Eight Rungs on the Ladder of Violence

1: Sneaky Anger: You act and speak normally but purposely neglect to do certain tasks others have asked you to do, pretending that you forgot all about the duties. Example: A teenage boy, upset with his father for firmly disciplining him, retaliates with sneaky anger by chronically "forgetting to do his household chores. Some of the typical responses are Oops, I forgot; Yeah, but....; Ill do it later; Playing dumb or helpless; Leave me alone; You cant make me!; etc. Solution: Be bold and assertive. Tell them you are not comfortable doing the said task. You have every right to choose what you want to do. There is no question of logic here. By sneaky behavior, your image is also affected. Be unequivocal so that the same person will not approach you with the same kind of situation in future. Later, this kind of avoidance behavior will affect their own lives. They dont know what to do with their own lives. So be clear and assertive. For eg; A asks B to find a good staff for him. B agrees. A calls B after several days and B replies I forgot. Here, B is thinking Why are you asking me to find staff for you? I am in a responsible position, This is not my job. Ego is the villian here. B could have instead said at the outset, If at all I am referring someone, he or she should be a good staff. For that, I need some time to search. My daily duties are overwhelming me. I will keep this in mind, but cannot guarantee. 2:The Cold Shoulder: You shun another person and make it clear you are mad about something. However, you absolutely refuse to let him or her know what it is. Example: A wife is upset with her husband for working late and rather than talk the issue through, gives him the silent, cold shoulder for the entire evening. Both sneaky anger and cold shoulder, if unattended, will develop into other categories. Both these can be overcome by meditating on muladhara (Nityanandas) or Lord Ganesha or by Blue Light Meditation. 3:Blaming and Shaming: You fault others for something that happened and then tell them they are "no good in order to make them feel shame. Example: An employee makes a simple mistake at work, and her boss is upset. Rather than help resolve the problem, he points blame at her, demeaning and intimidating her with personal criticisms. Solution is to assume that things need not always happen right as per our expectations. You have every right to go wrong. If others cannot digest that fact, it is their problem. Admit your mistake, but at the same time discuss with the other person to find out where you went

wrong, how it can be prevented in future, what are the solutions, etc. This behavior will create a positive image about you in your as well as their mind. The other person will be impressed at your unending thirst for improvement. The procedure not only controls your anger, but improves your skills immensely. If you blame others, chances are that this problem will recur again and you will have to adopt such cheap tricks repeatedly to escape. When you go wrong, it is natural that others will criticize you. The wise will do it constructively while fools do it destructively. Learn from the wise and ignore the fools. You should be bold enough to accept criticism. That is the perfect solution to this anger. There is nothing bad in the world, but there are positives and negatives. It is a popular misconception that anything negative is bad. No. We need lot of negativities to find harmony in our life. Hence, Universe is perfect in every respect. (Remember the verse Poornamadah Poornamidam) It is a blend of positives and negatives. We can make good use of negatives and in the same way bad use of positives, which we should avoid. Everything in this universe helps us to improve in one way or the other. This holds true in the case of adverse happenings. Just as a knife can be sharpened only against a rough surface, our spiritual growth is possible only by dealing with tough situations. Every win reinforces your superstitious assumptions while every defeat teaches you a lot of things. You become angry when you dont have any good method of tackling a problem. It is an indirect method of conveying that you have no ideas up your sleeves. One, who has them, will never be angry. (Relevant verse here is Ekoham asahayohamTTC- Weapons are tools of fear) When we have a positive self-image, we will never worry about our mistakes and thus will not resort to such cheap tricks. I may commit mistakes, but that does not mean I am not good enough. My worthiness is not determined by one situation where I went wrong. 4:Swearing, Screaming, and Yelling: You lose control over your speech and scream and yell at others. Those who have a habit of swearing are most prone to this form of anger. Example: A teenage girl has admitted to a minor wrongdoing at school. Her teacher, known for his foul mouth, yells at her harshly, uses cruel, out-of-control words to punish her. Why should anyone use harsh words when sweet ones have a twofold effect? If your idea is to make the other person realize his mistake, then that can be done effectively by using sweet/neutral words rather than harsh words. Why should one utter cruel words when we always have a choice which yields better results? The recipient will only become more defensive and puts up resistance when we use harsh words. That will make our job difficult. The ongoing argument will result in loss of time, energy, and friendship. You may win the argument, but you might also lose a friend in the process. Also, it will make us feel more frustrated. When we use sweet words, he cannot put up a strong defense. Hence, we are kind of uprooting him, destroying his very center of mass. (Relevant verse from Taoist wisdom yield and overcome; bend and be straight.)

Nityananda:If someone asks whether you are mad, you shout and prove you are mad! If you dont open your mind, people will suspect you are a fool; if you open, they will confirm it. 5:Demands and Threats: You demand that others behave as you want them to or threaten you will do something drastic if they don't, such as hurt them or yourself. Example:An argument between two business partners gets out of hand and reaches the point where the younger threatens to beat up his associate unless he gets his way. Dr. Wayne Dyer:This kind of anger stems from the thought if only you were more like me. We conveniently forget the law of nature that everything in this world is unique, no two things are alike. (Bhinnaruchir Lokah.) We want others to be exactly like us, to respond in the same way that we do, to approach a given situation in the same way, etc. It is like a childs desire to catch the moon. No matter how far we try in this regard, this demand or desire of us is never going to be satisfied. Thus, we will end up being dissatisfied which will add more to our frustration. One who always feels frustrated always fails and one who always fails perishes. Therefore, demanding others to be more like you is a waste of time, effort, and happiness. Get rid of expectations you have for others and your anger will go away. I got angry because I did not like it. You may not like it, but you still can choose not to be angry with it. Technique:Practice Twin heart meditation. Yajnavalkya Upanishad:If you have anger against a wrong-doer, how is it you do not have anger against anger (your wrong doing), as it forcibly blocks (the path to) duty, wealth, love, and liberation. This type of anger also stems from the fact that we expect justice and perfectionism from everything. Once we accept that it is perfectly normal to have imperfection, we can prevent anger from rising up. Let us respect the laws of nature.

Nityanandas Technique: How to work on you when a mood against or for someone arise in you. Let he be centered on you. Let he go to the source of the emotion from where it came. When you are suppressing or expressing, the other becomes important (and not you). Attend the anger as energy. Dont bother about the reason or person. Dont bother about the goal towards which it is coming out. Drop both. Just handle the anger as energy and not as an emotion. After all, e-motion is energy in motion. If so, you will try to correct the reason. Or from the angle of person you will suppress it. Others should not have any place in your inner space. Relax and unclutch from the other. Even love is not worthy of expression. Love,

compassion, etc. will happen without your awareness. Those who feel they are innocent are the most cunning and crooked. Those who think they are radiating love have plastic dirty smile. Let yourself (body and mind) burn with anger, because that is easier to create than love. Then just remove the person or object and turn all energy towards you, towards the source. Just sit idle and you will overflow with anger! Sit with pain and tension!! Close your eyes and remember the person/situation/object that really creates anger in you. Now forget the person/situation/object that creates anger. Just go to the source of energy. Feel the heat and irritation in the body and mind. See where you are experiencing that from. Relax. Use this technique when the emotion is happening. When a mood arises, do not place it on the person in question, but remain centered and go to the source of the energy. Dont express or suppress or change the emotion by using visualization. Just go to the source of emotion.

The next 3 levels are rarely experienced by us. Hence, the techniques to overcome them are not discussed here. They need an in-depth correction from the physical level and include fasting, cleansing, active movements, chanting, etc. 6:Chasing and Holding: You approach or pursue others and physically restrain them against their will and prevent them from leaving your presence. Example:A woman's fiance has been accused of seeing another woman. Incensed, she follows him to work, grabs him desperately and insists they talk about the problem right now. 7:Partly Controlled Violence: You physically strike someone for the purpose of forcing him or her to do what you want, but without losing control. Example:A young boy is caught stealing at a neighbor's home. The owner, outraged, confronts the boy and swats him several times with a stick, wrongly thinking that this will reform the errant youth. 8:Blind Rage: You physically attack a person with total loss of control, to the extent that when you return to normal consciousness, you may not even remember the incident. Example:A sassy teenager deliberately insults an overweight stranger. Instead of just scowling, the fiery man flies into a blind rage and beats him mercilessly.

The Perils of Anger: The Tirukural Chapter 31

By Saint Tiruvalluvar, 200 BCE
1. It is restraint that restrains rage when it can injure. If it cannot harm, what does restraint really matter? (Yajnavalkya Up.) 2. Wrath is wrong even when it cannot cause injury, but when it can, there is nothing more evil. (First two kinds of anger, which will gradually lead to other types) 3. Forget anger toward all who have offended you, for it gives rise to teeming troubles. (Nityanandas tech.) 4. Anger kills the face's smile and the heart's joy. Does there exist a greater enemy than one's own anger? 5. If a man be his own guard, let him guard himself against rage. Left unguarded, his own wrath will annihilate him. (Sit 5 minutes idle before going to work and expect the kind of situations that may arise which will make you angry and contemplate on methods to avoid such outbursts.) 6. Anger's fire engulfs all who draw near it, burning even friends and family who risk rescue. (Blue Light) 7. As a man trying to strike the ground with his hand can hardly fail, just as surely will one who treasures his temper be destroyed. 8. Though others inflict wrongs as painful as flaming torches, it is good if a man can refrain from inflammatory tantrums. 9. If hostile thoughts do not invade his mind, all his other thoughts may swiftly manifest. (Visualize the aura and implant positive thoughts. Then strengthen the aura as a protective shield which deflects all negative thoughts. Contemplate only on the implanted thoughts. Positive thoughts like I can choose to be happy even in an unsatisfied situation, Things may not occur as per my expectations, etc.) 10. As men who have died resemble the dead, so men who have renounced rage resemble renunciates.

Anger's Rousing Threat... and Retorts from Patience, Universal Love and Discrimination
Anger:"I will make the people blind and deaf. I will overpower them with wrath and suffocate them with rage. I will catch hold of even wise men. They shall neither harken to what concerns their own happiness, nor reflect what they had read in the scriptures. In a moment I can destroy even the learned, the famous, those who are attentive to duties, the charitable and the mighty potentates. I can infuse fury, resentment, wrath, indignation into the minds of all in the twinkling of an eye. I am very powerful. I will disturb the tapas of the aspirant and even yogis and destroy serenity. Atman, the soul, despaired, "Alas, who will help me now?" Kshama, the virtue of Patience, spoke up:"I will! I will pull out the venomous tooth of this demon, Anger."Vishva Prema, Universal Love, cried out, "I will! I am the water to quench the fire of anger." Finally, Viveka, Discrimination, roared:"I will! When I rise, anger dies."

Seven Remedies for the Habit of Anger

Have you ever suggested to someone who was furious at you that he shouldn't get so angry? Perhaps you offered, "It certainly doesn't make me feel very good when you unleash that force on me! And it's not good for you either!" What was the result? He just got madder, right? "How dare you tell me not to get angry, you #%*$ !" The point is, no one can change a person except that person himself. We only change when we want to change. Are you ready? Controlling anger could well be viewed as the very first exercise in spiritual life, because it stands so squarely between the soul and peace of mind while living in a physical body. Nothing is more fundamental to conquer, and doing so unleashes great energy and provides emotional stability for all other endeavors. The work is well worth the effort. So, here are some sharp tools--powerful enough to make even a nice person nicer. They are philosophical, penitential, metaphysical, devotional and psychological. Use them in good health! 1:Affirm:Everything Is Perfect! From a mountaintop perspective, God is everywhere, in all things, and everything is in a state of balance and perfection at every point in time. Affirm this Hindu wisdom regularly to cultivate patience and wise acceptance, even of situations that tend to arouse anger. To do so, be seated, close your eyes, breathe deeply and affirm quietly to yourself, "I'm all right, right now, and everything is as it should be from a mountaintop point of view." 2:Fill Your Aura with Light Blue If you are overtaken by anger and resentment--emotions which fill your aura with blackish red, streaked with yellow--sit in meditation, breathe and visualize light blue entering your aura and surrounding your body. The light blue will neutralize the fiery reds, and before you know it the anger and resentment will be gone. Simply relax and visualize soothing blue radiating out from the center of your spine into your inner and outer aura.

3:Worship Lord Ganesha The worship of Lord Ganesha is helpful in overcoming all emotional problems, including anger. As He is seated on the muladhara chakra, tuning in to His shakti helps raise us up into the muladhara chakra and therefore out of anger and fear into a calm, stable state of mind. In fact, you can slowly seal off these lower states of mind and keep awareness permanently lifted above fear and anger through the regular worship of Lord Ganesha. The muladhara chakra, the divine seat of Lord Ganesha, is the dividing point between the lower nature and the higher nature. It is the beginning of religion for everyone, entered when consciousness arrives out of the realms below Lord Ganesha's holy feet. The physical body has a connection to each of the seven higher chakras through plexes of nerves along the spinal cord and in the cranium. As the kundalini force of awareness travels along the spine, it enters each of these chakras, energizing them and awakening, in turn, each function. In Sanatana Dharma, another analogy is used to portray the chakras -- that of a lotus flower. This flower grows in lakes and pools, taking root in the slimy mud below the surface, where no light penetrates. Its stem grows upward toward the light until it breaks the surface into fresh air and sunshine. The energy of the sun then feeds the bud and leaves until the delicate lotus blossom opens. The first chakra is called the root chakra, muladhara. Awareness takes root in the baser instincts of human experience and then travels through the waters of the intellect, becoming more and more refined as it evolves until finally it bursts into the light of the superconscious mind, where it spiritually flowers into the 1,008-petaled lotus chakra at the top of the head. 4:Pay for Each Burst of Ire An effective and practical financial remedy is to put a sum of money, such as five dollars, in a jar each time you become angry, and later donate that money to a favorite orphanage or temple. Consistently performed, this penance soon makes it too expensive to get angry! This remedy impresses the subconscious mind that expressions of anger have karmic costs, and that anger can be completely eliminated by sincere efforts to overcome it. 5:Don't Eat the Next Meal For those who can easily afford to put five dollars in a jar frequently, an alternate penance is fasting. Each time anger arises, simply skip the next meal. Denying yourself a meal has a potent impact, deeply impressing your subconscious mind. If you follow this without fail, the instinctive nature soon catches on that whenever it expresses anger it will soon experience hunger, and in this way is motivated to better control this destructive emotion. 6:Offer Flowers Put up a picture of the person you are angry with and for 31 days place a flower in front of the picture. While doing so, sincerely forgive the person in heart and mind. When it becomes difficult to offer the flower of forgiveness, because hurtful memories come up from the subconscious mind, write down the memories and burn the paper in a trash can. Say, "I forgive you, for I know that you gave back to me the karma that I set in motion."

7:Perform Three Kindly Acts If you have gotten upset with another person, do three kindly acts to make up for it. This releases you from your anger and guilt even if he or she is unaware of your good deeds. Example:A husband shouts abusively at his wife after returning from work. After apologizing, he takes her dining to a place of her choosing, buys her an item that she needs for the kitchen and gives her some free time by taking care of the younger children for a half-day. How to prevent taking anger from work to home? More Nivrithi than Pravrithi is necessary. (Techniques aimed at others and ourselves.) Starting and ending the day at office with a peace chant like Bhadram Karnebhi.. would help avoid taking anger back home after work. The rituals before the peace chant should not be ignored. Sit straight, observe abdominal movements till the breath become normal, take a few deep breaths, and then go for the chanting. The conveyance time should be used constructively to alter the state of consciousness by chanting, singing, or listening to music, or by simply being mindful of driving. Mindfulness is the ideal practice here. This way, you tend to enjoy your driving too! Be a witness at traffic blocks and observe the stress responses of others, their body language, etc. Those working at home have to be very careful. Choose some one-liner instead of peace chant and do that before getting up from your desk. Make sure that when you are at your desk, you will not attend any household matters. Taking one single deep inhalation before shouting can instantly stop anger from flowing out! Practicing pranayama to increase the inhalation/exhalation time would gradually wipe out all angry emotions within you.

The Seven Sub-Muladhara Regions

Atala (Hips): The first lower chakra, located in the hips, governs the state of mind called fear, which is truly a bottomless abyss. Someone in this consciousness fears death, fears life, even fears God and other people. This center is also the home of lust and promiscuity. Vitala (Thighs): Here anger predominates, and burning resentment. Anger comes from despair, confusion, frustration, or lack of understanding. People in the consciousness of this chakra, centered in the thighs, are always wrathful, mad at the world, even angry at God. Sutala (Knees): This chakra, found in the knees, governs jealousy, wanting what one can't have. Jealousy is a feeling of inadequacy, inferiority and helplessness. People in sutala consciousness covet everything, often deny the existence of God and are contentiously combative. Talatala (Calves): Prolonged confusion dominates here, giving rise to instinctive willfulness:to get rather than give, to push others around and pursue materialistic advancement over all else. Greed and deceit prevail in this dog-eat-dog state of mind, centered in the calves.

Rasatala (Ankles): This chakra of the ankles is the true home of the animal nature. Unmitigated selfishness prevails, of seeing to the well-being of "number one" first. The suffering of others is of no concern. Jealousy, anger and fear are intense, even high, states of consciousness. Mahatala (Feet): This is the realm of consciencelessness, or inner blindness to the effect of one's actions, of negativity and deep depression. Those living in this chakra of the feet steal freely, taking what they justify as theirs anyway, feeling that the world "owes them a living." Patala (Soles): Here, in the soles of the feet, is the abode of destructiveness, revenge, murder for the sake of murder, torture and hatred expressed through harming the properties, minds, emotions and bodies of others. Hatred and scorn abide here. Malice reigns supreme. Reason seldom reaches this state of mind.