True Intimacy Means Hearing the Bad News, Too

FromMore Attention, Less Deficit

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True Intimacy Means Hearing the Bad News, Too

FromMore Attention, Less Deficit

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Length:

11 minutes

Released:

May 12, 2010

Format:

Podcast episode

Description

Intimate relationships require us to deal with both the good as well as the bad. This makes them more difficult, but ideally also makes us better people for it.

Released:

May 12, 2010

Format:

Podcast episode

Titles in the series (100)

Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD

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Sense of Time: It Can’t be 5:00 Already!: People with ADHD have difficulty monitoring the passage of time and planning accordingly, a skill that’s really important in today’s busy world. As a result, they tend to spend too long on some activities and not plan enough time for others. by More Attention, Less Deficit
5 min listen
Persistence of Effort: The Little Engine That Sometimes Could: Once someone with ADHD gets going on something, there’s the second challenge of sticking with it all the way through. Unfortunately, most of our daily obligations don’t give partial credit for tasks that are mostly done. by More Attention, Less Deficit
5 min listen
ADHD & Depression: Virtual ADHD Conference Interview: Jennifer Koretsky interviewed me about the session on ADHD and depression that I will be presenting at October’s virtual ADHD conference. It was fun for me and hopefully interesting for you! by More Attention, Less Deficit
11 min listen
Missed Diagnoses: Why Did It Take Me So Long to Be Correctly Diagnosed?: Most adults with ADHD have been diagnosed only recently. There are many reasons for why these people were missed for so many years, even when it was painfully obvious that there was something going on. by More Attention, Less Deficit
12 min listen
Fully Accepting the Diagnosis: Coming to a full understanding and acceptance of your ADHD isn’t easy, but it is empowering. by More Attention, Less Deficit
7 min listen
Emotional Self-Control: Having Feelings Without Acting on Them: People with ADHD tend to express their feelings more strongly than others do and are more influenced by their feelings than other people are. This also affects their ability to see beyond their emotions and to take others’ perspectives into account. by More Attention, Less Deficit
5 min listen
To Tell or Not to Tell?: There are no absolute rules about whether you should tell someone about your ADHD, but there are some issues you should consider when making your decision. by More Attention, Less Deficit
12 min listen
Response Inhibition: It Starts with Stopping: The key to successful decision-making is that tiny little pause where we think through our options and make a good choice. People with ADHD have difficulty creating this pause and as a result get distracted, forget things, and leap without looking. by More Attention, Less Deficit
5 min listen
The Four Stages of Adjustment to a New Diagnosis: Getting diagnosed can be a really big deal that can take a long time to adjust to. Although not written in stone, people tend to go through certain stages in that process. by More Attention, Less Deficit
8 min listen
Get the Most Out of Therapy: Unmedicated ADHD can affect many parts of your life, including getting treatment for it. I cover a number of the ways that this can happen as well as what you can do to minimize these effects. by More Attention, Less Deficit
13 min listen
Executive Functioning: Who’s Calling the Shots Around Here, Anyway?: The executive functions are our highest-level brain processes. They enable us to make good decisions in a complex world. Research is increasingly explaining ADHD struggles as deriving from executive functioning weaknesses. by More Attention, Less Deficit
6 min listen
Self-Activation: Getting That Heavy Ball Rolling: Everybody has to use a certain amount of force of will to get going on boring tasks, but people with ADHD have a much steeper hill to climb. As a result, they tend to procrastinate until the pressure of a looming deadline pushes them into action. by More Attention, Less Deficit
5 min listen
Remembering to Remember: It’s All About Timing: In our busy lives, we all have dozens of little (and not so little) things to remember to do over the course of a day, such as phone calls and appointments. People with ADHD have great difficulty reminding themselves of these tasks at the right time, by More Attention, Less Deficit
5 min listen
Hindsight and Forethought: Using the Past and Future to Guide the Present: We use the lessons from past experiences to make better choices the next time around. People with ADHD have a hard time stopping long enough to remember those lessons and apply them forward, so they’re more likely to make the same mistakes. by More Attention, Less Deficit
8 min listen
What Causes ADHD (and What Doesn’t): Research very clearly shows that ADHD is mostly caused by genetics, but outdated and disproven theories still persist about things that don’t actual cause ADHD. by More Attention, Less Deficit
12 min listen
Announcement: Welcome to the site, the podcast, and the books!: 2,000,000 downloads and still going strong! Welcome to adultADHDbook.com, where you will find all sorts of good stuff related to ADHD, particularly in adults. You can find every podcast episode I’ve done, going all the way back to March 2009. by More Attention, Less Deficit
6 min listen
What’s in a Name: Attention-Deficit or Deficit in Attention Regulation?: “Attention-deficit” implies that people with ADHD don’t have enough attention, but the real problem is that they don’t control their attention effectively. Mostly, they get distracted and shift their attention when they should have stayed on the origin... by More Attention, Less Deficit
5 min listen
Can I Trust Myself?: People with ADHD learn that they aren’t as reliable as they want to be. This makes sense when their ADHD is still untreated, but you can learn to legitimately have more confidence in yourself once you do get on top of your ADHD. by More Attention, Less Deficit
6 min listen
Why Is It So Hard to Get (and Stay) Organized?: I counted eight reasons why adults with ADHD tend to have more trouble with keeping their belongings organized. Fortunately, these eight reasons suggest eight solutions. (Updated mp3.) by More Attention, Less Deficit
12 min listen
Working Memory: The Brain’s RAM: We use our working memories constantly to hold information in mind as we remember what just happened, relate it to long-term memories, and think ahead into the future. People with ADHD tend to have blinky working memories which leads to a wide variety ... by More Attention, Less Deficit
7 min listen
Rewrite History: Understand Your Past (and Yourself) in a Different Way: Being diagnosed with ADHD not only enables you to create a better future, it also changes your understanding of your past. It explains all sorts of events in your life in a much less pejorative way. by More Attention, Less Deficit
6 min listen
Build Healthy Self-Esteem: Strong self-esteem comes from what we do and what we make of those experiences. Solid self-esteem comes from doing better as well as learning to accept certain weaknesses and setbacks. by More Attention, Less Deficit
9 min listen
Adversity Makes You Stronger (Hopefully): Adversity takes many forms. If ADHD is one of your struggles, then perhaps you can learn some important life lessons from it. by More Attention, Less Deficit
8 min listen
How to Get Help When You Need It—For You or Someone Else: Many adults with ADHD are conflicted about getting help from others. Sometimes they really want it; sometimes they really don’t. Life gets easier when you find a middle road. by More Attention, Less Deficit
13 min listen
Actually Get a Good Night’s Sleep: A good night’s sleep is fundamental to a productive day, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy to get. Try these strategies to do better with this important topic. by More Attention, Less Deficit
7 min listen
Nontraditional Treatments: Separate the Wheat from the Chaff: There are lots of nontraditional treatments available for ADHD, most of which have no benefit. It’s important to know what to look for when deciding whether a potential treatment has any chance of being effective. by More Attention, Less Deficit
14 min listen
The Value of a Good Apology: Since everyone blows it sometimes, we could all benefit from knowing how to give a really good apology. It may not change what happened, but it can change how the other person feels about it. by More Attention, Less Deficit
9 min listen
Always Moving Forward: Folks with ADHD tend to focus more on the next thing in front of them than on circling back around to tie up the loose ends of what they were just working on. This comes mostly out of weaknesses in their working memory and prospective memory, by More Attention, Less Deficit
10 min listen
Find a Job and Career That You Can Enjoy (and Maybe Work for Yourself): It’s much easier to be happy at work if you’re in the right job. Rather than continue to work for someone else, you may find that you’re happier starting your own business. This can be a great opportunity for the right people. by More Attention, Less Deficit
10 min listen
Potential Medication Benefits: Somewhere Between Placebo and Miracle: Adults who take medication for their ADHD tend to find that it enables them to focus on one thing at a time, stick with uninteresting tasks, listen better, and think before acting impulsively. (Second episode in a three part series on medication.) by More Attention, Less Deficit
11 min listen

More Episodes from More Attention, Less Deficit

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Create Good Luck: You’re more likely to be in the right place at the right time by being in lots of places. And doing a good job. We’ll talk about how getting on top of your ADHD will make you more lucky. by More Attention, Less Deficit
8 min listen
Fear of Failure: After too many setbacks and struggles, it’s tempting to want to avoid future failures. Sometimes we mask our fears with apathy, sometimes we even fear success. As easy as it is to fear failure, you don’t have to. by More Attention, Less Deficit
11 min listen
Interview with Comedian Dave Kinney: Dave (@DaveKinney) is a comedian who talks about ADHD in his act and now also on my podcast. He shares how people respond to that and how it’s different from telling a boss or new girlfriend. We also talk about what it’s like to be a self-employed perf... by More Attention, Less Deficit
40 min listen
The Importance of Paying Attention to Sex: A good sex life can be an important part of a couple’s happiness, yet it’s too easily neglected. ADHD doesn’t make it easier, but it’s also not the sole culprit. We’ll talk about how to create a better sex life and how both you and your partner will be... by More Attention, Less Deficit
10 min listen
The Crucial Difference Between Facts and Opinions: Both facts and opinions are important to making good decisions, but sometimes they get confused and bad decisions result. This is especially relevant for the topic of ADHD that tends to attract too many opinions that are based on too few facts. by More Attention, Less Deficit
14 min listen
Awareness, Honesty, and Willingness: The Three Keys to Success: In order to do something, you first need to be aware of it, then be honest with yourself about the need to do it, then be willing to do it. Separating it out into these three parts makes it easier to identify where things break down when a task isn’t d... by More Attention, Less Deficit
11 min listen
Neurology Matters, But Psychology Matters More: Having ADHD tends to lead to certain kinds of experiences which makes certain mindsets more likely. We’ll talk about how to rise above that early learning and live a better life. by More Attention, Less Deficit
13 min listen
The Real Lessons Learned from the CHADD Conference: This is the biggest ADHD event of the year, but I find that the connections with other attendees are more important than the new information that I learn. by More Attention, Less Deficit
8 min listen
Complex Problems Require Sophisticated Thinking: It’s tempting to think that we can solve all of life’s problems with quick and easy solutions, but success usually requires more sophisticated thinking. by More Attention, Less Deficit
10 min listen
A Guy Walks into a CHADD Conference. . . And So Should You!: CHADD conferences can be both enlightening and entertaining. Here are a bunch of funny reasons why you should go this year. Seriously. by More Attention, Less Deficit
11 min listen
Good Ideas Are Just Good Ideas: The strategies that work for people with ADHD are just good strategies that work for most people. Rather than feel self-conscious about the strategies that help you be successful, do what works and enjoy your success. by More Attention, Less Deficit
9 min listen
Episode #100: Gratitude: Gratitude is a great motivator. What are you grateful for? Who is grateful to you? by More Attention, Less Deficit
7 min listen
Earn More Free Passes: Folks with ADHD may use up their free passes too quickly sometimes, but there are ways to earn them back and keep yourself in others’ good graces. by More Attention, Less Deficit
12 min listen
You’d Have to Be Crazy to Not Feel Crazy: ADHD can make you feel crazy sometimes—at least if you’re paying attention. Although it should make you feel crazy sometimes, it doesn’t have to make you feel miserable. by More Attention, Less Deficit
8 min listen
Improve Your Mental Stamina: The Chocolate Chip Cookie Experiment: It takes mental energy to resist distractions and leaves us with less willpower for other tasks. By cutting out these distractions and temptations, you’ll have more energy to persist with what you need to get done. by More Attention, Less Deficit
9 min listen
Change More Pieces to Turn the Momentum: Sometimes getting on top of your ADHD means working on several things at once, such as medication, getting enough sleep, getting organized, etc. The more of these pieces you address, the more likely you are to build some good momentum. by More Attention, Less Deficit
13 min listen
The Vice Episode: Why do we do all those things that are bad for us, that get us into trouble, or that we just shouldn’t do? by More Attention, Less Deficit
11 min listen
Interview with Jennifer Koretsky (Virtual ADHD Conference): Jen and I discuss executive functions as a preview of my presentation for the Virtual ADHD Conference. by More Attention, Less Deficit
19 min listen
Be Willing to Let It Be a Process: Change takes time, but it does happen if you work at it. Be willing to let it take some time. by More Attention, Less Deficit
7 min listen
What Are Your Favorite Lies?: We all tell ourselves little lies because they make us feel better in the moment. Let’s talk about feeling better in the long run. by More Attention, Less Deficit
9 min listen
Small Slips, Big Problems; Small Changes, Big Benefits: ADHD makes it harder to stay on top of the million little details of daily life. Fortunately, treatment and good strategies can improve your batting average which will improve your performance and outlook on life. by More Attention, Less Deficit
9 min listen
Does Treatment Give You Greater Free Will?: Because ADHD interferes with your ability to follow through on intentions, it limits your free will. Treating your ADHD gives you more options and better enables you to do what you intend to do. by More Attention, Less Deficit
8 min listen
ADHD IS Depressing (But It Doesn’t Have to Be): ADHD makes your life harder and gives you more things to be down about. But don’t despair, it does get better. by More Attention, Less Deficit
9 min listen
The Psychology of Medication: What does it mean to take medication? What if it helps? What if it doesn’t? The simple act of taking a pill involves a lot of complex thoughts for some people. Let’s talk about what’s involved. by More Attention, Less Deficit
10 min listen
Is It Your ADHD or You?: It depends. Often it’s both, but in the end, it kind of doesn’t matter. by More Attention, Less Deficit
9 min listen
Living Well is the Best Revenge: You can make your present much better than your past and leave those old setbacks behind. By actively learning about yourself and striving to do better, you can create a better life for yourself. by More Attention, Less Deficit
8 min listen
The Curse of Potential: The occasional great success can be more damning than the failures if it raises everyone’s expectations. People with ADHD struggle with inconsistency and are more likely to face this challenge. We talk about what to do about it. by More Attention, Less Deficit
9 min listen
ADHD Needs Some New Names: How about ARDHD, CDD, IDD, ODD, or DDD? It’s definitely not IDD (the other IDD). You’ll have to listen to find out what this all means. It’ll be worth it. by More Attention, Less Deficit
12 min listen
It’s Not All Your Fault: ADHD may make you an easy target in your relationship, but both partners have some ability to make things better. It may begin with you working on your stuff, but it won’t end with you. by More Attention, Less Deficit
13 min listen
Less vs More: Find the Best Balance: We live in an age of plenty where we have access to more websites, movies, books, etc. than we will ever be able to get to. Feeling less overwhelmed involves making smart choices and accepting that we won’t get to it all. by More Attention, Less Deficit
11 min listen

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Discover this podcast and so much more

True Intimacy Means Hearing the Bad News, Too

True Intimacy Means Hearing the Bad News, Too

Description

Titles in the series (100)

More Episodes from More Attention, Less Deficit

Related podcast episodes