(DOWNEY)

OBAMA ADDRESS COLD OPEN ~ FRED/HIGGINS V.O.

(OPEN ON:

STILL FF:

PRESIDENTIAL SEAL)

HIGGINS (V.O.)(1/4) The following is an address from the President of the United States. (DISS. TO: OVAL OFFICE SET. FRED AS PRESIDENT OBAMA) FRED Good evening, my fellow Americans. It was exactly one year ago last Tuesday, May 1, 2011, that US Navy Seal Team 6, acting on my orders, put an end to the career of Osama bin Laden. I

hope you had a safe and joyous first anniversary of his killing,

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FRED (CONTD) and that you were able to spend it with those you love. This is

a special time of year, when we gather together with family and friends, to commemorate the shooting of this terrorist, and the gutsy decision that made it possible. Unfortunately, I wasnt

able to be at home this year, as I had to fly to Afghanistan, to remind President Karzai that, exactly one year ago, we killed Osama bin Laden, and that the decision to do so was a gutsy one. And was mine. To Michelle,

Sasha, and Malia, Im sorry I couldnt be with you this time. You know theres no place Id rather be on Killing Osama bin Laden Day than with you.

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FRED (CONTD) But Ill be home for the next Killing Osama bin Laden Day. If only, as the song goes, in my dreams. (PAUSE) Now tonight, I want to talk to you about the economy. But

first, a little more about the killing of Osama bin Laden. Why

is it that Mitt Romney refuses to join the rest of his fellow Americans in commemorating the first year anniversary? Does he

think that killing Osama bin Laden wasnt the right thing to do, or that it wasnt "gutsy"? Why all this sympathy for a terrorist? Could it be they

shared some special bond, since Mitt and Osama were both members of the One Percent? He's weird.

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FRED (CONTD) Now Ill get to the economy in a minute, but while Im on the subject, there seems to be some confusion among the general public about when exactly we celebrate Killing Osama bin Laden Day. Many of you apparently think its the first Sunday in May, whatever date that falls on. Wrong. He may have been killed

on the first Sunday of May, but Killing Osama bin Laden Day is always celebrated May 1st, the date of the actual killing, whatever day of the week that falls on. Are we clear? Also,

in response to numerous queries, here are the appropriate gifts for each anniversary of Osama bin Ladens death,

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FRED (CONTD) according to the White House Office of Etiquette. (PICKS UP A SHEET OF PAPER FROM WHICH HE READS) For the first anniversary: Paper. opal. And the gemstone is For the fifth Wood. The For the

anniversary:

gemstone is amethyst. tenth anniversary: Really. Tin.

Tin.

Many people

think its silver, but its not. Its tin. Remember that. You

dont want to be embarrassed. But you can also add your own ideas. For example, Ive already

promised Michelle and the girls, for the Tenth Anniversary, Im taking them to Orlando. thing: One more

I want to remind us all

that, when sending a Killing of Osama bin Laden anniversary card,

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FRED (CONTD) or offering best wishes on Killing Osama bin Laden Day to a friend who happens to be Muslim, we should be considerate of Islamic cultural tradition. To

many Muslims, phrases like Osama bin Laden "went dirt-napping, or assumed room temperature, or sleeps with the fishes, can be offensive. Especially the last

one, since, as we all know, he was buried at sea. And of

course, lets all remember that heavy drinking, and Killing Osama bin Laden Day, are never a good combination. So please celebrate

Killing Osama bin Laden Day responsibly. After all, its the Well, Im

gutsy decision.

afraid thats all I have time for tonight. The economy,

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FRED (CONTD) by the way, is looking fantastic. Thank you for

listening, and Live from New York, its Saturday Night. (ROLL: (MUSIC: MONTAGE) THEME)

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