2

Editor-in-Chief Sam Knowles Managing Editor of Features Charles Pletcher Managing Editor of Arts & Culture Clayton Aldern Managing Editor of Lifestyle Jane Brendlinger Features Editor Zo Hoffman Arts & Culture Editors Anita Badejo Ben Resnik Lifestyle Editors Jen Harlan Alexa Trearchis Pencil Pusher Phil Lai Chief Layout Editor Clara Beyer Contributing Editor Emerita Kate Doyle Copy Chiefs Kristina Petersen Kathy Nguyen Copy Editors Lucas Huh Caroline Bologna Blake Cecil Nora Trice Chris Anderson Claire Luchette Staff Illustrators Madeleine Denman Marissa Ilardi Kirby Lowenstein Sheila Sitaram Caroline Washburn Kah Yangni

CONTENTS
textual intercourse catherine gross

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

As the euphoria of Spring Weekend fades and the storm clouds gather over College Hill, it is a time of reckoning. Finals are coming. The time to find subletters is running out. We cant actually wear jorts every day. And for Kristina, Jen, Charles, Anita, and me, there is an even more daunting reality to face: This is our last issue at Post-. Like many who came before me and will stay after me, I joined Brown as spankin new transfer. It was at Post- that I learned the ins and outs Brown culturefrom Chicken Finger Friday to Main Greenlounging, from Ruth-loving to Berge-watching. Its where I learned to f*cking love cocaine. (Future employers: Thats an inside joke ... that I dont quite understand.) But more importantly, Post- is where I met some of the coolest and most talented folks at Brown. From the ancien regime, theres Kate, who brought me in and guided me all the way, and Sam and Marshall, who taught me the snark and the voice in dark alleyways. From the new regime, there are far too many to name. Check the mastheadits long and illustrious. In my departing colleagues, Post- loses four of its finest: Kristina, who made sure we spelled words without silent pound signs and smiled all the while; Charles, who taught us to mistrust second-wave feminists and adore the en dash; Anita, who made us all a little more stylish and a lot more fun; and Jen, who gave us newfound respect for theater kids (not just their naked bodies) and took care of all of those important things while no one was paying attention. Like writing half the articles in this issue. As I prepare for post-Post- retirement, I can proudly say that the publication rests in highly capable hands. Clay, Jane, Zoe, Alexa, and Ben will remain at the perch above 195 Angell, while Amelia and Jennie return at last from the lands of baguettes and perpetual rain. Like most good things, it has gone by too fast. Ill miss it all. As always, over and out,

3 upfront 4 feature

spring weekend photo spread

at our heels clayton aldern

5 arts & culture 6 arts & culture

eight people, one room jen harlan lazy ladies claire luchette

lifestyle 7 old kentucky home jen harlan my

not okay, cupid anita badejo

sexicon MM emily post- emily postbad sex beej

8 lifestyle

NAKED PHOTO

sam
OUR ILLUSTRATORS
cover // madeleine denman textual intercourse // phil lai spring weekend spread // clayton aldern and anita badejo at our heels // anita badejo eight people, one room // phil lai lazy ladies // phil lai two mosques and a museum // phil lai apologies to adela wu, whose what cheer? brigade illustration was miscredited, and caroline wasburn, who did our cover. #philseppuku

weekend

Post- Magazine is published every Thursday in the Brown Daily Herald. It covers books, theater, music, film, food, art, and University culture around College Hill. Post- editors can be contacted at post. magazine@gmail.com. Letters are always welcome, and can be either e-mailed or sent to Post- Magazine, 195 Angell Street, Providence, RI 02906. We claim the right to edit letters for style, clarity, and length.

five

VARIABLE PASSIONS Machado Thurs-Sun

SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE PW Downspace Fri-Mon

3 5

BROWN STORY SLAM Kassar Fox Fri 8PM

ABWxD MOVEMENT IN PROVIDENCE Smitty-B Sat 9:30AM

SENIOR SCRAMBLE WITH FRIENDS MacMillan 117 Sat 10PM

TOP TEN

THURSDAY, APRIL 26TH, 2012

upfront

Post- Secrets

1 2 3 4 5

We still dont know how to spell Paxsons last name . We dont actually smoke ... much Post- is r acist. We dr ink Tor pedos and Moscato like theres no Thur sday. We do all our layout in PowerPoint.

6 7 8

Were changing our name to Hyphen.

We f*cking love cocaine .

We also edit the Indy.

9 10

Fight Club is based on Post-.

film is tv is

The Naked Photo is photoshopped.

lear ning to play nice .

Textual Intercourse
catherine GROSS contributing writer
I used to think I was smooth with the fellas. Then 10th grade came along, and I got a cell phone. Yes, I blame the drop in my level of game not on my uncanny ability to place myself in the most awkward situations possible, nor on my moderate social anxiety, but on the single most important piece of technology in my life: my iPhone. Maybe it was my affinity for monogamy that stunted my textual growth. While my single friends improved their techniques through frequent practice, developing witty banter with their various conquests, the extent of my textual communication consisted of excuses for tardiness (sry, b there in 5) and prudeness (no, i will not send u naked pics). My texting muscles atrophied. Fast-forward to now. Ive been at Brown for two semesters, and although I have been single for a while, I have made little progress in educating myself in the fine art of what I call textual relations. To be frank: texting sucks. The way I see it, there are three main anxiety-provoking aspects of the text conversation. First: content. I feel that my wit (hilarious as it may be) cannot be effectively communicated in 140 characters or fewer. If I do find something worth saying to my crush or hookup, theres the second problem: punctuation. Period. Dashemoticon ;)? Exclamation point!? There are too many options, each of which provides subtleties and nuances that can be interpreted in an infinite number of unfortunate ways. Then there is the last issue: timing. This is the real killer. Take the guy I met last weekend. Well call him Jake. I woke up this morning9 a.m.without having responded to a text Jake sent the night before indicating that he would like to see me again. Why did it take me so long to get back to him? Not because I am not interested (Cute? Check. Good kisser? Check.), but because the stress of crafting an appropriate response indicating my interest in his proposition as well as establishing a certain level of aloofness was far too much for me to handle solo. I figured I would sleep it off and consult my friend in the morning, via text (the irony!), during my perfunctory Keeney elliptical session. About five minutes into my morning workout (subtext: no makeup, sweaty, already struggling), who but Jake walks into the gym. He catches my eye. I panic. It has been nine hours, and I still havent responded to his double text, and there was my phone, in plain sight, resting a mere 12 inches from my face. A sane person might have avoided using her phone for the rest of the

fumbling fingers in the smartphone era

getting nothing productive done this weekend ... again.

music is
Joyce . #brownstudentproblems

wonder ing if youd judge us for listening to Coheed and Cambr ia.

books is
gym session as to feign phonelessness, but I thought it was best to harass said text-consultant, asking her what to do. JAKE IN GYM. STILL HAVE NOT RESPONDED TO TEXTS. HELP. Shocker: this only made matters more awkward. As I typed away, he lifted weights behind me. I debated the merits of responding immediately or waiting until one of us left the gym. I didnt respond. He left, very quickly. Despite my troubled texting history, I often find myself Editor-in-Chief of my friends textual quandaries. This is definitely a case of the blind leading the blind, but I try. There was that time my friend was set up with a blind date for our sorority formal. He was notified of this setup, and my friend was tasked with contacting him for a pre-formal meet-up. What should she text him to initiate the inevitable awkward conversation? I suggested, DTF? (down to formal?) to break the ice. That brilliant idea was met with a lot of contention. She settled on a more neutral text: Hey. A great debate ensued over whether or not she should punctuate, or perhaps add something clever. She stuck with hey (no period: periods are aggressive). Its gotten to the point where Morse Code is looking like the better alternative. At least theres no sarcasm, eagerness, or passive-aggressiveness implied in a simple dash-dot combination. There once was a time when if a guy liked a girl, he called her. Or wrote her. Or talked to her in person. Crazy stuff. Now the most one can hope for is a sup on a Friday nighthopefully before 10 p.m., otherwise, you are definitely in booty-call territory. Illustration by Phil Lai

theatre is
feeling dotty on this ordinar y Sunday.

food is

eating DoughBoy leftover s from Ruth Fest.

booze is
final paper due tomor row? GCB .

feature
POST-

THURSDAY, APRIL 26TH, 2012

arts & culture

At Our Heels

a conversation with twin shadow

clayton ALDERN

managing editor
or so questions pertaining to Arts and Culture. Wow. Im not good at either of those two. Ill try my best. Thats all right, neither are we. This is probably a relatively easy one: Describe your sound. Oh, thats not an easy one; thats the hardest one you could have asked. Next question. All right. Describe a perfect day in the life of Twin Shadow. A perfect day? In the life of Twin Shadow. In Los Angeles, California, in my new house, with my new vintage Triumph Bonneville motorcycle. Riding around, anywhere. Thats the perfect day. No kidding. How new of a house? Just got it. A recent acquisition. Were just going to move a little tangentially here. However you want to move is fine. You are a gentleman and a scholar. If Twin Shadow were accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Oh man. What house would Twin Shadow reside in? I have no idea. Ive never watched any, and Ive never read any of the books. Sacrilege. I know, its horrible. The House of the Seven Druids; I dont know. Whats the evil one? Slytherin. I think were Slytherin. I wont tell anyone. Whats the best bar in Brooklyn? [pause] I was going to shout out this one we always go to, but they hate me there and Ive been kicked out of there twice, so Im not going to rep them. Even though it is my favorite bar, Im not going to say its name. Theres a bar called The Narrows thats really good. Ill keep that in mind. Its very, very exclusive. I probably wouldnt warrant entry. Nah, you could get in. Must have a hat of a certain brim-diameter? Exactly. Is hip-hop dead? [laughing] No. Great. Moving on: Does Twin Shadow have a message? Yes. I dont know what it is yet. Im still working on the message. Its going to take me a while. Do you think fans are headed in the right direction as far as getting Twin Shadows message, whatever organic form that may be in right now? I think if it brings them happiness or extreme sadness, I think theyre getting it. What are your thoughts on dubstep? Well, it depends onno, I like it all. I think its annoying sometimes, but sometimes I think its great, just like any other type of music. Just like most things on this planet. Exactly. But, you know, Im super-psyched that young people are seeming to have some sort of a subculturewhich I dont know if I had when I was 17, 18, or when I was going to college. I didnt go to college, but when I would have been going to collegeI dont think we had anything like that. We had drum and bass, but it wasnt really anything like how crazy people get now. You tell me about dubstep. I like dubstep, but I think as long as were talking about subcultures, I should give you the hipster answer: I liked dubstep before it came to the United States. [laughs] Okay. I dont like that answer. Throw it out. I dont like that answer because I think the British are too careful with everything. I think Americanseven though dubstep and Americans are ugly and annoying they have a lot more heart. You know? The kids in America are really new to it. So Im not going to side with the Brits on that one. Im not going to side with the hipsters. Im going to side with Joe Schmoe, Bro Schmoe. Bro Schmoe, Iowa cornfields, gettin down to dubstep. Exactlythat, to me, is exciting. As f*cked as it is, its just as exciting as people discovering rock and roll. That gives them something to release, and they need it more than anyone else. Are the same kids who are listening to dubstep listening to you? Yeah. We had another college show that was us and a dubstep act, and all the kids were there singing our lyrics, and all the kids were there dancing to dubstep. So I think so. Good stuff. So I think Im just about wrapped up here; maybe one more question. I think this is kind of a spring-themed ques Do I have allergies? Yes. You read my mind. Thank you very much.

Post- sat down for a quick chat with George Lewis, Jr., the musical genius behind Coachella/Bonnaroo/SW12 act Twin Shadow. After a brief introduction and gangly leg-crossing all around, the Pitchfork darling graciously answered our questions, plunging the intellectual depths of intent, dubstep, and Harry Potterall over the course of 10 minutes. Post-: Thanks for sitting down with us. Im Clay. George Lewis, Jr.: Clay, are you named after Cassius? Unfortunately, no. Im named Clay because my mom was convinced that she couldnt legally name me Dirt. Shes a gardener and really wanted to; settled on Clay. Wow, sounds really hippie. Thats not a true story. Shes a little hippie, though. Shes a visual artist. So were with Post- Magazine, a weekly supplement to the Brown Daily Herald, and Are we recording? Is that okay? Its just for transcript purposes. Im kidding. Post-? Isnt there another PostMagazine, like a Post- something like another magazine Like a real magazine? [laughs] F*ck. No, I mean, isnt there another Post-? Probably. I could probably get a job there with my credentials. We do the Arts and Culture supplement that comes out weekly, and this week, we would be honored if you would be willing to answer 10

arts & culture

POST-

Eight People, One Room

lifestyle editor
body knows for sure what the deal is with K.J. and Josh. Andrew Favaloro adds, I think it speaks to the tightness of the writing that you need a full 20 minutes of each episode to get the story thus far. Its action-packed, especially in terms of character development. While much of the shows strength comes from the writing, the actors themselves also bring a lot to the development of their characters. Doyle wrote the pilot on her own but says that since then she has started to write episodes with the actors in mind. Each readthrough brings surprises as the actors give voice to her words. The established community of it has been great, Doyle says. Writing is so solitary most of the time, and Ive always been kind of worried about that. This has been a great blend. You can write by yourself, but youre not aloneeverybodys invested in whats going to happen. The level of commitment and enthusiasm from the cast is overwhelming. Of course it helps that everybody on the project knew each other beforehand, primarily from Shakespeare on the Green productions (... along with this reporter, but no worries, guys, I rock the journalistic ethics). With the group bond already established, it was easy to translate that collaborative dynamic into the television process. Doyle and Favaloro were also careful to take into account the obstacles typically facing student television. They wrote the show to be filmed in one location, with an ensemble cast of the same eight actors every weekno extras, no guest stars. Each episode is filmed in a single day, allowing them to finish a fiveepisode arc in one semester, rather than fiz-

something promising from nothing productive

jen HARLAN

Scene one: interior conference room, day. A motley crew of eight students is strewn around a conference table. Over the next 14 minutes, they proceed to laugh, cry, fight, and light things on fire. And judging by the reception at last weeks premiere, the audience loves every minute of it. This is Nothing Productive, a new web series created by senior (and former Posteditrix) Kate Doyle. The show follows the activities and antics of a student organization trying to accomplish somethingor at least finish a meeting without total mayhem. Its a situation thats relatable to most Brown students. As actor and developing producer Ben Jones explains, Especially on campus, anyone who has been part of some student organization that has meetings will be able to relate to a piece of this. (Except for Post-. Our meetings are always highly efficient. And never involve pizza or fire. Obviously.) The shows comedy comes from its oddball characters and fraught group dynamics. Theres endlessly enthusiastic Robbie; occasionally violent Clara; over-attached Lizzie; blundering Craig; oblivious yet sincere Emmett; disgruntled and snarky K.J.; and Josh and Erin, who are desperately trying to hold it all together. Staffing auditions and handling directors quickly give way to eye-rolling and flying baked goods, all punctuated by welltimed talking heads. Its a tight ensemble, with each quirky character participating in the shows absurdity. Theres no constant straightman or voice of reason: Theyre all crazy. Theyre also remarkably layered given the brevity of the season (five episodes in all). Romantic twists abound; even eager Robbie eventually cracks, and no-

zling out after one or two episodes like many past student projects. The schedule, which requires actors to block off five whole Saturdays in addition to read-throughs and rehearsals, might be expected to cause frustration. However, the actors I spoke to (read: all of them) remain enthusiastic about the project and its role in their semesters. Max Genecov explains, The process is such a bonding experience. It requires lots of cooperation Its like a separate world. Gillian Michaelson reiterates, You would think that being told that you have to spend an entire day in a building would be really bad, but its actually kind of fun and has turned out to be something to look forward to. I look at my calendar now and go, We get to film this weekend! Both actors and producers acknowledge that the process has required substantial patienceon top of the tedious nature of filming and the long hours, there was a learning curve for everyone involved, since most came from theater backgrounds and had no experience writing, directing, or acting for TV. Actress Alli Schaaff sums up the actors sentiments: The atmosphere is full of so many

different kinds of art happening: acting, writing, even origami. [Editors note: Youll have to watch episode one to get that one.] Its inspiring to be involved in a project thats so student-produced and student-written and student-everything. Schaaf hopes to continue working with TV in the future, explaining, Its nice to have such a beautiful, lasting, finished product to share with a big audience. Its not often that a student group, especially one with no funding or established structure, manages to produce anything besides table slips and bruised egos. That is, after all, the premise of the show: The characters on Nothing Productive spend more time smashing cupcakes and lighting things on fire than actually producing theater. But the show itself, along with The Blog and BTVs slate of projects, seems to represent a burgeoning trend of student television at Brown. It remains to be seen if this productivity will be renewed in the fall or fizzle after one season. But for now, things are looking good. For more information, check out www.facebook.com/nothingproductive. Illustration by Phil Lai

Lazy Ladies
claire LUCHETTE contributing writer
I was once told by a stranger that I reminded him of Liz Lemon. He was a stocky, 28-year-old Bronx native who evidently meant the comparison as a form of flattery. This 54 catch (named Sil, if my memory serves correctly) winked as he told me that my curly hair, blazer, and request for a white wine spritzer reminded him of Tina Feys 30 Rock character. Is this a compliment? Should I have been allured by Sils sweet nothings? The answer is no, but only because Sil preferred hair gel to toothpaste and later would call my knucklecracking habit cute. Otherwise, though, Liz Lemon represents my ideal: She is successful and confident. Liz knows how to take charge and speak her mind, and when she knows what she wantsbe it mac and cheese, Carrie Fishers friendship, or Jon Hamms loveshe does what it takes to get it. But complementing Lizs drive is an element of unglamour. She is comically lazy and unkempt. As successful as she is in her job, her attention to her physical and emotional health is often minimal. Liz claims her best friend is TV, and she values donuts more than conversations. In one episode she realizes she has forgotten her own birthday. Later she tells Jacks girlfriend that her bra is held together by tape.

rockin the awkward

are busy trying, as Hannah tells her parents, to become who I am. They are frank about their struggle to figure things outhygiene, relationships, work goalsand we non-TV characters know that struggle. We feel for them and relate to them, and thats why we laugh when Liz Lemon wears a Duane Reade bag as underpants: We know the feeling of barely holding it together, of trying to be a real human being but sacrificing things along the way. Alternatively, women like Leslie Knope of Parks and Recreation and Jess Day of New Girl seem unbelievable in their superhuman capacity to stay super motivated, friendly, and well dressed. (An attempt to depict Jess as unkempt in the episode Fancyman, Part 1 felt weird. Jess claims she is wearing an 8-year-old bra. This is not only evocative of Liz Lemons Scotch-tape-underwire combo, but is also totally unbelievable. Jess wears polka dots and skirts daily and has a bunny iPhone case. I dont believe for a minute that she does not replace her unmentionables every six months, according to lingerie experts suggestions.) Theyre not as human as Liz. So when I think back to Sil and his strange sense of how to flatter a (motivated and unglamorous) woman, I am reminded of Liz Lemon in a bar after she breaks up

The comic element of Lizs character lies in her lack of togethernessher personal lifes disorder, her discomfort with her sexuality, her juggling of priorities including professional success and Philly cheesesteak indulgence. Ms. Lemon is the perfect storm of Elaine Beness assertiveness and George Costanzas frumpiness. And she is not alone. Liz represents a clan of female characters who are both competent and lazy, successful and unglamorous. Kristen Wiig as Annie in Bridesmaids comes to mind. The lengthy scene in which we see Annie go to great lengths to expertly decorate a single cupcake with an intricately frosted flower and then, in a second, stuff half the cupcake in her mouth, perfectly represents the talented but unglamorous female lead. Lena Dunhams Hannah of the new series Girls is educated and capable but is prone to unmotivated tendencies. She eats, like Liz and Annie, a lot of the time. In a very slackerette (and pastry-centered) moment, we see Hannah eating a cupcake in the bathtub. These women excel intellectually and indulge lazily. This duality is very human and very pitiable and therefore very funny. These are women in transition, women who

with Dennis. A man asks if the seat next to her is taken. There are like four empty seats over there. Cant you just be cool? she asks, incredulous, and he walks away. When Jenna tells Liz he wanted to buy her a drink, our heroine gets excited. Really? Do you think hed buy me mozzarella sticks? Liz is desirable but puts her own desires first. Perhaps this is what Sil recognized in me when I inelegantly accepted his flattery and asked for another white wine spritzer. Illustration by Phil Lai

THURSDAY, APRIL 26TH, 2012

lifestyle

My Old Kentucky Home

oh-so-southern, oh-so-delicious
jen HARLAN lifestyle editor
fooda recent infographic by Derby LLC reported that 800 pounds of bourbon balls and 1,892 sheets of Derby Pie are consumed during the festivities, along with 120,000 mint juleps and 7,800 liters of bourbon. Thats just the official count, never mind the thousands of house parties and private gatherings that sprout up all over the city, providing an outlet for those who want to get into the Derby spirit without the company of the nearly 200,000 spectators packed into Churchill Downs. Hunter S. Thompson may have called the Kentucky Derby decadent and depraved, but for me the pageantry and spectacle are all part of what makes Louisville special, an underappreciated spot of sunshine in what yankees New Englanders write off as the big homogeneous blob between the coasts. So when May rolls around and I sit in my Providence bedroom, enviously perusing the photos that take over my news feed as my friends head home for the weekend, I like to make myself a little slice of home: a delicious, decadent concoction known as Derby Pie. Gooey and sweet, with a hint of bourbon cutting through the thick chocolate and oh-so-Southern pecans, it tastes like the call to the post, the glisten of the jockeys silks, and the gleeful camaraderie of an entire city decked out in its finest and dedicated to a good time. I don a requisite sundress, pull up ESPN, and join in with the crowd as we sing one song for my old Kentucky home, far, far away. For most of you readers out there, the first week in May means reading period, early exams from overeager professors, and sad hours spent cooped up in your library of choice, staring out wistfully at the sunny green. But for me, that first Saturday in May is a holiday, worthy of canceled classes, closed businesses, and a citywide party to be enjoyed by all. I am a Louisvillian, a proud resident of the Derby City: home of Churchill Downs twin spires and the most famous horse race in America. For me, what the rest of the country condenses into the fastest two minutes in sports is in fact a month-long festival, complete with air shows, parades, and the largest annual fireworks display in North America. The Derby itself is preceded by the Kentucky Oaks, a race for the fillies on Friday that shuts down the entire city for an official holiday (yes, every year from ages 12 to 18, I got to miss school for a horse race). And the fateful Saturday itself consists of not just one brief sprint around the track but an all-day marathon of races and fun, with the social strata ranging from the definitively classy (Millionaires Row) to the slightly trashy (the infield). Substitute concerts for the horse races, and you essentially have yourselves a municipal Spring Weekend. In true Southern fashion (no pun intended), the hats are elaborate, the seersuckers are freshly pressed, and tanned shoulders peek out from beneath the straps of cheerily floral sundresses. Then, theres the

(As of 1968, only Kerns Kitchen is officially allowed to call it Derby Pie.)
1 cup granulated sugar 4 tablespoons melted butter 3 eggs, slightly beaten cups light corn syrup teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons Kentucky Bourbon (IMPORTANT NOTE: There is no other kind.) 1 teaspoons vanilla cup chopped pecans cup semisweet chocolate chips (Or, in my case, more like 1 cupsIm a firm believer in never skimping on the chocolate.) 1 unbaked 9-inch pie shell (I recommend Pillsbury, but if youre feeling really ambitious, you can also make your own.) Preheat oven to 375. In a mixing bowl, cream sugar and butter. Add eggs, corn syrup, salt, bourbon, and vanilla. Mix on low speed with mixer (or with moderate enthusiasm by hand) until blended. Spread pecans and chocolate chips in bottom of the prepared pie shell. Pour filling over nuts and chocolate chips. Bake for 40 to 50 minutes, or until set. Serve in the sunshine; wash down with an ice-cold mint julep.

Chocolate Pecan Bourbon Pie

Not Okay, Cupid

what i learned while online dating: a ramble
a whole lot o people, and I would write about said interactions for this very magazine. I would be like Kate Hudsons character in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: a confident, bubbly young writer trying to woo a man (or many menmany, many, many, many men) for the sake of journalism. Falling in love with a Matthew McConaughey look-alike would be optional. Over two months later and with my profile still, for some inexplicable reason, active, it turns out I grossly overestimated my ability to be open to peeps on the internets. I have received 67 messages on OkCupid, and on average 115 people visit my profile per week. The number of people Ive actually messaged back? Five. The number of people Ive proactively messaged? One. I recently discovered that a menacing red dot on my Message button now warns my visitors that I respond very selectively. Now, Im the first to admit that, when it comes to matters of the heart, I am extraordinarily cautious. Im a second-semester senior, and I can count the number of people Ive kissed at Brown on one hand. In case youre wondering if this may just be because Im unattractive, its not (see: todays Naked Photo). Rather, since a string of bad high school experiences, Ive come to be ridiculously wary of male advances. Why I thought that I would be an apt candidate for juggling a bunch of dudes trying to hit on me via the web is beyond me. But I did. And thus, I feel its my obligation to share what Ive learned. For one, it turns out OkCupid is actually a useful way of engaging in some self-reflection. The site matches you with people based on the number of shared responses you have to questions, ranging from Which best describes the ideal indoor temperature for you? to Is a tongue stud a turn-on?, which have been created by users themselves. After answering 541 questions (can you say procrastination?), I now feel as if I am more self-awareif only a teensy bit. Ive counted the number of books I read in the past year, realized that if I could only choose two qualities for my partner among smart, kind, and attractive, Id choose smart and kind, and admitted that Im a double-dipper when it comes to food. Ive also had to answer a number of fairly strange sex questions (about foot fetishes, S&M, squeaking like a dolphinyou name it). Based on my responses, OkCupid has determined Im decidedly less kinky than the average person. Heh. Ive also come to realize that Im judgmental as f*ck. Guys who wear backwards baseball caps beware: I will think you are douchey. Guys who write using incorrect grammar: I will think you are stupid. Not listing at least one indie artist under your music preferences? As Liz Lemon would say: Thats a deal breaker, ladies! Basically, I will find any excuse to write someone off, even if he is otherwise perfectly lovely (sorry, guy whose teeth I didnt like!). Finallyactually, thats it. I joined a dating site to seduce people and then write about them, found out I enjoy spending hours answering questions about myself, and realized Im about as picky as they come. And while I didnt find my Prince Charming, I did get a slightly better idea of what Im looking for which may or may not exist. (Damn you, Disney!) So, yeah I suppose you can say that OkCupid has been, uh, illuminating? I hear the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem (or three), so if youve struggled with any of the issues above, holla at ya girl ... Just dont do it through OkCupid.

anita BADEJO

arts & culture editor

Hi, hows it going :). If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, will a hipster buy the soundtrack? sup. So how do you feel about non hipsters. On the night of February 21, 2012exactly one week after Valentines DayI sat in front of my laptop, assessing the newest page of the convoluted narrative that is my (lack of) love life. I had just made an OkCupid profile. That night, I immediately realized two things: One, I apparently look like a hipster. And two, online dating is not as weird as its made out to be ... Its a whole lot f*cking weirder. Initially, my joining OkCupid was meant to be a simple experiment. I would stay on it for a month, I would interact with

lifestyle
POST-

The Pleasure Principle

n. minus all the jargon, the pleasure principle just states that things that feel good are good
MM sexpert
enment. But, as a sentient member of the Brown community, I can speak with authority on the prevalence of quasi-mystical sexual language on campus, language drenched in Foucauldian reflexivity and legitimizing buzzwords like ideology and Kastrationsangst. People all over College Hill are practically foaming at the mouth to dish out advice on sex positivity and the sublimity of the orgasmand Im one of them. But I also want to avoid sending my readership on a roundabout quest for perfect sex. Sex is messy, moist, risky, and weird. Its not sterile. Its not streamlined. Theres plenty of theory written about the out-ofbody experience of orgasm (contact with alterity, explosion of self, jouissance, etc.), that is neither particularly sexy nor especially utilitarian. Sometimes it is needful to step back from our texts and collective coalitions and point to what is good and practical and knowable about sex. Communication is good. Communication from our bodies comes in the form of pain or pleasure, and communication between people comes in words or gestures. Sex educators are trained, with good reason, to spread the idea that the best consent is verbal consent. I wholeheartedly endorse the word Yes, the phrase That feels good, and the question, Do you like that? But I must admit, speaking now as a sex participant instead of a sex educator, that consent can also be communicated nonverbally. This is the hardest kind of communication to gauge, and we should all be positive that we are correct in interpreting our partners behavior as consent before proceeding to undress them. Contraception is also categorically good. (There are those who disagree with me, but it is safe to assume their reasoning relates to things other than the experience of actual sex.) Protection from STIs is categorically good. Especially in privileged communities where condoms overflow the doormats of our RCs and WPIs and HIV testing is free and proximate, we have no excuses not to be vigilant about our sexual health. Safetyphysical, emotional, socialis good. And pleasure is good. Pleasure is irrefutably (even tautologically) positive. So what if I live in a largely postmodern academic setting where I am discouraged from making claims from outside my provisional, subjective, interior self? Some blanket statements are practical. Some blanket statements are right. It is useful to attach ourselves to some ideals in the onslaught of media and messages that characterizes the Brown experience. I can say with conviction that I am committed to pleasure. Pleasure is good. This summer, I hope we all will venture out of college and into our genitals. I hope we will experience safety and consent and caution and pleasure. And if any of yall achieve the sublime orgasm Roland Barthes always dreamed of, please let me know your formula. For now, Ill settle for really hot sex.

Its the last Sexicon of the semester, and I find myself wishing I could provide a propitious recap of this years sexual politics, a cheery synopsis of all the prochoice legislation our reps have passed, and a smug nod to our progressive presidential candidates, followed by the bold conclusion that the war on women is a saying we can finally put to rest. Because I cant do that (and because I insist on leaving this column on an optimistic note before I resume my duties next semester), I will share with yall a beautiful story about one womans journey from sexual novice to bedroom maven in just six easy steps: identifying her active desires, fulfilling said desires while maintaining autonomy, opening up a fluid discourse between body and mind, communicating with the Other in intelligible and benevolent ways, wearing a condom, and achieving nirvana. Just kidding. I claim no credentials in the art of self-actualization and am frankly uninterested in spiritual enlight-

etiquette advice for the socially awkward and their victims Greetings, readers. This being the final issue of Post- Magazine for the semester, I thought it appropriate (and etiquettely sound) to offer my thanks in regard to your faithful readership throughout the past few months. Now, with the sweetness of summer approaching, I have hand-selected a reader question that specifically concerns the trials and tribulations of the warmer months. May you all have wonderful summers, and I will see you next semesterafter I spend my time split between the family home in the Hamptons and my own little hideaway in Bora Bora, of course. Love, Emily Dear Emily, This may seem stupid, butwhat do you think about flip-flops? Not okay at a garden party Im guessing, but can I wear them to the beach? Thanks, Sandy Dear Sandy, My dear girl, I think you knew from the moment you put pen to paper (Emily never writes emails, although she deigns to venture to a computer to read yours) what my answer to your letter would be. Flip-flops? I shudder to write the very wordits coarse alliterative ring should be a signal to even the least astute humanities concentrator that something is amiss. You asked me what I think about flip-flops. Let me answer in curt language: I do not. That is, I do not think about flip-flops. They do not match the electric-blue Miu Miu bandeau bikini that I recently purchased from Net-A-Porter and they do not match anything in your closet, either. Yes, I know that the lady doth protest too much about the comfort of this footwear, the cool cushion of rubber against ones soles, and the ease they offer to the woman desiring to take her shoes off and put her shoes on in the same day. But my darling Sandy, let me ask you, is it not just as easy to slip on and off a pair of peep-toe Louboutins? True, we do not all have access to the luxury that Emily has come to enjoy as part of the perks of her post (see what I did there?). And at the end of the day, wherever your summering takes you, your feet should be shod in articles that make you feel beautiful and that feel comfortable. But I can dream, cant I? Sincerely, Emily

Emily Post-

BAD SEX
terrible advice for legitimate questions
beej unqualified
suggest banana flavoredyou dont taste the other persons condom, just the inside of your own. Dont forget your sunscreen! Beej Dear Beej, Ive been eyeing my Econ TA all semester (shes like a nerdy Megan Fox), but Ive been reluctant to do anything more than look, considering our academic relationship. With finals approaching, though, Im seeing her more than ever, and I dont think I can hold out much longer. Is it too inappropriate to act now, or should I wait just two more weeks? In need of academic assistance, Getting Damn imPatient Dear GDP, I did some close reading of your letter, and heres where I think you go wrong: academic relationship. What the f*ck is an academic relationship? In my world, there are men; there are womenno, not even. There are people. So what are you waiting for? In this situation, I see a huge comparative advantage to banging vs. not banging. The marginal product of waiting two weeks compared to not waiting two weeks? Two weeks of sex. This aint no prisoners dilemma; its an idiots question. So find your inner John Nash, gather all your capital, and turn this monopoly into a duopoly. Wishing you a high-yield investment, Beej P.S. Think I had your TA. Dear Beej, I really want to try having sex on the beach. Its seems extremely exciting and sexy, and its been on my bucket list for a while. However, Im worried about sandwont the whole thing get a bit gritty and uncomfortable? Sands pretty pervasive, so even with a towel Im sure well have problems. Have you ever had sex on the beach, and if so, how did you keep it clean? Thanks for the tip, Gay and Randy Island Traveler Dear GRIT, What a question. Have I ever had sex on the beach? Has a wolf ever howled at the moon; has a hyena ever laughed? Of course I have had beautiful, passionate, sun-settingover-the-horizon sex on the beach, often with mysterious island strangers with hypnotizing tattoos. Although a little sand never hurt nobody, here are some suggestions to keep things above sea level. Try to avoid the sand. Instead of choosing a more horizontal position, like missionary or low congress, opt for a vertical one, like fixing of a nail or high congress. The increased visibility youll afford with these positions makes the sex even hotter, almost quadrupling the probability of getting caught. If youre the more discreet type, you can always jump in the water (technically still at the beach, if not on it). With this option, about a gallon of lube is recommended. Or, if you absolutely insist upon on-land flat-backed sex, try a Human Body Condoma sealed plastic body covering thatll keep you from touching sand and each other! If you go for the body condoms, I