Respectful relationships

education project

Group agreement
Listen to each other
Respect each others comments and
opinions
Support each other and work together

Respectful relationships
What is a relationship?
What is respect?

Violence against women

Definition one
Violent acts that are committed against women

Definition two
Violence against women is defined as any act of
gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result
in, physical, sexual or mental harm or suffering to
women, including threats of such acts, coercion or
arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in
public or in private life (United Nations, 1993)

Forms of violence

Physical
Verbal
Emotional
Psychological
Financial
Social isolation and abuse
Harassment and stalking

What is consent?
Consent means free agreement of your
own free will, not because you're forced,
scared or threatened. Both people must
freely agree to engage in sexual activity for
there to be consent. Sex without the
consent is a crime (Victoria Legal Aid,
2014).

What is consent?
To give consent you must:
Be the right age. The law sets clear age limits for having
sex. The age limits are designed to protect young people
from being taken advantage of by older people
Be sober and awake. If someone is unconscious or
affected by alcohol or drugs, then they cannot freely
agree
Be mentally and physically able. A person has to have
the mental ability to make decisions and the physical
ability to communicate their desires (Victoria Legal Aid,
2014).

Consent questions
1. Are the people in this scenario acting
appropriately regarding consent? Why?
Why not?
2. If you saw your friend in this situation,
would you have a responsibility to act?
3. Name one way the people in the story
could improve their communication about
sex.

Darren and Cho

Darren and Cho have been dating for 5 months. Cho
believes you should wait until youre married to have sex
and has discussed her beliefs with Darren. One afternoon
Darren is at Chos house and asks Cho if she wants to
have sex. Cho says yes and that she has changed her
mind about waiting for marriage because she loves him.
Darren asks Cho again if she is really sure and she says
yes again. They start to kiss and then Cho pulls away and
says she has changed her mind and doesnt want to have
sex anymore. Darren says its okay and he loves her for
her strong beliefs.

Anna and Joseph

Anna and Joseph are married and have five children.
Anna had her fifth child last week. One night Anna is
sleeping and Joseph comes home late and wants to
have sex with Anna. Anna says she doesnt want to
because she is tired and sore but Joseph gets angry
and says that she must have sex with him because
she is his wife. Anna does not want to but has sex
because she thinks she has no choice.

Simon and Chelsea

Simon and Chelsea have been going out for two
months. Simon and Chelsea are at a beach party
with their friends. Simon has been giving Chelsea
drinks all night and now she is really drunk and
falling over. Simon asks Chelsea to go for a walk
with him so they are alone. Simon kisses Chelsea
and puts his hand up her top, Chelsea pushes him
away. Simon keeps touching her and tells her that
if she really loved him she would have sex with
him.

Mythbusting attitudes
Violence against women is not common in Australia
Violence against women is extremely common in Australia. One in three
women have experienced violence at least once in their lives (ABS, 2012).
If a woman is wearing revealing clothes, she is asking for it or she
deserved it
Rape or sexual assault is not caused by a woman choosing to wear certain
clothes. It happens because the perpetrator chooses to commit a crime. No
one asks to be raped and no one deserves it.
Violence is caused by alcohol and substance abuse
Violence is a choice. Alcohol and drugs are often used by perpetrators as an
excuse for their behaviour. Almost equal numbers of perpetrators are drunk or
sober.

Mythbusting attitudes
Men are naturally violent and sometimes just lose their temper and cant
control it
Violence is a choice. Being angry is an emotion, but people choose whether or not to be
violent. Men are not naturally violent. They are conditioned by our society to believe that
violence is normal and acceptable. Often perpetrators are not violent towards other men or
people in positions of power. Perpetrators choose to use violence to gain power and control.

Sexual assault occurs because men cant control their need for sex
Violence is a choice. Men can make choices not to assault someone. Perpetrators use
sexual assault to gain power and control.

A woman is contributing to the problem if she doesnt leave the violent

relationship. It is her own fault if she stays. Things cant be that bad if she
hasnt left.
There are many reasons that women dont leave a violent relationship, such as lack of
finances, isolation and lack of support, social stigma, fear that violence will escalate,
commitment and concern for the children. Abusive partners often go to great lengths to
make it hard for a victim/survivor to leave a relationship, such as social isolation, economic
deprivation, threats of violence, controlling and demanding to know the persons
whereabouts at all times.

Mythbusting attitudes
It is a mans right to have sex within a marriage or relationship
Rape is rape. Sex in marriage and relationships should always be consensual and
never forced.
Violence against women only occurs in certain groups
Violence against women occurs in every community.
Violence against women is mostly committed by strangers
More than two-thirds of women who have experienced violence have known the
person who committed the violence.
Some people deserve to be beaten because they provoke the violence.
No one deserves to be assaulted. The responsibility rests solely with the
perpetrator. There is no excuse for violence. Some women will defend themselves
in an abusive relationship but there is a difference between abusing someone and
defending yourself from being abused further.

Gender
What is the difference between sex and
gender?
What are some examples of gender
stereotypes?
Where do stereotypes come from?

Gender body map

What have you been told are
admirable masculine or feminine
traits?

What is a bystander?
A bystander is a person or persons, not directly
involved as a victim or perpetrator, who
observes an act of violence, discrimination or
other unacceptable behaviour (VicHealth, 2012).

Bystander action is taken by a bystander to

speak out about or engage others in responding
to specific incidents of sexism, discrimination or
violence against women (VicHealth, 2012).

Bystander scenario
Sexist comments on your friends
Facebook page
You log onto Facebook and notice that your
male friend has posted a sexist comment on
his page. How should you respond?

Bystander scenario
A woman getting hassled on the train
You are on a crowded train and you see a man standing
over a woman. You hear him make sexually suggestive
comments about her breasts and body. The woman is
trying to tell him to stop and looks very uncomfortable but
the man pays no attention to what she is saying. Everyone
else on the train is doing their best to ignore what is
happening. How should you respond?

Where can I go for help?

Victoria Police
Call 000

Womens Health West: Family Violence Intake Service

Specialist family violence service for the west of Melbourne, risk assessments, safety planning, case management and
childrens counselling
Phone: (03) 9689 9588

Womens Domestic Violence Crisis Service

Statewide service that provides support (24 hours, 7 days per week) for refuge and crisis accommodation
Phone: 1800 015 188

cohealth
Victims assistance and counselling program
Phone: (03) 8398 4100
Counselling line
Phone: (03) 8398 4178

Western Region Centre Against Sexual Assault

Counselling service and after hours crisis service for anyone 12 years and above who is a victim or survivor of sexual assault
Counselling line: (03) 9687 5811
Administration line: (03) 9687 8637
24 hour crisis line: 1800 806 292

MensLine Australia
Professional telephone and online support, information and referral service, helping men to deal with relationship problems in a
practical and effective way
Phone: 1300 78 99 78

Thank you!

References
Australian Bureau of Statistics (2012) Personal safety survey, cat. no.
4906.0, Australian Bureau of Statistics, Canberra.
United Nations (1993) Declaration on the elimination of violence against
women, United Nations General Assembly, Geneva.

VicHealth (2012) More than ready: bystander action to prevent violence

against women in the Victorian community, Victorian Health Promotion
Foundation, Carlton
Victoria Legal Aid (2014) Sex and the law, accessed 14 October 2014,
http://www.legalaid.vic.gov.au/find-legal-answers/sex-and-law/sexualassault.