Bullying and Cyberbullying:

What You Need to Know

The New Face of Bullying We all know that in a dog eat dog world, the biggest dog with the loudest bark usually ends up on top. We see this more clearly than ever in the school environment, through what is known as bullying. An increase teen suicides, an increase in cyberbullying, anti-bullying campaigns and the media make us painfully aware of this reality. But what really is bullying? Are we as a society guilty of often labeling conflict between peers as bullying, and what separates bullying from conflict?

Breaking the Cycle

Once we can properly identify bullying, we need to begin to take actions to prevent it. When bullying happens, it is common for two sides begin to play the blame and shame game. Teachers and school administration will blame parents for not bringing up better children, and parents will blame the education system for not stopping bullying in schools. All of us need to realize that placing blame on a situation should not take priority. Instead, we need to work together to take proactive approaches to raising resilient kids, so they may become healthy, caring, well-adjusted adults who will be less prone to engaging in violent or risky behaviors like bullying.

Helping Kids Rise Above Bullying

All adults need to realize that they play an important role in preventing bullying. The action steps that adults can take start at home, and spread to schools and entire communities. These action steps are called building resilience, and its the longterm solution to addressing bullying and other risky childhood behaviors.

Although some kids may have some biological inclination toward resilience, there is research that overwhelmingly points toward the ability for resilience factors to be learned. When we teach resilience, we are able to change the life trajectories of kids from risk to resilience, but it has to be taught to them by the adults in their families, their schools, and their communities. The following Action Steps should be practiced by all adults in each of these environments in order to foster positive characteristics that build resilience and promote healthy development and successful learning.

Anti-Bullying Action Steps for Parents

Recent research on bullying and resilience says that warm family relationships and positive home environments help to buffer children from the negative outcomes associated with bullying victimization. 1 Parents create the foundation from which resilience is built, and they are integral to the development of children. As parents, we are the first role models for our children, and we influence them with every move, every word, and every look. While this can seem overwhelming, intentional parenting is imperative to raising resilient, healthy, and well-adjusted kids and future adults. With this in mind, we developed the following action steps for parents. These steps are based on Developmental Assets research, the qualities and external factors that we know kids need to be successful.

Be a Good Role Model

No parent is perfect, but its important for every parent to recognize and remember that your kids are always watching you! Be sure that you behave in ways that you would like to see copied or replicated.

Create a Supportive Family Environment

All families are different. Your familys culture is defined by all members of your family. In a supportive family culture, parents frequently interact with their children. Get to know your kids, find out what they love, and then support those passions.

Engage in Positive Family Communication

Communication seems to be the hardest thing for all of us to do. With our children, we need to be sure that what we say is what we mean, and that they do not have to read into situations. How we teach them to communicate in our homes will then carry over into how they communicate at school and with their friends. In the same way, the ways that they communicate with their friends may seep into their communications with us. Its a parents job to ensure that their communication remains positive! Finally, listen to what your child is saying. Sometimes the things that they dont say are even more important than the things they do say. Be sure to clue in if your child seems to feel unsafe in a situation and pursue that in conversation.

Promote Positive Relationships with Other Adults

We are not meant to raise children without some help. We need to help our children connect with other positive adults who can mentor them and assist them as they grow up.

Be Involved in Your Childs Schooling

Research shows that children are more successful when parents are involved in their school. Attend school conferences, know your childs teacher, and volunteer in any way that you can. If you make an effort to establish a relationship with your childs teacher or school administrator, it will also be a huge help if the need arises for you to have a hard discussion.

Encourage School and Community Involvement

The more involved that kids are with others and with organizations, the better off they are, whether its at church or at your local community center. Encourage inter-generational events whenever possible. Whatever they do, support their involvement in healthy activities because it will continue to make them healthier in the long run.

Provide Clear Boundaries and Safety

Children need clear guidelines to follow as they grow up, and they need to feel safe. Parents need to set clear boundaries for behavior and should have high expectations in terms of respect for self, others, and property.

Have High Expectations for Academics and Behavior

Not every students is a BRIGHT student, but having high expectations that kids do their best on every project, worksheet, or test is important. Kids should do their best, and they should seek out learning. Kids will raise their own expectations to meet ours as parents, so we should aim high in academics and behavior.

Promote Positive Values

Children do not naturally look out for others or show restraint; we need to teach them these qualities. Making our children become caring, honest, responsible, and self-controlled beings is difficult. These are some of the qualities that will make them the healthiest as teens and adults. Watch for experiences when you can teach and promote these values it will benefit them in the long run!

Help Kids Dream about Their Future

One of the first things that we ask little kids is, What are you going to be when you grow up? And the question is asked over and over again. When your kids answer with big dreams, support them!
Network with people in those fields through community, school, and religious organizations, and help them to seek out ways to make those dreams possible. As they grow older, encourage them to take classes in school that will keep their options open. Assist them in pursuing those big dreams by believing in them!

Anti-Bullying Action Steps for Schools and Educators

 Recent research on resilience and bullying says that Schools play a critical role in the process of child and adolescent development by providing the components or strengths they need to be caring and productive citizens in adulthood. 1 Educators play a big part in building resilience in their students, and educators efforts are important because they support the efforts of families and community members in this childraising collaborative. With this in mind, weve created these anti-bullying tips for schools and educators based on the Developmental Assets research, the qualities and external factors that we know kids need to be successful.

Create a Caring School Environment School should be a warm, inviting, and accepting place. Parents and students alike should feel comfortable and welcome at school. Be sure that all students know that they are important to the school environment and feel that they are actively a part of what makes the school great.

 Encourage Parents to Be Involved Schools send out letters asking for help in the classrooms and in other ways, but oftentimes parents sense that the school does not see them as partners in raising their children. Make sure that is not the case. Invite every parent to volunteer or contribute a skill to the classroom. Be conscious of families who have situations that create roadblocks, and brainstorm with them and with other educators about ways to overcome them.

 See Youth as Resources Create ways for students to contribute to the school so that they feel that they are a resource. Encourage a reading buddy classroom program, have a student council, or allow students to have a voice about which lunch program you use.

 Create Service Experiences for Youth Whether the choir sings at a nursing home, the student council picks up trash on the playground, or a grade level competes to bring in food items for the homeless shelter, every small act of service that children do helps them learn that life is not just about them. This also connects them to causes bigger than themselves and helps them see needs where they may not have seen them before.

 Provide Clear Boundaries and Safety

Teachers need to be clear about their classroom rules and then enforce them. Three basic rules should guide all classrooms: respect for self, respect for others, and respect for property; all positive behavior falls under those guidelines and creates a respectful and safe environment.

 Encourage School Engagement Provide an array of extra-curricular and after school offerings in order to promote students bonds to school through relationships, interests, and time. When kids spend time together with each other (and with other adults in the school) doing something of shared interest, they see school as having an important role in their lives. In turn, they will feel more comfortable at school, and they will seek out ways to become even more involved.

Promote Positive Values Children are not born with positive values, but every interaction that they have is a potential opportunity to help them learn. Use literature and historical figures to promote these values as well as those unplanned teachable moments to promote the concepts of equality, social justice, integrity, and responsibility. Connect these with the themes of respect in the classroom

Help Students to Dream about Their Futures

School is where many students find out about potential future careers. Seek out ways to engage students in the knowledge of what they can do with their futures. Be on the look out for job-shadowing experiences or apprenticeships. Encourage students to engage with all curricula even in areas where they struggle so that the doors of opportunity remain wide open to them in their futures.

Anti-Bullying Action Steps for Caring Community Members

 Recent research on resilience and bullying supports the idea that communities are an important part of the collaborative effort against bullying. The key is to strive toward working collaboratively to build the capacity of everyone to nurture the development of youth resiliency. 1 We all play a role in the raising of our nations youth! With this in mind, weve created the following anti-bullying tips for caring community members based on the Developmental Assets research, the qualities and external factors that we know kids need to be successful.

Be Open to Mentoring Relationships with Youth Research asserts that youth need three caring adults to provide support for them. This could be in your neighborhood, or through formal mentoring programs like Big Brothers, Big Sisters.

Create Opportunities for Youth to Engage with Community Involve youth in neighborhood clean-up days, allow them to be on club committees, or seek out a group of youth to perform at a function in a community center. The more connected and important that youth feel to their community, the more successful they are in the future.

Take an Interest in Neighborhood Youth

Build relationships with your neighbors and your neighbors kids. Be on the watch for ways to have positive interactions with neighborhood youth. If you have young children, try to connect them with the neighborhood kids and get involved in their lives by providing a safe and supervised place for them to play.

Promote Peaceful Conflict Resolution How we act in front of kids whether in the grocery store or on the street is teaching them something. Be sure that what you are teaching is what you want them to learn. Model good communication and peaceful, non-violent conflict resolution.

Provide Cross-Cultural Experiences for Youth Promote the cross-cultural events that allow others to attend. Take a neighbors kid to the Chinese New Year celebration at the library. Become involved in your own cultural heritage and promote it with youth in your community. These experiences will not only be fun but will enhance the kids knowledge, tolerance, and acceptance of other cultures.

Promote Youth Having a Sense of Purpose Adults in the community have a great deal of power toward shaping youth. Just looking kids in the eye when you see them on the street helps them know that they are seen. Look for ways to enhance their sense of purpose. This will help them build resilience. Express your appreciation when they have contributed to the community in a meaningful way and look for other opportunities to have them contribute in the future.

 Provide Safety in the Community Adults in the community can promote a safe environment by being a part of neighborhood watch groups, knowing who should be (or should not be) in a neighborhood, and watching out for each others children.

Have High Expectations for Behavior While it can be awkward to correct another parents child, it can also be helpful. Build rapport with the families around you or with youth in your community. Model good behavior in your own life, and then expect positive behavior from the youth in your community. Many parents will appreciate the support of community members in this area.

 Promote Positive Values Children are not born with positive values; they have to learn them, and they do so by watching others in their behavior. Model integrity, honesty, responsibility, and restraint, and then promote those values with the youth in your community. Be caring in your interactions with them, and treat them the way you want them to treat you.

 Help Youth to Dream about Their Futures Community members can play an important role as youth explore what their futures will hold. If you are employed, find out if there are opportunities at your place of employment for job-shadowing. Be in conversation with youth about what you do, why you chose that career, and what skills they may be learning in school that could apply to what you do. Consider contributing to a scholarship fund or be creative in other ways to help disadvantaged youth in your community to follow their dreams.

 Rising above Bullying: What the Research Says

"Resilience is a set of processes that enables good outcomes in spite of serious threats. -- Ann Masten (2001)
Raising Resilient Kids With all the media coverage of teen suicides and school shootings tied to kids being bullied, it would be hard for bullying not to be on most of our minds right now. Bullying seems to be the latest in hot topics of risky childhood behaviors. The hot topic spotlight always seems to be shifting, sometimes focusing on risky behaviors like teen drug use, and sometimes on behaviors like early sexual activity or alcohol use. No matter what the issue, when these hot topics boil to the top of the pot of our awareness, we tend to respond in targeted ways to reduce the incidence of that one particular issue. But when we respond reactively instead of proactively, we are missing the opportunity to get to the root of the problem and address long-term solutions

A Proactive Approach When we focus on raising resilient kids, we counteract the impact of many high-risk behaviors, including bullying, reduce the incidence of dangerous behaviors, and promote positive behaviors for all. There is much research that supports the positive effects of raising resilient kids. Bonnie Bernard is a resilience expert who has done an extensive amount of research and writing concerning resilience. Bernard notes the following important points about resilience 1: 1. Resilience is a capacity all youth have for healthy development and successful learning. 2. Certain personal strengths are associated with healthy development and successful learning. 3. Certain characteristics of families, schools, and communities are associated with the development of personal strengths and, in turn, healthy development and successful learning. 4. Changing the life trajectories of children and youth from risk to resilience starts with changing the beliefs of the adults in their families, schools, and communities

 Building Resilience with Developmental Assets The characteristics of resilience that Bonnie Bernard talked about in her research are even more clearly defined a recent article published in the Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America medical journal. The research states that resilient youth have common resiliency factors operating as two broad sets of developmental strengths that encourage and support the coping skills of children and adolescents: (1) extrinsic factors (family, peers, school, and community), and (2) intrinsic factors or personality characteristics (empowerment, self-control, cultural sensitivity, self-concept, and social sensitivity). 4 These characteristics of resilience that are listed above are also known as Developmental Assets. The Developmental Assets are the things that we know kids need in order to grow up to be healthy, successful, and also resilient. We know that without these Developmental Assets, children and teens are at a higher risk for becoming involved in high risk behaviors like drug use, violence (bullying and otherwise), and underage drinking. In other words, children and teens who have more Developmental Assets in their lives will have a greater inclination toward resilience, which will, in turn, lead them to avoid more types of risky behaviors, including bullying.

 . Nature vs Nurture? Resilience studies have been around since the 1950s when Emmy Werner 2 conducted a longitudinal study of children in Kauai who led successful lives in the face of environmental adversity and stresses during childhood. She found that resilient children appear to have developed a coping pattern that combines autonomy with an ability to ask for help when needed. 3 Werners study implied that some children were resilient while others were not, and that some biological almost extraordinary feature existed in them to allow them to rise above their circumstances. As resilience studies over the years have delved deeper into the issue, however, researchers have found that, while some kids may have some biological inclination toward resiliency, the ability for resilience factors can be learned. When we teach resilience, we are able to change the life trajectories of kids from risk to resilience, but it has to be taught to them by the adults in their families, their schools, and their communities.