Jess and Brandon interview one another in an attempt to better understand their own relationship. They talk about their initial attraction and what they want to work on in their relationship. This is part one of the “Lover’s Interview”.

This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

One of the best parts of my job involves facilitating workshops on relationships, communication, and sex — both online and in-person. I swear I do more learning than teaching and I love receiving feedback from participants — especially when they report that an activity or course positively affects their self-esteem and/or relationships.

One of the most popular in-session activities for couples involves The Partner Interview, which almost always receives rave reviews.

This exercise involves a very simple set of questions that you take turn answering with your lover. Here are just a few reasons why my clients and I love it:

You can repeat it every few months and learn something new every time.
It opens up new conversations.
You can add your own questions to suit your personal needs.
Even if you don’t use all the information right away, you’ll find that your partner’s answers will come in handy down the road.

Brandon and I answered the first five questions in the podcast above and we walk through the second half of the questions in part II of the podcast here.

If you want to try it for yourself, read through the questions below and take turns answering them with your partner. Alternate who answers each question first (e.g. if you answer #1 first, they answer #2 first) and consider sitting face-to-face if you’re comfortable doing so.

Turn off all electronic devices so you’re not distracted by the dings and pings of your phone, tablet or laptop. (Brandon and I didn’t have this option since we were recording and we’ve decided to take the discussion offline this weekend so that we can reap the full rewards of this activity.)

Do your best to answer the questions as honestly as possible and listen intently to your partner’s contributions. If you have trouble answering a question, you can pass. You may want to reflect on why some questions are difficult to answer and follow-up a few days later.

You can download the Partner Interview here and the questions are posted below:

Name/describe one thing you really appreciate about our relationship.
What first attracted you to me?
When do you feel closest to me?
If I were to initiate sex tomorrow night, how would you like me to do it?
What’s one thing you’d like to work on in our sexual relationship?
What’s your greatest fear?
What’s your fondest memory?
What are YOU working on in your life right now and how can I support?
Where do you see our lives together 10 years from now?
Describe your perfect day.

Set aside 30-45 minutes to complete this exercise and whatever you do, don’t be too hard on yourself or your partner. Talking about relationships and sex isn’t always easy to do!

If you prefer, you can work your way through these questions 1-2 at a time. Rather than talking about your kids, work or plans, dig a little deeper.

I hope you derive as many benefits from this activity as Brandon and I did.

XOXO