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GETTING PAST NO: DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Negotiation and Conflict Resolution


Presented by: Victoria Hargan MA Forensic Psychology 2007
Presented By: Amanda Hassing, Rose Velasco, and Victoria Hargan

OVERVIEW

GETTING READY

What is Negotiation? Breaking through barriers to cooperation Prepare, Prepare, Prepare

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY


Go to the Balcony Step to their side Reframe Build them a golden bridge Use power to Educate

CONCLUSION

WHAT IS NEGOTIATION?

Communication aimed at reaching agreement w/others when some interests are shared & some are not. Informal activity engaged in whenever one tries to get something one wants from another person.

PREPARE, PREPARE, PREPARE

WHEN TO PREPARE: Before After Again to adapt strategies

Bottom line: PREPARE, PREPARE, PREPARE!!

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REACT: GO TO THE BALCONY


DEFINE GO TO THE BALCONY

Thinking before reacting Stepping back, collecting wits, & seeing objectively Distancing oneself from natural impulses & emotions

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REACT: GO TO THE BALCONY


3 NATURAL REACTIONS (TO AVOID)

Striking Back Fighting fire with fire

Giving In Being done with it


Breaking Off i.e., Getting a divorce, quitting a job, or dissolving relationship

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REACT: GO TO THE BALCONY


3 TACTICS USED FOR REACTION

Stone Walls No Budging Attacks Pressure tactic; used to intimidate Tricks Fool you into giving in

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REACT: GO TO THE BALCONY


BUYING TIME TO THINK

Pause & Say Nothing Helps both parties cool down Rewind the Tape Review the discussion Take a Time Out Take a break Dont Make Important Decisions on the Spot Sleep on it Dont Get Mad, Dont Get Even, Get What You Want Control your own behavior!

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T ARGUE: STEP TO THE OTHER SIDE
WHAT TO DO:

Listen actively

Acknowledge their feelings Offer an apology Project confidence

Give other side a hearing

Paraphrase & ask for corrections

Acknowledge their point

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T ARGUE: STEP TO THE OTHER SIDE
WHAT TO DO (CONTD):

Agree wherever you can

Acknowledge the person

Agree w/o conceding


Accumulate yeses

Acknowledge their authority & competence


Build working relationship Express your views w/o provoking

Tune into their wavelength

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T ARGUE: STEP TO THE OTHER SIDE
OTHER TIPS:

Say yesand, not but Make I statements, not you statements Stand up for yourself

Acknowledge differences with optimism


Create favorable climate for negotiation

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY


DONT REJECT: REFRAME
WHAT TO ASK:

Problem Solving Questions Why? Why not? What if? Their advice? What makes that fair?

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REJECT: REFRAME


WHAT TO DO:

Change the game by changing the frame

Tap the power of silence


Make your Qs open-ended

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REJECT: REFRAME


REFRAME TACTICS

Go around stone walls- example of stone walls include: The opponent taking an extreme position.

Tells you Take it or leave it Sets a rigid deadline

Ignore stone walls

Reinterpret stone walls as aspiration


Take stone walls seriously, but dont test them

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REJECT: REFRAME


DEFLECT ATTACKS

Ignore attacks
Reframe attacks on you as attacks on problem

Reframe personal attacks as friendly


Reframe from past wrongs to future remedies- Ask How do we make sure it never happens again? Reframe the blame as joint responsibility for tackling the problem. (Ury). Reframe from you & me to we- "We creates a side-by-side stance, drawing attention to common interests and shared goals.(Ury)

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REJECT: REFRAME


EXPOSE TRICKS

Ask clarifying Qs Make a reasonable request-put them to the test Turn trick to your advantage

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REJECT: REFRAME


BRING IT UP If your opponent is using tactics that youre aware of; bring it up.

Calling them liars or cheats does not make them more receptive to the problem-solving process.

Make light of the tactic.

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REJECT: REFRAME


NEGOTIATE ABOUT THE NEGOTIATION

If your opponent continues to use stone walls, attacks, and tricks negotiate about the negotiation

Two negotiations factors


Negotiation about substance: the terms and conditions, dollars and cents. Negotiation about the rules of the game. How is the negotiation to be conducted.

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT REJECT: REFRAME


THE TURNING POINT

Change the game from positional bargaining to joint problem-solving. Reframing will turn a positional confrontation into a problem-solving negotiation.

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T PUSH: BUILD THEM A GOLDEN BRIDGE

Obstacles to agreement Build a Golden Bridge Involve the other side Ask for & build on their ideas Ask for constructive criticism

Offer them a choice Satisfy unmet interests Dont dismiss them as irrational Dont overlook basic human needs

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T PUSH: BUILD THEM A GOLDEN BRIDGE

Building a golden bridge means making it easier for the other side to surmount the four common obstacles to agreement. (Ury) It means actively involving them in devising a solution so that it becomes their idea, not just yours. It means satisfying their unmet interests. It means helping them save face It means making the process of negotiation as easy as possible.

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T PUSH: BUILD THEM A GOLDEN BRIDGE
DONT ASSUME A FIXED PIE

Look for low-cost, high-benefit trades Identify items you could give the other side that are high benefit to them, but low cost to you On the flip side, seek items that are of high benefit to you, but low cost to them. Use an if-then formula

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T PUSH: BUILD THEM A GOLDEN BRIDGE
HELP THEM SAVE FACE Help them back away w/o backing down

Go slow to go fast
Guide them step by step

Show how circumstances have changed Ask for 3rd party recommendation Point to standard of fairness

Dont ask for a final commitment until end


Dont rush to the finish

Across the bridge

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T ESCALATE: USE POWER TO EDUCATE

Use power to bring them to their senses, not their knees


Let them know the consequences Let reality be their teacher

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT ESCALATE: USE POWER TO EDUCATE


THE 3 MOST REALITY TESTING QUESTIONS

What do you think will happen if we dont agree?

What do you think I will do?


What will you do?

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT ESCALATE: USE POWER TO EDUCATE


WARN, DONT THREATEN

Demonstrate your BATNA


Use your BATNA, Defuse their reaction Deploy your BATNA w/o provoking Use min. power Use legitimate means Neutralize their attacks REMEMBER: Power contest is a 2-way street!

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT ESCALATE: USE POWER TO EDUCATE


TAP THE THIRD FORCE

Build a coalition

Use 3rd parties to stop attacks


Use 3rd parties to promote negotiation

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DONT ESCALATE: USE POWER TO EDUCATE


KEEP SHARPENING THEIR CHOICE

Let them know they have a way out Let them choose Even when you can win, negotiate Forge a lasting agreement Keep implementation in mind

Design the deal to minimize your risks


Build in a dispute resolution procedure

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY


REAFFIRM THE RELATIONSHIP

Aim for mutual satisfaction, not victory Gracious words & symbolic gestures helpful

Be generous at very end


Resist temptation to fight over last crumb If appropriate, organize celebration for both sides

CONCLUSION:

TURNING ADVERSARIES INTO PARTNERS

Always respect your opponent Change environment, not opponents mind

Identify both partys BATNAs


Win them over, not win over them Patience & persistent = successful negotiator

REFERENCES
Ury, W. Getting Past No; Negotiating in Difficult Situations. NY. Bantam Books

THE END