Black Cross Notes from Da Recovery Room of

On April 28th, 2012, The Fatherhood Institute together with the Philadelphia Alliance of Black Social Workers paved the way for me to present myself and the works the Creator pre-programmed my Spirit to accomplish during this journey on Earth. My Spirit was truly strengthened with the interactions, exchanges and expressions of all things Spiritual. Together Dr. Tawana-Ford Sabbath and I shared information pertinent towards furthering the goal of Healing for the Afreekan Descendant as individuals, families and the broader group. My presentation focused on making the connections to my personal story and experiences to highlight the potential and likely impact of adverse childhood experiences (ACE) or traumatic stress, extending beyond the familial level of Lived Experience. Communal and Societal level adversities were shared and time did not permit connecting the dots to the major findings during the nineties and some of my current experiences. It is these more recent experiences that led to the labeling of me as The Traumatized Traumatologist. The Ninetys ~ Professional Development a. On an Individual level, I was focused on furthering my education, professional development and work in the black community. I worked to uphold the values of black family and did not look to moving in the burbs. I was regaining myself anyway, and finding my way as a middle class professional, working to give back what I got. I entered my second marriage as opposed to remaining focused on myself as an independent professional woman and I re-entered school on the PhD level at the end of the 90s. b. Family level interactions were based in family get-togethers during the traditions instilled as our culture; the european hellidays as I recognize them to be now. We were close yet still emotionally disconnected and now I was an outsider of sorts based on my professional positions and education. I had learned about child development, child welfare, impacts of environment and how to engage children and families with evaluating their lifestyle and outcomes. I had no children of my own and, children were and are naturally drawn to me, listen and benefit from my involvement with them. I was and have always been a trailblazer of the family and continued to function in that role during this period. I was no longer using or abusing substances, was active in a program of recovery and active in regaining and restoring Afreekan

consciousness. Towards that end, I gave to family members all that I received, practiced principles and worked to share Afreekan culture with the children, my nieces and nephews. c. Communally I was connected professionally. I became active in the church for a short time yet was moving more into my true Spiritual Center due to my Cultural Connections. Those connections were made with the Black Social Workers, its mission, purpose and provision of knowledge of self. My Professional Parents were black scholars and I worked in the community, literally as home based services were the order of the treatment day thanks to managed care. d. Societally the impact of crack cocaine was wreaking havoc across the nation and in communities where Afreekans lived. With increasing crime and violence associated with crack/cocaine addiction during the 90s, our families were being torn apart. HIVAIDS and crack babies were a couple of the prime focal areas for research, funding various medical models for treatment of mental and behavioral health challenges. During the early to mid-nineties and by the end of this same period, the introduction of prescription medications and medication for new childhood mental/emotional health illness began along with massive influx of our people to the social service arena.

What I LearnedConnections to SPIRITUALITY

The treatment process I went through in the early 80s when they were developing models to help deal with trauma based illness supported me with telling my story. Providing the space to FEEL and to actively express those FEELINGS is what will help and what did help me. Yet, the process I went through was a trailblazing type journey. To be black and from the hood, we understood that therapy was for white people or weak people. It is not something we did nor do we believe we need it. If we suspect it could be helpful, the shame and associated stigma stops us. Who amongst us wants to say to another person, that we need help indicating we cant do it ourselves? It matters not that we were taught that it was ok to ask for help, when it comes to our thinking, feeling or behaviors, those things we are supposed to always be in total control and responsible for. Another thing I am aware of is the fact that while whites have implemented and run programs, based on knowledge and research, in a racist system such that we exist, they did with it what they have done with everything else they have shared with usincorrect application, LIES they tell usfor example, when we go to treatment for addictions, the message is that one uses cause they want to. What they dont say is WHY you want to. What thoughts or feelings are you working to avoid. In the eighties mental health work and research uncovered the answer to those questions and they devised program models that would help and I benefitted from those programs. They no longer exist as budgets have been cut and there seems to be a general decay of compassion, care and or

concern for our fellow men. We remain quiet by-standers leaving victims to fend for themselves then tell them its their fault 100% for failure to succeed. I dont blame my family or parents for I KNOW they were doing what we collectively have been programmed to do. We were programmed cause that is what their (my parents/family) elders before them, and those before them and those before them right back to those who survived the Trans-Atlantic slave trade and encountered what I call our socio/emotional parentsthe white man. All of those early childhood adversities I experienced is what they perpetrated against us with the rape, forced and frequent moves, communal and family separations, cut-offs, physical and emotional abuse and neglect, forced labor, Spiritual and Cultural degradation as they told us LIES about who we were and who they were. This is probably a good place for me to explain more about the ACE study done in the midnineties and explains the clear and direct connections between our experiences in amerikkka and our current mental, physical and behavioral health challenges.

THE ACE STUDY

The ACE Study was an ongoing collaboration between the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention along with Kaiser Permanente (an insurance agency) conducted in 1995-1997. The study was led by Co-principal Investigators Robert F. Anda, MD of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Kaiser Permanentes, MS, Vincent J. Felitti, MD. It is perhaps the largest scientific research study of its kind, and analyzed the relationship between multiple categories of childhood trauma and health and behavioral outcomes later in life. Over 17,000 Health Maintenance Organization (HMO) members who received comprehensive physical examinations agreed to share information about their childhood experiences of abuse, neglect, and family dysfunction. Sixty-two percent (62%) were aged fifty or older, seventy-seven percent (77%) white and seventy-two percent (72%) college educated. An ACE or Adverse Childhood Experiences, is labeled as such because of the lasting and enduring impact such experiences have on the developing psychic and psychological development of the individual. They represent traumatic events, or series of events beginning in childhood. In addition, ACE speaks to the development of identity and influences how an individual experiences the self as worthy and worthwhile. In this context, adverse is differentiated from favorable experiences, which have been demonstrated to support mental and emotional wellness. The adverse experiences identified included: Growing up experiencing any of the following conditions in the household prior to age 18: 1. Recurrent physical abuse 2. Recurrent emotional abuse 3. Contact sexual abuse

4. An alcohol and/or drug abuser in the household 5. An incarcerated household member 6. Someone in the home who is chronically depressed, mentally ill, institutionalized, or suicidal 7. Mother is treated violently 8. One or no parents 9. Emotional or physical neglect The ACE Score is obtained with the use of a simple scoring method to determine the extent of each persons exposure to childhood trauma. Exposure to one category (not incident) of ACE, qualifies as one point. When the points are added up, the ACE Score is achieved. An ACE Score of 0 (zero) would mean that the person reported no exposure to any of the categories of trauma listed as ACE above. An ACE Score of 9 would mean that the person reported exposure to all of the categories of traumatic events listed above. The ACE Score is referred to throughout all of the peer-reviewed publications about the ACE Study findings. It was found that ACEs were common in white households, that the impact of experiences extends up to and beyond fifty years of life and that they are the primary determinants of the health and social well-being of the nation. (Felitti-2004) The health and social impacts are so pervasive, prevalent and problematic my senses become overwhelmed just thinking of it and seeing the connections uncovered by scholars across several disciplines and arenas. The most prevalent of the 7 categories of childhood exposure was substance abuse in the household (25.6%); the least prevalent exposure category was evidence of criminal behavior in the household (3.4%). More than half of respondents (52%) experienced 1 category of adverse childhood exposure; 6.2% reported 4 exposures (Vincent J. Felitti, 1998) The ACE Study findings suggest that certain experiences are major risk factors for the leading causes of illness and death as well as poor quality of life in the United States. Progress in preventing and recovering from the nation's worst health and social problems is likely to benefit from understanding that many of these problems arise as a consequence of adverse childhood experiences. Trauma is a wound. Traumatic Stress is deep emotional wounds incurred when confronted by an event for which you have insufficient resources to protect yourself. It is an abnormal event that would likely overwhelm anyone is out of the ordinary and threatens ones safety or the safety of people close to them, like family. Exposure to a Stressor is grounds for a diagnosis of PTSD and it is the only DSM condition where the occurrence of a stressor is part of the diagnosis. Unlike other anxiety disorders that are simply described by their symptoms, PTSD requires the occurrence of a catastrophic event. There are three primary types or categories of what currently

constitutes catastrophic event. It is important to note that PTSD can result from any severe stressor and the symptoms are similar if the stressors are severe enough. PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is named based on the after-shock effects of experiencing a severely adverse event. While it is a normal response, the symptoms of PTSD can interrupt daily life and can negatively influence ones sense of safety and in turn, influence behaviors contrary to the individuals desire. The three categories of catastrophic events and examples of each follow. 1. Unintentional Human (accidents, technological disasters): Industrial (e.g., a crane crashes down) Fires, burns (e.g., oil rig fire) Explosion Motor vehicle accidents, plane crash, train wreck, boating accidents, shipwreck Nuclear disaster (e.g., Chernobyl, Three Mile Island) Collapse of sports stadium, building, dam, or sky walk; Surgical damage to body or loss of body part 2. Acts of Nature/Natural Disasters: Hurricane Typhoons Tornado Flood Earthquake Avalanche Volcanic eruption Fire Drought, famine; Attack by animal (such as a pit bull); Sudden lifethreatening illness (e.g., heart attack, severe burns) Sudden death (e.g., loss of unborn child) 3. Intentional Human (man-made, deliberate, malicious): Examples include and are not limited to: Combat, civil war, resistance fighting; Abuse sexualincest; rape; forced nudity, exhibitionism, or pornography; inappropriate touching/fondling or kissing physicalbeating, kicking, battering, choking, tying up, stalking, forcing to eat/drink, threatening with weapon; elder abuse by own children; emotionalisolation, threats to leave or have affair, intimidation, degrading names; economic neglect, minimizing or denying abuse, taking away power/control, destroying property, torturing pets, neglect (leaving alone, not feeding or bathing); Torture (the worst form is sexual because it combines physical, emotional, and spiritual cruelty); Criminal assault, violent crime, robbery, mugging, family violence/battery Hostage, POW, concentration camp, hijacking Cult abuse Terrorism Bombing (e.g., Hiroshima, Oklahoma City); Witnessing a homicide, sexual assault, battering, torture, etc.; Sniper attack, Kidnapping; Riots, Participating in violence/atrocities (e.g., Nazi doctors, soldiers, identifying with the aggressor) Witnessing parents fear reactions; Alcoholism (due to its effects on family members) Suicide or other form of sudden death; Death threats; Damage to or loss of body part. Schiraldi, Glenn R. (2002-01-03). The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook (Sourcebooks) (Kindle Locations 204-211). McGraw-Hill Kindle Edition. For our purposes, the third category will be explored in depth. Of the three categories of stressors, traumas resulting from Acts of Human Intent reveal the most evil aspect of the europeans cultural root paradigm. That paradigm suggests that it is human nature to cause intentional harm to other life forms for personal gain or benefit. With this paradigm view in place, the stage is set for a society whose members are socialized, educated, and supported with competing, controlling, and containing the efforts of others. The institutionalization of the paradigm therefore leaves PTSD symptoms resulting from such stressors becoming more complex, of longer duration, and more difficult to treat. Such traumas are typically the most degrading and cause the most shame. They often involve feelings of being stigmatized, marked, different, or an outcast (as in rape). Man-made traumas also are most likely to cause people to lose faith and trust in humanity, in love, and in

themselves. By contrast, natural disasters are typically less difficult to recover from, survivors often bond and often heroism and community support are evident. Survivors often feel a reverence or awe for nature that leaves faith in humanity intact. Schiraldi, Glenn R. (2002-01-03). The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook (Sourcebooks) (Kindle Locations 251-256). McGraw-Hill. Kindle Edition. For example, after being bullied by clinical team members and terminated from employment (2010), I have remained tentative and reluctant to become fully involved in job search after a year and a half. I continue to experience flash-backs of incidents where I or my consumers were being actively harmed. I do not trust that I can work effectively with Afreekan Descendants or those surviving in poverty within the context of a paid position or in any organization proposing to help consumers in need of mental/behavioral health services. The lasting impact of the Acts of Injustice I experienced in the work place, and more specifically, in a place organized to helping those in need of this type of service, as a professional in this industry, has been monumental. Despite the limited and fixed income I survive on, coupled with my passion for my work, have left me questioning any hope in benefitting from my skills and abilities in being a change agent and Social Worker/Therapist. I was unable to change or protect myself from the active and conspiratorial behaviors and practices in a prominent mental health organization and unable to protect my consumers and am therefore worthless. That is what the Spirit within experiences..loss of valuedeep emotional wound. Traumatologists advocate for the remembering and telling truth of the terrible experiences as a prerequisites for restoring Social Order and Healing individual victims (Herman, 1994). Narrative theory stresses telling story with an eye towards externalizing and making room for the creation of new stories. Finally, addiction theory and 12 step programs advance the need for sharing experiences, strengths and hopes together as the foundations for recovery from addictive behaviors. There is an undeniable and proven positive correlation between the experience of ACE and addictions. The recommendation for ACE+@ and the program of Racism Non~Anonymous has been uniquely designed with the Afreekans experiences in mind. It presents a unified model integrating lessons learned from those three theoretical schools of thought. ACE +@ takes into account the Communal and Societal Level experiences of adversity we have and continue to suffer and use of the addiction recovery model provides an environment for healing from institutionalized and internalized racism and recovering our Afreekan Spirit and Cultural thought and behavioral practices. I thank you again Fatherhood Institute and the Philadelphia Alliance of Black Social Workers for this opportunity to practice the principles of our Ancestors and Ancients. The twelfth step of this program guides us towards practicing the Spiritual Principles of MAAT in all our affairs and this is our Divine and Spiritual right. In humble submission to you all; M.E. ~ Mama Earth Abena Afreeka aka Joanie McCollum, MSS