Hindu Philosophy Reflected in the Wedding Ceremony

PART I
A NORTH INDIAN HINDU WEDDING

The Arranged Engagement/Marriage.

Met my wife on 1/23/98 during a vacation to India at Parents insistence. We got engaged on 1/23/98 We got married on 2/2/98! Oprah said: An Indian arranged marriage is a date in which the whole family participates. Marriage added stability to my life.
Home is where ones wife is, even if it were a forest. The wife is indeed ones own half. (Hindu scriptures).
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Henna and Diamonds

Mens engagement ring can have more diamonds. I got a band much later. Hindu men wear their ring on the right hand, women on the left hand. Traditional belief: Deeper the color of Henna after drying, better will be the husband. Hands and feet are dyed, letters of husbands name hidden in the pattern. 4

The Wedding Procession..

Groom comes on a white mare, in a procession (I opted for a white car instead) All of grooms relatives walk ahead of the groom. Colorful clothes are required, white not permitted except to widows.
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Welcoming the Groom..

Grooms procession is welcomed by brides side. Vishal is lead to the venue on a red carpet by all respected men of Dimples family, and nudged to walk towards the stage, step by step, otherwise
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Otherwise..
When Dimples male relatives got called for errands or were caught in the crowd leaving Vishal alone with sufficient escorts, he refused to move ahead.

Queen Dimple enters..

In N Indian weddings, her dress is red or pink, embroidered with gold thread. Her hands and neck are loaded with Gold ornaments. Her heavy dress is held by her sisters, cousins, sisters in law, friends Bride can keep the groom waiting

The 4000 yr old Wedding Rites

Sacred altar is lit, fire being the visible symbol of God, the light of the Universe. The syllable OM is uttered. Presence of 330 million gods and 44K sages is invoked to witness Couple walk seven steps together for begetting children, , friendship Circumambulate the altar 4 times (with their clothes tied together) for prosperity, happiness, virtue and salvation Brides father gifts his daughter symbolically to her husband, relinquishing his control. No marriage license is required, the sanctity of the ceremony and presence of sages and gods is considered sufficient proof.
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Wedding Wows
Bride says: I will be your companion all my life.

Groom says: I unite my heart with yours

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Concluding sacrament
Pouring of red powder on wifes hair parting with the engagement ring (this rite is considered sufficient in itself) Symbolizes that the husband will ensure his wifes well-being even with his own life
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Dinner and Photographs

Couple eat from same plate No alcohol and meat can be served before sacred rites are over (better avoided completely) Couple sit on thrones on a stage for the rest of the time
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Funeral of Brides Family

Bride throws rice behind her, her relatives follow her begging and catch the rice in cupped hands, kerchiefs Mimics funeral rites performed for departed ancestors by Hindus, mourning, silent weeping Symbolically, bride says All my attention will focus on my husband now. My parents and siblings are dead (so to speak) for me now. Grooms side often weep in grief over her symbolic act. Groom leaves the feathers of his turban with inlaws as a mark of 13 humility.

Departure for Grooms home..

Car is started with a push by Dimples cousin brothers Her brother comes to drop her off. Her brother visits the following day to check her well-being, and invites the couple for dinner Grooms in-laws cook his favorite dishes First night is spent in grooms parents home, worship is offered the following morning
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PART II
The Philosophical Background of Hindu Marriages

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Do Arranged Marriages work?

I.

Results from India (4 major Metro cities)

68% adults married. Rate of divorce = 1% (now increasing steadily) Un-married adults live with their parents or other family members (only 1% live alone).

II. Results from the USA (PEW Foundation, 2008)

Of all religious communities, rate of divorce is lowest among Hindu Americans (~5%) Hindu Americans have the highest proportion of same religion spouses (90%) Rate of retention of religion from birth by children is highest amongst Hindus (~84%) Proportion of adults who are married is highest amongst Hindus (~65%)
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Wedding as a Samskara
Through the sacred 40 (or 16) rites of passage, a humans body becomes the abode of Vedas. But there are 8 other samskaras of soul which are more important and which alone lead to the Supreme Goal - compassion on all creatures, forbearance, freedom from anger, purity, peaceful disposition, performance of virtuous acts, freedom from avarice, and freedom from covetousness. - The law-book of Sage Gautama **************************************** Marriage is the main sacrament of the body which is open to ALL Hindus. It is a Sacred Rite witnessed by God, gods and Sages. It must not be defiled through divorce or marital discord.
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Marriage: Transition of Ashramas

Ashramas: Hindu scriptures organize human life into four stages, or advocate four modes of living called Ashramas. No other state is allowed. (E.g., Hindu society expects you to get married in adult-hood. Bachelorhood is not appreciated!) Student: Education Married householder: Dharma, pleasure, children Monk, recluse: devoted to scriptural studies Wandering saint or ascetic: given to spiritual seeking

1. 2. 3. 4.

Importance of Marriage: Householders are the corner-stone of any society and it is parents duty to pay for the wedding of children. Families are the bedrock of Hindu society. Just as all rivers merge into the ocean, all the four ashramas find refuge in householders because they support the entire society (The Laws of Sage Manu, Chapter VI)
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Marriage helps us to fulfill the Purpose(s) of our Lives (Four Purushaarthas)

1. 2. 3. 4. Artha (acquisition of material possessions) Kama (pleasure, including sexual pleasure) Dharma (virtue, piety, goodness, duty) Moksha (liberation from cycle of birth and death) Circling four times around the fire symbolizes that the husband and wife will jointly pursue these four goals as a pair, with God at the center of all their pursuits.
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Marriage helps us Discharge our Debts

All humans are born with three debts the debt to gods, the debt to our ancestors and the debt to Sages A husband is not entitled to perform sacred rituals without his wife. They must worship as a pair. They must discharge the three debts together. A wife is ones half, she is a constant companion, she gets half the virtue of her husband. She is the light of the house, wealth and goodluck. (from Hindu scriptures) How to Repay the Three Debts?: 1. Debt to gods: through worship 2. Debt to ancestors: through giving birth to children 3. Debt to Sages: Through studying and teaching others

According to Hindu scriptures, till we do not repay these debts, we cannot attain Salvation. 20

Married Couple = God + Goddess

During the marriage ceremony, the groom and bride are compared to Divine pairs. God is often represented as Ardhanarishvara (half woman) Both women and men are in the image of God/Goddess Buddhism also has prominent feminine deities (e.g., Tara) Words like Kali, Shakti denoting the Divine Mother in Hindu texts are now a part of New Age and Feminist vocabulary. Marriage celebrates the union of God and Mother Nature that results in this Universe.
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Hindu Symbols: The Dot Bindi

Why do Hindu Women wear the Bindi? It represents the Eye of Wisdom, where the three spiritual currents meet Red color denotes life, vitality Symbol of marital status, serves decorative purpose In ancient India and Central Asia, both men and women had the Bindi. Even Lord Buddha is depicted with one. 22

Vegetarianism
Pure Meal of Wedding
Very ancient tradition in Hindu societies. Most temples do not permit meat, Hindu/Sikh priests avoid meat. Not mandatory for Hindus, but strongly recommended 25% Hindus avoid meat, others eat very little meat. Jains are almost all vegetarians. Hindu belief: Animals and plants also have souls and can feel pain. Love must be extended to animals and plants Sacred animals, part of human family Hindu belief: Meat promotes violent instincts, hindrance in practice of Yoga, incompatible with Ahimsa. Bad karma to eat meat. Prayers for welfare include plants and animals also. Rigveda recitation ends with a prayer for animals along with humans. 23 Major source of Western vegetarian movements.

Ahimsa as the basis for Vegetarianism

Compassion, Love, Non Violent Resistance to Evil
Ahimsa = non-violence, compassion, love, absence of hatred and malice Ahimsa is the best dharma Mahabharata (Shanti Parvan) All virtues proceed from Ahimsa Manusmriti Hatred ceases through compassion and forgiveness, not through revenge and violence Manusmriti, Dhammapada Ahimsa is one of the pre-requisites for Yoga. Buddha, Mahavira, Vaishnava saints, Mahatma Gandhi were great exponents of Ahimsa When you love others or hate others, you love Me or Hate Me because I am in the heart of all creatures. Bhagavad Gita
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Caste and Wedding

CASTE is a misleading term that collapses 3 Hindu institutions:
Varna (Four Social Classes) = permanent, scripture sanctioned, pan-Hindu, trans-national. Covers all Hindus except ascetics, tribals, untouchables (Avarna, or Panchama =Fifth Varna) Jaati (> 3000 castes) = hereditary, endogamous, regional communities or occupational guilds, last over a few decades to centuries, typically mapped to one of the four varnas. All Hindus except Ascetics belong to a Jaati. Recognized but not mandated by scriptures. Kula (Family Lineage) = cluster of families with blood ties, their unique family customs and traditions, typically exogamous, regional, can last from a few decades to centuries, recognized but not mandated by scriptures.

The Four Social Classes (Varnas)

1. Brahmins: Sacerdotal, religious, ritual, teaching, judiciary, intellectual functions. 2. Kshatriyas: Military, Administrative, Legislative functions. 3. Vaishyas: Agriculture, trade and commerce, cattle rearing, other economic wealth producing functions. 4. Shudras: Service, labor, artisans, musicians, entertainers Untouchables: Not sanctioned by scriptures, later development, opposed by Hindu leaders, performed scavenging and cleaning functions. Untouchability is virtually extinct in India today. Tribals: Have a different social organization with priests, tribal chiefs and the rest. Ascetics: Considered beyond all social divisions and categories. The pinnacle of Hindu society.

Is the Caste System Heirarchical?

The Diagram on the right is misleading! (even numerically) Superiority of Brahmins is restricted to religious roles. Kshatriyas are leaders in political and military roles. Vaishyas lead in wealth. Shudra in service, entertainment sectors.
In many parts of India, Brahmins are the poorest. Privileges come with disabilities Keeps checks and balances in the society (social stability).

My wedding and Caste: Times are changing.

My grandparents belonged to the same Varna (Vaishya), Jaati (Agrawal) and different Kula but from same region. My parents belonged to the same Varna, Jaati and different Kula and different region (Delhi versus Punjab). I and my wife belong to different Varnas (Vaishya, Kshatriya), different Jaatis (Agrawal, Khatri), different kulas and different regions (Delhi versus Punjab).

The God and the gods: Worship in the Hindu Wedding________

Hindus believe in one supreme God. The supreme God is formless yet can manifest in any form. The God is male, female, both, and neither. There are three main cosmic forms of the God accompanied by their consorts. 330 million gods: Deified holy sages, angels, great Hindus, natural powers

Brahma Creation

Saraswati Education

Vishnu Protection

Laxmi Wealth

Shiva Destruction

Durga Power

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I am the One who became Many

Analogy of water: Ice, water, vapor Analogy of a polished crystal: Many different shining facets Analogy of a man/woman: Father, son, brother, friend, Uncle.. Analogy of the Elephant and Blind men: Can we know God completely? Analogy of a string of jewels: God as string uniting and passing though all jewels. Analogy or rain drops, rivers reaching the same ocean

There are, no doubt, two forms of Brahman- one having a form and the other formless. The mortal and the immortal. The stationary and the moving. The discernible and the indiscernible. [Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 2.3.1] In whatever form my worshipper chooses to worship Me, in that very form I accept his worship, and make his faith steady in that very form. [Gita 7.12]
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Comparing Abrahamic God with Hindu Ishvara

N/A
Religion

Nirguna Brahman; God without form

BRAHMAN

Dharma

(Abrahamic father heavenly-God)

GOD

Monotheistic God God can have emotions Preferred way to worship God

Manifested Brahman Saguna Brahman; God with personal attributes

ISHVARA

Ultimately all is one all is Brahman (monism) Divinity is unitary, but can have many manifestations People have freedom to worship Brahman in a way that suits them

(Father, Son, Holy Ghost/Spirit)

Trinity

Saguna Brahman

Brahma

Saguna Brahman

Vishnu

Saguna Brahman

Shiva

(Many angels, prophets and saints)

Divine Beings

(Deities; divine beings; angels; aspects/personalities of Ishvara)

DEVATAs

The Abrahamic definition of God is generally defined as male with human attributes, whereas the Dharmic definition of Brahman is broad (neither male/female, beyond human, the Ultimate or Absolute Truth). Ishwar (the personal God) represents the conditioned aspect of Brahman. Epithets of Ishvar include Bhagwan and Nath (Lord). Ishta Devata also means Personal God. The Dharmic concept of Atma (jiva-atma, atma, param-atma) is31 very developed there is no one word for soul.

Why do Hindu prayers and rituals start with OM?

OM = AUM + silence = A + U + M + silence = BrahmA + VishnU + ShivaM + Brahman (the formless Supreme Being) AUM represents the Hindu Trinity and the Formless aspect of God. A is the first letter of the Sanskrit alphabet, M is the last letter uttered by contact of mouth organs. This is followed by sounds (such as ha) that come from within us and are denoted by the silence after we chant Aum. (cf. I am the Alpha and the Omega- Bible) AUM is the first sound that was uttered by God at the beginning of creation. Uttering AUM helps in meditation. AUM represents the three stages of spiritual progress: Aarambha (beginning). Utkarsha (progress or rise), and Manana (mental contemplation) followed by silent contemplation. 32 It is the Best name of God because it represents him in its entirety.

PART III
Hindu Doctrines of Karma, Rebirth and Moksha (Salvation or Liberation)

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South Indian Hindu Wedding:

Oonjal Ceremony
Bride and bridegroom sit together on a swing and are swayed gently back and forth. The chains that support the swing, coming down from the ceiling, represent symbolically that this human body we have got is due to our Karma in previous births. The ceiling represents God Who bestows the fruit of our Karma.. Similarly, the swing's motion forward and backward tells the couple that they have to be strong together in life at times of both upward and downward movement in life 34

Why do Good people suffer?

The Hard Facts of Life
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Some are born into good fortune, others into bad fortune. Sometimes good people suffer, and bad people enjoy their lives. A happy person suddenly experiences pain and sorrow and vice versa. Our lives have both happiness and sorrow. The world itself is a mixture of happiness and sorrow causing objects. Sometimes a lot of effort does not lead to the desired goal, at other times we get a windfall. What gives one person joy, gives another person sorrow. Good luck of one person can be bad luck for another.

Is it Fair? Is God unjust? Is it just Fate or Luck? Hinduism answers these questions through the doctrines of Karma, Rebirth and Moksha (Liberation or Salvation)
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Karma Doctrine
Definition: The doctrine says As you sow, so shall you reap. Who Implements it?: It assumes that God is just, He gives us the fruits of our actions, He is not arbitrary, He is not vindictive or capricious. Types of Karma: Actions can be in thought, in speech or they are physical action. They can be done directly by oneself, or instigated through others or assisted by others. They can be completely wrong, completely right, or partially wrong and right. Their wrongness or rightness is determined by the temporal and situational context in which they are done (subject to some general principles of Dharma such as love, charity, truth etc.). Effects of Karma (Karmaphala): Good Karma yield good results, bad Karma yield bad results. Reaping the Fruits of Our Karma (Karmavipaaka): Fruits of our past actions are reaped only at the right time, whether in this life or in the next. This is called ripening of karma. Free Will and Action (Purushaartha): The doctrine states that in general, we are free to act the way we want (free will). Residual Karma or Fate (Daiva or Praarabdha or Karmaashaya): We all have residual good karma, and bad karma as a result of actions done in the past. This is called Fate. Conflict between Free Will-Action and Fate: At any given moment, one has the option to exercise our free will (effort), but one is also bound by the effects of ones past actions (fate). The net result of effort and fate (and whether our karma has ripened determine the outcome of all our efforts.
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Karma and Rebirth

Fatalism is unacceptable. We must strive at all times to improve our status (Through the efforts of many lives does one attain perfection, Gita chapter VII) rather than resigning ourselves to our fate. It is never too late. Ignoring the plight of others is unacceptable because not helping out others is bad karma for us. Looking down upon unfortunate humans and creatures is also bad karma for us. Helping others who need help is good karma for us. Why are we reborn?: Upon death, we are reborn so that we can reap the fruits of residual karma. We can be reborn as god or as fortunate human being (e.g., in a rich or pious family) if we have an overall good stock of residual karma. Either way, this is an opportunity to keep improving ourselves, even if we are in difficult situations. If we have a overall bad residual karma, we are reborn as an unfortunate human being (e.g., in a poor family, or in an evil family, or as a disabled child) and have to struggle a lot or We take birth in lower life-forms, where we can only suffer the 37 consequences of our bad karma, but do not have free will.

Mechanism of Rebirth
When we die, it is only our body that perishes. We all have a soul which transmigrates with our mind and life forces into a new body to take rebirth. Just as our body passes through infancy, youth and old-age, so also our soul passes from one body to another. Just as we discard old clothes and wear new ones, the soul discards an old body to take birth in a new body. Weapons cannot cleave this soul, fire cannot burn it. Water cannot wet it and wind cannot dry it. - Bhagavad Gita, chapter II 38

Rebirth and Moksha (Salvation)

END OF REBIRTHS AND SALVATION: Liberation from this continuous cycle of birth and death, and living eternally in blissful communion with God is Moksha. During the state of Moksha, the soul sheds even the mind and life forces, and merges with God the Supreme Soul. RELATIONSHIP OF KARMA TO SALVATION: It is necessary to do good deeds but this is not sufficient to get us Salvation. Salvation results only if we do good karma without desiring its fruit, coupled with following a spiritual path. If we do keep desiring fruits or our good actions, we will continue to get reborn. We should offer the fruits of our good deeds to God. Good Karma serves to make us eligible for the Spiritual Path(s) that lead to Moksha. SPIRITUAL PATHS TO SALVATION (The 4 Yogas): One Size does not fit all There are multiple SPIRITUAL paths of Salvation depending on ones temperament and aptitude. Difference in these paths is one of emphasis they are not mutually exclusive. Each path has a portion from other paths as well.
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The Spiritual Paths to Moksha - I

1. Karma Yoga (Path of Action) For people of action and energy Emphasis is on doing ones duties towards family, society, country etc. in a selfless manner (without expectation of reward) Religious rituals are also performed with a sense of duty, but no fruit from God is desired.

2. Bhakti Yoga (Path of Devotion and Faith) For emotional and gentle people Involves doing ones duty and offering the fruits to God Emphasis on acts of faith worship, piety, reading scriptures, surrendering oneself to Gods will etc.
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The Spiritual Paths to Moksha - II

3. Jnaana Yoga (Path of Knowledge) For people who are intellectuals, and like to learn and discuss philosophy and theology Emphasis is on acquiring Spiritual Knowledge the understanding the nature of soul, God and the creation and their inter-relationships. Ones duties and some rituals are also performed but no fruit is desired because all happiness and sorrows relate to material bodies which are perishable, and do not pertain to the soul which is eternal. 4. Dhyaana Yoga (Path of Meditation) For introspective, reclusive people who prefer to retreat from excessive social interactions. Involves constant meditation, and related spiritual practices. A popular system is the eightfold path taught by Sage Patanjali (starting from good virtues such as Ahimsa, and ending in Samadhi or heightened states of ones consciousness.). 41

ENDING THOUGHTS..
May we receive noble thoughts from all directions. Rigveda Truth is One, the wise merely describe it in many different ways. Rigveda May all be happy, may all be free of sickness, may all see good times, may no one ever experience any kind of sorrow. Mahopanishad These are mine, and these are strangers such are the thoughts of lowly people. For him who has a great heart, this whole world is one family. Mahopanishad
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