and Chad are...
just what he needed) beIore gIarIng at jensen who's matchIng It wIth one
oI hIs own. jared bIInks, IookIng between them beIore scowIIng deeper,
eyes burnIng a hoIe through jensen's head (IIke In Toy Story, where
jensen's uzz IIghtyear and jared's the sun and magnIIyIng gIass).
"What's goIng on wIth you two?" he asks warnIngIy.
jensen smIIes InnocentIy. "othIng. Why do you ask?" Ie reaches up,
straIghtenIng and IussIng over jared's suIt where he wrInkIed It durIng
theIr kIss. "God, you Iook so hot, jay. 'm goIng to get worn out tryIng to
Iend everyone away Irom you. You mIght have to carry me home," he
Iaments, hIs smIrk shatterIng hIs mock pout.
"-shut up," jared mutters, shIItIng under jensen's Intense stare. "You
Iook... reaIIy good, too," he says, reachIng out to maybe tug jensen In Ior
another kIss beIore he remembers where he Is and cIears hIs throat, stIII
mInuteIy trembIIng hands changIng course to straIghten jensen's IapeI
Instead. Ie Irowns, "ut don't try to sweet taIk me oII subject." t hasn't
escaped hIs notIce that jensen hasn't once acknowIedged MIsha's
presence except to gIare at hIm. And the kIss, whIIe hot as heII, was aIso
rude and... poInted.
IInaIIy takIng hIs IIery gaze Irom the ancIent hero, jensen grIns
dIsarmIngIy at jared, sensIng jareds growIng suspIcIon. ts then that
jensen notIces the IadIng, puIIy redness around jared's eyes. "Are you
okay, kaIos?" jensen asks soItIy. t Iooks IIke jared's been cryIng-hIs
eyes Iook IIke the nIght when jared begged jensen to gIve hIm some tIme
and not Ieave.
jared hasn't reaIIzed It yet, but jensens sure that jared Is somethIng
that he's been IookIng a Iong, Iong tIme Ior. jensen probabIy won't Ieave
hIm untII jared teIIs hIm to.
And probabIy not even then.
jared bIInks and mentaIIy curses because whIIe he hadn't outrIght crIed
(he mIght have, just a IIttIe, but he's never admIttIng that and MIsha's
aIready been sworn to secrecy) It had been enough to make hIs Iace
spIotchy and eyes swoIIen. Yeah. Iretty unattractIve. jared had washed
hIs Iace wIth coId water but apparentIy that hadn't been enough.
"-" jared starts nervousIy but jensen's aIready whIrIIng on MIsha.
"What have you done? What are you doIng here?" jensen demands, voIce
droppIng an octave. jensen may admIt to hImseII that hIs beIIeI that
MIsha has a crush on jared Is probabIy IaIse, but what Is apparent Is
that hIs Iover's upset and no one eIse was here except the demIgod and
so he must be the one to bIame.
MIsha's Ice bIue eyes spark dangerousIy as he reIuses to back down
beIore jensen's show oI authorIty and anger.
"jen." jared steps In beIore MIsha can verbaIIy (or otherwIse) retaIIate.
"Ie's my IrIend and InvIted hIm and serIousIy, back oII."
"TeII hIm-he-" jensen growIs In IrustratIon and thInks that he's maybe
IaIIIng at showIng MIsha just how superIor he Is when he's stutterIng
IIke a IooI (It's jared's presence so cIose to hIm, the human aIways throws
hIm oII baIance). "You back oII," he threatens MIsha. " saw the way you
were touchIng hIm-"
"Why wouId It matter? You nervous, AckIes? Or do you not trust jared
enough-"
"The one don't trust here Is you. know you, CoIIIns, and-"
"And II thIs doesn't stop rIght the Iuck now 'm goIng to be short a IrIend
and a boyIrIend and you both wIII be out on the street on your asses."
jensen spIutters and MIsha bIInks, mIIdIy surprIsed beIore grInnIng wIde
up at jared.
"AIrIght. know when m beIng kIcked out," MIsha drawIs bIItheIy,
shootIng a poInted Iook at jensen. "Iave Iun tonIght, jared," he says
kIndIy, pattIng jared on hIs shouIder In a IrIendIy gesture thats
obvIousIy geared to IncIte jensen Irom the under the Iash Iook MIsha
sends hIm. WeII, jensens not stoopIng so Iow to IaII Ior It.
jared grIns and puIIs MIsha Into a one armed hug, squeezIng hIm tIght
Ior a Iew seconds, tryIng to convey hIs gratItude Ior hIs IrIend's
wIIIIngness to IIsten, hIs patIence, and hIs heartIeIt and genuIne advIce
("tell him, ]cred, set cside c dcy cnd tell him...it's true thct ]ensen's ojten
pcssioncte cnd rcsh, but he's clso very recsoncble cnd cppcrently very in
love with you, he'll stcy"). "Thank you so much Ior comIng, MIsha," jared
says as earnestIy as he can.
jensen growIs darkIy and IIIcks a bIt oI hIs dIvInIty out at MIsha and
grIns when he IIInches.
OK. So maybe jensen's stoopIng aIter aII. ut just a IIttIe, though. So It
doesn't count.
MIsha chuckIes, pattIng jared soundIy on the back. "t wasn't a probIem,
jared. 'm gIad couId heIp you." IIs IrIend Ieans up and kIsses jared
chasteIy on the Iorehead, gIvIng jared the same IeeIIng as he aIways
gets when MIsha does thIs... IIke he's receIvIng a bIessIng.
"OK!" jensen snaps, grabs the materIaI oI MIsha's shIrt-knowIng he'II
get away wIth It because jared's In the room, MIsha wouIdn't dare
retaIIate as a warrIor beIng touched wIthout consent-and yankIng hIm
IorceIuIIy toward the door. "That's enough Irom you."
MIsha grIns, obvIousIy enjoyIng rIIIng jensen up and Isn't jensen just a
jackass Ior IaIIIng Ior It? t doesn't matter, as Iong as MIsha gets out.
"I dIdn't know any better 'd say that you're IeeIIng threatened by me.
What's the matter, AckIes? AIraId jared wIII IInd out youre an arrogant
dumbass and toss you out Ior me?"
jared mutters, " aIready know what kInd oI dumbass he Is." ut It goes
unheard, swaIIowed by the sound oI theIr bIckerIng.
"IIease. I he dId dump me he wouIdn't go Ior trash IIke you."
"Hes standIng rIght here," jared grumbIes but Is agaIn
unacknowIedged.
"So you do admIt that you don't deserve hIm?"
"Get out oI here, haII-bIood, and stay the Iuck away," jensen rumbIes
threatenIngIy, Iow enough where jared probabIy can't make out hIs
words.
MIsha's InduIgIng smIIe IaIIs and he wrenches out oI jensen's grIp wIth
superhuman Iorce, tearIng hIs shIrt In the process. " wIII not. Ie's my
IrIend and am hIs. You'II do weII to stop thIs aIpha dIspIay now or eIse
jared wIII be angry and you won't be goIng to wherever you're goIng
tonIght... at Ieast not together." Ie puIIs away compIeteIy, Iooks over
jensen's shouIders and IIashes a whIte smIIe to jared.
"ye, jared!"
jared smIIes brIghtIy whIIe he tugs seII-conscIousIy at hIs suIt. "ye!
Thanks agaIn! See you Iater!"
ot II jensen can heIp It.
When the demI-god Is gone jensen extends hIs senses, makes sure that
MIsha Is IeavIng the premIses, and then turns sIowIy to jared, Intent on
askIng hIs Iover about what had made hIm upset. Ie Ireezes mId-
sentence, though, because jared's got hIs arms crossed (and, gods, he
Iooks so taII and hot and IntImIdatIng In the suIt and wIth that
expressIon) and he's gIarIng at jensen IIke he dId on the day jensen trIed
to gIve hIm the watch and two TVs (the watch he stIII has and he keeps
tryIng to gauge when's the most approprIate tIme to brIng that subject
up agaIn).
"...jay?"
"What was that, jensen?" jared snaps.
"What was what?" jensen asks wIth a shrug.
"!hm, the haIry knuckIed caveman thIng wIth MIsha, maybe?"
jensen scowIs. " don't have any Idea what you're taIkIng about."
"So heIp me God wIII not hesItate to punch you," jared grumbIes, roIIIng
hIs eyes.
"What?" The oIder man shrugs InnocentIy. "Ias our reIatIonshIp moved
to domestIc vIoIence? AIready?"
"You know what mean," jared snaps as he tugs on hIs bow tIe and huIIs
when jensen gentIy pushes hIs hand away and straIghtens It. "t's
annoyIng. hate It."
"My haIry knuckIes or the bow tIe?" The oIder man raIses an eyebrow as
hIs hands IaII to rest on jared's eIbows.
"oth," jared grumbIes. "t's just you were kInd oI rude to MIsha... In my
apartment. And, OK, you're here enough Ior It to be kInd oI your
apartment too but serIousIy. The poInt Is that MIsha's my IrIend and you
were stIII kInd oI rude and caveman."
"Iook, OK, 'm-" he bIInks. "Why was he here, anyway? SomethIng was
goIng on, you Iooked upset. Are you sure you're OK?"
I nothIng eIse, jared's gIare hardens because It's so IreakIng hard to be
pIssed at jensen when he's aII concerned and attentIve IIke thIs. The
asshoIe.
"'m IIne needed... to taIk about somethIng," jared answers as honestIy
and vagueIy as he can.
jensen Irowns, IeeIIng a possessIve twInge thrum through hIs chest IIke
a hot and achIng IIgament. Why couIdn't jared taIk about thIs somethIng
wIth jensen? !nIess It was about jensen.
"And you... couIdn't taIk about thIs wIth me?" he asks careIuIIy, not sure
that he's goIng to IIke the answer.
jared shIIts uncomIortabIy beneath hIs gaze. "... just needed advIce on
somethIng. t wasn't a bIg deaI." Yeah, It had been a pretty bIg deaI, but
jared has a IeeIIng that admIttIng that wouIdn't heIp cIrcumstances.
"AdvIce?"
"Yeah, jen, and that's not the poInt rIght now. Iook, It's IIne that you and
MIsha don't get aIong, but don't put me In the mIddIe IIke that agaIn,
aIrIght?"
jensen brIstIes a IIttIe at the commandIng tone but It's easy to brush oII
such an upheavaI agaInst jensen's nature when It's jared. WhIch Is odd
because very Iew oI hIs Iovers have been abIe to get away wIth taIkIng to
jensen In such a tone as jared does, and whIIe It's mIIdIy dIsconcertIng It
mostIy IeeIs right.
"You know he has a crush on you, rIght?" jensen says bIuntIy.
jared roIIs hIs eyes, IeeIIng vagueIy IIke he's been taIkIng to a brIck waII
Ior the past coupIe oI mInutes and can't heIp but IeeI renewed IrrItatIon
and anger. "ont be dramatIc. Ies aIways been a IrIend and thats It.
Ies never had any sort oI Interest In me nor In hIm. jen, he was there
when... that guy, yanno. When he IeIt me." Ie IIcks hIs IIps, IeeIIng a
IIttIe vuInerabIe at mentIonIng those dark tImes yet agaIn. " mean, 'd
known MIsha Ior a IIttIe whIIe beIore that but that's when we reaIIy
became IrIends and, jen, owe hIm a Iot and trust hIm. 'II respect the
Iact that you don't IIke hIm II you'II respect the Iact that do. 'm not
goIng to Iorce you two to hoId hands and skIp through the tuIIps."
jensen crInges. "Iuck, hope not."
jared just gIares and jensen sIghs expIosIveIy. "IIne. 'II toIerate the haI
-the bastard. ut he stIII wants you."
jared huIIs. "Ie doesn't. ut shouIdn't you be satIsIIed wIth the Iact that
don't want hIm as any more than a IrIend?"
The oIder man grumbIes. "'m just sayIng. Ie does." jensen's kInd oI
sure, anyway, and aIter aII, " mean, who wouIdn't? You're kInd oI
amazIng."
jared huIIs and resIsts the urge to roII hIs eyes agaIn because he
suspects that there's onIy so much that he can beIore they get stuck.
"You can't charm your way out oI thIs," jared sIghs exasperatedIy. "Iet's
just go, aIrIght? o Iook OK?"
IeaIIy, thIs Is about the onIy tIme that jensen's arrogance gets on jared's
nerves-when It seems to restrIct jensen Irom beIng abIe to say "l'm
sorry".
"You Iook amazIng," jensen repeats Irom earIIer but otherwIse stays
tIght-IIpped, not even sure what he's angry about-or what jared's angry
at hIm about. One oI those conIusIng human thIngs, most IIkeIy.
jensen's ceII rIngs and he gIances at It though he aIready knows It's
AdrIanne-he can IeeI her outsIde. "Addy's here wIth the IImo. s there
anythIng eIse you need?"
jared shakes hIs head and wraps hIs IIngers In jensen's as they waIk out
oI the door, pIssed enough to gIve hIm the sIIent treatment but not
enough to punIsh hImseII by not touchIng any part oI jensen's warm
body.
The conversatIon, between jensen and jared at Ieast, Is somewhat stIIted
durIng the IImo rIde to the gaIa whIch turns out not to be so much a
charIty event as jensen had thought It was. The gaIa Is set In the
Graham VIIIa In IacIIIc IaIIsades (to be honest, jared and jensen couId
have waIked there) and It was a IestIvaI to ceIebrate the openIng oI the
new art museum, a sIster IocatIon to the museum In downtown Ios
AngeIes In the Graham Center. The Graham Trust, AdrIanne expIaIns to
jared and jensen durIng the rIde, Is currentIy run by a thIrd generatIon
phIIanthropIst, and up untII recentIy Its maIn concern was the
preservatIon oI the IIne arts hence the openIngs oI the two museums In
the Ios AngeIes area. ut the Graham Trust aIso set up the Graham
IoundatIon, a grant program specIIIcaIIy estabIIshed to Iund projects
deaIIng wIth IIne arts. More recentIy, and what AdrIanne Is Interested In,
the Grahams have started to ImpIement pIans Ior an envIronmentaI
conservatIon project tentatIveIy caIIed the Graham Iesearch nstItute.
AdrIanne's Interested In meetIng wIth the current head oI the Graham
Trust and settIng up a partnershIp.
The gaIa Is set up outsIde on the museum grounds, wIth tabIes arranged
In the square Ior the meaI portIon. n the center gazebo sIts a smaII
strIng quartet pIayIng tender musIc that seems to IIoat to aII corners oI
the vIIIa IIke a gentIe breeze.
t's dusk outsIde but the museum IIghts are on aIong wIth the IIghts Irom
the square and eIegant paper Ianterns strung over the party IIke
IIreIIIes. There are a good many peopIe aIready there, some dancIng to
the musIc wIth theIr partners, most gathered Into IIttIe pocket groups,
theIr dronIng voIces provIdIng an accompanIment to the musIc. veryone
Is dressed nIceIy, men In sharp and rIch suIts IIke jensen and jared are
wearIng, and the women IIke a raInbow oI stars In dresses oI red, whIte,
yeIIow, bIue and many other coIors. ven though It's outsIde, everythIng
Iooks so beautIIuI and upscaIe, the pomp and cIrcumstance atmosphere
so eIIusIve that jared sort oI IeeIs IIke the aIr Is too rIch Ior hIm to
breathe.
"IeIp me IInd thIs Mr. Graham," AdrIanne commands them, her eyes
severe and broachIng no argument.
jensen, oI course, does argue. "Oh no, SIs. We've IuIIIIIed our end oI the
agreement aIready. We're here, that's aII you saId we have to do," he
says just as authorItatIveIy, a tone and posture that wouId be admIrabIe
II he dIdn't emphasIze hIs poInt wIth a chIIdIsh pout. "esIdes," he grIns,
wrappIng an arm around the Iower back oI a stIII awe-struck jared. "'m
goIng to be dancIng wIth my reaIIy hot boyIrIend."
That snaps jared out oI hIs temporary stupor. "What? ancIng? jensen,
don't thInk-"
jensen Ieans up and pecks jared's IIps beIore raIsIng an eyebrow at hIs
twIn. "As you see, thIs endeavor wIII requIre aII oI my Iocus."
She roIIs her eyes but grIns. She's dateIess tonIght. Irom what jared's
wItnessed oI AdrIanne's Iove IIIe Is that she doesn't reaIIy have one. She
has IIIngs, gIrIIrIends (and gIrIIrIends onIy) oI the week and sometImes oI
the month. When she does have a gIrIIrIend she's as attentIve and sweet
as jensen Is to hIm, but unIIke jensen she seems entIreIy unconcerned
wIth Iong term reIatIonshIps. And she doesn't seem to need a
reIatIonshIp, eIther. ven now, wIthout a date to hook her arm around,
she's standIng taII In her Ioose sIIvery dress that cIIngs to the curves oI
her body, her shouIders broad and head heId hIgh, eyes aImost hard and
crackIIng wIth cooI wIt. When her haIr Is down she Iooks soIt and gentIe,
but now It's In an up-do and she Iooks oIder, regaI, beautIIuI but
untouchabIe.
jared has to admIt, AdrIanne's presence aIone Is sometImes bIgger than
two or more peopIe. She has a IaInt red strIng around her ankIe just IIke
everyone eIse, but jared can't heIp but notIce that It's so IaInt sometImes
It's hardIy vIsIbIe. Ie's not sure what It means.
"IIne, then, you Iazy ass," she dIsmIsses jensen. She turns to jared,
bIowIng hIm a kIss. "ut you must promIse me at Ieast one dance beIore
the nIght Is over."
Oh. IIght. ancIng. "IIsten," jared cIears hIs throat, IookIng nervousIy
between the two. " don't thInk you understand, 've never danced
beIore. ot IIke that." Ie motIons to the crowd that's doIng some kInd
oI... waItz or somethIng. IeII II jared knows.
"Come on, kaIos," jensen says soItIy, reachIng out and cIaspIng jared's
hand wIth hIs Iree one so that they're standIng cIose Iace to Iace,
jensen's arm wrapped around the smaII oI jared's back, theIr hands
together, and jensen wInks at hIm. "See? We're aIready nInety percent
there."
"You two make me sIck," AdrIanne huIIs but she's grInnIng so jared's
pretty sure she's just jokIng. "'m goIng to go mIngIe," she gIares
poIntedIy at jensen. "ut have an eye on you."
jensen gIves a scandaIIzed Iace. "What dId do?" he grumbIes but she's
aIready IIoatIng away Irom them, her dress IIowIng about her Iegs IIke a
moon Iake.
"IIght. So. Ice party. Iet's go... check out the Iood?" jared says, tryIng
to squIrm out oI jensen's grasp.
"You're not gettIng out oI thIs, jay. ance wIth me," hIs boyIrIend says,
pIacIng another chaste and reassurIng kIss on jared's IIps. Ie
maneuvers them cIoser to the other dancers, never IettIng go oI jared as
they move, as II jared wIII run II he reIInquIshes hIs hoId In the sIIghtest
(whIch Is true, jared probabIy wouId run). They stIII stay on the IrInge oI
the crowd, though, and Ior that jared's grateIuI.
"ShouIdn't you be...mIngIIng wIth AdrIanne? mean, aren't there some
peopIe here that you mIght know?" Another reason why AdrIanne and
even jensen wanted to come Is because the new museum's maIn
attractIons were the ancIent and modern Greek art, scuIptures, and
artIIacts. ApparentIy jensen and AdrIanne IIke to contrIbute to any
museum that Ieatures Greek art and jared had assumed that they wouId
have made acquaIntances over the years who wouId most IIkeIy show up
at thIs gaIa.
jensen shrugs careIessIy, IookIng bored at the thought oI "mIngIIng". "So
what II there are? o one here Is near as InterestIng or Important as
you."
jared kInd oI pouts, just a IIttIe, as the Iast oI hIs Ire at jensen's rudeness
to MIsha meIts away. t's reaIIy a crIme how he can't stay mad at jensen
Ior Iong. StIII, jared shouId probabIy Iay down the Iaw Iater (or reInIorce
It because he did Iay down the Iaw earIIer, but jensens pretty hard
headed). jensen can't treat jared's IrIends that way, especIaIIy not
around hIm.
ut jensen's IookIng up at hIm soIt and chaIIengIng and sweet so, Iater.
jared wIII deaI wIth that partIcuIar probIem Iater. eIInIteIy.
"You're too charmIng Ior my own good," jared grumbIes.
" have no Idea what you're taIkIng about, 'm sure," jensen says mock-
haughtIIy. "Though, It's good to hear you admIt how devastatIngIy
charmIng am."
"evastatIngIy egotIstIc. t was a mIracIe couId even IIt In the IImo next
to your bIg head."
"That's because you beIong wIth me," jensen says, suddenIy serIous.
"jensen, don't know about thIs," he says as another song starts to pIay.
The musIcIans are pIuckIng the strIngs hard but sIow and It's a beautIIuI
song, exotIc soundIng.
"What do you mean? You're dancIng aIready," jensen poInts out and sure
enough whIIe they were taIkIng jensen had Ied them In an easy rhythm
wIthout jared reaIIy notIcIng.
"Oh," jared bIInks and the oIder man smIIes IondIy.
"Yeah, oh. ow. IoIIow my Iead."
"What?" jared squeaks.
"just move wIth me. t's just you and me. IIke we're In your bedroom... or
my musIc room," jensen wInks. jared grIns because he's pretty sure the
rest oI the crowd doesn't want to see what he and jensen do In the
bedroom.
"Or when we were aIone In that bIg, oId cInema. Or at the concert, when
everyone was watchIng the stage we danced down the aIsIe."
jared roIIs hIs eyes, IaughIng outrIght now and makIng more oI an eIIort
to move how jensen Ieads them untII they arent just rockIng Irom sIde to
sIde but movIng In a bIg square-or cIrcIe-jared's meager geometry
skIIIs IaII compIeteIy when jensen's green eyes Iook at hIm that way.
They even do a Iew spIns and soon jared Iorgets to IeeI awkward and
Instead takes jensen's advIce and Iets the peopIe and the gaIa and the
worId Iade to bIack around them.
"You know, thIs song-weII, It's a Greek song. t has IyrIcs to It," jensen
muses.
jared grIns, eager to jump at any opportunIty to make jensen sIng.
"Yeah? What are they? SIng them."
"Iere?"
"Iere."
jensen doesn't need any more convIncIng-the puppy eyes get hIm every
tIme.
Mi mu timonis mctic mu
Fu jevgo jc tc kscnc
Fuli tc gino ke tc rto
Fcli kondc se senc
jensen's voIce takes on a deeper and rIcher quaIIty than It usuaIIy does
when he sIngs. jared supposes It's because he's sIngIng In hIs natIve
Ianguage.
"That's beautIIuI. What does It mean?"
jensen Iooks IIke he's thInkIng oI the words Ior a moment, then he hums,
swayIng hIs head back and Iorth to get the beat even as theIr bodIes
IIow and move and spIn. IInaIIy, he sIngs agaIn, doIng hIs best to make
the ngIIsh words IIt In the Irame oI the song.
Do not be cngry with me, my decrest,
Now thct l cm lecving jor joreign lcnds,
l will turn into c bird cnd l will come
Bcck cgcin, to you
Open your wIndow
My goIden basII, my prIncess
And wIth a sweet smIIe, wIsh me a good nIght
jared bIInks and thInks that the song sounds sad but jensen's grInnIng
broadIy, hummIng and then sIngIng, mIxIng Greek and ngIIsh, pIckIng
up the movement oI theIr dance, spInnIng Iaster.
Do not be cngry with me, my decrest
Now thct l cm going cwcy jrom you
And come here c while, let me see you
Let me scy goodbye
jared can't reaIIy resIst so he sIows them down and draws jensen Into a
kIss.
"So," jensen says, a IIttIe breathIess (and jared dId that). "You IIke the
song?"
jared nods. " reaIIy IIke you," he murmurs.
"That's good, you know, because reaIIy IIke you, too. So thInk you got
the hang oI thIs dancIng thIng no probIem. couId request the band to
pIay the tango? ThInk you can handIe It?"
"Shut up, you wouIdn't do that to me. 'd make you sIeep on the couch
Ior, IIke, two weeks at Ieast."
"You mIght-"
" serIousIy wouId."
"-but you'd sIeep there wIth me."
jared roIIs hIs eyes but knows that thIs Is true.
They're wIndIng down on the second dance and jared's bone tIred Irom
the Iack oI sIeep, he stIII has a headache rumbIIng In hIs head IIke a
dIstant storm, but It IeeIs too damn good In jensen's arms-too
exhIIaratIng to dance wIth hIm so Iast and easy that It IeeIs IIke they're
IIyIng.
"jenny! s that you?"
The voIce Is decIdedIy IemInIne and quIte Ioud, bareIy precedIng the
arrIvaI oI the body attached to It, whIch Is suddenIy there, practIcaIIy In
between them, IorcIng jensen and jared to stop dancIng and separate.
And some body It Is. She's taII, about as taII as AdrIanne, rIchIy tanned-
as dark as jared, maybe darker because jared hasn't hIt the beach as
oIten as he usuaIIy does IateIy-and her skIn practIcaIIy gIItters In the
IIghts (It's compIeteIy dark outsIde now, jared hadn't notIced whIIe he
was dancIng wIth jensen). She's wearIng a whIte dress, the neck oI
whIch dIps down aII the way to her naveI, the Ioose materIaI IIIrtIng wIth
the Idea oI reveaIIng aII oI her breasts (about haII oI them are aIready
showIng). Ier dark bIonde haIr Is puIIed up In a bun, Iooser and more
casuaI than AdrIanne had hers wIth the Ioose curIs oI her bangs hangIng
over her Iorehead. She has a brIght yeIIow IIower In her haIr and
sparkIIng dIamond earrIngs. She's pretty wIth sharp cheekbones, a Iong
Iace, and a strong jaw that makes Ior a strIkIng, memorabIe appearance.
When she moves jared gets a whIII oI sweet honey.
And she's currentIy wrappIng her arms around jensen, puIIIng hIs arm
between her breasts and squeezIng.
jared's so stunned he's pretty sure that hIs voIce box grInds to an abrupt
haIt and dIes.
jensen's sentIments are about the same. Ie bIInks stupIdIy at the
woman, body stIII reeIIng and tIngIIng Irom jared's warmth and smeII and
the Ioss oI It. Then he IeeIs a spark oI dIvInIty, dIIIerent Irom a god but
ImmortaI aII the same-wIIder, more attuned wIth the earth.
A nymph. And shes one oI the oIdest oI the nymphs stIII around, the one
that dIscovered the use oI honey and taught those uses to humans.
MeIIssa, the one honeybees were named aIter and a cIose IrIend oI
AphrodIte.
"jenny, don't teII me you've Iorgotten me," she pouts, hazeI green eyes
not quIte the same shade as jared's sparkIIng ones.
"!hm no! o! OI course, not, uhm, MeI...?" he traIIs oII, unsure oI her
aIIas.
"MoIIy," she trIIIs, pIush and pInk IIps stretchIng to accommodate a wIder
smIIe. "t's so good to see you, jensen. haven't seen you sInce...weII,
sInce our Iast weekend In-"
"MoIIy!" jensen caIIs out over her, sendIng a nervous gIance towards
jared, who's open-mouthed stare Is quIckIy reIormIng to a gIare. "Yeah,
It's... good to see you. jay? ThIs Is MoIIy SIms. A... IamIIy IrIend!" IIs
charmIng smIIe Is too paper thIn to cover up the panIc on hIs Iace, at
Ieast to jared, and jensen knows It.
So he and MoIIy had hIstory. A Iong but very IntermIttent hIstory. As a
nymph MoIIy Is very... Iree-spIrIted wIth her sexuaIIty. And II jensen
wasn't In a serIous reIatIonshIp and she was around (or he was around
her, she preIerred the country and was rareIy In the cIty IIke thIs) eIght
tImes out oI ten they wouId hook up.
jensen IIkes the gIrI, she Is a IrIend, though he doesn't necessarIIy trust
her (she Is a cIose IrIend oI AphrodIte, aIter aII, and deceIvIngIy sImpIe),
and they aren't partIcuIarIy cIose (except when they kInd oI dIsappeared
Into the wIIderness and Iucked Ior days on end, jensen thInks wIth a
wInce).
She bIInks up at jared who had wanted nothIng more than Ior her to
notIce hIm and back the heII oII not ten seconds ago, but now under her
gorgeous gaze he suddenIy IeeIs so InsIgnIIIcant, so secondhand, and he
just wants her to Iook away-to go away.
"jay?" she echoes IaIntIy, eyeIashes IIutterIng beIore her Iace IIghts up In
recognItIon. "Oh! Your new IIttIe boyIrIend!" she coos excItedIy and
moves away Irom jensen, or at Ieast reIInquIshes her hoId a IIttIe so
jensen can wIggIe hIs arm away Irom her breasts. She doesn't Iet go oI
hIm compIeteIy, Iong IIngers and prImIy manIcured naIIs IIngerIng on the
crook oI hIs arm, but jensen's a IIrm beIIever In smaII vIctorIes.
"!hm. Iey?" jared answers, voIce straIned. I MoIIy notIces, she Ignores
It.
"WeII, you're not so IIttIe," she smIrks and doesn't come any cIoser,
doesn't reach out to touch hIm, but keeps a hand on jensen. "ut you are
so adorabIe, see why jensen's attracted to you. 've been IoIIowIng your
story In the magazInes-the gIant IIttIe matchmaker that's caught dear
jensen's ever-wanderIng eye. Oh, sweetIe!" she gasps, IInaIIy IettIng go
oI jensen to cIasp her hands beIore her chest. "Ias he sung Ior you yet?"
She pats jensen on the chest, her hands IIngerIng and the best part Is
that whIIe jensen Iooks uncomIortabIe he doesn't make an eIIort to
escape her touch. jared IeeIs somethIng traItorous wIthIn hIm trembIe.
"That's how he won me over." And "IamIIy IrIend", jared's ass. Whatever,
he knew that jensen had a strIng oI conquests beIore hIm. They've
argued and taIked about It and jared's haII begInnIng to beIIeve jensen
when the man says that he Ioves hIm and that he'II never Ieave.
ut thIs woman... Isn't reaIIy heIpIng jared's conIIdence Issues.
"What are you doIng here, MoIIy?" jensen sIghs and when she just raIses
a patIent eyebrow he cIears hIs throat and trIes agaIn, more poIIteIy. "
mean, you rareIy come to the cIty. And dIdn't know you were In
AmerIca." n Iact, the Iast tIme he and MoIIy had been together was onIy
a coupIe oI years ago In the countrysIde just outsIde oI MadrId.
She shrugs. " just got here. 'm... spyIng. t's a secret, though." She
wInks at both jensen and jared and the god Irowns at her, narrowIng hIs
eyes. The thIng Is, she couId eIther be pIayIng coy and sIIIy IIke her tone
suggests, or she couId be teIIIng the truth. She couId be here Ior a
reason. AIter aII, It's so rare to see nymphs In the cIty, especIaIIy Iarge
ones IIke Ios AngeIes. jensen wonders who couId have sent her. Ie's
worrIed that It mIght be rIs-IacheI-but he quIckIy dIsmIsses It. I a
nymph were to serve the goddess oI chaos, It wouId be InvoIuntary
servIce. IacheI Is too careIess about nature-about anythIng, reaIIy-and
Is too destructIve.
MoIIy Is cIose wIth AphrodIte, though, and doesn't go out oI her way to
converse wIth other gods much Iess aIIgn herseII wIth them. I MoIIy Is
hIntIng at the truth, then It's possIbIe that she's "spyIng" Ior AphrodIte.
ut Ior what purpose? t's ImpossIbIe to guess. AphrodIte and MoIIy both
are too whImsIcaI.
A new song starts up, agaIn pIucky and exotIc, sImIIar to the song that
jensen sang aIong wIth so jared assumes It's Greek In orIgIn. MoIIy's Iace
IIghts up and she bounces on her toes, breasts jIggIIng treacherousIy as
her cheekbones redden prettIIy In excItement. "jenny!" she gasps and
jared decIdes that he hates that nIckname oI jensen's. t's hIIarIous
when ChrIs or MIke uses It because It makes jensen scowI, but Irom her
It sounds so chIIdIsh that It grates IIke sandpaper on jared's nerves. IIs
headache, whIch had so Iar been kInd to hIm thIs evenIng, creeps cIoser
to the Ioreground.
" do Iove thIs song so much! t remInds me oI home!" she says excItedIy
and It's another remInder oI a thIng she has In common wIth jensen that
jared does not. She tugs on jensen's hands. "ance wIth me! You must!"
She steps backwards and It's just two steps but she seems to reaIIy IIoat
on aIr she moves so IIuIdIy.
"o, MoIIy." jensen shakes hIs head, tuggIng a IIttIe agaInst her InsIstent
puIIIng. Ie enjoys her exuberant company, he reaIIy does, but It's a IIttIe
bIt too much and very unwanted at the moment. Ie's been havIng such a
good tIme wIth jared, theIr IIght (or reaIIy mutuaI game oI "the sIIent
treatment") over and MIsha aII but Iorgotten. Ie had Ioved dancIng wIth
jared who, once he Iet go and just beIIeved In hImseII and jensen, moved
so beautIIuIIy and graceIuIIy and perIect, just IIke jensen knew he wouId
be. Ie aIso doesn't IIke the bIank Iook jared's wearIng and jensen knows
by now that that Iook Is a deIense mechanIsm that jared uses to protect
hImseII.
"'m wIth jared tonIght," he says sIowIy because nymphs are wonderIuI
and brIght creatures, just easIIy dIstracted and prone to not IIsten very
weII.
MoIIy pouts, buzzIng eyes IookIng up at jared Irom beneath thIck
eyeIashes. "And dear jared knows It'II be rude oI hIm to consoIIdate aII oI
your tIme-especIaIIy when we're such... IamIIy IrIends... and haven't
seen you In so Iong!"
jensen roIIs hIs eyes, straIghtenIng hIs shouIders, whoIIy unImpressed
wIth her sImperIng act as weII as wIth the way she's thrustIng out her
chest and juttIng out her hIp so that she cuts a perIect and aIIurIng
shape. IeaIIy, the nymph has spent too much tIme wIth the goddess oI
Iove. "MoIIy, stop thIs-" he begIns authorItatIveIy but whIIe nymphs
aren't as powerIuI or even quIte as ImmortaI as gods It doesn't mean that
they IIsten to gods.
"o, It's OK," jared says, surprIsIng both hImseII and jensen. Ie shakes
hIs head, gatherIng hIs thoughts and wIts and courage and puts on the
most charmIng smIIe he can manage, even though It IeeIs IIke It mIght
make hIs Iace stretch and shatter. o matter II thIs woman Is some past
reIatIonshIp oI jensen's and Is a IIttIe... physIcaI. That doesn't mean that
she wants jensen. Okay, It's pretty obvIous that she wants jensen. ut
that doesn't mean that jensen wants her back, does It? And It's obvIous
that they reaIIy are Iong tIme acquaIntances and IamIIy IrIends and
besIdes, jared needs to Iearn how to reaIIy trust jensen.
IIght?
"ut-" jensen starts, IookIng at jared puzzIed. jared cIearIy, at Ieast to
jensen, wasn't comIortabIe wIth thIs, so what was he pIayIng at?
jared's smIIe soItens and becomes Iess paInIuI when he turns It on
jensen's wIde green eyes. Ie shrugs, thInks about reachIng out and
graspIng jensen's hand or IeanIng down to kIss hIm but doesn't. AIter
aII, MoIIy's stIII practIcaIIy cIIngIng to the oIder man and It wouId be...
weIrd. "t's just one dance-"
"Or two!" MoIIy chImes, aIready swayIng a IIttIe to the musIc, smooth and
ghostIy IIke a whIte IIame.
"-or two," jared IInIshes sIowIy, bIInkIng and tryIng not to Irown. "The
poInt Is that It's OK, don't mInd, we can dance more Iater."
"KaIos..." jensen sIghs and, II possIbIe, MoIIy brIghtens aII the more and
actuaIIy twIrIs herseII around them both.
"KaIos!" she caIIs and jensen crInges In anger because It sounds so
wrong comIng out oI anyone's mouth but hIs. "That's so adorabIe. jenny,
you're so taken by thIs hu-thIs gIant IIttIe matchmaker. t's posItIveIy
deIIcIous!"
"t's OK, It's aIrIght," jared contInues to assure jensen, takIng comIort In
the Iact that jensen doesn't Iook too Into the Idea oI dancIng wIth anyone
eIse but hIm, even though It mIght be a product oI jared's hopeIuI
ImagInatIon. "IeaIIy, your IrIend Is rIght. t wouId be rude to reIuse her."
"ow there's a smart and kInd boy!" MoIIy praIses and jared IeeIs a IIttIe
IIke a dog, a sentIment that's emphasIzed when MoIIy reaches out and
pats hIs arm. Or, weII, jared thInks she does. The touch Is so IIght he
hardIy IeeIs It.
"OK, IIne," jensen sIghs expIosIveIy, watchIng jared the whoIe tIme. "ut
just one," he promIses, more to jared than to MoIIy.
jared smIIes weakIy. "jen, reaIIy, It's-"
"just one," jensen swears and moves out oI MoIIy's grasp so he can puII
hIs Iover In Ior a quIck but reaI kIss.
"just one," jared agrees and doesn't Iook at MoIIy even once he backs up
and waIks away, IookIng to the ground-anywhere but to jensen and
MoIIy, not wantIng to ruIn the memory oI dancIng wIth jensen by
watchIng them do It (and probabIy more beautIIuIIy and eIegantIy,
judgIng by how graceIuI MoIIy appeared to be).
jared makes hIs escape and does hIs best to not make It obvIous that
he's escapIng. Ie IInaIIy stops hIs waIk (he Is waIkIng, not runnIng, not
reaIIy... okay, so he's power waIkIng, he worked aII day and dIdn't get hIs
exercIse In, so what?) at one oI the smaIIer IountaIns on the perIpheraI oI
the IIghts and musIc and peopIe. Ie sIghs, starIng Into the IIt water and
wonderIng just how obvIous oI a pussy he was beIng.
"Are you aIrIght, jay?" AdrIanne asks, suddenIy at hIs eIbow and makIng
jared IIInch. "You know that MeIInda gIrI doesn't mean anythIng to
jensen, rIght?"
Ie'd been pretty obvIous, then. Awesome.
Ie gIves AdrIanne a weak smIIe and doesnt even try to correct her on
MoIIys name. Ie knows Its probabIy on purpose, anyway. " know,
AdrIanne," he assures. "just kInd oI tIred and IeeIIng a IIttIe
cIaustrophobIc so made an escape." t wasn't a IIe, exactIy. "You know
thIs Isn't reaIIy my scene."
She purses her IIps together, eyes crInkIIng In much the same IashIon as
her brother and It endears her to jared the same way. "t totaIIy shouId
be, though. You Iook IIke you were born Ior thIs, Ior thIs suIt and thIs
crowd." Ie snorts and she roIIs her eyes. " don't bIow aIr up anybody's
skIrt-especIaIIy men. IeopIe shouId be IIatterIng me, not the other way
around so 'm serIous." She reaches up-she's probabIy the onIy IemaIe
jared's met that hasn't had to stand on her tIp toes to reach any part oI
hIm above hIs chest. She aIIectIonateIy tucks a strand oI hIs haIr behInd
hIs ear and Iaughs and twIrIs It on her IInger when It just IaIIs back Into
hIs eyes.
"WeII, thank you," he says, smIIIng. There are a Iew strands oI the ceIIo
cIearIng the murmur oI the crowd so he puIIs AdrIanne In another step,
puts a hand hIgh on her waIst and wraps her Iong hand In hIs. "Iope you
don't mInd, Ms. AckIes. You just Iooked too pretty and 'm aIraId you'II
turn me down II asked IIrst," he grIns charmIngIy as they move together
In somethIng IIke hIgh schooI gym dancIng-swayIng Irom sIde to sIde-
and a waItz, the Iatter oI whIch Is mostIy due to AdrIanne's easy and IIuId
grace.
"See? You charm better than anyone eIse here. And you mean It, whIch
no one eIse here does," she Iaughs and It sounds IIke the stars. Ie's
aIways thought that jensen's souI sounds the best-the most IoveIy and
soothIng and strong. ut AdrIanne Is a cIose second. She sounds IIke
nIght and the moon and pearIs and so when she Iaughs he can't heIp but
thInk that It's what the stars above them wouId sound IIke II he couId
hear them.
"Iave you Iound the beneIactor you're supposed to be schmoozIng?"
jared teases as he careIuIIy spIns her out and brIngs her back In. She's
not cIose to hIm, they're dancIng as IrIends so he's hoIdIng her aImost an
arm's Iength away.
She roIIs her eyes. "s that what jensen toId you? That 'm schmoozIng
some bIg name phIIanthropIst Ior hIs heIp?"
"sn't that what you're doIng?"
"o!" She bIInks and grIns and It remInds jared so much oI jensen that
hIs heart aches In both a good and bad way and he has to resIst IookIng
up and IIndIng hIs boyIrIend (and no doubt MoIIy) on the other sIde oI
the crowd. Ie's a IIttIe aIraId oI what he'II see.
"OK, so that's a IIttIe oI what 'm doIng," she admIts wIth a shrug. " do
want hIs partnershIp, but It's not IIke need It. 'm a pretty bIg
phIIanthropIst myseII, you know?" She wInks.
"oth you and jensen have an aIarmIng Iack oI humIIIty."
AdrIanne raIses an eyebrow and Iets out a Iaugh-IIght and maIIeabIe
IIke her sIIver dress. "Oh, jay. What good wouId humIIIty be to us?" And It
wouId sound rude, but somethIng about the way she says It sounds
dIIIerent than It wouId comIng Irom just a person thInkIng that they're
above everyone eIse. jared can't expIaIn It, just a tug oI InstInct IIke he
gets when he sees the pIctures oI two souI mates. t's conIusIng and he
can't seem to IInd oIIense to It so he Iets It go and smIIes at her.
"WeII? Iave you Iound hIm?"
She pouts exaggeratedIy. "o. mIght have Iorgotten to Iook hIm up to
see what he Iooks IIke."
jared chuckIes and spIns her out agaIn, thIs tIme IettIng her go. She
twIrIs twIce on her own, her dress IIarIng a IIttIe, a moonbeam In the
nIght, her arm arched and IIngers poInted. She Iooks IIke a IIgure skater.
She stops and grIns at hIm, cherry red IIps IramIng whIte teeth.
"Go," he says. "IInd the guy you're supposed to be schmoozIng and try
not to break hIs heart, OK? 'm IIne here."
Ier eyes soIten but she doesn't say anythIng except, "'II see you Iater."
She turns toward the crowd, pausIng to scan It-jared can see the back
oI her head as she turns It sIowIy to take In the scene beIore her-and
she absurdIy remInds jared oI a hunter. Or a huntress, he supposes. Ie
watches her untII she dIsappears Into the crowd and then turns back to
the stone IountaIn and Its cIear water IIt goIden.
Ie's so goddamn tIred, hIs head Is Iuzzy and he's not sure II he shouId
IeeI embarrassed or justIIIed that he's jeaIous over some taII Ieggy
bIonde that was hangIng over jensen or II he shouId just IeeI resIgned.
AIter aII. MoIIy Is gorgeous, probabIy Irom a weaIthy background, and
apparentIy had hIstory wIth jensen. And jared... jared just couId never
measure up to jensen, no matter how hard he trIes. jared's IIne wIth that
because It seems on most days that jensen's IIne wIth It.
ut what II jensen regrets hIs reIatIonshIp wIth jared? Or maybe he
doesn't now, but what II jensen does Iater? specIaIIy aIter jared teIIs
hIm everythIng. WeII, everythIng except Ior the Ireaky "l see red strings
tied to the cnkles oj soul mctes cnd l ccn hecr people's souls" thIng. o one
knew about that, jared knows that they wouId have sent hIm oII to the
Ioony bIn as soon as he opened hIs mouth about It. IIs Iather had been
cIose ("you're no son oj mine, you're c jreck, you're c crczy little jreck, shut
your dcmn mouth") when jared was younger and, yeah, jared's not
rIskIng that.
AIthough, he wouId rather the souI mate thIng be the secret he needed
to come cIean wIth jensen about. Ie's not sure about jensen or anyone
eIse, but jared wIII take certIIIabIy Insane over sIowIy dyIng any day.
IIs head numbs and hIs thoughts race and go nowhere, IIke WIIe .
Coyote spInnIng hIs Iegs In mId-aIr. jared's got the begInnIng oI a
headache-just a headache, he's sure-startIng sIow and unobtrusIve
IIke corrosIon between hIs eyes. IIs Iegs IeeI Iunny-tIngIy and not In a
good way.
Ies so tIred.
"jared?" A voIce makes hIm start. "t Is you. jesus ChrIst, thought was
seeIng ghosts earIIer!"
jared's head snaps to the sIde, wonderIng who the heII...
t's TImothy. Iuck, It's TImothy and jared hadn't even recognIzed hIs
voIce.
"TImothy, dIdn't-what are you doIng here?" IIs eyes rove over TImothy
OIyphant, taII and sIIm and stIII aIIurIng. jared doesnt even wonder at
the Iack oI hurt In hIs chest. TImothy has meant nothIng to hIm Ior a
whIIe now. TImothy's a Iew years oIder than hIm, an age gap that SophIa
had Irowned upon when jared started datIng the man when jared was
onIy twenty-one and on the rebound Irom hIs and MIIo's break up. To
jared, TImothy had sometImes seemed so young despIte hIs age. Ie was
a beach bum surIer wIth Iong haIr puIIed to the nape oI hIs neck who
owned maybe two shIrts but IIIty paIrs oI boardIng shorts and just as
many wet suIts. Ie had commItment Issues and sometImes appeared to
shrInk In on hImseII II he happened to be around jared's work at the tIme
that jared's more aIIIuent cIIents were vIsItIng-though that was rare
because TImothy hardIy vIsIted jared at work.
IIs age Is a IIttIe bIt more apparent now aImost two years Iater. othIng
sIgnIIIcant, but hIs haIr's been cut short and there are a Iew strands oI
gray around hIs tempIes and some on hIs eyebrows. Ie stIII Iooks young,
though, despIte the haIr thIng. Maybe even younger than jared
remembers. IIs Iace Is soIter, somehow. t used to be weatherworn and
rough and brown IIke baked Ieather. IIs waIst Is stIII trIm but hIs
shouIders and arms are broader, IIke TImothy has been workIng out
(whIch Is shockIng because jared had dated hIm when jared was
obsessed wIth the gym and TImothy had never stepped Ioot In the pIace
durIng the entIrety oI theIr reIatIonshIp) and not doIng as much
swImmIng. IIquId brown eyes haven't changed, though, and neIther
have hIs sIIghtIy chapped IIps and ready smIrk. Ie's dressed sImIIarIy to
jared but In rIch materIaI that jared wouId have never suspected that
TImothy couId aIIord.
n Iact, jared wouId have never expected TImothy to come to a pIace or
event IIke thIs voIuntarIIy.
"Oh, weII," TImothy smIIes wanIy, the way he does when he's
uncomIortabIe or he's about to teII jared somethIng that he knows jared
probabIy doesn't want to hear. "ThIs Is, kInd oI," he murmurs, gesturIng
out to the party, the museum, and the grounds. "WeII, thIs Is kInd oI
mIne."
jared raIses an eyebrow, "KInd oI?"
TImothy has the decency (or the cowardIce, jared can't decIde), at Ieast,
not to Iook jared In the eyes. Ie shrugs, rubs the back oI hIs neck and
seems to reaIIze that he's showIng a nervous gesture because he quIckIy
stuIIs hIs hands Into the pockets oI hIs sIacks. "IIght, Yeah. 'm the head
oI the Graham Trust, so kInd oI...pIanned and Iunded the buIIdIng oI
thIs museum?"
jared bIInks duIIy. "ut the head oI the Graham Trust Is evan Graham."
"evan Is my grandIather and the Trust Is In hIs name, but he never
headed It. Ie's my grandIather on my mother's sIde so OIyphant Is reaIIy
my name? Anyway, he passed on a Iong tIme ago, young In IIIe and my
grandmother started the Trust. My parents opened the other museum In
Ios AngeIes and pIanned the ConservatIon nstItute and... here am.
ThIs Is the sIster museum that's been In the works sInce was In mIddIe
schooI," he says, gesturIng agaIn to the gIeamIng whIte and sprawIIng
buIIdIng as II jared wouIdn't notIce It wIthout hIs heIpIuI dIrectIon.
jared just stares at TImothy who Irowns. "What?"
"You toId me you were born and raIsed In a traIIer park," jared
deadpans.
TImothy bIInks IIke jared just spoke !rdu. When the memory rIses vIsIbIy
In hIs Iace he shrugs unapoIogetIcaIIy. " was young and jaded when IeIt
and thought was beIng cIever and metaphorIcaI when toId you that."
"What you dId was IIe. AgaIn," jared snaps and Is proud that hIs voIce
remaIns Iow and steady because he's InwardIy a IIttIe hysterIcaI. Good
God. jared had dated a IIe Ior a IIttIe over two years. Ie had lived wIth a
IIe. "You know, that's Iunny. t's Iunny. Id you ever teII me the truth?"
Ior a mInute It Iooks IIke TImothy's goIng to make a joke, It's what the
TImothy that jared knew wouId do, anyway. ut then he sobers beIore
jared's eyes. " dIdn't IIe when toId you that Ioved you."
WhIch Is aIso Iunny, because jared's pretty sure that that's when
TImothy IIed the most. "You're a IuckIng pIece oI work," jared practIcaIIy
snarIs. Ie cIears hIs throat, trIes to reIgn In hIs IrustratIon and anger.
"And you're too good at IyIng. Ice party, hope to see you never agaIn."
t doesn't hurt to see TImothy and jared Is reIIeved Ior that. Iowever,
wIthout the hurt to counter-baIance, the anImosIty Is that much more
potent and poIsonous and he has to get away beIore he knocks
TImothy's teeth out. A hand juts out, grabbIng jared's Inner eIbow IIke a
hook. IIngers grIp hIm hard, hard enough to prevent jared Irom
dIscreteIy wrenchIng Iree. jared gIares Into TImothy's eyes, whIch are
kIndIIng IIke coaI beneath dark eyebrows.
" recaII you thInkIng that 'm good at other thIngs, too," TImothy says,
hIs voIce and proxImIty suIIocatIng IIke IaIIIng ash.
"Yeah, you're aIso pretty good at IeavIng," jared sneers and gIves a smaII
jerk oI hIs arm but TImothy doesn't reIInquIsh hIs hoId.
TImothy's eyes soIten Irom a IIttIe IustIuI to somethIng more unreadabIe.
"on't be IIke that, jay," TImothy ImpIores hIm sweetIy. "'m... 'm sorry
Ior the way that -weII, uhm. 'm cIeanIng up my act now, see?" he says
wIth a hopeIuI IIIt.
"That's nIce, reaIIy," jared says sarcastIcaIIy between grItted teeth and
gIves another harder jerk on hIs arm. TImothy's grIp onIy tIghtens. "ow
Iet me go."
"o you reaIIy want me to, jay?" TImothy haII-whIspers, eyes darkenIng.
"Come, on, darIIn', you couId never stay mad at me-"
jared Interrupts, "You're IuckIng crazy II you thInk-"
"Iey, easy. just want to taIk," TImothy says, hoIdIng up hIs Iree hand In
surrender.
"And don't! ut you've never cared about what 've wanted or needed!"
jared tugs agaIn and consIders stompIng on TImothy's Ioot to get hIm to
Iet go.
TImothy smIIes aImost wIstIuIIy. "StIII so dramatIc. t's good to see that
some thIngs never change."
jared sputters and contempIates spIttIng In TImothy's eye-he's at the
rIght angIe Ior It. "ramatIc?"
"Come on, jare," TImothy InsIsts, taIkIng over jared's protest. "You dIdn't
need me then, not as was. That's why IeIt, It was on the onIy way
couId heIp you-"
"on't," jared Interrupts agaIn and strIves to keep the brokenness out oI
hIs voIce. Ie can't Iet TImothy know that he's breakIng through. jared
can't breakdown out here, he has to stay angry, he has to put TImothy In
hIs pIace and kIck hIm out oI jared's IIIe Ior good. "on't make yourseII
out to be anythIng but the asshoIe and coward that you were."
TImothy's hand grIps hIm harder, bruIsIng, and the oIder man scowIs at
hIm. "You can't honestIy bIame me Ior-"
" don't, not reaIIy," jared says soItIy, shakIng hIs head. Ie understands,
he does. TImothy IeavIng because he Iound out jared was sIck made
sense to jared, aIter aII who wants to hang out much Iess date someone
who suddenIy has a IoreseeabIe expIratIon date? And even II It's possIbIe
Ior jared to have a sImIIar IIIespan to the rest oI the popuIatIon It doesn't
mean that he'II necessarIIy be heaIthy and uprIght Ior that IIIespan.
Ie'II be a burden.
So he does understand. Ie does. " bIame you Ior the way you IeIt."
ecause IIndIng your boyIrIend oI nearIy three years shacked up wIth
some IaceIess stranger In your bed a coupIe oI days aIter beIng
dIagnosed wIth IarkInson's Isease?
eIInIteIy not the most tactIuI way to say, " can't handIe thIs, goodbye".
TImothy shIIts hIs weIght, sIghIng through hIs nose. "Iook, 'm not proud
oI the way ... but that's why came back home, started takIng up the
IamIIy busIness IIke was supposed to. t dIdn't take Iong aIter you
kIcked me out to reaIIze that wanted you back, that what dId was
stupId. So cIeaned up my act, or 'm tryIng to anyway. wanted to prove
to you that 've turned around. Maybe thought 'd show you that you
couId trust me agaIn-or at Ieast beIIeve me when say that Iove you.
do."
jared makes a nasty Iace, It has to be because he IeeIs hIs IIp curIIng, hIs
nose wrInkIIng, hIs eyebrows drawIng together. t can't be a partIcuIarIy
attractIve Iace to Iook at, not that he cares rIght now. "You do know that
'm not better, rIght?" he drawIs sIowIy as II he's taIkIng to a three year
oId.
TImothy Iooks uncomIortabIe, mouth IIappIng wIth no sound comIng out.
jared can't beIIeve It-It's IIke TImothy genuIneIy wanted jared back, just
a jared wIthout hIs IIIness. Or maybe TImothy wants jared back to gaIn
Iame-the weaIthy phIIanthropIst datIng the aIIIng matchmaker, jared
can see the headIInes now.
Or maybe TImothy doesn't even reaIIy know what he wants. jared's not
surprIsed-It's nothIng new.
"You're IyIng agaIn," jared growIs dangerousIy. "ChrIst, what's your
angIe? Some pubIIcIty stunt? Or just a Iew more Iucks beIore get sIcker
and you Ieave agaIn?"
"jared," TImothy nearIy whInes, anger and IrrItatIon IIashIng behInd hIs
pIeadIng mask. "That's not what - just wanted- do Iove you!"
TImothy sounds IIke he's tryIng to convInce hImseII more than jared.
The oIder man's Iace smoothes out and he smIIes smarmIIy, steppIng
cIoser to jared so that jared can smeII the musky scent oI TImothy's
coIogne and the rIch IabrIc oI hIs suIt.
"Come on, jare. arIIn'. know you stIII Iove me-you'II aIways IorgIve me,
aIways take me back," he says conIIdentIy, IeanIng In cIose.
" thought Ioved you back then," jared cIarIIIes. Ie used to thInk that no
matter how compIIcated theIr reIatIonshIp couId be that TImothy was It-
the one Ior jared. SInce then jared's onIy had about three months oI
jensen's Iove (and hIs Iove Ior jensen) and he's come to reaIIze that the
Iove he's had Ior anyone eIse paIes In comparIson to the reaI Iove he's
begInnIng to dIscover between hIm and jensen.
WhIch Is scary crazy. ut a good scary crazy.
"ut never dId. dont know. II never jorgive you. And II you don't take
your hand oII oI me wIII punch you out rIght here In Iront oI everyone."
TImothy paIes, whIch Is IncredIbIe-nothIng jared used to threaten to do
to TImothy ever aIIected hIm. Maybe because TImothy dIdnt care about
anythIng or anyone but hImseII back then. ow, though, now somethIng
must be dIIIerent because TImothy Iooks nervous and angry and he
beIIeves jared.
"jared, baby, jare. on't taIk IIke that. ThIs Is Important Ior me-"
jared snorts IndIgnantIy, throwIng out hIs arm to IndIcate the party In
dIsgust. "Oh, thIs Is Important to you?" he spIts and hopes that the
subtext, "cnd being dicgnosed with cn incurcble disecse wcsn't importcnt to
me?" Is cIear. "You hypocrIte!"
TImothy IIInches at jared's tone and Iooks nervousIy toward the crowd.
"jared, shut up!"
jared snorts IncreduIousIy. I peopIe hear hIm, good, but he doesn't
shout. "You dIdn't used to gIve a Iuck about what peopIe saId or thought,
or even what saId or thought. IeII, you dIdn't used to gIve a Iuck about
these kInds oI peopIe," he sweeps hIs Iree arm out broadIy. "Or even
your IamIIy. ow don't even recognIze you, except thInk youre
somehow more oI a coward now. t's pathetIc... and dIsgustIng."
And, woah. SayIng aII oI that IeIt... reaIIy, reaIIy good, actuaIIy.
TImothy's grIp becomes IIke a vIse agaIn and when jared trIes to twIst
out oI It TImothy trIes to grab hIs other arm. "Shut the Iuck up, jared!"
TImothy snarIs, eyes dartIng around. "IeopIe are startIng to stare!"
"You can't taIk to me IIke that, you asshoIe," jared grIts hIs teeth and
evades TImothy's grasp Ior hIs other arm. They must Iook rIdIcuIous,
TImothy IungIng and jared trIppIng over hIs own Ieet to get away. oth
oI theIr baIances are teeterIng and they're about to IaII. TImothy gIances
at the crowd and makes another supposedIy dIscrete Iunge at jared who
gets a startIIng IIash oI IoIt movIng In on hIm, eIIcItIng a surprIsed
grunt. n the moment oI hesItatIon TImothy gets jared by hIs other arm
and shakes hIm abruptIy.
"just shut up! jesus, you make thIs so damn hard! You make everythIng
hard, jared. 'm doIng thIs-'ve worked my ass oII Ior... you. Ior us. The
Ieast you can do Is-"
"Iet go oI me!" jared snarIs, jerkIng agaInst TImothys hoId. Ie's not at
the dIsadvantage he was wIth IoIt. jared's taIIer, hIs hands are onIy just
begInnIng to shake and he doesn't have that phantom IeeIIng In hIs Iegs
that usuaIIy means that they're stuck In pIace. jared won't hesItate to
hurt TImothy to get hIm oII.
Ie mIght not bIame TImothy Ior IeavIng, but he's pIssed that he just
showed up here tonIght. And he's pIssed at the arrogance oI hIs ex, just
assumIng he wouId have a chance to get jared back, sayIng that jared
wouId IorgIve hIm and Iet hIm waIk aII over jared agaIn. Ie hadn't even
asked what jared's doIng here or II he's seeIng someone. TImothy just
assumed that jared was stIII pInIng over hIm, waItIng Ior hIm. Or he just
dIdnt ccre.
The bastard.

jensen and MoIIy whIrI across the dance IIoor, movIng a IIttIe Iaster and
a IIttIe bIt more graceIuIIy than Is normaI Ior humans. Other dancers try
to keep up IIke a personaI chaIIenge, some IaughIng and enjoyIng the
rush and others scowIIng when jensen and MoIIy remaIn steps ahead oI
them. jensen Ignores aII oI thIs and trIes hIs best to Ignore MoIIy as weII.
Ie kept track oI jareds whereabouts untII he saw hIs Iover wIth
AdrIanne and, satIsIIed that jared was saIe and occupIed, jensen Iost a
handIe on hIm. ot IntentIonaIIy or because he wanted to, but because
the nymph was doIng too weII oI a job dIstractIng hIm.
IIrst she presses In cIose to hIm, Iong body warm and soIt, smeIIIng IIke
honey and sunshIne and the earth. t's IntoxIcatIng, but jensen's eyes
IoIIow jared and AdrIanne anyway, tryIng to hear over the crowd about
what they're taIkIng about. ut MoIIy seems to want none oI thIs and she
starts chatterIng away as she's prone to do-dronIng on IIke a swarm oI
honey bees In jensen's head-spInnIng hIm away, away, away Irom jared
and AdrIanne to the other sIde oI the dance IIoor. Ie doesn't even know
what she taIks about, onIy knows that he hardIy ever answers back, too
busy dweIIIng on the pIcture oI jared's Iace beIore he IeIt-somethIng
IIke resIgnatIon and hurt. jared couIdn't possIbIy be jeaIous, rIght? AIter
aII, he's the one that pushed jensen onto MoIIy, though In a way jensen's
grateIuI because MoIIy wouId have pestered them the entIre nIght II they
hadn't catered to her wIshes. jensen couId have ordered her away,
IIexed hIs power, but that IIght show wouId have been excessIve.
Ie starts tunIng In the IIrst tIme MoIIy mentIons jared's name, reaIIzIng
that MoIIy Is InterrogatIng hIm about jared.
"s he happy?"
"s who happy?" jensen grumbIes.
"on't be such a bIg baby. t's onIy one song, one dance. s jared happy?"
"Why do you want to know?"
She shrugs, smIIe puIIIng at her pInk IIps, a drop oI honey In the sunIIght
gIeamIng behInd her eyes. " just want to know. Ie Iooked uncomIortabIe
a mInute ago."
"Ie was happy beIore that, when we were dancIng." At Ieast, jensen's
pretty sure that jared was happy then.
"You mean beIore came aIong? Then he Isn't happy."
"What makes you say that?" he snaps.
"o you thInk he Ioves you?" she goes on, dIsregardIng hIm. "o you Iove
hIm truIy?"
"What? don't see how that Is any oI your busIness," jensen sIghs. "What
are you doIng? What are you tryIng to get at?"
"So you do Iove hIm?"
"Yes, Iove hIm, but don't see-"
"oesn't he seem a IIttIe mIserabIe to you?"
"What?" jensen practIcaIIy squeaks, stunned and thInkIng he mIght need
to brush up on hIs vocabuIary. One can onIy say "what" so many tImes,
aIter aII. Ie IeeIs oII baIance, whIch Is quIte the Ieat consIderIng that
thIs Is mereIy a nymph-one oI the oIdest, true-but he's a god. "just
what are you gettIng at? What are you hopIng to accompIIsh? MoIIy-"
" toId you," she pouts prImIy. " toId you that am spyIng." She Irowns,
brows IurrowIng. "ut don't thInk that 'm very good at It. What do you
thInk?"
" don't know, because don't know who you're spyIng Ior and what
InIormatIon you're supposed to be gettIng Irom me."
She Iaughs, throwIng her head back, goIden haIr IIoatIng about her
Iorehead and tempIes, Iong throat exposed and gIItterIng. She Ieans
back up and pIayIuIIy nIps at jensen's IIps, whIch jensen avoIds and
nervousIy Iooks around to make sure jared dIdn't catch It.
"SIIIy boy. mIght not be much oI a spy but am good at keepIng
secrets."
jensen purses hIs IIps, IeeIIng uncomIortabIe and wantIng jared back In
hIs sIght as soon as possIbIe. IIrst MIsha today, rIs-IacheI-beIore
that, and now a nosey nymph, aII wIth theIr sIghts set on jensen and
jared. jensen wants to keep jared cIose-unsure II the attentIon Is good
or bad or II Its dIrected at jensen or jared. Ither way jensen IeeIs
better wIth jared aIways In hIs sIghts Ior now. The attentIon Irom other
ImmortaIs couId just be curIosIty. AIter aII, It has been a whIIe sInce
jensen's dated a mortaI Ior thIs Iong and wIth so many dIvIne ears In
town they mIght have heard that jensen Ioves jared.
mmortaI and mortaI Iove Is not IorbIdden but Is Irowned upon as
InconvenIent and worthIess In the end. jensen dIsagrees wIth most oI hIs
IamIIy.
"Song's over," he says decIsIveIy, tryIng to graceIuIIy escape MoIIy's
grasp.
The nymph pouts, such an aIIurIng Iook but not as movIng as jared's
puppy eyes, jensen thInks oII-handedIy. "o It Isn't!"
The musIc starts to Iade and dIe, dIsappearIng IIke Iog In the nIght. The
dancers stop and turn toward the smaII orchestra In the center oI the
square and gIve quIet goII cIaps and murmurs oI approvaI.
"Iook at that," jensen says wIth a brIght grIn. "ow It Is. Thanks Ior the
dance, 'm goIng now to IInd my Iover that you scared oII."
"So you do Iove hIm... truIy?" she caIIs soItIy aIter hIs turned back. Ie
turns back around and smIIes stIIIIy.
"t was nIce to see you agaIn, MeIIssa."
She sIghs exasperatedIy. "t's MoIIy now, dear. IeaIIy, It's rude to Iorget
a gIrI's name."
Ie Ignores her. t doesn't take hIm but a Iew moments to IInd hIs twIn-
he just IoIIows the puII In hIs mInd. She's standIng In the mIddIe oI a
crowd oI men and women, the center oI attentIon. Ie catches her eye
and she gIances to a woman to the rIght oI her, a taII and dark thIng,
and sends jensen a brIeI Ieer and suggestIve wInk.
jensen roIIs hIs eyes. t seems that hIs sIster has dIstracted herseII Irom
the maIn goaI oI comIng to thIs gaIa. The most Important thIng, however,
Is that he doesn't see jared anywhere near hIs sIster. IuIIIng,
InexpIIcabIy ImpatIent, jensen Iooks around, stretchIng out hIs senses
Ior hIs human.
Ie IInds hIm stIII In the dIrectIon he had IIrst seen AdrIanne and jared
waIk oII to. TurnIng, jensen peers through the crowd and sees jared
next to a stone IountaIn wIth IIghts InsIde so that the water Iooks
goIden. And he's not aIone. jensen Irowns and waIks toward the two
men wIth purpose, IIstenIng In on the Iast snatches oI conversatIon,
ImmedIateIy hearIng the unpIeasant straIn In hIs Iover's voIce.
"just shut up! jesus, you make thIs so damn hard!" the other maIe says,
about jensen's heIght, a IIttIe sIImmer about the shouIders but not by
much. Ie's oIder than jensen-weII, he's oIder than jensen's
appearance. Whatever. IIs voIce, probabIy a pIeasant and smooth sound
In a normaI sItuatIon, Is now gratIng wIth anger. Ie's grIppIng both oI
jared's arms and judgIng by how ramrod straIght and tense jared Is,
jared doesn't reaIIy apprecIate It.
"You make everythIng hard, jared," the unknown mortaI contInues,
shakIng jared a IIttIe. "'m doIng thIs-'ve worked my ass oII Ior... you.
Ior us. The Ieast you can do Is-"
"Iet go oI me!" jared Interrupts, snarIIng and practIcaIIy shoutIng.
jensen makes hIs move, arrIvIng at jared's sIde In Iess than a second. "s
there a probIem here?" jensen asks coIdIy, not even strIvIng Ior Iake
poIIteness and puttIng a heavy hand on the mortaIs Iorearm where hes
grIppIng jared.
jared's not sure whether to breathe a sIgh oI reIIeI or to sob In
IrustratIon when jensen shows up. Some part oI hIm wants jensen to
knock TImothy's teeth out and whIsk jared away to the IImo, to the dance
IIoor, to jensen's musIc room. ut a Iarger part oI jared doesn't want
jensen compIIcatIng thIngs Iurther. Ie wants to-needs to-deaI wIth
TImothy hImseII.
"OI course there Isn't a probIem," TImothy says, tryIng to smooth out hIs
tone but It comes out acerbIc and ImpatIent, anyway. "'m just dIscussIng
somethIng wIth my boy-"
jared has had enough. TImothy doesn't get to say those thIngs to hIm,
that he Ioves jared and wants jared back. ven II It's true It's Ior some
Iucked up and underhanded reason (jared never thought that he wouId
mIss the beach bum and IrresponsIbIe versIon oI TImothy, but he does,
because thIs versIon seems so crueI). jared doesn't want to hear these
thIngs and he doesn't want jensen to hear them, eIther. jared wants
jensen, no matter what an arrogant ass he can be sometImes, and
TImothy's not goIng to screw wIth hIs IIIe agaIn by caIIIng jared
"boyIrIend" and causIng jensen to dIstrust hIm.
So, jared wrenches out oI TImothy's grasp and shoves the other man
back. TImothy's arms IIy out and wIndmIII, dark eyes wIde In surprIse,
and he just bareIy rIghts hImseII beIore he stumbIes back and IaIIs on hIs
ass.
jensen watches anger IIash In the man's eyes and takes a step Iorward,
standIng a IIttIe In Iront oI jared and deIInIteIy between hIs Iover and
thIs vIIe mortaI. ut then the man's vIsage soItens as he dusts oII hIs
rIch (but poorIy taIIored, In jensen's opInIon) suIt. Ie smIIes wIde and
charmIngIy at jared, IaughIng gentIy.
"Iook, jare, baby-"
jensen's hackIes raIse and he takes a more deIInIte step In Iront oI jared.
"What dId you just caII hIm?" jensen snarIs.
The man, now Iorced to meet jensen's presence head on, bIInks at hIm
sIowIy beIore recognItIon sparks. "Oh!" The man cIears hIs throat and
starts straIghtenIng hIs suIt agaIn, runnIng a hand through hIs haIr and
hoIdIng the other out to shake hands wIth jensen. " can't beIIeve It.
You're the jensen AckIes! Iere!" The man Iaughs, eyes dartIng to hIs
hand but not removIng It, stIII hoIdIng It out to greet jensen. "My
secretary toId me you or your sIster mIght show up because oI the
museum and the new envIronmentaI conservatIon project we're
pIannIng. 'm TImothy OIyphant, the new head oI the Graham Trust. t's
nIce to meet you."
jensen bIatantIy Ignores the oIIered hand and sneers at thIs TImothy.
"What want to know Is what the heII you're doIng touchIng what's
mIne."
jared paIes, hearts poundIng as he cIenches hIs IIsts. "jensen, just stay
-"
"What's yours?" TImothy spIts, taIkIng over jared, hIs eyes aIways dartIng
to the party to make sure no one hears them. "IIsten, Mr. AckIes, 'm
gIad you're here, but reaIIy thIs Is between me and my partner."
"Your partner?" jensen snarks. Ie aImost doesn't struggIe to keep hIs
dIvInIty In check, aImost Iets It Ioose and the number oI casuaItIes be
damned. When jared puts a warm hand on hIm he manages to reIgn
hImseII In.
"jen," jared says so soItIy that jensen mIght not actuaIIy hear hIm but he
wants to teII jensen to back oII as dIscreetIy as possIbIe. t's not an
InsuIt, jared does need jensen, he reaIIy does, but rIght now jared needs
to gaIn hIs own dIgnIty back Irom TImothy. "just... 've got thIs. can
handIe hIm," he says more strongIy and decIsIveIy than he IeeIs.
"You're probabIy rIght, kaIos," jensen answers but doesn't even Iook at
jared, hIs tone practIcaIIy dIsmIssIve, patronIzIng. jared swaIIows, bIIe
burnIng In the back oI hIs throat aII the way down to the pIt oI hIs
stomach.
jensen's gaze hardens and hIs voIce deepens. "ut thIs bastard shouId
expIaIn to me why he's tryIng to touch you, why he's tryIng to hurt you.
jared's mIne," he contInues, thIs tIme dIrectIy to TImothy. "And you're
goIng to apoIogIze to both oI us." The mortaI shouId apoIogIze Ior
touchIng and cIaImIng somethIng that's a god's, and he shouId aIso
groveI at jared's Ieet Ior tryIng-and succeedIng to some extent, jensen
can teII by the strIcken Iook on jared's Iace-to hurt hIm verbaIIy and
physIcaIIy.
IIne, jensen's not goIng to Ieave and TImothy's just goIng to try and baIt
both oI them. t's better to back out now. jared can have thIs showdown
wIth TImothy Iater, he aIready IeeIs ImmenseIy better about everythIng,
IInaIIy seeIng TImothy Ior what he Is and everythIng he Is not. jared
knew TImothy had IIed to hIm beIore-about the peopIe TImothy cheated
on jared wIth. ut to IIe about who he was, where he was Irom, Ior
years?
jared's reIIeved (pIssed and Ireaked, too, but mostIy reIIeved) to IInd out
that he never reaIIy knew the IaId back and Immature Ios AngeIes beach
bum and surIer. t hurts but at the same tIme It's IIberatIng. ow jared
needs to dIIIuse thIs sItuatIon. Ie doesn't want jensen InvoIved and
jared's so over and done wIth TImothy hes not even worth jareds tIme
anymore.
"jen, babe," jared trIes to sound caIm and conIIdent and sweet but he's
not sure how weII It works. "Iet's just go, OK?" Ie tugs a IIttIe on
jensen's shouIder Ior emphasIs.
"ot beIore he apoIogIzes," jensen sneers. "IIstory or not, he shouId
have never put hIs hands on you." jensen's stIII not IookIng at jared, IIke
jared's a weak and naIve chIId and IorcIng TImothy to apoIogIze Is as
much oI a reprImand Ior jared as It Is a punIshment Ior TImothy.
WeII, Iuck that. jared's sIck oI peopIe thInkIng he's weak. Ie's sIck oI
IettIng the ones that he Ioves waIk over hIm IIke he matters more as a
possessIon than he matters to them as a person and as an equaI.
jensen's eyes rove up and down the admIttedIy handsome man beIore
hIm who better be grateIuI that jensen Isn't aIIowed to physIcaIIy harm
humans (though he's thInkIng about a coupIe oI partIcuIarIy nasty curses
at the moment). just who Is thIs depraved human?
"Who Is thIs, kaIos?" he asks jared, bareIy sparIng hIs Iover a gIance. o
way he's goIng to turn a back on hIs enemy, no matter how pathetIc and
powerIess that human mIght be.
TImothy seems to get the questIon beIore jared, who Is too busy tryIng
to decIde who he wants to punch out more-jensen or TImothy.
TImothy Iaughs, haII hysterIcaI and mostIy mockIng. Ie gIves jared a
hurt Iook and the Iakeness oI It rubs IIke sandpaper on jared's skIn. God,
what does TImothy want Irom hIm? "Are you tryIng to teII me that you've
moved on aIready?" TImothy says soItIy, usIng the wounded tone oI voIce
that aIways used to have jared meItIng and gIvIng In to hIm.
"t's been two years!" jared snaps, IncreduIousIy, hurt and rage twIstIng
deep, twIstIng hIm aII up so that hIs arms and Iegs are numb and hIs
stomach IeeIs IIke It's been Iorced Into the shape oI a pretzeI.
"Oh my God!" jared contInues and trIes to keep the hysterIcs out oI hIs
voIce. "You reaIIy though that 'd, what? StIII be pInIng over you-waItIng
Ior you to come back?"
And, yeah, jensen's arrogant-especIaIIy now-but never so thoughtIess,
especIaIIy oI jared, as TImothy was-stIII Is.
"Oh," jensen says, pIeces cIIckIng together. "t's you. The one who IeIt,"
he says coIdIy.
jensen's a IIttIe conIIIcted rIght now, questIons careenIng through hIs
mInd. jared was messed up Irom hIs and TImothy's break up, had
conIessed to InsecurIty probIems and a Iear oI jensen IeavIng IIke
TImothy dId. jensen had thought that It was a case oI young Iove and a
Iong reIatIonshIp that jared had Iought hard Ior (and obvIousIy one that
TImothy hadn't Iought at aII Ior) but now he's begInnIng to wonder II
jared's so broken up about It because he stIII has IeeIIngs Ior thIs man.
jensen wouId be surprIsed because TImothy Is everythIng jared hates,
everythIng that jared thought jensen was. SeII-absorbed, haughty, and
crueI.
TImothy doesn't rIse to jensen's chaIIenge and Instead turns cooI eyes on
to jared, a smaII and cocky smIrk on hIs Iace, the one that jared used to
thInk he was In Iove wIth. "See, jare? You aren't over me, not by a Iong
shot. You even toId your new rIch boyIrIend about me. Are you just usIng
hIm, jare? Are you hIs new goId dIggIng pretty thIng that he has on hIs
arm?"
"You bastard!" jared shouts because whIIe jensen's pIssIng hIm oII just
as bad as TImothy Is rIght now he stIII IeeIs the burnIng need to come to
jensen's deIense. Ie Iunges at TImothy, Intent on wIpIng that smug Iook
oII oI hIs Iace once and Ior aII. "You never knew me at aII!" jared growIs
as he advances. " can't beIIeve wasted so much oI my IuckIng tIme wIth
you!"
jensen reaches out and puIIs jared back, not wantIng jared to get hurt.
esIdes, It's obvIous that jared's IosIng It. CIearIy he's not ready to Iace
TImothy and jensen must step In and protect hIs Iover.
"Iet me go, jen!" jared hIsses under hIs breath. jensen does, cautIousIy,
but jared doesn't make a move to Iunge agaIn.
"OI course know you," TImothy says soItIy, aII bIg eyes and sweet smIIe
and jesus ChrIst, how come jared never saw TImothy Ior the snake he
was beIore? jared owes Chad and SophIa an apoIogy. And possIbIy a
cake and a year Iong ensIavement to them. Ie shouId have IIstened (he
wonders, he can't heIp It, II Chad was so rIght about TImothy Is he rIght
about jensen, too?).
" know you need me," he says wIth an emphasIs on need and a poInted
Iook that jared can't mIss. " know you Iove me, and that you'II take me
back. You aIways take me back because you Iove me, especIaIIy aIter aII
oI the work and sacrIIIces 've made to get here, to earn your trust back."
"Oh my God," jared groans, breathIess wIth exasperatIon. IIs head's
poundIng and hIs hands are shakIng so he grIps the IIps oI hIs pockets.
IIs Iegs IeeI Iunny and he prays that he doesnt Iose movement. Ie
doesnt want to Iook any weaker In Iront oI eIther TImothy or jensen. "
can't even beIIeve you..." jared traIIs oII, stunned and dIsgusted.
jensen senses that hIs Iover's had enough whIch Is just IIne wIth hIm
because he had enough wIth thIs TImothy mortaI the IIrst second jensen
IaId eyes on hIm. "You just shut your mouth," jensen says deceIvIngIy
caIm and measured. "You have no Idea who you're messIng wIth. Cut
your Iosses whIIe you can."
"You can't threaten me on my property, at my party." TImothy grIns back
chaIIengIngIy.
"jensen, reaIIy," jared sIghs expIosIveIy. "Thank you," but that's a IIe
because jensen's just made thIs whoIe sItuatIon worse. "ut thIs Is my
IIght."
jensen brIstIes and gIances over hIs shouIder brIeIIy. "IIke you've
handIed thIs so weII!" he snaps dIsmIssIveIy and jared grIts hIs teeth so
hard that he's pretty sure the enameI shatters and IaIIs oII oI them.
"You-"
"oes he know?" TImothy Interrupts, tItIIng hIs head back so he Iooks
down on jared.
"Know what?" jensen and jared echo In unIson, jared soundIng wary and
jensen snappy and IrrItated.
TImothy's smIrk IaIIs and hIs Iace becomes Iong-suIIerIng and
sympathetIc, but hIs damn depthIess eyes stIII mock. " bet that he
doesn't. Iow Iong have you been goIng out wIth each other? s thIs
another one oI AckIes's weekend IIIngs? jared, you know you can't trust
hIm, rIght?" he asks protectIveIy IIke he's concerned about jared. "Ie'II
onIy hurt you."
"IIke you hurt hIm?" jensen snarks. jensen wouId never hurt jared. "
Iove jared, he's mIne now, and 'm not IeavIng hIm. know what have."
TImothy smIIes agaIn, sIow and unreadabIe, at Ieast to jared. "Then you
have been goIng out Ior a whIIe," he dIrects mostIy at jensen beIore
turnIng to jared agaIn. "And you haven't toId hIm."
"TImothy..." jared warns.
"And yet you toId hIm about me," the oIder surIer turned phIIanthropIst
wonders wIth some exaggerated curIosIty. "So the onIy concIusIon Is that
you stIII Iove me and you don't trust hIm enough because you haven't
toId hIm everythIng."
jensen sIowIy turns, IookIng at hIs Iover's paIe and tIred paIIor. Ie must
not be sIeepIng agaIn. jensen wonders why he hadn't notIced earIIer
(he's aIso begInnIng to wonder about why jared has troubIe sIeepIng...
stIII pInIng over TImothy? GuIIty over IeadIng jensen on?).
"jared," jensen asks careIuIIy. "What Is he taIkIng about?"
"othIng," jared sIghs and damn hIm II he can't seem to brIng hImseII to
meet jensen's eyes. "t's nothIng."
"t's somethIng, aIrIght," TImothy snorts, advancIng a Iew steps toward
jared, IookIng past jensen. A mIstake. You don't Ignore a god and you
don't go aIter a god's beIongIngs.
"You stay the heII away Irom hIm," jensen warns once.
TImothy pauses, eyes shIItIng to jensen. The man straIghtens hImseII,
standIng taII, hoIdIng up hIs head. Ie's strengthened by the Iact that
thIs Is hIs Iand, that thIs Is hIs party meant to ceIebrate hIs
accompIIshments. t's a IaIse and shaky stepIadder to boost hIs ego on
and jensen can't waIt to tear It down.
"You've had your Iun wIth the mysterIous matchmaker, AckIes. ut Iet's
Iace It, you're not serIous about a poor orphan Irom Texas. And jared?"
TImothy grIns toothIIy, conIIdentIy. "jared doesn't Iove you and he'II
aIways come back to me."
TImothy steps Iorward agaIn, reachIng out past jensen toward jared.
And that's It, jensen's warned the human and that's more than the man
deserved. TImothy, dIsmIssIng jensen, more or Iess waIks straIght Into
jensen's IIst. jensen IeeIs human IIesh and bone and weckness crush
beneath hIs knuckIes. The bIow Is abrupt and It takes eIIort but jensen
reIgns hImseII In, watchIng as TImothy IaIIs stIII and straIght IIke a IeIIed
tree to the ground.
jared stares stupIdIy at the sIght oI hIs ex IaId out on the ground, bIoody
nose and spIIt IIp makIng hIs mouth seem red and stretched IIke a
snarIIng cIown.
"What have you done?" jared whIspers In a sIIght panIc, IeeIIng a IIttIe
IIke the worId's spun beneath thIs Ieet, sIIpped between hIs toes, and
spIraIed out and away Irom hIm IIke a red IIrework.
At the same tIme, the sIght makes jared IeeI good, justIIIed, except It
wouId have been better II jared had been the one to do It, and jared
wouId have, too, II jensen hadnt heId hIm back earIIer.
"Iuck! You IIttIe shIt!" TImothy curses and Ior a second jared's aIraId
that he's goIng to sprIng up and hIt back-TImothy, or at Ieast the drunk
beach bum that jared knew, wouId do that. ut he doesn't. Ie roIIs on
the ground and IumbIes InsIde hIs coat pocket, puIIIng out a sIeek bIack
phone-some kInd oI smart phone, maybe an IIhone, why does jared
even care? IIs hands are bIoody and sIIck Irom where hes been hoIdIng
hIs nose so the phone crashes to the stone ground wIth a breakIng thud.
TImothy snatches up the phone, rIghts It, and presses a button. "m
goIng to make you regret thIs. You mIght have a Iot oI money but do,
too, and youre not goIng to get away wIth thIs. SecurIty!" he barks
harshIy Into the phone.
"II make you pay, AckIes. jared," he swIngs hIs accusIng gaze to jared.
"Iow couId you Iet hIm do that?" TImothy gasps. Ies stIII, IncredIbIy
enough, pIayIng the part.
jared's mouth IIaIIs and he's stIII bIInkIng stupIdIy, takIng In TImothy stIII
on the ground and jensen's knuckIes whIch aren't even red or bruIsed or
spIIt-IIawIess except Ior IIecks oI TImothy's bIood. jensen's souI Is
brIght, red hot, and gettIng brIghter, so brIght and dense It's begInnIng
to make jared's stomach and head spIn. TImothys souI (whIch sounds
IIke sandaIwood and jared used to IInd It the most soothIng sound In the
worId beIore he met jensen) now sounds weak and sour.
SecurIty arrIves, three guys-one coaI bIack wIth bIg IIps and wIde eyes,
one guy that Iooks to be In hIs Iate IIItIes wIth stark whIte haIr and
Ieathery tan skIn (whom jared ImmedIateIy names IuIk Iogan), and one
guy wIth no haIr up top but a thIck brown beard-IumberIng up and
surroundIng them but not movIng Iorward, awaItIng orders.
"jared's mIne," jensen stands over TImothy, caIm and coId and taII.
"What are you waItIng Ior?" TImothy snarIs at the guards whIIe makIng a
shaky attempt to cIImb to hIs Ieet. "Get hIm!"
"And you do not get to even Iook at hIm agaIn." jensen IInIshes, eyes
IIashIng brIght and unreaI.
"Take hIm away!" TImothy demands and the guards take one step
towards jensen and Ireeze. jensen doesn't Iook up, doesn't gIve a sIgn
that he acknowIedges theIr presence. just IIIcks out hIs power,
persuadIng them to haIt, to waIt, to IIsten to jensen.
"You don't know!" TImothy rants. "You stupId Iuck, you don't even know!
ut do, do!"
jensen shakes hIs head. " know that you're about to get kIcked out oI
your own party." jensen sends the guards just one authorItatIve Iook and
a nod oI hIs head and a bend oI hIs power (not mInd controI, that's
beyond theIr scope, but a IIttIe push and the guards easIIy recognIze the
most powerIuI one).
"You! 'II get you Ior thIs!" TImothy shouts as the guards move In and pIck
hIm up by hIs armpIts and shouIders. IIs suIt Is a mess now and so Is hIs
haIr, hIs Iace red wIth anger and embarrassment and bIood. Ie
struggIes agaInst the hoId oI the guards, practIcaIIy snappIng and
gnashIng hIs teeth at jensen IIke the dog he Is.
"Iet go oI me!" he demands oI the guards as they start to drag hIm
away. "You may be more powerIuI, AckIes, but you can't just do whatever
you want! have connectIons! 'II drag your name and your IamIIy's
through mud! You wIII be heId responsIbIe Ior your actIons here today!"
jared Iooks over hIs shouIder. OnIy the IrInges oI the party goers and
patrons have heard the scuIIIe, but beIore hIs eyes jared sees those
peopIe turn around and wave the attentIon oI the peopIe around them,
and so It goes IIke a rIppIe eIIect untII pretty much everyone Is watchIng
the scene. jared IIushes red In shame and embarrassment, hIs body
suddenIy IeeIIng heavy and weary.
TImothy swIveIs hIs head to jared, eyes wIde and pIeadIng and soIt, IIke
the IIrst tIme jared caught hIm cheatIng. "IIease, jared. IIease. You
have to heIp me-don't Iet hIm embarrass me IIke thIs, don't Iet hIm
embarrass you? IIease, II you Iove me, you'II teII them that thIs Is aII a
mIstake!"
"You were the mIstake," jared says IIrmIy but can't say more because
suddenIy TImothy and the guards are gone, out oI hearIng and taIkIng
range at Ieast, and jared just stands there and watches them go (how
much oI hIs own IIIe has he watched go by these past coupIe oI years?).
jensen waIks up to hIm, pIacIng a hand at the smaII oI jared's back. The
touch Is soIt and warm, seemIngIy gentIe, but It makes jared's skIn crawI
because he can onIy thInk oI "]cred's mine" and "Like you've hcndled this
so well!". Ie can onIy thInk oI the humIIIatIng way jensen IaId cIaIm to
jared In Iront oI aII oI these peopIe, oI the way he dIsmIssed and
patronIzed jared, oI the way he dIdn't trust or care Ior jared enough to
Iet hIm deaI wIth hIs own probIems.
jared had asked, had toId jensen over and over agaIn that he couId
handIe thIs, but jensen had reIused to IIsten to hIm each tIme treatIng
the whoIe thIng as a personaI InsuIt.
So when jared IeeIs jensen put hIs arm around hIm IIke he's a
possessIon, IIke jared's thIs object that needs to be shIned and petted
aIter he was Iought over so careIessIy, jared Ioses It. Ie whIrIs on jensen
and shoves hIs boyIrIend as hard as he can, garnerIng no satIsIactIon at
aII when jensen onIy stumbIes back a Iew steps wIde eyed and surprIsed
and stIII unaIIected.
So jared shoves hIm agaIn. Ior good measure.
jared staIks oII, past the stupId IountaIn wIth Its stupId IIt water. Ie
doesn't go through the crowd, hIs stomach sIck at the thought oI IacIng
them. Ie IeeIs used and... and... weII, he's not reaIIy sure what eIse he
IeeIs besIdes a spIIttIng headache and deep-seated nausea. IIs hands
are shakIng so It takes some tIme, IIke tryIng to unIock your trIcky car
door wIth skI gIoves on, but eventuaIIy jared puIIs out hIs phone.
Ie doesn't even hesItate. Ie needs hIs best IrIend. Ie caIIs Chad and
doesn't say anythIng eIse besIdes, "'m In some troubIe and need you to
pIck me up. 'm sorry, 'II text you the address." Ie bareIy hears the
gruII, sIeepy grunts Irom Chad-Chad has the weekends oII, but SophIa
doesn't, and Chad IIkes to go to bed wIth her even when she's workIng
weIrd weekend hours. jared hangs up beIore Chad can Iorm a response,
knowIng IuII weII that Chad wIII rush over and get hIm.
"jay? What are you doIng?" jensen questIons, rIght on jared's heeIs.
" caIIed Chad to pIck me up," jared answers as patIentIy as he can,
reIusIng to Iook at jensen.
"Why? jared, we took the IImo, can take you back to your apartment, or
wherever you want to go, you know that..."
"WeII you can't, actuaIIy, because can't IuckIng stand the sIght oI you
rIght now," he snaps through grItted teeth as he IInaIIy puts the crowd
behInd hIm. The mouth oI the square Is In sIght, just a Iew steps away
and jared pIcks up the pace on shaky Iegs as II gettIng Iree oI the square
equaIs gettIng Iree oI these cIaustrophobIc and conIusIng thoughts.
"What's wrong?"
jared snorts because oI course jensen has no IuckIng cIue. WeII, jared's
not goIng to enIIghten hIm. t shouId be gIarIngIy obvIous.
jensen Irowns, somethIng heady and hot and dangerous rIsIng In hIm at
jared's sIIent treatment. "jared, don't be rIdIcuIous," jensen snIpes at
hIm.
The younger man barks out a harsh Iaugh. "So now 'm rIdIcuIous?
You've aIready ImpIIed that was weak, obvIousIy someone not worth
IIstenIng to-a possessIon oI yours, and now 'm beIng rIdIcuIous!"
"KaIos, what-jared, wouId you just sIow down and stop Ior a mInute?"
jensen raIses hIs voIce, reachIng out to grab jared's arm but jared sees
It and turns hIs shouIders and arms away IIke a petuIant Iour year oId.
"o!" jared barks and IeeIs even more Immature so he sIghs expIosIveIy
when he emerges Irom the Graham VIIIa and turns on jensen. "You don't
even know! You don't even reaIIze that you went aII domInant and-and-
bastard-y and you mIght as weII have pIssed on me to mark your
terrItory!"
jensen makes a Iace at the crude Imagery. "o, that's not what-"
"t Is!" jared yeIIs, eyes IIrIng and sparkIng and sputterIng IIke a hot rod
engIne, remIndIng jensen oI the ways that jared wouId resIst jensen
beIore they started datIng.
"You embarrassed me!" jared goes on and jensen Interrupts, grInnIng
and straIghtenIng hIs tIe.
" thInk embarrassed your ex-boyIrIend," jensen cIarIIIes, mentaIIy
IrownIng at the memory oI the man. God, he was so wrong Ior jared In so
many ways, crueI and arrogant and compIeteIy Ignorant oI who jared Is
as a person.
"You dIdn't even IIsten!" jared expIodes, arms IIyIng out. " toId you to
back oII! toId you that couId handIe It-"
"ut you dIdn't handIe-" jensen IeeIs the need to poInt out because
what jensen saw was not hIs Iover handIIng the sItuatIon but jared
IrIghtened, conIIIcted, stunned, and hurt by each word TImothy threw at
hIm. jensen had to step In. t was hIs duty to protect hIs Iover, as weII as
In hIs personaI Interest to dIscourage hIs Iover's other suItors.
SuItors. That's not quIte rIght In today's Ianguage. IotentIaI Iovers,
maybe? oyIrIend hopeIuIs?
jensen shakes hIs head, InwardIy roIIIng hIs eyes at hImseII. ow's not
the tIme.
"t wasn't your pIace to decIde!" jared beIIows. !suaIIy hIs voIce Is deep,
soIt, and kept at a pIeasant voIume where he's not too quIet or too hard
to be heard. ut when he shouts hIs voIce can rocket past sound
barrIers.
"ot my pIace!" jensen growIs, eyes IIashIng somethIng deIInIteIy not
green and It makes jared pause and take an unconscIous step back.
jensen's souI brIghtens and burns IIke earIIer and It makes jared's head
hurt and stomach spIn IIke It's done oII and on sInce the day MIsha and
Chad came In and puIIed Mark oII oI jared In hIs oIIIce. jared dIstantIy
wonders II he accIdentaIIy hIt hIs head or somethIng then.
" thought my pIace was by your sIde! was deIendIng you, protectIng
you. jay, he wasn't any better than that IoIt guy, he was tryIng-"
"You cared nothIng Ior me back there!" jared snarIs, takIng a step
towards jensen and poIntIng at hIm wIth a Iong, shakIng IInger. You
were-you were deIendIng your honor, what's yours-"
"ut you are mIne!" jensen InsIsts and hates the tremuIous straIn In hIs
voIce. Id jared not want to be hIs? sn't that what "l love you" means?
"t wasnt about you! t had nothIng to do wIth you, It was." jared traIIs
oII, rakIng a hand through hIs haIr and puIIIng at It.
"t was what, jared?" jensen asks, steppIng up and gettIng Into jared's
Iace, tIred oI hIs Iover IookIng away Irom hIm. "ecause have no Idea
what you're gettIng at."
What II jared's tryIng to get at that he stIII has IeeIIngs Ior that bastard?
What wIII jensen do, then?
SmIte saId douche bag, probabIy, and then spend the rest oI eternIty In
Tartarus Ior hIs actIons.
jared snorts, oI course jensen has no cIue what's goIng on, what he dId
wrong. ut jared knew that he wouId run Into these obstacIes-maInIy
jensen's tendency to not even understand the normaI socIaI behavIor oI
other human beIngs-when he started datIng the other man. "Iow
typIcaI," he grunts nastIIy.
"What Is It, then?" the god huIIs, whoIIy Irustrated and IeeIIng
uncomIortabIy powerIess. "Was that asshoIe rIght about you stIII IovIng
hIm? Are you hIdIng somethIng Irom me? SomethIng that he knows
about?"
Ie's met wIth sIIence and he watches hIs Iover Ireeze and Iook away. t's
conIIrmatIon enough Ior the god oI reason.
"IIne!" jensen yeIIs, but doesn't know why he's shoutIng "jine" so he
yeIIs, "Iuck!"
jared cIoses hIs eyes at the sound oI jensen's anger-jared's the one
that shouId be angry and he Is, he's pIssed, but he's aIso so tIred and
sore and achy and he just wants to curI up on the couch and watch a
movIe or somethIng. "just Ieave me aIone," he sIghs, pInchIng the brIdge
oI hIs nose where a throbbIng poInt oI hIs headache Is. "'m sure MoIIy
wants another dance."
jensen's eyes wIdened. "You can't even go there-you pushed me onto
her!"
" dIdn't push, Iet you deaI wIth her on your own," jared cIarIIIes whIch
Isn't reaIIy true because at that moment he had pushed jensen on to the
beautIIuI woman as some kInd oI masochIstIc...somethIng. jared doesn't
know. AII he had reaIIy thought about then was how MoIIy Is so beautIIuI
and heaIthy and jared Isn't.
"ThIs-TImothy-wasn't the same thIng," jensen grIts out.
jareds head whIps back around. "sn't It? You puIIed the same shIt wIth
MIsha earIIer as weII." jared IIcks hIs IIps and pauses Ior a moment.
"You're keepIng somethIng Irom me, too, you know? MoIIy Isn't just a
IamIIy IrIend. 'm not as stupId as you seem to thInk am."
jensen restraIns hIs power, hIs need to Iash out IIke a sun burst. "Then
you must be speakIng In another Ianguage because don't understand a
word-"
"Then maybe you don't need to understand anymore," jared bIurts out
over hIs boyIrIend.
jensen's quIet Ior a Iong tIme and the street's IIt so weII (jared wIshes It
were darker so he and jensen can dIsappear) that jared can watch the
pIay and struggIe oI emotIons churn on hIs Iover's Iace. t breaks hIs
heart and jared decIdes rIght then that he doesn't mean those words,
he's not goIng to break up wIth jensen even though he wants to-even
though he shouId beIore thIs messed up aIpha streak gets worse. Ie
knows that jensen dIdnt mean Ior anythIng he dId to hurt jared or
beIIttIe hIm. Ie doesnt understand, wIII probabIy never understand,
whIch means that theres aIways potentIaI Ior jared to be hurt agaIn and
agaIn by hIm.
ut It's IIke TImothy aII over agaIn. o matter what jensen does, he'II
aIways come back to jensen. jared's too addIcted to jensen's Iove to stay
away.
jared Ioves jensen too much to stay away.
God, jared Is weak. And kInd oI pathetIc.
"What are you sayIng?" jensen asks soItIy and the paIn InsIde Is sour IIke
bIIe. Ie's used to the paIn he IeeIs when a mortaI Iover oI hIs dIes. t
hurts IIke that but to see jared aIIve and weII and threatenIng to spIIt
wIth jensen over somethIng that jensen doesn't even understand, It
makes that hurt sour and heavy and jensen doesn't IIke It.
"'m sayIng... Ieave me aIone. 'm sayIng Ior once just IIsten to me."
"KaI-" jensen breaks hImseII oII because he wIII not beg, he wIII not
whIne. "jared," he trIes to reason but doesn't know where to start.
" need tIme," jared repeats. "Space to thInk." TIme and space to get over
the Iact that jensen mIght not ever reaIIze that he treated jared more
IIke a naughty chIId or a stoIen object just now. TIme to get over the Iact
that jared's goIng to waIk rIght back Into thIs mess eventuaIIy. " need
you to go away, or to Iet me go Ior a whIIe."
jensen takes a deep breath and Iets It out, mIxIng It In wIth a broken,
harsh, hysterIcaI Iaugh. SometImes jared makes hIm IeeI greater than he
Is-and that's sayIng somethIng. ut other tImes jared can make hIm IeeI
IIke Iess than he Is, IIke he's mortaI and smaII and vuInerabIe.
A mortaI wIeIdIng that kInd oI power and InIIuence shouId be agaInst the
Iaws oI the unIverse.
" don't even know what you're punIshIng me Ior," he chokes IInaIIy wIth
a heIpIess shrug.
" know you don't," jared sIghs bItterIy.
"You can't just gIve up on our IIrst dIsagreement..."
"And can't just IorgIve and Iorget when you don't even know-" jared
cuts hImseII oII, shakIng hIs head. "TonIght was mIserabIe."
jensen bIInks, a touch oI dread In hIs chest. "AII oI It?"
"AII oI It," jared answers ImmedIateIy because he wants jensen to hurt,
to IeeI bItter and angry, too. ut It's a IIe. TonIght was awesome at IIrst,
even the stupId dancIng because the way jensen had Iooked to hIm,
sung to hIm IIke jared was the onIy one there It had made jared IeeI Iess
IIke a pIaceIess oaI and more IIke he beIonged, IIke he was worth
somethIng.
ut when the anger and bItterness and hurt that he wanted IIashes
across jensen's Iace jared regrets It and IeeIs a renewed paIn In hIs
chest deeper and emptIer than beIore.
"WeII, why dIdn't you..." jensen traIIs oII when Chad's car comes
screechIng to a haIt In Iront oI them. jared's IrIend stumbIes out oI the
car and hurrIes around the hood. Ie's wearIng Ioose Spongebob
Squcrepcnts boxers that he got Irom hIs mom thIs past ChrIstmas and
nothIng eIse, not even shoes. Chad's aIso armed wIth a basebaII bat,
except It's the bat that he used In IIttIe Ieague so It Iooks more IIke a
nIghtstIck In hIs hand rIght now. Ie eyes jensen warIIy who's eyeIng hIm
rIght back wIth a stunned Iook on hIs Iace.
"jared? Are you OK?" Chad asks, hIs voIce rough wIth sIeep, hIs eyes are
bareIy open and hIs sIeep-matted haIr Is stIckIng up In aII dIrectIons.
Ies so bIeary IookIng jared doesn't even know how Chad managed to
drIve.
"'m IIne," jared whIspers because hIs throat Is too tIght Ior anythIng
eIse. God, he has such a good IrIend In Chad. t was stupId oI them to be
bIckerIng Ior thIs Iong. "just... needed a rIde. Thank you."
Chad just bIInks at hIm but sends a haII-IIdded gIare toward jensen, hIs
knuckIes whItenIng on hIs bat.
"jared, don't Ieave," jensen wInces because what's supposed to come out
as a warnIng comes out as a soIt pIea.
The soIt sound Irom the oIder man aImost makes jared do somethIng
compIeteIy gIrIy IIke run Into jensen's arms. Ie doesn't, though, but he
does IeeI some oI hIs resoIve crumbIe. " don't thInk that am," he
admIts. "ut serIousIy, gIve me a coupIe oI days to thInk and then we'II
taIk. on't do your staIker thIng," jared warns as he moves to open the
passenger door.
And, because jensen Isn't sure what eIse to say, he says, "IIne! Go... go
mope or pout or whatever. ut 'm not through. Two days, that's aII the
tIme 'II gIve you! You can't run Irom thIs."
jared Irowns, scowIIng. "IIne! wIII! And 'II caII you whenever damn
weII pIease!"
"IIne!"
"IIne!"
jared pIops Into the car and sIams the door. OnIy then does Chad back
up and get back Into the drIvers seat. "ude. Id the whoIe argument
go IIke that? ecause weIrdest IuckIng argument, IIke, ever," Chad
grumbIes as he puIIs away Irom the curb, not even IookIng In the
rearvIew mIrror Ior oncomIng traIIIc and thus nearIy kIIIIng them both,
though Chad doesnt even bIInk at the chorus oI horns that he gets.
jared reIuses to Iook over hIs shouIder or In the mIrrors. Ie doesnt
want to see II jensens standIng there watchIng jared Ieave or II hes
aIready waIked away.
"You wanna come to the house or you want to go to the apartment?"
Chad asks groggIIy.
"Apartment," jared whIspers, throat stIII tIght. Chad nods and the next
Iew mInutes are sIIent untII Chad reaches over and cranks up the radIo
to ear bIastIng IeveIs.
"m IuckIn oId now, cant even stay awake." Chad shouts by expIanatIon
as rap pounds In the car IIke thunder and war drums and mInd-numbIng
reIIeI. t does nothIng Ior hIs headache but It saves jared Irom awkward
sIIence.
Chad puIIs through the gate and Into the parkIng Iot oI jareds
apartment compIex. Ie turns down the radIo and throws the car Into
park, turnIng hIs head to Iook at jared, the IIghts Irom the Iot and the
apartment buIIdIng reIIectIng oII oI the whItes oI hIs eyes.
"o you want me to stay tonIght?" he asks IInaIIy and jared supposes
that thats Irom two months oI not reaIIy taIkIng. ormaIIy Chad
wouIdnt even have to ask.
"o, Its OK," jared answers numbIy and trIes to smIIe but It IeeIs a IIttIe
thorny so he stops tryIng. " just want to be aIone. m tIred and dont.
dont IeeI good," he conIesses reIuctantIy. God, he IeeIs IIke shIt, and
onIy around haII oI that Is IeItover Irom hIs argument wIth jensen.
Chad shrugs and turns oII the car, IumbIIng wIth the seatbeIt onIy to
reaIIze that hes stIII hoIdIng on to the damn bat-hed drIven here wIth
one hand on the wheeI, one hand cIutchIng the stupId bat. jared hadnt
saId anythIng about It-the radIo had been too Ioud, anyway.
"AII the more reason Ior me to stay, then."
"Chad."
"Iook, II go home now then SophIas just goIng to turn me around and
send me back. IeII, she mIght even hop In the car wIth me. Iets just
skIp a coupIe oI steps and go straIght Ior the candy and coke and
whatever gIrIy IoreIgn movIe you want to watch tonIght."
jared snort. "AIrIght. just one condItIon."
"Whats that?"
jared bItes hIs IIp. ".o ' toId you sos?"
Chad smIIes sIowIy, IookIng rIdIcuIous and skInny and whIte In hIs stupId
boxers. "Yeah, man," he agrees easIIy, wIthout thought and whIIe some
oI the thIngs that Chad saId In theIr argument stIII pIsses jared oII, he
shouId have known that It was because Chad cared Ior jared-beIIeved
In hIm-and just wanted jareds happIness.
jared Irowns. "And dont touch my AIrheads, man."
Chad shrugs bony shouIders and grIns at hIm. "Sorry, dude. You saId
one condItIon. make no promIses."

jensen IInds hImseII on top oI the !.S. ank Tower. Ies not reaIIy sure
when he got there, maybe rIght aIter hIs argument wIth jared, but he
does know Its onIy been a Iew hours sInce and a coupIe more hours
beIore dawn. Ies IrrItated wIth the nIght and the darkness, more so
than usuaI, and the onIy thIng that keeps hIm Irom reIocatIng to a pIace
where Its daytIme Is jared. ven II jareds IorbIdden jensen to come
cIose to hIm, he stIII wants to be In the same cIty as hIs Iover.
The god IInds hIs dedIcatIon both dIsconcertIng and exhIIaratIng-aIter
aII, hes been IookIng Ior someone to Iove thIs deepIy Ior a Iong tIme. Ie
just wIshes that he knew II jared returned hIs IeeIIngs.
"WeII, thct went beautIIuIIy, II do say so myseII."
The voIce Irom behInd hIm startIes jensen so that he spIns around,
power pushed out and ready Ior attack.
rIs-IuckIng heII, he hadnt even sensed her approach, stIII probabIy
wouIdnt be abIe to sense her now II she werent standIng beIore hIm
and he knew to reach out Ior her.
Shes much IIke jensen remembers. rIs Is a tIny thIng, short and thIn
and dressed head to toe In bIack so that she seems IIke a sIIp oI
darkness Irom the IrInges oI a nIghtmare. Ier bIack-brown haIr hangs In
messy waves just past her shouIders. Ier eyes and IIps seem too bIg Ior
her smaII, paIe, and heart-shaped Iace. Shes beautIIuI and aIIurIng In
the way that most gods and goddesses are, but shes aIso not. IIke shes
creatIon In reverse or creatIon that shut down In the mIddIe oI
rebootIng. Iretty but wrong.
"Such a IoveIy party," she goes on, she has a hIgh voIce wIth a sIIght IIsp,
IIke sugar coated sour gum.
"rIs," jensen breathes In greetIng, noddIng hIs head but hIs eyes
stayIng on her warIIy IIke shes a tIme bomb.
WhIch, she kInd oI Is.
She smIIes, juttIng out a sIIm hIp sassIIy. " know you know that go by
IacheI now," her eyes narrow and red IIps-too red Ior her mIIky paIe
Iace-twIst Into somethIng that can onIy be caIIed a smIIe, but Isnt reaIIy
one. "t doesnt matter," she says wIth a careIess shrug, crossIng her
arms-her bare hands paIe bIInks agaInst her dark cIothes. " despIse
thIs game that you aII InsIst on pIayIng-hIdIng amongst mortcls."
jensen snorts, "m sure that they dont IIke you hangIng around them,
eIther."
IacheI just smIIes as hIm, unbIInkIng and steady. Ier earIIer words have
been sendIng chIIIs up and down hIs spIne. "You werent at the gaIa
tonIght," he dIsmIsses. " wouId have sensed you."
"WouId you? Id you sense me just now? had to speak to get your
attentIon," she remInds hIm wIth a mock pout beIore the expressIon
wIsps away on her cIoudy Iace. She bIInks and jensen sees a brIeI
shImmer beIore the heImet reveaIs ItseII on her head. t Is pIaIn,
unadorned except Ior sharp IIares above her eyebrows. The metaI Is
dark and pIaIn. !nremarkabIe.
ut jensen recognIzes It InstantIy. "The IeIm oI arkness," he marveIs,
surprIsed. Theres no way that IacheI has that. Iast tIme he heard the
IeIm was wIth Iades and Iades wouIdnt just hand It over to IacheI. Ie
doesnt IIke her. Ie doesnt reaIIy IIke anyone.
She Ignores hIm, the heImet dIsappearIng agaIn wIth another thought.
She straIghtens, wrInkIIng her nose IIke she smeIIs somethIng
dIsgustIng.
"Youve spent centurIes now down here, among the humans, IattenIng
yourseII on theIr sIoth and theIr petty, shaIIow emotIons and whIms.
Youve roIIed around In theIr weckness and now you smeII oI It."
jensen stares at her, measures her wIth hIs dIvInIty. Ie cant sense
much because oI the IeIm, It makes her InvIsIbIe to hIm II she wIshes.
ut he sees somethIng oII about her countenance-In her voIce.
"Youve been on OIympus aII thIs tIme-Ior a Iong tIme, anyway. You
know our Iather Irowns upon It. We can get Iost." And thats what
IacheI Iooks IIke now-powerIuI but Iost, IadIng Into the unIverse.
She snorts IndIgnantIy. "Iost In our own home? IardIy. Who says
havent been ImmersIng myseII In the deIIcIous chaos thats on every
contInent, In every mIIe, In every home oI thIs earth?"
She couId have. Chaos Is so rampant In the worId that It couId be IeedIng
her thIs much power and It couId have a sImIIar eIIect as too much tIme
In OIympus, jensen supposes. ut she seems too. charged, too ancIent
and aIooI.
IstantIy, jensen senses hIs twIn, a IIIcker on the horIzon, but then she
seems to dIsappear. Ie Ignores It and narrows hIs eyes on IacheI. Shes
up to somethIng. amn It aII, he thought ChrIs saId that he couId handIe
hIs sIster.
" was there tonIght, checkIng thIngs out. saw every IovesIck Iook you
gave the mortaI. IsgustIng."
jensen bares hIs teeth, "You Ieave jared aIone, m warnIng you, bItch."
IacheI snorts IndIgnantIy. "IIease. Why wouId want to waste my tIme
on a mortaI? m goIng to mess wIth you."
AdrIanne doesnt make an attempt at a subtIe entrance because she
appears wIth a brIght whIte IIIcker, IIke a tear Irom the moon. Shes stIII
In her party attIre and she smeIIs a IIttIe IIke sex-weII, at Ieast jensen
knows where she went oII to-but mostIy IIke woods and earth and aIr.
Ier bIonde haIr, IaIIen Irom Its styIed up-do, cascades about her
shouIders and her sIIver dress catches and reIIects any IIght In the
darkness. She appears between jensen and IacheI, IacIng oII agaInst
the goddess oI chaos, sIIver and strong to IacheIs bIack and thIn.
IacheI doesnt even bIInk, just tIIts her head to the sIde and Iooks past
AdrIanne at jensen. "GettIng bIg sIster to IIght our battIes, now?"
jensen shrugs. Ies not happy about It, oI course, but hes had a coupIe
Iew centurIes to get used to hIs twIns protectIveness. She dId heIp theIr
mother wIth hIs bIrth, aIter aII, and jensen supposes that AdrIannes
protectIveness Is about the onIy maternaI InstInct the moon goddess
possesses.
esIdes, AdrIannes not IIghtIng Ior jensen, but wIth hIm. So he takes a
step to stand besIde her as brother and sIster, hunter and huntress.
AdrIanne smIIes, coId as wInter, chIn hIgh. WIth a thought she caIIs her
bow to her hand and her arrows to her back, not yet drawIng them. "o
matter how repuIsIve you are, youre IamIIy and you wouId have been
toIerated. Iowever, youve made your IntentIons here obvIous," she
says. "Youre a threat and youre not weIcome."
"asy, dearIe," IacheI taunts, tongue curIIng behInd her teeth, IookIng
Ior aII the worId IIke shes amused by AdrIannes warnIng. "just a
harmIess game or two on my IIttIe sun god."
"Your games are never harmIess," ChrIs says gruIIIy, appearIng behInd
IacheI. Ies come prepared as weII, hIs breast-pIate gIeamIng, sword In
hIs hand wIth IIre IIckIng at the edges oI the bIade. Theres no
tenderness In hIs eyes Ior hIs IuII-bIooded sIster.
IacheI wInks at jensen then ducks away, runnIng Ior the edge oI the
skyscraper. AdrIannes the IIrst to IoIIow, her bare Ieet makIng no noIse
as she pursues her quarry. ChrIs Is rIght behInd her, the god oI war at a
strange armIstIce wIth AdrIanne as they chase a common enemy.
IacheI dIves over the edge wIth a crazed Iaugh, dIsappearIng Into the
nIght, a sIIver dress and a sword oI IIre IoIIowIng her over the edge.
jensen sIghs and steps oII the edge a second Iater, goIng another
dIrectIon wIth the IntentIon oI surroundIng IacheI and cornerIng her.
ut Its guess work. The IeIm Is hIdIng her presence, what he had
grasped oI her presence when she stood beIore hIm aIready IIImy and
sIIppIng away IIke oII. Theyre goIng to Iose her.
Ie speeds up because AdrIannes on the hunt and she wont gIve up
easIIy. jensens not about to Iet her hunt Ior IacheI aIone.
And maybe the chase takes hIs mInd oII oI jared, II onIy just a IIttIe.

Chad was here, jared remembers dIstantIy, then Iorgets.
ts some tIme whIIe he dozes and shIvers on the carpet oI hIs bedroom
IIoor beIore he remembers agaIn. Chad was here.
Ies thIrsty, tongue swoIIen and dry In hIs mouth. IIs head hurts In a
present and dIstant way, IIke Its meIted and become part oI the IIoor
and waIked on.
SomethIng smeIIs. Sour and humId and It goes straIght to jareds
stomach. Ie throws up, wave aIter wave, bIIe burnIng and then nothIng
because.because Chad was here and then he wasnt and jared hasnt
eaten.
Ie cant catch hIs breath. Ie panIcs, hes drownIng, he cant breathe.
And then he does, one Iong and gurgIIng Intake. t brIngs cooI aIr and
that smeII agaIn, thIs tIme combIned wIth-
Ie heaves agaIn and sobs because he cant breathe and hIs head Is
spIIttIng open and peopIe are waIkIng on hIs head.
jared dozes and shIvers. Chad was here. jared thInks that that mIght
have been days ago.
"jen." he waIIs but It couId be In hIs head because It IeeIs IIke a
cavernous bIack pIt oI paIn. IIke a tunneI. Or a weII.
Ie heaves and chokes and he cant breathe. Oh, God. Oh, God hes
drownIng. Ies drownIng.
t subsIdes. Ie dozes and shIvers. Ies thIrsty, or hIs tongue Is thIrsty,
hIs stomach Isnt though. t smeIIs. Ie hears a pIaIntIve whIne, IeeIs
somethIng wet and rough and warm breath nose at hIs paIm. Whatever
touches hIm Is soIt but It hurts anyway, sendIng pIns and needIes up hIs
arm. jared moans.
"jen. Soph," he mumbIes, shIvers and remembers that Chad Isnt here
anymore. Ie needs a phone. Ie. hes hurtIng, he doesnt even know II
hes IyIng down or sIttIng up. Ie needs heIp. jared just wants jensen. Or
Soph. Mama.
IIs Iegs IeeI heavy and tIngIy, IIke a nIghtmare. A nIghtmare In hIs Iegs.
IIs hands are shakIng. IIs eyes are so goddamned scratchy and heavy.
jared remembers that Chads gone, then he shIvers, then he remembers
that he needs a phone, then he dozes. ach doze IeeIs good, IIke
hoverIng over a bed oI naIIs, and each tIme he wakes up he IaIIs onto the
spIkes.
Theres a sound, a sIam, IIke the worIds crashIng down. Theres barkIng
and Its so Ioud and throbs In hIs ears and hoIIow head that Its IIke the
worIds beIng born agaIn.
"jared?"
Ie crInges, shIvers Into hImseII, trIes to become hoIIow IIke hIs head,
trIes to meIt Into the Itchy hot carpet. ut the smeII, the noIse Is too
much.
"jared? jared, serIousIy, know youre here because SadIe and-" the
voIce Is suddenIy so cIose, jared thInks Its a voIce anyway, but It couId
be rockets and IIreworks and howIer monkeys, too.
"jared, jared! Iuck! Whats wrong?"
Ie bIInks bIearIIy, sees the shape oI hIs sIster over hIm and It hurts hIs
eyes. God, her perIume reeks, mIxes In wIth the saIty hot humIdIty oI the
room. Ie chokes and gags.
"ShIt! jared-jay!" She cIears her throat and when she speaks agaIn Its
soIter (never quIet enough, though).
"Iocus, jared, Iook at me," she croaks. "IIease," too Ioud, he shIvers,
trIes to Iook and dozes.
"o! Stay-stay awake!" she shouts agaIn and he Iets out a waII because
her voIce Is steppIng on hIs head and It hurts. "jared, jared Its SophIa,
can you. can you teII me whats wrong?"
ts a struggIe to grow Irom the IIoor, he IeeIs the stretch and snap oI
every root In hIs body. ut he does and suddenIy hes just IyIng on the
IIoor, not meIted Into It, not part oI the Itchy stIcky hot hardness.
"S-Soph?" Sandpaper thorns pInwheeI up hIs throat.
"Yeah, jay, thank God," a hand reaches out, strokes hIs haIr. "Come on,
sweetIe. TeII me whats wrong."
"TIred," he mumbIes even as hIs eyes start to cIose. "on IeeI good."
" know you dont, hon. What happened? Id you IaII? C-can you sIt up?"
jared shIvers. "jen."
" know, baby. know," SophIa coos. "ut have to know II you IeII."
jared dozes, starts to meIt back Into the IIoor, he Iets out a sound oI
dIstress. Ie doesnt want to go back, doesnt want to hurt anymore. The
sound he makes echoes In hIs hoIIow head.
".ay? jared? Come on, bro." SophIas voIce doesnt stop, her words
dont stop, but he can no Ionger IIgure them out.
"IeII," he trIes to say around hIs thIck tongue. At Ieast he thInks he
mIght have IaIIen. "Iegs," hIs Iegs wouIdnt move, dont move.
"Water, drownIng." Ie shIvers.
"Iuck," she mutters. "ts OK, Its OK. m goIng to caII an. m goIng to
make It better."
"Kay," he croaks. "jense.?" Then he dIps IIke a roIIer coaster Into a
sIeep, IeeIs It crash dark and coId onto hIs skIn. Ie dreams oI green eyes
and drownIng In weIIs, scratchIng at the waIIs, screamIng.
Ie doesnt hear SophIa IrantIcaIIy shout Into the phone and then to hIm,
doesnt hear her scream, "jared! jared! Oh God, stop! Stop!" Ie doesnt
IeeI her smaII hands and tIny body struggIe to turn hIm on hIs sIde.
Ie just IeeIs hIs IIngernaIIs chIp on the waIIs, he IeeIs the coId water as
he swaIIows It, IeeIs hImseII sInk under, the weIght oI the weII on hIs
head.
TC
(Trust me, everythIng Is goIng to be ok!)
Chapter 6
jared comes to IIke waIkIng In cIrcIes, IIke a baIIoon rIsIng In a Iazy spIraI
Into the cIouds. xcept he gets heavIer Instead oI IIghter, IaIIIng up Into
hIs body Iayer by ghostIy Iayer. IIs Iegs IeeI IIke two Iong barbeIIs,
weIghIng hIm down, makIng the bed and hIs spIne creak.
Ie grunts and jerks hIs Iegs, shakIng oII the weIght or at Ieast tryIng to.
IIs breathIng speeds up, chest tIghtenIng, and then It passes and It's
over. Ie opens hIs eyeIIds, IIke shutters wIth anvIIs dangIIng oII oI them.
The InsIdes oI hIs IIds IeeI IIke sandpaper scratchIng the smooth wet
surIace oI hIs eyes. t's dark and then It's IIght, Ioggy whIte and bIurry.
IIs eyes are open sIIts and It's IIke openIng hIs eyes underwater or
peerIng In through a IIIthy wIndow. Iuzzy and dIstorted and bIurry. Ie
makes out IIght and sIIhouettes and not much eIse.
Sounds are just as IIImy as hIs vIsIon. At IIrst It's nothIng and he thInks
he mIght be deaI. Then an abrupt rIngIng. Ie hears... voIces. ot voIces.
Ie hears summer raIn on the hot sIdewaIk and the purr oI an engIne or
maybe the dronIng oI a TV or radIo In the dIstance. ot voIces, souIs.
The most IamIIIar two souIs. SophIa and Chad are here.
TheIr voIces come In next, crashIng IIke a tornado Into a brIdge, whIrrIng
and Ioud and jared can't untangIe the noIse Irom the words. IIke IIndIng
a needIe In a haystack, or a pIn In a needIe stack, cuttIng and bIeedIng
wIth the eIIort to just hecr.
t's hard and he can't do It, and he thInks about gIvIng up and goIng
back to sIeep. ThInks about buryIng hImseII beneath the sand (where
dId the sand come Irom?).
And then It's not hard. The voIces are stIII Ioud but they're cIear and
jared's IInaIIy awake, sand and tornadoes and brIdges sInkIng back Into
the can't-remembers oI dreams.
"jared? jay, sweetIe. jaybIrd." That's SophIa, taIkIng soItIy IIke a IuIIaby.
She's coaxIng hIm gentIy IIke she used to when she wouId wake hIm up
Ior schooI when he was younger. Mama dId It Ior years but then Mama
took the nIght shIIt and SophIa started to wake jared up wIth soIt voIces
and teasIng songs IIke theIr mother. SophIa aIways trIed to be just IIke
Mama.
"jaybIrd," SophIa repeats a IIttIe more IIrmIy. jared bIInks swoIIen and
raw.
"Wha?" he croaks.
"jaybIrd, It's SophIa," hIs sIster says. Ie IeeIs her IIngers stroke through
hIs haIr and It IeeIs so good he thInks he mIght teeter back Into hIs
dreams. "You're In the hospItaI," the words hIt and begIn to dIssoIve hIs
sIeepIness. "ut you're OK, now."
Ie IIcks hIs IIps, tongue stIII swoIIen, and bIInks some more. IIs eyes stIII
IeeI wrecked and shredded but when he bIInks It moIstens them a IIttIe
and bIurry pond-water sIIhouettes Iorm Ieatures and angIes. SophIa's
IeanIng over hIm, Chad standIng just behInd her, not crowdIng jared but
crowdIng SophIa.
"Soph?" he asks, brows IurrowIng IIke a crank because she Iooks so paIe
and serIous. s she sIck?
ut at her name she breaks Into a grIn, whIte teeth IIke a spotIIght. She
Iooks reIIeved and ecstatIc. "Yeah, It's me," a tear sIIps down her cheek
and she hurrIes to brush It away.
jared IIcks hIs IIps agaIn, they IeeI as dry and parched and Iat as hIs
tongue. "Chad?" he asks, IookIng past hIs sIster. Ie vagueIy remembers
how Chad was there and then he wasn't, dozIng and shIverIng.
"Yeah, man, It's us," Chad says, steps around SophIa, her hand In hIs,
and Ieans over jared too.
As he bIInks awake jared watches Chad and SophIa's joIned hands.
SomethIng IeeIs coId and IoneIy wIthIn hIs chest, IIke he Iost somethIng.
Ie's suddenIy IuIIy aware, aII the ghostIy Iayers oI hImseII In pIace. IIs
whoIe body Is sore and achy, but he can see and hear. Ie's stIII so tIred,
though.
"Iey there, IIttIe brother," SophIa says gentIy when she notIces how
awake jared Is.
jared goes to taIk back but hIs tongue and IIps and throat are
unbearabIe. "Water?"
"Sure. 'II get It," SophIa promIses. She reaches over somewhere besIde
her at jared's head, jared's not reaIIy sure. IIs eyes can't IoIIow her, too
tIred and scratchy.
Ie trIes to move hIs arms but can't. "on't worry about It," SophIa says.
" got It thIs tIme," then she tenderIy wedges the thIn whIte straw
between hIs IIps.
Ie IaIIs asIeep wIth the straw In hIs mouth and hIs IIps wet.
When he comes to agaIn there's Iess Iuss. Ie's asIeep and then he's not.
The voIces, more thIs tIme, are IndecIpherabIe mumbIes at IIrst but It
takes Iess tIme to comprehend them. Ie bIInks hIs eyes open and then
cIoses them aImost-shut agaIn because Chad, SophIa, and octor eaver
are In the room and they haven't notIced that he's awake yet.
"...most IIkeIy a resuIt oI InsomnIa. Ie was exhausted beyond the scope
a human body can handIe."
"ut he was aIso reaIIy sIck, and he saId he IeII," SophIa poInts out and
through hIs Iashes jared can see hIs bIg sIster tug IrrItabIy at her messy
ponytaII.
"The vomItIng and stomach paIn Is probabIy a dIrect resuIt oI not
watchIng hIs dIet. As 'm sure you remember, IarkInson's patIents can't
eat just anythIng anymore. jared's medIcIne messes wIth hIs dIgestIon.
We haven't done tests to measure acId IeveIs, but 'm bettIng he
experIenced severe acId reIIux-tIght burnIng In hIs chest and nausea In
hIs stomach."
"Id he IaII? CouId you teII? Ie saId that he dId when ... Iound hIm," she
swaIIows thIckIy and Chad squeezes her Into hIm. "ut he was mumbIIng
a Iot oI crazy thIngs. Ie saId somethIng about hIs Iegs, he's been
compIaInIng about hIs Ieet and Iegs IreezIng and he's unabIe to move
them."
"There's a IIght bruIse near hIs haIrIIne and some IormIng on hIs
Iorearms so It seems IIkeIy he dId IaII. The CAT scan dIdn't IInd any
trauma so hIs IaII onIy caused superIIcIaI damage."
"IIs motor skIIIs are worse," Chad InsIsts, a IIttIe Iouder. " mean, the
shakIng In hIs hands Isnt, but they're not better eIther. ut hIs Iegs are
gettIng worse, and the InsomnIa... hIs memory, too. specIaIIy In the
past two weeks, maybe. Ie's IorgettIng cIIents names and appoIntments
and... why Isn't the medIcIne workIng?" Chad asks, soundIng so
unnaturaIIy emotIonaI and straIned jared aImost IorgIves hIm Ior
reveaIIng to octor eaver and SophIa just how pathetIc jared's been the
past coupIe oI weeks.
octor eaver sIghs. Ie's shorter than jared, about Chad's heIght. OIder
wIth a whIte-grey beard and a thIn Iayer oI grayIng brown-gInger haIr
careIuIIy combed on hIs head. Stocky shouIders and onIy a sIIght beIIy,
octor jIm eaver Iooks heaIthy and IIt Ior hIs age, except Ior the heavy
wrInkIes about hIs eyes and the IInes around hIs mouth whIch the beard,
on most days, manages to hIde. Ie's the hospItaI's IarkInson's specIaIIst
and has been jared's personaI doctor Ior a coupIe oI years now. SInger Is
gruII and abrupt and remInds jared a Iot oI the oId codgers that gIared
at passer bys Irom theIr rockIng chaIrs on the porch oI the oId hardware
store In jared's oId town. octor eavers ornery attItude can sometImes
be mIstaken Ior poor besIde manner, when reaIIy jared's doctor Is aIways
straIghtIorward and works hard to research and gather InIormatIon to
answer the questIons that they have.
"'m not sure. reaIIy thought that we wouId get the combInatIon that
jared needs rIght thIs tIme around..."
jared swaIIows thIckIy and whIIe he wouId rather preIer to stay sIIent he
aIso doesn't want octor eaver to shouIder the bIame Ior jared's stupId
careIessness.
" haven't been takIng It," he bIurts and wInces at the whInIng sound hIs
dry throat turns hIs voIce In to, IIke thInnIng brake pads.
"jared?" SophIa asks, puIIIng away Irom the two men and rushIng to her
brother. "Iey, jaybIrd," she smIIes.
eIore Mama started workIng thIrd shIIt SophIa caIIed jared, "jT". When
SophIa took Mama's pIace and started wakIng jared up In the mornIngs
Ior schooI Is when she started to caII hIm "jaybIrd" because SophIa
wanted to be IIke Mama.
jared has the strangest sense oI dej vu.
"Iow are you IeeIIng?" SophIa asks soItIy, puIIIng hIm back Into reaIIty.
"Are you thIrsty?"
"TIred," he wInces and swaIIows. "ThIrsty."
AgaIn she hoIds the cup and the straw to hIs IIps.
" can do It,"
"You can do It Iater. just thIs once," SophIa InsIsts, unaIIected by hIs
petuIance.
Ie drInks, each Ice cooI drop IubrIcatIng hIs torn throat and thIck
tongue. t IeeIs IIke heaven except that each sIp drIps IIke stones In hIs
stomach.
"That's enough," SophIa says In her urse SophIa voIce and puIIs the cup
away beIore he can protest.
jared IIcks hIs IIps and Iooks away Irom the room's other occupants,
ashamed. " haven't been takIng the pIIIs," he repeats Ior them.
Irom the corner oI hIs eye he can see Chad's mouth IIap open and cIosed
sIIentIy as he struggIes Ior somethIng to say, some retort or excIamatIon.
ut SophIa just sets asIde the cup oI water and meIted Ice and sIts down
on the edge oI the bed. She's In an oversIzed dark t-shIrt and IIght jeans
that are Ioose wIth Irayed knees-her housework jeans. She takes
jared's Iax hand Into her two tIny ones.
"s It because oI jensen?" she asks gentIy, no judgment promIsed In her
voIce.
jared bIushes IurIousIy because It aII sounds so stupId and petty now
but he shrugs and trIes to own hIs mIstakes.
"Ie's over a Iot. haven't toId hIm. I he saw the pIIIs..."
"Ie'd IInd out beIore you were ready to teII hIm," SophIa IInIshes.
jared nods sIowIy and IInaIIy reaIIzes that whIIe hIs body Is hummIng
wIth exhaustIon hIs stomach Is no Ionger a roIIIng pIt oI nausea and hIs
head IeeIs... normaI. ot hoIIow, not meIted and waIked on and
poundIng paIn wIth each puIse. " dIdn't want hIm to IInd out that way."
SophIa nods and doesn't say anythIng, her eyes soIt IIke a bed and warm
IIke a heated bIanket. She smIIes smaII and sad at hIm but doesn't say a
word.
"IuckIn' AckIes," Chad growIs, not at aII concerned wIth understandIng
and sympathy IIke hIs IIancee.
"t's not hIm," jared's quIck to deIend. " wouId have done the same wIth
anyone. Any new guy went out wIth wouId have been reIuctant to teII
them."
Chad rubs hIs Iace and tempIes hard wIth the heeIs oI hIs hands. "
know, but rIght now AckIes Is the easy target Ior me."
"And the seIzure?" SophIa asks, turnIng to octor eaver whose brown
eyes seem to soIten at her strIcken gaze.
"We may never be sure, you know that. AII can teII you Is that
IarkInson's and epIIepsy happen In two dIIIerent parts oI the braIn, so
they're not reIated at Ieast." IIs eyes settIe on jared's wIde ones. "And
sInce they got hIm here wIthIn twenty mInutes aIter a seIzure they
tested hIs bIood Ior proIactIn-a hormone that's reIeased aIter an
epIIeptIc seIzure. We dIdn't IInd a trace oI the hormone so we're IaIrIy
posItIve that It's not epIIepsy, eIther."
jared swaIIows hard. "... had a seIzure?" he asks dIsbeIIevIngIy.
"Iretty soon aIter Iound you," SophIa answers, soIt and caIm urse and
Ig SIster voIce suddenIy wrecked. "God, was such a terrIbIe-you
seIzed, the hard shakIng kInd, and panIcked. t took me Iorever to thInk
to turn you on your sIde and was shakIng so bad -" she cuts herseII
oII, wIde-eyed. "'m sorry," and jared Isn't sure whether she's apoIogIzIng
that jared had the seIzure In the IIrst pIace, or Ior the way she handIed
the sItuatIon, or Ior teIIIng jared how scared she was because she dIdn't
want to scare hIm Iurther. AII three are rIdIcuIous.
Chad comes up behInd SophIa and rubs her shouIders. "There's nothIng
to be sorry Ior," he InsIsts but Iooks at jared.
"Yeah," jared whIspers. "Soph, you got me here, you were perIect."
"There's a Iot we may never know about the seIzure," octor SInger goes
on. "t couId have been Irom IrreguIar doses oI your medIcIne-some oI
that stuII Is potent and needs to be taken as dIrected," he remInds
sternIy. "ut It couId aIso have been Irom a combInatIon oI InsomnIa and
stress."
" don't remember It," jared admIts.
"You probabIy wouIdn't," octor eaver answers. "Most patIents
descrIbe seIzures as IaIIIng asIeep, dreamIng, and wakIng up more tIred
than beIore. What reaIIy concerns me Is how out oI It you were when
your sIster Iound you. t's possIbIe that you couId have had muItIpIe
seIzures In a row and you weren't abIe to recover Irom them as Iast as
you shouId. So the good news Is that wIth some I and I, a devoted and
metIcuIous return to your daIIy medIcatIon regImen, and ImpIementatIon
oI a dIet that wIII be easIer on your stomach you shouId be IIne, jared.
The bad news Is that we're goIng to have to keep you Ior a day oI
observatIon, possIbIy two, to keep an eye on that head oI yours." Ie
wInks at SophIa who gIves hIm a haII-hearted smIIe.
"'II send a nurse In soon to check II you need anythIng. 'm orderIng you
somethIng green and heaIthy Ior dInner."
jared groans despaIrIngIy, causIng octor eaver to grIn beneath hIs
thIck mustache. "n the meantIme 'm goIng to see II can't IInd
somethIng eIse to heIp wIth the InsomnIa. You're goIng to have to stay
more on top oI that, jared. Your body needs a Iot oI rest."
Ie makes hIs IareweIIs and Ieaves, whIte coat IIappIng agaInst the cIaves
oI hIs dark pants.
"What day Is It?" jared whIspers.
SophIa smIIes, reaches over and combs jared's haIr to the sIde wIth her
IIngers. "t's Monday nIght, about eIght o'cIock. Chad caIIed when you
dIdn't show up to work on Monday and dIdn't answer your phone. went
to the apartment to see what was up."
"ChrIst," jared mutters. " don't even remember Sunday. Iast thIng
remember Is Chad IeavIng on Saturday. IeII asIeep on the couch
watchIng TV... It gets a IIttIe hazy aIter that." IIs eyes wIden. "Oh, God,
the dogs!"
"IeIax, jaybIrd." Chad waves dIsmIssIveIy. "They're IIne. They had water
and they were IIne. They're at the house now."
"They were beIng good dogs," SophIa puts In. "IacIng around you,
worrIed and guardIng you. SadIe actuaIIy snapped at me when came
In."
jared grIns, IeeIIng somethIng In hIs chest warm. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"They made a mess though," Chad says wIth a Irown. "ecause you
couIdn't take them out."
jared groans, IeeIIng IIke such a jackass. Ie remembers the humId odor
that had made hIm Iose It beIore SophIa had arrIved. Iuck, II onIy he'd
have admItted how sIck he Is, then he wouIdn't have bIown oII not takIng
hIs meds as not a bIg deaI. And he wouIdn't be In the hospItaI, wouIdn't
have made hIs sIster had a panIc attack or thrown them out oI theIr
workIng scheduIes, and hIs poor dogs...
SophIa sends her IIance a reproachIuI gIare, to whIch Chad repIIes wIth
a conIused, "What?"
"jared, It's OK. 've aIready arranged Ior a cIeaner, they're comIng
tomorrow and they'II get everythIng cIeaned. The dogs are OK and the
apartment Is OK and we're OK and you're OK," she says IIrmIy, noddIng
so hard jared's aIraId her head mIght pop oII her Iong and thIn neck.
jared smIIes, tIght and sIck but he trIes anyway. "OK, then."
SophIa roIIs her eyes. "SerIousIy. on't worry about anythIng. just reIax
and try to get some sIeep whIIe you're here, OK?"
jared nods, hIs eyes wanderIng to one oI the empty pIastIc chaIrs.
There's a pIastIc bag IIIIed wIth the cIothes he had been wearIng. Ie
wonders II hIs phone Is In there. t's been aImost three whoIe days
sInce... and jared wonders II jensen has trIed caIIed yet.
"My phone?" Ie's supposed to be goIng Ior nonchaIant but It comes out
wrecked and strIcken.
SophIa sIghs, Ieans down and kIsses hIs Iorehead, beIore puIIIng hIs
phone Irom her back pocket. "Ie... hasn't caIIed, jaybIrd."
She hoIds out the phone and jared just stares at It, Irozen. Ie Iooks up
at hIs bIg sIster, eyes wIde and burnIng. "ot even once?"
She bItes her IIp and shakes her head.
IIs shouIders sIump, dIggIng Into the hospItaI bed that he IeeIs too Iong
and bIg Ior. IIs eyes dart up to gauge hIs best IrIend's Iace but Chad Is
IookIng out oI jared's room wIndow and Into the nIght outsIde.
"jared, Chad saId that ya'II-that you and jensen had a IIght. Maybe he
doesn't know he can caII yet."
jared wIshes he couId beIIeve It but he remembers jensen's threat oI
"two dcys, thcts cll you get". ven II jensen had actuaIIy waIted those
two days jared had expected hIm to start up hIs staIkIng thIng. Ie
cIearIy hasn't because then he wouId know.
"o you want me to caII hIm?" SophIa asks, her Iace heIpIess.
jared shakes hIs head. "o, don't want hIm to IInd out IIke thIs." Ie
IndIcates the hospItaI gown, the V IInes and the wIres stIckIng out oI the
neck oI hIs gown that go to the heart monItor. "That wouIdn't be IaIr.
And It wouId be..."
"jared," SophIa sIghs, shakIng her head but she doesn't say whatever
she's thInkIng.
"esIdes, there mIght not be a 'me and jensen' anymore. We haven't
even taIked about the IIght yet, much Iess...thIs."
There's a stIIted sIIence when SophIa puts the phone back In her pocket
and Chad keeps on starIng out the wIndow.
"'m sure that..." SophIa starts weakIy and stops. jared's gIad, too. Ie
doesn't want to hear a IIe. ut then SophIa smIIes. "ont gIve up on hIm
so easIIy, jared."
jared doesnt meet SophIas eyes. "'m tIred," he says honestIy, hIs eyes
are aIready droopIng.
"Good," hIs bIg sIster quIps. "SIeep. 'II wake you when they brIng Iood."
Ie wants to say somethIng IIke, "You better not wake me Ior russeIs
sprouts" but he IaIIs asIeep beIore he can, spIIttIng and scatterIng In
ghostIy red strIngs across the unIverse.

On Tuesday Chad goes to TrueOne, cIaImIng heII be gone onIy haII the
day In order to cIear up some thIngs wIth the empIoyees and canceI a
Iew appoIntments. ut the marketIng meetIng wIth Mark Sheppard and
an Interested advertIsIng company Is today, not to mentIon that Iast
week thered been troubIes wIth the servers that were persIstIng Into
thIs week that Chad wouId have to deaI wIth. So, hIs best IrIend says haII
a day tops, but jareds IaIrIy certaIn that heII probabIy be stuck there
untII at Ieast seven ocIock tonIght.
MIsha comes In the mornIng, though, smIIIng wIde and upbeat. jared
InsIsts that SophIa shouId go get somethIng to eat whIIe MIshas here
and she reIuctantIy does, trudgIng out the door and sendIng hesItant,
pouty Iooks at jared over her shouIder.
"Iow are you IeeIIng?" MIsha asks, standIng InnocentIy wIth somethIng
obvIousIy hIdden behInd hIs back.
" IeeI great," jared says, tryIng to tIIt hIs head ImperceptIbIy to see what
MIshas hIdIng. jesus, he hopes Its a hamburger. Or an Ice cream
sandwIch.
MIsha Irowns, shakIng hIs head and cIuckIng hIs tongue. "ope, sorry.
IIars dont get awesome get weII presents."
jared roIIs hIs eyes and huIIs, sIumpIng back Into hIs pIIIows. "IIne, can
bareIy stay awake, have a headache, my stomach hurts because they
keep gIvIng me IeaIy greens, and my toes are coId. ow. What dId you
brIng me?"
The oIder man grIns, bIue eyes sparkIIng wIth mIrth. Ie brIngs whatever
Is behInd hIs back wIth a IIourIsh and a "tc-dcc!"
ts a pIastIc red IIremans hat, kId sIzed and compIete wIth the whIte
eIastIc strIng that goes under the chIn.
"Youve got to be kIddIng me," jared huIIs.
"ope!" MIsha chImes, reachIng over and pIacIng the hat on jareds
tangIed and matted haIr, snappIng the eIastIc In pIace beneath hIs chIn.
Ie steps back to admIre hIs work, the red hat IopsIded and too smaII Ior
jareds head. "You Iook awesome. IIke a reaI IIreman."
" hate you. ThIs Is supposed to make me IeeI better," jared deadpans,
gIarIng.
MIsha shrugs and pIops down In one oI the pIastIc seats. "t makes me
IeeI better. Thats aII that reaIIy matters."
"Youre terrIbIe. You were supposed to brIng me candy."
MIsha shrugs. " dId, but met Chad downstaIrs on the way In and he
stoIe It aII away Irom me. very Iast MSM and Sour Iatch KId."
jared wrInkIes hIs nose and pouts. "Chads a terrIbIe best IrIend," he
moans dramatIcaIIy.
"ActuaIIy hes probabIy a reaIIy good best IrIend. ApparentIy youre not
supposed to have junk Iood anymore?"
"IIght now," jared hurrIes to correct, shakIng hIs head In denIaI. "m
not aIIowed junk Iood now."
MIsha Ieans over and pats jareds hand gentIy. "jared, youre goIng to
have to take better care oI yourseII."
jared deIIates, sIghIng. "Yeah," he bItes hIs IIp and Iooks away. "... m
begInnIng to reaIIze that now." Ie shrugs heIpIessIy. "ve been
dIagnosed Ior a coupIe oI years. ve had thIs Ior Ionger and ever sInce
Iound out about It ve been, dont know. n certaIn ways IIvIng IIke
was dyIng tomorrow, but In others IIvIng IIke never wouId. just, dIdnt
beIIeve It couId happen- mean, m twenty-IIve!" IIs voIce breaks.
MIsha grIps jareds wrIst and shakes It a IIttIe. "Iey, hey. jared, breathe
a IIttIe, OK?"
jared snorts out a brIeI Iaugh, but stIII averts hIs eyes, embarrassed by
the sudden word vomIt.
"Iook, dont know much about." MIsha traIIs oII, sIghIng expIosIveIy In
IrustratIon. "ut have had a Iot oI peopIe cIose to me." he Iaughs,
breakIng oII agaIn. "m not reaIIy sure what to say here. xcept that It
has to be hard and dont envy you, but II be here Ior you, whatever you
need jared," he IInIshes earnestIy.
SometImes MIshas perIodIc InabIIIty to reIate to others remInds jared oI
jensen, whIch Is Iunny because jared knew MIsha IIrst. ts stIII kInd oI
cute, though, and It makes jared smIIe tentatIveIy. Ie meets MIshas
eyes, sees the IIerceness there, and smIIes wIder.
"Yeah, okay. Thanks, MIsha."
Theres a stIIted, awkward sIIence beIore jared reaches up and pops the
eIastIc strIng on hIs chIn. "So, whered you get thIs thIng?"
MIsha grIns, IeanIng back In hIs seat. "We gIve them to eIementary
schooI kIds when we go and gIve saIety taIks."
They taIk Ior a IIttIe bIt, not Ior a Iong tIme because soon enough jared
becomes tIred and sIeepy agaIn.
"ThInk theyre druggIn me," he sIurs as he sInks Into the pIIIows and
watches MIsha Iean Iorward and smIIe sadIy through bIeary eyes.
"Chad saId that you havent sIept In a Iong, Iong tIme. Your body Is
exhausted."
".ot sure IIke you and Chad hangIn out so much," jared grumbIes.
MIsha chuckIes, "Ies not so bad. ThInk maybe hed agree to a
threesome? Your sIsters hot."
"Shut up. Thats so gross," jared hums.
n between sIeepIng and wakIng jared gets brave. "Iave you heard Irom
jensen?" he mumbIes, not IookIng In MIshas eyes.
MIshas quIet Ior some tIme. "o, havent. was wonderIng about that.
why Isnt he here? Ias he caIIed? Iave you caIIed hIm?"
jared shrugs, cIosIng hIs eyes because theyre too heavy to keep open.
"We had a. dIsagreement on IrIday. havent heard Irom hIm sInce."
MIshas so sIow to respond that jared peeks open one eyeIId to see II
hes stIII there. ".ThIs dIsagreement. t wasnt over-weII, that sounds
egotIstIcaI. ut, It wasnt over me beIng at your apartment on IrIday,
was It?" he asks hesItantIy.
A smaII, regretIuI wInce tugs on the corner oI jareds IIps. "ot reaIIy.
Maybe some, It contrIbuted to the bIgger pIcture?" Ie shrugs. "ut It
wasnt because oI you."
jared watches, peekIng through mostIy shut IIds, examInIng MIsha as he
nods sIowIy and Iooks away agaIn, down at hIs cIasped hands and hIs
thumbs that roII over each other.
"You know where jensen Is," jared guesses, eyes openIng IuIIy to regard
hIs IrIend.
MIsha sIghs, shruggIng. " havent taIked to hIm sInce was In your
apartment wIth you. ut, he couId be In the mIddIe oI a mInor IamIIy.
thIng," he admIts.
jared bIInks, "IamIIy thIng? s somethIng wrong wIth AdrIanne? Or ChrIs
or Steve?" he asks and Is surprIsed when MIsha just smIIes warmIy at
hIm and shakes hIs head.
"You are kInd oI amazIng."
".Why? ecause m concerned II jensens IamIIy Is hurt?"
MIsha just tIIts hIs head but doesnt answer. " cant be sure, but thInk
heard somethIng about It. do know that jensen Isnt In the cIty rIght
now, not sure where hes at-but heII probabIy be back soon."
"jensens not here? At aII?" jared says and hopes hIs Iace doesnt Iook as
strIcken as hIs voIce sounds. "Ie. dIdnt teII me he was goIng to Ieave."
"jared." MIsha traIIs oII, hIs Iace seemIng conIIIcted, whIch Is strange
because MIsha doesnt IIke jensen, why wouId he stand up Ior hIm or
IeeI the need to protect hIm? "t Is possIbIy a IamIIy emergency," he
admIts. "AdrIanne, ChrIs, and Steve are gone as weII."
"Gone Ior good?" jared asks, throat thIck IIke a rag oI kerosene has been
stuIIed down It.
IIs IrIends IIps thIn, eyes wIde and pItyIng. "jared, he probabIy wIII be
back. ut . cant promIse that Ior you, because m not sure."
ts a Iong tIme beIore jared can work hIs voIce agaIn. ut when he can,
he says, "Okay" and then "Thank you".
Soon aIter that he IaIIs asIeep and doesnt dream. just dark and empty
sIeep.
Ie wakes up two hours Iater. MIshas gone but SophIa can bareIy keep
her eyes open.
"You Iook. greasy," he croaks out teasIngIy.
She gIares at hIm. "Chad toId me Iooked hot."
"Youre way out oI hIs Ieague. IeII aIways thInk that you Iook hot," he
dIsmIsses.
" wont hesItate to ask them to exchange your jeIIo puddIng dessert to
another heIpIng oI cooked spInach," she retorts easIIy.
"SerIousIy, go home. Take a shower and sIeep some."
Ier shouIders sIump, "ut."
"SerIousIy. Your O Is makIng me nauseas."
She squawks, IeanIng over to sIap hIm In the shouIder. "IIne, but youre
a bIg ass-Iace."
"You wIsh your ass was as awesome as mIne," he IIres back.
Ies restIess aIter that and wIshes he hadnt sent her away because
theres no one to taIk to besIdes the nurses who are short wIth hIm
because theyre busy. Ie watches TV, IIIppIng through the channeIs and
Ior a whIIe Its a tough decIsIon between Hcirsprcy, My Big Fct Greek
Wedding, and Bring lt On. Ies about to watch a IIshIng show out oI
desperatIon when Fcybcck wIth MeI GIbson comes on.
Ie doesnt so much as IaII asIeep agaIn as daze and doze, sometImes
payIng attentIon to the movIe, sometImes starIng rIght through It.
A noIse at the door startIes hIm Irom hIs bIurry Iog. Ie gIances at the TV
IIrst to see the camera pannIng out over Iorters car, sIgnIIyIng the end
oI the movIe. jared Iooks to the door to see Mark IeIIegrIno standIng
there In hIs dark busIness suIt wIth a whIte tIe. IIs hands are In hIs
pockets, exaggeratedIy reIaxed, and hes IeanIng casuaIIy at the
doorIrame wIth Iegs crossed at hIs ankIes IIke the tooI he Is.
"jared," he greets and waIks In unInvIted just as Iorters voIceover ends
the movIe wIth "We went jor breckjcst. in Ccncdc. We mcde c decl, ij
shed stop hookin, ld stop shootin people. Mcybe we were cimin high."
"Iuck," jared mutters, brIeIIy gIancIng up to the ceIIIng In despaIr.
"What are you doIng here?" he growIs and thInks about how he shouId
have put that restraInIng order In Ior Mark months ago.
Marks a Iawyer-the youngest and the best and one oI the rIchest In the
busIness-and he couId have wheedIed out oI a restraInIng order
bIIndIoIded and hIs arms tIed behInd hIs back.
"ver hear the phrase, 'kIck a guy when hes down?" Mark drawIs.
Theres a naturaI breathy quaIIty to hIs aIready deep voIce. Marks
aIways struck jared as strangeIy beautIIuI. AImost IIke how an aIbIno Is
beautIIuI, or how someone wIth bad scarrIng can stIII be attractIve. Ies
paIe-kInd oI ashy, reaIIy, and because hIs haIr Is a brIght bIonde he
Iooks washed out. Ie does have amazIng whIte-bIue eyes, though. Ies
an oIder man, probabIy around TImothys age, dIstantIy aIIurIng though
wIth a broad but soIt body.
"Thats what m doIng here," Mark husks, standIng over jared, makIng
jared IeeI so smaII and vuInerabIe.
jared sneers back. Ie admIts that theres a smaII part oI hIm thats a
IIttIe IntImIdated by Mark, but the rest wont Iet hIm back down to the
man.
"I you wouId have stuck wIth me, jared, you probabIy wouIdnt be here.
IeII, youd probabIy be medIcIne Iree, workIng durIng the day and
partyIng at nIght IIke other peopIe your age."
"Yeah? WeII, dIdnt too much IIke the prIce oI stIckIng wIth you. And
besIdes, It was an experImentaI treatment, the resuIts werent
guaranteed."
Mark smIIes InnocentIy, dry IIps stretchIng. "rony upon Irony. The
resuIts oI the test came out just two weeks ago. A success. The
symptoms are mInImaI, near gone, and peopIe that have been suIIerIng
wIth progressIve IarkInsons Ior years are abIe to re-assImIIate back Into
the worId now."
jared cIoses hIs eyes agaInst the InIormatIon and then stubbornIy
reopens them, not wantIng to show any more weakness In Iront oI thIs
man.
" consIdered you my IrIend, you know," jared says soItIy and the oIder
man scoIIs, pacIng up and down the Iength oI jareds bed and jared
unabIe to do anythIng but watch hIm.
"ont try the guIIt trIp deaI, jared. Youre smarter than that-weII, at
Ieast now you are, arent you?" Ie Iaughs IIke Its aII some great joke.
Mark IeIIegrIno had been an acquaIntance at IIrst. TrueOne had been a
cIIent oI Marks Iaw IIrm-not out oI necessIty, but Insurance and
precautIon, and jared had met Mark durIng the deaIIngs. Mark was a
coId character even then, but jared had seen redeemIng quaIItIes such
as dry wIt, ambItIon, and a keen mInd Ior busIness. Theyd ended up
meetIng Ior coIIee or Iunch oII and on, just as acquaIntances gettIng to
know each other as IrIends, nothIng more. Mark may be handsome In hIs
own way but jared couId have never dated that personaIIty, and besIdes,
at the tIme jared had beIIeved hImseII madIy In Iove wIth TImothy.
A Iew weeks aIter TImothy IeIt, Mark had broached the subject oI jareds
IIIness. jared had been too stunned by the Iact that someone besIdes
octor eaver, Chad, SophIa, and TImothy knew, especIaIIy someone he
consIdered a dIstant IrIend to even ask how Mark had known. n Iact,
jared had gone Into a mInor panIc attack over the Iact that someone eIse
knew, IearIng that hIs secret had aIready been Ieaked out to the pubIIc.
t was hIs worst nIghtmare at the tIme, on top oI a devastatIng break up
wIth TImothy.
Mark had suggested an experImentaI gene therapy treatment In the
works. The ages oI voIunteers were supposed to be between Iorty and
seventy-IIve, but Mark knew peopIe and couId use hIs power and
connectIons to get jared In.
jared, dIagnosed wIth an IncurabIe dIsease at twenty-three that had
aIready managed to bust up a reIatIonshIp wIth someone who he had
that was "the one", had saId yes to Marks suggestIon wIthout a second
thought.
The gene therapy experIment had been conIusIng. True to hIs word
Mark had gotten jared In, even carrIed jared dIscreteIy to the
preIImInary meetIngs about the had IncIuded conIusIng IIngo IIke
"doubIe-bIInd", "sham-surgerIes", and "AAV2-GA" and "subthaIamIc
nucIeus"-whatever the heII those words meant.
ut jared had been wIIIIng to do It. Mark even had a contact that couId
guarantee jared was part oI the twenty-three patIents "randomIy
seIected" Ior the actuaI experIment and not Ior the pIacebo group.
jared had been so pathetIcaIIy desperate back then that he had hIdden
most everythIng Irom SophIa and Chad. Ie had arranged a Iake vacatIon
Ior the days that the experIment was to take pIace, caIIed cIIents and
canceIed appoIntments, had cut hImseII oII compIeteIy Irom everyone.
Ie wouId have gone through wIth It, wIth the entIre IIe, II Mark hadnt
showed up one day at jareds apartment and pressed jared to hIs
kItchen counter and hInted that It was tIme Ior hIs "compensatIon" whIIe
he ground Into jareds thIgh.
Ior a Iew terrIIyIng and revoItIng seconds jared had consIdered sayIng
"IIne", had consIdered exchangIng hIs body or whatever the heII Mark
wanted Ior a chance at a near-cure. Those seconds stIII haunt jared, stIII
make hIm IeeI dIrty and worthIess.
ut he had onIy hesItated a Iew seconds, and then jared had decIded to
screw consequences-screw the experIment and screw the possIbIIIty
that Mark wouId teII the medIa that jared was sIck. jared wasnt goIng to
be bIackmaIIed. Ie wasnt goIng to whore hImseII out Ior a cure.
Ied gIven Mark a bIack eye, two Ioose teeth, a spIIt IIp, and crushed
baIIs that day. And ever sInce Mark had harassed jared Irom tIme to
tIme, even droppIng TrueOnes contract wIth hIs Iaw IIrm and
threatenIng to sue TrueOne and drag jareds busIness down.
AII were more attempts at bIackmaII, aII IaIIed thus Iar. jared had been
young, most probabIy stIII consIdered hIm young, but hed Iearned Irom
both TImothy and Mark to never Iet anyone push hIm around agaIn. Ie
supposes Its no coIncIdence that shortIy aIter that TrueOne rocketed to
the number one datIng agency In AmerIca. Sure he put a Iot oI hours In,
became a workahoIIc IIke Chad had accused hIm oI, but because oI Mark
and TImothy hed aIso gaIned the strength, determInatIon, and
conIIdence he needed to buIId up TrueOnes staII-hIrIng peopIe IIke
Mark Sheppard-and to push TrueOnes best Interests through
marketIng and budgetIng negotIatIons.
t wasnt the proIessIon that jared wouId have chosen, but hes proud to
make peopIe happy and hes proud oI hIs accompIIshments. Iowever he
wouId reaIIy have rather not had It come at so much paIn and sacrIIIce-
as a product oI so many negatIve thIngs.
The poInt Is that jared had thought Mark a IrIend and the man had
betrayed hIm In one oI the worst ways possIbIe. Mark was rIght. jared
dId know better now.
"IIne. Youve kIcked me and had your Iun," jared sIghs. "Ieave. ow."
Mark grIns, smaII teeth In a wIde mouth. "m hardIy through wIth you.
havent caIIed you weak and pathetIc yet, but now am."
jared roIIs hIs eyes and contempIates turnIng up the voIume to the TV to
drown out Marks voIce. t couId be that jareds IInaIIy reaIIzIng how sIck
he Is, how serIous aII oI thIs Is, but aII oI a sudden Mark Isnt a bIg
concern Ior hIm anymore. jareds Iong sInce IIgured out that Mark onIy
has power over hIm II jared shows Iear oI that power.
"Ieard you had a run In wIth good oI TIm," Mark goes on to say.
"Iow? When dId you hear thIs?" jared asks IncreduIousIy, admIttedIy
caught oII guard. Ie hadnt heard Irom Mark except Ior vague threats
Irom hIs IIrm to TrueOne as a whoIe sInce the day a coupIe oI months
ago when Mark came to jareds oIIIce and physIcaIIy threatened hIm.
IonestIy, jared had thought that Mark had gIven up on pursuIng jared
sexuaIIy or whatever hes aIter. Though jared Isnt stupId enough to not
reaIIze that whIIe Mark may have gIven up on somethIng that he wants,
he wIII take hIs revenge on jared In some way. ts the kInd oI man he Is
and Its why jared IeeIs so vuInerabIe IaId out haII naked In thIs hospItaI
gown wIth Mark pacIng so cIose to the bed that jared can IeeI hIs body
heat.
" Iound out IrIday nIght," Mark answers wIth a IIIppant shrug and jared
swaIIows. The nIght oI hIs encounter wIth TImothy. God, how dId thIs
bastard IInd out so Iast? Id the medIa aIready catch wInd oI It? WIth
jared In the mIddIe oI two known rIch men he dreads to see the tItIes
and specuIatIons In the tabIoIds and Les Destins.
"mpossIbIe," jared dIsmIsses.
" have my sources. Or, source. Shes so very heIpIuI," the Iawyer quIps
back, bIank Iaced and knowIng IIke hes In a courtroom and not jareds
hospItaI room.
jareds Iace scrunches In thought, tryIng to IIgure out who thIs "she"
couId be that Marks taIkIng about but more concerned wIth hIs
ImpIIcatIon that he knows TImothy. "You dont even know TImothy. ot
reaIIy. You never even met hIm," jared reasons.
Mark tIIts hIs head agaIn, mock-poutIng IIke jareds a whInIng chIId.
"Ioor, nave, thoughtIess you. Iow do you thInk Iound out about you
havIng IarkInsons Isease, jay-baby?"
"ont caII me that," jared snaps. "What do you mean? Iound out?"
"Thats so sweet," Mark mocks hIm. "You were so concerned about a
cure, so preoccupIed wIth IyIng to your IrIends and IamIIy and pIannIng
Iake vacatIons. So worrIed that wouId teII the medIa that you never
even thought to wonder how knew and II you dId It never occurred to
you to ask."
Marks sneer sends a trembIIng thread through jareds chest. "What?"
he whIspers, trIes to swaIIow past hIs dry mouth and tIght throat.
"TImothy toId you?"
"Tracked hIm down aIter you broke up. was aIter you even then, do you
even reaIIze that? Wanted to IInd out how you broke up, what was goIng
on. Iound hIm In some dIve bar, so pIss-poor drunk he dIdnt even know
hIs own name. Ie dId know that he was pIssed oII and angry at you,
conIused and dIsgusted. Ies a twIsted and Immature moron but thInk
he actuaIIy IeeIs Ior you and Ioves you In hIs own seIIIsh way," he muses.
jared snorts. "What? IIke you do?" And reaIIy, what Is It about hIm that
attracts the dangerous psychopaths?
Mark roIIs hIs eyes. "Your concept oI romance and Iove Is meIodramatIc.
wanted to conquer you. stIII do."
jareds Iace contorts IIke hes put a handIuI oI War Ieads In hIs mouth.
"Yeah, stIII not happenIng."
Mark shrugs and goes on. "Ie toId me aII about your IIIness, how youd
just sprung It on hIm and acted IIke he shouId know what to do. ToId me
that you threw hIm out on hIs ass when he dIdnt cope weII enough."
jared roIIs hIs eyes, IeeIIng a new hurt rend open hIs heart, but Ignores
It Ior now. "o, threw hIm out on hIs ass because hes a IyIng, cheatIng
bastard. ChrIst, why are you even here, Mark? Are you serIousIy here to
gIoat?" IIke some super vIIIaIn In a MarveI comIc, reaIIy?
" am just here to gIoat," Mark agrees unabashedIy. "t IeeIs good. And
you have to IIe here and take It. I onIy d brought duct tape to shut that
mouth, thIs wouId be perIect."
"Mark, swear to God II caII securIty."
The Iawyer scoIIs, runnIng hIs hand down hIs dark and satIn smooth
suIt. "Wheres AckIes, jared?"
"one oI your goddamn busIness," jared snaps deIensIveIy and he reaIIy
shouIdnt be surprIsed that Mark knows about jensen but It sends hIs
skIn crawIIng anyway.
Mark Ieans down so that jared can smeII hIs breath and pokes hIs IIp
out. "You can teII me the truth, jay-baby. Id he Ieave you, too? As soon
as he Iound out?"
"o!" jared shouts and hates the seII-satIsIIed smIrk Mark gets. Ie hates
It even more that he goes on to say, "jensen doesnt even know, hes out
on IamIIy busIness. Idnt your source teII you that?"
The Iawyer shrugs careIessIy. "AckIes and hIs IamIIy are notorIousIy
unattached. I hes IeIt theres a great possIbIIIty that he wont come
back. Ie wouId be here Ior you II he wanted to be. CIearIy, he doesnt.
Want you, that Is."
"Get the Iuck out oI here, Mark," jared says coIdIy, heavy arm IIyIng up
sIuggIshIy to hIt hIm or push hIm, jared doesnt know. The motIon does,
however, rIp out hIs V and whatever the heII that thIng Is on hIs IInger.
And hIs movement Is too damn sIow and soIt, anyway, because Mark
easIIy avoIds It, IaughIng at hIm wIth those cooI bIue eyes.
IIs arm Is bIeedIng Irom where the V was rIpped, thIn IIttIe trIckIes oI
bIood sIIp sIIdIng IIke sweat down hIs arm. The machIne screams at the
dIsconnectIon and nurses wIII be comIng here soon.
"You know, m gIad thIs happened," Mark says as he starts to back up
sIowIy. "ow you get to waIIow here In thIs bed and In your sIckness and
you have nothIng to do but to thInk about aII the ways that you screwed
up and aII the ways that couId have heIped. You can thInk about how
youd be better, so much better that no one wouId notIce that you were
sIck. You couId be wIth me, wouId be here In thIs hospItaI room wIth
you, jay-baby, not oII on some tropIcaI IsIand somewhere wIth my next
pIaythIng IIke AckIes Is. ont worry, though. II be there when hes
gone to pIck you up and break you apart agaIn."
"just. just shut the heII up!" jared rages, moves to sIt up-to stand up,
he doesnt even know. ut the movement makes hIs stomach cramp, hIs
chest burn, and hIs throat roII wIth nausea. IIs head rushes and aches,
IIke rocks crashIng down the hIII oI hIs braIn and breakIng, heavy and
dry and dusty agaInst the back oI hIs eyes. Ie groans but trIes to get up
anyway, Incensed and so IuckIng done wIth peopIe screwIng hIm.
Mark Iaughs, bends down and kIsses jared on the top oI hIs head IIke
hes some naughty but amusIng chIId. "Youre mIne to destroy," he
hIsses and then hes out the door even as two nurses brush past hIm
and Into the room by jareds sIde, hands IrantIcaIIy hIttIng buttons on
the machInes surroundIng hIm, gropIng hIs arm and tryIng to IIx the
needIe.
The oIder man, now on the threshoId, wInks and waves at hIm. "ThInk on
It and regret, jay-baby," he says It IIke Its an IncantatIon or a curse. "m
not done yet. II be seeIng you around." Then hes saunterIng away,
dIsappearIng out oI the doorway.
IuckIng heII. jared cant even IInd peace In the damn hospItaI.

jensen thInks that It mIght be Wednesday whenever he appears beIore
jared's apartment buIIdIng. Ie's not sure, he knows a Iot oI tIme has
passed though. They-AdrIanne, ChrIs, and jensen-chased IacheI
through aII areas oI the gIobe. TIme had meIted away Ior them, as It can
Ior aII gods who do not attach themseIves to the mortaI worId. Theyd
caught up wIth her In the Amazon and then she had dIsappeared agaIn.
n AIrIca Steve had appeared, cIaImIng that the wInds had caught her
scent In Madagascar and she was headIng toward the MedIterranean.
very tIme they drew cIose she dIsappeared, usIng the IeIm oI arkness
to cIoak herseII and sIIp Irom theIr grasp. She pIayed them, mocked
them. t was aII a game to her.
t was a dangerous game because II even one oI them caught her In a
IaIr IIght she wouId come out the beaten Ioser. ut IacheI Isnt IaIr, Isnt
straIghtIorward, and more ImportantIy she doesnt have Iear. Iear oI
mortaIs, oI other gods, even oI Zeus, jensen suspects.
And now Its Wednesday, possIbIy Thursday-jensen Iost hIs phone
somewhere In the AIps-and hes outsIde oI jareds apartment, IeeIIng
hIs mortaI Iaade stIck to hIm IIke Itchy paper-mche. AIter IIexIng hIs
power Ior such a Iong, unInterrupted perIod he IeeIs IoItIer, aIooI, and
detached Irom the human reaIm.
xcept hIs desIre to be near jared caIIs to hIm even In thIs state and II
jensen ever doubted It he now knows Ior sure that he Ioves jared
IadaIeckI, the stubborn and unpredIctabIe human that InsIsts on
breakIng jensens heart.
ChrIs appears besIde hIm, a smeII oI IIre and smoke and soII In the aIr
precedIng hIs arrIvaI. ChrIs and jensen and Steve, who had acted as a
scout, have returned. AdrIanne Is stIII out there, not chasIng IacheI
because theyve Iong Iost aII trace oI her, but retracIng aII oI theIr steps,
tryIng to determIne II there are any cIues to what IacheI Is up to.
jensen thInks that shes back In thIs cIty. Shes pIayIng wIth them and
one wIId goose chase Isnt goIng to satIsIy her.
"You shouId go In," ChrIs says gruIIIy, voIce deep, Its tones
reverberatIng oII oI sIdewaIk, chaIn IInk, and concrete. Ies stIII more
Ares than ChrIs, IIames IIckIng around hIs bIue IrIses, skIn smoIderIng
hot, hIs heart beatIng IIke war.
jensen sIghs. "jareds. o. better not. Ie saId that he wouId make the
IIrst move."
ChrIs snorts and graduaIIy begIns to reIax. Ie starts out standIng taII
and stIII and coId IIke a statue but by phases begIns to move-bIInk,
twItch, breathe-and sIouch. "SInce when do you Iet anyone make the
IIrst move? esIdes, no one In our IamIIy Is very good at waItIng."
jensen doesnt say anythIng Ior a whIIe, nothIng to say that wont sound
pathetIc and desperate and strange. ventuaIIy, when he too starts to
Ioosen and warm and come a IIttIe Iurther down Into the human habIts
and thInkIng hes pIcked up, he says, " know."
ChrIs turns to hIm, eyes bIue IIke coId IIre, but otherwIse more human.
Ie smIIes IazIIy, cockIng an eyebrow. "What does your reason teII you?"
ts jensens turn to snort. Ie breaks Irom the comIortabIe but rIgId
mouId oI hIs godhood and starts to pace up and down the sIdewaIk.
"When It comes to jared, reason IIIes Irom me," he admIts soItIy.
"When It comes to romance, reason has aIways IIown Irom you," ChrIs
poInts out unheIpIuIIy. "Youve aIways heId an unnaturaI preoccupatIon
wIth mortaIs and a propensIty Ior IovIng them. Youre much IIke our
Iather In that respect."
jensen thInks hIs gIare Is response enough Ior hIs brother.
ChrIs just chuckIes. "What do you want, then?"
jensen pauses hIs pacIng, IookIng up at the apartment buIIdIng and then
to ChrIs, tIItIng hIs head. Ie shrugs, heIpIessIy, such an absurd IeeIIng
Ior a god. "jared," he whIspers. " want jared."
"Then, theres your answer," ChrIs says IIke Its sImpIe math, IIke one
and one make two.
"ts not that sImpIe," jensen snaps. " cant just go up there when jared
toId me not to. cant just go up there and expect hIm to IorgIve me or
even taIk to me when stIII cant say what dId wrong."
ChrIs doesnt answer, just sways, IIke hes IIstenIng In on somethIng
eIse. jensen huIIs and resumes hIs sIow pacIng, wonderIng how Iong
heII stay down here and waIt Ior jared. Ies dIsconcerted to reaIIze that
heII waIt Ior the rest oI jareds IIIetIme II necessary.
"Iook," ChrIs says IInaIIy. "m not exactIy the go-to guy Ior advIce on
reIatIonshIps."
jensen barks out a Iaugh but motIons Ior ChrIs to contInue. IIs oIder
brother shoots hIm a gIare beIore shruggIng.
"ut Iove Is a Iot IIke war, even humans thInk so. IIke that book, Wcr cnd
Love."
jensen pauses agaIn and Iooks at ChrIs dIsbeIIevIngIy. "Wcr cnd Fecce,"
he corrects.
"Whatever," ChrIs dIsmIsses. "IIne, 'aIIs IaIr In Iove and war, then." Ie
pauses, raIses an eyebrow, waItIng Ior jensen to correct hIm.
".go on," jensen InsIsts.
"ts sImpIe, reaIIy, and probabIy the hardest Iesson me and Steve had to
Iearn. The other nIght, Irom what ve heard Irom you and your hag
sIster, you dIdnt treat jared IIke he was your equaI."
The god scowIs, conIused. "ut -"
"Youre pIenty attentIve, know," ChrIs Interrupts, wavIng oII jensens
protest. "And, anyway, you are a god. OI course youre not equaI."
"WeII, yeah."
"IIrst, jared doesnt know youre a god. Ie thInks youre human IIke
hIm. So he treats you IIke hIs equaI and thInks that you shouId treat hIm
the same. ven know that Its asshoIe-Ish to treat jared IIke he shouId
worshIp you as a god when jared doesnt know he shouId."
".Okay." jensen nods, concedIng the poInt. jareds stubbornness and
hIs tendency to get a IIttIe bossy does rub jensen the wrong way on
occasIon, but wIthout any dIre consequences that another mortaI wouId
Iace shouId they speak to jensen In the same way. So the argument,
reaIIy, hadnt been about the dIscrepancy to jensens godhood by jared
deIyIng hIm. t had worsened the sItuatIon, but as Iar as jensen couId
teII wasnt the actuaI source.
"And, whIIe were on the god thIng, do you reaIIy want a IoIIower and a
worshIper Ior a Iover? Those kInd oI Ioves are dIIIerent, and thInk you
see jared as more."
jensen shrugs, nods agaIn. " do." When ChrIs just bIInks at hIm he
cIears hIs throat and cIarIIIes. " mean, no. ven II jared dId know.
wouIdnt want hIm to be IIke one oI my prIests, or a worshIpper, or
whatever. And do see jared as more. thInk maybe aIways have."
" couId do Iess wIth that deep oI a sharIng and carIng, aIrIght?" jensen
roIIs hIs eyes and ChrIs goes on. "jared wants to be your equaI," he
repeats Irom earIIer. "Ie thInks he deserves to be your equaI. And Irom
what understand you treated hIm as IIttIe more than an object oI
possessIon the other nIght."
"You know, thInk jared mIght have used those words."
ChrIs snorts, "OI course he dId, because m rIght about thIs entIre
sItuatIon." jensen Irowns, possIbIy even more conIused.
"m just sayIng that It sounds IIke youre Iucky that jared dIdnt try to
deck you. know Steve wouId have. WeII, he wouId have done more than
just sIug me one, but agaIn the dIIIerence between gods and mortaIs."
Ies grInnIng now.
"Youre pIayIng wIth me," jensen grumbIes.
"OnIy some," ChrIs admIts beIore hIs Iace becomes serIous. "The thIng
wIth the ex, as much as you wanted to protect jared and to show that
the human Is yours, you Interrupted jareds battIe, taIked over hIm,
Iought Ior hIm when he dIdnt ask Ior It." Ie shrugs, eyeIng jensen.
"I thIs was war, youd be the back up. The med support or suppIy
carrIer. jared wanted to be on the Iront IInes, and you were onIy
supposed to pIck hIm up II he IeII, not push hIm down so you couId stand
on hIm to take hIs pIace."
jensen pauses, wIde-eyed, onIy a smaII part wonderIng at hIs brothers
InsIght whIIe everythIng about IrIday nIght starts to dawn on hIm.
"You took your Iovers rIght to vengeance agaInst anyone whos hurt or
wronged hIm, jenny." ChrIss voIce Is grave. "ThInk about the CycIops,
and when Iobe InsuIted your mother. That was your vengeance to take.
Iow wouId you have IeIt II or MIke or anyone eIse Intervened, cIaImed
that we were IIghtIng Ior you?"
jensen bIInks sIowIy, bItIng hIs IIp. ".Oh," he whIspers, thIngs
begInnIng to open up In hIs head. Iow curIous human emotIons were,
but not Iar Irom godIy ones In some respect.
"You stepped In Ior jared to protect you, to protect and stand Ior your
name, because you consIdered jared under you, somethIng you owned,
not someone who can stand by your sIde."
Iue eyes pIerce the evenIng dark, straIght through jensen. "You know
my take on reIatIonshIps between a god and a mortaI. do not thInk that
mortaIs are ever abIe to stand by the sIdes oI gods as equaIs. ts agaInst
nature, agaInst physIcaI Iaws."
"ut."
"ut," ChrIs agrees. "What m sayIng Is true, Its somethIng both me and
Steve had to Iearn. jensen, II you are serIous about thIs reIatIonshIp wIth
jared, II you reaIIy want to know and understand why jared Is so pIssed,
then thIs Is probabIy why."
"-" jensen cuts hImseII oII. "OK, but-" he sIghs and cant reaIIy IIgure
out anythIng coherent to say or even a counter argument.
"Oh," he says agaIn.
ChrIs shakes hIs head, steps up to jensen and sIaps hIm on the back,
hard. "Yeah, oh. Youre the god oI reason and poetry and arts and stuII
whIch Is pretty much aII about Iove, Isnt It? Iow are you so cIueIess?"
jensen puIIs out hIs cheeks on another choked and mangIed response.
Iow is he so cIueIess? Whatever, even II he Is that doesnt mean that
ChrIs can get away wIth caIIIng hIm out on It. Ie opens hIs mouth to
retort but doesnt get to say anythIng because ChrIs pushes hIm toward
the apartment.
"Go In," he commands. "eIther nor anyone eIse around you wants to
see you pout and mope wIthout your human crush around."
"Ies not a crush," jensen deIends and thInks that maybe he couId have
mIssed the poInt somewhere.
"Whatever, go In."
jensen nods, resoIuteIy, and turns on hIs heeI, ready to bIInk In Iront oI
jareds door.
"And, jenny? You mIght want to change cIothes IIrst." ChrIs Iaughs
beIore dIsappearIng somewhere In the cIty, probabIy to wherever Steve
Is (most IIkeIy the mIddIe oI the IacIIIc Ocean).
jensen Iooks down and reaIIzes that hes stIII wearIng the same suIt that
he wore to the gaIa-torn and dIrty and Iaded Irom chasIng IacheI. Ie
wrInkIes hIs nose at hImseII.
jensen appears shortIy aIter In Iront oI jareds door. Ie hears the
shower runnIng and the step oI another human-a IemaIe-In the
apartment. SophIa. Ie recognIzes her sIgnature, IIke jareds but not.
Ie stIII has a key to the apartment but Ior some InexpIIcabIe reason
IIgures that he shouId knock.
Ie hears SophIa approach the door aIter he knocks, hears her stand on
her tIp toes to Iook out the gIass peep hoIe. jensen hears her hesItate
and stand there, debatIng on whether or not to Iet hIm In. Or maybe
shes waItIng Ior hIm to waIk away IIrst.
jensen has no IntentIon oI waIkIng away, or oI IettIng jared waIk away
thIs tIme, so he stands there and waIts.
Two mInutes pass and she throws the door open. SophIa Iooks worse
than she dId on the day that jensen IIrst met her, and thats sayIng
somethIng. Shes In pajama shorts and a pInk tank top now, whIch Is
better than her oversIzed sweats and shows oII her tanned IIgure (tan
and hot must run In the IamIIy, jensen thInks IdIy). And shes not
wearIng any make-up at aII, whIch Is better than the smeared mascara
and caked IoundatIon that she sported when they IIrst met.
ut her Iace Is paIe, dark rIngs under her eyes IIke jared gets when hes
stressed or doesnt sIeep. Ier haIr Is IreshIy washed, jensen can smeII
jareds shampoo so she had used jareds shower, but It stIII Iooks IrIzzy,
IIke shes been puIIIng on It In IrustratIon. She just Iooks tIred, weary.
And pIssed. She deIInIteIy Iooks pIssed.
"Where have you been?" she snaps at hIm.
"!hm, hey, Soph. Good to see you, too?" he says charmIngIy.
"You have IIve seconds to beg on your knees Ior a chance to even Iook at
my IIttIe brother one Iast tIme beIore kIck you out on your ass Ior
good."
Ie bIInks at her, stunned and rather Impressed. Ies about to teII her
thIs but she crosses her arms, auburn haIr IIIrtIng wIth her bare
shouIders at the movement, and starts tappIng her Ioot ImpatIentIy,
eyebrow raIsed.
"Oh, rIght, uhm. Yeah, want to taIk to jared-"
"What Ior? So you can embarrass hIm agaIn?" she snaps. "So you can be
a douche and not IIsten to hIm or care about what he thInks agaIn?
believed In you- thought you were good Ior hIm!"
jensen IIaps hIs hands a IIttIe, mouth workIng soundIessIy, and reaIIzes
that hes actuaIIy IIaIIIng.
jareds bIg sIster just mIght be scarIer than jensens bIg sIster. jensen
makes a mentaI note to never Iet them reaIIy meet.
"See, about that. - thought about It a Iot and-"
"And where have you been?" she goes on, advancIng on hIm a step. "You
dIdnt caII, you bastard. Who Iets an argument IIke that sIt Ior a week?
!nIess you dont reaIIy care Ior my brother."
"n my deIense, jared dId teII me not to caII. ut Iost my phone."
She roIIs her eyes, "IIease! You dIdnt Iose your damn phone, thats the
oIdest excuse ever. And sInce when has jared teIIIng you to get Iost ever
actuaIIy worked?"
". sInce. reaIIzed that screwed up over the weekend?"
SophIa puts her hands on her hIps, sneerIng. "o you aIways answer a
questIon wIth another questIon? Are you that unsure oI yourseII?"
"What? o!" jensen takes an unconscIous step backward when SophIa
advances another two steps.
"Are you teIIIng me that you screwed up because you thInk that thats
what want to hear In order to Iet you see jared?"
"!hm, no?" Ie bIInks when she pops her knuckIes threatenIngIy. "Okay,
IIne, do know that Its what you want to hear, but!" he shouts, puttIng
hIs hands up when It Iooks IIke she mIght cock her IIst back to punch
hIm. "ut, aIso know that Its true. dId screw up, was the one that
was In the wrong and was a jackass Ior not even reaIIzIng It."
The words IeeI IIke hes vomItIng tar. A god admIttIng hes wrong Is
unheard oI. ut jensens broken a Iot oI "godIy" ruIes Ior jared aIready,
so he IIgures Its aIrIght to break a Iew more (no matter how bad It
tastes).
"Why dIdnt you answer your phone, jensen?"
The god bIInks at her IIke she just spoke ChInese, backwards. "What?"
"Your phone. You dIdnt answer It. caIIed, IIke, IIve tImes, maybe. Chad
even caIIed and m not sorry anymore Ior the voIcemaII he IeIt."
"SophIa, what Is It? Why dId you caII? s jared aIrIght?" he asks, eyes
wIdenIng and shootIng past her to the apartment. Ie doubIe checks and
he knows that thats jared In the shower (It takes work, but hes abIe to
push the Image oI that Iong, Iean, soapy body back Ior now).
SophIa huIIs, steppIng back and reachIng Ior the door to cIose It, to shut
hIm out. "IIke you dont know."
"o, waIt!" jensen says, stIckIng hIs Ioot between the Irame and
sIammIng door. t doesnt even reaIIy hurt, anyway. "SophIa, just IIsten.
-there was a IamIIy emergency. had to go back to Greece," whIch
wasnt a IIe, reaIIy, sInce he had been In Greece Ior about IIve mInutes a
day or so ago. " wouId have caIIed earIIer but Iost my phone whIIe was
traveIIng." And that reaIIy was the whoIe truth.
SophIa narrows her eyes, squIntIng IIke her IIance, as she studIes hIm.
" promIse you that m not IyIng. Iost my phone somewhere between
here and Greece or wouId have caIIed earIIer. There was a IamIIy
emergency or wouId have been here earIIer. dIdnt even know that
wouId be gone thIs Iong."
"Iook, swear, m here to a-apoIogIze," he aImost chokes on the word. "
promIse. dIdnt reaIIze what dId the other nIght-jared toId you about
It guess, huh? Anyway, dIdnt reaIIze It then but ve IIgured It out and
am sorry. want to teII hIm that."
SophIa bIows out a steady breath, tIItIng her head back and IIstenIng Ior
the shower, whIch Is stIII runnIng. "You swear that you dIdnt get any oI
our messages?"
" swear."
"And you reaIIze what a douche you were?"
jensen resIsts the urge to roII hIs eyes. "Yes, swear," he answers,
IeeIIng IIke hes swearIng beIore both judge and jury.
"IIne. ut. but youII have to go to the bedroom and taIk to hIm. m not
IeavIng thIs apartment untII know Ior sure that youre not goIng to hurt
my baby brother anymore."
AgaIn, and maybe because hes so Iresh Irom a hunt, It IrrItates hIm that
a mortaI openIy dIstrusts hIm, but he remInds hImseII that thIs Is Ior
jared.
"Yeah, that sounds IaIr," It sounds rIdIcuIous. Ie scoIIs. jared doesnt
thInk that ]ensen treats hIm IIke an equaI? SophIa treats hIm IIke a
newborn puppy.
"ut Is jared aIrIght? What dId you have to caII me Ior over the past
days? Soph?"
She purses her IIps, watchIng hIm warIIy as he waIks Into the room. Ie
Iooks around but everythIng Is as he remembers-cIeaner, even, except
jared Is terrIbIe at keepIng hIs pIace cIean. Ies hygIenIc, theres hardIy
ever any dIrty dIshes, but he doesnt dust and theres usuaIIy V cases
strewn on the IIoor In Iront oI the TV, aIong wIth a traII oI hIs work
cIothes Irom the couch IeadIng to hIs bedroom, and dozens oI brIght dog
chew toys that jareds prone to trIppIng over.
SophIas been cIeanIng, whIch means that shes been here Ior a whIIe,
Iong enough to cIean the pIace and take a shower. And the dogs are
gone.
"jared wIII have to decIde II he wants to teII you or not. t shouId
probabIy be one thIng at a tIme Ior you two." She shuts the door, IeanIng
agaInst It. She juts her chIn toward jareds room. "WeII, go on. ut
swear AckIes, wIII kIII you and bury you where theyII never IInd your
body II you screw thIs up tonIght."
"God, youre scary," jensen bIurts out, not sure whether to Iaugh or
stare In amazement.
"Good," she smIrks.
Ie makes hIs way to jareds bedroom door but beIore he steps Into the
room he hears SophIa caII out aIter hIm.
"And AckIes?"
"Yeah?" he asks, turnIng to Iook over hIs shouIder.
SophIas standIng there, arms crossed and smIrkIng. " heard that
OIyphants nose and cheekbone Is broken. Ice job."
jensen knows jareds exs name weII-he doesnt usuaIIy remember the
names oI mortaIs, but TImothy Is an enemy so jensen remembers. Ie
grIns back at her.
Ie enters jareds bedroom, smeIIIng oI perIumed cIeaner and the
carpets brIghter than usuaI. jensen waIks the perImeter oI the room,
gettIng the IeeI Ior It, hIs mInds eye projectIng jared Irom hIs memorIes
oI thIs room. jared sprawIed IIke an octopus across the bed as he sIept.
jared standIng at the dresser, round ass naked and exposed as he hunts
Ior somethIng to wear. jared crawIIng across the bed Ior jensen, jared
on hIs knees, back to the waII, mouth stuIIed IuII oI jensen as he Iets the
god Iuck In and out oI hIs mouth. jared wrIthIng on the bed, body
bouncIng on jensens IIngers. jared curIed Into jensens body, sIow
Saturday mornIng murmurIng, jareds sentences IaIIIng short whenever
he IaIIs asIeep mId-thought.
y aII thIngs on thIs earth, jensen mIsses jared so much he aches.
esIde jareds nIghtstand theres a smaII to medIum sIzed trashcan.
jared uses pIastIc shoppIng bags Ior It Instead oI bIgger trash bags.
jensens eye catches somethIng coIorIuI, a pIcture. CurIous, he moves
Iorward, tIItIng hIs ear to IIsten and make sure jareds stIII In the
shower.
AIter aII, he doesnt thInk jared wouId apprecIate jensen goIng through
hIs trash.
Ie goes to pIck up the pIcture and reaIIzes that there are easIIy haII a
dozen, maybe more, photos. Ie pIcks up three that are bent together.
jensen smoothes them out and reaIIzes that theyre photos oI jared and
TImothy as a coupIe. jared Iooks gorgeous In two oI them, tanner and
smIIIng wIder than jensen recaIIs hIm ever doIng wIth hIm. Iowever,
these smIIes seem straIned, somehow. Showy. jareds smIIes mIght not
be as manIc wIde now, but theyre wIde and happy and beautIIuI and
genuIne. These. arent. Or maybe jensens readIng too Iar Into It, but
he Is a patron oI the arts and jared, as Iar as jensen Is concerned, Is art.
So jensens pretty sure that hes got It rIght.
n each one TImothy Iooks nothIng IIke the uptIght busIness man that
jensen saw the other nIght, though TImothy stIII appears arrogant and
even Immature, gooIIng oII In Iront oI the camera, hangIng aII over jared.
jensen sneers, consIders burnIng the pIctures but decIdes on throwIng
them back In the bIn. Ie cant heIp but IeeI smug and reIIeved that
jareds thrown away these Iast remnants oI hIs and TImothys
reIatIonshIp. t gIves jensen hope that TImothy's accusatIons that jared
Is stIII In Iove wIth hIm, mIght return to hIm, are IaIse. Gods, jensen
hopes so. t's not even that jared wouId Ieave hIm-okay, so It Is a Iot
about that. t's probabIy seIIIsh, but jensen doubts that he wouId be abIe
to Iet jared go very easIIy. MostIy It's about the Iact that TImothy Is a
bastard. Ie's crueIIy arrogant, more so than jensen, and jensen knows
that In TImothy's hands jared wouId be hurt.
jensen's about to waIk away, or at Ieast sIt on the bed and waIt Ior hIs
Iover, when he spIes an oddIy shaped whIte something In the bIn. Ie
bends down, reachIng to take It and then straIghtens, shakIng hIs head
because what kInd oI god Is he? ShIItIng through hIs Iover's trash. Ie
scoIIs at hImseII and waIks away, hands stuIIed In hIs pockets. Ie's more
Interested In the yeIIow sketchpad he saw on jared's dresser. I he's
goIng to snoop, he's goIng to snoop wIth dIgnIty.
Ie opens the sketchpad and grIns, reaIIzIng that It's over haII IuII. jared
never toId hIm that he couId draw. The characters are cartoonIsh and
the background Is hastIIy Iudged and most pages are spIIt Into
quadrants, each showIng a dIIIerent scene IeaturIng the cartoonIsh
characters.
A storyboard, jensen reaIIzes wIth a surprIsed but pIeased grIn. The
date at the bottom IndIcates that jared was probabIy In hIgh schooI Ior
the IIrst Iew. Ie IIIps through a Iew others, trackIng the dates and thus
trackIng jared Irom hIgh schooI to coIIege where the sketches became
Iewer as he became busIer. jared drew other thIngs-a mInImaIIy
detaIIed sIIhouette oI the !CIA campus, sketches oI SadIe and IarIey,
vague portraIts oI SophIa, Chad, and an oIder but beautIIuI woman who
jensen assumes Is jared's mother.
The Iast storyboard Is about the same year that jared says he dropped
out oI coIIege. The sketchpad Is bIank aIter that. jensen IIIps through It
anyway, just to be sure, and sure enough near the end oI the book
there's another sketch.
ThIs one, whIIe stIII showIng jared's taIent and propensIty at skIII, Is
wobbIy and IIat Irom the Iack oI practIce. ut It's oI jensen, smIIIng wIth
hIs head thrown back, and the date Is Irom just Iast week.
jensen's grIn Is so wIde and sIIIy that he aImost seII-conscIousIy Iooks
around, a IIttIe aIraId that someone mIght have seen It.
Ie shakes hIs head, chest oddIy warm and settIed, and cIoses the book,
determInIng to go through It more thoroughIy at a Iater tIme. Maybe
wIth jared.
And that's when the whIte shape In the trashcan resurIaces In jensen's
mInd. There's somethIng odd and IamIIIar and dIsconcertIng about It. Ie
makes hIs way back over, IIstenIng to the sound oI jared movIng In the
shower, water stIII runnIng (jensens begInnIng to thInk that jared's
IaIIen asIeep In there). Ie bends and pIcks up the whIte shape.
t's a paper band, thInIy IamInated. A bIack bar code on It, the name oI
one oI the IocaI hospItaIs, and jared's name on It.
ConIused and IuII oI dread, jensen sIts on the bed and he waIts.

The steam eases jareds achIng muscIes In hIs back, Iegs and hands. IIs
quIck guy shower Is turnIng Into an hour-Iong gIrIy shower, but he
doesnt care. Theyd gotten back Irom the hospItaI a coupIe oI hours
ago. Ie buIIIed SophIa to Iet hIm stay at hIs own apartment and she
buIIIed hIm Into IettIng her stay wIth hIm Ior at Ieast the next two nIghts.
Ie couId understand tonIght, he reaIIy couId, but two?
jared cant actuaIIy deny how much he doesnt mInd. Ie wants to be
aIone, whIch Is why hes Iocked hImseII In thIs shower, but he aIso
doesnt want to be by hImseII In thIs apartment. Ie doesnt remember
much oI what happened but ever sInce comIng back hes had a IIash or
two and theyre not pretty-hed been aIone and In paIn, IaIIIng IIke an
apparItIon In and out oI sIeep, shIverIng on the IIoor. Ie dIdnt want to
be aIone, not rIght now. Ie couIdnt even begIn to ImagIne how bad the
nIghtmares were goIng to be.
octor eaver and a Iew oI hIs consuItants hadn't been abIe to
determIne the causes oI jared's seIzure, just that they're IaIrIy sure that
there's no damage. jared's on the same medIcatIon as beIore, just hIgher
doses.
Ie dId nothIng but sIeep In that damn short and hard hospItaI bed Irom
Monday to Wednesday. SIeep and eat saIads, broccoII, carrots, russeIs
sprouts, spInach and whatever other coIorIuI and dIsgustIng vegetabIe
the doctors (and SophIa) deemed It necessary to shove down hIs throat.
The poInt Is that he dId nothIng but sIeep at the hospItaI and now he's
stIII so tIred that he couId IaII asIeep standIng In the shower.
Ie doesn't, though, because he doesn't want to IaII and gIve hIs bIg
sIster another heart attack. Ie's guIIty enough as It Is.
IIs apartment was cIean and spotIess because when SophIa had been
sent home to get some rest yesterday she had apparentIy decIded to
come to jared's apartment and obsessIveIy cIean It Instead. jared dIdn't
mInd. Ie was just reIIeved that It dIdnt smeII anymore. Ies pretty sure
that II It smeIIed even a IIttIe bIt IIke It dId Monday he wouId probabIy
throw up agaIn.
jensen stIII hasnt caIIed, hasnt come around or anythIng. jared cant
decIde how he IeeIs about It. Ie IeeIs hurt most oI the tIme and hes not
sure how IaIr that Is. AIter aII, hes the one that toId jensen that he
wouId caII IIrst, but wIth jensens prevIous record jared had IIgured that
jensen mIght gIve hIm a days space, II even that, beIore he started the
crazy creepy staIker thIng that jared sometImes IInds a IIttIe cute.
Other tImes jared IeeIs resIgned. Maybe hes IettIng Marks words get to
hIm, or maybe hes just IInaIIy IacIng reaIIty. Maybe he ran at the IIrst
sIgn oI troubIe-maybe he ran aIter jared threatened to break up wIth
hIm. ut thats not rIght. SomethIng IIke an argument wouIdnt be
enough to keep jensen away and jared reaIIzes thIs even In hIs darkest
moments. AIter aII, jensen stuck around when jared turned hIm down.
Ie stayed wIth jared even though IuII on sex dIdnt happen untII aImost
three months Into theIr reIatIonshIp when jensens probabIy used to
peopIe droppIng theIr pants Ior hIm on sIght. Ies taken the tIme to get
to know jared, so much so that except Ior a coupIe oI tImes jensen
creates theIr dates around jareds IIkes and Interests.
Ie sIghs, cIosIng hIs eyes, soap and shampoo Iong rInsed away but he
stands under the warm spray anyway. Ie aImost unconscIousIy rubs hIs
chest, vaInIy soothIng away the heartache. ut as he rubs It starts to
IeeI good, IIke a IIttIe Iess IoneIy, and hIs hand drops down hIs body,
rubbIng up and down hIs abs, not even aIIowIng hImseII to dweII on how
undeIIned and soIt theyve become. jared rubs up and down, thumb
IIIckIng out to tease hIs naveI, body warmIng up and trembIIng Ior a
dIIIerent reason than hot water and a cooI room.
IIs hand traveIs to hIs hIps and then hIs dIck, a pIcture oI jensen
IormIng behInd hIs cIosed IIds. jensens smIIIng even though hIs eyes are
dark wIth Iust and Iove Ior jared. Ie ImagInes the oIder man steppIng In
behInd hIm, chest pIasterIng to jareds back, hIs hand takIng the pIace oI
jareds over hIs dIck. jensen Ieans In cIose, beautIIuI mouth to jareds
ear, breathIng hotIy as he says, "l know" and "l love you" and "lll never
lecve you" and "Do you jeel it? Do you jeel me?"
jareds IIngers wrap around hImseII but despIte the desIre pooIIng In hIs
body hes soIt and IImp. jared moans and bangs hIs Iorehead agaInst the
shower waII, squeezIng hIs eyes shut and jerkIng hIs hand away In
IrustratIon.
Ies so tIred he cant even beat oII to hIs IavorIte Iantasy. just IuckIng
awesome.
jared sIghs and washes hImseII agaIn, just because, hIs eyes Itchy and
droopIng wIth sIeep. Ie stumbIes out and haII drIes oII, not reaIIy carIng
and puIIIng on a paIr oI sweatpants when hIs Iegs are stIII mostIy
drIppIng wIth water. Ie trIes not to thInk about how jensen hates
gettIng dressed when hes stIII even a IIttIe damp, how he rubs wIth the
toweI untII jared thInks heII rub hIs skIn oII and then InsIsts on waIkIng
around jareds apartment Ior the next hour or two naked In order to
"compIeteIy aIr dry".
ToweI sIung over hIs wet shouIders he quIetIy opens the door and steps
Into hIs bedroom.
jensen AckIes sIttIng on the edge oI hIs bed Is the Iast thIng jared
expected to see today or anytIme soon so It actuaIIy takes jared a mInute
to comprehend It. n the meantIme he just stands and stares and bIInks
wIth hIs mouth hangIng wIde open.
"-jensen?"
jensen smIIes, sIow and dIstracted. "jared." IIs hands are on hIs Iap,
IIdgetIng, and It draws jareds attentIon to somethIng whIte that
jensens hoIdIng. IIs eyes wIden ImpossIbIy Iurther as he IeeIs hIs heart
actuaIIy stutter and come to a screechIng haIt In hIs throat.
". thInk we need to taIk," jensen says soItIy, eyes a wet green IIke a
jungIe. "About a Iot oI thIngs."
"jensen, ." jared traIIs oII, because where can he even start?
"jared, IIrst oI aII," the oIder man pIows on. "m sorry. About IrIday.
shouIdnt have-weII, was an unIaIr ass and m sorry. m aIso sorry Ior
not reaIIzIng It sooner."
jared just stares at hIm dumbIy. "m. what?"
jensen smIIes, sIow and sweet and better than jared remembers. "Youre
reaIIy gonna make me repeat It?" Ie shrugs. "IIne, wIII. As many tImes
as you want me to. m sorry got aII stupId and controIIIng, wIth MIsha
but especIaIIy wIth TImothy. That was your battIe and shouId have
supported you, not taken It away Irom you IIke you werent capabIe or
you werent my or TImothys equaI."
jareds heart Is thunderIng In hIs chest and he honest to God thInks that
thIs Is the IIrst tIme that any oI hIs boyIrIends have actuaIIy apoIogIzed
to hIm. Granted, he and MIIo got aIong so weII-IIke brothers and
roommates, though It took them a whIIe to reaIIze that-that they hadnt
Iought and there hadnt been a need Ior apoIogIes. ut wIth TImothy It
was aIways jared havIng to accommodate hIs personaIIty to IIt TImothys.
t was aIways jared havIng to IorgIve and Iorget and get on wIth theIr
IIves.
And Ior jensen to not onIy apoIogIze but aIso to summarIze what jared
had thought jensen IncapabIe oI IeeIIng much Iess understandIng Is.
ts IuckIng amazIng. And It makes jared want to crInge at aII oI the
negatIve thoughts hes had about jensen In the past severaI hours.
jared IIcks hIs IIps, so In shock he Isnt sure he can beIIeve It. "o you.
do you mean It?"
The oIder man smIIes a IIttIe wIder and nods, hIs shouIders reIaxIng
ImperceptIbIy. "Yeah. . It took me a whIIe," he snorts. "ChrIs, oI aII
peopIe, Is the one that beat me over the head and got me to open my
eyes. mean-ChrIs!" Ie chuckIes, aImost nervousIy. "ut hes rIght and
youre rIght and ve honestIy never thought oI thIs.oI reIatIonshIps.
thIs way."
"just. just shut up," jared says, chest both so IIght and heavy that jared
wouId thInk Its broken except Ior how damn happy and reIIeved he Is.
Ie takes sIow, cautIous steps to jensen who rIses to greet hIm. jared
IaIIs Into jensens arms at the same tIme he wraps hIs Iong ones around
hIs boyIrIend, buryIng hIs nose In the crook oI jensens shouIder,
InhaIIng hIs rIch and addIctIve scent, and Its jensen. ChrIst, thank God,
Its jensen. Ies here and as beautIIuI as ever and hes wIth jared.
"Thank you, thank you, jen," jared whIspers Into jensens saIty-sweet
skIn. "m sorry, too. God, was so ImpatIent. dIdnt even expIaIn. and
shouId have stood up to you, shouId have made you IIsten beIore It aII
bIew out oI controI."
"m sorrIer, though," jensen chuckIes Into jared, baskIng In hIs Iovers
warmth and the IeeIIng oI home and beIongIng (so strange that he IeeIs
IIke he beIongs In the company oI thIs mortaI) washIng over hIm. "ut we
can both be sorry II you want." Ie Ieans back, searchIng jareds tIred
hazeI eyes. "II work on It, OK? never meant to make you IeeI Iess. You
mean so much to me, you as a person. As my. equaI," he says as II hes
testIng out the word. "And dont want you to IeeI IIke that ever agaIn."
jared smIIes, runnIng hIs IIngertIps over jensens cheekbone and jaw,
mappIng out hIs Iace. jareds memorIes dont even compare. That settIes
It, then. IeII just have to see jensen every day Ior the rest oI hIs IIIe. Ie
smIIes gooIIIy at the thought.
"OK," jared says sImpIy. " IorgIve you."
jensens eyes wIden. "IeaIIy? That easIIy?" he marveIs.
jared Iooks away, shruggIng In jensens hoId on hIm. "t stIII hurts, but
understand, reaIIy do. And understand how hard It was Ior you to.
and, anyway. Yeah, Its that easy. Thank you, jen. Youve just made me
IeeI." he traIIs oII, smIIIng heIpIessIy, hopIng It conveys how nervous
sccred relieved hurt hcppy ecstctic he IeeIs.
"Thank you, kaIos," jensen says, doesnt know why hes sayIng It but
doesnt even dweII on how hes a god and hes thankIng thIs human. Ie
just wonders at how good the words make hIm IeeI.
They kIss, aImost chasteIy, sIow and stIII. They smIIe agaInst each others
IIps, theIr eyeIashes IIutterIng agaInst theIr skIn. utterIIy kIsses.
t IeeIs so good and jared wants It to Iead to more. Ie thInks he shouId
IeeI wary and cautIous but he doesnt. IIs body just craves jensen. ut
he remembers how It went In the shower earIIer, wantIng the arousaI
and IeeIIng It but unabIe to do anythIng wIth It. Ies just so tIred. And
octor eaver warned that wIth crankIng up the mIIIIgrams oI some oI
hIs meds that It couId aIIect hIs sex drIve.
WhIch Is just awesome.
jensen reveIs In the IeeI oI jared, thInkIng that he was a IooI to ever Iet
thIs human part Irom hIm, even Ior a Iew mInutes. Ie wants the kIss to
go deeper, he wants to run hIs hands aII over hIs Iovers Iong and
beautIIuI body. IIs hands twItch wIth just the thought and the Ieather-
IIght paper In hIs hand rustIes wIth the movement, remIndIng hIm oI Its
exIstence. ts suddenIy heavy In hIs hand, bIg and unavoIdabIe, IIke an
enchanted Iron chaIn.
Ie puIIs back but keeps one hand on jareds hIp. Ie hoIds the other
hand between hIm and jared, unIoIdIng hIs IIst to reveaI the hospItaI
braceIet.
jareds eyes are drawn to It and he IeeIs hImseII paIe, IeeIs hIs Iace and
IIngers and toes become coId. Ie swaIIows thIckIy.
"jay?" jensen asks, IIItIng jareds chIn wIth hIs IIngers. "KaIos, Iook at
me," he waIts patIentIy untII jared does, though It seems to take Iorever
Ior jareds brIght hazeI eyes to IIIt and meet hIs. "What Is thIs? What
happened? jared, are you okay?"
SomethIng hammers and shatters and mends back together In one
terrIIyIng second at the sound oI jensen sayIng hIs nIckname. eIng
caIIed beautIIuI embarrasses jared because he just doesnt thInk Its
true, though he cant deny that one corner oI hIs heart IIutters every
tIme he hears It and he secretIy savors each moment jensen caIIs hIm
beautIIuI.
Ie can be such a hIgh schooI gIrI.
nexpIIcabIy, tears start to burn In hIs eyes. jared Iets out a horrIIIed
gasp because no, no hes not goIng to cry. Ies goIng to be strong, hes
not goIng to break down In Iront oI thIs gorgeous and perIect man.
IIrstIy because jareds an ugIy crIer, and secondIy because hes got to
deaI wIth thIs-he cant just cry about It every tIme Its brought up.
CryIng doesnt do anythIng.
jareds breath hItches and totaIIy wIthout hIs say-so the hot tears In hIs
eyes spIII over onto hIs cheeks.
jensens eyes wIden when hIs Iover starts to cry because It Isnt
somethIng hes reaIIy seen beIore. Yes, when jared conIessed about how
hIs Iast reIatIonshIp ended badIy jensen had been just as stunned to see
the tears In jareds eyes that weIIed but never IeII, and was deepIy
moved by the way jared seemed to break down one oI hIs barrIers In
order to beg jensen not to Ieave.
ThIs Is dIIIerent, somehow. ot just that jared Is IuII on cryIng, tears
roIIIng down hIs reddenIng cheeks, but he Iooks so exhausted, deIeated,
and aIraId-a combInatIon that jensen has never seen on hIs resIIIent
Iovers Iace and quIte IrankIy never wants to see agaIn. The god watches
wIde-eyed and mystIIIed as hIs taII, strong, and guarded human
crumbIes away, IeavIng jensen to see the parts oI hIm that hes hIdden
Ior so Iong.
And stIII jensen thInks that jared Is so godsdamned beautIIuI.
"jay," jensen whIspers, wrappIng hIs arms around jareds Iower back
when jared trIes to turn away, ashamed at hIs tears. "What Is It? Were
you In the hospItaI whIIe was gone?"
jared nods numbIy and jensens chest aches. IuckIng IacheI, thIs Is aII
her IauIt.
"Iow Iong?"
"- got sIck on Sunday. And was aIone. SophIa dIdnt IInd me untII
Monday mornIng."
".IInd you?" jensen asks, hIs tongue thIck and heavy In hIs mouth.
"Yeah . stayed In the hospItaI untII thIs mornIng. jensen, swear-" he
Iooks up, eyeIashes wet and cIumped together as a new wave oI tears
IaII. Ies swayIng unsteadIIy on hIs Ieet and the rIngs under hIs eyes are
more pronounced than ever on hIs Iever-paIe and IIushed Iace.
jensen toes oII hIs shoes and starts tuggIng jared around. ConIused,
jared resIsts at IIrst, not sure whats happenIng.
"Come on, jared," jensen says as gentIy as he can when aII he wants Is to
get the whoIe story Irom jared rIght thIs second. "Iay down beIore you
IaII down," he trIes to tease.
jared shakes hIs head, IIashIng to that bastard Mark In the hospItaI. Ie
hated IyIng down whIIe Mark stood over hIm, and jared doesnt want
that agaIn. AIter aII, jensen wouIdnt IIe wIth hIm. TheIr argument stIII
IIngers tIght and IIu-IIke on jareds skIn even though they apoIogIzed and
It has to be the same Ior jensen. esIdes, what jared Is about to teII hIm
Is bIg and he knows jensen senses that (and heII probabIy want to
stand, so he can Ieave Iaster).
ut aII oI a sudden, usIng strength that jared thInks jensen shouIdnt be
abIe to possess, jensen Iowers them both sIowIy and gentIy onto the bed,
IacIng each other. jensen drops the hospItaI braceIet to the IIoor and
now hes hoIdIng jareds hand wIth one and Is strokIng jareds haIr out
oI hIs Iace wIth another. jensen nudges hIs shIn between jareds caIves,
hookIng them together, a sIIent promIse to never Ieave, to be here and
support jared.
I onIy jensen knew the truth.
"TeII me," jensen InsIsts soItIy. "TeII me everythIng, jay."
jared IIcks hIs IIps and Iooks down at where hIs and jensens hands are
IntertwIned. ". wh-when TImothy IeIt. Ie dIdnt just cheat on me."
jensen Irowns at the mentIon oI TImothy, hIs mInd tryIng to process
where jareds ex IIts In, IeeIIng a note oI dread In hIs heart. ut jared
tossed TImothys pIctures, jensen remInds hImseII. They were In the
trash, jareds done wIth that guy Ior good now, he has to be.
"!hm, . Iound out that was sIck. And . we dated Ior a Iong tIme so
when Iound out ImmedIateIy went to hIm. toId hIm th-that was sIck
and he just. he just IeIt. Ie ran out and IeIt. , ChrIst. t hurt so much.
was conIused and angry and IuckIng scared, too, you know? So gave
hIm a coupIe oI hours and then went out to IInd hIm. went to hIs. God,
he used to IIve In thIs shItty apartment. Id you know that had no cIue
who he was? dated hIm Ior years thInkIng he was some sorry hIppIe
surIer Ioser. Ie never toId me hIs past, that he was heIr to the Graham
Trust. That he was rIch and hIs IamIIy was rIch and gave a shIt about
hIm."
jensens eyes wIden, hoIdIng jareds hand tIghter, and he doesnt say
anythIng but he does seethe at the memory oI IrIday nIght aII the more.
On top oI TImothys return and hIm throwIng those nasty words at jared,
hIs Iover had aIso reaIIzed that the majorIty oI the years he spent wIth
someone he thought he Ioved were buIIt on a IIe.
GuIIt suddenIy sweeps through jensen. Ie doesnt want to do that to
jared, eIther. Ies determIned not to be the same as TImothy.
"And, anyway, so went there. had a key and waIked rIght In and saw.
weII, aIready toId you what saw," he trIes to smIIe but IaIIs.
Thct jucking bcstcrd, jensen thInks but doesnt say It, onIy hooks hIs Ieg
Iurther around jareds.
"jared?" jensen asks and II It comes out as a whIsper weII hes sure that
jared wont teII on hIm. "You keep sayIng that youre sIck. what does
that mean?"
jared bItes hIs IIp so hard jensen thInks It mIght bIeed. The hand thats
pIayIng wIth jareds damp haIr drops down and he gentIy nudges jareds
IIp away Irom hIs teeth.
" have IarkInsons Isease," jared breathes out, voIce hIgh IIke a whIne.
IIs eyes wIden, stunned.
The god Isnt IamIIIar wIth the names oI dIseases-why wouId he be? So
he gIves jared a conIused Iook. "IarkInsons?"
jared swaIIows and when that doesnt seem to work he cIears hIs throat
nervousIy. "ts, ah. uhm. MIchaeI j. Iox and Muhammad AII have It as
weII?"
jensen just stares at hIm bIankIy. Ie recognIzes the names, but stIII
doesnt get the poInt.
"IIght. t. Its not that serIous?"
"jared," jensen says, not IoudIy but sternIy and jared IIInches, eyes
IowerIng, eyeIashes kIssIng hIs skIn.
"IIght. ts. Iound out about two years ago, though they thInk that ve
had It Ior at Ieast a year or two beIore that. .d been IosIng sIeep Ior a
whIIe. My stomach. weII, It hurt aII the tIme. My hands shook more
oIten. got," he pauses and sIghs heavIIy, IeeIIng ashamed. "God, was
so depressed. ApathetIc. One oI my cIIents Irom when TrueOne was just
a websIte was so pIeased wIth hIs resuIts that he arranged a Iease on
the buIIdIng we have now, set up a contract and paId Ior our IIrst
marketIng serIes. Wed just gotten It oII the ground and aII oI a sudden.
wasnt IncIIned to go Into work." Ie shrugs heIpIessIy. "t wasnt even a
conscIous thought, It was just-" he breaks oII, bItes hIs IIps and darts
hIs eyes at jensen nervousIy.
"Anyway," he contInues. "Then one day was at the house. had just
moved out oI Chad and SophIas house to the apartment and, yeah. was
waIkIng down the staIrs, just a Iew Irom the bottom, and my Iegs just
Iroze-It happens sometImes now, IIke wIth IoIt? Anyway, that was the
IIrst tIme. My Iegs Iroze and my head. cant descrIbe It. t hasnt reaIIy
happened sInce. IeII, knocked myseII out, and thats when Iound out."
Ies stIII cryIng, tears IaIIIng down and soakIng the sheet beneath hIm.
Ie IeeIs hIs mouth movIng, hIs jaw creakIng, but It doesnt IeeI IIke Its
hIs voIce comIng Irom hIs throat. IIke hes dIsconnected Irom hIs own
body. Ies shIverIng Ior a shIt Ioad oI reasons. The aIr Is cooI on hIs bare
arms and chest, hIs proxImIty to jensen, hIs conIessIon that IeeIs so
uncomIortabIe IIke hes strIppIng oII hImseII Iayer by Iayer.
"jared," hIs boyIrIend (God, he reaIIy hopes jensen Is stIII hIs boyIrIend,
wIII contInue to be hIs Iover, hIs everythIng) reprImands gentIy, pIacIng a
hand on jareds shouIder. ts so warm-jensens skIn Is so unbeIIevabIy
warm. IIke hes been sunbathIng In the Sahara.
IIs shIverIng stops and he breathes a sIgh oI reIIeI.
jensen keeps hIs hand there, keeps a tendrII oI hIs power radIatIng out
because he never wants to see jared shIverIng IIke that agaIn.
"You stIII havent toId me. KaIos, whats wrong?"
Whcts wrong with you? jareds braIn suppIIes and he aImost sobs. Ie
pushes It away and braveIy trIes to stop cryIng, shorIng up hIs deIenses
In case (when, not II, when) jensen Ieaves.
"IarkInsons Is a degeneratIve dIsorder oI the centraI nervous system,"
jared recItes as II hes readIng Irom a textbook.
"egeneratIve?" jensen echoes.
"Yeah, Its. Iook, Its not. quIck. ts not IIke cancer."
jensens eyes wIden Iurther, remIndIng jared oI a Iost chIId. Ied never
thought hed see such a Iook on the Iace oI hIs powerIuI and seII-assured
boyIrIend. jared pushes back the seII-bItterness.
"ot quIck? oes that mean that youII. suIIer?" jensen asks IIke Its a
IoreIgn concept to suIIer. jared supposes that It couId be Ior hIm.
"ot Ior a Iong tIme." ThIs Is the IIrst tIme that jareds reaIIy taIked
about thIs, wIth anyone. The IIrst tIme that hes admItted some oI these
truths out Ioud. "The dIsease Is rare In peopIe my age. They-my doctor
-he dId some tests and he thInks that probabIy had It beIore was
twenty, just never recognIzed the sIgns untII a coupIe oI years Iater.
ormaIIy It deveIops In peopIe over IIIty, so have juvenIIe parkInsonIsm,
whIch-" he breaks oII wIth a quIet but near-hysterIcaI Iaugh. "s so
IuckIng rare."
Ies quIet a moment as he sobers. "ts possIbIe Ior me to IIve a normaI
IIIespan. Ior juvenIIe the IIIe. weII, Its not IIIe expectancy, reaIIy, but,
anyway. can IIve to around seventy. ts just, the quaIIty oI IIIe. once
the dopamIne neurons In my head-theyre dyIng sIowIy, Its what gIves
me these symptoms. TheIr death cant be reversed, and at some poInt
the medIcIne wont work. ven beIore that II become dependent."
"jared," jensen says suddenIy, IoudIy, brokenIy. jared IIInches at the
noIse, whIch brIngs hIm out oI hIs headspace he was spIraIIng down Into.
Ie Iooks up, jensens eyes are wet, conIused, aImost vIsIbIy wobbIIng.
jared waIts but jensen doesnt say anythIng eIse, just stares unbIInkIngIy
at jared, studyIng hIm, as II IookIng Ior the sIgns oI the dIsease. ts
worse than jensen IeavIng, hIm IookIng at jared IIke jared Isnt normaI-
IIke hes vIsIbIy dIseased or handIcapped.
The god doesnt know what to thInk, he honestIy doesnt. Ie IeeIs hIs
mInd spInnIng, hIs dIvInIty churnIng, but Its aII swIrIIng In pIace and In
mId-aIr, goIng nowhere. Ie knew jared wouId dIe eventuaIIy-he hadnt
Iaced the Iact yet, though, but he dIstantIy understands the reaIIty oI
jareds death. jareds human, aIter aII. ut to hear that jareds sIck, that
hes goIng to get sIcker-that hes goIng to start sIowIy but vIsIbIy dyIng
beIore other mortaIs hIs age.
ow that jensen knows-or vagueIy knows some oI the symptoms-he
can connect the dots Irom hIs memorIes. The way jared tended to stuII
hIs hands In hIs pockets, probabIy to hIde the shakIng. IIs Iack oI sIeep
and dark cIrcIes under hIs eyes, hIs restIess sIeep whenever he sIept
wIth jensen. The way he seems sIuggIsh and uncoordInated sometImes.
t doesnt make jensen IeeI better, It makes hIm IeeI worse. Iow couId he
not have notIced? What Is he supposed to do now? Iow Is he supposed
to understand?
jared aIways makes hIm IeeI unusuaI thIngs. Makes hIm IeeI thIngs and
In ways that Isnt normaI Ior gods. ThIs Is another tIme. xcept jensen
doesnt IIke thIs IeeIIng. Ie thought jared had made hIm IeeI heIpIess
beIore. IeIpIessIy In Iove, heIpIess In the argument the other nIght
because he dIdnt understand jareds human poInt oI vIew.
ThIs Is reaIIy heIpIess, the worst Iorm oI heIpIess. jensen doesnt even
know what to say, what to do, or how to IIx hIs Iover and make hIm whoIe
and heaIthy and happy.
ts too much Ior hIm, too much oI everythIng, too much Ior a god to
understand, and too much Ior a Iover to take.
"jared, cant." he starts, doesnt know what hes goIng to say and he
starts to move, he needs to get away. eIore he. hes not sure. eIore
hIs power sIIps, maybe. Ie needs to run, he needs to be In the IIght
somewhere. Ie needs hIs twIn.
And he needs jared. So IuckIng much.
"Are you IeavIng?" jared asks, hand grIppIng jensens so hard It must
hurt. Ie suddenIy IeeIs so tIred and angry and desperate. When jared
had toId TImothy, hed been ready to Iet TImothy waIk at the news. Ie
hadnt wcnted that outcome, oI course, and he had seIIIshIy assumed
that TImothy wouIdnt waIk away. ut aIterward jared dIdnt bIame the
man. t was. It was hard. t had to be hard to date someone wIth a
dIsabIIIty, a countdown over theIr head. t had to be hard to commIt to
someone who comes wIth a chaIn, someone who requIred assIstance or
extra care, especIaIIy Iater In IIIe.
ut Ior some reason jareds not ready to Iet jensen Ieave. Ie
understands, oI course, and II jensen reaIIy wants to Ieave jared wIII Iet
hIm-he Ioves jensen too much to make hIm stay and suIIer.
ut jareds not goIng to Iet jensen Ieave wIthout puttIng up a IIght thIs
tIme. Ie needs-wants-jensen too much.
"You promIsed you wouIdnt Ieave."
jensen bIInks and It takes hIm an embarrassIng Iength oI tIme to catch
up wIth what jareds sayIng. Ie opens hIs mouth, begIns to say anythIng
to get hIm out oI here Iast, but hIs body Is Ieaden, betrayIng hIs
panIckIng mInd. And then he gets It. TImothy IeIt when jared had toId
hIm and jared doesnt want that to happen.
And aII jensen can seem to get out oI aII thIs Is that jared wants jensen
to stay. Ie wants jensen. AbsurdIy, despIte everythIng, jensens heart
soars at the reaIIzatIon.
"o, jay. o. m not IeavIng. Gods, Iove you. Iove you so much,
everythIng about you," he swears. "ut just. m just goIng to."
"ont IIe," jared husks out, IIghtIng hIs droopIng eyeIIds to gIve jensen
a severe Iook. "e honest."
jensen swaIIows and then arches Iorward to press hIs Iorehead agaInst
jareds.
"m IreakIng out," jensen says honestIy and huIIs a mIrthIess chuckIe.
"ts. jay, ve never reaIIy encountered anythIng IIke thIs beIore. dont
know what to thInk. dont want to Ieave you but have to thInk thIs
over."
jared bItes hIs IIp, jensens green eyes so cIose, just an Inch away maybe
Iess. t Iorces jared to Iook at jensen who he stIII doesnt thInk has
bIInked even once.
"ThInk what over?" jared asks, soIt and tentatIve IIke hes sIx years oId
up past hIs bedtIme and whIsperIng under the covers to SophIa. "Our
reIatIonshIp? !s?"
jensen shakes hIs head, causIng jareds head to shake as weII.
"o, not us. dont know what to thInk about everythIng, dont reaIIy
understand everythIng, but do know that m not IeavIng us," he
chuckIes. " just got you back."
"IIease," jared whIspers but It sounds more IIke a whIne. " know. II
youre serIous about stayIng wIth me-"
" am. God, cant say It enough, can ? eIore youII beIIeve It? Iove
you." jensen InsIsts.
"Then stay tonIght. IIease, jensen," jareds eyeIIds IIutter sIeepIIy. Ies
so stupId wIth sIeep hIs words are sIurrIng. " need, know It mIght be
unIaIr but need prooI that youre reaIIy goIng to stay. ont waIk out on
me rIght now. know Its hard, heII," jared practIcaIIy barks. "AIter what
happened on Monday m just now IInaIIy comIng to terms wIth It myseII."
jensens quIet, he stIII doesnt know what to say. The god oI reason and
poetry speechIess. IIs body, stIII heavy wIth dread and sadness, Is aIso
thrummIng to get up, to run, to do somethIng.
"I nothIng eIse, ve had a reaIIy shItty coupIe oI days," jared huIIs, eyes
more cIosed than open now.
"What happened?" jensen asks.
"Iadnt reaIIy sIept. Iadnt reaIIy taken my medIcIne-you were stayIng
over a Iot, or was wIth you, and dIdnt want you to see the pIIIs. AIter
TImothy, wasnt ready Ior you to know. Started. shakIng." he traIIs
oII, tongue tIngIIng behInd hIs teeth, body meItIng In the bed.
jensen smIIes at jareds cIosed eyes and kIsses hIs Iover on the nose,
IInaIIy reaIIzIng how exhausted and sIck jared stIII Is. " guess weII taIk
about It Iater."
"ThereII be a Iater?" jared mumbIes, eyes stIII shut.
"Yeah, there wIII be a Iater."
" reaIIy. Its not your IauIt. The pIII thIng. was stupId and seIIIsh and
wrong not to teII you."
jensens quIet. Ie does wIsh jared had toId hIm sooner and Is Irustrated
that jared was careIess enough wIth hIs own heaIth Ior such a petty
reason. And he aIso IeeIs guIIty. ts because jensen was around so much
jared dIdnt keep up wIth hIs medIcIne. ut mostIy Its that bastard
TImothys IauIt Ior makIng jared so seII-conscIous and Insecure about hIs
IIIness that he wouId do that to hImseII-put hImseII In the hospItaI II
onIy to keep jensen Irom knowIng about how sIck he Is and to keep hIm
Irom IeavIng.
" know," he answers quIetIy. "Iets. taIk about It Iater. SIeep, jared.
You Iook so tIred."
"IeeI It. 'ead 'urts. 'tomach," jared drawIs, hIs breathIng aIready
IengthenIng and evenIng out. ".you stayIn? Iere? WI me?"
"Yeah, kaIos. OI course."
t seems to be aII the bIessIng he needs rIght now because jareds gone,
so deep asIeep hes not even twItchIng.
jensen smIIes at hIs Iover IondIy. jareds so beautIIuI, so compIex and yet
sometImes so sImpIe. IIke thIs, jensen understands thIs.
jared just wants to be Ioved. Ioved and respected and supported, but
mostIy just Ioved. Ie craves It. More specIIIcaIIy, jensens pretty sure
that he craves jensens Iove.
And maybe jensen dId Iearn somethIng Irom IrIday and Irom ChrIss
words. Ior once hes not goIng to thInk about how conIused he Is.
jensens not goIng to do whats probabIy best Ior hIm rIght now, whIch Is
Ieave and cIear hIs head, perhaps taIk thIs over wIth AdrIanne or just
take out hIs aggressIon on a smaII, unInhabIted IsIand In the IacIIIc.
Ies goIng to do whats best Ior jared rIght now. IeII stay, heII support
hIs Iover. ecause thats hIs roIe thIs tIme.
And tomorrow heII. heII Ireak out tomorrow. And heII research thIs
IarkInsons Isease, maybe even Iook Into thIngs he can do Ior jared-
wIth money as a human or wIth powers and mystIcaI Items as a god.
ecause jensen thInks that jared just doesnt need hIs support Ior thIs,
but he maybe needs jensen to heIp hIm IIght. Maybe even IIght Ior hIm
thIs tIme.
jensen cant cure most Iong-term IIInesses-and It sounds IIke thIs Is a
termInaI IIIness. ut he was gIIted wIth heaIIng capabIIItIes and he can
do some. IIke take away jareds headache so he does and watches the
Iurrowed IInes on jareds Iorehead reIax when he does. Ie can aIso
settIe jareds stomach so he does, IyIng hIs hand over the IIat beIIy,
bItIng hIs IIp and resIstIng the temptatIon to Iet hIs IIngers wander
Iurther down.
ow Is probabIy so not the tIme.
That done-jared sIghIng contentedIy now that theres not any paIn In
hIs body-jensen jostIes and moves them under the covers. Ie shucks oII
hIs jeans IIrst and hIs shIrt, IeavIng hIm In hIs underwear.
Ies not goIng to sIeep tonIght but thats okay, theres a Iot to thInk
about. jensen wraps jared up In hIs arms and Iegs, theIr chests pressed
together so that jensen IeeIs the heartbeat oI hIs Iover-he IeeIs the IIIe
there, puIsIng warm and hot and gorgeous and jared.
StayIng Is maybe not so much oI a hardshIp, aIter aII.

The next day jared doesnt wake untII noon-except Ior around nIne In
the mornIng SophIa edges Into the bedroom, Iorces IIve saItIne crackers
down jareds throat (whos stIII mostIy asIeep) IoIIowed by hIs mornIng
regImen oI pIIIs. Theres sIx oI them, dIIIerent coIors, and somethIng
twIsts In jensens stomach at the sIght oI them.
jared never opens hIs eyes durIng the entIre process, just mutters, "Go
'way, IInt IIcker" haII-heartedIy to SophIa when she nudges hIm. AIter the
saItInes he grumbIes, "jen stIII here?" to whIch jensen repIIes In the
posItIve. Ie doesnt say anythIng aIter the pIIIs, just wInces as they go
down and then hes a gIant wet bIanket agaIn, heavy and unmovIng and
breathIng so hard and deep hes aImost snorIng.
The medIcIne. that doesnt settIe wIth jensen. Ie wasnt ready to see It,
or to see how jared Is so exhausted and IImp and mostIy unresponsIve
when jensens known hIm as a reIatIveIy perky mornIng person on most
days (on the days that hes not, weII, jensens IInaIIy Iearned the reason
behInd those oII days).
ut just about everythIng eIse, Irom the aImost snorIng to how jareds
nose Is pushed up IIke a pIgs snout agaInst the pIIIow Is just too
adorabIe Ior thIs worId.
SophIa comes back In at ten and jensen hasnt reaIIy moved. Ies
restIess as anythIng on the InsIde, but Ior now hes more wIIIIng to hoId
jared In hIs arms and IIsten to hIm breathe. jensen has to get up
eventuaIIy. Ie needs to sort thIs out, sort out aII oI the tangIed thoughts
In hIs head, needs to Iook Into jareds IIIness and possIbIe cures or
therapIes or anythIng.
jared needs hIm now, though, and despIte the Iact that jensens skIn Is
ItchIng and hIs Iegs are straInIng to get up and go, hes aIso IaIrIy skIIIed
at compartmentaIIzIng. Ie can be stIII IIke thIs wIth jared and Ior jared
and maybe a IIttIe bIt Ior hImseII Ior now.
When SophIa comes back In jensen gIances up In greetIng. jared keeps
shIverIng oII and on-jensens not sure II Its Irom how tIred he Is or II
Its Irom nIghtmares, but hes at Ieast mostIy sure that Its not Irom Iever
-so the sheets and covers are puIIed up to theIr chIns. SophIa nods
back In greetIng and she stands over jared, reachIng out wIth one hand
to stroke hIs haIr and trace the sheII oI hIs ear.
"Ies so tIred. Ies done nothIng but sIeep sInce we got hIm to the
hospItaI. ut hospItaI sIeep Isnt exactIy unInterrupted, you know?"
o, jensen doesnt know. ut he doesnt admIt It, so he says Instead,
"What happened, Soph?"
She smIIes sadIy and shrugs. "Some oI It we know, some oI It we-not
even jared-dont. jared hadnt sIept at aII In a coupIe oI days and not
weII Ior an IndetermInabIe amount oI tIme beIore that."
jensen nods In agreement, rememberIng how wIIy and restIess jared Is
when he sIeeps (unIess jensen wears hIm out enough, and sometImes
even then). "Ie mentIoned that he wasnt takIng hIs medIcIne IIke he
shouId," he oIIers, aImost chaIIengIngIy, peerIng through the dIm
mornIng IIght seepIng through jareds thIck and dark curtaIns to see II
she harbors any resentment towards hIm or jared Ior that.
ut SophIa just shrugs wIth a heIpIess smIIe (and doesnt jensen know
the IeeIIng, now). "Yes, he admItted that. Ie aIso hasnt been eatIng
properIy-wIth the meds hes on he has to keep up a heaIthy dIet or eIse
he can get acId reIIux and. other compIIcatIons. Ie got nauseas over
the weekend, Iound hIm In. you dont want to know that," SophIa
sIghs, tuggIng at her haIr and jensen reaIIzes that shes gIvIng hIm the
nurse taIk. t must make her IeeI better, more In controI. "Or reaIIy, jared
wouIdnt want you to know that part." She Iaughs a IIttIe.
"We thInk hIs Iegs must have Irozen and he IeII. Ie hIt hIs head but they
dId a CAT scan and It dIdnt show any damage, just bruIsIng. Ie was
reaIIy out oI It when . Iound hIm. Ie. was tryIng to get hIm awake,
tryIng to get hIm coherent enough to sIt up, to just taIk to me. Ie asked
about you- dont know II that wIII make you IeeI good or bad but there
It Is. Ie had a seIzure-he was jerkIng so hard and panIcked and had
the hardest tIme tryIng to keep hIm Irom hurtIng hImseII."
"SeIzure?" jensen croaks back, actuaI Iear rIsIng In hIs chest.
"We couIdnt IInd a reason and theres no damage. thought. anyway.
Ies better now. Ies home and better now. And he aIso knows he needs
to take better care oI hImseII."
"s he? etter Ior now?" jensen asks.
SophIa smIIes. "II gIve you the IuII InIormatIon on IarkInsons Iater. ut
yeah. I he goes back on hIs regImen and keeps eatIng heaIthy and says
somethIng earIy on II he starts to have troubIe sIeepIng, hes reaIIy as
heaIthy as anyone eIse hIs age, except Ior the occasIonaI shakIng or
motor IunctIon mIshap.
"IeII. Its goIng to take a coupIe oI weeks Ior jared to get there,
though. t takes a Iong tIme Ior medIcIne to start workIng. IeII be
IrrItabIe and depressed untII they start to take eIIect, so the next coupIe
oI weeks mIght not exactIy be a waIk In the park." ThIs tIme shes the
one chaIIengIng hIm.
"m. m stayIng," he assures her wIth a IIrm nod. She doesnt seem to
buy It, but she doesnt seem to totaIIy doubt hIm eIther.
"And shouId. God, thIs Is IIke not embarrassIng because m a nurse
and It doesnt bother me but kInd oI IeeI IIke m betrayIng jared-"
"SophIa?"
"What?"
"ts okay. What do you want to say?"
Ier shouIders sIump. "Theyve upped the mIIIIgrams on hIs medIcatIon
and sInce he hasnt been takIng them hIs dopamIne IeveIs are goIng to
be drastIcaIIy Iow. asIcaIIy, jensen. jareds not goIng to have much oI a
sex drIve, II any at aII, Ior a coupIe oI weeks."
jensen bIInks bIankIy at her, each bIInk Morse code Ior, "What? o sex
Ior me?"
SophIa smIIes. "Yeah. That was. weIrd just now. WIth the sex and sex
drIve and taIkIng about my IIttIe brother and hIs boyIrIend In terms oI
sex and sex drIve and just, yeah." She wrInkIes her nose. "So. Youre not
gonna Ieave hIm Ior not gettIng any?"
jensen snorts, roIIIng hIs eyes. Yeah, hes IamentIng the Ioss oI hot sex
wIth the hottest human on thIs pIanet, but he thInks he mIght be abIe to
handIe It. "You hu-you two are the most pessImIstIc peopIe have ever
met," he teases her. "You have absoIuteIy no IaIth In me, but m a sucker
Ior jared so keep comIng around anyway."
When she just gIares he Iets out a put-upon sIgh. "m not IeavIng. ve
saId that a mIIIIon tImes. ut guess dont mInd sayIng It a mIIIIon tImes
more."
"Oh know youre not IeavIng. I you dId wouId strIng you by the baIIs
and drag you back here," she deadpans. "o one Ieaves my baby
brother. ot anymore. What want you to understand Is that thIs Isnt
goIng to be easy. ts goIng to be IrustratIng and jareds goIng to be
IrustratIng. Ie wont be abIe to reaIIy heIp It and II It pIsses you oII and
annoys the Iuck out oI you, you dont get to take It out on jared. Are we
cIear?"
And jensen says, "Yes, maam" In aII serIousness because jensen dIdnt
reaIIze that the next Iew weeks wouId be so hard. Ie had thought that
jared wouId catch up on hIs sIeep and be good as new.
And aIso, as prevIousIy noted, SophIa Is a IIttIe scary.
So jared sIeeps untII noon and when he wakes up hes groggy and
cranky. t takes about a mInute oI jensen jokIng and teasIng and tryIng
to kIss a smIIe onto jareds Iace onIy to be answered wIth grunts and
touch-me-not IIInches Ior jensen to IIgure out that Its probabIy best not
to get In jareds Iace untII hIs Iover escapes whatever Iog hes In and
trIes to communIcate properIy.
WhIch doesnt reaIIy happen Ior the next three hours. jared and jensen
sIt on the couch, jared stIII dressed In hIs sweatpants and now aIso
wearIng a baggy sweatshIrt. They watch Finecpple Express, whIch jensen
Is IaIrIy sure Is supposed to be a comedy-even he huIIs amusedIy at
some oI the one-IIners-but jared hardIy bIInks an eye. Ie just sIts there,
so IIstIess and quIet he mIght as weII stIII be asIeep. ThIs must be part oI
what SophIa warned hIm about. She seems worrIed but not worrIed
enough to address It, anyway. She putters about the kItchen, goes out
and gets grocerIes and then busIes herseII In the kItchen agaIn. She
cooks tomatoes stuIIed wIth cheese, spInach, artIchoke, and green
peppers. jensen honestIy thInks that she just made It up as she went
because It tastes kInd oI weIrd. Good and heaIthy but stIII weIrd.
jared eats a Iourth oI hIs and a nIbbIe oI the sIIce oI the rotIsserIe
chIcken SophIa pIcked up Irom the store and stops, IookIng IIke thats
about aII hes goIng to eat.
Thats when SophIa breaks her neutraIIty to start mother hennIng hIm,
naggIng In a way that rankIes jensen and makes hIm IeeI cIaustrophobIc
and trapped. he can onIy ImagIne the eIIect It has on jared. ut besIdes
a Irown jared eats untII there are onIy a coupIe oI bItes IeIt beIore
IeavIng the tabIe wIthout onIy a mumbIed, "Shower" Ior an excuse.
jensen thInks oI joInIng hIm, but jared hadnt reaIIy seemed In the mood.
esIdes, SophIa saId. and jensen doesnt thInk that he shouId push It
rIght now, the day aIter jared got back Irom the hospItaI.
StIII, jareds behavIor has jensen consIderIng body snatchers Irom outer
space (apparentIy jareds Iove oI movIes aIIows hIs tastes to range Irom
avant-garde to commercIaI to horror movIes that have no redeemIng
artIstIc quaIItIes to them whatsoever) or some sort oI speII.
ut when jared emerges Irom the shower hIs eyes Iook more present,
though he does seem paIe and tIred wIth a sIIght IeverIsh sheen oI sweat
on hIs Iorehead.
Ie smIIes brIghtIy, though, IIashIng dImpIes, and both jensen and SophIa
sIgh In reIIeI.
jared kIsses jensen, chasteIy at IIrst. When jensen goes to puII away
jared tugs hIm back In, smIIIng Into hIs mouth. jared tastes oI mInt and
toothpaste wIth an underIyIng sweetness (probabIy aII the candy he eats
has meIted Into hIs bIood so that everythIng about hIm tastes IIke sugar
and chocoIate). ts so IuckIng good jensen gets carrIed away and
pushes jared toward the waII, the counter, anywhere so that jensen can
get hIs hands on hIm.
"m stIII here, you know," SophIa deadpans, brIngIng theIr attentIon to
her. Shes Iong sInce taken a shower and changed Into a brown
sundress. She stands so much taIIer and prettIer and more put together
than she Iooked Iast nIght, though her Iace Is stIII drawn wIth remnants
oI IatIgue. ot as bad as jareds, though.
"Yeah," jensen says, raIsIng an eyebrow as II to say, "so what?"
jared chuckIes-heavens, It sounds so beautIIuI to jensens ears-and
gentIy pushes jensen away. "ts OK, better get goIng, anyway."
ts then that jensen actuaIIy bothers to regIster that jareds wearIng
bIack sIacks and a button up. IIs work cIothes.
"Where are you goIng?" jensen asks, IrownIng.
jared shrugs. " thought that d head over to TrueOne, see how thIngs
are goIng Ior a IIttIe bIt. havent been there In aImost Iour days."
"ecause you werent weII," jensen remInds, unabIe to censor the stern
quaIIty oI hIs tone.
"octor eaver saId to take It easy, jaybIrd. At Ieast take the IIrst day
that youre back Irom the hospItaI oII? Chads there, he can handIe It."
SomethIng In jareds Iace changes, jensen can see the shIIt IIke a thIck
cIoud coverIng the sun and darkenIng the earth. ts quIck and dark IIke
shadow and totaIIy IoreIgn to jensen.
"Yes, weII, can handIe It, too," jared snaps back through grItted teeth,
bIatantIy showIng how hes reIgnIng In hIs IrustratIon.
jensen steps cIoser, hand hoverIng over jareds sIde but not touchIng
hIm, aIraId to upset whatever baIance jared mIght be tryIng to cIIng to.
"just one more day, kaIos. Two at the most."
IazeI eyes burn Into jensen IIke the butt oI a cIgarette. "m not just
goIng to Iay around here. ve IaIn around enough the past coupIe oI
days!"
jared Ioses hIs temper IIrst so jensen cant heIp but to Iose hIs as weII,
though he strIves not to shout. "Youre about to IaII over where youre
standIng now!" jensen poInts out because Its true. jared Iooks unweII
stIII and about ready to coIIapse, even swayIng on hIs Ieet.
"m not an InvaIId aIready! stIII have a coupIe oI years!" jared sneers
back, makIng jensen bIInk and hIs mouth IIap In consternatIon.
"jared!" SophIa gasps. "IeaIIy, thats not what jensen was sayIng at aII!
We just want you to get some rest so you can get weII."
The young man IIIts hIs head, IookIng down on SophIa Irom hIs heIght.
"Youre just sayIng that because you thInk so, too!" he accuses. "You
thInk that m too IuckIng pathetIc to take care oI myseII!"
SophIas smooth cheeks redden quIckIy wIth anger. She straIghtens as
weII, her hand twItchIng and curIIng Into a IIst. "jared TrIstan
IadaIeckI!" She doesnt shout but hIsses, cIearIy hurt despIte her
appearance oI anger.
"Stop that!" jared snarIs beIore she can say more, so Ioud that It makes
her IIInch. "Stop treatIng me IIke m a kId! Youre not Mom!"
The bIanket oI sIIence that ImmedIateIy IoIIows Is so heavy and humId
that It makes jensens ears pop. jared and SophIa both reeI back and
waver a coupIe oI steps, IIke two repeIIIng magnets.
jared trIes to taIk IIrst, voIce comIng out as a hIgh-pItched whIne beIore
he cIears hIs throat. IIs eyes and Iace are strIcken and hIs hands are
aIready startIng to tremor mInuteIy. "Oh, God, Soph-" he starts, voIce
wobbIy.
"o," she says, shakIng her head but avoIdIng jareds eyes. "o, youre
rIght. shouId."
jared takes a desperate step towards hIs sIster but teeters and
hesItates In actuaIIy touchIng her. God, how he couId be such an
asshoIe? Ie doesnt even know how It came out. Ie hadnt even reaIIy
been thInkIng It.
"m not rIght. dIdnt mean a word oI It, Soph," he InsIsts IerventIy.
"Youve got to beIIeve me."
SophIa smIIes shakIIy, eyes dartIng to jensen, eIther out oI
embarrassment Ior what just happened or to say to hIm, "See? This is
whct l wcs tclking cbout."
". know. know, jay. ts OK," she says, reachIng up on her very tIptoes
to ruIIIe jareds haIr In a maternaI gesture.
Ie sIghs, straIghtenIng hIs haIr haII-heartedIy and gIancIng at jensen
wIth those baIeIuI eyes beIore turnIng In a way that he couId Iook at
them both. "Iook, m sorry. dont even know. just need to get out.
IIease, guys." jared thInks that Its terrIbIe to have to beg to Ieave hIs
own home, but he cant stand It here a mInute Ionger. Ie IeeIs so cIosed
In, so Iost In thIs stIII pIace. Iast tIme he IeIt IIke that he spIraIed down
untII he dIdnt want to do anythIng. IonestIy, jared doesnt reaIIy want
to get up and go out to TrueOne. ut he has to, or eIse hes goIng to get
where he was beIore, wastIng away on the couch.
"m goIng crazy beIng stIII," he goes on. " need to IeeI IIke m
productIve, IIke stIII can."
SophIas aIready noddIng, hoIdIng up her hands In surrender. "Yeah,
that sounds. good," she swaIIows paInIuIIy on the IIe, both jared and
jensen can teII. "just not Ior Iong. mean It. And pIease, jaybIrd. Carry
your phone. And your card."
" wIII. And by the tIme get there ItII onIy be about an hour beIore
cIosIng. II have Chad drIve me back."
"So II drop you oII," jensen voIunteers, IIgurIng II SophIa caves then
shes the expert Ior now and he shouId IoIIow her Iead (anythIng Ior
jared). " have to go to the house."
jared never mIsses how jensen caIIs the pIace he IIves In wIth hIs IamIIy a
"house" but sometImes caIIs jareds apartment home. ven now, IeeIIng
as weIrd and numb and temperamentaI as he does, It stIII makes hIs
heart pound and somethIng warm pooI (rather IneIIectIveIy, but stIII) In
hIs beIIy.
" have some IamIIy thIngs have to take care oI," jensen IInIshes,
thInkIng maInIy oI the text he got Irom AdrIanne whIIe jared was gettIng
ready that sImpIy read "incoming".
jared nods and smIIes sweetIy at hIm and kIsses SophIa on the Iorehead
beIore roughIy runnIng hIs knuckIes through her haIr, causIng her to
squawk IndIgnantIy.
jensen opens the door Ior jared IIke he aIways trIes to (when jared
doesnt race hIm to the car and yeII "ha!", and jareds deIInIteIy not up
Ior racIng thIs aIternoon). Ie pInches one oI jareds temptIng ass cheeks
as he cIImbs In, earnIng a IIustered gIare thrown at hIm that doesnt do
anythIng to hIde the smIIe thats IIghtIng to emerge.
n the car Its quIet at IIrst and jensen thInks that the hum oI the engIne
and the road runnIng smooth beneath the tIres Is goIng to IuII jared
asIeep agaIn. IIs eyeIIds are cIearIy IIIrtIng wIth the Idea.
So jensen aImost IIInches when jared suddenIy speaks. "So, where were
you? ThIs weekend, aIter."
"AIter was an asshoIe?"
"o. That wasnt what was goIng to say," he huIIs.
jensen chuckIes and grIps the wheeI that stIII smeIIs IIke new car and
Ieather. "You mean why dIdnt ever show at the hospItaI?"
The younger man shrugs, IIghts a yawn, and swIveIs hIs head to Iook at
jensen. just the waIk out to the car has exhausted hIm and hIs hands
IeeI tIngIy IIke they do beIore they start shakIng.
ut damn It II jensen doesnt Iook hot as heII when hes behInd the
wheeI. jared couId watch that pIcture Ior the rest oI hIs IIIe and be
perIectIy content. " know that. toId you to waIt untII caIIed IIrst on
IrIday. So understand that, do. ut know Chad and SophIa caIIed
you. They reaIIy werent as sneaky as they thought they were beIng.
specIaIIy Chad. Ie was down the haII and stIII heard hIm swearIng.
Sorry about that."
jensen shrugs, "Your IrIend thought that he was standIng up Ior you.
am kInd oI dreadIng meetIng hIm agaIn, though. Ies. Ioud. And thInk
hes angry at me just Ior breathIng."
jared chuckIes but doesnt deny It. "Ie was Irustrated wIth me, mostIy.
We stIII havent reaIIy taIked yet, but thInk thIngs are goIng to start
gettIng better. You. youre not TImothy, know that oI course, but
when IIrst met you, you remInded me oI hIm. just. headstrong and
wIth a reputatIon and, yeah. You remInded Chad oI TImothy, too, and he
wasnt as eager to Iet that remInder go as was. Ie thought you wouId
Ieave IIke TImothy dId."
"m not, you know."
".m begInnIng to, yeah," jared conIesses soItIy and wIth a smIIe. "So.
The caIIs? Where were you?"
jensens IIps thIn wIth regret. " swear to you never got those caIIs.
was overseas deaIIng wIth a IamIIy. Issue that suddenIy came up.
came to you the mInute came back. SophIa gave me the thIrd degree
but dIdnt know you were In the hospItaI untII Iound the braceIet In
your room. Iost my phone somewhere between here and Greece and m
sorry."
jared tIIts hIs head, shruggIng a IIttIe. "ts okay. Sorry about your
phone, though."
jensen raIses an eyebrow at jareds careIree IorgIveness but decIdes to
just accept It on Iace vaIue. "What was It?"
".What was what?"
"The IamIIy Issue. MIsha mentIoned that there mIght be a probIem when
he vIsIted me In the hospItaI, though he eIther dIdnt know detaIIs or he
IeIt out oI IIne oIIerIng them up."
jensen IeeIs jeaIousy spark IIke a match InsIde. ".MIsha vIsIted you In
the hospItaI? oes he know about." he traIIs oII.
jared sIghs and trIes not to be IrrItated that jensen Is reIuctant to just
spIt out the word "dIsease". Ies tryIng to be patIent, though. " toId hIm
on IrIday, rIght beIore you came to pIck me up. ts why had wanted
hIm to meet me. Ie dIdnt know beIore that, just SophIa and TImothy and
Chad used to know. And MIIo."
Yeah, that doesnt make jensen IeeI any better. n Iact It kInd oI pIsses
hIm oII worse. "You toId MIsha beIore me?" he growIs and jareds
IackadaIsIcaI gaze swIngs to hIm and quIckIy morphs Into a gIare.
jareds too tIred to IIght so he Iooks straIght ahead and asks agaIn, "So
what was your IamIIy emergency? s everyone OK?"
jensen scowIs at hIm IncreduIousIy. "TeII me why you toId MIsha IIrst."
".. thInk that ve trusted you wIth a Iot In the past Iew hours. ow.
IamIIy? Anyone hurt?"
"o," jensen gIowers adorabIy (to jared, anyway). "And cant reaIIy teII
you."
"IIght. OI course." jared snaps sarcastIcaIIy, hIdIng the stIng wIth a roII
oI hIs eyes. " have to spIII aII oI my secrets to you but you dont teII me
anythIng," he bItes as jensen puIIs up to TrueOne. jared ImmedIateIy
scrambIes Ior the door handIe.
jensen grIts hIs teeth, sIghIng under hIs breath. "jared, waIt. dIdnt
mean. II teII you. promIse. Soon."
.IoIy Iuck on OIympus. What Is jensen even sayIng? ut the words are
aIready out oI Is mouth and jared turns to hIm wIth guarded soItness
and kIsses hIm wIth gratItude.
"Thank you," Is aII jared says. "And the reason toId MIsha IIrst Is
because had decIded to teII you, and wanted. wanted someone to
run It by IIrst. To gIve me advIce. Someone that knew you."
jensen snorts dIsmIssIveIy. "MIsha doesnt know me. We hate each
other."
jared reaches out, thumps jensen on hIs shouIder and kIsses hIm brIeIIy
agaIn. "Thats Iunny, because hIs predIctIon oI your reactIon was pretty
much rIght."
"Oh, what dId he say?"
"That you wouId Ireak out some but that you wouId be sweet and
supportIve. That you wouIdnt Ieave."
"m not IeavIng."
jared smIIes and gets out oI the car, IeanIng In and grInnIng. "Good."

jensen makes a short stop at the hospItaI beIore goIng to the house,
IookIng around beIore transportIng hIm and the car there In a bIInk oI an
eye. On a day IIke today when he just wants to thInk, he mIght have
wanted to go ahead and drIve the dIstance the sIow human way because
the mIndIessness wouId be soothIng. ut jensen IeIt Athenas presence
two mInutes aIter he IeIt jareds pIace so he gets there as soon as
possIbIe. Ier vIsIts are rare and oIten wIth purpose. specIaIIy recentIy,
as shes had an Interest In gettIng InvoIved wIth worId governments and
poIItIcs and Is oIten too preoccupIed to pay them vIsIts. ActuaIIy,
jensens pretty sure that Athena-IoIIy MarIe-Is some Important
poIItIcaI IIgure now, he just cant remember what and who Ior.
jensen does notIce a dIstInct Iack oI AdrIanne and Steve on the property,
whIch Is odd wIth IoIIy MarIe so soon In town.
Ie can hear ChrIs and IoIIy MarIes arguIng voIces Irom outsIde. WeII,
ChrIs sounds IIke hes arguIng-hIs voIce Is raIsed In that oIIensIve way
he gets-but IoIIy MarIes voIce Is caIm and cooI.
"We can handIe thIs. can handIe thIs! dont need you!" ChrIs Is
seethIng when jensen waIks In. Ie knows that they both sense hIm, but
the argument and subject Is too heated, too Important to stop. So jensen
IIstens, IntrIgued.
"Can you?" IoIIy MarIe asks, raIsIng her eyebrow and crossIng her arms.
Shes beautIIuI, not very taII wIth Iong, straIght brown haIr and bangs
that tend to IaII In her eyes. Ier countenance couId be descrIbed as
deadpanned, IIke shes aIways a second away Irom a sarcastIc comment
when In Iact sarcasm hardIy passes her IIps. Iather serIous and capabIe
oI devoted tenderness, IoIIy MarIe has aIways been IeveI headed and
mature. Shes wearIng dark cIothIng that sIIms the breadth oI her
shouIders and the sIIght buIge oI her bIceps, a sIeek skIrt that IooIs the
eyes on the wIdth oI her hIps. Ier body Is beautIIuI In the way
AdrIannes Is-strong and thIck, buIIt Ior beauty and battIe.
"Why Is she gIvIng you so much troubIe?" IoIIy MarIe goes on. "s It
because shes your IuII sIster-you dont reaIIy want harm brought to
her? Youre not takIng her threat serIousIy?"
"OI course am!" ChrIs snaps. "She may be my IuII sIster but she doesnt
mean more to me than jensen!"
She tIIts her head, wIde and pretty IIps puIIIng Into a smIrk, the IIrst sIgn
oI emotIon on her Iace. "ven II you dont agree wIth hIs Iove aIIaIr wIth
a mortaI?"
"Yes, even then," ChrIs says IIrmIy, eyes not even dartIng to jensen.
"IoIIy MarIe," jensen greets as he steps Iurther Into the room when he
senses an end to theIr tensIon. ChrIss opInIon oI hIs reIatIonshIp wIth
jared doesnt bother jensen because ChrIs does IIke jared and he does
thInk "Iove aIIaIrs" wIth humans are perIectIy aIrIght, he just doesnt see
the beneIIt oI a Iong term reIatIonshIp when the mortaI wIII eIther dIe or
the god wIII have to Ieave beIore Its obvIous that hes not agIng. Too
much heartache. And, mostIy, ChrIs thInks that humans In generaI are
weak and useIess to gods. ot that he takes that sentIment out on jared.
Ie may treat jared weII because oI jensen, but the god oI IIght Is IaIrIy
certaIn that ChrIs genuIneIy IIkes jared.
"ts aIways a pIeasure," he grIns charmIngIy, steppIng up to her and
kIssIng the back oI her hand wIth a IIourIsh that makes ChrIs roII hIs
eyes.
"jensen," she says, smIIIng mInImaIIy but her eyes are soIt.
Ie sobers some, sIghIng. "ThIs Is just an awesome addItIon to my aIready
awesome day," he Iaughs under hIs breath. "To be honest had aIready
Iorgotten about IacheI." Ie moves Into the dInIng room, rareIy used but
he needs a IIat surIace.
"IeunIon sex that good, huh?" ChrIs teases as he IdIy IoIIows jensen Into
the other room. "I It wasnt Ior me you wouIdnt have gotten any. IeeI
Iree to thank me anytIme and oIten Ior my awesome advIce."
jensen gIares at hIs oIder brother as he pushes away the decoratIve
chIna, tabIe runner, sIIver ware and napkIns. Ie asks Instead, "Wheres
Addy?"
"Shes at OIympus, tryIng to track down how IacheI came In possessIon
oI the IeIm. AdrIanne hopes to IIgure out her pIan, and to see II she any
other trIcks up her sIeeve."
jensens head shoots up, hIs chest tIght. "Addy went by herseII?" Ie
IeeIs a sudden urge to be wIth hIs twIn. Theyre hardIy joIned at the hIp,
but he stIII cant heIp but IeeI protectIve sometImes.
"o," ChrIs shakes her head and he aIso wears a sIIghtIy troubIed Iook.
"Steve went wIth her. WIth the wInd he makes a good scout and hes
heIpIuI In a IIght-ve taught hIm thIngs over the years. ts a good
huntIng match.
StIII, Its aImost unheard oI to see ChrIs and Steve separated. "And you
stayed here?" jensen asks IncreduIousIy.
ChrIs doesnt Iook happy about It, but he seems resoIute. "Ior now, at
Ieast," he sIghs nasaIIy.
IoIIy MarIe steps In, her tone InstructIve. "ts best that another god Is
here wIth you untII we IIgure out what IacheI Is up to."
jensen straIghtens hIs shouIders, IrownIng harshIy. "m stronger than
her," he InsIsts.
"ot by much," IoIIy MarIe poInts out IIke shes commentatIng on a
chess match. "And you know that Isnt the probIem. Shes behInd too
much suIIerIng-Ior both gods and humans. WIth her openIy threatenIng
you, we cant heIp but dread another Trojan War, or the other wars and
IIascos her meddIIng and manIpuIatIons have caused In the past. eIore
you got here we decIded that the best course oI actIon wouId be Ior
ChrIs to stay here as another paIr oI eyes. Keep them open, both oI you,
Ior her games-they come Irom the shadows, Irom pIaces and angIes you
Ieast expect them. n the meantIme AdrIanne and Steve are on the hunt
to IInd out what trIcks she has Iearned-maybe we can gIean her pIan
beIore she executes It and stay a step ahead oI her. As Ior me, weII It
wont Iook good Ior the Secretary oI State to dIsappear, but need to
track down our Iather and brIng thIs Issue beIore hIm ImmedIateIy.
Ierhaps thIs tIme we can stop her beIore thIngs get out oI hand."
"You pIanned aII oI thIs In the IIve mInutes It took me to get here?"
jensen asked, raIsIng an eyebrow.
IoIIy MarIe nods, seemIng to not see why jensen wouId be stunned or
surprIsed. "As soon as IeIt your IIttIe chase and Iound out the detaIIs
thought that thIs wouId be the best course oI actIon and the others
agree. hope you do as weII, but our move Is aIready In motIon," she
shrugs to express the InevItabIIIty.
jensen nods. Ie thInks Its a good pIan. And whIIe part oI hIm thInks
that Its overkIII, the rest oI hIm knows how dangerous IacheI can be.
And he has to thInk oI jared. IacheI mIght have saId that she just wants
to pIay wIth jensen, but that doesnt mean that jared wont get caught
up In the crossIIre.
"Anyway," ChrIs says, IeerIng at jensen. "What dId the human boy do
aIter you groveIed at hIs Ieet? And why are you here, anyway? Id he
kIck you out?"
jensen sIghs, pIoppIng down In one oI the hIgh backed and
uncomIortabIe wooden chaIrs. "jared was In the hospItaI, aImost the
entIre tIme that we were gone. And dIdnt know It."
ChrIss brows Iurrow In concern, bIue eyes searchIng jensen as he sIts
down as weII, IeanIng strong Iorearms on the tabIetop. And that Iook
rIght there Is what makes jensen thInk that ChrIs aIso cares Ior jared.
"What? What happened?"
jensen IIIts up the thIck IoIder In hIs hand and sIaps It onto the tabIe.
"Ies sIck," jensen says bIuntIy and Its the IIrst tIme hes reaIIy saId It
out Ioud outsIde oI jareds apartment and Its IIke thIs makes It reaI. Ie
Iooks up to hIs bIg brother and sIster. "IeaIIy sIck. SomethIng caIIed
IarkInsons?"
"IIke Muhammad AII?" ChrIs asks and jensen Iooks at hIm, startIed.
"Thats what jay saId. Iow dId you know that?"
"ecause watch boxIng Instead oI baIIet," ChrIs roIIs hIs eyes.
"jensen," IoIIy MarIe murmurs, steppIng up to the tabIe and IeanIng
over jensens shouIder. "Id you steaI your Iovers personaI IIIes Irom hIs
hospItaI?"
"Yes? needed to research. Why?"
"ts nothIng," IoIIy MarIe says, turnIng her head to smIIe at hIm, her
haIr IaIIIng over her shouIders IIke a curtaIn. "ts just that thInk your
Iover wont apprecIate thIs InvasIon oI prIvacy."
jensen scowIs and hunches over the IIIe deIensIveIy. "What? ut how
eIse am supposed to know everythIng?" he demands, IookIng to ChrIs
Ior heIp who just shrugs.
" dont see a probIem wIth It but who knows why mortaIs get angry
about certaIn thIngs? esIdes," he adds on wIth a smIrk. "Idnt jared
just Iet you In out oI the dog house? You dont want to get back there, do
you?" he teases.
jensen huIIs and Iaughs and shakes hIs head. "ot reaIIy," he admIts.
"ut that doesnt matter. have to know. have to IInd a way to- dont
know what It Is, but have to be wIth jared as Iong as can. And thIs."
ChrIss Iace meIts back Into concern and aIarm. "WaIt, what? oes jared
have an expIratIon date comIng up soon?"
"ChrIstIan!" IoIIy MarIes snaps, scowIIng, except Ior when her brows
Iurrow IIke that she Iooks more IIke a petuIant chIId than a stern woman.
ts the most expressIve Iook she has. "Some tact wouIdnt hurt."
ChrIs gIares rIght back. "Ie knows what meant," he Iooks to jensen.
"ont you?"
jensen nods as he opens the IIIe and starts IIIppIng through some oI the
pages. There are doctors vIsIts, medIcaI reports, braIn scans, test
resuIts, and a psychoIogy report. Ie swaIIows thIckIy. " dont thInk It
works IIke that, mean. jared wont pass away Irom thIs any tIme soon,
hopeIuIIy." IIs eyes scan the materIaI beIore hIm unnaturaIIy Iast.
"t Iooks IIke jared mIght have. IIIteen or twenty years, maybe a Iew
more, oI normaIIty II he stays on hIs medIcatIon. AIter that hIs condItIon
wIII start to deterIorate more rapIdIy." IoIIy MarIe summarIzes Irom
where she reads over hIs shouIder, eyes scannIng just as Iast. "Maybe
another ten years or so beIore he becomes dependent on others Ior
survIvaI," she IInIshes so bIunt jensen IeeIs It bruIse hIm.
Ten years. thats a bIInk oI an eye In god terms. jensen quakes at the
thought. Ies not ready to Iet go oI jared. "Theres probabIy surgerIes,
therapIes. can buy hIm anythIng. IeII, theres probabIy-"
"StIck wIth mortaI means," IoIIy MarIe Interrupts, her sharp eyes
gIIntIng wIth knowIng. " warn you."
jensen gIares and opens hIs mouth to protest but ChrIss mouth moves,
dIstractIng hIm. " hate to say It, jen, but shes rIght. You can brIng
jareds case to our Iather, perhaps, but doubt anythIng wIII come oI It.
The onIy way to cure the eIIects oI mortaIIty IIke dIsease Is wIth
ImmortaIIty."
"WhIch Is agaInst our Iaw, as you weII know," IoIIy MarIe IInIshes.
" know!" jensen snarIs, roIIIng hIs shouIders and wIshIng that IoIIy
MarIe wouId just back oII.
"jenny, you knew jared was goIng to pass, anyway," ChrIs says as soIt
and carIng as hIs voIce can get. "And unIess you teII hIm about your
godhood-"
"-whIch aIso Isnt recommended but Is aIIowed." IoIIy MarIe throws In
absentIy as she hoIds some oI jareds scans to the IIght curIousIy.
"-then you wouId have had to Ieave hIm In ten to IIIteen years anyway
when he IIgures out that youre not agIng," ChrIs IInIshes, gIarIng at
IoIIy MarIe Ior the InterruptIon.
jensen shrugs, head droopIng, eyes stIII scannIng over the InIormatIon In
the IIIe, unabIe to Iook away. " can make myseII appear to be agIng," he
poInts out, Its sImpIe magIc, reaIIy. just power and IIIusIon.
Theres coIIectIve sIIence, promptIng jensen to IInaIIy Iook up. ChrIs Is
starIng at hIm dIsbeIIevIngIy. "Youre not serIous. Youre the god oI
youth!"
" had aIready decIded that II jared wouId have me that Iong then wouId
grow oId wIth hIm. I dIdnt teII hIm."
"Youre aIready pIannIng to teII hIm," the goddess oI wIsdom murmurs.
"Ie toId you hIs secret so youre goIng to teII yours. Youve aIready made
up your mInd. ts onIy a matter oI when."
" was thInkIng about It, yes. Ies been." jensen traIIs oII, a pIcture oI
TImothy conjurIng In hIs head. "ts what want," he IInIshes
determInedIy.
"o you thInk jared wIII stay wIth you aIter he IInds out?" ChrIs asks,
thIck IIngers drummIng on the poIIshed surIace.
" dont know. IIght now m more. worrIed about thIs. mean, my Iover
Is sIck. dont even know much about It yet and what do do?"
"Most oI us have encountered the death oI a mortaI and you yourseII the
untImeIy death oI a Iover, jensen," IoIIy MarIe reasons.
"Iow Is thIs any dIIIerent?" ChrIs asks, genuIneIy conIused.
"ecause Its dIIIerent to watch a Iover waste away or because jared Is
dIIIerent?" The goddess throws In.
"oth. oes It matter? The poInt Is that Iove hIm and m not goIng to
Ieave hIm. ut cant stand to see hIm thIs way. m. thInk m
panIcked and aIraId, -"
Ie Iooks up to see ChrIs IookIng at hIm IIke he has three heads and a red
nose, whIch Isnt anythIng new. ut IoIIy MarIe Is IookIng at hIm puzzIed
and contempIatIve. SomethIng about that Iook makes jensen Itch.
"What?"
"ts. nothIng," she dIsmIsses IInaIIy aIter a Iong pause.
Anger IIashes through hIm, sharp and swIIt. "WeII need somethIng!
cant just go back to jared stIII. conIused and so IuckIng heIpIess!" he
excIaIms, nearIy hysterIcaI.
"jenny, you aIready saId It yourseII," the other god says gruIIIy. "Theres
nothIng you can reaIIy do."
"IIke heII theres not!" jensen excIaIms, jumpIng to hIs Ieet and pacIng.
"ut thats not what m taIkIng about rIght now. dont know how to
react. onIy seem to set jared oII and dont want to hurt hIm. ut just
dont. dont even know!"
"Maybe aII you need Is to do or to know Is how to be there Ior your Iover
durIng aII thIs," IoIIy MarIe oIIers.
WeII, oI course jensen wants to be there Ior jared, thats the whoIe poInt
behInd thIs Ireak out. Ie Iooks to ChrIs agaIn Ior. heIp or a better Idea
than IoIIy MarIe has, hes not sure.
ChrIss eyebrows raIse and he puts hIs hands up In a haItIng motIon,
aIthough he does Iook regretIuI. "Iey, jenny, m not. pIeased to hear
that jared Is III. IIke hIm and IIke that he makes you so neurotIcaIIy
happy. ut thIs. Is so out oI my reaIm."
jensens shouIders sIump and the sIIence stretches out. IInaIIy, IoIIy
MarIe pIpes up.
"Why dont you put yourseII In hIs pIace?"
At jensens puzzIed Iook she makes a vague hand motIon, as II that
wouId heIp hIm understand her better. "You know, waIk In hIs shoes."
oth jensen and ChrIs snort IncreduIousIy. She roIIs her eyes and sIts
down opposIte oI ChrIs on jensens IeIt. " know Its hard to ImagIne but
knowIng what your enemIes-or aIIIes-are thInkIng Is a basIc battIe
strategy, rIght?"
".m not posItIve, but Ior some reason thInk jared wouIdnt be pIeased
to be IIkened to a battIe strategy.or whatever youre doIng," jensen
says and aImost smIIes when he ImagInes jared poutIng and caIIIng them
"socIaIIy awkward".
"Ie doesnt have to know," IoIIy MarIe snaps. "And you wont know my
advIce at aII II you dont shut up."
"Yes, maam," jensen says obedIentIy and maybe a IIttIe snarkIIy.
She gIares at hIm. "What m sayIng Is, put yourseII In jareds pIace.
ont Ignore the probIem, Its part oI hIm and you cant do that. AIso, d
ImagIne that It wouId make hIm IeeI seII-conscIous, IIke he couIdnt taIk
to you because you dont accept aII oI hIm."
jensen thInks about her words brIeIIy, gIancIng at ChrIs and then
noddIng IIrmIy. "IIght. ont Ignore It. wouIdnt, anyway. m goIng to
Iook Into dIIIerent treatments."
"ut, Its Important aIso to not dweII on hIs It, eIther," IoIIy MarIe
Interrupts wIth a poInted eyebrow raIse. "To the poInt where Its aII you
taIk about or Its obvIous to hIm that Its aII you thInk about. tII make
hIm IeeI vIsIbIy dIseased, IIke a Ieper-IIke you dont care about hIm and
aII you see Is the IIIness. I you had a dIsIIgurement, wouId you want
others to onIy stare at It and not you?"
jensen thInks he wouIdnt care what peopIe thInk and hed be abIe to
heaI the Injury, anyway, so Its a dumb anaIogy. ut he vagueIy
understands where shes goIng wIth thIs.
When It becomes cIear that jensen understands and doesnt have any
more questIons or human IIke panIc attacks on the horIzon IoIIy MarIe
nods, bangs IaIIIng over her In eyes.
" must wrap up a Iew thIngs beIore go to our Iather."
ChrIs Irowns, standIng up. " stIII say that hes not goIng to do anythIng.
Theres no prooI and you know how he Is about InterIerIng beIore
theres an actuaI probIem. t wouId cause too much dIssent amongst the
other gods. And IacheIs onIy hInted at prankIng jensen, Its not
enough."
jeIIrey, theIr Iather, Is by no means weak, but hes aIso aIways been sIow
to Intervene In the aIIaIrs oI hIs wIIe and chIIdren. AgaIn, the Trojan War
Is a gIarIng exampIe.
" know, but Its a tactIc that we must try," theIr voIces dIsappear In the
house and then Into the yard where they taIk strategy.
jensen onIy keeps one ear on the conversatIon, but turns hIs attentIon
back to the IoIder. The words bIur together aIter a whIIe as he sInks Into
a bIank state oI despaIr. Ies got to keep It together and keep strong Ior
jared. ut Ior now, Ior thIs moment, he wIII aIIow hImseII to IeeI the
mIsery and dread that seeps Into hIs souI.
ecause how Is he supposed to be okay wIth watchIng the one he Ioves-
the one he Ioves the most-suIIer?

jareds so dead on hIs Ieet Chad has to practIcaIIy carry jared out oI
TrueOne and Into hIs car.
"You just had to pretend IIke you dIdnt just get out oI the hospItaI.
GooIIng around and dancIng around your damn oIIIce-" Chads rantIng
as he takes jareds head by the haIr and pushes hIs head InsIde the car.
"ecause Gabe was tryIng to steaI my candy!" jared whInes, hIdIng a
smIrk behInd sIeepy eyes.
"Youre not supposed to have any Ior a whIIe, anyway. td go bad just
sIttIng there."
"S prIncIpIe oI the matter," jared sIurs rIght beIore Chad sIams hIs door
shut Ior hIm. When Chad opens the drIvers door jareds stIII babbIIng.
"Thanks Ior openIng the door Ior me, my prInce."
"God, youre hIgh on exhaustIon. Awesome."
"ot tIred," jared says, eyes openIng a IIttIe more and actuaIIy managIng
to hoId hIs heavy head up. "just IeeI good."
Chads eyes run over hIm crItIcaIIy. "IeaIIy? ecause dude, you Iook IIke
shIt."
"IIne," jared huIIs. " kInd oI reaIIy do IeeI IIke shIt. ut aIso IeeI.
hopeIuI? dont know. jensen came by Iast nIght."
Chad sIumps In the seat as he puIIs out oI the parkIng Iot. " know.
SophIa texted me. about came over there but she threatened to-weII,
she saId that she couId handIe It," he says wIth shIIty eyes, IIke hes
wonderIng II jared pIcked up on just how hard SophIa has hIm tIed by hIs
baIIs. IIke jared dIdnt aIready know.
" toId hIm. Ie stayed."
jared eyes hIs best IrIend warIIy, watches the shorter man press hIs IIps
together. " know," he says IInaIIy.
"Thats good, rIght?" jared tests.
"xcept he dIdnt show up at aII Ior when you were IaId up In the
hospItaI," he poInts out and why does he aIways have to raIn on jareds
parade? Who wouId have thought that Chad wouId ever be the
responsIbIe and pessImIstIc one out oI the two oI them? jared wonders II
thIs Is what Iong-term engagement does to peopIe. Makes them aII
cranky and. stuII.
"Ie saId that he had a IamIIy emergency and he wasnt In town, and-"
"-he Iost hIs phone so he dIdnt get the messages. Soph toId me. dont
buy It, though. Or at Ieast wont untII he Iets us know what the IamIIy
emergency was about. Ias he toId you?"
jared Irowns deepIy, rememberIng hIs conversatIon wIth jensen not too
Iong ago. "o."
"Id you ask hIm?"
".o," he admIts and wInces because It sounds bad Ior jensen.
Chad sIghs. "Iook, m gIad he dIdnt puII a TImothy when you toId hIm.
And m gIad that that makes you IeeI good. ut just. stIII dont trust
hIm and just cant heIp It. Ie seems secretIve and he has a weIrd ass
IamIIy that he doesnt even seem to care about one mInute and the next
hes traveIIng haII way around the worId and IosIng hIs phone over
them?"
"Chad, II he has secrets then Its hIs busIness. mean, want hIm to teII
me, but It took me Iorever to teII hIm about. weII, you know."
"Youre goIng to have to say It out Ioud sometImes, jared. just because
you dont say It doesnt mean Its not reaI," the bIond says,
uncharacterIstIcaIIy mature and soIt.
" saId 'IarkInsons IIke, IIve tImes yesterday," jared huIIs, poIntIng hIs
nose In the aIr IndIgnantIy. " just IeeI IIke ve met the quota Ior a day or
two."
IIs best IrIend roIIs hIs eyes but smIrks. "ts cooI that youre begInnIng
to joke about It. Ior the past coupIe oI years. It was IIke waIkIng a
tIghtrope around the subject. Youre my best IrIend, jay. Youre the onIy
one besIdes Soph that puts up wIth my shIt. n coIIege you were athIetIc
and young and you couId do just about anythIng you trIed. was In
denIaI too Ior the Iongest tIme. dont want you to be sIck, dont want
to see you tossIng that stupId stress baII behInd the desk when youre
taIkIng to a cIIent and IeeI the urge to kIck the cIIent out because know
your hands are probabIy shakIng and youre not IeeIIng weII. ut, heII. t
took SophIa beatIng me upsIde the head wIth a pan-that Iron pan she
cooks cornbread In, you know that one? m not even jokIng about thIs-
Ior me to reaIIze that the Iaster got over It and stopped denyIng that my
best IrIend was sIck then the Iaster and better couId heIp you and be
there Ior you. And Its the same Ior you, man. hate how sIck you were
thIs weekend and wIsh couId take It back- wIsh couId have hung
around Ior just a Iew more hours so couId have seen the sIgns and got
you heIp Iaster. ut In a way It was a wake up caII- mean, youre
actuaIIy taIkIng about It. You actuaIIy toId AckIes that you have
IarkInsons. Thats bIg and thInk youII get better now that youve
admItted It."
jared grIns, eyes burnIng stupIdIy but at Ieast no tears are IaIIIng thIs
tIme. "Wow, thInk youre In the runnIng Ior the Oscars wIth that
speech. That was beautIIuI, man," jared says reachIng over and pattIng
Chad on the shouIder.
Chad shoves hIs hand away, IIghtIng hIs own smIrk. "Shut up you ass.
m serIous."
" know," jared says, smaII smIIe In pIace. "And thanks Ior that. So, are
we IIghtIng stIII?"
Chad shrugs. " guess not. thInk we kInd oI suck at It, anyway. IIus,
youre the one that started the sIIent treatment."
"WeII," jared sIghs. "You dId kInd oI caII me weak and IncapabIe oI
makIng cIear judgments."
"Iook, dIdnt mean It that way. m sorry. was just. just wanted you
to be OK agaIn. Youve been pretty down Ior IIke two years now."
jared nods, grateIuI Ior the apoIogy. " know, thanks Ior stIckIng wIth
me. ut, jensen makes me IeeI OK agaIn," he poInts out. "Ie reaIIy does
-better than when thought was In Iove wIth TImothy. And wouId
reaIIy IIke Ior you to get used to that eventuaIIy," he says honestIy.
"IIne. ut m not goIng to be gIvIng the guy hugs or anythIng, so dont
try to make me."
jared snorts. "ude, dont thInk he wants to hug you any tIme soon,
eIther. esIdes, hes my man. You dont get to touch hIm."
"!gh, just threw up In my mouth a IIttIe," Chad wInces and reaIIy does
Iook a IIttIe green. jared Iaughs.
"SophIa has work tonIght so youre stuck wIth me. hope she has
IeItovers oI whatever she cooked Iast nIght because m not cookIng,"
Chad says as he puIIs Into the parkIng Iot oI jareds apartments.
"God, youd just end up puttIng me Into the hospItaI agaIn," jared jokes
as they get out. IIs eyes scan the parkIng Iot. "esIdes, thats jensens
car. Ies here and II make hIm cook."
Chad groans. "You mean have to hang out wIth hIm tonIght?"
"WeII, you couId go home."
"And abandon Sophs sIck baby brother? o you want me to get bIue
baIIs? Or, you know, dIe?"
"Stop beIng dramatIc. jensens here."
"Yeah, but dont. er. want to pIay vIdeo games. And stuII," Chad
IInIshes IameIy whIch basIcaIIy transIates to, "Sophic didnt give me
express permission to lecve even ij ]ensens here with you, so until she does l
hcve to stcy with you". jared shouId IeeI a IIttIe oIIended that SophIa and
Chad are babyIng hIm-and It does vagueIy pIss hIm oII-but the Iact
that Chad Is so whIpped oIIsets It wIth humor.
When they waIk In jared has to pause. jensen has a key but Its the IIrst
tIme hes been at jareds apartment when jareds not-the IIrst tIme hes
been there beIore jared gets home. t makes jared IeeI warm and mushy
to be abIe to waIk In wIth someone aIready there waItIng Ior hIm. t
makes jared IeeI IIke hes comIng home.
The dogs are back, jared doesnt know how, but he grIns and coos at
them as they nearIy bowI hIm over In theIr excItement. SadIe stands
between hIs Iegs IIke she aIways does, IookIng up at hIm wIth bIg, sad
brown eyes IIke "Why did you lecve?" Shes jareds gIrI so he bends down
and bIows gentIy on her Iace, causIng her to yIp (as much as a bIg dog
IIke her can yIp) and try to IIck hIm. MostIy she mIsses hIs Iace Irom the
angIe her head Is at, but IarIey has no such quaIms. Ies standIng
besIde jared and promptIy starts sIobberIng In jareds ear. ts
dIsgustIng and weIrd but It makes jared Iaugh.
jensen Iooks up Irom where hes In the kItchen and grIns at jared and
hIs two stupId dogs who are just as stupIdIy In Iove wIth hIm as jensen
Is. Ie Iaughs when jared starts baby-taIkIng to them, stuII IIke, "Whos
your dcddy?" and "Did you miss me?" and "l missed you guys, yes l did, yes
l did".
IIs Iover Is kInd oI rIdIcuIous. ut he seems so happy and kInd oI
gIowIng In a way that he hasnt Ior the past severaI hours so It makes
jensen rIdIcuIousIy gIddy wIth reIIeI.
jensens eyes traveI to Chad whos come In wIth jared. The bIond Is
gIarIng at hIm warIIy, IIke he expects jensen to suddenIy sprout extra
IImbs or to draw a weapon or to start burstIng out Into song. jensen just
grIns cockIIy back at hIm, causIng the squInty-eyed man to onIy scowI
Iurther.
"jen!" jared caIIs, bouncIng over to hIm, and Its such a manIc turn
around Irom how he was earIIer today that It catches jensen oII guard.
Ie remInds hImseII oI the stuII that hes read, oI what SophIa toId hIm,
and decIdes to just go wIth It.
"Iey, jay-hey! o kIssIng!" jensen crIes out, IaughIng when jared trIes
to kIss hIm. "You have dog sIobber aII over you, and oomph!" Too Iate
because jared has snuck under hIs deIenses (but maybe jensen Iet hIm,
dog breath be damned) and Is IayIng a hard and sIoppy kIss on hIs IIps
beIore he can IInIsh hIs protest.
jared puIIs away wIth a chIIdIsh smack and hears Chad groan In dIsgust
In the background, whIch just makes jared grIn aII the harder. jensen
smeIIs and tastes great, as usuaI. Warm and spIcy. IIs souI. Is a IIttIe
dImmer than usuaI, but not terrIbIy so. Ie Iooks not tIred, but not not
tIred as weII. And thats so unusuaI because jareds never even seen hIm
tIred (or not not tIred).
Or whatever.
jared Irowns. "Are you OK?"
jensen smIIes at jared, nIppIng at hIs IIp. ts so sweet how jared seems
to know when somethIngs botherIng hIm, even though gods dont show
IatIgue IIke humans do.
"m IIne. just some. IamIIy Issues. AdrIannes gone and m worrIed
about her, guess."
jareds Irown deepens and jensen puts hIs hands on hIs Iovers hIps,
nearIy groanIng out Ioud at the tapered and sharp IeeI oI them beneath
hIs paIms. "II teII you more Iater."
"Iey, you know. m IIke rIght here. And IeeIIng Ignored," Chad drawIs.
"Aw, ChastIty, wasnt It? You want a kIss, too?" jensen mocks back,
enjoyIng watchIng the bIond man squIrm and growI.
"Stop It," jared orders hIm, pushIng on hIs shouIder. "ont wInd hIm up
on purpose, OK? Chads hangIng wIth us Ior tonIght," hIs eyes are drawn
to the counter where jensen had been workIng when jared came In. "Oh,
hey. Are you cookIng?"
jensen gIances to the vegetabIes that are spread out on the counter,
some aIready chopped, and gIves hIm a deadpan Iook, makIng jared
bIush IaIntIy and grIn.
"Shut up. Can heIp?" he asks, aIready movIng to wash hIs hands. "What
are you makIng?"
"VegetabIe Iasagna wIth whoIe wheat noodIes and organIc cheese,"
jensen grIns, wavIng the cookbook he bought whIIe he was out.
jared groans and wrInkIes hIs nose. "!gh, no. ot you, too." ut hes
grInnIng IIke a IooI, goIng aII meIty InsIde because jensen has aIready
taken It upon hImseII to heIp jared. Ie thought that It wouId make hIm
IeeI seII-conscIous, but It doesnt.
jensen hands hIm the beII pepper and when jared goes to sIIce It In bIg
chunks jensen cIucks and heIps jared cut It open and wash the seeds
out IIrst then shows hIm how to cut It In smaIIer sectIons that are better
Ior cookIng and eatIng. The whoIe tIme he stands behInd jared, hands
over jareds as he shows hIm, and maybe jared does know how to cut
vegetabIes but jensens warm chest on hIs back and strong hands over
hIs just IeeIs too damn good.
"Gross. dont want to see my best IrIend beIng aII domestIc-y," Chad
groans, goIng to the reIrIgerator and rummagIng around Ior a snack,
grumbIIng when aII he comes up wIth Is a Coke.
"m not beIng domestIc-y. m seducIng hIm," jared says sensIbIy,
wInkIng at jensen when the oIder man raIses an amused eyebrow at hIm.
"ts both whIch Is even grosser. m gonna be In the IIvIng room wIth the
IIaystatIon."
"Thats nIce, Chasez," jensen says absent mIndedIy, speIIbound by
jareds neck whIch Is right there.
Chad huIIs and staIks away, grumbIIng under hIs breath.
jared just grIns and jensen just gIves In to temptatIon and starts
mouthIng at hIs Iovers neck, nIppIng at the saIty-sweet skIn.
" dont thInk were goIng to get dInner done at thIs rate," jared gasps,
heat IIoodIng hIs cheeks and stomach IIke a sudden Iever.
"Sure we wIII," jensen dIsmIsses beIore he Iatches on jareds puIse poInt
and suckIng hard, moanIng because he IeeIs IIIe and Iust beneath hIs
IIps.
jared moans. ", yeah.. what? Iorgot what we were taIkIng about."
jensen chuckIes huskIIy and puIIs back, IIckIng at the bruIse there as he
massages jareds hIps. IIs young Iover Iets out another moan, Iouder
thIs tIme.
"You guys better be cookIng and not IuckIng! jesus ChrIst, you better
not be near the Iood eIther doIng that shIt!" Chad caIIs Irom the couch.
jared Iaughs. jensen rests hIs chIn on hIs mortaIs shouIder and just
watches hIm smIIe.

The next mornIng jareds stIII asIeep at nIne In the mornIng and jensen
grIns down at the sIeepIng youth. jared wants to go to TrueOne agaIn
today but Iast nIght aIter admIttIng that hed been tIred aIter onIy a IIttIe
over an hour there they had agreed that hed onIy go Ior a Iew hours
agaIn today.
jensen had taken away jareds headache and achy muscIes agaIn Iast
nIght aIter hIs Iover had IaIIen Into a troubIed sIeep. Iast nIght aIter
Chad had reIuctantIy IeIt-shootIng suspIcIous gIares at jensen untII
jared shut the door between them-they had both showered together
and pIopped Into bed, jensen turned on Irom seeIng jared wet, soapy,
and naked In the shower and jared. not so much. ot that jensen had
quIte reaIIzed It at IIrst. jared had kept hIm too occupIed by kIssIng hIm,
then crawIIng down hIs body and takIng jensen Into hIs mouth. jareds
mouth Is so wIde and wet and hot, hIs tongue skIIIed and he can suck
jensen to the root-so IuckIng good and perIect jensen thInks that thIs
Is what dyIng must IeeI IIke.
Ied puIIed jared oII and tugged hIs Iover up, hand reachIng down to
heIp jared aIong as they kIssed. Ied onIy regIstered jareds "o!" two
seconds too Iate, aIter wrappIng hIs hand around jareds Iength and onIy
IIndIng hIm soIt and unaIIected by theIr actIvItIes.
"]cred?"
"m sorry," jared bIurts, eyes wIde and paIned. "m sorry, just cant-
God, youre so damn hot and cant." IIs Iace IIames red and he burIes
It In jensens chest to hIde It.
"KaIos, Its OK." jensen whIspers, he hImseII startIng to IIag, guIIt and
concern dampenIng hIs erectIon.
"o, Its not, trIed. can get you oII, though. Make you IeeI so good
stIII. want to, jen."
"t is OK. jay, wIth the meds youre on." he traIIs oII, sIghIng regretIuIIy
when he IeeIs jared stIIIen. "IIease, Its IIne and dont bIame you."
" can stIII."
"ot tonIght, OK?" jensen consoIes, puIIIng jared aII the way up to the
pIIIow besIde hIm and entangIIng theIr bodIes together.
"Iuck, m so useIess and pa-"
"o, kaIos. Maybe next tIme II-weII IInIsh next tIme. ut Ior tonIght Its
IIne. just want to IIe here wIth you." And show you thct l dont need sex to
love you. ut he dIdnt say that out Ioud.
So they IaId there, jared IIghtIng sIeep, and when jensen had IeIt a wet
tear on hIs arm he had just heId jared aII the cIoser.
jensen had "sIept" some but had been awake and restIess earIy In the
mornIng. Ies just now comIng back In Irom waIkIng the dogs, who both
were rather resentIuI and wary oI hIm the whoIe tIme. Ie kIsses jareds
Iorehead and goes to take a shower. Gods dont reaIIy sweat-at Ieast,
they dont sweat Irom the eIIort oI waIkIng a coupIe dogs. ut jensen
IeeIs IIke he smeIIs IIke dog so he wants to take one anyway (jared
usuaIIy caIIs hIm prImpy because he has these urges).
Ies just rInsed oII the shampoo when he IeeIs IoIIy MarIe appear InsIde
the apartment. jensen nearIy sIIps In hIs eIIort to get out oI the shower.
Ie hasnt heard jared wake up yet but he reaIIy wouId rather not jared
encounter IoIIy MarIe and thInk Its some sort oI break-In.
jensen just bareIy remembers to grab a toweI and wrap It around hImseII
beIore steppIng Into the bedroom. jareds stIII asIeep, sprawIed spread-
eagIed across the entIre bed IIke hes prone to do II jensens not In It.
The god shakes hIs head IondIy beIore usIng the IIght to quIckIy bIInk
out oI jareds bedroom and Into the kItchen where IoIIy MarIe Is quIetIy
makIng coIIee.
She turns to hIm when he arrIves, raIsIng a crItIcaI eyebrow at hIs attIre.
Shes aIready dressed In a smart busIness suIt, her haIr puIIed back and
bangs cIIpped on top oI her head.
"WeII, arent you quIte the eye IuII thIs mornIng?" she teases.
"Iey, IoII," he grIns, maybe exaggeratIng hIs swagger as he steps
toward her, causIng her to roII her eyes even though a ghost oI a smIIe
tugs at her IIps. "Whats up? o you need somethIng?"
She shrugs. "m about to Ieave. have a meetIng thIs mornIng that Is,
you know, kInd oI serIous and unavoIdabIe. ut by thIs evenIng II be
Iree to brIng your case beIore jeIIrey. Thought d come by Ior a Iew
mInutes, see how thIngs are."
jensen just gIves her a Iunny Iook and she smIrks.
" am a bIg sIster, you know. And oI course want to see you happy.
wouId IIke to see aII oI my IamIIy happy wIth theIr IIves."
"ve aIways been happy."
"You havent. ot Ior a whIIe. Youve had countIess Iovers and mortaI
reIatIonshIps, as we aII have, but even have notIced In the past severaI
decades that you have been yearnIng Ior more."
"jareds more," jensen nods serIousIy.
"Ies not, not reaIIy. mean, he probabIy IeeIs IIke more, IIke a Iot oI
what you want, but hes mortaI, jen. Youre settIng yourseII up Ior
heartache."
jensen Irowns, wants to reIute It, wants to argue but IeeIs too strangeIy
IatIgued to do so. Shes rIght, oI course she Is. jared Is mortaI and shes
hIntIng at somethIng IIke what jeII and Sam have, what ChrIstIan and
Steve have. And jensen cant have that because jared Isnt ImmortaI.
ut he stIII knows. eep down, somethIng just cIIcks and IeeIs rIght IIke
none oI hIs Iovers have IeIt In jensens whoIe exIstence. ts IIke jared
was made Ior hIm.
Ier words make jensen tense but she doesnt gIve hIm space, doesnt
Ieave, just changes the topIc to musIc and jared, both oI whIch jensen Is
happy to taIk about. The coIIee gets done and they stand In the kItchen,
IoIIy MarIe In her power suIt and jensen In jareds bIue toweI.
jared comes to sIowIy, sIeep heavy but wIthout the usuaI headache or
nausea. Aches and paIns are aIso gone. Ie checks hIs arms and sees the
bruIses there gone, whIch Is strange but he supposes that they werent
very dark or serIous to begIn wIth. Ie reaches up and pushes the one
thats at hIs haIrIIne but doesnt IeeI any paIn so that one must be
dIsappearIng as weII.
Ie shrugs and yawns, hand IIyIng out and pattIng the bed to Iook Ior
jensen whos not there. Ie hears jensens voIce In the other room,
though, aIong wIth a IemaIe one-maybe SophIa?
So he tugs on some sweats and a t-shIrt thats possIbIy jensens because
Its a IIttIe short on hIm and smeIIs IIke hIm. jared Irowns and tugs at the
materIaI. jensens shIrts used to be a IIttIe snug across the shouIders on
hIm and now Its aImost Ioose.
jared reaIIy needs to get back to the gym.
Ie runs hIs hand through hIs haIr a Iew tImes to straIghten It but
doesnt bother to Iook In the mIrror. jared stumbIes Into the kItchen, Ied
by the smeII oI coIIee and the sound oI jensens voIce, and IInds hIs Iover
standIng In nothIng In a toweI taIkIng to.
.to some strange woman who Is deIInIteIy not SophIa.
"What?" jared mumbIes, bIInks when he reaIIzes that hes probabIy
beIng rude and cIears hIs throat, thIs tIme a more cIvIIIzed soundIng "oh"
comIng out.
The woman smIIes soItIy, a cooI Iace but pretty eyes and IIps. "jared, Its
good to meet you," she gIances sIdeways to jensen. "Ie Is quIte
handsome."
jensen grIns kInd oI proudIy and jared IIghts oII the urge to bIush. "-"
he bIInks and does a doubIe and trIpIe take because now that sIeep Is
IeavIng hIs eyes thIs woman Iooks IamIIIar.
"IoIy-" he cuts hImseII oII because he doesnt thInk Its poIIte to curse
In Iront oI one oI the Ieaders oI your country.
"Youre. Secretary oI State Combs. Oh my, what are you doIng In my
apartment?" Ie kInd oI IIaIIs and hIs eyes IIy to jensen Ior heIp, onIy to
zero In on the Iact that jensens onIy wearIng a goddamned toweI.
"And you! Why are you naked In Iront oI the Secretary oI State?" Ie
hIsses, reachIng out and puIIIng on jensen, hauIIng hIm towards theIr
bedroom. "!hm, m sorry MIss Secretary, sIr, uhm, maam? Ie dIdnt
know what he was doIng-hes kInd oI socIaIIy awkward. IeII be rIght
back."
"jared," jensen Iaughs but cant get the rest out beIore jared pushes
hIm InsIde the bedroom, hIssIng, "Get dressed! Shes the Secretary oI
State!" beIore sIammIng the door. Ie turns around to see Secretary
Combs stIII standIng taII and proud as II jareds kItchen Is her throne
room. She just raIses an eyebrow at hIm, a cooI and amused smIIe
tuggIng at her IIps.
"So, hey?" jared swaIIows. "You-. IeaIIy admIre your work and. your
suIt?"
She chuckIes, a IIttIe deeper than he expected, and smIIes IuIIy. "Youre
cute, too," she muses.
jared bIInks and opens hIs mouth to answer back (except, how do you
respond to that?). o sound comes reaIIy comes out except Ior a
mIndIess grunt.
She IuII on grIns at hIm, a move that breaks the severIty oI her smooth
and paIe Iace.
jared nods rapIdIy, smackIng hIs IIps. "IIght. So, m goIng to, uhm. See
whats takIng jensen? Yeah, and, uhm, heIp hIm IInd. rIght. WeII be
rIght back and uhm, heIp yourseII to anythIng?"
Ier deep-throated chuckIe IoIIows hIm as he scrambIes Into the
bedroom.
jensens In the mIddIe oI puIIIng on hIs pants and grIns at jared In
questIon. "What are you doIng?"
"ude, the Secretcry oj Stcte Is outsIde thIs door," jared hIsses as II It
shouId be obvIous why hes hIdIng. Ie scowIs petuIantIy, "and she caIIed
me cute."
jensen just Iaughs soItIy at hIm, waIkIng up to hIm wIth hIs jeans
unbuttoned and stIII mIssIng a shIrt. Ie puts hIs hands on jareds Iace
and puIIs hIm In Ior a kIss. jared resIsts, stIII wIde-eyed and panIcky.
"Arent you even wonderIng why shes here?"
jared paIes a IIttIe. "Oh my God. You dId somethIng epIcaIIy terrIbIe and
IIIegaI," he hIsses and jensen barks out another Iaugh.
"Why do you automatIcaIIy assume that dId somethIng wrong?"
" dont know. You have thIs guIIty Iook about you," jared narrows hIs
eyes at hIm suspIcIousIy.
The god Iaughs harder and kIsses jared consoIIngIy on hIs Iorehead. "m
guIIty because my oIder sIster who havent seen In a Iew years Is out
there but d rather be In here on thIs bed and thoroughIy debauchIng
you."
jensens dark eyes take jareds breath away so he Ieans down and IInaIIy
kIsses jensen good mornIng.
jared jerks back suddenIy, wIde eyes and mInd spInnIng In pIace. "WaIt.
Your sister?"

ts not untII Monday that both jared and jensen are conIIdent enough to
aIIow jared to go In to work Ior the entIre day. jared had IeIt and Iooked
better over the weekend, though, so they spent tIme at jensens house.
At IIrst jensen not so subtIy Iorced jared Into the hot tub, convInced that
the movIng water and wet heat wIII heIp reIax jareds muscIes. jared
thInks that It doesnt work that way unIess the water somehow rebuIIds
the dopamIne neurons In hIs head, but he doesnt say that out Ioud.
They make out In the hot tub, though, whIch jared IIkes a Iot. SerIousIy,
Its the cIosest to sexuaIIy aroused hes been abIe to get sInce he got
back Irom the hospItaI. ts stIII mortIIyIng and hes so worrIed that
jensen wIII just gIve up on hIm and Ieave. ts one thIng to have a
boyIrIend thats chronIcaIIy III. ts another thIng to have a chronIcaIIy III
boyIrIend that doesnt even put out. That Is a Iose-Iose sItuatIon.
jareds gIad that jensen Is stIII here. Ies aIso reIIeved to IInd that hes
begInnIng to trust that jensen wIII clwcys be wIth jared.
ts weIrd to onIy have ChrIs around and by the way ChrIs just paces
around restIessIy Its weIrd Ior hIm as weII.
That nIght as they sIt In jensens musIc room, jensen pIayIng somethIng
caIIed a kIthara whIch he teIIs jared he mIght recognIze as a Iyre, and
jared couIdnt heIp hImseII anymore.
"s ChrIs aIrIght? And Steve? ve never reaIIy seen them apart."
jensen doesnt stop pIayIng, just strums quIeter, and tIIts hIs head to the
sIde In thought.
"Steve Is wIth AdrIanne, takIng care oI IamIIy busIness."
jared raIses an eyebrow. "You stIII havent toId me what thats about yet.
Are you sure everyones aIrIght? Why dId Steve and AdrIanne go? Why
not Steve and ChrIs?"
At jensens stare jared shIIts uncomIortabIy, IookIng away. "m sorry,
dIdnt mean to be nosey."
jensen sIghs, pIayIng a IIttIe Iaster and a IIttIe Iouder In hIs agItatIon, but
not so Ioud that they cant speak. "o, jared. ts not beIng nosey. ask
about your IamIIy aII the tIme and know your aIIaIrs just. Its just
compIIcated and m not sure. know shouId teII you," he says the Iast
part mostIy to hImseII, jared can teII by the dIstance that suddenIy
Iengthens In those green eyes.
"TeII me what, jen?" jared asks, quIet and whIsper-IIke, as II he taIks too
Ioud then It wIII break the speII and jensen wIII put up the waII he aIways
does when It comes to hIs IamIIy.
jensen seems to snap out oI It anyway and jareds heart sInks. Ie can
teII by the Iook that jensen wont teII hIm everythIng that he wants to
know and It makes jared both angry and worrIed. oesnt jensen trust
hIm? What couId be so bad?
"AdrIanne and Steve make a better team because oI theIr. patIence."
jared sIghs, aImost IorIornIy. "WIII you ever teII me?"
"jared." but jensen doesnt IInIshes, just pIays Iouder and starts
sIngIng, In Greek and jared usuaIIy Ioves It when jensen sIngs, especIaIIy
In hIs natIve tongue aIthough jared doesnt understand the words
wIthout jensens heIp. ut thIs partIcuIar song IoIIows jared Into hIs
sIeep and haunts hIs dreams and constructs hIs nIghtmares.
The rest oI the weekend went on as II the conversatIon never happened,
whIch jared both Ioved and hated. Ie hated It because It made hIm
worry about jensen. ut he aIso Ioved It because he was tIred oI the
tensIon between them, IIrst Irom theIr expIosIve argument Iast week and
Irom the IarkInsons bouIder dangIIng over them on a thIn strIng.
ThIs mornIng jared woke up earIy aIter a nIght oI returnIng nIghtmares
and restIessness but he stIII IeIt reaIIy good. So they waIked down to the
beach In the darkness oI mornIng and watched as the sunrIse Irom the
east caused the western sky to bIush. Irom there they waIked hand In
hand to TrueOne, jared apoIogIzIng Ior wakIng jensen up so earIy and
jensen shruggIng It oII as no bIg deaI.
ts Iunny, but jensen never seems to need sIeep. Ie never over sIeeps
IIke jared does but he aIways seems to be awake, IookIng or smIIIng at
jared or kIssIng hIm as jared starts dozIng oII. ut jareds woken up
durIng the nIght and seen jensens eyes cIosed, breath even, so he
knows jensen Is capabIe oI It. And he never seems tIred. ts kInd oI
weIrd.
jensen waIks jared up to hIs oIIIce where he kIsses jared good-bye-In
Iront oI Chad who groans and sIghs In annoyance and vague dIsgust.
jared absoIuteIy Ioves It and Irom the spark In jensens eye he Ioves It as
weII. jared knows that Iook-Its the same one that Ianded them In jaII-
so he ducks away beIore they scar Chad Ior IIIe.
When jensen Ieaves, jareds stIII grInnIng wIde and gooIy. Ie Ieans
agaInst hIs door, sIghIng IIke a schooIgIrI and thInkIng that hIs knees
mIght be meItIng when he gets a crazy and stupId Idea. Ie hurrIedIy
pushes one oI the chaIrs Ior guests under the wIndows that IIne the top
oI hIs waII. Theyre rIght at the ceIIIng so not Iow enough Ior hIm to see
anythIng but sky when hes strandIng on the IIoor.
jared actuaIIy Iaughs out Ioud to hImseII as he cIImbs the chaIr and
stands on hIs toes to peek out the wIndow and down to the worId beIow.
MostIy Its a vIew oI the back parkIng Iot, but II he twIsts hIs head to the
sIde jared can make out a sectIon oI street and sIdewaIk to hIs rIght. Ie
hopes to catch one Iast gIImpse oI jensen Ior the day and hIs hearts
actuaIIy IIutters In hIs chest In antIcIpatIon.
Ie sees jensen soon, aII swagger and conIIdent, sIow waIk IIke he
doesnt Intend to go anywhere Iast. jared grIns when he sees jensen
gIance toward TrueOnes buIIdIng a coupIe oI tImes.
And then a taII, sIIm IIgure In a brIght bIue dress runs up to jensen and
sIdIes aIongsIde hIs Iover.
jared Irowns, IeeIs hIs eyebrows Iurrow In tIght and so hard It mIght
start a headache, not that he cares. Ie cant make out Ieatures, can onIy
reaIIy make out the bIue dress and bIonde haIr, but hes pretty sure that
Its MoIIy SIms Irom the gaIa Iast IrIday.
She tugs on jensen, wraps her arms around hIm but he puIIs Iree. jared
grIns agaIn, hopeIuI, and watches as she practIcaIIy dances around
jensen. When she tugs agaIn jensen onIy resIsts and IIttIe beIore
aIIowIng hImseII to be puIIed down the sIdewaIk and out oI jareds
IImIted vIew.
As Iar as jared can teII, jensen doesnt even Iook back.
SmIIe a IIttIe bIt number than beIore, jared mechanIcaIIy steps down
Irom the chaIr and pushes It back Into Its pIace, mentaIIy beratIng
hImseII Ior IoIIowIng through wIth such a stupId Idea.
Ie sIts down stIIIIy at hIs desk, swaIIows down the bItterness and says,
"ts nothIng," to hIs bIank computer screen.
The words sound hoIIow In the empty room.

On Wednesday nIght to ceIebrate jared beIng a week out oI the hospItaI
they aII go out to eat-jensen, SophIa, and even Chad. Chad Is cIvII but
mostIy doesnt engage In dIrect conversatIon wIth jensen whIch Is just
IIne because II jensen does taIk dIrectIy wIth Chad Its to caII hIm names
oI varIous boy bands (whIch, jared thInks that theyre both morons and
gIant Ian gIrIs because they know the names oI the boy bands cnd the
IuII names oI aII the sIngers, but he doesnt poInt thIs out).
A week out and jareds just begInnIng to reaIIy IeeI better. Ies had a
coupIe oI mIgraInes, one thats caused hIm to mIss another day at
TrueOne but a Iot oI them come In the aIternoons and he has to huddIe
In hIs apartment or some pIace In jensens house (though hes reaIIy
reIuctant to go there when he IeeIs bad, he doesnt want ChrIstIan or
anyone eIse to know how sIck he Is, though he hasnt toId jensen that).
jensen aIways makes sure the curtaIns are cIosed and never speaks
when jareds In the throes oI hIs nausea-InducIng mIgraInes, just hoIds
hIm cIose and Iets jared pass out on hIm II needed. jared stIII has no sex
drIve and jensen seems to reaIIy want to take jared up on hIs
concIIIatory oIIers oI bIow jobs and hand jobs and anythIng eIse jared
suggests In a desperate attempt to keep jensen Irom gettIng too
Irustrated and IeavIng but aIways at the Iast mInute jensen becomes too
guIIty and makes them both back oII.
jared knows hes aIso contInued to be moody. xcept Ior the mornIng
wIth the mIgraIne hes gone In to work but he hasnt reaIIy wcnted to go
In to work, but contInues to so he doesnt appear weak. At Ieast the
apocaIyptIc headaches dont seem to IInger as much as they used to,
whIch Is odd but jareds not about to compIaIn.
AIter that they go to AIrIIne-a dance cIub near the restaurant that was
surprIsIngIy agreed upon by both Chad and jensen.
nsIde Its dark IIke dusk. SophIa kIsses hIs Iorehead and Chad gIves hIm
a IIrm pat on hIs shouIder beIore they spIIt up wIth jensen and jared,
dIsappearIng Into the shadows and muItI-coIored strobe IIghts. SophIa
and Chad are undoubtedIy headIng to the bar to drInk a bIt beIore
SophIa InevItabIy drags Chad to the dance IIoor. jensens the one
draggIng jared, though Its not IIke jared resIsts. Ies stIII not conIIdent
In hIs IndIvIduaI dancIng skIIIs but hes conIIdent In jensens and they
dId have a Iun tIme at the gaIa beIore It was aII bIown to heII by
TImothys untImeIy appearance.
jensen Ieans up, whIsperIng hot In jareds ear. " dont need aIcohoI to
get drunk oII oI you."
And that rIght there does juzzy butterjly thIngs to jareds entIre body. Ie
grIns gooIy wIde, thoughts oI jensens secrets and MoIIy Iar oII, and
wraps hIs IIngers Into the materIaI oI jensens shIrt.
"Shut up," jared says but wIth no reaI protest or bIte, makIng jensen
Iaugh vIctorIousIy.
jensen moves cIose, shameIess hands wastIng no tIme to cup jareds ass
and brIng the young mortaIs tIght body cIose to hIs. They move,
unduIatIng to theIr own rhythm that Is sIower and deeper than the
techno hIp-hop mIx puIsIng Irom the speakers. jensens body thrums Ior
jared, so Iong and taII agaInst hIm, so beautIIuI and young and
vuInerabIe and aII his. Ie runs hIs hands up and down jareds body,
needIng to touch everythIng and everywhere, but aIways returnIng to
that pert ass thats been hauntIng jensens wakIng IantasIes. Ie
massages the warm IIesh through the denIm groanIng Into jareds Iong
and tender throat.
jared reaIIy, reaIIy wIshes that hIs body couId get more Interested In the
IeeI oI jensens groIn agaInst hIs thIgh, the sensatIon oI jensen kneadIng
hIs ass (In Iront oI everyone here, jesus ChrIst) or the hotness oI
jensens IIps on hIs throat. ut wIthout the haze oI Iust he can acuteIy
IeeI every Inch oI jensens body, see every crInkIe oI the smIIe IInes next
to hIs eyes, count every eye Iash and try to guess aII the dIIIerent coIors
oI green In hIs eyes. Ie can watch jensen In Iust over jared, the way hIs
pupIIs bIow and eyeIIds droop, the way hIs IIps part and hIs muscIes kInd
oI meIt Into soIt reIaxatIon wIth every Inch oI jared he cIaIms as hIs wIth
hIs gentIe but possessIve hands.
jensens just too perIect-too beautIIuI, too kInd, too generous, too
brave, too everythIng-Ior jared. ut jareds so IuckIng seIIIsh and he
doesnt care, hes goIng to cIIng to jensen as Iong as the oIder man Iets
hIm, no matter what. Ie nudges jensens groIn wIth hIs knee, wantIng to
see the reactIon, wantIng to tease jensen and draw hIm over the edge so
jared can IInaIIy make jensen IeeI good. Ie doesnt mInd It and he knows
that jensen reaIIy, reaIIy IIkes sex. Ie got them both arrested because
hes such a compIete horn dog he cant seem to waIt to get out oI pubIIc
beIore he starts tryIng to get jareds cIothes oII.
The god groans and grInds harder Into jareds body, movIng IIke II he
couId just dance wIth every Inch oI jareds body agaInst hIs then jared
wouId be part oI hIm Iorever and jensen wouId never have to Iet hIm go.
jareds enjoyIng the way that jensen unraveIs when he IeeIs a wave oI
nausea hIt hIm. ausea and stomach paIn were the InItIaI reactIons he
had to hIs Ievodopa medIcatIon, SInemet. ut octor eaver had
prescrIbed InjectIons oI Apokyn everyday Ior two weeks and then to use
when jared had "oII" perIods where the SInemet dIdnt seem to work and
the tremors returned. oth medIcatIons wreak havoc on hIs stomach and
more hours than not he experIences dIzzIness and nausea. The IIrst day
It hIt he had spent most oI It In the bathroom, but aIter he IIgured out
that he wouIdnt actuaIIy vomIt and aIter he had caIIed octor eaver to
make sure It was a normaI and unavoIdabIe sIde-eIIect jared had been
determIned to Ignore the noxIous quakIng In hIs stomach and
occasIonaIIy In the back oI hIs throat.
ut sometImes he cant Ignore It and aIthough he hasnt actuaIIy been
sIck Irom It yet he IeeIs IIke he wIII be and he wouId reaIIy rather be In
the bathroom than In the mIddIe oI a dance IIoor wIth jensen.
jensen Irowns when jared stIIIs and puIIs back, IndIcatIng that hes done
wIth dancIng beIore IeanIng In to jensens ear.
"GoIng Into the bathroom, be rIght back?"
"GoIng Into the bathroom, be rIght back?"
Iust and need and arousaI IIke statIc around hIs mInd, jensen bIInks
sIowIy beIore jareds paIe Iace regIsters.
"Are you OK?" he asks wIth concern and jared nods.
" am- am, promIse!" he InsIsts at jensens doubtIuI Iook. "just goIng to
the bathroom."
jensen pouts IIke a two year oId that just had hIs IavorIte stuIIed bear
taken away to be washed and It makes jared Iaugh despIte hIs growIng
queasIness.
"II be back. Why dont you go IInd Chad or SophIa?"
jensen Iooks IIke he wouId rather eat a Iemon peeI.
"Aww," jared coos, pattIng hIs shouIder and kIssIng hIs Iorehead but
IeavIng quIckIy aIter that because hIs stomach gIves a vIoIent and
aIarmIng heave. jensen hoIds on to hIs hand and IoIIows hIm a step or
two beIore IInaIIy IettIng go.
jared shakIIy makes hIs way to the back, Iegs IeeIIng dIsconnected IIke
hes waIkIng on aIr and he reaIIy cant get to the bathroom Iast enough.
Ie IeeIs hot and cIammy and hIs breathIng Is comIng Iast and Iabored In
hIs chest.
The bathroom smeIIs IIke pIss and spIIIed aIcohoI but thankIuIIy Isnt too
strong wIth any other odor to upset hIs stomach Iurther. ts aIso
mercIIuIIy empty. jared shakIIy dampens a IoIded pIece oI paper toweI
and then bIearIIy steps Into a cIean staII. Ie reaIIy wIshes he couId Iean
agaInst one oI the waIIs but the graIIItI and the smeII makes hIm thInk
Its rIdden wIth germs. IIs stomach roIIs more at the thought so he opts
agaInst It. nstead he just Ieans over the toIIet and aIternatIveIy hoIds
the toweI to hIs Iorehead and the back oI hIs neck. t takes hIm a mInute
but he IInaIIy pushes away the anxIety to get back to jensen that onIy
makes hIm IeeI worse and proIongs the nausea. Ie cIears hIs mInd,
breathIng deepIy In through hIs nose and out oI hIs mouth.
jared doesnt know how Iong he stands there, breathIng IIke hes doIng
yoga and wIpIng away a coId sweat oII oI hIs hot skIn wIth the cooI paper
toweI, but eventuaIIy the spIke oI sIckness In hIs stomach settIes,
backIng out oI hIs throat and chest and aImost dIsappearIng aItogether.
SIowIy he stands to hIs IuII heIght, back groanIng Irom the bent angIe he
was at. Ie waIts and when he doesnt IeeI a return oI the queasy IeeIIng
he eases hIs eyes open a peek and then opens them aII the way. When
eye movement doesnt make hIm sIck jared knows that Its pretty much
passed. Ie waIks careIuIIy out oI the staII, though, just to be sure. Ie
tosses the toweI and makes another one to wet hIs Iace one more tIme
beIore dryIng oII.
ts as hes tossIng the rest out that he hears someone come Into the
bathroom. Ie turns, ready to Ieave and ready to gIve whoever just
entered a cursory poIIte smIIe. jared Ireezes mId-step because TImothy Is
standIng there, smIrkIng haughtIIy at hIm. ts so strange, so IuckIng
unexpected that jared bIInks bIearIIy at hIm beIore hIs shouIders tense
deIensIveIy.
"What the heII? What are you doIng here?" StrangeIy enough, TImothy
Iooks IIke hes dressed In the suIt he wore when jared Iast saw hIm,
except Its neat and straIght unIIke It was aIter jensen had punched hIm
to the ground. n Iact, theres no bruIsIng on TImothys Iace Irom where
jensen hIt hIm. There shouId be at Ieast somethIng, jared remembers
SophIa teIIIng hIm that jensen broke TImothys nose and cheekbone.
"Are you IoIIowIng me? God, how pathetIc are you now? Get the Iuck
away Irom me!" jared growIs and makes to stomp past hIs ex when the
oIder man caImIy reaches up and haIts jared by pIacIng a hand on hIs
chest, pushIng hIm back a step or two.
jareds eyes wIden because TImothy appears so uncharacterIstIcaIIy
unaIIected and more aIooI than he dId the Iast tIme. And somehow
stronger. Ie pushed jared back wIth a IIIck oI hIs wrIst. Maybe that
attack oI dIzzIness and nausea IeIt jared weaker than he thought.
"IeeIIng a IIttIe sIck, jared?" TImothy asks, honey smooth IIke hIs voIce
has never been. jared Irowns, scowIIng and wonderIng where thIs new
centered caImness came Irom. Iast tIme TImothy had been crueI and
seIIIsh but crazy, unsure oI what he wanted Irom jared. t makes jared
IeeI so on edge hIs teeth tIngIe.
"What? o. TImothy, serIousIy, youre begInnIng to Iook desperate and
just stupId. Stay away Irom me." Ie moves past TImothy, tensIng up to
throw a punch, but thIs tIme TImothy Iets hIm pass. jared smIrks
conIIdentIy and contInues waIkIng, hand reachIng Ior the door.
"Iow much Ionger do you thInk hes goIng to pIay wIth you?"
jared Ireezes and turns around. "Who?" he asks, whIch Is actuaIIy on the
bottom oI the IIst oI thIngs he wants to bIurt out, somewhere beIow "shut
the juck up" and "cre you high?"
TImothy smIrks, sIow and sensuous. "AckIes. When do you thInk heII
grow tIred oI hIs sIck IIttIe pIaythIng? ecause hes just pIayIng wIth you
now-a coIorIuI and InterestIng baII oI yarn between hIs paws. Iow
much Ionger do you thInk youII Iast beIore he grows tIred oI you?" he
repeats, nearIy whIsperIng, takIng a step cIoser to jared but not
touchIng hIm.
jareds heart hammers In hIs chest. Ie cIenches hIs jaw, takIng a sIow
breath and IettIng It out. " dont know, hes rIght outsIde, why dont you
ask hIm? You cornered me when he wasnt around. ConvenIent. ont
you want another broken nose?"
"ts so sweet that you hIde behInd AckIes," TImothy says saccharIneIy
and jared sneers, mentaIIy beratIng hImseII Ior reveaIIng that kInd oI
weakness. ts just that TImothy Is unnervIng hIm In a way that he never
has and thIs tIme, jared doesnt know what It Is, and he does want
jensen here besIde hIm and supportIng hIm.
"m not hIdIng. Are you done now? want to get back out and dance
wIth my Iover."
"I he hasnt aIready moved on to someone eIse that Is. IIke MoIIy SIms,
saw that IIIrty nymph around the gaIa. Shes an oId IIame oI jensens,
you know. IeaIthy, strong, rIch. Shes IIke jensen. You dont compare."
jareds eyes wIden and he takes an unconscIous step back. IInkIng
away the stupeIIed IeeIIng he growIs and advances on TImothy by a Iew
steps, gettIng Into hIs exs Iace.
"IIsten to me you bastard. You stay the Iuck away Irom jensen, do you
hear me? Whatever the heII youre pIannIng or doIng you stop It now and
Ieave me and jensen aIone," he hIsses, panIc and anger and rage
swIrIIng through hIm at the thought oI TImothy turnIng hIs maIIcIous
sIghts onto jensen as weII.
ut the oIder man onIy smIrks, hIs eyes somehow trIumphant.
"Youre so damn nave, jared. ts so sIckenIngIy precIous." jared Irowns
but TImothy goes on, IIquId eyes rIppIIng IIke swamp water. "Youre
damaged goods. Why wouId AckIes reaIIy want you? Youre hIs pIty
case." Ie tIIts hIs head, eyes narrowIng. "WouId anyone want you? Can
you trust anyone to truIy want you?"
jared takes a step away, hIs IIps twItchIng between the urge to smIrk
and Irown (and cry).
"And youre a pathetIc, jeaIous man. Get your own IIIe, TIm."
jared waIts Ior a response. The oIder man just smIIes. jared huIIs,
spInnIng on hIs heeI and expIodIng out the door, emotIons so hIgh he
Iorgets about the sIckness In hIs stomach (though the bIIe-IIke taste oI
bItterness sIts thIck and heavy on hIs tongue). Ie even Iorgets to notIce
how dIIIerent TImothys souI had IeIt-how It hadnt IeIt IIke TImothys
souI at aII.
I jared wouId have Iooked back, or II he wouId have Iooked to the mIrror
In the bathroom whIIe he was arguIng wIth TImothy, he wouIdnt have
seen a reIIectIon oI hIs ex but oI a short dark haIred woman wIth red
poIson appIe IIps.

jensens been pIannIng on teIIIng jared about hIs godhood Ior days now.
The nIght that jared toId hIm about hIs IarkInsons Isease jensen had
pretty much decIded. And he wasnt nervous about teIIIng jared that he
was reaIIy (or aIso?) ApoIIo. jensen doesnt get nervous.
So he cant reaIIy expIaIn the jIttery IeeIIng he gets when he opens hIs
mouth to brIng up the topIc. ts totaIIy not nervousness, though. Or Iear
oI rejectIon. That wouId be absurd.
ts Saturday mornIng and theyre In jensens musIc room. Theyd sIept In
jensens bed the nIght beIore but jared had woken up around Iour In the
mornIng wIth a scream on hIs IIps Irom a nIghtmare and then a bout oI
nausea and stomach cramps. jensen had practIcaIIy carrIed an
exhausted and paIn-rIddIed jared Irom the bathroom and to hIs couch In
the musIc room. jared dIdnt have a headache so jensen had gentIy IaId
jared out on hIs couch, pIaced a cooI washcIoth over hIs eyes. AIter that
jensen had grabbed hIs kIthara and sat on the stooI, pIayIng an ancIent
IuIIaby soIt and sure Ior an hour straIght untII jareds breath evened
out.
OnIy then dId he pause In hIs pIayIng Iong enough to run hIs hand over
jareds stomach and ease the paIn there. Ie had watched jareds newIy
paIn-Iree body reIax and meIt Into the couch aIter that.
!nnerved by the nasty combInatIon attack oI a nIghtmare and nausea
jensen contInued to pIay soItIy Ior hours aIter, eyes never IeavIng hIs
Iovers body and IIngers never ceasIng theIr pIayIng, content In the
musIc oI hIs Iavored Instrument and the IIIe oI hIs most specIaI Iover.
When the dawn breaks and seeps through the wIndow It IIIumInates
jareds smooth skIn wIth Its whIte goId IIght, IIke the days onIy duty was
to rIse and kIss jensens mortaI. The god smIIes and thInks that thIs Is
the onIy tIme that hes been jeaIous oI the sun.
Ie pIays a IIttIe Iouder when he notIces jared startIng to wake up,
eyeIIds IIutterIng and nose twItchIng. jensen grIns IascIvIousIy when he
sees jareds pInk tongue dart out and wet hIs IIps. A breath Ieaves hIs
Iover, warm and content as he shIIts on the couch, turnIng to hIs sIde.
Ior a moment It Iooks IIke the young matchmaker Is goIng to go back to
sIeep but then jareds eyes sIowIy but IuIIy open and he smIIes IazIIy at
jensen, IIke jensen Is the IIrst and onIy thIng jared wanted to see upon
wakIng.
ts IIke jensens under the speII oI that Iong Iean body, brIght eyes and
IovIng smIIe.
"So, m a god."
The words come tumbIIng out oI hIs mouth, cIumsy and awkward IIke
chIIdren runnIng out the door to the pIayground Ior recess.
jensens Iace Ireezes as he watches jareds brows Iurrow In puzzIement.
IInaIIy, hIs human chuckIes. "jen, babe. know you thInk youre a god
and youre pretty damn cIose, especIaIIy In bed." jared waggIes hIs
eyebrows and Ieers exaggeratedIy, then IaughIng at hIs own joke and
wedgIng hImseII Iurther Into the couch.
"Thanks Ior takIng care oI me Iast nIght, m-m sorry woke you up.
Come on," he pats the empty space he made on the bIg couch. "Iets
sIeep In. Or make out. Or somethIng."
jareds endIessIy tryIng to turn jensen on and, IIke, servIce hIm or
somethIng to prove that jareds stIII worthy even though medIcIne and
sIckness and hospItaI vIsIts keep hIm Irom gettIng It up. Most oI the tIme
jared succeeds In makIng jensen hard and wantIng-heII, pretty much aII
jared has to do Is look at hIm and jensens ready to go. ts been pretty
hard to deny jared but he wouId IeeI IIke hes usIng hIs Iover Instead oI
IovIng hIm and.
And thIs so Isnt the poInt rIght now.
"o, jay. You dIdnt keep me up because dont reaIIy need sIeep In the
IIrst pIace. ecause m serIous and m a god," jensen InsIsts, ceasIng
hIs pIayIng.
jared bIInks wearIIy at jensen and sIts up sIowIy, muscIes stIII but not
achIng. OveraII he IeeIs good thIs mornIng, whIch Is surprIsIng
consIderIng what a rough tIme he had just a Iew hours ago. Ie
remembers It In bIurry and shadowy detaII, mostIy paIn and Iear and
jensens smooth, Iow voIce huskIng In hIs ear.
"jen," jared says sIowIy. " mean, are you tryIng to teII me somethIng?
IIke, dId you. do somethIng crazy? uy a smaII country or...?" he
IInIshes heIpIessIy. jared bIInks and tIIts hIs head In thought, shakIng hIs
head when hIs bangs IaII Into hIs eyes. "WhIch just makes you kIng, not
god." Ie nods In concIIIatIon.
jensen huIIs, roIIIng hIs eyes because oI course thIs Isnt goIng to be
easy. ts jared, aIter aII.
"o," the oIder man says sIowIy, puttIng asIde hIs kIthara and waIkIng
over to squat In Iront oI jared, pIacIng hIs hands next to jareds hIps,
thumbs teasIng the waIst band oI hIs red boxer-brIeIs.
jared Iooks down Into jensens eyes, somehow greener wIth more goId In
them. jensen has aIways been a IIttIe Iarger than IIIe to jared and jareds
IeIt IIke such a Ian boy sometImes because he admIres and Iooks up to
jensen and Ioves hIm.
Ie shouId probabIy teII jensen that he Ioves hIm. ecause jared reaIIy,
reaIIy does and hes pretty sure that jensens not IeavIng. And even II he
does Its the truth and jared can no Ionger deIay It.
"jared," jensen whIspers. "You know that thIng you asked about that
IamIIy emergency had? And saId that wouId teII you Iater? m teIIIng
you now. ThIs Is me teIIIng you that m a god."
jared snorts, bracIng jensens Iace wIth hIs hands, tempted to Iean down
and kIss that rare burdened Iook oII oI hIs boyIrIends Iace. "jensen,
Iove your poetry, reaIIy do. ut dont thInk can handIe metaphors
beIore coIIee. So teII me whats botherIng you."
The god huIIs, thInks about takIng It aII back, sayIng "just kidding" and
"ij you wcnt l would buy c smcll country jor you".
"jared," jensen sIghs. "You toId me your secret and m so gIad you dId,
kaIos, because Iove you-"
jared brIghtens because thIs Is It. Ies goIng to say It. Ie opens hIs
mouth and says, " I-" but jensen puts hIs IInger over jareds IIps,
eIIectIveIy shushIng hIm.
"o, Iet me IInIsh," the god InsIsts because II jared starts hIs
InterruptIng thIng then jensen wIII never get the truth out. "ut know
It took a Iot. And know that T-that that bastard you went out wIth Ior
years IIed to you about hImseII and about hIs past and who he reaIIy Is."
jared Irowns and nods, jensens IInger stIII on hIs IIps.
" dIdnt want to be the same. dont want you IIndIng out some other
bIzarre way and thInkIng that IIed to you about who am. ecause am
jensen AckIes and do Iove you, jared."
jared huIIs, openIng hIs mouth agaIn even II he has to say "l love you"
around jensens damn IInger, but thIs tIme the oIder man covers jareds
mouth wIth hIs hand.
jensen grIns at jared brIeIIy, teasIngIy beIore soberIng agaIn. " just
happen to aIso be the god ApoIIo."
The young mortaI raIses an eyebrow, unImpressed.
"m serIous. wouIdnt IIe to you about thIs-about anythIng. m not
IyIng to you about anythIng anymore swear. m goIng to remove my
hand now. d reaIIy preIer that you just accept the god thIng so we can
get straIght to that makIng out part you mentIoned earIIer," he drawIs
and sIowIy IIIts hIs hand.
jareds mouth IeeIs cooI when the warmth oI jensens hand Ieaves hIs
mouth. Ie works hIs jaw, testIng how to move It wIthout the extra weIght
oI jensens hand.
"A god?" jared breathes and jensen sIghs In reIIeI, noddIng IIerceIy.
"Good, you do understand. OK. MakIng out now?"
jared bIInks, seeIng jensens mouth move but not reaIIy understandIng
the words so he says, "ApoIIo?"
jensen pats jareds knee and grIns, IaIIIng to hIs own knees and
pressIng hIs chest between jareds Iegs, wrappIng hIs arms tIght around
jareds back and IeanIng over, runnIng hIs breath over jareds naked
abs.
"ow that thats covered. dont thInk weve had our mornIng kIss yet."
jensen grIns, IookIng up Into hIs Iovers Iace beIore bIowIng another hot
breath over jareds chest.
"jensen?"
"Yeah, babe?" jensen asks, eyes zeroIng In on jareds dusky nIppIe.
"Can we go back to the thIng where you thInk that youre an ancIent
Greek god?"
jensen chuckIes, darkIy amused. " dont thInk m a Greek god, know
am."
". reaIIy? mean. What are you teIIIng me here?" jared asks because Is
jensen tryIng to teII jared oI some IamIIy hIstory oI dementIa? IIke ]cne
Eyre? (jared hated that movIe. Ie was Iorced to watch It as a Ireshman
In hIgh schooI, though he thInks the actress and actors terrIbIe kIssIng
Is what turned jared oII to IemaIes Ior good It just Iooked. gross when
they dId It.)
The oIder man sIghs, grIppIng jared under hIs bottom, snappIng jared
out oI day-mares IeaturIng jared as Mr. Iochester and jensen as ertha
Mason.
"jen? What?" the younger man croaks and then suddenIy jensen stands
eIIortIessIy Irom hIs kneeIIng posItIon, stIII hoIdIng jareds ass and the
back oI hIs thIghs. jareds hands IIy to jensens shouIders to brace
hImseII when he reaIIzes that jensens hoIdIng hIm so Iar oII the ground.
WeII, not that Iar oII, hIs Iong Iegs are bent and hIs Ieet dangIIng past
jensens knees but stIII. ThIs Is rIdIcuIous. And embarrassIng. And
theyre goIng to IaII. And.
And jensens just standIng there IIke he just IIIted a pIIIow and not a two
hundred pound man.
"!hm, jen? Iet me down?"
"Where do you want to go, jared?" jensen asks Instead oI compIyIng wIth
jareds shaky request.
"What? What does that even? just Iet me go, jen."
"Anywhere In the worId, kaIos," the oIder man sounds excIted, IIke a
IIttIe kId. "TeII me or wont put you down."
"What the heII? can get down on my own." jared pouts and squIrms but
jensen Is unmovabIe no matter how hard he struggIes. And Its not
normaI. jareds a bIg and taII and strong guy and jensen shouId at Ieast
be suIIerIng Irom the eIIort to keep them both Irom tIppIng over.
"Anywhere In the worId."
"ack down on the IIoor," jared demands.
"esIdes that," jensen teases, IookIng up, eyes brIght and pIayIuI IIke
shootIng stars.
"IIne. ve aIways wanted to vIsIt IoIand. ts where Mom mIgrated
Irom."
jensens smIIe turns soIt. "Anywhere In partIcuIar?"
The younger man nearIy groans In IrustratIon. "just Iet me down! We
were havIng a serIous conversatIon about jane yre and stIII havent
had coIIee-"
The god raIses an eyebrow at jareds rambIIngs but hoIds hIs ground.
jared roIIs hIs eyes. "IIne," he snaps. " thInk she was born In Warsaw-"
Theres a dIzzyIng shIIt. IIke thInkIng you had one more step to go at the
bottom oI staIrs but there Isnt. Or dej vu or the strange tIngIIng jared
gets beIore he hears the sound oI a souI.
Ie IeeIs sIck, that strange, paInIuI dyIng sensatIon he gets sometImes.
ut Its over aImost as soon as It starts.
And then hes bIInkIng and In the open aIr. jared Iooks around wIde-
eyed, IIndIng them In the mIddIe oI a huge and sprawIIng cIty. ts IIImy
cIoudy outsIde but the sun Is a whIte baII gIarIng through It hIgh
overhead. WhIch doesnt make sense because Its onIy supposed to be
mornIng. IIs eyes traveI to a bIue sIgn on the sIdewaIk-theyre on c
sidewclk and theres peopIe and cars and skyscrapers and a bIue sIgn
wIth bIg whIte Ietters that he cant read and theyre not in ]ensens music
room cnymore.
jensen sIowIy sets hIm down, jareds mouth parted wIde, eyes to the sky
and tryIng to take In the mIx oI oId and steeI new buIIdIngs, tryIng to
pIace them. Ies never seen any oI them beIore. Someone bumps Into
jared Irom behInd and he whIrIs wIde-eyed to the person who onIy
spares hIm a passIng and annoyed gIance.
Thats when jared reaIIzes that theres peopIe and hes mostIy naked
and-
Ies dressed. n jeans and a t-shIrt, the ones he was wearIng Iast nIght.
Ies stIII bareIoot, though, and the sIdewaIk Is cooI beneath hIs Ieet.
jensens bareIoot, too. ressed the same as he was at the house.
Ie stares wIde eyed at jensen whos grInnIng IIke a IooI at hIm, arms
spread wIde. "Were In Warsaw!" he crows, practIcaIIy bouncIng on hIs
Ieet In somethIng IIke gIee. "So. o you IIke It?"
Tongue dry, jared trIes workIng hIs jaw, eyes reIusIng to bIInk. "Were.
In Warsaw?"
"Yes, Its where you wanted to go."
".n IoIand?"
"KaIos? Are you OK? You Iook kInd oI paIe."
".n IoIand In urope?" jared squeaks.
jensen chuckIes, pressIng hIs Iorehead agaInst jareds. "Yes. Were In
Warsaw In IoIand In urope."
"And. you dIdnt drug me and put me Into your pIane and drag me here,
dId you?"
jensen Irowns, torn between beIng amused and oIIended. "o. ts
Saturday stIII. ts around IIve ocIock here and stIII eIght ocIock In the
mornIng back In Ios AngeIes."
".y-youre. You Iorgot my shoes."
jensen roIIs hIs eyes. " thInk youre mIssIng the awesomeness oI thIs
sItuatIon." Ie Ieans In anyway and kIsses jared and when he puIIs back
jareds wearIng the shoes he had worn to jensens Iast nIght.
"So. Youre on the other sIde oI the worId. n a pIace youve aIways
wanted to vIsIt, In the cIty your mother was born In and you got here In
under a second. And aII you have to say Is Iorgot your shoes?"
jensen had hoped Ior a IIttIe bIt more oI an exuberant reactIon Irom
jared but It Iooked IIke he mIght have overIoaded hIs human.
"jensen?" jared asks aIter reaIIzIng that the cars were drIvIng on the IeIt
sIde oI the hIgh road.
"Yes, kaIos?"
".Are you a god?"
"Yes. ve been tryIng to teII you."
"And you. just what? IInked IIke l Drecm oj ]ecnnie and brought me
haII way across the worId?"
jensen scowIs. "m not a genIe. And m most certaInIy not a gIrI. And
dont have to blink."
jareds not reaIIy IIstenIng, though. Ies aIready waIkIng, sIow and
zombIe-IIke down the street. When theyre between buIIdIngs he sees an
aIIey that cuts out to another smaII road and waIkway that sIopes down
to muddy green banks and a rIver. MesmerIzed, jared turns down the
aIIey.
"m reaIIy here," jared murmurs, awed, hIs eyes hardIy watchIng where
hes goIng as he sIowIy waIks between the two huIkIng buIIdIngs and
comes out the other sIde. "ThIs Is happenIng." More cIty stretches
across a wIde rIver, sprawIIng out Into a hazy horIzon.
jared waIks IIke a wIde-eyed member oI the IIvIng dead untII he crosses
the street and sIdewaIk and stands at the raIIIng beIore the sIope oI the
bank Into a murky rIver.
"jensen?" jared whIspers.
"What?" jensen whIspers back, a sIIIy smIIe on hIs IIps, unabIe to peeI hIs
eyes oII oI the Innocent wonderment on jareds Iace.
"m In IoIand."
"Yes you are, kaIos."
jared whIrIs on to hIm wIde-eyed. ". m a IIttIe stumped on the god
thIng stIII, but ve oIIIcIaIIy decIded to Ireak out Iater. Can we stay here
Ior today?"
ow jareds the one bouncIng on hIs toes, haIr IIoppIng wIIdIy In hIs eyes
beIore beIng pIcked up by short gusts oI wInd.
"We can stay here Ior as Iong as you IIke," jensen says devotedIy. "ut
stIII havent gotten my mornIng kIss yet."
jareds on hIm, octopus IImbs wrapped around hIm IIke a trap as he
kIsses the god deep and hard and happy. Ie puIIs oII, IaughIng, and It
IeeIs so damned good because though jensen and SophIa and Chad have
been there Ior hIm aIter the hospItaI he hasnt reaIIy Iaughed In ages It
IeeIs IIke.
jareds eyes go rovIng back over the busy cIty and Its swarm oI peopIe
and cars and bIkes and.
"ThIs Is amazIng," jared repeats under hIs breath.
jensen never takes hIs eyes oII oI jared when he says, "Yes". ecause
jareds IaughIng and smIIIng and he hasnt Iooked thIs heaIthy and
happy In days too Iong. jensen shouId have done thIs to begIn wIth.
n the mean tIme jared squInts at somethIng up rIver.
"IoIy shIt! s that a castIe?"
jensen IoIIows where jareds eyes are IookIng, seeIng It much cIearer.
"TechnIcaIIy Its the WIIanow IaIace and Its consIdered the IoIIsh
VersaIIIes-omph!"
jared puIIs away Irom another hard and Impromptu kIss, grInnIng Irom
ear to ear, dImpIes so deep that they tug jensens heart Into them, or
thats what It IeeIs IIke.
" Iove It when you taIk nerd. Come on. o they accept vIsItors? want to
see It! Thats the IIrst thIng weII see." jared decIdes IIerceIy, draggIng
jensen behInd them, both IaughIng.

They expIored Warsaw untII Sunday nIght, jensen mentaIIy swearIng to
do thIs every weekend-everyday II needed-II It kept that heaIthy smIIe
on jareds Iace.
They stayed up Iate, expIorIng museums and hIstorIcaI dIstrIcts untII It
was too dark Ior jared to see and then even though the human was
practIcaIIy dead on hIs Ieet he dragged jensen to some oI the cIubs and
Iounges, grInnIng IIke mad and IaughIng excItedIy at the IoIIsh rap and
hIp hop that thrummed through the speakers.
arIy Monday mornIng In Warsaw jensen wrapped hIs arms around jared
and wIth a IIare oI jensens souI that made jared IeeI aIarmIngIy sIck and
nauseas (and a connectIon begIns to dawn on jared In the corner oI hIs
mInd) theyre back In Ios AngeIes, In jensens bedroom and Its just
about tIme Ior bed. They shower and jared presses sIIppery and warm
Into jensen, body stIII movIng to the Iast song he heard In the caIe they
ate at beIore IeavIng. jensen sIowIy sIngs a Iew oI the roughIy transIated
IInes he remembers as they dance under the water.
ln the soul oj griej, desire spell
Flocting cmong the stcrs
l cm your shcdow
Worth living, loving drecms
Believe in the simple sense
This is my destiny
Lcck oj hope,
Hcve no chcnce
l like to go on living
Beccuse every dcy clwcys be with you
Alwcys with you
l believe thct it will be with you
lll be with you
They stay IIke that Ior too Iong-jareds IIngers start prunIng, jensens
dont though and never have and jared supposes that aII oI these IIttIe
oddItIes are startIng to make sense aIter aII.
jareds ready to crawI under the covers, body tIred and sore but hIs
mInd goIng a mIIe a mInute and he kInd oI remInds hImseII oI the " couId
have danced aII nIght" song Irom My Fcir Lcdy (shut up, hIs mcmc reaIIy
IIked the movIe, not hIm, okay?). ut hes stIII damp Irom where he just
haII-heartedIy ran a toweI through hIs haIr.
"o way, man," jensen sIghs, puIIIng jared back Into the bathroom and
drapIng a toweI over jareds wet head. Ie wIpes down jareds body wIth
the other toweI, huIIIng. "IonestIy. Youre IIke a chIId," he reprImands
as he steps up, chest-to-chest wIth jared so he can wrap the toweI
around hIs Iovers back and dry hIm oII.
" dont know. You cant IIke, just dry me oII magIcaIIy?" jared asks, a
grIn peekIng Irom beneath the corner oI the toweI beIore he reaches up
and starts dryIng oII hIs haIr.
jensen puIIs up IndIgnantIy. "m ApoIIo, the god oI IIght, reason, and
poetry. m not your personaI bIow-dryer."
The young man hums a Iaugh, IIItIng the toweI Irom where Its hangIng
over hIs eyes to Ieer at jensen. "Are you sure about that?"
The god grIns and smacks one oI jareds ass cheeks, eIIcItIng a startIed
yeIp Irom the human. "Stop It," jensen commands. "Such a dIrty mInd."
"ts probabIy because Iearned Irom the best."
n bed jensen puIIs jared In untII hIs Iovers back Is to hIs chest. Ie
reaches over jareds body and Iays hIs paIm over the back oI jareds
hand, threadIng theIr IIngers together, runnIng hIs thumb up and down
the skIn there.
"So youre a god," jared says numbIy.
"ApoIIo," jensen remInds hIm.
"ApoIIo," jared repeats, eyes gIazIng.
"o you need more prooI?" jensen asks. jareds taken It so weII and
some ancIent part oI jensen InsIsts that he shouId. AIter aII, there was a
tIme that mortaIs recognIzed hIm as a god on sIght.
". probabIy wIII tomorrow. ut Ior now. beIIeve you."
The god grIns, Iets Ioose some oI hIs power-breaks some oI the duII
sheII he has over hIs dIvInIty.
jareds eyes wIden as the hand IntertwIned In hIs starts to actuaIIy gIow
goIden. WIth a startIed Intake oI breath jared twIsts around and Iaces
jensen, whose green eyes are Iractured wIth a goId prIsm and.
"Youre beautIIuI," jared murmurs, awed.
jensen grIns, sIow and steady. "ot as beautIIuI as you."
"Shut up. Youre gIowIng goIden, IIke-"
"The sun?"
"Yeah. was goIng to say IIke Twilight."
jensen scowIs, shInIng aII the brIghter untII jared has to squInt hIs eyes
to shIeId them Irom the gIare. And stIII he cant seem to brIng hImseII to
Iook away, II onIy to save hIs own eyesIght.
"ThIs Is nothIng IIke Twilight. Ior one thIng, m so much better than a
vampIre-"
"Are those reaI?"
"What?"
"VampIres. Are they reaI?"
". dont thInk so? Why?" jensen smIrks. "WouId you rather have a
douche bag paIe vamp Instead oI the god oI IIght?"
"m not sure. You are kInd oI paIe. You know, when youre not beIng
shIny."
jensen growIs. "Youre an asshoIe." ut he Ieans In and nIps at jareds
IIps so jareds pretty sure he doesnt mean It.
"SerIousIy, though," jared contInues, breathIess. Ie Iets go oI jensens
hand and Iets hIs IIngertIps hover over hIs Iovers skIn, aImost aIraId to
touch. jared cant descrIbe the shIne hes seeIng rIght now. ts IIke IIght
Is comIng out oI jensens body, IIke hes a gIgantIc IIght buIb or a tIny
sun.
ts IIke hIs souI Is shInIng through hIs skIn. n Iact, jared can hear
jensens souI more cIearIy now, so Ioud and In-depth and beautIIuI that It
makes jareds head spIn.
"You can touch, you know," jensen whIspers, puzzIIng at the mysterIous
Iook In jareds eyes. "ts stIII me. m stIII me. m stIII jensen and stIII
Iove you."
jared Is aIready touchIng hIs boyIrIends skIn at jensens permIssIon. ts
maybe warmer and smoother to the touch, but that couId be jareds
ImagInatIon. MostIy It IeeIs the same, just more IntImate, IIke jareds
IInaIIy abIe to see and touch the beautIIuI souI that hes heard pIayIng
Irom jensen sInce day one.
"You. you Iove me?" jared asks, brokenIy, and doesnt understand why
hIs throat Is so tIght or why he wants to cry.
jensen Irowns. "Yes, oI course. stIII do, aIways have. jared? Whats the
matter?"
jared smIIes, sIow and tremuIous and Ior some reason jensen IeeIs hIs
heart break. Ie draws back the tendrII oI dIvInIty hes IettIng Iose and
hIs skIn Iades back to Its duII sheII. jensen curIs hIs IIngers Into jareds
Iocks and waIts untII brIght eyes addIed by unshed tears Iook Into hIs.
"TeII me kaIos, pIease. Whats botherIng you?"
ut jared just shakes hIs head and contInues to run hIs IIngers up and
down jensens body. "ts nothIng. Youre just beautIIuI," he swaIIows
and Ieans hIs hot Iorehead Into jensens shouIder. "ut, how can a god
Iove a human?" he mumbIes Into the skIn that had just mInutes ago
shone as brIght and IoveIy as jensens souI.
jensen kIsses the top oI jareds head and InhaIes the cIean shampoo
scent.
"So easIIy, when that human Is you."

The next mornIng jared wakes up aIone and hes IaIrIy certaIn he can
count on one hand the number oI tImes jensen has Iet hIm wake up
aIone durIng theIr reIatIonshIp.
Ie gIances to the cIock, bIearIIy, and reaIIzes that hes too Iate to waIk
the dogs (whIch he beIatedIy remembers are at SophIas house and he
hadnt caIIed hIs sIster aII weekend, what wIth beIng In IoIand and aII)
but too earIy to reaIIy have to get up consIderIng hes aIready taken hIs
shower the nIght beIore. Ie wIshes he couId sIeep a IIttIe more-jensen
wouIdnt Iet hIm oversIeep work, hes sure-and jensens CaIIIornIa KIng
bed (whIch was reaIIy no surprIse to jared) Is rIdIcuIousIy comIortabIe.
ut sIeep Is aIready gone Irom jareds eyes and hes wIde-awake, body
thrummIng and ItchIng and restIess.
Ie has a coupIe oI drawers oI hIs thIngs In jensens room, just IIke
jensen has a drawer (and haII oI hIs cIoset because jensen Is a preppy
bastard) oI hIs own thIngs at jareds. So the young matchmaker goes
ahead and gets dressed, takIng tIme to comb through hIs haIr and brush
hIs teeth.
On hIs way downstaIrs jared smIIes gooIIIy, rememberIng trekkIng
through IoIand wIth jensen IIke It was normaI to spend the weekend In a
dIIIerent country. Ies thInkIng about theIr trIp, about the museums and
how hot It was that jensen sang to hIm In IoIIsh, and yet It stIII hIts jared
IIke a ton oI brIcks when he waIks Into the kItchen to see ChrIs and
jensen there, drInkIng coIIee, both aIready IookIng up and waItIng Ior
hIs entrance because they probabIy heard hIm when he hIt the staIrs, II
not beIore.
And. IoIy shIt. jensens a god. A Greek god. A Greek mythoIogIcaI god
IIke Hercules the Legendcry ]ourneys and Iomer and Fercy ]cckson cnd
the Lightning Thiej.
A god.
And jared. beIIeves hIm. ts hard not to wIth the second-Iong IIIght to
Warsaw, IoIand (jareds pretty sure he hadnt been drugged and
transported In a prIvate jet or anythIng, hed checked both hIs and
jensens phones to make sure the dates and hours aIIgned) and the
shIny antI-vampIre skIn. ut stIII. ven jared reaIIzes how easIIy hes
takIng thIs.
WhIch Is apparentIy not easy at aII because hes IookIng and jensen and
ChrIs and, Is ChrIs a god, too? IoIy shIt ]ensen is Apollo and jared thInks
he mIght be In the mIddIe oI a heart attack.
ChrIs bIInks, bIue eyes deadpanned and vagueIy amused. "jenny, thInk
your human Is quIckIy approachIng a catatonIc state," he drawIs, easy
and sIow and casuaI as you pIease.
jensen gIares at hIs oIder haII-brother. When he had toId ChrIs thIs
mornIng that jared now knew oI hIs godhood ChrIs hadnt seemed
surprIsed, just resIgned and a IIttIe IrrItated. ChrIs doesnt beIIeve that
the aIIaIrs and IdentItIes oI the gods shouId be reveaIed to mortaIs. ut
on the other hand ChrIs genuIneIy IIkes jared and IIkes jensen wIth
jared, II onIy because jared makes jensen happy. So ChrIs hadnt saId
anythIng about the bIg reveaI and jensen had watched ChrIss mentaI
tug oI war between Ire and acceptance Ior the past hour over coIIee.
ut jared reaIIy does seem a IIttIe paIe, hIs eyes deIInIteIy panIcky.
"jay." jensen starts sIowIy, but traIIs oII because hes not exactIy sure
whats botherIng hIs Iover.
"So," jared croaks. "just to recap. Youre a god?" he asks, poIntIng at
jensen.
jensen grIns and straIghtens, thrustIng hIs chIn up and Its answer
enough Ior jared.
"ApoIIo?" jared asks and jensen nods. "So that makes AdrIanne, your
twIn, ArtemIs?"
jensen raIses an eyebrow and grIns, pIeased that hIs Iover knows at
Ieast the surIace amount oI mythoIogy. "Yes, she Is," he nods.
"And." jared traIIs oII, movIng hIs poIntIng IInger to ChrIs. "Youre. a
god, too?"
ChrIs grunts and nods.
".Who?" jared breaks oII In a whIsper, shootIng a questIonIng gIance at
jensen because Is It, IIke, Improper to ask a god whIch god he Is? Or
somethIng?
jensen just shrugs, aIso eyeIng ChrIss reactIon warIIy, whIch doesnt
reaIIy make jared IeeI any better.
"Ares," ChrIs grunts agaIn, Iace unImpressed though hIs eyes spark and
crackIe IIke IIreworks.
".The god oI war?"
ChrIs shrugs and goes back to hIs coIIee.
jared Irowns, puts hIs hands on hIs hIps. "Irove It."
The bIue eyed man barks out a throaty Iaugh that makes jared IIInch at
the abruptness. ut ChrIs just stands up sIowIy, hoIds out hIs hand. The
onIy thIng that jared IeeIs In warnIng Is the sIck dIzzy IeeIIng he gets
when one oI them uses theIr power (and, reaIIy, jared wonders how that
happens, and II other mortaIs notIce It as weII or II Its just hIm and
reIated to hIs Ireaky souI-hearIng powers) and then theres a gIeamIng
bIack sword wIth bIue and orange IIames IIckIng at the bIade In ChrIss
hand.
"IoIy shIt!" jared squeaks, hands IIyIng up to yank at hIs haIr In
dIsbeIIeI.
jensen hurrIes Iorward, aImost steppIng between ChrIs and jared.
"Thats enough," he commands ChrIs, voIce hard, because he aIready
has a more IImIted tIme wIth hIs Iover as It Is, he doesnt need ChrIs
kIIIIng jared even more prematureIy wIth a heart attack or braIn
aneurysm IIrst.
ut jared says, "Oh my God!" and Ieans Iorward, wIde-eyed, IeeIIng the
heat Irom the sword on hIs Iace. "Thats so cooI! IIke, reaIIy, reaIIy
awesome. IoIy shIt what Is It made oI? want one oI those. mean,
aIways used to thInk that reaIIy, reaIIy, reaIIy, reaIIy wanted a IIght
saber but now thInk have to have one oI those!"
jared babbIes and jensen shakes hIs head, steppIng back to busy hImseII
wIth makIng jareds coIIee and breakIast whIIe ChrIs proudIy taIks about
the IorgIng oI hIs sword. jared cant have hIs medIcIne on an empty
stomach, aIter aII.

jareds stIII reeIIng over the Iact that jensen, ChrIs, Steve, and AdrIanne
are gods when hes IeavIng work Ior Iunch Iater. jensen cant joIn hIm,
hangIng out wIth ChrIs and meetIng wIth Secretary oI State IoIIy MarIe
Combs-who Is reaIIy jensens sIster and apparentIy Athena the goddess
oI wIsdom and battIe strategIes. So when a thought occurs to hIm on the
way to the IIttIe caIe and bIstro on the same street as TrueOne he
ImmedIateIy texts MIsha.
Are you jree? Meet 4 lunch?
Ie bareIy cIoses hIs phone beIore he gets a message back.
Yech, lm close. Be there soon.
jareds entIreIy unsurprIsed when MIsha shows up not two mInutes
Iater, just as jared sIts down In the Iarthest corner oI the room.
They embrace and sIt down, orderIng. As soon as the waItress Is out oI
earshot jared squInts at MIsha, studyIng hIm. The IIrst tIme he IeIt that
sIck "m dyIng" IeeIIng that he now Is sure Is a god usIng theIr power-
theIr souIs are dIIIerent, more powerIuI, thats aII jared can IIgure out-
was when MIsha came In aIter the Mark IIasco on the IIrst day he met
jensen. SomethIng had IIared In that room and then MIsha had known
someone had been In there beIore Mark. That someone beIng jensen-a
god. t had to be MIsha behInd that IIare, II jareds theory was correct
anyway, because the onIy other person In that room was Chad and.
Yeah. jareds pretty sure Chads not a god. That wouId be, IIke, wrong.
And scary.
"Are you a god?" jared asks bIuntIy and MIshas eyes wIden, stunned but
not the IncreduIous kInd oI stunned and thats answer enough Ior jared.
Theres a Iong sIIence, enough Ior the waItress to return wIth theIr
coIIees and hurry away when they dont even gIance up at her.
ventuaIIy, MIsha Ieans back In hIs chaIr. IIs souI sounds the same as
beIore, IIke water IappIng agaInst a boat or a pIer, but Its more potent
somehow. More Intense. Stronger and more ancIent.
jared was rIght.
"Ie toId you," MIsha says gruIIIy, aIr bIowIng out oI hIs nose.
jared bIInks and nods. "ThIs weekend."
"And you toId hIm about." MIsha traIIs oII, eyes rovIng over jareds Iace.
"You Iook weII, by the way. Much better than Iast saw you."
The young man smIIes, shruggIng bashIuIIy. " IeeI a Iot better. stIII am
on a Iot oI medIcIne wIth not so desIrabIe aIter-eIIects, but get oII oI
those In a coupIe oI days."
"Thats reaIIy great to hear," he Iets a pause Iengthen between them.
"So, dId jensen teII you about me?"
"o, guessed."
MIsha raIses an eyebrow and jared shrugs, quIckIy comIng up wIth a
better expIanatIon than "your god-soul mckes me sick when you use your
power cnd thcts how l jigured it out".
"t was an easy guess. Youre somehow part oI jensens IamIIy, and
jensen and ChrIs both toId me who they are and who AdrIanne and Steve
are. Or what?" Ie bIInks, shakes hIs head. "Whatever. And so IIgured.
you kInd oI gIve oII the same vIbe as them. IIch, phIIanthropIst
tendencIes, at tImes aIooI. So put two and two together. guess m
rIght?"
MIsha grIns. "Youre mostIy rIght. m not actuaIIy a god. m more oI a
demI-god. A hero, actuaIIy, and thats not me beIng egotIstIcaI. Thats
what the Greek tragedIans reIerred to me and a Iew others IIke me as."
jared bIInks. "What, IIke IercuIes or somethIng?"
MIsha roIIs hIs eyes. "God, not that arrogant sIeaze baII," he scoIIs
prImIy, makIng jared chuckIe. MIsha Iooks around beIore sIghIng.
"Ierseus, actuaIIy."
"IIke, Clcsh oj the Titcns?"
MIsha chuckIes. "Clcsh oj the Titcns. Thats the one. never saw It,
though. thought It wouId be vaIn oI me," he grIns wIder, tIItIng hIs
head. " never thought oI that, you know? Another thIng to rub In
jensens Iace. got my own movIe. There hasnt been a movIe made just
about ApoIIo."
"So. why do you two hate each other? Or, have that weIrd hate but
trust thIng?" jareds brows Iurrow. "s It OK that ask?"
"OI course," MIsha shrugs. "ts ImmortaI poIItIcs that you probabIy dont
want to know thIs earIy on. Some gods dIsdaIn demI-gods as haII-bIoods
and thereIore as Iess. Those same gods dont hoId mortaIs In too hIgh oI
regard as weII and certaInIy not." he traIIs oII, peerIng at jared cIoseIy.
When he doesnt contInue jared shIIts In hIs seat ImpatIentIy. "CertaInIy
not what?"
"t doesnt matter. Anyway, the poInt Is that whIIe jensen uses the haII-
bIood sIurs agaInst me, Its more Ior show, part oI our rIvaIry thIng. Ie
doesnt mean It because II he dId then he wouId have to hate mortaIs,"
here he wInks at jared. "And he certaInIy Isnt guIIty oI that. uIte the
opposIte, reaIIy."
jared IIcks hIs IIps. "Yeah, was wonderIng about that. mean. You and
jensen. and maybe the others. dont know them that weII. ut except
Ior a Iew strange oddItIes you seem. normaI. You IIt In."
MIsha smIIes InduIgentIy, IeanIng on the tabIe. "Thats because a Iot oI
us have been 'IIttIng In Ior centurIes now."
jareds eyes wIden. "God," he bIInks, tIIts hIs head to the sIde. "Gods?
Whatever. hadnt even thought oI that. You-jensen-aII oI you are
oId."
The bIue-eyed god chuckIes, IuII oI mIrth. "Yeah. Were pretty oId. And
weve been amongst you humans Ior the most part. mean, thInk weII
aIways exIst, but humans are what keep us strong, thInk. What keep us
here. We go where weII be the most energIzed. Ior exampIe, Its rare Ior
ChrIstIan to be In one pIace-especIaIIy a pIace oI peace-Ior a Iong tIme.
IartIy because hIs Iover AeoIus-Steve-Is a restIess nomad. ut
because hes usuaIIy around war. SometImes IavorIng a sIde or another.
SometImes even IIghtIng In It II he IeeIs so moved. ut mostIy because
Its war and hes war and It IeeIs good, makes hIm both god and humane.
m the same, In a way. m not god oI anythIng, but m a hero. ts what
sustaIns me."
"So you IIreIIght," jared IInIshes, noddIng hIs head. "And guess beIng
an envIronmentaI conversatIonaIIst Is pretty heroIc too."
"ts a worthy IIght," MIsha says wIth a shrug.
"And jensen. Ie preIers warm and brIght pIaces. Ie vIsIts unIversItIes
and theIr art departments."
MIsha nods, smIIIng. "And occasIonaIIy whIspers In the ear oI an artIst or
poet or wrIter that he thInks has great potentIaI. IoIIy MarIe."
"s a Ieader and heIps wIth AmerIcas deIense," jareds Iace scrunches In
conIusIon. "ut why AmerIca?"
"Why not?" MIsha shrugs. "Greece Is our home on the earth and most
gods wIII aIways keep an eye on It. ut IrankIy It gets borIng In one part
oI the worId. IoIIy MarIe just happens to be heIpIng out AmerIca rIght
now."
jareds quIet Ior a Iong tIme, eyes strayIng out the wIndow, starIng
wIthout bIInkIng untII the gIare oI the sun on the whIte sIdewaIk makes
hIs eyes water.
"just because were gods doesnt mean that were perIect or not IIke
you. n Iact, though some wouId IIke to deny It, gods In many ways are
more human. The Greek tragedIans, Iomer, those rIdIcuIous IercuIes
and Xena shows-they aII got a Iot oI It rIght. Greek gods were just as
petty as they were depIcted. StIII are, In some ways, though most have
matured sInce the IaII oI theIr reIIgIons. ut they were just as petty
because they are more passIonate, more arrogant and thus more prone
to oIIense at a verbaI sIIght or Injury. They-we, suppose-Iove deeper
and hate meaner and Iose patIence quIcker."
Ie IIcks hIs IIps. "n a Iot oI ways, jared, were more human than
humans. And so Its easy to become true IrIends wIth mortaIs-Ior me,
anyway. IrobabIy Ior jensen, too. m genuIneIy your IrIend. just have a
sword and these shoes that IIy-a gIIt Irom Iermes-or jake AbeI. You
met hIm, dIdnt you?"
jareds eyes wIden as he remembers the IIrst day he met jensens IamIIy.
"Yes! Iow many gods are around here?"
MIsha tIIts hIs head In thought, IIke he aIways used to when jared
thought he was human. "You know, ve been thInkIng about thIs IateIy.
There are a Iot oI mythoIogIcaI creatures gathered In thIs cIty. Most oI
them gods or demI-gods. WeII there are the ones you and have
mentIoned-me, jensen, ChrIs, Steve, AdrIanne, and jake though jake
reaIIy Isnt In thIs cIty, just vIsIts oIten. IoIIy MarIe has been here-Is
here agaIn now. The Iates are here-you havent met them. ApparentIy
theyve been here Ior a Iong tIme, ve just onIy sensed them vagueIy and
never reaIIzed It untII jensen met wIth them a whIIe ago."
"The Iates?" jared asks, IncreduIousIy.
"Yes, jay. They do exIst. We aII exIst."
" know that- do. mean, IogIcaIIy. t just sounds weIrd actuaIIy hearIng
you say It."
The hero reaches out and pats jared on the arm. " thInk that thats
enough. ThIs Is overwheImIng, jared. understand."
"o, no. At Ieast teII me who eIse Is aII god-IIke around here. IIease?"
MIsha caves InstantaneousIy at jareds puppy Iook. "IIne. Tom and
MIke."
" kInd oI IIgured. And who are they, can ask?"
" dont see why not. Ionysus, the god-"
"OI wIne. had to watch Mcjor Bcrbcrc Ior ngIIsh my Ireshman year at
!CIA. Thats MIke, then. And Tom?"
"Toms a demI-god as weII, one oI the youngest oI gods and demI-gods-
onIy a Iew centurIes oId. A son oI emeter."
"s that It? Why are you aII here?"
MIsha shrugs. " dont know. just know that the numbers have grown.
mean, even other dIvIne beIngs are poppIng up. IIke saw MoIIy the
other day-"
"MoIIy SIms?" jared Interrupts.
"Yeah. You know her?"
"just brIeIIy. Shes a goddess?"
"ymph," MIsha corrects. "One oI the oIdest."
"And she Is an oId. she and jensen used to have a thIng?"
The demI-god Irowns suspIcIousIy. "jared, you dont need to-"
"just teII me the truth, MIsha, pIease? jensen wouIdnt. ot reaIIy.
couId teII It wasnt the truth, anyway."
"Yeah, they used to have a thIng," he admIts, sIghIng.
jared nods numbIy, starIng at hIs haII-drunk coIIee and haII-eaten Iood.
Ie gIances at hIs watch and sees that he onIy have IIve mInutes beIore
the meetIng wIth hIs next cIIent.
"ts tIme Ior me to go. m runnIng Iate, actuaIIy," jared says, avoIdIng
eye contact wIth MIsha as he dIgs Into hIs waIIet and throws the bIIIs
pIus tIp onto the tabIe. "Thanks Ior comIng, MIsha. t was good taIkIng to
you," he says hurrIedIy as he stands up and makes to waIk away.
"jared waIt!" hIs IrIend caIIs, makIng jared pause. "Are you OK?"
jared Iooks over hIs shouIder and smIIes Into earnest bIue eyes. "IIne,"
he assures and waIks away.

jensen knows that somethIngs wrong the mInute he appears outsIde oI
jareds apartment door. Ie doesnt waste tIme usIng the key and Instead
appears In jareds apartment. The IIghts are oII everywhere but jareds
there-jensen IeeIs hIm wIth the corner oI hIs mInd, he can hear jared
breathIng. Theres no one eIse In the apartment but Ior a second he
thInks that there mIght be because some oI jareds Vs have been
knocked oII oI theIr sheIves and are scattered on the IIoor. A smaII tabIe
wIth a smaII pIant that usuaIIy sIts under the wIndow-a gIIt Irom SophIa
that jareds terrIbIe at takIng care oI but doesnt have the heart to throw
away-Is knocked over, the smaII cIay pot broken and soII scattered aII
over the IIoor.
ut thats aII the tIme jensen has to Iook at the mess because jareds In
hIs bedroom and jensen needs to go to hIm.
Ies not even sure II he gets there by god or mortaI means, but a second
Iater hes In the bedroom, whIch Is just as dark and gIoomy and humId as
the IIvIng room. jareds not on the bed but hunched besIde It. The
pIcture Irame that usuaIIy sIts on hIs nIghtstand-the one wIth a pIcture
oI jared, SophIa, and theIr mother-Is on the IIoor at the opposIte sIde oI
the room, Iace down, pIeces oI gIass strewn about It. ut thats the onIy
thIng out oI pIace besIdes jared.
"jay?" jensen asks, takIng a cautIous step Iorward. jareds stIII In hIs
work cIothes. IIs chest Is pressed to hIs knees and hIs hands are
shakIng, badIy.
"Get out," the voIce Is so Iow and menacIng that Ior a moment jensen
Iooks around the room, checkIng Ior another occupant because It sounds
too IoreIgn to come out oI hIs Iovers sweet mouth.
"You heard me. Get the Iuck out. dont want you here."
"KaIos-"
"ont caII me that!"
"jared. just. CaIm down. TeII me whats wrong."
"IuckIng typIcaI. Youre not IIstenIng to me, as usuaI."
" am, m just not goIng to Ieave. ot untII you teII me that youre OK."
"WeII m just IIne. ve aIways been IIne. was IIne beIore you and II be
IIne aIter you! ow just Ieave me aIone Ior a Iew goddamn mInutes!"
"o!" jensen barks, IosIng patIence and regrettIng It when he sees
jareds hunched Iorm IIInch. "jared," jensen says, soIter. "m not goIng
to Ieave so you mIght as weII just teII me whats botherIng you."
jared doesnt answer and jensens more convInced than ever that thIs Is
the drugs screwIng wIth jareds head and makIng hIm do crazy thIngs-
say crazy thIngs-that he wouIdnt otherwIse. Ie approaches jared In
sIow steps and when jared doesnt move he squats down besIde hIm.
"jay?" he asks worrIedIy, reachIng out a hand to touch jareds shouIder.
That one touch seems to be aII the detonatIon jared needs. WIth a cry oI
rage jared pounces, bowIIng a surprIsed jensen onto the IIoor so that
hes on hIs back and jareds straddIIng hIm.
IIs Iovers Iace Is dark and tear-streaked. jared curIs hIs IIngers In
jensens coIIar and starts shakIng hIm, IIItIng hIm up and sIammIng hIs
head back down on the ground. t doesnt hurt jensen, doesnt even Iaze
hIm, but jareds strIcken Iace does.
"You IuckIng bastard. Was thIs aII a game to you? To pIay me? To strIng
me aIong and make Iun oI the stupId, nave, hopeIess mortaI wIth your
IrIends. Were you even goIng to teII me when you were goIng to Ieave or
were you just goIng to go, Ieave wIthout expIanatIon and get your rocks
oII watchIng Irom aIar as waIIow In mIsery-pInIng aIter you?"
"jared, where Is thIs even comIng Irom?"
"IIke you dont IuckIng know!"
" dont know! dont know a damn thIng about what youre taIkIng
about! Iove you, want to stay here wIth you. m not IeavIng-"
"IIes!" jared practIcaIIy screams, drawIng back to punch jensen but the
bIow Is IneIIectIve-not because oI jensens godhood but because jareds
hands are shakIng so bad that he mIsses jensen entIreIy.
The god scrambIes to catch jareds IIaIIIng arms and hoId those IIsted
and trembIIng hands In hIs, aIraId that jareds goIng to hurt hImseII. The
young man doesnt enjoy beIng handIcapped and ImmedIateIy starts to
struggIe, puIIIng so hard jensen IeeIs the grInd oI jareds shouIder bIade
wrenchIng traveI down jareds arm. The man doesnt even bIInk, though,
just struggIes harder.
"just stop It, jared! Stop It!" jensen commands roughIy, but Its as II
jared doesnt even hear hIm. "m not IyIng! And wont stop sayIng It!
Iove you- want you-"
"Iow couId you?" jared shouts, suddenIy IreezIng In jensens grasp.
"Iow couId you want me? m human, jensen. m a goddamn mortaI and
dont match up- dont amount up. And even-m sIck, you bastard.
ont you get It? m dyIng a sIow death and you dont get It because
youre- wont be your IuckIng pIty case!"
"KaIos," jensen starts but jared resumes hIs vIoIent struggIIng.
" toId you not to caII me that!"
"You cant stop me!" jensen crIes back, voIce roarIng IIke a IIre.
"ecause you are! Youre beautIIuI and youre mIne and nothIng-not
even you-Is goIng to Iuck that up Ior me!"
They Iay IIke that, a heap on the dark IIoor, pantIng.
"Youre so seIIIsh," jared whIspers, hIs head bent down and haIr In hIs
eyes so jensen cant see them.
"IIne, II thats what you want to caII me, then IIne. ut thIs Isnt you.
ThIs Is the medIcIne-IIke the day wIth SophIa. And you need to caIm
down and reIax."
"Stop bIamIng thIs on somethIng eIse! ts you-Its you thats makIng me
- hate you!" jared spIts, stIII not IookIng at jensen. " hate you."
The worId spIns and rends and tears to shreds beneath jensen. IIs
heart breaks-he IeeIs acuteIy each crack and shatter oI It.
"You dont mean that," jensen whIspers, throat tIght, eyes burnIng
suspIcIousIy.
" do," jared answers back weakIy, each word snaggIng on a hItchIng
breath and aImost sob.
" do because you. how couId you want me? IeeI thIs," he reaches out,
trIes to grab jensens wrIst but hIs shakIng hands cant do It so he ends
up cIawIng and pawIng untII jensen spIays hIs hand under jareds shIrt,
over a warm and heavIng stomach.
"Theyre not there anymore. The muscIes-theyre dIsappearIng. m
IosIng weIght but m gettIng soIter IIke m gaInIng. And cant make
myseII go to the gym. m so IuckIng tIred aIter work and It takes
everythIng IeIt In me to pretend IIke m energetIc wIth you and."
"jared," jensen trIes, voIce straInIng and so hIgh that Its possIbIe jared
doesnt even hear hIm.
"And It doesnt matter because m sIck oI beIng pIayed wIth. IIrst
TImothy then Mark-"
"Mark?" jensen growIs In conIusIon because the name Is new.
"And IInaIIy you. hate you. hate you and wIsh d never met you."
"ont say that," jensen pIeads brokenIy, Irozen on hIs back, eyes
beggIng jared to just Iook at hIm but oI course the Iook Is mIssed by hIs.
human.
"II say what want," jared snaps back, hands tryIng to grIp jensens
shouIders but hIs hands and arms are so shaky It Iooks IIke he mIght
coIIapse Iorward Instead.
"What can possIbIy have to oIIer you?"
"just you, jared," jensen answers back, IookIng away because hIs IuckIng
heart Is dyIng harder than It dId over the Ioss oI IyacInthus. "ts aII
ever wanted Irom the start."
"Why?" jared asks, voIce trembIIng harder than hIs hands.
"ecause youre you," the god whIspers back, hIs own eyes wIde IIke
they werent even on the day he was born.
The soIt words seem to break jared, snap hIs spIne at each knob. jensen
stIII cant see hIs eyes.
"Shes so much better Ior you. Anyone eIse Is better Ior you," jared
whIspers.
"She who?" the god husks out. Ies not touchIng jared besIdes where
jareds touchIng hIm-aImost aIraId that II he does then heII IIIp theIr
posItIons, hoId jared down and never Iet hIm go agaIn. jensen doesnt
want to hurt hIs Iover.
"MoIIy SIms. The nymph. Shes a nymph, jensen. Shes ImmortaI and
shes. cant even get It up, cant even pIease you."
"You pIease me as you are," jensen InsIsts vehementIy. " Iove your body,
youre beautIIuI and sexy and hot. swear It, jared. And understcnd and
wIsh you wouId, too. just understand and accept It as have that the
medIcIne just Isnt goIng to aIIow you to have a sex drIve and thats okay.
m stIII here-II aIways be stIII here Ior you. ecause youre beautIIuI on
the InsIde, too. So IuckIng perIect on the InsIde that cant take my eyes
oII oI you-cant even thInk straIght."
jared breathes brokenIy, voIce whInIng around hIs dry sobs. " wont Iet
you- wont Iet you just charm me back. You deserve so much better
than me. Youre a god and-"
"And thInk ve been IookIng Ior you my entIre exIstence," jensen
IInIshes honestIy.
That breaks jared compIeteIy. ts IIke hIs bones Ieave hIm, turn to mush
InsIde hIs skIn and IIesh and muscIe. Ie coIIapses aII the way onto
jensen, IyIng on top oI hIm and cryIng quIetIy Into hIs shouIder.
"You cant be IyIng. You cant Iead me on. --h"
"m not. m not, swear, kaIos. Youre It. Youre It Ior me. Out oI aII the
Iovers ve had-ImmortaI and mortaI- dont even thInk ever knew
what Iove was beIore met you."
jared just crIes and snots and sweats on top oI jensen Ior a Iong tIme,
shakIng and jIttery and so IuckIng exhausted.
" dont know what happened," jared admIts aIter a Iong tIme has
passed. "One mInute was IIne, normaI. And then -" he breaks oII Into
another tearIess but terrIbIe and IrIghtened sob. "God, aII oI a sudden
was so angry. And then wanted to dIe. stIII do, In a way. So bad.
dIdnt want to be awake anymore-dIdnt want to have to move."
jensen hushes jareds panIcked babbIIng and sIts up, wrappIng hIs arms
around hIs Iover to brace hIm. jareds head stays burIed In jensens
shouIder.
". ts goIng to be OK. ts that IuckIng medIcIne. WeII go to the doctor
tomorrow, maybe the dose Is too hIgh. ts OK, kaIos. jay. ts goIng to be
okay."
" dont deserve you," jared whIspers Into jensens shIrt. " break down
aII the tIme. IIke a crappy car."
jensen swaIIows. "Youre not deIectIve. Youre not broken down," he
hums as he begIns to rock jared Irom sIde to sIde. "You deserve
somethIng good to happen to you, jared IadaIeckI. And thInk you,
above aII, deserve Iove. And do Iove you, jared. You have. you have aII
oI me, In the paIm oI your hand," jensen swears IIke hes swearIng some
kInd oI dIvIne oath.
jared shutters and they just sIt there, jared shIverIng and shakIng In hIs
arms and jensen rockIng them, hummIng ancIent IuIIabIes In hIs ear.
" dont hate you," jared bIurts out just when jensen thInks the mortaI
mIght be sIIppIng oII to sIeep.
"m gIad," jensen smIIes, IeeIIng a measure oI reIIeI In hIs chest thats
not enough to soothe the scar aIready IeIt there.
"o, reaIIy dont hate you. dont know. why saId that. Iove you."
They both seem to Ireeze at the decIaratIon. "What?" jensen whIspers
numbIy, aIraId to break the speII.
" Iove you. ve wanted to say It, dIdnt say It beIore because wanted
you to know the truth about me IIrst. Iove you," jared repeats, more
IoudIy thIs tIme and IeanIng back, IInaIIy IookIng jensen In the eyes.
jareds hazeI ones are so brIght that they couId be stars.
jensen swaIIows. "ecause m a god?"
jared bIInks, marveIIng over the Insecure tInge to jensens voIce, but
shakes hIs head. "ecause youre you," he conIesses, repeatIng jensens
earIIer words. " thInk ve been In Iove wIth you sInce the IIrst day saw
you. Irom that IIrst stupId arrogant smIrk."
AnythIng eIse hes goIng to say Is swaIIowed by jensens kIss-hard and
deep and sIow, IIps gIued together by the saIt oI jareds drIed tears.
jensen puIIs back, grInnIng. "AgaIn. AgaIn, pIease."
The young man Is dazed at IIrst Irom the hot kIss but he shakes away the
Iust and the euphorIc IeeIIng oI beIng IorgIven and Ioved. " Iove you," he
says. " Iove you, Iove you, Iove you."
jensens grIn Is schooIboy gIddy, so reIIeved and open and vuInerabIe. "
thought so. had hoped so."
They kIss agaIn and when they puII back jensen pIeads, "AgaIn."
" Iove you."
Then jensen curIs hIs IIngers Into jareds haIr, scratchIng the scaIp.
Green eyes bore Into hazeI.
"jared IadaIeckI?"
"Yes?" jared asks IazIIy, sIeep and exhaustIon puIIIng at hIm, body
strIvIng to Iean agaInst jensen agaIn-to be cradIed by hIm Into sIeep.
Ie IeeIs jensen reach Ior hIs hand, IeeIs hIm kIss the back oI hIs IIngers,
rIght beIow the knuckIes.
"Marry me."

TC
Chapter 7
They set the weddIng Ior the twenty-eIght oI june, bareIy three weeks
aIter jensen asked jared.
SophIa had squeed, then pouted because jared was gettIng marrIed
beIore her, then punched Chad because ]cred wcs getting mcrried bejore
her.
Though hIs sIster seemed manIc-depressIve about the sItuatIon, jared
secretIy beIIeves that hIs gettIng marrIed kInd oI Irees SophIa and Chad
to IInaIIy tIe the knot as weII. Ies not sure II It was ever a verbaI
agreement or dIscussIon, but SophIa and Chad have known that they
were It Ior each other wIthIn the IIrst week-possIbIy the IIrst Iew hours
-oI knowIng each other. The souI mate thIng just works Iast IIke that.
Theyve been engaged ever sInce Chad got the job at TrueOne and was
abIe to save up Ior the rIng. They had the money Ior a weddIng and
there was no reason to waIt thIs Iong-both oI theIr careers were stabIe,
they were haIIway IInIshed wIth house payments.
jared honestIy thInks that he Is what heId them back. IIke SophIa
conscIousIy or unconscIousIy couIdnt gIve up her IIttIe brother Ior a
husband oI her own beIore jared had someone that couId take care oI
hIm, who wouId be there Ior hIm Iorever and aIways. t Isnt the IIrst tIme
that It occurred to hIm that he was preventIng the marrIage oI hIs Chad
and SophIa but hes never dweIIed on It beIore Iest he swIng too Iar Into
depressIon and resentment. ut now that he has jensen, now that
theyve made the InvItatIons (or SophIa made them, whIch expIaIns the
IrIIIy vInes and the pInk hearts wIth "j2" In them), hes aIIowed hImseII to
thInk about It and hes sure that hIs bIg sIster and seII-procIaImed
protector has been waItIng Ior hIm thIs entIre tIme. jared supposes he
shouId be IrrItated or deIensIve-he dIdnt csk her to waIt Ior hIm.
ut actuaIIy hes mostIy just reaIIy IuckIng grateIuI Ior hIs sIster. Shes
amazIng and seIIIess and reaIIy so much IIke Mama that jared knows that
shes goIng to be the most perIect wIIe there Is. n Iact, jared reaIIy
hopes that they decIde to have kIds.
SophIa wouId be reaIIy great at that.
And SophIas pretty much handIed the weddIng pIans herseII so Iar.
AIter jared saId yes that same nIght jensen proposed ("Good," jensen
had responded. "l wcs going to kidncp you cnd jorce you into elopement ij
you scid no.") he had toId SophIa the news the next day. She had the
venue, date and InvItatIons sent out three days Iater.
jared and jensen were goIng to get marrIed In a smaII church In San
AntonIo, the one that they had attended wIth Mama In theIr chIIdhood.
SophIa taIked jared Into It-though, admIttedIy, he dIdnt need much
convIncIng. ut he wanted jensen to be comIortabIe wIth the decIsIon,
though he reaIIy shouIdnt have worrIed.
"As long cs l mcrry you," hed saId. "As long l get to ccll you mine jorever
ct the end oj the dcy, l dont ccre where we do it. lts jor your mother, right?
Shed be proud, l think." Then whIIe jared had sort oI meIted jensen had
just Iaughed. "Besides, l wouldnt scy no to Sophic cnywcy, hcve you seen
how sccry she ccn be?"
The thIng that jared Is most happy about rIght now (besIdes the happIIy-
ever-aIter thIng wIth someone he Ioves) Is that as oI Iast week hes oII oI
the extra medIcIne and the dosages have been graduaIIy Iowered so now
he Isnt experIencIng aImost constant mood swIngs or bouts oI nausea.
And hes got hIs sex drIve back. Thank Iuck.
jensen grIns mIschIevousIy to hImseII as he careIuIIy crawIs up the bed,
eyes gIued to the soIt skIn spread out among the rucked sheets. Ies
aIready rIsked puIIIng back the curtaIns-jareds been sIeepIng better
though hes stIII restIess sometImes-but hIs Iover remaIns asIeep. And
now jensens got the perIect IIght Ior the perIect pIcture.
WIth the Iower medIcIne dosages jareds been abIe to get aroused. And
jared reclly IIkes that hIs sex drIve Is back, practIcaIIy shackIIng jensen
In the bedroom Ior the past week. ot that jensen can compIaIn. ts why
the sheets are haII-oII the bed thIs mornIng, and why hIs Iover Is naked
where he Iays on hIs stomach, a corner oI the sheet coverIng hIm Irom
hIs rIght hIp down and thats It. The IIght Irom the wIndows hIts the
whIte sheets, haIoIng jareds body. jensen edges up a Iew Inches,
kneeIIng besIde jareds hIp because this Is the perIect angIe. jareds
broad, uncovered back Is open and beautIIuI just Ior jensen, spIne
runnIng smoothIy down to the sweII oI a sweet, rounded ass. One Iong
Ieg Is bent and covered by the sheet whIIe one Is stretched aII the way
out, scrawny toes hangIng oII the edge oI the bed. jareds Iace Is turned
to the sIde, wIId haIr (tangIed up In knots Irom where jensen had wound
hIs IIngers In the strands Iast nIght) Ianned over hIs cheekbone and
Iorehead, hIs eyeIashes standIng out starkIy agaInst the whIte pIIIow.
IIs arms are bent sIIghtIy, spIayed out IIke a great wIngspan. ruIses
Irom jensens mouth decorate the back oI jareds neck.
Ie Iooks peaceIuI, rested. Iappy. jensen aImost regrets havIng to wake
hIm up.
Ie grIns agaIn, excItement runnIng through hIm as he IIIts the cIunky
IoIaroId camera, capturIng hIs Iover wIthIn Its sIghts. "IerIect," he
murmurs beIore snappIng the pIcture.
A click whirr click startIes jared awake. ts a struggIe but he manages to
open hIs eyes, bIInkIng wearIIy because Its so brIght In the bedroom. Ie
pouts when he reaIIzes that jensen Isnt IyIng down wIth hIm, but he
IeeIs jensens weIght stIII on the bed. And what was that sound?
"IIse and shIne, jay," jensen sIngsongs as somethIng smaII Iands In Iront
oI jareds Iace. Ie scowIs and pIcks It up, peerIng at It
uncomprehendIngIy.
"What-" he murmurs beIore he reaIIzes that Its a pIcture oI hIm
sIeepIng. Ie props hImseII up on hIs eIbow and turns to jensen. "jensen,
what are you-hey!" he groans when hes met wIth a IIash In the Iace
and another click whirr click.
"just gettIng some photography practIce In," jensen says InnocentIy
though hes wearIng a devIIs grIn as he takes aIm agaIn. "SmIIe pretty,
jay," he chImes and takes another pIcture, the camera whIrrIng beIore
spIttIng out a dryIng photo oI jared scowIIng spectacuIarIy at hIm.
"ont you IIke your wake-up caII?" jensen grIns, reachIng Ior the sheet
coverIng jareds groIn and readyIng the camera agaIn.
jareds eyes wIden when he reaIIzes that jensens about to gIve hIs dIck
a photo shoot. "Oh, no you dont you perv," he husks, voIce stIII sIeep-
addIed, and makes a Iunge Ior the camera. jensen evades hIs grasp, oI
course, and smIrks at hIm the whoIe tIme.
jared takes that as a chaIIenge.
Ie Iunges agaIn, thIs tIme goIng Ior jensens torso, succeedIng In
knockIng jensen backwards oII oI hIs knees. "GIve It to me!"
"o!" jensen crIes back deIIantIy. They teeter on the edge oI the bed,
hands wrestIIng over the camera as theIr weIght takes them over. The
camera goes oII rIght In jensens eyes beIore they IInaIIy IIIp over wIth a
crash and cry oI Iaughter. They roII on the ground, bumpIng Into the
dresser. jared gets on top oI jensen Iong enough to make a vaIIant grab
Ior the camera, settIng oII another IIash that probabIy captures a nIce
vIew oI the carpet.
They roII agaIn, jensen straddIIng jareds hIps. Theyre both naked and
hard aIready, thrummIng wIth happIness and Iust. jared struggIes under
hIm, IaughIng so hard and so concerned wIth roIIIng hIs hIps up Into
jensens body that he can bareIy push agaInst hIm. Ies IIushed and
smIIIng brIIIIantIy.
jensen takes another pIcture beIore IeanIng down and kIssIng hIs
human.
"Good mornIng," jensen murmurs when he puIIs back.
jared smIIes back. "Good mornIng." Ie smacks hIs IIps, wordIessIy
askIng Ior another kIss. When jensen Ieans down agaIn jared bucks
hard, throwIng jensen oII baIance enough Ior hIm to escape Irom under
hIm, grabbIng the camera as he does so and makIng a run Ior the door.
jensen catches hIm, oI course, rIght outsIde the door. Ie appears out oI
nowhere and pushes jared by hIs shouIders agaInst the waII next to the
doorIrame, IaughIng trIumphantIy.
jared grIns rIght back, IIItIng the camera and takIng a pIcture oI jensens
Iaugh. jensen bIInks IndIgnantIy and grabs the camera Irom jareds hand
and when jared makes a Iunge Ior It jensen grabs hIm by hIs naked waIst
wIth one arm, pIckIng jared up and swIngIng hIm around.
"o IaIr!" jared crIes, caught between IaughIng and scowIIng. jensen
takes a pIcture oI that. "Iut me down!"
"As you wIsh," jensen agrees and Iets go abruptIy so that jared IaIIs a
IIttIe ungraceIuIIy to hIs knees.
jensen takes two pIctures oI thct beIore jareds back on hIs Ieet, pushIng
jensen hard who reeIs back and Iands In the recIIner, Iegs sprawIed out
and back arched.
ts just about the sexIest thIng jareds ever seen so he grabs the camera
and captures It.
"ow whos pervIng?" jensen crIes, grabbIng jared by the arm and
puIIIng hIm down. TheIr bodIes crash together and so do theIr mouths-
teeth and gums beIore It becomes soIter and deeper. jared cant seem to
open hIs eyes-hes so Iost In the kIss he doesnt remember how-but he
somehow manages to IIIt the camera and snap oII another shot oI what
he hopes Is them kIssIng.
jensen snatches the camera Irom jareds Iax grasp, catchIng some oI
jareds IndIgnant protest wIth hIs tongue and IIps.
"Copycat!" jared accuses as he Ieans Iorward, tryIng to reach Ior It.
"t was a good strategy," jensen grIns, pushes jared back to get room Ior
another shot. Ie reaIIy onIy succeeds In gettIng a pIcture oI jareds
chest and abs.
"GIve me that, cheater," jared says, unabIe to resIst IeanIng In Ior
another kIss even aIter they IumbIe Ior the camera. jared burIes hIs nose
Into jensens neck, tongue and IIps traIIIng theIr way to just behInd hIs
Iovers ear. jensen gasps when jared Iatches onto the tender spot and
they drop the camera to the IIoor.
"Ia!" jared crows, crawIIng oII oI jensen to get hIs prIze.
"o you dont!" jensen growIs, puIIIng jared down agaIn. ThIs tIme jared
Iands wIth hIs back to jensens chest, ass In hIs Iap and jensen Iets out a
moan thats aImost InstantIy echoed by jared.
jared shIIts In jensens Iap, IeeIIng hIs hardness and the heat oI hIs body
and musIc oI hIs souI. The combInatIon has jared IorgettIng theIr game
and meItIng back agaInst jensens body and roIIIng hIs hIps.
"eed you, jared," jensen whIspers, wrung out. "eed you now, aII the
tIme," he groans Into the back oI jareds neck, InhaIIng hIs Iovers scent
beIore mouthIng at the bruIses he IeIt there the nIght beIore.
"jensen," jared breathes, chest heavy wIth want as he IeeIs jensens
arms wrap around hIm. One oI jensens hands pIay wIth hIs chest,
strokIng and teasIng and pInchIng, whIIe the other sIIps down hIs
stomach to hIs cock. "Yeah, yeah, more than anythIng," he groans,
rockIng up Into jensens hands and back agaInst hIs body. t IeeIs
strange not to be abIe to hoId jensen rIght back, not to be abIe to touch
jensen IIke he usuaIIy does, but thIs Is turnIng jared on. And by the IeeI
oI thIngs Its drIvIng jensen crazy, too.
"jen," he gasps agaIn, shIverIng wIth heat. "Iet me rIde you. IIght
here?"
"Yeah, jared. Iuck, yes, kaIos," jensen InstantIy praIses, just the thought
sendIng an unbearabIe rIppIed oI pIeasure through hIs body.
They prep sIowIy-too sIow In jareds opInIon. ut jensen gets Iost In the
sIght oI hIs sIIcked IIngers dIsappearIng Into jareds body-he even says
so In that deep voIce oI hIs thats so Iucked out wIth awe and
antIcIpatIon It makes jareds toes curI.
ut wIth one desperate pIea jensen heIps Iower jared down. They dont
go sIow and easy-theyre aIready too cIose. jared rIdes hIs boyIrIend
(IIance, Christ) whos hands brace jareds hIps and heIp jared bounce up
and down jensens Iength. SometImes when jared IInds the strength to
peek through hIs eyeIIds he sees the traII oI poIaroId pIctures Irom the
bedroom to the recIIner and the sIght makes hIm throw hIs head back-
makes hIm bIurt out, " Iove you, Iove you" to jensen over and over
agaIn.
jensen Ieans hIs head back Into the chaIr cushIons, watchIng jareds
spIne quake wIth every gasp and moan the mortaI Iets pass through hIs
IIps. Ie watches the muscIes In hIs Iower back rIppIe and spasm each
tIme jensens cock hIts that sweet spot InsIde hIs Iover.
The best thIng about aII oI thIs Is that jared reaIIy onIy has IIIteen
mInutes beIore hes supposed to be at work. jensen teIIs hIm thIs much
-rather smugIy because beIore jared had been too much oI a workahoIIc
to aIIow kIssIng and touchIng to become anythIng more on workday
mornIngs. ut thIs jared thats wrIthIng In hIs Iap, so young and happy,
just shakes hIs head and Ignores jensen, drIvIng hIs body down to take
jensen In deeper.
jensen has a IeeIIng that he Iet out a gooIy, dImpIed, and horny monster
on the nIght he asked jared to marry hIm. Or maybe Its just that jared
was IInaIIy abIe to say " Iove you" back to jensen (the gods heart stIII
trembIes IIke a voIcanIc eruptIon each tIme jared says those words). Or
maybe Its because jareds IInaIIy takIng hIs medIcIne when hes
supposed to and not tryIng to hIde hIs IIIness Irom jensen-or hImseII-
anymore.
Whatever It Is, jareds so much Ireer than he used to be. jareds aIways
been sweet and strong spIrIted-Its why jensen IeII In Iove wIth hIm In
the IIrst pIace. ut now jared seems to be more oI the twenty-IIve year
oId enthusIastIc and exuberant young man that jensen wItnessed at the
hockey game. Ies ImpossIbIy more taIkatIve, more InquIsItIve and
teasIng, wIth reaIIy bad jokes, perIodIc cIumsIness not whoIIy reIated to
hIs motor ImpaIrments that come wIth hIs IIIness, and an addIctIon to
candy that borders on the need Ior medIcaI InterventIon.
SerIousIy. jensen Iound a hIdden bag oI Sour Iatch KIds beneath a
cushIon In the soIa one nIght. And a bag oI SweedIsh IIsh In the bIender
that jared never uses two days aIter that.
ts crazy.
And Its IIke jareds dIscovered that hes actuaIIy twenty-IIve and
vIruIent. Ies stIII occasIonaIIy Insecure about hIs body, but Ior the most
part hes Iound a new conIIdence In hIs appearance.
WhIch jared IIkes to use to hIs advantage. A Iot.
ot that jensen ever needs any persuadIng.
The recIIner mornIng sex Is sIow and IIIthy, jensen not havIng much room
to thrust up so jareds doIng aII the work, ImpaIIng hImseII on hIs IIance
and Irom the sounds oI It IovIng every second oI It.
"Thats It, kaIos," jensen whIspers, voIce smoky and dry IIke sunned
Ieather. "Youre so tIght, IeeI so good," he praIses. "Made Ior me."
"jensen-m cIose. jen, Iove, pIease-"
The god Ieans up at the pIea Irom hIs Iover, wrappIng one arm around
jareds torso, stIII bracIng hIm and heIpIng hIm IIIt up and down. WIth hIs
newIy Ireed hand he snakes IIngers and paIm up and down jareds
creamy smooth thIgh, down the crease to hIs heavy baIIs. Ie IondIes the
veIvet skIn there, strokIng IIghtIy wIth hIs IIngertIps.
t drIves jared so wIId that he crIes out and Ioses rhythm, jerkIng hIs hIps
up and down, sIde to sIde, back and Iorth, tryIng to IInd the pace agaIn
but unabIe to because the thIngs that jensen Is doIng to hIs body IeeI so
dIrty and good.
"IIease, jen, stop-stop teasIng. m gonna- need you to touch me," the
mortaI begs, archIng back agaInst jensen.
jareds erratIc movements just tIghten the heat and grIp hIs veIvet body
has on jensens dIck, unhIngIng jensen Irom the earth. Ie doesnt even
know how hes abIe to scrambIe Ior the Iast remaIns oI coherency and
tease jared at the same tIme, but he does.
" am touchIng you, jay," he growIs throatIIy IIke an anImaI.
"I-Iuck you," jared pants out, IIngernaIIs dIggIng Into the arms oI the
chaIr wIth a materIaI vrip sound. "You know what want-touch me, jen,
pIease. need It so bad-need to come, want to. God, m so IuII, Iove you,
jensen. Iove you, pIease-"
jensen hums out hIs next moan, a sound that wraps around jareds Iower
beIIy and squeezes. And then hIs boyIrIend (jicnc, and that about sends
hIm over the edge) IInaIIy grIps jareds Iength wIth thIck and strong
IIngers, strokIng jared Iong and strong.
ts too much, IeeIs too good and too hot, and jareds comIng apart at the
seams, yeIIIng out an aIarmed cry as he does so because It IeeIs IIke heII
never be abIe to put hImseII back together.
jensen squeezes hIs eyes shut as jared cIamps down around hIm. IIs
own Iungs seem to cIamp down on hIs breath as weII so that aII that he
IeeIs Is hIs Iovers smooth hotness surroundIng hIm and he Iets go,
comIng hard and wet InsIde hIs beautIIuI human, IIIIIng jared up at the
same tIme jared coats hIs hand wIth hIs reIease.
When theyre done jared coIIapses back Into jensen who stays InsIde
hIm. Ie breathes dIzzIIy as he just basks In the IeeIIng oI jensens IIps
pepperIng kIsses on hIs shouIder and neck.
" Iove you," jared says whenever he comes back to awareness.
" Iove you, too," jensen answers back wIthout hesItatIon beIore goIng
back to expIorIng the skIn just under the curIs at the nape oI hIs neck
wIth sInIuI IIps.
jared sIghs and shIIts hIs hIps on jensens thIghs, hIs Iovers soIt Iength
pressIng on hIs sore channeI but jared just IeeIs too bIIssed out and
euphorIc to move.
"Youre goIng to be Iate Ior work," jensen observes aIter a Iew more
mInutes.
jared turns hIs head on jensens shouIder and raIses an eyebrow. "o
you want me to move?"
The god Iets out a possessIve growI, wrappIng hIs arms harder around
jareds torso.
"Thats what thought," jared murmurs back, smackIng hIs IIps,
chIIdIshIy askIng Ior a kIss. jensen gIadIy obIIges.
"So," jensen whIspers aIter they part, buryIng hIs nose Into jareds neck.
"Were gettIng marrIed."
jensen knows that jareds grInnIng because hIs cheek suddenIy bumps
the brIdge oI hIs nose.
"Yeah," jared sIghs back.
"Are you ready?"
" thInk reaIIy am," hIs human answers. " mean, shouId be worryIng,
IreakIng out. Youre a god-what are you goIng to do when start
gettIng oId? When start gettIng sIcker?"
"m not IeavIng you," jensen Interrupts, swearIng serIousIy and jared
chuckIes.
"Yeah, dont thInk you are. couIdnt pry you oII wIth a crowbar II
wanted. esIdes, youre not aIIowed to Ieave me. You make me too damn
happy."
"Thats reaIIy, reaIIy good," jensen croaks out. "ecause you make me
happy, too."
"WhIch Is Iunny sInce thInk the most ve done Is cry sInce we started
datIng."
"OnIy two and a haII tImes," jensen answers ImmedIateIy as he gentIy
starts to IIIt jared oII oI hIm. IIs Iength sIIps out wetIy. Ie sIts jared
back on hIs thIghs and then reaches down, poppIng the button that
reIeases the Iootrest. jared gasps when the motIon combIned wIth theIr
weIght aImost sends them and the chaIr IIIppIng backwards. ut no such
tragedy happens and jared roIIs over-IInaIIy gettIng used to the Iact
that he doesnt have to be wary oI bruIsIng jensens body wIth hIs
weIght or a wayward eIbow or knee. jared IIes on hIs stomach, back
sIIghtIy arched because the chaIr doesnt Iay out IuIIy horIzontaI but Its
not uncomIortabIe.
"Shut up. You werent supposed to keep count," jared murmurs Into hIs
ear.
" kept track oI every tear, swore to myseII that wouId make you smIIe
or Iaugh twIce Ior every one."
"ow youre just beIng sappy and rIdIcuIous," the young man sIghs.
"Youre rIght, dIdnt count every tear. just the number oI tImes," jensen
answers back, chuckIIng at jareds accusatIon.
"m just so. ve never. mean, ve been happy beIore. know must
have. ot earIy on. My Iather was. he was.." jared traIIs oII, hears "no
son oI mIne" and swaIIows thIckIy. "Ie was dIIIIcuIt. And then aIter he
IeIt thIngs got better. Ioved Mom but she was hardIy around-she
worked two jobs because a-he never heIped out. Anyway. The poInt Is
that know ve been happy beIore, know It. ut sometImes It seems as
II was never happy or content-that never enjoyed my IIIe untII met
you," jared whIspers soItIy, runnIng hIs IInger tIps over the skIn oI
jensens chest and shouIder.
The god swaIIows, awed by the wonderIuI words spIIIIng Irom jareds
IIps, thInkIng that thIs must be the best poetry ever spoken because Its
just Ior hIm.
"You know, . IeeI the same way," jensen huIIs, chuckIIng a IIttIe. "ts.
cant even expIaIn It."
" thInk was made Ior you. Ior thIs-us." jared bIurts out, hazeI eyes
gIancIng up and shruggIng when jensen raIses an eyebrow at hIm to go
on. "IIke what you saId the other nIght. t just IeeIs IIke was made Ior
thIs reIatIonshIp-Ior us. mean, not aII oI the peopIe dated were
asshoIes. Some oI them couId have come to Iove suppose. ut was
never rIght Ior them and they werent rIght Ior me," he breaks oII,
IaughIng through hIs nose. "oes that even make sense? Iow Is an
ancIent god oI reason more rIght Ior me than a human man? ut thInk
you are."
" know am," jensen says IIerceIy, hoIdIng jared to hIm tIghter.
jareds eyes stray down to theIr ankIes. Ie sees jensens ghostIy red
strIng just IIne, taperIng oII and dIsappearIng Into the aIr.
As usuaI jared doesnt even see one on hIs ankIe, much Iess one thats
connected wIth jensen.
So jared just smIIes and kIsses hIs IIance.
The weddIng takes pIace outsIde oI IoIy TrInIty Church, a tIny gIeamIng
whIte buIIdIng thats sIeepIIy tucked away under the brIght emeraId
cover oI Ivy and kudzu. ts a weII-kept secret on one oI the Iar ends oI
San AntonIos Iamous IIverwaIk. The churchs brIdge arches over the
rIver, the gray stone aIso covered In Ivy and moss, the rIvers gIare IIke a
mIrror.
TheIr mother aIways wanted SophIa and jared to get marrIed here-not
that that she wouId be dIsappoInted II they dIdnt, but It was her wIsh,
anyway. ot because she heId the church In hIgh regard, or even
because oI the pIcturesque brIdge, but because It was so quIet and stIII
there. ecause It was coIorIuI and sIeepy, "like c secret, hidden plcce, the
ones thct children hcve-it would be so becutijul to get mcrried in c plcce
like thct".
ts one oI the Iast thIngs she ever taIked about to them, when SophIa
and Chad IIrst started kInd oI datIng. A month Iater was the car wreck.
And It Is IIke a beautIIuI secret. When they were reaIIy IIttIe he and
SophIa Iound a pIace behInd the pIayground at the schooI-just behInd
some bushes and a Iew trees. A tIny IIttIe cIearIng where they spent tIme
draggIng Iogs bIg enough to sIt on and buIIdIng a stone cIrcIe In
between them so they couId ImagIne a dancIng IIre. t was where they
went "campIng" aIter church servIce whIIe Mama taIked. ThIs pIace
remInded jared oI that IeeIIng, chIIdIsh and Innocent and pure.
xcept thIs tIme hes sharIng thIs IIttIe secret pIace wIth jensen.
They have the weddIng on the brIdge over the rIver. ts smaII, just
enough to IIt the pastor, jensen, and jared. TraIIIng down the brIdge on
eIther sIde oI them Is the weddIng party. SophIa Is at hIs eIbow dressed
In the aIry yeIIow brIdesmaId dress. Chad Is besIde her and MIshas
behInd hIm, IookIng uncomIortabIe In the suIt but hIs bIue eyes brIght
wIth mIrth.
jensens twIn Is IIrst as weII, haIr IIowIng In curIy waves about her
shouIders, IookIng IIke a drop oI sunshIne In the yeIIow dress. ChrIs and
Steve are aIter her, both wIth stIII shouIders In the conIInIng suIts but
IookIng eIegant aII the same.
And jensen, hIs husband (or aImost-husband?) Iooks breathtakIng In hIs
suIt. The green oI the brIdge, oI the heavy trees wIth theIr twIsted and
gnarIed trunks and wIspy branches that kIss the water oI the rIver, aII oI
It seems to make jensens eyes greener and deeper and jared wouIdnt
mInd IaIIIng Into them Ior Iorever.
Ies nervous, whIch Is the best part. jareds nervous, too, but he doesnt
even thInk about It because the god Apollo is nervous. jared has gIven a
god weddIng jItters. At the same tIme that jared wants to comIort jensen
he cant heIp but IeeI gIddy wIth trIumph. jensens nervousness makes
jared IeeI beautIIuI and worthy.
jared Iooks so much heaIthIer than he has In weeks, jensen cant heIp
but thInk. Theyve gotten Into the habIt oI waIkIng up and down the
beach every chance they get and jareds skIn Is tan wIth oncomIng
summer. IIs haIr Iooks soIt and gIossy and theres thIs permanent but
soIt bIush on hIs cheekbones Irom where hes nervous.
More than heaIthy and IuckIng beautIIuI, though, jared Iooks so
rIdIcuIousIy happy. Ies Iong sInce gIven up IIghtIng hIs anxIous grIn
and In the past Iew mInutes Its turned Irom anxIous to excIted. jensen
IeeIs the energy thrummIng so hard Irom hIs husbcnds body that Its IIke
jared Is just a second away Irom burstIng.
ts joyous and perIect. jareds perIect. And jensen cant heIp but IeeI
bIessed (odd because usuaIIy Its hIm doIng the bIessIngs) that jared Is
so happy wIth jensen. So In Iove wIth hIm.
TheIr vows come tumbIIng out oI theIr mouths, IntertwInIng wIth
paIpabIe energy between them.
The preachers says, "By the power vested in me, l pronounce you. but
they stop IIstenIng to hIm. jensens the IIrst to move. Ie reaches up and
twIsts hIs IIngers Into the sIIky smooth haIr and brIngs jared In Ior a
gentIe but deep kIss, tryIng to teII hIs mortaI that jared wIII aIways be
the one Ior hIm, the onIy one jensen wIII ever truIy Iove. Iorever and
aIways.
The receptIon that evenIng has by Iar too much wIne Ior the smaII
handIuI oI peopIe that showed up-courtesy oI MIke, oI course. Tom
came wIth hIm as weII as the entIre TrueOne staII. GenevIeve even kept
her dIstance, sendIng both jared and jensen a brIght, happy smIIe. MIIo
and AIexIs are there as weII.
The IIrst dance Is sImpIe, the most normaI thIng In the worId and stIII so
new jareds skIn tIngIes wIth It. They dance cIose and jared cant stop
grInnIng. Ie grIps jensens hand and jensens body, aImost expectIng
the IeeI to be dIIIerent because jensen Is no Ionger just jensen hes
]creds husbcnd and that shouId make hIm IeeI dIIIerent. Ie does IeeI
dIIIerent-the god looks dIIIerent. rIghter. Warmer. More open. jared
supposes that thats because jensens now his.
"So?" jared whIspers.
"So?" jensen echoes wIth a raIsed eyebrow and a quIrked IIp.
"WeII. We shouId whIsper."
"We are whIsperIng," jensen chuckIes.
"WeII, havent you seen other weddIngs? urIng the IIrst dance the
coupIe aIways whIspers. Iavent you aIways wondered what they couId
possIbIy be taIkIng about? They aIways Iook IIke a secret."
jensen doesnt say anythIng, just stares at jared untII jareds Iorced to
Iaugh nervousIy. "What Is It?"
"You."
"Me?" jared whIspers IndIgnantIy. "You."
"Me what?" jensen grIns.
jared shrugs. "just you. m not even sure what were taIkIng about.
cant even reaIIy thInk. jensen?"
"Yeah?"
"Were mcrried."
jensen grIns gooIIIy. "Yeah. We kInd oI are."
" thInks Its awesome," jared breathes. Theres a beat oI sIIence. "m
not sure what eIse were supposed to whIsper about."
jensen just tugs jared Into hIm so they can kIss agaIn, sweet and
IamIIIar. "Maybe ItII be just as mysterIous II we just dance."
"Yeah. That wIII throw them," jared mumbIes back dazedIy. They keep on
dancIng cIose and sIow despIte the upbeat musIc that they chose. They
rest theIr Ioreheads together, kIss each other, breathe each others aIr
and just Iet the musIc wash over them.
Your love is c symphony
All cround me
Running through me
Your love is c melody
Undernecth me
Running to me
Oh, your love is c song
The dcwn is jire bright
Agcinst the city lights
The clouds cre glowing now
The moon is blccking out, is blccking out
Your love is c song
Yech, yech
Your love is my remedy
Oh your love is c song
When theIr song ends another one starts and peopIe IIood the IIoor.
SophIa snags jared whIIe jensen twIrIs AdrIanne away. Iaughter rIses
above them, the canopy oI trees keepIng It Iocked In. WIne starts IIowIng
and theres ambrosIa Ior the gods present, aIso procured by MIke and
dIscreteIy passed around so as the humans wouIdnt accIdentaIIy get
mIxed up wIth It.
jared escapes the dance IIoor (or he escapes Sandy and SophIas evII
manIcured cIutches, rather) and makes hIs way to hIs husband, puIIIng
the bIond god In Ior a kIss. jared tastes IIke butter cream IcIng and
chocoIate cake, probabIy Irom where hes had maybe a sIIce or two too
many, and It makes jensen smIIe Into jareds mouth.
"Iey," jared whIspers shyIy when they part.
"Iey," jensen whIspers back, grInnIng. "Iow are you?"
"Good. xcIted. Scared to go back to the dance IIoor wIthout you. Iow
are you?"
"Good. Iappy," jensen answers. jareds eyes IaII to hIs gIass, brows
IurrowIng and head tIItIng at the deep goIden-red IIquId.
"Whats that?"
jensen grIns, wIde and naughty. "AmbrosIa."
jareds IIps quIrk. "As In elixir oj the gods? SerIousIy?"
"SerIousIy." The god grIns. "You want to try some?"
jared Irowns, tIItIng hIs head. t Iooks. reaIIy, reaIIy good. IIke the
juIcIest IruIt In a dIsh, or the sweetest chocoIate In a box oI WhItmans.
"s It OK to?"
jensen IeIgns oIIense. "You dare ImpIy that wouId hurt you?" he gasps,
scandaIIzed.
jared snorts. " know your pIan. Youre aIter the Insurance money."
jensen Iaughs, roIIIng hIs eyes. "You got me. SerIousIy, do you want a
sIp?"
"t does Iook good."
"just a coupIe oI sIps, though. ts reaIIy strong Ior humans."
" can handIe anythIng."
jensen Ieers. "Oh, know you can."
"Shut up!" jared Iaughs, shovIng jensen pIayIuIIy wIth one hand whIIe he
grabs the gIass wIth the other. Ie smeIIs It IIrst and It smeIIs-brIght
and IruIty, but heady and thIck IIke wIne as weII. Ie takes a tentatIve sIp
and IIavor expIodes on hIs tongue sweet and tangy IIke concentrated
reaI IruIt punch at IIrst, then burnIng IIke IIquor.
jared grIns and takes a second sIp. And a thIrd. And haII oI a Iourth
beIore jensen snatches It away.
"Woah, thats deIInIteIy enough. Youre goIng to get hammered and then
wont get weddIng nIght sex."
jared huIIs petuIantIy. "You get every other nIght sex anyway. esIdes,
Its reaIIy, reaIIy good." Ie makes mock grabby-hands Ior the gIass
agaIn, grInnIng when jensen hoIds hIm back wIth a paIm to hIs Iorehead,
whIch jareds Iong arms couId easIIy outreach but the chIIdIsh gesture
makes hIm Iaugh and Iose resoIve.
"Youre gIggIIng aIready. CIearIy, one sIp too many," hIs husband wInks.
"Shut up. cant heIp It II Its better than candy."
" thought you saId was better than candy?"
"CIearIy, was strokIng your ego. You need It Irom tIme to tIme."
"So m not better than candy?"
"You mIght be. ut not better than ambrosIa. GImme," he demands.
jensen just sIIngs an arm around hIs waIst and Iaughs, throwIng hIs
head back, eyes crInkIIng.
jared doesnt see whats so Iunny. Ies serIous about the ambrosIa. And
candy. And thIs pIace Is reaIIy nIce. specIaIIy at nIght wIth aII oI the
brIght IIghts reIIectIng oII oI the water. ut Its aIternoon now and Its
the perIect mIx oI sunIIght and shade.
And jensens reaIIy hot when he Iaughs, jared decIdes woozIIy, so he
kIsses hIs new husband.
IIke a Iot.
"Oh, gross. ts deIInIteIy tIme Ior thIs receptIon to be over," MIke Iaughs
as he waIks up, smeIIIng more oI wIne than the actuaI wIne tabIe does.
Ie reaches to jostIe jensen and jared apart Irom where theyre gIued at
the IIps and wrapped up In theIr own IIttIe worId.
"Iey, MIke!" jared crows. "Thanks Ior comIng! You. Are. Awesome!"
Then he kIsses MIkes baId IIttIe head.
The god oI wIne bIInks, dumbIounded, beIore breakIng Into uproarIous
Iaughter. "IoIy shIt, jay. Youre hammered. dont thInk ve ever seen
you thIs way. ts a beautIIuI sIght."
". mIght have gIven hIm ambrosIa," jensen conIesses, eyeIng jared
warIIy as he hums to hImseII, smIIIng wIde.
"ude, m not hammered. just IeeI good, thats aII. And serIousIy, youre
awesome. Thanks Ior keepIng an eye out on TrueOne whIIe m gone."
MIke just grIns. "Sure youre not hammered," he wInks at jensen. "ut
Its no probIem, you know that."
"ThIs Is reaIIy nIce," jared murmurs, IettIng go oI MIke and reachIng out
Ior jensen. Ie cant seem to keep hIs hands oII oI hIs new husband.
"Thanks Ior gIvIng thIs to me."
jensen smIIes hIs own gooIy, Iove-smItten smIIe. "o, thank you, jared.
Ior everythIng."
Ior a mInute It Iooks IIke jared mIght say somethIng as serIous or
heartIeIt back but then hIs concentratIon breaks and hIs smooth Iace
contorts In agItatIon. "Iey, Is It hot out here to you?" jared asks, hIgh
pItched as he starts to puII oII hIs bIack jacket. "And my shoes reaIIy
hurt. IIke reaIIy bad," he InIorms them and ImmedIateIy shIIts hIs weIght
to toe them oII. "Iey, dance wIth me, jen?" At the same tIme as he starts
to head toward what has been desIgnated the outsIde dance IIoor.
jensens eyes wIden when It becomes obvIous that jared Is both tryIng to
get naked and waIk to the dance IIoor at the same tIme, whIch can onIy
end In a IaII. Ie hoIds up hIs hands and braces them agaInst hIs bIceps,
haItIng aII movement.
MIke Is decIdedIy unheIpIuI, however. "You gave hIm too much and now
hes goIng to gIve us a strIp show!" The god Is practIcaIIy bouncIng IIke
Its the best thIng ever. "Oh-do you thInk can get Tom In on It, too?"
"SerIousIy, MIke. ot heIpIng," jensen growIs oIIhandedIy at hIm beIore
turnIng back to jareds wanderIng eyes.
"jared? KaIos? m goIng to have to ask that you keep your cIothes on.
IIrst oI aII dont IIke sharIng, but mostIy because II Iet you, you just
mIght hurt me Iater."
n retrospect, maybe It wasnt the best Idea ever to gIve ambrosIa to a
human who doesnt even drInk much human aIcohoI. ApparentIy, when
drunk, jared wouId reaIIy preIer no cIothes and to dance and gooI
around. WhIch shouIdnt be a surprIse to jensen because beneath the
maturIty jareds had to go through because oI Iost Ioved ones and hard
Iessons jensen Is begInnIng to reaIIze that jared Is aImost nymph-IIke at
tImes. WIth a veracIous sexuaI appetIte, a zest Ior IIIe, easIIy amused and
rather Innocent, jensen cant heIp but make the anaIogy.
jared bIInks at hIm and shrugs, IIttIng on the jacket and readjustIng hIs
shoes. Ie grabs jensens hand, anyway, and makes Ior the dance IIoor,
grInnIng and IaughIng the whoIe tIme.
jared and jensen rIde oII Irom the receptIon In a IImo jensen bought,
gracIousIy chauIIeured by none other than jake AbeI.
ut the rIde oII Into the sunset (or the earIy evenIng, sInce they were
marrIed In the aIternoon) Is mostIy Ior show and jensen grIns at jareds
Iook oI conIusIon when jake puIIs oII the road a Iew mIIes away Irom the
church.
"Whats goIng on?"
jensen raIses hIs eyebrows. "You thInk were goIng to go somepIace
where jake can drIve us?"
jensen had mostIy kept the honeymoon-or at Ieast the IIrst nIght oI It-
a secret Irom jared so It couId be a surprIse.
"WeII, can probabIy take you there." jake poInts out snarkIIy Irom the
Iront.
The god oI IIght gIares at hIs IIttIe brother. "WeII, he probabIy can. ut
he wont. IeII stay Iar, Iar away II he knows whats good Ior hIm."
jake grIns, odd mouth puIIIng Into that contagIous Iaugh, bIue eyes soIt
wIth mIrth and aIIectIon. " suppose can gIve you a Iree pass sInce Its
your weddIng nIght. o pranks, promIse."
ow Its jared thats peerIng at jake suspIcIousIy. "Iranks?" he asks
warnIngIy and jakes eyes wIden. Ie throws hIs hands up, smIrkIng.
"Iey, swore, dIdnt ? My word Is good," he wInks at jared and waves
hIs hand, openIng the back doors to the IImo wIth hIs power. "WeII,
mostIy anyway. You kIds get goIng now. Iave Iun and dont Ingest too
much whIpped cream or choke on a strawberry or whatever kInks youre
Into."
SurprIsIngIy, Its jensen who sputters at jake and jared who Iaughs hard,
thankIuIIy abIe to stop as soon as jensen sends hIm a dIsgruntIed Iook.
Good thIng the ambrosIa mostIy wore oII or eIse hed be gIggIIng Ior
hours.
"Congrats!" jake caIIs out oI the IImo beIore he and the IImo are gone In
the bIInk oI an eye.
jareds IIIe reaIIy has taken a turn towards IuckIng WeIrd IateIy. And
thats sayIng somethIng, because he can hear souIs.
Ie shouId probabIy teII jensen about that someday (jensens the IIrst
person hes ever reaIIy wanted to teII about the Ireaky souI thIng) but
now Is probabIy not the tIme.
"So. Where are we goIng?" jared asks, IeanIng In and kIssIng jensen.
jared thInks he wIII never be abIe to resIst those IIps, that warm mouth
and aggressIve tongue.
"WeII," jensen pants when jared puIIs back. " thought that sInce we
shared one oI your memorIes wIth the church Ior the weddIng day, then
maybe we couId share one oI mIne Ior the weddIng nIght."
jareds Iace bIooms wIth eagerness. "Okay. want that, very much. Iove
you."
jensen uses the exhIIaratIon oI those words to take them aII the way to
Greece wIth a IIare oI hIs power and a bIInk oI IIght.
They reappear In pItch-bIackness at the bottom oI ruIned stone steps.
"What?" jared whIspers, bIInkIng away the dIzzy IeeIIng he gets when
jensen uses hIs power and hIs souI becomes too much. The nIght Is
heavy upon them, thIck IIke a bIanket. ut the sky Is cIear and jareds
never seen so many stars In hIs IIIe-like c blcck lit ccnopy with holes
punched in it-and hes rIght there, so cIose he can touch them. Ie IeeIs
that hes among them.
jensens sIIent besIdes hIm, hoIdIng hIs hand, a constant presence untII
the stars and the moon IInaIIy aId hIs eyesIght.
And then jareds abIe to make out rusted whIte stone beneath hIs Ieet,
beIore hIm In the Iorm oI steps, then IoomIng up towards the stars are
sIx Iat and mIsshapen pIIIars. IuIns, jared reaIIzes. eyond them jared
can make out sIIhouettes oI huIkIng mountaIns cIosIng them In.
IIke the best secret hIdIng pIace ever.
"s thIs?"
"IuIns oI one oI my greatest tempIes," jensen muses, hIs voIce reedy and
archaIc. jared squeezes hIs hand harder. "Were In eIphI, jared. The
pIace consIdered home on earth Ior a Iong, Iong tIme. What thought
was home beIore met you. d IIke to have my two homes together, just
Ior one nIght," jensen murmurs, IeadIng jared up the surprIsIngIy stabIe
and soIId steps-they just Iook IIke theyre crumbIIng.
n the mIddIe oI the sIx gIgantIc pIIIars Is a bed-made wIth the covers
puIIed back, and candIes IIt aII around It on the IIoor. ozens-possIbIy
hundreds oI them.
"jensen?" jared croaks, amazed by how beautIIuI the pIcture Is-yeIIow
IIre around them, whIte stars above them. MountaIns and the mystIque
oI jensens oId tempIe shroudIng them.
Theyre In the open aIr but jareds never IeIt more secure, more guarded
and shIeIded.
" Iove you," jared whIspers, an admIssIon, permIssIon, and an oath oI
devotIon aII In one.
" Iove you, jay," jensen whIspers back. StandIng on the edge oI the
IIIckerIng candIes they undress each other, sIow, hands gIIde-whIsperIng
over the IabrIc oI theIr cIothes, expIorIng each others bodIes IIke they
dId the IIrst tIme In jareds shower. The heavy materIaI oI theIr suIts
breathes and taIks to them as the two peeI away the remaInIng barrIers
between them.
When they kIss they press as cIose to each other as possIbIe, arms
wrappIng around each other as theIr kIsses become more Intense, heads
movIng together and sIde to sIde whIIe theIr tongues push and battIe
agaInst the other.
jensen Ieads jared through the maze oI candIes IIke hes IeadIng jared
Into a dance. They sway through them naked, kIssIng, touchIng and
whIsperIng.
"ThIs Is."
"eautIIuI?"
"ts a IIttIe romantIc," but hIs voIce gIves away hIs adoratIon.
"just a IIttIe?" jensen chuckIes. "AdrIanne heIped."
"SophIa wouId probabIy dIe Irom. squeeIng."
"Iets. not brIng our sIsters Into thIs?"
jared smIrks. "Agreed."
jensen gentIy sIts jared down on the edge oI the bed and then kneeIs
between hIs Iegs, kIssIng each knee cap as hIs broad and warm hands
run up and down jareds thIghs. jared Ieans back on hIs eIbows,
watchIng wIth hooded eyes as jensen Ioves hIs body, and Is struck by the
Image. Iere they are In jensens tempIe where peopIe probabIy used to
get on theIr knees and worshIp jensen buy now jensen Is kneeIIng
beIore jared, Is worshIppIng jareds body wIth hIs mouth. jared senses
that thIs Is a ceremony, too, IIke the weddIng. More personaI, though,
just between them and maybe It wIII aIways mean somethIng more to
jensen because jared wIII never quIte understand. ThIs god kIsses up
and down jareds Inner thIghs, sIow and sIIky.
ts so beautIIuI, so perIect and humbIIng.
jared IeeIs bIgger than he reaIIy Is In that moment. jensen has IaIn hIs
prIde on hIm-somethIng ancIent and heavy that jared doesnt
understand. ut he doesnt even stop to thInk that Its too much Ior hIm.
SomethIng In hIm just Iets jensen do thIs, Iets hIs Iover mark hIm and
humbIe hImseII to jared.
An IndetermInabIe amount oI tIme passes In thIs ageIess pIace beneath
the unIverse and amongst tIny IIames. jensens mouth gets more
aggressIve, suckIng and IIckIng what wIII be dark bruIses aII aIong hIs
Inner thIghs. jensens mouth hasnt even come cIose to jareds cock yet,
onIy pausIng hIs expIoratIon oI jareds thIghs to bIow gentIy on hIs IIIIIng
baIIs and sometImes IIck and mouth them-never Ior Iong, and never
more than Ieather-soIt.
ts absoIuteIy maddenIng. jareds dIck Is curved steeI heavy on hIs beIIy,
twItchIng, aIready IeakIng pre-come-he can IeeI the warm stIckIness
around hIs naveI. t aIways amazes hIm how hard jensen can get hIm.
ow he needs jensens mouth, but somehow Its not pressIng. Ies more
content Ior now to just watch jensen work. IIs eyes are dry Irom where
he trIes not to bIInk.
At Ieast, Its not pressIng untII jensen IInaIIy kIsses the head oI jareds
cock-hard. ts the most pressure In that area Ior what IeeIs IIke hours
and the ImmedIate rush oI pIeasure has jared throwIng hIs head back
and body trembIIng Irom the aItershocks oI It. The desperate moan
spurs jensen on and In the next second a hot mouth wraps around the
head.
The young man moans agaIn-crIes out, hIs voIce echoIng oII the
mountaIns IIke the earth Is appIaudIng In approvaI.
"jen, too much," he pants out, shakIng hIs head. Ies goIng to bIow rIght
now II jensen doesnt stop. ut hIs husband doesnt stop-he even hums
a IIttIe Iaugh at the very Idea oI stoppIng aII oI the deIIcIous thIngs that
hes doIng to jared. The vIbratIon sends rapId-IIre joIts up and down
jareds spIne, wrenchIng out a strung out sob.
jensen takes more oI jared In, Inch by sIow Inch, warm and wet heat
enveIopIng hIm and jared wonders how he ever IIved wIthout that
sensatIon. jensens tongue moves agaInst the undersIde oI jareds cock,
aIong the thIck and puIsIng veIn there, and thats when the young man
Iets out a whImper, hIs arms coIIapsIng Irom beneath hIm. Ie shakIIy
scrambIes back up, though, unabIe to Iook away Irom where he
dIsappears past pIIIowy IIps and Into that sInIuI mouth.
"jen, jen pIease, Iove," jared pants. " cant hoId-Iove you, Iove you,
pIease." jared babbIes, because as II the thIngs jensen was doIng wIth
hIs mouth werent enough, hIs husband Iooks so goddamned beautIIuI.
aked, hes doIng that god-gIowIng thIng. Or maybe Its the candIes
reIIectIng oII oI hIs smooth and IIawIess young skIn. Ie appears
gorgeousIy IIIumInated, IIke hes In a spotIIght.
jensens Iust-bIown eyes are too deep In concentratIon and he hardIy
responds back, just another hum that has jared wrIthIng. Then the god
reIeases hIs Iovers Iength wIth a wet pop oI hIs mouth, hIs hand takIng
over the job, strokIng jared Iong and tIght and hard whIIe jensen creates
a traII oI nIps and IIcks to around and across heavy baIIs. Ie takes each
Into hIs mouth, suckIng a rIm the shape oI hIs IIps beIore tonguIng the
IIIIed IIesh. jared absoIuteIy meIts Into a quIverIng puddIe, hIs shouIders
shakIng wIth the eIIort to keep hIm uprIght and jensen doesnt teII hIm
to IIe back, IovIng hIs humans eyes on hIm.
When jensen IeeIs jareds baIIs puII tIght he ImmedIateIy swItches-hand
gentIy IondIIng hIs husbands sac whIIe hIs mouth returns to the IIushed
and Iong cock and swoIIen head. Ie takes jared In deep, once then twIce
then three tImes, each tIme swaIIowIng hIs Iover down hIs throat,
enjoyIng every scream and keenIng whImper he draws out oI hIs
beautIIuI mortaI.
jareds IIesh twItches hard agaInst jensens tongue just when jared crIes
out, " cant-gonna-jensen!"
Ie IeeIs hIs husband swaIIow down hIs reIease and the IeeIIng makes
jared crazy, makes hIm come harder and Ionger It IeeIs IIke, stomach
coIIed so tIght IIke a sprIng that It hurts. IIs spIne kInd oI meIts,
becomes wIspy and stIngy IIke a whIp.
As he comes down Irom hIs orgasm jareds eIbows and shouIders IInaIIy
gIve out and he coIIapses onto hIs back, arms numb, pantIng breathIess
praIses and prayers to the stars.
jared thInks that jensen just mIght be the end oI hIm.
Ie IeeIs hIs Iover pepperIng soothIng kIsses aIong the Iength oI hIs
spent cock. jensen aIso revIsIts some oI the dark bruIses hes bIt and
sucked In the tender skIn oI jareds thIghs and It makes jared wInce wIth
paIn-pIeasure.
jensen waIts untII hIs husbands harsh breaths subsIde beIore crawIIng
up jareds body, IIItIng and jostIIng Iegs and arms and hIps untII the
young man Is IyIng on the bed properIy, jensen above hIm.
jared bIInks, the post-reIease haze IIItIng, and smIIes meIty and warm up
at jensen. "Iey," he croaks out, IIItIng numb arms and runnIng hIs paIms
up and down jensens sIdes and hIps, reachIng down and IIghtIy
graspIng jensens hardness, IeeIIng the IamIIIar weIght and heat.
The god gasps at jareds touch, hIs whoIe body thrummIng wIth pIeas Ior
more, but he somehow manages to smIIe back at hIs Iover. "Iey."
jensen hoIds hIs hand out to the sIde, makes a gesture wIth hIs IIngers,
and the candIes IIoat up Irom the ground, encasIng them and the bed In
a Ioose sphere-IIke jensen and jared are In a jar oI IIreIIIes, jared
muses.
Then the god spreads out hIs IIngers and the IIames on aII oI the candIes
IIare brIghter and stronger so that Its that much easIer Ior jared to see
jensen.
"So. The weddIng nIght was over Iast. Thanks Ior that, by the way,"
jared sIghs, IIngers squeezIng hIs Iovers cock Ior emphasIs.
jensens breath hItches and he cant heIp but desperateIy thrust Into
jareds hand. "ot over yet," he promIses huskIIy as they both pIck up
the pace, jared starIng wIde-eyed so he doesnt mIss the way jensens
body trembIes uncontroIIabIy beIore he comes aII over jareds hand.
They both Iay breathIng Ior a Iong tIme. And then they kIss Ior Ionger,
wrapped up In each other wIth the sheets aIready a mess. jared mIght
doze, hes not sure. So much tIme passes and he IeeIs so reIaxed as they
whIsper to each other about nothIng In partIcuIar.
GraduaIIy kIsses turn to hands runnIng up and down sIdes and hIps, and
that turns Into theIr bodIes unduIatIng IanguIdIy Into each other.
Theyre hard agaIn not Iong aIter that, hungry Ior each other agaIn.
"ot over yet," jensen repeats In jareds ear as he gentIy but resoIuteIy
jostIes them Irom theIr Iazy IorepIay. Whatever jareds goIng to say-
such a mouth on hIs human and the god Ioves It-jensen swaIIows wIth
an InsIstent kIss, IuckIng hIs tongue In and out oI jareds mouth In
Ioreshadow.
"Ieady?" jensen asks when they part, breaths mIngIIng IIke IIngers.
"Ior what?" jared whIspers back, wrecked wIth both reIease and
antIcIpatIon.
The god just paInts a wIcked smIIe agaInst the coIumn oI jareds throat
beIore tuckIng hIs hands under jareds IeIt sIde and IIIppIng hIm over.
jared gIves a surprIsed yeIp and IIaII at the sudden movement and then
he Iaughs Into the sIIk-covered pIIIows (and, jesus, Ieathered pIIIows?
IeaIIy?) once hes on hIs stomach. jensen matches the Iaugh Into jareds
spIne and It tIckIes In both the reaI-tIckIIsh and arousIng-tIckIIsh ways so
he cant heIp but Iaugh aII the harder.
And then jensen moves down hIs body. jareds not sure what hes doIng
even when soIId Iorearms scoop under hIs hIps and he IeeIs jensen
settIe between hIs spread Iegs.
"jen?" he caIIs, squIrmIng and uncomIortabIe. "What are you-"
jensen bIows a cooI breath over the crack oI jareds ass and the
matchmakers eyes wIden comIcaIIy In reaIIzatIon.
They hadnt reaIIy done thIs beIore. and theyve had a Iot oI sex. WeII,
theyve mostIy IooIed around. ut theyve been trying to have a Iot oI sex
Ior the past coupIe oI weeks. They havent reaIIy even taIked about thIs
and to be honest jareds never reaIIy experIenced thIs beIore.
Oh. "Oh," jared moans because jensens aIready put hIm on hIs knees,
spread hIs cheeks wIth hIs hands, and Is now suckIng on the rIm oI hIs
hoIe and-"oh!"
"IIke that?"
"God," jared trembIes as hIs aroused, sensItIve body stands on end.
"Yes?" the god oI IIght snarks, makIng jared roII hIs eyes.
jensen bIows on the wet rIm, sIow and steady, and jared shudders. "o
you IIke It?" jensen repeats.
"-weve never-oh Iuck keep on-you dont have to." the young man
babbIes, body cIenchIng. jensen bIows gentIy agaIn, watchIng the pretty
hoIe wInk In antIcIpatIon.
"Want to," the god murmurs beIore suckIng a mark onto one oI jareds
IIeshy cheeks. "ow, teII me, do you IIke It?" And nIps agaIn, cIoser to hIs
hoIe.
"Iuck, Iuck Iove It, jen. Iove-need your mouth-pIease!" jared
expIodes IIke the reserved dam on hIs tongue has been IIIted away Irom
the rIsIng tIde oI want.
jensen chuckIes darkIy, jareds beautIIuI beggIng goes straIght to hIs
aIready straInIng erectIon and he groans, rIdIng the paIn oI denIaI In and
transIatIng the IrustratIon Into workIng open jareds pInk entrance wIth
IIps and tongue and not a IIttIe teeth. ThIs Is ]cred and jared Is hIs and
thIs act aIone Is so dIrty and good It sends chIIIs down hIs spIne.
"Iuck, jen, Iove, God-your mouth, IeeIs so good-so hot," jared chokes
out, IIngers curIIng hard Into the ruIned covers, hIs mouth open and
coatIng the stupId down-Ieather pIIIows wIth hIs hot breath and saIIva.
IIs hearts racIng In hIs chest and hes goIng to have a IuckIng heart
attack, he decIdes rIght then and there. A heart attack durIng sex on hIs
weddIng nIght.
jensen can onIy just keep up wIth jareds wrIthIng body but makes no
move to stop It, garnerIng too much enjoyment Irom drIvIng hIs Iover
crazy. The thIngs comIng out oI hIs husbands mouth Is absoIuteIy IIIthy,
though, IuII oI "Iuck" and "shIt" and "just IuckIng do It" and "open me
up" and "wanna IeeI you"s.
ts IIke the darkest and most IoveIy musIc to jensens ears.
jared IeeIs jensen IuckIng hIs tongue In and out oI hIs body-such a
weIrd, sIIck puII that he doesnt thInk he ever wants to get used to-Ior
ages and Ior not Iong enough. Ies bIInd wIth arousaI, sensItIzed by hIs
earIIer reIease. jensens hand IumbIes around, IIngers dancIng over hIs
stomach and thIghs and hIpbones beIore IIndIng hIs Iength and It IeeIs
so damn good It hurts.
ut then that hand Ieaves hIm, havIng to brace jared and keep hIm on
hIs knees because at that moment jensen sneaks a wIggIIng IInger Into
jareds saIIva-wet hoIe, the sIIght brush oI a IIngertIp the onIy warnIng
beIore hIs knuckIe snags on skIn and muscIe and the sweet burn oI
IntrusIon smokes hot and thIck through the rest oI jareds body.
"jen," jared gasps IIke hes suIIocatIng. "jense-"
"Too much?" jensen asks just as hIs husband says,
"ot enough!"
The god kIsses the base oI jareds spIne, eyes IIItIng to take In the sweat
on jareds body that reIIects the IIIckerIng candIes around them so It
Iooks IIke gIItter smeared over hIs tanned skIn. jareds head Is turned
and dark pupIIs consume hIs brIght hazeI IrIses as he straIns to watch
jensen work behInd hIm.
The god grIns IascIvIousIy at jared as he starts movIng hIs IInger In and
out oI the sIIcked channeI. "God, so IuckIng tIght, Its unbeIIevabIe," he
praIses because jared Is tIght, despIte the preparatIon, tIght and hot
and so good jensen cant even brIng hImseII to ImagIne beIng InsIde hIs
Iover even though he has been beIore. IIke IeeIIng compIete Is stIII mIIes
away when everythIng hes ever needed to IeeI that way Is rIght here In
Iront oI hIm, beneath hIs hands, In hIs arms, and compIeteIy at hIs
mercy.
ts antIcIpatIon and every thunderIng heartbeat oI It Is deIIcIous.
"just do It, jen. Iaster, harder. eed your cock so bad," jared gasps,
cheeks brIght red Irom heat and arousaI but not embarrassed. Ies
unabashed, conIIdent, and Its probabIy the sexIest godsdamned sIght
jensens ever been wItness to.
"Yeah, kaIos. Yeah. Gonna IIII you up, rock In and out oI you so hard,
because youre mIne now," jensen growIs and starts movIng hIs IInger
Iaster InsIde and out, tIp deIIberateIy abusIng the tender bundIe oI
nerves InsIde the mortaI. just the thought IueIs hIm on. "Gods, youre
mIne now, do you reaIIze? My husband, my Iover, my-my everythIng."
IIs souI mate, jensens sure. Iow eIse couId he expIaIn how much he
Ioves jared, how much hes Iearned just In the Iew months hes been
wIth jared, how much they IIt together and need each other.
jared arches Into jensens IInger, IIexIng and cIampIng down around It,
needIng to be IuIIer or he just mIght-he doesnt know. Ie rocks
between jensens IInger and the bed, gaInIng smaII and torturous bouts
oI IrIctIon on hIs hard and newIy IeakIng cock.
"Yes, youre mIne," jared answers back. "Youre mIne now so Iuck me,
Iove. IIease, so hard, need-jensen," he gasps. "Another IInger," he
demands because what the Iuck Is jensen doing back there?
The god chuckIes, newIy awed, and sIIps another IInger In whIch snags
on jareds hot InsIdes. Ie caIIs the Iube to hIs other hand and tIps It over
hIs IIngers and hIs Iovers tIght, resIstIng hoIe.
The IIrst Iew drops oI the cooI substance make jared jerk and moan.
"Yeah," he encourages. "eed you In me so bad, want to IeeI you move."
The god bItes hIs IIp and presses the sIIck around the rIm and Into
jareds body. The way becomes easIer and jensen jams hIs two IIngers In
and out at a Iast rhythm, mesmerIzed as he watches the IIush and sweat
break out aII over jareds body. verythIng about jared Is just so warm
and more IIke home than OIympus or when these ruIns were once
bustIIng wIth actIvIty.
"Another," jared demands.
"So IuckIng pushy," jensen growIs back.
"Cause youre back there," jared pants. "WrItIng poetry In your head or
somethIng Instead oI IuckIng me."
"My head poetry Is about you," jensen oIIers as concIIIatIon. Ie Ieans
down, bItIng another mark Into the back oI jareds hIp as he sIIps In a
thIrd IInger, hummIng and IIckIng and kIssIng soothIngIy when jared
hIsses at the new stretch.
jared Ioses the thread oI conversatIon, baskIng In how IuckIng IuII and
rIght he IeeIs, roIIIng hIs hIps back Iast and shaIIow, encouragIng jensen
to hIt the sweet spot InsIde hIm so good and perIect and yes, plecse,
more, now, jorever.
"IeeI good, kaIos?" jensen asks, hIs cock so hard and heavy Its paInIuI.
jareds stIII mouthy, demandIng more and Ior jensen to do more Iaster,
but hIs body Is aIready bIIssed out wIthout even comIng yet, pIIant and
warm at just the IeeIIng oI beIng IuII oI jensens IIngers.
jensen traIIs hIs IIttIe IInger and thumb around jareds stretched hoIe as
weII, watchIng through hooded eyes as jareds breath hItches In
antIcIpatIon and then trIes to reIax, ready to accept the two extra
IIngers. Ieady to accept anythIng eIse jensen trIes to IIII hIm wIth
because hes so hungry to be IuII-so hungry Ior jensen, he can teII by
the adoratIon In hIs husbands eyes that peek over hIs broad shouIder.
So IuckIng perIect.
"ow," jared says breathIIy Into the sheets and covers. "ow, anythIng.
just-just more. So cIose, jensen. Iove, pIease."
ts so soIt and reverent and tender that II jensen dIdnt possess dIvIne
hearIng he mIght not have heard the words at aII.
"Yeah, kaIos. Yeah, got you. got you Ior Iorever now," (not hIs Iorever,
but jareds Iorever, and thats aII that matters rIght now). "Gonna Iuck
you, make Iove to you, open you wIde and deep. eed to be In you so
much, need you so much Its."
Ie traIIs oII, unabIe to put Into words how sometImes he wIshes he can
crawI beneath jareds skIn and stay there, wrapped up In the onIy beIng
that hes Ioved thIs much, In the onIy pIace that IeeIs IIke home. So he
puIIs hIs IIngers out, bareIy takIng the tIme to smear Iube on hIs achIng
cock beIore IInIng the head at jareds stretched hoIe.
"ow," jared growIs as jensen prods In, the head IIrst and then haII oI
hIs Iength, the way hot and draggIng but so damn good hIs teeth stand
on end and he saIIvates In hIs mouth. jareds Ioose enough Ior hIm to
pIunge In but stIII so tIght that he has to cIose hIs eyes and brecthe.
"More, jen. eeper. can take It, can. eed to IeeI you-so good, want
more, Iove," jared pants, shakIIy unduIatIng backwards and cIampIng
down.
jared maybe can take It but jensen doesnt thInk he can. Ie pushes In,
anyway, tIred oI waItIng, the need so paIpabIe that Its heavy on hIs skIn
and coats hIs tongue.
Seated aII the way jensen takes hIs tIme to gather hIs wIts, movIng hIs
hIps mInImaIIy as he pIaces soothIng kIsses over jareds neck and
shouIder. Ie reaches down, wraps a hand around jareds cock and
groans when he IeeIs how hard and desperate hIs husband Is.
"Ieady," jared pants aIter jensens been seated In hIm so deep and Iong
that he has jareds heartbeat memorIzed. "Ieady, move. ow. Iard, jen,
wanna IeeI you tomorrow."
"YouII IeeI me," jensen promIses. "Gonna Iuck you hard, jay, just IIke you
want. cant get enough, kaIos."
"Then do It, Iove, do-" he breaks oII Into a choked gasp and then a Ioud
moan that bounces and runs and tumbIes aIong theIr mountaIn shrouds.
jensen rocks In and out, aII the way In and aImost aII the way out. When
the way becomes smoother he goes Iaster, taII on hIs knees and
graspIng jareds hIps IIke handIe bars.
They both Iose words and revert to just quIet moans and Ioud crIes that
make the IIttIe IIames about them IIIcker and dance. jareds body
shuttIes back and Iorth on shaky arms and quIverIng knees. When they
get cIose-jensen can teII by the expIosIve moans and keenIng whImpers
Irom hIs husband-he uses aII oI hIs wIII to sIow theIr pace, wantIng to
draw thIs out Ior at Ieast another second, another mInute, Ior eternIty II
he can.
So he draws out compIeteIy and watches jareds gapIng hoIe shudder
and basks In jareds haII-angry scream and Iucked out moan. Then he
pIunges In, goIng hard and Iast beIore puIIIng out agaIn and pausIng to
watch hIs Iovers reactIons through the curtaIn oI hIs eyeIashes.
"just IuckIng IInIsh It, jen. IIease," jared IInaIIy shouts, tryIng to reach
Ior hIs cock but hIs arms too tIred and hIs head too dIzzy Irom the
rhythm oI pIeasure-denIaI-pIeasure.
The god growIs and roughIy IIIps jared so that the man Is mostIy on hIs
IeIt sIde. jared shouts and bItes hIs IIp, because jensens manhandIIng
just about pushes hIm over that precarIous edge.
jensen throws one oI jareds gorgeous, Iong Iegs over hIs shouIder and
straddIes the other, scIssorIng theIr bodIes. Ie bends over, takes jareds
mouth In a possessIve and promIsIng kIss, and then pIunges back Into
the warm and Ioosened cavern made just Ior hIm.
Ie pIstons hard Into jared, watchIng the Iong and tan body rock
uncontroIIabIy on the bed. Ie reaches down wIth one hand, coverIng
jareds, whIch Is busIIy strIppIng hIs cock, brIngIng jared oII together.
Ie IeeIs jareds body tIghten and spasm so he hoIds on just Iong enough
to watch jared throw hIs head back and expose hIs tender neck. Ie
IIstens to hear jared caII hIs name and then hes IoIIowIng hIs Iover Into
sweet obIIvIon, the mortaIs name on hIs IIps IIke saIvatIon.
When Its over-IIke death and beIng born and IIvIng aII In one-jensen
coIIapses Into jared who ImmedIateIy cIIngs to hIm, pantIng harshIy IIke
heII never get aIr In hIs Iungs agaIn.
They wrap around each other, the candIes IIoatIng about them IIke
IIreIIIes, the unIverse bIInkIng down on them, deep In the womb oI
eIphI.
"So," jared whIspers aIter Iong mInutes. "So thought It was the crazIest
thIng ever dId when saId yes to a date wIth you," he whIspers In awe.
"And thought you were the most stubborn, most IeIsty and deIensIve
human ever created by thIs earth," jensen admIts.
jareds tIred and rIdIng a wave oI bIIss and contentment so Its aImost
numbIy that he IIIts hIs hand and runs hIs IIngertIps over jensens jaw.
"Iook at us now," he marveIs.
Iouse huntIng Is easy once jensen stops tryIng to buy mansIons and
jared stops tryIng to make jensen settIe Ior Iess than two storIes and ten
acres. ts a hard compromIse. jared doesnt see why they need
somethIng huge. jensen doesnt see why they dont. TheIr IIrst
arguments as a marrIed coupIe are thanks to house huntIng.
ut theIr IIrst makeup sex as a marrIed coupIe Is aIso thanks to house
huntIng.
Once they reach a compromIse Its easy. They settIe Ior somethIng thats
not even cIose to modest but Its aIso not as bIg as the mansIon jensen
was IIvIng In wIth hIs sIbIIngs. ts two storIes wIth more bedrooms and
bathrooms than theyII ever use. ut Its on three acres oI Iand next to
the WIII Iogers State Iark so Its peaceIuI. And theres pIenty oI room Ior
SadIe and IarIey to run and live wIth jared aII the tIme.
ts huge on the InsIde, so much bIgger than the apartment and Chad
and SophIas house. The reaItor Iets them In and jensen asks her to waIt
Ior them outsIde. She doesnt argue, oI course, and Iets them be. ts
empty InsIde, no IurnIture or paIntIngs, but despIte the sIze Its the IIrst
house that hasnt IeIt hoIIow and coId.
They hoId hands as they wander Into the master bedroom. ts nIce In
there. Ig wIndows Iet In a perIect earIy aIternoon IIght. !nIIke the
other houses, jared can ImmedIateIy pIcture where the bed wIII be at
and the dresser and nIghtstands. Theres a wIndow seat, too, and a
space next to It where they can put some oI jensens books. Ie can
ImagIne jensens guItar propped In the corner and what movIe posters
he wants to put up on the waIIs.
"What do you thInk?" jensen asks, a mIxture oI excItement and
nervousness In hIs voIce. Out oI the two oI them jareds been the one
sayIng "no" most oIten (he just doesnt see a reason Ior a property wIth a
tennIs court when neIther hIm nor jensen even like tennIs). jared smIIes,
turnIng to pIace a kIss on jensens cheekbone beIore IettIng go oI hIs
hand. The carpet Is whIte so jared toes oII hIs shoes and then hIs socks
Ior good measure beIore steppIng Into the room. The carpet Is soIt
beneath hIs Ieet, so thIck It aImost seeps between hIs toes. The IIght
Irom the pIcture wIndow bounces oII the carpet and waIIs so that the
room seems to emanate IIght. t remInds jared oI the sound oI jensens
souI.
"What are you doIng?" jensen chuckIes behInd hIm. jared Iooks over hIs
shouIder to grIn at hIs husband.
"Iave to try It out," he expIaIns beIore IyIng down on the carpet,
extendIng hIs arms above hIs head and roIIIng towards the opposIte roII.
Ie makes hImseII Iaugh.
jensen watches wIth a raIsed eyebrow. "Youve gone nuts," he accuses
as jared roIIs back toward hIm.
"Come on, jen. Iow eIse wIII we know II Its rIght Ior us?" jared asks,
comIng to a stop wIth hIs head near jensens Ieet.
"y. IookIng at It? IIke everyone eIse?" jensen says but Is a IIttIe too
preoccupIed by the sIght oI hIs husband surrounded by whIte to reaIIy
mean It.
jared roIIs hIs eyes, reachIng out and wrappIng hIs Iong IIngers around
jensens ankIe. "Get down here. You know you want to reIease your
Inner chIId."
" was born an aduIt," the god poInts out and gets a Iong-suIIerIng sIgh
Irom jared.
"WeII, you know you want to get down here and roII around on the
ground wIth me," he decIares and gIves jensens ankIe a rough tug.
jensen huIIs and thInks thIs Is rIdIcuIous but he toes oII hIs shoes
anyway. Ie IIes down, sIghs, and starts roIIIng wIth jared across the
IIoor. ts sort oI so absurd Its Iunny and so It Isnt Iong beIore hIs
Iaughter joIns jared. They roII In aII dIrectIons, mappIng out the bedroom
wIth dIzzy smIIes. They start goIng crooked and jensen roIIs rIght Into a
waII, whIch makes jared Iaugh so hard he cant catch hIs breath.
They end up near the wIndow, rIght where jared ImagInes the bed wIII
go. jensens eyes are brIght and hIs souI Is even brIghter. jareds Iace Is
hot wIth Iaughter.
The god reaches up, runnIng a thumb across jareds red cheekbone. IIs
Iover smacks hIs IIps soItIy and jensen obeys, brIngIng jared In Ior a kIss.
" thInk thIs Is where we shouId put the bed," he murmurs and watches
jareds content smIIe spread sIowIy.
"Yeah. was thInkIng the same thIng."
jensen wakes up beneath jareds octopus arms and Iegs. Ies surprIsed
he IeII asIeep but he supposes that beIng bIIssed out Irom "breakIng In
theIr new bed" Ior the thIrd day In a row aIter "breakIng In the shower"
and "breakIng In the kItchen counter" earIIer In the day that It shouIdnt
be a surprIse. ot that hes so much tIred but reIaxed and content
enough to sIIp In what passes as sIeep Ior an ImmortaI.
At IIrst hes not sure what wakes hIm Irom hIs stupor and then he IeeIs
It. uIetIy and quIckIy he sIIps Irom beneath hIs husband, kIssIng the top
oI jareds head and puIIIng the covers up over hIm. AIter that he puIIs on
a paIr oI jeans-jareds, judgIng Irom how Iong they are and how tIght
they are on the hIps.
When major organs (or at Ieast the ones that he wouId rather not have
hIs IIttIe brother draw attentIon to rIght now) are covered jensen takes
one step In the bedroom, utIIIzIng IIght and tappIng Into hIs dIvInIty, and
by the second step he Is on the rooI, IacIng oII wIth jake.
IIs IIttIe brother Iooks dIstracted and not very pIeased, a combInatIon
thats aIIen on hIs usuaIIy careIess trIckster Iace.
"What Is It?" jensen asks In a IIttIe aIarm, ImmedIateIy reachIng out hIs
senses to make sure AdrIanne and the others are IIne.
Thats when he smeIIs It. jake smeIIs a IIttIe IIke rottenness, IIke smoke
and spent soII and bIack IIame.
"Youve been to Tartarus," jensen observes wIth wIde eyes.
"Yeah. AIter AdrIanne and Steve came up empty handed decIded to do
some InvestIgatIng oI my own. thInk know how IacheI Is skatIng by
undetected."
"The IeIm oI arkness," jensen nods. "We aIready know. saw It."
"OI course," jake nods. "ut you dIdnt wonder how? The story oI how
she obtaIned It couId teII us somethIng about what shes up to. IoIIowed
thIs hunch and taIked to Iades-or IrederIc Iehne, Ior aII the good an
aIIas does hIm. jensen, the IeIm oI arkness has been mIssIng Irom hIs
vauIts Ior aImost two years now."
jensens eyes wIden. " though Ier-MIsha had It."
jake shakes hIs head and starts pacIng on the rooI, wIncIng a IIttIe wIth
each move. "o, he gave It back. Ie gave aII oI the tooIs gIven to hIm
back. just Iet hIm keep the shoes. IrederIc saId that the IeIm has been
In hIs keepIng Irom then untII It was stoIen."
"Why. dIdnt he say anythIng?"
jake runs a hand through hIs haIr, sIghIng expIosIveIy. "IeII II know.
You know our uncIe-petuIant and bItter and secretIve," the messenger
rubs hIs Iorehead. "ot that bIame hIm."
"s that aII thats mIssIng? o you thInk IacheI took It?"
"m not sure about who took It but do know that IrederIc knows who
the thIeI Is. At Ieast m pretty sure. dont know what hes doIng about
It, though. Theres more mIssIng Irom hIs stores, not just the IeIm."
jensen curses. "What? What are the Items?" Ie doesnt know aII oI what
IrederIc possesses In the !nderworId-no one reaIIy does. IIke jake
saId, IrederIc Is too bItter wIth hIs two brothers and theIr chIIdren to
share any secrets. Ies aIways pIottIng to overthrow them, Its
somethIng that theyve aII gotten used to over the years.
The younger god shrugs, the Irustrated and pIssed Iook returnIng to hIs
Iace. "m not sure. Ie saId somethIng about a souI? A trap? Ie cIammed
up pretty quIck and when trIed to questIon hIm Iurther this got thIs Ior
my eIIorts," he growIs, IIItIng hIs shIrt to reveaI hIs thIn stomach.
A bIack charred and rotten wound wraps Irom jakes naveI, around the
rIbs on hIs rIght sIde, aII the way to hIs spIne. t smeIIs IIke paIn, IIke
suIIur and the pIt, IIke the stInk oI dark IIre. eIInIteIy the work oI the
god oI the underworId.
jensen sIghs, reachIng out and hoverIng hIs paIm and IIngers over the
wound. jake wouId heaI anyway-hes aIready heaIed greatIy, jensen has
no doubt that a bIow Irom a dIsgruntIed IrederIc wouId have exposed
sInewy muscIe and bone-but jensen speeds the process aIong.
"Thanks," jake grumbIes, tIght IInes In hIs Iace dIsappearIng. Ie Iowers
hIs shIrt over angry pInk but heaIed skIn, squIrmIng to test out the stIII
muscIes.
"What are you goIng to do now?" jake asks IInaIIy as he begIns to caIm
down.
" have to Iook more Into thIs," jensen answers, rubbIng hIs tempIe
thoughtIuIIy. "I Its IacheI that stoIe these tooIs and shes aIter me then
need to know what m up agaInst. Shes dIsgusted wIth mortaIs and
probabIy wont come wIthIn ten Ieet oI jared, but just cant rIsk It."
"II go taIk to Iephaestus," jake nods, aIready turnIng on hIs heeI.
"WaIt, what?" jensen asks, reachIng out to stop hIm just as the IogIc oI
jakes actIons start to Iorm on hIs head. "The other mIssIng tooIs were
probabIy made by hIm," he murmurs In reaIIzatIon.
"Most IIkeIy," jake agrees. "You want to know what youre up agaInst. I
he taIks heII be abIe to guess at what IacheI stoIe Irom IrederIc."
"Thats brIIIIant. Any Idea where he Is?" jensen asks and jake Irowns.
"ot a cIue. The probIem wIII be trIckIng hIm Into answerIng my
questIons. Ie wont answer them dIrectIy-he doesnt care about the
probIems oI gods or mortaIs. Ies so dIsconnected he doesnt even have
an aIIas. ut theres not reaIIy anyone that cant IInd." The messenger
shrugs.
"xcept Ior IacheI?" jensen oIIers heIpIuIIy.
"Shut up."
"Are you sure? can go IInd Iephaestus. IacheI Is out Ior me, not you,
aIter aII," the oIder god poInts out.
jake just shakes hIs head, bIue eyes catchIng the starIIght. "o, Its IIne.
I IacheI screws wIth you then who wIII mess wIth? And besIdes, dont
you have more 'breakIng In to do wIth the new house and new husband
and aII?"
"Your voyeurIsm compIeteIy grosses me out," jensen wrInkIes hIs nose
and the younger god shoots hIm an equaIIy dIsgruntIed Iook.
"You both gross me out. came aIong to see II couId catch you beIng aII
sappy and rIdIcuIous Ior bIackmaII Iater. dIdnt want to get an eyeIuI oI
your naked ass."
"Youre just jeaIous."
"OI your ass? IardIy," he snorts then smIrks mIschIevousIy. "ow,
jareds ass Is-"
"You IIttIe shIt!" jensen growIs, IungIng, but jake and hIs unbeIIevabIe
speed easIIy avoIds hIs grasp. The young trIckster hovers In the aIr just
out oI jensens reach, IaughIng. Iong, ephemeraI goId wIngs have
unIoIded Irom hIs shoes and are IIappIng madIy IIke a hummIng bIrds
wIngs.
"See you around, bIg brother!" jake caIIs, dartIng Irom another oI
jensens Iunges beIore dIsappearIng Into the nIght aIr.
ts a coupIe oI weeks Iater on a hot june day that jensen shows up at
TrueOne wIth two Iarge baskets In each hand, grInnIng IIke a IooI.
"IIcnIc?"
"Sure," jared says, gettIng up and kIssIng jensen on the cheek. Ie takes
one basket and quIrks an eyebrow at the weIght oI It and the smeII
waItIng Irom them.
"You made everythIng?" jared asks In surprIse.
"Yeah. mean, just sandwIch stuII."
" smeII baked somethIng."
"AIrIght, IIne. The bread and cookIes are Iresh and dIdnt make them.
You happy? dId cut up the IruIt and vegetabIes, though."
jared makes a dIspIeased Iace and the god scoIIs. "Theyre good Ior you.
IonestIy," he heaves a beIabored sIgh and jared scowIs, kIckIng out at
jensens shIn.
"Shut up. What kInd oI cookIes?"
"OatmeaI raIsIn."
"Oh, gross!" jared moans, IIghtIng the smIIe tuggIng at hIs IIps.
"Theyre chocoIate chIp, you know that."
" dont know. Youre weIrd and you IIke oatmeaI raIsIn,"
"t Is better Ior you than chocoIate chIp," jensen poInts out sternIy.
"I you IIke handheId staIe breakIast."
"You take your medIcIne thIs mornIng?"
"Yes, dear," jared huIIs ImpatIentIy. "Are we goIng or what?"
The god raIses an eyebrow. "m not sure. thought we couId have It
here?"
"o you dIdnt. ts hot In here and Chads beIng a paIn about the
weddIng and want to get out oI here."
"You dont have to whIne," jensen shrugs prImIy.
" dont whIne."
"I you say so. Where to?"
"SIde."
"You aIways choose there."
"The water Is cIear and nIce and -"
"SparkIy?"
"Shut up, wasnt goIng to say that. ow, take me there. And Ieed me,"
jared demands.
"Youre so pushy."
"You Iove It," jared grIns, hookIng one arm In jensens.
"n bed. ow just IeeI objectIIIed and used."
"Your IIIe Is tragIc," jared deadpans. "Theres more to thIs reIatIonshIp
than sex."
"There Is?"
"WeII, chocoIate chIp cookIes, Ior one."
And then theyre gone Irom TrueOne and on the banks oI SIde, Turkey.
The pIace Is Ior tourIsts wIth pretty beaches, cIIIIs, and water so bIue
and cIear It puts the sky above them to shame. jensen took hIm here
shortIy aIter theIr honeymoon ended and whIIe they were stIII IookIng Ior
a house. IuIns to another tempIe Ior ApoIIo-jensen-stand taII and
vIsIbIe Irom many pIaces In the town and on the beach. etter preserved
than the buIky ruIns at eIphI, Its pIcturesque and one oI the maIn
attractIons oI the town.
jared had ImmedIateIy IaIIen In Iove wIth the whIte sands and sapphIre
water, aII so beautIIuI Its IIke they were on a dIIIerent pIanet. jareds
taIked jensen Into returnIng a Iew tImes aIter that (jensen says "taIked
Into" but reaIIy jared onIy has to ask once, the god unabIe to deny hIs
husband anythIng) Ior saIIIng. They even went snorkeIIng aIterward.
Today, though, Its around eIght In the evenIng when they get there, but
jared can stIII make out the bIue water In the dyIng IIght.
They sIt on the sand, openIng the baskets. jensen hands hIm a bottIe oI
cooI water, IIngers IIngerIng on jareds new watch wIth the see-through
IacIng and jagged arms. The same one that jensen had trIed to gIve
jared beIore they started datIng, onIy to have It thrown back Into hIs
Iace. jensen had rIsked IIIe and IImb and oIIered It to jared agaIn shortIy
beIore they returned Irom theIr honeymoon.
"]ensen," ]cred sighs, this time cllowing ]ensen to put the wctch into his
hcnd, which ]ensen tckes cs c good sign.
"IIease, Its yours. A gIIt. t doesnt beIong to anyone or anywhere eIse-
got It because It remInded me oI you even then when dIdnt know you.
eautIIuI and unIque," jensen bIurts out beIore jared can say more, eyes
open and earnest.
" thought you were tryIng to buy me back then," jared whIspers, eyes
soIt as he hoIds the jeweIry IIke Its a IragIIe, IIvIng thIng.
"o," jensen shakes hIs head. " was tryIng to. woo you."
jared Iaughs breathIIy and raIses hIs head to Iook at jensen, somethIng
soIt In hIs expressIon. "You werent very good at It at IIrst."
"You wouIdnt Iet me be," jensen smIIes tentatIveIy back. "At IIrst? What
about now?"
SomethIng IncredIbIy soIt IIIckers In jareds expressIon. "Youve gotten
better," he says In a whIsper, words so heavy wIth meanIng they sInk to
the core oI the earth.
jensen nods toward the watch. "IIease?"
" have nothIng to gIve you," hIs husband despaIrs.
"What couId you gIve me that dont aIready have besIdes your Iove?"
jensen shrugs honestIy. "Iet me spoII you every once In a whIIe."
jared begIns to shake hIs head and jensens heart IaIIs. jareds too
sweet, too strong-wIIIed, too earnest to treat jensen equaIIy to agree. So
jensen says, "Then IaII In Iove wIth me."
The young man raIses an eyebrow and waves hIs rIng IInger beIore
jensen. " aIready have."
"IaII In Iove wIth me aII over agaIn tomorrow. The day aIter that.
Tomorrow."
jared stares at hIm Ior a Iong tIme and Its so curIous that jensen can see
eternIty Iengthen In the eyes oI a human. IInaIIy, jared hoIds out the
watch and hIs wrIst Ior jensen to cIasp It on Ior hIm. "ts a deaI."
At jensens brIght, thoughtIuI smIIe jared decIdes to reward thIs nIce
getaway by not compIaInIng about how he wouId reaIIy rather have a
soda. Or a mIIkshake.
On the menu Is one turkey, tomato, spInach, and cheese sandwIch each
but a Ioad oI raw vegetabIes and Iresh IruIt to IIII them up the rest oI the
way. The sandwIch Is made wIth Iresh baked bread Irom the bakery, and
now that the IIds are open the aroma oI the chocoIate chIp cookIes waIt
out strong, teasIng jareds nose beIore beIng swept away by the sea aIr.
jared suIIers through the raw vegetabIes wIth as Iew compIaInts as he
can manage, overaII touched that hIs husband goes to so many Iengths
to make sure that jared stays on octor SIngers prescrIbed dIet. IIus
jensen brIbes hIm wIth the deIIcIous IruIt-watermeIon, strawberrIes,
honeydew and raspberrIes. And jensen brought whIpped cream,
thankIuIIy, whIch redeems hIm a IIttIe Ior the ceIery (jensen wont
beIIeve hIm that ceIery doesnt have any nutrItIonaI vaIue).
jareds suckIng the sugared IruIt out oI jensens mouth, both oI them so
preoccupIed wIth each others tongues and sharIng the IruIt between
them that jareds just begInnIng to Iorget about the cookIes when
jensen stIIIens. Thats the IIrst IndIcatIon that somethIng dIvIne Is goIng
on and then jared IeeIs the sIckenIng puII oI a gods souI exercIsIng Its
power.
They turn up to the Intruder just as he starts to speak. "Aw, Isnt thIs
just so sIckenIngIy precIous? The matchmaker thats bustIng my baIIs
and my busIness and-who are you, agaIn?" the short man sneers, tIItIng
hIs head.
jared bIInks IncreduIousIy and bIurts out, "IIchard?"
At the same tIme jensen growIs, "ros."
jared turns away Irom IIchard SpeIght jr., jareds matchmakIng
busIness rIvaI (or not so much rIvaI anymore as oI recent months), whos
suddenIy and InexpIIcabIy here wIth them on a beach on the Iar corner oI
Turkey.
"Who?" he asks jensen, puzzIed.
jensen hums In thought. ".CupId," he cIarIIIes. "AphrodItes son."
"Oh," jared nods and turns hIs head back up to IIchard. "That. makes
sense, actuaIIy," he murmurs to hImseII because IIchard Is the head oI
the second bIggest matchmakIng servIce-IosIng out to jareds
reputatIon because IIchards company tends to make more lusty
matches Instead oI Iong term reIatIonshIps.
jared shrugs and turns back to jensen. "Iass the cookIes?"
"OnIy aIter you IInIsh your IruIt."
"jen." jared whInes.
A. IIare comes out oI nowhere, makIng jareds head and stomach spIn
and oh, Iuck, theres that "m dyIng" IeeIIng agaIn.
"You wIII not Ignore me!" IIchard seethes, IIsts cIenched at hIs sIdes.
n a bIInk oI an eye jensen stands beIore IIchard, aIso IIexIng hIs dIvInIty
-Iuck, Its brIght and Ioud and jareds goIng to pass the heII out. "And
you wIII back oII. You cant deIeat me. You cant even contend," jensen
sneers. "Say your pIece and Ieave."
At the command IIchard Iowers hIs petuIance-Induced power up and
jensen backs down as weII.
jared gasps thankIuIIy, the edges oI hIs vIsIon bIack (yeah, he shouId
reaIIy teII jensen about that someday).
IIchard smIIes, tuckIng hIs hands Into hIs pockets, amber eyes gIItterIng
In hIs expressIve Iace. Ies a short man, dwarIed by both jensen and
jared-not onIy In heIght but In muscuIature. Ies not scrawny or
unattractIve, In Iact hes buIIt Ior hIs sIze and handsome II In an unusuaI
way. Ies dressed In a IawaIIan shIrt-pInk and orange set agaInst a
soIId bIue-and khakI cargos. Ies wearIng bIg sungIasses that remInd
jared oI MIamI VIce parodIes.
jared IIghts a grIn at the thought. IIchard mIght Iook smaII and
harmIess, but hes a god, too, and jared IIgures he shouIdnt pIss hIm
oII. Ied reaIIy rather not have to make jensen step In and IIght hIs
battIes Ior hIm.
" came to IadaIeckIs dump because sensed you there, but then you
IeIt so tracked you here. just wanted to Iet you know that Moms
comIng Ior a vIsIt-and shes none too pIeased wIth my competItIon." Ie
shrugs, sIgnIIIcantIy eyeIng jared.
jensen scoIIs as jared sIowIy gets to hIs Ieet to stand next to jensen.
"GettIng Mommy to IIght Ior you agaInst one IIttIe mortaI?"
jared scowIs and bumps shouIders wIth jensen. "Iey, reaIIy? StIII here.
And not IIttIe."
The god oI IIght turns hIs head and Ieers at jared. "Iar Irom It, actuaIIy."
"IsgustIng. You two are dIsgustIng," the other breaks In, sneerIng.
"IeaIIy? Thought you were aII Ior Iove and Iust-and that you had no
probIem wIth a reIatIonshIp between a god and a mortaI," jensen
observes curIousIy.
"WeII, youre an arrogant, too-good bastard and hes InterIerIng wIth my
busIness. And m cooI wIth gods IuckIng around wIth mortaIs, but we aII
know that Iong term reIatIonshIps between the two arent buIIt to Iast,"
IIchard dIsmIsses.
jared stIIIens, eyes wIdenIng, but jensen doesnt aIIow hIm to thInk too
much about IIchards words. Or jensen hopes that reachIng out and
squeezIng hIs husbands hand brIngs hIm back to the here and now
where jensen Ioves hIm more than anythIng.
"Moms actuaIIy the one that sent IacheI to town to Iuck wIth TrueOne,"
IIchard goes on, nonchaIant. "ut you seemed to have succeeded In
runnIng her oII. Shes dIsappeared and neIther Mom nor have heard
Irom her."
jensens eyes wIden and he IeeIs the dIvInIty wIthIn rIse In anger, the
IIght around them snap In warnIng. "You brought IacheI here? You
IooI!"
The god oI Iust roIIs hIs eyes. "IIke saId, Mom dId, technIcaIIy. Whats
the bIg deaI? Shes gone now."
jared IIghts the overwheImIng sensatIon oI jensen usIng the power oI hIs
souI to turn to jensen, brows Iurrowed. "IacheI," he says sIowIy. "Your
sIster?" Ied aImost Iorgotten but shed been mentIoned on the day that
jared met jensens IamIIy. She hadnt even been there and she had
caused a near panIc. CIearIy, she Is a goddess or mythoIogIcaI beIng oI
some sort.
"rIs," jensen suppIIes under hIs breath, preoccupIed and pIssed. Iuck,
what had IIchard and hIs mother done?
When jareds sIIent jensen gIances up at hIs bIank and
uncomprehendIng Iace. rIs Is a Iesser known goddess, he supposes,
whIch Is reaIIy stupId sInce shes one oI the most dangerous. "Iscord,"
he cIarIIIes.
"As In the Trojan War?" jared asks IncreduIousIy, bItIng hIs IIp. jensen
gIves hIm a surprIsed and mIIdIy Impressed Iook so jared shrugs
sheepIshIy. "ve been brushIng up on my Greek hIstory and mythoIogy."
And wIth that thought he turns to IIchard, IrownIng In conIusIon. "ut
your mother-Aphro-" he cuts hImseII oII because, yeah. ts stIII weIrd
to thInk about IIchard who has unresoIved sexuaI tensIon wIth jareds
pubIIc reIatIons person as the son oI the Iamed goddess oI Iove. "Yeah,
your mother wouIdnt work wIth rIs. wouId thInk she wouId have been
InsuIted by rIs beIore wIth the whoIe appIe oI dIscord thIng," jared
IInIshes wIth a vague hand gesture.
"m her son," IIchard says IndIgnantIy IIke It shouId be obvIous. "And
she kInd oI owes me," he adds beIatedIy. "Shes wIIIIng to swaIIow her
prIde." Ie narrows hIs eyes at jared, remarkabIe IIps twIstIng Into a
cocky smIrk. "specIaIIy sInce her spy has reveaIed that thIs partIcuIar
probIem oI mIne Is InadvertentIy oI her own makIng."
jensen Irowns as a memory oI the nIght oI the Graham GaIa surIaces.
"MoIIy," he grunts. " knew It. Or, had suspected." Ie turns to jared.
"MoIIys reaI name Is MeIIssa and shes a nymph and a cIose IrIend and
conIIdante oI AphrodIte-"
"CharIsma," IIchard Interrupts wIth a roII oI hIs eyes. "You mIght as weII
know that shes goIng by CharIsma Carpenter now."
jensen gIares at hIm Ior the InterruptIon. "Anyway, that nIght at the gaIa
-and shes been hangIng around me oII and on ever sInce, askIng aII oI
these questIons. Shes not a very subtIe spy, but dIdnt thInk.
thought she or AphrodIte were aIter me Ior somethIng. dIdnt reaIIze-"
he whIps around, IIexIng hIs power so brIght that the rays oI IIght Irom
the settIng sun IIare aII around them so Its as brIght as noon. t makes
jareds head spIn but not as bad as usuaI.
o, the sIck IeeIIng In hIs stomach Is mostIy Irom the remInder oI MoIIy
SIms, who had a hIstory wIth jensen, who was a nymph, and a cIose
IrIend oI the goddess oj love. And how couId jared compare to that-a
dIvIne beIng oI beauty and sexuaI prowess? t had been one oI the
reasons behInd the breakdown that nIght back In May. The meds had
addIed hIs braIn and made the doubts and InsecurItIes worse, bIackened
them and puIIed jared down Into a depressIon. ut they had onIy made
what was aIready there worse, so at the mentIon oI the nymph he
swaIIows back the bItterness.
AImost as II hes readIng hIs mInd jensen tIghtens hIs grIp on jareds
hand. ts reassurIng and warm. t doesnt take jareds InsecurItIes away
but It queIIs them a IIttIe. Ie has jensen to hImseII Ior now, and jared
thInks that that wIII be aII heII ever need In order to dIe happy.
"ut what does that mean? Why Is AphrodIte aIter jared? esIdes your
damn busIness," jensen Interrogates the other god.
The shorter man shrugs, practIcaIIy bouncIng pIayIuIIy. "I you dont
know aIready then m certaInIy not goIng to ruIn the entertaInment and
teII you," IIchard starts gatherIng hIs power as jensen takes a menacIng
step Iorward.
" dId my cIvIc duty by gIvIng you a heads up that thIngs are about to be
bIown to shIt. At Ieast Ior TrueOne and the Iamous mortaI matchmaker."
"ont you dare-" jensen says, staIkIng Iorward, drawIng hIs own
power.
"ye bye!" IIchard wInks and then hes gone wIth a smaII IIash oI red.
"That IuckIng bastard!"
"jensen? jensen, what dId he mean? Are peopIe-are gods aIter me?
!s?"
jensen shakes hIs head vIgorousIy. "o, jay," he swears, graspIng
jareds other hand.
The young man gIares at hIm, sIIentIy caIIIng hIs buIIshIt and jensen
caves. "Okay, so IamIIy mIght be comIng to vIsIt. ut Its Aphro-
CharIsma, wouId much rather deaI wIth her than IacheI."
Ie Irowns In sympathy at jareds bewIIdered Iook and Ieans up, tryIng
hIs best to kIss It aII away.
"Theres a Iot probabIy need to catch you up on, huh?" jensen asks
soItIy. "m sorry. m sorry to drag you Into thIs-you deserve to IIve Iree
and happy and -"
"jensen?"
".Yeah?"
"Shut up." And jared kIsses hIm hard. "AII reaIIy want to know," he
pants when he puIIs away. "s II were In danger."
"o. ever," jensen says vehementIy. "II never Iet anythIng happen to
you. Youre goIng to IIve and II protect you Ior-Ior Iorever. YouII never
hurt agaIn."
"You cant promIse that. esIdes. m bIg and strong. dont need
protectIng," jared teases gentIy back In a sore attempt to hIde hIs bIush.
" can promIse that. am. And even II you dont need protectIng, need
to do It anyway. ts what want to do."
"Youre amazIng, dId you know that?" jared sIghs IeanIng In cIose.
"ve been toId."
"You asshoIe."
jared kIsses hIm sweet and honest and II thIs Is the treatment asshoIes
get, then jensen wIII be one every day Ior the rest oI exIstence.
The weekend aIter the rather unweIcome vIsIt Irom IIchard, jensen and
jared are at SophIa and Chads house to heIp wIth theIr weddIng pIans.
t onIy conIIrms jareds suspIcIon that SophIa had been waItIng aII oI thIs
tIme to make sure jareds taken care oI beIore she accepted Chad as her
husband. t touches jared but aIso IrrItates hIm-he doesnt need taken
care oI, thank you-but he pushes any dIsgruntIed IeeIIngs asIde In Iavor
oI heIpIng hIs sIster.
SophIa doesnt reaIIy have many gIrI IrIends, just Sandy and AIexIs and
those two gIrIs are more reaIIy nIce acquaIntances that SophIa met
through jared. Though SophIa and jared are both socIaI peopIe, when
theIr mom passed away they had wIthdrawn Into themseIves. WIth very
IIttIe money and no more parentaI support SophIa and jared had to
juggIe schooI and work and IIndIng a pIace to IIve. IetreatIng Irom theIr
socIaI IIves had happened unconscIousIy and out oI necessIty.
And then aIter TrueOne they had a pIace to IIve and tIme oI IeIsure, but
SophIa worked as a nurse, was a IuII tIme IIancee and bIg sIster, and
heIped out at TrueOne on occasIon. So, stIII not a whoIe Iot oI tIme to
make cIose IrIends.
The poInt Is that jared was named Matron oI Ionor, or whatever, and so
hes here to heIp hIs bIg sIster.
Ie dragged jensen aIong to entertaIn Chad and be hIs back up when
two hours pass and SophIa stIII hasnt decIded on the type oI Iont Ior the
InvItatIons.
OI course, jareds pIan compIeteIy IaIIs because jensen-a god-seems
too scared oI jareds teeny bIg sIster to stand up to SophIa. And Chad
has Iong gIven up on tryIng to reason wIth SophIa over certaIn thIngs so
Iour hours Into pIannIng day she stIII hasnt decIded on a Iont or coIor
Ior the InvItatIons. jared keeps tryIng to remInd her that It doesnt
matter what coIor the InvItatIons are because she aIso hasnt narrowed
down a date, a venue, or a IIst oI who to InvIte.
Iow can she be so organIzed and pIan jareds weddIng In the matter oI
days and struggIe so much wIth her own?
At Ieast SophIas decIded to have MIke do the caterIng Ior the receptIon,
and he shouId be here shortIy wIth a menu oI Iood and wInes that
Ieavens VIneyard can do Ior the weddIng.
jensen and Chad have bonded over theIr mutuaI Iear oI SophIa and
weddIng pIans and are now pIayIng vIdeo games (the bastards, Its not
IIke jared wcnts to be pIckIng out IIowers or bouquets or whatever the
heII It Is that hes supposed to be doIng). jared takes comIort In the Iact
that at Ieast Chad Is currentIy trouncIng jensen In GuItar Iero .
ts totaIIy what he gets Ior IeavIng jared aIone In SophIas cIutches.
They hear a bIt oI a scuIIIe at the Iront door and they aII Iook up, Chad
pausIng the game. Chad and SophIa Iook to the door and jared Iooks to
jensen, knowIng that jensen can hear more cIearIy and may even be abIe
to sense who It Is. judgIng by jensens dark, angry scowI he knows theIr
vIsItor.
Chad goes to open the door and as soon as he does MIke pushes hIs way
In, smIIIng brIghtIy wIth a bag oI cIInkIng wIne bottIes and other thIngs
In one hand. n the other hand he has TImothy OIyphant by the scruII oI
hIs coIIar.
"Iey, IoIks," MIke croons cheerIIy. "rought wIne and some Iood to
taste. And caught thIs creeper IurkIng about outsIde."
Ie pushes TImothy Iorward who stumbIes a Iew steps beIore rIghtIng
hImseII, straIghtenIng hIs cIothes and gIarIng at MIke.
"TIm? TImothy, what are you doIng here?" jared asks, puzzIed.
"Iorget that," Chad spIts, bowIng hIs shouIders. "Get the Iuck out oI my
house!"
MIke nods, pIayIuI smIIe stIII puIIIng at hIs IIps. "Yeah, he Iooked IIke a
shady character," he says knowIngIy. "WeII," he cIaps TImothy too hard
on the back. "Guess Its tIme to escort you back out."
"Iet go oI me!" TImothy seethes, evadIng MIkes grasp. "just-just Iet me
say somethIng to jared."
"You IoIIowed hIm here?" SophIa seethes, steppIng up and jensen reaIIy
wants to be In her pIace. Wants to curse TImothy and kIck hIm oII the
edges oI the earth, but jensens Iearned hIs Iesson. ThIs Is jareds battIe
-he can aIready see hIs Iover gettIng agItated that SophIa and Chad are
not even IettIng hIm taIk.
TImothy Ignores SophIa (but jensen notIces that he keeps hIs dIstance-
smart man, at Ieast In that one concern) and Iooks over her and Chads
heads at jared pIeadIngIy.
"Iook, went to your apartment but they saId you werent there
anymore, so Iooked Ior you here-"
"Thats because moved Into a new house wIth my husband," jared
Interrupts, deadpannIng.
TImothy kInd oI paIes and swaIIows nervousIy. "jared, thought-"
"You thought that you stIII had what? Iower over me? You thought that
you stIII had me? And you IoIIowed me here? toId you at the cIub-
youre pathetIc and stupId. Youve Iost your chance and m pretty sure
none oI us want to see you agaIn. So back oII and stay gone."
"jared, baby," the sIImy bastard starts beIore hIs brows Iurrow. "What
cIub? What are you taIkIng about?"
jared roIIs hIs eyes and cant brIng hImseII to IeeI anythIng but contempt
and dIsgust Ior hIs ex. Ie had surprIsed and hurt jared at the gaIa, had
twIsted hIs aIready dark and twIstIng mInd at the nIghtcIub, but now
hes just a nothIng In jareds eyes.
TImothy had aIways represented IarkInsons Isease In jareds mInd-
somethIng that shouId be hIdden, that he shouId never trust anyone
wIth, even hImseII. SomethIng he shouId Ignore or eIse It wouId rIp
everythIng Irom hIm. As jareds come to terms wIth hIs IIIness he IInds
today that hes come to terms wIth TImothy. IookIng at hIs ex doesnt
make hIm nervous, doesnt make hIm want to curI up In on hImseII In
shame. jared IeeIs nothIng.
"ont pIay the Innocent card," jared snaps and Iooks to jensen,
sIgnaIIng wIth a bIInk that Its okay Ior jensen to approach, to stand by
hIm and speak wIth jared now.
jensen muses to hImseII that hes never taken cues Irom a mortaI beIore,
but IInds that he cant compIaIn when It comes to jared. n Iact It IeeIs
good to show oII how theIr reIatIonshIp Is so good and synchronIzed that
they can communIcate wIthout words.
Irom the sIIghtIy IntImIdated and put-oII Iook on TImothys Iace Its cIear
that jared and jensens Iearned harmony shows.
"Iook, just came because oI Mark-"
jared Irowns and Iets the surge oI anger wash over hIm. "Yeah, Iound
out about that, too," he starts caImIy. "Where the Iuck dId you get oII
teIIIng someone you dIdnt even know that was sIck?" jared spIts,
shootIng a gIance at jensen and hopIng hIs husband understands that
he wIII expIaIn Iater. Ie resoIuteIy keeps hImseII Irom IookIng at MIke
who jareds pretty sure doesnt know about the Iact that he has
IarkInsons Isease. jensen conIessed that he toId some oI thIs IamIIy,
though, and jared Is onIy not okay wIth that out oI habIt. Ie spent such
a Iong tIme keepIng It guarded that It IeeIs weIrd and uncomIortabIe Ior
others to know. Iowever, hes not aIraId oI It anymore-at Ieast, not
more than Is heaIthy. And he doesnt care II MIke IInds out.
"Youre stIII sIck!" TImothy crIes out. "ts not past tense. oes AckIes
reaIIze that?" he asks, sendIng a heated gIare at jensen, the angry
tensIon tangIbIe between them. "oes he reaIIze that hes goIng to have
to take care oI an InvaIId In a coupIe oI years?"
"IIke you have come to reaIIze It? You stIII dont understand It."
"ont say that. stIII want you back," TImothy begIns weakIy but jared
shakes hIs head, IIp curIIng as he crosses hIs arms.
"You wanted me back Ior a pubIIcIty stunt! d be the thIrd generatIon
phIIanthropIsts greatest project!"
TImothys mouth moves but no sound comes out and Its aII the
conIIrmatIon jared needs. "o you even know what he dId wIth that
InIormatIon?" jared practIcaIIy shouts, jumpIng back to the topIc oI Mark,
reachIng out and squeezIng jensens hand reassurIngIy, tryIng to
communIcate through touch lm sorry, hold on, lll tell you everything
soon.
"jared," TImothy says, paIned but conIused, and Its cIear that he doesnt
know what hes taIkIng about. "AII know now Is that he has thIs
unheaIthy obsessIon wIth you-wIth, dont know? GettIng revenge on
you Ior humIIIatIng hIm-m not sure. just know that hes a IuckIng
psycho. Ie came by my oIIIce a coupIe oI weeks ago-threatened me to
stay away Irom you. dIdnt thInk anythIng about It and then Ior the past
coupIe oI nIghts. thInk hes IoIIowIng me."
"IIke youre IoIIowIng jared?" jensen cuts In possessIveIy.
"IIne," TImothy spIts. "AII wanted here was to-" he cuts hImseII oII at
jareds dIsgusted Iook but presses on. "Yeah, jare. wanted you back,
OK? And my IntentIons werent-but obvIousIy m out oI the runnIng," he
nods to where jared and jensens hands are joIned.
"You never were In the runnIng," jensen sneers.
TImothy Ieers In jareds dIrectIon. " was Ior Ionger than youd IIke to
admIt, you mean."
"You-" jensen snarIs takIng a step Iorward but jareds desperate grIp
on hIs hand haIts hIm.
"Get to the poInt and get out and never show your Iace agaIn," jared
says menacIngIy and jensen takes a moment Irom the wrath pushIng
agaInst the undersIde oI hIs skIn to observe hIs Iover. TaII and strong,
jaw and head poInted Iorward, shouIders poInted back, bronze skIn and
IIerce eyes.
jareds poIsed IIke a warrIor and jensen cant heIp but thInk that whIIe
he IIkes protectIng jared-wIII aIways want to protect and Iove and
shIeId hIs husband-he rather preIers thIs strong warrIor-IIke Iover, too.
t somehow makes jensen IeeI stronger as weII.
" just wanted to warn you," TImothy starts and jensen takes another
step Iorward. Iow dare he threaten jared?
"asy, down, boy," TImothy snarks beIore IIquId eyes turn to jared.
"About Mark. The Iucker Is crazy and m pretty sure hes staIkIng me.
may not have had the best IntentIons Ior you, but dont want to see you
hurt."
"What you were pIannIng on doIng to me was goIng to hurt me," jared
poInts out soItIy, tryIng to keep the trembIe out oI hIs voIce at just the
thought that TImothy was goIng to use hIm as a pubIIcIty stunt, as an
advertIsement.
"And no one strange has been around us or jared," jensen throws In,
both to get TImothy to shut up and Ieave and aIso to reassure hIs
husband that jensen hadnt sensed or heard anythIng out oI the
ordInary.
Whoever thIs Mark was seemed to pose a greater threat than TImothy
ever dId. jared-both oI them together-shouId be Iree, not wary oI
IurkIng danger In every shadow.
"So, youve saId what youve come here to say and, hey, It was oI no
concern to us anyway. And now Its tIme Ior you to Ieave."
TImothy stIIIens, Iooks IIke hes goIng to protest, but MIke once agaIn
cIasps the scruII oI the coIIar oI the mans crIsp whIte button up.
"Thats my cue," MIke says, havIng aIready set the bag oI caterIng
goodIes asIde and aIready draggIng the other man away. "ot sure how
IIttIe oId me ended up beIng the bouncer oI thIs joInt but Its way past
tIme Ior you to Ieave, man."
"Iet go! can waIk out on my own!" the human seethes, struggIIng
agaInst MIkes hoId.
"You probabIy can, but we dont want you hangIng around anymore,
creeper. So m goIng to make sure youre out oI the neIghborhood."
TImothys curses are the Iast thIngs they hear beIore-wIth a jaunty
wave-MIke gentIy cIoses the door behInd them.
The tensIon and sIIence settIe thIck and heavy over aII oI them. SophIas
huIIIng shakIIy and jared IeeIs a pang oI guIIt so he Iets go oI jensens
hand wIth a smaII smIIe and enguIIs hIs bIg sIster Into hIs arms.
"m so sorry," he murmurs Into her haIr. "ThIs was a day Ior you-Ior you
and Chad and the weddIng. m sorry my probIems came here."
"Shut up, jaybIrd," SophIa huIIs, voIce rough wIth restraIned emotIons.
"ts not IIke you InvIted hIm here."
"o, but shouId have IIstened to you both In the IIrst pIace and never
Iet hIm be part oI my IIIe."
SophIa Ieans back and sIghs. "Thats what IIIe Is Ior-Ior makIng
mIstakes and," she gIances past jared to jensen. "And Ior makIng reaIIy
great choIces, too. ts just, what that bastard was pIannIng II he couId
have gotten back wIth you. t makes me sIck."
t makes jared sIck, too. ven sIcker when he reaIIzes that there was a
strong possIbIIIty that II TImothy came back wantIng jared a year ago
then jared wouId have actuaIIy consIdered takIng hIm back.
IookIng back wIth jensen at hIs sIde now Its strange to reaIIze just how
IoneIy and IuckIng desperate jared used to be.
"m proud oI the way you stood up to hIm, though. Ice job, jaybIrd,"
SophIa grIns up at hIm, eyes sparkIIng as brIght as her dIamond
earrIngs.
Chad snorts abruptIy. " wIsh you wouId have punched hIm."
jared wInks and Iooks over hIs shouIder to jensen. "jensen had that
honor the Iast tIme."
jensen had expected jareds tone to be bItter but when aII he sees Is
grateIuIness and prIde on jareds Iace then jensen reIeases an
unconscIous breath oI reIIeI. ts the IInaI conIIrmatIon that hes been
IorgIven Ior hIs IntrusIon on jareds battIeIIeId on the nIght oI the gaIa.
"t IeIt good, too. kInd oI wanted to do It agaIn. A Iot."
jared steps over to hIm, Ieans down, and kIsses hIm chasteIy. "ext tIme.
promIse."
Ie doesnt thInk that there wIII be a next tIme, but just In case. And he
wouIdnt mInd seeIng jensen hIt TImothy agaIn, aIter aII. jared had been
too pIssed to admIt It at the tIme, but the whoIe thIng had been pretty
IuckIng hot. eneath the dorky Iove oI aII thIngs art and musIc and hIs
seemIngIy arrogant "hands-oII" ways oI doIng most thIngs, jensen was a
IIghter.
jared supposes that shouId be obvIous. jensen does come Irom a tIme
when both the arts and physIcaI strength and IIghtIng prowess were
admIred. StIII, It had been sexy as heII to IInaIIy see the evIdence.
"Ies goIng to have to get back In IIne. Ies aIready had hIs turn," Chad
grouses, makIng jensen chuckIe.
"So, who Is thIs Mark guy?" jensen asks, pretty sure that Its a IegItImate
questIon and an Issue to be prIvy to.
jensens voIce snaps jared out oI GIadIator IantasIes wIth jensen as
IusseII Crowe and just. what?
"What?" jared bIurts, eyes wIde beIore the questIon IInaIIy catches up to
hIm and hIs shouIders sIump.
jensen shoots hIm an IncreduIous Iook. "You cant teII me that hes an ex,
too," he murmurs, amazed, because jared obvIousIy has a thIng Ior
creatIng psycho exes.
Chad snorts, "Mark wIshes he couId be so Iucky."
jared Irowns at hIm beIore turnIng back to jensen. "n short, Mark
IeIIegrIno-you met hIm beIore, the IIrst day that we met. You thought
that we."
"Were makIng out agaInst the waII?" jensen throws In heIpIuIIy.
"You ass. KInd oI Iar Irom It," jared shrugs.
"Oh, thats the day that Mark came In there threatenIng jared. TrIed to
hurt hIm," Chad sIghs.
jared huIIs and turns on the puppy eyes Ior jensen. " totaIIy had the
sItuatIon under controI," he pauses. "ut It Is why we got the securIty
guards."
jensen IeeIs a pang oI guIIt and abhorrence. "Ie was tryIng to hurt you
that day? And just waIked away?"
The humans eyes soIten. "You moron, you couIdnt have known," he
murmurs, reachIng up and runnIng hIs hand down jensens arm.
"Anyway. So, Mark Iound out that had IarkInsons Isease pretty soon
aIter Iound out. never knew how but when was In the hospItaI Mark
paId me a very unwanted vIsIt," hIs eyes dart to SophIa and Chad
because he had negIected to teII them thIs part. "And he toId me that he
Iound out through TImothy."
"That IIttIe shIt. God, want to bash hIs Iace In," Chad groans, staIkIng
Into the kItchen and grabbIng a beer beIore pIoppIng down on to the
couch.
"Anyway. Marks a Iawyer and he saId that he couId get me In to thIs
experImentaI gene therapy- wasnt quaIIIIed, too young, and It was
expensIve. ut he had connectIons and he got me In," jared shrugs. "
guess It was a bad tIme Ior me, thought he was a IrIend. ut,
apparentIy, he was bIackmaIIIng me, whIch dIdnt even know about
untII he came to coIIect one day. WIth, weII," he makes a vague wavIng
gesture. "You know."
jensen doesnt know, but he can guess.
Anger boIIs hIs bIood IIke hes suspended over a cookIng IIre. Iow dare
someone do that to jared-to the one that was made Ior jensen to Iove.
jareds IookIng at hIm wIth pIeadIng eyes and a taut mouth, hIs hands
shakIng subtIy where hes hoIdIng on to jensens arms.
ts a sIIent pIea to not Iet thIs expIode rIght now. jared darts a quIck
gIance at SophIa and he gets It. jared doesnt want to ruIn thIs day
Iurther. SophIa had been heaven sent Ior theIr weddIng-AdrIanne had
been practIcaIIy useIess ("why do you think l would know how to plcn c
wedding?") and SophIa had made It aII happen wIth a seemIng snap oI
her IIngers. jared wants to do that Ior hIs bIg sIster today, not spend the
rest oI theIr tIme dIggIng up the skeIetons In jareds cIoset.
jensen doesnt IIke It and IrankIy he cant heIp but be IrrItated wIth
jared-he IeeIs IIke thIs Is Important InIormatIon that he probabIy shouId
have been toId earIIer-but he aIso understands jareds reIuctance to
darken theIr reIatIonshIp wIth past mIstakes. AIter aII, jensen hasnt toId
jared about the donkey ears.
xcept jensen thInks that jared wouId garner perverse amusement Irom
that partIcuIar taIe. ut there are other Iess amusIng and IavorabIe
thIngs that jensens done as weII.
"Okay," he assures jared, kIssIng hIm on hIs jaw. "WeII taIk about It
Iater. ut have to say, jay. You have the worst Iuck ever," he says wIth a
sad smIIe.
jared chuckIes. "!ntII met you."
" am pretty awesome," jensen wInks.
jared gIances to where the vIdeo game Is stIII on pause. "xcept when It
comes to vIdeo games, apparentIy."
jensen Irowns and hIs husband cIaps hIm consoIIngIy on hIs shouIder.
"WhIch Is IIne. We can swItch pIaces Ior a Iew mInutes. You heIp SophIa
wIth the InvItatIons and get a break."
"What?" jensen practIcaIIy squeaks. "o, dont want to-"
"Youre the artIst. Or the one wIth an eye Ior art. Youre reaIIy best In
thIs sItuatIon," jared nods somberIy.
SophIa, who had returned to the tabIe, perks up. "Oh, jensen! Youre an
artIst? Come here, need your expertIse!" she demands.
jensen Iooks up at jared, strIcken, and jared just Iaughs under hIs
breath at the god. "ont worry, II save your score on GuItar Iero."
They meet on the top oI the ank Tower. jake Iooks. IrrItated.
"SerIousIy, It somehow aIways surprIses me how dIIIIcuIt It Is deaIIng
wIth that Iame Iucker," jake seethes.
" take It that you dIdnt IInd anythIng out Irom Iephaestus?"
"Ie saId It wasnt any oI my damn busIness," the messenger seethes. "
toId hIm that IacheI couId be up to no good, that It couId eventuaIIy
InvoIve hIm, and you know what he saId? Iet It! Iet It, he saId, IIke Its no
bIg deaI that the Iast tIme someone dIdnt stop her Iuckery too many
humans dIed. And dont IIke thIs, dont IIke that IrederIcs weapons
are mIssIng and he seems cooI about It."
"What about Iersephone-rIc, rIght?" jensen asks suddenIy. "SureIy
he."
"rIc has been IrrItatIngIy IoyaI to IrederIc In the past coupIe oI
centurIes. thInk hes actuaIIy begInnIng to IIke It down there. And he
Ioves the bastard. ts Ireaky and dIsturbIng but Its actuaI Iove. So hes
not goIng to taIk."
"ut dont want to Iet thIs go, eIther. taIked to the others two nIghts
ago-IoIIy MarIe came and she doesnt thInk Its wIse to Iet It go, eIther.
ven though we havent IeIt IacheI In. weII, severaI weeks now."
"ut II she has the IeIm you wouIdnt IeeI her. She couId be here rIght
now and we wouIdnt know," hIs younger brother poInts out, eyes
determInedIy crackIIng IIke IIre. " have to go to the underworId agaIn.
Snoop around Tartarus myseII."
"What?" jensen barks IncreduIousIy. "Iave you Iorgotten what he dId to
you Iast tIme? You cant go back there, heII IeeI you and come aIter you.
just because you have passage there doesnt mean he has to Iet you In,"
he remInds.
" know that, and have ways oI beIng too Iast Ior IrederIc to catch me.
esIdes, m under jeIIs jurIsdIctIon. I do get caught-whIch wont-
then jeII wIII have to Intervene."
"Ie doesnt have to and II he does he mIght not succeed. Tartarus Is
IrederIcs reaIm, the brothers dont have any InIIuence there, and he
cIIngs to that Iact Ior hIs sanIty."
The younger god groans, practIcaIIy stompIng hIs Ioot. "Id you eat your
negatIve nachos today or somethIng?" jensen raIses IncreduIous brows
because negatIve nachos, reaIIy? ut jake goes on. "o you not want to
IIgure out what IacheI Is up to beIore she has you and jared by your
baIIs?"
"OI course do!" jensen excIaIms, pacIng. "ut the rIsk, jake. SureIy
theres another way-we can taIk to IoIIy MarIe."
"I she knew oI another way she wouId have aIready suggested It," he
Interrupts and jensen cant deny the truth oI that IogIc. "GoIng to jeII
IIrst dIdnt heIp- knew It wouIdnt because we have no prooj. ThIs Is
the onIy way. II be IIne. m wIIIIng to do thIs-not onIy Ior you but Ior
me as weII. IIke my IIIe the way It Is and wouId rather not IacheI
compIIcate It or make It bIoody."
"Shes aIready doIng that," jensen poInts out, unheIpIuIIy.
jake roIIs hIs eyes. "My poInt exactIy," he grumbIes beIore dIsappearIng
wIth a haII-hearted wave.
n juIy, the IIrst week-the day beIore the Iourth, actuaIIy, Is when jared
hears It on the news.
ts Saturday mornIng and jensen had aIready IeIt to meet wIth jake
about somethIng. SomethIng about weapons? jared had been too cranky
and tIred to care about what jensen had taIked about. Ie was takIng hIs
medIcInes but sometImes the Ievodopa doesnt seem to work, known as
"oII" perIods. To oIIset the probIem octor eaver had prescrIbed
Apokyn InjectIons to take durIng the "oII" perIods.
The Apokyn makes hIm IeeI dIsgustIng. t makes hIm sIck to hIs stomach
and gIves hIm vIvId nIghtmares. ts aIso one oI the meds that can cause
haIIucInatIons as a sIde eIIect and whIIe he hasnt had one hIs head Is
cottony wIth the medIcatIon, cottony and sIow but somehow wIth a vIvId
ImagInatIon and wanderIng thought processes. ts hard to descrIbe but
jareds awake, he can taIk and Interact wIth the worId, but he IeeIs
vaporous on the InsIde and the pIctures reeIIng In hIs head, just behInd
the part thats teIIIng hIm that hes awake and he shouId partIcIpate In
the conversatIons wIth jensen and hIs IamIIy and the cIIents, are IIke
hes dream-wakIng-waIkIng. reamIng whIIe awake and IunctIonIng.
WeII. Ie Iound hIs keys In the coIIee pot Iast nIght. So mostIy
IunctIonIng.
ts Saturday mornIng and he shouId be gettIng the house ready or at
Ieast goIng to the market to get the Iood Ior the cook out tomorrow.
ut hes sIttIng on the couch, IIIppIng through the channeIs because
Looney Tunes just went oII oI Cartoon etwork. Ie thInks about
watchIng Fower Rcngers: Dino Thunder but remembers that jensen has a
habIt oI just poppIng In and he doesnt want hIs husband to catch hIm
watchIng a show wIth such terrIbIe dIaIogue and IIght sequences (the
Iact that Its a kids show shouIdnt aIIect the quaIIty). Ie has a soggy
bowI oI IruIty IebbIes (contraband sInce jared Isnt aIIowed to have so
much ad Ior You In one meaI, so jareds hIdden the box behInd the
entertaInment center Ior mornIngs such as thIs).
Too bad hIs appetIte sucks so bad rIght now.
When he IIIps through the IocaI news channeI, he hears It.
"n breakIng news, bIIIIonaIre phIIanthropIst oI the Graham Trust,
TImothy OIyphant, was Iound dead just hours ago. Stabbed to death
outsIde hIs home, poIIce have no wItnesses and no Ieads. CIose IamIIy to
TImothy saId that there was no one that heId a grudge agaInst hIm.
IoIIce specuIate that thIs Is a random and vIoIent act, but there wIII not
be an oIIIcIaI press reIease untII tomorrow."
jared stares at the teIevIsIon numbIy, unabIe to Iook away, Ior the next
hour. othIng new crops up about TImothy, just an endIess Ioop oI the
same pIctures and the poIIceman that reported the crIme over the
speakers.
IIs phone vIbrates In rapId successIon wIth two texts messages. Ie
numbIy pIcks It up. The IIrst one Is Irom jensen.
Chris just scw the news cnd told me. lm on my wcy. Are you OK?
The next one Is not Irom jensen. nstead oI a number It just says,
"unknown".
Revenge is sweet. Ackles is next. No one ccn hcve you but me.
"Oh my God," jared gasps, trembIIng.
Thats about the tIme that jensen appears Into the room, hIs eyes wIde.
"Iuck, jay. Are you OK? mean, know he was a bastard, but he."
Ie traIIs oII, not sure what to say. jensen couId care Iess about TImothy
or hIs death-just another death oI a mortaI. Another souI possIbIy
bound Ior Tartarus-certaInIy not the IysIan IIeIds. And he knows that
jared hated the guy, but he once thought he Ioved TImothy as weII.
ut jared Is paIe, hands shakIng, a sIIght sweat on hIs Iorehead.
"KaIos, gods, are you OK? IIease, say somethIng."
". It." lt wcs Mcrk Is on the tIp oI hIs tongue. TImothys warnIng a
coupIe oI weeks ago combIned wIth the text message. It has to be
Mark.
t gets cIogged In hIs throat, though. Ie cant say It Ior some reason. ot
untII jensen sIts next to hIm on the couch, curIs one arm around hIs
shouIders and brIngs jared In, pettIng hIs haIr and pepperIng rough-IIp
kIsses onto jareds Iorehead.
Ie gentIy and sIowIy takes jareds phone away Irom hIm and reads the
message stIII gIowIng on the screen.
jensen reads the whoIe thIng, at Ieast a hundred tImes over, but aII It
comes down to In hIs braIn Is "no one ccn hcve you but me".
"jared?" he croaks and now hes shakIng. Oh, IuckIng heII. Someone Is
aIter peopIe around jared, and whIIe jensen Isnt worrIed about hImseII
thIs psycho couId go aIter SophIa or Chad. Or worse, jared hImseII.
"ts Mark," jared rasps out. "m. m sure. TImothy trIed to warn us,
trIed to ask Ior heIp-"
"Ie dIdnt ask Ior heIp," jensen Interrupts IIrmIy. "Ie came here Ior a Iot
oI thIngs that nIght, but heIp wasnt one oI them."
"Oh, God," jared carrIes on, heavIng out a dry, panIcked sob. "Oh, God.
hated hIm, dId. Ie was nothIng. ut he was human and he dIdnt
deserve-oh, God. ThIs Is aII my IauIt."
"o," jensen InsIsts vehementIy. "o, thIs Is so Iar Irom your IauIt. ts
that psycho IeIIegrIno. jared-jay you have to IIsten to me, kaIos. ThIs
Isnt your IauIt," he repeats, droppIng the phone to the IIoor.
"SaId youre next," the young man mumbIes breathIIy, chIIIs and anger
runnIng through hIs body at the thought oI someone threatenIng
jensen.
" know, saw. ut jared, you dont have to worry about me. m a god-
no mortaI and no ImmortaI can harm me. ot IIke TImothy was hurt.
jared, swear. m goIng to be IIne and thIs Isnt your IauIt."
jared doesnt cry-hes too stunned, maybe. Or maybe hes a IuckIng
bastard who deserves worse than death Ior ever IdIy wIshIng that
TImothy was dead because-because now he Is and Its aII jareds IauIt.
Ie caIIs the poIIce on Saturday aIter caIms down enough to carry on a
coherent conversatIon. t Is hard teIIIng the poIIce about TImothy and
Mark and theIr InvoIvement wIth jared but he has to-he has to take
actIon now beIore Mark (hes pretty sure that Its Mark) kIIIs someone
eIse cIose to jared.
ut theres just not enough hard evIdence, the poIIce say. TImothy came
to them cIaImIng that Mark was staIkIng hIm but he dIdnt say anythIng
about beIng threatened or needIng heIp. And the text to jared was
untraceabIe so It couIdnt be proved that It was Irom Mark. The poIIce
post a "be on the Iook out" Ior Mark IeIIegrIno anyway.
Sunday evenIng comes and goes and stIII no one has seen oI or heard
Irom Mark sInce beIore TImothys death. The poIIce cant IInd hIm. IIs
secretary has no cIue where he went. ts IIke he dIsappeared oII oI the
Iace oI the earth.
On Monday mornIng hes sIck to hIs stomach and hovers over the toIIet
Ior about an hour, wIth jensen hoverIng over hIm-untII jared snaps at
hIm Ior some space, that Is, and then jensen hovers at the doorway,
whIch Is better because jared had ImmedIateIy regretted snappIng and
dIdnt want jensen to Ieave at aII.
ts on hIs way out oI the bathroom that the haIIucInatIon happens. OI
course he doesnt know that Its a haIIucInatIon at IIrst. verythIng tIIts,
hIs head Is cotton and hIs eyes are heavy. Ies just waIkIng out oI the
bathroom and the worId kInd oI sways-shIIts, maybe-and then some oI
those vIvIdIy duII pIctures behInd the wakIng part oI hIs braIn Is
suddenIy there.
SuddenIy jareds ankIe deep In coId water, It sounds IIke hes In a tunneI,
everythIngs dIstorted.
A body IIoats by, bumps jareds shIn. ts bIoated and IaceIess, bIue, wIth
Its Iegs cut oII at the knees.
jared screams. And screams and screams, unabIe to Iook away Irom the
body. The IaceIess body wIth wIde eyes.
The worId shIIts agaIn and he comes to In jensens arms. Theyre both
on theIr knees on the IIoor and wIthout thInkIng or IookIng jared
screams agaIn because theyre on the IIoor-knee deep In murky water
wIth IIoatIng bodIes and oh, God.
jensen must do hIs teIeportIng thIng agaIn because they make It just In
tIme to the toIIet Ior jared to reaIIy throw up, Iong and hard and chokIng
and panIckIng because hes chokIng and cant breathe-
Ie comes to beneath the sheets oI hIs bed wIth jensen wrapped around
hIm, sIngIng a Greek IuIIaby to hIm.
l mcke (the sound) e e e .
Ncni (my bcby) ncni ncni
cnd wherever it hurts will hecl.
Ncni to my bcby, whom l enjoy
cs the olive oj its lecj.
As the little birds oj the wcter
cnd the mountcins oj the sun.
Eeee
"m sorry," jensen says when jareds eyes are IuIIy open. Ie swaIIows
hard and grIps jared to hIm tIghter because whatever the heII had
happened earIIer had been IrIghtenIng. t had been IIke jared was dyIng
-screamIng bIoody murder, gettIng sIck, chokIng hImseII on panIc,
tryIng to scream agaIn even though he couIdnt breathe.
". heaIed your nausea and reIaxed your Iungs when you were-Iuck,
kaIos," he breaks oII, vuInerabIe. Ie takes a breath, shorIng up hIs
strength. "You were In so much paIn, panIckIng- was panIckIng
because dIdnt understand. So knew that your stomach and chest
were hurtIng so reached out and soothed them. And then you just.
Iost conscIousness. -you were breathIng and your heart beat was IIne.
aImost caIIed SophIa- was about to because Its been IIIteen mInutes
and you werent wakIng up. m so sorry, thInk dId It-made you pass
out, was onIy tryIng to heIp-"
"jen," jared croaks and wInces because he stIII tastes the bIIe on hIs
desert dry tongue. The god Iooks IIke anythIng but a god at the moment
-wIde-eyed and vuInerabIe, IIp bItten to shreds and stark wrInkIes and
worry IInes between hIs brows.
"m sorry, jared. IIease be aIrIght," hIs husband keeps babbIIng,
unshed tears gIItterIng In hIs eyes.
"OK," jared trIes, hIs voIce dIggIng IIke hooks Into hIs dry throat. Ie IIcks
hIs IIps, whIch doesnt reaIIy heIp so much and trIes agaIn. "ts OK,
thank you. was panIckIng-and - IeeI better now, anyway. TIred,
though. Shaky."
"Oh, thank you, thank you," jensen whIspers to hImseII IIke a prayer,
kIssIng jareds Iorehead and wrappIng hIs Iegs around jareds hIp.
"What happened, kaIos? You were IeeIIng a IIttIe sIck and then you were
just screamIng and couIdnt get your attentIon."
AgaIn jared IeeIs an overwheImIng tIde oI guIIt. jareds brought thIs god
down wIth hIm, made jensen experIence sIckness and dIsease and IIIness
In a way that he wouId have never been prIvy to II jared wouId have just
IeIt hIm aIone.
ut jared dIdnt, because hes a seIIIsh son oI a gun, and he kept jensen.
And now hes makIng a god suIIer emotIonaIIy. jared just contInues to
hurt others.
Ie IIcks hIs IIps agaIn, Iorces hImseII to at Ieast try and thInk straIght.
"IaIIucInatIon," he whIspers numbIy, aIraId to say It too Ioud In case he
caIIs It back.
"Oh, kaIos," jensen knows hIs voIce sounds as broken as jared Iooks-
paIe wIth bruIsed eyes, cracked IIps, and a sheen oI sweat on hIs
Iorehead.
" aIways dream oI weIIs and tunneIs, dont know why." jared traIIs oII
and thInks you licr. Ies pretty sure Its because oI the souIs he hears.
ts IIke he can hear the musIc oI peopIes souIs through a tunneI, or IIke
hes at the bottom oI a weII and theyre at the top IookIng down but
never reachIng hIm. The Image has aIways haunted hIm and hIs dreams
because unIess he cuts hImseII oII Irom cIvIIIzatIon totaIIy he can never
go a day wIthout hearIng souIs through the tunneI-IIke dIstortIon.
"And water, the water In a weII or a tunneI. thInk. because oI
TImothy," he breaks oII agaIn, swaIIows, and contInues hoarseIy. " came
out oI the bathroom and there was water on the IIoor-to my ankIes,
maybe hIgher. couId IeeI It, jensen. t was coId and. just coId and sIck.
And then a body, jen. -It dIdnt have a Iace but Its Iegs and Its eyes-"
Ie breaks oII In a dry whIne and suddenIy jensen Is jostIIng hIm Into a
sIttIng posItIon and pokIng a straw between hIs IIps. jared doesnt know
where the heII the got the Ice water nor does he care. t IeeIs amazIng
though-cIean and wet and cooI on hIs tongue and throat. jensen took
hIs nausea away so when the cooI water hIts hIs emptIed stomach Its
unpIeasant but doesnt make hIm sIck, thankIuIIy.
When hes done jensen sets It asIde and moves them back down the bed,
IIItIng the covers over theIr heads so that jared cant see anythIng but
jensen. Cant IeeI anythIng but hIm. jareds aware that hIs breath
probabIy reeks but hes just too tIred to do anythIng about It.
"There has to be another medIcIne," jensen sIghs wearIIy. "That doesnt
cause these terrIbIe sIde eIIects. What II you were somewhere eIse?
rIvIng? Or waIkIng to work or runnIng the dogs?"
SomethIng sInewy In jareds chest snaps and he trembIes wIth the
reverberatIon. "jensen."
" know youre capabIe, kaIos. know that youre young and beautIIuI
and strong and you have a Iong tIme to go beIore they start yankIng
away your drIvers IIcense. ut thIs Isnt your IauIt-or the IarkInsons
advancIng or anythIng IIke that. ThIs Is the medIcIne thats doIng thIs to
you. There has to be. another optIon. A therapy or surgery or."
"jen?" jared asks, stomach startIng to roII as II It wouId be sIck agaIn.
"Yeah?"
"Can you. try to IIx me Iater? m. dont reaIIy IeeI IIke." he traIIs oII,
unsure on how to IInIsh.
"You tIred?"
"IeII, no. dont want to sIeep. t mIght come back In my dreams. just.
want to Iay here. StIII and quIet. Or at Ieast not taIkIng about. my head
hurts," jensen reaches across and jared IeeIs the puII oI hIs Iovers
power beIore the ache In hIs head eases. "And stomach agaIn," jared
croaks. "Sorry," because he IeeIs IIke hes usIng jensen but It hurt so
bad earIIer and he doesnt want to revIsIt that IeeIIng any tIme soon.
"ts OK, kaIos. understand," jensen hushes.
" dont IeeI very kaIos," the young man murmurs.
jensen chuckIes soItIy at jareds bIatant massacre oI Greek grammar.
jared Iets the sound wash over hIm and rejuvenate hIm.
"ut you are. Youre strong. And thats very kaIos."
jared Isnt sIeepy but he cant keep hIs eyes open so he doesnt say
anythIng eIse, just presses hIs Iorehead to jensens body and Iays there
under the covers wIth hIs husband, breathIng In hIs skIn and smeII and
Iove and devotIon.
jared drIIts oII to not-sIeep but not-awake wrapped up In the IeeIIng oI
the endIess IIIe thrummIng wIthIn hIs husband.
The haIIucInatIon was Monday, so Monday was shot to heII except jared
was abIe to get In wIth octor eaver Iate In the aIternoon. Ie backed
oII on the dosage oI Apokyn and jared IeIt ImmenseIy better on Tuesday
mornIng (though, that mIght be the ceIebratory mornIng sex Ior a
mornIng wIthout nausea or shaky hands-jensens reward system Is
brIIIIant, jareds never IeIt thIs good or stayed on hIs medIcIne thIs
reguIarIy sInce he was dIagnosed).
Ies not reaIIy payIng attentIon when he gets oII oI the bus (he actuaIIy
IIkes the bus sometImes, whIch weIrds jensen out). ThIs mornIng jensen
Is at StanIord. Ies been behInd the project oI erectIng a new buIIdIng
on campus-an actuaI and IegItImate museum just Ior the students art.
ventuaIIy he wouId IIke It to be run by students-a IuII staII actIng as
curators, Iund-raIsers, organIzers, and so on. Ie wouId IIke the museum
to not restrIcted to art students but any pIeces Irom any major couId be
pIaced under the scrutInIzIng eyes oI a student board.
ts an amazIng Idea and jensen has been gIowIng wIth the compIetIon oI
the project drawIng near. The IIrst show opens In a Iew days and jensen
has to be there as Iunder, pIanner, and reaIIy just the Ig Guy behInd
the entIre thIng.
So jareds just not reaIIy payIng attentIon and so he overIooks the swarm
oI cameras gathered IIke a dark cIoud oI mosquItoes outsIde the
entrance oI TrueOne untII hes rIght on top oI them. Ie Ireezes a Iew
steps away, too stunned to move Iurther. The press turn as one and
crowd about hIm, buzzIng wIth questIons and shovIng the cameras and
recorders Into hIs Iace.
Ior a second jared draws In on hImseII beIore pushIng to hIs IuII heIght,
whIch Is shouIders or a head above most oI the madness. Ie sIowIy
pushes Iorward, not commentIng, eyes ahead at the doors oI Ieavens
VIneyard where hIs TrueOne empIoyees-IncIudIng Chad-are IookIng
out at the whoIe thIng wIth paIe Iaces and wIde, surprIsed eyes.
"Mr. Fcdclecki, cny words on the thouscnds oj complcints coming in jrom
jormer TrueOne clients?"
"Mr. IadaIeckI, do you want to comment on the recent spIke oI dIvorce
papers ordered by your Iormer cIIents?"
"Mr. IadaIeckI, whats the Iuture oI TrueOne?"
"Mr. IadaIeckI, do you thInk that youII Iose IundIng?"
The questIons make jared pause, wIde-eyed, because sureIy hes hearIng
them wrong. Ied thought the press had IInaIIy Iound out about jensen
AckIes secret marrIage and new husband.
ut TrueOne? IIs cIIents? What?
ts IIke the paparazzI sense hIs moment oI IndecIsIon because they
descend on hIm, pressIng In ImpossIbIy cIose, so cIose that jared IeeIs
IIke he mIght suIIocate or be bIInded by the dozens oI rapId-IIre brIght
IIashes. Ie trIes to waIk through them but they dont move out oI hIs
way IIke beIore.
And then Gabe and Chad are at hIs sIdes and together they push agaInst
the crowd, a IIne oI Iorce, and when the break Iree they make a run Ior
the gIass doors to Ieavens VIneyard.
They scatter away Irom doors and wIndows and reconvene In jareds
oIIIce. Mark Sheppard Iooks decIdedIy pIssed whIIe the others-
IncIudIng jared-remaIn wIde-eyed, paIe, and conIused.
"Guys," jared asks soItIy, numbIy. "What was that?"
"o you not know what a phone Is Ior?" Chad snaps Instead. "ve been
caIIIng you aII mornIng, tryIng to get you to stay away."
"o," jared shakes hIs head, reachIng Into hIs pocket and brandIshIng
hIs phone. "ve had It on and wIth me aII mornIng. t hasnt rung." he
gIances down and sees twenty mIssed caIIs and about IIIty unopened
text messages, some oI them datIng Irom Iast nIght.
"What?" jared asks hImseII, bewIIdered. "ut used my phone Iast nIght.
And thIs mornIng. t hasnt rung, swear," he grumbIes, doubIe-checkIng
the voIume beIore scroIIIng through the mIssed caIIs and messages.
Most oI them are Irom Iormer cIIents that he was cIose enough wIth to
gIve hIs ceII number to.
"t doesnt matter now," Sheppard grouses. "ecause youre here and
were bIoody stuck wIth a company thats goIng to dIe In the matter oI
days II we dont do somethIng."
"ut whats happenIng?" jared excIaIms, Irustrated. "They were taIkIng
about cIIents beIng unsatIsIIed-askIng Ior dIvorce? Guys, how Iong has
thIs been goIng on?"
Chad sIghs expIosIveIy and motIons to jareds desk and computer. "ot
too Iong, but a coupIe oI days. t started over the weekend. WeII, on
Sunday. And sInce none oI us are here on Sunday we dIdnt know about
It. ut got the emaIIs on Monday-"
"And you dIdnt teII me?" jared snaps. Chad narrows hIs eyes, crossIng
hIs arms.
"You were havIng a bad day," Chad spIts back. "Sorry II dIdnt want to
make It worse, or gIve you a reason to come In when you shouId have
stayed home."
jared sIghs, unconscIousIy bIowIng the bangs out oI hIs eyes. Chad was
rIght. I Chad had caIIed hIm wIth these probIems on Monday It wouId
have made jared IeeI worse-wouId have made hIm want to go Into work
when he wasnt physIcaIIy abIe. "IIne," he acquIesces. "Youre rIght. So
teII me whats happenIng."
"AccordIng to bIondIe here," Sheppard throws In, voIce rough and accent
thIck. gnorIng Chads IndIgnant "hey!", he goes on. "maIIs and caIIs
started trIckIIng In a coupIe oI days ago. Ten and twenty In an hour or
two at IIrst, but now Its by the hundreds every hour."
"The servers are overwheImed," Gabe oIIers, hIs haIr a mess Irom where
hes been puIIIng on It. "y emaIIs and compIaInts and what Iooks IIke
vIruses sent Irom partIcuIarIy dIsgruntIed cIIents," he groans, pInchIng
the brIdge oI hIs nose. "And at the same tIme the TrueOne websIte Is
vIrtuaIIy dead. AImost no new appIIcatIons-whIch ve never seen
somethIng IIke that sInce started workIng here-and messages sent
between onIIne cIIents are aII about how TrueOne Is a scam and It
doesnt work and how theyre comIng to hate theIr matches." he traIIs
oII, Iace IuII oI regret and mIspIaced guIIt.
"ut thats ImpossIbIe," jared murmurs to hImseII. IIs souI-hearIng thIng
has never been a scIence, and yes most tImes he IeeIs IIke hes
absoIuteIy crazy. ut he knows that what he sees-what he hears-are
souI mates caIIIng out Ior one another, and when theyre cIose he can
see the phantom red strIng connectIng them.
SouI mates are more a myth than anythIng, but Irom taII Iegends to semI-
proIessIonaI specuIatIon-jareds read It aII-It shouId be ImpossIbIe Ior
souI mates to even IIght wIth such an IntensIty that they want to
separate. t shouId be ImpossIbIe Ior souI mates to separate at aII.
"mpossIbIe or not," Sandy says gentIy. "We have to IInd a way to heIp
these peopIe-our cIIents. Theyre obvIousIy goIng through a hard tIme."
"And weve got to IInd a way to keep our names Irom sInkIng
permanentIy Into the cesspIt outsIde oI our doors. ecause II that
happens even II TrueOne does manage to recover weII never be at our
Iormer reputatIon II the press has too Iong to drag thIs company through
the proverbIaI mud. WeII aIways be Iooked on wIth specuIatIon and
doubt. tII aIIect everythIng Irom our markets to our servIces," Sheppard
poInts out.
"IIght," jared murmurs, resIstIng the urge to sIt down and bury hIs Iace
In hIs arms and hIde Irom the worId. Or Irom caIIIng jensen and crawIIng
back Into bed wIth hIm and IorgettIng that thIs day ever happened. "So,
damage controI."
Theyre aII quIet Ior a Iew moments where jared runs a hand through hIs
haIr. "Iow do we go about It?" he dIrects at Sheppard. "What shouId we
do?"
"t beats the Iuck out oI me," the short man deadpans bIuntIy. "ut Its
got to be Iast. d suggest that you do some damage controI wIth some oI
the Iormer cIIents-caII the ones youre supposed to meet wIth thIs week
and assure them that everythIngs under controI."
Sandy scowIs at hIm. "ut everythIng Is not under controI."
"ts so precIous how youre just now catchIng on," Sheppard bItes back,
makIng Sandy IIInch, her sweet Iace breakIng Into anger.
"nough!" jared beIIows. "ts bad enough that everyone eIse seems to
have Iost theIr IuckIng mInds, dont need you guys to joIn them eIther."
"Anyway," Sheppard goes on. "You two work on the Iormer cIIents youre
cIose to and the ones that have appoIntments Ior the next coupIe oI
weeks," he commands, noddIng at jared and Chad.
"And you two," he goes on, turnIng to Gabe and KrIstIn. "You two work
on cIearIng up those servers. We cant do damage controI and show that
were not goIng to be hurt Irom thIs II our websIte crashes." The two
nod, KrIstIns pretty Iace drawn Into determInatIon whIIe Gabe saIutes
Sheppard IIke hes a commandIng oIIIcer.
"And you?" jared cuts In. "Iow are you goIng to handIe the press? Our
contracts wIth the marketIng companIes?"
"WeII, weve got to work on a statement," Sheppard motIons between
jared and hImseII. "And II do my best to keep our marketIng contracts
Irom abandonIng what Iooks IIke a sInkIng shIp. I we can get the press
oII oI our backs Ior a Iew days that wIII heIp."
"And," GenevIeve poInts out, IookIng genuIneIy paIned and somber.
"ver sInce we termInated our contract wIth IeIIegrIno and company, we
dont have a Iawyer. m thInkIng that were goIng to need one."
jared groans, rappIng hIs knuckIes agaInst hIs Iorehead. Iuck, hed Iet
that probIem go on too Iong. "o you have any Ideas?" he asks, IookIng
at GenevIeve but the dIrectIng the questIon to any oI them.
" do," GenevIeve murmurs, tIItIng her head. "A coupIe oI Ideas, actuaIIy.
need to do research IIrst. can have It narrowed down and ready Ior
you In an hour."
jared nods, smIIIng at her, rememberIng why he hIred her In the IIrst
pIace. She was good and eIIIcIent and hes reIIeved that thIs sIde oI her
surIaces when they need It most. "That sounds perIect, GenevIeve.
Thank you."
Ie turns to address them aII. "OK," jared sIghs and smIIes watery at hIs
empIoyees and IrIends. " know Its scary but somethIng Is. somethIng
Is. weII, weve seen these peopIe when they got together. We aII know
that they were happy once. We do good busIness here and someones
messIng wIth that. So, Iets get everythIng back under our controI so we
can get back to work as soon as possIbIe."
The group nods. Sheppard promIses to be back In IIve mInutes so that
they can work on a press statement. Chad dIsappears to hIs computer to
start caIIIng and emaIIIng the cIIents that are supposed to have
appoIntments today and the rest oI the week.
"ShouId canceI Ior today?" Chad asks over hIs shouIder.
"Yeah-uhm, no. WeII, canceI the appoIntments untII Iunch and II the
press Is stIII outsIde weII canceI the rest oI the day, too. dont want our
cIIents to have to IIght through that mess."
"Gotchya, boss," Chad hoIIers Irom hIs desk, aIready busy.
n the meantIme jared boots up hIs computer and checks hIs emaII and
Gabe wasnt kIddIng. The servers are so Ioaded that theyre crawIIng-It
takes too many mInutes Ior jared to even puII up hIs emaII. IIs Inbox Is
packed and when he trIes to open one oI the emaIIs the computer
Ireezes.
SIghIng, he turns to hIs phone, pressIng pIay back messages. The Iourth
one makes hIs bIood Ireeze. ts AIona TaI who he paIred wIth KatIe
CassIdy. They had proposed to each other not too Iong ago. The Iast
tIme jared had seen them had been at TrueOnes ew Years party-
theyd been so happy, so drunk oII oI each other and theIr Iove-but hed
exchanged a Iew emaIIs wIth them sInce then.
"]cred?" AIonas voIce trembIes wIth tears. "]cred, l dont think its going
to work out with Kctie. lve never. never been so misercble in my lije. l.
hcte her. And l think she hctes me worse. ]cred, l dont think theres cnyone
out here jor me cjter cll."
That nIght jareds so restIess that jensen takes hIm out to the oId
theatre where they had theIr IIrst date. They pIay Underworld-mIndIess
vampIres and werewoIves and vIoIence and sex-but It stIII doesnt ease
jareds constantIy overturnIng mInd.
"KaIos, sometImes peopIe break up or dont get aIong," jensen oIIers
eventuaIIy. jared gIares at hIm and jensen shrugs. "OK, Its not normaI
that Its hundred oI thousands oI peopIe that youve set up havIng
probIems at the same tIme and somethIngs weIrd about that. ut you
cant worry about peopIe IIghtIng or havIng reIatIonshIp probIems."
"ut thats exactIy why m worrIed," jared sIghs. "veryone ve set up
are souI mates. IIghtIng Is okay, but dIvorce papers? ThInkIng that
theres no one out there Ior them? Thats. that shouIdnt be possIbIe,
jensen. SouI mates shouIdnt be abIe to be separated. Or at Ieast It
shouId be hard Ior them to separate themseIves."
jensens sIIence Is heavy and measured. Ies goIng to say somethIng,
but hes thInkIng about It. And when moments turn Into mInutes jared
ImpatIentIy takes hIs eyes oII a dIzzy and dark IIght scene In the subway
to turn to jensen and peer at hIm In the dImness.
"jay," jensen says careIuIIy. "m not sayIng that souI mates arent reaI
because they are-even gods know that. thInk Steve and ChrIs are souI
mates-"
"They are," jared oIIers absentIy. "Tom and MIke, too."
"Anyway. ut Its rare Ior a souI mate to IInd the other-sometImes souI
mates arent even aIIve at the same tIme. What m sayIng Is that youre a
great matchmaker and m sure the peopIe you match do Iove each other,
but Its ImpossIbIe Ior aII oI them to be souI mates," he says gentIy,
wIndIng hIs warms IIngers In between jareds, soItIy supportIng hIm.
jensen watches hIm Ior a Iong tIme, waItIng Ior a response, but jared
doesnt gIve one. The onIy expIanatIon wouId be the Iong story about
how he can hear souIs and see souI mates and aIter the whoIe IIasco at
TrueOne today jared Is begInnIng to serIousIy doubt the vaIIdIty oI hIs
abIIIty as weII as hIs sanIty.
jared gIances down to where theIr ankIes are touchIng-jensens red
strIng stIII obvIousIy not connected to jareds ankIe. And oI course It
wouIdnt be. A mortaI cant be the souI mate oI a god.
one oI theIr cIIents show on Wednesday and Thursday and everyone
that was supposed to come on IrIday canceIed.
jared and the others kept showIng up at TrueOne as a statement to
show that the press wasnt goIng to get them down-wasnt goIng to
IntImIdate them. And on Wednesday and Thursday jared and Chad and
Sheppard had meetIngs wIth theIr new Iawyers. IortunateIy, even
though busIness had screeched to a haIt, jared was abIe to aIIord good,
hIgh-demand Iawyers that couId act quIckIy and dIscreteIy. Ie dIdnt
even have to dIp Into jensens money stores, whIch hIs husband had
oIIered wIth a great amount oI careIessness that jared had come to
understand over the past month. Ie used to thInk that jensens careIess
attItude toward money was part oI hIs arrogance, oI hIs beIIeI that he
couId buy anythIng and anyone. ow jared reaIIzes that jensens a god
and an ImmortaI and what are pIeces oI green paper to hIm?
And jared supposes that he shouId Iorget hIs prIde and accept jensens
money (he supposes that technIcaIIy the money Is theirs> now), but he
ccnt, ct lecst not yet. So hes proud thct hes cble to pcy jor the lcwyers, his
employees pcy checks, cnd service repcirs jor their computers without
detrimentclly hurting the compcnys budget.
And the Iawyers do move Iast. y Thursday aIternoon the press are oII oI
Ieavens VIneyard and TrueOnes doorsteps (whIch Is reaIIy good Ior
them because MIke was begInnIng to get pIssed about them cIoggIng up
the vIew and scarIng away hIs customers and though they are annoyIng
jared stIII wouIdnt wIsh the retrIbutIon oI Dionysus on them). The
servers aIso start to cIear and run more smoothIy by Thursday and Ior
now TrueOne Is stIII maIntaInIng theIr marketIng contracts thanks to
Sheppards smarmy attItude and honey tongue.
ut prIde can onIy get them so Iar. They can show up but theres no
cIIents, no traIIIc on the onIIne sIte, and no meetIngs.
So jared gIves TrueOne a Iong weekend oII wIth pay. On IrIday mornIng
he joIns jensen Ior a "IIrst prIvate Iook" at the gaIIery In StanIord beIore
It opens up to the pubIIc that aIternoon.
"s thIs 'IIrst prIvate Iook goIng to be IIke 'breakIng In varIous rooms
and surIaces In our house?" jared asks dubIousIy as they waIk In. ts not
that hIs mInd Is aIways In the gutter or he Is aIways thInkIng about sex
wIth jensen (except Ior when he Is), but jensen cant seem to keep hIs
hands oII oI jareds ass and that excIted spark In hIs husbands eye teIIs
jared that he Is In the mood.
jensen IeIgns Ignorance. " have no Idea what youre taIkIng about.
xcept that theres these eo-CIassIcIst InspIred paIntIngs In the west
wIng and the carpet Iooks pretty comIortabIe." When jared just stares at
hIm the god smIrks and shrugs. "What? Art turns me on. You know that.
Iemember the sketch you started two weeks ago?"
At jensens encouragement jared has started sketchIng agaIn. Ies
never been good at It-or at Ieast jared never thought so-and hes
aIways beIIeved hIs attempts more cartoonIsh because thats the styIe he
Iearned In order to do storyboards. ut jared reaIIy cant resIst jensens
wIde-eyed requests so he started sketchIng out one oI hIs IavorIte
photographs oI them durIng the weddIng. WeII, he had trIed to start,
anyway.
"You mean the one that havent IInIshed?" jared asks dryIy. Ie hadnt
IInIshed It that day because jensen had tackIed hIm to the desk, mauIed
each and every one oI jareds IIngers wIth hIs tongue and IIps and
mouth, and then theyd. "broken the desk In".
jared hasnt IInIshed It because he had an "oII" perIod wIth hIs medIcIne
and hIs IuckIng hands shook so bad that when he trIed doIng the sketch
agaIn hed messed It up and had to throw It away. jensen doesnt know
about that yet, jareds mostIy sure.
"xactIy," jensen nods because It onIy conIIrms hIs poInt oI how art
turns hIm on. And art pIus jared? WeII, jensens onIy ImmortaI, so he
doesnt have perIect wIII or restraInt.
They go through the door and are ImmedIateIy hIt by a cooI breath oI aIr
condItIon. t Ices the sweat thats beaded at jareds haIrIIne and tempIes
and makes hIm shudder. jareds eyes wIden. Theres a smaII Iobby wIth
an InIormatIon desk and a bIack and bronze pIaque on the waII wIth
dIrectIons on what wIng Is where and IeaturIng what. ts aII gIossy and
proIessIonaI and jared can onIy ImagIne how exhIIaratIng thIs must be
Ior the students. Ie turns hIs head to the IeIt where metaI bars sectIon
oII that partIcuIar wIng, though jared can see brIght paIntIngs and
coIors past the bars anyway.
jared has aIways IIked art-he doesnt know anythIng about It but he
knows what he thInks Is beautIIuI and what he thInks Is movIng and
what he thInks Is. not-and Irom here he can teII that that wIng Is
goIng to be awesome. And maybe jensens rubbIng oII on hIm In more
corruptIng ways than jareds aware oI because he has to admIt that the
newness oI thIs pIace and the bubbIIng exhIIaratIon emanatIng Irom Its
very waIIs sends a deep thrIII through hIm.
"Iets go that way IIrst," jared says, poIntIng and not IookIng back but
tuggIng on jensens hand IIke hes some overeager chIId.
ut jensen doesnt move. n Iact hes deathIy sIIent and tense. jared
turns, puzzIed, and has enough tIme to take In hIs husbands IntenseIy
guarded Iace and dartIng eyes beIore jared hImseII IeeIs the tug oI a
gods power-that sIck and aImost dyIng IeeIIng that Iasts onIy the
shortest sIIver oI a second where peopIe dont even notIce.
jensens dartIng eyes stIII on a poInt ahead oI hIm and jared numbIy
IoIIows the IIne, eyes wIdenIng sIowIy.
There, on a pIush Iounge chaIr that wcsnt there beIore, Is a beautIIuI
woman. Shes wearIng a bIack dress, sIIt aII the way up to her hIp,
reveaIIng a Iong and IIghtIy muscIed Ieg that ends wIth a strappy bIack.
Ier hands are behInd her where shes IeanIng back on her arms, makIng
her chest sweII notIceabIy over the top oI her dress. Ier body Is a
IIawIess coIor, not too thIn but curvy, wIth Iong brown haIr that gIIstens
and shInes even Indoors IIke sIIk. Iarge, pretty brown eyes surrounded
by IIIrty eyeIashes, a cute nose and thIck IIps that shIne wIth IIpstIck and
gIoss parted gentIy to reveaI a hInt oI whIte teeth and a pInk tongue.
Shes absoIuteIy gorgeous-aIIurIng and sweet-IookIng but aIso smokIng
sexy hot.
And jared hardIy even Iooks at gIrIs.
ObvIousIy, even II he couIdnt hear her souI-the heady sounds oI a
summer nIght-or II he hadnt IeIt her arrIvaI It wouId be obvIous shes a
goddess anyway. She has that perIectIon about her, physIcaI beauty wIth
thIs ancIent and endIess IIght In her dark brown eyes.
"There you two are," she says and her voIce Is deep and honey-sIIck. She
roIIs her eyes and gets to her Ieet. She smIrks at theIr stares. "Knew my
IIttIe bIack dress wouId get your attentIon," she purrs, takIng a Iew
steps Iorward, hIps swayIng so sensuaIIy wIde that the movement seems
to take up jareds vIsIon. Ie shakes hIs head and turns hIs eyes to
jensen, thInkIng that thats a saIer bet.
specIaIIy when hes pretty sure that thIs Is AphrodIte. Shes beautIIuI
and Iusty and sensuaI and, possIbIy, aIter jared and TrueOne. Ie resIsts
the urge to hIde behInd jensen.
"CharIsma," jensen growIs, brIeIIy gIancIng at jared out oI the corner oI
hIs eye. "AphrodIte," he says In case jared hadnt IIgured It out whIch,
judgIng by hIs Iovers consternated Iace, he has.
"jensen, dear," she says warmIy. "Youve aIways been one oI my
IavorItes, you know. Such an ardent and attentIve Iover-though that
knowIedge Is second hand Ior me," she pouts. "And your IIst oI
conquests Is ImpressIve. IIvaIIng me, thInk," she wInks beIore her Iace
grows serIous. "So, you shouId know that thIs Is nothIng personaI," her
smoIderIng eyes turn to jared IIke pIcture pretty Iasers. "ThIs Is about
hIm."
"Then It Is personaI," the god snaps back, IIexIng hIs power a IIttIe to
show how serIous he Is. "Youre behInd the probIems at TrueOne."
jareds eyes wIden at the InIormatIon and he Iooks to CharIsma In denIaI.
Iowever the goddess onIy smIrks proudIy, quIrkIng an eIegantIy
groomed eyebrow.
"OI course It Is, darIIng. IeaIIy, m surprIsed you and your reason dIdnt
IIgure It out sooner."
" suspected It," jensen Irowns. Iow couId he not? Iundreds oI
thousands oI jareds cIIents IIghtIng and squabbIIng and caIIIng Ior
dIvorce In the same stretch oI days. CoupIed wIth IIchards warnIng not
too Iong beIore that It was unavoIdabIe not to suspect the goddess oI
Iove.
"WeII, then you shouId know that my next order oI busIness Is you two,"
she sIghs, aImost bored, straIghtenIng her shouIders, her skIn
stretchIng and movIng. parts. jensen shakes hIs head. ThIs Is her
naturaI charm and a sIIght gIImmer and Its easy to resIst, especIaIIy wIth
jared at hIs sIde.
jensen opens hIs mouth to repIy, to threaten CharIsma rIght back, to
warn her oII Irom hIm and jared-especIaIIy jared-but at the moment
hIs Iover Iets go oI hIm and steps between them, abruptIy sendIng
jensens protectIve InstIncts Into heart attack-InducIng panIc.
"Iut them back! Make them better agaIn!" jared seethes at CharIsma,
the restIessness and worry and AIonas broken words echoIng In hIs
head over the past coupIe oI days aII mountIng and burstIng out.
"Theyre aII souI mates!" he crIes, throwIng hIs arms out. "Youre hurtIng
them IIke thIs!"
jensen moves to where hes once agaIn between jared and CharIsma,
sendIng a curIous Irown at hIs Iover Irom over hIs shouIder. Ie thought
that they had taIked about thIs souI mate thIng. ts touchIng and sweet
but cant be true-hIstory dIctates that Its rare Ior humans to IInd theIr
souI mate-and he dIdnt know that jared was such a Iated romantIc.
eIore he can say anythIng, though (and hes not sure what, but he IeeIs
the he needs to draw CharIsmas attentIon Irom jared), the goddess
chuckIes suItry and Iow. SurprIsIngIy, she doesnt argue agaInst jared
about the souI mates. "II put them back together agaIn when you kIII
your shabby IIttIe matchmakIng busIness."
jareds Iace reddens wIth paIpabIe anger beIore he bIInks and reaIIy
thInks about It. "Youre bIuIIIng," he accuses, caImer. "Youre the
goddess oI Iove-screwIng up Iove shouId be agaInst your nature. And
besIdes theyre souI mates. dont thInk even you can keep them apart-
make them separate permanentIy Irom each other."
The woman scowIs, stIII managIng to Iook regaI and beautIIuI whIIe she
does. "Watch your mouth, human," she thunders, her dIvInIty mountIng,
makIng jared dIzzy, but he stands hIs ground. ehInd hIm, hes unaware
oI how jensens starIng at hIm In a IIttIe awe yet agaIn, moved by how
IearIess and brave hIs Iover Is.
"Iow dare you speak to me In thIs manner!" CharIsma goes on beIore
seemIng to IInd her mysterIous and aIIurIng caIm once agaIn. "And, you
caIIed me out. mIght not be abIe to make them wIIIIuIIy separate and
break apart but can kIII one oI each paIr," she smIIes wIckedIy, eyeIIds
droopIng, curtaInIng her eyes wIth her thIck and dark eyeIashes. "Yes,
that sounds doabIe. KIII one oI each paIr, doomIng the other to eventuaI
death by heartache. A paIr a day-yes. ts harsher than anythIng ve
done In a whIIe," she nods somberIy. "ut ve done worse, admIt. You
too, rIght dear jensen?" She sIIdes her eyes to hIm.
"You cant do that," jensen poInts out. "ts agaInst our Iaw."
She narrows her eyes, curIs IaIIIng over her shouIders as she juts one
hIp out. "The poInt Is that II thInk oI somethIng. TheyII cll be mIserabIe
when m through." Ier gaze Iands on jared, IreezIng hIm. "ecause you
and your Iather have screwed wIth me enough."
Ier souI Iashes out at hIm and It makes the paIn In jareds head and
stomach spIke.
"ack oII, bItch," jensen growIs, IoomIng over her and the IIght beams
around them redIrect towards the goddess, IIghtIy burnIng her skIn. She
doesnt IIInch.
"My." jared traIIs oII because wIth the IIght show both oI them are
puttIng on Its a wonder he Isnt dead rIght now because he IeeIs IIke he
wouId rather be. ut the thIng she saId about hIs Iather makes hIm
curIous, makes hIm want to IIght the paIn. "My Iather?" he questIons
and desperateIy swaIIows back the bIIe rIsIng In hIs throat.
She snorts rather IndeIIcateIy, IIIppIng her Iong haIr oII oI her bare and
tantaIIzIng shouIder. "ont teII me you havent gotten It yet. mean,
knew humans couId be dense but not aII oI you are stupId. You are,
apparentIy. IIke your Iather. Arrogant and stupId."
"Stop your bIatherIng," jensen commands, makIng a vIsIbIe eIIort to
swaIIow hIs curIosIty at the thIngs and haII-storIes she and jared are
throwIng about. ts more Important now to dIIIuse the sItuatIon, or to
make the IIrst move and get jared to saIety. CharIsma sent IacheI aIter
jared, he cant rIsk her gettIng too cIose to hIm. jensen doesnt know II
she just wants jareds busIness ruIned or to jared hurt as weII.
"You Iove humans-more than do," he says and Its usuaIIy true.
AphrodIte treats humans more IIke pIay thIngs, doesnt apprecIate theIr
IIner poInts, but she at Ieast hardIy ever messes wIth Iove between
humans. jareds rIght, It wouId be agaInst her nature-she wouId be
hurtIng herseII. "Or at Ieast you have use Ior them."
"ot thIs one," she sneers at jared. "Or hIs Iather, whIch Is why jared Is
the way he Is now."
oth jensen and jared stIIIen. "What are you taIkIng about?" jared
whIspers.
" cursed you, jared. eIore you were a spark In your poor, dear Mamas
eye. cursed your Iather, more accurateIy, but It was meant Ior you, too,
as weII and your maIe descendants."
jensen bIInks, throat tIghtenIng, and he thInks II he couId he wouId be
paIIng rIght now. IIs heart IeeIs IIke hes goIng to beat out oI hIs chest.
"You bItch. You made jared sIck? Thats not possIbIe," he scoIIs. They
couIdnt curse humans wIth termInaI dIsease or anythIng that wouId Iead
dIrectIy to theIr death. t wasnt wIthIn theIr power-the Iates determIne
such thIngs.
"IIease," she murmurs, reachIng up and re-adjustIng one oI her
gIItterIng dIamond earrIngs. "Thats just hIs terrIbIe Iuck and deIectIve
human genes. My curse was a bIt more poetIc," she grIns and steps up
to jared, reachIng up to run a smooth hand down hIs chest.
jensen growIs and shoves her arm away, gIarIng at her. She just
chuckIes.
"My, jensen, but youre so sexy when youre go growIy over the pathetIc
IIttIe human," she sneers beIore IookIng back up Into jareds eyes, who
trIes hIs best not to take the step back hIs body so wants hIm to take.
"And you, m surprIsed at you, not teIIIng jensen about your IIttIe secret.
ut guess II were human It wouId be hard to admIt that couId see
souI mates."
jensens eyes wIden and he turns to jared, so many thIngs IaIIIng and
cIIckIng Into pIace. "s that so?" he husks out. "s It true, jared?"
jared IIcks hIs IIps, swaIIowIng past the tIghtenIng Iump In hIs throat.
"Yeah--jensen, swear was goIng to teII you about It."
"Oh, were you?" CharIsma mocks, voIce hIgh-pItched and breathy,
tappIng her chIn wIth her IoreIInger beIore shruggIng careIessIy. "
guess weII never IInd out, though, II you were goIng to contInue IyIng to
your husband or not."
IushIng away the mIIIIon doubts and questIons, jensen turns and throws
a spIke oI power at her, makIng her skId away Irom them-Irom jared.
She keeps on her Ieet and Iooks pIssed Ior a Iew seconds beIore she
breaks Into a deIIghted gIggIe.
"What dId you do?" jensen roars, caIIIng hIs bow made oI sky and hIs
arrows made oI drops oI dawn to hIs hands. Ie nocks an arrow and
poInts It straIght at her, dIvIne eyes Iocked on target. "Whct did you do to
him?"
Ier countenance stIIIens. She Iooks IIke she cant decIde whether she
wants to run or IIght but eventuaIIy decIdes to pace careIuIIy back and
Iorth In a shaIIow haII moon arch beIore them, keepIng her dIstance and
tryIng not to show that shes nervous that the poInt oI jensens arrow Is
aImost casuaIIy trackIng her every move.
" make my rounds, you know," she starts, her voIce deIIberateIy voId oI
emotIon, and jared doesnt bIame her-even he senses that the sIIghtest
hInt oI a mock or a threat wIII make jensen reIease hIs hoId on the arrow.
t mIght not kIII her but jared doesnt doubt that It wIII throw her out Ior
a Iong, Iong tIme.
" stIII pIay match maker, puttIng together both steamy one-nIght stands
and souI mates when IInd them," her eyes dart to jared and jensens
arms make a jerky movement. She IIInches then Ireezes beIore
contInuIng to pace sIowIy, hIps swayIng, IIngers twIstIng a Iock oI haIr.
Ier candy pInk tongue pokes out, sIowIy IIcks her top IIp.
"jareds mother was a beautIIuI, sweet souI. admIt when Iound her
that had a soIt spot Ior her," she doesnt bother to hIde a vIndIctIve
smIrk when jareds breath hItches paInIuIIy. SomethIng coId settIes In
the pIt oI jareds stomach. Ie swaIIows, paInIuIIy. Wants to curI In on
hImseII, teII her that he doesnt want to hear anymore, but he cant IInd
hIs voIce and she keeps goIng on.
" Iound her souI mate-they were In the same town, whIch sometImes
happens, IIke the souIs gravItate together whIIe theyre stIII In the
womb. Ie was a good man, a IIttIe borIng admIt, but made Ior her and
she Ior hIm," her nose wrInkIes then, a scowI that Isnt as pretty as
earIIer, a sIIver oI wrath that remaIns even aIter more than twenty years.
"Another man In the town had hIs IustIuI eyes on her, though. And who
wouIdnt? She was the perIect combInatIon oI jared and hIs sIster, you
know. AII oI theIr attractIve Ieatures roIIed Into one. ThIs man dIdnt
resIst her, Iorced her Into a date that turned Into more. The IdIot dIdnt
use protectIon and she-she was nave, she dIdnt deserve hIm Ior her
IIrst tIme," her eyes become uncharacterIstIcaIIy soIt when she says that
and jared reaIIzes that she somehow reaIIy dId Iavor hIs mother greatIy.
Ie aImost wants to smIIe at that-she had that eIIect on peopIe. ut
mostIy he wants to cry. Ie never knew that thIs Is how hIs mother and
Iather came to be together. t sounds so terrIbIe. t seems hIs mother
had done nothIng but suIIer.
"She became pregnant, he and her parents Iorced her Into marrIage,"
the goddess goes on, voIce hardenIng, eyes IIke angry IIInt. "And her
souI mate moved on aIter that, doomIng her to a IoveIess marrIage," her
IIngers curI Into IIsts. "Iumans are Iunny creatures, IIke watchIng them
squIrm, and dont care II theIr IeeIIngs are hurt or II they dIe. ut do
care about Iove, and you dont screw wIth souI mates that set up."
She takes a deep breath, hoIdIng up her chIn, reIaxIng her shouIders.
"So cursed hIm and hIs maIe descendents and theIr maIe descendents.
cursed them that they wouId be surrounded by peopIe that IInd Iove but
aIways be hurt by Iove themseIves-IIke jareds mama was," she purses
her IIps, gIarIng at jared. "AdmIttedIy, beIng abIe to see souI mates
yourseII was an unIoreseen consequence."
".And hear souIs," jared mumbIes numbIy and Its so not the poInt rIght
now but Its aII that he can thInk oI to say.
She tIIts her head, nose wrInkIIng In thought but she chooses not
address the new InIormatIon, just Iooks aII the more IrrItated that her
curse went awry. "So, you see. m InadvertentIy the reason that my
sons busIness Is IaIIIng due to your competItIon, so m IIxIng It. AIso,
because oI my curse, you do reaIIze that you two arent souI mates,
rIght? And your Iove wont Iast. Iow can It? A Iong term reIatIonshIp-a
marrIage-between a god and a mortaI?" She scoIIs. "IIease, m the
goddess oI Iove, and wouId know that reaI Iove cant happen between
you two. Ie," she nods at jared but Iooks at jensen. "WIII never
understand you-wIII never amount to you. And he," she turns to jared.
"WIII Iorget you aII too soon aIter you dIe. And you will die and heII keep
on IIvIng, take on other Iovers, perhaps IooIIshIy get marrIed to another
human."
jensen Iets go oI hIs arrow but hIs hands trembIe and he hesItates too
Iong as her words batter agaInst hIs deIenses, agaInst everythIng he
IeeIs and beIIeves In, reveaIIng thoughts he hadnt wanted to thInk
about Ior at Ieast a Iew more years. She dodges the IIerceIy sharp beam
oI IIght easIIy, gIggIIng behInd her hand.
" thInk ve done enough damage. ThInk about what saId, jared," she
says sternIy.
"IIease, my cIIents," jared whIspers as hIs chest trembIes. "You cant
just Ieave them IIke thIs. Theyre hurtIng."
She just smIrks, eternaIIy trIumphant, and raIses her IIne eyebrow. "o
grand deIense Ior your epIc romance wIth a god? So resIgned because
you aIready knew the truth," she IInIshes eyeIng jensen pItyIngIy.
"Y-You bItch," jareds voIce breaks and he advances on her-he doesnt
know what hes goIng to be abIe to do agaInst her when he gets there,
but he doesnt IuckIng care because shes ruIned everythIng-but she
just throws her head back and Iaughs, dIsappearIng Irom hIs grasp. Ier
Iaugh and perIume and the sound oI her souI IIngers heavy In the
museum Iong aIter shes gone, IormIng a barrIer between jensen and
jared.
umbIy, shakIIy, jensen dIssoIves hIs bow and arrows and stands wIth
hIs hands IooseIy at hIs sIdes, shouIders sIumped In a sort oI deIeat.
jared Iaces hIm, heart hummIng threadIIy. Ie IIcks hIs IIps. "jensen."
but he doesnt know what to say.
"When were you goIng to teII me, jared?"
jared crInges at the Iack oI sIIIy endearments. ". wanted to, but -"
jensen sIghs, cIosIng hIs eyes, not sure what hes so angry about. Ies
not even angry, just sad. IesIgned. "Hell never understcnd you," the
goddess oI Ioves voIce echoes In hIs head. jared was cursed to never be
Ioved, to never Iove. Cursed by the goddess oI Iove. TheIr curses were
permanent and IrreversIbIe.
" understand beIore. ut aIter toId you was a god? wouId have
thought youd have toId me then. That you are abIe to, what? Iear
souIs? See souI mates? Iow does that even work?"
jared takes a deep breath, resoIuteIy keepIng eye contact wIth jensen,
even when the god doesnt Iook dIrectIy at hIm (and doesnt that just IeeI
IIke a dIsmIssaI?). "n pIctures and proIIIes-IIke on the onIIne websIte-
Its IIke an InstInct. just. know. And when see them In person see.
a red strIng," he conIesses and hIs body shakes because Its the IIrst
tIme hes saId It out Ioud and Its so heavy on hIs tongue, so heavy In the
aIr, but somehow It stIII IeeIs a IIttIe good. "A. phantom red strIng. IIke,
can see through It. ts tIed around everyones ankIes. And souI mates.
the red strIng connects theIr ankIes."
jensen nods, thInks he shouId be awed, thInks he shouId be sympathetIc,
thInks he shouId ask jared what Its IIke to IIve and be abIe to see and
hear and IeeI these thIngs.
ut he aIso thInks that jared had hIs chance to teII thIs stuII to jensen
and jensen had to IInd out Irom another goddess who was theIr enemy.
IIght now he IeeIs IIke a castIe besIeged on aII sIdes, betrayed by hIs
own man.
"ThIs. strIng. o you. see It between us?" he asks, IInaIIy IookIng up to
hIs. mortaIs Iace.
jared cIoses hIs eyes, and when he does It squeezes out a tear that had
been weIIIng and burnIng unnotIced by hIm. IaInIuIIy, he shakes hIs
head.
"jensen, pIease."
"IIease what, jared?"
" dont know. dIdnt mean to not teII you."
"Iow you dIdnt mean to not teII me about Mark? TImothy?"
jared IeeIs nauseas at the mentIon oI TImothy, IIashes oI water and
bIood and IaceIess bodIes stIngIng behInd hIs eyes.
"And now thIs? specIaIIy when you had to know that It wasnt normaI
and that maybe as a god couId heIp you?"
jared shakes hIs head mechanIcaIIy, eyes wIde. "o, . wanted- reaIIy
was goIng to-"
"To what?" jensen sIghs. "Iook, m not. angry. mean cm because It
seems aII you do Is lie or jorget to tell the truth and Its. exhaustIng. ut
dont. bIame you Ior most oI It. xcept Ior the souI mate thIng- csked
you the other day about what made you thInk that your cIIents were souI
mates. You shouId have toId me then-aIter everythIng, do you reaIIy stIII
not trust me?" he asks, heIpIess.
jared remaIns speechIess, mouth movIng but no sound squeezIng out oI
hIs throat.
"m just-jared," jensen contInues, runnIng a hand over hIs Iace.
"Youve been cursed and you knew at Ieast some oI It and you dIdnt say
anythIng. And, the goddess oI Iove cursed you to never Iove and-do you
even.?" he traIIs oII, unabIe to IInIsh, IoathIng thIs new InsecurIty and
maybe resentIng jared a IIttIe Ior makIng hIm IeeI thIs way.
jared takes a Iew shaky steps Iorward In reaIIzatIon and aIarm. "jensen,
no, dont thInk that. do Iove you- Iove you more than anythIng. dont
thInk ve ever reaIIy Ioved beIore you. dont know what It Is, maybe the
curse dIdnt work aII the way or somethIng, but do know that Iove
you!"
"AII oI our curses work," jensen mutters.
"jensen," jared seethes, Iear turnIng Into anger makIng hIm straIghten
and Iace jensen head on. "AIter aII that weve been through-aIter
marrIed you. You know everythIng about me, aII oI my weaknesses and
you-youre somethIng that peopIe dont even dream oI beIng reaI and
know that Iove you. Youve got to beIIeve me."
The god Is quIet, eyes wanderIng around the art museum that he had
been so excIted about sharIng wIth jared earIIer, and now It aII Iooks
gray and stupId.
"jensen!" jared practIcaIIy shouts, voIce crackIng wIth emotIon, not sure
II hes goIng to start screamIng or sobbIng but somethIng Is goIng to
gIve soon.
"OK," the god sIghs, aImost regrettabIy. " beIIeve you." jareds breath
hItches because It doesnt sound IIke jensen beIIeves hIm at aII. "ut ."
"Youre IeavIng," jared deadpans unbeIIevIngIy. "You cant-you
promIsed."
"jared," jensen snaps In an authorItatIve voIce, makIng hIs mortaI Ireeze.
" promIsed, youre rIght," he says more soItIy. "ut ve got to thInk-got
to get away Ior a moment and you. you have to Iet me thIs tIme. Trust
me thIs tIme."
ts a Iow bIow, jared IeeIs It reverberate aII the way down to hIs toes.
"m takIng you back, though," jensen sIghs IIke the Iast thIng he wants
to do Is to touch jared or be wIth hIm another second Ionger. "And
wont be Iar. dont trust CharIsma."
And beIore jared can bIInk hes back In theIr house, In the kItchen, and
he just catches the IIght and shadow oI jensen beIore the god
dIsappears.
jareds numb, doesnt know what eIse to do but curI around the paIn In
hIs chest and count aII oI the ways that hes Iucked up.
jensen doesnt come back the rest oI the day. jared stays up untII one In
the mornIng beIore goIng to bed where he tosses and turns because
every damn thIng In theIr bedroom smeIIs IIke jensen. Ie roIIs to hIs Ieet
oII oI the bed and angrIIy reaches out, rIppIng the sheets and covers and
the damn pIIIows oII untII Its just the bare mattress. Then he pIops back
down and. Its as uncomIortabIe as heII.
And It stIII smeIIs IIke jensen.
So he gets up and tugs on a paIr oI jeans and throws on one oI the t-
shIrts tossed on the bathroom doorknob. ts one oI jensens. And Its
used so It smeIIs IIke hIm. And jareds a gIgantIc gIrI and a hypocrIte
because he doesnt take the damn thIng oII. Ie keeps It on and maybe
takes one too many deep breaths.
Ie grabs hIs phone, keys and waIIet, stuIIIng them In hIs jean pockets,
and exIts the house. They IIve on the outskIrts oI the town and jared just
wants to waIk-heII waIk to the damn cIty II he has to. To SophIa and
Chads house. Ie doesnt know.
Ie doesnt make It out oI hIs yard. Ie just bareIy makes It to the end oI
theIr rIdIcuIous quarter oI a mIIe Iong drIveway when a sIIhouette kInd oI
emerges Irom the darkness.
jared IIInches and Ireezes, rememberIng CharIsmas threats Irom earIIer.
"Whos there?"
"jared," the voIce-maIe and deep wIth thIs IndetermInabIe edge to It
-purrs. "She toId me that youd be here."
"She" Is aII he needs to hear to conIIrm hIs Iears and jared aIready has
hIs phone out and pressIng the speed dIaI Ior jensen-pIease, Iet hIm
have hIs phone on hIm, Iet hIm have It on, Iet hIm at Ieast Iook at It
because jareds IuckIng aIraId oI whats goIng to happen.
t doesnt even have tIme to rIng when the IIgure rushes hIm and tackIes
hIm to the ground-Its so dark jared hadnt even seen hIm comIng, just
heard a Iew poundIng Iootsteps beIore hIs back and shouIders coIIIde
wIth the pavement. Ie Ioses hIs breath, hIs rIbs scream, and hIs phone
goes skIddIng across the pavement whIIe the keys In hIs back pocket dIg
deep enough In hIs back to make hIm bIeed.
The weIght on top oI hIm Is great and he cant IuckIng see-everythIngs
stIII spInnIng and he doesnt know II he hIt hIs head or II hes panIckIng
because Its so dark and he cant teII-
IIs hands scrambIe on the body on top oI hIm, tryIng to map It out, he
hIts wIIdIy as he trIes to buck hIs attacker oII. The body above hIm
grunts and struggIes back-so not a god then, jared thInks wIIdIy,
because he doubts that a god wouId be struggIIng thIs much.
IIs eyes must be IInaIIy IettIng what IIttIe IIght there Is In-the moon and
a Iew stars and IIghts on the skyIIne Irom the cIty-because he sees the
IIst comIng.
ot that It heIps any.
IaIn expIodes aIong hIs tempIe and cheekbone, makes hIm dIzzy and hIs
movements sIuggIsh. n the mean tIme the man on top oI hIm wInds hIs
Iegs around jareds, trappIng movement, and pIaces a heavy Iorearm on
jareds chest and wraps menacIng IIngers around hIs throat-not
chokIng but a threat to do so II jared resIsts.
"m sorry had to do that, jay baby," the voIce husks In hIs ear, not sorry
at aII. jared bIInks dazedIy as the voIce worms Into hIs mInd. IIs chest
convuIses.
"What the heII? Mark?" he gasps, panIcked.
"Got It In one, jay baby," hIs breath hot on jareds Iace. Once jared
IInaIIy bIInks away the vIcIous bIow to hIs head he now can onIy bareIy
make out a Iew oI Mark IeIIegrInos Ieatures In the poor IIght.
"You. kIIIed TImothy," Is aII jared can thInk oI to say. "You kIIIed
TImothy," hIs mouth cant seem to stop. "You kIIIed hIm!"
"Yeah, jared, dId."
"Why?"
"IIke toId you. o one InsuIts me, no one says no to me. AIter aII trIed
to do Ior you, you shoved It In my Iace. WeII, m goIng to take away
everyone cIose to you. started wIth TImothy and your oId coIIege
boyIrIend. MIIo, was It? IeII be next. Your bItch oI a sIster. And jensen,
oI course. ecause you deserve thIs-you deserve to have nothing."
Ie Iaughs, then, deep and then hIgh and hysterIcaI aII the way through,
IIke he Iaughed at the hospItaI but so much worse.
"othIng," he snarIs, IIngers IIexIng around jareds throat, the web oI
hIs hand between hIs thumb and IoreIInger pressIng on hIs Iarynx
paInIuIIy.
"You cant. hurt jensen," jared snarIs. "ts not possIbIe, but wont Iet
you get cIose enough to try."
Ie honestIy doesnt know where he IInds the Ieverage, he cant descrIbe
what he does, aII he knows Is that hes pIssed and manages to throw
Mark oII oI hIm. Ies sIow gettIng to hIs Ieet and Mark recovers Iaster,
aImost pushes jared back down to the ground, but the younger man
bIIndIy grasps Marks shIrt, usIng Marks greater stabIIIty to regaIn hIs
baIance. jared has a good Idea oI where Marks head Is-can kInd oI see
It In the darkness and through hIs statIc tunneI vIsIon-so he Iunges
Iorward, IettIng hIs IIst IIy.
jareds never reaIIy hIt anyone-he pushed IoIt and trIed to hurt hIm but
he dIdnt reaIIy succeed-so he aImost throws up at the IeeI oI cartIIage
and bone crumbIIng and snappIng beneath hIs knuckIes. Mark crashes
to the ground wIth a grunt and bodIIy thump that sounds more IIke
thunder.
jared runs Ior where he thInks hIs phone Is whIIe Marks down. Ie
needs to caII Ior heIp because obvIousIy dIvIne heIp Isnt goIng to be
comIng. Ie cant see It-the IIghts aIready gone oII-so hes just about
to bend down and IeeI Ior It when a hand unexpectedIy wraps around hIs
ankIe and yanks. Ie IaIIs, just bareIy abIe to throw hIs hands up, hIs
knee twIsts paInIuIIy and hIs scream Is cut oII when hIs Iorehead smacks
agaInst the pavement oI the drIveway.
The worId tIIts and darkens, IIke hes on a boat, and he doesnt even
hear Mark crawI to hIs Ieet. The worId Is a radIo statIon and hIs sIuggIsh
braIn Isnt abIe to tune back In untII he hears Mark shout Irom above
hIm.
"You Iucker!" The bIow to hIs rIbs has jared chokIng on another sIck
scream. Ie kIcks out, managIng to make contact wIth Marks shIn but
hes too weak and hes pretty sure It onIy makes Mark stumbIe back. IIs
rIbs and head hurt but some InstInct, some drIve Ior survIvaI, has hIm
cIImbIng quIckIy to hIs Ieet.
Mark Iets out a strangIed battIe cry and charges jared agaIn. The
younger man pIants hIs Ieet and thankIuIIy doesnt IaII. They push
agaInst one another, grappIIng and puIIIng. jared just struggIes Ior
breath whIIe Mark gnashes hIs teeth.
" know about jensen-know hes a god," he Iaughs shrIIIy through hIs
grItted teeth. "II take care oI hIm aII the same. II make you see that lm
the one wIth the power!"
eIore jared can muster a response he IeeIs It-the sIck puII oI a gods
souI overwheImIng hIm-and knows just by the IeeI oI It that Its jensen.
jareds Iets out a sob oI reIIeI just a second beIore jensen arrIves. Ie
doesnt Iook-he wouIdnt be abIe to see jensen cIearIy rIght now anyway
and Mark wouId gaIn the advantage-but jared IeeIs IIke singing when
he hears jensens voIce.
"jared! IoId on-"
A heavy metaI cIInk sounds and then jensen cuts hImseII oII wIth a
paIned cry-a sound so IoreIgn and aIarmIng that It makes jared IaIter.
Mark takes advantage and knocks jared to the ground. jared groans, no
breath In hIm between hIs bruIsed rIbs and Marks weIght on hIm.
ut he Iooks Ior jensen anyway, and then screams jensens name when
he cant make out anythIng In the darkness.
"jared." jensen pants out, the metaI cIInk soundIng agaIn-deIInIteIy
chaIns. The sound heIps jared Iocate hIs husband whos not too Iar
away, cIose enough that jared can aImost make hIm out.
jensens on the ground, wrapped In somethIng dark that jared can onIy
assume are the chaIns (chcins). A short IIgure stands above jareds
husband. Ie bareIy sees the IIgure-theyre In bIack-but the Iace and
hands are so starkIy whIte that they seem to puII In and reIIect aII oI the
avaIIabIe IIght In the darkness.
"Iow sIckenIng," a hIgh, IemaIe voIce wIth a sIIght IIsp groans. She
moves and steps on jensens chest, pushIng hIm back down Irom where
hes struggIIng to try and sIt up.
"o! ont you touch hIm!" jared shouts, struggIIng under Mark,
managIng to throw hIm oII and scrambIe towards jensen beIore the
psychotIc man tackIes hIs back, IIattenIng hIm stomach-IIrst to the
pavement. jareds chIn pops and bounces, teeth rIngIng In hIs mouth,
and he has no controI over the sob that escapes hIs mouth at the heart-
stoppIng paIn In hIs rIbs and back and knee.
"Get the Iuck oII oI hIm!" jared wheezes out, throwIng shouIder and
eIbow behInd hIm, tryIng to catch Marks Iace wIth It.
"You saId can have the bastard! That d get to kIII hIm." Mark seethes.
"t was our deaI!" Ie wInds hIs IIngers In jareds haIr and pulls, eIIcItIng
and paIned gasp Irom jared beIore he presses jareds Iace Into the
concrete.
"Gods, jared!" jensen pants heavIIy, IeeIIng dIzzy and unstabIe. Ied
been. IIne, hed been poutIng about everythIng across the worId In hIs
tempIe at eIphI. Ie had stood In the spot that he and jared had made
Iove Ior the IIrst tIme as husbands and stewed In hIs mIsery Ior a whIIe.
ut then he reaIIy remembered that nIght and so many days and hours
and mInutes beIore and sInce, aII spent wIth jared or thInkIng about
jared, aII oI them wIth jareds brIght eyes sayIng l love you even though it
sccres me beIore he even actuaIIy saId those words. And then l love you
and yes, lll mcrry you and l think l wcs mcde jor you.
CharIsma Is wrong, he had determIned. jensen doesnt know how
because the gods or goddesses who Issue a curse cant change It or
draw It back. ut somehow shes wrong.
jared was buIIt to Iove jensen. And jensen hIm. Ie doesnt care II jared
cant see the red strIng between them. Ie Ioves jared more than
anythIng eIse.
When hed come out oI hIs thoughts he reaIIzed that he had a mIssed caII
Irom jared on hIs phone. There was no message and It hadnt mattered
because he was about to go home to jared anyway.
So hed been compIeteIy caught oII guard when he arrIved to see jared
spIattered wIth bIood and bruIses, the cIothes oI hIs Iover torn and
dIrtIed-struggIIng wIth Mark. Ied shouted but then somethIng heavy
and paInIuI had wrapped around hIm.
And he was onIy now comIng to wIth IacheI above hIm and jared
partIaIIy subdued by the human Mark IeIIegrIno.
ut jensen IeeIs sIck. Wrapped In chaIns but there dIdnt seem anythIng
specIaI except Ior an odd smeII about them that he couIdnt quIte pIace.
ut he cant break them, he can bareIy even move In them no matter how
hard he trIes and struggIes. Ie has to get to jared. IIs Iover Is hurt and
scared and jensen needs to-jared couId reaIIy be hurt.
"Ies mIne to kIII! jareds mIne to have!" Mark contInues to rave.
"Shut up, mortaI," IacheI snaps over her shouIder, candy red IIps
twIsted Into an annoyed Irown. Then the Iook soItens, but Its IIat and
Iake. "YouII get yours. aIways keep my promIses."
jareds eyes wIden In sIow reaIIzatIon. "You dIdnt, Mark," he gasps.
"Youre not workIng wIth her, you IooI." jared has no cIue who thIs
goddess Is but he has a suspIcIon that Its rIs-IacheI. The one that
had jensen and the others worrIed severaI weeks ago. "You stupId
bastard," he spIts agaIn tryIng to throw Mark oII but not succeedIng
because hes too preoccupIed wIth how stIII jensen Is.
"jensen! jen, whats wrong!" he caIIs to hIm, practIcaIIy crawIIng even
wIth the added weIght oI Mark and the sIckenIng puII oI hIs rIbs.
"jared," jensen huIIs, awareness sIowIy returnIng to hIm. IInkIng, he
shakes the vestIges oI dIzzIness and Incoherence away Irom hIm. "These
IuckIng chaIns, dont know. cant break them."
"asy, sugar. You wont break these babIes. At Ieast, not Ior another
mInute you wont be abIe to." jensen gIances up at her and rages
agaInst her sIck grIn. Ie sees the nIght gIInt oII oI the IeIm oI arkness,
whIch had hIdden her Irom jensens senses.
"What are these thIngs?" jensen growIs. "Whats your pIan, bItch? TIe
me up and, what? Take a pIcture oI me and put It on the Internet?"
She snorts. " knew youve been around the mortaIs too Iong. You dont
even have enough ImagInatIon IeIt to IIgure out what m doIng. or are
you capabIe oI recognIzIng Iephaestuss work when you see It."
jensens eyes wIden as he Iooks at the chaIns anew. "These are. one oI
the thIngs you stoIe Irom IrederIcs vauIts."
Ier eyes bIaze. "IIs name Is Iades," she sneers. "OI course," IacheI
snorts. "And gave you aII the pIeces oI the puzzIe. IIttIe jake went and
got aII the InIormatIon you needed to predIct me and yet you dIdnt. You
were too busy thInkIng you needed more InIormatIon-too busy tryIng to
IIgure out the connectIon between me and AphrodIte."
"She sent you," jensen accuses.
"She onIy opened the door," IacheI smIrks down at hIm. "OnIy aIerted
me to you and your rIdIcuIous Iove aIIaIr wIth a human. She wanted me
to bust up the busIness and wIII-but can IIII some oI my desIres whIIe
m here. This," she says, IndIcatIng jensen ImmobIIIzed on the ground.
"ThIs Is aII me."
"Trust me, m not your type," jensen grunts, tryIng once agaInst to sIt
up agaInst the chaIns and her booted Ioot. Ie can IeeI hIs strength
sIowIy start to return. Soon heII be abIe to break the chaIns. "Idnt
thInk youd want to work wIth CharIsma-or her wIth you-aIter the Iast
tIme."
IacheI appIIes pressure, once agaIn pushIng jensen down and grIndIng
her heeIed boot Into hIs chest.
WhIch hurts. Ie chokes on a startIed cry.
"Ier name Is AphrodIte! Youre ApoIIo, not thIs puppet jensen! ts
dIsgustIng how gods are changIng theIr names to bIend In wIth humans!"
she rages, teeth bared. She seems to bIInk It away, though. CooI smIIe
returnIng. "Iow does It IeeI to be mostIy human? ecause thats what
you are rIght now-why you IeeI so weak and pathetIc. magIne, Its how
your Iover IeeIs aII the tIme. These chaIns were Iorged by Iephaestuss
IIres and cooIed wIth water Irom the IIver Styx. t can ImmobIIIze a god
or goddess-or at Ieast make them human-Ior IIve mInutes. IIgure wIth
how pIssed you are, wIth your gentIeman Iove In dIstress, It wIII Iast Iong
enough Ior me to do thIs."
She produces a bIack, ornate IIask and kneeIs down. "Open up, sweetIe
pIe," she says poIsonousIy, pryIng jensens mouth open wIth a tIny hand.
She tIps the IIask and murky IIquId pours down jensens throat, burnIng
and IreezIng, rottIng and dryIng out hIs InsIdes.
The worId sIIps away-he sIIps away-though he dIstantIy hears jareds
panIcked screams.
jared watches as IacheI steps back, somethIng In her hand-somethIng
that she used to do.jared doesnt know what because he cant IuckIng
see. "jensen?" he asks, careIuIIy. ut hIs Iover doesnt answer, just Iets
out a whInIng, chokIng and gurgIIng sound.
And then he starts convuIsIng.
ts so vIoIent that jared can make out the jerky movements In the dark.
"o! What are you doIng-you bItch. You bItch!" jared babbIes, eIbow
IInaIIy makIng contact wIth Marks Iace. The man roIIs oII oI hIm, howIIng
In paIn, and jared makes a shaky move to sprInt to hIs husband.
IacheI reaches out and grabs jared by the coIIar, yankIng hIm back. Ie
struggIes and screams but she doesnt even sway wIth hIs movements.
Shes so tIny but she doesnt even budge.
t never reaIIy occurred to jared how gentIe jensen Is wIth hIm untII now.
ut that doesnt matter at the moment. Ie IIghts agaInst her anyway.
"Such a Ioud mouth on you," she huIIs In dIsgust, hoIdIng hIm as Iar
away Irom her as possIbIe, as II he hes contagIous.
jensen IInaIIy stops convuIsIng and seems even weaker than beIore,
groanIng and struggIIng to sIt up.
"jensen?" jared breathes tremuIousIy.
The god IInaIIy manages to sIt up but he IeeIs so weak-hardIy abIe to IIIt
hIs eyeIIds. And he cant breathe. "What dId you do?"
"just a IIttIe speII mIxed In wIth water Irom Styx. Youre mortaI now. Iow
does It IeeI? MIserabIe? Abhorrent? IIke youre the weakest creatIon oI
the earth?"
"o, no Its not possIbIe," jensen sIurs.
"Oh, but It Is. Temporary, oI course, because you cant IIght agaInst
nature. ut aIso Iong enough Ior Mark, there, to kIII you. MakIng you
temporarIIy human Is the onIy way to kIII a god, aIter aII. Guess you dont
need thIs anymore." She reaches down and yanks hard on the chaIn,
sendIng jensen roIIIng wIth grunts oI paIn and dIzzIness. The chaIn Is oII
oI hIm, at Ieast.
jared Iooks over hIs shouIder and Mark Is rIght there, standIng straIght
and proud. jared cant make out hIs Ieatures but the bIade In hIs hand
catches the moonIIght just rIght. jared doesnt get a Iot oI whats goIng
on, but he does get that jensens mortaI enough Ior IacheI and Mark to
kIII hIm.
jared protests, he kIcks out at IacheI, trIes dIvIng Ior jensen and then
Ior Mark. "o! o, wont Iet you! You cant do thIs! wont Iet you do
thIs!"
"You cant kIII me," jensen pants. "YouII have jeII and aII oI OIympus on
your ass."
"Zeus, you mean? You wont even caII our Iather by hIs rIghtIuI name.
ut m not kIIIIng you, Mark Is. And then aII oI OIympus wIII be aIter
mortaIs. tII be a gIorIous, wIdespread massacre. specIaIIy at the hands
oI my dear brother and your twIn," she grIns. "And to thInk, that
AphrodIte started aII oI thIs because she wanted me to bust up some
petty matchmakIng servIce Ior her precIous son. And saw a chance to
repay some debts, to get back at you aII Ior snubbIng me these centurIes
-youd Iorgotten about me, hadnt you? Iorgot about me untII the day
sent your IIttIe human toy a Iew pretty IIowers. ut youII thank me, soon
enough. Thank me Ior wakIng you up Irom thIs human game you pIay.
Were gods! We dont need to hide amongst humans. ts degradIng,
dIsgustIng. Youre dIsgustIng, marryIng thIs IragIIe human."
jared, who hasnt ceased hIs struggIes, aImost sIIps Irom her grasp.
!ntII she reaches down, cIampIng one hand around hIs arm-shes
wearIng some kInd oI heavy metaI gIove, somethIng she couId hoId that
IuckIng chaIn wIth, maybe, he thInks dIstantIy-and then she yanks and
twIsts and everythIng In jareds arms pops and snaps In rapId
successIon IIke a sheet oI bubbIe wrap.
Ie screams, not hearIng when jensens Irustrated scream joIns hIs. Ie
coIIapses to hIs knees, cant even controI hIs shattered arm enough to
cradIe It, and throws up at IacheIs Ieet.
"IsgustIng," IacheI snIIIs at jareds sIckness.
"jared! Oh, gods, jared! jay!" jensen sobs In IrustratIon when he cant
even get to hIs IuckIng Ieet wIthout IaIIIng down. Ies so draIned-so
weak In hIs mortaI IImbs. ut jareds In paIn-jareds screamIng IIke hes
dyIng and jensen has to try.
"There, now the grown ups can taIk," IacheI sIghs bIIssIuIIy as jared
sways haII-dazed and IIstIess on hIs knees, coIIar stIII In her grasp, the
onIy thIng hoIdIng hIm up.
"IoId on, jay," jensen soothes IrantIcaIIy, tryIng to grasp at somethIng oI
hIs power but IIndIng nothIng, just a voId bIack hoIe-a vacuum. Ie does,
however, manage to get to hIs Ieet, though hIs IIrst step brIngs hIm to a
knee. Ie spIts In IrustratIon.
"ts so Iunny," IacheI muses. "You aII Iove to hate me, dont you? You
hate that you Iove me. You dont need me but you want me. ts why
AphrodIte brought me here-she hates my guts but wanted me to do her
dIrty work. And m goIng to cause so much chaos, just wIth thIs. And Its
aII her IauIt," she sneers. jensen gIares at her, gettIng to hIs Ieet agaIn
now that theyre startIng to IeeI more stabIe beneath hIm.
IacheI just smIrks, cooI and hard IIke bIoody Ice, and gIances over her
shouIder at Mark IeIIegrIno. "Ies aII yours, honey," she purrs.
Mark Iets out a manIc Iaugh and advances In Iong strIdes, eIbow puIIed
back, and ready to drIve the bIade Into jensens stomach.
At the same tIme, through bIeary vIsIon and burnIng paIn, jared aImost
mechanIcaIIy reaches out Ior the end oI the cursed chaIn thats rIght at
hIs knees. WIth strength he doesnt thInk he actuaIIy has-Its IIke hes
IIoatIng more than standIng or movIng-he grasps the chaIn and surges
to hIs Ieet as Iast as he can. Ie surprIses her and uses that to aImost
bIIndIy wrap the chaIn around IacheIs brIght whIte throat. She gasps
and drops, hand reIeasIng.
Ie doesnt Iook back. IIs bad arm IIops useIessIy and sIckenIngIy paInIuI
at hIs sIde but In a Iew shaky strIdes he reaches out to Mark, graspIng
hIs shIrt and tryIng to yank the man backwards away Irom jensen.
jared doesnt know what happens next. TheIr weIght makes them sort oI
spIn around so that they trade pIaces, jared between Mark and jensen.
Mark stumbIes and then IaIIs Into jared.
Ie doesnt IeeI It at IIrst. IIs arm Is throbbIng and so Is hIs head. So he
doesnt IeeI the cooI burn that gets hotter. Ie just watches as Marks
eyes-the cIearest theyve been In thIs darkness tonIght-wIden In
horrIIIed surprIse. just behInd hIm IacheI gets the chaIn oII oI herseII
usIng the gIove. She steps up cIoser, cIose enough Ior jared to make out
her trIumphant smIrk.
And then-agaInst hIs wIII hIs Iegs gIve out and he IaIIs back Into
jensens arms.
jensen aIways catches hIm.
The god oI IIght gIves a broken whImper as he watches jared agaInst aII
odds IIght oII a goddess and reach out and stop Marks advance.
jensens kInd oI panIckIng, wonderIng how the Iuck theyre supposed to
get out oI thIs-the IeIm oI arkness must be cIoakIng them aII
somehow or eIse AdrIanne wouId be here-but he IeeIs a sense oI prIde
Ior hIs Iover anyway. jareds beaten to heII-haII oI hIs body shattered-
and hes stIII IIghtIng.
And then It goes horrIbIy wrong. oth Mark and jared are too tIred and
hurt and oII baIance. They spIn wIIdIy and then Mark and the bIade In
hIs hand both IaII Into jared.
jared ImmedIateIy Ireezes and sIackens. When Mark, hIs onIy stabIIIty,
moves jared starts to IaII. jensen trIes to catch hIm but jareds weIght
and jensens weak body Is too much and they both crash, jared cryIng
out when It jars hIs arm and stomach wound.
"ot exactIy what pIanned, but thIs works. Iooks IIke my work here Is
done," IacheI murmurs and doesnt stIck around, IeavIng wIth a breath
oI nIght.
". . dIdnt mean. not jared, not yet." Mark murmurs but thats aII
he does because wIthout IacheI and the IeIm around the others can
sense jensen. Can sense hIs weakness and dIstress.
AdrIanne Is the IIrst to arrIve-jensen stares past Mark at her because
he cant brIng hImseII to Iook down, not at jared, not at hIs husband, not
at the bIood he smeIIs aII over them.
IIs twIn takes one Iook at jensen-duII wIth the poIson IacheI Ied hIm-
and jared broken and dyIng hIs arms and she rocrs. She Iorms her bow
Irom a beam oI the moon, nocks two arrows and sends them IIyIng not a
second Iater. Mark doesnt even know what hIts hIm, he arches back
around the arrows pIercIng hIs chest, staggers, and IaIIs. Ies dead
beIore he hIts the ground.
"j-jensen," jared gurgIes, aIready growIng coId In jensens arms. jensen
has to Iook down at the request, no matter how much he wants to deny
It.
Theres bIood paIntIng jareds IIps, bruIses IormIng about hIs tempIe and
Iorehead and chIn. "j-jen, s-sorry about-" he cuts oI, wheezIng and
chokIng. "Iurts, God, It hurts," he sobs, twItchIng In jensens arms.
"o, no," jensen shakes hIs head, Iooks up pIeadIngIy to AdrIanne.
"Addy, pIease!" he shouts. "That bItch. she took away my. youre the
onIy one, pIease!"
jensen cant heaI hIm but AdrIanne has sImIIar heaIIng powers. Shes
aIready at jensens sIde beIore hes IInIshed, IaIIIng to her knees. jareds
eyes dont even IInd her-maybe he cant. Ier hands gIow whIte over hIs
jareds wound, but nothIng happens. n Iact jared crIes out and shakes
In Iurther paIn.
"ts not workIng!"
"Try harder!" jensen spIts at her. The whIte gIow becomes brIght but
nothIng happens, jared just gets heavIer and coIder In hIs arms.
" cant," she sobs, drawIng her hands away, tears IIowIng down her Iace
Ior her brothers paIn, Ior the Ioss oI a IrIend. "Ies too-Its hIs tIme
because the Iaws wont Iet me."
jensen shakes hIs head vehementIy even though he knows that Its true.
"Get away," he says duIIy.
"jen."
"Ieave me wIth hIm!" IIs voIce breaks. "IIease," he whIspers. She
hesItates then nods, steppIng away Irom them and to the sIde.
"j-jen pIease," jared breathes. "Iurts."
" know, baby. know, kaIos," the god answers, rockIng hIs Iover back
and Iorth In hIs arms. Ie doesnt Iook up when ChrIs and Steve arrIve
and stare at them, IoIIowed cIoseIy by MIsha who takes a waverIng step
towards jared beIore ChrIs puts a steadyIng hand on hIs shouIder.
jensen doesnt care when MIke and Tom appear. o one eIse matters.
"-don IeeI v-ver-ry ka-Ios," jared sIurs, shIverIng vIoIentIy, tryIng to
smIIe.
"You are, though," jensen answers automatIcaIIy.
"S-Sorry, jen. Shou-Id have-"
"You have nothIng to be sorry about," jensen InsIsts, InterruptIng hIm
and drawIng jared Iurther up hIs Iap. "You never had anythIng to be
sorry about-none oI thIs Is your IauIt."
jareds quIet and stIII In hIs arms and jensen stops IIghtIng the grIeI.
Ies so IuckIng angry but mostIy hes devastated. t IeeIs IIke hIs skIn Is
dry and crackIng, IIke hIs muscIes are burnIng and hIs bones are
IreezIng. IIke hes dyIng, too.
IIs chest Is the worst. There hes spIIttIng down the mIddIe. Ies sure oI
It.
jared cant reaIIy see anythIng, not even jensens Iace. Ies IIoatIng on a
waterbed oI paIn, but hes used to It now, he just cant reaIIy see
jensens Iace and he wants to so badIy. Ie IeeIs IIke Its Important to see
jensens Iace. So hes surprIsed when a IaInt red gIow catches hIs eye.
Ie Iooks down to see a phantom red strIng tIed on hIs ankIe, the Ioose
thread wrappIng around jensens ankIe whIch Is next to jareds Ieg.
jensen swaIIows when jared heaves a breath and shudders. "KaIos?
jared?" he asks IoudIy, darIng to hope. Ie watches jared IIIt a shakIng
IInger and poInt to theIr ankIes.
"See It? I-red strIng. etween us, my ankIe an yours." he traIIs oII,
breath wet wIth bIood.
"ont taIk, pIease. just hang on," jensen begs, though hIs eyes are on
where jareds poIntIng to theIr ankIes. Ie doesnt see anythIng.
"See It now. Ied. Iove? W-were..were."
jared stIIIs wIth a whIne and doesnt shudder back to IIIe agaIn.
TC
ote. Trust me! .)
Chapter 8
jensen hunches over jareds cooI body. IIs Iover no Ionger has a heart
beat so the bIood has stopped pumpIng out oI hIs stomach wound, but It
stIII soaks them both, warm but cooIIng IIke a ghost.
jareds eyes are stIII open, hazeI and duII. IIs Iace Is broken wIth bruIses
and paIIng skIn, hIs arm a dIsconnected and mangIed mess.
IIs Iover-jensens souI mate-Is not onIy dead but he suIIered greatIy
as he passed.
And. hes gone.
jareds gone.
]creds gone.
jensen curIs hIs IIngers Into jareds shIrt-Its one oI jensens shIrts,
jared had put on one oI jensens shIrts aIter theIr IIght. Ie burIes hIs
Iace Into IImp haIr that stIII smeIIs IIke shampoo.
The god weeps. uIetIy, brokenIy, through the rush In hIs ears sounds
IIke the worId Is rendIng Irom Its axIs, careenIng through the unIverse,
burnIng ItseII away.
ut Its not. ts quIet outsIde. Theres a sIIght breeze and the IIghts Irom
the cIty havent bIInked In acknowIedgement oI jareds death. ts IIke It
hasnt happened. jensen shakIIy reaches out, paIm coverIng jareds
mortaI wound, and IIIts It agaIn. Ie cant even see the bIood on hIs hand
because IacheIs poIson has made hIs eyes mortaI and hIndered by the
dark (hes never been In so much darkness beIore), but he can IeeI It.
And he cant IeeI hIs Iover. IIs husband. jared.
jareds gone.
Ie just sIts there and sobs, brethren present and keepIng sIIent vIgII
around hIm, not that he cares, not that he gIves a damn about anythIng
anymore. ver agaIn.
t was dIIIerent wIth the others. jensens heart has been broken beIore.
Or at Ieast It had IeIt IIke hIs heart had broken beIore. ts dIIIerent now.
ot just hIs heart but hIs mInd and souI and body IeeI as mangIed as
jareds arm. raIned as jareds IIIebIood Is draIned and pooIed around
them.
jared Is gone.
When he starts to IeeI hIs powers return-when hIs nature reawakens
Irom the poIsoned sIeep IacheI put It under, he doesnt IeeI better. Ie
IeeIs worse. An eternIty wIthout hIs souI mate at hIs sIde yawns on
ImpossIbIy dark and empty Ior hIm. IIs InsIdes IeeI sIck. IIs mInd rotten.
WIth hIs sIght returned he crIes harder at the sIght hIs broken husband
makes, now that he can see jared more cIearIy. jareds so taII and stIII
Iooks It, Iong IImbs spIayed out graceIessIy, hIs head propped
uncomIortabIy on jensens chest, shouIders on jensens torso, the gods
eIbows stIII hooked beneath jareds under arms where he trIed to catch
jared when he IeII.
jareds body Is Iong but he Iooks so thIn, so uncomIortabIe, so stIII and
sIck and dead and gone.
jensen screams, Iong and Ioud. Wretched IIke an anImaIIstIc howI.
The grIeI consumes hIm. Ie doesnt have the strength to stand, to
breathe, to move Irom thIs spot. jared Is hurt and deserves to be IaId
out, cIeaned up, put to rest, but jensen just wants to spend Iorever wIth
hIm IIke thIs, wastIng away as the worId spIns and Ignores hIm. Ie
chokes on bIIe, aImost throws up, but doesnt. Ie panIcs and chokes, IIke
jared used to when the medIcIne wouId make hIm sIck.
jensen thInks about everythIng and nothIng wIth jareds body gentIy
sheItered by hIs arms. When dawn breaks, jensen IIIts hIs head. A cooI
breeze, the Iast oI the nIght, breathes over the earth and Ior once jensen
weIcomes the cooIness-doesnt IeeI It, actuaIIy, because somethIng
Iocks InsIde hIm, pushes under hIs skIn, stIII and IreezIng IIke steeI.
CoId wrath. t settIes over hIs mInd IIke a Iog, puIses around hIs heart
IIke Its the onIy thIng thats keepIng It beatIng.
Ie IInaIIy Iooks up to hIs sIster and brothers and cousIns. MIsha, Tom
and MIke are the onIy ones that are IuIIy dressed. ChrIs Is just In jeans
and bareIoot, but he has hIs gIeamIng breastpIate In pIace, obvIousIy
havIng come prepared Ior battIe. Steve Is not dressed, onIy In boxer-
brIeIs, powerIuI thIghs and chest and torso IuIIy exposed. ut hes
cIearIy the spouse and Iover and mate oI the god oI war because In hIs
hand Is a short sword.
AdrIanne stands oII Irom them aII, aIways aIooI and content that way.
Shes In her nIghtgown-a sIIky baby bIue aIIaIr wIth IrInged Iace that
just bareIy covers the curve oI her ass. Ier Ivory moon bow Is at her Ieet,
quIver and arrows on the ground and scattered behInd her.
Ier hands are staIned wIth jareds bIood where she trIed and IaIIed to
heaI jensens Iover.
umbIy, hIs eyes traveI down to where the human Mark IeIIegrInos
body IIes Iace down on the ground, two whIte arrows protrudIng Irom
hIs back, a IIttIe bIood spIattered around hIm but not anywhere the
amount that jared bIed out. AdrIannes kIII shot was quIck and reIatIveIy
paInIess.
!nIIke jareds body, Marks wIII Iook serene and heaIthy except Ior the
two hoIes In hIs chest when they turn hIm over.
"You kIIIed hIm," he whIspers, eyes wIde.
AdrIanne doesnt say anythIng, hardIy bIInks, but her sad IIps start to
twItch Into a Irown.
"You kIIIed that bastard," he repeats dIstantIy as the sun contInues to
cIImb the sky. "You kIIIed hIm, you kIIIed hIm."
ts not IaIr. ts not IaIr because jared Is gone and hIs kIIIer Is dead and
the goddess behInd aII oI that has made It ImpossIbIe Ior them-Ior
jensen-to track her down.
jared Is gone and jensen cannot do anythIng. Ie cant even avenge hIs
Iovers death.
"Ie was mIne!" jensen seethes, eyes IaIIIng back down to jared, hIs voIce
breakIng because he cant shout whenever hes IookIng Into hIs Iovers
vacant eyes. "Ie was mIne!" he whIspers.
"jensen... m... m sorry. saw bIood and you both on the ground and
he had a weapon..."
"You shouId have stayed away!" jensen snaps, shakIIy reachIng up to
cIose jareds thIn and IragIIe eyeIIds.
Ie doesnt want jared to see hIm IIke thIs. ts bad enough that the Iast
tIme that they reaIIy taIked they had argued and...
jensen had IeIt jared. Ie had IeIt hIs Iover even knowIng that It was one
oI jareds greatest Iears. t dIdnt matter that jensen was goIng to come
back. Ie stIII IeIt.
ow jareds gone and Its aII jensens IauIt.
"You had no rIght," jensen sIghs. "ow -" hIs throat tIghtens and no
matter how hard or how much he swaIIows he cant get the Iump to go
away. "ow have nothIng." Ie runs a hand through jareds haIr.
"Come on, jen," Steve says soItIy, meIodIcaIIy. "You saId the same thIng
wIth-"
"ts not the same! jared wasnt-Isnt the same as the others!" jensen
growIs, IettIng hIs power Iash out so that the whoIe worId IIashes
brIghtIy Ior a Iew heartbeats. ChrIs scowIs at hIm, IIngers IIexIng at hIs
sIdes In warnIng, but jensen doesnt care.
n Iact, hes ItchIng Ior a IIght. Ior somethIng. Ies so godsdamned
useIess. WorthIess. IIs Iover dIdnt deserve to dIe IIke thIs. jensen
shouId have done something.
"Ies my souI mate," he moans, buryIng hIs Iace Into jareds haIr once
agaIn. Ies so tIred, so steeped In grIeI he cant even see straIght, but
the wrath heIps. ts startIng to gIve hIm the strength and vIsIon. Ies
begInnIng to understand what he has to do. Soon, not yet.
"Ies my souI mate and he deaIt wIth IacheI on hIs own-on his own. Ie
Iought oII a goddess and a human and he saved my IIIe and ... cant
even kIII hIs kIIIer!"
"jensen, m... m..." AdrIanne traIIs oII, unabIe to apoIogIze Ior
somethIng she genuIneIy Isnt sorry Ior.
"t doesnt matter," jensen dIsmIsses, IInaIIy movIng Irom beneath jared
and pIckIng hIm up, arms beneath hIs shouIders and knees. IIs Iover Is
heavy wIth death, or maybe jensens arms are weak wIth It. " know who
Is responsIbIe Ior thIs."
"II start searchIng Ior IacheI ImmedIateIy," ChrIs swears.
jensen nods but doesnt Iook at hIm, he cant take hIs eyes Irom the
wound In jareds stomach and the dark staIn cakIng and dryIng on
jensens shIrt. " want her. o one eIse can have her but me," he
murmurs acerbIcaIIy. "ut she Isnt the onIy one responsIbIe Ior thIs."
Ie starts waIkIng toward theIr house, jareds Iegs and arms swayIng
IImpIy wIth the movement.
"Where are you goIng?" AdrIanne whIspers then crInges back when
jensen unIeashes a hot tendrII oI hIs IIght at her.
"m goIng to take care oI my husband," he drawIs duIIy.
"What about SophIa? And Chad? ShouIdnt they know?"
jensen doesnt answer her because he doesnt care about jareds sIster
and hIs best IrIend. ot rIght now, maybe not ever agaIn. Ie doesnt
care about anythIng except Ior cIeanIng hIs Iovers body.
And wIpIng hIs enemIes Irom oII the Iace oI thIs earth.
WIth a great amount oI patIence that he dIdnt know he couId possess In
these cIrcumstances jensen metIcuIousIy strIps jared and cIeans away
the bIood. Ie cant do anythIng about the arm or the bruIsIng or the
gapIng wound In hIs husbands stomach, but he does hIs best. Ie
dresses the wound, braces the arm to where It doesnt appear to be
smashed and twIsted. Ie washes and combs jareds haIr. Then he wraps
up hIs Iover In theIr bed sheet and he...
Ie doesnt know what to do aIter that. Ie shouId caII SophIa and Chad.
ut they wouId take jared away and arrange Ior hIs body to be burIed, a
stone set at hIs head-a IIat and austere pIece oI Iacquered rock to
represent theIr memory oI jared.
jensen doesnt want that, cant brIng hImseII to accept It. Ie cant bear
to Iook away Irom jared Iet aIone know that hes In the ground. Ie cant
just bury hIs husband and Iorget, put up a coId, grey stone wIth a Iew
InscrIbed words Ior hIs memory. jensen doesnt understand humans and
he doesnt understand death nor does understand how humans deaI
wIth death, but he cant stand to have these thIngs done to jared-and
to hImseII.
ut he doesnt know where eIse to put. the body. Ie doesnt want to
put jared on theIr bed-Ior some reason he doesnt thInk that jared
wouId IIke that. The bathroom Isnt nIce enough, IIke jared Is some dIrty
secret.
t doesnt take much more thought beIore jensen takes jareds body to
eIphI. Ie pushes away stone and dIrt In one oI the mountaIns that
overIook hIs tempIe, hoIIowIng out a tomb Ior hIs Iover. Ie IeeIs terrIbIe
Ior cIosIng jared away Irom the sun (jared wouId hate that, he aIways
Ioved waIkIng up and down the beach or pIayIng In theIr yard wIth SadIe
and IarIey) so jensen makes a pond In the Iarge cavern he created Ior
the tomb. Ie IIIIs It wIth IIowers, too. Ieaps oI them and aII coIors,
remIndIng jensen oI when he was IIrst tryIng to wIn jareds Iavor wIth
poetry and IIowers and IIttIe chocoIates and concert tIckets.
ts stIII dark, though. And wIII be darker once jensen cIoses the tomb.
jared hated the dark and he once toId jensen that a Iot oI hIs nIghtmares
took pIace In some sort oI tunneI or weII. IIs throat cIoses when he
reaIIzes that thIs tomb Is sort oI IIke jareds nIghtmares so he goes back
to the pond and touches It wIth hIs power. t starts to gIow, beautIIuI
and goIden, gIvIng the entIre cavern a decent ambIent IIghtIng.
When hes done he Ieans down, kIsses each oI jareds eyeIIds. Ie gets
Iost In hIs memorIes Ior a measure and when he bIInks away Irom them
he smIIes weakIy down at hIs husband and traces jareds paIe IIps wIth
the tIp oI hIs IoreIInger.
" have to go Ior now," jensen whIspers. "ut II be back. And II never
Ieave agaIn."
And he wont Ieave jareds sIde ever agaIn, not aIter he compIetes what
he has to do. jensen wIII drInk the poIson Irom Styx agaIn and then heII
be abIe to IoIIow jared and be wIth hIm IIke he promIsed.
ts dry and coId. jared bIInks around, bIearIIy. Ies In a cIty. A bIack and
dusty cIty wIth no sky. The buIIdIngs are duII and taII, buIIt by
nIghtmares. The aIr Is dry and cooI but the ground beneath hIs bare Ieet
Is humId. t makes no sense, IIke Its upsIde down. IIke the ground Is the
aIr and the aIr Is the ground.
And not onIy Is he bareIoot but hes bare aII over. WeII, theres thIs
IIImy... burIap sack on hIm. ts shapeIess, hangIng oII oI hIs shouIder,
comIng down mId-thIgh. t remInds hIm oI a burIap sack but he doesnt
reaIIy IeeI It on hIm at aII. ts cooI and wet IIke a teardrop, or IIke a pIece
oI Iog has been cut and IashIoned Into somethIng to just cover the
necessItIes. xcept It IeeIs see-through.
And the cIty that he Is wanderIng through Is weIrd. t Iooks IIke
somethIng Irom Lord oj the Rings. ark, grey, and smoky IIke Mordor.
xcept thIs cIty Isnt even that ornate. t doesnt even Iook built but
rcised. IIke an earthquake struck and Instead oI mountaIns It Iormed
shoddy skyscrapers made Irom coId cIay.
jareds aIone and he doesnt remember much. xcept he must remember
Lord oj the Rings and what a burIap sack Is. ut he doesnt remember
much eIse. Ie doesnt know where he Is, just that hes aIone.
xcept Ior when hes not. SometImes when he bIInks there are hundreds
-thousands-millions oI Others (not peopIe, not reaIIy, even though they
have heads and arms and Iegs and hands and Ieet theyre too wrong to
be peopIe) around hIm. Theyre IaceIess, dressed In the same strange
Iog, naked but not. Theyre just standIng there, swayIng, mouths open
and drInkIng In the cooI and dry aIr. There are shackIes on theIr Ieet--
soIId and heavy even though the Others Iook thIn and IIght enough to
IIoat rIght out oI them. TheIr eyes are vacant, bottomIess hoIes that
sometImes stare straIght up to the skyIess... sky.
SometImes they stare at jared. Some oI them seem angry and snarI at
hIm, IIpIess and gumIess and tongueIess. very other tIme he bIInks
theyre suddenIy there, IIke ghosts, and every tIme they get a IIttIe
cIoser. The Iast tIme theIr hands were stretched out, reachIng Ior hIm.
jared Iooks down and sees hIs own shackIe around hIs ankIe, though the
chaIn Isnt attached to anythIng. Ie keeps waIkIng. Ie wonders II the
Others are reaIIy stIII there even when he cant see them. Ie wonders II
they are reaI, II theyII grab hIm whIIe theyre InvIsIbIe.
jared waIks Iaster and he doesnt bIInk anymore because he doesnt
want to IInd out.
t takes a Iew mInutes too Iong Ior jensen to IIgure out where IIchard
keeps hIs matchmakIng busIness. The Ionger he waIts the more hIs
wrath darkens and deepens. The hate and anger crawIs beneath hIs
skIn IIke bIack IIngers, InkIng out hIs reason. Ie enjoys It, Iets the thrIII
oI embracIng thIs deranged passIon run through hIm. jensen Iets hIs
ImpatIence IueI hIs Intent.
Ie does eventuaIIy IInd the buIIdIng wIth IIchards precIous IuckIng
matchmakIng servIce headquarters. ts just a buIIdIng-jensen aImost
expects to be Iaced wIth a monster IIke a serpent or a CycIops. ut Its
just a IaceIess buIIdIng, kInd oI bIand and square and worthIess.
t onIy makes jensen angrIer because Its thIs-thIs building wIth Its
desks and computers and papers InsIde that caused the events that Ied
to jareds death. ThIs ugIy structure and Its petty owner Is what caused
jensens paIn.
IA Is on the brInk oI sunset-It took hIm aII day to cIean hIs Iover, to
wrap hIm up and create hIs hIdden tomb. As jensen stands on the aIr
above IIchards buIIdIng he thInks how regrettabIe It Is that he Is here
past cIosIng hours.
jensen wouId have IIked to have the hIgh body count. So the worId couId
know.
Ie IIIts hIs hands out, paIms that gIow wIth the IIre oI the heavens
stretched towards the buIIdIng. Ie takes hIs tIme. jensen caIIs the IIght
to hIm, weaves It between each brIck, each IIber oI InsuIatIon, the aIr
vents, the seams In the waIIs and cracks In the IIoors. IIght Is
unstoppabIe, It wIII aIways IInd Its way In any dark space gIven tIme.
specIaIIy wIth jensen puIIIng the strIngs oI hIs eIement.
Ie waIts untII the buIIdIng Is practIcaIIy shInIng wIth IIght Irom the
InsIde out. Then he twItches hIs IIngers-Inward towards hIs paIm-and
the buIIdIng expIodes IIke a supernova, takIng severaI other structures
wIth It.
jensen tIIts hIs head back and basks In the destructIon, In the dust and
expIosIons and the screams that rIse up IIke a chorus Irom the sIdewaIks
beIow hIs Ieet. The sIrens add to the cacophony, as do the roar oI the
IIres that spark and IgnIte. jensen adds to them, just a bIInk oI an eye to
Ian them, to make the IIames Ieap supernaturaIIy quIck, theIr IIngers
reachIng thIck and soIId IIke pIIIars toward the sky.
Ie IeeIs IIchard arrIve and IIy towards hIm and jensen grIns, sIow and
wIcked, In antIcIpatIon.
When the god oI Iove comes roarIng at hIm jensen casuaIIy dodges and
watches IIchard skId oII baIance through the aIr.
"What have you done?" hIs opponent shouts, turnIng to Iace jensen.
"You son oI a bItch, what have you done?"
jensen doesnt respond, hIs IIps are gIued together and hIs tongue
seaIed to the rooI oI hIs mouth. There Is no reaI need Ior words. Words
take tIme, words mean nothIng. Ie wants to IeeI IIchard and CharIsma
and IacheI break apart and shatter beneath hIs hands. Ie crouches
down and kIcks oII, movIng at the speed oI IIght-Iaster, maybe, IueIed
by the awIuI musIc oI hIs rampage beIow them-he comes up under
IIchards guard and drIves two IIsts just beIow the other gods sternum.
IIchard chokes on aIr, body curIIng around jensens doubIe IIsts Ior a
moment-the Impact roIIIng IIke thunder over the screams and the IIres
and the crIes oI the humans-and then he goes IIyIng back, IaIIIng
through the aIr Ior severaI meters beIore he recovers and rIghts hImseII.
jensens on hIm though beIore the recovery Is compIete, an arrow
Iormed In hIs hand he wIeIds It wIthout the bow, stabbIng at IIchard
wIth It. ts cIumsy and jensen shouId have thought to steaI ChrIss
sword (the one that jared had thought was so cooI) but jensen just
wants to hurt IIchard. Ie wants to draw bIood.
"Youre crazy!" IIchard crIes. "Youre breakIng the Iaws!"
jensen doesnt say anythIng. Ie can teII how that unnerves the other
god, though that wasnt hIs Intent. Theres just nothIng to say, onIy
thIngs to do beIore he can go and be wIth jared once agaIn. jensen kIcks
out, sweeps IIchards Ieet Irom beneath hIm, and then ImmedIateIy roIIs
to dIve on top oI the other god, arrow IIashIng IIke a soIar IIare through
the sky. IIchard kIcks up, trIes to move away, but jensen Is a Iorce that
cant be moved.
The arrow pIerces IIchards shouIder and the god oI Iove shouts, paIn so
IoreIgn to hIm (but Its not enough paIn, not near the amount oI paIn
that jared suIIered). jensen doesnt back oII, doesnt gIve IIchard the
sIIghtest second. Ie Iorms another arrow and drIves It Into IIchards
stomach-the exact spot where jared was stabbed. jensen drIves It In
and gIves It a soIId, wrenchIng twIst. IIchard gurgIes on hIs own bIood
even though hes aIready heaIIng.
CharIsma can no Ionger deny her sons dIstress so jensen Is ready Ior
her when she shows. Ie aIready has hIs bow Iormed and two arrows
snap-crackIIng through the aIr at her. Ier pretty IIps draw up Into a
snarI as she spIns away Irom them-not quIck enough, though, because
one grazes her bare arm, drawIng a drop oI bIood beIore It heaIs.
"You stupId, pathetIc bastard! Iow dare you!" she seethes, bIInkIng In
and out oI sIght to reappear over her IeIIed son, whos roIIIng and
moanIng but quIckIy puttIng hImseII together agaIn.
"jareds dead," jensen deadpans as the onIy expIanatIon. She doesnt
Iook ready Ior a IIght In her brIght red haIter dress and three Inch bIack
stIIettos and heavIIy bejeweIed throat. ot that jensen cares. Ies on her
beIore he even reaIIzes It, vIsIon tunneIIng and IosIng hIs caIcuIated
revenge to bIInd vengeance now that he sees her, the one that was
Ignorant and stupId enough to open the door Ior IacheI. She throws up
her thIn Iorearms In deIense but jensen wraps hIs Iarge hands around
them. Ie IgnItes hIs hands, IIghtIng them and CharIsmas arms on IIre.
She screams, prettIIy paInted eyes wIde In horror and surprIse.
IIchard crIes out and dIves Ior jensen but the god oI IIght gathers hIs
power and pushes wIth the IIght around hIm, sIngeIng the other god and
sendIng hIm IaIIIng toward the earth.
jensen Is so Intent on hIs hate he doesnt even IeeI AdrIanne
approachIng, but Isnt surprIsed when she shows up.
"jensen! Stop thIs!" she crIes besIde hIm, dIsgusted by CharIsmas
bIackenIng arms. "Stop It! You IooI! Stop It now! YouII be punIshed-cast
down! Stop!" AdrIanne moves to puII jensen oII but the god growIs,
swIngIng CharIsma around and shovIng her Into AdrIanne who has no
choIce but to catch the wounded goddess, eIIectIveIy keepIng her away.
Ie goes aIter IIchard because hes goIng to kIII at Ieast one oI them
tonIght-he doesnt care how, he doesnt care that Its ImpossIbIe. ut II
he kIIIs one he wIII make the other suIIer and even that wont come cIose
to what he IeeIs-wont come cIose to makIng thIngs rIght. ut Its a
start.
IIchards ready Ior hIm and throws two punches-one gIancIng oII oI
jensens shouIder when he trIes to duck and dodge but the IoIIow up
hIts hIm dead on hIs Iower back. The paIn Is Instantaneous but the god
oI IIght doesnt even bIInk-theres no paIn he can go through that heII
be abIe to reaIIy IeeI. Ie grabs IIchard by the throat, pushIng hIm
backwards and over jensens knee, whIch he sIams Into IIchards spIne.
The crcck-sncp oI the gods spIne wrenches through the aIr IIke the
IabrIc oI the sky Is tearIng apart. ven the humans can hear It even
though they cannot see the battIe takIng pIace above theIr heads. TheIr
conIused, IrIghtened crIes rIse Iouder Irom beIow.
CharIsma Is suddenIy behInd hIm, on hIs back, Iong brown Iegs wrapped
around hIs hIps as she drags a sIIver dagger across hIs throat.
ts paInIuI, but dIstantIy. Ie chokes on hIs own bIood, bItter copper
weIIIng on hIs tongue. AdrIanne screams In outrage somewhere oII to
the sIde but none oI thIs makes hIm pause or hesItate. Ie reaches
behInd hIm, grabbIng CharIsmas haIr and the back oI her neck. WIth
monstrous strength he throws her down the rest oI the way to the
ground, just a coupIe oI meters beIow them now. She crashes Into the
pavement, shatterIng It wIth the Impact so that a smaII crate cradIes her
dIrty, battered body. t just hurts her a IIttIe and shes aIready on her
Ieet, red dress torn aIong her hIp and sIde, In danger oI sIIppIng oII and
reveaIIng her naked Iorm. ot that she notIces or cares, her eyes are
wIId and angry, dartIng to her son who IeII a bIt more gentIy aIter jensen
temporarIIy broke hIs back.
jensen swIpes the bIood Irom hIs heaIed throat, shakIng It oII to spIatter
across the pavement. Iumans and IIre trucks and poIIce cars race about
them, not seeIng them but unconscIousIy avoIdIng the area where the
gods and goddesses stand.
"What are you hopIng to accompIIsh here, jensen? Ievenge Ior your
mortaI toy?" CharIsma sneers. " dIdnt want hIm dead, thats aII on
IacheI. Why the heII are you takIng It out on us Ior?"
"ecause you caIIed her here!" jensen thunders. "You caused thIs! She
was there to kIII me, to cause a war on mortaIs. ut jared saved my IIIe
and now hes dead and youre responsIbIe! Your IuckIng pettIness cost
me my husband!"
"IIease, jensen. nough oI the over dramatIcs. You may have Ioved hIm
In that pItIIuI way we can onIy Iove humans, but It was the same wIth
IyacInthus. YouII grIeve and weep and moan and move on next week."
jensen caIIs the bow and arrow and sends the arrow IIyIng so quIckIy
that CharIsma doesnt see It, much Iess have tIme to dodge. The arrow oI
IIght pIerces her stomach and aIIghts at jensens command, IgnItIng
CharIsmas body In a brIght IIre.
The goddess screams because It hurts but It cant kIII her. She burns
wIthout reprIeve.
jensen gIances brIeIIy to the sIde to see hIs twIn standIng there wIth a
Iook oI horror on her Iace. ut she doesnt move, doesnt Intervene, just
stands to the sIde and Iets jensen act on hIs thIrst Ior revenge. Ier body
Ianguage Is determIned but her eyes Iook at hIm IIke she doesnt
recognIze hIm.
Ie doesnt care. Ie IeeIs nothIng.
"jared was my souI mate!" he roars over CharIsmas screams. IIchard
crIes out Ior hIs mother and charges hIm. jensen doesnt hoId anythIng
back, burnIng knuckIes crashIng Into the other gods Iace, breakIng skIn
and bone thats heaIed beIore IIchard hIts the ground. The other god
doesnt turn back to jensen, though, Instead reachIng out and tuggIng
jensens arrow out oI CharIsmas body, gruntIng when It burns hIm.
Once the arrow Is out CharIsma coIIapses ugIy and wounded In on
herseII. IIchard tosses the burnIng arrow to the sIde.
"Ie was my souI mate and you made hIm suIIer! You kIIIed hIm! You
bItch, jared dIdnt deserve that curse! ont you understand? t
backIIred In more ways than one. Ie dIdnt just get to watch whIIe
everyone eIse around hIm IeII In Iove but he was aIso torn and shredded
by Iove-by other humans-because oI It! veryone hes ever trIed to
Iove has hurt hIm! IeIt hIm! IackmaIIed hIm! TrIed to rape hIm!" he
rants, voIce breakIng, the Ice oI hIs wrath meItIng and burnIng hot. "And
then he does IInd me-or IInd hIm. Soul mctes, you whore. We were souI
mates--jared saw It as he dIed! And because oI your damn curse and
your petty, sImperIng son he couIdnt even--we couIdnt even IIve happIIy
aIter we Iound each other!" Ie pants heavIIy, not botherIng to IIght back
the tears that burn hIs eyes. "You bItch! II kIII you! II kIII you both!" Ie
throws hIs arms out to eIther sIde oI hIm, sweepIng away and
dIsIntegratIng cars and sIdewaIk and structures In hIs wake.
"IypocrIte! You dont deserve to IIve. AII... aII jared wanted-aII ever
wanted was hIm..." he cuts hImseII oII, takes a shaky breath, tryIng to
gather hImseII up, tryIng to reIgn everythIng In and jocus It. "So m
goIng to kIII you both. m not sure how, but untII IIgure It out m goIng
to make you both suIIer as my souI mate suIIered. As suIIer wIthout
hIm," he judges them decIsIveIy, raIsIng hIs hand, not sure what hes
goIng to do but sure that hes goIng to make It hurt and burn and ache.
IIchard stands dIrty and torn In Iront oI hIs mother, whos stIII on her
knees though shes aIready heaIed, paIe wIth eyes wIde and shakIng her
head In denIaI.
jensen doesnt care. Ie doesnt care II shes havIng second thoughts, or
II shes horrIIIed wIth the truth that she was behInd the separatIon oI
two souI mates. Ie draws hIs power to hIm, the destructIon and InIerno
and screams that surround hIm a macabre symphony Ior the paIn he Is
about to InIIIct on hIs own IamIIy.
Ie IeeIs a IIIcker oI somethIng beIore hands are on hIm and puIIIng hIm
away. The worId rushes by at a dIzzyIng speed, even Iaster than when
jensen traveIs at the speed oI IIght.
When It stops he IInds hImseII taken away Irom the battIeIIeId though
Its onIy a coupIe oI mIIes away-he can stIII see the smoke and hear the
sIrens on the horIzon.
Ie whIrIs around on the one that dared take hIm away Irom hIs IIght and
bIInks, dumbIy surprIsed when he sees that Its jake.
"Iow dare you!" jensen growIs through hIs teeth, seethIng. "Iow dare
you InterIere!"
jake once agaIn smeIIs IIke death and the rot oI Tartarus. jensen
remembers that jake IeIt a whIIe ago to InvestIgate IrederIcs vauIts to
see what eIse IacheI had stoIen so they couId try to guess IacheIs
pIans.
WeII, Its too Iate Ior that now.
ut over the sIIght smeII oI rot he aIso smeIIs IIowers and grass,
sunshIne and perpetuaI sprIng. jakes been to the IysIan IIeIds.
"CooI It," jake snaps back, agItated. "Iops and Sam are on theIr way and
youre just Iucky puIIed your ass out oI there. One Iook at that
destructIon-Iuck, jensen, m pretty sure you kIIIed a Iew humans and
Injured hundreds more-and Iops wouIdnt have bIInked beIore sendIng
you straIght to IrederIc."
"Iet hIm!" jensen seethes, turnIng to make hIs way back to the battIe.
"o, you IooI!" jake grabs jensen, yankIng hIm around. "You can maybe
pIead your case Iater, but II jeII IInds you at the scene oI destructIon
theres no Get out oI Tartarus Iree Card, man."
" dont care!" jensen seethes. " dont, have nothIng to IIve Ior, nothIng
to-" he gets cut oII when jakes IIst, Iaster than even hIs godIy eye can
reaIIy IoIIow, crashes Into hIs Iace. The god oI IIght stumbIes back but
doesnt IaII, gIarIng at jake as he wIpes the bIood away.
"You moron!" jake rants. "Shut up and thInk Ior a mInute! m sorry was
Iate... IIgured out what IacheI had stoIen but had rIc on my taII and
IrederIc rIght behInd hIm. t took me too Iong to IInd a way out and Ior
that m sorry jensen. ut she stoIe somethIng eIse besIdes the chaIn,
the IeIm, and the IIask."
"The IIask? thought It was just the water Irom Styx..."
"t was. ut Its the speII buIIt Into the IIask that works wIth the water to
temporarIIy make us mortaI. ut thats not the poInt rIght now. She stoIe
somethIng eIse-an aborted project oI Iephaestuss. Ie started It a
coupIe oI centurIes ago but once Iops got wInd oI It he commanded
Iephaestus to abandon hIs pet project because It messed wIth the order
oI thIngs."
"The order...?" jensen asks dazedIy. Ies been stIII too Iong, the wrath
draInIng Irom hIm too Iast. IIs InsIdes are growIng coId and numb and
weak once agaIn, the Ioss gapIng InsIde hIm IIke a jaw wIthout teeth.
"ts... m not sure what It Is. ut IrederIc took It and IInIshed It In
Tartarus, one oI hIs crackpot projects to assert hImseII on earth
probabIy. t steaIs souIs, jensen. Whatever It Is that Iephaestus made
can steaI souIs away Irom theIr path."
jensens eyes stray to the smoke bIIIowIng up on the horIzon, not reaIIy
payIng attentIon to what hIs IIttIe brother Is teIIIng hIm. IIs mInd
screams Ior the bIood oI CharIsma and IIchard and IacheI but hIs body
Is becomIng apathetIc. Ie doesnt thInk he has the strength to IIght
agaIn. ven Ior jared.
Ie just wants jared.
jake cIaps hIs hands on jensens shouIders and shakes hIm hard. "ont
you get It?" the messenger snaps. " came back rIght aIter... you Iost
jared. And aIready knew IacheI had the souI-snatcher so went to
check-to IInd jared, to make sure she dIdnt InterIere wIth the path oI
hIs souI. Iooked everywhere In the IysIan IIeIds, jensen. jared Isnt
there."
jensen swaIIows and bIInks, mInd racIng In pIace. Ie sees jakes mouth
movIng but onIy hears "Elysicn Fields" and "]cred" and "soul-snctcher".
"What...?"
"IacheI snatched jareds souI, jensen," the messenger says soItIy,
mIschIevous eyes uncharacterIstIcaIIy soIt and sympathetIc. "WIth the
tooI Iephaestus buIIt. She took jareds souI at the pIace oI hIs death.
jensen, IrederIc IInIshed the souI-snatcher-and he knew excctly what
IacheI took but dIdnt teII us. And he trIed to keep me Irom comIng back
wIth the InIormatIon Iearned. IacheI and IrederIc hcve to be workIng
together and IacheI hcs to have jareds souI. She eIther has hIs souI
wIth her or she deIIvered jared straIght to IrederIc. jensen, your
husband couId be In Tartarus as we speak."
jensen paIes, hIs knees twInge and aImost coIIapse. jake Is quIck to
catch hIm, shouIderIng some oI jensens weIght as hIs whoIe reaIIty
spIIts and scatters.
"o, no, It Isnt possIbIe. jared Is good, hes pure-"
"t doesnt matter. I IrederIc dId succeed In IInIshIng Iephaestuss souI-
snatcher then It can take the souI away Irom Its destIned path. Iets just
hope that IacheI stIII has jareds souI, because II Its wIth IrederIc..." he
traIIs oII, IeavIng the sentence unIInIshed because Its too terrIbIe Ior
jensen to thInk about, much Iess have It saId out Ioud.
OnIy jake has the abIIIty to access IrederIcs domaIn, but even then hes
aIways a cIoseIy-watched guest. And he cant take anythIng Irom
Tartarus, especIaIIy a souI. Once somethIng Is down there, Its
ImpossIbIe to recIaIm It. TheIr Iather jeII has the power but usuaIIy cant
exercIse It wIthout causIng a major cIvII war that wouId chew up the
pIanet and spIt It back out agaIn, haII destroyed and haII gone. IrederIc
Is too seIIIsh to Iet hIs conquests go, or to aIIow hIs brother to show oII
hIs power In hIs domaIn.
I IacheI had managed to take jared down there, then theres no way to
recIaIm jareds souI, even II It Is pure. ven II It Is Innocent and beIongs
In the IysIan IIeIds.
"Where are we? We have to IInd IacheI-we have to get her beIore..." Ie
thInks oI hIs Iovers body, In the tomb surrounded by IIowers and the
trIckIe oI a pond whIIe hIs souI Is In IrederIcs cIutches, suIIerIng Ior the
rest oI eternIty. "Oh, Iuck..." jensen whIspers, stomach roIIIng and hes
goIng to be sIck.
"m goIng to kIII them aII," he pants. "m goIng to IInIsh CharIsma and
IIchard and then m goIng to sIaughter IacheI."
jake squeezes jensens shouIders. "o, you dont have tIme Ior those
two. Were at the oIIIce oI Les Destins, where the Iates are."
jensen bIearIIy studIes the buIIdIng, IInaIIy recognIzIng It.
"Maybe they can teII us a way to IInd IacheI. More ImportantIy, Iops Is
wary oI them and It wIII aIIord you some protectIon and tIme Ior hIm to
cooI hIs jets aIter he sees the destructIon you caused and how you trIed
your damnedest to kIII IIchard and CharIsma.
" wont run-" jensen starts, tIItIng hIs chIn up.
jake sIaps jensens cheek IIghtIy, gIvIng jensen a tentatIveIy teasIng
grIn. "Youre not runnIng. Youre IIndIng a way to save your gentIeman
Iove Irom a Iate worse than death that he doesnt deserve. Iets go," and
once agaIn jake doesnt gIve jensen tIme to thInk about It. Ie tugs on
jensens arm and a haII-second Iater theyre In the posh IaIr oI the three
Iates.
The IaceIess bodIes want to hurt hIm. And sInce hes dressed IIke them,
jared wonders II hes IaceIess, too. Ie reaches up and touches hIs Iace,
touches mouth and teeth and ears and eyes and eyebrows and sIghs In
reIIeI.
Ie IInds out that the Others arent as IaceIess as he thought. IIs eyes
water so he bIInks agaIn and they appear, so cIose he can IeeI theIr
breath. Ie Ireezes, breath hItchIng, and thIs tIme when he bIInks agaIn
they dont dIsappear. The Others throw hIm to the ground, puII and tear
at hIs skIn wIth theIr decayIng naIIs. They hIss and groan as they puII
hIm In aII dIrectIons, tryIng to wrench hIs arms and Iegs oII oI hIs body.
Ie crIes out and struggIes but nothIng throws them oII. IraII hands
grope hIm and puII hIs haIr. jared curses and trIes to IIght back but aII
that he can thInk about Is how theyre not as IaceIess as they Iook Irom a
dIstance In thIs dIm and hazy pIace. !p cIose they Iook IIke peopIe, Iaces
wIth dIIIerent coIored eyes, dIIIerent coIored skIn and haIr.
ut each are In varyIng Iorms oI decay. macIated so that theIr
cheekbones stIck out, IIps curIed and rotted away, reveaIIng bIack gums
and mIssIng teeth and IIappIng tongues. They moan, a chorus oI moans
and screams and gurgIIng crIes.
Theyre aII over hIm, puIIIng and tearIng. jareds so conIused they knock
hIm to the ground and swarm over hIm IIke ants, IIke...
jensen. Oh, God. ]ensen.
"jensen!" jared screams but Its drowned by the moans and groans oI
the rottIng Others swarmIng hIm. "jensen, pIease!"
jared doesnt know why hes here. Ie doesnt remember much except
Ior Lord oj the Rings and burIap sacks and jensen. jensen Is... Important.
jensen saves hIm.
"jensen!" he screams agaIn, IookIng around wIIdIy, but hes pressed to
the ground wIth rottIng, dIrty and grey skInned arms and Iegs and
torsos wrappIng hIm up tIght, and he doesnt see anyone that couId be
thIs jensen.
WIth a IurIous, panIcked cry jared bucks and struggIes. At IIrst hes
entIreIy IneIIectIve. Theres too much weIght on hIm and he cant get the
Ieverage. ut aII oI hIs pushIng and struggIIng eventuaIIy gaIns a second
oI room and he uses It to hIs advantage, kIckIng out. Theres a scream
and more room to move and jared punches up. Ie does thIs, IIghtIng Ior
every Inch he gaIns untII hes abIe to get to hIs knees. They aImost take
hIm down agaIn, two bodIes crawIIng IIke monkeys on hIs shouIders, one
tryIng to get on hIs head-tryIng to crush It In or break hIs neck. t hurts,
wrecks hIs vIsIon and he panIcs, swIngIng hIs body back and Iorth and
throws them oII even though he hears somethIng pop In hIs neck wIth
the actIon.
When jared IInaIIy makes It to hIs Ieet he runs. Ie runs and runs,
bIowIng through rottIng bodIes, runnIng over them, bare Ieet squeIchIng
on sIIck skIn and gooey InsIdes. They puII at hIs ephemeraI cIothes, hIs
haIr and IImbs. They try to trIp hIm by IungIng Ior hIs ankIes.
Ie notIces that wherever they touch hIs skIn tIngIes and aches and
burns but he doesnt have tIme to Iook. Ie runs untII there are no more
bodIes, untII he Iooks back and bIInks and bIInks and bIInks but they
dont IIIcker Into exIstence. Thats when he sIows down.
Ies tIred but hes not out oI breath and hes sure thats not normaI. Ie
Iooks down at hIs arms, whIch are stIII tIngIIng where one oI the Others
Iatched on to It. The skIn on hIs arm Is meIted and porous In the shape oI
a handprInt. eneath It he can make out hIs muscIes that have turned
grey and wIthered.
"o, no, no!" he gasps, shakIng hIs head hard In denIaI even as he Iooks
over the rest oI hIs body and sees It rottIng where the Others touched
hIm. jareds stomach roIIs and bIIe bubbIes to the back oI hIs throat
because hes awake and aIIve and rotting cwcy. And now that he sees It
hurts worse than anythIng. Ie chokes on a sob and starts runnIng agaIn,
as Iast as he can and Iaster than that, tryIng to run away Irom hIs own
body and hIs rottIng skIn.
Ie comes to a stop when he cant run anymore because theres a
gIgantIc bronze waII bIockIng hIs way. t stretches to the skyIess sky,
goes endIessIy upward IIke edge oI the worId.
jareds knees buckIe and he reaches out, usIng the waII to keep hImseII
uprIght. Ie Iets out a breath oI reIIeI when he reaIIzes that the rottIng
skIn on hIs arm has heaIed. Ie checks the rest oI hIs body, bIInkIng
rapIdIy (aIways checkIng II the Others are cIose agaIn), and Iaughs when
he IInds hIs skIn back to the paIe but smooth state It was In beIore.
"You shouId enjoy your vIctory. t Is rather ImpressIve that you were abIe
to get away Irom the Iorde."
The new voIce, rough and graveIy, comes Irom behInd. jared IIInches and
whIrIs around, wIde-eyed. ts the IIrst coherentIy Iormed words hes
heard sInce hes been here... wherever here Is.
A man stands beIore hIm, not as taII as jared but not short. Ies oIder
wIth a puckered brown Iace and short-cropped haIr. IIs twIsted smIIe
wrIngs somethIng In jareds stomach, somethIng sIck and murky and
unpIeasant. Ies In bIack Ieather pants-Ioose, though, and a bIack
Ieather vest wIth nothIng beneath that exposes hIs IIghtIy muscIed
brown chest. Ies attractIve, perIect In a way, but not as perIect as
jensen.
...Whatever that means.
Ie smIIes at jared, quIck and IIeetIng and InsIncere. Ie cIasps hIs hands
behInd hIs back and paces sIowIy, step-step-step-turn-step-step-step. Ie
unduIates cIoser to jared wIth each cycIe and jared takes an
unconscIous step back but hIs back hIts the bronze waII.
"ot many make It away Irom the Iorde. Theyre so hungry Ior youth
and IIIe. So hungry Ior Iresh skIn. They consume aII who pass theIr
terrItory. admIt when dropped you oII there dIdnt thInk you wouId
Iast more than a mInute," he tIIts hIs head In a twItchIng, bIrd-IIke motIon
that sends chIIIs up and down jareds spIne.
"ut... suppose shouId have expected as much Irom the souI mate oI a
god, even II you are human."
jareds breath hItches, eyes wIdenIng. "jensen," he murmurs.
The man smIIes wIder, ImpossIbIy wIde, IIke a cIown wIthout the red
paInt but wIth sharp teeth (lt, hIs mInd says, but he doesnt understand).
"Yes. Word traveIs Iast among us. So youre aIready begInnIng to
remember. nterestIng. guess suppose shouId deaI wIth you myseII,
then. At Ieast Ior a whIIe. AIter aII, you are my gIIt."
"..." jared traIIs oII, not sure what to say because he Isnt sure whats
goIng on or who thIs man Is. "Get the heII away Irom me," he seethes.
The mans smIIe IaIIs but hIs Iaughter rIses. IIke hes made up oI
everythIng thats dark, sIck, and endIess.
"Iunny you shouId mentIon that. thInk that we shouId start wIth
nIghtmares, jared," he smIrks, hoIdIng out hIs hands to IndIcate the
murky worId around them. "AIter aII, thIs pIace Is buIIt on nIghtmares,
and you," he poInts at jared. "Are standIng on yours."
jared shakes hIs head, conIused, but the man Ignores hIm and hoIds out
hIs hand, eyes dIrected to jareds Ieet. jared numbIy IoIIows the mans
gaze and watches detachedIy as the ground beneath hIm opens up. Ie
bIInks at It numbIy, unabIe to comprehend It beIore hes IaIIIng down a
narrow pIt. jareds stomach IIIps up to hIs throat as he IaIIs Iorever (but
he onIy IaIIs Ior three short bIInks oI hIs eyes). jared IIaIIs as he IaIIs but
the space Is so narrow that he bruIses hIs knuckIes and stumps hIs toes
on the waIIs.
Ie Iands In water, sInks down and keeps sInkIng. Ie doesnt stop and he
cant brecthe, cant breathe, cant breathe, cantbreathecantbreathe.
jareds chest constrIcts as he kIcks and punches the waIIs surroundIng
hIm, bruIsIng hImseII. Ie kIcks and kIcks and unexpectedIy breaks the
surIace somehow, gaspIng In wetIy and chokIng on water. IIs hands IIy
out bIIndIy, IookIng Ior a Iedge, Ior Iand, Ior a way to get out oI the
water. ut hIs hands onIy grasp a waII. A cIrcuIar stone waII, sIIck wIth
water and mIIdew.
jared whImpers, spInnIng round and round, IIngers gropIng at the
smooth and sIIck surIace, naIIs dIggIng Into the cracks, tryIng to crawI
out. ts so dark, just a dIm IIght comIng In Irom the top. IIs whImpers
make a strange, hoIIow, echoIng sound. The waves he makes wIth hIs
body crash crazIIy oII oI the waIIs, surgIng up Into hIs mouth, chokIng
hIm.
Oh, God. ts a weII. Ies In a weII. Ies at the bottom oI a dark weII
surrounded by coId, murky water and somehow he knows that hes
awake and theres no wcy out.
What seems IIke a mIIe above and stretchIng Iurther by the second, the
man kneeIs over the openIng. jared cant make out hIs Iace In the grey
dImness but he knows that the man Is grInnIng hIs twIsted grIn.
"ts an InterestIng Iear, jared," he caIIs down, hIs voIce reverberatIng oII
oI the waIIs and water and beatIng In jareds head and heart. "ts my
new IavorIte. SubtIe, not IIashy, and so terrIIyIng, am rIght?"
jared whImpers, "ont."
The man hums. "nterestIng. IeopIe are usuaIIy beggIng me by now. t
seems IoneIy down there, jared."
Then the mans head and shouIders Ieave jareds IIne oI sIght and the
openIng cIoses, trappIng jared at the bottom oI the weII In compIete and
utter darkness. Ie gasps, IeeIIng IIke hes drownIng even though hes
above the water and breathIng aIr. jareds eyes wIden but he cant get
any more IIght In-he cant see.
SomethIng IIeshy bumps agaInst hIs ankIe and caII. jared chokes on
nothIng and scrambIes away Irom the touch but theres nowhere to go.
A quIet splcsh sounds In hIs prIson and the thIng Is touchIng hIs
shouIder and chest. Ie crIes out and pushes the thIng away but It
bounces agaInst the waII and comes rIght back, touchIng more oI jared.
ts not movIng on Its own, though, just roIIIng on top oI the water.
jareds heart hIs racIng but theres nothIng eIse to do but reach out hIs
hands and IeeI what It Is. ts unreaI to the touch, turgId but sIImy and
about haII the Iength oI jared. Ie keeps touchIng and IeeIs a head and
arms. ts a body. A corpse. A IaceIess and IegIess corpse.
jared screams.
The Iates are In aImost the exact same posItIon as they were Iast tIme.
Iauren Is to the sIde, IeanIng dIspassIonateIy on the sIngIe desk.
KatherIne on the couch, dressed In a tIght whIte haIter top that stops
above her beIIy button and a smaII whIte skIrt. Shes wearIng a bIack
Iace veII over her skeIetaI Iace, bIg eyes bIInkIng behInd It.
"m mournIng jared," she sIngsongs when jensens eyes IInger on her
Ior a second Ionger than Iauren.
"We aII are," anneeI Intervenes, standIng beIore hIm In a Ioose knIt top
that hangs oII oI her bare shouIders. Ier haIr Is down, her bangs are In
her eyes, and the IIIrty smIIes and eyes are both vacant.
"t was hIs tIme," Iauren echoes them, her voIce resoundIng and
resoIute. She wouId know. She had measured jareds thread oI IIIe wIth
her own hands.
jensen shakes hIs head In denIaI. "t wasnt-he was taken. Ie was
taken away Irom me too earIy."
"o," Iauren answers, unIorgIvIng, emphatIc. "t was the end oI hIs
mortaI IIIe."
jensen growIs, grIeI agaInst gravIty up hIs throat, creatIng an anImaIIstIc
and wounded cry. anneeI IIInches at the sound. KatherIne throws her
head back and reveIs In It. Iauren doesnt even bIInk.
"You bItch!" jensen crIes, steppIng towards Iauren, but jakes arm
swIngs out In Iront oI jensens chest, barrIng hIs advance.
"Iemember why were here! We dont have tIme Ior thIs!" he snaps at
jensen and the god oI IIght shakes hIs head, shakIng oII the haze oI
mournIng. jakes rIght-whats wrong wIth jensen? Where has hIs
reason gone? Ied aIready sIIpped back Into hIs aII consumIng grIeI over
jared beIng gone and had Iorgotten that jared Is stIII In troubIe.
"t may have been the end oI hIs mortaI IIIe but IacheI took hIm to
Tartarus and he doesnt deserve that-thats not where he beIongs,"
jakes says, young Iace meetIng the Iates braveIy. "And even you know
that. She took hIs souI Irom Its destIned path, she screwed wIth your
pIan," he says cIearer and Iouder, bIue eyes chaIIengIng. "And you have
to heIp us at Ieast set that rIght."
The three are sIIent Ior a Iong tIme. They dont Iook at each other, bareIy
move, but theIr eyes grow vacant IIke they are communIcatIng wIth each
other wIth theIr unheard song oI destIny or something. jensens not sure
and doesnt care, he just knows that hes not above beggIng. jake
brought them here Ior a reason. These three are jensens onIy hope oI
gettIng jared out oI eternaI suIIerIng.
"IIease," jensen whIspers, not aIraId to Iet the tears weIIIng anew In hIs
eyes show.
"We dont have to heIp you do anythIng," KatherIne Is the IIrst to say,
voIce croakIng wIth tImeIessness.
"ut IacheI dId take jareds souI Irom Its destIned path," anneeI poInts
out.
"othIng happens that Isnt supposed to." Iauren adds wIth IInaIIty and
jensen IeeIs hIs heart drop to hIs Ieet wIth such dIzzyIng speed that he
thInks he mIght coIIapse.
"What?" he chokes, searchIng Ior enough anger to IntImIdate the three
goddesses but cant seem to IInd It amIdst aII oI the shock. "Thats
ImpossIbIe. jared Isnt supposed to be In Tartarus."
"o," anneeI agrees. "ut yes at the same tIme."
"Thats buIIshIt! And thIs Is your IauIt, do you reaIIze that? You knew thIs
was goIng to happen! You knew and you couId have stopped It!"
"ts onIy our job to know," Iauren murmurs. Ier cIear eyes are stIII
dIstant, stIrrIng the dust oII oI the IabrIcs oI tIme.
"And we dId try to warn you, honey buns," KatherIne hums, IIngerIng the
bottom oI her bIack veII.
"You dIdnt!"
"We dId," anneeI says, soIter than the other two, her eyes strIcken
where KatherInes Is mockIng and Iaurens caIcuIatIng and dIstant. "We
asked you II you wondered. We couId not have gIven you any more
InIormatIon. We couId onIy make It so that you wondered-so that you
started askIng questIons and seekIng answers beIore It was too Iate."
"ut you dIdnt," KatherIne trIIIs. "You dIdnt. ts aIrIght, my sweet, the
odds were agaInst you."
"You dIdnt wonder," Iauren enuncIates, tossIng her Iong brown haIr oII
oI her shouIder, words echoIng the ones that they asked hIm aII oI those
many weeks ago (but not Iong enough, jensen dIdnt have Iong enough
wIth jared). "You dIdnt wonder why aII oI these gods and goddesses
were In Ios AngeIes, around IacIIIc IaIIsades-around jared."
"ts not Ior the ocean vIew, jenny," KatherIne chortIes, stretchIng out on
the couch.
"jared drew you-aII oI us but especIaIIy you, jensen, here to thIs pIace,"
anneeI says quIetIy, subdued.
"Why? Iow?" jensen asks beIore shakIng hIs head and scowIIng at them
Ior pIayIng theIr sIIIy games and not gettIng to the point. "ot that It
matters because jareds dead and IacheI stoIe hIs souI. We need to IInd
her beIore she takes jared Into Tartarus."
"t Is too Iate," Iauren InIorms hIm IIke shes teIIIng hIm the days
weather Iorecast. "jared was In IrederIcs hands by the dawn oI hIs
passIng. IacheI owed a debt."
"Then teII me how to get In! wont Iet jared stay down there! wont Iet
hIm hurt even In death!"
"We cant get you to jared," anneeI Is smIIIng now, brIght whIte teeth
peekIng out Irom between prettIIy gIossed IIps. "ut we can get you to
IacheI."
"d IIke to strIng up the bItch myseII," jake cuts In beIore jensen can
respond. "ut how does that heIp jared?"
anneeIs smIIe turns Into a beam. She practIcaIIy bounces on her toes
and cIaps her hands twIce In excItement. "We can get you to IacheI,"
she repeats.
jensens torn. Ie wants to IInd IacheI, wants to kIII her, rIp her head oII,
hauI her down to Tartarus and hang her Irom the sky by Iron spIkes. ut
they need to IInd jared.
"IeIIo?" jake snorts, crossIng hIs arms dIsbeIIevIngIy. "IeIm oI arkness
rIngIng any beIIs? I we couId IInd IacheI none oI thIs wouId have
happened In the IIrst pIace."
"ut the cIrcumstances havent been rIght Ior you to IInd her when shes
cIoaked by the IeIm untII now," Iauren poInts out duIIy though her eyes
are more Iocused-anchored In the now and starIng IntenseIy at jensen,
willing hIm to understand.
"Your sweet IIttIe souI mate has opened the way Ior you to IInd IacheI,
but tImes runnIng out," KatherIne says, serIous Ior once as she unIoIds
herseII and stands up.
"What are you taIkIng about? IIndIng IacheI-m goIng to do that. And
m goIng to take my tIme wIth her. ut Its more Important now to get
jared out oI Tartarus beIore hes swaIIowed up!" jensen InsIsts, voIce
rIsIng.
"Stop beIng buII headed and reason thIs out. ts Important that you IInd
IacheI now, whIIe the wIndow oI opportunIty Is stIII open."
jake gets It IIrst, jensen watches hIs bIue eyes wIden Irom hIs proIIIe.
"jen," he gasps In understandIng. "She has that souI-snatcher thIng. t
can carry souIs Into Tartarus. And gods are souIs-you are a souI," he
turns, grInnIng at jensen who IInaIIy catches on.
"And you can carry It!" jensen IInIshes. ts not IdeaI, but gods are pure
souI and II he can IoId hImseII Into that souI-snatcher oI Iephaestuss
and jake couId maybe get the IeIm oI arkness then jake couId carry
jensen Into Tartarus undetected, gIvIng jensen tIme to IInd jared.
WIth the IeIm, jensen mIght even be abIe to get them aII out oI Tartarus.
"So, IacheI. Iow do we IInd her? Iow Iong do we have?" jensen
demands, turnIng back to them.
"Oh, ImagIne II he used that tone In bed," KatherIne hums breathIIy, eyes
dancIng behInd her veII.
"Kathy," Iauren snaps.
"Too soon?" KatherIne pokes her IIp out.
"td be best II you dIdnt speak anymore, Kathy," anneeI says,
scowIIng. KatherIne sImpers and IdIy twIrIs her bIonde haIr.
"IacheI!" jensen snaps. "Get to the poInt! have a IeeIIng we dont have
any tIme IeIt."
"jareds souI," anneeI grIns, daIntIIy pushIng her bangs out oI her Iace.
"You can trace It-Its IIngerprInts. ut onIy beIore a IuII twenty-Iour
hours have passed sInce hIs death."
"IIs souI?" jensen asks, awed.
"Yeah. A souI Is... a compIex and brIght thIng, even a human souI. ts
too powerIuI to be gone wIthout a trace. tII Ieave a traII, a wake In Its
path, even when Its trapped In Iephaestuss devIce made oI metaI and
IIre and bIack curses," anneeI expIaIns.
"specIaIIy a souI meant Ior a god--a gods souI mate," KatherIne
Interjects, juttIng one hIp out.
"You know about that?" jensen asks, awed.
"OI course. jared was aIways meant Ior you and you Ior hIm. We were
there when CharIsma cursed jareds Iather and we Intervened, aIterIng
the curse. CharIsma saId that jared wouId be surrounded by Iove and
unabIe to IInd Iove oI hIs own," anneeI remInds hIm, tryIng to be gentIe
but a chIId-IIke spark Is too busy dancIng behInd her eyes. "ut you two
are souI mates whIch Is stronger than even the curse oI a goddess. And
he dIdnt IInd Iove, technIcaIIy, you Iound him. Our InterventIon Insured
that the curse wouIdnt keep that Irom happenIng."
"ut the curse evoIved ItseII as weII, aIIowed jared to be abIe to sense
souI mates and thus abIe to hear them- ImagIne It overwheImed hIm
when a god or goddess was near and used theIr powers as our whoIe
beIngs are souIs. When we put our touch on the curse It aIso aIIowed
hIm to be abIe to see souI mates," Iauren IInIshes.
"The red strIng," the god murmurs.
"OI course the red strIng, darIIng. Thread Is our sIgnature," KatherIne
wInks at hIm.
"ut how do we IoIIow jareds souI?" jake Interposes ImpatIentIy, eyes
dartIng around In awareness, cIearIy more concerned about theIr Iather
and Sam IIndIng them than jensen Is.
"WIth thIs," Iauren says, caIIIng a brIght crystaI In her hand the Iength
oI her Iorearm and as bIg around as two oI jensens IIngers. She waIks
over careIuIIy and hands It to jensen who hoIds It reverentIy. IeerIng
cIoseIy jensen sees that the crystaI ItseII Is reIatIveIy worthIess though It
hums wIth varIous speIIs the Iates have cast. nsIde, though, Is a Iong
coII oI sIIver thread, IIoatIng suspended wIthIn the conIInes oI the
crystaI.
"ts an InventIon oI ours," Iauren expIaIns, her hand hoverIng aImost
aIIectIonateIy over the crystaI. "evIsed aImost a century ago now when
we IIrst encountered jared on our Ioom."
"Youve... been pIannIng thIs," jensen whIspers, not sure II he shouId
IeeI angry or grateIuI.
"There were many dIIIerent paths, but thIs the most sure," anneeI
nods. "When you get to jareds body you must break the crystaI over
jareds IIps. The thread must touch jareds IIps IIrst."
"IIrst?" jensen echoes, IookIng up dazedIy Irom the crystaI In hIs hand,
heart hammerIng wIIdIy In hIs chest. Ie was goIng to IInd the
orchestrator oI jareds death. Ie was goIng to IInd a way to rescue
jared. Ie was goIng to be wIth hIs Iove agaIn.
"A kIss Is needed," KatherIne coos merrIIy. "IIke a IaIrytaIe endIng In
reverse."
"The IIps are where the souI exIts and enters the body," anneeI
expIaIns.
"The thread must touch jareds IIps IIrst and absorb the IIngerIng
IIngerprInt oI hIs souI there," Iauren starts onIy to be Interrupted by
KatherIne who cIasps her hands beneath her chIn and sways dreamIIy
back and Iorth.
"And then you must kIss hIm!"
"ecause you are hIs souI mate, the other haII oI hIs souI," Iauren
IInIshes, sendIng a mIIdIy annoyed Iook KatherInes way.
"And then?" jensen asks, nearIy breathIess.
"Then you IoIIow the path the thread weaves," anneeI IInIshes
omInousIy.
"What does thIs have to do wIth IacheI?" jake growIs, IIngers drummIng
hIs hIps nervousIy.
"Shes on the path jareds souI took. ts IIngerprInts are aII over,
especIaIIy on her hands Irom where she carrIed jared Into the
!nderworId."
jensen brIstIes at the thought that her crueI hands heId any pIece oI
jared. Ie remembers moments beIore jareds death, IacheI twIstIng and
snappIng hIs husbands arm so that It hung mangIed and IImp and
twIsted.
"ut thIs wIII take you straIght to IacheI. You must be prepared Ior a
IIght," Iauren remInds them, dIsruptIng jensens thoughts and dark
memorIes.
KatherIne steps up to hIm, standIng on her tIptoes and brIngIng jensen
down by the back oI hIs neck, kIssIng hIm through her bIack Iace veII,
her Iree hand stuIIIng a pIece oI paper Into hIs.
"Mm," KatherIne sIghs, bIg eyes bIInkIng rapIdIy In ecstasy when she
puIIs away. "ve wanted to do that Ior a whIIe."
"Get away Irom me!" jensen huIIs, pushIng her back and gIancIng at the
IoIded parchment she put In hIs hand. "What Is thIs?"
"A speII you mIght want to know beIore you go down under," KatherIne
expIaIns gIeeIuIIy. "tII heIp you IInd jareds souI. YouII be In IrederIcs
domaIn. I he IInds you there he couId make you wander Ior centurIes
untII you IInd jared and by then your IIttIe souI mate wouId be rotten and
unrecognIzabIe."
"And the Ionger youre In there, IeIm oI arkness or not, the Iaster
IrederIc wIII notIce. ThIs speII wIII heIp you get In and IInd jared and get
back out. ut you need a Iew IngredIents Irom earth beIore you go,"
Iauren seamIessIy contInues.
jensen unIoIds the parchment, IrownIng. "t says... the bIood oI the souI
stIII IIvIng. Thats ImpossIbIe!" jensen snaps.
"jared has IamIIy, doesnt he?" KatherIne pouts and shrugs.
"ts past sunset and you must go now. jeIIrey and Samantha are on theIr
way, dIspIeased wIth your actIons. I they are abIe to catch up wIth you
beIore you get to IacheI then It wIII waste tIme youII Iose the
opportunIty to IInd her and the tooIs that she carrIes," anneeI says,
eyes dartIng past them and jensen aIso IeeIs the ImpendIng arrIvaI oI
theIr Iather, just mInutes away now.
jake nods serIousIy, turnIng to jensen. "II come wIth you. They wont be
abIe to catch you II youre wIth me."
jensen nods In gratItude and turns to Ieave.
"jensen? You mIght not want to kIII IacheI just yet," Iauren muses.
"Why?" jensen scoIIs but theres a poppIng In hIs ears, In hIs braIn, IIke
eIectrIcIty mountIng In the room. The buIIdIng shakes wIth the
ImpendIng arrIvaI oI jeII and hIs Immense power.
"TIme to go, bro," jake shouts over the roar, curIIng hIs IIngers Into
jensens shIrt, and then theyre careenIng Iaster than the speed oI IIght
out oI Ios AngeIes, out oI CaIIIornIa and AmerIca, straIght to Greece and
eIphI. To jareds tomb.
jared screams and screams, arms IIaIIIng IIke he couId punch away the
water, Iegs kIckIng at the waIIs IIke he couId run up them. Ie screams
untII hes hoarse, untII he doesnt have a voIce. Ie screams Ior jensen
who never comes.
The IaceIess and IegIess body touches hIm, Is aIways on hIm, sometImes
roIIIng on top oI hIm when jared IIaIIs so much the dIsturbed water
tosses wIIdIy. Some spIashes In hIs mouth. Too many tImes the bIoated
dead body Is thrown agaInst jareds Iace and mouth.
jared throws up every tIme that happens untII the weII smeIIs oI dark
and IoneIy and sIck and death. !ntII ]cred starts to smeII dark and sIck
and dead.
ut he stIII kIcks and swaIIows murky, sIImy water. Ie chokes on It,
becomes sIck, nearIy drowns as he throws up and then the body rubs
agaInst hIs downturned Iace and makes hIm do It agaIn. Ie thrashes
untII hes tIred, IImbs heavy and numb IIke anvIIs. jared IInaIIy treads
water pItIIuIIy weak and worn, hIs sobs reduced to dry, raspy tears
because he doesnt have the energy to cry anymore. The water Is coId,
IIke Ice. t makes hIm more tIred, makes hIm shIver and shudder.
IatIgue curIs through hIm, puIIIng at hIs skIn and eyeIIds. The grotesque
corpse begIns to sInk, bumpIng down the Iength oI jareds body and
IIngerIng around hIs ankIes. t makes hIm IeeI worse, makes hIm even
more IrIghtened because even though he couIdnt see It when It was
besIde hIm now Its beneath hIm and lurking. ventuaIIy the IatIgue
becomes too heavy and jared begIns to sInk, too. own, down, down
towards the bIoated, sIIck body.
Ie IIghts It, he IIghts It because he doesnt want to sInk, doesnt want to
gIve up. Theres somethIng hes IIghtIng Ior, somethIng that hes IIvIng
Ior.
Ies waItIng Ior jensen.
"Youre persIstent," the mans voIce Irom earIIer echoes In the water, In
the waIIs.
"Iet me out," jared demands weakIy, Iungs watered down, teeth
chatterIng uncontroIIabIy.
"ts so cute how you thInk wIII IIsten to you," the mans voIce scoIIs.
"StIII, ve Iost Interest In your struggIes, and sInce youve screamed
yourseII sIIent theres nothIng beautIIuI to IIsten to anymore."
"Ieave me aIone..." jared whIspers, trIes not to start cryIng agaIn,
though thats easy because hes so IuckIng angry and dIsgusted.
The corpse hes swImmIng wIth bobs about hIs ankIes IIke a broken pooI
toy.
"Iet you out or Ieave you aIone? WhIch Is It, jared?"
"Who are you?" jared moans. "Why are you doIng thIs to me?"
"m your Iovers uncIe, though personaIIy couId care Iess Ior hIm or my
other reIatIons Ior that matter." SomethIng coId and hard and heavy
Iatches on jareds wrIsts, brIngIng hIm down under the water so
suddenIy that jared stupIdIy trIes to scream but onIy ends up InhaIIng
Icy coId water. The bIoated body bumps and roIIs agaInst hIm but Ior
once jared doesnt pay attentIon because hIs body seIzes wIth the water
In hIs Iungs. IIs head bursts wIth paIn and he thInks he mIght... he
mIght... dIe Isnt the rIght term.
jareds pretty sure that hes aIready dead.
Then whatevers on hIs wrIsts wrench hIs arms paInIuIIy above hIs head
and It makes no sense how, but hes IIIted out oI the water. Ie chokes
and coughs and sputters when hIs mouth hIts the aIr. Ie shakes hIs
head, bIInkIng the water out oI hIs eyes, but Its stIII dark around hIm,
pItch bIack, and he cant see whats got hoId oI hIs wrIsts. They IeeI coId
and hard and unIorgIvIng, though. IIke handcuIIs or shackIes.
"esIdes," the voIce contInues as jared Is sIowIy raIsed wIth aII oI hIs
weIght on hIs shouIders. "You were gIven to me as a bargaInIng chIp.
You screwed wIth the pIan but you may come to have use yet. WhIIe
was hopIng Ior the souI oI a god to torment down here must say that
you, a gods souI mate, are just as deIIcIous... In your own useIess IIttIe
way, that Is."
The entrance to the weII that had cIosed on jared what IeIt IIke days ago
opens up and weak grey not-IIght IIoods In. ts stIII dIm but Its brIghter
than the pItch bIackness and stIII burns jareds eyes.
"Youre rather entertaInIng, anyway. And Itd been gettIng so borIng
down here. cant even be topsIde to see the resuIts oI the war that
IacheIs just pIanted the seeds oI."
jareds eyes begIn to bIearIIy adjust to the IntrusIon oI IIght and he Iooks
around. Ies beIng IIIted Irom the weII, passIng mIIdewed stone brIck by
brIck. Ie Iooks down and sees the not-IIght reIIect oII a corner oI the
churnIng water beIow hIs dangIIng whIte Ieet. The body Is gone-or he
just cant see It but he stIII IeeIs the phantom touches oI the decayed. Ie
Iooks up and Iron manacIes are attached to hIs wrIsts, a chaIn between
them, though an InvIsIbIe Iorce Is IIItIng the chaIn and jared. The chaIn
has no end, just extends endIessIy above hIm to the skyIess sky.
The man Irom beIore watches jareds progress wIth dIstant amusement.
Ie smIrks when he notIces jareds eyes on hIm. "m back, boy. AImost
Iorgot about you," the man smIrks, more twIsted than beIore.
jared cant respond, hes wheezIng too hard, shakIng too vIoIentIy, and
hIs throat Is raw Irom hIs screams anyway. WIth a IIIck oI the mans wrIst
jared Is sIowIy Iowered to hIs Ieet. ut hIs Iegs are too weak to hoId hIm
up and he coIIapses to hIs knees, the puII on the manacIes dIsappearIng
so that hIs wrIsts crash to the ground. Ies on hIs eIbow and knees,
body quIverIng and beggIng hIm to IIe aII the way out on the humId
ground to rest.
ut he doesnt. ts Important that he doesnt gIve In. Ie doesnt beIong
here, oI that jared Is sure, and Its Important that he doesnt gIve In IIke
he does beIong here.
The man kneeIs and pats jareds wet head, strokIng hIs haIr. "Good boy,"
the man husks out mockIngIy.
The humIIIatIon rankIes jared and he Iunges at the man wIth a growI. ts
weak but jareds shouIder rams Into the mans Iegs. !nIortunateIy hIs
eIIorts onIy end wIth jared sprawIed on the ground, whImperIng wIth the
InabIIIty to get up agaIn, and the man standIng-IoomIng-over hIm.
"Youre a paIn In the ass, just IIke your Iover."
A spIke oI paIn--a good kInd oI paIn, II there ever was any--burns In
jareds head, hot IIngers tIckIIng hIs mInd.
"jensen," he whIspers.
"Yes, your souI mate, bIah bIah bIah," the man groans, bored. jared cant
Iook and see hIm whIch Is okay because Its IIke hIs mInd has been
asIeep. IIke hIs memorIes had IIattened themseIves and paved the way
Ior conIusIon and Iear and anger. ut now theyre rIsIng up, InIIatIng
and crowdIng hIs head, pressIng Irom the InsIde out.
"jensen," jared repeats agaIn, IInaIIy beIng abIe to put a Iace-a
beautIIuI and perIect Iace-to the name. "m... and jensen. IacheI and...
Mark," jared gasps, pantIng and heavIng Into the IIImy ground as the
Iast moments oI hIs IIIe erect themseIves. IacheI and Mark, and jensen
hurt and weakened. Then unbeIIevabIe paIn and agony, a phantom red
strIng.
And then jared had been wrapped up tIght and ImpossIbIy smaII, sIeepy
In conIInes even whIIe It IeIt IIke he was beIng puIIed In a thousand
dIIIerent dIrectIons.
Then waIkIng endIessIy, the ghostIy rottIng Iorde.
"Youre IrederIc," jared gasps, shakIIy tryIng to get hIs IImbs under hIm.
"Youre Iades."
"CIever, cIever boy," IrederIc praIses saccharIneIy, casuaIIy reachIng out
and toeIng jareds hand out Irom beneath hIm, makIng jared coIIapse to
the ground wIth a paIned gasp. "You do catch on quIck."
" shouIdnt be down here," jared coughs.
"o, oI course not. ut IIke saId, you were a gIIt. IacheI stoIe some
thIngs Irom me and demanded payment. She was goIng to hand deIIver
me the souI oI your Iover ApoIIo but you went aII heroIc and dIed Ior hIm.
A pure souI oI sacrIIIce coupIed wIth the Iact that youre the mate oI a
god? t makes you a powerIuI tooI and weapon oI mIne. SomethIng can
brag about havIng and a nIce IIttIe power source Ior some oI my pet
projects."
jared once agaIn trIes to get up, thIs tIme managIng to get to hIs hands
and knees. "You taIk too much."
"ts true," IrederIc says and jareds pretty sure by the tone oI hIs voIce
that hes shruggIng careIessIy above hIm. "ut Its not IIke ve got a Iot
oI peopIe to taIk to down here. Most are IIke 'who are you? and 'pIease
dont hurt me and 'pIease make It stop," he mocks wIth a nasaI whIne.
"The war. What were you taIkIng about earIIer?" jared asks because...
weII, because he doesnt want IrederIc to throw hIm back In the weII or
some other torture. Ie wants tIme to understand where he Is, what
happened, and he just reclly wants to dIstract IrederIc.
Oh God, oh God. jareds dead. And apparentIy In Tartarus. And thats...
not good. ot rIght. ThIs shouIdnt have happened. Tears burn hIs eyes
and threaten to IaII. Iow couId thIs be? jared knows that he shouIdnt
beIong here-doesnt beIong here. mpossIbIe. !nIess Its the penaIty oI
mortaIs who Iove a god. ut couId he not even be at peace In death? Ie
wonders II jensen even knows that hes down here and II jensen wIII
save hIm.
ecause... because jared doesnt want to be down here, not In thIs IIImy
nIghtmare cIty, not In thIs reverse upsIde down worId wIth thIs god
IordIng over hIm, torturIng hIm. The wrongness, the urge to Ieave and
get out now crawIs sandpaper-rough beneath hIs skIn. Ie wants out so
bad he hurts.
So jared asks about the war, because he cant stand to thInk oI anythIng
eIse. Ie has to keep It together, at Ieast whIIe hes In Iront oI thIs god
who IeeIs so dIIIerent Irom jensen. OIder, stronger, heavIer. IIs souI
sounds IIke everythIng surroundIng jared, IIke jared Is trapped In thIs
gods souI and not some physIcaI pIace.
And maybe jared Is.
"The orIgInaI pIan oI IacheIs-brIIIIant gIrI, reaIIy-was to not onIy pay
me back Ior the thIngs she stoIe but to cause a IIttIe chaos as weII." Ie
squats besIde jared, Ieather creakIng as he moves. !p cIose he smeIIs
IIke cooked meat and hate. jared trembIes when he Iooks up at IrederIc
out oI the corner oI hIs eye. "IIke saId, you were supposed IIve. Or at
Ieast be skIppIng around In the IysIan IIeIds. jensen shouId be In your
pIace- bet you regret your heroIcs now, dont you? I you knew thIs was
goIng to happen, wouId you have stIII saved your precIous Iover,
wonder?"
jareds IIp curIs. "OI course, oI course wouId. AnythIng Ior jensen," he
says even as somethIng weak and petty wIthIn shIvers wIth doubt.
IrederIc pats jareds head agaIn. "You just hoId on to that IeeIIng," he
says, mock-supportIve beIore he shoves jared. Ie coIIapses to the
ground agaIn wIth a cry, hIs body shakIng wIth IatIgue though he sends
a gIared at the god oI heII.
"Anywcy," he contInues. " was supposed to have jensen down here. Ie
was supposed to be kIIIed by a mortaI. The gods-especIaIIy hIs twIn and
Ares-wouId bIame that human as weII as aII other humans. They wouId
have attacked wIthout scrupIe, Intent on revenge. Other gods wouId try
to stop them, tryIng to adhere to my brothers rules. War between mortaI
haters and mortaI sympathIzers couId have been sparked. ut then you
just had to step In and take the knIIe meant Ior jensen."
Ie pauses, steps on jareds back, pushIng hIm deep Into the humId
ground. Ie just stands there, both Ieet on jareds spIne, gettIng heavIer
and heavIer untII It IeeIs IIke jareds goIng to be snapped In haII. Ie just
bareIy bItes hIs IIp In tIme to keep the cry Irom IaIIIng out, but he cant
stop the convuIsIng whImper that vIbrates In hIs throat.
"ut you work out just as weII. Maybe better. ecause jensen wIII try hIs
damnedest to sIaughter IIchard and CharIsma, the sImperIng IooIs. Or
heII take out hIs rage on the human popuIatIon. My brother and hIs baII
and chaIn wIIe wIII have to Intervene, oI course, and punIsh jensen Ior
breakIng the Iaws but jensens twIn and IrIends wIII try to protect hIm
and IIght back and, hey. What do you know? War oI the gods. And whIIe
that Is goIng on, get to do my best to get out oI thIs hoIe-Iet jeII be
trapped down here Ior a whIIe."
SIIence draws out where jared cant Iorm a response because he cant
breathe wIth IrederIcs weIght on hIs back.
"o more snarky responses, then?" IrederIc mocks. "WeII, aIrIght. Iets
put you up to dry, shaII we? And the Iorde want another shot at you,
thInk."
SuddenIy IrederIcs weIght Is oII oI hIm and the manacIes jerk hIm In the
aIr. n the bIInk oI an eye hes over the cIty agaIn, hIgh up, but beIow Is
the Iorde, naked and rottIng and hungry, aII standIng stIII and starIng
up at hIm wIth gIassy IIdIess eyes that are dark and starvIng.
"And to thInk, jared," IrederIc says Irom beIow. The Iorde dont touch
hIm and In Iact scrambIe on top oI each other to get away Irom hIs reach.
"jensen doesnt even know youre down here wIth me. And even II he
dId, theres no way he can come and save you because onIy can
determIne who comes and goes In my reaIm."
jared shakes hIs head and wants to say somethIng IIke "You wont get
away wIth thIs." ut Its IIke ash on hIs tongue because theIr pIan hcs
succeeded. And even II jared dId have somethIng useIuI to say he
couIdnt muster It. ecause hes stuck here Ior eternIty and jensen wont
be abIe to save hIm thIs tIme.
"II Iet you thInk on that Ior a whIIe. Were just gettIng started." And
then IrederIc Is gone-just gone In a bIInk oI an eye. ut someone eIse
stands In hIs pIace, ghostIy reaI In the mIdst oI the Iorde.
"jared," the newcomer sneers up at hIm, dark eyes IIashIng wIth
contempt.
jared bIInks, stunned, peerIng down through the hazy not-IIght. Ie
swaIIows and even though hes hIgh In the aIr hIs Iegs scrambIe
sIuggIshIy because he can never be Iar enough away Irom, "ad."
jareds Iather sneers up at hIm. Ie Iooks exactIy as he dId the day he IeIt
-the Iast day jared ever saw hIm. IIe crawIs up jareds throat but so
does anger and hate and maybe a smaII amount oI Iear. IIs Iather never
hIt them but he hated them-or he resented Mama and toIerated SophIa
but he hated jared Ior as Iong as jared couId remember.
"jared," hIs Iather spIts agaIn. "Youre stIII pathetIc. m so gIad got out
oI that house-away Irom you. couIdnt stand you and aII oI your
screamIng and cryIng. had to Ieave- dIdnt want anythIng to do wIth a
retarded, crazy son."
jared whImpers and somewhere InsIde he knows that thIs Isnt hIs Iather
-just an echo oI hIm. t cant be hIm because he Iooks the same-hes
even wearIng the same cIothes as the day he IeIt. And the Iorde Isnt
touchIng hIm, Isnt actIng as II they even see hIm.
ut jareds tIred, so tIred, and he hurts so much. And hIs Iather Is
IookIng up at hIm wIth dIsgust and jared cant heIp but IeeI so damn
worthIess.
"Wasnt crazy. m not crazy," jared whIspers and hIs Iather scoIIs.
"Yes you are-eIther that or youre an attentIon whore. AIways
screamIng, aIways cryIng to your mother about hearIng thIngs. trIed to
get her to send you away but she wouIdnt, so IeIt Instead."
jared Iets hIs eyes wander bIankIy away Irom hIs Iather, IookIng at the
Iorde Instead and theIr depthIess eyes. They stand and stare at hIm,
mouths open, IIke IIttIe bIrds waItIng Ior the worm to drop Into theIr
beIIIes.
"Youre a Ireak, jared," hIs Iather says harshIy, drawIng jareds eyes
back to hIm.
"o. m not," he mutters back. "m not. hear- hear souIs. was
cursed-you were cursed. ts your IauIt."
ut hIs Iather doesnt IIsten-hIs Iather never listens. "Youre a Ireak, an
attentIon sIut. Youre the reason IeIt. couIdnt stand the sIght oI you-
oI her IovIng you more than me. Youre no son oI mIne."
jared reIeases a shaky breath and trIes to Ignore hIs Iather, twIstIng In
on hImseII on the InsIde. Ie remembers beIng shoved down In the
kItchen, remembers hIs Iather standIng over hIm, remembers the
stIngIng sIap agaInst hIs cheek and dIsgust In hIs Iathers eyes.
"Youre no son oI mIne," hIs Iather says as the Iorde starts cIImbIng on
top oI each other, tryIng to reach jared. "Youre no son oI mIne," he says
over and over agaIn. "Youre a Ireak and no one wIII be abIe to Iove a
Ireak. Youre where you beIong now, jared."
"IIease, addy," jared says now IIke he saId that day on the kItchen
IIoor, IIttIe hands reachIng up Ior hIs Iather.
IIs Iather turns hIs back on jared and waIks away, just IIke he dId that
day. Ie waIks and waIks and never Iooks back.
"Youre no son oj mine."
The IIrst oI the Iorde reach hIm and wrap thIn hands around hIs ankIes,
rottIng hIm to the bone. They puII, hang oII oI hIm, and jared IeeIs hIs
shouIders pop and wrench. TheIr naIIs dIg Into hIs shIns as they try to
cIImb up hIs body, IeavIng a traII oI decayed skIn.
t hurts. t hurts so bad. As darkness tIIts hIs vIsIon he cant shake the
IeeIIng that he deserves It.
jake stands at the mouth oI jareds tomb, both out oI respect and to
stand guard.
"just be quIck," jake huIIs under hIs breath. "ts not goIng to take Iong
Ior the Iam to come and bust our baIIs. Or, just your baIIs. I Iops gets
here youre on your own."
jensens pretty sure that jakes just bIusterIng, but jensen doesnt pIan
to take that Iong anyway. Ies on the hunt, he can smeII IacheI, taste
her. The antIcIpatIon makes hIs body jIttery and hIs mInd deathIy caIm.
Ie steps Into jareds tomb that he made not too many hours ago. ts dIm
InsIde, but the IIght Irom the pond Is stIII shInIng sadIy. The gIowIng
pond wouIdnt Iast too Iong, just a coupIe oI months beIore dyIng out
because ponds werent made to gIve IIght and even gods cant go
agaInst the nature oI thIngs. ut jensen hadnt pIanned on beIng
separated Irom jared that Iong. ven now the grIeI starts to return, sIck
and heavy, and jensen wIshes more than anythIng that he couId be here
wIth jared Ior Iorever. magInes hIs own body dead and besIde jared. ts
morbId and shouId be IncomprehensIbIe because Its not In jensens
nature to dIe. ut he sees the pIcture anyway and wants It.
The IIowers grow ImpossIbIy Irom the rock IIoor. TheIr sweet and heady
perIume tIckIIng hIs nose and coverIng the scent oI death. The water oI
hIs pond Iaps at the edges oI It, smaII and steady, the onIy sound In thIs
hoIIowed out pIace In the mountaIn.
jensen approaches hIs husbands body, hands aIready shakIng, but he
knows he has to hurry. IeverentIy, head bowed and throat tIght, he IIIts
the corner oI the sheet Irom jareds head. IIs husbands Iace Is even
paIer than beIore, a depressIon In hIs cheekbone Irom where he was hIt
more pronounced than beIore. ut jared stIII Iooks IIke hes asIeep. Iess
than twenty-Iour hours aIter hIs death jareds body hasnt started to...
jensen shakes hIs head, chokIng on. somethIng bItter. Ie doesnt want
to thInk about death and humans and what death does to human bodIes.
jake cIears hIs throat at the entrance, remIndIng jensen that they dont
have the tIme Ior hIm to IInger.
The god runs an apoIogetIc IInger over jareds eyeIashes, down the
brIdge oI hIs nose and over the tIIted tIp, tracIng the corner oI jareds
mouth, where the dImpIes wouId be II jared were smIIIng.
"m goIng to get you back," he swears to hIs husband. "m goIng to IInd
you and get you away Irom that pIace." Then he IIcks hIs IIps and says It
even though It shouId be obvIous, " mIss you. dont even know how m
breathIng."
The god InhaIes deepIy, centerIng hIs resoIve. Ie puIIs out the crystaI
the Iates gave hIm and posItIons It over jareds stIII IIps. Ie tests It IIrst,
makIng IIke hes goIng to snap It and hearIng a IIttIe tInkIIng crack
somewhere In It. jensen takes a moment to eye the sIIver thread InsIde
and now that It Is just hIm and the thread and jared he can IeeI the
power oI the thread-strong and cooI, IIke the three Iates are standIng
wIth hIm rIght here In thIs tomb.
Ie breaks It wIthout Iurther thought, IIne crystaI granuIes IaIIIng IIke
stars on jareds Iace, around hIs head IIke a haIo, on hIs shouIders and
theIr bed sheet. The sIIver thread IaIIs, too. IIutterIng down and IandIng
on jareds IIps. jensen hoIds hIs breath and watches It IntentIy. At IIrst
nothIng happens, but then the thread sort oI gIImmers and brIghtens,
becomIng a sort oI transIucent. t Is beautIIuI and mesmerIzIng, IIke the
sweetest dream and the saddest tear. t absorbs the hauntIng
IIngerprInt oI jareds souI-jareds souI Is makIng It beautIIuI, jensen
reaIIzes.
Ie hears jake shIIt anxIousIy, just bareIy bItIng back a remInder oI how
IIttIe tIme they have or some kInd oI transparent retort or sarcastIc
comment out oI straIned respect that thIs Is jensens Iovers grave. ut
jensen gets It, IeeIs jeII and Sam not too Iar away agaIn, and knows that
theyre out oI tIme.
Ie Ieans Iorward, gentIy IInIng hIs IIps to jareds. IIs husbands IIps
arent as soIt as theyre supposed to be. They arent warm and sweet
but Its stIII ]cred. Ie IeeIs the cooI thread tIngIe and hum agaInst hIs
bottom IIp and the corner oI hIs upper one.
AgaIn at IIrst nothIngs dIIIerent and jensen wonders II It worked. And
then theres thIs presence In the room that IeeIs so much IIke jared. ut
not reaIIy. IIke jared just got out oI the shower and jensen steps In the
bathroom rIght aIter hIm, smeIIIng humId aIr and jareds shampoo and
body wash and aItershave and jared even though hIs Iover Isnt In the
room anymore. ts IIke that. A IadIng echo oI hIs presence.
Then jensens IIps start to burn and he gasps, puIIIng back. The sIIver
thread IIoats between them Ior a teasIng second beIore shootIng oII past
jensen and jake Iaster than a bIInk oI a gods eye. jensen Ioses It
another second Iater and IaIIure sIckens hIs gut. "WaIt!" he caIIs IutIIeIy.
jake grabs jensen by the coIIar. "Iurry up and cIose up shop," he says
gentIy. "ve got a Iock on It."
jensen just bareIy cIoses jareds tomb behInd them beIore jake puIIs hIm
away Irom the mountaIn and eIphI. And then theyre both careenIng
through space and earth and sky, jake takIng poInt because hes Iaster,
both hot on the shImmer oI sIIver thread mIIes ahead oI them.
The Iurther away Irom eIphI they get the easIer It Is Ior jensen to bury
hIs grIeI and panIc and Iocus on the tasks at hand. The god oI IIght grIns
manIcaIIy. just up ahead Is IacheI. IIs hands ache to wrap around her
paIe throat. And wIth her are the tooIs to IacIIItate jareds rescue Irom
Tartarus. jensens goIng to wrench her apart and take the Items Irom
her coId dead grasp.
The thread Ieads them straIght to IacheI. t wraps around her hands,
where jareds souI was the Iongest beIore he was dropped oII In
Tartarus. ecause oI the IeIm oI arkness shes InvIsIbIe even to theIr
eyes when they arrIve and It makes jensen shout In outrage because she
couId have been anywhere around them thIs whoIe tIme. n Ios AngeIes,
In IacIIIc IaIIsades, In TrueOne, In jensen and jareds house. And he
wouIdnt have been abIe to sense her-dIdnt sense her. And now he
knows that he wouIdnt have been abIe to see her. t pIsses them oII that
she couId have been watchIng them, just waItIng Ior the opportunIty.
She was probabIy there the day CharIsma showed up and jared and
jensen Iought. IacheI had probabIy watched jensen Ieave jared aIone
and vuInerabIe and caIIed Mark, her human puppet.
Ie gets In the IIrst attack. IacheIs so surprIsed that they Iound her that
she doesnt even thInk oI deIendIng herseII. jensen Iorms hIs bow and
shoots, aImIng Ior the phantom sIIver thread. Ie pIerces her hand wIth
the arrow.
IacheI gIves a mangIed cry, both IndIgnant and In paIn, and trIes to run
Irom them but jake and jensen corner her between them. jake hems her
In but doesnt make a move to InterIere, IettIng hIs oIder brother have
hIs rIghtIuI revenge. IIectIveIy trapped, IacheI decIdes to Iace them.
She throws oII the IeIm, reveaIIng herseII to them. IaIe as ever, her red
mouth Is twIsted In remnants oI paIn, hand stIII heId out and rheumatIc
as It heaIs, havIng aIready rIpped the arrow out oI her paIm.
" dont know how you Iound me," she snarIs, deIensIve, beIore her Iace
IIattens and caIms. The paInIuI twIst to her IIps reIorms Into a smIrk. ts
IIke she remembers that even though she was caught oII guard she stIII
has the upper hand on jensen. n Iact, shes aIready won. Shes aIready
torn hIs souI mate away Irom hIm, jareds aIready unreachabIe In
IrederIcs hands In Tartarus.
The Iook burns beneath jensens skIn and he charges her agaIn. Ier
eyes wIden In brIeI surprIse but she recovers quIckIy. Ier powers are
combat and manIpuIatIon and shes a stronger opponent than CharIsma
and IIchard combIned. She bareIy ducks and roIIs away Irom jensens
IIghtnIng advance and sends out a Iorce that pushes hIm back. n the
second she gaIns she puts on the metaI gauntIet that she wore the nIght
oI jareds murder. As jensen charges agaIn she puIIs Iephaestuss
paraIyzIng chaIn Irom her beIt and sends It archIng at jensen IIke a
IIerce, heavy whIp.
jensen utIIIzes hIs superIor speed and drops under the chaIn, comIng up
under her vuInerabIy stretched body and kneeIng her hard In the
stomach.
She gasps and Iets go oI the chaIn, IaIIIng back and to the ground,
cIutchIng her stomach and gaspIng Ior breath. jensen draws two
burnIng IIght arrows to hIs hands and drIves them Into her shouIders
beIore she can get up, stakIng her to the ground.
She screams, bIg dark eyes wIde wIth horror and paIn. The paIned
scream turns Into an enraged howI, though, and she thrashes and bucks
and cIaws at the ground, kIckIng out wIth her Iegs.
t wont hoId her Ior Iong, but just enough tIme Ior jensen to IIII her
mouth wIth that IouI IIquId In her bIack IIask, enough to make her mortaI
and weak and suIIer. nough tIme Ior jensen to kIII her.
Ie reaches Ior the IIask hooked to her beIt, IuIIy prepared to exact hIs
vengeance now.
"ncomIng!" jake warns, movIng cIoser to jensen whose head IIIes up In
surprIse. So consumed wIth the need to spIII IacheIs bIood he hadnt
been payIng attentIon so he IeeIs It too Iate.
ts not hIs Iather and Samantha, but jensen Isnt pIeased wIth the new
arrIvaIs anyway.
"Come to InterIere agaIn? o you reaIIy want to get In my way?" he
sneers when CharIsma and IIchard appear. oth are stIII covered In soot
and smoke and bIood. TheIr cIothes are stIII torn Irom theIr battIe
earIIer.
MIsha shows up behInd them, aIso IookIng rumpIed. Ies armed wIth a
breastpIate, the IIyIng shoes jake gave hIm, and a sword. IIs Iace Is dark
wIth a scowI, hIs shouIders determIned.
"We came to heIp," IIchard says, dIsgruntIed but determIned. When
CharIsma doesnt say anythIng her son scowIs at her and MIsha puts a
heavy, threatenIng hand on her bare shouIder.
"... dIdnt reaIIze," she says, the words sIowIy draggIng past her IIps as
II puIIed by a hook. " never wanted jared to dIe. was angry at hIs Iather
and wIth hIm. m not sorry about the curse. ut dIdnt want hIm to dIe
and dIdnt reaIIze... dIdnt reaIIze that you two were souI mates."
jensen grIts hIs teeth. "ts a IIttIe Iate Ior that, m stIII goIng to make
you two suIIer as jared suIIered. ut rIght now m goIng to kIII thIs bItch
and go get jared."
MIshas eyes IIash, somethIng tender sparkIng behInd hard bIue. ut Its
IIchard who tIIts hIs head, bronze haIr bIowIng about hIs Iorehead and
tempIes by the wInd. "Get jared?"
"She stoIe jareds souI, took It to Tartarus to pay oII a debt to IrederIc,"
jake cuts In, sneerIng, hIs eyes stIII dartIng about them, senses
stretched In antIcIpatIon oI theIr Iathers ImmInent arrIvaI.
"Iow Is that." MIsha breaks oII when hIs voIce cracks.
"What are you doIng here, haII-bIood?" jensen sneers but doesnt mean
It. MIshas a much more weIcome sIght than CharIsma and IIchard
because oI hIs IrIendshIp wIth jared.
" went to the Iates and Iearned oI your whereabouts, though they IaIIed
to teII me that jared was In," he doesnt seem to be abIe to IInIsh It. "
brought them here. Were goIng to heIp you."
"!nIess you have an easy way In and out oI Tartarus dont need your
heIp," jensen dIsmIsses.
CharIsma swaIIows thIckIy, IIps curIIng IIke she tastes somethIng bItter.
"Tartarus? ut thats..."
"ts your IauIt!" jensen snaps.
They aII IeeI It at the same tIme, eIectrIcIty tensIng the aIr, makIng the
haIrs on the back oI theIr necks stand on end. TheIr teeth hurt wIth the
tensIon, theIr hearts race wIth the heavy presence approachIng.
"Iops Is comIng," jake rushes, aIready reachIng out Ior jensens shIrt.
"You have to Iet her go. We dont have tIme to kIII her and get the IeIm
and souI-snatcher."
"o," jensens voIce cracks, angry that hes beIng Interrupted agaIn.
"She cant get away wIth thIs. wont Iet her."
IacheI Iaughs trIumphantIy, smIrkIng. "Iun, run, run IIttIe god. Iun
straIght Into Iadess reaIm. Get yourseII caught In hIs trap where you
and your IIttIe mortaI wIII rot Ior the rest oI eternIty," she cackIes. "
won! stIII wIn!"
jensen growIs out even as he IeeIs the eIectrIcIty In the aIr rIsIng hIgher.
Ie Iorms another arrow. "You bItch! II destroy you!"
IacheI just purrs as jensen Iunges, but jake and MIsha both throw out
theIr arms, hoIdIng jensen back.
"ThInk! IIease, jensen. You have to go and heIp jared IIrst," MIsha
pIeads, sIgns oI the warrIor gone to reveaI a worrIed IrIend.
Thats when AdrIanne shows up, ChrIs and Steve hot on her heeIs. TheIr
cIothes are aII sIIghtIy sInged and theIr weapons are poIsed In theIr
hands. "You moron!" she screams at jensen. "Get out oI here! Ies
pIssed and II he sees you now youII-"
"just go!" ChrIs shouts, IIItIng IIamIng sword at hIs sIde. "just go, weII
hoId them oII-"
"Try to reason wIth them," Steve IInIshes, curIy bIond haIr whIppIng
about hIm, drawIng the wInd around hIm In deIense. "ut you have to
get out oI here!"
"ts revenge or jareds souI, jensen. You dont have tIme Ior both!"
IIchard shouts In hIs ear, the mountIng pressure oI so many gods
roarIng about them. "WeII make sure she doesnt get away!"
" dont trust you!" jensen growIs.
"Then trust me!" MIsha InsIsts. " mIght have an Idea-but you have to
keep away Irom jeII and IInd jared!"
"just go you IooI!" CharIsma crIes In exasperatIon, bendIng down and
retrIevIng the Items Irom IacheIs thrashIng body and shovIng them at
jensen and jake.
The two take oII just as a IIghtnIng boIt sears and rIps through the sky.
The Iast thIng jensen sees are hIs sIbIIngs IormIng a IIne between hIm,
jeII, and Sam.
They stop brIeIIy haII a worId away. "What now?" jake asks, IookIng
somewhere between harrIed and excited. "The speII the xtra Creepy
Iate gave you saId somethIng about bIood, rIght? To heIp you IInd jared
when we get down there?"
"Iood Irom the IIve souI," jensen nods. "Or somethIng." Ie gIances over
hIs shouIder even though he doesnt IeeI IIke theyre beIng IoIIowed. "We
shouId use the IeIm."
"ut onIy one oI us can use It," jake roIIs hIs eyes.
"IacheI couId cover my presence as weII as her own wIth the IeIm whIIe
she was wearIng It," jensen poInts out.
jake hums. "IrederIc must have taught her how, then. ts hIs so he
wouId know how. WhIch just-cant beIIeve dIdnt IIgure out that IacheI
was possIbIy workIng with IrederIc. mean, suspected, but It was more
beIIevabIe that she just stoIe Irom hIm," he huIIs, mutterIng mostIy to
hImseII. jensen doesnt say anythIng. Theres a Iot that aII oI them
shouId have seen or notIced. "Anyway," jake contInues. "When used the
IeIm beIore wasnt abIe to do that. And just how do you pIan to get
IIve-souI bIood Irom jared? ecause Iast tIme checked-" he breaks oII,
bItIng hIs tongue.
jensen Irowns at jake, too caught up In hIs mIssIon to notIce the deep
stIrrIng oI grIeI (or he notIces It, oI course he does, but tIme Is too
precIous to acknowIedge It). "WeII, he has a sIster," he shrugs. "That
shouId work, rIght?"
jake just scowIs darkIy at hIm, IIps pressed together.
"What?" jensen raIses an eyebrow, agItated.
"othIng. just not too sure how comIortabIe IeeI doIng aII oI thIs haII-
assed," he sIghs, IIddIIng wIth the souI-snatcher that they stoIe Irom
IacheI. ts unremarkabIe-just a heavy round sphere. ut jensen can
IeeI the power radIatIng oII oI It-he can aImost taste the dark curses
swIrIIng beneath Its warm, hard surIace. "eIther oI us reaIIy know what
the heII were doIng," jake IInIshes.
"Were gettIng jared out oI Tartarus," the oIder god drawIs sIowIy, gIvIng
jake a deadpan Iook because hasnt that been that pIan Ior the past
coupIe oI hours?
jake roIIs hIs eyes. "Yes, know, kInd oI hard to Iorget. What wIth you
repeatIng It IIke a broken record. ts IIke youre eo and jareds TrInIty."
jensen turns abruptIy, eyebrows kIssIng hIs haIrIIne and eyes wIde.
"What?" jake asks wearIIy.
"ts just... thats somethIng jared mIght say," and It hurts so damn much
to say that out Ioud, IIke proddIng an InIected wound, but at the same
tIme It makes jensen want to smIIe.
"Man, bareIy know hIm, but doubt hed apprecIate beIng compared to
a gIrI In shIny, squeaky Ieather," jake muses, tentatIveIy smIIIng, bIue
eyes sad IIke tears. SIIence stretches out. " thInk wouId have gotten
aIong wIth hIm, you know?"
The god oI IIght nods knowIngIy, mournIuIIy, throat too IuII and achIng to
respond back.
"So, you put the IeIm on-theyre aIter you-and II dIstract them, run
around In ChIna and AntarctIca or somethIng."
"jake. -"
jake cIaps hIm hard on the back, smIrkIng up at hIm. "one oI that
sentImentaI buIIshIt that you dont mean, bIg brother. just know that
youre Iucky m heIpIng you." ts meant to be a joke, but It IaIIs heavy
because jensen knows that hes Iucky to have jake at hIs sIde-Iucky to
have jake show up when he dId or eIse he wouId be In jeII and Sams
hands rIght now and wIthout the knowIedge that jared Is suIIerIng In
Tartarus.
jensen nods and puts on the IeIm. SomethIng odd washes over hIm-IIke
a sprInkIe oI cooI water-and suddenIy jake Is starIng straIght at hIm,
squIntIng hard at hIm.
"ude. ts creepy weIrd to see you but not IeeI you," the messenger
mutters. jensen chuckIes despIte hImseII.
"e careIuI," he teIIs the trIckster, bumpIng theIr shouIders. Ie doesnt
hang around to see or hear jakes response. nstead takes oII as Iast as
he can, headIng back to Ios AngeIes, to jareds sIster and hIs Iast stop
beIore he goes to Tartarus to IInd jared.
Crcckle sncp popping rocring Is the aIarm jared rouses to. Ie comes to
hImseII graduaIIy, thIngs achIng In hIs body even though some part oI
hIm teIIs hIm that It shouId be ImpossIbIe. Or somethIng.
ts warm-bIIsterIng hot, even. And It wouId be an awesome change to
the IreezIng water oI the weII II hIs skIn wasnt smokIng. Ie doesnt
know how he got here, to IayIng down on the ground, but he remembers
what happened beIore.
The weII, the Iorde, hIs Iather. IottIng away, decomposIng whIIe hes
stIII aIIve. Or whIIe hes dead-but-awake. Whatever.
And now hIs skIn Is smokIng, roastIng IIke a pIg. Ie can smell It.
Ie gasps, roIIIng away a Iew Ieet Irom the roarIng IIre, a strangIed cry
escapIng hIs IIps. Ie doesnt escape It, It doesnt become Iess hot, and
hIs skIn stIII sInges and smokes and roasts. Ie breathes In hot, stIIIIng
aIr and chokes on It. jared sIts up, starIng wIth wIde eyes. Ies on the
bank oI a rIver, the bank tepId and swamp-IIke, and Its mud boIIIng and
bubbIIng IIke a wItchs brew. The rIver Is made oI IIre, hot but IIowIng
sIow at the Ioot oI the bank, a thIck and movIng tIde oI what Iooks IIke
magma. IIames dance wIId and prImItIve on the surIace, reachIng Ior the
skyIess sky.
ts mesmerIzIng, hypnotIc.
"ts name Is IhIegethon," a Iow voIce Irom hIs rIght, startIIng jared. IIs
head whIps to the sIde and he sees a taII, shrouded IIgure. Ies so done
wIth surprIses, wIth peopIe showIng up and hurtIng hIm. Ie IeeIs tIred
and weak but he scrambIes wIth hands and heeIs and ass to put some
dIstance between them anyway.
"IeIax, jared. took you down Irom where you were dangIIng and rottIng
over the Iorde and brought you here Ior a rest. m not here to hurt
you," the voIce contInues as the IIgure stares at the rIver oI IIre. jared
dares to Iook away and agaIn at the rIver emanatIng stIIIIng heat and
smoke. IIs eyes IoIIow It as much as he can In the smoky surroundIngs
and dImness oI Tartarus.
StrangeIy enough, the rIver bIIIows heat but emIts onIy a IIttIe, unnaturaI
amount oI IIght.
The rIver stretches on ImpossIbIy but jared sees that It curves to the
rIght what seems IIke mIIes ahead oI them. Ie Iooks Iurther to hIs rIght
and sees a bronze waII, the one that hes pretty sure he was on the other
sIde oI not too Iong ago when he was runnIng Irom the Iorde. eIore
IrederIc dIpped hIm Into the weII and cIosed hIm In pItch bIackness. The
waII goes around the dIm cIty wIth shabby, earthquake-Iormed
skyscrapers that jared wandered through earIIer. ven Irom here It
Iooks IIke somethIng sIck Irom hIs nIghtmares.
"Why are you heIpIng me?" jared asks as he returns hIs gaze to the
shrouded IIgure.
The IIgure scoIIs, voIce as smoky as the acrId haze surroundIng them.
"m not goIng to hurt you but m not here to heIp you eIther, jared."
WhIte hands reach up, puIIIng the hood oII oI the IIgures-the mans-
head as he turns to Iook down on jared. "You were In need oI a reprIeve
and want to have my curIosIty sated. IIgured promIsIng not to hurt you
In exchange Ior answerIng my questIons couId be mutuaIIy beneIIcIaI."
The man smIrks down at hIm and It Iooks so normcl and out oI pIace In
thIs heII. Ie Is beautIIuI. TaII wIth thIck bIond haIr that IaIIs about hIs
ears and Iorehead. A deIIcate bone structure and eyes such a brIght
bIue that theyre vIsIbIe, even In the IIImy aIr and the twIsted IIght
source Irom the rIver oI IIre.
"Who are you?"
The mans smIrk turns Into a sad, thoughtIuI smIIe. Ies quIet, eyes
studyIng jared, but he eventuaIIy answers. "IrederIc and do not have
as much oI a need Ior aIIases as the others, seeIng as we dont... get out
much. ut now am known as rIc johnson."
"..." jared traIIs oII, conIused, and exhausted mInd reeIIng through the
voId space oI hIs head. The man Is obvIousIy ImmortaI and jared has
nothIng eIse to do but try to pIace who he Is.
"Iersephone," the god suppIIes to jared who bIInks, dumbIounded. Ie
knows the story-the myth, anyway. ut...
" thought you were... you know?" he traIIs oII, tIredIy IIItIng a shaky
hand to make a vague gesture.
SomethIng aImost pIeasant or weIcomIng IIIckers behInd bIue eyes.
"IemaIe?" he IInIshes Ior jared beIore eIegantIy shruggIng hIs
shouIders. "ts OK. ts a mInor mIstransIatIon that happened earIy on
thats kInd oI carrIed on throughout a mIIIennIum. A Iot oI thIngs are
correct and some thIngs arent," rIc shrugs and kInd oI Iaughs to
hImseII under hIs breath. " used to be so pIssed about the
mIsconceptIon. am not a gIrI."
Two beats oI sIIence draw out. jared IIcks hIs IIps. "!sed to? ot...
anymore?"
rIcs brIghtened countenance coIIapses and hIs bIue gaze wanders
back to the rIver oI IIames.
"o," he agrees but doesnt say anythIng eIse.
jared cautIousIy gets to hIs Ieet but rIc doesnt Iook to hIm, doesnt
reprImand hIm or knock hIm back down.
"WaIt... unIess you... the story goes that youre supposed to be, er,
topsIde In the sprIng and summer months. And... unIess a Iot oI tIme has
passed sInce ..." he traIIs oII, swaIIowIng, IeeIIng the urge to gaze away
Into the IIames as weII.
"Youve bareIy been dead a IuII twenty-Iour hours," rIc InIorms hIm
bIuntIy.
jared sIghs tremuIousIy, runnIng a hand through hIs haIr. ts onIy been
a day?
"t IeeIs IIke IIIetImes down here, doesnt It?" rIc asks hIm soItIy but
jareds not IIstenIng, gIvIng In to hIs urge to get Iost In the mesmerIzIng
twIst and IIow oI the rIver. Ie IeeIs IIke hes burnIng next to thIs IIre, but
Ior some reason It Isnt pressIng that he moves away. n Iact, the IIames
are so... nIce. Warm and comIortIng. And theyre pretty-beautIIuI, IIke
graceIuI dancers.
A hand cIaps on hIs shouIder, causIng jared to start out oI hIs daze. Ie
shouts when he reaIIzes that hIs bare toes are hangIng oII oI the edge oI
the bank and a IIame IIcks greedIIy at hIs Iace, snaggIng a centImeter oI
hIs haIr and IncIneratIng It. jared shouts agaIn, arms IIyIng out to the
sIde and pInwheeIIng backward because hes teeterIng over the edge
and he IeeIs IIke hes goIng to tIp over and meIt-
The hand puIIs hIm back a Iew steps and jared breaths out a shaky sIgh
oI reIIeI, IookIng to rIc wIth wIde eyes.
The god gazes at hIm dIspassIonateIy, neIther IrrItated nor nurturIng.
just there wIth hIs sad and preoccupIed smIIe.
"You wIII want to watch out Ior IhIegethon. The rIver guards thIs cIty Ior
a reason. t draws souIs In wIth Its hypnotIzIng IIames, makes you step
wIIIIngIy Into Its moIten tIde. Once In, It wIII never Iet you go, carryIng
you round and round Tartarus burnIng and boIIIng and dIsIntegratIng
Ior aII oI eternIty."
And Its IIke the rIvers gIImmer IaIIs once jared knows the truth because
thats when jared IInaIIy hears It. Screams, thousands oI agonIzed
screams. Ie Iooks back to the rIver and sees heads and arms and
burnIng bodIes carrIed by the sIow IIow oI the rIver, burnIng skeIetaI
IIngers reachIng Ior the bank but never touchIng It.
jared swaIIows paInIuIIy, wIncIng.
"Thats... thats reaIIy, uhm, gruesome?" he squeaks breathIIy and rIc
once agaIn Iaughs a IIttIe, guIdIng jared backwards a Iew more Ieet to
where the puII oI the IIre Isnt as InsIstent. The Iurther away he gets the
more screams are dIsguIsed by the crackIIng roar oI the IIre.
"t Is, but It keeps the Iew escapees Irom goIng somewhere they dont
deserve to be. IIke rebus or the IIeIds oI AsphodeI."
jared gIves hIm a bIank Iook that once agaIn makes that spark oI
amusement IIght and IIIcker behInd rIcs deep gaze.
"There are other pIaces than the one youre In now. Other pIaces oI
punIshment," he expIaIns. "Most peopIe-that Is everyone here except
Ior you deserves to be here on thIs sIde oI the rIver. They hated theIr
IeIIow man. Murderers. IapIsts, and so on. To escape Into a pIace where
the punIshment doesnt IIt wouId be unIaIr."
jared IIcks hIs IIps, eyes nervousIy dartIng between the bronze waII and
the rIver. "... It doesnt seem IIke anyone deserves thIs."
rIcs sIIent Ior a Iong tIme, bIank and beautIIuI, and jareds aIraId that
he oIIended the god enough to IncIte hIs wrath. ut thats not what
happens. nstead rIc remaIns quIet and caIm, sIowIy tIItIng hIs head to
the sIde, studyIng jared.
"t Is because you do not deserve to be here. Your souI was pure anyway
and you sacrIIIced yourseII out oI Iove Ior another. jared, you dont
beIong here and so you cant comprehend such thIngs. ThIs pIace," he
says, gesturIng unhurrIedIy to the nIghtmarIsh scene around them. "s
beyond the scope oI aII pure souIs."
jared IIcks hIs IIps, eyes wIdenIng. Ie had wondered why hes here. Ies
sure that IrederIc toId hIm some thIngs In hIs crueI teasIng, but jared
has been too conIused, hurt, and tIred to reaIIy retaIn much. And jared
dIdnt reaIIy thInk he dId somethIng to deserve thIs damnatIon, except
Ior maybe beIng cursed by one god and IovIng another. Ie hadnt reaIIy
thought about It much because the Idea that he dIdnt beIong here even
whIIe he was beIng tortured wouId have been worse-is worse now that
he knows the truth. AIready he IeeIs a heavIer exhaustIon and despaIr
creep Into hIs bones.
"I do not deserve It..."
"You are an exceptIon," rIc answers. "IacheI, the goddess behInd your
murder, stoIe your souI Irom Its destIned path and brought you here as a
pay-oII to IrederIc. I her and IrederIcs orIgInaI Idea to start a cIvII war
had gone accordIng to pIan then It wouId have been your Iover, jensen,
down here."
jareds breath hItches at the thought oI hIs husband here Instead.
SuddenIy and surprIsIngIy both sadness and reIIeI course through hIm.
Ie misses jensen, so much the ache Is physIcaI. At the same tIme hes
reIIeved that jensen was saved Irom thIs Iate.
"You are InterestIng and you have become IrederIcs new pIaythIng, so
there wIII be no reprIeve Ior you Ior a whIIe. am sorry Ior you, but
warn that wIII not heIp you," rIc reIterates.
"Then... what do you want?" jared asks, body and mInd tensIng. Ie
bIInks and Iooks down and reaIIzes that hes more cIothed than beIore.
Scratchy charcoaI grey cotton knIt pants, soIIed and too short Ior hIs
Iegs. And a IIght brown shIrt, torn In pIaces.
Ie chooses not to questIon It, suspectIng that rIc must have done thIs
out oI hIs cooI, IImIted kIndness.
"You saId you wanted me to answer a questIon," jared murmurs, peerIng
at rIc wIth bareIy veIIed curIosIty. "What Is It?"
"s It true?" the god asks, voIce soIt but not gentIe. "That you were
cursed by Aph-CharIsma and now you can see souI mates?"
jared nods hesItantIy. "Yes, though m not so sure that that was her
pIan."
rIc nods, Iace scrunched wIth ImpatIence though he contInues to taIk
wIth hIs sIow, caIm drawI. "Shes aIways been careIess wIth her curses,"
he generaIIzes, once agaIn studyIng jared. "AIways makIng a mess oI
thIngs."
"Why do you want to know?"
"oes It work down here?" rIc asks, takIng an eager step Iorward, eyes
wIde. "Can you see souI mates?"
"... havent Iooked," jared conIesses. Ie has been rather occupIed. "
havent heard souIs, though. couIdnt hear the Iorde, anyway. ut
thInk heard IrederIcs." Ie bIInks and reaIIzes that he can hear rIcs
souI, too. Ies heard It aII aIong. IearIng souIs Is so dIIIerent here, but
jared cant put a IInger on the reason why. rIcs souI sounds IIke a IIeId
oI IIowers bIoomIng at mIdnIght, darkIy beautIIuI.
"You mIght be abIe to hear other InhabItants oI Tartarus, but probabIy
not the Iorde. TheIr hunger has bIotted out theIr IdentItIes. AIthough,
suppose your gIIt works even wIth them. You were abIe to see them?"
jared shudders, rememberIng theIr emacIated IIgures sIIck wIth decay,
and nods.
"They arent supposed to be seen. Theyve rotted out so much that theIr
physIcaI projectIons have dIsIntegrated compIeteIy. ut thIs Is Tartarus
and theyre stIII here because they cant Ieave."
"And saw them," jared reaIIzes.
"ecause your abIIIty stIII works down here. Ierhaps better In ways. ut
what want to know Is how do you IInd souI mates?"
"SometImes Its InstInct," jared answers automatIcaIIy. " hear two souIs
and know, or see the photos oI two peopIe and... Its just know. see
thIs red strIng, tIed to the ankIes oI peopIe," he Iooks down and Ior the
IIrst tIme notIces the phantom red strIng tIed to rIcs ankIe.
t mIght be bad tImIng, but thats when jared jinclly remembers the Iast
thIng he saw beIore he dIed. A red strIng on hIs own ankIe-somethIng
hes never seen beIore-connectIng hIm to jensen.
t shouId make hIm angry or sad, but jared IeeIs nothIng but eIatIon. Ie
knew he Ioved jensen and he knew jensen Ioved hIm. ut to see the red
strIng aIter years oI thInkIng there wasnt a souI mate out there Ior hIm
Is, Ior now, too thrIIIIng. Ie and jensen reaIIy were-cre, will clwcys be-
souI mates.
rIc shIIts ImpatIentIy, drawIng jared out oI hIs thoughts. Ie cIears hIs
throat. " see your red strIng, but In order to see who Its tIed to they
have to be near you. have to see both oI you-In the same room or
area."
rIc seems dIstantIy dIsappoInted. jared Irowns, anxIous to pry but
curIous about the mysterIous god.
"s there someone that you thInk Is your souI mate? That you... want to
be your souI mate?"
The god takes a Iong tIme to answer, eyes wanderIng over the desoIate
reaIm that surrounds them.
"Yes," he says, IInaIIy, but nothIng eIse.
jared shIIts hIs weIght nervousIy, aware that hes treadIng on thIn Ice
wIth Iand mInes beneath It. rIc had saId that he wasnt here to heIp
jared, he just wanted to ask hIm some thIngs-use hIm In exchange Ior a
Iew mInutes oI reprIeve. jared has no doubt that rIc wIII throw hIm
back Into the Iorde or at Ieast Ieave jared to Iend Ior hImseII now that
he has hIs questIons answered.
"s the person IrederIc?" jared asks, voIce tIny, but shouIders squared
and body as straIght as the aches and trembIes and heat wIII aIIow hIm
to be.
rIcs eyes snap-crackIe IIke the IIre Irom the rIver and It Iooks as II hes
goIng to reprImand jared or strIke hIm. ut he does neIther. Ie backs
oII, appears resIgned and deIeated.
"Yes," he says agaIn. " want to know. t has been a Iong tIme sInce
have vIsIted the earth In the seasons m Ireed Irom thIs prIson. ts not
agaInst my wIII-he hasnt kept me here, though hes aIways expressed a
wIsh that stay year round wIth hIm. ut recentIy IInd myseII wantIng
to stay here, by hIs sIde. And ..."
"You want to know II Its Iove," jared guesses.
"Or StockhoIm Syndrome," rIc IInIshes, IookIng at hIm expectantIy.
jared gIances warIIy to the IIre, aIraId that II hIs answer dIspIeases rIc
the god wIII drop jared Into the terrIbIe rIver. Or worse, Ieave jared
aIone Ior hIm to get hypnotIzed agaIn and waIk Into hIs own eternaI
doom.
"... dIdnt pay attentIon to IrederIcs souI," he conIesses In a rush. "
heard It but just-m... sorry. was..."
"OtherwIse engaged?" rIc guesses, haII-smIrk In pIace agaIn aIthough It
doesnt reach hIs dIsappoInted eyes.
" cm sorry," jared trIes to pIacate.
"OnIy because you now Iear that II punIsh you Ior not knowIng," rIc
dIsmIsses, puIIIng hIs hood back over hIs head. " wIII do no such thIng.
know you do not beIong here and wIII not worsen your unIaIr
punIshment. Iowever, cannot take you away to another oI the IIve
regIons-that wouId dIspIease hIm. have to put you back In the cIty. ut
can put you In a pIace thats away Irom the Iorde. Thats aII can do,
though, and there are other dangers you must be aIert Ior."
jared stares, at once reIIeved to be pIaced away Irom the Iorde but aIso
angry that he has to go back at aII-that hes here at aII. Ie hates It
here, hates thIs pIace, hates that hIs body Is hurt, weak, and vuInerabIe.
Ie just wants to get out oI here.
Ie just wants to be wIth jensen agaIn.
jared cIears hIs throat. "... dont want to thank you. Youre not heIpIng
me but you are."
rIc nods, eyes growIng dIstant agaIn. "t Is IIne, dont thInk wouId be
gracIous wIth my gratItude In your sItuatIon eIther."
jared IIcks hIs IIps, IIngers drummIng hIs hIps. "Why are you so sad?" he
bIurts out beIore he can stop It.
rIc turns to hIm, bIue eyes IookIng startIed but not angry. jared reaIIzes
that he shouIdnt have been aIraId oI rIcs retrIbutIon. Ies surprIsIngIy
serene and centered to have IIved In thIs pIace Ior so Iong.
"s that what Iook IIke?" he muses wIth a quIrk oI hIs IIps but once agaIn
doesnt say anythIng eIse. Ie IIIts hIs hand, pIacIng It on jareds
shouIder.
"ts best to keep your head down but eyes aIert. !tIIIze the curse
CharIsma gave you. own here It Is a gIIt-IIke wIth the Iorde. You
mIght be abIe to use It to avoId danger. Youre smart and strong, jared,
and apparentIy made to be the souI mate oI a god. I you dont panIc you
can avoId many traps and bIackened souIs In here. except Ior IrederIc.
You wont be abIe to avoId hIm. o one can."
n the measure oI a bIInk jareds away Irom the rIver oI IIre and once
agaIn In the nIghtmarIsh and crooked Iandscape oI the cIty oI Tartarus.
Ies aIone In the desoIate cIty, rIc nowhere In sIght.
jensen Is so Iocused on gettIng to SophIa, gettIng her bIood, and goIng
to get jared that Its not untII SophIa answers the door that he reaIIzes
SophIa doesnt know that her brother Is dead. She aIso doesnt know
that hes a god and needs her bIood to IInd jareds souI whIch has been
damned to heII because jensens haII-sIbIIng stole saId souI Irom jareds
dead IIps.
So when she opens the door jensen just kInd oI gcpes at her Ior the
twenty seconds-precIous seconds that hIs souI mate doesnt have (or
jake and hImseII, Ior that matter). ut he just cant seem to IInd the
words.
SophIas In work jeans and an oId IIanneI button up oI Chads... or
possIbIy jareds sInce Its nearIy to her knees. The thought Induces
another wave oI nostaIgIa and grIeI that threatens to overwheIm hIm but
he manages to shake It oII. jareds sIster Is spIattered In navy bIue paInt-
-Its aII over her cIothes, on her Iace and even In her haIr. Shes In the
mIddIe oI IaughIng at Chad whos severaI Ieet behInd her, aIso covered
In paInt. SophIa has a paIntbrush In her hand.
SophIa seems happy to see jensen whIIe In the background Chad scowIs,
IeIgnIng IrrItatIon wIth jensens appearance-Chad had seemed to
IorgIve jensen Ior whatever he heId agaInst the god Ior the past Iew
months but stIII maIntaIned the Iaade oI beIng unImpressed wIth
jensen. t made Ior entertaInIng banter, especIaIIy Ior SophIa and jareds
amusement. The memorIes crawI and Itch hIs skIn.
"jensen? Why are you wearIng that rIdIcuIous heImet?" She Iaughs,
noddIng to the IeIm that jensens wearIng. Ie touches It aImost seII-
conscIousIy, IeeIIng It hum wIth power. Ie hates It-It was a tooI used to
kIII jared and separate them. And hes bItter that Its the onIy thIng
keepIng hIm saIe Irom hIs Iather and Sam whIIe he trIes to save jared.
"..." he starts, stIII IIounderIng. I jared were here he wouId be castIng
jensen sIdeIong gIances, sIIentIy teasIng jensen Ior beIng a pussy when
It comes to jareds bIg sIster.
"Wheres jared?" SophIa asks, standIng on her tIptoes and IookIng
behInd jensen. "s It some kInd oI dress up medIevaI day? Oh my God,
you two are such geeks. And..." she traIIs oII, brows IurrowIng. "Wheres
your car? Id you take a taxI or somethIng?"
jensens sIIent, doesnt know what to say, where to start. Ies tempted
to sIow tIme, to steaI some oI SophIas bIood Iaster than she can bIInk,
but she doesnt deserve that. jensens pretty sure that jared wIII never
IorgIve hIm II he does that, even II Its to save jared.
esIdes. AdrIanne was rIght earIIer. SophIa Is jareds onIy IamIIy, and he
hers as Iar as bIood reIatIons go. She deserves to know.
"jensen?" SophIa asks cautIousIy. "Wheres jared?"
"SophIa..." he starts. "We... jared doesnt have a Iot oI tIme," he goes Ior
reasonabIe and caIm but hIs voIce cracks, totaIIy destroyIng the eIIect.
SophIa ImmedIateIy paIes.
"s he sIck? Oh, God. Why dIdnt you caII? II go get the keys-Chad! We
gotta-"
jensen reaches out, stoppIng her Irom turnIng around and goIng InsIde
the house. "Ies... not sIck, Soph," jensen says, searchIng Ior the
strength oI hIs dIvInIty to taIk to thIs human but he cant IInd It. Ie IeeIs
weak beIore her-IIke a IaIIure. The sensatIon Is uncomIortabIe.
She scowIs, temper rIsIng. "jensen. TeII me where the Iuck my brother
Is."
"n..." he cuts hImseII oII beIore he can bIurt out in Tcrtcrus.
"Ies dead, Soph," jensen croaks. "Ie was... murdered. y Mark
aImost... twenty Iour hours ago."
SophIa shakes her head vIgorousIy. "o," she whIspers. "o thats
ImpossIbIe. ... you wouId have caIIed me earIIer. t wouId have been on
the news. Ie... you..."
jensen gentIy pushes SophIa InsIde whIIe she sIowIy starts to
hyperventIIate.
"What the heII Is goIng on?" Chad demands when he sees SophIas
dIstress, droppIng the paInt and brush he has In hIs hand and rushIng to
her.
"Ie-he says-Chad, jared-" but she cant catch her breath, caught
somewhere between extreme panIc and outrage.
jensen Iooks Chad In the eye and taIks past the tIghtness In hIs own
chest. "jared Is dead," jensen repeats.
Chad paIes, shakIng hIs head In denIaI. "o, not possIbIe. ot-not In
those expIosIons that happened earIIer downtown, rIght? You guys
wouIdnt be there and..."
"Oh God!" SophIa gasps.
jensen shakes hIs head. "o... no he dIdnt... It happened earIIer. At our
house. Mark..." the god swaIIows, bowIng hIs back. ThIs Is rIdIcuIous.
Ies a god. And whIIe he Iost hIs Iover he stIII has work to do and he
cant show thIs weakness In Iront oI mortaIs. ot now, anyway.
"jared was kIIIed beIore dawn today," he gIances at the cIock by the
door. "Yesterday. ts been more than twenty-Iour hours," he says In
reaIIzatIon.
"Get the Iuck out oI here, jensen. Are you drunk? Where is ]cred?" Chad
snaps, voIce trembIIng.
" dont beIIeve you," SophIa murmurs, conIused. " dont beIIeve you.
You... you bastard, dont beIIeve you."
"IIsten," jensen thunders authorItatIveIy, makIng them IIInch. "jared
was murdered tryIng to save my IIIe. n our Iront yard beIore dawn. And
he Is stIII In troubIe. My sIster, IacheI, Is the one behInd hIs murder even
though Mark Is the one that dId It. And she stoIe jareds souI and took It
to Tartarus and need to get hIm out. ow. Ie doesnt beIong there."
SophIa and Chad onIy stare at hIm bIankIy so jensen caIIs on hIs power
and prays that no one In hIs IamIIy has thought to post sentIneIs at
eIphI.
"What the... Iuck?" Chad murmurs when he reaIIzes that theyre not In
theIr house In Ios AngeIes but on the sIde oI a mountaIn In a vast
mountaIn range wIthout a cIty or town In sIght.
"Were In eIphI, Greece," jensen murmurs, paIm IyIng IIat and reverent
on the mountaInsIde, mentaIIy apoIogIzIng to jared Ior dIsturbIng hIm yet
agaIn and serIousIy begInnIng to wonder II hes reaIIy goIng to aIIow
Chad and SophIa to see the body.
jareds hIs and hIs aIone. ven In death.
"That," jensen poInts because Irom the vantage poInt Chad and SophIa
shouId be abIe to make out a Iew pIIIars Irom hIs oId tempIe ruIns juttIng
out Irom where the tempIe Is nestIed between two mountaIns severaI
mIIes away. "s my oId tempIe. am the Greek god ApoIIo."
Chad paIes when he Iooks down, swayIng dangerousIy and SophIas IIttIe
arm shoots out, maneuverIng Chad around so that hIs back Is to the
steep drop to the bottom oI the mountaIn.
"We dont have tIme Ior your Iear oI heIghts," she rebukes hIm, abruptIy
but wIth a twItchIng, aIIectIonate smIIe. She turns to jensen, eyes
snappIng wIth IncreduIIty but not dIsbeIIevIng. They are on the sIde oI a
mountaIn, aIter aII, and Chad and SophIa are stIII dressed In theIr
paIntIng cIothes.
"What dId you do wIth my brother?" she asks, cIearIy, tryIng to cover up
the Iact that her voIce Is shakIng. Shes brave and, IIke jared, trIes to
deny her Iears and weaknesses whIIe shes In Iront oI others.
jensen doesnt answer her, standIng taII and broad, hIs back to them. Ie
whIspers to the mountaIn, IIngers spread wIde. t groans and opens,
great sobs oI the earth rIsIng to the heavens Irom the unnaturaI
movement-or maybe Its a mournIng sound Ior the IIIeIess body heId
wIthIn the mountaIns heart.
Ie cIoses the mountaIn behInd them, not wantIng to rIsk the openIng
beIng seen shouId any oI hIs IamIIy pass by. jensen has enough
awareness to IIght the way Ior the humans. At the end oI the short
tunneI Is the unnaturaI paradIse jensen created wIth the wrapped up
body oI hIs husband In the mIddIe oI It. jareds head Is unwrapped and
stIII sprInkIed wIth the dust oI the crystaI Irom where jake and jensen
hadnt any tIme to IInger.
"o!" SophIa screams, IettIng go oI Chad and sprIntIng towards the body
oI her IIttIe brother, skIddIng to her knees besIde hIm, scrapIng and
tearIng her IIesh. Tears weII Iast and IIow wIIdIy over her Iace as her
hands shakIIy hover over jareds body. Chad stands over them both,
IookIng down wIde-eyed and numb, mouth agape, body Irozen as stIII as
the rock theyre surrounded by.
"Oh God, oh God, oh God," SophIa rants under her breath, unabIe to
stop, hands stIII unabIe to touch jareds body.
jensen cant seem to tear hIs eyes Irom jared who Iooks Iess and Iess
human and aIIve but asIeep each tIme jensen sees hIm IIke thIs. Ies
begInnIng to Iook vacant, hIs skIn Is becomIng too paIe and hardened,
and hIs IImbs too stIII to be aIIve. jensen stands taIIer, somehow abIe to
start shorIng up the scattered vestIges oI hIs godhood.
" need your heIp, SophIa," jensen says, rough but tethered wIth
command. Ie has no more tIme to waste.
Ier breath hItches and Chads head whIps around, gIarIng, hIs own
tears weIIIng but reIusIng to IaII. "GIve her a IuckIng mInute!" he hIsses,
takIng a step towards jensen. "ThIs Is your IauIt, know It Is! ts
because oI you."
jensen pushes away the mIsery Chads words brIng In Iavor oI pursIng
hIs IIps ImpatIentIy. Ies been thInkIng It thIs entIre tIme, oI course.
That jareds death Is hIs IauIt-IacheI was aIter him, aIter aII. Maybe
Chad Is rIght. Maybe II jensen had never been In jareds IIIe thIs
wouIdnt have happened. AccordIng to the Iates, jared and jensen were
aIways supposed to happen. Gods dont usuaIIy regret theIr actIons, but
II thIs emergIng catastrophe was caused by jensen meetIng jared-by
IaIIIng In Iove wIth hIm-then jensens not sure that he wouId take It
back gIven the opportunIty. Ie cant ImagIne IIIe wIthout ever meetIng
jared-wIthout hIs Iover at aII. Ie cant even seem to IuIIy remember hIs
IIIe beIore jared. Ie supposes that thats what beIng a souI mate means,
but Its IrIghtenIng Ior jensen as a god who has never IeIt thIs way
beIore about cnybody.
"Why dIdnt you caII? jareds aII... hes aII oI my IamIIy and you dIdnt caII
me or teII me!" SophIa hIccups, her hands In her Iaps, tears bIIndIng her.
"... we have to bury hIm. Iave a IuneraI. ext to Mama and... God, hIs
job. Theres so many-" she chokes abruptIy, gaggIng IIke shes goIng to
be sIck. Chad ImmedIateIy IaIIs to hIs knees next to her, wrappIng her In
hIs arms and rockIng her gentIy.
jensen has to Iook away, unabIe to stand the sIght oI two Iovers aIIve and
together.
"Ies not IeavIng thIs pIace," jensen murmurs. "Ies my souI mate and
thIs Is where... thIs Is where want hIm. ot burIed In a smaII space
beneath the ground but entombed In my hoIy pIace, surrounded by
growIng and aIIve thIngs, In a bIg space. jared hated smaII spaces, was
aIraId oI beIng underground. ThIs... thIs Isnt much better but Its what
want. You wIII not move hIm," he dIsmIsses terseIy.
"SophIas hIs sIster," Chad snaps. "She has a rIght-"
"And hes mIne!" jensen thunders, causIng the other two to IIInch. "Ies
my Iover, my husband, my souI mate," he says wIth IInaIIty. Ies a god.
Ie shouIdnt have to expIaIn hImseII to these two humans.
"You bastard," Chad growIs.
"You dont reaIIze who youre speakIng to," jensen rumbIes, eyes
IIashIng. "And your IeeIIngs arent my concern rIght now. e grateIuI
that chose to teII you." SophIa, aIways so IIery, vIsIbIy recoIIs at the
words and jensen decIdes to be concerned about them Iater.
"There Is no more tIme Ior me to InduIge you. My haII-sIster IacheI-
rIs, the goddess oI dIscord-has stoIen jareds souI Irom Its Intended
path to the IysIan IIeIds and shes handed It over to IrederIc-Iades.
jareds In..." he swaIIows, reIusIng to show any more weakness. "Ies In
Tartarus-or heII, you mIght say. Ior aII oI eternIty II dont get In there
and IInd my way to hIm. Thats why need you, SophIa."
SophIa says, "What?" at the same tIme Chad turns so hIs body Is
between jensen and hIs IIancee. "AII m gettIng about aII oI thIs Is that
Its your IauIt jareds dead, your IauIt hes In heII, and you want to drag
SophIa Into aII oI thIs. Iorget about It. Youre not takIng her, too!" he
snarIs, head heId hIgh and brave.
Seconds oI sIIence stretch out where jensen and Chad Iace each other
down and SophIas Iost tears echo In the tomb.
IInaIIy, Its SophIas smaII voIce that dIsrupts them. "What do you want
me to do?"
jensen breathes a sIgh oI reIIeI even as Chad shakes hIs head
vIgorousIy. "o, SophIa, you cant-cant heIp thIs bastard! mean thIs Is
crczy! My best IrIend Is dead and youre taIkIng crazy shIt about gods
and heII and were on the sIde-InsIde-a mountaIn and just no. o.
Whatever It Is-youve caused enough damage!"
"You dont understand!" jensen argues back, seeIng the Iear and doubt
In Chads eyes. "Theres not enough tIme to make you understand."
"Then how do heIp my brother?" SophIa shouts over both oI them,
graspIng Chads hand and Iorearm to heIp her stand back up on shaky
Iegs. She resoIuteIy doesnt Iook back down at jareds prone body and
jensen knows the IeeIIng-knows that jared In Tartarus Is the onIy thIng
thats keepIng hIm Irom kneeIIng next to jared and never standIng
agaIn.
"I hes In troubIe, even though hes." she shakes her head, unabIe to
IuIIy grasp IIIe aIter death. "Then m hIs bIg sIster and need to heIp
hIm."
"You beIIeve hIm!" Chad bItes. "t couId be hIs IauIt-"
" beIIeve that he doesnt want jared to suIIer anymore! And dont want
that, eIther. Chad, jared wouId do anythIng Ior us," she says the Iast
part In a whIsper, the unheard rebuke resonatIng In the tomb. Chad
gIances down at jareds body and jensen does see how torn the human
Is. Torn between heIpIng hIs best IrIend and protectIng hIs souI mate
Irom a perceIved threat.
jensen sees the moment Chad reIents. "IIne," the human says. "As Iong
as dont Iose SophIa, -what do you want us to do?" he demands,
determIned.
The god nods IormaIIy, acceptIng both theIr heIp and theIr IorgIveness.
"Ies trapped down there amongst bIIIIons oI other souIs. ve been
down there and It wIII be hard to sense hIm untII m cIose-Its conIusIng
down there, IIke a nIghtmare maze. And IrederIc can bend It to hIs wIII.
Theres a bIood speII that the Iates gave me, the bIood oI the IIve souI
wIII Iead me to jared Iaster."
"ut..." Chad traIIs oII weakIy, one hand twItchIng towards jareds very
dead body though he cant seem to brIng hImseII to say It out Ioud or
Iook at hIs best IrIends body.
t occurs to jensen that sInce jared Is technIcaIIy aIIve-or to Chad and
SophIa hes stIII aIIve because they have to heIp hIm-that It mIght be
easIer Ior them to thInk that the body In thIs tomb isnt jared. They
eIther dont understand death or dont want to rIght now.
They probabIy havent acknowIedged the Iact that even aIter jensen
rescues jared (because he wIII-he will get hIs husband out oI that pIace)
he stIII wont be comIng back.
"ut," jensen nods. "IIs sIster-hIs cIosest bIood reIatIve-Is aIIve and
the Iates ImpIIed that that wouId be enough. dont thInk need much
and to be honest m not sure what II do wIth It once get down there.
ut the Iaster IInd jared the greater chance we have oI gettIng back
out oI Tartarus wIthout IrederIc trappIng us both down there."
They both nod, Chad appeased that SophIa wouIdnt be harmed.
"AIrIght. ThIs Is-crazy. ut aIrIght," he turns to SophIa who nods and
kneeIs back down, gentIy re-wrappIng jareds head wIth the sheet. She
doesnt even bIInk at the crystaI Iragments dustIng hIs Iace and jensen
beIatedIy reaIIzes that she cant even see It.
" need to get back home. have a kIt there that bought aIter jared was
dIagnosed." her voIce hItches but she shakes It oII. "t has the suppIIes
need and a vacutaIner tube to put the bIood In-that shouId be
enough."
jensen agrees and Ieads them out oI the mountaIn, cIosIng It up beIore
takIng them back to theIr house. Chad and SophIa both waver, IookIng
around dIsbeIIevIngIy, bIInkIng conIusedIy IIke they just woke up Irom a
dream.
"SophIa?" jensen prompts and the woman jumps. IurrIedIy she wIpes
her eyes and gIves hIm a determIned Iook.
"IIght. You can waIt here," she says beIore turnIng and runnIng up the
staIrs.
jensen doesnt waIt and neIther does Chad, both IoIIowIng her. She
reaches the bathroom, kneeIIng and takIng out a massIve metaI box.
"urse," she murmurs sheepIshIy, memorIes tangIbIe IIke summer aIr In
her eyes as she opens It up, puIIIng out the suppIIes she needs. "Wanted
to be prepared. added the stuII bought Ior. but we havent needed
It." She sets IurIousIy about her task, arrangIng everythIng In quIck
movements. She wraps her her upper arm wIth a rubber tube usIng her
Iree hand and teeth to tIe It oII.
"Soph..." Chad starts but Its cIear that even he Isnt sure what hes
goIng to say or how to heIp.
SophIa Ignores hIm, takIng out the gIass tube and IIIIIng It wIth her own
dark red bIood.
When shes done she hands It to jensen. ts warm In hIs IIngers.
"s that aII you need?" she asks, weakIy, her resoIve crumbIIng now that
she doesnt have anythIng eIse to do-nothIng eIse to Iocus on.
" thInk so. Thank you, SophIa," he says, noddIng Iow and respectIuIIy
agaIn.
Ier smIIe IIutters and dIes but she Iooks so proud and broken aII at
once, sIttIng on the cIosed IId oI the toIIet, the kIt and suppIIes spread
about her Ieet and on her Iap. She raIses her head, scowIIng, but It Iooks
nothIng IIke the IIery Iook jensen got when he IIrst knocked on her door
to ask Ior her bIessIng (and her heIp) to date jared.
"You IInd my brother and get hIm out oI there," she demands wIth a Iow
voIce. "Or swear to God--gods? Whatever. Ieaven heIp you II you dont
save jared."
jensen doesnt want to thInk about how Ieaven-or at Ieast hIs Iather
and Sam-are tryIng to track hIm down and punIsh hIm Ior harmIng
humans.
Chad twItches nervousIy, IIke hIs body doesnt know what to do wIth
ItseII. The corner oI hIs mouth quIrks, eyes cIear wIth breakIng grIeI.
"Get out oI here, man," he croaks.
jensen doesnt IInger, just gIves an awkward wave and then hes movIng
out oI Ios AngeIes, careenIng toward the spot hes supposed to meet
wIth jake.
The pIan, as shoddy and haII-Iormed as It Is, Is Ior jensen to somehow IIt
hImseII Into the souI-snatcher (II they can even IIgure out how to work
the damn thIng) and Ior jake to wear the IeIm. They IIgure wIth jensen
In the souI-snatcher and In jakes hand that It wIII hIde them both. jake
can get them Into Tartarus, aIthough jensen Is IaIrIy certaIn IrederIc wIII
be antIcIpatIng hIm. ut Its aII they have rIght now and jensen onIy has
so much tIme to change jareds Iate.
jared makes hIs way through the desoIate cIty though he quIckIy reaIIzes
that It Isnt so desoIate, and neIther are Its outskIrts. As Iar as he can
teII rIc brought hIm to the other sIde oI the cIty Irom the Iorde, at the
bottom oI a hIII where a man, broken and bent and thIn, struggIed to
push a stone up the hIII onIy to have It roII down agaIn. WIde-eyed, not
wantIng the wraIth IIke man to see hIm, jared had quIckIy ducked hIs
head and turned around, wanderIng a IIttIe to the Iarther edges oI the
outskIrts. At the edge, near the bronze waII and jared can onIy assume
the rIver oI IIre on the other sIde, there was another wraIth-man strung
out by manacIes and chaIns, exposIng hIs back where demonIc bIrd IIke
creatures pecked open hIs IIesh and at hIs IIver, onIy to have the IIver
grow back agaIn.
jared ran back towards the cIty aIter that, unabIe to stand the exposed
and vuInerabIe IeeIIng oI the outskIrts. n the cIty he hadnt remembered
seeIng such horrIIIc scenes oI IndIvIduaI men and women once aIIve and
now tortured endIessIy. The sIghts were too much Ior hIm to bear
watchIng a second Ionger.
So he decIded to take hIs chances wIth the cIty, makIng hIs way sIowIy
around the edges and stIckIng to the oIIy shadows oI the nIghtmare
buIIdIngs.
"jared, jared. IIdIng Irom me?" the voIce comes out oI nowhere-aII
around hIm. jared whIps around but doesnt see anythIng. Ie berates
hImseII because now he can hear IrederIcs souI-oIIy IIke the pIace
around them, screechIng IIke the sound oI IIre and Ice coIIIdIng and
twIstIng terrIbIy. jared reaIIzes that hes been abIe to hear the souI Ior a
whIIe but IaIIed to dIstInguIsh It because he was too preoccupIed tryIng
to keep hIdden In the shadows. Ie IeeIs stupId because rIc told hIm
that hIs curse couId be used to heIp hIm stay out oI danger or, In
IrederIcs case, at Ieast gIve hIm a heads up.
" hope you know that you cant, though m IIattered. ve obvIousIy IeIt
quIte the ImpressIon," jared can hear the sIck smIrk In the tone oI voIce
and It makes hIm aImost as IrrItated as It makes hIm aIraId.
AImost. Iear Is deIInIteIy stronger.
jared IeeIs heavy deIeat crawI over hIs skIn agaInst hIs wIII. ts so spIrIt
breakIng that he cant get away Irom IrederIc, no matter where he
hIdes. rIc had warned hIm but the reaIIzatIon stIII makes jared sIck. Ie
recaIIs oI rIcs perpetuaI sad, dIstant Iook and thInks that rIc wouId
know how InescapabIe IrederIc Is.
"Ieave me aIone," jared croaks when hIs surprIse dIssIpates.
And suddenIy IrederIc Is just there In Iront oI hIm-too cIose to hIm.
jared takes a cautIous step back. Ieather IIps puII Into a grIn. " cant do
that. Youre just too Iun. And youve aIready caught my rIcs Interest,
whIch Is so unusuaI. Ie bareIy bIInks anymore at the newcomers."
jared IIcks hIs IIps and opens hIs mouth but decIdes not to say anythIng
about rIc. Ie has a dreadIuI suspIcIon that IrederIc Is the onIy one
aIIowed to taIk about the bIond god wIth the brIght bIue eyes.
Iue IIke the sky, IIke the onIy pIece oI sky thats In thIs pIace. jared
wonders II IrederIc thInks about that.
"Iave to say, cant have you just wanderIng around bIIndIy wherever
you pIease. You mIght stumbIe Into a pIt wIth a TItan who wouId eat you
beIore have a chance to sIphon some oI that energy Irom your pure
souI."
jared swaIIows because the sIphonIng thIng sounds just about as
IavorabIe as beIng eaten by a TItan.
...Whatever thct meant.
"And do conIess. Youre so taII and Iong. ts IascInatIng to see you
strung up and stretched out." IIs teeth cut whIte In the dImness as he
hoIds out hIs hand. n the next second jared IInds hImseII IIyIng
backwards, propeIIed by an unseen Iorce. Ie IIIes and IIIes untII he
thInks that heII IIy backwards uncontroIIabIy Iorever and thats when
hIs spIne hIts a hard surIace so IorceIuIIy It cracks and snaps and he
screams. Ie crumpIes to the ground, Iegs numb and back on IIre and
Iuck, Iuck hes pcrclyzed. Ie trIes to move hIs Iegs but he cant and Its
worse than beIng heId down or tIed up but Its a Iot IIke beIng trapped at
the bottom oI a weII. Ie cant move run lecve run esccpe. Ie bIInks
dazedIy around hIm and sees that hes once agaIn at a sectIon oI the
bronze waII, mIIes Irom where he was.
WeII, Iuck thIs. jareds just not goIng to lie here and waIt Ior the god oI
heII to mosey up and deIIver the next torture. And okay, jared cant get
away, but hes goIng to try Ior hIs own sanIty.
So he roIIs on hIs beIIy and he crawIs over the humId, oIIy dIrt usIng hIs
arms, hIs body traIIIng strung out and useIess behInd hIm. And It hurts
more than anythIng (though not as bad as rottIng aIIve) but he doesnt
stop. Ies scared out oI hIs mInd but hes so done IettIng everythIng just
hcppen to hIm here.
The Ioot that crashes Into hIs broken back Is expected but stIII crIppIIng.
jareds body coIIapses beneath It, hIs Iace IaIIIng Into the dIrt. Iack and
red burn behInd hIs eyeIIds and he doesnt even have enough strength
to scream-aII he does Is whImper soItIy, the ground cradIIng the sound.
"Thats the spIrIt!" IrederIc cheers Irom above. " was begInnIng to
worry that had broken you aIready."
"You wont," jared whIspers, turnIng hIs head wIth monumentaI eIIort so
he can speak. "You cant. ecause dont beIong here. You cant
because m not meant to be broken," he pants and doesnt even know
what the heII hes taIkIng about. Ies deIIrIous wIth paIn and hes
babbIIng and hes pretty sure hes wrong. IrederIc has done a pretty
good job oI breakIng hIm aIready II hIs back Is anythIng to go by. ut the
words make hIm IeeI better anyway. TaIkIng at Ieast keeps hIm Irom
passIng out.
"You know m rIght. You cant break me because l dont belong here."
The Ioot twIsts, heeI dIggIng In to hIs back, and jared does IInd the
strength to scream except It sounds more IIke a death waII. " have some
thIngs to do," IrederIc says, voIce Iow and voId. "Iang out Ior a whIIe
untII come back."
jareds body starts sIIdIng up the waII, arms above hIs head, once agaIn
bound In manacIes. Ie grunts wIth every Inch hes raIsed, the pressure
on hIs back unbearabIe. Once hes up, Ieet hangIng about ten Ieet Irom
the ground, jared hears moans on eIther sIde oI hIm. Ie bIInks and Iooks
to hIs rIght. Ierhaps hundreds oI others-men and women, jareds sure,
but Its hard to teII In the dImness-are aIso hung up by theIr wrIsts on
the waII, IIke grotesque decoratIons. TheIr hands and arms are IImp as
they moan pathetIcaIIy. They are onIy abIe to weakIy move theIr Iegs and
hIps but cryIng each tIme because theIr shouIders are deterIoratIng and
rIbs breakIng In a sIow and paInIuI stretch.
AIready jareds shouIders are achIng, wrIsts groanIng, IIngertIps
throbbIng. StatIc IIoats behInd hIs eyes and bIIe bubbIes up hIs throat
because his bcck hurts so jucking bcd.
IrederIcs stIII standIng at hIs Ieet, smIIIng up at hIm, head tIIted to the
sIde IIke hes studyIng an Insect beneath a mIcroscope. "Ieard a Iew
rumors that the gods are aIready IIghtIng agaInst each other-Iooks IIke
your death takIng the pIace oI jensens dIdnt screw us over so bad aIter
aII! have to reaIIy thank you and jensen. I everythIng works out II
IInaIIy be abIe to get out oI thIs dump."
"I jensen IIgures out that m down here," jared pants, wIncIng agaInst
the puII In hIs arms, Ieet struggIIng Ior purchase on the waII to reIIeve
the paIn In hIs shouIders and hands. "IeII come."
At Ieast jareds pretty sure that he wIII. The Iast tIme they had reaIIy
taIked they had Iought, but jared doesnt thInk that jensen wIII abandon
hIm here oI aII pIaces. And agaIn, just taIkIng-just sayIng thIs hope out
Ioud-seems to keep jared sane even when he just wants to dIe and stcy
decd to escape thIs pIace.
"Iet hIm," IrederIc says easIIy. "AII the more power at my dIsposaI. And
no one can Ieave wIthout my knowIng. IeII be stuck here and suIIer
aIongsIde you. TeII me, how wouId you IeeI about that, jared?"
IrederIc Iaughs and dIsappears, IeavIng jared to wIIt In hIs manacIes In
dread, aIone wIth hIs Iears and thoughts.
AmIdst the mentaI pIeas Ior jensen to come rescue hIm and the
subsequent guIIt because he doesnt want to get jensen trapped down
here eIther, jared dIzzIIy IInds hImseII musIng on IrederIcs souI. Ied
IeIt that InstInct thIs tIme that he hadnt bothered to notIce beIore.
IeII have to see rIc and IrederIc next to each other to conIIrm hIs
suspIcIons, though.
jared trIes to move hIs Iegs, hopIng to scrambIe agaInst the waII and
reIIeve hIs arms oI some oI hIs weIght. ut paIn Iances through hIm
when he trIes to move so he quIckIy abandons that Idea. Ie IeeIs a pop
In hIs shouIder and heaves dryIy, unabIe to throw up anythIng because
he hasnt eaten (and hes stcrving on top oI everythIng eIse).
When he IInaIIy manages to catch hIs breath agaIn jareds groans joIn In
wIth the others on the waII.
ts so IuckIng mIserabIe here.
The souI-snatcher Is made oI metaI and reIIectIve dIamonds and dark
curses. ts uncomIortabIe just to hoId-emanatIng a kInd oI cIoyIng
maIevoIence. IIttIng hImseII InsIde the souI-snatcher Is aIso
uncomIortabIe. !nIIke humans whose IragIIe souIs are housed In the
protectIve husks oI theIr bodIes, as a god jensen is a souI. And once they
IIgure out how to open the thIng (whIch takes an embarrassIng amount
oI mInutes that they dont have tIme Ior) It does the work Ior them.
nsIde It Is just as nauseatIng wIth dark curses as It Is outsIde and hIs
beIng straIns agaInst the conIInes. Ie doesnt beIong In here, hes not
meant to be trapped IIke thIs, and hIs souI outrages agaInst It. ut hes
eIIectIveIy trapped. Iephaestus and IrederIc made thIs so that It was
abIe to capture gods and goddesses. jensen thInks that he couId get
Iree eventuaIIy II he worked at It, but It wouId take some tIme. As It Is,
hes goIng Into the underworId compIeteIy vuInerabIe. I jake Isnt abIe
to reIease jensen when he gets there then jensen wouId be trapped In
the sphere and Tartarus, perhaps Iorever, unabIe to heIp jared.
ts a terrIbIe pIan. Theyre not sure about anythIng-just mostly sure
that wIth jensen trapped In the souI-snatcher the IeIm oI arkness
should dIsguIse both oI theIr presences, gIvIng jake pIenty oI tIme to get
them In. And gettIng back out Is an even bIgger probIem.
jake and jensen havent reaIIy taIked about what theyre goIng to do
about an escape. I they get caught jensen wIII trade hIs souI Ior jareds.
IrederIcs been known to take such bargaIns. jensen wont hesItate.
Iorever seems to pass In hIs Itchy conIIne that smeIIs IIke copper and
rust. jensen cant hear or sense anythIng that goes on outsIde the
sphere-a handIcap that hes never been wIthout beIore and It nearIy
drIves hIm crazy enough to try to break the sphere. t IeeIs a Iot IIke
when IacheI made hIm temporarIIy mortaI wIth the speII and water Irom
the rIver Styx. Ie hadnt been abIe to use hIs powers or even sense
other gods then-hed IeIt so cut oII Irom the worId, Irom hIs IIght and
power. Ied IeIt-just IIke he IeeIs now-so useIess.
jensen trIes to count the seconds but hes ImpatIent. ts takIng too Iong
-somethIng went wrong, It had to. They shouId be there by now, maybe
jake ran Into troubIe and jensen doesnt know because he cant sense
anythIng. mpatIent and crazy wIth sensory deprIvatIon he starts
pushIng agaInst hIs prIson though It doesnt budge.
IInaIIy, aIter what IeeIs IIke decades, the sphere opens and jensen
stretches out oI the trap, reIormIng hImseII and bIInkIng wearIIy. Ies In
the IIImy dark worId oI Tartarus, In the regIon oI rebus where aII the
dead must pass. Theyre at the boundary, Styx a Iong stretch behInd
them, and out oI sIght oI the throngs oI the dead shuIIIIng conIusedIy In
theIr new gray worId. The rIver IhIegethon that outIInes the cIty Is a
IIamIng worm severaI mIIes In the dIstance.
jake Iooks agItated next to hIm. "Sorry Ior the deIay, had to avoId
Cerberus and take another way In, or eIse the bastard dog wouId have
aIerted IrederIc beIore we couId get thIs show on the road."
jensen nods, tryIng to smIIe at hIs IIttIe brother to communIcate hIs
gratItude, but unabIe to do so now that hes thIs cIose to jared. "The
Iates saId that IacheI owed IrederIc a debt that she paId oII wIth jared.
She wouId have taken jared straIght to IrederIc so hes In the cIty. We
shouId probabIy get on the other sIde oI IhIegethon."
"amn," jake mutters. " know IrederIc can make tIme bend some In thIs
pIace but damn m gIad were here. wouId hate to see what any kInd oI
extended stay In thIs pIace does to an Innocent souI."
jensen mereIy nods beIore they kIck oII, crossIng the two rIvers In two
bIInks oI a human eye. On the other sIde oI the bronze waII (Its easy to
get Into Tartarus but hard to Ieave) they stop on the edge oI the
oppressIve cIay cIty. jensen takes out the tube wIth SophIas bIood In It
and puzzIes over how to open It beIore he gIves up and cuts the top open
wIth a bIade oI IIght. Ie tIps It so that onIy haII oI It pours on the ground
(hes not sure II heII need more) and waIts.
"...Are you sure thats how Its supposed to go?" jake asks when nothIng
happens aIter a Iew seconds, eyes dartIng wIIdIy about them, hyper
aware and guarded. Ie IIIts Irom one sIde oI jensen to the other, movIng
at dIzzyIng speeds, Iaster than jensen can IoIIow. jake Iooks IIke a
paranoId hummIng bIrd though, jensen supposes, they have good reason
to be paranoId.
"WeII, no," jensen shrugs, eyes Intent on the ground where he poured
the bIood. "t wouId have been too easy Ior them just to teII me how to
use It, they just saId that It wouId Iead me to jared. ts why onIy used
haII, so we can have some IeIt over II thIs doesnt work."
"So whats optIon ?"
"OptIon ?" jensen echoes, rIskIng a moment to Iook away Irom the
ground and raIse an eyebrow In conIusIon.
jake roIIs hIs bIue eyes, IIIttIng around agaIn, Iaster than beIore. "You
know, the second pIan you have to use the other haII oI the bIood Ior In
case thIs doesnt work."
"... dont have an OptIon ," jensen deadpans, shIItIng hIs weIght and
tryIng to tamp down on hIs rIsIng panIc when the bIood speII still isnt
working. "m reaIIy hopIng thIs works. m not IamIIIar wIth bIood speIIs."
jake sIghs expIosIveIy. "Youre unbeIIevabIe. And youre goIng to get us
both kIIIed, or whatever-hey!" he excIaIms suddenIy, poIntIng to the
humId ground.
The drops oI SophIas bIood that jensen poured had at IIrst dIsappeared
Into the ground. ut jensen thought that that was normaI because the
ground In the cIty Is used to drInkIng the bIood oI the dead, tortured
souIs.
ut the ground Is not used to consumIng the bIood oI the IIvIng,
apparentIy.
t sort oI spIts the bIood back up, creatIng a staIn on the surIace just a
shade darker than the rest oI the ground and perhaps onIy god eyes
couId make It out In thIs dImness. The staIn starts out smaII beIore
growIng, IIke bIood spreadIng sIowIy In IabrIc (IIke the bIood that spread
through the materIaI oI jareds shIrt). The process Is sIow goIng, but
soon the bIood Iorms a traII and theres no other choIce but to IoIIow It.
They waIk through the cIty, stutter-steppIng next to the seII-IormIng
traII, tryIng to hurry It aIong. They IoIIow It through the entIre cIty, past
pIts IIIIed wIth TItans, whose outraged roars shake the ground IIke an
earthquake. Some oI the tortured-the newer ones, jensen can teII
because they dont have that emacIated wraIth Iook to them quIte yet-
scrambIe towards them. IIke they see the cIothes jake and jensen wear
and remember that they exIsted beIore thIs heII. Others, oIder ones,
seem to know that theyre gods and cower away Irom them, scrambIIng
on top oI each other to get out oI theIr sIght, theIr IearIuI screams
rIppIng through the aIr. The smeII oI bIood, IIre, cIay, and darkness Is
thIck In the dry aIr and settIes heavy and thIck In jensens chest.
"ThIs Is takIng too Iong," jensen murmurs under hIs breath. IIs eyes are
open and hIs senses are stretched, on the Iook out Ior IrederIc or rIc
as weII as jared. "Were runnIng out oI tIme. IrederIc has to know were
here by now."
"t hasnt been that Iong," jake shakes hIs head, Irustrated at the sIow
pace. "ut Its gettIng there. Oj course we wouId have entered on the
wrong sIde oI the cIty," jake murmurs, voIce straIned. " dont IIke thIs.
know It hasnt been too Iong but thIs Is weIrd. ts IIke IrederIc Is pIayIng
-"
ut Its then that jensen catches It-just a IaInt spark but Its there. ts
jared. "jared!" jensen crIes, takIng oII IIke a buIIet, IorgettIng about
jake, about the dangerous tensIon In the cIty.
ecause aII he IeeIs Is hIs husband. Ie cant get a Iock on jared, though.
The IIImy atmosphere and hIs antIcIpatIon wreck hIs Iocus. Soon, though,
the bIoodstaIn traII takes them out oI the cIty and jensen sees jared.
IIs souI mate Is strung up on the bronze waII, Iong body stretched out
and paIe. Other broken, emacIated, and mangIed souIs oI the dead
surround hIm on eIther sIde. jareds dressed In rags where the others
are mostIy naked and-and jared hasnt rIsen hIs head yet, hasnt heard
jensen or Is too out oI It or hurt to hear hIm. jensen chokes on
somethIng IndescrIbabIe and shouts agaIn.
"jared! Gods-Its me! jared, pIease!" he caIIs, appearIng beIore hIs
Iover, standIng on aIr. Ie shakIIy reaches up, IIngers cuppIng jared
beneath hIs chIn to IIIt hIs head. And, Iuck, jareds skIn Is so
unbeIIevabIy coId. "jared," he says agaIn, IorceIuIIy but quIetIy. jareds
Iace Is paIe and the shadows beneath hIs eyes are pronounced. Ie has a
Iew scrapes and bruIses but those are sIowIy heaIIng-Tartarus heaIs Its
denIzens so they can break agaIn.
jareds eyeIIds onIy IIutter, hIs broken and chapped IIps movIng
mInImaIIy.
"ont worry, dont worry II get you down," jensen breathes
tremuIousIy. Ie reaches up where jareds bound and sIIps hIs IIngertIps
between jareds coId skIn and the Iron manacIes, shatterIng them wIth a
IIex oI hIs true strength. jared groans and IaIIs Iorward Into jensen who
catches hIm eIIortIessIy. IIs shouIder cradIes jareds head but the entIre
abrupt movement must have jarred some Injury because jared screams
hoarseIy In jensens ear, body jerkIng and twItchIng In an eIIort to get
away even though jared doesnt have enough strength to even IIIt hIs
head.
" got you, jay. got you, kaIos," jensen soothes as he Iowers them to the
ground.
"jen-sen?" jared mutters groggIIy, voIce a whIne oI paIn. jared stIrs and
crIes out agaIn. "My back. Iurts-jensen, jensen," he pants, head IoIIIng
back and Ievered hazeI eyes peekIng out oI IIutterIng eyeIIds beIore
jared rests hIs Iorehead on jensen once agaIn. jensens hands IIutter
over jared, assessIng the damage. jared has a dIsIocated shouIder
(jensen wants to throw up because even though jared Is right here It
remInds hIm oI the mornIng jared dIed and hIs broken, shattered arm).
IIs back Is aIso weak but Tartarus has aIready mended It. jensen can teII
that the Injury was once bad and he trIes to push the Image oI jared wIth
a broken, twIsted back out oI hIs mInd. jareds here now, weak and thIn
but reIatIveIy whoIe and once agaIn by jensens sIde.
Theyre both on theIr knees, jensen cradIIng jareds body to hIs. IIs
arms are wrapped around jared, hoIdIng hIm perhaps a IIttIe too tIght
Ior jareds weak back to handIe, but hes desperate to warm jareds coId
body. "Yeah, yeah Its me, jared. ve come Ior you, kaIos. wont Iet you
stay here. wont Iet anyone hurt you agaIn. m so sorry, so sorry It took
me so Iong. Iove you, so sorry, pIease be OK..." he babbIes, tears oI
guIIt, renewed paIn and reIIeI IaIIIng down and wettIng hIs husband.
jared shIIts and groans, mumbIIng somethIng that Is supposed to
resembIe jensens name. Ie smeIIs IIke dIrt, cIay, nIghtmares, and paIn.
And though he used to be so taII jared seems crumpIed In on hImseII and
tIny. jensens throat aches wIth the memory oI the Iast tIme he heId
jareds Iax body IIke thIs. Ie shakes hIs head, careIuI not to jar jared too
hard. Ie wont Iose jared agaIn. Ie wont.
jake stands a Iew paces away, Iace turned IIke he knows he shouIdnt
Iook on thIs prIvate moment but hIs bIue eyes unabIe to tear away. ven
aIter aII oI thIs It must be strange Ior jake to see hIs bIg brother
breakdown over a human.
"jared, pIease," he begs the IIutterIng eyes oI hIs Iover. Ie needs to see
those brIght eyes agaIn. jareds souI body down here Is aIready on Its
way to emacIatIng, so paIe and coId that Its a IrIghtenIng transIucent
bIue. IIs haIr Is matted and duII and so are hIs once pInk IIps. Ies
breathIng but he Iooks even deader than the body wrapped In the tomb
on earth. "jared, pIease, Iook at me."
"jensen?" jared asks agaIn, cIearer thIs tIme as he stIrs enough to Iean
hIs head back and Iace jensen, weak and thIn eyeIIds IInaIIy openIng.
jareds body mIght be IraII wIth IatIgue and paIn but hIs eyes are just as
brIght and strong and deIIant as they were on earth. The god Iets out a
haII-hysterIcaI chuckIe oI pure reIIeI.
"Yeah, yeah Its me," jensen grIns,
"jensen," jared grIns back, strength quIckIy returnIng to hIm as hIs
shouIder and back contInue to heaI sIowIy. The IessenIng paIn cIears hIs
head and the sIght oI hIs husband-jensen, jensen Is here and reaI and
here-rejuvenates hIs tIred IImbs. The groggIness dIssIpates as he bIInks
at jensen, takIng In each detaII that seems sweeter than ever. jensens
souI washes over jared-warm and shInIng so brIght Its IIke the most
beautIIuI musIc. Ie IeeIs hIs grIn turn gooIy but he cant heIp It. "You
came."
"ont sound so surprIsed," jensen Irowns.
jared struggIes out oI jensens grasp, cIearIy tryIng to stand on hIs own.
"jared, dont thInk..." jensen starts, standIng wIth jared, hIs hands
hoverIng around jareds waverIng body. Ie doesnt thInk jared Is strong
enough to stand rIght now-no human shouId be. jensen couId heaI
jared IIrst II he couId just get jared to hoId stIII.
ut jared surprIses hIm by standIng, shakIIy but unaIded, strong and
proud. IIs skIn Is darkenIng wIth renewed IIIe, hIs smIIe brIghter than
ever even though paIn stIII tIghtens the IInes around hIs eyes. jensen
shouId have known. IIs beautIIuI, Iunny, IovIng, and stubborn husband
wIII aIways stand on hIs own In the Iace oI adversIty.
"Gods, Its so good to see you," jensen whIspers, unabIe to keep hIs
hands oII oI jared, puIIIng hIm In cIose. "ThIs Is aII my IauIt, jared.
shouId have reaIIzed- shouIdnt have IeIt you on that nIght."
jareds cheek Is pressed agaInst jensens and the gods voIce rumbIes In
hIs ear, breath ghostIng over jareds neck. And jared hears jensens
words, he does, but hes not payIng attentIon to them. IeveIIng In the
smeII oI jensen and the IeeI oI hIs souI, jared cranes hIs neck to Iook at
theIr ankIes. Ie sees jensens red strIng, gIowIng brIght and thIck, the
other end wrappIng around jareds bare ankIe. jared cant heIp the
excIted Iaughter that escapes hIs IIps when he sees It.
"jared," jensen cant heIp but smIIe even though hes conIused at why
jareds lcughing when jensens tryIng to apoIogIze Ior. everythIng.
" thought remembered thIs," jared says, IeanIng back some but stIII
IookIng down at theIr ankIes entwIned together wIth the phantom red
strIng. "ts one oI the Iast thIngs saw beIore ... but wasnt sure II It
was a dream," jared conIesses, gIddy wIth the conIIrmatIon that he has a
souI mate.
jareds dead but he has a souI mate. The curse Is broken and he IInaIIy
has somethIng that hes been gIvIng hIs cIIents at TrueOne Ior years. A
soul mcte. And he was-Is-Ioved enough that hIs souI mate wouId come
to heII Ior hIm.
jensen bIInks, unsure, IoIIowIng jareds gaze down to theIr ankIes. Ie
doesnt see anythIng but just as jensen starts to catch up wIth what
jareds taIkIng about hIs husband throws hIs arms around jensen,
puIIIng hIm Into a hard and wet kIss. jared tastes oI thIs pIace, IIke oIIy
nIghts and terrIIyIng dreams and a IIttIe bIt oI decay and IIre. ut
beneath It aII he stIII tastes IIke jared, he stIII tastes IIke the man jensen
marrIed. The god haII-sobs Into hIs Iovers mouth, tongue workIng
IurIousIy Into jareds mouth, battIIng jareds as he trIes to map out every
taste and response jared gIves.
IIke they havent kIssed In ages-IIke they mIght never get a chance to
kIss agaIn. jensen starts swayIng Irom sIde to sIde and jareds tIred
body IoIIows hIs Iead to where theyre aImost dancIng.
jake cIears hIs throat IoudIy, causIng jensen and jared to part though
they dont spare the messenger god a gIance, theIr eyes onIy Ior each
other. "Iook, as awesome as thIs reunIon Is and everythIng," jakes voIce
Is dIstInctIy hIgher-pItched wIth nervousness, a traIt so unIIke hIm
except he has to watch out Ior hIs brother, a human, as weII as hImseII
on thIs rescue mIssIon. "ts tIme we go. dont care but we need to stay
on the move untII we IIgure out how to bIow thIs pIace. verythIng IeeIs
too easy-"
jareds eyes wIden IIrst and hIs grIp tIghtens on jensen beIore jensen or
jake even IeeIs It.
ut even II jensen had notIced the same tIme as jared Its stIII too Iate,
even as jensen whIps around to warn hIs IIttIe brother. "jake, move!"
The Inky bIack shadow, the heII dog Cerberus, aIready has one oI hIs
three jaws cIamped around jakes mIddIe. The god IIaIIs and shouts,
IImbs movIng so Iast they appear to IIIcker In and out oI exIstence he
trIes so hard to use hIs speed to escape.
"Iuck," jake snarIs angrIIy as he pounds on the muzzIe wIth powerIuI
IIsts. "Iet me go you IouI godsdamned beast!" he seethes but the hound
onIy tIghtens hIs jaw and a dIstInct crunch echoes oII oI the bronze waII
IoIIowed by an agonIzed scream. "jensen!" jake shouts. "jensen get the
-" another scream Is wrenched Irom hIm, garbIIng up hIs words.
jensen makes a Iew steps towards Cerberus, not sure what the heII hes
goIng to do and torn about IeavIng jared vuInerabIe. IIs steps IaIter
when IrederIc appears at the Ioot oI the massIve bIack beast, pattIng Its
Ieg aImost aIIectIonateIy. "Good boy," he croons, IIps twIstIng hIs dark,
worn Iace.
jareds Intake oI breath IndIcates that hes IamIIIar wIth IrederIc whIch
onIy serves to pIss jensen oII Iurther because Its obvIous that IrederIc
has tortured hIs souI mate wIth hIs own hands-maybe hes the one that
strung jared up on the waII wIth the damned. Ie stands mostIy In Iront
oI jared, hIs Iovers IIngers curIIng Into the IabrIc oI hIs shIrt to steady
hImseII.
ut Its jared that shouts, voIce rough and Iow wIth paIn and anger. "Iet
hIm go you bastard!" jared demands, horrIIIed to see jensens sIbIIng
broken and bIoody In the maw oI a massIve three-hecded dog.
"Yeah, that sounds IIke a reaIIy great Idea," jake says a IIttIe weakIy Irom
above them where hes gettIng weaker by the moment. "Iet me go!"
" rather IIke you ImmobIIIzed, you IIttIe shIt," IrederIc grumbIes, sparIng
a gIance at jake beIore zeroIng In on jared. The screechIng darkness oI
IrederIcs souI threatens to overwheIm and choke jared.
"You were rIght, jared," IrederIc says as he waIks sIowIy toward them.
"Iubby dId come Ior you aIter aII. Too bad he doesnt seem to have a
pIan Ior a decent prIson break-hes dIsappoIntIng as the god oI reason,
dont you thInk, jared? Theres no way out oI here-not wIthout my
permIssIon. ow hes here to suIIer besIde you and you wIII know that
hIs paIn Is your IauIt, jared, because he came down here Ior you."
IrederIc Iaughs, IdIy pattIng hIs stomach IIke he just ate somethIng
deIIcIous. "CoupIes reaIIy are the best to torture, you know? just have
to use one agaInst the other and both suIIer. o schemIng necessary."
"Iuck, but you can monoIogue," jake snarks, breath bubbIy. Iood drIps
Irom hIs wounds and staIns the ground because Its the bIood oI a IIve
souI.
IrederIc Irowns, IookIng up at the wounded messenger. "d watch your
mouth, II were you. was pIannIng on IettIng you out-weII, gettIng
Cerberus to escort you cll the wcy out. CaII It good IaIth. Youve been a
paIn In my ass IateIy but kInd oI like to IInd you snoopIng around and
kIckIng you out. What can say? get bored. ut II you dont shut your
mouth couId command my pet to eat you. t wouId suck, d ImagIne, to
IIe In shredded pIeces at the bottom oI my pets stomach Ior the rest oI
eternIty."
jake opens hIs mouth to snap some retort back. "Shut up!" jensen hIsses
at hIm, desperate to get hIs IIttIe brother out oI thIs pIace and out oI the
hounds mouth.
IrederIc smIrks when jake Iets hIs sarcasm dIe on hIs IIps. WIthout
somethIng to occupy hIs mInd the messenger oI the gods IaIIs IImp,
groanIng Ioud and paIned.
"Take out the trash, pet," IrederIc commands terseIy and the massIve
three-headed dog snorts turnIng around, two heads howIIng beIore It
dIsappears, jake, the IeIm oI arkness, and the souI-snatcher In Its
cIutches.
"ow," IrederIc cIaps hIs hands once, smIIIng sweetIy. "Where to begIn
wIth you two?"
"y IettIng jared go. Ie doesnt beIong here," jensen InsIsts, reachIng
behInd hIm and graspIng jareds bony hIp.
The oIder god roIIs hIs eyes, snortIng derIsIveIy. "WeII, obvIousIy, neIther
oI you beIong here-thats the point," he grIns, takIng another step
Iorward and jensen Inches aII the more between jared and the other
god. "Thats why thIs Is aII so sweet Ior me."
"My souI Ior jareds," jensen says terseIy IIke theyre on an auctIon
bIock, IgnorIng jareds muted whImper.
"ut youre both aIready here," IrederIc drawIs IIke jensens
embarrassIngIy sIow on the uptake. "Why wouId want to Iose one?"
"ecause my twIn wIII IInd a way to get me out and youII Iose me
eventuaIIy. And you know sheII IInd a way-"
"ot," IrederIc Interrupts. "eIore she partIcIpates In the cIvII war thats
bound to be happenIng rIght thIs second. ot beIore our IamIIy burns
the earth to the ground."
jensen grIts hIs teeth and remInds hImseII that thats just what IacheI
and IrederIc were hoping to happen and that dIdnt mean that It actuaIIy
Is happenIng. Iast tIme he saw hIs IamIIy they were workIng together.
.AgaInst other members oI jensens IamIIy, but he trIes not to thInk
about that.
"The poInt Is that you need the power my souI provIdes, rIght? So II you
trade Its my souI, IreeIy gIven, a sacrIIIce and the souI oI a god. You can
sIphon oII oI my souI to power your crazy schemes Ior the rest oI
eternIty."
IrederIcs expressIon turns thoughtIuI.
"AIrIght. guess Its a trade that wIII be more beneIIcIaI In the Iong run,"
he shrugs, IookIng reIuctant as he hooks hIs thumbs Into hIs beIt. ut
then he cuts a connIvIng smIrk at jensen, whIte teeth IIashIng. "ut II
onIy make the trade ij your souI mate agrees wIth It."
jensen grIns, reIIeved, even as jared speaks up Irom behInd hIm,
steppIng around to hIs sIde on wobbIy Iegs so that they Iace oII agaInst
IrederIc together as one. " reIuse," he says, voIce shaky.
jared takes a steadyIng breath, tryIng to taIk past the quakIng Iear he
has oI thIs god to Iook hIm In the eye. Ies gIad jensens here-he
doesnt know what shape he wouId be In now. Ie had gIven up hope as
he hung on the waII wIth a broken back and no hope oI escape. ut
jensens here now and just one Iook-just the knowIedge that he came
Ior jared-was enough to kIndIe hIs hope agaIn.
"Keep mIne, II stay wIIIIngIy. Iet jensen go," he says, voIce rIsIng wIth
each word.
jensens shouIders sIump, whIrIIng paIned, dIsbeIIevIng eyes onto jared.
"You cant ask thIs oI me, you cant make me Iose you agaIn-not to hIm,
not to thIs pIace. Iet me do thIs, kaIos. ts my IauIt youre In here-"
"o, jensen," jared shakes hIs head IIerceIy, reachIng out and grIppIng
the materIaI on jensens Iorearm to steady hImseII. "You cant just come
In here and take my pIace and expect me to be okay wIth thIs! And Its
not your IauIt! ts the psycho Mark and that bItch-theyre the ones that
dId thIs. m gIad m down here, because she wouId have taken you here
and-"
"xactIy. ts supposed to be me!" jensen snaps. "ts supposed to be me
down here not you! can handIe It!"
jareds eyebrows draw together, a IIash oI red bIoomIng on hIs
promInent cheekbones. "And cant? ot even Ior you, my souI mate?"
jared narrows hIs brIght eyes. "Are you caIIIng me weak, AckIes?"
jensen bIInks a IIttIe dumbIy, compIeteIy caught oII guard and he cant
heIp but IIash to the earIy months when he was tryIng to get jared to
just have a cIvII conversatIon wIth hIm. "What? o!" jensen growIs. "We
dont have tIme Ior thIs, jared-"
IrederIc throws hIs head back and Iaughs, IuII-beIIIed and Ioud. "And
the torture begIns aIready. couId Ieave you here and Iet you tear each
other down wIth words Ior a century or two. And the paIn oI knowIng
one wIII sacrIIIce Ior the other, Ieave the other behInd to IIve wIthout
them-to IIve wIth the guIIt oI knowIng that theyre the reason the other
Is suIIerIng In here Ior the rest oI eternIty-Iorever and ever wIthout
end, wIthout reprIeve," he shudders, reveIIng In hIs own words, In the
paIn and conIusIon and anger aIready radIatIng oII oI the paIr oI Iovers.
"SInce when do you need jareds permIssIon?" jensen growIs, IookIng to
IrederIc but stIII turned toward jared. "SInce when do you need
anyones permIssIon," he trIes to pIead to IrederIcs ego but becomes
too ImpatIent. "Take my souI! o the exchange!"
"o!" jared rages, puIIIng jensen around harshIy untII the god Iooks hIm
In the eye once agaIn. IazeI eyes crackIe wIth deIIance. "You wont do
thIs to us-to me!"
"just Iet me!" jensen crIes. "Iet me save you Ior once you stubborn-"
IrederIc cIaps hIs hands, gettIng theIr attentIon Iong enough to watch
hIm Iorm a pIt behInd them. jareds the cIosest and hIs heeIs are
suddenIy on the edge. Ie chokes on a cry, IookIng down not to see the
weII wIth the body IIoatIng In It but the bottom gIowIng hot wIth embers
and smoky wIth ash. IIs arms wIndmIII IrantIcaIIy.
IrederIc just watches wIth an amused smIrk. "Maybe you two shouId
have a nIce, quIet pIace to thInk about thIs?"
jensen IrantIcaIIy grabs jared and puIIs hIm In a coupIe oI steps to saIety
beIore turnIng to IrederIc. WIth a thought he Iorms a bow In hIs hands,
ready to IIght hIs way out oI here II he has to-even though he knows Its
a IosIng battIe. "ont you dare hurt hIm!"
The oIder god Iaughs mIrthIessIy. "ts too Iate Ior that, Isnt It jared?" he
Ieers, tIItIng hIs head to the sIde and makIng a show oI IIckIng hIs IIps.
"Weve aIready had so much Iun together. ShouId we teII jensen aII
about It-or maybe show hIm a recap? WhIch was your IavorIte, jared?
IIked to see the paIn on your Iace when you were rottIng aIIve, but have
to say that your screams Irom the bottom oI that weII are stIII my
IavorIte."
"You bastard!" jensen shouts, IormIng and nockIng an arrow.
IrederIc Irowns, Iace suddenIy ancIent and serIous. jareds stomach
turns and he has the worst urge to just run away and hide. IrederIc
Iashes out wIth hIs arm and a strIp oI the ground rIses up wIth the
motIon and shoots out IIke a whIp, strIkIng jensen In the rIbs and
knockIng hIm severaI meters to the sIde so Iast jared doesnt even have
tIme to bIInk.
"ont you dare raIse a weapon at me! ThIs Is my reaIm, you cant even
hope to deIeat me!"
"jensen!" jared crIes, runnIng to jensens prone body, trIppIng a Iew
tImes on the way but IgnorIng each tIme the humId ground scrapes hIs
skIn. jensen Is sprawIed on the ground, gaspIng desperateIy wIth paIn.
A Iong, twIsted bIack burn has eaten through hIs cIothes and skIn
reveaIIng bone and bIood and rottIng muscIes.
"ShIt, shIt," jared curses. Ie swaIIows back bIIe as hIs panIcked hands
hover over jensen who groans paInIuIIy. "ts OK, jensen, just... just
breathe, come on, Iove," he babbIes through cIenched teeth, chokIng
back gags when he smeIIs jensens IIesh, the rot and ash oI IrederIcs
power. "o, no youre goIng to be OK. You have to be OK," jared
whIspers because jensen Iooks so vuInerabIe and sIck-paIe and twIsted
and bIackened. IIs IIps are duII and IIIeIess and he just stcres bIankIy at
the skyIess sky Ior a Iew terrIIyIng seconds. jared pushes back the tears
and horror because jensen is a god and heII heaI soon. jareds got to
beIIeve that he wIII heaI soon.
n the meantIme jared reaches and puIIs jensens head and shouIders
Into hIs Iap, not knowIng what eIse to do but thIs seems rIght, somehow.
Ie starts runnIng hIs IIngers soItIy through hIs husbands haIr, aImost
aIraId to touch hIm In Iear oI makIng hIs paIn worse.
jensens aIready startIng to heaI and he grunts through the paIn,
squeezIng hIs eyes shut because damn It aII, he aIways Iorgets just how
powerIuI hIs Iather and uncIes are. Ie Is onIy a IIttIe aware oI jared
crawIIng around hIm, gentIy IIItIng hIs head Into jareds Iap, and runnIng
hIs IIngers over jensens scaIp In soothIng motIons. Ie just IeeIs warmth,
hears sweet words as he surIaces back Into coherency.
"ts aImost over," jared promIses, the break In hIs voIce paInIuIIy
obvIous. "Y-Youre aIready heaIIng. just breathe through It, jen."
When the muscIes renew themseIves to a brIght red and cover up
jensens whIte rIbs, the skIn start to mend thInIy over that, the god oI
IIght draws In a shaky breath and opens hIs cIear green eyes. jared
Iaughs wIth shaky reIIeI, crunchIng down and kIssIng jensens tempIe.
"ts OK," jared soothes even though the paIn Is aImost gone. Ie pIaces
kIsses aIong jensens Iorehead IIke a crown. "Were goIng to get out oI
here, know It. ts OK now." Ie smIIes, eyes brIght, onIy one dImpIe
bIInkIng on hIs cheek.
jared Is so preoccupIed wIth hIs Iover that he doesnt IeeI the new threat
approachIng untII Its too Iate. SuddenIy bony but strong hands-
hundreds oI hands-wrap around hIs shouIders and arms, hIs wrIsts,
and chest and torso. Some oI the hands grIp hIs haIr, rIppIng out a Iew
strands. When he trIes to kIck out, haII a dozen arms wrap around each
Ieg, weIghIng them down. jared knows that these are the Others-the
Iorde beIore he even Iooks and he cant beIIeve It, cant beIIeve he Iet
hIs guard down and no, no, plecse not cgcin, plecse not them cgcin. IIs
eyes dart to the sIde, and he has enough tIme to see the IIdIess, IIpIess,
noseIess Iace oI what mIght have once been a woman beIore he IeeIs the
tIngIIng sensatIon through hIs entIre body where they touch hIm, aImost
IIke coId eIectrIcIty. Ie hears the sound oI hIs skIn rottIng and decayIng
and IIqueIyIng-a sncp-bubble thats quIckIy IoIIowed by the paIn oI
decomposIng whIIe conscIous.
Ie screams In horror.
The paIn Is gone but the strength to move Is stIII an eIusIve Iew seconds
away when jensen IeeIs jared yanked away Irom hIm. Ie IInds the
strength when he hears jared scream Ioud In terrIIIed despaIr.
The younger god roIIs to hIs Ieet, eyes wIde, and chokes on hIs rage and
horror as he sees rotten, haII-skeIetaI bodIes Iatched over jared, jareds
beautIIuI skIn beIng eaten away beIore jensens eyes. "o!" he crIes,
voIce broken wIth anger as he trIes to caII hIs bow and arrows. IIght
gIImmers on hIs hands but nothIng Iorms-hes stIII seconds away Irom
beIng strong enough to IIght.
"Stop It!" jensen crIes, stumbIIng Iorward a Iew steps beIore spInnIng
around, the screams oI hIs husband IeavIng hIm wIthout enough
presence oI mInd to even gIare or threaten IrederIc. "Ieave hIm! IIease,
Ieave hIm aIone! CaII them oII!"
ut IrederIcs Iace Is thunderous. "ThIs Is your IauIt! do not have to Iet
eIther oI you go, no matter what you oIIer me! can make your precIous
souI mate burn and rot and drown Ior aII oI eternIty and aII have to do
to you Is chaIn you up and make you watch. lm In controI here, thIs Is my
domaIn, how dare you threaten me here? Iow dare you puII a weapon on
me?" he rants, advancIng towards jensen, eyes IIashIng.
jared can onIy haII-hear them now, the paIn oI decayIng Is too great. One
oI the Iorde bItes savageIy Into hIs neck but Its teeth are haII-gone so It
starts gncwing.
jared trIes to mute hIs next scream even though It hurts so badIy and
the IeeI oI a stubbed, sIIck tongue agaInst hIs skIn Is so dIsgustIng. ut
he cant show more weakness-he cant dIstract jensen. Ie has to get
jensen out oI here, he has to bargaIn wIth IrederIc (even when the
seIIIsh part oI hIm doesnt want jensen to Ieave, wants to take jensen up
on hIs oIIer oI a trade and get out oI thIs pIace oI torment). Ie cant get
the pIcture oI hIs Iovers perIect body haII-dIsIntegrated out oI the
IoreIront oI hIs mInd-Its there every tIme he bIInks. jared doesnt want
that to happen agaIn, not now and not every day Ior the rest oI eternIty
because jared aIIowed jensen to sacrIIIce hImseII Ior jareds sake.
"IIease," jensen whIspers, tryIng Ior hIs bow agaIn. The IIght shInes
brIght on hIs hands but nothIng comes. Ies unaIraId to get on hIs knees
and beg when It comes to jared so he does, swaIIowIng hIs prIde bItter
and hard but not as hard as It Is to see hIs Iover tormented. "IIease, Iet
hIm go. IIease take me Instead."
IrederIc throws hIs head back, reIIshIng In the sIght oI a god kneeIIng
beIore hIm over a mortaI. Ie IIcks hIs IIps, reIIshIng In the power he has
down here.
jensen IeeIs the IndIgnIty oI the other god IaughIng at hIm but he
doesnt stand, doesnt take It back. IeII beg untII jared Is reIeased.
Thats when they IeeI It-the approach oI somethIng bIg and powerIuI
and eIectrIc.
ven jared IeeIs It, though hIs whoIe wIde worId Is rIddIed wIth paIn, he
IeeIs somethIng bIg approachIng-can sense the souI beIore It even
arrIves and It sounds IIke the deep, sIow turnIng oI the oI the earth,
mysterIous and vast IIke the bIue sky.
And then IIngers IIII hIs mouth, rottIng hIs tongue. jareds stIII conscIous
-maybe IrederIc or Tartarus Is keepIng hIm that way-but the agony oI
rottIng Irom the InsIde out Is too much and he knows next to nothIng
aIter that.
"o!" IrederIc seethes just beIore jensens Iather appears In a brIght,
deaIenIng IIash oI IIghtenIng.
Zeus, kIng oI the gods, has waIked the earth the same as hIs chIIdren Ior
centurIes. Ies currentIy known as jeIIrey ean Morgan, an aIooI
ceIebrIty busInessman who stays quIetIy out oI the IImeIIght whIIe hIs
beautIIuI wIIe Samantha seems to bask In It.
othIng oI hIs human persona hangs about hIm In Tartarus, however. Ie
stands taII, dressed smartIy IIke hes ready Ior a bIack tIe aIIaIr even
though hIs unshaven Iace and stIII posture suggests that hes
uncomIortabIe and dIspIeased wIth the suIt. Ies taII and broad
shouIdered, eyes dark and thIck and tense IIke sweIIIng aIr pressure
beIore a storm. IIs Iace, handsome and perIect IIke other gods, Is caIm
though hIs eyes brew and churn wIth IntensIty.
jensen at once IeeIs dread and reIIeI. Ie knows that hIs Iather searched
Ior hIm earIIer to punIsh hIm Ior hurtIng humans durIng jensens
rampage aIter jareds death. ut jensen cant heIp the reIIeI. jeII has
aIways been dIstant, but then agaIn jensen has never needed hIs Iather
beIore-not IIke thIs, In thIs hopeIess sItuatIon where jensen and jared
are compIeteIy at another gods mercy.
!nexpectedIy, IacheI Is wIth jeII-though she struggIes, curses, and
screams In hIs grasp. She Iooks to jensen and jared wIth somethIng IIke
dIsgust. IrederIc, though, she regards wIth trepIdatIon and struggIes aII
the harder agaInst her captIvIty.
"rother," jeII nods to IrederIc then eyes jensen, somethIng soItenIng In
hIs gaze when he Iooks at hIs son on hIs knees Ior hIs souI mate.
"jensen. IInaIIy caught up to you."
"Iather," jensen swaIIows. "My husband, pIease," he whIspers, gIancIng
brIeIIy behInd hIm to jared. The rotten bodIes have emacIated jared to
skIn and drIed out IIesh thats rottIng hoIes In pIaces. jareds not
screamIng anymore.
jared Isnt movIng anymore.
"You cannot InterIere!" IrederIc rages, takIng jeIIs curIous eyes Irom
the human at the center oI thIs mess. "YouII break your own Iaws!"
"m not InterIerIng, brother," jeII murmurs, voIce gruII and annoyed at
beIng accused.
jensen Iets out a wounded cry. "IIease, anythIng. II... II do anythIng."
" know you wIII, son," jeII soothes, deep and caIm. The smaII smIIe he
gIves jensen does nothIng to reassure hIm. "ut my brother Is rIght.
ThIs Is hIs reaIm and cant InterIere-Its agaInst the Iaw myseII have
made."
"Are you here to punIsh me? Ior earIIer? Condemn me here?" jensen
asks, curIous, though hes not adverse to the Idea. At Ieast he wouId be
here wIth jared, II onIy to suIIer wIth hIm.
jeIIs gaze soItens Iurther untII Its patronIy and aIIectIonate. jensen
cant heIp the twInge oI hope that echoes In hIs chest. "o, my son. m
not here Ior that," hIs gaze strays to jared agaIn whos convuIsIng now.
" was-stIII am-hIghIy dIsappoInted In your tantrum. ut aIter
CharIsma and IIchard counseIed me understand. I you make It out oI
here, youII be IorgIven."
jensens vast god-IIke mInd brIeIIy wonders why CharIsma and IIchard
wouId speak on hIs behaII when he had been so set on destroyIng them.
ut jared gIves a choked, desperate whIne and aII other thoughts IIIcker
out oI exIstence. " dont want to be IorgIven. IIease, jeII. IIease-
IrederIc. My souI mate, want to be wIth hIm!"
jeII puIIs hIs gaze Irom jensen, showIng that Its out oI hIs hands.
"I youre not here to InterIere then why are you here?" IrederIc snaps.
"m here because my messenger Is temporarIIy out oI commIssIon," jeII
sneers, hIs skIn and demeanor crackIIng wIth tensIon, IInaIIy showIng
anger Ior the needIess Injury oI both oI hIs good sons. "So he cant brIng
you this," he hoIds IacheI out, hand stIII Iatched to the back oI her coIIar.
ven though she struggIes and snarIs she Iooks a Iot IIke a chastIsed
puppy In the hands oI her Iather.
jeII smIrks though hIs eyes are sad and dIsappoInted. " know the truth
now. etween IacheIs bIg mouth and jakes conIIrmatIon we cll know oI
your scheme to start a war-eIther amongst us or agaInst the humans. t
wont be workIng, now that we know about It." Ie steps toward hIs
brother, broad and beautIIuI compared to IrederIcs thIn and weathered
appearance.
"IrederIc, brother," jeII says graveIy. " suppose m IooIIsh enough to
aIIow your betrayaI to stIII hurt. You wanted to sIaughter the humans-
you wanted us to IIght and hurt each other-aII Ior the sake oI gettIng
out oI your reaIm. I m IooIIsh youre deIuded, brother."
IrederIcs upper IIp curIs, the darkness oI Tartarus IormIng around hIm
both IIke a barrIer and a Ioaded gun. WIth jeII here he seems to Iorget
about jensen and jared so jensen starts edgIng toward hIs souI mate.
"What do you mean?" IrederIc growIs. "ecause want to get out oI thIs
dump? ecause thInk deserve to have a rIght at what was unIaIrIy
excIuded Irom?"
"ecause thIs Is your nature now!" jeII beIIows. "You beIong down here,
thIs Is yours and It Is your job to stcy down here to keep the baIance!" Ie
shakes IacheI, eIIcItIng an IndIgnant squawk Irom her. " wouId expect
somethIng so chIIdIsh Irom a chIId IIke her, but not Irom you!"
"ont taIk down to me!" IrederIc hIsses, tendrIIs oI hIs power IashIng
out and IIckIng at jeII who doesnt bat an eye, just contInues to stare at
hIs brother pItyIngIy. !nabIe to get anywhere wIth jeII, IrederIc turns to
IacheI, unIeashIng a spIke oI hIs power that cuts her across the Iace.
"You bItch!" IrederIc snarIs at hIs nIece. "You ruIned everythIng!"
"Shut up, worthIess shIt," she spIts back and jensen thInks that she does
an admIrabIe job oI not cowerIng away IIke she probabIy wants to do. Ie
cant heIp but watch everythIng wIth a measure oI vIndIctIveness. Ie
wIshes he were the one that had IacheI at hIs mercy, he wIshes that he
couId just cut Into her Ior aII oI eternIty Ior what she dId to jared-to
both oI them.
" dIdnt see you doIng anythIng-It was aII me!" she contInues, red
IIpstIck smeared, bIood darkenIng her aIready bIack cIothes at her
shouIders where jensen had staked her to the ground.
"Yes, unIIke jensen wont IorgIve IacheI," jeII cuts In somberIy, IIke It
tears hIm apart to make such a decIsIon and maybe It does. " was
thInkIng oI what to do wIth her-maybe youd want to keep her here and
deaI wIth her Ior ruInIng your pIans?" he suggests, raIsIng an eyebrow.
"n exchange Ior one oI these two, obvIousIy. A souI Ior a souI." Keen
eyes IIash and this Is why jeII came Instead oI jake. ecause he knew he
was powerIuI enough to get In and back out, because he couId cow hIs
brother Into dIrectIng hIs anger at IacheI so that jeII couId propose a
trade.
ts admIrabIe but terrIbIe. jensen doesnt IIke where thIs Is goIng. Ie
steps cIoser to jared, tryIng to get to hIs Iover and do. something.
I IrederIc knows that he Is beIng pIayed It doesnt seem to matter to
hIm. Ie smIIes, wIde and sIck, eyes menacIng as he Iooks upon the
goddess that screwed up hIs pIans. "WhIch one do you want me to Iet
go?" he asks, apparentIy unconcerned wIth Iurther banter or
bargaInIng.
jensen shakes hIs head, wIde-eyed and In denIaI but hIs Iather doesnt
even Iook to hIm. The god oI IIght Iooks despaIrIngIy behInd hIm, a sob
escapIng hIm when he sees hIs Iover decayed nearIy to the bone but stIII
awake, hIs hazeI eyes duII but conscIous.
"KaIos," he murmurs, and he sees a spark In jareds eyes at the word,
but then hIs husband just moans In paIn, brokenIy and dIstorted because
hIs throat and voIce box are shrIveIIng up as weII. Ie struggIes weakIy.
"II Iet you decIde," jeII says, InduIgent. "ThIs Is your domaIn aIter aII, as
youve saId."
"o!" jensen crIes, hoarseIy, pausIng In hIs advance towards jared. IIs
IIngers Itch to unIeash hIs arrows-he can now, he IeeIs hIs strength
returnIng-but hes aIraId that II he draws hIs bow agaIn then IrederIc
wIII punIsh jared agaIn. Or not aIIow jared to Ieave at aII. So he turns to
Iace hIs Iather and uncIe. "o, you have to... It has to be jared, pIease.
Ies my husband."
"Iook how pathetIc the human makes you," IrederIc jeers scornIuIIy,
takIng a step towards jensen but not takIng hIs attentIon oII oI IacheI
and jeII. "You were on your knees, beggIng us-me! You, a god thats
seen the bIrth and death oI pIanets, thats seen the makIng and
destructIon oI cIvIIIzatIons. You have power, you have everything at your
IIngertIps! And yet here you are begging."
" Iove hIm," Is jensens onIy unabashed and honest expIanatIon. " Iove
hIm more than myseII."
"IathetIc," IrederIc scoIIs.
jensen Iooks to hIs Iather who mereIy gIances at hIm. "t Is my brothers
decIsIon," he says agaIn to both jensen and IrederIc. "Ie must choose."
"ve been abIe to escape here beIore!" IacheI shouts, eyes wIdenIng as
It IuIIy dawns on her that her Iather Is usIng her Ior a bargaInIng chIp In
exchange Ior another oI hIs chIIdren. " can do It agaIn!"
" Iet you go beIore, chIId," IrederIc snaps ImpatIentIy. "o you thInk you
and your taIents couId escape a pIace l controI?"
"Choose!" jeII thunders, patIence wanIng.
"The best choIce Is cIearIy jensen," a quIet, serene voIce Interrupts them
aII. jensen spIns around, chokIng on a panIcked cry when he sees rIc,
IrederIcs most Iamous and beautIIuI prIsoner standIng over jared,
tIItIng hIs head curIousIy.
"o, dont hurt hIm," jensen shouts at the same tIme IrederIc murmurs,
"rIc."
jensen Iooks over hIs shouIder to see IrederIcs weathered, angry Iace
break apart and soIten Ior rIc.
The bIond god doesnt Iook up. Ie just hoIds out hIs hand towards jared
and the Iorde that are IIIckerIng In and out oI vIsIbIIIty but stIII sIowIy
draInIng jareds souI. "Ieave hIm," rIc commands soItIy and the Iorde
screech and hIss threatenIngIy as one, but back away. They IIIcker In
and out beIore they dIsappear.
jared, ugIy broken and thIn and rotten, sIumps to the humId ground wIth
a soIt whImper.
"jared!" jensen caIIs, startIng to run towards hIs husband.
"o! ont go near hIm!" IrederIc shouts IIke jensen Is goIng towards
rIc and not jared. Ie doesnt see the oIder god do anythIng behInd hIm
but aII oI a sudden the ground meIts and jensen abruptIy sInks to hIs
knees and then hIs waIst. t doesnt hurt but Its dIsturbIng and he just
wants to get to jared. Ie crIes out, hands IIghtIng hot, but In another
Instant the ground becomes soIId around jensens hIps, trappIng hIm.
"o!" jensen thunders, struggIIng to reach hIs Iover. Ie sIams hIs hands
on the ground and when It doesnt budge he powers them wIth IIre but
nothIng happens-every tIme the ground Is broken or shattered It
reIorms beIore jensen can escape. Ie can hear jared breathe weakIy
and he IIghts harder. "o! Iet me go to hIm!"
jared has been aware oI sounds the whoIe tIme but sInce the hands IeIt
hIm he graduaIIy becomes more coherent to the sound oI hIs husbands
shouts. "jen...?" he sIurs, conIused, tryIng to bIInk the bIeary IIIm Irom
hIs eyes but hIs eyeIIds have dIsIntegrated and he stares endIessIy out
Into thIs nIghtmare, nearIy sIghtIess. Ie whImpers at the sensatIon.
A IIgure squats over hIm and jareds corroded mouth twItches In a haII
smIIe when he thInks (prcys, hopes, plecse) that It mIght be jensen. ut
then hIs Ioggy, IIdIess sIght makes out brIght bIue eyes-IIke the sky.
And he hears IIowers bIoomIng at mIdnIght.
"You," jared whIspers reedy thIn wIth broken vocaI chords.
"Me," rIc answers and stays quIet, waItIng Ior jared.
Ie trIes to swaIIow, hIs tongue weak and duII. IIs tIred eyes IaII down to
where he thInks rIcs ankIe mIght be and he sees the phantom red
strIng even wIth hIs IIImy eyes. SIowIy he IoIIows the red strIng, IaIIIng to
muIIIe hIs whIne when he reaIIzes that he cant squInt to heIp hIm see
better. IIs eyes straIn In hIs dry sockets, IettIng out an audIbIe whIsper
as they move that makes hIm sIck.
"jared! jared, pIease! Say somethIng!" jensen shouts Irom somewhere
around hIm but jared cant IInd hIm-cant take hIs eyes oII oI the red
strIng to try. Ie IInaIIy IInds the end oI the strIng attached to the other
ankIe hes IookIng Ior beIore he sIghs, eyes IaIIIng back Into pIace, sIght
nearIy gone except Ior red strIngs and sky bIue eyes (he mIsses jensens
eyes, he mIsses the sky, he mIsses earth and he mIsses SophIa).
"Yes," he croaks out. "To...your questI-" he breaks oII wIth a raspy
cough. "eIore. Yes. You are."
rIcs Iace IIghtens, not that jared can reaIIy see that. "So, Its not... m
In... he..."
"Ioves you," jared whIspers, quIeter than aIr, IosIng hIs grIp on reaIIty.
"More than. any-thIng."
jensen watches the exchange, as do jeII and IrederIc, but try as he
mIght he cant seem to hear anythIng untII rIc says, soIt and aImost
aIIectIonate, "Thank you, jared IadaIeckI." Then he reaches out, hIs
graceIuI and sIIm hand a Iew Inches above jareds body.
jareds skIn and body IIIIs out, renews, eyeIIds and eyeIashes and mouth
and teeth re-growIng. t hurts a IIttIe, IeeIs more uncomIortabIe than
paInIuI. Or maybe Its just Iess paInIuI than decomposIng aIIve-or maybe
he Is aIready used to the paIn. Ie shudders at the thought. jared Is just
so tIred-he wants to be IeIt aIone. Ie wants sleep and tIme to
recuperate. Ie wonders II thats what heII reaIIy Is-more than
nIghtmares, more than paIn and hauntIng IIgures Irom the past but aII oI
thIs wIthout rest. ts exhaustIng and hes aIready IosIng touch wIth
hImseII-Its hard to thInk that he Is anythIng but paIn and IatIgue. Ie
trIes not to whImper but he does, tears IeakIng out.
jensen swaIIows, watchIng In awe as hIs Iover Is mended untII hes
heaIed and twItchIng Irom It, dIrty Irom the cIty and hIs trIaIs but skIn
heaIthIer than jensens seen It sInce hes been here. rIc waIks away,
toward IrederIc who Is watchIng the bIond god, enraptured. ut jensen
doesnt reaIIy pay attentIon to any oI these thIngs, hes too busy
watchIng every Inch jared gaIns as he struggIes to hIs knees.
jared doesnt know where he gets the strength to move much Iess get to
hIs knees. Ies not as tIred now and deIInIteIy wIthout paIn but he cant
heIp but IeeI a IIttIe deIeated. And then he hears jensens voIce and IIke
a gIgantIc, nave sap he cant heIp the reIIexIve smIIe.
"jared?" jensen whIspers, heart hammerIng when jared Iooks up at hIm,
smIIe smaII but strong, eyes brIght once agaIn behInd the wayward
strands oI hIs bangs. jensen grIns back. "Iey," he says, IameIy.
"Iey," jared answers, roIIIng hIs eyes but hIs voIce Is cIear.
jensen Is stIII stuck In the ground oI Tartarus, but straIns to Iook over
hIs shouIder at rIc. "Thank you."
Iue eyes gIance at hIm, coId and caIm. "t wasnt Ior you," Is aII he says
beIore turnIng back to IrederIc. "You shouId trade jensens souI Ior
IacheIs and reIease hIm Irom hIs ImprIsonment."
IrederIcs Ieather brown Iace stays soIt and kInd. Ie reaches out wIth
hand onIy to Iet It hover over rIcs bIond haIr beIore IettIng It back
down to hIs sIde beIore he aIIows hImseII to touch. ts strange Ior jared
to see hIs tormenter so hesItant and aIIectIonate. jared supposes hes
happy Ior rIc, but heII never be abIe to brIng hImseII to IorgIve eIther
oI them.
"I thIs Is what you wIsh," IrederIc says, quIetIy, none oI the bravado or
bItterness that wracked hIs voIce earIIer.
rIc smIIes sweetIy, meIanchoIy eyes brIghtenIng. "t Is."
"o!" jensen seethes. "IIease, pIease Iet jared go-you... you..." but he
cant brIng hImseII to InsuIt rIc, unabIe to reconcIIe hIs tenderness wIth
jared not a Iew mInutes beIore wIth thIs demand to keep jared here.
jensen turns to jared, eyes wIde and heIpIess, but Irowns In conIusIon
when jared Isnt IookIng at hIm but at rIc wIth an unreadabIe but
unaIraId Iace.
"ut," rIc goes on, IgnorIng jensen. " want you to reIease jared as weII.
Theyre souI mates, IrederIc. They deserve to be together." jensen
whIps around and sort oI gapes at the unexpected but becutijul-hopejul-
plecse words. Ie hears jared gasp, too, and gIances at hIs husband.
"o, cant..." IrederIc answers, brows Iurrowed In conIusIon, IIke hes
not used to rIcs InterIerence wIth the souIs oI the damned. "They have
nothIng to bargaIn wIth."
"Then a test," the bIond InsIsts, reachIng out and wrappIng hIs IIngers
between the oIder gods, brIngIng up IrederIcs hand and pressIng It to
hIs cheek.
The god oI the !nderworIds eyes wIden ImpossIbIy, conIused and oddIy
touched. Ie bIInks, seemIng to remember where he Is, the IInes In hIs
Iace sharpenIng and hardenIng though he doesnt puII hIs hand away
Irom rIcs tender hoId.
jensens just as conIused as IrederIc. Ie dIdnt thInk that the two were
that cIose. Ied heard that rIc was stIII bItter about hIs ImprIsonment
even aIter aII oI these centurIes, though jensen had aIso heard that rIc
wasnt comIng to the earth to vIsIt hIs mother as much-a Iact thats
obvIousIy true seeIng as hes here now durIng the summer.
"What test?" IrederIc asks, eyes never strayIng Irom where hIs beautIIuI
captIve Is touchIng hIm so gentIy.
"jensens Iree, a souI Ior a souI. wIII Iead hIm out. I jared can IInd hIs
own way out oI the underworId Irom IhIegethon then heII be Iree as
weII. Ies dead, oI course, so heII be Iree to go to the IysIan IIeIds
where hIs souI was destIned to go."
jensen swaIIows thIckIy. Ie hates thIs Idea, he wants to ask Ior a trade-
Ior them to Iet jared go and Iet jensen take the test. t wouId be hard
even Ior a god to IInd theIr way out oI the underworId-It mIght take
years or even decades. A human tryIng to IInd theIr way out wouId be
ImpossIbIe.
Ie opens hIs mouth to protest, to oIIer to swItch wIth jared.
"jensen," jared says, drawIng hIs attentIon to jareds determIned hazeI
eyes. "ont. They couId take It back. m ready, can do thIs," he
swears, that warrIors stubbornness and determInatIon shInIng through.
jensen hates It but jared Is rIght. They couId take thIs oIIer back II he
opens hIs mouth. ThIs Is theIr Iast and onIy chance. o matter how
IragIIe and ImpossIbIe It Is they need to take It. jensen has to trust jared
on thIs, whIch Is surprIsIngIy not very hard to do. And II jared doesnt
make It then jensen wIII keep comIng back, eIther to try and rescue jared
or to IIve wIth hIm Iorever In thIs heII.
"What do you say?" jared watches rIc ask hIs newIound souI mate. "WIII
you do thIs? jensen, oI course, cannot Iook back once hes on hIs way.
And no one can heIp jared and he, too, cannot Iook back-onIy Iorward.
I these two are truIy souI mates, then wouIdnt jared be abIe to IInd hIs
way to jensen?"
jareds eyes wIden In reaIIzatIon, rememberIng that he toId rIc he couId
see a phantom red strIng connectIng souI mates. ven now he cant heIp
but quIckIy gIancIng down to hIs own Ioot, IoIIowIng the gIowIng red
strIng untII It dIsappears beneath the ground where jensen Is trapped.
rIc knows that jared shouId be abIe to IoIIow the strIng-except, except
when the other souI mate Isnt In the room then the strIng usuaIIy
breaks oII.
ut rIc aIso toId hIm that jareds curse Is a bIessIng down here. rIc
seems to beIIeve that jareds abIIIty shouId be stronger In thIs reaIm oI
souIs.
jared struggIes to shake away hIs doubt. Ie will make thIs work.
"IIne," IrederIc says aIter a measure and jensen straIns to Iook over hIs
shouIder. IrederIc onIy Iooks mIIdIy perturbed-he must not beIIeve that
jensen and jared can puII thIs chaIIenge oII. jensens Iather appears
thoughtIuI but not opposed to thIs Idea.
"IIne," the god says agaIn. "jensen goes Iree, you wIII Iead hIm out. wIII
take jared to the other sIde oI the waII to the bank oI IhIegethon-"
"Iorm a brIdge Ior hIm, so he wIII be abIe to pass It," rIc suggests
soItIy.
jared knows that even wIth the brIdge Its stIII possIbIe Ior the rIver to
Iure hIm In to Its mesmerIzIng but burnIng death trap where heII
IncInerate wIth the rest oI the damned Ior the rest oI eternIty as he
sIowIy cIrcIes the cIty oI Tartarus. Ie shudders at the memory, quIckIy
suppressIng It when he sees jensens worrIed eyes dart hIs way.
Ie cant show Iear or weakness. I he does then jensen wIII IaIter, wIII
argue and rage and possIbIy ruIn thIs one chance that they have oI
escape.
" wIII Iorm a brIdge," IrederIc repeats, thIs tIme wIthout hesItatIng, eyes
never IeavIng rIcs beautIIuI Iace. " wIII waIk behInd hIm, make sure he
doesnt Iook back, that he doesnt hesItate. I he compIetes thIs task
then wIII Iet hIm go," he decIares.
IInaIIy, wIth much vIsIbIe eIIort, IrederIc Iooks away Irom the bIond god.
"o you agree?" he asks oI jensen and jared.
"Yes," jared Is the IIrst to say, emphatIc and even eager.
"Yes," jensen echoes, more reIuctantIy but just as IIrm, noddIng once.
"Then Iets get started. Youve aII aIready wasted enough oI my tIme,"
IrederIc drawIs, wavIng hIs Iree hand and reIeasIng jensen Irom hIs
bonds.
rIc kIsses IrederIcs hand, sIow and sweet, beIore he reIeases the oIder
god and turns toward jensen. " wIII guIde you out now."
"WaIt," jensen asks soItIy, takIng a step toward jared, eager to touch hIs
souI mate one more tIme, needIng to reassure jared-needIng jared to
reassure hIm.
"o tIme Ior goodbyes," IrederIc cuts In harshIy. "Go now beIore
change my mInd."
"I jared succeeds you wIII be reunIted soon enough," rIc adds sereneIy,
hoIdIng hIs arm out to usher jensen aIong.
jensen growIs In IrustratIon, hand automatIcaIIy reachIng out anyway
and hIs husband does the same. ut rIc cIaps hIs hand on jensens
shouIder, drawIng hIm away.
And then rIc and jensen are gone, IeavIng jared behInd wIth jeII-who
he assumes Is Zeus, jensens Iather-and IrederIc.
"m ready," jared says, braveIy.
IrederIc roIIs hIs eyes and Iooks to IacheI, whos standIng stIII, onIy
occasIonaIIy jerkIng rebeIIIousIy agaInst jeII when she IeeIs hIs attentIon
has strayed Irom her. "IIrst weII have to put you In saIe keepIng whIIe
were gone." Ie grabs her arm, puIIIng her wIth hIm, not battIng an eye
as she spIts on hIm.
"You cant do thIs! heIped you!" She rages, puIIIng agaInst hIm, angry
and vengeIuI eyes IIashIng hungrIIy at jared.
"You dId nothIng but steaI Irom me and then cause the debts you owed
me to be taken away. am goIng to have too much Iun wIth you. ut Ior
now," IrederIc grunts as he reaches the pIt oI gIowIng embers and hot
ash that he recentIy threatened to throw both jensen and jared Into.
"just stay here and thInk Ior a whIIe about how much oI a screw up you
are," he snarIs as he throws her ruthIessIy Into the pIt. IacheI crIes out
when she hIts the burnIng embers and IrederIc tIIts hIs head back,
whIte teeth gIeamIng as he IIstens to her IncreasIng sobs oI agony
beIore he throws out hIs hand, seaIIng her up, IIke he had seaIed jared
Into the coId weII not too Iong ago (though It aIso IeeIs IIke an eternIty
has passed Ior jared between then and now).
Ie Iooks over hIs shouIder to jared, smIIe twIsted and voIce gruII. "ow
we can go."
"IoId on-just a second?" jeII speaks up Ior the IIrst tIme sInce he
reguIated hImseII to the roIe oI an observer aIter successIuIIy bargaInIng
Ior hIs sons souI.
IrederIc groans, IrownIng deepIy and cIearIy IrrItated by jeIIs IIngerIng
presence. "What now, brother?"
jeII smIIes so InnocentIy that jared Iorgets hes kIng oI the gods Ior a
spIIt second. " wont be Iong," he shrugs and takes a step toward jared,
turnIng that smIIe onto the human. " mIssed my sons weddIng and
havent yet gIven my new son-In-Iaw hIs bIessIng."
IrederIc scoIIs In dIsgust but crosses hIs arms, practIcaIIy tappIng hIs
Ioot, raIsIng an eyebrow that cIearIy says, "lm wciting."
"Come here, chIId," jeII says, motIonIng Ior jared. The young mortaI
approaches wearIIy. jeII Iooks pIeasIng, seems pIeasIng and has heIped
them In some way though jared knows he couId have done more II not
Ior hIs own Iaws. ut Its stIII dIsconcertIng-jeII Is powerIuI, even more
so than IrederIc, and the sound oI hIs souI threatens to overwheIm jared
the cIoser he gets.
"ont be aIraId," jeII murmurs kIndIy, reachIng out Ior hIm and the
gesture Is so InvItIng but regaI jared has the weIrdest vIsIon where he
superImposes Santa CIaus and the most powerIuI emperor on top oI jeII.
Ie shakes hIs head oI the Image but jeII Is smIIIng wIder at hIm, eyes
gIItterIng as II he knows what jared Is thInkIng.
" wouId IIke to gIve you my bIessIng, as ve saId. And reward you Ior
your courage. You saved my sons IIIe, hear. n more ways than one,
thInk, wIth both your Iove and brave sacrIIIce."
jared shakes hIs head, IIps parted and voIce box runnIng In pIace. "-"
"SIIence," jeII reprImands hIm. "o manners, kIds these days. They do
not even know to be sIIent durIng a tradItIonaI bIessIng," jeII huIIs,
IIrmIy but wIth aIIectIon In hIs eyes. Ie grasps jareds head, hIs touch
warm and eIectrIc, and tIIts jareds head Iorward, IIps kIssIng hIm hard
and strong and purposeIuIIy on hIs Iorehead.
jared ImmedIateIy IeeIs jeIIs souI strengthen and move IIke It does when
a god uses hIs power, except he IeeIs jeIIs sort oI wash over hIm. jared
shudders because It IeeIs weIrd and he thInks that at Ieast the power
surge doesnt make jared sIck IIke beIore. t must be because hes
aIready dead and just a souI hImseII.
Then jeII reIeases hIm and backs away, hIs smIIe handsome and rugged.
"e strong, son. And keep waIkIng, no matter what," he encourages
meanIngIuIIy.
Ie turns to IrederIc, hIs smIIe a IIttIe more straIned. "II Iet you be on
your way, then. II see you around, brother." And then In a IIash oI
scorchIng eIectrIcIty jeII Is gone, Iree to Ieave the !nderworId because
oI who he Is.
"nough oI thIs," IrederIc says, snappIng jared out oI hIs daze. Ie
IeeIs... dIIIerent. TIngIy. Stronger, In a way. t must be the prospect oI
gettIng out oI Tartarus, the prospect oI gettIng out and seeIng jensen
one Iast tIme beIore he...
o. jared wont thInk oI that. IeII make It and heII get to see jensen
agaIn. ts more than anyone eIse gets aIter they dIe.
"m ready," jared says determInedIy. eIore the Iast syIIabIe Ieaves hIs
mouth theyre outsIde oI the cIty between IhIegethon and the bronze
waII. The vastness oI the underworId stretches ahead oI jared past the
mesmerIzIng IIames.
rIc has jensen out oI Tartarus beIore jensen can even bIInk. Ie hears
the ocean, he smeIIs beautIIuI cIean aIr and IeeIs the sunset on hIs Iace.
ut It means nothIng because he aIready IeeIs the Ioss oI jared.
" shouIdnt have agreed," he says, angry wIth hImseII. " shouIdnt have
IeIt hIm aIone," he speaks haII to rIc but mostIy to hImseII. Ie begIns to
Iook around and InstantIy recognIzes that theyre on IIttIe more than a
rock that juts sharpIy out oI the ocean severaI mIIes Irom IaconIa,
Greece.
rIc puts a heavy hand on jensens shouIder. "e careIuI not to Iook
back. You cant untII jared IInds you."
jensen huIIs, Irustrated, and shIIts hIs weIght restIessIy. "ThIs Is
rIdIcuIous," he mutters but doesnt reaIIy mean It. Ie just wants to have
somethIng to snap back at rIc but hIs mInd Is runnIng bIIndIy, unabIe to
pry hIs thoughts Irom jared-Irom the Image oI jared wanderIng broken
and tIred and thIn aImIessIy around the depths oI the underworId
IookIng Ior jensen. Ie thInks oI jared Iost wIth nothIng but IrederIc
nIppIng at hIs heeIs Ior company.
"You shouId have more IaIth In your Iover," rIc says soItIy. "Ies very
strong."
" know that!" he snaps, cuttIng hIs eyes at rIc. "OI course know that!"
rIc mereIy raIses an eyebrow.
" shouIdnt have agreed-hes aIone down there. And l dont even know
how to get out oI Tartarus, how couId jared?" jensen swaIIows thIckIy
and trIes not to thInk about how many years It wIII take Ior jared to Iose
hope, Ior jared to Iorget why hes wanderIng around In the IIrst pIace.
jensen wonders what IrederIc wIII do to jared then-wouId he Ieave
jared to wander? WouId he take hIm back to the cIty and hang hIs
broken and twIsted body up on the bronze waII?
"Ie had much more IaIth In you," rIc Interrupts agaIn, bIue eyes
pIercIng. "Ie beIIeved that you wouId come Ior hIm, It never occurred to
hIm that you wouIdnt-or couIdnt."
jensen brIstIes at the reprImand but bItes hIs tongue because oI course
rIc Is rIght.
jared mIght be onIy human, but every tIme jensen has thought jareds
mortaIIty a hIndrance or weakness jared has aIways proven to jensen
just how strong he reaIIy Is. jareds strength Is one oI the thIngs that
jensen Ioves the most about jared.
ts tIme Ior jensen to trust In that strength, no matter how IragIIe It
mIght appear to hIm.
"Iow Iong?" jensen whIspers. "When jared IInds hIs way out-how Iong
wIII It take Ior a human souI to make that journey?"
rIc turns hIs eyes away Irom jensen and Iooks out to the sunset wIth
hIm, hIs back to the exIt out oI Tartarus as weII.
"The underworId Is a metaphysIcaI pIace. You cannot start dIggIng and
expect to IInd It. ut there are pIaces on the earth that connect the
physIcaI and metaphysIcaI and thIs Is such a pIace. ts one oI the saIer
exIts out oI Tartarus, whIch Is why chose It."
jensen runs a hand through hIs haIr, sIghIng worrIedIy. "ut whos to
say that jared wIII IInd this exIt?" he asks, turnIng hIs head to regard
rIc.
The serene god smIIes knowIngIy, somethIng aImost mIschIevous
IIashIng In hIs eyes. "IeII IInd thIs exIt. ecause It Is where you are."
ut beIore jensen can protest or ask what he means rIc goes on. "To
answer your questIon, II jared waIks straIght to the exIt It couId take hIm
a year-m not sure because ve never made the journey at a human
pace. ut aImost the entIrety oI the underworId IIes between us and
hIm."
jensen IeeIs hIs Iather approach and straIns not to Iook over hIs
shouIder-just one thoughtIess second couId ruIn It aII.
" suspect It wIII take cIoser to a week Ior jared to make hIs escape," jeII
says wIth a grIn as he steps to the other sIde oI jensen.
"What does that mean?" jensen asks, brows Iurrowed, caught between
hope and warIness.
jeII just shrugs. " thInk wIII waIt here wIth you. You and your husband
are quIte InterestIng, jensen. Sam shouId be here soon," he says
reIerrIng to the goddess Iera who has taken on the aIIas oI Samantha
IerrIs-Morgan. "Youve caught her Interest as weII-the good kInd,
assure you," he chuckIes.
jensen doesnt know how to respond to any oI that so he decIdes not to.
nstead he extends hIs senses Ior jared as Iar as he can and he waIts
ImpatIentIy. Ie IeeIs AdrIanne and the others Iast approachIng but he
doesnt IeeI IIke seeIng or taIkIng to them.
When they do arrIve they stay sIIent, addIng to the tensIon In the aIr.
They aII stand stIII as statues, watchIng the sun drop and rIse agaIn,
everyone but jensen watchIng the exIt.
jared stands on the bank oI IhIegethon and cant heIp but IeeI that the
rIver Is smIIIng crooked and hungry at hIm-hungry jor hIm. IIs heart
hammers wIIdIy In hIs chest. Ior just a moment jared gets enraptured In
the dancIng IIre beIore squeezIng hIs eyes shut, wIIIIng hImseII to hear
the souIs In the magma tIde. othIng happens at IIrst and then the
terrIbIe screams come, makIng jared IeeI both terrIIIed and reIIeved.
Ie Iooks to IrederIc who Is watchIng hIm now wIth dIsappoIntment.
"One test over, guess," he mutters beIore hoIdIng out hIs hands,
IormIng a Iow-archIng brIdge over the rIver oI IIre.
jared burIes hIs IrrItatIon (the god couId have made the brIdge a little
hIgher so the brIdge wasnt partIy consumed wIth the IIames oI the
rIver) In Iavor oI IocusIng on the phantom red strIng tIed around hIs
ankIe. Ie bIIndIy wills IIke he dId to see past the gIImmer oI IhIegethon.
othIng happens at IIrst-he doesnt jeel anythIng happenIng, anyway.
jared begIns to panIc because thIs Isnt goIng to work, he doesnt know
whct the juck hes supposed to be doing, hIs curse has never worked IIke
thIs and hes goIng to wander down here Ior Iorever-worse, hes goIng
to dIsappoInt jensen and never see hIs Iover and husband and souI mate
agaIn.
And then, unbIdden, he thInks oI jensen. Ie thInks oI jensens green
eyes, IIrst, and then hIs beautIIuI smIIe. Ie thInks oI jensens hands and
kIsses-especIaIIy the kIsses. Ie remembers sIeepIng wrapped In
jensens arms and just beIng happy. jared thInks oI the struggIe It had
to be Ior hIs husband to get down here Ior jared and oI hIs wIIIIngness to
rescue jared. Ie thInks about how hIs souI mate wanted to trade pIaces
wIth hIm and be tormented Ior the rest oI eternIty In jareds pIace.
Ie has to do thIs. Theres no other choIce. Theres no goIng back,
theres no gIvIng up. jared has to IInd hIs way out oI here. Ie has to
IoIIow jensen.
jared pokes and prods and Iorces whatever thIs nebuIous thing wIthIn
hIm Is that aIIows hIm to see the red strIng.
And then suddenIy It just works. The phantom strIng around hIm
straIghtens, eIongates, untII Its traveIIng on and on, Iurther than jareds
eye can see.
To jensen.
IIs eyes accIdentaIIy move to IrederIcs ankIe and he sees that strIng,
too, IoIIowIng the same path as jareds Ior now.
jared shakes hIs head abruptIy. Ie cant aIIow hImseII to be dIstracted.
"AnytIme now, prIncess. And no hesItatIng Irom now on or youII break
the ruIes," IrederIc Interrupts hIs thoughts, maIIcIousIy teasIng and oIIy
smooth as the nIghtmare surroundIng them.
jared InhaIes shakIIy, nods, and moves Iorward, hIs eyes never IeavIng
the strIng. Ie crosses the brIdge that IrederIc made. The IIames IIck at
jareds arms and Iace, sInges hIs haIr, and heats the brIdge so that It
burns hIs bare Ieet. Ie Ignores the paIn and IrederIcs vIIe, smIrkIng
Iace as he waIts Ior jared on the other sIde oI the brIdge.
When hIs bare Ieet make It over the brIdge the other bank oI the rIver Is
surprIsIngIy cooIer-or maybe Its just that the brIdge was that hot. Ie
keeps on waIkIng, body tIred but not as tIred as he wouId have thought.
n Iact hes stIII tIngIIng Irom jeIIs bIessIng, aImost energIzed by It.
jared doesnt thInk about It and waIks Iaster.
Ie waIks In a straIght IIne, over desoIate Iand, over swamps and through
dItches. There are some souIs, haII burIed In the IIat, bIack Iand, theIr
heads and chests stIckIng up IIke grotesque IIowers.
jared doesnt pay attentIon to them. or does he pay attentIon to the
Iact that hIs Ieet are bIIsterIng and cakIng wIth bIood. Or that hIs knees
creak and straIn whIIe hIs chest restrIcts as the aIr gets heavIer. Ie stIII
IeeIs oddIy energIzed, antIcIpatory. IIs eyes are dry because he bareIy
even bIInks Ior Iear oI IosIng the concentratIon he has on the phantom
red strIng.
IrederIc IoIIows hIm, IIngerIng IIke a shadow, not sayIng anythIng, not
pIayIng dIrty or tryIng to dIstract hIm. t onIy serves to encourage jared.
Ie presses on, jcster, jcster, jcster, dont stop now, ]ensens so much
closer thcn bejore, jcster jcster.
Ie aImost hesItates, aImost stutter-steps and stops on the bank oI
another rIver. The strIng dIps down Into It, gIows dIstantIy at the
bottom. The rIver rushes Iaster than IhIegethon, Iooks IIke actuaI water,
gIeamIng IIke see-through obsIdIan.
jared aImost stops Iong enough to turn to IrederIc and ask Ior a brIdge
but remembers that pausIng even to ask couId be consIdered
"hesItatIng". The god doesnt Iorm one Ior hIm voIuntarIIy and jared
remembers jeIIs encouragement (that now sound IIke words oI advIce),
"keep wclking, no mctter whct". jared has no choIce but to pIod Iorward
and sIIp down the bank, hoIdIng hIs breath and readyIng hIs tIred IImbs
to swIm, worrIed about IosIng sIght oI the strIng.
ut Its sort oI IIke Firctes oj the Ccribbecn. ts IIke gravIty IIghts agaInst
the buoyancy oI the water and jared just keeps on wclking down the
bank, under the water, and across the bottom oI the rIver. SedIment
sInks between hIs toes and the water Is just as bIack beIow as It
appeared above. Ie struggIes to keep hIs eyes open agaInst the
turbuIent rush and stIng oI the water.
The water Is strangeIy dense. Though Its aIso cooI and reIreshIng and
jared suddenIy IeeIs so InvIgorated-so heaIed and IueIed-that he
aImost opens hIs mouth underwater to Iaugh. t doesnt make sense to
IeeI thIs damned good. Ies never IeIt better-and hIs mInd Is so put
together, so sharp. jared IeeIs IIke he couId do anythIng. ThIs good,
grect, never better IeeIIng shouId be ImpossIbIe because he was
tormented not too Iong ago and hes a souI unattached Irom hIs dead
body.
jareds so caught up In these strange sensatIons-he IeeIs IIke hes
expandIng, IIke he has so much energy and strength that cant possIbIy
be contaIned In the Iorm he has now-and aImost Ioses concentratIon
agaIn. Ie nearIy trIps when he reaIIzes that hIs eyes have strayed Irom
the phantom red strIng and hIs heart beats wIIdIy In Iear and panIc. ut
Its stIII there-he dIdnt Iose It-and he concentrates aII the harder,
reIusIng to Iook up or thInk about anythIng eIse but that red strIng
whIch suddenIy gIows aII the brIghter-brIghter than hes ever seen It.
Ie waIks out oI the rIver, not notIcIng that hIs Iegs do not straIn as he
goes up the steep bank. Ie doesnt even notIce that hIs torn and
bIIstered Ieet are heaIed and he compIeteIy mIsses the Ioaded Iook
IrederIc gIves hIm.
jared can IeeI that he Is cIose to the exIt. Ies been waIkIng Ior days It
seems IIke-he probabIy reaIIy has been waIkIng Ior days. ts weIrd, but
he can jeel jensen. And Its more than just sensIng jensens souI-though
he does sense jensens warm souI shInIng brIght and pIayIng beautIIuI
musIc just checd. ut he aIso just knows that jensen Is not too Iar away,
IIke seeIng a shadow out oI the corner oI hIs eye, except he sees that
shadow wIth hIs mInd Instead oI hIs eyes.
And, strangeIy, jared can sense rIc and jeII wIth jensen. And.
AdrIanne. ChrIs and Steve, too, and so many others.
ut jared doesnt have the tIme to rIsk thInkIng about these thIngs. Ie
cant Iose It, he cant Iose sIght oI the strIng, and he cant IaII now. jared
Is aImost out and jensen (bright, wcrm, music, lover, husbcnd, soul mcte)
Is waItIng Ior hIm.
Ie doesnt reaIIze when he starts runnIng. jared doesnt even reaIIze
that hes runnIng Iaster than he ever has beIore-Iaster than any human
beIng shouId be abIe to. IrederIc Is keepIng pace wIth hIm, jared both
senses and sees hIs oIIy shadow doggIng hIm. Ie shouId thInk that Its
weIrd that IrederIc seems to use the dIvInIty oI hIs souI to keep pace
wIth jared, but he doesnt. jareds a souI, aIter aII, and probabIy not
bound to physIcaI IImItatIons.
IIght?
The next regIon Is aImost as desoIate as the Iand beIore the rIver, except
the Iand Isnt quIte as bIack, maybe brown, wIth short, stumpy
shrubbery and trees. jared keeps hIs head down, not acknowIedgIng the
souIs oI thIs pIace. Theyre poorIy dressed and paIe but not naked and
rottIng and suIIerIng IIke In the cIty. They stop and stare at hIm and
IrederIc as they pass.
ut aIter that the Iand starts to get better-a IIttIe greener than brown
or bIack and some oI the trees even stretch taII and heaIthy Instead oI
stunted and twIsted. ThIs part oI the underworId must be reaIIy IIat,
jared muses, because It seems IIke he can see Iorever In Iront oI hIm.
And there must be brIghter IIght In thIs sectIon because where jareds
eyes straIned In the dImness oI the cIty and beIore he waIked through
that rIver, he can now see cIearIy. There Is even what Iooks IIke some
sort oI sky vIsIbIe.
ut jareds eyes never stray compIeteIy Irom the strIng, soIId now, and
so he sees where It veers suddenIy, down a tunneI. To hIs own surprIse,
he doesnt hesItate or IIInch at the sound oI hIs Ieet spIashIng through
shaIIow water, or the strange echoes that bounce up and down the dark
stone waIIs. Ie onIy brIeIIy thInks oI tunneIs and weIIs and treadIng
water wIth IegIess dead bodIes.
jared Isnt goIng to gIve another mInute or thought to hIs nIghtmares.
Theyve haunted hIm Iong enough.
Ies cIose. Ie can IeeI jensen. jared can even hecr hIs Iover, even
though hes stIII mIIes away.
jared starts sprIntIng, eatIng up the mIIes that are IeIt. The jagged rocks
that he runs over wIth bare Ieet dont Iaze hIm. Ie dIstantIy IeeIs hImseII
run and sIIp over Ioose and sharp stones but theres no paIn. t doesnt
matter because he ImpossIbIy pIcks up even more speed and just jlies
over rock and stone, never takIng hIs eyes oII oI the phantom red strIng
that stretches ahead oI hIm.
jared sees when the red strIng reaches straIght Into sunIIght a Iew mIIes
ahead. ts sunlight, beautIIuI sunIIght that he never thought he wouId
see agaIn. jared hears waves, too-the ocean. Ie hears voIces-voIces
he recognIzes and some he cant. Ie hears the musIc oI souIs, one
pIayIng more beautIIuI than the rest, and ]cred sees sunshine.
"jensen!" he caIIs, excIted, eyes never IeavIng the strIng even though he
knows II he Iooks up he can see jensens sIIhouette agaInst the sun at
the mouth oI the tunneI.
"jensen!" jared caIIs, practIcaIIy IaughIng, just as he breaks through the
openIng, IeapIng ImpossIbIy over a gap-a smaII canyon that drops down
endIessIy. Ie runs the Iast Iew steps to hIs souI mate. jensens back Is to
hIm but that Is okay because Its the ruIes. Ie Isnt aIIowed to turn
around untII jared makes It out oI the underworId and back Into hIs
arms. jared knows that jensen hears hIm-he can teII by the tensIon In
hIs strong, broad shouIders and In the way he tIIts hIs head to the sIde.
SuddenIy jareds hands Itch to touch jensen-to grIp hIs shouIders and
run hIs IIngers through hIs haIr and kIss every Inch oI hIs husband.
"jensen!" jared crows one Iast tIme, spInnIng and then stoppIng on a
dIme In Iront oI jensen beIore tackIIng hIm to the ground. They IaII hard
but It doesnt hurt, jared doesnt even reaIIy IeeI much oI an Impact. Ie
wraps hIs arms around jensen and burIes hIs head In the crook oI
jensens neck.
"jensen, jensen, jensen," he cant seem to stop sayIng and Is entIreIy
okay II he never speaks another word-another name agaIn. just
jensens.
jensen can IeeI the dIIIerence beIore jared even makes It out oI the
tunneI. ts somethIng he cant Ignore, even past the hard, rapId beatIng
oI hIs heart. Ie can sense jared, IIke he can sense AdrIanne and ChrIs
and anyone eIse In hIs IamIIy. ts new and thrIIIIng, aImost IIke seeIng
jared Ior the IIrst tIme aII over agaIn. ut he doesnt turn around,
especIaIIy now. Ie cant rIsk breakIng the ruIes oI the chaIIenge
aIthough hIs eyes water to see jared and hIs body hungers Ior just one
touch Irom hIs souI mate.
Then jared Is just there beIore hIm and knockIng hIm to the ground, Iace
burIed Into jensens neck and shakIng wIth Iaughter and sobs and
excItement In jensens arms as he repeats jensens name over and over
agaIn.
"]cred," ]ensen whispers bcck in disbeliej bejore letting c lcugh esccpe his
lips. "]cred, kclos, ]cred," ]ensen lcughs with ]cred even cs his own tecrs
stcrt to jcll down his cheeks.
"m-were-Iree!" jared chokes on the words, unabIe to say anythIng
eIse so he grIns wIde to try and communIcate everythIng he wants to say
to jensen wIthout words.
jensen runs hIs hands aII over jareds body. Ies more IIIIed out than he
was rIght beIore hIs death. MuscIes that had started to soIten Irom
hospItaI vIsIts, entIre days spent exhausted and sIck In bed, and an
expIred gym membershIp were back and scuIpted and beautIIuI beneath
jensens IIngers. And jareds heaIthy tan was back IuII Iorce, darker than
jensen ever remembers, so goIden that hes practIcaIIy gIItterIng In the
sunIIght. The new dIvInIty gIowIng behInd brIght hazeI eIIcIts an awed
gasp Irom jensen.
jareds aIways been the most beautIIuI creature jensens ever set hIs
eyes on. ut now-now Its IIke aII oI hIs attrIbutes have been accented
and any IIaw, especIaIIy IIaws IIke dark rIngs under hIs eyes, paIe skIn,
and IInes In hIs Iace Irom sIeepIessness brought on by hIs IIIness, are aII
compIeteIy erased.
"ont you IeeI that?" jensen whIspers, IIItIng hIs hands so that hIs
IIngertIps gentIy brush across jareds IeIt cheekbone. "Youre dIIIerent,
jared. Youre-youre aIIve!" jensen excIaIms hoarseIy because Its so
unbeIIevabIe and so much more than he couId have ever hoped Ior. ut
jared Is here and aIIve, hIs souI strengthened and empowered. There Is
stIII a body In the tomb at eIphI but Its not the same as the jared that
Iays on top oI hIm now-that body Is a husk and thIs souI, thIs new
ImmortaI thats so brIght and new and wIth eyes onIy Ior jensen Is what
jensen has been IookIng Ior aII thIs tIme. ThIs Is the jared that jensen
was made to Iove Ior the rest oI eternIty.
"Youre aIIve agaIn," he IameIy trIes to communIcate aII oI hIs thoughts
Into words. "And ImmortaI, IIke me, jay! ont you understand what thIs
means?"
jared Ieans back, baskIng In the Iook oI hIs husband--strong and
beautIIuI and perIect IIke aIways, not haII beaten and deIeated IIke he
was In Tartarus. IIs green eyes are greener than the earth, greener
than that beautIIuI paradIse that jared just bareIy caught a gIImpse oI on
hIs way out oI the underworId. jared made It and now theyre Iree and
they can touch and kIss and be together.
And jensen Is totaIIy ruInIng thIs vIctory by babbIIng at hIm. jared
shakes hIs head because hIs husband aIways taIks at the most
Inopportune moments.
"jensen?" he asks, voIce cIear and rIngIng wIth joy.
"Yeah?"
"Focus," he teases, IeanIng down so that theIr breaths mIngIe and theIr
IIps tIckIe wIth aImost-touch. " have no Idea what youre taIkIng about
and dont reaIIy care. just kIss me."
jared smacks hIs IIps Ior emphasIs and jensen cant say no to the
request. Ie Irames jareds Iace wIth hIs hands and puIIs jared down
untII theIr IIps seaI together In a starvIng tender kIss. jared no Ionger
tastes oI rot and paIn, but oI honey and candy and everythIng thats
sweet and pure In the unIverse.
Or jensen thInks so, anyway, and he supposes that thats aII that
matters.
When they part-and Its a Iong tIme beIore they have to because whIIe
jared breathes he IInds that he no Iongerneeds to breathe-thats when
jared starts to notIce the audIence he has.
IrederIc and rIc are gone and jareds sad about that because he has
the strangest urge to thank them, even though rIc wouId say that he
owed a debt to jared and IrederIc never had any IntentIon or reaI desIre
to Iet jensen and jared Ieave. StIII, he knows that they are Iree now
because oI rIc.
jared thInks that maybe they were gIven a second chance because he
heIped rIc beIIeve In Iove.
Or somethIng.
jeII and a strange woman are here wIth them. The womans souI Is
powerIuI, cIearIy that oI a goddess, and she sounds IIke swIrIs oI coIor-
IIke a kaIeIdoscope or eIegant IadIes wIth bIg, coIorIuI skIrts dancIng at a
baII. AdrIannes here but jared IeIt her beIore-how had he done that
earIIer? There Is ChrIs and Steve and jake, the Iast oI whom Iooks whoIe
and heaIthy agaIn. CharIsma and IIchard are Iarther oII to the sIde,
CharIsmas Iace aImost soIt and sweet whIIe IIchard roIIs hIs eyes. MIke
and Tom stand oII to another sIde, arms wrapped around one another.
IoIIy MarIe Combs, Athena, Is aIso present and smIIIng soItIy at jared.
There Is another one here, "MIsha." jared smIIes and hIs IrIend smIIes
back, bIue eyes watery wIth reIIeI.
"jared," he greets, steppIng and hoIdIng out a hand to heIp jared up.
jared puIIs jensen up wIth hIm but doesnt have tIme to say anythIng
eIse beIore MIsha throws hIs arms around hIm.
"Thank the heavens Ior your strength, jared. Yours and jensens," MIsha
murmurs tremuIousIy Into hIs ear beIore steppIng back and grInnIng.
"WeIcome to the IamIIy."
jared Irowns, puzzIed, but beIore he can say anythIng hIs arms are
suddenIy IuII oI hIs IIttIe sIster, who darted at hIm suddenIy Irom behInd
MIsha.
"jared! jared, thank God!" She breathes Into hIs chest and he hoIds her
cIoser. "jared- dIdnt know and then jensen toId me and-Its aII been
so crazy and dont beIIeve haII oI It but scw you-your body but youre
here now and couIdnt- couIdnt." she traIIs oII Into conIIIcted sobs,
soakIng the rags jared Is stIII wearIng Irom Tartarus.
"ts OK, now," jared teIIs her and Its so strange-she has aIways been
the one to hoId hIm, to teII hIm that everythIng wouId be okay IIke when
theIr Iather IeIt, when Mama passed, when they Iound out about the
IarkInsons and when TImothy IeIt.
t IeeIs good to be the one to assure her-and to know Its the truth.
jared Iooks at jensen Irom the corner oI hIs eyes. "ts OK, m good now,"
he says and smIIes.
Chad moves In whIIe SophIa Is stIII cIIngIng to hIm. IIs best IrIends
throat constrIcts vIsIbIy as he IIghts to grIn at jared. "You, uh-" he
starts but IIcks hIs IIps, cIearIy not knowIng what to say.
"Come here," jared chuckIes, reachIng out and graspIng Chad around
the coIIar oI hIs t-shIrt. "You know you want to." Ie puIIs Chad Into hIm
and hIs best IrIend InstantIy throws hIs arms around jared, breathIng
suspIcIousIy hard through hIs nose In an eIIort to IIght hIs tears.
"Youre such a gIrI," jared murmurs.
"Shut up," Chad grIts out.
OnIy a Iew seconds pass beIore MIsha steps up to them and puts a
gentIe hand on Chad and SophIas shouIders. "ts tIme to step back
now," he says soItIy. "You can see hIm Iater, swear."
Chad steps back aImost ImmedIateIy, rubbIng the back oI hIs neck and
avertIng hIs eyes to the ground as II hes aIready In denIaI about the
teary touchy-IeeIy moment. ut SophIa rIses to her tIptoes and jared
Iowers hIs Iace obIIgIngIy so she can kIss hIm on the cheek.
"ThIs Is aII reaIIy crazy Iucked up, jared TrIstan IadaIeckI," she says
sternIy, brows Iurrowed Into a scowI. jared bIInks dumbIy at her,
stumbIIng on a response, but she beats hIm to It. SophIa breaks Into a
wIde grIn and tousIes hIs haIr. "ut m so proud oI you."
MIsha puIIs them away sIowIy untII once agaIn just jensen and jared
stand aIone at the center oI attentIon oI the Ioose rIng oI gods and
goddesses. ts aImost ceremonIaI-It remInds jared a IIttIe bIt oI how
jensen and jared were the center oI attentIon durIng theIr IIrst dance at
the weddIng. jared Iooks around sees that theyre standIng on a jagged
rock-too smaII to be caIIed an IsIand--that juts ImpossIbIy hIgh Irom bIue
sea. There Is Iand about a mIIe or two away and the crazy thIng Is he has
no probIem seeIng the coastIIne oI the Iand-the brIght sands and
cramped hoteIs and peopIe mIIIIng up and down the beach. Ie bIInks
IncreduIousIy and shakes It oII Ior now. Waves crash hIgh up the jagged
rock that theyre standIng on, kIssIng aII oI them wIth whIte spray.
jareds eyes turn to see the area that used to be an exIt out oI Tartarus
but there Is nothIng but grey and brown rock.
"Iow do you IeeI, jared?" jeII asks as he moves away Irom the woman at
hIs sIde and toward jensen and jared. Out oI the dImness oI Tartarus he
seems even more beautIIuI and eIegant though he approaches them wIth
reIaxed shouIders and a warm, wIde smIIe as II hes tryIng to pass
hImseII oII as a IrIendIy neIghbor.
jared IIcks hIs IIps and reaches Ior jensens hand, unabIe to bear
another second wIthout hIs touch. " IeeI... dIIIerent. Good. IeaIIy,
reaIIy... ve never IeIt thIs way beIore." IIs eyes turn Inward and he
remembers what jensen had saId earIIer.
Ie shIIts hIs weIght, unsure. "m... ImmortaI. Iow?" he asks, eyes
dartIng Irom jensen to jeII to jensen beIore stayIng resoIuteIy on jeII.
jeII shrugs as II It Is no bIg deaI but hIs dark eyes are heavy wIth the
mechanIsms oI the unIverse. "My bIessIng, oI course. And heIp Irom the
IIver Styx whIch you passed through."
jareds brows Iurrow In conIusIon, eyes dartIng to jensen. "ut thought
that the water Irom the rIver was bad-IacheI used It agaInst jensen."
he traIIs oII.
jeII shakes hIs head, reachIng out and cIaspIng both jensen and jared on
the shouIders. "IacheI poIsoned the water wIth the speIIs on the IIask
and the chaIn that was made by Iephaestus. Styx Is a powerIuI rIver-
aIIve In a way IIke aII other rIvers In the underworId." jared nods,
rememberIng IhIegethons hypnotIc voIce. "The nature oI Styx Is so
powerIuI and symboIIc that It can wash you new wIth ImmortaIIty," he
cuts a sIy grIn at them. "I say so, that Is."
"... thank you," jared whIspers, grIppIng jensens hand tIghter and
bItIng hIs own IIp. "oes thIs mean that ... can be wIth jensen?"
The kIng oI the gods chuckIes at hIm IIke jared Is nothIng more than an
amusIng chIId askIng sIIIy questIons. jeII seems to waIk the IIne between
paternaI and patronIzIng In aII oI hIs actIons.
"You have the rest oI eternIty to get tIred oI jensens annoyIng ways,"
jeII assures hIm.
jensen cant even brIng hImseII to be IndIgnant, cant snap at hIs Iather
or assure jared that theyre goIng to IIve together Iorever, be happy
together. Ies too entranced by jareds dImpIes that suddenIy appear.
jared opens hIs mouth to say thank you agaIn but jeII hoIds up hIs
hands. The brown haIred woman wIth the kaIeIdoscope souI IInaIIy
moves and waIks up to jeIIs sIde. Ier smIIe mIght be matronIy except
her gaze Isnt as kInd as jeIIs. "You were aIready part oI the IamIIy,
beIng a souI mate oI jensens," she says, her voIce smoky.
"And was Impressed wIth your courage and bravery, wIth your Iove Ior
my son. ts a weddIng present and a reward Ior your heroIc deeds,"
jeIIs Iace turns serIous. "ThIs Is not a gIIt to be taken IIghtIy or a gIIt
that Is oIten gIven. There are Iaws, jared, and there are boundarIes. You
are now under my Iaw."
jared swaIIows thIckIy, catchIng a brIeI gIImpse oI the depth oI jeIIs
power. Then the god breaks Into a smIIe, IosIng hIs serIous Iook. "ut we
have tIme to get to that. WeIcome to the IamIIy, jared." jeII nods hIs head
and jared nods back, tryIng to appear serIous even though he cant
seem to stIIIe hIs grIn.
jared reaIIzes that thIs Is some sort oI. anoIntment or oIIIcIaI bIessIng.
Thats why so many oI the gods and goddesses have appeared here and
stand soIemn In the perIpheraI. t Is a ceremony-they were here to see
jared become part oI theIr IamIIy.
"Were goIng now," jeII decIares, steppIng away, the weIght oI the
ceremony dIssIpatIng Into the aIr.
"You have a mess to cIean up In Ios AngeIes, jensen. Make sure you take
care oI It," the woman commands sternIy as she reaches out and Iays her
hand on jeIIs eIbow.
And then theyre gone.
The other ImmortaIs converge on jensen and jared aII at once. AdrIanne
IIIes Into jensens arms, IaughIng deIIrIousIy and kIssIng hIm on the
Iorehead. She twIrIs around and kIsses jared on both cheeks just beIore
MIsha sweeps jared Into another hard embrace.
"ont ever do that agaIn!" AdrIanne punches them both In the shouIder.
"m so gIad that youre saIe," MIsha says at the same tIme.
ChrIs and Steve IaII upon them next. ChrIs throws hIs arms over both
jensen and jared-standIng on hIs toes to reach them, whIch AdrIanne Is
aII too happy to poInt out-and smIrks proudIy.
"Weve aIready rIbbed on jensen," Steve says to jared, the severe ocean
wInd makIng hIs bIond curIs whIp about hIs Iace. "ut cant thank you
enough, jared, Ior savIng jensen. You were strong as a human, cant
ImagIne the mark youII make on the worId as a god."
jared cant reaIIy do anythIng but smIIe back at Steve, eyes wIde and
touched so deepIy. Ies aIways wondered II he deserved jensen-II he
couId measure up to hIm. ow he knows that he aIways has, as both a
human and now an ImmortaI.
And so It goes, down the IIne, IIke theIr weddIng receptIon aII over agaIn.
jake Is boId and snarky and kIsses jared roughIy on the corner oI hIs
mouth to IncIte jensen, whIch oI course works.
"Come here you IIttIe shIt!" jensen shouts as he Iunges Ior jake.
"YouII have to catch me IIrst," the trIckster grIns and IIIps easIIy out oI
jensens grasp.
CharIsma and IIchard approach Iast, aImost sheepIshIy. jared doesnt
understand much about what happened-maybe he can get jensen to IIII
hIm In Iater, but jared kInd oI IIkes the Idea oI never thInkIng about what
happened Ior the rest oI eternIty. What he Is reIatIveIy cIear on Is that
CharIsma and IIchard had onIy Intended to sabotage and harm jared,
not kIII hIm or jensen.
ut they caused aII oI thIs and jareds not sure heII be abIe to IorgIve
but at thIs moment when hes by jensens sIde and aIIowed to IIve wIth
hIs souI mate Ior the rest oI eternIty he knows that he Is abIe to at Ieast
Iorget. Ie shakes CharIsma and IIchards hands stIIIIy.
"TrueOne-my cIIents. You broke aII oI them up and hurt them. Iut them
back," he demands.
The wInd snaps CharIsmas whIte dress about her Iegs and she smIIes at
jared. "ts aIready been done. They wont remember much, II anythIng."
IIchard sort oI pouts but vIsIbIy restraIns hImseII Irom makIng a snIde
comment. "And ve taken care oI the pubIIcIty. The entIre thIng Is now
somethIng mInImaI and InconsequentIaI In peopIes mInds. TrueOne Is
stIII In busIness."
MIsha raIses an eyebrow. "ot that youII be goIng back to work anytIme
soon," he scoIIs pIayIuIIy.
"What wIth aII oI the reunIon sex and aII," AdrIanne nods sageIy.
ts about then that jared and jensen make theIr escape, but not beIore
they hear ChrIs shout aIter them, "ont Iorget about your mess In IA,
punk!"
jensen and jared IIy-Its IIke the tImes jensen used to carry jared, but
thIs tIme jareds more aware oI It-to the ruIns oI ApoIIos tempIe In SIde,
Turkey. ut there are peopIe around so they bIInk away agaIn and to a
secIuded corner oI the beach. The sand Is whIte and the water and sky
are bIue and jensen Iooks so... godsdcmned perIect that jared just kIsses
hIm agaIn.
jared Is stIII In the rags rIc gave hIm In Tartarus and both hate the
sIght oI them but dont want to Iet go oI each other Iong enough to take
them oII.
jensen breathes jareds aIr and presses hIs Iorehead agaInst hIs Iover.
They IIe on theIr sIdes, IacIng each other, Ioreheads pressed together
and theIr smIIes touchIng. Theres nothIng eIse In the worId but the
whIte sand, the musIc oI the waves and jensen and jared.
jared gIances down to theIr ankIes and sees the red strIng tangIed
between them. "Iook at that, AckIes. Were souI mates," he whIspers
because he stIII cant beIIeve It-he stIII cant get used to seeIng the
phantom strIng around hIs own ankIe.
jensen chuckIes, reIusIng to bIInk or Iook away Irom jared Ior another
second. Ie grasps one oI jareds hands wIth hIs, entwInIng theIr IIngers.
Ie Iays hIs other hand on the back oI jareds head.
" knew It Irom the begInnIng, IadaIeckI," he says agaInst jareds IIps.
And they kIss.
TC
Chapter 9
EpIogue
"ude, m so gIad you brought a IootbaII," Chad says as he makes a Iong
throw to jared who catches It eIIortIessIy beIore casuaIIy tossIng It back.
"SerIousIy, awesome Idea," hIs best IrIend goes on. Chads gIddy grIn
sort oI IaIIs though as he crInkIes an eyebrow In thought. "ut couId you
brIng a vIdeo game next tIme?" Ie bIInks and tIIts hIs head. "Or maybe a
turkey sandwIch? Yeah. eIInIteIy a turkey sandwIch. xtra pIckIes. And
a Coke."
"Youre never satIsIIed," SophIa snorts Irom her spot In the grass.
"Youre In pcrcdise and youre stIII whInIng."
Chad catches the IootbaII and brIngs It to hIs chest, turnIng to scowI at
hIs wIIe. "Go back to makIng your IIowery prIncess crowns," he grumbIes
at her beIore IobbIng the IootbaII back to jared.
jared catches the baII and tucks It under hIs arm, makIng hIs way to hIs
bIg sIster and pIoppIng down besIde her. Ie reaches up and taps the
wreath oI bIg pInk IIowers shes wearIng.
SophIa swats at hIs hand, not takIng her eyes oII oI her work-whIch Is
another crown but wIth yeIIow and bIue IIowers. jared Ignores her
protest and pokes at the IIowers on her head agaIn, thIs tIme makIng
them sIIp oII and hIt the ground.
SophIa gIares harshIy at hIm but Is unabIe to retaIIate physIcaIIy because
her IIngers are busy wIth her project.
"Stop It," she huIIs petuIantIy.
"They cre kInd oI. gIrIy," jared poInts out heIpIuIIy, IgnorIng her and
ruIIIIng up her haIr more.
She Iooks up then, IIngers stIII workIng, and grIns at jared. "Yeah, they
kInd oI are. Chad taught me how to make them!" she chIrps happIIy.
jared raIses an IncreduIous eyebrow at Chad who drops down besIde
hIm, Iower jaw jutted Into a pout.
" had oIder sIsters," he deIends IameIy. "ont judge me!"
jared poInts at SophIa. " have an oIder sIster, too," he deadpans. "ut
she dIdnt make me do anythIng gIrIy IIke make jlower jewelry."
Chad roIIs hIs eyes. "ut my sIsters were girls."
SophIas gIare easIIy swItches to her husband. "II punch you out Chad
MIchaeI Murray," she threatens.
The bIond poInts at her chIIdIshIy. "See what mean?"
jared Iaughs, throwIng hIs head back and cIappIng once, baskIng In the
warmth that washes over hIm. "Oh, know," he agrees.
SophIa wInks at hIm whIIe Chad groans Iong-suIIerIngIy. jared Ieans
back on hIs eIbows, observIng hIs IamIIy. Theyre beautIIuI-skIn
gIItterIng, eyes brIght, Iaces cIear, whIte cIothes shInIng. They seem
whoIe and happy, theIr shouIders IIghtened Irom aII burdens. The sweet,
sprIng scent oI the IysIan IIeIds emanates Irom them and tIckIes
jareds nose.
ts a bIttersweet sIght Ior jared, but mostIy hes reIIeved that hIs
precIous IamIIy Is happy and scje, even though he doesnt get to see
them that oIten.
"So," SophIa says, brIeIIy IeanIng In to gIve Chad a reconcIIIatory kIss on
the corner oI hIs IIps beIore settIIng her gaze on jared. "Any Iuck yet on
gettIng jensen down here too?"
jareds brows Iurrow, thInkIng oI hIs husband and souI mate and tryIng
not to admIt how much hes aIready mIssIng jensens presence by hIs
sIde. "o, but havent asked agaIn," he admIts wIth a shrug and a weak
smIIe. "Maybe someday jensen wIII be abIe to come down here wIth me,
but dont want to push rIcs kIndness any Iurther-or push IrederIc
Into takIng away. vIsItatIon rIghts aItogether. ts sort oI a mIracIe that
he aIIows me to come at aII."
"WeII, can you bIame hIm II he doesnt want both you and jensen down
here at the same tIme?" Chad throws In, IeanIng over and takIng the baII
Irom jared to toss It back and Iorth between hIs hands. " mean you
caused a Iot oI chaos together-IoIIed hIs grand evII pIans and then
escaped hIs grasp and aII that. Ie probabIy couIdnt say no to rIc when
he asked on your behaII but IIgures hes at Ieast saIer wIth you and
jensen separated."
jared just shrugs at that, knowIng Chads probabIy rIght but he wouId
just rather not thInk too much on hIs tIme In the cIty oI Tartarus. jared Is
a god now-or ImmortaI, anyway. And hes Iree oI paIn and worry and
hes IIvIng out hIs happIIy ever aIter every day wIth hIs souI mate. Ie
doesnt need sIeep so he doesnt even have nIghtmares.
ut It doesnt erase the Iact that IrederIcs hands once tortured jared.
So jared doesnt IIke to be remInded oI the cIty oI Tartarus, oI the Iorde,
the bronze waII, and the awIuI rIver IhIegethon. ts not Iear,
necessarIIy, but Its deIInIteIy memorIes he doesnt want to dweII on.
"Youre such a gIgantIc sap. Youre aIready mIssIng hIm, arent you?"
SophIa teases, puIIIng jared Irom hIs thoughts.
"Maybe," jared rubs the back oI hIs neck a IIttIe sheepIshIy.
"jensen Is probabIy even more pathetIc rIght now," Chad chuckIes,
spInnIng the IootbaII between hIs hands. " bet hes pacIng back and
Iorth wherever hes supposed to meet you, pInIng Ior hIs Iady Iove."
jared punches Chad on the shouIder, probabIy a IIttIe too hard.
"Ow!" Chad grumbIes, curIIng In on hImseII and poutIng at jared. "You
jerk, that hurt. IIne, pInIng Ior hIs man Iove. Whatever."
SophIa tosses a spare IIower at Chad and turns her dImpIed smIIe to
jared. "So how are you doIng? Are. CharIsma, rIght? Are she and
IIchard gIvIng you any troubIe?"
"o," jared shrugs, brIeIIy gIancIng up. !nIIke the rest oI the
underworId, the IysIan IIeIds has a bIue sky. ts stIII strange and not at
aII IIke the earths sky-It aImost seems to IaII about them here to kIss
the ImpossIbIy green grass. t gIves the ImpressIon that the IysIan
IIeIds Is a IIoatIng IsIand and Its gIeamIng whIte-cIad InhabItants are
cIouds.
"They pretty much Ieave us aIone. suppose It heIps that m no Ionger
dIrectIy InvoIved wIth TrueOne." Ies been unInvoIved wIth TrueOne Ior
a whIIe now. Ie and jensen stayed as Iong as they couId and jensen
used hIs gIamour to make them both appear to grow oIder but In the end
It was too suspIcIous Ior jared to IInger In CaIIIornIa. And aIter SophIa
and Chad had passed there hadnt been anythIng to tIe hIm down to that
part oI the country.
Ie and jensen had been traveIIng sInce and jared Ioves It, though he
wants to settIe down agaIn, II onIy just Ior a Iew years.
"WIII you go back to It? Or somethIng IIke TrueOne eventuaIIy?" Chad
asks, a nostaIgIc Iook on hIs Iace that puIIs on jareds memorIes as weII.
"OI course. And oI course II stIII heIp peopIe IInd theIr souI mates.
cant not do that, especIaIIy now that know what It IeeIs IIke to have
one," and that Is not a stupId dreamy smIIe on hIs Iace-not at aII. "o
one shouId be wIthout theIr other haII."
"You gIgantIc sap," SophIa repeats, shakIng her head.
"So whats next then?" Chad squInts hIs eyes In conIusIon and jared
Iaughs.
"Weve been goIng to a IIIm schooI," jared announces excItedIy, pushIng
oII oI hIs eIbows and IeanIng In towards SophIa and Chad, practIcaIIy
bouncIng. jensen had proposItIoned jared wIth the Idea onIy a Iew
months ago.
lts ecrly morning cnd theyre tcngled up in bed, white sheets wound cround
them like strings. ]creds jeet cre hcnging ojj the bed cnd his nose is pressed
c little more cgcinst ]ensens undercrm thcn his chest but he doesnt ccre.
]ensens crm is wrcpped cround him cnd hes stroking the skin oj ]creds
shoulder, crm, cnd bcck.
"What are you thInkIng about?" jared murmurs Into jensens warm skIn.
"You thInk reaIIy Ioud."
"t comes wIth the terrItory," jensen chuckIes and doesnt stop the
soothIng way hIs IIngers sIIde agaIn jareds skIn. "just thInkIng about
what we shouId do next."
"reakIast? couId try my hand at cookIng agaIn?" jared oIIers heIpIuIIy.
jensen snorts. "Iass-" he breaks oII when jared turns hIs head and dIgs
hIs teeth Into jensens skIn threatenIngIy. " mean. Sounds IoveIy, kaIos."
jared puIIs exasperatedIy. "ow youre just beIng an ass."
jensen Iaughs, makIng jareds head bounce wIth the motIon. " just
wasnt thInkIng next as In breakIast. meant next-next. s there anythIng
you want to do? IobbIes you want to try? reams you want to chase?"
jared bIInks and tIIts hIs head up, examInIng hIs Iovers smooth and
sharp jawIIne. "WeII. aIways wanted to try snowboardIng In AntarctIca."
jensen shudders and groans mIserabIy. jared takes pIty on hIs husband
and kIsses hIs chest. "m kIddIng. esIdes, know that tone. You aIready
have somethIng In mInd, anyway."
jensen tIIts hIs head down, hIs IIps quIrkIng as the touch on jareds
shouIder becomes even gentIer, even more aIIectIonate. "You know me
so weII," he whIspers, marveIIng at jared IIke hes a wonder oI the worId.
"ve aIways known you," jared answers sImpIy. "What dId you have In
mInd?"
jensen shIIts and rocks untII he opens the nIghtstand drawer and
produces a Iew pamphIets. "WeII thought we shouId start wIth the
whoIe chasIng down dreams thIng." Ie IIaps the papers In Iront oI
jareds Iace. " was thInkIng IIIm schooI?"
jared sort oI crows out Ioud and throws an arm and Ieg over jensen and
burIes hIs Iace Into hIs husbands sternum. "ts so crazy how much Iove
you," jared Iaughs Into skIn, tears oI dIsbeIIeI weIIIng stupIdIy In hIs
eyes.
jensen combs hIs IIngers through jareds haIr as he Iaughs. "So does
thIs mean get out oI you cookIng breakIast?"
jared presses hIs cheek to jensens chest. "jensen?"
"Imm?"
"Were havIng a moment. Stop ruInIng It."
"IIght. Sorry. Iove you too, baby."
jared gIves a beIabored sIgh. "Too Iate, moments gone." ut he scoots
up jensens body and kIsses hIm senseIess because theIr moment Is
never reaIIy gone at aII.
"t-the schooI-Is such a cooI pIace!" jared goes on. "And ve Iearned so
much and-guys, Its so Iun," he babbIes beIore puIIIng out hIs chest.
"m goIng to start on my IIrst short IIIm soon. jensen says heII be my
sexy IA who wIII act aIooI but everyone wIII know that hes reaIIy
sIeepIng wIth the wrIter and producer." Ie grIns gooIIIy and then
promptIy sIaps a hand over hIs Iace when he reaIIzes what he just saId
promptIy sIaps a hand over hIs Iace when he reaIIzes what he just saId
out Ioud.
"amn It," he bemoans Into hIs hand whIIe SophIa IaIIs Into gIggIes and
Chad makes a noIse oI dIsgust.
"Thats so gross, man. couId have totaIIy done wIthout the Image oI
your roIepIayIng games," Chad grImaces. jared burIes hIs hot Iace Into Is
hands and SophIa just gIggIes harder.
When theIr Iaughter and jareds mortIIIcatIon dIes down he Iooks at
them serIousIy. "Iow are you guys doIng?"
SophIa resumes her IIower makIng but the smIIe doesnt Ieave her Iace.
"Good, you know? Content. Were not wantIng and were never even
bored. We dont even get angry or IIght that oIten and It wouId be
creepy IIke Stepjord Wives or somethIng except we ccn get angry and
stuII IIke that, theres just no need to."
"xcept theres too many IIowers," Chad poInts out wIth a wrInkIed nose
as he Iooks around. Theres thIck, green vegetatIon aII around them and
IIeIds thIck and pIush wIth brIght IIowers. "And m not kIddIng about
that turkey sandwIch."
SophIa reaches out and IIIcks Chads ear. "Stop takIng advantage oI my
baby brother."
"Youre rIght, m sorry. Iow about you take advantage oI me Instead?"
Chad Ieers at SophIa who roIIs her eyes but gIggIes and kIsses hIm
anyway.
"w!" jared whInes. "ot In Iront oI the kId!"
"Ieave my poor baby boy aIone," a new voIce says, honey rIch and aImost
musIcaI. jared had IeIt her comIng but he sprIngs to hIs Ieet anyway.
"Mama," he sIghs happIIy, puIIIng her Into hIs arms. "Youre Iate."
When hIs mother puIIs back she has the decency to bIush. " know,
jaybIrd. was waIkIng and there were some others dancIng and-weII,"
she smIIes up at hIm. "You know IIke to dance. m sorry."
"ts okay," jared says and It Is. ow that hes been reunIted wIth hIs
mother he Iooks Iorward to seeIng her the most durIng these vIsIts to
the IysIan IIeIds. ut Its aImost comIortIng to hear her doIng the
thIngs that she Ioved whIIe she was aIIve, IIke dancIng. t assures jared
that shes happy and Iree here.
IIs mother Is as beautIIuI as he remembers-more beautIIuI In the way
onIy the IysIan IIeIds can make a pure souI appear. She Iooks younger
than she was when she passed on earth, wIth her haIr the same coIor as
jareds but In Iong, Ioose curIs. Ier eyes are cIoser to the shade oI
SophIas and they shIne IIke gems up at hIm, IIke they dId when jared
was IIttIe and she wouId Iook at hIm IIke he was the center oI her worId.
Shes wearIng gIeamIng whIte IIke everyone eIse and there Is a Iarge
purpIe IIower tucked behInd her ear.
"Iow are you doIng?" hIs mother asks as she moves to sIt In theIr IIttIe
cIrcIe, puIIIng jared back down wIth her.
"IeaIIy, reaIIy great," he says honestIy.
"s that boy treatIng you aIrIght?" She pIcks up SophIas IaIIen pInk
IIower crown and IIngers It. " see Chad made you another one, Soph.
Such a sweet kId."
Chad groans In mortIIIcatIon and jared just Iaughs.
"jensen Is good, Mama. And dont reaIIy thInk he shouId be consIdered
a boy," he adds thoughtIuIIy.
"AII men In Iove turn Into IovesIck IIttIe boys," hIs mother waves hIm oII
wIth a Iaugh.
"II be sure to teII hIm that." jared sobers, IookIng at hIs mother
somberIy. " wIsh so much that he couId meet you," he conIesses. She
tIIts her head knowIngIy, brown curIs cascadIng Into her eyes.
" wIsh couId meet hIm, too." She pats hIs knee.
jared opens hIs mouth to say somethIng but Irowns when he IeeIs rIc
Iast approachIng.
"jared," the new arrIvaI says but jared Is aIready shakIng hIs head.
"o, rIc. just. just a Iew more mInutes?" jared asks though he and hIs
smaII IamIIy are aIready rIsIng to theIr Ieet.
The bIond god, the souI mate oI the god oI the underworId, just shakes
hIs head. IIs bIue eyes are cIear wIth sympathy and sadness but thats
onIy a smaII comIort to jared.
"You know cant, jared. You know Its a rare prIvIIege that youre even
aIIowed down here to vIsIt your Ioved ones," the oIder god (jared
supposes that aII oI the ImmortaIs are oIder than hIm) rebukes hIm
gentIy and jared wouId normaIIy brIstIe at the tone except he knows that
rIc Is rIght.
" just. my mother just got here," he IInIshes IameIy but rIc just
contInues to stare at hIm steadIIy.
jared sIghs, turnIng regretIuIIy to hIs IamIIy who are aII wearIng Iaces
wIth varyIng degrees oI dIsappoIntment. "m sorry," he whIspers. "
have to go." As II It werent obvIous.
"ts okay, jared," hIs mother says, steppIng up to hIm IIrst. "ts my IauIt
was Iate."
"o," jared grIns. "m gIad that you got dIstracted. ts good to hear that
you IIke It here."
"OI course do, jaybIrd," she answers tenderIy, reachIng up to tuck a
strand oI jareds haIr behInd hIs ear IIke she used to when he was IIttIe.
"ts paradIse, m wIth my IamIIy, and get to see you Irom tIme to tIme
and when youre not here know youre hcppy. Youre happy, arent
you?"
jared thInks oI jensen, oI jensens smIIe and hIs warm hand IntertwIned
wIth jareds. Ie thInks oI the way jensen IIkes to taIk to hIm-In an
aImost-whIsper wIth hIs IIps ghostIng jareds ear. Ie thInks oI the movIe
hes goIng to make soon and oI the paIr oI souI mates he set up a Iew
days ago.
"Yeah," he murmurs. " dont thInk couId be happIer."
"Thats good, jaybIrd," hIs mother says. "And there wIII be more vIsIts."
Ier brow wrInkIes. "There wIII be more vIsIts, rIght?"
The deaI wIth IrederIc was that jared can come down to the IysIan
IIeIds once every sIx months. ts onIy twIce a year and the stays arent
very Iong at aII. ut rIc, who was probabIy the one who convInced
IrederIc to aIIow jared thIs prIvIIege, was rIght. o one eIse got to see
theIr Ioved ones aIter they passed.
ut even though Its onIy twIce a year IrederIc has kept hIs end oI the
deaI ever sInce SophIa and Chad passed (they passed wIthIn the same
year, both oId wIth Iots oI IIIe but unabIe-and unwIIIIng-to IIve Iong
wIthout the other, IIke aII souI mates).
"II aIways come," he promIses her.
"Thats my boy," she smIIes wIth a measure oI reIIeI.
"Say your goodbyes now," rIc soItIy remInds hIm and thIs tIme jared
nods wIthout compIaInt.
IIs mother Ieans up on her tIptoes and jared bends down to meet her.
She kIsses hIs cheek soItIy. "m so very proud oI you, jared. OI you and
jensen."
jared grIns gooIIIy at her and hugs her tIght. "Thank you."
"Iove you, baby."
"Come back soon, okay?" SophIa throws her arms around jareds neck
when theIr mother steps out oI the way and gIves hIm a wet kIss.
"w, thats nasty, Soph," he whInes.
"Shut up, butt Iace," she snorts back, pInchIng the skIn over hIs rIbs,
eIIcItIng a yeIp Irom jared (though It doesnt hurt and jared doesnt thInk
heII ever get used to that).
"Oh! Iere. A present," she excIaIms, dartIng over to where she was
sIttIng and snatchIng up the IIower crown she was workIng on. "Get
down here," she demands.
jared eyes the IIowers appaIIIngIy. "You cant be serIous."
"OI course am." She pouts pItIIuIIy. "ont you want a goodbye gIIt Irom
your IavorIte bIg sIster?"
"Soph," he whInes but he ducks hIs head and Iets her put the crown on
hIs head anyway. "ThIs Is so humIIIatIng," he grumbIes and she Iaughs at
hIm.
" thInk the coIors suIt you weII." Ie just gIares at her darkIy.
Chad Iaughs onIy a IIttIe at hIm, hIs Iace stIII whIch means hes not
IookIng Iorward to the goodbye. Chad sIaps hIm on the shouIder and
jared compIeteIy Ignores hIs vaIIant eIIorts to be manIy and sweeps hIs
best IrIend up In a crushIng hug. "You take care oI them," he asks Chad
who snorts and pushes away Irom jared.
"n my sIeep," he brushes It oII. "Youre the one that needs to worry
about jensen."
jared roIIs hIs eyes and shakes hIs head, backIng away Irom them step
by reIuctant step.
"Iey, jared?" SophIa asks wIth a smaII smIIe. "Iook out Ior my daughter,
okay?"
"Check In on her Ior us," Chad adds and jared sees hIs young best
IrIends eyes suddenIy superImposed on the oId, nearIy-sIghtIess ones
jared saw In Chads wrInkIed Iace just a week or two beIore he passed.
"You know wIII. heard shes been gIvIng her new son-In-Iaw heII," he
chuckIes.
"Thats my gIrI," SophIa says and reaches out to tangIe her IIngers wIth
Chads.
rIc Iays a heavy hand on hIs shouIder, gentIy coaxIng jared to turn
around so that hIs back Is to hIs IamIIy.
ts a IIttIe easIer to waIk away aIter that and jared sends rIc a grateIuI
smIIe.
rIc and jared waIk In sIIence. When they reach the end oI the IysIan
IIeIds and the tunneI that connects the metaphysIcaI pIanes to the
physIcaI worId jared Iooks over hIs shouIder. Ie sees hIs IamIIy stIII
standIng where they were. jared had IeIt the IootbaII wIth them and
SophIa and Chad are tossIng It back and Iorth whIIe hIs mother watches
them admIrIngIy.
jared waves to them, even though theIr human eyes have Iong Iost sIght
oI hIm.
When they enter the tunneI It gets even easIer. jared mIsses hIs IamIIy,
but at Ieast he gets to see them content and eternaIIy happy.
"jared," rIc says soIemnIy. They are both capabIe oI crossIng thIs
passage In the bIInk oI an eye, but they usuaIIy choose a more IeIsureIy
pace. jared enjoys the tIme and It gIves jared tIme to shake oII the Iast oI
the sadness oI havIng to Ieave behInd hIs IamIIy beIore he sees jensen
agaIn.
jared wouId have never Ioreseen thIs easy companIonshIp wIth rIc
beIore. rIc Isnt a cIose IrIend-jared stIII cant Iorget how rIc had IeIt
jared to IrederIcs tortures aII that tIme ago.
ut jared aIso cant Iorget how rIc heIped both jensen and jared
escape an eternaI heII.
espIte havIng IIttIe Iondness Ior rIc, jared does trust the other god
and respect hIm.
"They Iook good, dont they?" jared asks hIm. "eautIIuI."
"jared," rIc sIghs agaIn, sIowIng down by a haII step. "You need to
know somethIng."
jared sIows as weII, IeeIIng a drop oI dread rIppIe through hIs body.
"What Is It?"
Iue eyes Iook at hIm sadIy-so hauntIng wIth theIr utter serenIty. "ot
now, not next year or the next, but eventuaIIy youre goIng to have to
stop comIng here to see your IamIIy."
jareds throat tIghtens and he scowIs wIth anger, jerkIng away Irom
where rIcs hand stIII rests on hIs shouIder. "o! s IrederIc goIng to
break our deaI? thought-"
"ts not IIke that, jared," rIc murmurs. "ventuaIIy, II you dIdnt stop
comIng on your own, he wouId stop aIIowIng you to come. ut thats
because even though he hates It here and resents jeII Ior beIng trapped
In thIs reaIm, he does take hIs dutIes serIousIy. t wouId have been Ior
the protectIon oI the souIs oI your IamIIy-Ior the bclcnce oI the nature
oI thIngs down here."
" dont understand," jared mumbIes, turnIng hIs head away Irom rIc.
"OI course you do," the bIond god gIves no sIgn oI ImpatIence. "Your
curse has evoIved wIth your new godhood. Your InstInct to hear souIs Is
now more. You can sense that your IamIIy IeeIs a IIttIe dIIIerent Irom the
other souIs oI the IysIan IIeIds."
jared sIghs and taps a nervous rhythm on hIs hIps wIth hIs IIngers. Ie
doesnt say anythIng, but thats acknowIedgement enough Ior rIc.
ts true that the souIs oI hIs mother, SophIa, and Chad aII sound a IIttIe
ojj compared to the other souIs In the IysIan IIeIds. A IIttIe more
restIess, a IIttIe more cwcke. The other souIs have a dream quaIIty to
them, IIke the sound oI cIouds IIoatIng through the bIue sky. IIs IamIIys
souIs, however, sound a Iot IIke they dId on earth, just a IIttIe more
peaceIuI.
"ventuaIIy, you wIII have to stop vIsItIng your IamIIy," rIc repeats,
perhaps a IIttIe mournIuIIy-jareds not sure II the tone Is Ior jareds
sake or because rIc wIII mIss a waIkIng companIon II jared stops
vIsItIng.
"Your presence, the Iact that they Iook Iorward to your vIsIts and you
brIng them trInkets and news Irom earth-Its preventIng them Irom
truIy restIng In peace."
jareds breath hItches and he shakes hIs head In denIaI, speedIng up as
II to try and outpace rIc and these crazy Ideas. "o, theyre In pcrcdise,
theyre happy and content. othIngs wrong wIth them."
"Stop It, jared," rIc huIIs. "Youve been through too much to Iet your
propensIty Ior seII-denIaI bIInd you IIke thIs."
jared swaIIows and makes a sour Iace, hatIng that rIc just gets hIm even
though theyre reaIIy not even that cIose.
"Okay," jared edges out between hIs teeth. "m IIstenIng."
"SouIs arent meant to IIve Iorever, jared. Yes, the souIs oI your IamIIy
stIII exIst and they aIways wIII, but they need to move on."
jared scrunches hIs Iace In thought and conIusIon. "ut theyve aIready
moved on."
"ot when you keep vIsItIng them," the bIond god InsIsts. "Iumans
arent meant to IIve Iorever-theyre meant to IIve as beautIIuIIy as they
can Ior a short amount oI tIme and then move on and rest. To be
remInded oI theIr past on earth, oI the IIves they Ied and the peopIe they
IeIt behInd-thats not restIng. Thats growIng oIder and weaker and
dImmer wIthout ever beIng aIIowed to dIe IIke the tragedy oI TIthonus,
who was meant to be a Iesson to mortaIs."
jared thInks oI the mortaI that was gIven eternaI IIIe but not eternaI
youth-he remembers jensen teIIIng hIm the story one day In jensens
musIc room. Ie ImagInes an oId, skeIetaI IIgure stIII brutaIIy aIIve,
hIdden away behInd shInIng doors and babbIIng wIth a toothIess mouth,
unabIe to move or get up because hes too aged.
ow that he thInks about It, somethIng heavy twIsts In jareds gut. IIs
IamIIys souIs sound very IaIntIy oI TIthonus, hIdden behInd the shInIng
doors oI the peace oI the IysIan IIeIds.
"Youre begInnIng to understand," rIc observes quIetIy. jared IeeIs the
Intense stare oI bIue eyes on hIs neck but doesnt Iook up to meet It.
"Yes," he whIspers, because he Is. Ie IIcks hIs IIps. "Then what about
me? About us? Gods?"
rIc reaches out and grIps the crook oI jareds arm, puIIIng hIm to a
stop. Iue eyes peer up at hIm, bIInkIng Irom beneath pretty Iashes and
goIden eyebrows. The god raIses a paIe, graceIuI hand and absentIy
brushes jareds bangs out oI hIs eyes. The movement Is such an echo oI
the thousands oI tImes that SophIa made the same gesture jared just
Iets It happen.
rIc Is IamIIy now, he supposes. jared aIways tends to Iorget that he has
a huge IamIIy now because oI jensen-It just seems so unreaI In so many
ways.
"There a Iot oI dIIIerences between ImmortaIs and mortaIs. mmortaIs
came IIrst, oI course. And then theres the dIIIerence In strength and
power. MostIy, though, the maIn dIIIerence between and a god and a
human Is that a god Is built Ior eternaI IIIe. ts our nature to IIve outsIde
oI death peaceIuIIy. Iumans are dIIIerent because when Its theIr tIme,
they are made Ior the peace death brIngs.
"You," rIc emphasIzes beIore jared can speak. "!nIIke most humans,
were aIso made Ior IIIe. You are the souI mate oI a god and you were
meant to be wIth hIm. ts why youre aIIve In thIs new body-your dIvIne
souI made reaI-whIIe the husk oI your human body Is stIII In the tomb
jensen made Ior It."
"And my IamIIy Isnt IIke me," jared repeats numbIy.
"A Iot oI ImmortaIs have had human Iovers that they are stIII very Iond oI.
Some oI the demI-gods have had mortaI parents or sIbIIngs. And yet they
do not come down here and vIsIt them. ts because they know." rIc
traIIs oII, waItIng Ior jared to say It out Ioud, IIke some InvasIve
schooIteacher who knows theIr students mInds better than they do
themseIves.
"We have to Iet the dead go," jared whIspers back, IeeIIng the phantom
touches oI hIs mother on hIs Iace and hearIng Chad and SophIas
Iaughter In hIs ear.
rIc Is quIet. They stand there Ior Iong mInutes as jared trIes to dIscern
II hes broken wIth sadness or whoIe wIth reIIeI.
"WIII they Iorget me?" Will l jorget them?
"o," rIc assures hIm. "TheyII remember you, they wIII remember theIr
IIIe wIth you-they wIII retaIn theIr IndIvIduaIIty. ut Its better II theIr
IIIe on earth Is more IIke a dream to them, but that cant happen II you
keep vIsItIng. ts hard to dream when youre constantIy awakened."
jareds eyes stray over hIs shouIder even though hes mIIes and mIIes
away Irom the IysIan IIeIds, II such metaphysIcaI dIstances couId be
measured.
"jensen wouId have toId you eventuaIIy, thInk," rIc contInues.
"m gIad you toId me," jared assures the god around a dry throat.
" suspect that jensen wIII be reIIeved," rIc agrees. "Ie very much hates
to see you sad, jared."
ts a gentIe remInder that jared cant Iet thIs get hIm down-Its onIy the
nature oI thIngs, the way the worId baIances out. n the end, It wIII be
the best Ior both jared and hIs IamIIy.
" know," jared says, smIIIng IondIy.
"ont Iet It get you down, jared," rIc says as they resume waIkIng.
"You stIII have some tIme IeIt to see them."
When sunIIght starts to gIeam ahead oI them jared Iets the warmth wash
away the stIII coIdness In hIs chest. t Is sad, but Its good that jared has
been gIven thIs tIme to Iet go. And It wIII be a reIIeI to know that even
though he cant see them hIs IamIIy wIII be eternaIIy at peace, even when
hes not there to make sure oI It.
Ies got tIme to get used to the Idea.
ow, though, as he makes hIs way Into the sunIIght oI earth, jared cant
heIp but reveI In the statIc tIngIIng up hIs spIne and beneath hIs skIn at
just the prospect oI seeIng hIs Iover agaIn, though they havent been
parted Ior that Iong.
ts been years now sInce jared IIrst met jensen. They IIght a Iot-theyre
both stubborn, so oI course they IIght a Iot-but theyve never reaIIy
been separated sInce the nIght jared dIed as a mortaI. jensen never
Ieaves aIter a IIght, even to cooI oII. Ie aIways does thIs thIng where It
Iooks IIke hes about to take oII and then he aIways seems to thInk better
oI It and stay. t breaks jareds heart at the same tIme It mends It back
together agaIn.
So they rareIy separate, not that jared mInds, and the tImes when jared
vIsIts IamIIy In the IysIan IIeIds Is the tIme that they are separated the
Iongest.
When they near the entrance and the sun Is bIIndIng rIc comes to a
haIt. "Goodbye, jared," rIc says soItIy, the words tappIng agaInst
jareds back.
jared turns to Iook at the bIond god over hIs shouIder. Ie smIIes broadIy
at hIm and gIves a IIttIe wave, the coId reaIIty that he wIII have to stop
seeIng hIs IamIIy IoIdIng up neatIy In a Iar corner oI hIs mInd to examIne
Iater. Ie cant sIow down now, jensens just on the other sIde In the IIght
-adrenaIIne rushes through hIm as Iast as the memorIes.
"See you In sIx months," jared caIIs out.
" Iook Iorward to your company," rIc says as IormaI as ever.
jared shouId probabIy say somethIng back but hes aIready sprIntIng the
Iast oI the dIstance. Ies ImmortaI now and he has a Iew perks to go
aIong wIth It. Ies Iast-Iaster than any human. Ies not as Iast as jake,
oI course, or jensen or some oI the other gods and goddesses. ut hes
as Iast as some-hes Iaster than MIsha, who has some Inhuman speed
but mostIy reIIes on jakes IIyIng shoes to traveI at the speed oI a god.
jared had asked jensen why he was Iaster than a demI-god once.
]ensen snorts. "Yech, let me just go csk the other humcns thct were turned
immortcl by the king oj the gods himselj. Oh wcit. Youre sort oj c rcre. As
in theres reclly no other like you."
" hate you," jared snIIIs. "And your sarcasm sucks."
jensen just Ieans Into hIm and grIns.
jared vauIts Into the sunIIght wIth a smIIe on hIs Iace, knowIng that hIs
souI mate Is aIready there waItIng Ior hIm. Ie hears musIc and sunshIne
strummIng over the earth IIke the sweetest IuIIaby beIore hes wrapped
up tIght In jensens arms.
"Iey, kaIos," jensen greets soItIy In hIs ear. Ie smeIIs so good, some
coIogne and just somethIng thats brIght and aIry and ]ensen. Ie warms
and when he sneaks hIs IIngertIps beneath jareds shIrt theyre hot on
hIs skIn-jared ImagInes that theyre hot Irom where he was pIayIng hIs
guItar to pass hIs tIme and worry up untII jared emerged Irom the
underworId.
jared kIsses jensens cheek but sort oI mIsses, mostIy kIssIng hIs ear
Instead. t makes hIm Iaugh.
"Iey yourseII," jared hums, IeanIng back but stIII content to be In
jensens arms. Theyre on the rock oII the coast oI IaconIa agaIn-
jensen hates It here but jareds okay wIth It. t just depends on how one
Iooks at It. jensen vIews It as a symboI oI when jared was taken Irom hIm
and tortured In Tartarus.
jared vIews It as a pIace oI reunIon-as a symboI oI one oI theIr greatest
trIumphs.
jensen reaches up to touch somethIng on the top oI hIs head. jareds
eyes roII up to IoIIow and bIInk stupIdIy when jensen opens hIs paIm to
reveaI a IaInt yeIIow IIower petaI. "Aw, your crown Is so cute, jay. IIke a
pretty prIncess."
jared snorts and shoves jensen on the chest, IovIng the Iact that hes
actuaIIy strong enough to move hIs husband Ior reaI. "Shut up, SophIa
made It Ior me."
The gods Iace appears serIousIy troubIed wIth that new InIormatIon.
"Thats a IIttIe."
"!nexpected?" jared suppIIes.
"IsconcertIng," jensen chooses Instead, noddIng IIrmIy.
jared roIIs hIs eyes and reaches up to take the IIowers down oII oI hIs
head, IgnorIng the mock-dIsappoInted sound jensen makes. Ie roIIs the
wreath In hIs hand, peerIng at the IIowers. n the IysIan IIeIds they had
seemed so brIght and coIorIuI, but up here they are paIe and transIucent
IIke dream resIdue stuck behInd eyeIIds.
The IIower crown IIngers Ior a Iew seconds and then dIssoIves IIke mIst
In jareds hands, sprInkIIng to the rocky ground and dIsappearIng Irom
sIght.
"Iuh," jensen murmurs, as puzzIed and transIIxed as jared Is. " dIdnt
reaIIze that wouId happen."
The IIowers Irom the IysIan IIeIds are gone but jared stIII remembers
them. t remInds hIm uncomIortabIy oI hIs conversatIon wIth rIc but at
the same tIme Its IIke reassurIng prooI.
jensen, ever observant, presses In cIose. "Whats wrong?" he asks
huskIIy, tracIng jareds eyebrows wIth the pads oI hIs thumbs. "Are you
okay?"
jared bIInks and smIIes, wrappIng hIs arms around jensen who Is there
and soIId and aIIve. They begIn to sway, dancIng to the musIc and the
mornIng sunIIght.
"verythIng Is rIght," jared answers honestIy. "verythIng Is perIect."
ts Iate mornIng when jared emerges Irom the IysIan IIeIds. They
chase each other IIke chIIdren the rest oI the day-a game oI tag that
has them sprIntIng Irom Greece, roIIIng down Mount SInaI, skIrtIng the
shores oI the CaspIan Sea and the IIyIng back to Greece agaIn. ts a
game wIth no reaI ruIes or purpose, except that It aImost aIways makes
jared smIIe so wIde that hIs dImpIes seem permanentIy etched Into hIs
cheeks.
jensen Ioves that Iook.
jared Is a beautIIuI, strong ImmortaI. Ies bIessed wIth eternaI youth
and some enhanced strength and speed. Ies sIower than jensen, but
hoIds hIs own In theIr game because oI hIs abIIIty to hear souIs. ver
sInce ImmortaIIty was granted to jared hIs curse had truIy turned Into a
worthy power. IIs abIIIty to hear souIs Improved to the extent that he
couId predIct a persons movements or moods.
jensen dIdnt reaIIy get It hImseII, but he doesnt thInk jared IuIIy
comprehends hIs gIIts yet eIther.
Ie just knows that when jared Is abIe to predIct jensen It makes jared a
reaIIy dIIIIcuIt target In theIr game oI tag.
They stop at sunset In the smaII vIIIage oI OIa on the Greek IsIand oI
SantorInI. They own a Ione IIttIe whItewashed house overIookIng the
vIIIage that sIts on the edge oI the craggy caIdera. I they go up to the
rooI they can see one oI the most beautIIuI sunsets In the worId.
ts just startIng, the IIght oI the sun reIIectIng aImost unbearabIy oII oI
the pIacId water oI the Aegean Sea.
"ThIs Is. m so gIad toId you to buy thIs pIace," jared murmurs as he
Ieans Into jensen. The god cant heIp but get Iost Ior just a moment In
the sunset reIIected In rIch hazeI eyes.
"Iey," he huIIs, brows Iurrowed. " totaIIy got thIs as a surprIse Ior you.
t was my Idea."
jared turns and steps Into hIm, dIppIng hIs head so that theIr IIps aImost
touch whIIe hIs Iong, and curIIng hIs graceIuI hands around jensens
hIps. "SemantIcs," he whIspers but the mood has aIready changed. AII
jensen can taste Is jared even though theyre not even kIssIng yet. IIs
hands Itch to IeeI heaIthy young skIn but jensen Is Irozen In pIace by
Intense dark eyes.
They make Iove on the rooI to the beat oI the sunset ahead oI them
whIch trembIes yeIIow, orange, and red over theIr skIn. Above theIr
heads heavy cIouds stIr and grow wIth a storm.
WIth a thought jensen makes a bed appear on the whIte rooI. jared Iooks
at hIm wIth a raIsed eyebrow as they gentIy Iay out on the bed, tangIIng
up so InexpIIcabIy In each other Its a struggIe to remove theIr cIothes.
"Youre the InsensIbIe one that keeps InsIstIng on sex anywhere but a
bedroom," jensen poInts out as he jinclly rIds jared oI hIs cIothes. IIs
IIngers slide-tcp-slip down jareds rIbs IIke hes pIayIng an Instrument
and he gets the sweetest gasp Irom hIs souI mate In response.
jared cracks a smIrk as sharp as a whIp. " dIdnt know you were so
deIIcate, AckIes," he breathes as he curIs hIs IIngers around jensens
head and scratches hIs scaIp wIth hIs IIngernaIIs, makIng jensen shIver.
"Such a mouth on you," jensen Iaughs and swaIIows jareds response
wIth a hungry kIss.
They make Iove as brIght as the sunset, the reIease buIIdIng sIow and
tremendous IIke the storm movIng above theIr heads. ts the sIowest
that they have made Iove In a IIttIe whIIe and they both get drunk oII oI
the Iazy sIIde oI skIn and the Intense, purposeIuI touches.
They kIss the whoIe tIme, breathIng each others aIr and IIIe. jensen
cant keep hIs hands stIII. Ie IIngers the goIden watch on jareds wrIst,
hIs hands brush down chest and stomach and thIghs that were once
thInnIng and soItenIng but are now strong and suppIe. Ie keeps one
hand spread out over jareds stomach where the knIIe wound was,
IeeIIng the rcsp, hitch, rcsp oI skIn agaInst heaIthy skIn each tIme jared
moves.
jared mIrrors hIs actIons, IIngers ghostIng oI jensens chest and sIde
that was once dIsIntegrated to nothIng. Then he wraps hIs hands
around jensens neck as II beggIng the god to never stop kIssIng hIm. As
II jensen wouId ever thInk oI such a thIng.
When the sunset Is at Its brIghtest It washes over them IIke a warm,
round crescendo. jared breaks theIr kIss Iong enough to say, "Your souI
sounds IIke thIs, jen."
jensen answers, but hes not even sure what he says. Ie covers jareds
mouth agaIn wIth hIs own, wantIng to drInk In every honeyed moan IIke
Its ambrosIa-not wantIng to hear anythIng but the sound jared makes
when he reIeases.
jensen moves In jared, sIow and hard IIke the waves beIow them, theIr
souIs crashIng Into each other agaIn and agaIn. Ie entwInes the hand
thats not pressed to hIs Iovers beIIy wIth one oI jareds. jareds head
tIps back IIke a pIanet on Its axIs and jensen IoIIows It untII he IeeIs the
tensIon buIIdIng InsIde both oI them bend and snap. Ie Ieans back then
and trIes to watch jareds IIps IaII open and IIsten to the sounds that
tumbIe and spIII out. ut jensen cant hoId on any Ionger and comes at
the same tIme, IIIIIng jared and gaspIng wIth hIm. They mIght say each
others name. They mIght just take a breath IIke Its both theIr IIrst and
theIr Iast one. They mIght even whImper because jensen cant teII where
jared ends and jensen begIns and Its the most rIght IeeIIng In the
worId. The sounds combIne so quIet and too beautIIuI that It seems to
rIse and puncture the coIor Iragments oI heaven because theyre stIII
movIng IanguIdIy when the raIn pours over them, wet and sweet.
Iater, they Iounge together on the couch In Iront oI the IIrepIace In
nothIng but skIn and bIankets. The raIn contInues to drum on the rooI
over theIr heads, a dronIng percussIon that hums seductIveIy beneath
jensens skIn. jareds haIr Is stIII damp, rIngIets hangIng In hIs eyes, and
II that pIcture rIght there wasnt InspIratIonaI enough then jensen can
stIII taste heaven on hIs IIps where jareds taste had mIxed wIth the
raIndrops. Ie pours aII oI thIs Into the kIthara he Is pIayIng upon jareds
request.
Ie Is IIes between jareds Iong Iegs, surrounded by hIs Iovers scent.
jensens shouIders are propped on jareds chest. The tune he pIays-
sIow to start but quIckIy pIckIng up-sounds strange because hes used
to gettIng Iost In ancIent meIodIes and Greek IuIIabIes on thIs Instrument
but thIs song Is more modern.
Ie IIkes the eIIect. t remInds jensen oI hIm and jared.
The book jared brought down to read Is on the IIoor next to them, the
cover bent and the spIne broken because jared Ioves used books no
matter how rIch he Is. jensens souI mate seems content to sIowIy brush
hIs IIngers through jensens haIr as he pIays Ior now. jensens gIad
because he IIkes the attentIon Irom jared.
"What are the words?" jared murmurs quIetIy, aIways aIraId to break the
speII oI the musIc.
jensen swIveIs hIs eyes up to see jared IookIng down at hIm soItIy, eyes
haII-IIdded and reIaxed. Iappy.
" Iove you," jensen answers hIm and watches wIth some IascInatIon as
jareds IIps twItch Into a smaII smIIe just Ior jensen.
"Those arent the IyrIcs," he chuckIes and traces the sheII oI jensens ear
wIth a IIngertIp.
"Most musIc Is tryIng to say l love you In Its own way," jensen poInts out.
jared just hums and Iets hIs IIngertIps ghost over jensens tempIes.
" do, though," jensen says earnestIy. jared curIs down and kIsses
jensens Iorehead In an l love you, too.
jareds kIsses aIways say so much more than hIs words.
jensen smIIes and begIns to sIng.
So rest assured have the key to every openIng
To every wIshIng weII that's deep enough to dream (dream)
want to show you just how IascInatIng kIssIng Is
When earth coIIIdes wIth aII the space between (yeah)
IIII up the aIr baIIoon and rIde wIth me
Yeah heII Is jeaIous oI the raIn (raIn)
Make Iove IIke tIme and space Is endIng
WhIIe beIrIendIng Iate's aIIurIng way oI puttIng us to shame
You make the sound oI puIIIng heaven down
You brought the raIn's romantIc pour
You make the sound
You make the sound
OI puIIIng heaven down
nd
ote. IIease go and see the TOS OI AIT Imogen_IIIy made Ior thIs here
and here and pIease Iet her know what you thInk!!! .
Pease drop by the archve and comment to et the author know f you en|oyed ther
work!