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Week 7s topic

Anger

Anger comes in
a range of
strengths, from
mild irritation,
to frustration,
all the way to
fury and rage

We all get
angry

When we get angry,


we need to learn
how to use our
anger creatively
and effectively not
to hurt people but
to heal yourself and
your relationships
with others

What we usually call anger


is actually only the 1st stage
the protective stage.
Here, your anger gives you
a power boost to make you
feel bigger and stronger so
that you can face a person
who seems more powerful
than you or a situation that
seems too difficult to
manage.

1st Stage anger is a built-in, natural


emotion that everyone feels. It kicks
in automatically

The fact that anger is a normal, God-given


response in NO way means it is okay to do
unacceptable behaviour
Ephesians 4 v26-27
In your anger do not sin. Do not let the
sun go down while you are still angry,
and do not give the devil a foothold.
It is normal to be angry, but its what
you then do with your anger that
matters

3 things trigger your anger:


1. You experience a situation or
behaviour that you judge is unfair,
hurtful, or in some other way wrong
2. You feel unable to calmly and easily
right the wrong this may be because
you believe that you lack the skill or
ability to do so, or the person/situation
seems bigger than you can handle
3. The experience is troubling enough
that you cannot simply tolerate it or let it
go.

Think of a situation recently


when you got angry.
Which one (or more) of the 3
triggers explains best why you
got angry?

abandoned
ignored
afraid
ashamed
Controlled,
criticised
Unfairly
treated

unappreciated

Anger often covers these deeper


feelings

overwhelm
ed
Belittled,
blamed
Inadequat
e,
rejected

If you hold onto anger for a long time, it causes you


problems
Physical ulcers, diarrhea, frequent colds and
flus, slower wound healing, heart attacks,
headaches, backaches, high blood pressure
Mental, emotional and spiritual it
separates you from other people, keep feeling
like a victim, impacts your ability to be grateful
and have a healthy spirit, feeling inadequate,
depression and anxiety

Proverbs 14 v17
A quick-tempered person does foolish things, and
the one who devises evil schemes is hated.
Proverbs 29 v22
An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hottempered person commits many sins.
Proverbs 30 v33
For as churning cream produces butter, and as
twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up
anger produces strife.

We are not
created to be
angry all the
time!

James 1 v19 and 20 says,

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to


speak and slow to become angry, for mans
anger does not bring about the righteous
life that God desires.

The 1st stage of anger is


automatic. It just happens!
The 2nd stage is optional. To
reap the benefits out of
anger, you need to
consciously choose stage
Two.
The 2nd stage of anger is
quieter, more thoughtful
than stage one.

Step 1: Safely regain your emotional balance


- Identify your anger cues
- Regain your emotional balance instead of
harming others
- breathe diaphragmatically. This relaxes
your contracted muscle
- take an exercise break. Use up the
adrenaline-fueled energy
- talk about it find someone you trust and
talk about it. Talking it through reduces the
tension
- write a poison-letter write out your anger.
This releases a lot of the frustration. Once
its written and the anger is released,
destroy the letter

What is your way of calming down when


angry?

How often do you do it when angry? All


the time, some of the time or never?

Step 2: Write it down in more


detail
Describe the anger-provoking
experience and your thoughts
and feelings about it by
writing it down.
- writing it slows the mind
down. It also stops you going
over the same info all the
time.

Step 3: Identify your Unmet Need


You experience painful feelings and anger
because there is a need that is unmet.
To help identify your unmet need, re-read your
Letter from Step 2. Look at the painful feelings
you experienced if you feel ignored, then
your unmet need to be seen or included or
recognised

Step 4: Take Action to meet your


Need
Decide how you will fill your need,
and take small, manageable steps
to do so.
For example, if your unmet need
was that you werent listened to
by a teacher, what could you do to
meet that need?

Step 5:

Step 6: Forgive
- Forgiveness is not about
condoning someone elses
actions
- Forgiveness is the only
way for you to be free of
anger
- forgiveness opens up the
possibility of
reconciliation with the
other person.
- Write or tell the other
person that they are
forgiven

Matthew 5 v2324
Therefore, if you
are offering your
gift at the altar
and there
remember that
your brother or
sister has
something
against you,
leave your gift
there in front of
the altar.
First go and be
reconciled to
them; then come
and offer your gift.

How to tell if you are dealing with anger well:


- Do you end up hating the person, holding grudges?
Do you end up harming the other person with your
words or actions?
OR

Do you forgive them?