CMST 2010

1. REVIEW exam 1 50% definitions/ 50% examples 40 questions

11/30/2011 8:50:00 AM

CHAPTER 5: NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

IS EVERYHTING YOU DO IN COMMUNICATION WITHOUT WORDS What you are doing with your appearance, gestures, time, It influences every interaction When you remove nonverbal communication,

It has 5 functions 1. Contradiction: often it contradicts our verbal communication 2. Emphasis: ex: thats your problem, not my problem (you move your head, and pointing) trying to getting the point across 3. Complementing: it complements our verbal communication, they go together it comes more natural 4. Regulates our conversations: learn through observation, 5. Substitutes for non-verbal communication: through gestures you can end a conversation without saying it, Principles - Non-verbal communication is consider more credible than verbal communication= we believe it more, our non-verbal communication is more difficult to control/hard to fake - Non-verbal is both biological based and culturally learned. +There are six universal expressions: Happiness, fear, anger, disgust, sadness and surprise Biological based: It is really hard to control our truth emotion, contain Facial expressions there are micro-expressions Culturally learned: every culture have different meaning for different expression, how you hug, how you dress, how you address someone, When we show nonverbal expressions that we dont want to use/show = leakage Display Rules: are rules that governed our display of nonverbal

communication and emotion + not dressing appropriately for an occasion Nonverbal communications is often ambiguous : its meaning is not clear It occurs at many levels- its multichannel/leveled +if you were to look at a persons nonverbal communications we would be looking at their appearance, how they sit, what they are wearing, their accessories/ we select what we want to pay attention to- we pay attention to what we want (its selective)

EXAM Self-monitoring: the degree to which we manage our public self. Attribution theory: when you assigns reason to peoples behavior Framing theory: no questions about it Intercultural communication: High text culture Dont assume Ethical systems (end ch.1) categorical imperative is either black and white Ethic of care: most recent system, develop because there was no way of explaining how women make decision , Significant choice: make your own decision, you dont want to impose your judgment

11/30/2011 8:50:00 AM Physical appearance: hair color, symmetry, skin tone, weight, and body artifacts = with what we adorn our body We make a decision about someone in 20 sec after meeting them How we use space? Proxemics: is the use of space. How close we are close to someone and how we use the space of things we own, what does our backpack says about us, our car, Proxemics: is also what others spaces we occupy around: apartments, what you value what do you devote that place to. We like to take ownership of our personal spaces. Intimate space: 18 inches, we are really careful about who let in our intimate space Personal space: 18inches to 4 Social space 4 to 12 feet Public distance Expectancy violation Theory: How we use time: Americans are obsess with time Formal and Informal time: Informal time is time we use to socializing, or when we set aside a time to do something

3 important components of Informal time : duration:(what is an appropriate time set aside for something), punctuality: we all have dif. Expectations about it, activity: how we actually use our time Touch/ haptic: -when you hug someone (positive effect), -playful function: - To control behavior - individualistic touch Task function of touch: when a specialized person touches us Hybrid touch: hand shake turns into a hug Accidental touch: when you are in an elevator Paralanguage: is the study of a persons voice, vocal distractors have a strong relationship with how critical a person is, when we are thinking about what we are going to say,

11/30/2011 8:50:00 AM Chapter 7 Emotions: what we feel, a persons feelings Are emotions internally or externally caused Not all feelings are created equally, How we categorized emotions: Vailence

11/30/2011 8:50:00 AM Test 2 Ch. 5, Ch. 7 and deception notes and gender A lot of the questions come from chapter 5 -know all the definitions -chapter 5 definitions come in the test Paralanguage and vocalics= the study of the voice Chapter 7 be familiar with 222-224 Biological emotions, dualism = split between the mind and the body .Things are true or false, good or bad. Changing from one emotion to the other

11/30/2011 8:50:00 AM Listening is relationship based we use it to improve our relationship, is a skill that we can develop, we use it for understanding, Good listener have better relationships and have more success There are 4 components of the listener 1) receiving acknowledge 2) responding: is about remembering what happened before, what was the question, we are recalling before responding. 3) Recalling: evaluate chunking, manageable sets, recall past information, we are involve in the process of chunking: how we take info that we heard and break it into manageable sets 4) Rating: feedback, opinion you talk about the whole process, When we are listening we dont always take the four components into consideration We need to be careful with rating because other people may not agree with what we are saying back to them. Barriers to listening: listening is difficult because 1) noise : mainly physical noiseyou need to remove noice sometimes it can be semantic 2) message overload: the average is 200 messages a day, we get overload with messages and many times we dont get them all. 3) Message complexity: how complex the message is. 4) Lack of trained 5) Preoccupation: 6) Listening gap: there is a gap between a person can quickly speak and how much we can usderstand. So our mind can wonder we can only understand 800 words in a minute vs says over 1050 Poor listening Habits 1) selective listening: you decide what u want to hear, and to what you dont you just tune out 2) talkaholics 3) pseudolistening: 4) gap filler: 5) defensive list: 6) ambushing:

center listener: you focus on the person how they are action center listener: interested in action, lets listen so we can move forward, tell me what needs to be done, they second guess people content center listener: very detail oriented, want to now every side of the problems, they will play devil advocate, are very goal oriented individuals time center listener: is someone who is focus on the message to be short, and concise, they can even tell you I just have 5 min to listening to you. They have rapid tone of voice.

Knapps Staircase Model: up: initiating can be direct/indirect, experimenting is finding out about someone, intensifying is the honeymoon face (the talk comes at the end), integrating is becoming part of each others daily life, bonding is living together; differentiating can be +/- saying mine and yours, circumscribing is spending time away from someone, stagnating is not talking anymore just existing, avoiding and termination can happen in either order Bonding Integrating| Intensifying| Experimenting| Initiating| |Differentiating |Circumscribing |Stagnating |Avoiding |Termination Convilles helical model 1) No set time periods to be in a stage 2) Takes history into account 3) Cannot be further apart than resynthesis

to security 4) Always moving forward Both people are on the model but one person can be ahead of the other You can only be 4 steps apart at farthest Security: when we first meet someone (initiation) Is the relationship initiating according to our expectations?

Disintegration: when we notice that something is off You let it go but you put your guard up Alienation: you decide something is wrong and you have to figure out what youre going to do about it Characterized by a lack of communication Resynthesis: you figured it out and decided what youre going to do about it You redesigned the relationship (or changed your actions) You reframe the situation in your own mind sometimes and the other person doesnt even realize You become comfortable and you move through the stages again Each new stage (R2, R3) shows we are good with the redefinition We enter into a new Alienation, Resynthesis again Sometimes we jump through stages a sprint i.e. a women gives divorce papers to an unexpected husband and flings him to resynthesis from security Significant events in our relationship influence these stages Every relationship weve ever been in has one Social exchange theory: rewards minus costs equal outcome of relationship Rewards: intimacy, access rights Costs: sharing Comparison level of alternative: comparing our significant other to different people, governed by norm of reciprocity Conflict: interaction between interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference in obtaining those goals Dont waste your time in conflict if there is no interdependence Perceive is the key word, our perception is our reality Interpersonal conflict is commonly defined as the interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving those goals. Image conflict: self presentation, face work, deals with things we hold close to ourselves, it is difficult and usually remembered Content conflict: public is easily verified, private is dealing with an issue Value conflict: whether you think something is right or wrong in a relationship, religion, politics, etc.

Relational conflict: deals primarily with relational issues and viability of the relationship (changes that are made) I feel you dont value our relationship how you are being treated in the relationship. Serial conflict: long term relationship, something happening all the time, neither person will bend. Have no resolutions, can be over simple every day tasks. Meta conflict: conflict about the ways that you engage in conflict Defining conflict Selective perception is a central dynamic conflict interactions people thought different things and attributed different motives to one another Interdependence-people involved in the conflict are in a relationship together and relay on one another. If you do not have a relationship with that person it isnt important enough to have a conflict with. Although peoples need of others is a basic, fundamental human desire. People rank conflicts with others one of the most critical stressors they experience. Interdependence is the main reason that conflicts is a natural and inevitable part of life. The most we relay on each other the more potential there is for observing differences and being affected by them Perception- psychological process involved in sensing meaning, interdependent people have perceive that they have incompatible goals People judge themselves and their conversational partners based on how well they communicate and how successful they are in reaching their conversational goal. Incompatible goals-people goal differ, they think others stand in the way of the achievement of personal goals. Conflict is goal oriented. Types of Conflict Image conflict- concerns self presentation. Conflict with another about ones sense of oneself. Mom sees own child as baby even thought is 30, child is an adult. Content conflict- substantive revolve around issue. I hate bowling. Friends like bowling Content can be subdivided. Public issue- issue outside relationship Personal issue- relate more closely to the relationship. Dont like president- public. Dont like new girlfriend of friend- private.

Value conflict- content is specifically and question of right and wrong. Feelings about abortion Relational Conflicts- relationship between two people. Serial Conflicts- conflicts that recur over time in peoples everyday lives, without a resolution. Husband leaving clothes on floor. Meta-conflicts conflicts about the way you conduct conflict. Private content conflict: you are always late, you are at a slow speed, etc. Four part (conflict) process model: in any conflict there are 4 parts me, you, context (emotions), subject (the argument), at any point we can take one of these out of the equation Placating: taking the me out of the situation, taking care of your needs understanding others Pouncing: taking the you out of the situation, discounting the you. Im going to tell you just as it is I wont be nice with your needs Computing: taking the emotion out of the situation, what you are left with are facts, many times the facts dont add up, what is important is the emotional part. You make the argument seem reasonable but there is problems with the emotional part of it. Distracting: taking the subject out of the situation, it might be you begin to talk about the dishes but your roommates tells you a story and you never actually get the time to talk about the dishes Explanatory process model: context and outcomes in terms of distal outcomes (background) and proximal outcomes (here and now) : what we are doing right then . Four part model of elements of a conflict as occurring simultaneously within a conflict interaction Distal context background that frames the specific conflict. Contains the history between the two parties and the areas of disagreement they have discussed in the past. Proximal context refers to the rules emotions and beliefs of the individual involved in the conflict. Agree to keep place clean. Conflict interaction- difference between the partners become a problem and one or both people begin to address the issue Proximal outcomes- immediate results after the conflict interaction

Distal outcome- conflicts are never completely over, residue of having engaged in the conflict and the feelings that both the participants have about their interaction. Direct use of power: no doubt that you are exercising control Virtual power: essentially a threat (blackmail) Indirect use of power: having someone else suggest something, withholding something, can be passive aggressive (can be unintentional) Hidden use of power: exercising power that someone didnt know you had Fileys conflict grid: our conflict style, we have more than one, often one for public and one within private self. Illustrate the different conflict styles you can use in dealing with conflicts. Avoidance: buring our head in the sand, often because we have exhausted our other options, use it if dealing with someone who is not rational. characterized for a low concerns for you and others. By not doing anything we dont really care a bout, good strategy for a little while= dealing with someone who is not rational. Accommodation: giving in a lot, naturally nice people who dont like conflict, sometimes used to fit in, sometimes used to manipulate or get ahead (brown-noser), at some point there is a place for this in every relationship. High concern for other low concern for yourself. Good thing: usually really popular, bad thing: can be taken advantage of people walk over them. There are times we need to accommodate (remember) is important to build up a relationship it shows that you care about them in a lovingly way. Competition: winning, is problematic when you are willing to break the rules, not always a bad thing, is a necessary thing, both people perform better. High concern for self and low for others. My way or the high way, we do whatever it takes to win. The two people competing results in both of them doing better-working harder. Competition hurts self-esteem and prepares you for the real world. S about standing up for your self

Collaboration: everyone knows where everyone stands, a good strategy if the issue is important. Is when you have high concerns for self and others. You compromise, together you work a plan on how something is going to work. Not every issue has to be about collaboration it sometimes just makes you lose time if the conflict s small. Compromise: no one is truly happy, everyone gets a little, it may be the best solution or it may not be. Works best is you have limited resources and the stakes are not high. Is always a lose lose situation. Is the easy solution. ` Pursuit withdrawal: someone brings something up and you saw we will do it later Withdrawal pursuit: when the other person doesnt except something Distal context: the background that frames a specific conflict Proximal context: rules, emotions, beliefs of the individuals involved in a conflict

11/30/2011 8:50:00 AM |Termination Convilles helical model 1) No set time periods to be in a stage 2) Takes history into account 3) Cannot be further apart than resynthesis to security 4) Always moving forward Both people are on the model but one person can be ahead of the other You can only be 4 steps apart at farthest Security: when we first meet someone (initiation) Is the relationship initiating according to our expectations? Disintegration: when we notice that something is off You let it go but you put your guard up Alienation: you decide something is wrong and you have to figure out what youre going to do about it Characterized by a lack of communication Resynthesis: you figured it out and decided what youre going to do about it You redesigned the relationship (or changed your actions) You reframe the situation in your own mind sometimes and the other person doesnt even realize You become comfortable and you move through the stages again Each new stage (R2, R3) shows we are good with the redefinition We enter into a new Alienation, Resynthesis again Sometimes we jump through stages a sprint i.e. a women gives divorce papers to an unexpected husband and flings him to resynthesis from security Significant events in our relationship influence these stages Every relationship weve ever been in has one Metahelics can prepare us for bigger hellics

11/30/2011 8:50:00 AM Personality: relatively stable set of characteristics that guide your behavior Personality some aspects can be highlighted and shaped based on our environment. Kiersey-bates comes from the Meyers-briggs
Myers-Briggs Personality test o Extroversion Introversion (E-I) Where do you get energy from? Extroversion Introversion o Get energy from within/ solitarie activities. Enjoy solidary activities (Ex. Reading a book) Think before speaking about relational consequences Analytical Cautious with other individuals Stressed when around lots of people or in chaotic situations Are really reflective/ analyze relationships The relationships they have are usually very closed. Territorials Get energy from other people Profound need to be around others Sometimes communicate without thinking Like meeting new people/wide range of relationships Outgoing Comfortable in variety of environments Strong desire to be around people Talk first think second

Sensing Intuition (S-N) how you gather data Sensing show me state Like to use the 5 senses to gather information

Will notice changes in their environments Someone will notice traffic signs/ speed limit changes Detail oriented because they like to see what and how they will do it. Like to follow Instructions/plans are important Highly organized good work habits Like to figure out the best way to do something >>>>follow plans Technical feeling Detailed oriented people

Intuition big picture Very creative Think globally Think outside the box Overall connections Very attracted to theories and things that can be interpreted differently Very comfortable with personal experiences They trust theyre instinct

Thinking Feeling (T-F) how you solve a problem/what guides your decisions ? Thinking Feeling Governed by their feelings Will fight the rules Doing what you feel What your think is right Relies on rationale and logic Will follow or create the rules Creates more rules for everyone to be on the same page

Judging Perceiving (J-P) how you live your daily life Judging Quick decisions (Ex. Purchases, people, TV shows)

Overall planners Ex. Things to Do Likes for things to be closed Risk takers Impulsive Jump in with both feet If they want to do something they have to figure out everything Annoyed by indecisiveness make prompt decisions

Perceiving Doesnt like to make decision quickly Will often get pushed back into a corner Gets stressed out when things are closed to quickly Going to test to see if water is cold before jumping in Hard time making decisions, because they want to make sure they make the best decisions. Take so much time that they end up boxing themselves They question theyre decisions

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