Pre-marital sex Daniel Howard When chaste people need body or mind to resort to action or thought, they find

steel in their muscles or knowledge in their intelligence. The steel and knowledge that French author Honore de Balzac refers to in his opinion of the nature of chaste persons can be interpreted as referring to many different qualities of such a person. The steel, referring to the unbreakable moral strength of a chaste person and the knowledge, the wisdom to use such moral strength to make the right decisions in life is the interpretation that many would come to understand when closely examining this quote. However, in todays world, where such steel and knowledge are extremely rare and where finding a chaste person is nearly impossible, the reasoning behind why social injustices and world problems exist becomes quite clear. One particular social problem that deals with these attributes of moral strength and wisdom and with chastity is premarital sex. Premarital sex, intercourse that is committed between two persons before entering a commitment of holy marriage, appears quite commonplace in todays society, where nine out of ten American males and females have admitted to participating in the act (Jayson). However, the problems that can arise from such activity are not limited to merely the physical consequences, such as the spread of sexual transmitted diseases and pregnancy, but can drastically affect other areas of ones life. If such consequences are so drastic, then why are desires of lust among unmarried persons so readily and frequently acted upon? The solution to this problem can be attributed to many different answers, ranging from a general ignorance of the risks, to people merely ignoring the consequences and serving ones personal desires before ones morals. Both answers are valid, simply because both are integrated into human nature. However, there are more specific and recognizable entities that is to blame for the degradation of sexual responsibility by the act of pre-marital sex: society and the

government. Although research will show that the number of people participating in premarital sex has only increased by a small amount, the age of which people first have premarital sex has dropped by nearly four years, from age twenty to sixteen (Finer). By directly connecting the mass media expansion of the last few decades, with the increase of sexually provocative material in magazines, television program and internet websites, one can establish a link between society, whose standards have deteriorated dramatically and the increase in pre-marital sexual activity. The other entity that can take just as much blame is the government, whose ineffective methods of handling the problem of premarital sex has led to an increase in STDs and abortion. Although these facts and viewpoints may not impress or change the opinion of some, the problems that can be linked to pre-marital sex and problems that stem directly from the act are serious enough to, at the least, be pondered over. Through the degradation of society and inaction of the government, pre-marital sex is growing as a severe social problem that threatens society through the destruction of the family, morals and spirituality, all essential components to a successful and responsible community. Pre-marital sex, although seemingly universally acceptable in modern society, has the potential to bring about problems that either unknown or often simply ignored by members of society. The most commonly known of these problems is the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Often times, pre-marital sex will occur between couples that have not been together for a long period of time and therefore, have not shared many of his/her past partners or relationships that may have been with partners with STDs in order to keep the current relationship going. Ranging from temporary inconveniences to life threatening illnesses, STDs have become increasingly widespread throughout the world during the previous decades, especially with the disease known as AIDS (Warner). The spread of infection is just one problem that pre-marital sex raises in the physical sense for people. Another issue, not necessarily a problem in all cases, is pregnancy. The pregnancy rates for all women in America have risen significantly in the last twenty

years, as have the abortion rates (Finer). More concerning, both numbers for females between the ages of fifteen and nineteen have increased dramatically. Pregnancy, specifically, pre-marital and teenage pregnancy, can lead to a plethora of problems, including strain on the parents (or often times, mother) to provide support for the child. Households that cannot provide this support will foster an environment that is not suitable for raising a child and can lead to problems later in the childs life, ranging from receiving a poor or no education and leading to a life of crime or other illegal activities. In more horrific cases, a pre-marital pregnancy may even lead to abortion, the ending of a childs life for the sake of convenience of the mother. Such problems that have increased steadily through the fifty years are not coincidences; those problems are direct results and problems that are raised by pre-marital sex. To call pregnancy a problem would be a major mistake, but to deny the problems that can accompany a pregnancy, especially in the case of an unprepared, single teenage female, can bring problems for the mother and child in dramatic fashion. The physical problems of premarital sex are ones that can be understood and experienced by all, no matter the race, creed or age. However, the moral and spiritual conflict that pre-marital sex presents is one that can be understood by some, but still experienced by all. To call sex immoral would be incorrect. Sex is one of the most beautiful and important functions that human beings perform. Without this act, life cannot be brought into the world and life in the world cannot continue. However, the life that is brought into the world as a result of sexual relations must be fostered and educated to lead a life that will be full and upstanding, so that the life is able to bring about positive change and influence to the world. Therefore, sex between committed, loving couples ensures that this new life will receive those things. The love and support of a sound family unit and the opportunities to receive such education to make the world a more complete, wholesome and loving place. This practical standpoint of ensuring that a child

will be able to become successful and not have to overcome abandonment or other hardships because of strains that the single mother or father must overcome as well is complemented with the religious standpoint of morality. From a Catholic perspective, the will of God insists that pre-marital sex not occur because the sole purpose of sexual relations is not for pleasure or recreation, but to bring about new life into the world. The Catechism of the Catholic Church, a collection of Catholic teaching and thinker, states Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young (CCC 2353). The degradation of both persons involved and the disrespect for Gods creation may not apply to all people, but the principle behind this teaching can apply to all situations. The way in which people treat sex as a game or pastime is met with disagreement in both the practical and religious sense, both of which bring ideas that support the decision to save the act of intercourse for marriage and for the purpose of creating new life for the world

This moral problem that can be understood by any person, regardless of the religion, race or culture, connects directly to the moral problem that exists in todays media. As television, the internet and magazines have expanded throughout the twentieth century and continue to reach new audiences in the twenty-first century, the high moral standards of past are virtually gone. Virtues, such as honesty, respect and integrity that were displayed on television shows such as Andy Griffith and Leave it to Beaver have been replaced by a constant barrage of sexual programming, which can be found nearly on any station. Although these shows of the past do not speak to the problems of the modern day and are certainly outdated for this generation, the morals and virtues that

those shows displayed will never lose meaning or purpose, only airtime. The virtues of making profits and attracting viewers are now the virtues that are held in high regard, bringing about movies, music and television that merely seek to find these viewers with shock and awe material. This may seem like a digression, but this opinion of the media leads directly back to the question at hand, what has caused such an uproar in the rise of pre-marital sex, especially among younger people? The media can not be entirely put to blame, but the impact that media has on American culture is strong enough to put the media up to the challenge of providing programming and material that will not only inspire young people, but not lead the future leaders of the world down a path of degradation and low morality, a path that the nation itself will certainly follow if lead by such people. The media in its many forms does not shoulder the entire responsibility however. The past and recent actions of the federal government, although attempted, have not had a significant impact to reduce the occurrence of pre-marital sex, an act that has been proven to lead to other major social problems. "Abstinence Will Not Cure AIDS. Research Will." This ad that was posted throughout New York City during the nineties speaks directly to the debate that has occurred in the government as to what to do about the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (All about Worldview). While one side may argue that only research and development will move towards a cure, such as the poster of this ad, many argue that abstinence and education are the key components to preventing the further spread of STDs and the other problems associated with pre-marital sexual activity. The federal government, although providing hundreds of thousands of dollars towards this education, has obviously failed in its attempts to teach the importance of sexual abstinence, or the very least, sexual discretion (MSNBC). With 95% of all Americans between the ages of 12 and 29 admitting to having pre-marital sex, the education that was to prevent such acts from occurring either: did not have enough impact on the students; taught improperly; or

not enforced strongly enough by the government (Warner, Jayson). On the other hand, the percentage of teenage smokers in America has drastically decreased within five years, down to 28.5 percent from 36.4 percent, in just a five year time span (Swanbrow). This has come as a result of not only a sharp increase in the price of cigarettes, but with a barrage in anti-smoking and smoking awareness programs ran from the elementary to high school levels of school. The governments action against this evil was effective and was effectively run. So, why have the sexual awareness programs failed so miserably? The questions may lie in the information above, but another, more reasonable conclusion can be reached.

The solution to this question of effectiveness comes down the apathy of then government towards the problem of pre-marital sexual intercourse. Despite the risks of sexual transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy and abortion, all of which are major social problems, the education that is to provided to students by the government and educators has failed and has been pushed aside as commonality in American society. Looking past the moral aspects of this problem, since many do not follow these standards, the consequences that pre-marital sex can bring about should be reason enough for the government to address. More extensive and informational programs must be installed in every school, even starting at the elementary level. Being too concerned about a childs maturity level to teach elementary schoolchildren these facts is not a concern that will lead to a solution. Research has proven that sexual activity does not wait for a certain age, but begins as early as pre-teen and early teenage years. The most important times in a persons life are the early years of elementary, middle and high school. The moral foundation for that persons life is laid at those points, shaping the decisions that will be made in the future. Such education must provide in order to make these decisions not only moral decisions, but responsible and safe choices. The blame of what has caused such an acceptance and activity of pre-marital sex in todays society can be attributed to many groups. The influence of society, the inaction of the government and irresponsibility of parents are all answers that focus the attention of the problem away from what really matters in social problems such as this a solution to the problem. Further education and media responsibility are two crucial steps that must be taken to even give the chance of reducing the abortion rates and impoverished families with children that cannot provide the proper support to raise the child. Once these are established, the moral integrity and wisdom gained by young people can be used together to make responsible decisions. That steel and knowledge spoken of before are not easy attributes to achieve and are even harder to maintain, but with the proper tools provided and with the moral strength, a safer, more virtuous and responsible America will be created. Society must address these problems from moral perspectives, because these problems are ones of immorality. The education of the respect of life and responsibility to carry out the common good of the society must be ingrained into American culture, just as the thinking of society has been ingrained with the acceptance of pre-marital sex and the acceptance of other moral problems as commonplace. Through the proper education and reintroduction of strong, traditional morals and values, society as a whole will make a shift back into what matters the most the concern for and action for the betterment of future generation 1. Be clear about your own sexual values and attitudes. Communicating with your children about sex, love, and relationships is often more successful when you are certain in your own mind about these issues. To help clarify your attitudes and values, think about the following kinds of questions: What do you really think about school-aged teenagers being sexually active - and perhaps even becoming parents? Who is responsible for setting sexual limits in a relationship and how is that done, realistically? Were you sexually active as a teenager and how do you feel about that now? Were you sexually active before you were married? What do such reflections lead you to say to your own children about these issues? What do you think about encouraging teenagers to abstain from sex? What do you think about teenagers using contraception? 2. Talk with your children early and often about sex, and be specific. Kids have lots of questions about sex, and they often say that the source they'd most like to go to for answers is their parents. Start the conversation, and make sure that it is honest, open, and respectful. If you can't think of how to start the discussion, consider using situations shown on television or in movies as conversation starters.

Tell kids candidly and confidently what you think and why you take these positions; if you're not sure about some issues, tell them that, too. Be sure to have a two-way conversation, not a one-way lecture. Ask them what they think and what they know so you can correct misconceptions. Ask what, if anything, worries them. Age-appropriate conversations about relationships and intimacy should begin early in a child's life and continue through adolescence. Resist the idea that there should be just one conversation about all this - you know, "the talk." The truth is that parents and kids should be talking about sex and love all along. This applies to both sons and daughters and to both mothers and fathers, incidentally. All kids need a lot of communication, guidance, and information about these issues, even if they sometimes don't appear to be interested in what you have to say. And if you have regular conversations, you won't worry so much about making a mistake or saying something not quite right, because you'll always be able to talk again. Many inexpensive books and videos are available to help with any detailed information you might need, but don't let your lack of technical information make you shy. Kids need as much help in understanding the meaning of sex as they do in understanding how all the body parts work. Tell them about love and sex, and what the difference is. And remember to talk about the reasons that kids find sex interesting and enticing; discussing only the "downside" of unplanned pregnancy and disease misses many of the issues on teenagers' minds. Here are the kinds of questions kids say they want to discuss: How do I know if I'm in love? Will sex bring me closer to my girlfriend/boyfriend? How will I know when I'm ready to have sex? Should I wait until marriage? Will having sex make me popular? Will it make me more grown-up and open up more adult activities to me? How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to have sex without losing him or hurting his feelings? How do I manage pressure from my girlfriend to have sex? How does contraception work? Are some methods better than others? Are they safe? Can you get pregnant the first time? In addition to being an "askable parent," be a parent with a point of view. Tell your children what you think. Don't be reluctant to say, for example: I think kids in high school are too young to have sex, especially given today's risks. Whenever you do have sex, always use protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases until you are ready to have a child. Our family's religion says that sex should be an expression of love within marriage. Finding yourself in a sexually charged situation is not unusual; you need to think about how you'll handle it in advance. Have a plan. Will you say "no"? Will you use contraception? How will you negotiate all this? It's okay to think about sex and to feel sexual desire. Everybody does! But it's not okay to get pregnant/get somebody pregnant as a teenager. One of the many reasons I'm concerned about teens drinking is that it often leads to unprotected sex. (For boys) Having a baby doesn't make you a man. Being able to wait and acting responsibly does.

(For girls) You don't have to have sex to keep a boyfriend. If sex is the price of a close relationship, find someone else. By the way, research clearly shows that talking with your children about sex does not encourage them to become sexually active. And remember, too, that your own behavior should match your words. The "do as I say, not as I do" approach is bound to lose with children and teenagers, who are careful and constant observers of the adults in their lives. 3. Supervise and monitor your children and adolescents. Establish rules, curfews, and standards of expected behavior, preferably through an open process of family discussion and respectful communication. If your children get out of school at 3 pm and you don't get home from work until 6 pm, who is responsible for making certain that your children are not only safe during those hours, but are also engaged in useful activities? Where are they when they go out with friends? Are there adults around who are in charge? Supervising and monitoring your kids' whereabouts doesn't make you a nag; it makes you a parent. 4. Know your children's friends and their families. Friends have a strong influence on each other, so help your children and teenagers become friends with kids whose families share your values. Some parents of teens even arrange to meet with the parents of their children's friends to establish common rules and expectations. It is easier to enforce a curfew that all your child's friends share rather than one that makes him or her different - but even if your views don't match those of other parents, hold fast to your convictions. Welcome your children's friends into your home and talk to them openly. 5. Discourage early, frequent, and steady dating. Group activities among young people are fine and often fun, but allowing teens to begin steady, one-on-one dating much before age 16 can lead to trouble. Let your child know about your strong feelings about this throughout childhood - don't wait until your young teen proposes a plan that differs from your preferences in this area; otherwise, he or she will think you just don't like the particular person or invitation. 6. Take a strong stand against your daughter dating a boy significantly older than she is. And don't allow your son to develop an intense relationship with a girl much younger than he is. Older guys can seem glamorous to a young girl - sometimes they even have money and a car to boot. But the risk of matters getting out of hand increases when the guy is much older than the girl. Try setting a limit of no more than a two- (or at most three-) year age difference. The power differences between younger girls and older boys or men can lead girls into risky situations, including unwanted sex and sex with no protection. 7. Help your teenagers have options for the future that are more attractive than early pregnancy and parenthood. The chances that your children will delay sex, pregnancy, and parenthood are significantly increased if their futures appears bright. This means helping them set meaningful goals for the future, talking to them about what it takes to make future plans come true, and helping them reach their goals. Tell them, for example, that if they want to be a teacher, they will need to stay in school in order to earn various degrees and pass certain exams. It also means teaching them to use free time in a constructive way, such as setting aside certain times to complete homework assignments. Explain how becoming pregnant - or causing pregnancy - can derail the best of plans; for example, child care expenses can make it almost impossible to afford college. Community service, in particular, not only teaches job skills, but can also put teens in touch with a wide variety of committed and caring adults. 8. Let your kids know that you value education highly. Encourage your children to take school seriously and to set high expectations about their school performance.

School failure is often the first sign of trouble that can end in teenage parenthood. Be very attentive to your children's progress in school and intervene early if things aren't going well. Keep track of your children's grades and discuss them together. Meet with teachers and principals, guidance counselors, and coaches. Limit the number of hours your teenager gives to part-time jobs (20 hours per week should be the maximum) so that there is enough time and energy left to focus on school. Know about homework assignments and support your child in getting them done. Volunteer at the school, if possible. Schools want more parental involvement and will often try to accommodate your work schedule, if asked. 9. Know what your kids are watching, reading, and listening to. The media (television, radio, movies, music videos, magazines, the Internet) are chock full of material sending the wrong messages. Sex rarely has meaning, unplanned pregnancy seldom happens, and few people having sex ever seem to be married or even especially committed to anyone. Is this consistent with your expectations and values? If not, it is important to talk with your children about what the media portray and what you think about it. If certain programs or movies offend you, say so, and explain why. Be "media literate" - think about what you and your family are watching and reading. Encourage your kids to think critically: ask them what they think about the programs they watch and the music they listen to.You can always turn the TV off, cancel subscriptions, and place certain movies off limits. You will probably not be able to fully control what your children see and hear, but you can certainly make your views known and control your own home environment. 10. These first nine tips for helping your children avoid teen pregnancy work best when they occur as part of strong, close relationships with your children that are built from an early age. Strive for a relationship that is warm in tone, firm in discipline, and rich in communication, and one that emphasizes mutual trust and respect. There is no single way to create such relationships, but the following habits of the heart can help: Express love and affection clearly and often. Hug your children, and tell them how much they mean to you. Praise specific accomplishments, but remember that expressions of affection should be offered freely, not just for a particular achievement. Listen carefully to what your children say and pay thoughtful attention to what they do. Spend time with your children engaged in activities that suit their ages and interests, not just yours. Shared experiences build a "bank account" of affection and trust that forms the basis for future communication with them about specific topics, including sexual behavior. Be supportive and be interested in what interests them. Attend their sports events; learn about their hobbies; be enthusiastic about their achievements, even the little ones; ask them questions that show you care and want to know what is going on in their lives. Be courteous and respectful to your children and avoid hurtful teasing or ridicule. Don't compare your teenager with other family members (i.e., why can't you be like your older sister?). Show that you expect courtesy and respect from them in return. Help them to build self-esteem by mastering skills; remember, self-esteem is earned, not given, and one of the best ways to earn it is by doing something well. Try to have meals together as a family as often as possible, and use the time for conversation, not confrontation. A final note: it's never too late to improve a relationship with a child or teenager. Don't underestimate the great need that children feel--at all ages--for a close relationship with their parents and for their parents' guidance, approval, and support.