by Ryan Basen

Deal i ng wi th Fri ends and Enemi es

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Deal i ng wi th Fri ends and Enemi es
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Published by ABDO Publishing Company, 8000 West 78th Street,
Edina, Minnesota 55439. Copyright 2011 by Abdo Consulting
Group, Inc. International copyrights reserved in all countries. No
part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written
permission from the publisher. Te Essential Library is a trademark
and logo of ABDO Publishing Company.
Printed in the United States of America,
North Mankato, Minnesota
062010
092010
Editor: Rebecca Rowell
Copy Editor: Nick Cafarelli
Interior Design and Production: Marie Tupy
Cover Design: Marie Tupy
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Basen, Ryan.
Got your back : dealing with friends and enemies / Ryan Basen.
p. cm. (Essential health: a guys guide)
Includes index.
ISBN 978-1-61613-540-9
1. FriendshipJuvenile literature. 2. Interpersonal relations
Juvenile literature. 3. BoysPsychologyJuvenile literature. I.
Title.
BF575.F66B367 2011
155.632dc22
2010017072
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0r. 9Ob_n 5l|verman tru|_ enO_s spendlng
tlme vltn _Oung peOp|e. |n fact, lt's vnat sne
dOes best| As a cnl|d and teen deve|Opment
specla|lst, 0r. 9Ob_n nas devOted ner career
tO ne|plng gu_s ust |lke _Ou becOme a|| tne_
can beand pOsslb|_ mOre tnan tne_ ever
lmaglned. 1nrOugnOut tnls serles, _Ou'|| read
ner expert advlce On frlends, glr|s, c|assmates,
scnOO|, faml|_, and ever_tnlng ln betveen.
A se|f-esteem and bOd_ lmage expert,
0r. 9Ob_n takes a pOsltlve apprOacn tO
|lfe. 5ne knOvs nOv tOugn lt ls tO be a kld
ln tOda_'s vOr|d, and sne's prepared vltn
encOuragement and guldance tO ne|p _Ou
becOme _Our ver_ best and rea|lze _Our gOa|s.
0r. 9Ob_n ne|ps _Oung peOp|e snare tnelr
vl|dest dreams and blggest prOb|ems. |er
cOmpasslOn, Openness, and nOnest_ make
ner trusted b_ man_ adO|escents, and sne
cOnslders lt a glft tO be ab|e tO lnteract vltn
tne _Oung peOp|e vnOm sne sees as tne
|eaders Of tOmOrrOv. 5ne created tne POverfu|
WOrds Cnaracter 0eve|Opment s_stem, a
prOgram taugnt a|| Over tne vOr|d ln martla|
arts and Otner spOrts prOgrams tO ne|p gu_s
ust |lke _Ou becOme examp|es tO Otners ln
tnelr cOmmunltles.
As a speaker, success cOacn, and avard-
vlnnlng autnOr, 0r. 9Ob_n's pOverfu| messages
nave reacned tnOusands Of peOp|e. |er
expert advlce nas been featured ln 2TGXGPVKQP
magazlne, 2CTGPVKPImagazlne, 750GYUCPF
9QTNF4GRQTV, and tne 9CUJKPIVQP2QUV. 5ne vas
an expert fOr 6JG6[TC5JQY(QZ0GYUand N0C's
.:VX5ne nas an On|lne presence, tOO. YOu
can fO||Ov ner On 1vltter, becOme a fan On
|acebOOk, and read ner b|Og On ner Web slte,
vvv.0r9Ob_n5l|verman.cOm. Wnen sne lsn't
vOrklng, 0r. 9Ob_n enO_s spendlng tlme vltn
ner faml|_ ln Nev Jerse_.
0r. 9Ob_n be|leves tnat _Oung peOp|e are
assets tO be deve|Oped, nOt prOb|ems tO be
flxed. As sne puts lt, "6u_s are sO mucn mOre
tnan tne va_ tne medla palnts tnem. 1ne_
nave sO man_ tnlngs tO Offer. |'m read_ tO
nlgn|lgnt nOv gu_s get lt rlgnt and tO prOvlde
tlps fOr tne va_s tne_ can make tnelr teen
_ears tne best _ears sO far . . . |'d be gratefu| lf
_Ou'd cOme a|Ong fOr tne rlde."
}
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YOu're at a great tlme ln _Our |lfe. Man_ peOp|e
m_ age vOu|d g|ad|_ cnange pOsltlOns vltn
_Ou. 1nat's because _Ou're abOut tO start
sOme great frlendsnlps. | stl|| keep ln tOucn
vltn man_ Of tne klds | grev up vltn. 1nls ls
One tnlng tnat's great abOut belng a gu_: Man_
Of us nave |lfe|Ong frlendsnlps.
0ut fOrmlng and malntalnlng tnese
frlendsnlps lsn't a|va_s eas_. |t vasn't fOr
me, and _Ou'|| |lke|_ nave _Our snare Of ups
and dOvns, tOO. 1nls bOOk ls fu|| Of stOrles
abOut gu_s |lke _Ou vnO experlence prOb|ems
gettlng a|Ong vltn Otner klds. 1nese anecdOtes
tOucn On dea|lng vltn bu||les, belng a bu||_,
belng tne nev kld, belng a |Oner, tr_lng tO flt
ln, and mucn mOre. YOu ma_ nave dea|t vltn
slml|ar sltuatlOns a|read_. 1ne gOOd nevs
ls tnat b_ dea|lng vltn tne drama, _Ou vl||
emerge a mOre mature and tested gu_. And
_Ou vl|| nave frlends _Ou can re|_ On.
| knOv | dld. Llke mOst Of tne gu_s | grev
up vltn, | can re|ate tO ever_ cnapter ln tnls
bOOk. | remember tne |One|lness and anxlet_
| fe|t vnen | svltcned scnOO|s, mOvlng ava_
frOm m_ frlends. | can reca|| belng targeted
b_ bu||les as a _Oung mldd|e scnOO| student
because | vas unsure abOut nOv tO stand up
fOr m_se|f. | a|sO regret tne tlmes ln m_ ear|_
teen _ears vnen | fOund m_se|f On tne Otner
slde and acted |lke a bu||_. | |augn nOv vnen |
tnlnk abOut a|| tne fads m_ frlends and | dOve
lntO. We vere sO eager tO tr_ On |abe|s and flt
ln vltn tne pOpu|ar crOvd.
| nad a t_plca| adO|escence fOr an
Amerlcan gu_, and | made lt tnrOugn. |Opefu||_,
readlng tnls bOOk can ne|p _Ou f|Ourlsn, tOO.
1nen, vnen _Ou get tO be an adu|t, _Ou'|| nave
a trustvOrtn_, |O_a| grOup Of frlends Of _Our
Ovn. YOu mlgnt ref|ect On tne tOugn tlmes _Ou
nad durlng _Our adO|escence and be g|ad _Ou
vent tnrOugn lt a||and _Ou mlgnt even sml|e
and |augn abOut sOme Of lt. 0ecause desplte
a|| Of tne drama, lt vl|| make _Ou a|| better
frlends.
Good l uck!
Ryan
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100 l00f
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aking friends might come
easily to you. You may have
many friends and spend a lot
of time with them. Perhaps you hang out
with your friends several times a week
or see each other every day in school.
You spend the rest of the time with your
family. So, maybe you dont know what
its like to be alone.
Some boys know that lonely
feeling, though. For some reason, they
dont click with other kids at school, at
camp, or at extracurricular activities such
as sports or band. Even after spending
hours around other kids, they dont
become friends with any of them. They
are loners.
Bei ng a l oner i s no fun. Few
ki ds, i f any, woul d choose
not to have fri ends.
Being a loner is no fun. Few kids, if any, would
choose not to have any friends. Even the shiest
guys try to make friends. But they arent always
successful. They hang out by themselves and study by
themselves. As a result, they feel isolated.
Jake was one such loner. Check out his
experience to see how he handled going to school
without any friends.
l8k0`8 $l0f
Like all of his fifth grade classmates at his elementary
school, Jake graduated in June and prepared to move
to a new school. Unlike his peers, though, Jake had a
few friends, but not many. He preferred to play video
games and sometimes even board games by himself.
Jakes new middle school freaked him out. He
was used to attending a school with about 100 kids
in his grade. He knew many of them because he
had been going to school with them for years. Jakes
middle school, however, had 300 kids in the sixth
grade. He didnt know most of his classmates.
At the start of the
school year, many of
Jakes old classmates
continued hanging out
with each other. But, just as had been the case in
elementary school, Jake didnt hang out with them.
And he felt weird starting conversations with kids he
didnt know.
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He could hear them talking as he walked by in
the hall. A guy would say, Hey, do you have Mr. Ash
for math?
Yeah, the other guy would say, and just like
that, two kids would become instant friends.
Other kids didnt reach out to Jake, either. Jake
felt as if he didnt fit in with any of his classmates. He
wasnt a great athlete. He wasnt in the school band.
He didnt want to join any clubs. He was a good
student, but he couldnt find anything in common
with his peers outside of class.
Jake often ate lunch in the school cafeteria by
himself or sat with teachers. During free times in gym
class, he would shoot baskets by himself. Jake studied
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by himself, too. He did so even during study hall,
when students were allowed to work together.
Jake couldnt work by himself forever, though.
One day in social studies, Mr. Murray announced,
For your oral reports on Australia, I am dividing you
into groups. Lissy, Jamie, Zach, and Jake will be in
our first group.
Jake felt a shiver go through his body when
Mr. Murray said his name. Jamie immediately took
charge. Jake, what section do you want to do? he
asked. Jake paused. He knew nothing about Australia.
Lets see, Jamie said, I have Sydney already.
How about Melbourne?
Uh, okay, Jake replied.
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Why di d Jake have troubl e adj usti ng to
hi s new school ? Why do you thi nk Jake
avoi ded conversati ons wi th other ki ds?
Have you ever fel t too i nti mi dated to
approach other ki ds? Why di d you feel
that way?
Have you seen a l onel y student i n your
school ? Have you tri ed to reach out
to hi m?
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What woul d the others say
to hi m? What woul d they
thi nk of hi s part of the
report?
Jake dove into the assignment with the solid
work ethic he applied to all his schoolwork. The
group decided to meet at Jamies house. Jake was
nervous about meeting outside of school. What
would he say to Jamie when he got to the door? What
would the others say to him? What would they think
of his part of the report?
The group gathered
at Jamies house that
weekend. When it was
Jakes turn to share his
portion of their presentation, he delivered a detailed,
five-minute speech about Melbourne. Jamie, Zach,
and Lissy thought it was great. They had assumed
Jake wouldnt really participate, so they were surprised
he had been so well prepared.
Wow, Jake. That was sick! Jamie exclaimed.
Um . . . thanks, he said, feeling his face flush.
Were going to ace this report, Jamie said.
Yeah, I hope so, Jake said.
The group presented their Australia report the
next Monday in class. Jake did an excellent job, just
as he had done at Jamies house. The rest of the group
also did well, and they received an A. The kids in the
group were impressed with Jake. The rest of the kids
seemed impressed, too.
That afternoon in gym class, Jake was shooting
baskets by himself as usual. Jamie walked over and
began shooting with him.
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So, Jamie said, whats your deal? Like, what
elementary school did you go to? Do you play a lot of
basketball?
Jake was surprised that someone wanted to
know about him. Uh, I went to Beverly Farms, he
said. I dont play much basketball. Football is my
favorite sport.
Cool, Jamie responded. I play football all the
time. Me and Cory and Zach, we usually play after
school on Friday. Do you wanna play with us this
week?
Uh, Jake said. Um. Okay. Yeah, cool.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why was Jake nervous about meeti ng wi th
hi s group outsi de of school ?
Why do you thi nk Jake was abl e to ace
hi s part of the report, especi al l y when
hed been so shy about doi ng a group
proj ect?
Why do you thi nk Jami e started tal ki ng
to Jake and i nvi ted hi m to pl ay footbal l ?
How do you thi nk Jake feel s about Jami es
i nvi tati on?
Has a cl assmate ever reached out to you
when you fel t al one?
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Jake accepted the invitation, but he was really
nervous. He went to the park after school on Friday.
He had butterflies in his stomach as he got to the
park and saw about two dozen kids he barely knew.
Although he wasnt great at football, he was decent
enough to play. He caught a couple of passes and
made a few tackles.
Most of the guys didnt know Jake. They only
knew him as the kid who often shot baskets by
himself in gym class. After the football game, though,
they came over and talked with him.
Youre pretty good, Zach said. I hope youre
on my team next time. Then, Jamie came up to Jake.
Hey dude, he said. Youre in my math class too,
right?
Yeah, I think so, Jake replied.
We have that test on Monday. You wanna
come over and study for it on Sunday? Jamie said.
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This time, Jake did not hesitate to give an
answer. Sure, thatd be great he said. Let me know
what time I should be there.
As Jake walked home from the park after the
game, he smiled to himself and took a deep breath.
He still was not entirely comfortable at his new
school. He still felt too shy to approach many of his
classmates. But he no longer felt isolated. Some of
his classmates had noticed him and tried to get to
know him. They seemed to like him and wanted to
hang out with him. Maybe they would even become
friends.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why was Jake sti l l a bi t apprehensi ve
about hi s new fri ends as he wal ked home?
Have you ever reached out and tri ed to
befri end a l oner? What happened? Di d you
become fri ends?
What about students who have an even
harder ti me fi tti ng i n than Jake? How
mi ght you hel p them feel l ess al one?
Do you thi nk Jake wi l l conti nue to hang
out wi th Jami e and the other guys? Why
or why not?
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0elng a |Oner can be dlfflcu|t, but lt lsn't
unusua|. |undreds Of klds Jake's age dOn't fee|
|lke tne_ mesn ve|| vltn Otners. 5Ometlmes,
Otner klds avOld tnem because tne_ ma_ be
vleved as qulrk_, velrd, Or slmp|_ dlfferent.
1ne_ are dlfferent. Lver_bOd_ ls.
Man_ klds are tOO lndependent Or tOO
stubbOrn tO fee| cOmfOrtab|e ln a grOup. 5Ome
are natura||_ lntrOverted and reserved. 5O, lt's
easler fOr tnem tO be a|One. 0tners ma_ prefer
tO c|lng tO a parent Or anOtner adu|t, sucn as
a teacner. klds |lke Jake are Often afrald Of
Otner kldsafrald Of belng udged, reected, Or
treated pOOr|_. 5O, tne_ avOld tnem.
1nls ls nOt nea|tn_, tnOugn. klds vnO dOn't
nave an_ peOp|e tne_ can ca|| c|Ose frlends are
at rlsk Of depresslOn. 1ne_ are a|sO mOre |lke|_
tO drOp Out Of scnOO|, be bu||led, bu||_ Otners,
Or use drugs. 1ne_ cOu|d nave a tOugner tlme
adustlng tO adu|tnOOd. |t's lmpOrtant fOr
|Oners tO vOrk tnrOugn tnelr lnsecurltles and
be arOund Otner klds. Lventua||_, tne_ vl|| fee|
mOre cOmfOrtab|e and begln tO Open up. 5O,
lf _Ou see a gu_ vnO ls a |Oner, dOn't be afrald
tO be tne One tO take tne flrst step. YOu mlgnt
make a tru|_ great frlend.
N0fk ll 00l
!. 9eacn Out tO Otner klds vnO nave lnterests
slml|ar tO _Ours. Lacn tlme _Ou reacn Out
tO sOmeOne, lt vl|| becOme easler tne next
tlme, untl| _Ou nO |Onger fee| stressed
abOut lt. COnnectlng vltn Otners can make
_Ou fee| mOre va|ued and understOOd.
2. 1a|k tO _Our parents, a guldance cOunse|Or,
Or a scnOO| ps_cnO|Oglst. Adu|ts ma_ nave
gOOd ldeas abOut nOv _Ou can Open up and
meet nev peOp|e.
3. AvOldlng Otner klds ma_ make _Ou fee|
safe nOv, but belng sOcla||_ exc|uded and
lgnOred can make _Ou fee| avfu|. |gnOrlng
tnat fee|lng vOn't make lt gO ava_.
100 l88l N0f0 lf0M 88
NOt a|| gu_s are tne same. Wnl|e sOme are
rea||_ OutgOlng, Otners are sn_ and anxlOus
arOund Otner peOp|e. 1nese are natura| tralts,
but tnat's nOt an excuse fOr avOldlng Otners.
5Ometlmes, belng a |Oner ust fee|s better
_Ou dOn't nave tO dea| vltn peOp|e. |t can be
dlfflcu|t tO make frlends lf _Ou're sn_. 0On't
glve up. 0On't avOld grOup prOects, spOrts
teams, and scnOO| c|ubs. JOln tnem tO pursue
_Our Ovn lnterests. 0efOre |Ong, _Ou vOn't be
a |Onerand _Ou vOn't vant tO be.
gQ
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sk any adult if they were
popular when they were
your age. Many will laugh.
Others will shudder. Still others will get
nostalgic. Popularity is not as important
to most adults. Many of them are even
embarrassed that they considered their
popularity to be so important when they
were kids. Yet, thats just the way it is.
Being popular is important to most kids
your age.
Being popular is so important, in
fact, that some guys get carried away
with it. These guys make decisions based
on how they think other kids will react
to them. They might go out of their way
to stay on top of rumors. They want to
Bei ng popul ar i s so i mportant
that some guys get carri ed
away wi th i t. They make
deci si ons based on how they
thi nk other ki ds wi l l react
to them.
go to every dance or party. And when they become
popular, they are sometimes mean to kids who arent
popular because they think that it will make them
look better in the eyes of the other popular kids.
They sometimes forget who they really areand
who their real friends areand act like someone they
really arent.
Sean was one of those popular kids. Tall, good-
looking, and athletic, Sean quickly became popular
at camp one summer. Take a look at Seans story for a
lesson about being Mr. Popular.
$08`8 $l0f
Sean jogged over to the sideline, grabbed his bottle of
Gatorade, and took a big gulp. He wiped his forehead
with his sleeve. He was playing a pickup basketball
game on this first day of summer camp.
Hi, Sean, he heard a girl call out.
Sean turned around and saw Ashley. She was
a tall, brown-haired girl he had known for a couple
years but had rarely talked to.
Hey, he replied. Shes hot, he thought.
Ashley smiled and continued walking past the
court with a few friends.
Sean had been
attending the same camp
for a few years. He knew
a lot of the kids there,
but he had never thought
@g @[ [@[@j @[
much about being popular until the summer he
turned 13. Suddenly, playing sports and working at
the camp radio station werent the only things Sean
cared about. He now paid attention to girls and was
desperate for them to notice him. He also wanted
other guys to think he was cool.
Sean didnt know why being popular was
suddenly important. He just knew that it was. This
urge influenced every decision he made, from what
shorts to wear to what cereal to eat for breakfast.
After all, other kids were watching him, he thought.
Pretty soon, Sean was very popular at camp. He
became friends with some of the prettiest girls his
age. He started on the camp basketball and baseball
teams. He cohosted a show on the radio station once
a week with another popular boy. Other campers
watched his games and cheered for him. The cheers
felt intoxicating to Seanso did the attention from
the girls.
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By the end of the second week of summer
camp, Sean began to date a popular girl named Lisa.
They would hold hands and hang out with other
popular kids. Being popular made Sean feel like he
was better than other, regular guys. One afternoon,
Gabe, who had been his friend the summer before,
came up to Sean as he was sitting with Lisa and her
friend Izzy on a table in the shade.
Hey, Sean, wanna come play soccer? Gabe
asked.
Sean looked at Lisa and Izzy, then turned to
Gabe. He knew the girls thought Gabe was too geeky
to hang out with them.
Uh, I dont think so. Soccer is for geeks, Sean
laughed.
Gabe s whole face turned red. He quickly
walked away. Later that afternoon, Sean came up
}g@g @g@@| j|
How di d Sean get popul ar? Do you thi nk
he was bei ng hi msel f or bei ng who he
thought others wanted hi m to be?
Why woul d Sean pay so much attenti on to
what other ki ds thought about hi m?
Why do you thi nk Sean fel t so i ntoxi cated
by the cheeri ng and attenti on?
@_ @[ [@[@j @[
from behind and knocked Gabe to the ground. Gabe
was not his only target. Sean pushed a lot of kids
around, taunting them and putting them down in
front of girls. Doing this made him feel stronger,
more powerfulmore popular.
Sean figured he had enough friends. He
shunned other kids, even though he had things in
common with them. If they wanted to play pickup
basketball with Sean and his friends, hed tell them to
go away.
As the second session began, new kids arrived
at camp. A few of them were in Seans cabin, but he
ignored them. He was too cool for them, he thought.
A few of the new kids didnt like the way Sean
treated them and other guys. They hated how he
would cut in line for the shower and rip on them in
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why woul d Sean feel l i ke he was better than
other ki ds j ust because he was popul ar?
How di d popul ari ty change Seans behavi or?
Why woul d Sean cl ose hi s mi nd to other ki ds
who were potenti al fri ends? What do you
thi nk wi l l happen because of thi s?
@q @@| @@[ @@g
front of girls. Unlike other kids who had tolerated
Seans antics during the first session, these new guys
decided to stand up to Sean.
Hey, dude, Brendan said to Tom one
morning, as they cleaned up their bunk. That Sean
kid is such a jerk.
I know, Tom replied. He thinks hes all that.
Tom and Brendan came up with a plan to teach
Sean a lesson. First, they played simple pranks on
Sean. They loosened the screws on his bed so when
he got into it, the bed slammed to the floor. They
told the girls he was friends with rumors, saying
things like he wet the bed and still slept with a
blanky.
Two weeks into the second session, Lisas friend
Beth knocked on the door at Seans cabin. Sean came
out to talk to her.
@ @[ [@[@j @[
Hey, Sean, she said. Lisa asked me to stop by
and tell you . . .
Wheres Lisa? Sean asked. He nervously
looked around, but did not see her anywhere.
Lisas not here, Beth said. But she told me to
tell you shes breaking up with you.
Sean was devastated. Lisa wouldnt talk to him
anymore. Neither would her friends. Instead, they
@ @@| @@[ @@g
Wheres Li sa? Sean
asked. He nervousl y l ooked
around, but di d not see her
anywhere.
just laughed at him and gossiped about him. One
morning, he was playing basketball when Lisa, Beth,
and two other girls walked by. They looked at Sean
and giggled. Sean wanted to approach them, but he
was too embarrassed.
What a loser, he
heard Lisa say as they
walked past the court.
Other boys no
longer looked up to Sean.
He didnt know what to do. The summer had started
off so well . . . but he now realized that being popular
had gone to his head. He couldnt wait to get back
home and start attending a new school in the fall.
At least there hed have a clean slate.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Di d the boys who tri cked Sean handl e the
si tuati on appropri atel y?
What el se coul d they have done i n the
si tuati on?
Coul d Sean change the way the ki ds at
camp vi ew hi m now? I f yes, how?
@} @[ [@[@j @[
@

g

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Man_ mldd|e scnOO|ers vant tO nave a |Ot Of
frlends. And sOme dOn't vant ust an_ frlends
but tne "rlgnt" Ones. At _Our age, lt's On|_
natura| tO cOmpare _Ourse|f tO Otner klds.
1nls ls a natura| step ln _Our deve|Opment. YOu
and _Our peers are tr_lng tO estab|lsn a sOcla|
pecklng Order, even lf _Ou dOn't mean tO dO lt.
Wnl|e tne_ mlgnt seem tO be frlends vltn
ever_One, sOme pOpu|ar klds dOn't nave man_
c|Ose frlends. Man_ Of tnem aren't belng true
tO tnemse|ves, sO peOp|e dOn't even |lke tnem
fOr vnO tne_ rea||_ are. POpu|arlt_ ls f|eetlng.
0nce tne_ |Ose tnelr pOpu|arlt_, klds Often
flnd tnat tnOse vnO tne_ tnOugnt vere tnelr
frlends actua||_ nung Out vltn tnem On|_ fOr
tnelr status.
1ne deslre fOr pOpu|arlt_ ma_ drlve bO_s
sucn as 5ean tO start actlng dlfferent|_. And
tnat cnange ln benavlOr can nave negatlve
cOnsequences. 1ne need tO be pOpu|ar
can turn klds lntO bu||les. 5O, get tne rlgnt
perspectlve On pOpu|arlt_. |t's better tO nave a
fev c|Ose frlends tnan a buncn Of frlends vnO
aren't rea||_ true Ones.
N0fk ll 00l
!. |f _Ou flnd _Ou're nOt pOpu|ar at scnOO| Or
camp, flgure Out vnat _Ou |lke tO dO and
Oln a grOup Of klds _Our age ln tnat actlvlt_.
YOu ma_ flnd tnat vnen _Ou are arOund
Otner klds vnO snare a slml|ar lnterest,
_Ou'|| rea||_ be ab|e tO act |lke _Ourse|fnO
nev persOna|lt_ requlred.
2. 5pend mOre tlme vltn faml|_ and Otners
vnO |Ove _Ou. |ee|lng |Oved and va|ued
ne|ps gu_s _Our age OvercOme tne lntense
fee|lngs Of lsO|atlOn tne_ experlence vnen
belng snunned b_ tnelr peers.
100 l88l N0f0 lf0M 88
6u_s _Our age mlgnt tnlnk belng pOpu|ar ls One
Of tne mOst lmpOrtant tnlngs ln tnelr |lves.
Wnen _Ou get O|der, _Ou vl|| |augn abOut nOv
mucn _Ou vOrrled abOut pOpu|arlt_ as a kld.
|t's nOt funn_ tO _Ou nOv, tnOugn. 5O, cneck
_Ourse|f lf _Ou flnd _Ou're sudden|_ On tOp Of
tne vOr|d: |ave numl|lt_. 1reat Otner peOp|e
tne va_ _Ou vant tO be treated. 0O a|| tnOse
tnlngs _Our parents taugnt _Ou abOut belng
respectfu|. 0On't |et pOpu|arlt_ gO tO _Our
nead and turn _Ou lntO a erk. 9emember tnat
pOpu|arlt_ ls f|eetlng. 0ne da_, _Ou ma_ nOt be
sO pOpu|ar. 1nen, _Ou vl|| vant tne pOpu|ar klds
tO treat _Ou vltn respect, tOO.
@Q
_
l0llM 0l 80lll
g
obody likes to be picked on or
pushed around. But lets face it:
It happens to lots of kids. For
numerous reasons, some boys become
targets for bullies. Maybe theyre small
or scrawny and cant fend for themselves.
Or theyre considered dorky or uncool.
Perhaps theyre just in the wrong place at
the wrong time. The point is that being
the victim of bullying happens for many
reasons, so it can happen to anyone.
Victims of bullying might feel
embarrassed, confused, or alienated.
They often get so humiliated that they
wont tell adults whats going on. Instead,
victims simply put up with the bullying,
hoping it will somehow just go away.
Vi cti ms of bul l yi ng mi ght
feel embarrassed, confused,
or al i enated. They often
get so humi l i ated that they
wont tel l adul ts whats
goi ng on.
They feel powerless to stop it and are left feeling
helpless and awful.
Amir was a victim of bullying at his middle
school. He was going through a weird phase. He
suddenly lacked self-confidence and didnt stand up
for himself. As a result, Amir became an easy target
for bullies. Take a look at Amirs story.
Mlf`8 $l0f
As an elementary school
student, Amir rarely had
to deal with bullies. He
had plenty of friends
and didnt usually have
trouble getting along
with his classmateseven
the difficult ones. When
he started middle school, though, Amir suddenly
had to deal with a number of changes that made
him seem different from other kids. He had to get
braces, which made his lower lip stick out. Out of
nowhere, he grew a few inches. He became awkward
and uncoordinated, which really showed when he
tried to play sports. He also had to get glasses. Of
course, other boys in Amirs class noticed his change
in appearance and his awkwardness.
Look at that kid, John called out when
Amir walked past his locker the morning after he
got glasses.
_g Q | @ @| @@j j @[
What a dork, Brad said.
Pedro, Brad, and others made fun of his glasses
and braces. They called him names. They laughed
at his poor coordination. During gym class one
afternoon, Amir fell while trying to grab a rebound.
All the boys in classeven some girlslaughed
loudly.
But that teasing was nothing compared to
what Amir had to deal with from bullies. Some of
the bigger, meaner kids in Amirs class often pushed
around other kids. So did other kids who had
suddenly become popular.
_@ @@| @@[ @@g
One morning while Amir was waiting
for the bus, Evan pulled down Amirs pants. About a
dozen kids saw him standing there in his underwear,
including a few girls he liked. Jill pointed at him.
Look, tighty whities! Everyone laughed.
The next week, a couple of bullies cornered
Amir in the back of the bus. They pinned him
down and gave him a wedgie. Nobody tried to
stop them. Other students looked on and cheered.
Wedgieeeeeeee! they all called out. Amirs face
turned bright red. He bit his lip, trying not to cry.
Later, Shoua tripped Amir in the hallway.
Another time, Evan pushed him into a locker.
Anytime Amir was not paying attention, bullies
would punch him in the arm as they walked by.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why woul d other ki ds make fun of Ami r?
Have you ever teased someone because of
how he l ooked?
Why woul d ki ds push each other around?
Have you ever bul l i ed other ki ds?
Why woul d some ki ds start acti ng l i ke
bul l i es once theyve become popul ar, whi l e
other ki ds mi ght use thei r popul ari ty to
end bul l yi ng?
__ Q | @ @| @@j j @[
The bullying made Amir miserable. After a
while, he felt like less of a person, like he didnt
deserve to be happy. And he didnt know how to
make it stop. He didnt want to talk to his parents
or teachers about what was going on. He was too
humiliated to talk to anyone about it, even his
friends.
Then one afternoon in gym class, the bullies
ganged up on Amir during a dodge ball game. Shoua
threw the ball right at Amirs head so it knocked
off his glasses. As he walked out of the gym, Amir
tried hard to hold back tears. He could hear the guys
laughing as he headed out the door.
Mr. Johnson, Amirs math teacher, was in the
hallway and saw him tearing up. Hey, Amir, Mr.
Johnson called to him as he walked down the hall.
Hold up for a second. Are you okay?
_q @@| @@[ @@g
Amir told him, Im just having a bad day. I
flunked my history test. Talking about the situation
with Mr. Johnson was the last thing Amir wanted
to do. But Mr. Johnsons concern got Amir thinking
about maybe telling his parents sometime.
Amir . . . is everything okay? Amirs mom put
her hand on his forehead as he lay on the couch after
school that day.
Amir paused. He wanted to say he was fine, but
he couldnt get any words out.
Whats wrong? his mother asked.
Again, Amir said nothing. He just looked at the
floor and tried hard not to cry. This time, though,
tears started rolling down his cheeks.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why was Ami r such a popul ar target for
bul l i es? Have you ever been a target?
Why woul d other ki ds l augh when Ami r was
bei ng bul l i ed, i nstead of hel pi ng hi m?
Why woul dnt Ami r tal k to hi s teacher
about the bul l yi ng?
Why does Ami r feel l i ke l ess of a person
because of the bul l yi ng?
_ Q | @ @| @@j j @[
Tell me whats wrong, his mother begged. Are
you having problems at school?
Yes, Amir whispered.
Little by little, Amir told his mother all about
the bullying. She was angry. She couldnt believe the
school allowed this to go on. Why didnt you tell me
this before? she demanded. We need to put a stop
to this. This is a serious problem. Your classmates
have no right to treat you like this.
The next day, Amirs mother spoke to the
principal, Mr. Elliott. He agreed to try to stop the
bullying. Mr. Elliott called some of the kids who had
been bullying Amir into his office. He sat them across
from his desk and looked them in the eye.
Ive been told that some of you have been
pushing around one of our students, he said. This
will stop right now.
_ @@| @@[ @@g
Mr. Elliott made it clear they were not to bully
Amir, or any other kids, anymore.
If you continue this behavior, he told them,
you will receive detention, suspension, and possibly
expulsion.
That afternoon, Amir got on the bus to go
home. He felt nervous as he climbed the stairs. No
one touched him or called him names, but they
watched him. The bullies and their friends shot dirty
looks at Amir.
He was relieved to get home. He made it
through another day. Amir wasnt sure what the
next day would bring, but he no longer felt alone in
dealing with the situation.
}g@g @g@@| j|
What do you thi nk prompted Ami r to
fi nal l y tel l hi s mom about the bul l yi ng?
Why do you thi nk the pri nci pal spoke to
Ami rs bul l i es wi thout Ami r i n the room?
Do you thi nk the bul l yi ng i s real l y over?
What el se coul d Ami r do to hel p end the
bul l yi ng?
_} Q | @ @| @@j j @[
@

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@
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@
0u||_lng ls repeated aggresslOn lntended tO
nurt Or cOntrO| anOtner persOn. |t can take
tne fOrm Of pn_slca|, verba|, Or ps_cnO|Oglca|
aggresslOn. |t's marked b_ an lmba|ance
Of pOver betveen tne bu||_ and tne vlctlm.
AccOrdlng tO One stud_, mOre tnan 00 percent
Of mldd|e scnOO| bO_s nave been vlctlms Of
bu||_lng at |east Once. 0O_s are mucn mOre
|lke|_ tnan glr|s tO be pn_slca||_ bu||led.
0elng tne bu||_lng vlctlm can nave dlre
cOnsequences. vlctlms Of pn_slca| bu||_lng are
mOre |lke|_ tO be slck, see tnelr grades suffer,
and fee| depressed. Man_ vlctlms Of bu||_lng
vant tO vltndrav frOm Otner klds, even tnOse
vnO cOu|d becOme frlends. 5Ocla| lsO|atlOn ls
nOt nea|tn_. Just as vltn Amlr, lt ls lmpOrtant
tO speak Out. 5a_lng sOmetnlng tO parents Or
a trusted adu|t ls tne flrst step ln gettlng ne|p.
N0fk ll 00l
!. |f _Ou are tne vlctlm Of bu||_lng, snOv tne
bu||_ _Ou nave se|f-cOnfldence and vl|| nOt
valver. MOst bu||les vant a reactlOn. Wa|k
ava_, pretend tne_ are nOt tnere, make a
Oke, budd_ up, Or speak tO tnem ca|m|_,
sa_lng, "| vOu|d |lke _Ou tO stOp" Or "WnO
are _Ou tO make fun Of me?"
2. |f _Ou cannOt get tne bu||_ tO stOp
bOtnerlng _Ou On _Our Ovn, prlvate|_ repOrt
tne prOb|em tO an adu|t.
3. |f _Ou see a kld belng bu||led, dOn't ust
lgnOre lt Or Oln tne audlence. YOu'd vant
sOmeOne tO ne|p _Ou, sO dO tne same fOr
tnat persOn.
100 l88l N0f0 lf0M 88
At sOme pOlnt, mOst gu_s dea| vltn bu||_lng.
0ut ust because lt's cOmmOn dOesn't mean
_Ou nave tO take lt. YOu can |earn tO dea| vltn
bu||les. Wnatever _Ou dO, dOn't lgnOre tne
prOb|em. 1nere's nO reasOn tO tnlnk Or fee| tnat
_Ou deserve tO be treated crue||_. And, tnOugn
_Ou ma_ fee| afrald Or asnamed tO reacn Out
fOr ne|p, dOn't tnlnk tvlce abOut lt. 0ea|lng
vltn a bu||_ takes cOurage and strengtn. 1ne
sOOner _Ou dea| vltn tne prOb|em, tne sOOner
_Our bu||_ vl|| gO ava_.
_Q
q
100 80ll
@
very place where a group of kids
gathers seems to have at least
one bully. He messes with other
kids for no apparent reason. He pushes
kids around or makes fun of them.
Many physical bullies share
characteristics. They tend to be
aggressive and often have psychological
problems. Some have family problems,
while others have trouble fitting in with
peers. Have you ever considered that you
might be a bully? If you are anything like
Blake, you might be.
8l8k0`8 $l0f
Blake seemed to be an average kid.
He had a younger brother and two
Bl ake resented that he had
to work harder than they
di d j ust to keep up.
parents who loved him very much. He was athletic,
good-looking, and girls talked to him at school.
But not everything was easy for Blake. He had a
learning disability. Sometimes, it took a long time for
something to make sense to him. This held him back
in school. If he didnt work hard at his schoolwork
every day, he would fall behind.
Blake resented that
he had to work harder
than other kids just to
keep up. When Blake
looked at the bright kids, he became even more
infuriated. They werent as athletic or cool as him.
Few of them were even popular, which he was. How
dare they act like they were better than him.
qg }gg @@j j
Blake eventually started taking out his anger
on the kids he resented. Jonah was answering a lot
of questions in biology class one afternoon. He was
one of the brightest students in the class, with an A
average. Blake had just received a D on his last test,
even though hed done all the homework.
This angered Blake. After class, as they walked
into the hallway, Blake stuck out his foot and tripped
Jonah. Ooooops, Blake said, laughing.
As he walked away, he heard Jonah whimpering.
A few classmates laughed. Have a nice trip, Jonah?
Ray called out.
For the first time in weeks, Blake felt better
about himself. He noticed the same feeling the next
day when he made fun of Todd, a bright kid in his
history class. Todd wore clothes that were too small
for him and parted his hair neatly.
Before class, Blake said to Todd, You look like
a girl with your hair like that. Do you have to get up
extra early to make it look so pretty?
}g@g @g@@| j|
Do you have a l earni ng di sabi l i ty? How does
i t affect l earni ng and studyi ng?
Why woul d Bl ake resent ki ds he barel y
knows? What do you thi nk wi l l happen
because of hi s resentment?
q@ @@| @@[ @@g
When everyone laughed, Blake felt so good.
With that, the bully was born. Every time
Blake felt bad about himself because of his academic
problems, he took out his frustration on a classmate.
It was always somebody who was smaller than Blake
or too unsure socially to talk back to him.
Blake always waited until a group was gathered
in a room or on the school bus. He loved to hear his
classmates laugh when he bullied other kids.
But not every kid who watched Blake in action
laughed. David was a quiet, popular kid who had
strong self-esteem. David thought Blake was a jerk for
bullying. David couldnt stand to see his classmates
humiliated, even those kids he wasnt friends with.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why di d Bl ake bul l y Jonah and Todd?
Do you know any bul l i es l i ke Bl ake? Do
you know any ki ds l i ke Jonah and Todd
who have been bul l i ed?
Why woul d Bl ake bul l y ki ds i n front of
other ki ds? Why does bul l yi ng make hi m
feel good?
Have you ever acted l i ke Bl ake?
How di d you feel ?
q_ }gg @@j j
One afternoon, Blake found another target:
Brett. He punched Brett in the arm. Then, he
grabbed Bretts nipple and twisted it until Brett
screamed.
David saw what happened. Blake, why are
you such a bully? he asked. You never pick on kids
your own size. You never tease anyone who is in the
popular crowd. You just pick on people who will
give in to you. You think that makes you cool, but it
doesnt. It just makes you mean.
Several kids in the group were stunned.
Ooooooh, a few of them said in unison. They
figured Blake would attack David next.
But Blake did nothing. He couldnt answer
Davids questionsat least not out loud. Instead,
Blake just walked away, feeling ashamed. He thought
about what David had said. He knew he didnt bully
stronger kids because he was afraid they would fight
qq @@| @@[ @@g
back and hurt him. He didnt go after the cool kids
because he wanted them to like him. He wanted to
stay popular.
After school, Blake ran into Todd on the bus.
David and a few kids who had been there before
lunch were also there. Remembering how David had
shamed him earlier, Blake was eager for attention.
He went right for Todd. Blake pushed Todd over and
put him in a headlock. He waited for Todd to gasp
for air, like he usually did. This time, though, Todd
was quiet. When Blake let go, Todd walked away.
Todd sat back in his seat and acted like nothing had
happened. It seemed that Todd was no longer afraid
of Blake. Pretty soon nobody was.
}g@g @g@@| j|
What prompted Davi d to chal l enge Bl ake?
What do you thi nk the other ki ds fel t and
thought when Davi d di d so?
Why di dn t Bl ake retal i ate when Davi d
chal l enged hi m?
Why do you thi nk Todd was no l onger
afrai d of Bl ake?
I n bul l yi ng si tuati ons, whi ch rol e do you
usual l y pl aybul l y, vi cti m, defender, or
bystander?
q }gg @@j j
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0u||les enO_ seelng tne resu|ts Of tnelr
aggresslOn. 1ne_ Often |ack empatn_ and
fee|lngs Of gul|t. 1ne_ |lke tO dOmlnate Otner
klds and be ln cnarge and be|leve tnat tne
vOr|d Oves tnem sOmetnlng.
0u||les sucn as 0|ake are nOt On|_
pn_slca||_ aggresslve. 0u||les can a|sO verba||_
abuse Otners Or use bOd_ |anguage tO make
anOtner persOn fee| uncOmfOrtab|e, sucn as
rO||lng tnelr e_es Or snaklng tnelr neads tO
destrO_ anOtner's cOnfldence.
MOst bu||les are lnsecure. 1ne_ tr_ tO
make up fOr tnOse lnsecurltles b_ maklng
Otner klds uncOmfOrtab|e. 5Ome bu||les are
pOpu|ar klds vnO tnrlve On navlng an audlence
tO vltness tnelr bu||_lng. 1ne_ fee| |lke tnat
makes tnem mOre pOpu|ar. 1ne_ sOmetlmes
pre_ On klds vnO are lnsecure |lke tnemse|ves.
N0fk ll 00l
!. 1nlnk nard abOut _Ourse|f and _Our sOcla|
lnteractlOns vltn Otners. 0O _Ou resent
Otners? 0O _Ou enO_ seelng Otner peOp|e
ln paln Or dlscOmfOrt? 0O _Ou |asn Out at
Otners tO nlde an lnsecurlt_ Of _Our Ovn?
COnslder tne fact tnat cOntlnulng tnese
actlOns cOu|d be tnOugnt Of as bu||_lng.
2. |f _Ou are a bu||_, vO|unteer vOrk snOu|d
ne|p _Ou deve|Op empatn_ fOr Otners.
3. |f frustratlOn vltn a persOna| prOb|em ls
causlng _Ou tO bu||_, address tnat prOb|em.
1a|k tO a parent Or anOtner adu|t abOut
_Our benavlOr. Ask tnem fOr tlps fOr cOplng
vltn _Our anger.
4. ApO|Oglze tO klds _Ou nave narmed.
5. |f _Ou see bu||_lng, step ln tO stOp lt.
100 l88l N0f0 lf0M 88
0u||_lng nas becOme a cOmmOn prOb|em ln
scnOO|s. 1ne NatlOna| Center fOr LducatlOn
5tatlstlcs repOrts tnat tnere's mOre bu||_lng
ln mldd|e scnOO|s tnan ln nlgn scnOO|s. 0elng a
bu||_ dOes nOt ust mean pusnlng klds arOund
Or dO|lng Out vedgles. YOu can be a bu||_
vltn _Our vOrds and bOd_ |anguage, tOO.
5Ometlmes, _Ou are bu||_lng klds vltnOut even
meanlng tO. 6u_s _Our age are cOnstant|_
tr_lng tO flnd tnelr rO|es ln tne vOr|d and
assertlng dOmlnance Over eacn Otner. |t's a
natura| part Of grOvlng up. 5Ometlmes, _Ou
get carrled ava_ and ma_ bu||_ anOtner kld.
1nat's vnen _Ou need tO pu|| _Ourse|f back
ln. 1nlnk abOut vnat lt's |lke tO be tne bu||_'s
vlctlm. YOu can assert _Ourse|f vltnOut belng
sO nast_. 0e subt|e and understandlng. 1nese
attrlbutes are a blg part Of adu|t |lfe.
q}

0l888 0l0N
[
aying attention in class can be
hard sometimes. You have to sit
still and focus on a subject that
may not interest you. That can drive
some guys to act out. They may make
faces, crack jokes, or make noises. They
do whatever they can for attention. You
probably know at least one of these guys.
He is the class clown.
Being a class clown can be fun. To
an extent, you get away with acting out.
Classmates laugh at your jokes, which
can make you feel popular. You dont
have to take school so seriously.
But being the class clown usually
doesnt work out in the long run.
Everybody is in school for a reason: to
Bei ng a cl ass cl own can be
fun. To an extent, you get
away wi th acti ng out.
learn and to prepare for adulthood. When youre
clowning around, you often arent learning. You may
also be distracting and making it hard for others to
learn. That was the case for Aaron.
8f0`8 $l0f
Aaron was a good student in his middle school. He
loved his math and history classes, especially. Hebrew
school, which he attended
as a Jewish youth, was a
different story.
Twice a week after
school, Aaron had to attend Hebrew school for
two hours. He thought Hebrew school was not as
important as regular school. His parents rarely asked
qQ j @ j @@
him if he had done his Hebrew schoolwork. They
never asked him about his Hebrew school grades. But
they always wanted to see his report card from middle
school. They also allowed him to skip Hebrew school
to practice baseball and basketball.
Aaron usually behaved in regular school. But he
often acted up in Hebrew school.
In Aarons Hebrew school class, he acted out so
much that one day his teacher, Ms. Schwartz, scowled
at him. Aaron, she said, your behavior is not
acceptable. You are acting like a class clown.
Much of the class laughed. So did Aaron. He
took the label as an honor. During class, he loudly
chewed gum. He played paper football in the back of
g @@| @@[ @@g
the room with a classmate. He stood on his chair and
stretched, hoping his classmates would notice and
laugh. He whispered jokes to kids sitting next to him.
When Ms. Schwartz called on him, he gave foolish
answers.
Aaron, who led the Israelites out of Egypt in
Exodus? she asked one afternoon.
I dont know, he replied. Brett Favre?
All the boys in class laughed. So did a few of the
girls. They also laughed at the noises he sometimes
made: fart noises with his armpits and clicking noises
with his tongue.
All of this behavior annoyed Aarons teacher.
Aaron made it hard for her to focus on her lesson
plan. He also annoyed classmates who wanted to
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why di dnt Aaron take Hebrew school as
seri ousl y as regul ar school ? Why woul d
Aaron act out so much i n Hebrew school
cl ass? Have you ever acted l i ke Aaron i n
a cl assroom?
Why woul d Aaron consi der i t an honor to
be named cl ass cl own? Do you have a
cl ass cl own at your school ? I s he or
she funny al l the ti me or annoyi ng?
g j @ j @@
learn. Many of the girls in his class especially disliked
him. You are sooo immature, Brittany said to him
one afternoon.
But that only made Aaron try harder to make
her laugh.
After a few weeks, Aarons mother attended a
back-to-school night at his Hebrew school.
Mrs. Silver, I want to talk to you about your
son, Aaron, Ms. Schwartz said.
@ @@| @@[ @@g
Is something wrong? Aarons mother asked.
He is out of control and has no respect for this
class, she promptly responded.
Something had to be done, they agreed. Im
not sure Aaron is being challenged in this class,
Aarons mother told Ms. Schwartz. It may move too
slowly for him. Mrs. Silver noted that Aarons grades
were not bad and he usually did well on tests. So, she
knew that even though he was acting like a clown, he
had no trouble learning the material. Why dont we
move him to another class? Mrs. Silver suggested.
Not just any class, but the advanced class.
At the end of the quarter, Aaron was moved to
the advanced class. At first, he tried to be a clown.
He made the usual noises and faces, cracked jokes,
and blew bubbles with his gum.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Do you thi nk Aaron cared about how hi s
behavi or i mpacted other students?
Why woul d Aarons mother suggest movi ng
hi m to the advanced cl ass? What do you
thi nk wi l l happen there?
Has a teacher or parent ever moved you
to a di fferent cl ass? Why?
_ j @ j @@
But Aarons classmates didnt seem to notice.
One afternoon, Aaron blew a large bubble and let
it burst, sticking to his face. He waited for laughter,
but none came. Instead, his classmates paid attention
to their teacher. Their class was much more difficult
than Aarons previous class had been. They had to
focus to keep up and get the grades they wanted.
Many of them were excellent students who didnt care
to joke around.
But Aaron still wanted to clown around. The
next day, he came to class dressed in the superhero
costume he had worn for Halloween the previous
year. He was sure everyone would laugh when he
walked through the door.
But no one did. Some of the kids rolled their
eyes, others just looked at him briefly. They all just
focused on their studies. Aaron couldnt believe it.
Were they just ignoring him? After class that day,
q @@| @@[ @@g
Aaron was stunned. He
hadn t heard such honest
words from another guy i n
hi s cl ass before.
Mark leaned over and said, Nice costume, but
Halloween is still a month away.
Aaron didnt know
what to say.
Mark went on,
Look, youre a funny
guy, but youre really
distracting. How do you
get good grades when you never pay attention in
class?
Aaron was stunned. He hadnt heard such
honest words from another guy in his class before.
The whole walk home, Aaron thought about what
Mark had said.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why woul d Aarons new cl assmates i gnore
hi s behavi or? What do you thi nk Aaron
thought when he coul dnt get a reacti on
out of them?
How di d changi ng cl asses affect Aaron?
Why do you thi nk Mark sai d what he
di d? Why was hi s opi ni on so surpri si ng
to Aaron?
j @ j @@
@

g

@
[

@
@
g

@
A|mOst ever_ c|ass nas a kld |lke AarOn. 1ne
c|ass c|Ovn can be a nuge dlstractlOn tO tne
rest Of tne c|ass, and tO nlmse|f. 1nese klds
act |lke c|Ovns fOr numerOus reasOns. Pernaps
tne_ are bOred b_ tne c|ass, nOt cna||enged b_
tne materla|, can't slt stl||, Or desperate|_ need
attentlOn.
C|ass c|Ovns |lke AarOn can easl|_ be
addressed. Wnen a kld ls nOt belng cna||enged
b_ nls c|ass, mOvlng nlm tO a mOre advanced
c|ass mlgnt vOrk. 0ut Otner c|ass c|Ovns
nave mOre severe cOndltlOns. 5Ome c|ass
c|Ovns act Out fOr attentlOn Or adOratlOn
frOm tnelr peers. 1ne_ ma_ be cOmpensatlng
fOr prOb|ems tne_ nave at nOme. 5Ome ma_
be dlagnOsed vltn A0|0 and nave trOub|e
cOncentratlng ln c|ass. 0tners nave |earnlng
prOb|ems Or are sOcla||_ lnsecure and act Out
tO cOmpensate fOr tnOse lssues. 1ne_ nOpe
tnelr peers dOn't nOtlce tnelr prOb|ems. 0ut
tne_ dO.
N0fk ll 00l
!. |f c|assmates Or teacners ca|| _Ou a c|ass
c|Ovn, tnlnk abOut vn_ _Ou are actlng Out.
0O _Ou need attentlOn? Are _Ou bOred vltn
_Our scnOO|vOrk? WOu|d _Ou beneflt frOm
narder materla|?
2. Wnetner _Ou can determlne tne reasOn fOr
_Our c|Ovnlng Or nOt, ask an adu|t fOr ne|p.
0elng a c|Ovn On|_ nO|ds _Ou back. |t a|sO
narms c|assmates b_ dlstractlng tnem
frOm tne |essOn. |t ma_ seem fun, but _Ou
need tO put a stOp tO lt.
3. |f _Ou fee| tne need tO act Out and be
dramatlc, flnd an Out|et fOr tnat benavlOr.
1ake an actlng c|ass, tr_ Out fOr a scnOO|
p|a_, Or Oln a cOmmunlt_ tneater grOup.
4. 6et lnvO|ved ln spOrts Or anOtner |lve|_
actlvlt_ |lke martla| arts. 1nls vl|| ne|p _Ou
burn energ_ and make lt easler tO pa_
attentlOn ln c|ass.
100 l88l N0f0 lf0M 88
5Ome Of tne best cOmedlans On 1v vl|| sa_
tnat tne_ vere c|ass c|Ovns ln scnOO|. 0ut
even tnese successfu| gu_s vl|| sa_ tne_
regret mlsslng Out On |earnlng stuff. |f _Ou
can make peOp|e |augn, _Ou deflnlte|_ nave a
glft. YOu dOn't nave tO sque|cn lt. 0ut tnere's a
tlme and a p|ace fOr ever_tnlng. 0esldes, tne
best cOmlcs need materla| tO vOrk frOm. Pa_
attentlOn ln scnOO|, and _Ou'|| |earn sOme great
stuff fOr _Our act.
}

1fl 0 l800l8
j
t started with toys and cereal.
Now, its apparel and sneakers.
Pretty soon, it may be cars and
gadgets. Throughout your life, you will
be bombarded with advertisements from
people trying to get you to buy stuff.
Some of them are hard to resist.
Its especially difficult as an
adolescent. Because you are still figuring
out who you are, you may be on the
lookout for the next hot product to
identify with. Look around your school.
You probably see kids exhibiting any
number of styles. Many of them will
change by this time next year.
Some kids go overboard. In an
attempt to fit in or find an identity,
Kevi n was a ki d who al ways
wanted to be ahead of the
curve wi th new styl es and
trends. He thought they
woul d make hi m more popul ar
and make cl assmates thi nk
he was cool .
they jump from one fad to the next. Many of these
fads dont fit them at all, but they are desperate to
try them out. These guys seem oblivious to how silly
they may look.
Kevin was a kid who always wanted to be ahead
of the curve with new styles and trends. He thought
they would make him more popular and make
classmates think he was cool. But he learned he was
wrong.
k09l`8 $l0f
When he started
middle school, Kevin
suddenly started to pay
a lot of attention to his
appearanceespecially
what he wore. He noticed
that many of the eighth
graders looked much cooler than he did. They
seemed to be popular, talked to girls, and looked
happy. I want to be like that, Kevin thought.
Of course he couldnt be exactly like the other
kids, so he settled for what he considered the next-
best thing: to act and look just like the most popular
kids in school. Not many of Kevins friends followed
the trends, but Kevin decided he would have to be
stylish if he wanted to be popular.
At the time, all kinds of fads had infiltrated
Kevins school. Many guys wore baggy, dark jeans
Q }[ @[ @@ g@ggj
like their older brothers in high school. The middle
school kids wore fitted hats with straight bills. They
tilted the hats sideways, just like star professional and
college athletes. They talked like the hip-hop artists
they saw in music videos. The kids used slang and
terms rappers used, even though most of them didnt
know what the terms meant.
Kevin adopted all those fads. After all, he
wanted to look like he fit in. By the end of his first
semester of middle school, his friends didnt recognize
him anymore. Kevin had been a quiet, studious
kid who wore whatever T-shirts and track pants his
mom bought for him. He had always been polite.
He used to listen to songs by the Beatles and Bruce
Springsteen that his parents played at home.
Now, Kevin wore black hats that still had the
labels on the brim. He turned them sideways. He
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why do you thi nk many boys i n Kevi ns
school fol l owed the popul ar trends they saw
ol der boys and men exhi bi ti ng?
Why di d Kevi n want to be l i ke them?
Have you ever adopted a fad or fol l owed a
trend? What happened?
g @@| @@[ @@g
Kevi n adopted al l those
fads. After al l , he wanted
to l ook l i ke he fi t i n. By the
end of hi s fi rst semester of
mi ddl e school , hi s fri ends
di dnt recogni ze hi m
anymore.
watched hip-hop videos over and over again on his
computer. He memorized some of the lines and
repeated them out loud at school. He started wearing
his baggy jeans pulled down low, showing his boxer
shorts. When he spoke to his parents, Kevin repeated
the slang terms he heard
in the videos and had
seen in his new favorite
television shows.
Whats up with
Kevin? Brandon said to
Billy one morning at the
bus stop.
g }[ @[ @@ g@ggj
I know, Billy said. Hes gotten weird.
Kevins parents only shook their heads and tried
to ignore his behavior.
Hes going through a phase, his mother said.
How long is this phase going to last? his father
shot back. Hes getting to be obnoxious.
One day after school, Kevins old friend Nate
called to him across the hallway. Kevin! Will you sit
by me on the bus? Ive got some new songs we can
listen to on my iPod, Nate yelled.
Kevin was embarrassed. He was walking with
a group of his new friendsthe guys who dressed
like himand he didnt want to be seen hanging out
with Nate. Kevin turned his shoulder and pretended
he hadnt heard Nate. He knew it was wrong, but he
}g@g @g@@| j|
What do Kevi ns parents mean when they say
hes goi ng through a phase?
Have you ever changed your enti re
appearance and tastes so much that your
fri ends di dnt recogni ze you? Why di d you
do i t?
Why do you thi nk Kevi n changed so much,
so qui ckl y?
@ @@| @@[ @@g
didnt care. He had more important people to hang
out with.
By the end of the school year, Kevin had
completely stopped hanging out with many of his old
friends. His new friends were into the same styles he
_ }[ @[ @@ g@ggj
was, but Kevin had trouble connecting with them.
Kevin wanted to play basketball with them just as he
had with his old friends. But few of them liked the
game. He wanted to play for them a Beatles song he
really liked, but they didnt want to hear it.
Kevin was confused. If his new friends seemed
to be so much like him on the outside, why couldnt
he connect with them? Also, Kevin started to think
about his summer. The past summer, he and Nate
had spent time together shooting hoops and listening
to their favorite music. If his new friends didnt enjoy
the same activities, what would he do all summer?
Who would he hang out with? Who would he shoot
hoops with? Kevin sat in his room, alone. He put
in his earbuds and turned on his favorite Beatles
song. He pulled out his cell phone and looked at his
contact list. Nate was still at the top of it.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why woul d Kevi n abandon hi s ol d fri ends?
Have you ever mi streated an ol d fri end
because you were tryi ng to i mpress a new
one? What happened?
What do you thi nk wi l l happen wi th Kevi n
and hi s new group of fri ends?
q @@| @@[ @@g
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why di d Kevi n fi nd i t hard to connect
wi th hi s new fri ends?
What di d Kevi n real i ze about hi s
fri endshi p wi th Nate?
Do you thi nk Nate wi l l forgi ve Kevi n? Why
or why not?
}[ @[ @@ g@ggj
@

g

@
[

@
@
g

@
As _Ou get O|der, _Ou mlgnt fee| as lf flttlng ln
vltn tne pOpu|ar crOvd ls a nlgn prlOrlt_. 1nls
can lnvO|ve navlng tne rlgnt c|Otnes, sa_lng
tne rlgnt tnlngs, and even dltcnlng _Our O|d
frlends. |lndlng _Our ldentlt_ ls lmpOrtant.
0nfOrtunate|_, lt can |ead tO dlsastrOus resu|ts
lf _Ou dOn't understand tnat frlendsnlp ls
mOre tnan fasnlOn. 5O|ld frlendsnlps lnvO|ve
trust, respect, and cOmmunlcatlOn.
9emember tnat cnanglng _Ourse|f tO flt ln
mlgnt cnange _Our grOup Of frlends, tOO. Llke
kevln, _Ou mlgnt rea|lze tnat _Our nev frlends
are nOtnlng |lke _Ou. YOu mlgnt dress tne
same, but tne slml|arltles cOu|d end tnere. 5O,
befOre _Ou dltcn _Our O|d grOup tO flt ln vltn a
nev One, tnlnk abOut tne frlends vnO stuck b_
_Ou befOre _Ou started |OOklng cOO|. Cnances
are tne_ |lke _Ou fOr vnO _Ou rea||_ arenOt
fOr nOv _Ou |OOk.
N0fk ll 00l
!. |t's Oka_ tO fO||Ov nev st_|es, but tr_ tO
mlx tnem vltn _Our Ovn persOna|lt_ and
st_|e. Wear tne trend_ nev nat vltn tne
same snlrts _Ou a|va_s vear. Wear st_|es
tnat make _Ou fee| |lke _Ou and tnat fee|
cOmfOrtab|e.
2. 0nderstand tnat fads cOnstant|_ cnange.
3. |f _Ou flnd _Ourse|f tempted tO cnange
_Our appearance tO flt ln vltn a nev grOup,
stOp and cOnslder tne fact tnat frlendsnlp
ls mOre tnan c|Otnes. 0O _Ou vant frlends
vnO |lke _Ou because Of nOv _Ou dress
Or because Of vnO _Ou are? P|us, keeplng
up vltn tne |atest st_|es qulck|_ adds
up. Wearlng tne nOttest nev c|Otnes ls
expenslve.
100 l88l N0f0 lf0M 88
Ce|ebrltles and mOde|s can |OOk cOO| spOrtlng
nev gear and nev st_|es, and tnese st_|es
eventua||_ make tnelr va_ tO scnOO|s. |t's
nard tO reslst cOp_lng tnelr |OOksafter a||,
lt's numan nature tO vant tO flt ln and be
accepted. 1r_ tO reslst flttlng ln lf lt requlres
a radlca| cnange ln vnO _Ou cnOOse tO nang
Out vltn. As _Ou flgure Out _Our ldentlt_,
dOn't put up a fa|se frOnt. AdOpt st_|es tnat
vOrk best fOr _Ou. 0Oes a st_|e fee| natura|?
|f nOt, drOp lt. YOu ma_ tnlnk _Ou |OOk cOO| b_
fO||Ovlng a nev st_|e. 0ut lf _Ou are tr_lng On
a |abe| tnat dOes nOt flt _Ou, _Ou ma_ actua||_
|OOk rldlcu|Ous, and _Ou ma_ a|lenate _Our O|d
frlends. 5ta_ true tO _Ourse|f.
}
}
l089l ffl008
800l0
g
eaving friends behind is one of
the most difficult things some
guys have to do. Suddenly, your
family moves to a new town or you
transfer to a different school. You were
used to seeing your friends almost every
day. Now, you see them once a week,
once a month, or only once a year.
When a guy moves, he loses the
daily support of old friends whom he
trusted. Suddenly, hes surrounded by
kids he barely knows. And no parent,
teacher, or coach can fill the voidno
matter how hard they try.
Ron is one guy who had this
experience when he moved to a new
school. He started sixth grade in one
When a guy moves, he l oses
the dai l y support of ol d
fri ends whom he trusted.
Suddenl y, hes surrounded
by ki ds he barel y knows.
school, while most of his friends enrolled at another.
Take a look at Rons story to see how he coped with
the anxiety of leaving friends behind.
80`8 $l0f
Ron had been happy at
his elementary school.
It was close to home, so
he walked there every
morning with his little
brother and his friends Steve and John. Ron would
spend recess playing football or basketball with his
friends. After school, he competed on organized
sports teams with those same friends. He volunteered
at the school store and knew many of the teachers.
After fifth grade, Rons parents transferred him
to a private school. They said the new school would
challenge him more academically and provide
more structure.
Q gg@Q @[ [[ g@g @gg @g
This will help you become a better student and
learn discipline, his father said.
Do I have to? Ron asked.
Yes, you do.
Rons father was right about the new school.
Rons sixth grade classes were much harder than his
classes had been at the old school, and his teachers
expected him to be more organized and more
respectful in class. But moving to a new school had
negative consequences, too. For the first time he
could remember, Ron was not around his friends
every day. In fact, he barely saw them at all.
Ron missed his old friends. Most of them still
attended school together. They hung out all the time
and made more friends at their middle school. With
the longer drive home from school, Ron missed a lot
of fun every afternoon. Ron worried that he would
be abandoned by his old buddies because he was
suddenly not at school with them.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why was Ron so comfortabl e at hi s
el ementary school ?
Are you happy wi th your group of fri ends?
What woul d you do i f you had to l eave them
behi nd?
}g @@| @@[ @@g
Mom, he said to his mother one night shortly
after school started in the fall, what if my old friends
dont want to hang out with me anymore?
Theyre all in the neighborhood. Youll still see
them around, his mother replied, but Ron didnt feel
any better. He just wasnt sure.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why di d Ron feel i sol ated wi thout hi s ol d
fri ends around?
Have you ever moved away from cl ose
fri ends? Were you abl e to keep i n touch
wi th them?
Why was Ron so anxi ous about what hi s
ol d fri ends were up to?
}g gg@Q @[ [[ g@g @gg @g
In winter, basketball season started and Ron
rejoined a few of his friends on their league team.
His face broke into a broad smile when he saw Ross,
David, and a few other old friends on the first day
of practice. He hadnt smiled so big in a while. Hey
guys, he called out as he walked into the gym. The
other boys looked at Ron and smiled. Dude, David
said, where have you been?
At first, Ron felt like nothing had changed.
But he realized that he was left out of a lot of
conversations. When the guys talked about the time
Mr. Wallaces toupee fell off in class, Ron thought the
story was funnybut he hadnt been there to see it.
And they had all kinds of inside jokes that Ron didnt
}@ @@| @@[ @@g
get. He couldnt figure out why they all yelled out
Kidneys! and laughed hysterically when someone
did something stupidbut he didnt want to ask,
either.
Ron was sad that he was growing apart from
his old friends. But he really liked some of the new
friends he was making, like Barry from his science
class. He wondered if maybe moving on was for
the best.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Have you ever reuni ted wi th ol d fri ends
after bei ng apart for a l ong ti me? How di d
that feel ?
Do you agree wi th Ron that movi ng on to
new fri ends i s for the best?
}_ gg@Q @[ [[ g@g @gg @g
@

g

@
[

@
@
g

@
|rlends are lnva|uab|e. YOur parents make a
|Ot Of declslOns fOr _Ou, sucn as vnere tO |lve
and gO tO scnOO|, vnat tO eat, and even vnat
c|Otnes tO vear. 0ut vnO _Ou make frlends
vltn ls maln|_ up tO _Ou. |rlends prOvlde
suppOrt and va|ldatlOntne acceptance and
understandlng a|| klds need frOm tnelr peers.
|rlendsnlps ne|p _Ou understand _Our p|ace ln
tne vOr|d. |rlends ne|p _Ou fee| cOnnected and
nOt sO a|One. 5Ometlmes, ve cnange Or mOve
On vnl|e Our frlends gO ln a dlfferent dlrectlOn.
0ut dOn't glve up tOO easl|_tne O|dest frlends
can be tne truest, even lf _Ou can't see eacn
Otner ever_ da_. And nev frlends, lf _Ou keep
an Open mlnd, can be tne beglnnlng Of sOme
excltlng experlences.
N0fk ll 00l
!. |f mOvlng Or cnanglng scnOO|s separates
_Ou frOm frlends, tne frlendsnlp dOesn't
nave tO end. 9ecOgnlze tnat a|tnOugn _Ou
mlgnt nOt nave tne same experlences
an_mOre, _Ou can stl|| be frlends.
2. |f _Ou fee| |eft Out Of an lnslde Oke, _Ou
ma_ nave tO accept tnat sOme tnlngs are
nOt vnat tne_ used tO be. |Ocus On tne
experlences _Ou stl|| snare and maklng nev
memOrles lnstead.
3. |f _Ou nave a grOup Of "O|d frlends" and a
dlfferent grOup Of "nev frlends," see vnat
nappens lf _Ou get tnem a|| tOgetner at
tne same tlme. 1r_ settlng up a baseba||
game Or lnvltlng ever_One tO see a mOvle
tOgetner. Ma_be _Ou can ne|p tne tvO
grOups becOme One.
100 l88l N0f0 lf0M 88
A|mOst ever_ kld nas tO gO tnrOugn a
separatlOn frOm frlends, vnetner lt's _Ou Or
_Our frlend mOvlng ava_. 1nat dOes nOt make
lt an_ easler tO dea| vltn. A frlendsnlp ls a
re|atlOnsnlp. 5O, grOvlng apart frOm a frlend
can be an emOtlOna| experlence. 0On't |et tnls
experlence get _Ou dOvn fOr tOO |Ong. 1r_ tO
make nev frlends. And keep ln tOucn vltn _Our
O|d frlends. YOu never knOv lf _Ou mlgnt run
lntO eacn Otner agaln.
}

100 80N kl0

@
ome kids end up being the new
guy at schoolsometimes,
repeatedly. That can make for
an uncomfortable experience. They dont
know any classmates. Other kids ignore
them. Sometimes, kids treat them badly
because they are new and different.
It can be hard for the new guy to
fit in and concentrate on his studies.
He may feel so down that he does not
want to join any clubs or sports teams
after school. Dan was once a new kid
like that.
08`8 $l0f
Dan was a gangly, awkward kid. He was
not a great athlete or a good student,
I t can be hard for the
new guy to fi t i n and
concentrate on hi s studi es.
He may feel so down that he
does not want to j oi n any
cl ubs or sports teams after
school .
either. He had trouble paying attention. But Dan had
done okay in school because he worked hard at it. He
felt comfortable at his Pennsylvania middle school
and with his small circle of friends.
That changed when Dans family moved to
Washington DC right after winter break. Dan had
to start at a new school in the middle of the school
year. He walked into homeroom one early January
morning, sat down,
and was met by about
two dozen faces he
didnt recognize. He
sunk into his seat and
ducked his head low. He
hoped nobody would
notice him.
That worked for a few minutes. Then, roll call
started. Daniel Simpson, Ms. Claiborne called out.
}} }gg gg g g
Here, he responded meekly.
The other students were surprised to hear a new
name, and several turned around when Dan spoke.
Class, we have a new student with us this
morning, Ms. Claiborne said. Daniel just moved
here from Pennsylvania. Please welcome him. Daniel,
introduce yourself.
Dan stood up. His voice quivered, and his body
shook a bit. Uh, my name is Daniel Simpson, he
said. I grew up in York, in Pennsylvania. I moved
here last week.
At lunch and recess, Dans new classmates
surrounded him.
Whats Pennsylvania like? Chris wondered.
Why did you move here? Kelsey asked.
Uh, I moved here because my dad got a new
job, Dan replied. Pennsylvania is okay, I guess.
So do you, like, play baseball or anything?
Chris went on.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why woul d Dan try to avoi d bei ng noti ced by
hi s new cl assmates?
Why do you thi nk Dan was so nervous about
i ntroduci ng hi msel f? Have you ever been
nervous about meeti ng new ki ds?
} @@| @@[ @@g
What kind of music do you listen to? Kelsey
asked. I love hip-hop.
No, I dont really like baseball, but I like
basketball. No, I dont listen to hip-hop. Dan liked
the interest the kids showed in him, but he felt so
different from them. He didnt seem to like what they
liked. Im never going to fit in, he thought to himself.
He just wanted the school day to end.
Dan sat through a few more classes and was
barraged by more questions until the day finally
ended. He trudged home from the bus stop and
walked in the front door.
How was your first day? His mom asked
cheerfully. Did you make any new friends?
Mom, do I have to go back tomorrow? he
asked, though he knew what her answer would be.
}Q }gg gg g g
His mother chuckled. Of course you do,
honey. But cheer up. Itll get better. Just be yourself.
Dan didnt feel encouraged by his moms words.
He went to bed dreading going to school the next
day. The rest of the week was just as tough for Dan.
The kids kept asking him questions, and Dan felt like
he kept giving the wrong answers. He got less and
less talkative as the week went on. Soon, the others
stopped talking to him all together.
Dan didnt know what to do to fit in better. He
couldnt pretend to like things he wasnt interested
in. The kids in his classes had learned to ignore him
because he wouldnt carry on a conversation with
them. Dan was miserable. His grades were starting
to suffer because he wouldnt speak in class and did
poorly on group projects.
Dan got into the habit of eating his lunch really
fast and then going to the library to read by himself
for the rest of the period. One day, he had just settled
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why do you thi nk Dan wanted the other ki ds
i n cl ass to l eave hi m al one?
Why woul d Dan want to stay away from
school ? Have you ever wanted to avoi d a
pl ace because you were new?
g @@| @@[ @@g
in at one of the tables to start his favorite authors
new graphic novel, when he heard the chair across
from him moving. A guy who hed seen in the hall
but never met sat down across from him.
Hi, the other guy said. Im Steve. Youre Dan,
right? You moved here a few weeks ago?
Yeah, said Dan, warily. From Pennsylvania.
Hes my favorite author, said Steve, pointing
to Dans book. I havent read the new one yet.
Hes great, right? replied Dan, warming up.
You wanna borrow it when Im done?
The guys talked about graphic novels until
lunch was over. Dan went to his next class with a new
spring in his step. Maybe there is someone in this school
I can talk to, he thought.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why di d Dan have so much troubl e fi tti ng
i n wi th hi s new cl assmates?
Why di d Dan start to struggl e wi th
school work? Has a personal probl em ever
affected your school work?
Why di d one conversati on make such a
di fference to Dan? Do you thi nk he wi l l
start maki ng more fri ends now?
g }gg gg g g
@

g

@
[

@
@
g

@
0elng tne nev kld can be cna||englng. YOu dOn't
knOv tne klds arOund _Ou, sO _Ou dOn't knOv
nOv tne_ vl|| react tO _Ou. YOu ma_ fear tne_
dOn't |lke _Ou, even tnOugn tne_ dOn't knOv
_Ou _et. Lver_tnlng, frOm tne c|assrOOms tO
tne peOp|e ln cnarge, seems fOrelgn.
Wnenever _Ou start sOmetnlng nev
ln nev surrOundlngs, _Ou nave tO make
numerOus persOna| adustments. YOu nave
tO adapt tO tne ru|es and expectatlOns Of
tne adu|ts ln cnarge. YOu nave tO start Over ln
deve|Oplng re|atlOnsnlps vltn peOp|e arOund
_Ou. 1O cOmp|lcate matters, mOst Of tne Otner
klds knOv eacn Otner.
9emember, tnOugn, tnat mOst klds are
Open tO maklng nev frlends. 0On't glve up On
maklng frlends lf _Ou are tne nev kld. 6lve
peOp|e a cnance, and tne_ vl|| |lke|_ glve _Ou a
cnance, tOO.
N0fk ll 00l
!. JOln extracurrlcu|ar actlvltles sucn as
spOrts teams, band, Or tneater grOups.
1nls vl|| ne|p _Ou meet klds vnO nave
slml|ar lnterests.
2. 0On't udge _Our nev c|assmates. keep
an Open mlnd abOut tnem, even lf tne_
dOn't nave an Open mlnd abOut _Ou. 6lve
tnem tlme tO start Openlng up tO _Ou. 0e
prepared vnen tne_ flna||_ dO. Ask gOOd
questlOns tO snOv _Ou are lnterested ln
gettlng tO knOv tnem, and |lsten patlent|_
tO tne ansvers. 0elng a gOOd |lstener can
gO a |Ong va_.
3. |Ocus On _Our studles and Otner actlvltles
_Ou can cOntrO|. Maklng nev frlends vl||
cOme ln tlme. |Ocuslng _Our mlnd On
sOmetnlng e|se vl|| ne|p _Ou sta_ ca|m untl|
_Ou get tO knOv Otner klds better.
100 l88l N0f0 lf0M 88
| remember tne fear and anxlet_ Of belng
tne nev kld. | vas nOt a|One. 0n|_ tne mOst
extrOverted gu_s enO_ belng tne nev kld.
MOst Of us nate lt. Lven sO, _Ou need tO
OvercOme tne terrOr tnat gu_s ln 0an's
sltuatlOn experlence. 1nlnk Of belng tne nev
kld as an OppOrtunlt_ tO make nev frlends
and |earn mOre abOut _Ourse|f. YOu can be
vnOmever _Ou vant. YOu are nOt trapped b_
tne rO|e _Ou nad vltn _Our O|d frlends. 0elng
tnrust lntO a c|assrOOm fu|| Of klds _Ou dOn't
knOv cOu|d be ust tne spark _Ou need.
_
Q
00ll0f8l
0lll0f0008
@
ometimes, cultural differences
can make it hard to fit in.
Imagine moving to the United
States from another country. Even if you
were born in the United States, your
family still might follow many of the
same traditions they did in the country
they moved from. These differences can
definitely make a kid stand out.
Life can be complicated for a guy
with cultural differences. While many of
his classmates eat pizza and play football,
he may eat shepherds pie, a traditional
English food, and love soccer. As a result,
he might not click with many classmates
or have a lot of friends. He is eager to fit
in, but it might be difficult.
Li fe can be compl i cated
for a guy wi th cul tural
di fferences. Whi l e many of
hi s cl assmates eat pi zza
and pl ay footbal l , he may
eat shepherds pi e, a
tradi ti onal Engl i sh food, and
l ove soccer.
Raphael struggled to overcome cultural
differences with his classmates. His family moved
from Brazil to the United States. Raphael barely
spoke English and knew nothing about U.S.
culture, except for what he saw in the movies and on
television. Take a look at Raphaels story to see how
he handled this situation.
88080l`8 $l0f
Raphael came from a
large Brazilian family. He
grew up playing soccer
with his brothers and
going to the beach near
his familys house. He was
competitive and smart,
and lots of guys wanted
to be his friend.
When Raphael was 12, his family moved to the
United States. Raphael quickly realized that his new
classmates were different from his friends in Brazil.
On his first day of school, many of them organized a
football game at recess. Raphael joined in.
But he was surprised when they started
throwing around a funny-shaped brown ball with
white stripes. Football? he wondered out loud.
This is football?
Yeah, Michael answered. What did you think
we were going to do?
@j |@[@j @ ||g[g@g
Raphael had expected them to be kicking
around a soccer ball. In Brazil, kids called soccer
futbol, which sounds like football.
Raphaels new classmates were different in other
ways, too. They only went to the beach during the
summer, because it was a few hours away. Worst of
all, none of them spoke a word of Portuguese. That
was the only language Raphael knew well.
Raphael was determined to fit in at his new
school. At first, that was difficult. Raphael joined
the football games his classmates played during
recess. But he didnt know the rules of American
football. One morning, he tackled a classmate after
the boy had stepped out of bounds. Raphael did not
understand the play had ended.
Raphael! Michael yelled. What the heck are
you doing?
@@| @@[ @@g
On another play, he tried to kick the ball
instead of throw it. Raphael, Justin said, sounding
agitated, were not attempting a field goal now.
Football has so many weird rules, Raphael
thought.
Most of the time, Raphael could barely
understand what his classmates were saying. When he
started his new school, he was placed in a special class
with other students who primarily spoke languages
other than English.
One day in the cafeteria, a popular kid named
Scott called Raphael over to his table. Raphael
felt special that Scott had singled him out. Hey,
Raphael, Scott said, sit down. We were just
talking about that new spy movie that came out this
weekend. Did you see it?
}g@g @g@@| j|
Descri be a si tuati on where everyone was
di fferent from you. How di d you handl e i t?
I s there anyone i n your cl ass from another
cul ture? How are you di fferent? How are
you al i ke?
Woul d bei ng di fferent from your
cl assmates make you feel uneasy or
uncertai n about yoursel f?
} @j |@[@j @ ||g[g@g
No, Raphael answered. He was embarrassed.
He had no idea what Scott was talking about, but the
other guys seemed to be excited about the movie.
I loved that chase scene, Scott continued.
Remember what the spy called the bad guys? The
other guys laughed and said the word aloud. It was a
new word to Raphael.
Yeah, piped in Jack. That actors so cool. You
should really see that movie, Raphael.
Raphael knew he probably wouldnt
even understand the movie if he saw it. But he
remembered the word the guys had said. If that
movie was so cool, then that word must be cool, too.
It wasnt until later, when a teacher overheard
him saying the word in the hallway, that he learned it
wasnt so cool after all. He was so embarrassed when
he found out what the word meant.
Raphael was upset about what had happened.
He told his mom about it when he got home.
}g@g @g@@| j|
What do you thi nk i t woul d be l i ke to move
to a pl ace where everyone spoke a di fferent
l anguage?
Do you thi nk the boys tri cked Raphael i nto
sayi ng a bad word? Why or why not?
@@| @@[ @@g
Mom, he said in Portuguese, I had no idea what
that word meant. If I had, I wouldnt have said it.
Raphael, you cant let it get you down, his
mom said as she brought him a glass of guava juice.
I know you are trying hard to fit in. Im really proud
of you. As for the prankwell, now youve learned
your lesson. You are kind of vulnerable as the new
kid. Plus, you are still learning the language. Just take
it slowly. Youll get there.
But Mom, what should I do? I want to fit in,
but I dont want to play football all the time. I want
to play soccer, like I did in Brazil.
Q @j |@[@j @ ||g[g@g
So, why dont you, honey? Lets sign you up for
a team. That way, youll meet boys who like soccer
just as much as you do. And as for the language, well,
your father and I want you and your brothers to sign
up for extra English classes on Saturday mornings.
We think they will help a lot.
Raphael agreed. He was excited about the soccer
league. As much as he wanted to fit in with his new
classmates, he didnt want to forget everything about
his Brazilian culture. It was an important part of who
he was.
Raphaels English improved quickly. Now, he
could understand what his classmates were saying. He
was able to move out of the special education class he
started in to the larger class that was conducted fully
in English.
Raphael loved his soccer league. He discovered
that, although most of his classmates preferred
}g@g @g@@| j|
Have you ever taken i nterest i n a new
cul ture? Was i t di ffi cul t to understand?
Do you thi nk j oi ni ng a soccer team and
taki ng Engl i sh cl asses wi l l hel p Raphael be
more comfortabl e wi th U. S. cul ture? Why or
why not?
Qg @@| @@[ @@g
football, plenty of American kids also liked soccer.
And Raphael was great at soccer. He was instantly
one of the top players on his team. He scored a ton of
goals playing forward.
At the end of the season, Raphaels teammates
were invited to his house for a party. His mother
cooked them an authentic Brazilian lunch.
Wow, what is this? Zach asked as he dug into
a second helping.
Fried plantains, Raphael replied, in perfect
English.
Its really good, Zach said.
Zach also found it fascinating when Raphael
and his mother spoke to each other in Portuguese.
Hey, Raphael, Zach said, could you teach me some
Portuguese?
Sim, Raphael replied in Portuguese. Sure.
}g@g @g@@| j|
How di d Raphael overcome hi s cul tural
di fferences?
Why do you thi nk Raphael i nvi ted hi s
teammates to hi s house for a party at the
end of the soccer season?
Have you ever gone to the house of a
fri end from another cul ture?
Qg @j |@[@j @ ||g[g@g
@

g

@
[

@
@
g

@
klds are natura||_ curlOus. Yet, man_ becOme
susplclOus and nesltant arOund dlfferent
Or unfaml|lar tnlngs, lnc|udlng peOp|e. |t's
lmpOrtant tO be Open tO dlfferent klnds Of klds
and |earn tO accept tnOse, |lke 9apnae|, vnO
cOme frOm Otner cu|tures. 1nrOugnOut _Our
|lfe, _Ou vl|| nave tne OppOrtunlt_ tO vOrk vltn
and be arOund peOp|e frOm cu|tures Otner
tnan _Our Ovn.
Cu|ture nas a great lmpact On peOp|e.
|t lnf|uences tnelr tnOugnts, actlOns,
re|atlOnsnlps, vOr|dvlevs, and gOa|s. Wnen _Ou
embrace peOp|e frOm Otner cu|tures, lt ne|ps
_Ou understand tne vOr|d better and can
make fOr va|uab|e frlendsnlps.
|f _Our faml|_ ls cu|tura||_ dlfferent
frOm Otner faml|les ln _Our area, dOn't be
embarrassed Or tr_ tO nlde vnO _Ou are. Wnl|e
_Ou ma_ nOt snare a|| tne same lnterests as
_Our nev frlends, tnat dOesn't mean _Our
lnterests are vrOng Or velrd. 0e Open tO
|earnlng abOut tne nev cu|ture arOund _Ou,
but a|sO a||Ov _Our frlends tO get tO knOv
abOut _Our cu|ture. YOu ma_ flnd tne_ are ust
as curlOus and lnterested abOut _Ou as _Ou
are abOut tnem. And remember, tne 0nlted
5tates ls made up Of peOp|e frOm a|| dlfferent
cu|tures.
N0fk ll 00l
!. 1a|k tO _Our re|atlves abOut _Our cu|ture.
Ask tnem abOut _Our faml|_ Orlglns
and vnat _Our tradltlOns are. 0nce _Ou
understand vnere _Ou cOme frOm, _Ou
can better appreclate peOp|e frOm Otner
cu|tures.
2. 5eek Out klds frOm Otner cu|tures. 1a|k
abOut _Our Ovn cu|ture vltn tnem. |ave
tnem ta|k tO _Ou abOut tnelr cu|ture. 1ne_
vl|| ne|p _Ou tO understand _Our Ovn
better.
3. Watcn dOcumentarles and nOnflctlOn
mOvles. 9ead bOOks tnat take p|ace ln Otner
parts Of tne vOr|d. 1nese tnlngs vl|| ne|p
_Ou understand tnOse Otner cu|tures even
mOre.
100 l88l N0f0 lf0M 88
At _Our age, tne dlfferences can make _Ou fee|
uncOmfOrtab|e. Just vnen _Ou tnlnk _Ou've
started tO flgure Out tne vOr|d, _Ou rea|lze
tnere's stl|| sO mucn _Ou dOn't knOv. YOu dOn't
need tO fee| lntlmldated b_ sOmebOd_ frOm
anOtner cu|ture. 1reat meetlng nlm Or ner as
a |earnlng OppOrtunlt_. 1ne mOre _Ou |earn
abOut dlfferent cu|tures, tne mOre avare and
cu|tured _Ou'|| becOme. 1nls vl|| ne|p _Ou |earn
abOut and dea| vltn peOp|e ln tne future.
Q_
gg
100 68
@
angs are groups of people, often
young males, who band together
in the name of brotherhood.
Yet, they can be violent and sometimes
engage in illegal behavior such as drug
dealing, theft, and assault. Gangs might
fight with other gangs or other groups of
people. Many gang members often end
up in jailor worse.
Guys might join gangs to feel
secure and popular. You might feel that
joining a gang will help you stay safe. It
may be tempting to join a gang if your
family isnt involved in your life or if
you wish you had more friends. Maybe
you live in a poorer part of the city or
youre not doing well in school, and you
Guys mi ght j oi n gangs to
feel secure and popul ar.
You mi ght feel that j oi ni ng a
gang wi l l hel p you stay safe.
think this will be a way to make you feel better about
yourself. But gangs are dangerous and can lead you
down the wrong path.
In some neighborhoods, though, it seems like
everyone is in a gangmaybe even someone in your
own family. You may
feel pressure to go into
the family business.
Or maybe you live in a
part of the city that has
so many gangs it could
be dangerous if you didnt join one. If a guy grows
up in an area with a lot of gang activity, he may not
even think joining a gang is a choice. Michael found
himself in this situation.
Nl0080l`8 $l0f
Bye, Michael, have a good day, Tina said as
she climbed into the bus.
Q }gg @@@[
Bye, Tina. See you later, he said.
Each day before he walked to school, Michael
stayed at the bus stop with his little sister, Tina, to
make sure she got safely on the bus. Their mom
worked two jobs, and she was already at her first one
before Michael or Tina woke up in the morning.
Michael would never let his sister wait alone outside
their apartment, so he had to wait with her.
Michael and his family lived in a large, busy
city. The area was pretty run-down, and it had more
than its share of gang activity. Gun shots and police
or ambulance sirens could often be heard at night.
Michaels mom often shut their apartment windows
to drown out the sound.
As Michael walked to school that morning, he
thought about his neighborhood and his initiation
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why do you thi nk Mi chael has to wai t wi th
hi s si ster? What do you thi nk coul d happen
i f he di dnt?
What do you thi nk goes through Mi chael s
mi nd when he hears the si rens each ni ght?
Why do you thi nk hi s mom tri es to drown out
thei r sound?
Q @@| @@[ @@g
that night. He had to use two hands to count the
number of times hed been approached by gang
members. Although he tried to keep his cool, each
time they talked to him he felt a sinking feeling in his
gut and his heartbeat raced. The threats to him and
his sister were getting to be too much. He saw what
happened to guys who didnt join up. It wasnt pretty.
In the hallway at school, Michael ran into Sam.
You ready for tonight? Sam asked him.
Yeah, man, Im ready. Ill see you at 10. You
still cant tell me whats going on? Michael asked.
No, youll find out soon enough.
As Michael walked into class, he thought about
Sams last comment. Why did he need to wear all
black? To rob someplace? He didnt think thatd be
that bad. He knew initiations could be much worse.
Sam was initiated last month by being beaten. He
almost had to go to the hospital, and the last of his
cuts and bruises were still noticeable.
Q} }gg @@@[
At 10:00 oclock that night, Michael met some
of the members of Sams gang in an abandoned
parking lot. His palms were sweating as he walked up
to them.
Croz, one of the leaders, spoke first. He told
Michael the gangs initiations were meant to weed
out the guys who werent tough enough to make it in.
Each member protected the others, and they had to
be sure he was willing to do anything for them.
Do you know what blood in, blood out is?
the leader asked.
Ive heard of it, Michael said.
Well, its pretty simple. To get in, bloods gotta
spill. Either your own or someone elses. Youre lucky,
cuz tonight its someone elses.
}g@g @g@@| j|
Why i s Mi chael j oi ni ng a gang? What woul d
you do i n hi s si tuati on?
Why cant Mi chael j ust i gnore the gang
members and do hi s own thi ng? Do you thi nk
hes thought about that? I f so, what do you
thi nk hi s concl usi on was?
Have you ever known someone who j oi ned a
gang? Why do you thi nk he j oi ned?
Q @@| @@[ @@g
He told Michael that a rival gang was
encroaching on their territory, and that they needed
to be taught a lesson. Michael was the one who
would do it. His initiation was to stab one of the rival
gangs members.
You ready? the gang leader asked.
If Michael did this, hed be in. Hed have
protection for himself and his sister. But would he
get caught? What would happen then? And he had
to stab this guy. He might kill him. But if he didnt
stab the guy, Sams gang would beat him badlyhed
heard the storiesand probably be out for him in the
future. Hed be unprotected.
Michael hesitated, and then he answered.
}g@g @g@@| j|
What do you thi nk Mi chael s answer wi l l
be? I f you were i n hi s posi ti on, what woul d
you do?
Can Mi chael get out of thi s si tuati on
wi thout j oi ni ng the gang? I f so, how? Do
you thi nk hed have to worry about hi s
safety afterward?
Have you ever been i n a si tuati on l i ke
Mi chael s? Have you ever had to make a
hard deci si on that coul d end negati vel y
ei ther way? How di d you deci de?
QQ }gg @@@[
@

g

@
[

@
@
g

@
6ang actlvlt_ ls mOst pOpu|ar amOng nlgn
scnOO| students. 1nls ls especla||_ true ln
|Ov-lncOme areas. 1nere, man_ bO_s are
pressured b_ peers tO Oln gangs, and sOme
fee| tne_ nave tO Oln a gang fOr safet_. 1ne_
cOnslder Olnlng a gang tnelr On|_ OptlOn ln |lfe.
1errltOrla|lt_ Often breeds gangs. 6u_s
re|ate tO a speclflc area as tnelr nOme, as ve||
as tne nOme Of tnelr faml|_ and frlends. 1ne_
vant tO prOtect tnat terrltOr_ at a|| cOsts. 5O,
tne_ fOrm a gang. Wnen a rlva| gang lnvades
tnelr terrltOr_, vlO|ence can resu|t. Man_ gang
members dea| drugs. 1ne_ mlgnt make sOme
mOne_ frOm tnls and Otner l||ega| actlvltles.
0elng lnvO|ved ln gangs can narm _Our studles
and make lt dlfflcu|t tO make rea| frlends
Outslde tne gang.
0elng ln a gang ls nOt tne g|amOrOus |lfe
mOvles and te|evlslOn snOvs sOmetlmes make
lt Out tO be. |t ls actua||_ a vlO|ent |lfe tnat ends
tOO ear|_ fOr man_ gang members.
N0fk ll 00l
!. Make frlends Outslde Of gangs. |t ma_ seem
cOO| tO be part Of a grOup Of klds vnO stlck
tOgetner and are |O_a| tO eacn Otner. 0ut
_Ou are better Off deve|Oplng rea| frlends,
nOt klds vnO are fOrced tO bOnd vltn _Ou.
2. 0On't glve ln tO tne pressure. |f _Ou fee|
pressured tO Oln a gang, lt can be ne|pfu|
tO ta|k vltn peOp|e vnO are nOt lnvO|ved ln
gangs Or qult a gang. 5cnOO| cOunse|Ors
are a|sO great peOp|e tO turn tO lf _Ou need
ne|p.
3. 6et cOnnected, sta_ actlve, and fOcus On
educatlOn, summer prOgrams, and Otner
pOsltlve and prOductlve actlvltles.
100 l88l N0f0 lf0M 88
|Or man_ gu_s, tnere ls sOmetnlng appea|lng
abOut belng part Of a gang tnat vl|| accept
_Ou fOr vnO _Ou are. 0ut tne trutn ls tnat _Ou
dOn't need tO be part Of a gang tO make tnat
nappen. Just sta_ true tO _Ourse|f. Lventua||_,
_Ou vl|| make trustvOrtn_, |O_a| frlends
vltnOut tne ne|pand prOb|emsOf gangs.
ggg
@

@
g

@
@
g

g
@
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|rlends p|a_ an lmpOrtant rO|e ln Our |lves.
1ne_ make Our |lves mOre fun and lnterestlng.
Lxperts sa_ navlng frlends ls crltlca| fOr _Our
menta| and emOtlOna| ve||-belng and _Our
sOcla| deve|Opment. 1ne_ even ne|p _Ou tO be a
better student. |rlendsnlps becOme especla||_
lmpOrtant vnen _Ou get tO be an adO|escent.
1nat's vn_ lt can seem sO dlfflcu|t fOr _Ou tO
dea| vltn _Our sOcla| |lfe sOmetlmes.
0elng an adu|t means | rare|_ nave tO dea|
vltn an_ drama frOm frlends. 0nfOrtunate|_,
tnat vas se|dOm tne case vnen | vas
_Our age. Ps_cnO|Oglsts vnO nave studled
frlendsnlps sa_ tnat |ltt|e klds deve|Op ver_
lntense frlendsnlps and are extreme|_ |O_a|
tOvard eacn Otner. As tne_ grOv up, tnelr
frlendsnlps becOme mOre cOmp|ex and
|a_ered.
5O, _Ou see, tne prOb|ems _Ou are
navlngOr are abOut tO naveare nOrma|.
1nese cOnf|lcts are a part Of grOvlng up. 1ne_
ust nappen tO lntenslf_ durlng adO|escence,
vnen ve are a|| sO vu|nerab|e and lncOnslstent
ln Our attltudes and benavlOr. Wnen | vas ln
mldd|e scnOO|, | gOt lntO numerOus flgnts and
nast_ arguments vltn Otner klds. NOv, man_
Of tnOse gu_s are m_ c|Ose frlends.
| knOv tne lssues dlscussed ln tnls bOOk
can |eave _Ou fee|lng dlstraugnt. | a|sO knOv
_Ou prObab|_ dOn't vant tO snare tnOse
emOtlOns. |ev gu_s dO. | nOpe readlng tnls
bOOk ne|ps _Ou dea| vltn tnem. M_ gOa| vas tO
remlnd _Ou tnat _Ou are nOt a|One ln dea|lng
vltn _Our emOtlOns and cna||enges. A|mOst
ever_ gu_ gOes tnrOugn strugg|es vltn
c|assmates, teammates, and frlends. 5O, |earn
frOm vnat m_ frlends and | nave experlenced.
0ne da_, _Ou vl|| nave severa| |Ongtlme, |O_a|
frlends, tOO.
Good l uck!
Ryan
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9emember, a nea|tnfu| |lfe ls abOut ba|ance.
NOv tnat _Ou knOv nOv tO va|k tnat patn,
pa_ lt fOrvard tO a frlend Or even _Ourse|f|
9emember tne WOrk |t 0ut tlps tnrOugnOut
tnls bOOk, and tnen take tnese steps tO get
nea|tn_ and get gOlng.
- 9eacn Out tO |Oners, nev klds, and Otner
gu_s vnO need frlends. 1ne_ vl|| be gratefu|
fOr _Our lnterest. |t cOu|d mean tne start Of
a nev frlendsnlp.
- LOOk fOr Otner klds vnO snare _Our
lnterests. 5narlng lnterests sucn as spOrts,
muslc, and tneater ne|ps gu_s bOnd. YOu
vl|| a|va_s nave tnlngs tO dO tOgetner and
tnlngs _Ou can ta|k abOut.
- 5ta_ true tO _Ourse|f. |t can be dlfflcu|t tO
avOld gettlng vrapped up ln fads and Otner
sOcla| trends. 0ut lf _Ou act |lke _Ourse|f,
_Ou vl|| nave an easler tlme maklng gOOd
frlends.
- 0O nOt tO|erate bu||_lng as tne vlctlm Or
a b_stander. 0u||_lng On|_ narms peOp|e,
even tne bu||_ nlmse|f. 9emember, belng
a vltness tO bu||_lng can a|sO nurt _Ou
emOtlOna||_. 5peak up.
- 0e a |O_a|, fOrglvlng frlend. 5tand b_ tne
peOp|e _Ou trust, and tne_ vl|| stand b_
_Ou. |Orglve _Our frlends vnen tne_ nurt
_Ou. YOu vl|| vant tnem tO fOrglve _Ou
vnen _Ou make a mlstake. |rlendsnlps are
bOund tO lnvO|ve cOnf|lct. 6rOv and |earn
frOm tnese cOnf|lcts.
- 5ta_ ln tOucn vltn frlends vnO mOve ava_.
Wltn tne |nternet and Otner tecnnO|Oglca|
advances, lt's easler tO dO sO. |f _Ou va|ue
a frlendsnlp, _Ou dOn't nave tO end lt ust
because _Ou dOn't see _Our frlend as Often.
- AvOld gangs. |lnd rea| frlends vnO vl|| |OOk
Out fOr _Ou.
- Learn abOut nev cu|tures. 0e Open and
acceptlng Of gu_s frOm dlfferent cu|tures.
|t's amazlng vnat _Ou vl|| |earn.
- AbOve a||, be vnO _Ou are. 0e cOnfldent and
prOud. 0e vltn peOp|e vnO make _Ou fee|
gOOd.
gg
$0l00l00 8l0ll0f80
Haber, Joel David. Bullyproof Your Child for Life: Protect
Your Child from Teasing, Taunting, and Bullying for
Good. New York: Perigee, 2007.
Marcus, Dave. What It Takes to Pull Me Through: Why
Teenagers Get in TroubleAnd How Four of Them Got
Out. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin, 2005.
Sheras, Peter L. Your Child: Bully or Victim? Understanding
and Ending Schoolyard Tyranny. New York: Fireside,
2002.
f0fl00f 8080l
Clment, Claude, and Melissa Daly. Dont Be Shy: How
to Fit In, Make Friends, and Have FunEven If You
Werent Born Outgoing. New York: Amulet, 2005.
Desetta, Al, ed. The Courage to Be Yourself: True Stories by
Teens About Cliques, Conflicts, and Overcoming Peer
Pressure. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit, 2005.
Humphrey, Sandra McLeod. Hot Issues, Cool Choices:
Facing Bullies, Peer Pressure, Popularity and Put-downs.
Amherst, NY: Prometheus, 2007.
N00 $ll08
To learn more about dealing with friends and enemies,
visit ABDO Publishing Company online at
www.abdopublishing.com. Web sites about dealing
with friends and enemies are featured on our Book Links
page. These links are routinely monitored and updated to
provide the most current information available.
@gg | @@@j @g@@[g
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f0f N0f0 ll0fM8ll0
For more information on this subject, contact or visit the
following organizations:
Big Brothers Big Sisters of America
230 North 13th Street
Philadelphia, PA 19107
215-567-7000
www.bbbs.org
Volunteers are connected to youth ages 6 to 18 to create a
mentoring relationship in which all kinds of activities can
happen.
Boy Scouts of America
www.scouting.org
Boy Scouts of America provides a program for
young people to build character, get trained in the
responsibilities of participating citizenship, and develop
personal fitness.
National Center for Bullying Prevention
PACER Center, Inc.
8161 Normandale Boulevard
Bloomington, MN 55437
888-248-0822
www.pacerkidsagainstbullying.org
The center provides information about how to counter
and deal with bullying.
gg} @gg | @@@j @g@@[g
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80800
To desert or leave somebody alone who you used to
care about.
8ll08l00
Feeling apart and different from people around you.
8Kl008
Feeling nervous and hyper.
0f0l00f0000
A tight bond between guys who are similar to each
other, almost as though they are really brothers.
0ll@00
A tight group of friends who often exclude others
from their group.
0l80lll0
The ability to control your actions even under tough
circumstances.
00Ml800
Control and power over somebody else.
0f8M8
Emotional circumstances; commotion between
people.
0K0l000
To prevent somebody from joining in.
gg @@| @@[ @@g
l80
A quirky trend or style that usually does not last long.
00Mlll8l00
Embarrassed to an extreme level.
lMf088l080l0
Able to be influenced by others; vulnerable.
l08ll
Standing by your friends and family, even in tough
situations.
M8l0f0
Grown up; acting more like an adult than a kid.
0880
A period of time when a person acts in a way that is
unlike them.
98ll08l0
To confirm; endorse somebody elses ideas.
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adjusting, 13, 18
aggression, 38, 46
avoidance, 13, 18, 19, 78, 80, 84, 104, 105
bullying, 18, 4047
bystander, 4345, 104
victim, 3039, 47, 104
class clown, 4857
clothes, 42, 66, 67, 74
cultural diferences, 8493, 105
culture, 85, 87, 90, 91, 9293
depression, 18, 38
discipline, 70, 108
embarrassment, 20, 27, 30, 31, 62, 87, 88, 92, 109
extracurricular activities, 10, 82
fad, 9, 59, 60, 61, 67, 104
family, 10, 29, 40, 68, 77, 84, 85, 92, 93, 9496, 99,
100,
fear, 18, 39, 45, 82, 83
gangs, 94101, 105
gossip, 20, 27
humiliation, 30, 31, 34, 43, 109
identity, 5859, 66, 67
insecurity, 18, 46
ggg @@| @@[ @@g
labels, 9, 50, 5867
language, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90
body, 46, 47
leaving friends, 6875
loner, 8, 1019, 104
loyalty, 101, 102103, 105, 109
making friends, 11, 1819, 74, 82, 101
new kid, 8, 68, 7083
parents, 18, 19, 29, 34, 3536, 38, 40, 47, 49, 53,
6062, 67, 68, 69, 74, 95
personality, 29, 66,
popularity, 2029
school
homework, 42
new, 11, 13, 17, 27, 68, 6970, 73, 77, 86, 87
principal, 36, 37,
teacher, 12, 18, 3435, 42, 50, 51, 53, 54, 56, 68, 69,
70, 88
self-esteem, 43
style, 58, 59, 63, 66, 67
support, 68, 74
teasing, 32, 33, 34
territoriality, 100
trend, 59, 60, 66, 104, 109
validation, 74, 109
violence, 94, 100
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000l l00 0l00f
Ryan Basen is a writer and journalism professor living
in Charlotte, North Carolina. A former newspaper and
magazine reporter, Ryan has also written books about
NBA and NASCAR stars and sports issues. He earned
awards from the North Carolina Press Association and
Associated Press Sports Editors for work he did as a
reporter with The Charlotte Observer newspaper in 2007
and 2008.
F00l0 0f00ll8
iStockphoto, cover, 3, 71, 97; James Pauls/iStockphoto,
12; Alan Crosthwaite/iStockphoto, 16; Lori Sparkia/
iStockphoto, 22; Duncan Walker/iStockphoto, 25; Skip
Odonnell/iStockphoto, 26; Chris Schmidt/iStockphoto,
32; Cat London/iStockphoto, 34; Patrick Herrera/
iStockphoto, 36; Arthur Kwiatkowski/iStockphoto,
41; Matty Symons/iStockphoto, 44; Courtney Navey/
iStockphoto, 49; Tova Teitelbaum/iStockphoto, 50;
Julin Rovagnati/iStockphoto, 52; Gautier Willaume/
iStockphoto, 54; Derek Latta/iStockPhoto, 61; Justin
Horrocks/iStockphoto, 63; Hillary Fox/iStockphoto,
65; Cathleen Abers-Kimball/iStockphoto, 69; Arthur
Kwiatkowski/iStockphoto, 72; Kristian Sekulic/
iStockphoto, 77; Denise Kappa/iStockphoto, 79; Yuriy
Kirsanov/iStockphoto, 86; Wilson Valentin/iStockphoto,
89; Denis Jr. Tangney/iStockphoto, 95
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