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Love and Fire

The Life Story of Andrew Clifford

After going through many extreme experiences, which took me into all levels of society, from high-class jobs to the top of drug rings, and to the bottom of jail cells: I have finally stumbled across a powerful life-giving source love, as a matter of fact. Ive even found the very Source God He is love! There is still hope for people who are truly searching. There was hope for me, so surely, if you havent yet, you can experience this amazing satisfaction too. Be sure of this: ITS NOT OF THIS WORLD

Open your mind and seek the truth. If you truly seek it, you will find it.
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Chapter One: Destruction Begins:

I grew up in a home of high morals, in a loving middle class family, what society would call a normal happy family. We had problems here and there as every family has, yet we were happy and content maybe in-want of something, yet that something was unknown. Growing up I had a rather secular outlook, without any earnest consideration to philosophy or mans origins, and I soon found science to be the ultimate answer to all things. As a youngster I really loved to make potions and experiment with anything I could get my hands on. Ive been blessed with a very good mind, a strong imagination, and made friends easily. I also had a great ability to learn, and catch on to what, when and where the good (and bad) happened around town. When I was young I seemed to always be in trouble with my parents and unfortunately my friends parents too I tended to attract the role of scapegoat this I didnt really mind and never brought the matters up with them but carried on getting into anything that got in the way, even trouble! It didnt matter how much I was disciplined and punished for my reckless behavior I always managed to better the badness the next time. My career of destruction started at the age of three. By the testimony of my loving, tolerant mother she found me one day standing on a wall unit throwing her nice glassware everywhere, causing mass destruction in the living room. Even shock treatment a little later in life, being thrown across the room by a live lamp, didnt help me. I seemed to get worse at behaving and better at deceiving or what I thought was cunning. Parents always know more than what kids think they do yet there are always some things that parents dont catch on to, and that may be for their own good. Later in life I always had an edge in class and a passion for adventure, rebellion and mischief no matter how serious. I suppose, growing up in a neighborhood that had a lot of criminals and gangs around didnt help but I soon caught onto smoking and alcohol. Then girls came along so I gave up martial arts and sports to work part time after school so I could buy smokes and be cool like the others around me. From there, the trouble went further and further into the realms of darkness. Yet I always seemed to be happy and everyone marveled over my ability to smile. I was really good and prosperous in dealing with the bad people and got on well with people much older than I myself. I soon became the funny young guy that everyone

He will come. Something beautiful, something good, all my confusion, He understood. All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife, but He made something beautiful out of my life.

End Notes Gods intention for us is for us to love Him as He loves us. God wants to be loved by free-willed children made in His image, walking in truth. He wants to glorify us and have true fellowship in Spirit. The men and women that choose and love God will be justified and glorified and will one day live in the perfect paradise with Him for eternity - Hallelujah! Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those that love Him. If you want to know more about anything covered in my testimony, I am more than happy to talk with you. My email address is: anear2hear@hotmail.com. For more information on the message of the hour that brought me to Christ please visit: www.believethesign.com. You will be amazed If you havent done so and are considering giving your life to the Lord Jesus, simply speak to Him from your heart. You must mean what you say and want this with all your heart. Jesus knows all about you; He will listen to what you mean. It is the goodness of God that leads man to repentance. This could be the start of a new exciting chapter in the story of your life! God loves you: seek the truth and you shall find it. May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you richly. He has me. Amen!

Love, your Brother Andy


I jumped up and ran around the house praising God and rejoicing greatly. Wow! God is so awesome! There was recently a time when I was working at a supermarket right in the entrance way. This is a really busy place as all sorts of people need to eat food! Who would have thought of all the dramas that go on in supermarkets! One lady collapsed on the ground and wet herself, so I jumped down from my ladder and prayed for her. She got up and recovered; Im not sure if it was due to my prayer or that she just revived, but to God be the glory anyhow! Another lady said: Thank you for praying for her. I knew that God was close to me at this place for there were many sights and people walking by that really grieved my spirit by how deeply they were enslaved to sin and the evil spirits of insecurity and fashion. I will not go into this, but just note that we are in the last days and this world is completely lost and insane. Not everyone can see it because sin blinds mankind to the true nature of beauty. After two days or more of seeing homosexuals, prostitutes, transsexuals, even little girls dressed in inappropriate clothes, it became too much for me. I went out to my car and cried for the people. I felt so alienated and homesick for heaven! Then as I listened to my ipod a song came on and these were the lyrics: Oh Lord You know, I have no friend like You, If heavens not my home, then Lord what will I do? The angels beckon me, from heavens open door, and I cant feel at home in this world anymore. Then amidst my tears I was impressed to look up, and through my windscreen I saw a huge bright rainbow! The rainbow is a sign of Gods everlasting covenant with man. Then I rejoiced greatly as the Lord ministered to me. I dont condemn those people, I love them: its the spirit of this age and this world that has many trapped. But God is merciful and seeks to set all mankind free. He has the power to do so. In fact, He has already done it on the cross of Calvary. We just need to accept it. We have to let Him have His way personally in our lives. I feel emboldened to stand and hold forth the Word of life in the midst of this crooked and perverse generation. God is so good to me, and all those who put their trust in Him. He really provides all our physical needs as well as our spiritual needs. Gods blessing is really raining upon our lives as we trust in Him and His Word. Theres too much to mention! We can all have our own experience with God if we really mean business with Him and seek Him with all our hearts. In my case, God has taken my wasted life as a career criminal and made something truly beautiful of it. Im now a family man with a beautiful wife, a lovely daughter, a new home, and a good business. I minister to many people and love to tell these people about the grace of God and the wonders He does in my life, and in every life that will surrender to Him. God will never force us; He will only woo us and call us. If we invite Him in,

liked to get stoned and drunk with. This, I thought was great! I could get free drugs and pretty young girls too I had it made, or so I thought. I didnt even give a thought to the times ahead and the tribulations that I would get myself into through my own indulgences, and my ignorance of the effect the darkness which ruled me had on my own life as well as the lives of many others. Especially the hurt and broken-heartedness of those that loved me, that I had blatantly turned away from, in my lust for pleasing myself and those that enjoyed what I wanted. I made my way academically (not honorably) through high school even though I wagged and took drugs for most of it; and most of the remainder was spent outside the principals office awaiting judgment. My love for music and girls grew at the same fast pace as my ego and ability to be smooth and organize anything. I had a huge expectation of what I would be and the riches that would follow soon after. I had a great array of friends and contacts for anything I needed. Though when it came to girls I always seemed to be very shy and this bugged me so many to choose from, yet something deep down made it difficult.

Chapter Two: More Entangled:

I started work. My first job was as a pre-press desk-top publisher, working on and designing labels for wine, cheese and chemical companies, amongst others. I had begun on my road to what I thought was success. I was playing music in a heavy metal band that all the neighbours hated with a passion! I made a leap out of the nest and moved into my first flat, not too far from home. We had many parties there, causing more neighbours to hate me. This got so bad that they held neighbourhood meetings to plot ways to remove us from the area. It was only due to the fact that my flat-mates parents owned the house, that we were able to stay living there. I had a nice illegal race car and things seemed all good: many friends and a high social standing not much respect just fun to hang out with and get into trouble with. One of the flat-mates was quite a pretty young girl, as a result, we had a lot of guys that hung around the place and some of these guys were high-profile bad guys with lots of substances that brought temporary happiness when taken. This led to my chemical romance, and the next few years were spent taking and selling drugs. I moved back home for a while due to problems at the flat but my drug habits got too much to conceal from my parents, who wouldnt have it. I moved into another place that welcomed my habits and my consuming increased. I ended up going through a few jobs and settled into a contracting job earning an average of twelve

hundred dollars per week after tax. It was way too much for a nineteen-year-old especially one that didnt care about anything, or sadly, anyone. Around this time I met my first proper girlfriend. We spent a lot of time together, eventually falling in love. I had no definite long-term ideas or anything and I started to treat her badly, the same as I saw my mates treating their girls. This I regret and I disliked myself for, but I cant change the past and all things happen that we may learn. (I can now see how horrible I was in that state of carelessness and sin. I am truly thankful that that burden of sin has been lifted off my shoulders.) Anyway, we were in a relationship for nearly three years but eventually we broke up. I left the whole mess behind and bottled it up deep inside me to drown with substances and booze

had need of, everything slid into place almost effortlessly. We were really growing in the Lord together. I truly believe that God will give us a companion that will bring us closer to Him. If a relationship takes us from the Lord, leave it alone, and if its meant to be God will make it happen in His time. The wedding came and it was marvelous. We stood firm on the morals of the Bible, and many remarked it to be the most beautiful wedding they had ever been to. We had no alcohol, or other worldly ways; it was all about Christian marriage, Jesus Christ and His goodness, family, and good fellowship. The whole day was perfect and God supernaturally gave us a wonderful sunset even though it had been thickly overcast all day. The skies opened up for a wonderful view and perfect photo opportunities. Then to make it even more amazing, our first night married: a circle opened up around us in the skies that we could marvel under the glory God declared in the heavens. We truly knew we were Gods children, and that He smiled down on us. I would like to write about a couple of experiences that really helped me with my faith and spiritual growth. First I would note that my desire to be like Jesus and really have His power in my life was, and still is, insatiable. In my zeal for growth and to see Gods glory I would always pray and seek Him with all my heart. One morning on my knees God showed me I believe, a vision, of a construction site that had all the finishing touches except that it was not yet painted, and water was running from taps and the walls were getting wet. In the industry, this would be very bad practice. With the walls not sealed, water would seep into the boards and cause damage. Over the next while I got the interpretation: not to rush God into what He has for me when I am not fully sealed or ready for the fullness of His blessing and power to run out of me like rivers of living water. I was so touched that God would come and personally show me that. Another instance relates to my zeal to see the church of God come to her proper place and really walk in the victories of God. I would always look at the problems in other people for reasons why we are not where we could and should be. Though we should always pray for others, I found that a lot of my attention in prayer was projected to others in the wrong way. Then, one morning on my knees, God so clearly in His mercy showed me that the revival and victory must begin in me. Then a partial commission and vision came to me that part of my purpose was to bring a fire and to really take the blessings and love of God into my own life and live the example of Jesus Christ. Not looking to others but being an example for them. For if God can do that in me, the chief of sinners, He can do it in anyone. This would then spark inspiration in many others. The revival starts in me! The love of God came to me and

Chapter Three: Deep Into the Dark Night:

All this excess cash helped support my growing drug and party habit and I eventually moved into Wellington city to get closer to the action and work. This was around the time I broke up with my girlfriend. Here my life took a huge downhill escalation and I moved so far up the chain of the drug world so far that I supplied some of the city for a while. All of my old friends were forsaken and I really thought that I was living the life many people dreamed of. All the girls you could ever want, all the drugs you could ever want, all the money you could ever want and a status in the underworld of drugs that takes many years to build. I remember sitting in my car and saying to myself: Im never going to want for anything ever again. Then something deep inside said that I had just tempted fate and that I should find some wood to touch to reverse my foolish statement. I didnt find the wood and had not the memory due to excessive use, to remember to do so. Not that it mattered. My destiny lay deeper than what my mind at the time could comprehend especially being so high every second of my waking life. Eventually I started to slip and grew complacent I got really busy and extremely paranoid all the time my extravagant business caused me to have no time to sleep and my paranoia caused me not to let anyone help me carry out deals. This resulted in major sleep deprivation and my acute ability to organize and construct the correct scenes for these dangerous deals with dangerous men began to slip, and then one day disaster struck Or what I thought to be disaster. I fell asleep driving and managed to wake up at some traffic lights I started to drive again and then was woken up ten minutes drive away at a petrol station, by an officer tapping his baton

We could have wonderful fellowship and amazingly enough I could express my deep love and zeal for God and His Word and she didnt think I was weird like many others who called themselves Christians. This was really special. One day we went for a bush walk together with the intentions of really getting away from the sinful city and business of life to seek God together. We found a nice high place about forty-five minutes into the hills and got down to some real prayer. Jesus showed a vision of us walking with Him between us in paradise. Bronwyn thought: OK, thank You Lord, You just want us to be friends. Then Jesus said: If you keep Me central, you will always be connected. WOW! Glory to God that was one of many confirmations! It was really important to us, even with our feelings rising, to be one hundred percent certain that we were the two meant for each other. We wanted only what God wanted. Thats always the best way. Bronwyn mentioned to me that in the past she had been woken in the night, and prompted during the day by God to pray for her future husband. Dates in her journal lined up with my experiences! This was another confirmation that we were to be together. God is faithful! For example: the hat I had made matched exactly a date in her journal, while she was in Africa, when she was woken in the night to pray for her future husband. God had told her (on 22/08/08) that I was about to make a momentous life decision! It truly was that! There was more to that hat than I realized at the time of getting it made. It certainly raised my faith and the motif on the front: God knows is so very true. I was realizing that God really has everything in control if we would just trust Him. We were really seeking Him for His blessing, and God truly poured out His blessing for us. For three months we were officially in courtship. I was dreading it. I can be quite shy sometimes but I had to go and ask Bronwyns dad for his daughters hand in marriage. Oh it was hard but sometimes we just have to man up and do it. So I did it and he gladly said yes. I was stoked! Now the next step: I had to propose to Bronwyn. Even though she knew it was coming I was still very nervous. But eventually I worked up the courage to do it. On a lake in Rotorua after a great meal, upon one knee, looking into her beautiful eyes I did it. The presence of God was there so strongly that we found ourselves weeping quietly on the lonesome pier, surrounded by the moonlit lake, with hundreds of white swans around cheering us on. The stars seemed to shine a little brighter that night as we rejoiced in the Lords holy presence and prayed for the blessing of God, and committed our future to the Lord Jesus. So two of the hardest questions I would ever have to ask were done. What relief! The wedding was to be held in three months Why wait? We were destined to be together. So we committed it all to the Lord and He rapidly provided all things we

on my closed window, with a querying look on his stern face. Only God knows how I got there, and how long I was asleep.

Chapter Four: The Heavy Hand of the Law:

I was arrested! Just then, my future did not seem so sure anymore. The reality of my life started to come to me. I wanted to get out and take more drugs but these people were opposing the very idea, the cheek of them, I thought! How could they do this? In my mind I was helping others, and myself to have (what I thought to be) harmless fun I started to hate society more. The strength of the arm of the law began to dawn upon me, yet I longed to be released to embark again on my beloved drug-taking and dealing escapades. My bail came two days later; it was New Years Eve. I went about collecting debts and constructing some deals to make some more money as all my money was taken from me by the police. It just so happened that I was busted while moving my money from my mates safe to another location, funny that So, I went about my ways and made more money and built up my arsenal of darkness and death which to me was light and love but something, some power, was not helping me this time round. Every time I got semi-established financially I would fall asleep and all my money and gear would get stolen. This happened so many times that I ended up getting into serious trouble with the really bad guys and things started to look dim for me. I, who had recently said that my life was made and things were good, and that I would never want. What was happening? No matter how many drugs I took, I still wanted more. I wanted to be happy and have heavenly joy, I wanted satisfaction. The world of drugs, money, fame, and girls just couldnt fill me. I always ended up wanting again, and again. Not to mention the devastating side effects, both mentally and physically, from the instant gratification that they brought. I always imagined, and openly discussed, the day that science would invent the drug that keeps you happy and content. My inward belief was that this would soon be discovered and it didnt matter at all if it meant that there would be no market for illegal drug sales, because I would be content and living in a state of constant satisfaction and joy.

If only I knew back then that this reality has been around much longer than mankind!

Chapter Five: On The Run / Apprehended:

I was high every waking moment and got so messed up in drug use that I felt too good to attend court and go through the bad buzz that it would bring. Consequently I ended up on the run from the police for a few months. In this hopeless time I took paranoid to a new level and got into the mind-set that any time I was in public, I had to act like a ninja in case I was being followed by police. The strange thing being: the drugs were keeping me in the mode of excitement and adventure. I was an outlaw and enjoyed it all. I was overtaken by all things pertaining to low morals and a dangerous lack of honour and virtue: two qualities that I waved off as sissy and pathetic. And the thought of God? I despised anyone who told me how I should live. I didnt tell anyone how they should live so why should I be told. My concept of religion was of a man-made tyrannical control regime with carefully-orchestrated superstitious scare tactics to control early civilizations of nave, uneducated people. At the time, the Catholic Church was the only actual veneer of Christianity I knew of, and even that, I knew almost nothing about. As far as I was concerned there were lot of hypocrites who had riches beyond comprehension; with heady, high-minded leaders running the churches. This is what I had witnessed by word of mouth, and the many infamous cases shown on the news and media. After a few months on the run from both the authorities and the bad guys, I was apprehended and taken into tight custody. This was a true shock to my dependent system, and didnt go down lightly. I spent the next ten days sleeping on the day room floor of the police station cells amongst many dangerous, tattooed men; all stressed out on remand, awaiting judgment for their cases. Moreover, they were agitated at being locked up in such a stale-aired, confined space for so long. Nevertheless I did not care, I had months of sleep to catch up on. When the call finally came, informing the police that we could be transferred to the prison, I became anxious

with Him through conversation and prayer. At first, prayer was rather laborious for me but as my heart started to love God more and He showed me greater truths, I really started to see the effect and need for prayer in my life. If I had gone through this challenge a week earlier, without the presence of God being so prominent, the outcome would have been so different. New Years Eve 2008 My Bible study group decided to camp out the night. We all met up and made our way to the forest park camp ground only to find out we were ten minutes too late, and the gates had shut. We all ended up going back to one of the guys place to spend the night singing, fellowshipping, and making melody to the Lord. With us was a new girl who had just returned from a mission trip to Africa, we had good conversations about the Lord and enjoyed sharing experiences. Little did I know that this girl, who I had just met, would one day soon be given to me by God as my wife! Her name is Bronwyn We got on very well and I really enjoyed her love for the Lord. People started talking about us, and this wasnt very pleasing to Bronwyn who had planned her life to be Gods girl as a midwife in Africa, living the life of a single lady in service and devotion to Jesus Christ. She had experienced many amazing things while in the spiritually alive villages in Africa. We are very sheltered here in the west. I was always asking her of her experiences and how God moves so marvellously in places where there is great hunger and real faith. One day we acknowledged our mutual feelings for each other and really went to seeking God about it. Before this happened I must mention that we were at a Pentecostal-type meeting where many prophecies (foretelling of future events), were being spoken. When I walked in, I was full of Gods Spirit and full of His love and grace, so these people started coming up to me and saying how they were intrigued by the presence around me, and started prophesying over me. One woman took me aside and said: God is preparing you a wife. Just the previous week to these meetings, I had already resolved in my heart that if God wanted me to remain single my whole life, I was happy to, providing He took my desire for female companionship away. But if He wanted me to have a wife, then I would also be very thankful. My life was, and still is, completely surrendered to Him and this is the only way I can experience true freedom. Gods will be done. So after all these prophecies and prayers Bronwyn and I realized our feelings for each other, even though there was complete denial for a while on Bronwyns part. Its hard to give up a strong ambition especially when its a mission for the Lord. But God had different plans for her. Better plans. (Thank you Lord!) It suited me fine, shes very beautiful and has a lovely nature.

I should email my CV and he said via email that he would get back to me if any work turned up. Within the day, he emailed me back and said I should come for an interview on the Monday following. At the interview he let me know that the moment he got off the phone, or maybe it was after emailing me, the job board started to fill up; hence I was sitting before him three days later. Wow! I thought to myself as he was speaking, Shall I tell Him that God is at work? But I restrained myself and waited for another day to share my faith with him. So my litmus test was answered and God even stopped the other prospective jobs from calling. I had previously prayed that God would open the doors according to His will and place me where He wanted me to be. It turned out that a great number of the workers in this firm were either backslidden believers or people who needed direction and a light to shine on their paths. God was at work! On the first site I was at, a door opened and I started giving a few men a Word for the day scripture each day. This was awesome! God opened many doors through this channel and continues this day to witness to these men and many others on job sites. They are watching us more than we think! Its only in the will of God that we are we truly free. Recalling an incident that happened at work a while back: I had resolved in my heart to really pray through in the mornings before work. Prior to this my prayers were rather short and sweet on weekday mornings due to time restrictions. So I decided to really start praying before work, to take the presence and reality of God with me. That day while working my mobile phone rang and it was Ian. We had our conversation which was almost entirely about God and what He was doing. I finished the call and said, I love you brother, God bless you. When I went back into the room, there was a man there who started to blaspheme the name of the Lord Jesus! I felt anger rise in me, and said: He will be your best friend! He started hurling abuse at me; my anger rose and my adrenalin levels started rising also! Then something said in my heart: He was raised a Catholic and witnessed a lifeless religion. Something bad had happened to him! I was also very aware that because I had really stepped up my game as a disciple of Christ, the battles I would now face would also become more intense and vigorous. I asked the man, who was now cursing God openly and very loudly, if he had a background of religion, and he confirmed what I was shown in my mind to be correct. From then on we had a different reaction to each other but he knew that I meant business with God, and even more recently I have had the opportunity to share with him the love of God and a few sermons. God only lets us go through things which our character can handle, so the more time we spend in true prayer we are better equipped for the trials that come our way. I have found that the harder the battles are that we overcome; the stronger we grow in the Lord. I believe it is vitally important to talk with God and really build your relationship

Chapter Six: Time Inside / Mind Expansion:

I had never been inside a prison and didnt like the idea, let alone the oncoming persecution that had already started with my flash shoes and designer sunnies being bartered for. Not that I really cared but a slight edge of pride kept me from succumbing to their whim. Eventually after many treacherous hours of processing and procedure of induction to the prison by the extremely motivated guards which I soon found out we were to call screws, we were on our way into the units. I got conned by a tea leafing thief to go with him to the protection unit I found out later that he had conned and stolen from the group that we were just with. I also found out, the hard way, that he was a compulsive thief. My awareness was somewhat dampened by acute withdrawals from a long drug dependence that cried out for quenching and the worst part was that it would be a long time till I tasted anything besides cigarettes and pot. The long-suffering torment had begun, and I wasnt welcomed either, but I didnt care, I was completely gripped in fantasizing over getting bail. Little did I know that bail was just not going to happen and I was not going see the outside for a very long time. It took a long time to sink in, but I soon had to accept the fact that I was not in control of anything but my mouth in prison, and if I didnt control that, I would get into lots of trouble. I thank God, Im a fast learner, and good at fitting into extremely awkward situations. This still didnt solve the problem of sitting for hours and hours in processing cells to get to and from court all the time. I abhorred it with every fiber of my being especially when I was with so many extremely dangerous or extremely weird people like; rapists, murderers and transsexuals (some really huge scary hairy men that looked like girls this was truly disturbing). I soon became desensitized to everything. Nothing could faze me I had seen it all. Or so I thought. I soon found out that life was a lot easier for those in the mainstream jail. So I signed out of protection and found it to be true more than true: many of my fellow dealers and many people that I knew and got to know that had a like mind were in this section. Jail became normal from that day. My learning curve and inside degree in criminology had started in earnest. From the day I was put into mainstream prison I was able to communicate with people who werent so strange. However I soon found out that almost everyone I had contact with never told the truth, and the spirit of the place was catching. I soon

fell into lying and got caught up in the status quo of both conning, and being conned into small deals and whatever I could get my hands on to get high, or make money for food and smokes. I eventually managed to get my guitar and TV. Soon though, I would embark on a new activity that would change not only my life, but the lives of many people who I come in contact with. I began to read books. This was hard, not that I had problems reading I actually had a major problem with attention to the stories. I would always start to think about everything but the book as I was reading it. For this reason I had never read a book thicker than 15mm, and even that was only for sixth form English. I had been in contact with many men in there that read books at a rate you would never imagine and it triggered something inside me that witnessed that I could use my time in there wisely and really get better at reading. So I started and found it to be the same as before but this time I did not have much else to do, so I soon became a book muncher. After what seemed like ten years of claustrophobic mind-numbing torture of going to and fro and getting stood over for my belongings (not that I gave in all the time), I was finally sentenced in the high court to serve two and a half years in prison, starting my sentence or whats known in there as my lag, in the high medium security unit. I was in hopeful of getting out on my first parole board hearing in ten months time. I lost no time setting myself up with many contacts from all over the country and some international drug importers, so that when I got out, I would be able to become a really big shot in the game that I had fixed in my mind. I fantasized over this thousands of times. I had everything planned to make my millions within weeks of my release. Due to my very audible and excessive complaining about how much the unit sucked; I soon got moved from that horrible old, cold, mouldy unit, all the way to Wanganui Prison. I got sent to a brand new unit that had never been used before! I was excited that I could get into new clothes and new bedding and had a new toilet. The one thing I hated the most when I got put in prison from day one, was having to touch strange clothing that didnt bear thinking about who had previously been wearing them and sleep in brown sheets which once were white, on metal beds without anything (even mattresses) none of which smelled anything but fresh. I hated it so much that Wanganui seemed like heaven to me. One thing I didnt like was the news I soon heard that the parole judge in Wanganui was known to be really tough on drug dealers this wasnt what I wanted to hear. I had already made concrete plans, that centered on my being released after my first parole board hearing.

I be carried home on a flowery bed of ease, while others fought to win the cross and sailed though bloody seas? I was discovering that every generation that walks with God will suffer for it, and to really know the truth is bitter-sweet. I remember the day I decided to lay a milestone down in my life, a marker to show the day that the old me died and I was born again in Christ by the baptism of the Holy Ghost. I got a hat made that had embroidered on the front God knows and on the back, the date: 22.08.08. I wanted a tangible tombstone; to have something real to use as a witnessing tool to my family and friends. I was listening to stunning sermons from Gods prophet which were (and still are) making me ever so zealous for the church to wake up and really get into the fullness of her privilege and come to maturity like the first church in the Bible. Oh how I long for a real pouring of Gods Spirit on His people so that all would flock together in unity and love. This was surely becoming the story of my life in between work and wrestling with the devil and his traps and temptations set for me. We had many precious brothers and sisters coming through who would teach me things about the Lord. I would meet many people who I would show the message of Bro Branham and most would just turn their noses up and hold tight to their traditions. But I knew so deeply that this was true and if anyone would really look into it, they would also find the pearl of great price and find out who the Messiah truly is. God was really dealing with my character. I believe that rejection plays a big part in character development. There were times when I would have no work being a building contractor, so I would lock myself in my bedroom in my parents garage and study the Bible, listen to sermons and pray my heart out. Oh my! God would open amazing things to me and show me wonderful truths; I would always be straight on my phone or the internet to share these pearls. Some people were appreciative; some did not like the challenge. I was being softened in my approach over time, God was teaching me how to be wise in my timing and delivery of truth. My relationship was deepening greatly and so were the challenges ahead. The stronger I became in the Lord, the fiercer the enemys attacks became. After about a two week hide-away prayer time and fellowship with God in my room, and a few lectures from my hard-working dad, I decided to seek work. I rang around and sought details of a few well-known firms that dealt in the same industry as I did. I felt it on my heart to go back into ceiling fixing and more complex work as I had majored in plaster board fixing for a while and I felt it was time to refresh myself in the complete trade. In hindsight I do think that God was at work and had plans for me in the places where I would soon find myself. After a few interviews one firm said


felt I was already born again. This didnt hinder me at all to carry out baptism though and once it was done I felt that my life was going to take on a new shape. It certainly did, God brought many people across my path and we started a Bible study group and had wonderful studies on so many topics. There were times when our views were different but we kept going. Many people would come and go, once they experienced our strong uncompromising stance on the Word of God. I always hated that, but God helped me through it. The straight and narrow walk with God is glorious when you find it. My hunger for the Word of God and intense desire to grow in Christ was becoming so great that I would constantly talk about Him, tell everyone I could about Him, and surround myself with Christian teaching. I was free indeed, but surely becoming captive to the Lord Jesus and His wonderful riches. Many wonderful things started happening in my life and God was truly opening His mysterious Word up to me. He was showing me who I was, and placing me in His kingdom. Oh what a comfort it was to me to have God deal in my life. I was so zealous for the Word and for the prophets message that I became a zealot, and would be rather aggressive in some situations. To me, things were so black and white, you were either a real Christian or not at all. I would nail it into people and anyone who would listen. I had a lot to learn! I really needed to know the patience and love of Christ and actually practice it in my own walk. I was interacting with many different types of Christians, and always found it hard to understand how there are so many different beliefs and interpretations of the Bible. I was so glad that God has sent a prophet to clear up all the false interpretations. I found it hard to really fellowship with some people even though they called themselves Christians. They were very different from me in conduct and holiness and in fervency for Jesus. I am by no means saying that I am better than them, for my own calling is totally in the Hands, and through the grace of God. I still loved and wanted to be friends with these people but for some reason they often thought I was strange for being so hard out for Christ. I found that not many accept the prophets message, as it goes against the traditions of the church. That has the same pattern throughout the whole of history, from Moses to John the Baptist. Very few true prophets were accepted by the masses. They were often rejected and murdered by religious people even as it was with Jesus. A line from a song resonated in me. The words are: Though none go with me still will I follow. To walk really closely with the Lord can be tough from a human perspective. But Jesus meant more to me than any relationship or popularity with man. I was certainly willing to take the way with the Lords despised few. Why should

As I settled in to the new unit I made more friends who I planned to convene with in more extravagant illegal circles to make even more filthy lucre ($) than I had previously dreamed of. At the same time that I was planning moral destruction, my reading was getting stronger and I was reading a couple of thick books per week. I discovered a new treasure, Reading! Expanding my mind had become my main goal and it was working very well. There were all sorts of books coming and going and my brain became very hungry for input and knowledge. A lot of the books were fictitious, but the odd philosophical one would tantalize my mind. I soon got right into fitness as our new prison had a gym with weights and a whole lot of men keen to do fitness and body building. I welcomed this pastime. I dreamed a lot of getting out and flaunting my newly-developed muscular body at the beach and as most guys do, I envisioned picking up lots of young women using the attraction of appearance and lust. After reading many more mind expansion books that went beyond the secular ways that I had grown up with, I started to discover the esoteric truth behind unseen energies and the latent power hidden in our bodies, or what I was coming to know of as our soul. I read a lot of new world oneness religion books and many philosophical studies on the mind, body and soul. This I found very interesting and it sparked something inside me that wanted to see more into the unseen realms of our existence that many people dont ever really care to fully investigate. Its such a shame that many dont give themselves time to look into these things. Life is not what we think it to be when we judge it from the seen. I strongly believe that we are controlled and live by the influence of the unseen spiritual realm more than we live and are influenced by the seen (material) world. As my acceptance of the unseen things in life grew, so did my ideas of the truth. I often gave Christians a hard time about their faith, dismissing religiosity as a hypocritical control regime. I read parts of the New Testament of the Bible with a completely anti mindset that tried to pick out problems. Something kept me from understanding anything and it angered me, so I left it alone. I often witnessed Christians arguing over Jesus Christ and different things I didnt pay much attention but it further cemented my vain belief that it wasnt real and that I was on the right road to finding what was real indeed. I didnt realize back then just how much of the truth I was going to discover, or the amount of pure love and joy that would follow my imminent discovery. I was certainly not prepared for such revelations and satisfaction no one ever will be its far beyond the normal imagination. We can only imagine things we have experienced, seen or been told of. Without mixing any of the known ones: Try to think of a new colour?

Chapter Seven: Attacks of a Down

I was denied parole twice in Wanganui over a period of a year so I decided to get a student loan and did a computer course, only so that I could get a computer in my cell (with my own money). The process (I soon found out) was grueling and would go on for a while. During my stay in Wanganui I lost my grandmother, who was very dear to me, and I was allowed to attend her funeral. I was not too impressed with society at the time, I wanted to blame them for putting me in jail, yet I knew it was of my own doing. I knew deep down I was reaping what I had sown corruption. Seeing my grandma off was hard but I did it and saw many normal people again. It was rather weird this somewhat alleviated the grief that I was suffering. Then I had to leave my loved ones to head back to the human zoo. I remember thinking that as we were travelling back to Wanganui in the rented car. Not too long after this devastation I got another phone call from my crying mother, telling me that my best friend had gone to meet his Maker overnight after suffering massive brain injuries during a skateboard accident. This still hasnt really sunk in even to this very day as I write. I cannot believe it and couldnt accept it back then either. He was the only true friend that came to visit me when I was inside, and now I had lost him completely dwelling in the world that waits I was allowed to attend his funeral too this was very unusual as some people are not even allowed to attend their own mothers funerals, but somehow I got let out. I read my farewell note to my dear friend, I could barely finish the heartfelt letter, and my heart melted into saddened darkness. This left me wondering about all sorts of situations to do with all sorts of scenarios. Unlike my other mates who could drown their sorrows with drugs and copious amounts of alcohol, I had to face my despairfilled mind. This was challenging but eventually I just shrugged it off and got on with my lag carrying another scar on my person. But it made me wonder if there was an afterlife and if so, where did my precious friend go? At this time I was working in the main prison kitchen, and had been for some time. My overall attitude to my time inside was to be relaxed and humble in order to avoid fights, because fights equal trouble from both the authorities and the inmates. Once you fight, you become known as a threat, and then all sorts can befall you. Yet sometimes when my pride was in danger of being rubbed in the dirt, I could not contain myself and fired up. The first time occurred back in the dirty age-old unit where I was remanded and sentenced, and this was early in the morning when I was

who loved me and gave Himself for me. Read Romans 6:4-6 too. I had witnessed a lot of contention in the denominational world of Christianity as to how we should be baptized. I also was very aware that it is of paramount importance that we have it done correctly. Because of all the many different ways people said to be baptized I decided to have it done the way the Bible said it was done throughout the book of Acts. (This book is located in the Bible immediately after the four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.) Peter said on the day of Pentecost that we should repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and we shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. He said that this promise is for as many as the Lord our God shall call. So I was baptized exactly how Jesus told us to be: in the name of Jesus Christ, which is the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Jesus Christ is the name of our God! Once I was baptized, I really started to feel Gods presence in more real ways in my life. The devil was attacking me left right and centre, but once you truly get the revelation from God, theres nothing that can take it away. Thats my hope and stay: anchored in Christ. I was still at the point where I was happy to just live clean and listen to the prophets sermons at home and hear the Christian music I still had on my PC. I was writing to Ian again and had informed him of my slide back into sin. It was actually the first edition of this very testimony that I used to tell him of my antics. My hunger for God was increasing daily! Oh how I longed to get closer to Him, like all true believers do. Then one day after hearing from Ian and also being prompted by the Holy Ghost, I decided to get into fellowship. There was a calling deep inside me that needed to be challenged and nurtured. It was time to step outside my comfort zone and look for a church. God led me to a humble small fellowship that believed the prophets message. I had been to a few other churches but they were all compromising on the Word of God, even though to the outside eye they were very prosperous. I could not stand the treachery of worldliness in the church. I love the purity of the Word and am zealous to live a life free from all worldly influence. I have always been an all or nothing person. The turning point in my walk with God had started. Following my baptism my life started to grow in the grace of God. The Word did promise that if I was baptized then I would receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. I knew that we needed the Spirit of God living in us to go to heaven as the Bride of Jesus Christ in the rapture. It was a little confusing because my life had changed so drastically before my baptism that I really

through my decision to feed my fleshly desires. After my prayers for deliverance from the desire for sin I was completely free and all my unrighteous desires completely left me instantly. What a wonderful God we have. Unlike other religions, where you have to strive to give up your old ways on your own, we have an amazing Father that does it for us, He puts the desire for righteousness in our hearts. All He requires is full surrender to Him. I am so free that my heart bursts with joy unspeakable. It is available today if you so desire it Character is not a gift, it is a victory! Just like a lump of coal on its journey to becoming a diamond; I was being pressed and refined certain character traits and habits were dropping off as my journey of complete surrender continued. This is called the sanctification process. Just like the refining of gold, these traits sometimes need to be beaten out of us with trials and battles that develop inner strength. I have gone through many of these trials, and count them as blessings, yet at the time they are not pleasant. I always look to God for the meaning and lesson that is intended. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. God is always at our side and within us along these paths to righteousness, to help and guide us and shape us into men and women that have the necessary character for His glorious work.

blamed by a skinhead meth cook for making noise in the night. I yelled at him and then after breakfast, it was on. He came storming down the corridor to my cell, so I walked in and put my remaining breakfast items on my counter and turned to meet my foe. Due to my young life in martial arts, I easily yet painfully controlled the situation without anyone being severely injured, before the screws came crashing in and broke up the fight. In my anger, I lashed out at him in threat as they dragged him away. This brought the arms of the guards upon me as I looked like the bad guy. The case was taken to the superiors and I pleaded not guilty. I did not want to go without my TV and stereo, as well as being locked in cell confinement for a number of days. The Visiting Justice came and I represented myself. Due to three mitigating factors and the fact that my assailant was released, and the eyewitness was also released, I was found not guilty. I thanked the higher powers that watched me. To me then, it was the law of karma now I think differently. The next time I vented anger was in the kitchen at Wanganui Prison. We had to do lots of routine duties during our shift and we shared the dirty hard jobs. But one man who was a lifer, (sentenced to life in prison for murder) thought he didnt have to do any dirty work, despite the fact that he was new in our kitchen. Because I was the longest in the kitchen, it seemed like no one else would say anything to him, so after a couple of months of him doing all the easy jobs that take some skill, like cooking and prep work, I confronted him politely about it and he went completely off the hook, I do so much work around here, how dare you say that to me, and he charged at me like a red raging bull. With both hands he grabbed me by the collar; I quickly locked those hands and dealt to him in whatever way I could with my free hand. He managed to get free. As I kicked him he grabbed my foot and then the other leg too. I had no choice but to grab the huge (thankfully) fixed pot stand behind me and hold on for dear life while he tried to pull me to the floor, for a well-earned stomping. I was hanging on completely horizontal, between him and the pot stand, so, with all my strength, I ripped a foot free and kicked him in the face (rather softly) as a bro came in and stood between us. Thank God for that. I hated to fight and always felt guilty afterwards. The kitchen instructor came in, and told us that he would let us off if we shook hands. So I said sorry and shook his hand. My anger fuse was getting shorter and shorter. It must have been a mix of being locked up and a mental disturbance from losing two loved ones in such a short space of time. Whatever the cause, it was certainly showing and so were my ambitions to wreak illegal havoc on society upon my release.

Chapter Fifteen: I Give You My Life

For weeks after my initial prayer for deliverance, I would burst with joy and rejoice in anything of Jesus Christ. I watched a DVD about Abraham and wept most of the way through it. This new feeling just had me overwhelmed with celestial joy that has no words can describe. I believe that God was filling me with His Spirit and regenerating my soul. These experiences are so very special to me. I dont have an exact moment in time like some people when I know I was filled with Gods Spirit, but I do know that I have experienced God many times and now feel His presence in me when I rest in Him. He restores my soul and keeps me true to Him. After a few months of fellowship with God I felt it right to carry out the very important commission and sacrament of water baptism. This symbolizes our old nature being dead in Christ, as we go down into the water and our new body quickened in the Spirit, as we come up (resurrected) out of the water. Paul said in Galatians 2:20: I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me, and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God,

After all the ups and downs, I decided to give up cigarettes, I was getting really fit and into different meditation techniques like Buddhism and Taoism etc. so I ordered some nicotine patches and gave up upon their arrival.

mercy and love I had never experienced. I asked Him to take all my desires for the world away, I asked Him for freedom from the desire for drugs, I pleaded with Him to help me come out of the turmoil that I had got myself into. He accepted me with open arms of love and understanding! He held out His unchanging hand and I took hold of It knowing that Id never let it go again. I knew that I would never find any satisfaction from the perverted world that Satan had constructed to replace the true joys and peace that is provided free of charge from the Creator of this world. I knew that one day our heavenly Father would take this world back into His possession, and burn all the diseases and evil lives that plague this world, to cleanse it for Himself and those that love Him. I wanted to be with Him and with all those that become one with Him, all those that become one with Love. Love endures long, and is kind, love never envies, love never vaunts, is never full of pride, does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, does not take pleasure in iniquity, but rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. God is Love and I wanted to become one with Him. After my prayer, I started to walk closer with God. It got to the point where I had to tell my friends not to come round and get me for after work sessions of pot. The Devil tried his utmost to tempt me and for weeks tried to hound me into going out on the town and taking drugs, but the Lord Jesus had accepted me back and I looked to Him for help. He led me onto a path that would soon become a more blessed journey than I could ever have dreamt of. Theres nothing more amazing! I started to learn about true salvation found by faith in Jesus. I read more of the Word and sermon and books which opened my eyes to what Jesus had done for me: giving me complete deliverance from my desires for worldly things and my addictions to alcohol and drugs, just through one simple heart-felt prayer of repentance and help. He knew my heart and knew that I really wanted to change. He knows your heart and if you really want to change, He can take all your desires for the perverted world away too. He that is a friend of the world is an enemy of God. You will soon taste something beyond your wildest imagination a true, living, tangible God of infinite power, possibility and love, He loves you and awaits your acceptance of Him. God was in the world, it was made by Him, and they knew Him not. Prayer must be a cry from the heart I truly wanted and needed this deliverance. He is such a faithful Father that I was given complete healing from all demonic powers and forces that I had allowed into my life partly through ignorance, and partly

Chapter Eight: A Taste of Whats to Come:

The day after giving up I was informed that I was being moved to Waikeria Prison in Te Awamutu, because the parole judge on my second parole hearing had recommended that I attend a six-month residential drug program called A.T.U. (Addiction Treatment Unit). When I received this information, I bluntly refused as it was my decision if I wanted to do the course. I didnt want to risk not getting my computer, which was due to arrive the following day. I was very comfortable in this unit and had no intentions of leaving. Somehow, they talked me into it, saying that I would be allowed my nice stereo, my computer and all the things that I had already, which were considered luxuries. Little did I know that where I was going was like going back in time one hundred years, and many of the liberties I had known and become very used to were about to become a thing of the past. Two days later I was woken up at the crack of dawn. On the horrible old prison bus I was smoked out by the other twelve inmates travelling up the line to be dropped at different prisons. It was the last thing I needed: to be put right in front of the smoke, just two days after quitting cigarettes. After what seemed like a decade of bumpy smoky freezing bus-riding, we arrived at the horrible old gothic prison. The guards didnt look any more inviting either. Upon contact with them during the strip search at the receiving office I came to the conclusion that the haunted old prison had rubbed off on the employees. They treated me with indignation and malice. This was not for me I wanted to turn around and leave. Oh how the cost of a little fun was coming home to me at this moment. It was almost like I was homesick. Imagine being homesick in there. They would happily wrap you in a padded apron or straitjacket before you could even blink an eye if you started showing signs of brokenness. Nevertheless, after about three hours of waiting in a slimy, mossy, mould-infested cell, that was about zero degrees in temperature, I was called and the guard came and unlocked the steel door which was covered in years of graffiti. The van ride to the camp was long and it was cold and dark so I could not see where we were

of this I flicked the Bible open for the first time in months. The scripture that immediately came to my eyes was, Touch not the unclean thing and I (Jesus Christ) will receive you. It was lucky, well not lucky, but destiny, through the grace of God, that I remembered that blessed scripture: Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. That is what gave me the idea to start sowing to the spirit by feeding the tiny little fire inside me that was starving for spiritual food. Thats why I put the sermons on at night even though I didnt want to hear them, and I was still taking drugs, and going out every night to socialize with people who took drugs and drank heavily. I still fed my spirit with the Word of God. I knew deep down that this would start to wash me from the inside. I knew that without this washing by the Word of God I would have no chance of coming off my profuse socializing, drinking, and drug-taking habits. Without this cleansing I would never get the chance to find Gods perfect will for my life, and I was well aware that Jesus had admonished: Only those that do My Fathers will, will enter the kingdom of heaven. What I didnt realize was that this would happen a lot more quickly than I thought. Within two weeks I had deleted most of the profane music from my MP3 player and was replacing it with sermons! Then came the blessed moment when I read the scripture (Touch not the unclean thing and I (Jesus Christ) will receive you), telling me the condition by which Jesus would accept me back. I wanted so badly to feel that love thats far greater than this whole universe that no words can ever describe. Oh how I longed for that from deep within my silently-crying spirit. Only God could hear my spirits silent cry I was too overcome with sin to discern my own spiritual needs. Yet the deep call from God, and His grace, put the desire in me for inner cleansing, oh the love divine. Just two weeks into my journey to the amazing love and peace, I decided not to touch Class A drugs the coming weekend. My mates laughed me to scorn; they knew me very well, and couldnt even fathom the idea of me not taking any drugs. I was a veteran of drug-taking and acting the fool. I was a fool for the Devil, but I wanted now to be a fool for Christ. So the weekend came and went; amazingly I refrained from going out and joining the normal drug-taking escapades despite many more invites out than usual. I wonder why there were more invites than normal. It made it hard but I withstood. That night, for the first time in more than ten months, I spoke to my patient, loving, understanding heavenly Father. I opened my heart to Him and asked Him to accept me. He gladly accepted me with open arms! He showed such

heading I did note that we were at least ten minutes drive from the receiving office when we arrived at the A.T.U. unit. I was not a happy man at this stage. They had denied me my property. Actually, they hadnt even given me the time of day to answer my requests for it. I happened to be extremely attached, especially to those nicotine patches. Prisoners are looked upon as scum and only the real big gangsters get any sort of respect, especially when you are not known by the local screws. Upon arrival at the camp, I was briskly ushered into my cell across the square compound with a field in the middle. My cell was toasty warm this was a major contrast to the sub-zero temperatures outside and everywhere else. At least I had warmth well, what seemed like warmth in contrast to outside. But over the night in my empty cell, I soon discovered that the horrible grey itchy blanket with holes in it was not going to cut the mustard - something had to be done! Oh, the joy of meeting sixty new inmates, each one with his own unique problems and personality; some with welcoming spirits and some who didnt let you look at them without making a threat. Because I had no property, I had to have the standard small breakfast that I hated. Without TV or any of my own books, I was forced to read the books that were discarded in the recreation room. I was not impressed when they told me that I may be waiting a week for my property. It ended up being three weeks and then it was only the bare essentials. At the start of the program I met a range of drug associates that I thought would come in handy later in my free life. I also discovered that we must cleave to a higher power in this program of spiritual principles. This was new to me. I had always relied on myself and positive thinking to get me places and help me in life. Since I had started reading philosophical books, I decided that my higher power was going to be the Universe. I went through the in-depth studies really well, helping other guys in the program with things they struggled with in exchange for the recipe for making methamphetamine. I treasured this recipe, which was drawn up like a professional science paper. By this stage in my lag I had read hundreds of books and was getting into my artwork, and anything that expanded my mind, as I knew upon my release, my priorities would not allow me to accomplish any more study of this magnitude. As I read more I started to discover that there must be more to life than what we see. I wondered about this entity that is everywhere, that we call love. Love captivated me, and a lot of the books I read were going into great detail on this marvelous energy

that is all around us, and is infinite in resource. I also read that those who practice the art of becoming one with love harness it to do all sorts of amazing feats, from revelations of supernatural philosophies and wisdom, to healing of self and others. Some even to the point of controlling future events by thinking and knowing while in these love-filled trances, and having absolute belief and faith in the intention of the heart. It was very confusing, yet I was captivated. My beliefs began to evolve I was convinced that this was God that God was the Love in this universe. I actually believed that mans consciousness would soon evolve to the point where all those who practiced this love-oneness art would one day be transformed into a higher vibratory state and exist in pure love with the love that is eternal. I read that Jesus Christ came to earth to show us the way to this state. I didnt believe in Christianity though that was out of the question, yet I believed that Jesus was a great man of wisdom who came to show us that by faith we could become one with love and be transformed into a higher consciousness which would eventually bring heaven on earth. It seemed to be the trend that we dont deny Jesus but we dont need Him as our sacrifice either. This is dangerous ground to be on yet it is so pleasing to the carnal human mind.

To make matters worse for my mind, every now and then a letter would come from prison. Letters from Ian asking how I was; there would always be scriptures and encouragements written in them and it would eat away at me. Inside I was reminded of the life with Christ I had been so zealously keen to live. I would always press these thoughts as far back as I could in my mind. I know now that these letters really helped, along with Ians prayers and the prayers of my sister and her friends in Christ. There was a small fire deep inside that the evil spirit squatting within me had tried to quench, but something had kept that blessed little fire burning ever so slightly, no matter how much alcohol or unbelief I piled onto it. It came to the point where my selfish desire to feed my selfish wants was robbing me of all my potential prosperity in life. I had fallen from any form of virtue. I had ventured far from any form of honour. I had become a reprobate and a scourge on society. Somehow through my uncontrollable drug taking, I had earned myself a very lowly reputation among the underworld scene in the city. How had this happened and why? No one wanted me to come to their parties! I became a burden to anyone and just about everyone. Through my own downward spiral of selfishness I had became part of the lowest level of society, even in the eyes of the world! This grieved me deeply; how must I have looked to the righteous eyes of the Creator of this universe? Such a holy and true God must have forsaken me by now. Yet I still held fast my to follies and fed the darkness inside me with anything that made me not sober enough to think too much about my hopeless case of idiocy. I knew that there was a patient, waiting, loving Father that was calling me: I could feel and almost hear the blessed Shepherds divine call.

Chapter Nine: The Truth Came Rushing In:

I started to share my beliefs with anyone who would listen, and soon found that people, especially the types in prison, were not too interested in this stuff. I even sometimes thought to myself: Im one strange cookie; Im going to be a big time gangster dealer, and yet I want to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, to become one with love and peace in the world. I was terribly blinded by some sort of force deep in my mind that made me think that drugs were fine and peaceful. This probably came from the shamanic inklings that I had this belief system intrigued me and I thought they were peaceful and that their drug-taking spiritualism justified my urban crystal meth scene escapades. One day I was sharing this wonderful philosophy with a brother in my unit. He came up to me as I was sunbathing on the grass and we got talking about life and all sorts of things. He agreed with me on some things but when it came to evolution and drugs he couldnt agree with my belief that love and drugs could be mixed especially the agape love that I was talking about. The Love that I was coming to believe was God.

Chapter Fourteen: The Call of Life

Something was dividing inside me something was dividing my soul from my spirit. I cant explain the experience! I again started listening to the sermons of Gods prophet William Branham. It was a strange sound and it was not welcomed by the evil presence that had called my body its home for the last ten months (at least). This parasite life was a demon living in me blinding me to my spirits call and hunger for righteousness thats only found in Jesus Christ. Nevertheless, I ignored the demonic voice and duly forced these inspired strictly biblical teachings into my ears while I slept each night. Eventually I added them to my MP3 player at work. After two weeks

behavior with a dismayed heart. No doubt at the door of my heart, calling me back to fellowship with Him: longsuffering, knowing the future and feeling the pain of what I was going to do before I even did it. Oh what a God worthy of all praise, with abundant patience and loving-kindness! Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I eventually became infatuated with the production of dance music and taking substances that allowed me to stay awake all night partying, and eventually went back into dealing for my associates. But for some reason nothing was going how I wanted it to go, and eventually I started falling asleep during the festivities around me. Bad idea... It led to many practical jokes being played on my body while I was asleep. One time my friends videoed as they lit my hair on fire, and watched it burn for thirty seconds, while not even one hair was being singed! I knew there was Someone watching over me. Yet I had to endure the open shame of a face fully coloured-in with vivid pens or a two-month old (multi-coloured) trifle being tipped on my face. Oh how I hated this, and I just couldnt understand how I was falling asleep, or why my ability to fit in to these circles was being taken from me.

Ian was the brothers name I was convinced of my beliefs and there was no way that I was going to part with drugs, and my life of making and dealing them. I couldnt even fathom the idea of not having them around, or the many friends and people that I had met and already knew around the country and world that were going to make up my network of destruction on society. I often thought to myself: Hee hee, societys gonna wish they had never messed with me Im gonna turn these streets into dime-a-bag drug stops. Music was another big thing to me. I loved dance music and knew all sorts of people in the scene that could help me go further into the life of music and international dance parties. I had even designed an interactive nightclub to develop with my millions that would have followed my meticulously-planned regime. But then there was this new way that something deep within me craved Ive always craved mysterious things that cannot be explained. This love and faith and conscious evolution really got me thinking. I was always transfixed by the ability of martial artists to harness energy to do supernatural feats of strength. What was the meaning of all these mysteries? I often asked my teachers in school science classes questions that they could not answer. Somehow I had suppressed my craving for truth with drugs but that flame never went out, it just stayed burning very low, sometimes flickering, struggling to remain alight. About a week after my spiritual conversation with Ian, he came up to me with a bland-looking blue book that I had noticed him reading once. He showed me a passage in that book about a miracle that was done by faith in Jesus Christ. I was skeptical as I read it. Then he pulled out another book that looked like it was older than he was, (but it wasnt). This book had a picture of a lady who weighed only 22 kilograms she was skeletal and moments away from death. Due to stomach cancer, she hadnt eaten for months, remaining alive on intravenous fluid until her veins collapsed. After the prayer she was pronounced healed. Another picture (taken eight months later) showed her as a normal healthy woman again, weighing 70 kilograms! Ian didnt go on at me about my beliefs, but he did show me a few things that vindicated the reality of supernatural powers. This opened me up to read that plain blue book he gave me. As I read the book I discovered many supernatural things have been done by God in our era this was new to me. I thought God was an historic object of worship to the Christians not a tangible Father that deals with those that love Him like a good father would treat his children in natural life. I liked this book so much that I asked if he had any more only to find that this was one of six books and

Chapter Thirteen: A Stranger At Heart

It was almost as though I was no longer of this world in the sense that I had been partially separated from its ways and spirit. Soon I was not getting a hit from the alcohol or even drugs! I would drink from Friday to Friday without any effect, unless of course I drank hot Scotch whiskey, and crushed ecstasy pills into a hot water solution and shot it back. Even those practices became mundane and lifeless. I always reminisced on the small taste of joy I had experienced in my last days of jail. It struck me that I had felt freer locked up inside those concrete walls than I had in these high-end party circles in what society calls freedom. It came to the hopeless point of my slide back into darkness where I had not prayed or even spoken to Jesus for months. I had a lot of new acts of sin up my sleeve but for some reason, it had all become stale and boring. Something divine was calling me I was afraid to answer, I knew if did He would take me away from all this lust and instant gratification. I was pleasing myself with anything I wanted. Yet when it came time to go home on Sunday night after a solid weekend of drug abuse and drinking with DJs and loud music I felt lost and empty. There was something deep calling to something deep within me.

that it was the biography of a man sent from God named William Branham who God raised up with a message to the end-time church, to prepare them for the second coming of Jesus Christ. So many amazing things were done by God through this man, from raising the dead to actual creation. It really caught my attention, and for the first time, Christianity seemed real to me and not just man-made fallacy. My mind was screaming with truth and amazement! I had finally seen evidence that not only does God does exist, but we have hope for something more than nothingness after death! My mind did not yet grasp nor believe this in its fullness, however, I had come to a great crossroad in my life. The single most important question EVER in all existence had been illuminated with a torch. I was yet to have my fire fuelled and fanned but the flame was burning steady now, and I was feeding on God ordained treasures. The true depth and greatness of who and what God Is had not yet come to me not in the slightest Im still getting those revelations to this day!

day had finally come all my thoughts were changed. But were they? I hadnt really had a supernatural changing experience I did not feel truly converted yet. My belief was very intellectual and my religious stance was very aggressive. God is not found in education and theology. There still wasnt a complete new mind and heart within me and my urges to experiment in the desires and lusts of my flesh were still very real within my body. My old sinful nature hadnt been washed away and buried in Christ.

Chapter Twelve: Released Into Bondage

I really couldnt believe that I was getting out of jail it had been just over two years since I was last at liberty to walk the streets a free man. Spiritually, I still had one foot in the world and one foot in Christ. I was lukewarm, even though Jesus plainly says: I would rather you were cold or hot and because you are lukewarm I will spew you out of my mouth. I didnt want to be spewed out of Jesus mouth for being lukewarm in my service and worship of Him. Yet I was still imprisoned by the bonds of sin. I was very young in Christ with only a little knowledge about the book of Revelation. I had neglected the more important side of my salvation: the complete freedom and deliverance from the fleshly curse and desire to sin. As a consequence, I was soon led into drinking by my old school mates who had taken up heavy drinking after our good friend passed away well over a year before. I dont know if this means anything, but as I was working on my neighbours new house my brother took a photo of me, and above my shoulder was a dark round sphere with what looked like a purple face inside. I thought this was some sort of evil spirit on my shoulder, encouraging me to join my many old friends in drinking and smoking pot. This was the subject of my thoughts at the time of the photograph. I was reasoning with my conscience and my knowledge of the truth of Jesus. Yet something was inside me, pulling me into a tempting array of events that I had been invited to attend with my old mates somehow this seemed more inviting to me than preaching the Gospel to strangers and spreading the Good News that Jesus lives and is available to all those that seek His amazing presence. I had not as yet tasted of the blessings that follow such a life. I was incredibly blinded as I was being led away by diverse lusts. A double-minded man is unsure in all his ways and is carried about like the waves of the sea: this verse had my name written all over it. I started out on alcohol, and slowly gave way to anything that was available. I slowly strayed further and further into the realms of sin and death, but this time round I always knew in my mind that there was a loving Father watching my perilous

Chapter Ten: Faith v. Reason

My mind was very stubborn and not inclined to believe in things that were not infallibly proven beyond a shadow of a doubt. I suppose that was why I had never believed in God I had not experienced Him, I had not seen or heard anything substantial concerning Him until that blessed moment. I devoured those books reading almost one per night and after that I wanted to know more and more. I was getting an ever-so-slight taste of that drug that has no bad side effects, that brings satisfaction, peace and untold joy that never wears off. Only the slightest taste of this heavenly life was given to me. I was still not committed to God in any substantial way. I was caught in a double-minded state; one side wanted this truth and freedom of everything that was good, it wanted to be red-hot for God and taste more of this wonderful marvelous heavenly gift. The other side wanted all the filthy money and drugs and rock-star lifestyle that the world had to offer. That side was starting to seem very dark and selfish I had already received a lot of psychology and moral training on the effects my illegal enterprise had on society in all corners of life from family to spiritual. So I had new light shed upon my actions yet I still had no conscience whatsoever. Nothing could faze me my inner being was untouchable.

making them feel like they needed to do something about their lives and spiritual condition. They asked Peter what to do and under the fresh anointing of the Holy Spirit, Peter said: Repent every one of you and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. This promise is to you, and to your children, and to them who are afar off, and even as many as the Lord our God shall call. Thank God He is still calling us today! For how much longer I dont know, but Im in love with Him and Ive found nothing more enlightening and joyous. I started to hunger for more of Jesus, for more of these amazing truths that I had spent my whole life mocking and doubting with all self-righteousness and malice. My two-thirds parole hearing became due and I had a number of mitigating certificates in my favour now that my course was completed. I also planned to inform the judge of my new-found faith in the love and promises of Jesus. This hearing went well until I mentioned Jesus. It seemed like I was treading on thin ice, and I was told to come back in two months. I couldnt believe it. I was so sure I would get out, and had planned around my release. Nevertheless, I accepted this as a sign from the Lord that I wasnt spiritually ready to be released into the snares and temptations of life outside. This was truer than I could have known. I spent the next two months working toward the completion of a book I was writing that compiled all the meanings and secrets of the book of Revelation revealed through the prophet William Branham. I had discovered the amazing continuity of the scriptures from the beginning to the end of the Bible, and it was all shown in this book of Revelation. The truth contained in these prophesies really showed me how infinite Gods mind is, and how the seven cities throughout the ancient continent of Asia Minor were perfect metaphors and examples of the spiritual conditions of the different church through the ages. I discovered that misled Christians would lead many into darkness through false prophesies, and would steer millions from Him by adding to, and taking from the truth of God in His unchanging Word. I soon discovered the importance of staying with this precious Bible. I also found out that Jesus is the Word and the whole objective in true Christianity is to bear witness of the Living Jesus as He manifests Himself in your life. I realized that I needed to be filled with the Holy Spirit. That is Jesus living in my heart. Jesus said: You must be born again by the Holy Spirit! If you arent, you cannot see the kingdom of heaven. And when you are, your life will show it by the fruit you bear. The end of these two months came so quickly that I hadnt even completed the draft of my book. Somehow I knew that it would be a long while until I would have it finished, or even work on it again in earnest. I was granted parole, and now that the

Nevertheless, the light of Gods truth seemed so much more real than anything that was offered by the world and whoever it is that ran the world. My ignorance about anything in Christianity was vast. Some miracles, a taste of love, and a prophet was all I really knew. I decided to read the Bible with my new belief that God really does exist. I couldnt believe what I was seeing this Word was really different and because God was now true to me, so was His Word, because He made it clear that He is the Word. So I believed it, even if it sounded weird, I believed it anyhow. Most of it I didnt even the slightest bit understand all these symbols and signs and metaphors everywhere. It seemed to me that it all needed to be read between the lines at the best of times. I started from the start and got about a quarter of the way into the Bible. This took a while. It was a lot for my natural mind to comprehend, so much life and truth. Then Ian got some MP3 CDs of preaching and teaching about the Bible and Revelation so we put them on my computer. I loved listening to these sermons as they so clearly opened the Bible from the start to the finish. William Branham was so simple and so humble that God used him by supernaturally inspiring him to reveal the hidden secrets, and forgotten truths of the Bible, some of which had been distorted or squashed out by the churches errors. The more I got into these teachings, the more I realized how blessed I was to be hearing and believing these truths and treasures that fulfilled every want and mysterious desire in every fiber of my being. All the philosophies of becoming one with love I found were staple doctrines that were written in the symbols of the Bible. The Book that I had always passed off as simple-minded and unlearned in true intellectual philosophies and wisdom I soon found to my delight to be the source of everything, and all existence is mapped to utter perfection in every way in this eternal book of life and love. I found that God really is love and that because He is Love, He loves us with Love so strong and pure that nothing can overcome that, nothing ever. I would like to note that one night in my prison cell I was listening to some particularly wonderful preaching and then after the sermon as the prophet was about to pray, another man in the audience started speaking loudly in another language! I had never heard anything like it before! Then after that another man clearly interpreted this unknown language. Something deep within me moved and I started to cry like a baby. Somehow I knew so clearly that this was not the words of a man, this was Almighty God Himself speaking and it became so real and personal to me. This, I found out later was one of the nine manifestations of the Holy Spirit that

were given to the church to guide her and to hear from God. Its called tongues and interpretation. I was sold. These amazing inspired teachings of William Branham, through the grace, power and glory of Jesus Christ, were starting to anchor something eternal in my heart. I found such profound perfection and truth with this Word that I just couldnt believe that many more people werent reading it for their source of everything. But then it dawned on me that you cannot have this Book as your source for everything if you dont believe it. God requires respect and belief in Him before He opens up the infinite glory and love of His Word to the reader. I read parts of the Bible many times as I grew up, and in jail as a critic. I could never find anything in it to praise and It never did anything for me other than rouse anger and vain pity on those that read It. I gave Christians a hard time about many things. I only found the truth behind Christianity by Gods grace and unfeigned love after all the bad things I had said about His children. All the things I said of His churches and all the hideous things that ministers had done hey! Wait! What about all that? My mind had lots of questions that needed to be answered before I would believe. Even though I partly believed, there was still a natural versus spiritual war in my head with all my questions like: Christian means to be Christ-like, all these cold formal denominational churches where was the fire and Christ-like miracles and signs in them? And what about these liberal movements that allowed almost anything into their congregations? Then there were all the huge claims in the Bible that were laughed at by science as impossible. These questions were all soon to be answered by the grace of God. What a reigning living God we have! More and more revelation was coming to me and more and more things were trying to pull me from this truth that was setting me free. I had still not asked Jesus to be my Saviour or anything of that sort. I was very interested, but I had the keys for the illegal world in my cell what riches and debauched fun I was going to have with this! On the other hand I had the blueprint for life eternal, the keys to the kingdom of heaven, and my potential faith in Gods Word. I really didnt know much about it at that stage and was hungry to learn more. Then one day something struck me I cant explain it but I realized that I must have Jesus as my Lord (master) and Saviour if I was to go any further. That was all it took for me to get on my knees in prayer things started to change in my mind and way of thinking. My whole heart and soul was beginning to see things differently not drastically but differently. I knew what I had to do to make myself right, what step I had to take to come into communion with God; yet I still didnt want to do these things. I awaited a full spiritual purging of darkness

Chapter Eleven: Battle Within

My flesh and carnal mind were still calling the shots in my life but I was fighting my carnality by forcing myself to give up certain things that were contrary to Gods Spirit. Praise the Lord, His blueprint was the one that prevailed on that day and the others were flushed down Ians toilet! It wasnt easy, but it was a step of faith on my part which meant a step closer to knowing the riches of the blessings of our Father in heaven. I really wanted to experience something tangible for myself from Him, along with the pure joy I was getting from hearing the truth and the mysterious secrets of untold wisdom and powerful righteousness. I was on the long road to perfection in Christ. I was discovering that it is not all easy and done for you. Theres a road to becoming one with God and He will lead you on that road. It took a revelation from God to show me that I dont need to worry about how Im going to get there. I just need to trust in Him to teach and guide me in the way He wants me to go. We must press in, often going against what our flesh wants, and listen to what He says. One step of faith from us will get us closer as He draws us in. Our path to perfection in Christ is a road of trials and deep character development. We will bear scars by the time Gods finished dealing in our lives. Praise God, He conditions us to be individual, caring, wise, and loving. A true family born by one Spirit, He trains us up so we can live like Jesus did, and do the same works that He did when He was dwelling on earth. By faith in the Lord Jesus Christ we are saved. Theres no other name under heaven or on earth that we can be saved by but His name! Thats an amazing and powerful truth. God promised from the beginning that He would one day write His laws on our hearts supernaturally. This was done when Jesus died on the cross. His blood paid for our sins and by our acknowledgement and appreciation of His love for us, and His death, burial, and resurrection, He puts His life in our hearts. His very morals, patience, love, and peace come into us in the form of Spirit. When Jesus ascended up into heaven and was glorified He sent down His Spirit, His very life to all those that believe Him and all His sayings. Peter and many others waited in a room seeking Jesus Spirit for ten days after Jesus rose into heaven. Then the Spirit came and filled them. Straight away Peter started preaching to everyone who was standing around. These people knew Peter and knew he was uneducated so this new boldness and perfection of speech must have stunned them. These people were touched by Gods Spirit which convicted them,

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