The names and identifying characteristics of some persons described

in this book have been changed, as have dates, places,

and other details of events depicted in the book.

8 WEEKS TO EVERLASTING. Copyright © 2012 by Amy Laurent. All rights

reserved. Printed in the United States of America. For information,
address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

www.stmartins.com

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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING- IN- PUBLICATION DATA

Laurent, Amy.
8 weeks to everlasting : a step-by-step guide to getting (and keeping!) the guy
you want / Amy Laurent with Kristen McGuiness.—1st ed.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-250-02062-8 (trade pbk.)
ISBN 978-1-250-02063-5 (e-book)
1. Dating (Social customs) 2. Man-woman relationships. 3. Intimacy
(Psychology) I. McGuiness, Kristen. II. Title. III. Title: Eight weeks to
everlasting.
HQ801.L328 2012
306.73—dc23 2012016342

ISBN 978-1-250- 02062-8

First Edition: August 2012

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
 Before You Begin

This book is not about getting the guy. It’s about getting
the guy you want and not wasting time on the ones who aren’t
right for you. You have the power to decide who you’re in a
relationship with—whether it’s by your behaviors or by your
actual choice.
Most women assume that the opportunity for romance
starts on the first date. Well, I’m here to tell you that oppor-
tunity begins right now. Yes, now. Because there will be no
first date until you get some basics down, and that includes
the basics of being a woman in the twenty-first century.
You don’t need to change a single thing about who you
are. But you might need to start changing some of the things
you’re doing.
Think about it: What separates the daters from the non-
daters? It’s not beauty or every Hollywood actress would be
married. And it’s not career or every Hollywood actress
would be married. No, it’s all about how you behave.

9
 8 Weeks to Everlasting

Are you a strong, independent woman who has her own

hobbies and interests in life? Do you have a network of
friends and an active social life whether you’re in a relation-
ship or not? Are you out there meeting people, reaching out,
being open to going on dates no matter who the person is or
what he does for a living? Do you desire a healthy relation-
ship? Or are you just desperate for one?

You don’t need to change a single thing about who you are.
But you might need to start changing some of the things
you’re doing.

Because there is nothing that sends a man running like a

woman who doesn’t want to do anything but obsess over him.
That’s boring for him, and I promise, you’ll get bored pretty
quick, too. So let’s talk about how to date, and how not to
date. It’s pretty simple stuff. So simple we all work very hard
to complicate it.
This is not about teaching you how to play mind games, or
how to pretend you’re too cool when you’re really a nice, sen-
sitive, and open woman who just wants to say what’s on her
mind. If that’s who you are, own it. But no matter what, you
still have to be aware of that little dance everyone does when
they’re first getting to know someone. You’ve been messing it
up not because you were being yourself, but because you
were being yourself while ignoring all the things you need to
do in order to build a proper foundation for a relationship.

10
 Before You Begin

No more excuses or whining. You need to start dat-

ing  the right way, the way you were never taught, and yet
somehow—miraculously—are supposed to be an expert at.
That’s why I’m here.
I am your expert, and it’s a role that’s been hard won.
You see, I’ve learned these lessons through my own field re-
search. I’ve been hurt, dumped, and left brokenhearted by
men I thought would be my knight in shining armor. And
was it always their fault? Sadly, no. Though I have certainly
dated my fair share of a**holes, I also had to start looking at
myself. What was my part in all this? Where was I to blame?
And, like you, I had to learn how to do something different.

Best Foot Forward

Let’s face it: first impressions count. I have been on way too
many dates were the guy looked as if he just came from the
gym. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was actually working
to not impress me. And the same goes for you. Sometimes
you may walk into a date looking as if you just rolled out of
your bed, or even worse, someone else’s bed. In many ways,
going on a date is like going on an interview—and for pos-
sibly the most important position of your life—so dress like
it. This has nothing to do with looks. I am sure if you looked
around at all your friends in relationships, you would quickly
realize that it’s not about being a supermodel.

11
 8 Weeks to Everlasting

You need to play the part if you want to get the part.

First impressions are all about the packaging—what

you’re wearing, how you’re carrying yourself, whether you’re
presenting yourself as a confident and self-assured woman or
someone who doesn’t have the energy or esteem to put her-
self together. In order to get the part, you need to play the
part. You should wear an outfit that speaks to who you are—
this is not about being someone else—an outfit that you’d
be comfortable wearing to dinner with your family. No cleav-
age, no skirts so short you can’t bend over, and no heels so
high that you can’t make it down a flight of stairs. On the
other hand, you also don’t need to go on the date looking like
a nun, so watch out for anything that either hides your body
so much he can’t see you’re a woman or anything too boyish
that he mistakes you for one of the guys. As one of my clients
recently told me, “There’s nothing worse than showing up
to a date and she’s wearing the same clothes as me.” So stay
away from power-woman suits or active-wear gym clothes—
even if your Lululemon yoga pants look great on you. Basi-
cally, if it’s nice enough for church or the holidays, then it’s
nice enough for a date. If you wouldn’t wear it in front of a
preacher or your grandmother, then don’t wear it out with
a man you are meeting for the first time.
The same goes with your grooming. If you usually don’t
do your hair or wear makeup, fine. But you can manage to
pull out the hairbrush and put on some Chapstick so you

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 Before You Begin

look fresh in your natural beauty. You want him to see that
this date is important to you. You don’t need to look like
you’re about to step onto the red carpet, but you do need to
get ready with the intention that you might be meeting
someone very important. You would want him to look nice
for you, so how about looking nice for him?

STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF

When it comes to dating, you should never be someone
you’re not. For example, I can’t stop talking. Ever. I’ve
been this way since I was a little kid and you’re certainly
not going to get me to stop now. Especially not for a
man. When I go on dates, I am the same silly, bubbly,
energetic nonstop talker that I am in every situation in
my life. I wish I could come in and be some mysterious
Angelina Jolie type, all brooding and sexy, but I can’t.
But that’s not a problem. I know from the men I
have dated that they love my energy. I make them
laugh and feel at ease, and they have a lot of fun in my
presence. The problem is not my personality. Nor is it
yours. You are fine just as you are. Whether you’re an
extrovert like me or the quiet and mysterious type like
Ms. Jolie, the trouble doesn’t come in who you are, but
rather in how you act.

13
 8 Weeks to Everlasting

The Power of Positive Dating

For any woman who complains that there aren’t any good
men out there, my first question is: Are you looking for them?
Because I’ll tell you right now, Mr. Right is not circling your
block, waiting for you to come out of your house. And if
there is someone doing that, call the cops. Now.
Mr. Right is out busy living his life. He’s sitting in traffic
listening to morning radio. He’s answering his phone at the
office and rolling his eyes at his boss. He’s out with his friends,
playing darts at the corner bar, and scoping the room for a
cute girl. He’s going back to his apartment at night and watch-
ing Sports Center while he checks his e-mails before he goes
to bed. He is busy. But he is also waiting for you.
And here is your chance to find him.
But first you need to leave the house.
If you’re going to be a powerful dater, you need to have
a powerful life. You, like him, need to be busy. Because one
of the things I do remember from years in school learning
stuff I can no longer apply is that a body in motion stays in
motion. The same goes with dating. If you are out there, hav-
ing a good time, you will attract people who are looking to
have a good time with you.

If you’re going to be a powerful dater, you need to have a

powerful life.

14
 Before You Begin

WHERE THE BOYS ARE

There are men everywhere. I mean that. Go over to
your local market right now to pick up some milk, and
chances are you will see one. They are out there and
they’re actually easy to meet. You just need to ask the
right people and get out to the right places. Here are
eight suggestions.

1. Bars and restaurants. I know people say you’ll

never meet your boyfriend at a bar but that is so
not true. As long you only give him your number,
and don’t go home with him, your future boy-
friend could be at your corner pub or restaurant
right now.
2. Friends and family. Let’s face it. They know people.
A lot of people. Some of whom are probably won-
derful single men. Don’t be afraid to send an
e-mail or make some phone calls and ask for their
help.
3. The office. Workplace romance? This can be a
little difficult to negotiate. However, we spend
most of our time at the office, so don’t shut some-
one down just because you work with him. And
don’t be afraid to ask your coworkers if they have
any single friends.

15
 8 Weeks to Everlasting

4. Online dating. By far the easiest way to get a

date these days. Sure, there might be a lot of
frogs on the Internet sites, but there are also a lot
of princes. Match, eHarmony, OKCupid all have
eligible men looking for eligible women.
5. Intramural sports. Though it’s important you main-
tain your role as the girl in a relationship, let’s
face it, most guys love sports. So if there is a sport
you love, find a coed IM team and join it.
6. Hobbies. Remember when you were a kid and
you played piano or took a pottery class? Well,
it’s time to find that inner child and take classes
in things that you’ve always wanted to do, espe-
cially ones with other people— no private les-
sons. You’d be surprised how many men are
doing the same thing, and how many cute
teachers are leading them.
7. Concerts, comedy clubs, sporting events. Basi-
cally any public place where people gather—
you’re not going to find a guy in your living room,
so go where the people are. Get tickets to your
town’s basketball team, hit the movies with
some friends, and see your favorite band play. If
you’re willing to fl irt, you can meet a guy any-
where.

16
 Before You Begin

8. Community events. From the farmers’ market to

street fairs to volunteer events, your future boy-
friend could be right around the corner from you.
Check out your community calendar and get
out there.

Be the change you wish to see. Stop making excuses that

keep you in the dating closet. Sit down and list what stops
you from dating. Put it all down—the fears, the challenges,
the excuses. And then start seeing what you can change and
what you can’t. Get into action on what you can. None of us
is perfect. Even Halle Berry has bad days. (Perhaps.) Start
now to put into action what you need to do in order to feel
good about yourself and your life.
Join a gym. Work on some self-love. Look for the job
that’s right for you. Then let go of the rest. This is not an
overnight process but it also doesn’t need to take over your
life. If you start taking some simple steps now, you will build
your confidence and your self-worth. And you will quickly
become a powerful dater, not to mention a pretty busy (and
happy!) woman.

17
 8 Weeks to Everlasting

You Can’t Get What You Want

If You Don’t Know What You Want

It’s important to have a clear and concise roadmap to meet-

ing and getting the one you want. Yes, the one you want.

Falling in love isn’t just a matter of fate, it’s a matter of you

going out and making the right choices and creating the
right environment for love to grow.

Because here’s the thing: What almost all men realize,

and yet oddly, what most women forget, is that you are the
one in control. Yes, you, lady! No matter how long you date,
or whether things end up working out or not, you are the one
who holds the power. Unfortunately, most of us are not aware
of this important fact, so we end up feeling completely out of
control, giving away our most important tool to successful
dating.
The first step to taking back control is to figure out what
you’re looking for in the first place. I know way too many
women who start dating a man, and halfway through the first
few weeks, somehow decide that they were looking for some-
one entirely different. Don’t forget that you get to choose
who you’re with. This is your adventure, so don’t let just any-
one join you on it.

18
8  WEEKS  TO  EVERLASTING

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