PARENTING

Thriving Teens
Rachel Kitson, Ph.D.
Marvin Ridge High School 9.26.17
The world is passing through troubled times. The
young people of today think of nothing but
themselves. They have no reverence for parents or
old age. They are impatient and lack all restraint.
They talk as if they know everything, and what passes
for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the
girls, they are forward, immodest, and unladylike in
speech, behavior, and dress.
The world is passing through troubled times. The
young people of today think of nothing but
themselves. They have no reverence for parents or
old age. They are impatient and lack all restraint.
They talk as if they know everything, and what passes
for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the
girls, they are forward, immodest, and unladylike in
speech, behavior, and dress.
- Peter the Hermit, 1074 A.D.
Your Teens Generation
Generation Z
Born between the years of 1996-2010
 What Theyre Known For
Cynics- overall happy and well-adjusted but
more realistic than idealistic. jaded by the
world they are inheriting (terrorism and
recession).

Private- Snapchat > Facebook

Entrepreneurial- intend to pioneer and not

settle. 72% intend to start their own business.
Unlike millennials seem to expect to have to
work for this.

Multi-tasking- intake multiple sources of info

at a time, bored when things are not moving
fast enough or instilling new information/data

Hyper-aware- constantly scanning

environments and sensitive to change
 Technology Natives
Born into a world of Social Media
(its all they know!)
8-18 yr olds spend ~7.5 hrs/day
engaged in some form of media
High achievers & have higher IQs
Less wedded to tradition and
embrace change and efficiency
More globally connected
Expect instant contact and
feedback
More flexible, socially conscious,
and accepting of diversity
Highly confident (higher rates of
narcissism) and okay with taking
risks
Love fun!
Technology reliant- tech in the
same category as air and water
Digital > Real life- convos and
icons are maybe preferred in the
digital realm
Self-starters- determined to turn
hobbies into jobs, building a
brand, goal focused, aware of
resources, relatable idols
Often stressed- realists and
globally connected, while also
feeling a duty to strive for change
Accepting- more exposed to
difference and therefore more
embracing of it
 Perfectionism
Hallmarks of a perfectionist belief system:
As a person you are not okay as you are.
No matter what you achieve, the feelings of satisfaction are
temporary.
Things are either black or white- no vaguely defined area of in
between or close enough.
You believe that only by making everything perfect on the
outside will you feel peace and serenity on the inside.
If you continually achieve, acquire and look good doing it, you
will be successful and happy.
Focus on failure
Effort and intention are not enough. Focus is on product, not
process.
You are extremely competitive about almost everything.
You feel secretly judgmental of people who fall short of
perfection.
You imagine others admire and value you only for your high
level of achievement and production.
 Teen Brain
Development
Brain development back to front
Front = weigh consequences, plan, predict, control impulses,
deal with nuanced group behavior
Adults with damage to frontal lobe = impulsive, childlike,
sexually disinhibited and more egocentric
Neurons being coated in myelin sheath; making them
faster, more responsive
Gray matter being pruned so neurons become more
efficient and deeply connected
These things make teenagers AWESOME because their
capability to learn and respond to rewards is at its maximum
Its a different world from adults, its heightened,
everything is felt more intensely
Teens are driven to learn, have new experiences, and make
new social connections
Emotions are on overdrive as they make sense of the world
Also most at risk for addiction, making bad choices,
becoming overwhelmed, and lack organized foresight
Our Teens Brains on
Stress
Emotions are king (no time for
rational thought)
Look to peers for reinforcement
Feels permanent and overwhelming
Monitor changes in adaptive behavior
 Stress & Anxiety
A little is okay
Survival based
Dont fight it, be curious about it
Model (healthy) stress management in your home (moderation)
 Stressors in School
Social stress:
Relationships
Friendships
Membership in a group
Social Media
School stress:
Grades
Teacher interactions
Other
Athletic performance
Clubs/politics
 Stressors Outside of
School
Internal stressors
Who am I?
What am I doing with my life?
What do I believe?
How will everything turn out?
Fear of judgment
External stressors
Home environment
Relationship with parents
World and Media events
Financial Stress
Siblings
Other environments (church, clubs, etc.)
 Impact of Social Media
Social Comparison and Self
Worth (FOMO)
Privacy and censorship
Information overload, constantly
on
Negative impact on mental health
(addicted to twitter)
Replacement for being social
Online relationships (not)
translating to real life
Lack of expertise: evaluating
what is fact vs. opinion
Assumptions replace facts
Lack of rich social context face-to-
face provides
Relational bullying (anonymity
promotes cyber courage)
 Helping Your Teen
Cope
Encourage your teen to take breaks
from the onslaught of information
Emotionally exhausting, lack of
sleep, difficult in engaging in other
activities and relationships in real
time
A need for boundaries and time to
be offline decompress, re-charge
Focus on how technology can
strengthen their bonds with others
Acknowledge it can also distract us
from getting what we want: healthy,
sustainable relationships that make
us feel good about ourselves
 Unhealthy Coping

Procrastination Stress
Comparison
Eating Disorders/Body Dysmorphia
Out of balance relationships
Drugs/Alcohol/Risky Behaviors
Withdrawing
Acting Out
Self-Harm
 Healthy Coping
Getting support
Having Boundaries
Avoiding comparison
Taking time to reflect
Enjoy things for the
sake of it
Volunteer, Give Back
Spending time with
someone younger or
older
Mindfulness
Live a life in
accordance to values
Promoting Healthy
Teens
Adolescents with a good sense of self, self-
esteem (how you feel about yourself), and
self-image (how you see yourself) are more
likely to be well adjusted adults. How to
foster this in your teen?
Be curious about your teens perspective (not
what they do, but how they feel about the
world, relationships, current events, etc.)
Touch on affective aspects of life, dont focus
on performance and outcomes, describe the
process and feelings associated with it
Avoid interrogation or checklist questions
Do check in about adaptive aspects: diet,
exercise, sleep, promote seeing the
connections between these things and mood
and performance
 Staying Involved and
Connected
Open ended questions promote reflection
Schedule times to talk
Are you reactive or reflective? Encourage
reflection, allow them to process
information; allow your teen to set the
pace and tone
Technology has its limits: what does it
enhance, what does it inhibit?
See stress and anxiety as learning and
growth opportunities, dont always have to
rescue, but be present; its okay to feel the
weight of these things from time to time
Promoting a solid sense of self, grounds
them and allows them to make decisions
with internal conviction
 Implementing Parenting
Skills
Discuss the notion of respect
Monitor passive aggressive and
nonverbal communication
Employ problem solving skills:
identify the problem accurately,
don't assign blame hastily, own your
emotions, value your teen
Reinforcement > Punishment
Let teens make choices, show
respect for their struggle
Avoid judging your teens choices
Avoid mixed or unclear messages
Develop a family mission statement
For every negative thing said it
takes ~5 positive things to repair the
damage
Validating your Teen
Doesnt mean you
agree
Doesnt mean they
should keep doing it
Isnt an endorsement
Isnt offering help,
advice, or that you can
relate (yet)
Just listen and reflect
that you hear them
Opens the door to next
steps and discussion
 Self Care
Take care of yourself as a
parent of a teen
Model healthy self-care
Have conversations about
respect and maintaining
healthy relationships
Limit your own social
media and technology use,
be aware of how you
speak about other people
and interact
Its okay to ask for help or
not know all the answers
Questions?
Dr. Rachel Kitson
rkitson@southeastpsych.com

Resources:Get out of your mind and

into your life for teens. Ciarrocchi,
Hayes, Bailey