Interpersonal Communication Skills

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Introduction to CHAPTER 1:PART I Interpersonal Communication

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS 1
GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
What is Interpersonal Communication?
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IS AN EXTREMELY PRACTICAL ART

Your effectiveness as a friend, relationship partner , coworker, family
member, manager, etc. Will depend on your interpersonal skills
For Example, in a survey of 1,001 people over 18 years of age , 53 percent
felt that a lack of effective communication was the major cause of marriage failure a factor significantly grater than money (38 percent) or in-law interference (14 percent) has been widely documented . A report based on interviews with managers, employees and workers who described the skills they needed to function effectively at their jobs identified interpersonal skills as one of the five skills essential for a nation and an individual to be economically competitive in the world marketplace.
In a similar way , interpersonal skills are crucial to professional success , as
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IS AN EXTREMELY PRACTICAL ART CONTD

In a study of more than 500 employees conducted by an employment research
institute in America, good oral, written and interpersonal communication skills were reported among the most notable deficiencies observed in new college students. prominently, both enabling nurses to rise in the corporate hierarchy and building patient trust . Researchers have also identified interpersonal skills as one of the six areas that define the professional competence of physicians and trainee.
In studies. in the health care industry, communication skills likewise figure
The importance of interpersonal communication skills seem to extend over the
entire spectrum of professional.
I hope this course will improve your interpersonal communication skills and thus
make you more effective family members, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, etc.
TO SUMMARIZE THE ABOVE
DEFINITION OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Interpersonal communication is the communication that occurs
between persons who have a connection or relationship. Communication occurs when you send or receive messages and when you assign meaning to such messages.
For Example, Interpersonal communication includes the
conversations that take place between an interviewer and potential employee , between son and his father, between two sisters, between a teacher and a student , or between two friends. Even the stranger asking for directions from a local resident has a relationship with that person.
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LINEAR Model:
THEORIES OF THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS .
Some early theories viewed the communication process as linear. In this linear view of
communication , the speaker spoke and the listener listened . Communication was seen as proceeding in a relatively straight line. Speaking and listening were seen as taking place at different times when you spoke , you didnt listen ; and when you listened you didn't speak. communication. It also displays no feedback from the receiver. For example; a letter, email, text message, lecture.
Draw backs the linear model assumes that there is a clear cut beginning and end to
Interactional Model:
The Linear Model, or representation of the process , soon gave way to an interactional view in
which the speaker and the listener were seen as exchanging turns and speaking and listening. For Example , A spoke while B listened and then B Spoke in response to what A said and A Listened . Speaking and listening were still viewed as separate acts that did not overlap and that were not performed at the same time by the same person.
Draw backs there is feedback but it is not simultaneous.

THEORIES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION CONTD.

Transactional Model
A more satisfying view and the one currently held, sees communication as
transactional process in which each person serves simultaneously as speaker and listener, According to the transactional view , at the same time that you send messages, youre also receiving messages from your own communications and from the reactions of other person. And at the same time youre listening , youre also sending messages. In a transactional view, each person is seen as both speaker and listener (sender-receiver not merely sender or receiver), as simultaneously communicating and receiving messages. are constantly giving them feedback on what you think through your facial expression verbal feedback without necessarily stopping your friend from talking.
For example talking/listening to friends. While your friend is talking you
THEORIES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION CONTD.

The word transactional indicates that the communication process is cooperative. In other words,
communicators (senders and receivers) are both responsible for the effect and effectiveness of communication. In a transactional encounter, the sender and receiver do not simply send meaning from one to the other and then back again; rather, they build shared meaning through simultaneous sending and receiving.
Field of experience
The influence of a persons culture, past experiences, personal history, and heredity on the communication
process.
The field of experience refers to a persons culture, past experiences, personal history, and heredity,
and how these elements influence the communication process . Peoples fields of experience overlap at times, meaning that people share things in common. Where two peoples fields of experience overlap, they can communicate effectively. And as they communicate, they create more overlap in their experiences. This process explains why initial encounters often consist of questions and answers between communicators, such as Where are you from?, Whats your major?, Do you ski? The answers to these questions help establish the overlap in the communicators experiences: Oh, I was in Chicago over the holidays last year, Really, thats my major, too, Yeah, I dont ski either. Further, fields of experience may change over time.
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HEY, IT IS NOT THAT SIMPLE.

I know that you believe that you
understand what you think I said , but I am not sure that you realize that
what you heard is not what is said
Do you see how complicated the
communication process can be?

TYPES OF INTERACTION
Often, of course , interpersonal communication takes place face-to-face;
and this is the type of interaction that probably comes to mind when you think of conversation. But, especially today much conversation takes place online. Online communications are a part of people's experience throughout the world. Such communications are important personally, socially, and professionally . Lets look at three major online types of conversation and the ways in which they differ from one another and from face-to-face interaction: e-mail, mailing list groups and the chat group. from your computer to your server, which relays your messages through a series of computer hookups and eventually the server of the person youre addressing . Unlike face-to-face communication, e-mail does not take place in real time. You may not read it for a week and may take another week to respond. Much of the spontaneity created by real time communication is missing. You may , for example, be very enthusiastic about a topic when you send your e-mail but practically forget it by the time someone responds.
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1. In e-mail, you usually type your letter in an e-mail program and send it
TYPES OF INTERACTION contd.

2. The mailing list group consists of a group of people interested in a particular topic who communicate with one another through e-mail. Generally you subscribe to a list and communicate with all other members by addressing your mail to the group e-mail address. Any message you send to this address will be sent to each member who subscribes to the list . Your message is sent to all of the members at the same time; there are no asides to the person sitting next to you, as in faceto-face groups.
3. Chat groups have proliferated across the Internet. These groups enable members to conserve in real time in discussion groups called channels. At any one time there are thousands of channels, so your chances of finding a topic youre interested in is high. Unlike mailing lists, chat communication takes place in real time. You see a member's message as its being sent ; theres virtually no delay. With both mailing lists and face-to-face conversation, the purposes of chat group resembles the conversation youd observe at a large party. The guests divide into small groups varying from two people on up , and each group discusses its own topic or version of a general topic.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FACE-TO-FACE CONVERSATIONA VS.COMPUTER CONVERSATION.

1.
SIMPLY OBSERVE: In face-to-face conversation, youre expected to contribute to the ongoing discussion. In chat groups you can simply observe; in fact, youre encouraged to lurk or to observe the participants interaction before you say anything yourself. In this way, youll be able to learn the cultural rules and norms of the group.
IDENTITY : Another obvious difference between face-to-face and computer communication is that in face-to face interaction the individuals are clearly identified at least usually. In computer-mediated communication, however, you may remain anonymous. You may also pose as someone youre not ; as a person of another gender or race, for example, or even as someone who is significantly older or younger than you really are, or of a significantly different status. In face-to-face communication your physical self the way you look, the way youre dressed greatly influence the way your messages will be interpreted. FAKE ID In computer-mediated communication you reveal your physical self through your own descriptions. Although you may send photos of yourself via computer, you can also send photos of others and claim theyre of yourself. There is , in short. Much greater opportunity for presenting yourself as you want to present yourself when communicating via computer.
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2.
3.
THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS

Source-Receiver : Interpersonal communication involves at least two persons. Each functions as a source (formulates and sends messages)and operates as a receiver (receives and understands messages). By putting your meanings into sound waves (or gestures, facial expressions, or postural adjustments), youre putting your thoughts and feelings , into a code, or a set of symbols a process called encoding. By translating sound and light waves into ideas, youre taking them out of the code theyre in, a process called decoding. So we can call speakers encoders: and those who make meanings into a code . And we can call listeners decoders: those who take meanings out of a code.
Correct coding: Usually you encode an idea into a code that the other person understands;
for example , you use words and gestures for which both you and other person have similar meanings. At times, however, you may want to exclude others; so, for example, you might speak in a language that only one of your listener knows or use jargon to prevent others from understanding. At other times, you may assume incorrectly that the other person knows your code and, for example, unknowingly use words or gestures the other person simply doesnt understand. But remember, for interpersonal communication to occur ,then, meanings must be encoded and decoded as correctly as possible.
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THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS contd..

Messages :
For interpersonal communication to also exist , messages that express your thoughts and feelings must be sent and received . Interpersonal communication may be verbal or non-verbal, but its usually a combination of both. You communicate interpersonally with words as well as with gestures and touch, for example. Even the clothes you wear communicate, as do the way you walk and the way you shake hand, comb your hair, sit, smile, or frown. Everything about you have the potential to send interpersonal messages, and every message has an effect or outcome.
Graphical representation and in person : In face-to-face communication , your messages are both verbal and non-verbal; you
supplement your word with facial expressions, body movements and variations in vocal volume and rate, for example. When you communicate through a keyboard, your message is communicated basically with words. This does not mean that you cannot communicate emotional meanings; in fact, some researchers have argued that diagrams, picture and varied toyed faces enable you to communicate messages that are rich in emotional meaning. But basically a keyboard or written message is communicated with words. Because of this sarcasm, for example, is difficult to convey unambiguously where as in face-to-face communication you might wink or smile to indicate that your message should not be taken seriously or literally.

Feedback:
Feedback is a special type of message. When you send a spoken or written message to another person, you get feedback for your own message: you hear what you say, you feel the way you move, you see what you write. On the basis of this information, you may, correct yourself , rephrase something, or perhaps smile at a clever turn of phrase. This is self- feedback. messages that indicate how he or she is receiving and responding to your messages. Nods of agreement, smiles, puzzled looks, and questions asking for clarification are all examples of feedback. Notice that in face-to-face communication you can monitor the feedback to the other person as youre speaking, In computermediated communication that feedback will come much later and thus is likely to be more clearly thought out and perhaps more closely monitored.
You also get a feedback from others . The person with whom youre communicating is constantly sending you
Feedforward :
Much as feedback contains information about messages already sent, feedforward conveys information about
messages before you send them. Opening comments such as Wait until you hear this or I am not sure of this but, . or Dont get me wrong, but, are examples of feedforward. These messages tell the listener something about the messages to come or about they way youd like the listener to respond. Nonverbally, you give feedforward by , for example, your facial expressions, eye contact and physical posture.
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Channel :
The communication channel is the medium through which message signals
pass. The channel works like a bridge connecting source and receiver. Normally, two, three or four channels are used simultaneously. Thus , for example , in face-to face speech interactions , you speak and listen , using the vocal auditory channel . You also , however, make gestures and receive these signals visually, using the visual channel. Similarly , you emit odors and smell those of others (chemical channel). Often you touch one other and this too communicate (tactile channel).
Another way to classify channels is by the mean of communication. Thus ,
face-to-face contact, telephones, e-mail. Movies, television, smoke signals and telegraph would be types of channels. Of most relevance today, of course, is the difference between face-to-face and computer-mediated communication. At times one or more channels may be damaged . For example, in the case of people who are blind, the visual channels is impaired and so adjustments have to be made.

Noise:
Noise is anything that interferes with your receiving of a message someone is
sending or with their receiving a message .Noise may be physical (loud talking, honking cars, illegible handwriting, garbage on your computer screen). Physiological (hearing or visual impairment, articulation disorders, memory loss), psychological (preconceived ideas, wandering thoughts, prejudices) or semantic (misunderstood meanings, language differences or dialectical differences). Technically, noise is anything that distorts or gets in the way of the message. sunglasses that prevent someone from seeing the nonverbal messages from your eyes would be considered noise, as would blurred type on a printed page. effects can be reduced. Making your language more precise, sharpening your skills for sending and receiving nonverbal messages and improving your listening and feedback skills are some ways to combat the influence of noise.
Because messages may be visual as well as spoken, noise too may be visual. Thus ,
All communication contain noise. Noise cannot be totally eliminated , but its

Context:
Communication always takes place within a context : an environment that influences the form and the content of communication. At times this context is so natural that you ignore it, like street noise. At other times the context stands out , and the ways in which it restricts and stimulates your communication are obvious.
The context of communication has at least four dimensions: physical. Cultural, social-psychological and
temporal.
1. 2. 3.
The room , workplace or outdoor space in which the communication takes place is physical dimension. The cultural dimension consists of the rules , norms , beliefs and attitudes of the people communicating that are passed from on generation to another. The social-psychological dimension includes , for example , the status relationship among the participants: distinctions such as an employer and an employee. The formality or informality , the friendliness or hostility, etc.. are also part of the social-psychological dimension. The temporal or time dimension has to do with where a particular message fits into a sequence of communication events . For example, if you tell a joke about sickness immediately after your friend tells you she is sick , the joke will be perceived differently from the same joke told as one of the series of similar jokes to your friends in the gym.
4.
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INTERPERSONAL COMPETENCE
Your ability to communicate effectively is your interpersonal
competence. The greater your interpersonal competence , the more options you will have for communicating with friends, acquaintances , family , colleagues and in just about any situation in which you will talk with another person. It is much like learning vocabulary : the more words you know the more ways you will have to express yourself. interpersonal communication works and mastering its skills (including power and the often neglected skills of listening). These skills depend on critical thinking , are specific to given culture and rest on a ethical foundation.
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Interpersonal competence consists largely of understanding the way
COMPETENCE AND INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

In learning the skills of interpersonal communication (or and set of skills),
you will probably at first sense an awkwardness and self consciousness; the new behaviors may not seem to fit comfortably. As you develop more understanding and use the skills more, this awkwardness will gradually fade and the new behavior will begin to feel comfortable and natural . You will facilitate your progress toward mastery if you follow a logical system of steps. Here is one possible system, called STEP.
1. Get a clear understanding of what the skill is 2. Understand the theory; if you understand the reasons for the suggestions offered, it will help
make the skill more logical. 3. Develop examples, especially your own; this will help to make the material covered here a more integral part of communication behavior. 4. Practice alone at first, then with supportive friends ,and then in general day-to-day interactions
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COMPETENCE IN POWER AND LISTENING

Communication skills and power are integrally related. If you have
strong interpersonal communication skills , you are likely to have power and influence socially, at school, in your close relationships , at work or just about any place where people interact. If you have poor interpersonal skills, you are likely to have much less power and influence. communication as speaking effectiveness, paying little attention to listening. But listening is an integral part of interpersonal communication; you cannot be competent communicator if you are a poor listener.
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Often we tend to think of competences in interpersonal
COMPETENCE IN CRITICAL THINKING AND CULTURE

Without critical thinking there can be no competent exchange of ideas, no
competent communication. Critical thinking is logical thinking; it is thinking that is well reasoned, unbiased and clear. It involves thinking intelligently , carefully and with as much clarity as possible. It is the opposite of sloppy, illogical or carless thinking. consists of their values, beliefs, artifacts and ways of behaving and ways of communicating. Culture includes all that members of a social group have produced and developed their language , ways of thinking, art , laws and religion. Competence in culture is sometimes specific; communications that prove effective in one culture will not necessarily prove effective in another. For example, most cultures teach women and men different attitudes and ways of communicating. Or another example is that some cultures celebrate birthdays and so receiving a gift on your birthday is quite normal and expected. However, some other cultures do not celebrate birthdays so giving gifts would seem awkward.
The term culture refers to the lifestyle of a group of people. A groups culture
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COMPETENCE AND ETHICS

Interpersonal communication also involves questions of ethics. These is a
moral dimension to any interpersonal communication act. For example, although it might be effectiveness to lie in selling a product, it would not be ethical. There are two overriding questions that will influence all your ethical decisions: Are ethical principles objective or subjective? act is absolute and exits apart from the values and beliefs of any individual or culture. With this view , you would hold that there are standards that apply to all people in all situations at all times. In the objective view , lying, false advertising , using illegal obtained evidence or revealing secrets you have promised to keep is unethical all the time
In the objective view , you would argue that the rightness or wrongness of an
In the subjective view of ethics , you would argue that absolute statements
about right and wrong are too rigid and that the ethics of messages depends on the cultures values and beliefs as well as on the particular circumstance. Thus a subjective position would claim that lying might be wrong to win votes, but that it might be quite ethical if good world result from it.
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A FUN QUOTATION
T great talker would not travel far together
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Principles of Interpersonal communication
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PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Eight basic principles
Principle 1: We cannot not Communicate. Principle 2: Interpersonal communication is irreversible Principle 3: Interpersonal Communication involves ethical choices Principle 4: People construct meanings in interpersonal communication Principle 5: Metacommunications affects meanings Principle 6: Interpersonal Communication develops and sustains relationships Principle 7: Interpersonal communication is not panacea Principle 8: Interpersonal communication effectiveness can be learned
PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION contd.

Principle 1: We cannot not Communicate.
When ever people are together , they communicate .We cannot avoid communication when we are with others, because they interpret what we do and say as well as what we dont do and dont say. Even if we choose to be silent, we are communicating .sometimes silence speaks louder than words. What we mean by silence and how others interpret it depend on cultural backgrounds.
Principle 2: Interpersonal communication is irreversible Perhaps you have been in heated arguments in which you lost your temper and said something you later regretted . It could be that you hurt someone or revealed something about yourself that you meant to keep private.
PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION contd.

Principle 3: Interpersonal Communication involves ethical choices
Ethics is the branch of philosophy that focuses on moral principles in codes of conduct. Ethical issues concern right and wrong because interpersonal communication is irreversible and affects others, it always has ethical implications. Thus , responsible people think carefully about ethical guidelines for communication .
Principle 4: People construct meanings in interpersonal communication Human beings construct the meanings of their communications. The
significance of communication doesn't lie in words and non-verbal behaviours. Instead, meaning arises out of how we interpret communication. This calls our attention to the fact that humans use symbols , which sets us apart from other creatures.
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The Self in Interpersonal CHAPTER 2 Communication
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Self- Concept and Self-Awareness
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SELF CONCEPT AND SELF AWARENESS

What is the Self
How others reveal (in the process of

abilities, limitations)
communicating with others, e.g. babies)
How you perceive (your feelings , thoughts,

Comparison with others (social comparison) Comparison against benchmarks.
Self-Concept
Self-concept is the image you have of who you are.
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Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is your knowledge of yourself; the extent to which you
know who you are.
A useful way of looking at self-awareness is with the Johari window,
which consists of four parts. The open self: information known to self and others; the blind self: information known only to others; the hidden self: information known only to self; and the unknown self: information known to neither self nor others. others, actively seek information about yourself, see your different selves, and increase your open self.
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To increase self-awareness, ask yourself about yourself, listen to
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Self disclosure
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SELF DISCLOSURE
What is self-disclosure ?
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SELF DISCLOSURE
Self-disclosure is both the conscious and subconscious act
of revealing more about oneself to others. This may include, but is not limited to, thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, dreams as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favourites.
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GUIDELINES TO SELF DISCLOSURE

What is your motivation for Self-Disclosing?
Is This Self-Disclosure appropriate? Is the Other Person also Disclosing? Will this Self-Disclosure Impose Burdens?
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GUIDELINES FOR RESPONDING TO SELF DISCLOSURE

Practice the Skills of Effective and Active Listening
Support the Disclosure Keep the Disclosure Confidential
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REWARDS OF SELF-DISCLOSURE
Self-Knowledge
Self Acceptance Communication Effectiveness Physiological Health
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DANGERS OF SELF-DISCLOSURE
Personal Risks
Relationship Risks Professional Risks
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Interpersonal Apprehension
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INTERPERSONAL APPREHENSION
Fear
Anxiety
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INTERPERSONAL APPREHENSIONS CONTD.

Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat that causes animals
to move quickly away from the location of the perceived threat, and sometimes hide.
It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific
stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. In short, fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it (also known as the fight-or-flight response) but in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) a freeze or paralysis response is possible
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INTERPERSONAL APPREHENSIONS CONTD.

Fear is frequently related to the specific behaviours of escape and
avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats which are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.
It is worth noting that fear almost always relates to future events,
such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable. Fear can also be an instant reaction to something presently happening
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INTERPERSONAL APPREHENSIONS
Fear of Anxiety.
Less Disclosure and avoid jobs with heavy Communication
demands.
It can be managed.
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MANAGING APPREHENSIONS
1. Acquire Communication Skills and Experience
2. Focus on Success not on perfection 3. Reduce Unpredictability. Think of all aspects of situation
before hand
4. Put Apprehension in Perspective. Hide it , act ..
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CHAPTER 3
Perception in Interpersonal Communication

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The Stages and Process of Perception

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PERCEPTION
Perception is the process by which we attach meaning to
the world around us
Our world consist of the people, experiences and objects
that influence us.
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Perception
Perception is the active process of creating meaning by selecting,
organization and interpreting people , objects, events and other phenomena.
Perception is defined as active process , we dont passively receive
what is out there in the external world. Instead , we actively work to make sense of ourselves, others and interactions. organize and interpret what we have selectively noticed. What anything means to us depends on the aspect of it we notice and on our organization and interpretation of those aspects. Instead we invest a lot of energy in constructing the meanings of phenomena.
To do so, we select only certain things to notice and then we
Thus , perception is not a simple matter of recording external reality.
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PERCEPTION
Process of awareness about
Results from
Importance Because
Message you send depends upon
Objects , Events, People through senses
Outside world, Own Experiences, Desires, Needs, Wants, Hatred etc .
Influences Communication choices.
How you see the world, How you size up situation, How you think about people etc.
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STAGES AND PROCESS OF PRCEPTION

STAGE 1
SELECTION/ STIMULATION
STAGE 2
ORGANIZATION OFRULES
ORGANIZATIONS BY SILIMARITY
STAGE 3
INTERPRETATIONEVALUATION
STAGE 4
MEMORY
STAGE 5
RECALL
ORGANIZATION BY SCHEMATA (Schema: A diagrammatic representation; an outline or model)

Selection
1. We select things that Stands Out e.g. Loud noises, bright colors etc
2. We deliberately influence what we notice by indicating things to
ourselves. ,e.g. studying in class
3. What we select to notice is also influence by who we are and what is
going on within us , e.g. car buying we notice car advertisement
4. Culture
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Organizing by schemata
Prototypes name the single most important characteristic of a friend, some will say trustworthiness, unqualified acceptance of me, reliable, always there for me, and others will say shares my values, understands me, is like a brother/sister. Notice that one emphasizes the value and goodness of you and your friend being connected yet different, while the other emphasizes the value and goodness of you and your friend being connected and alike. Both are common and successful bases for friendship. But they involve slightly different prototypes of what a friend is. esteem her or him and others will resist. Notice that this is not a function of the teachers behavior. It is a function of different prototypes that different students use to perceive and interpret that teacher.
Prototypes are the ideals that anchor or define most of our person-perception categories. For example, if I ask people to
Consider how different students can like and dislike the same teacher. If a teacher is provocative and demanding, some will
Personal Constructs Personal constructs are the set of categories we use to judge or assess others. These cognitive constructs are understood as
us assessing people in bipolar or dialectical terms. I have a friend who classifies everyone he knows as either a good guy or a sh__ head. Thats a very black or white, simplistic personal construct for perceiving other people. Most of us have a more elaborated set of personal constructs. We may have 3 or 5 or 7 or more bipolar categories for assessing people in various contexts. For example, the she/he is X not Y judgment we make on a first date uses very different constructs than the she/he is more A than B judgment we make of our teacher on the first day of class. Again, notice that your assessment of others is often less about them and more about the Personal Constructs you use in perceiving them.
Stereotypes are generalizations we make about people and situations that influence how we act. Often our stereotypes are helpful in predicting what particular people and situations will require from us. If you know something about different kinds of plants, and are asked to speak to a Xerascape Now weekly meeting, you will likely approach your talk differently that you would when you are asked to speak to the district meeting of Chemlawn managers.
We all have stereotypes and our stereotypes make things easier for us because we can believe that we know how certain
people will behave. But, again, our stereotypes are not about those people, they are about our need to simplify our world by being able to categorize and predict people and events. Sometimes our stereotypes seem functional and sometimes they are just dead wrong. And most of us have had the experience of personal contact from a group that changes our mind about what we had assumed from our stereotype.
Scripts Scripts are usually deeply entrenched cultural conventions for acting in certain situations. I have a 19-year-old son who I have
heard say Im very glad to meet you in a more formal social setting. I guarantee you, my son never speaks these words outside of this more formal, more adult situation.
Think about when your co-worker or your friend says with some concern, Are you doing okay? We have lots of scripts that
keep us from directly talking about what is most relevant for us. Sure, Im fine or Oh, its a tough time but Im doing okay or Im really struggling with this loss, but I have a good support system. And I need to move on in my life. Yet our scripts make response, particularly in unknown and difficult situations, possible and functional.
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Interpretation
Interpretation in the subjective process of explaining our perception
in ways that make sense to us .
To interpret the meaning of anothers actions, we construct
explanation for them. This is done by Attribution . An attribution is an explanation of why someone acts a certain way.
than based on facts.
(Subjective :Influenced by or based on personal belief or feelings, rather

Objective : Not influenced by personal beliefs or feelings; based on real facts. It's an admirably objective and impartial report. Science is usually concerned only with objective facts that can be proved or disproved. Objectively: Judges are supposed to weigh the evidence in each case logically and objectively.)
What influences your interpersonal perceptions?

1. The Halo Effect
2. The Self-fulfilling Prophecy 3. Stereotyping
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The Halo Effect

The transfer of goodwill or positive feelings about one characteristic
(such as pleasing appearance) of a product or person to another, possibly unrelated characteristics (such as performance).
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Stereotyping
A stereotype is a thought that may be adopted about specific types of
individuals or certain ways of doing things, but that belief may or may not accurately
A stereotype, a fixed impression about a group, may influence your
perceptions of individual members; you may see individuals only as members of the group instead of as unique individuals. reflect reality.
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The Self-fulfilling Prophecy

Any positive or negative expectation about circumstances, events, or
people that may affect a person's behavior toward them in a manner that causes those expectations to be fulfilled.
An employer who, for example, expects the employees to be disloyal
and shirkers (the one who avoid work or duty), will likely treat them in a way that will elicit (evoke) the very response he or she expects.
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Increasing Accuracy in Interpersonal Perception.
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Increasing Accuracy in Interpersonal Perception

How might you increase your accuracy in perception?
Recognize that all perceptions are partial and subjective
Perceive critically/ Avoid Mind reading
Check perceptions with others

Guard against the fundamental attribution error Distinguish between facts and figures Guard against self-serving bias
Monitor Labels
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Increasing Accuracy in Interpersonal Perception contd.

Be Careful of falling into the trap of these two mistakes:
1. Self-Serving Bias
We save face by believing other people, not ourselves, are the cause of the problems; when things go right it's because of our own skills and abilities rather than help from others. Good :I did it
2. Fundamental Attribution Error

We are more likely to believe that others are to blame when things go wrong than assume that the cause of the problem was beyond their control. As a simple example, if Alice saw Bob trip over a rock and fall, Alice might consider Bob to be clumsy or careless (inside factor). If Alice tripped over the same rock herself, she would be more likely to blame the placement of the rock (situational/ outside factor).

Listening in Interpersonal Communication
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CHAPTER 4
HEARING
LISTENING
It is wise beyond the art. The left side of the symbol represents an ear. The right side represents the individualyou. The eyes and undivided attention are next and finally there is the heart. his symbol tells us that to listen we must use both ears, watch and maintain eye contact, give undivided attention, and finally be empathetic. In other words we must engage in active listening!
Listening
What is listening?
Listening is an active process of receiving., understanding, remembering,
evaluating, and responding to communications.
What purposes does listening serve? Listening enables you
(1) to learn, to acquire information;

(2) to relate, to help form and maintain relationships; (3) to influence, to have an effect on the attitudes and behaviors of others;
(4) to play, to enjoy oneself; and

(5) to help, to assist others.
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Stages of Listening
(MR SIRR)
LISTENING
MINDFULNESS
PHYSICALLY RECEIVING MESSAGES
SELECTING AND ORGANIZING MATERIAL
INTERPRETING COMMMUNICA TION
RESPONDING
REMEMBERING
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an underlying organizational pattern or structure; conceptual framework: A schema provides the basis
by which someone relates to the events he or she experiences.
Mental images and concepts that provide a cognitive (1. the mental act or process by which knowledge is
acquired, including perception, intuition, and reasoning 2. the knowledge that results from such an act or process ) framework by which the individual perceives, understands, and responds to stimuli.
Our perception of the world, our perception of reality, is an active and constructive process. Research
findings are clear that our perception, particularly our perception of people and events, is NOT just a matter of seeing, hearing, smelling, touching or tasting what is out there. Our perception in NOT internal reception of the real external reality. Rather, our perception IS constructed from the inside out. We notice, emphasize, ignore and understand things around us in an active and constructive way. Our perception is selective and we selectively perceive people and events based on various categories for interpreting what we see, hear, etc. The range of ways we perceive people and events is called our Cognitive Schemata. Your Cognitive Schemata may be a bit different than mine, but our shared enculturation has also produced a considerable overlap in broad categories for perception. hair, four legs and a tail. When the little girl encounters a cow for the first time, she might initially call it a horse. After all, it fits in with her schema for the characteristics of a horse; it is a large animal that has hair, four legs and a tail. Once she is told that this is a different animal called a cow, she will modify her existing schema for a horse and create a new schema for a cow. mistakenly identifies it as a dog. Her parents explain to her that the animal is actually a very small type of horse, so the little girl must this time modify her existing schema for horses. She now realizes that while some horses are very large animals, others can be very small. Through her new experiences, her existing schemas are modified and new information is learned.
For example, a young child may first develop a schema for a horse. She knows that a horse is large, has
Now, let's imagine that this very young girl encounters a miniature horse for the first time and
Obstacles to Mindful Listening

External obstacle
Message Overload Message Complexity Noise
Tip: If you're finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what someone is saying, try repeating their words mentally as they say them this will reinforce their message and help you stay focused.
Internal Obstacle
Preoccupation Prejudgment Reacting To emotionally Loaded
Language
Lack of Effort Failure to adopt listening Styles

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Styles of Listening
What are your listening options?
Empathic-objective listening refers to the extent to which you focus on
feeling what the speaker is feeling. and support the speaker.
Nonjudgmental-critical listening refers to the extent to which you accept Surface-depth listening refers to the extent to which you focus on the
obvious surface meanings.
Active-inactive listening refers to the extent to which you reflect back on
what you think the speaker means in content and feeling.
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Styles of Non-Listening
1. Pseudo listening pretending
2. Monopolizing. me me
1. Conversational rerouting 2. interrupting
3. Selective Listening.. finance

4. Defensive Listening. perceive attack or hostility 5. Ambushing targeting 6. Literal listening. only for content , no relationship level
Styles of listening effectively

Determine your reason for listening
1. Listening for pleasure
2. Listening for Information

Be Mindful Control Obstacle Ask Questions Use aids to recall Organize information
3. Listening To Support Others

Be Mindful Be Careful of Expressing Judgments Understand the Other Persons Perspective Express Support
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Guidelines for effective listening

1. Be Mindful 2. Adapt Listening Appropriately 3. Listen Actively
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Culture, Gender, and Listening

How is listening influenced by culture and gender? Members of different cultures vary on a number of communication dimensions that influence listening: speech and language, nonverbal behavioral differences, and preferences for direct and indirect styles of communication. Men and women may listen differently; generally, women give more specific listening cues to show they're listening than do men.
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Key Points
It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people's are, then there's a lot of habitbreaking to do! Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself frequently that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside all other thoughts and behaviors and concentrate on the message. Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don't, then you'll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!
Start using active listening today to become a better communicator, improve your workplace productivity, and develop better relationships.
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QUIZ 2
1. Define and Draw models of Interpersonal communication. What does each model neglect or ignore? Which model best explains the process of interpersonal communication? 2. Describe what self-disclosure means and give one example of what reaction/s you have experienced from others when self-disclosing. 3. Give an example of each of the following: self-fulfilling prophecy halo effect stereotyping self-serving bias attribution
SMALL EXERCISE
When you have the opportunity to observe some interpersonal
communication, make a mental note of the behaviors used, both verbal and non-verbal.
Observe and think about the following factors:
Who are the communicators? What messages were exchanged? What (if any) noise distorts the message? How is feedback given? What is the context of the communication? By observing others you will start to think about how you communicate
and be more aware of the messages you send.
www.skillsyouneed.co.uk
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS Verbal Messages

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CHAPTER 5
Verbal Messages: the words we choose

Are you reading this sentence? Does it make sense to you? When you read the
words I wrote, what do you hear? A voice in your head? Words across the internal
screen of your mind? If it makes sense, then you may very well hear the voice of the author as you read along, finding meaning in these arbitrary symbols packaged in discrete units called words. The words themselves have no meaning except that
which you give them.

For example, Ill write the word home, placing it in quotation marks to denote its
separation from the rest of this sentence. When you read that word, what comes to
mind for you? A specific place? Perhaps a building that could also be called a
house? Images of people or another time? Home, like love and many other words, is quite individual and open to interpretation.
Still, even though your mental image of home may be quite distinct from mine, we can communicate effectively. You
understand that each sentence has a subject and verb, and a certain pattern of word order, even though you might not be consciously aware of that knowledge. You werent born speaking or writing, but you masteredor, more accurately, are still mastering as we all arethese important skills of self-expression. The family, group, or community wherein you were
raised taught you the code. The code came in many forms. When do you say please or thank you, and when do you
remain silent? When is it appropriate to communicate? If it is appropriate, what are the expectations and how do you accomplish it? You know because you understand the code.
We often call this code language: a system of symbols, words, and/or gestures used to communicate meaning.
Does everyone on earth speak the same language? Obviously, no. People are raised in different cultures, with different values, beliefs, customs, and different languages to express those cultural attributes. Even people who speak the same language, like speakers of English in London, New Delhi, or Cleveland, speak and interact using their own words that are community-defined, self-defined, and have room for interpretation. Within the United States, depending on the context and environment, you may hear colorful sayings that are quite regional, and may notice an accent, pace, or tone of communication that is distinct from your own. This variation in our use of language is a creative way to form relationships and communities, but can also lead to miscommunication. GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
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semantic triangle
Does the word moco make sense to you? It may not, but perhaps you recognize it as the name chosen by Nissan for one of its cars. Moco makes sense to both Japanese and Spanish speakers, but with quite different meanings. The letters come together to form an arbitrary word that refers to the thought or idea of the thing in the semantic triangle This triangle illustrates how the word (which is really nothing more than a combination of four letters) refers to the thought, which then refers to the thing itself. Who decides what moco means? To the Japanese, it may mean cool design, or even best friend, and may be an apt name for a small, cute car, but to a Spanish speaker, it means booger or snotnot a very appealing name for a car. Each letter stands for a sound, and when they come together in a specific way, the sounds they represent when spoken express the word that symbolizes the event.
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Language Language is a code, a collection of symbols, gestures, letters, or words with arbitrary meanings that are arranged according to the rules of syntax and are used to communicate.
Language is Arbitrary Based on or subject to individual judgment or preference: The diet imposes overall calorie limits, but daily menus are arbitrary.
Language is Ambiguous what they mean is not clearcut
Language is Abstract not concrete or tangible
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Principles of Verbal Communication

Principles of Verbal Communication
1. Language and Culture Reflect Each Other
2. The Meanings of Language are Subjective
3. Language Use is Rule Guided
4. Punctuation Shapes Meaning
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1. Language and Culture Reflect Each Other

People communicate based on their cultural backgrounds. Some cultures
have sayings that are significant but dont translate to other languages. Some cultures have multiple meanings for one word, and some cultures have multiple words all meaning one thing. Some cultures view hellos and goodbyes as a simple act and others see it as a process. Being open to others cultural views can help the communication process a lot.
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2. The Meanings of Language are Subjective

The meaning of a word isnt concrete. It shapes and changes over time based
off of news and social culture. People must analyze situations and construct meanings of words as we encounter them. The person the communication is occurring with also can be very important. A message from a friend and a message from a boss, even if its the exact same message, can mean very different things
E.g. get lost.
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3. Language Use is Rule Guided

There are two main types of rules that communication follows: regulative
rules and constitutive rules.
Regulative rules specify how, when, where and with whom to talk about
certain things. This ranges from knowing whats appropriate to wear to how to act in a restaurant to how to greet someone new , interrupting others while speaking or no talking at dinner table etc. People know things like paying attention shows respect, smile shows friendliness, kisses and hugs show affection and punctuality and competence shows professionalism. in in libraries etc
Constitutive rules specify how to interpret different types of communication.
Flaming can get us kicked us out of some chat room , we should speak softly
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4. Punctuation Shapes Meaning

This determines when an interaction begins and when it ends. It can be a very
useful tool, especially in relationships.
A lot of people have experienced this situation: Someone is engaging with
their significant other for the first time that day and he or she seems irritated . The person may not sure what they could have possible done wrong, and they finally realize the other person is upset about something that happened a couple of days ago. Although one person may have thought the interaction ended there, the other person might still be carrying it. Punctuation can determine a lot.
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Language Can Confirm and Disconfirm

What is disconfirmation and confirmation (and the related sexist,
racist, and heterosexist communications)? the other person's definition of self.
Disconfirmation is communication that ignores another, that denies
Confirmation expresses acknowledgment and acceptance of others
and avoids racist, sexist, and heterosexist expressions that are disconfirming.
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RULES OF VERBAL COMMUNICATION (for reference only)

There are three types of rules that govern or control our use of words. You may not be aware that they exist or that they influence you, but from the moment you put a word into text or speak it, these rules govern your communications. Think of a word that is all right to use in certain situations and not in others. Why? And how do you know? 1. Syntactic rules govern the order of words in a sentence. In some languages, such as German, syntax or word order is strictly prescribed. English syntax, in contrast, is relatively flexible and open to style. Still, there are definite combinations of words that are correct and incorrect in English. It is equally correct to say, Please come to the meeting in the auditorium at twelve noon on Wednesday or, Please come to the meeting on Wednesday at twelve noon in the auditorium. But it would be incorrect to say, Please to the auditorium on Wednesday in the meeting at twelve noon come. 2. Semantic rules govern the meaning of words and how to interpret them. Semantics is the study of meaning in language. It considers what words mean, or are intended to mean, as opposed to their sound, spelling, grammatical function, and so on. Does a given statement refer to other statements already communicated? Is the statement true or false? Does it carry a certain intent? What does the sender or receiver need to know in order to understand its meaning? These are questions addressed by semantic rules. 3. Contextual rules govern meaning and word choice according to context and social custom. For example, suppose Greg is talking about his coworker, Carol, and says, She always meets her deadlines. This may seem like a straightforward statement that would not vary according to context or social custom. But suppose another coworker asked Greg, How do you like working with Carol? and, after a long pause, Greg answered, She always meets her deadlines. Are there factors in the context of th e question or social customs that would influence GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS the meaning of Gregs statement? 96
To improve communication
1. define your terms
2. choose precise words 3.
consider your audience check for understanding
4. control your tone

5.
6. aim for results.
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Define Your Terms

Even when you are careful to craft your message clearly and concisely, not everyone
will understand every word you say or write. As an effective business communicator, you know it is your responsibility to give your audience every advantage in understanding your meaning. Yet your presentation would fall flat if you tried to define each and every termyou would end up sounding like a dictionary. audience. When you identify an unfamiliar word, your first decision is whether to use it or to substitute a more common, easily understood word. If you choose to use the unfamiliar word, then you need to decide how to convey its meaning to those in your audience who are not familiar with it. You may do this in a variety of ways. The most obvious, of course, is to state the meaning directly or to rephrase the term in different words. But you may also convey the meaning in the process of making and supporting your points. Another way is to give examples to illustrate each concept, or use parallels from everyday life. you to adjust your writing level and style to their needs, maximizing the likelihood that your message will be understood.
The solution is to be aware of any words you are using that may be unfamiliar to your
Overall, keep your audience in mind and imagine yourself in their place. This will help
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Choose Precise Words

To increase understanding, choose precise words that paint as vivid and accurate a mental picture as possible for your audience. If you use language that is vague or abstract, your meaning may be lost or misinterpreted. Your document or presentation will also be less dynamic and interesting than it could be. Table 2.2 "Precisely What Are You Saying?" lists some examples of phrases that are imprecise and precise. Which one evokes a more dynamic image in your imagination?
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Table 2.2 :Precisely What Are You Saying?

The famous writer William Safire died in 2009; he was over seventy. The former Nixon speech writer, language authority, and New York Times columnist William Safire died of pancreatic cancer in 2009; he was seventy-nine. In the two weeks since inception, our four-member team has achieved three of the six objectives we identified for project completion; we are on track to complete the project in another three to four weeks. The victim ran screaming to the home of a neighbor, Mary Lee of 31 Orchard Street.
We are making good progress on the project.
The victim went down the street.
Officers were called to the scene.
Responding to a 911 call, State Police Officers Arellano and Chavez sped to the intersection of County Route 53 and State Highway 21.
We have examined several proposals in the $10,000 100we range, and they all offer more features than what see in the $12,500 system ABC Corp. is offering.
For the same amount spent, we expected more value added. GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Consider Your Audience

In addition to precise words and clear definitions, contextual clues are important to
guide your audience as they read. If you are speaking to a general audience and choose to use a word in professional jargon that may be understood by manybut not allof the people in your audience, follow it by a common reference that clearly relates its essential meaning. With this positive strategy you will be able to forge relationships with audience members from diverse backgrounds. Internal summaries tell us what weve heard and forecast what is to come. Its not just the words, but also how people hear them that counts. that you are about to wrap it up. If, however, you introduce a new point and continue to speak, the audience will perceive an expectancy violation and hold you accountable. You said the magic words but didnt honor them. One of the best ways to display respect for your audience is to not exceed the expected time in a presentation or length in a document. Your careful attention to contextual clues will demonstrate that you are clearly considering your audience.
If you say the magic words in conclusion, you set in motion a set of expectations
Take Control of Your Tone

Does your writing or speech sound pleasant and agreeable? Simple or sophisticated? Or does it come
across as stuffy, formal, bloated, ironic, sarcastic, flowery, rude, or inconsiderate? Recognizing our own tone is not always easy, as we tend to read or listen from our own viewpoint and make allowances accordingly. handle on how to influence tone and to make your voice match your intentions takes time and skill.
Once we have characterized our tone, we need to decide whether and how it can be improved. Getting a One useful tip is to read your document out loud before you deliver it, just as you would practice a
speech before you present it to an audience. Sometimes hearing your own words can reveal their tone, helping you decide whether it is correct or appropriate for the situation.
with tone. Martin Luther King Jr. had one style while President Barack Obama has another. The writing in The Atlantic is far more sophisticated than the simpler writing in USA Today, yet both are very successful with their respective audiences. What kind of tone is best for your intended audience? the word of one critic, but if several critics point to a speech as an example of pompous eloquence, and you dont want to come across in your presentation as pompous, you may learn from that example speech what to avoid.
Another way is to listen or watch others presentations that have been described with terms associated
Finally, seek out and be receptive to feedback from teachers, classmates, and coworkers. Dont just take
Check for Understanding

When we talk to each other face-to-face, seeing if someone understood you
isnt all that difficult. Even if they really didnt get it, you can see, ask questions, and clarify right away. That gives oral communication, particularly live interaction, a distinct advantage. Use this immediacy for feedback to your advantage. Make time for feedback and plan for it. Ask clarifying questions. Share your presentation with more than one person, and choose people that have similar characteristics to your anticipated audience.
If you were going to present to a group that you knew in advance was of a
certain age, sex, or professional background, it would only make sense to connect with someone from that group prior to your actual performance to check and see if what you have created and what they expect are similar. In oral communication, feedback is core component of the communication model and we can often see it, hear it, and it takes less effort to assess it.
Be Results Oriented
At the end of the day, the assignment has to be complete. It can be a challenge to
balance the need for attention to detail with the need to arrive at the end productand its due date. Stephen Covey suggests beginning with the end in mind as one strategy for success. If you have done your preparation, know your assignment goals, desired results, have learned about your audience and tailored the message to their expectations, then you are well on your way to completing the task. No document or presentation is perfect, but the goal itself is worthy of your continued effort for improvement.
Here the key is to know when further revision will not benefit the presentation and
to shift the focus to test marketing, asking for feedback, or simply sharing it with a mentor or coworker for a quick review. Finding balance while engaging in an activity that requires a high level of attention to detail can be challenge for any business communicator, but it is helpful to keep the end in mind.
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INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS NonVerbal Messages

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CHAPTER 6
Nonverbal messages
Basically it is sending and receiving messages in a variety of ways without the use of verbal code (words). It is both intentional and unintentional. Most speakers / listeners are not conscious of this. It includes but is not limited to: Touch glance eye contact (gaze) volume vocal nuance Proximity
gestures facial expression ? pause
(silence) intonation dress posture smell word choice and syntax sounds (paralanguage)
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FUNCTIONS OF NONVERBAL MESSAGES

It is one of the key aspects of communication .It has multiple functions:
1. 2.
Used to repeat the verbal message (e.g. point in a direction while stating directions). Often used to *accent a verbal message. (e.g. verbal tone indicates the actual meaning of the specific words). *an accent is a manner of pronunciation peculiar to a particular individual, location, or nation. Often complement the verbal message but also may contradict. E.g.: a nod reinforces a positive message (among Americans); a wink may contradict a stated positive message. Regulate interactions (non-verbal cues convey when the other person should speak or not speak). May substitute for the verbal message (especially if it is blocked by noise, interruption, etc) i.e. gestures (finger to lips to indicate need for quiet), facial expressions (i.e. a nod instead of a yes).
3. 4. 5.
Note the implications of the proverb: Actions speak louder than words. In essence, this
underscores the importance of non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication is especially in intercultural situations. Probably non-verbal differences account for GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : significant INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS 107 typical difficulties in communicating.
THE CHANNELS OF NONVERBAL MESSAGES

nonverbal messages produced by the body Two areas of the body are especially important in communicating messages.
First, the movements you make with your body communicate; second, the general appearance of your body communicates.
1.
Researchers in kinesics, or the study of nonverbal communication through face and body movements, identify five major types of movements:
emblems,
illustrators, affect displays,
regulators, and
adaptors
2. Your general body appearance also communicates. Your body also reveals your race (through skin color and tone) and may also give clues as to your more specific nationality. Your weight in proportion to your height will also communicate messages to others, as will the length, color, and style of your hair.
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FACIAL
TOUCH SPATIAL
SMELL
CHANNELS OF MESSAGES
TERRITORIALITY
SILENCE AND TIME

PARALANGUAGE
ARTIFACTUAL
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Cultural Differences in Non-verbal Communication

General Appearance and Dress
All cultures are concerned for how they look and make judgements based on looks and dress. Americans, for instance, appear almost obsessed with dress and personal attractiveness. Consider differing cultures in the following examples Body Movement We send information through attitude toward a person (facing or leaning towards another), emotional statue (tapping fingers, jiggling coins), and desire to control the environment (moving towards or away from a person). More than 700,000 possible motions we can make so impossible to categorize them all! But just need to be aware the body movement and position is a key ingredient in sending messages. Posture Consider the following actions and note cultural differences:

Bowing (not done, criticized, or affected in US; shows rank in Japan) Slouching (rude in most Northern European areas) Hands in pocket (disrespectful in Turkey) Sitting with legs crossed (offensive in Ghana, Turkey) Showing soles of feet. (Offensive in Thailand, Saudi Arabia) Even in US, there is a gender difference on acceptable posture
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Gestures
Impossible to catalog them all. But need to recognize: 1) incredible possibility and variety and 2) that an acceptable in on es
own culture may be offensive in another. In addition, amount of gesturing varies from culture to culture. Some cultures are animated; other restrained(unemotional or dispassionate). Restrained cultures often feel animated cultures lack manners .Animated cultures often feel restrained cultures lack emotion or interest. Even simple things like using hands to point and count differ. Pointing : US with index finger; Germany with little finger; Japanese with entire hand (in fact most Asians consider pointing with index finger to be rude) Counting: Thumb = 1 in Germany, 5 in Japan
Facial Expressions
While some say that facial expressions are identical, meaning attached to them differs. Majority opinion is that these do
have similar meanings world-wide with respect to smiling, crying, or showing anger, sorrow, or disgust. However, the intensity varies from culture to culture. Note the following: Many Asian cultures suppress facial expression as much as possible. Many Mediterranean (Latino / Arabic) cultures exaggerate grief or sadness while most American men hide grief or sorrow. Some see animated expressions as a sign of a lack of control. Too much smiling is viewed in as a sign of shallowness.

Eye Contact and Gaze
In USA, eye contact indicates: degree of attention or interest, influences attitude change
or persuasion, regulates interaction, communicates emotion, defines power and status, and has a central role in managing impressions of others. Western cultures see direct eye to eye contact as positive (advise children to look a person in the eyes). But within USA, African-Americans use more eye contact when talking and less when listening with reverse true for Anglo Americans. This is a possible cause for some sense of unease between races in US. Arabic cultures make prolonged eye-contact. believe it shows interest and helps them understand truthfulness of the other person. (A person who doesnt reciprocate is seen as untrustworthy) Japan, Africa, Latin American, Caribbean avoid eye contact to show respect.
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Touch Question: Why do we touch and what meanings do we assign when someone else touches us?
Illustration: An African-American male goes into a convenience store recently taken over by new Korean immigrants. He gives
a $20 bill for his purchase to Mrs Cho who is cashier and waits for his change. He is upset when his change is put down on the counter in front of him. What is the problem? Traditional Korean (and many other Asian countries) dont touch strangers., especially between members of the opposite sex. But the African-American sees this as another example of discrimination (not touching him because he is black). USA handshake is common (even for strangers), hugs, kisses for those of opposite gender or of family (usually) on an increasingly more intimate basis. Note differences between African-Americans and Anglos in USA. Most African Americans touch on greeting but are annoyed if touched on the head (good boy, good girl overtones). Islamic and Hindu: typically dont touch with the left hand. Mannerly in India to break your bread only with your right hand (sometimes difficult for non-Indians) Islamic cultures generally dont approve of any touching between genders (even hand shakes). But consider such touching (including hand holding, hugs) between same-sex to be appropriate. Many Asians dont touch the head (Head houses the soul and a touch puts it in jeopardy). Basic patterns: Cultures (English , German, Scandinavian, Chinese, Japanese) with high emotional restraint concepts have little public touch; those which encourage emotion (Latino, Middle-East, Jewish) accept frequent touches.
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Smell USA fear of offensive natural smells (billion dollar industry to mask objectionable odors with what is perceived to be pleasant ) again connected with attractiveness concept. Many other cultures consider natural body odors as normal (Arabic). Asian cultures (Filipino, Malay, Indonesian, Thai, Indian) stress frequent bathing and often criticize USA of not bathing often enough!
vocal characterizers (laugh, cry, yell, moan, whine, belch, yawn). These send different messages
Paralanguage
in different cultures (Japan giggling indicates embarrassment; India belch indicates satisfaction) vocal qualifiers (volume, pitch, rhythm, tempo, and tone). Loudness indicates strength in Arabic cultures and softness indicates weakness; indicates confidence and authority to the Germans,; indicates impoliteness to the Thais; indicates loss of control to the Japanese. (Generally, one learns not to shout in Asia for nearly any reason!). Gender based as well: women tend to speak higher and more softly than men. vocal segregates (un-huh, shh, uh, ooh, mmmh, humm, eh, mah, lah). Segregates indicate formality, acceptance, assent, uncertainty.
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CHAPTER 7
Emotional Messages
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Emotion
Emotion is the generic term for subjective, conscious experience that is
characterized primarily by psycho-physiological expressions, biological reactions, and mental states.
Communicating emotions is both difficult and important. Its difficult because
our thinking often gets confused when we are intensely emotional. Its also difficult because we are not taught how to communicate emotions,
Yet communicating emotions is also most important. Feelings represent a great
part of your meanings. If you leave your feelings out, or if you communicate these feelings inadequately, you will fail to communicate a great part of your meaning. Consider what your communications would be like if you left out your feelings when talking about failing a recent test, winning the lottery, becoming a parent, getting engaged, driving a car for the first time, becoming a citizen, or being promoted to supervisor.
So important is emotional communication that it is at the heart of what is now
Emotional communication
called emotional intelligence or social intelligence (Goleman, 1995a); and the inability to engage in emotional communicationas sender and as receiveris part of the learning disability known as dyssemia, a condition in which individual are unable to appropriately read the nonverbal messages of others or to communicate their own meanings nonverbally (Duke & Nowicki, 2005).
smiles, and use facial expressions that are inappropriate to the situation and the interaction. As you can imagine, people who are poor senders and receivers of emotional messages will likely have problems in developing and maintaining relationships. their inappropriate emotional communication (Goleman, 1995a).
Persons suffering from dyssemia, for example, look uninterested, fail to return
When interacting with such people, youre likely to feel uncomfortable because of
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Emotions and emotional messages

1. Emotions, Arousal, and Expression
2. Emotions Are Influenced by Body, Mind, and Culture
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1. Emotions, Arousal, and Expression

How would you feel in each of the following situations? You won the lottery! You got the job you applied for. Your best friend just died. Your parents tell you theyre getting divorced. You would obviously feel very differently in each of these situations. In fact, each feeling is unique and
unrepeatable. Yet amid all these differences, there are some similarities. For example, most people would agree that the first two sets of feelings are more similar to each other than they are to the last two. Similarly, the last two are more similar to each other than they are to the first two.
Your Basic Emotions

To capture the similarities among emotions, many researchers have tried to identify basic or primary
emotions. Robert Plutchik (1980; Havlena, Holbrook, & Lehmann, 1989) developed a most helpful model. In this model there are eight basic emotions (Figure 20.1): joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation. Emotions that are close to each other on this wheel are also close to each other in meaning. For example, joy and anticipation are more closely related than are joy and sadness or acceptance and disgust. Emotions that are opposite each other on the wheel are also opposite each other in their meaning. For example, joy is the opposite of sadness; anger is the opposite of fear. In this model there are also blends. These blended emotions are combinations of the primary emotions. These are noted outside the emotion wheel. For example, according to this model, love is a blend of joy and acceptance. Remorse is a blend of disgust and sadness.
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Emotional Expression Emotions are the feelings you have: your feelings of anger, sorrow, guilt,
depression, happiness, and so on. Emotional expression, on the other hand, is the way you communicate these feelings. Theorists do not agree over whether you can choose the emotions you feel; some argue that you can, others argue that you cannot. You are, however, clearly in some control of the ways in which you express your emotions. You do not always have to express what you feel. Whether and how you choose to express your emotions will depend on your own attitudes about emotional expression.
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2. Emotions Are Influenced by Body, Mind, and Culture

Emotions involves at least three components:
bodily reactions (such as blushing when were embarrassed); mental evaluations and interpretations (as in calculating the odds
of drawing an inside straight at poker);
and cultural rules and beliefs (for example, in the pride parents feel
when their child graduates from college).
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Bodily reactions are the most obvious aspect of our emotional
experience, because we can observe them easily. Such reactions span a wide range. They include, for example, the blush of embarrassment, the sweating palms that accompany nervousness, and the gestures such as playing with your hair or touching your face that go with discomfort. When you judge peoples emotions, you probably look to these nonverbal behaviors. You conclude that Ramon is happy to see you because of his smile and his open body posture. You conclude that Lisa is nervous from her damp hands, vocal hesitations, and awkward movements.
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The mental or cognitive part of emotional experience involves the evaluations and interpretations you make on the basis of what you experience. For example, leading psychotherapist Albert Ellis (1988; Ellis & Harper, 1975),whose insights are used throughout this chapter, claims that your evaluations of what happens have a greater influence on your feelings than what actually happens. Let us say, for example, that your best friend, Sally, ignores you in the college cafeteria. The emotions you feel will depend on what you think this behavior means. You may feel pity if you figure that Sally is depressed because her father died. You may feel anger if you believe that Sally is simply rude and insensitive and snubbed you on purpose. Or you may feel sadness if you believe that Sally is no longer interested in being friends with you.
The cultural contextthe culture you were raised in and/or the culture
you live ingives you a framework for both expressing feelings and interpreting the emotions of others. A colleague of mine gave a lecture in Beijing, China, to a group of Chinese college students. The students listened politely but made no comments and asked no questions after her lecture. At first my colleague concluded that the students were bored and uninterested. Later, however, she learned that Chinese students show respect by being quiet and seemingly passive. They think that asking questions would imply that she was not clear in her lecture. In other words, the culturewhether American or Chineseinfluenced the interpretation of the students feelings. Another example: In a recent study, Japanese students, when asked to judge the emotion shown in a computer icon, looked to the eyes to determine the emotion. Students from the United States, however, focused on the mouth (Yuki, Maddux, & Masuda, 2007; Masuda, Ellsworth,Mesquita, Leu, Tanida, & van de Veerdonk, 2008).
Principles of emotions and emotional expression

Lets look first at several general principles of emotions and emotional
expression; these will establish a foundation for our consideration of the skills of emotional communication.
Emotions Are Always Important (slides)
1.
2.
3. 4.
Emotional Feelings and Emotional Expression Are Not the Same (cp 61 and slide)
Emotions Are Communicated Verbally and Nonverbally (slide) Emotional Expression is Governed by Display Rule (cp 62)
5.
Emotions Are Often Contagious / Influential (cp 62)
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Emotions Are Always Important

Although emotions are especially salient in conflict situations and in
relationship development and dissolution, they are actually a part of all messages. Emotions are always presentsometimes to a very strong extent, though sometimes only mildlyand they must be recognized as a part of the communication experience. This is not to say that emotions should always be talked about or that all emotions you feel should be expressed; in some instances, as already noted, you may want to avoid revealing your emotions. For example, you may not want to reveal your frustration over a customers indecision, or you may not choose to reveal to your children your doubts about your ability to find a job.
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Emotional Feelings and Emotional Expression Are Not the Same

You can intensify, deintensify, neutralize, or mask your emotions so
that others will think youre feeling something different from what you really are feeling. From this simple principle two useful corollaries can be derived: person, so dont assume you can. Its far better to ask the person to clarify what he or she is feeling. if you want others to know how you feel, its probably a good idea to tell them.
You cannot tell what someone is feeling simply from observing the
Others cannot always tell what youre feeling from the way you act. So
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Emotions Are Communicated Verbally and Nonverbally

As with most meanings, emotions are encoded both verbally and
nonverbally. Your words, the emphasis you give them, and the gestures and facial expressions that accompany them all help to communicate your feelings. And conversely, emotions are decoded on the basis of both verbal and nonverbal cues. And of course emotions, like all messages, are most effectively communicated when verbal and nonverbal messages reinforce and complement each other.
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OBSTACLES TO COMMUNICATE EMOTIONS

The expression of feelings is a part of most meaningful relationships.
Yet its often very difficult. For that reason we need to consider the obstacles to effective emotional expression and to suggest some guidelines. Three major obstacles stand in the way of effective emotional communication:
1. Societys rules and customs, (cp 63) 2. Fear, and (cp 63) 3. Inadequate interpersonal skills. (cp 63)
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Guidelines for communicating emotions (cp 6365)
1. Describe your Feelings

2. Identify the reasons for your feelings 3. Anchor your feelings to the Present
4. Own your own feelings (examples on slides)

5. Handle your Anger : SCREAM
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Own your own feelings

You make me angry.
You make me feel like a loser. You make me feel stupid.
You make me feel like I dont
belong here.
I get angry when you come home late without calling. I begin to think of myself as a loser when you criticize me in front of my friends. I feel so stupid when you use medical terms that I dont understand. When you ignore me in public, I feel like I dont belong here.
Note that these rephrased statements do not attack the other person or demand that he or she change
certain behaviors. They merely identify and describe your feelings about those behaviors. The rephrased statements do not encourage defensiveness. With I-message statements, its easier for other people to 137 acknowledge their behaviors and to offer to change them.
CHAPTER 8
Conversation Messages
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Thought of the Day..

If all my possessions were taken from me with one exception, I would
choose to keep the power of speech, for by it I would soon regain all the rest.
Daniel Webster
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Conversation
"relatively informal social interaction in which the roles of speaker
and hearer are exchanged in a non-automatic fashion under the
collaborative management of all parties"
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The Conversation Process
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Stages / process of Conversation

1. Opening stage:
This is characterized by phatic communication, which establishes a connection between two people and opens the channels for more meaningful interaction. The greeting from one person to the other is reciprocated in intensity and formality. 2. Feedforward stage: This gives the other person a general idea of the conversation's focus. There are four major functions:
(a) To open the channels of communication. For example, "How are you?" "Nice
weather." (b) To preview the message through context, importance, form or style. For example, "I'm afraid I have bad news for you" previews the context, "Listen to this before you make a move" previews the importance, "I'll tell you all the detail" previews the form or style, and "You're not going to like this, but here's what I heard" previews the positive or negative quality of a message.
Phatic (denoting speech used to express or create an atmosphere of shared feelings,
goodwill, or sociability rather than to impart information: phatic communion. )

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(c) To disclaim and make sure your message is fully understood
before someone reflects negatively to you. For example, "I'm not against immigration, but..." or "Don't think I'm racist, but.... (d) To alter cast, which places the receiver in a specific role."As a business major, what would you think of...?
To avoid awkwardness during this stage, use feedforward
appropriately by using it to estimate the receptivity of the person, be consistent with the subsequent message, and more important and complex messages need more complex feedforward.
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3. Business stage: We use this term to emphasize that most conversations are goal-directed, so there is a reason for the conversation. This is the longest part of the conversation and is conducted through an exchange of speaker and listener roles. Brief speaking turns characterize most satisfying conversations, but it's important to realize that each culture has taboo (prohibited or excluded from use or practice) topics.
4. Feedback stage:
This is the reverse of the feedforward stage, and you reflect on the conversation to signal that the business is complete. There are five dimensions to this:
(a) Positive-Negative: Feedback may be positive (praise) or negative (criticism), which tells the speaker that he or she is on the right track or the wrong track, and that some adjustment should be made

(b) Person-focused or message focused: Feedback may be centered on the
person, or on the message. For example, "You're sweet," would be a personfocused message. "Can you repeat that?" would be an example of a messagefocused feedback. immediate like a smile or a nod. However, there are also delayed messages as well like evaluations.
(c) Immediate or delayed: There are some sorts of feedback that are
(d) Low-monitoring or high-monitoring: Low-monitored feedback is very
honest, whereas a high-monitored feedback is carefully constructed.

he or she has to say. Critical feedback is evaluative and judgmental.
(e) Supportive or critical: Supportive feedback accepts the speaker and what

These categories aren't exclusive, so it doesn't have to be either or. Because
each situation is different, there are a few tips that will be helpful.
Focus on the behavior or the message rather than the motives behind them.
For example, "You never showed up for lunch" rather than "You don't care about me. If your feedback is negative, try beginning with something positive. As for feedback on your feedback. For example, "Am I being clear?
5. Closing stage:
This is the opposite of the opening stage. This is the goodbye that shows
whether or not you were satisfied with the persons in the conversation. The closing shows whether or not you want to continue the relationship or not.
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Conversational Management
How do you go about initiating, maintaining, and closing conversations
so that they're effective and satisfying?
Conversational management is the initiating, the maintenance, and
the closing of a conversation. There are a variety of ways to begin a conversation. The following are a few examples DeVito (2009) explains in the Interpersonal Communication Book.
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Initiating conversations:
1. Self-references: This is a way that you state something about yourself. When you first begin a class, you are likely to introduce yourself with your name. 2. Other references: This is stating something about another person or by asking a question. For example, "Don't we have biology class together?
3. Relational references: This says something about you and the receiver. For example, if you're wanting to sit next to someone at a table, you would ask, "May I join you?
4. Context references: This is stating something about the physical, socialpsychological, cultural, or temporal context. An example would be giving someone advice on where to eat for lunch.
Maintaining conversations:
The principle of cooperation:
This is agreeing with the other person to cooperate in trying to
understand what the other person is saying. In order to do this, you use what are called "conversational maxims." These are "principles that speakers and listeners in the U.S. and in many other cultures follow in conversation" .
Maxim : A short, concise statement expressing a general truth or rule
of conduct
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Maxim
1. Maxim of quantity: This includes information that makes the meaning clear but omits
what doesn't. In this case you give the perfect amount of information. We tend to notice this maxim more when people violate its rules. For example, one would violate this maxim if a person discloses too much information, or if someone sends you chain mail. Example : Quantity of Information Make your contribution as informative as is required (for the current purposes of the exchange). Do not make your contribution more informative than is required.
2. Maxim of quality: You say what you know what is true, but you don't say what you know to be false. You violate this maxim by lying, and you begin to distrust what the person says because you may not know what is true and what is an exaggeration.
Example: Be Truthful Do not say what you believe to be false. Do not say that for which you lack adequate evidence.
Maxim contd
3. Maxim of relation/ relevance: For this maxim, you talk about what is relevant in the conversation. This is violated when people interject irrelevant comments that have nothing to do with the conversation. Example: Be relevant. 4. Maxim of manner: This demonstrates being clear, being brief, and organizing your thoughts into a meaningful sequence.
Example: Be Clear Avoid obscurity of expression. Avoid ambiguity. Be brief (avoid unnecessary detail). Be orderly.
Conversational turns
During a conversation, you are constantly switching roles from speaker to listener, which is known as conversational
turns. Let's look at a variety of these cues that demonstrate conversational turns.
(1) Speaker cues: there are two major types of cues within the speaker cue category. First you have turn-maintaining
cues, which help you maintain the role as the speaker. We use a variety of verbal and nonverbal messages to maintain our role as the speaker. The second are turn-yielding cues, which tells the receiver that you are done speaking. speaker know you would like to switch roles. The second is known as a turn-denying cue that lets the speaker know that you do not wish to switch roles. without you assuming the role of the speaker. You would use phrases such as "mm-hm," "uh-huh," and "yeah." There are four messages you can send through back-channeling cues: To indicate agreement or disagreement. To indicate the degree of involvement within the conversation. To pace the speaker. To ask for clarification.
(2) Listener cues: Within this group, there are also two smaller cues. The first is the turn-requesting cue by letting the
(3) Back-channeling cues and interruptions: Back-channeling cues communicate information back to the speaker
Interruptions are attempts to take over the role as speaker.
Closing conversations:
According to DeVito (2009), when you're closing a conversation, you want to reflect back and summarize the conversation, directly state the desire to end the conversation, refer to future interactions, ask for closure, and state that you enjoyed the interaction.
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Conversational Problems: Prevention and Repair

There are ways you can prevent conversational problems. Here are a few examples:
1. Disclaimers: This type of communication is used to make sure the listener will understand your message before they make a negative judgment about you.
(A) Hedging: This helps separate the speaker from the message so that the receiver will only reject the message instead of rejecting the speaker and the message. "I may be wrong here, but..." (B) Credentialing: This allows the speaker to establish his or her qualifications for saying something. "As someone who teaches, I..." (C) Sin licenses: This asks the receiver for "permission to deviate in some way from some normally accepted convention" . "I know this may not be the place to bring this up, but..." (D) Cognitive disclaimers: This "helps you make the case that you're in full possession of your faculties" ," I know you think I'm crazy, but let me explain." (E) Appeals for the suspension of judgment: This is pretty obvious because it's simply asks the listener to wait until the message is finished before judging the message. "Don't leave until you've heard my side of things."
Excuses and apologies

The book defines excuses as "explanations or actions that lessen the negative I didn't do it: This is where you deny any involvement. This is the worst type of
implications of an actor's performance, thereby maintaining a positive image for oneself or others" .There are three main types of excuses:
excuse. bad.
It wasn't so bad: You admit doing something wrong but claim that it really wasn't so Yes, but...: In this case, you state that you did something, but there were some
extenuating circumstances for the behavior.
There are also good and bad excuses. Good excuses are made in moderation,
whereas bad excuse makers seem to make excuses often. Good excuses avoid blaming somebody else for a mistake, but bad excuses blame other people. Good excuses acknowledge fault.
Apologies express some sort of regret for something you did, and they are used to help repair relationships, and to repair the reputation of the wrongdoer. Let's look at the following do's and don't's of effective apologies.
Do:
1. Admit wrongdoing if wrongdoing has occurred. 2. Be apologetic. 3. State in specifics rather than general terms of what you've done. 4. Express understanding of how the other person feels, and acknowledge the legitimacy of these feelings. 5. Express your regret that this has created a problem for the other person. 6. Offer to correct the problem. 7. Give assurance that it will not happen again.
Don't:

1. Apologize when it's not necessary. 2. Justify your behavior by mentioning that everyone does it. 3. Justify your behavior by saying that the other person has done something equally wrong. 4. Qualify your responsibility by expressing a lack of sincerity. 5. Accuse the other person of contributing to the problem.
6. Minimize the hurt that this may have caused.

7. Include excuses with the apology. 8. Take the easy way out and apologize through email, text, or social networks.
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Interpersonal Communication Different from Business Communication

Interpersonal communication is like casual talking between friends, family,
peers, classmates and co-workers. This form of communication is used when questions are asked, jokes are told, relaxed conversations are held or during other informal meetings. Timbre can range in interpersonal communication based on emotions, and differences between the two participants. Informal language, improper grammar and slang terms are gamely accepted in interpersonal communication. In contrast, business communication is used for transferring or gathering information. This is usually done in memos, emails, letters, meetings or teleconference calls. Employees use this type of communication when talking to managers and most co-workers. Business tobusiness communication also falls into this category. Timbre will not sway as it does in interpersonal communication. A formal but friendly tone should be used along with correct grammar, lucid questions or orders and suitable language.
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Culture and CHAPTER 9 Interpersonal Communication

Culture
Culture consists of two things:
(1)The relatively specialized lifestyle of a group of people that (2) is passed on from one generation to the next through communication, NOT through genes. This includes everything from values to beliefs, artifacts to language, and much more. It is important to understand that culture is NOT synonymous with race or nationality.
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Enculturation vs. Acculturation:

Enculturation is the process by which you learn your own native
culture.
Acculturation is the process of learning about cultures other than
your own.
Within enculturation one develops an ethnic identity, which is a
commitment to the beliefs and philosophy of your own culture. This can act as a protection against discrimination.
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Why know how culture influences communication?

It's impossible to communicate effectively without being aware of how
culture influences communication. For example:
College campuses are becoming more diverse each year.
Individuals become sensitive to cultural differences.

Our economic lives depend on our ability to communicate across cultures. Technology allows us to meet and communicate with people across the
globe.
Each culture has different nonverbal and verbal ways of communicating
that can be confusing to those of another culture.

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Examples of cultural differences:

In the United States we grow up with a youth bias and see age as a bad
thing; however, in Asian cultures, age is seen as more important than youth. You aren't seen as credible when you are young versus when you are older and wiser. emphasis.
Most cultures value honesty, but some cultures give it greater

Eye contact is seen as important in the U.S., but in some countries it is
seen as disrespectful.
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How cultures differ:

There are five main differences between cultures. This
would include 1. power distances, 2. masculine vs. feminine orientation, 3. collectivist vs. individualistic cultures, 4. high- vs. low-context cultures, and 5. cultures with high- vs. low-tolerance for ambiguity.
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Hofstedes dimensions of difference

Power distance: the extent of acceptance of inequality and hierarchy.
Uncertainty avoidance: the extent of preference for stability and
predictability to uncertainty and risk.
Individualism/collectivism: individualistic societies people are
expected to take care of themselves and their immediate families. In collectivist societies people rely more on groups and communities. aggression and materialism. More feminine values: concern for the quality of life and relationships with other people.
Masculinity/femininity: more masculine values: competitiveness,
Power distances
Power distances-- DeVito (2009) defines power distances as "the
extent to which power is concentrated in a few citizens or distributed throughout the citizenry." As a result, there are highpower distances and low-power-distances.
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Characteristics
Characteristics of high-powerdistance cultures include:
The power is in the hands of a few
Characteristics of low-power-distance cultures include: Power is more evenly distributed. (Examples would be Denmark, Sweden, and the United States.) Assertiveness is valued and seen as a positive thing. Friendships are encouraged between all social classes. There is a certain distrust of authority, and there is less emphasis on people holding certain titles.
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people. (Examples would be Mexico, Brazil, India, and the Philippines.) assertiveness is viewed negatively.
Direct confrontation and
Friendships are encouraged within
the same social class.
Respect for authority is high, and

having titles is an important thing.
Masculine vs. feminine cultures Masculine vs. feminine cultures--In order to tell the difference
between a masculine or feminine culture, one must look at the most commonly held assumptions held within a culture.
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Characteristic
Characteristics of a masculine
culture include:
An emphasis on success, being
Characteristics of a feminine culture include:

Both men and women are socialized toward being modest, tender, and having a concern for quality of life. Less competitive and less aggressive. These cultures focus on rewarding those within a group that have a certain need. These cultures look for win-win solutions.
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assertive, and being competitive. and independent.
Men are encouraged to be strong These cultures focus on the
bottom line and reward their workers on the basis of their contribution. conflict strategy.
These cultures utilize a win-lose
High-ambiguity tolerant vs. lowambiguity tolerant cultures High-ambiguity tolerant vs. low-ambiguity tolerant cultures--
Some cultures view ambiguity as a good thing, whereas others may see ambiguity as a negative.
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Characteristics
Characteristics of a highambiguity tolerant culture includes: Uncertainty is accepted as normal.
Rules aren't as rigidly
Characteristics of a lowambiguity tolerant culture includes: Uncertainty causes anxiety and is seen as threatening.
Clear-cut rules are important, and they cannot be broken. Very structured culture.
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followed. It's ok to bend the rules a little. freedom for creativity or change.
There is plenty of
Individualist vs. collectivist cultures Individualist vs. collectivist cultures--According to DeVito (2009),
this would be the extent to which cultures promote individual values or collectivist values.
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Characteristics
Characteristics of an individualistic
Does this culture sound similar to one of
culture includes:
the other cultures listed above? (Hint: Masculine cultures)
Members are responsible for
Characteristics of an collectivist culture includes:

Members are responsible for the entire
themselves and possibly their immediate family members. the crowd.
group, and success is based on how much you benefited the group as a whole. other members within a group.
Success means standing out from Utilizes individualistic values such
Members take pride in their similarity to Cooperation is important. These cultures are usually poor. This is similar to the feminine cultures.
as power and achievement.
These cultures are usually wealthy.

Usually, if a culture is collectivist it is also feminine, and vice versa.

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High- versus low- context cultures High- versus low- context cultures-- DeVito (2009) defines this as
"the extent to which information is made explicit in the verbal messages, or assumed into the context or relationship" .
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Characteristics
Characteristics of high-context cultures include: Much of the communication information is within Characteristics of a low-context
culture include:
the person and/or context. For example: information Members tend to get down to that was shared in a previous communication event. business quickly without feeling Let's say you have an inside joke with friends. Later the need to talk about unrelated on when you refer to elements of that inside joke, topics. you do not have to tell that joke in entirety because Formal transactions would take your friends already understand the context. place in a written contract form. However, if you were to have a new member enter into your group of friends, you will have to explain These cultures are individualistic the joke because it would have no meaning to the in nature. new group member.
These cultures are collectivist in nature. Silence is important. Relationships are highly valued.
the model of intercultural communicatio
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As you can see, each person acts as both a source and receiver. In addition, each person will have a
different level of competence. As a result of having one's own cultural background, each individual's message will be impacted by his or her culture. The cultures overlap as well because, no matter how different a culture may be from another, there are always some similarities. There are a few ways to help bridge the gap of cultural differences between two individuals.
Educate yourself
Reduce uncertainty
Recognize differences Confront your stereotypes Adjust your communication Reduce your ethnocentrism
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The foundation of intercultural communication competence

The foundation of intercultural communication competence is the capacity to
avoid ethnocentrism.
Ethnocentrism is the inclination to view ones own group as natural and
correct, and all others as aberrant.
We tend to think prescriptively, that all groups should behave as our own
group behaves. And we are naturally proud of our own group and distrustful of others.16 Obviously a person who is highly ethnocentric cannot adapt to diverse people, and cannot communicate in an interculturally competent manner. even functional for the preservation of distinct cultural groups. Competent communicators simply learn to suppress their natural ethnocentric reactions in order to better understand others on their own terms.
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Some authorities hold that some degree of ethnocentrism is inevitable, and
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QUIZ 4
When closing conversations, sometimes difficult task, what do you do
to successfully attempt to close the conversation? other members?
What is a collectivist culture and how do members generally treat
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CHAPTER 10
Relationships and Interpersonal Communication

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Interpersonal relationships
Close relationships are sometimes called interpersonal relationships.
The closest relationships are most often found with family and a small circle of best friends. Interpersonal relationships require the most effort to nurture and maintain. These are also the relationships that give you the most joy and satisfaction. continuously during their existence. Like living organisms, relationships have a beginning, a lifespan, and an end. They grow and improve gradually, as people get to know each other and become closer emotionally, or they gradually deteriorate as people drift apart, move on with their lives, and form new relationships with others.
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Interpersonal relationships are dynamic systems that change
Interpersonal relationships contd.

We strive to be with other people so much that when we are deprived of that
interaction, we begin to self-destruct through depression, self-doubts, and many more problems. The interesting part is that when we begin to make these relationships with people, we work through a process and we may not even realize it. the relationship between you and the other person; what we don't realize is that there are three other perspectives as well:
When you think about a relationship, you probably think of the way you see
(1) the relationship the other person sees,
(2) the relationship you want and strive for, and

(3) the relationship the other person wants and strives for.
Relationship Stages
First, note the arrows on the
graphic . You'll notice that there are exit arrows. These arrows show opportunities to exit the relationship. The vertical arrows between the different stages of the relationship show that you can move from one stage to another to become more or less intense. Their are also self-reflexive arrows (not pictured above), and these signify that the relationship may settle at a certain level without needing to continue forward or move backward.
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As you move from one stage to another, you have what are called
turning points. What these signify are events that have either good or bad consequences on a relationship. For example, you may become closer to a friend because you decide to disclose something that you haven't shared with anyone else. On the other hand, a bad turning point would be losing trust with someone you are in a relationship with.
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The contact stage

The contact stage is where you first meet a person, and as a result, you
form a certain impression of the person. Usually all of the information at this stage is superficial, because you don't usually self-disclose much at this stage. Researchers have found that you will have decided to either continue a relationship with the person or end it within the first four minutes of the interaction.
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involvement stage
In the involvement stage you begin to form a connection between you and the other
person. This is where you begin self-disclosing information, and take more risks. This is where you are testing the waters as well. You can do so by doing one (or more) of the following five suggestions . Directness: You ask the person direct questions on what he or she feels about different topics. Indirect suggestions: You hint at subjects or joke around to see how the person will respond. Public presentation: You introduce your partner with a certain title to see his/her reaction. Separation: You separate yourself physically to see how the person will respond. Third party: You ask mutual friends about the other person's feelings.
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1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
intimacy stage
During the intimacy stage, you commit to the other person and
establish what type of relationship you are in (friendship, romantic, acquaintances). You begin to self-disclose in the same way by sharing the same quality and quantity of information. You begin to feel you can trust the person, and you create a social bonding.
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Relationship deterioration
Relationship deterioration is when the bonds between you and the
other person begin to weaken. This happens in two phases:
First, you deteriorate on in intrapersonal dissatisfaction. Intrapersonal
dissatisfaction is when "...you begin to experience personal dissatisfaction with everyday interactions and begin to view the future with your partner more negatively" .
If you are still dissatisfied and it continues to grow, you go through the
second phase, which is interpersonal deterioration. This is when you begin to grow farther apart, and you begin to withdraw from the relationship.
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repair stage
Not everyone decides to go through the repair stage. This also occurs
in two phases. The first is intrapersonal repair, and with this you will analyze what went wrong and what you can do to fix it. You tend to critically look at your behaviors. The second phase is interpersonal repair, and this is when you begin to talk about the problems in the relationship, changes you may want or need, and what you'd be willing to do to fix it. This is where negotiation happens most.
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dissolution stage
The final stage is the relationship dissolution stage. In this stage, the
bonds between you and the other person are now non-existent. Dissolution can begin with interpersonal separation, which involves beginning separate lives (whether it's physical distance or emotional distance). The second is social/public separation, and you begin to define yourself as separate individuals. This would include things such as divorce. During this stage, ex-partners begin to look at themselves as individuals rather than half of a pair.
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During which of the following stages would you share the listed information?
Age
History of family Past sexual experiences Marital status (past and present)
Activity:
Annual salary
Past criminal history Prejudices and biases Religious beliefs Fears Aspirations
Relationship Types
Friendship Theories of friendship emphasize the concept of friendship as a freely chosen association
Family
Family communication patterns establish roles, identities and enable the growth of individuals. Family dysfunction may also be exhibited by communication patterns.
Romantic relationships are defined in terms of the concepts of passion, intimacy and commitment. Professional communication encompasses small group communication and interviewing.
Romantic Professional
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friendship
There are clear characteristics and definitions of friendships. First, it is
defined as: "The interpersonal relationship between two interdependent people that is mutually productive and characterized by mutual positive regard" (p. 247). This means that each individual within the relationship considers and reacts to the other person as a unique individuals. Friendships are mutually productive and characterized with mutual positive regard when each individual meets characteristics such as being trustworthy, being emotionally supportive, and having similar interests. As the relationship grows and you become closer as friends, the more independent each person's attitudes and behaviors become, and the less influenced each person is by societal rules and norms.
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friendship types
There are three friendship types:
Reciprocity: This is the ideal relationship. This type of relationship is
characterized by loyalty, self-sacrifice, mutual affection, and generosity. This friendship is based on equality.
Receptivity: In this type of relationship there is an imbalance in giving
and receiving. One person is the primary giver and the other is the primary receiver. However, there is still much to gain out of this relationship so it is a positive one.
Association: This is a cordial relationship, but there is no depth.

friendship needs
In addition to major friendship types, there are also five friendship
needs:
Utility: The need for someone with special skills that could help you. Affirmation: The need for someone who helps you recognize your
attributes.
Ego-support: The need for someone who behaves supportively. Stimulation: The need for someone who introduces you to new ideas. Security: The need for someone who does nothing to hurt you.
Friends can fulfill multiple needs, so it's not just one friend for each
need. Friendships fall on a continuum just like every relationship, and you also move from an impersonal to an interpersonal state as well. According to DeVito (2009), there are three stages within a friendship: contact, involvement, and close and intimate friendship.
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Contact:
This stage is the initial contact you have with someone. During the contact stage, a person
is usually guarded rather than open, the relationship is viewed as temporary, and there's little genuine immediacy; rather, you are polite and awkward during this stage.
Involvement:
This stage presents a clear dyadic consciousness and sense of togetherness. You begin to
do activities together, you begin to understand the other person, and you begin to show positive attitudes toward each other. You begin to communicate with confidence, and you notice a difference in nonverbals.
Close and intimate friendship:
At this stage, you have intensified the friendship and begin to see yourselves as an
exclusive unit. Your uncertainty about each other has been significantly reduced to the point that you could possibly predict the other person's behaviors. You can begin to read nonverbal signs with accuracy, and you exchange significant amounts of information.
197
One thing we may not consider is how culture influences not only our choice in
friends, but our ability to have friendships. In the U.S. we have the freedom to become friends with pretty much anybody. They can be of a different educational level, a different socio-economical level, a different race, and so on.
Another difference is how much you'd go out of your way for a friend. In the U.S. you
could be friends with pretty much anyone without feeling like you have to always go out of your way for that person. However, some cultures such as Asian and Latin American cultures go significantly out of their way for a friend.
Also, there is a difference between the way men and women communicate with their
male and female friends. According to researchers, men don't view intimacy as a necessary quality of their friendship, whereas women find this as a significant quality within a friendship.
198
Love:
199
QUIZ 4
Explain what is a high-context culture and cite an example of a
behavior in a high-context culture?
A student is meeting with his/her professor. What distance should the
student maintain during the meeting and why?
200
201
202
203
204
205

Interpersonal Communication Skills

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INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Introduction to CHAPTER 1:PART I Interpersonal Communication

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

What is Interpersonal Communication?

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IS AN EXTREMELY PRACTICAL ART

member, manager, etc. Will depend on your interpersonal skills

For Example, in a survey of 1,001 people over 18 years of age , 53 percent

In a similar way , interpersonal skills are crucial to professional success , as

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IS AN EXTREMELY PRACTICAL ART CONTD

In studies. in the health care industry, communication skills likewise figure

The importance of interpersonal communication skills seem to extend over the

entire spectrum of professional.

TO SUMMARIZE THE ABOVE

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

DEFINITION OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

For Example, Interpersonal communication includes the

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

THEORIES OF THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS .

Draw backs there is feedback but it is not simultaneous.

THEORIES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION CONTD.

For example talking/listening to friends. While your friend is talking you

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

THEORIES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION CONTD.

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

HEY, IT IS NOT THAT SIMPLE.

what you heard is not what is said

Do you see how complicated the

communication process can be?

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

TYPES OF INTERACTION contd.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FACE-TO-FACE CONVERSATIONA VS.COMPUTER CONVERSATION.

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS

THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS contd..

THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS contd..

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS contd..

Another way to classify channels is by the mean of communication. Thus ,

THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS contd..

THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS contd..

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Interpersonal competence consists largely of understanding the way

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

COMPETENCE AND INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

COMPETENCE IN POWER AND LISTENING

Often we tend to think of competences in interpersonal

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

COMPETENCE IN CRITICAL THINKING AND CULTURE

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

COMPETENCE AND ETHICS

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Principles of Interpersonal communication

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION contd.

PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION contd.

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

The Self in Interpersonal CHAPTER 2 Communication

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Self- Concept and Self-Awareness

GIFT BUSINESS SCHOOL : INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS