TGOR:ATUE 1

THE GIVENS OF RELATIONSHIPS: ANTIDOTES TO UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.

Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationshipsone that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person.

TGOR:ATUE 2

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations. This should be required reading David Richo, PhD, for everyone dating, considering is a therapist and author who leads marriage and married. It is, popular workwithout a doubt, the best shops on personal and spiritual thing I have seen on the growth. He comsubject. David Richo bines Jungian, poetic, and mythic deserves a medal for perspectives in his this. -Patrick ONeill work with the
intention of integrating the psychological and the spiritual.

 Patrick ONeill leads Extraordinary

Conversations Inc., a Toronto-based management consulting firm specializing in change management, leadership development, team dynamics and conflict resolution. A student of human and organizational dynamics, Patricks work has taken him to global corporations in North America, Europe and Asia Pacific; to the townships of South Africa; and to the peace process in the Middle East. He has worked with thousands of people, and hundreds of teams and organizations over twenty years. He has been acknowledged as a gifted teacher, consultant, mediator and mentor. As well, Patrick has made a contribution to the practices of leadership and collective work through the development of leading edge educational programs that are practical, pragmatic and applicable to the family, workplace and community.

Are you alone now?

BEING YOUR OWN PRIMARY PARTNER

I am my own primary partner. I do things for myself

that are just to show me how much I love myself. I go on dates with me. I go on long bike rides, I row boats, I bake cookies, I wear clothes that make me feel good, I am learning to play ukulele, I snuggle with my rabbits, I read books in sunbeams, I make zines and stencils, I take long showers, . I do not do anything solely because I feel obligated to do it. I treat myself the way I want to treat others. I treat myself with caring, patience, and with a conscious desire to be kind and respectful. My life is one giant self-care ritual. Its wonderful
December 29, 2011 by parksdunlap in Uncategorized

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

1All factors in relationships pass through

phases: intimacy, affection, sexual interest/energy, commitment to children and family, compatibility, self-disclosure.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

2Only at rare moments is the

love in one partner the same as that in the other.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

3Priorities are continually changing for each

partner. The integrity of the union may not always be a priority.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

4No truly loving relationship takes awayor

can take awayeven one of your basic human rights.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

5Intimate relationships survive best with constant

permission for ever-changing ratios of closeness and distance

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

6What creates

distance in your relationship, you may be using unconsciously to get distance.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

7The best relationship includes space

for you to pursue individual choices and to be compassionately attentive to any threat your partner may feel.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

8No one can control

or change someone else, nor is it necessary.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

9No one is loyal or truthful all the time.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

10No

expectations are valid and not even agreements are always reliable.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

11Your partner may not always be a

consistent, nurturant, or trust-worthy friend to you (nor you to your partner).

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

12You are

ultimately alone and ultimately able to make it alone.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

13No relationship can create self-esteem,

only support it.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

14There is no one person who will make you

happy, keep you fascinated, love you as your favorite parent did, or give you the love you missed from your parents.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

15Most people in relationships seldom know

what they really want, ask for what they really want, or show what they really feel.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

16Most people avoid or fear intimacy, consistent honesty, intense feelings, and uninhibited joy.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

17Beneath every serious

complaint about your partner is something unowned in yourself.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

18Letting go

of blame and the need to be right heals a relationship most efficaciously.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

19Jealousy and possessiveness, though not desirable, are normal human feelings.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

20Goodbye is rarely

said clearly; most people ease away wordlessly and avoid full confrontation

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

21No one is to blame when a relationship

ends.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

22The end of one relationship will always

require a space before another relationship can begin healthily.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

23It is normal for

memories, regrets, the wish for revenge, and a recurrent sense of loss far, far to outlast the ending of a relationship.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

24One of your (or your

partners) parents is a phantom, but active, presence at the beginning, middle or ending of your relationship.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

25The powerful appeal of someone new may tell you more about your own neediness than about the charms of the other person.

The Givens of Relationships: Antidotes to Unrealistic Expectations.

26A relationship is a spiritual path since it

consists of a continual shedding of illusions.