Old problem which needs new approach

Runaway teens Wednesday, April 11, 2012 - 14:40 by Faizal Nor Izham WONG: Working parents have little time to monitor children PETALING JAYA: The problem of teens rebelling and running away from home is an age-old one, but one that is increasing in Malaysia. From a passing phenomenon, it has since evolved into a worrying problem, one that is enough to raise alarm bells within the police force. Since 2008, the figures have been steadily rising; with an average of two people reported missing everyday. Federal CID director Comm Datuk Seri Mohd Bakri Zinin was recently quoted as saying that from 2008 to 2011, 3,226 of the 7,662 reported were teens aged between 14 to 17 years. From this number, 1,202 were girls. Amid the number of reasons given by the teens for their runaway acts, two stand out: Running away with their lovers; as well as escaping restrictive parents. Family-based NGOs and parenting psychologists believe that the problems, though not new, require a more modern solution. Protect and Save The Children director Madeleine Yong said teen problems will always exist and so prevention is the best solution. "If parents do not create healthy relationships by listening or building a rapport with them from a young age, they are likely to rebel by seeking attention elsewhere," she said. "It is a retaliation response, which usually stems from long-term family problems. Therefore, if parents only approach them during adolescence, it is often too late." She said teenagers today are already experimenting with sex, regardless of whether the older generation accepts this fact or not. "Kids nowadays have their own minds," she said. "Many are intelligent and well-read, and often end up doing their own thing if they are not offered guidance. Simply sending them to motivational camps just doesn't work." Parental neglect may additionally result in emotionally dysfunctional relationships for their children and even physical abuse, she said.

"The changes needed in approaching teens depends on everyone else around them," she said. "If parents continue to condemn their behaviour with rigid punishments and without proper education, the situation will worsen. YONG: Teen problem always exist, so prevention is the solution "They need accessible information and counselling. I feel schools should collaborate more with NGOs in this regard." Childline Malaysia project director P.H. Wong said broken families are a major contributing factor. "In most families nowadays, both parents are working and therefore have little time to monitor their children," she told The Malay Mail. "In fact, Childline often receives calls from children who claim to be lonely and have no-one to talk to," she said. "Divorce rates have also been on the rise since 2001, with about 300,000 reported. This is about 20 per cent of Malaysian marriages altogether." She said this leaves teenagers vulnerable, as they often find school difficult and cannot find the right kind of support to cope. As a result, they often look to other means of receiving guidance, such as through the Internet or the media. Wong stressed that parents ought to play a role by regulating their online activities, as well as integrating their children with school and community activities from a young age. Meanwhile, Malaysian Association of Psychotherapy president Dr. Edward Chan said teenagers often react this way because they have an emotional need to be independent. "This kind of rebellion is actually healthy, as it demonstrates emotional maturity," he said. "If they are not given the opportunity to make their own life decisions, they cannot hope to build healthy relationships with others." He said this often explains why their adult relationships fail later on, as they have not been allowed to be their own person and grow. "Parents should learn not to control teenagers the way they do when they're children," he said. "They need to learn how to influence them rather than use force. "By doing so, they will learn to comply with their parents purely out of respect, which needs to be earned beforehand."