Interpersonal Communication

Introduction

Key to interpersonal and organizational effectiveness

Topics of Discussion

Models of effective communication: basic model and the pyramid of mutuality Communication styles Native tongue exercise

The Basic Model of Communication

Sender message
channel noise

receiver

Pyramid of Mutuality

Mutual Respect

Mutual Meaning

Silence
Withdrawing Hiding

Mutual Purpose
Politicking Monologuing

Violence
Labeling Attacking

Mutuality

A win-win situation that is built on a foundation of trust Sharing things in common Seeking for things in common:
interests goals

values

Mutual Purpose

Common goals or objectives that are built on a foundation of trust Something we want

Mutual Meaning

Observations, assumptions, conclusions, and feelings that both parties acknowledge as valid Available Meaning: When ideas, observations, and values are acknowledged and understood, they become part of the available pool of common meaning Hidden Meaning: Through sharing meaning we become more aware of inconsistencies in our own thinking

Mutual Respect

Critical for maintaining dialogue Both parties choose to treat each other with dignity, decency, and consideration, based on the assumption that others are reasonable, and decent

Silence - to - Violence continuum

Dialogue Silence Violence

Withdrawing hiding

politicking

monologuing labeling attacking

Silence Strategies

Politicking: selectively hiding and

showing meaning. We hide our motives or withhold assumptions

Hiding: talking without revealing

anything. Manipulative conversations

Withdrawing: Pulling out of

communication completely. The most severe form of silence.

Silence Strategies exs.

At work
In school At home With friends

Violence Strategies

Monologuing: Talking with the

sole purpose of getting what you want. Communication is unidirectional.

Labeling: Turing people into

categories or things in order to get what you want. Makes it easier to do or say anything.

Attacking: Communicating for the

sole purpose of pushing or hurting. It includes harsh accusation, yelling and raw invective.

Violence strategies exs.

At work
At school At home With friends

Strategies Test
1. Let me see if I understand.

2.
3. 4. 5.

Oh yeah, you bozo.

If you say so. Well, guarantee means a lot of things. So , I guess I could say I guarantee. I can see youre angry. Is it because we missed the deadline?

6.
7. 8. 9.

Theres no time for discussion. Just do it!

No, I have nothing to add. I never have anything to add. You bean counters always think that way. I know I missed the meeting, but you guys are doing a terrific job.

Answers
1. 2. Let me see if I understand. -dialogue. Trying to understand Oh yeah, you bozo. - labeling. Name calling

3.
4.

If you say so. - Hiding. Decreased meaning

Well, guarantee means a lot of things. So , I guess I could say I guarantee. Politicking. Wanting to allow for different definition

5.
6.

I can see youre angry. Is it because we missed the deadline? - dialogue. Trying to understand
Theres no time for discussion. Just do it! Monologuing

7.
8. 9.

No, I have nothing to add. I never have anything to add. labeling

You bean counters always think that way. labeling I know I missed the meeting, but you guys are doing a terrific job. politicking

Effective Communication:
A change of heart, not just a change in behaviour

Underlying Values
Silence Value Dialogue Violence Control outcomes Be right Control Shared outcomes meaning, Be right learning Keep it hidden Disclose little

Purpose

Share openly Demand your own Share openly Force your own Intentional strategy

Meaning

Respect

Indirect Conscious strategies effort

3 Practice Scripts

Native Tongue Exercise

What This Means For Change

Make specific, personal ground rules: I will use a calm voice when speaking to Critique your performance: How did you violate the rule? What went wrong? Manage expectations: begin an interaction with some explanations - in the past this has ended in shouting match. Apologize appropriately to allow dialogue to continue

Next Steps

Commit to effective communication Understand the problems within your group Document your progress in you diary