Co-Dependency
Counseling CEU Course https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/492/c/
Objectives
~ Define codependency
~ Identify characteristics of the codependent relationship
Why I Care/How It Impacts Recovery
~ Co-dependency can serve as an alternate addiction or distraction
~ Co-Dependents may use relationships to try to deal with depression or anxiety
~ Ultimately codependency is self-defeating because one of the few things that cannot be controlled is the will of another person.
Definition
~ Codependency describes a type of relationship in which:
~ One partner defines his or her worth or goodness based on someone else
~ The codependent person often chooses relationships in which the other person needs to be rescued, thereby making himself or herself indispensable.
Warning Signs
~ Have an excessive and unhealthy tendency to rescue and take responsibility for other people.
~ Derive a sense of purpose and boost your self-esteem through extreme self-sacrifice to satisfy the needs of others.
~ Choose to enter and stay in lengthy high-cost caretaking and rescuing relationships, despite the costs to you or others.
~ Regularly try to engineer the change of troubled, addicted, or under-functioning people whose problems are far bigger than your abilities to fix them.
~ Seem to attract low-functioning people looking for someone to take care of them so they can avoid adult responsibility or consequences, or attract people in perpetual crisis unwilling to change their lives.
~ Have a pattern of engaging in well-intentioned but ultimately unproductive unhealthy helping behaviors, such as enabling.
Co-Dependency as an Addiction
~ Tolerance
~ Need more of the same substance/activity
~ In a codependent relationship, as time passes, the codependent’s identity becomes increasingly defined by the relationship with the other person
~ Withdrawal
~ Not getting the substance, being around the person results in physical or psychological withdrawals
~ When apart from or unable to control the other person, the codependent experiences extreme anxiety and/or depression
Co-Dependency as an Addiction
~ Spending more time thinking about, engaging in or recovering from the behavior
~ Co-dependents are always hypervigilant to other peoples behavior, and obsessing about what they are or are not doing
~ Co-dependents spend large amounts of time rescuing or covering up for the other person “fixing it”
~ The codependent gets exhausted taking care of the other person, but cannot stop because they rely on the other person to tell them
Co-Dependency as an Addiction
~ Foregoing other interests in order to maintain the addiction
~ The relationship is the “drug” of choice in the codependents’ lives
~ Having that person in their life makes them feel “okay” or “whole”
~ The relationship takes the place of self-love
Co-Dependency as an Addiction
~ Continuing the addiction/relationship despite negative consequences
~ Emotional (depression, anxiety, anger, resentment)
~ Social (Loss of other friends)
~ Physical (stress-related physical issues)
~ Occupational (poor job performance)
Addicts and Codependents
~ Low self esteem
~ Depression, anxiety
~ Need to control
~ Fear of abandonment
~ Relationship comforts/numbs
~ Relationship becomes the addict’s primary focus
~ Minimizing, denying, blaming to protect the relationship
~ Stinkin’ Thinkin’
~ Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling.
~ Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
~ Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
~ Experience significant aggression/resentment and negativity
~ Have difficulty making decisions.
~ Judge