Communication Behaviour

Types of Communication Behaviour

There are a variety of ways of behaving when we are communicating with others. The appropriate choice of behaviour is vitally important if we are to communicate effectively. Four different types of behaviours are: 1. aggressive 2. avoidance 3. submissive 4. assertive

1. Aggressive behaviour
Aggressive behaviour offends or isolates someone elses rights. It is a showing, perhaps both physically and verbally, of anger or dominance. It can be an automatic reaction or a one-off reaction to a particularly sensitive or threatening situation.

1. Aggressive Behaviour
Aggression can sometimes be 1. an expression of fear, 2. lack of self-esteem, or 3. inability to control a situation in any other way. Aggression places the rights of the aggressor above the rights of the other party and avoids responsibility.

2. Avoidance behaviour
Avoidance behaviour is sometimes used to evade any confrontation. It ignores the isolation of rights and responsibilities through fear of the consequences or because you dont wish to be bothered with the consequences.

2.

Avoidance Behaviour

People can become very adept at avoiding uncomfortable situations, either through refusal to recognise the problem or by deliberately side stepping confrontational situations.

Avoidance can be displayed in many ways - refusing to get a diagnostic test, not answering the phone to certain people or avoiding socialising in a certain place. Quite elaborate plans can be devised to avoid a situation.

3. Submissive /accommodating behaviour

Submissive or accommodating behaviour lets you reduce anxiety, guilt or fear by letting your views or thoughts be misconstrued, ignored or lets you be taken advantage of. We often have this type of behaviour instilled in us from parents, schools and hierarchical organisations. We often experience an immediate pleasant effect from pleasing others and not rocking the boat as we see it.

This type of behaviour is often shown in 1. not wanting to say no to unreasonable requests, 2. not wanting to draw attention to yourself, a belief that you are not as good as others, 3. wanting to appear polite and helpful in an excessive way, or wanting to avoid a scene.
Submissive behaviour often leads to a build up of resentment which can show itself in loss of selfesteem or an eventual aggressive outburst.

4.

Assertive Behaviour

Assertive behaviour 1. means stating your own feelings whilst acknowledging the other persons point of view. 2. involves clear and steady communication, standing up for your rights and beliefs, whilst looking for ways to resolve possible problems. 3. involves protecting your space and rights whilst not isolating another persons rights or space. 4. relies on honest, direct and appropriate expression of needs, wants or feelings as a first, not a last resort. 5. Means mutual acceptance of each others position that leads to more open and fruitful communication.

A Misconception
Many may associate the word with aggression or manipulation - a method of getting what you want at the expense of others. There are many issues revolving around sexual stereotyping when we think of assertion. Men behaving assertively are thought to be in control and masterful - women behaving assertively are thought of as being aggressive, domineering or bossy!

Win-win Situation
Assertive behaviour is often thought of as a WinWin situation where both parties in the communication process benefit from increased effectiveness.

It may not be that assertive behaviour lets you get your own way - often a workable compromise is the best solution which gains the acceptance of both parties. .

Summary
Lets now examine how these behaviours are exhibited. Many aspects of communication come down to not what is said but how it is said. We can convey clear messages without saying a word but by using body language or alter the meaning of a message by changing emphasis or our tone of voice. It is important to get a coherent pattern of voice, speech content, facial expression, etc. if you are to convey your intended behaviour clearly.

Verbal Communication Behaviour

Assertiveness can be described as how we recognise the rights of two parties involved. Aggressive You exert your right to have ideas and opinions at the expense of the other person's rights. In fact you behave as if the other person's rights don't matter.

Assertive You exert your rights freely and clearly, but at the same time recognise the other person's rights to be heard, to have pride in what they do, etc.
Non-Assertive You take too much account of the other person's rights, to the extent that you forego some or all of your rights to express ideas or influence events.

Examples
Aggressive "I don't know how you've got the nerve to give me this sort of stuff for signing. It's full of mistakes." Assertive "Jane, I'd like you to re-do this document as there are several mistakes in it." Non-Assertive "I know it's, er .... probably my fault in .... not writing very clearly, but is there, um .... any chance at all you could find a spare minute to um .... just change one of two small things on this letter for me? Or you find an excuse not to take the document back at all.

Examples
Aggressive "If people produce rubbish, I have every right to tell them so" "She obviously doesn't care. That's typical of young people today." "This reflects badly on me, and I won't stand for it. Assertive "This may be uncomfortable for us both, but we can handle it." "She has the right to make mistakes, but the responsibility to correct them." "I want her to know the effect her errors have on other people. Non-Assertive "I don't want to make a scene or upset our working relationship." "I'm sure these are unintentional errors - I'll let it go this time." "I know she's very busy, so I expect that's why these mistakes happened."

Good Communication
Good communication is always said to be an essential skill in being personally effective.

It is also an essential skill for everyone who works for supervisors and managers or who is part of a team at work, home or socially.
How often have you felt that someone doesnt understand, that they take you for granted, that youre not taken seriously, that people twist what youre saying, that your rights have been ignored, angry that you cant express yourself at the time. We may react by getting angry or aggressive, or by avoiding situations that cause conflict and pain, or by agreeing to things because we feel powerless and want a quiet life.

 You may be involved with meetings, team briefings, interviews, checking, counselling, advocating, reviewing, delegating, planning, scheduling, resolving conflicts, gaining cooperation of others, problem solving, and decision making, maintaining standards or setting targets.

All of these activities are based around establishing and maintaining good methods of communication.

Communicating Effectively
However, our ability to communicate effectively will be governed by many things, but mainly on our development of skills which will help us to balance the conflicting aims, interests, rights and reactions of others with our own. One of the main skills we must develop is to build on the self-awareness of our strengths and weaknesses to encourage the use of behaviour appropriate to the circumstances. Quite often, the use of the extremes of behaviour fight or flight are not the most appropriate and the use of personal assertion would lead to a better outcome for all parties.