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In this issue:

Go ask your mother and other memorable dadisms

Mom of the Month Maryanne Cullen

Holding Down the Fort: The key is timing

A n a d v e r t i s i n g s u p p l e m e n t o f t h e I n t e l l i g e n c e r J o u r n a l / L a n c a s t e r N e w E r a // S p o n s o r e d B y :

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Back when I was oh-sobriefly in graduate school, my brother and a college roommate left their Chicago-area campus to see me, just a few hours away, in central Illinois. Things werent going so well at the time, and they were coming to the rescue. Meanwhile, in those days before cellphones and the Internet, my dad was looking for my brother. When they found each other via phone in the wee hours of the morning, Dad delivered an excruciating lecture about the consequences of impulsive road trips. Then came the edict: Mark, I dont want your butt (that wasnt the word Dad used) to leave campus unless it walks off by itself! I still laugh at the thought of my brothers backside going anywhere without the rest of him. Add it to the list of ultimatums and sage advice passed on to us, and our kids, by Dad. So in anticipation of Fathers Day, enjoy some memorable one-liners and wise paternal words relayed by relatives, friends and colleagues. They reveal that most dads take a similar tack: Defer to spouses and, when that doesnt work, cut to the chase quickly, candidly and colorfully. Go ask your mother was a typical paternal response, recalled Jeannette Hague Scott. Now a correspondent for Lancaster Newspapers Inc. and mother of two, she was also

Go ask your mother and other memorable dadisms

warned, If you dont stop crying, Ill give you something to cry about. And who hasnt heard this one? Hand me the remote. Sunday News Editor Marv Adams remembers his dad, a World War II veteran, scolding him for picking at food when he was a little kid: Youll eat what they give you in the Army, or go hungry. Listen when I talk, colleague Michael Long remembers his dad telling him. He would say it emphatically, frustrated, often with a hand firmly gripping the back of my neck. Which is exactly how I say it to my 6-year-old now. ... Learning how to actively listen to people and care about what theyre saying is the greatest lesson my father ever taught me. From friend Andi McGlincy Murphy, of Manor Township, Dont make me count to three. My sympathy to fools who pushed past 1.5 one among them my brother. Thats why we often heard, Dont make me pull this car to the side of the road. Typically, the threat was prompted by a fight between my brother and our younger sibling, Beth, over who rated more of the back seat. Your sister is part of this family, our exasperated dad would spit from behind the steering wheel, and you cant change that. Out of such instances came my brothers advice to his own kids: Take it as you go. It stuck with them, but theyre not sure what it means. As for the journey into romantic relationships, Andi Murphys dad, the late Lew

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McGlincy, advised: Marriage isnt 50/50. Its usually 60/40 or more, and if youre the 60, just accept it. When cousin Dianne Roda was married, her dad, the late John P. Metzger, distributed cards at the reception. I am the Father of the Bride, the words, still taped to one of Diannes kitchen cupboard doors, read. Nobodys paying much attention to me today, but I can assure you that I am getting my share of attention, for the banks and several business firms are watching me very closely to be sure I pay these bills. The man she describes as a jokester and a true gentleman also warned Dianne, of East Hempfield Township, about her habit of making faces: If you keep doing that your face is going to freeze. Sunday News colleague Eric Stark still repeats his late grandfather LaVern Knosps words: No work is fun, or else they wouldnt call it work. Nor, noted colleague Vinny Tennis, is it worth doing halfheartedly. He was 14 when he began working with his dad as an electricians helper. If you are going to take the time to do

something, his dad told him, you might as well take the time to do it right. Kay Keen, of Manor Township, points to words her dad retired Rev. Eugene Hostetter and one of my former pastors posted on the refrigerator when she was a teen. Maturity: The endurance of present pain for future happiness. From my own dad when I ran late on school mornings: The clock doesnt stop ticking just because youre not moving. I could have used help from Millersville friend Ron Romas father: If youre gonna be late, be good and late. Barbara Breighner MacDonald, of East Hempfield, remembers her dads advice about sawing, which doubled as a metaphor for life: Measure twice, cut once. In other words, if youre well-prepared the outcome will be acceptable. Susan Minasian, chaplain at Franklin & Marshall College, was only 4 when her dad died. But she still remembers the morning she didnt pass his muster for church because her black patent-leather footwear and white lace handbag clashed. A shoe- and purse-aholic was born. Since we came to the U.S. [from Lithuania] in 1949, money was limited, recalled Emma Jarunas Sickman, who lives in the Myerstown area. When the family needed to make a purchase, her dad said, I am financially unable to purchase inferior products. So they bought less-likely-to-needrepairs, top-of-the-line items ... and still do. Always try to remember a persons name, if only [the] first name, Terrie Johnson Fingers dad, Lancaster restaurateur Bob Johnson, advised. He reminded Terrie, who works in advertising at LNP, that a persons moniker and anothers ability to

acknowledge it, are priceless. Bernita Wardrop Stadlers dad told her when she started working in 1972 that earning a paycheck would get easier the longer she did it. The former Lancaster woman who now lives in Lewes, Del., reminded him years later that his words didnt ring true. I lied, he confessed. When Helen Colwell Adams, a United Methodist pastor and Sunday News staffer, couldnt find something that was in plain sight, her dad said, If it was a snake, it would have bitten you! Advised this father of three daughters, whom Helen, now married to former picky-eater Marv and the mother of a teenage daughter, called a protofeminist: Dont depend on a man to take care of you. Learn to take care of yourself! Colleague Todd Spidle said he and his siblings got a verbal smack-down when they ignored their dads orders: You better hurry up and do what I say before I cloud up and rain on you! Stop using your head as a hat rack, said LNP intern Lynn Ondrusek, repeating one of her favorite dadisms. My brother-in-law Leo Gorecki credits this to his Polish-born, no-nonsense dad in Chicago: Son, life is hard. Its even harder when youre dumb. Thanks, Leo, and a Happy Fathers Day to my 82-year-old dad and all the men out there whove helped to put smiles on our faces and a firm foundation under our feet.
Barbara Hough Roda is mom to Faith and managing editor of the Sunday News. Contact her at broda@lnpnews.com or 481-7335. Check out her blog at LancMoms.com.

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Maryanne Cullen
By Maureen Leader Special Features Writer For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required. Luke 12:48 After talking to Maryanne Cullen for a while about her life, one is tempted to ask, ... when do you SLEEP? But Cullen has lived her life under one simple philosophy: To whom much is given, much is expected. And Cullen has been given much in her 58 years. She is the mother of nine children: Patrick, 33; Martha, 32; Bridget, 31; Bernadette, 29; Theresa, 27; Michael, 25; Joan, 21; Brian, 18; and Francis, 14. She also has three grandsons. Cullen is an accomplished lawyer. She graduated from Franklin & Marshall College at the age of 17, graduated Villanova Law School, and passed the bar at 20. She married her husband, James, a Lancaster judge, at 21. It would have been easy for her to take the high-powered career route, buy a big house in the suburbs, and nanny out her children. But Cullen didnt. She left work in 1984 to be a stay-athome mother and to homeschool her children. She remembers, It was a good decision. There was just too much confusion. Cullen said life was starting to get more complicated with orthodontist appointments, music lessons and sicknesses. But there was more to her decision. Cullen also wanted to give back a little of what she, herself, has been given. The Cullens have lived in a row house in Lancaster City for more than 31 years. She loves the diversity and the convenience of living downtown. The house is two blocks from the courthouse.

Mom of the Month ~

Maryanne Cullen
James can walk to work so the family never needed a second car. Simple is better, says Cullen. Not every child needs their own room. Today, as her in a while the Cullens would have Beaver Day a day set aside for the entire family to work together cleaning the house. There are so many other things Id rather do! Family vacations usually center around a family event such as a graduation, a birthday, or a school break. Thats better than a cruise! Felicia Loreto Knowlton nominated Cullen to be Mom of the Month and said Maryannes altruistic kindness has made her a wonderful role model not only to her nine children, but to everyone who comes in contact with her. Her unselfish generosity and commitment to her children is absolutely remarkable. She lives her faith every day and puts her faith into action by her many volunteer activities. children are almost all moved out, Cullen chuckles, We dont have to downsize! Cullen loved homeschooling her children because it gave them all the flexibility to learn at

their own pace, often excelling and moving forward quickly. This was key to Cullen because she was able to complete her education years ahead of

Cullen completes sprint marathons and triathlons. She received a bronze medal for her age category in the Turkey Hill Classic 10K. She will compete in the Senior Olympics held at Franklin & Marshall College this year. Cullen looks at exercise as a way to free my mind. And it also gives her a goal to work towards. At her age she feels blessed that she is still able to compete. One of Cullens favorite places to be in downtown Lancaster is the library. Its just two blocks away and I just love looking at all the books. She is a member of two book clubs. I love to hear others perspectives on a book. She wishes she had more time to read. Cullen has kept her law

license and education current. She loves living in the city. Its nice to see how the city is growing. There is so much to do and you can walk everywhere. She noted, What do they say? Fifty is the new 40? There is no reason you cant remain active. I look at the 80-yearolds still competing and it is encouraging. She and her husband, James, have been married 37 years. Cullens favorite way to cook while her children were growing up was with a Crockpot. With different schedules, family members could just serve themselves. Cullen said she learned something new every day while she was homeschooling. Cleaning is not my strong point, Cullen says. Every once

Mom details

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Friend: Someone who needs you in return

By Kirsten Freitag Murray Special Features Writer Every friendship we hold is unique and plays a vital role in our life. My friendships make me a better individual, wife, mother and colleague. The same is true in our childrens lives friendships can make or break their childhood experiences. Many friendships are centered on shared pursuits we meet at the gym and have coffee, we go to shows and concerts, we go biking or horseback riding, we play in a band, we pick peaches and make pies the list is varied and endless. We have friends we can talk to about absolutely anything, everything and nothing in particular, no matter the time of day or night. We have friends we depend on for practical help when we are under the weather, when the kids are sick, or the car is in the shop. I love this synopsis of friendship from Ellen Goodman and Patricia OBriens I Know Just What You Mean: The Power of Friendship in Womens Lives: When we asked women how they defined what a close friend is, they leaped past the adjectives to describe the impact: * being known and accepted, * understood to the core, * trust and loyalty you can count on, * having someone on your side. * having someone to share worries and secrets as well as the good stuff of life. * someone who needs you in return. All friendships begin with a spark an attraction. I want to be around you because you make me feel more alive when I am with you. Following that initial connection comes developing trust through shared experiences. As we navigate these relationships, we are also gauging what we can and cannot expect from our friends. Whether you are 4, 16 or 48 years old, expectations must be based on both the needs of our friends and ourselves a perpetual balancing act. And then there comes a time in some relationships when they are over. A falling out, misunderstandings and hurt feelings, unfulfilled expectations, feeling crowded, feeling neglected, a crosscountry move, a life-change and sometimes the death of a friend all can signal the end of a significant relationship. My life is filled with many incredibly unique friendships. Some friends I see almost every day because we do the same things, at the same place and time together. Others I may see every few weeks or months because we run on different schedules, we may be in different stages of mothering, or we have very specific overlapping interests that we pursue together sporadically. And, I even have friends with whom I work! There are also friends who I once had, and, for various reasons, we are no longer in each others lives. That last group is the one I have been stuck on. One of the most painful scenarios a mother can witness is the breakdown or loss of a friendship between her child and a close pal. I believe that one of the reasons this is so heart wrenching is that we can relate to the experience due to relationships of our own that have come to an end; be honest, weve all had them. In thinking about the life skills we need to impart to our kids, connecting with another person, nurturing that relationship, and navigating the friendship are among the most vital lessons to be learned. But how do we handle the end of a friendship? Relationships end for many reasons. Sometimes it results from fractured trust. Endings can come naturally due to changing life circumstances. And sometimes it results from tragedy. Checking in hope we get to work out together soon! Hope things are going well. Seems like an unremarkable text. It turns out that would be the last text I would ever send to one of my close friends who I saw practically every day. Shannon and I became friends when I was teaching Pilates and spinning at a gym that she attended after having her second baby. We bonded over her amazing effort and success in getting her body back. We had a mutual admiration a spark that we can all point to in each of our friendships. She was committed to getting leaner and stronger, and I was encouraged that she was able to tap into the motivation that I strove to provide. Over time, we started sharing more and more of our lives: stories about our husbands and

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Kirsten Freitag Murray

children; anecdotes from our work settings; and bits and pieces of our growing up years the glue that builds trust and the insider information behind those knowing glances that friends throw in each others direction. I watched her baby grow into a toddler and then a preschooler as he joined her after being in childcare during our workouts. Then, as happens, one of us had a life-altering event. I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and, all of the sudden, I wasnt her instructor and friend anymore I was her friend. She, along with many of my other friends, stood by me in a big way. Sharing in tears, cheering every victory, giving encouragement and releasing me from one of my roles as her instructor, she was able to transition to this new role for me. Then she took a big leap of faith when I was able to work out again after a 2.5 year hiatus and left our little community center to join me at a full-service gym, where I could access everything I needed to regain strength and get my body back, as much as I could. We would coordinate our workout times and even try out classes we said one of us would hate, just to do it together. She would say it was motivating just to be together, and I said it was encouraging that she could verbalize that to me. Our daily texts looked something like this: Pump today? Can you grab

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some real estate in Body Step for me? Will you try a dance class with me???? Cant come today, kids are sick. Heres our text from New Years 2012: Heres to another year of getting stronger together. And one day this spring the texts stopped. Many of the things we do and say can seem ordinary and unremarkable as we go through the paces of our day. But as parents, spouses and friends, we know that each small word and act strung together signifies what is most important to us. We were two women at different stages of mothering, from different walks of life, but that spark was there. The trust and commitment were there, and we had established extremely realistic expectations, so why such an abrupt end? I had been away, and a few more days went by with no response. I kept looking for her to come through the workout room door, or to see her sparkling smile as she tended the little ones in the childcare room. I was ready to set up her weights I just needed the word. Had I done something to upset her? My worry was replaced by dread when I learned after class that she had died from injuries in a riding accident over the weekend. In that moment I lost a friend who brightened my days with her passion for life and her devotion to her husband and young sons. If there was something she needed to do, there were few obstacles that stood in her way. We had taken our connection and nurtured it in a way that enlivened both of our complicated lives. We held each other lightly as we navigated having realistic expectations. I miss her terribly and Im still looking for her to come through the workout room door. But the beauty of friendships is that we dont experience them

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family have traveled to places like Costa Rica, Guatemala, Ecuador and Columbia to meet them. Her next trips will be to El Salvador this summer and to Kenya next February. Locally Cullen volunteers with the YWCA to help homeless women and children where she and her children are able to see the invisible people who live on the streets. Anyone can be in that situation (homelessness), she added. Lots of people are just one paycheck away from it. As Cullen looks back on the time raising her children, she says the most difficult was when the first six were very young. They were closest in age and the oldest was just eight years old. There were a lot of diapers, she remembers. Life is hectic with nine children and it would be hectic for anyone, even for someone like Cullen. As accomplished as she is, as smart as she is, and as much as she does for others she still questions herself. After listing all the names and ages of her children in order Cullen still had to wonder to herself and say, I hope I didnt leave anyone out! She didnt.

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Cullen
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the typical schedule. Cullen remembers just how she got the courage and the encouragement to do this. When I was in the sixth grade at Holy Trinity in Columbia, there was a nun named Sister Cecilia. She must have seen something in me. She called in my parents and asked if I could take on more responsibility. She had me take over classes, do extra reports and help her. She really inspired confidence in me. Cullen said she was just 11 years old then and just six years later she had completed high school and college. It really shows the power of just one teacher, Cullen remarked. I really learned that I was capable of more than what was expected. It has inspired me with my own children. Children are capable of so much more than what we give them credit. But Cullen has never been satisfied with just raising her own children. Throughout the years she has helped others worldwide. She sponsors children through the Christian Foundation for Children and Aging. She and her

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Friends
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in a vacuum. My friends who met Shannon have brought me meals, asked how I am doing, made gallant efforts to meet me at the gym and given me space to grieve when I need it. I have other friends who never had the opportunity to meet Shannon, but they also play a part in saying my good-bye. One natural outcome of my friends surrounding me as I work through this loss is that my own children have experienced my loss and the support from others. They are learning that we can endure much more than we ever imagine with the love of friends. They have seen that grief is real, and it is an emotion to be worked through and acknowledged. They are learning that even though Shannon isnt here, my friendship with her leaves me changed and strong for life. My children already knew that our days are numbered, but this is a reminder that we do not

know that number. They are internalizing how to say goodbye after a death of a friend. My teens are also realizing that ending a friendship for other reasons, some valid, need to be taken very seriously. My kids and friends get to hear me explain why I was so drawn to Shannon. So heres to Shannon, who lived every minute to the fullest and shared her passion for life with her children and friends by involving them in her everyday adventures. She brightened countless peoples lives with her ready smile and quick wit. And heres to all of my amazing friends who bring sparkle, life and love to my days, along with healing. Kirsten Freitag Murray, Parenting Development Coordinator with Compass Mark, Inc., is a contributor to the LancMoms.com Ask an Expert feature.

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Antique Auto Club Museum hosts drive-in movies, celebrates 100 years of Chevrolet
Movie Nights, and the event offered a double-feature. We found that people didnt stay for the second The AACA Museum (Antique movie. So this year, well have Auto Club of America) in Hershey some old-fashioned cartoons and the offers family fun year-round, but movie, she explains. this summer there are some special There is no set admission price; events for the whole family. however the suggested donation is The museum will again offer $15 per car. Drive-In Movie Nights this summer. The museum is also hosting Cars will be the featured movie on June 15 and 16, rain date June 17; a special exhibit, 100 Years of and Cars 2 July 20 and 21, rain Chevrolet, from June 15 to October date July 22. Nancy Gates, AACA 24. It is the centennial of Chevrolet Museums director of marketing & this year, and the theme of baseball, publicity, says that movies are shown hot dogs, and Chevrolet fits well on a three-story inflatable movie with the summer, Nancy says. screen. We really dont have a The exhibit features 30 vehicles drive-in movie in our area, so people that tell the story of the bow tie really enjoy the opportunity to bring their children or grandchildren to brand. The oldest vehicle in the experience something fun from the exhibit is a 1912 Little roadster (Little is the name of the manufacturer; past, she says. it combined with Chevrolet in People are welcome to bring 1913). Other vehicles in the exhibit blankets or lawn chairs or park include 1954 Corvette, 1961 Impala their car on the grass to view the SS, 1963 Impala SS (50 millionth movie. The movie screen has a Chevrolet), 1970 Chevelle LS-6, sound system so people on blankets and the Monza GT Concept Car can hear it; people in their cars can from the General Motors Heritage either roll down their windows or Collection. tune in on their cars audio system. There are also two NASCAR About half the people sit on blankets vehicles the Reeses car and a or lawn chairs, while the other half enjoys the movie from their cars, C-5 Corvette, which was the last racer that Dale Earnhardt Sr. finished Nancy says. a race in before his death in the 2001 Last year was the first time that Daytona 500. the AACA Museum hosted Drive-In By Rochelle A. Shenk Special Features Writer

Day Trippin:

AACA will host drive-in movies in Hershey.

In conjunction with the 100 Years of Chevrolet exhibit, the AACA Museum is hosting an All Chevrolet Car Show Sunday, July 22. The AACA Museum also features several activities geared for children. At the Photo Stop, kids of all ages can dress up in period clothing and have their picture taken sitting a vintage vehicle. Children

can assemble and race their own The AACA Museum with its mini-versions of cars with auto special exhibits and activities is a blocks, create a model railroad, or do great place to cruise through time a rubbing of an antique license plate. and have some family fun along the way. We really do offer something for the whole family. Kids and adults For further information about of all ages enjoy the restored 1941 the museum and its exhibits and diner its like walking into a time activities, visit www.aacamuseum. capsule, Nancy says. org or call 566-7100.

Above and right: Just two of the many cars to be featured at the special exhibit.

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JUNE 9, 2012 7

Kids Around the County

Top left, Evan Zimmerman, 2, shares his lollipop with his dad, Eric, at the Mount Joy Memorial Day Parade. (Vinny Tennis/ Sunday News) Top, center, Leanne Kneisley puts her arms over her ears as loud motorcycles go by at the Mount Joy Memorial Day Parade. (Vinny Tennis/Sunday News) Top, right, Three-year-old Eva Shiflet takes a bite of strawberry ice that she shares with her mother, Alisha, on opening day of Eastern Market. The market at 308 E. King St. operates 9 a.m.-2 p.m. Saturdays through Oct. 27. (Justin David Graybill/Sunday News) Right, Robert Dixon, 13, takes a ride on a slide while cooling off at the pool in Lancaster County Central Park on Memorial Day weekend. (Justin David Graybill/ Sunday News) Left, Donna Troutman and her grand daughter Emily Gambler, 7, both of Columbia, sit underneath a parasol at the Mount Joy Memorial Day Parade. (Vinny Tennis/Sunday News)

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Ask an Expert
By Dr. Pia Fenimore, M.D. Children with special needs come in all shapes, sizes and needs; however, they all need an advocate, and, as their parent, that is your job. Maybe you sometimes wonder why it happened to you, or you worry that you are not up to the task. All that is normal, and you should express it to someone you trust. Ultimately, your child needs you, and you have to be there. I promise the rewards are huge. There is no exact formula that works for every child, but there seem to be some trends that point towards success. I thought I would share those observations and maybe help some struggling parents. Find a physician you trust to be your childs primary care doctor and medical home. This physician does not need to be an expert in your childs problems. It should be someone who has the time, energy and desire to help your child and your family. They should be easily accessible and have the office support (referrals, nursing care, triage, etc.) to cover your needs. Be wary of someone who cares for many special needs children, as this can get overwhelming quickly, even for the best pediatricians, and they may lose sight of the fact that for the most part you want what every parent wants a happy, healthy life for your child. Communication is key with this provider. Ask your doctor how to communicate with him/her. A voice mail or email for quick communication can be a lifeline. If your physician shares this info with you, be careful not to abuse it. Avoid emailing problems that are clearly office visits, or calling for

Parents as advocates
paperwork that could have been obtained elsewhere. Make sure this provider has access to any and all people who are treating your child: therapists, orthotic makers, wheelchair fixers, mental health providers, teachers, principals, etc.; they all need to know that you expect them to communicate with your primary care provider. Know a few basic things about your child: Weight, medical diagnoses, medications and doses, specialists names, and allergies. Memorize this. Understand that there is not one service agency out there, so you are going to have to learn what is available. As a pediatrician in this town for 10 years, you would think I would know all the community services and support available to parents. I do not. Its impossible; there are so many, and its constantly changing. Dont rely on other people to find out what is available for your child. Investigate this yourself. Recognize that the system is a necessary evil. Managed care companies, medical assistance, educational plan committees, etc., all have rules and regulations that at some point will seem like obstacles to your childs best interest. Dont get angry. People with authority to change do not respond to anger. Dont take it personally. Dont get political (or at least if you do, leave your doctor out of it). The solution is to be effectively persistent. When encountering an obstacle, ask why it exists. Then ask if there is any way around it. Often you can find an alternative path to the same end point, but if you cant, move on and find a different solution. Find your experts. One time a parent asked me to order a new wheelchair for their child. I dont know anything about wheelchairs. Find someone who can authoritatively help you make decisions about your childs needs. No one is the end-all resource for kids needs you will need several people (if not lots) in your life. Be active in your childs school. Even if their special needs have nothing to do with education, get to know their teachers, principal, lunch aides, school nurse these are the people who know your child the best (besides his family, of course). They should be trusted when they say something is not right. They should be asked for help when you are working on a discipline problem at home or at school. Even if you work all day, you can still be involved. Go early in the morning to check in with the teacher occasionally. Go to evening school events with your child. Take a vacation day and spend it helping out at school. Understand any obstacles your child has to learning, and the only way you are really going to do that is if you see it for yourself. Understand that some people may have an unintentional negative reaction to your child. Perhaps their special needs make them feel guilty that they have a perfect child. Perhaps they have misguided beliefs about the causes of some of your childs problems. Regardless of what fuels it, identify who these people are and do your best to minimize their contact with your child. Yes, you could argue that your child will change their mind, but that is not fair to your child. Do whatever you can to make the lives easier for those who spend time helping your child. An example is one parent brings me bullet points to include in letters every time I need to write them on behalf of their childs needs. This saves me tons of time and ensures that the letter says exactly what it should in order to achieve our goal. If your child takes medicine at school, organize them in a weekly box for the school nurse. If your child requires extra time for exams, offer to come into school and do an activity with the other students while the teacher is proctoring the exam. It

is important to know that time is the most precious commodity to a child with special needs, and anytime you can do things to get more time, you are helping your child immensely. Parenting a special needs child is hard, exhausting and stressful. It also is uplifting, life changing and motivating. You can do this, but you cant do it alone. Find your army. Each member of your forces has a different talent. You are the general; lead them well. This column is dedicated to Kyle and his parents. Dr. Pia Fenimore, of Lancaster Pediatric Associates, is a contributor to the LancMoms.com Ask an Expert feature.

Dr. Pia Fenimore

Editors Note: An incorrect headline was used on the Parents As Advocates article in the May 12, 2012 issue of LancMoms.com. It was the headline for an article in the March 10 LancMoms. com. Both articles are reprinted here.

By Dr. Pia Fenimore, M.D.

Vitamin D: What it is, how it works

Vitamin D is a hot topic these days among parents and pediatric providers. You can get varying advice about this supplement, so I thought I should help make this a little bit clearer. Lets start by talking about what this vitamin is and how it works. Vitamin D is a substance found naturally in some dietary sources (mostly oily fish and egg yolks) and is produced by the skin through UVB ray absorption from sun exposure. It is also found in foods that have been fortified with vitamin D, which is milk, cheese, yogurt and cereals. To summarize, you get your vitamin D either from eating it or from being in the sun. Vitamin D is critical for the absorption of calcium and phosphorous, which is how we

make and remodel our bones. Children and adults without enough vitamin D develop rickets or other forms of bone demineralization. Interestingly, in the last few years it has become clear that its not just bones that benefit from vitamin D. This nutrient has been found to be important in the prevention of immune, cardiovascular, and cancer type diseases. With these new discoveries scientists have pushed health care providers to focus on this vitamin as a vital substance for wellness. Vitamin D deficiency is a relatively new concern. Its the result of three modern time changes: 1. With the discovery that UV exposure causes skin cancer, we are protecting our children from sunlight more aggressively.

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Holding down the fort

The key is timing

I smiled after reading how Andre Iguodala cleared his head to make two crucial, last-second, foul shots to seal a Philadelphia 76ers upset playoff series win. A dreadful free-throw shooter, Iguodala explained he found peace of mind by thinking about time spent with his son that helped ease tension. I grinned because Ive often used this technique to alleviate stress. During a playoff racquetball match at LA Fitness in 2010, I found myself steering the ball instead of driving it because I was tense and worrying about missing. But I found cool, calm, composure, as if a fever had broken, when an enjoyable memory of my son popped in

my head. Michaels sledding trip down a Brubaker Park hill derailed when my 75-pound Golden Retriever Skittles barreled in to flip Michaels 50-pound frame. The vision of Skittles hightailing with the sled in his jowls freed

my mind and diverted me to victory. After that, I rotated various action pictures of Mike & Maggie (M&M) in my racquetball and golf bags to help conjure positive thoughts and memories to occupy the gray matter within my thick skull. Now with the iPod, I view full videos of my kids while in the middle of round of golf. Reliving precious moments of awkward roller-skating, riding without training wheels for the first time, or watching M&M simply walk down a Manhattan street takes my mind off my golf league opponent at Chappel Hill Golf Course. Im not saying this works all the time. In fact thinking about kids can sometimes increase stress especially as they grow (mine are now 8 and 11) more defensive. Its hard to find a happy place

when thoughts of mean-spirited, yet necessary, disciplining are evoked. This is especially true for me I think because Im with my kids so much while working from home. But, Ive finally realized that using my fathers penetrating approach to discipline doesnt really work with children indoctrinated by TV shows and movies that portray Dads as buffoonish. Actually I doubt if frantic yelling ever worked. It really hit home when Mike, after a recent disagreement, sketched head shots of me breathing fire and

him shedding a single tear. The caption was perfect: I was just frustraded. So with Fathers Day right around the corner Ive adopted a new technique in addressing such discipline issues as homework, chores, tidiness, and time spent reading, playing 3DS, and watching TV, that often cause confrontation. The key is timing. I know when Im hungry my grumpiness grows exponentially. It makes sense that M&M are the same way. I now feed my kids before discussing anything important. But even then timing has to be right. Ive found you dont bring up homework on a Friday after school or even during spaghetti dinner. I wait for dessert my kids are amazingly more agreeable when theres a Little Debbie Cosmic Brownie involved.

LASTING LOVE

(A Wedding Meditation)

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HIGHS AUTO SERVICE, INC. General Repairs State Inspection Air Conditioning Service 1603 Rothsville Rd., Lititz 626-0264 HOOBER, INC. Case IH Farm Equipment Intercourse 800-732-0017 Chambersburg 800-447-6830 McAlisterville 800-433-6679 Middletown, Delaware 800-341-4028 Seaford, Delaware 800-843-3056 J.B. HOSTETTER & SONS, INC. Hardware Paint Housewares Lawn & Garden Equip Electronics Appliances Just Ask Rental Mount Joy 653-1841 JOHN M. HESS AUCTION SERVICE, INC. 1667 Cider Press Rd., Manheim 877-599-8894 #AY000253L www.hess-auction.com KAUFFMANS FRUIT FARM & MARKET Fruit Growers 717-768-7112 Deli Groceries Produce Bulk Foods www.kauffmansfruitfarm.com 3097 Old Phila. Pk., Bird-In-Hand LANDYSHADE MULCH PRODUCTS Bark/Mushroom/Playground Mulch Screened Top Soil Railroad Ties 1801 Colebrook Rd., Lancaster 898-7689 LICHTY BROTHERS, INC. Finest Collision Service Showroom Quality Painting Towing Hunter Wheel Alignment East Earl 717-445-6733

MARK G. BRUBAKER Certified Public Accountant 214 N. Market St., Elizabethtown 367-2555 1 N. Hess St., Quarryville 786-1433 MARTINS AUTO SALES Specializing In Used Pickup Trucks 1025 W. Main, New Holland 717-656-6621 MARTINS COUNTRY MARKETS, LLC Groceries Home Dressed Meats LIncoln Mall at Ephrata 738-3754 M. M. WEAVER & SONS, INC. Massey-Ferguson Sales & Service 169 N. Groffdale Rd., Leola 656-2321 MUSSELMAN LUMBER, INC. Lumber Building Materials New Holland 354-4321 Ephrata 733-2241 PaulB LLC Hardware Ephrata 717-738-7350 Fax 738-7360 Paul B. Zimmerman, Inc. Company ROOTS NURSERIES, INC Profssional Landscape Design & Planting Retail Plant Center 2361 Lancaster Rd. Manheim 17-898-0041 www.rootsnurseries.com SENSENIGS FEED MILL Grain Pet Food & Supplies 115 S. Railroad Ave., New Holland 354-4756 800-724-2002

WEAVER MARKETS, INC. Supermarket & Banquet Facilities Adamstown 717-484-4302 Reinholds 717-336-3868 www.weavermarkets.com WEAVERS STORE INC. Shoes Boots Clothing Hardware Sporting Goods Archery Range Housewares Fivepointville - Rte. 897 717-445-6791 800-856-4031 Leola 717-556-0791 Specializing in Hardware YODERS COUNTRY MARKET, RESTAURANT & BUFFET Menu & Buffet Dining Banquets 14 S. Tower Rd., New Holland 354-4748 ZIMMERMANS INSURANCE Personal Light Commercial Life 200 W. Main, Leola 717-656-2176 www.zimmins.net ZOOK MOLASSES CO. Molasses: Liquid Dried Organic GOOD FOOD, INC. Processors of Syrups, Molasses, Sugar, Cooking Oils & Dry Blending Honey Brook 800-327-4406 www.goldenbarrel.com

The whole world may love a lover, but the whole world does not know what it takes for love to deepen, grow, and last. Romantic love based on physical attraction alone will not last. It is in loving God wholly that by his help one can love self properly, then love a married partner faithfully. In deeply knowing God who is love, we catch the meaning of his kind of love: Unselsh love that seeks the wellbeing, growth, usefulness of the one who is loved. Unconditional love that does not demand to be pleased before love is given. Forgiving love that forgets failures

and starts anew. Sacricing love that gives up comfort, even life for the one who is loved. Submissive love as each one (husband, wife) learns to adapt, to give. St. Paul calls it submitting one to another. It is said that love is not so much gazing at each other but both looking out together in the same direction. Husband and wife nd that their relationship is enriched and strengthened when they not only pay loving attention to each others but look out beyond themselves to serve God, the church, their neighbors. Together.

COUNTRY STORE Bulk Foods Lunch Meats Cheese Fresh Produce Natural Foods 3140 Mt. Joy Rd., Mt. Joy 653-2652 EBERSOLES VACUUM CLEANER SALES & SERVICE Household & Commercial Central Vacuums Bags-Parts-Service 20 Beaver Valley Pk., Willow Street 717-464-1325 www.ebersolesvacuum.com GEHMAN FEED MILL, INC. Livestock & Poultry Feeds Horse, Pet & Wild Bird Feeds Denver 717-336-5585 GOODS STORE, INC. Clothing Dry Goods Hardware Lawn & Garden Shoes East Earl 354-4026 Quarryville 786-9028 Schaefferstown 949-2663 Ephrata 733-7356

No. 360RS Concord Associates. For a free copy, send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to: Concord Associates, 205 Riverside Dr., Bridgewater, VA 22812.

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Vitamin D
- continued from page 8

2. Studies show that Americans spend 93 percent of their time indoors. Our modern lifestyle is an indoor one. 3. Our diet has changed. Our children, particularly young adults, eat/drink less dairy, and other fortified products; and oily fish is certainly no longer a staple!

2012 Universal Uclick www.universaluclick.com

30-D) Cannibal

Riddle answer:

Through much trial and error the American Academy of Pediatrics has determined that children ages newborn to adolescence need 400 IU of vitamin D per day. So who needs supplementation? If you look at the AAP recommendations, they say pretty much everybody, but they come down the strongest on breast-fed infants. I struggle with telling a breast-feeding mother that her milk is not good enough. There is no doubt in any pediatricians mind that human milk is the best nutrition source for human babies. Not all mothers are able to breast-feed, but when its possible, its the best. However, there is not enough vitamin D in breast milk to provide the 400 IU per day that infants need. Interestingly, supplementing Mom does not produce a higher level in that mothers milk, unless done at dangerously high doses. So you have to supplement the infant. Since we know that early sun exposure increases a persons risk of skin cancer, and babies are not eating fortified foods, we are forced to say that a supplement is necessary for a breast-fed child. Formulas are fortified with vitamin D, so if your child is formula-fed, you are covered. As children get older this becomes a bit more foggy. The amount they need (400IU) stays the same, but how they get it can change. Older children are typically ingesting foods that Dr. Pia Fenimore, of provide them with vitamin D, Lancaster Pediatric Associates, and they are usually getting is a contributor to the LancMoms. some sun exposure. Lets talk com Ask an Expert feature.

about these sources individually. Full-body sun exposure of a light-skinned adult for 15 minutes will produce 10,00020,000 IU of vitamin D within 24 hours! Many things affect the way your child will produce vitamin D from sun exposure: skin pigmentation, amount of body mass exposed, cloud cover, pollution, season, and sunscreen. Obviously, you do not want your child getting sunburns in the name of vitamin D production! However, it is just one more reason to go outside and play. And a reminder that life is about balance in this case, balance between sun protection and the benefits of the sun. One teaspoon of cod liver oil has enough vitamin D for a child for one day. Problem solved right? Yeah, right. There are not very many kids who will eat the oily fish products that have vitamin D in them. A child needs to drink 32 ounces of fortified milk per day to get the needed amount. Thats a lot of milk; too much actually for other dietary concerns. A half cup of dry fortified cereal has 40 IU; same for one egg. You can read labels and find sources, and, if you are eating a healthy diet, its not too hard to get up to 400IU per day. So probably older kids do not need a supplement unless they are not good eaters. If you decide your child needs an external source of vitamin D, you can purchase vitamin drops or chewables over the counter. They come in many different brands/fashions. When purchasing, be wary of combination products. A baby really just needs vitamin D; extra stuff can cause side effects, so avoid that. In an older child you can buy a combo product with calcium, but thats probably all you need. And avoid vitamins that have lots of sugar, alcohol or sugar substitutes.

The (K) Clues are for Kids

Created by Timothy E. Parker January 2, 2012

ACROSS 1. (K) Opposite of reaps 5. Cousin of ahem 9. (K) 2,000 pounds 12. Asian housemaid 13. (K) Admire 14. (K) Ginger ___ soda 15. End of a boxing match, often 16. Quartz variety 17. (K) Grassy field 18. a date which will live in ___: FDR 20. My Fair Lady horse race 22. (K) Devoured 23. (K) Ships pole 25. (K) Polite address for a man 27. (K) Thick piece of concrete 29. (K) Elementary particle

33. Collection of discovered valuables (2 words) 36. (K) Material with which kittens have a ball? 37. ___ and kin 38. Guys date 39. (K) Not closed 41. 112.5 degrees from S 43. Pretty, in Scotland 46. Spay 49. Barely achieve (with out) 50. (K) Choirs club 53. Flightless bird 54. (K) Collectors collection, perhaps 55. (K) Flour factory 56. (K) Word after him or her 57. (K) Pas mates 58. (K) Cheerleaders do it 59. Prefix for while

DOWN 1. Munros pen name 2. (K) Yemen neighbor 3. Wandering one 4. (K) Young hog 5. Cunning tactic 6. (K) Go against God 7. (K) Its blue 8. (K) Big southern state 9. After-bath powder 10. Dairy-section choice 11. (K) Clean and orderly 19. (K) Untidy situation 21. (K) Top-billed actor 23. Comic Cheech 24. (K) Help a criminal 25. (K) Boars place 26. Nest egg component, briefly

28. Darth Vaders son 30. (K) Hand in hand 31. Future embryos 32. Man of a Thousand Voices Blanc 34. Unknown author, for short 35. (K) with this ring, I ___ wed 40. Diminutive pet goat 42. (K) Hospital worker 43. (K) Gymnasts balancing equipment 44. (K) Louisiana cooking pod 45. (K) Tennis courts features 46. Aint Misbehavin star Carter 47. (K) Sushi fishes 48. (K) Huck Finns vehicle 51. (K) Tell a fib 52. 90-degree angle

Can you find the answer to this riddle within the solved puzzle?

One who has a guest for dinner?

PUZZLE ANSWERS

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Ask an Expert at
Megan Conklin Certified Orthopedic Manual Therapist with HARTZ Physical Therapy Fitness, injury prevention and rehabilitation Dr. Maria Meliton M2 Dentistry for Children & Teens, LLC, Pediatric Dental Health

.com

Dr. Pia Fenimore Lancaster Pediatrics Pediatric Health

Kirsten Freitag Murray Parenting Development Coordinator with Compass Mark, Inc. Social, relational and/ or behavioral issues

Terry Evearitt Certified College Planner, College Funding Advisors, Inc. College financial planning, aid, other college financing

John Holtzapple Safe Kids Certified Car Seat Technician Stadel Volvo Proper car seat selection, installation and harness placement

Megan Conklin

Kirsten Freitag Murray

Question: I have a 3-year-old foster daughter who is very difficult, a lot of crying, Question: My question is about menisci. Ive read that damage often occurs when you go from squatting to standing and the menisci dont move back into place, resulting in being tantrums over sometimes nothing, especially when she is told to do something or not to do, I crushed. But why didnt they get back to their proper places? Is there something inherently have kept a daily log and can not find a trigger and she is hard to console when she gets like wrong with the knee joint that didnt allow them to get back to place quickly enough? Or is this. She had a eval and they told me they had no idea why she is like this or no help with her. it just a freak thing? Any suggestions? Question: I would like to start saving money for my childs education. What are the Question: What are your thoughts on giving a baby a pacifier? What age should it be benefits of using a 529 plan over just placing the money in a savings account or CD? taken from the child?

Dr. Maria Meliton

Terry Evearitt

Find the answers to these questions at

.com

Tasty and healthy summer snack

If you have a sweet tooth, try this delicious recipe that boasts approximately 110 calories, three grams of protein and only two grams of fat. Wasa Crisp N Light Wholesome Wheat with Fresh Fruit and Yogurt Ingredients: 2 slices Wasa Crisp N Light Wholesome Wheat 1/2 orange, segmented Crackerbread 1/2 kiwi, thinly sliced 1 strawberry, thinly sliced Directions: Mix together all fruit and lime zest 1/2 lime, zested and juiced with lime juice and mint. Spread 2 tablespoons 1/2 teaspoon mint, chopped Greek yogurt on each Crackerbead slice. Top with a 2 tablespoons Greek yogurt few tablespoons of the fruit mixture.

Check out what other Lancaster Moms (and Dads) are doing and saying. Forums, blogs, questions, and answers all can be found at LancMoms.com. Get a LancMoms.com card, good for discounts and services.

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