Characteristics of a Healthy Family

What characterizes a healthy family? This is what moms and dads seriously think about when problems or tests are encountered at home. They try to evaluate their own family and hope that there comes a time for their family to get past the tests. So, how does a family become healthy? What must a family have for them to be called healthy? But before I try to answer that question from observing many different families and my own, let me first say that when I talk about family it may refer to two kinds of relationship the parent-child relationship and the husband-wife relationship. A good acronym to use for the characteristics of healthy families is no other than the word FAMILY. I will be using those letters to show elements of a health family. F-UN Healthy families have and make fun. It doesnt mean that Mom needs to be a stand up comic or Dad needs to hide behind the door with a rubber nose on his face and jump out at the kids, but it means that a home should be where some fun and laughter is a natural element. Kids learn better when what theyre doing is fun. We are able to motivate people better and encourage them to participate when what were doing is fun. A-TTENTION Healthy families pay attention to one another. Philippians 2:2-4 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Being interested in each other is a way of showing attention. And sometimes this is easily applied when we look at someone in the eye during a conversation whether it is between the husband and the wife or the parent and the child. Another way to apply this is by listening to each other. There are times when we should hear past each others words. M-EMORIES Healthy families capture memories. Remembering is a very spiritual concept. In the Bible were told to remember 160 times. Remember these things. Deuteronomy 4:9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. It says remember the things that God did. When you remember them it causes you to act in a certain way. Bring back good memories in your family. Not only does it trigger the grooves in our mind but it puts our heart and our actions in the right direction. Make up things to celebrate. Why just have a wedding anniversary? Make up anniversaries. Celebrate report cards. Celebrate decisions they make. Celebrate when you bought the home. Find reasons to celebrate. Get memorable photos enlarged. Return to memorable locations. Surveys suggest that family vacations are the greatest memories that people have. If thats true, lets get them out there. Lets walk by them all the time. I-NSPIRE Healthy families inspire. Inspire encouragement. verbally through

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. To encourage means to build up. Another word for that is to strengthen, to fortify, to make strong. Sometimes at home, thats where we are all caught

off guard and we just want to do what we want to do, say what we want to say. And it sometimes is to the extent of doing the opposite of verbal encouragement. Know that people are dying for that encouragement. So we must be liberal with our praise, especially with chirdren. We may not be aware but sometimes we hold on to encouragement like its really expensive. Its not expensive. Its free. But it is valuable. L-OVE Healthy families love without condition. That is the kind of love that only God can give and we can only show that kind of love in our families if we have experienced Gods love first hand. When our hearts are filled with the unconditional love of God it overflows. We can love with words. So, when was the last time you told your spouse that you love him/her? How about your child? We can also love with action. Show it. Express it. Y-IELD TO GOD Healthy families yield to God. Deuteronomy 6:5-7 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. The parents job at the dinner table, in the car, when they tuck their children to bed, when they get up is to provide spiritual input. Talking about God. If youre a parent and you want your children to be godly, you cant just teach them about it. It starts with your life. Youve got to live it out. If you want your children to be children of prayer and to grow up communicating with God, theyve got to see it as important to Mom and Dads life. If you want kids to open up Gods word and see it as a love letter, that its

vital to their existence, theyve got to see it vital to your existence first. Their spiritual training starts with how parents live their life. This last letter in the acronym FAMILY is where we should all start if we want to have a healthy family. Yield your life to God first, then you yield your family to God.

Importance of a Health family

Families are a source of emotional support, love, security and protection, reports Healthy Children. Healthy family relationships result in happy and secure children and give parents the ultimate reward of being important in the life of a child. Healthy families benefit each family member in important ways and help provide a unique sense of belonging and value that cannot be found in other relationships. The benefits of healthy families are far-reaching and all encompassing. Moral Character The love and support of family members motivates many people to continually strive to be better people. The development of strong moral character is one important benefit of a healthy family because it builds a bond between family members that is centered on a similar belief system. Healthy Children reports that families provide guidance to children regarding values, discipline and the internal code of conduct that motivates human behavior. A similar belief system can also encourage each family member to pursue his own interests while adhering to a strong set of personal beliefs and expectations, says Healthy Children. When each family member feels supported and valued it builds a healthy bond that encourages the formation of strong moral character. Physical Health Healthy family relationships often translate to healthy eating and exercise habits as well. According to Kids Health, families who engage in healthy eating and exercise together will ultimately become a healthier and stronger family unit. Parents are encouraged to model and explain to children why eating certain foods is healthy and how exercise can benefit all aspects of a healthy life. Finding time to cook healthy meals together and engage in physical activity will build a stronger and healthier family that will benefit from being physically healthy. Kids Health also indicates that children who are taught how to eat healthy and exercise during childhood are more likely to become healthy adults who also raise a healthy family. Independence Healthy families encourage each member to become independent and self-sufficient. Healthy Children reports that parents can offer important and necessary guidance to their children to help promote independence that will serve a child as she grows up. Offering children increased independence as they grow will build healthy families that are secure and comfortable enough to disagree with one another while also supporting individual interests and opinions. Healthy Children indicates that autonomy builds a child's confidence while also teaching her important problem solving skills that will follow her in other relationships she builds throughout her life. Healthy Children also suggests that giving each family member a role or specific duties will help build a partnership that will allow for increased independence as a child grows.

Family Stages and Task (Duvall)

1. Married couples or Beginning Families (without children) Starts when the couple enters marriage and ends with the birth or adoption of child. Involves merging of values brought into the relationship from the families of orientation. Includes adjustments to each others routines (sleeping, eating, chores, etc.), sexual and economic aspects. Members work to achieve 3 separate identifiable tasks: 1. Establish a mutually satisfying relationship 2. Learn to relate well to their families of orientation 3. If applicable, engage in reproductive life planning 2. Childbearing Families (Eldest Child 30 months) Birth or adoption of a first child which requires economic and social role changes Developmental task includes: o To set up young family as a stable unit o To reconcile conflicting developmental tasks and needs of family members o To maintain mutually satisfying marital relationship o To expand relationships within family

3. Families with Pre-school Children (Eldest Child 2 to 6 years old) - This is a busy family because children at this stage demand a great deal of time related to growth and development needs and safety considerations. - Developmental Tasks: o To meet basic family needs (housing, food, etc.) o To socialize the children o To integrate new child members into the family o To maintain healthy relationships within the family o To encourage the child to develop autonomy and retain self-esteem. 4. Families with School Children (Eldest Child 6 to 13 years old) - Parents at this stage have important responsibility of preparing their children to be able to function in a complex world while at the same time maintaining their own satisfying marriage relationship. - Developmental Tasks: o To socialize the children o To maintain a satisfying marital relationship

To meet physical health needs of family members

5. Families with Teenagers (Eldest Child -13 to 20 years old) - Struggles evolve with parents as emancipation process proceeds. - Familys value system may be challenged. - Developmental Tasks: o To balance freedom with responsibility of teenagers o To focus on the marital relationship o To communicate openly between parents and children 6. Families launching young adults (First child gone home, last child leaving home) Changes in relationships with children who are becoming adults or in new living conditions. - Stage when children leave to set their own household-appears to represent the breaking of the family -

7. Middle-aged Parent Families (Empty-nest to Retirement) - Energy channelled into guiding next generation via family or community activities or couple may now be dealing with issues of aging of their parents. - Developmental Tasks: o To prepare for retirement o To re-focus on marriage without children o To realign relationships to include in-laws and grandchildren o To adjust to role as caregiver with declining health of elderly parents 8. Aging Family Members (Retirement to the death of both spouses) - Persons have achieved satisfying relationships and feel sense of accomplishment and desire to continue to live fully until death instead of existing in state of despair. - Developmental Tasks: o To promote healthy, active retirement as body ages o To explore new family and social roles o To adjust to a reduced income, and loss (death of siblings, friends, and spouse) o To review and reflect on life and experiences