Show, not tell

L/O: to be able to use the writing skill of show

not tell to create effective descriptions.
ALL will create pieces of writing that use show,
not tell (4a)
Most will create engaging pieces of writing that
use interesting, out-of-the-ordinary vocabulary
choices in order to show, not tell. (5)
Some will create extremely imaginative pieces
of writing, daring vocabulary choices in order to
show, not tell. (5a/6c+)

What is
show,
not tell?

Example one: setting

It was a foggy night and the moon was
out. Through some gates, you could
see a funeral chapel. It looked like no
one had used it for years. There was a
tree growing out of its guttering. The
cemetery was intimidating and a bit
like a prison. Iron, spike railings ran
round some of it and bricks ran round
the other part.

Example two: setting

The fog was thinning towards the top of the
hill. The half-moon shone, not as bright as
day, but enough to see the graveyard.
Through the padlocked gates, enshrined in
ivy, an abandoned funeral chapel was
visible, a small tree growing out of its
guttering. A spike-topped iron railing ran
round part of the cemetery, a brick wall
around the rest of it.

Show

Tell

Its a mysterious and eerie place.

The place is old and stuff is

growing over the entrance as no
one has been there for a very
long time.

Someone does not want people

to come and go very easily; there
is a prison-like feeling to this
place

Using your words

from the starter,
write an atmospheric
sentence that
describes the moons
appearance in the
night sky and/or how
it may feel to be
beneath it.

The powerful
moon breathed
down upon me.

The moon bared

her face to the
world, peering
down at us all.

Extended writing in-role

task
Watch this short film Lune at
lautre
You are going to imagine you are
the girl in the film.
You will write a narrative that
tells what happened the night
you met the moon.
Today, we will be focusing on
writing the first part, which will
recount the setting of the

Questions
Write down questions you have
about the events of the film.

L/O: to be able to use the writing skill of show not tell to create effective descriptions.
ALL will create pieces of writing that use show, not tell.
Most will create engaging pieces of writing that use the interesting, out-of-the-ordinary
vocabulary choices in order to show, not tell.
Some will create extremely imaginative pieces of writing, daring vocabulary choices in order
to show, not tell.

Peer Assessment
Check your partner has planned for
Varied vocabulary (adjectives, adverbs, similes, personification ). Does
it seem as if it will be interesting and out-of-the-ordinary or is it
daring?
Showing, not telling (words that will create a sense of atmosphere,
such as describing shadows rather than simply saying the moon was
shining on a dark night)
Overall, decide if the piece is going to be interesting or daring.
Give a target, such as: plan for more unusual adjectives or create a
sense of atmosphere. Give advice to help them make a better plan and
therefore written piece.

Get writing
You are describing the setting and only
the setting at this moment.
Possible sentence starters

Through the trees, a well can be

found in a shadow-filled clearing
Under a bright night-sky, populated
by natures spotlights

Three things I have learned

today
Write down what they are
Allocate a colour to each
Highlight in the corresponding colour
an example of each.

Peer Assessment
6+

Your writing comes to life because of the level of detail. The

readers imagination lights up and visualises a sense of
place because you have used show, not tell a lot in your
writing. Your vocabulary choices are daring; you use words
you dont usually use so sometimes, it might not make total
sense, but you really do try to go beyond the ordinary.

There is imaginative detail in your work. You use adjectives and

adverbs and sometimes you try to use techniques such as
comparison (similes perhaps) or personification. The vocabulary
you have chosen is interesting and you try not to use everyday
words. You show rather than tell most of the time.

Your writing uses adjectives and adverbs to bring it to life. You have
put some thought into the vocabulary you have chosen and
sometimes, there are some really effective words. You manage to
show,
not tell sometimes.
Award
a level.

Say why they got that level.

What should they do to improve?

Homework
Write a paragraph to describe the setting; the place
where the action happens. Remember that you are
the girl in the film so you are writing using I (first
person).
Paper written or typed.
Due Monday 2nd December
Watch film here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=rMNNXCm7mUc&safe=active