1 Chapter 3

Construction of Clear
Sentences and
Paragraphs
 Simple Structure
Complex
Adapt to for less
Structure for
2
readers knowledgeable
more
knowledgeable

Too short is
also bad Sentence
Better
Communication

Too much
Less information
information -
easy to
miscommunication
remember
 Example: Effect of long sentences
3

• The following sentence from an employee handbook illustrates the

effect of long sentences on communication:
When an employee has changed from one job to another
job, the new corresponding coverage will be effective as
of the date the change occurs, provided, however, if due
to a physical disability or infirmity as a result of advanced
age, an employee is changed from one job to another job
and such change results in the employee’s new job rate
coming within a lower hourly job-rate bracket in the
table, the employee may, at the discretion of the
company, continue the amount of group term life
insurance and the amount of accidental death and
dismemberment insurance that the employee had prior to
such change.
 Did You Understand?
4

 Not at first!
 Not clear what was explained – but perhaps you
know the subject.
 Too many words create confusion.
 Best vague communication
 Worst miscommunication
 Distracting, and Irritating Sentences
5

An employee may change jobs. The change may result

in a lower pay bracket. The new coverage is
effective when this happens. The job change must be
because of physical disability. It can also be because
of infirmity. Old age may be another cause. The
company has some discretion in the matter. It can
permit continuing the accidental death insurance. It
can permit continuing the dismemberment insurance.
Now look at the message written in all short sentences. The
meanings may be clear, but the choppy effect is distracting and
irritating. Imagine reading a long document written in this style.
 Do Not be Extreme
6

The following paragraph takes a course between these two

extremes. Clearly, it is an improvement. Generally, it emphasizes
short sentences, but it combines content items where appropriate.

The new insurance coverage becomes

effective when because of disability,
infirmity, or ages an employee’s job change
results in lower pay. But at its discretion, the
company may permit the old insurance
coverage to continue.
 Simple Sentence Basic
7

 You can write short, simple sentences in

two basic ways:
By limiting sentence content
By using words economically
 Limiting Sentence Content
8

 Short sentences for

different thoughts.
 But not too many
sentences that causes
choppy effect.
 Long sentence when
thoughts are related.
 Economizing on Words
9

 Seek shorter ways of saying things.

 Shorter wordings save the reader;
 time and
 are clearer and

 more interesting.
 Cluttering Phrases
10

 A phrase that can be replaced by shorter

wording without loss of meaning. Example,
Uneconomical Economical
In the event that payment is If payment is not made by
not made by January, January, operations will
operations will cease. cease.

In spite of the fact that they Although they received

received help, they failed help, they failed to exceed
to exceed the quota. the quota.
 Cluttering Phrase Shorter Substitution
11

Clutter shorter
Along the lines of Like
At the present time Now
For the purpose of For
For the reason that Because
In the near future Soon
In the few cases Seldom
 Surplus Words
12

 Write economically, eliminate words that add

nothing to sentence meaning.
Example: It will be noted that the records for the
past years show a steady increase in special
appropriations.
 The beginning words add nothing to the meaning
of the sentence. Notice how dropping them makes
the sentence stronger ---- and without loss of
meaning:
The records of the past years show a steady
increase in special appropriations.
 Surplus Words
13

 Here is a second example:

His performance was good enough to enable him to
qualify for the promotion.
 The words to enable add nothing and can be

dropped:
His performance was good enough to qualify him
for the promotion.
 More Examples of Surplus Words
14

Contains Surplus Words Eliminates Surplus Words

He ordered desks that are of the executive He ordered executive-type desks.
type.
There are four rules that should be Four rules should be observed.
observed.
In addition to these defects, numerous Numerous other defects ruin the operating
other defects ruin the operating procedure. procedure.
The machines that were damaged by the The machines damaged by the fire were
fire were repaired. repaired.
By the examining of production records, By examining production records, they
they found the error. found the error.
In the period between April and June, we Between April and June we detected the
detected the problem. problem.
I am prepared to report to the effect that I am prepared to report that sales
sales increased. increased.
 Roundabout Constructions
15

The department budget can be observed to be

decreasing each new year.
 Do the words can be observed to be

decreasing get to the point? Is the idea of

observing essential? Is new needed? A more
direct and better sentence is this one:
The department budget decreases each year.
16
17
The union is involved in the
task of reviewing the seniority
provision of the contract.
Now if the union is involved in the task of
reviewing, it is really reviewing. The sentence
should be written in these direct words:

The union is reviewing the seniority

provision of the contract.
Roundabout Direct
The president is of the opinion The president believes the tax
that
18
the tax was paid. was paid.
It is essential that the income The income must be used to
be used to retire the debt. retire the debt.
Reference is made to your May Your May 10 report concluded
10 report in which you that the warranty is worthless.
concluded that the warranty is
worthless.
The supervisors should take The supervisors should
appropriate action to determine determine whether the absentee
whether absentee reports are reports are being verified
being verified.
He criticized everyone he came He criticized everyone he met.
in contact with.
 Unnecessary Repetition of Words or
19
Ideas
 Unnecessary Repetition of Words or Ideas to;
 Emphasis & effect
 Adds length

 Purposeless
We have not received your
payment covering invoices
covering June and July
purchases.
It would be better to write
the sentence like this:
We have not received your
payment covering
Needless Repetition Repetition Eliminated
Please endorse your name on Please endorse this check.
the
20
back of this check.
We must assemble together at We must assemble at 10:30
10:30 AM in the morning. AM.
Our new model is longer in Our new model is longer than
length than the old one. the old one.
One should know the basic One should know the
fundamentals of clear writing. fundamentals of clear writing.
At the present time, we are We are conducting two
conducting two clinics. clinics.
We should plan in advance We should plan.
for the future.
 Redundancies
21

 Repetitions are illogical and can rarely be

defended. Such as;
 free gift, true fact, past history

In my opinion, I think the plan is sound.

Do not in my opinion and I think express the
same thought? Could you possibly think in an
opinion other than your own? The following
sentence makes better sense:
I think the plan is sound.
 Determining Emphasis in Sentence
22
Design
 Sentence Length
23

 Shorter sentence, more

emphasis
 Stand out
 Call attention
 Single message, no
interference

 Longer sentence, less emphasis

 Longer sentence, more ideas
 Ideas share emphasis
 Example: Sentence Length
24

You have two items of information to write. One is that the company
lost money last year. The other is that its sales volume reached a
record high. You could present the information in at least 3 ways.

Equal The company lost money last year.

emphasis The loss occurred in spited of record
sales.

Although the company enjoyed Emphasis

record sales last year, it lost on lost
money. money

Emphasis
The company enjoyed record sales
on sales
increase last year, although it lost money
 Giving the Sentences Unity
25

Excessive
details

Unrelated Illogical
ideas constructions
 Unrelated Ideas
26

 You can give unity to sentences that contain

unrelated ideas in 3 basic ways:
1. You can put the ideas in separate sentences.
2. You can make one of the ideas subordinate to the
other.
3. You can add words that show the ideas are related.

Example: Mr. Jordan is our sales manager, and he

has a degree in law.
Mr. Jordan is our sales manager. He has a law
degree.
Mr. Jordan, our sales manager, has a law degree.
 Sentence Unity
27

Our production increased in January, and our

equipment is wearing out.

Adding words can provide unity to the sentence:

Even though our equipment is wearing out,

our production increased in January.
 Sentence Unity
28

Excessive Detail: If the detail is important, put it in a

separate sentence. This means using short
sentences.
Illogical Constructions: Active and passive voice in the
same sentence can violate unity. Example:
First we cut prices, and then quality was
reduced.
This can be changed to the following to bring
unity:
First we cut prices, and then we reduced
quality.
 Care in Paragraph Design
29

Beginning
/ending
Ideas
Clear
stand out

Communi Paragraph Emphasis

cation

Narrow
Logical
topic
Unity of
idea
 Example of Violation of Unity
30

A violation of unity is illustrated in the following

paragraph from an application letter.

As the goal of the paragraph is to summarize the

applicant’s coursework, all the sentences should pertain
to coursework.

By shifting to personal qualities, the third sentence

violates paragraph unity.

Taking this sentence out would correct the fault.

31

At the university I studied all the basic accounting courses

as well as specialized courses in taxation, international
accounting, and computer security. I also took specialized
coursework in the behavioral areas, with emphasis on
human relations. Realizing the value of human relations in
business, I also actively participated in organizations, such as
Sigma Nu (social fraternity), Alpha Kappa Psi (professional
fraternity), Intramural Soccer, and A cappella. I selected my
elective coursework to round out my general business
education. Among my electives were courses in
investments, advanced business report writing, financial
policy, and management information systems. A glance
at my resume will show you the additional courses that
round out my training.
 General Rules of Paragraph
32

Be short.
Short paragraphs show
organization better .
Readers prefer short
paragraphs.
About eight lines is a good
average length.
But length can and should vary
with need.
 Organizing Paragraphs
33

 Making Good Use of Topic Sentences

 The topic sentence expresses the main idea of a
paragraph, and the remaining sentences build around
and support it.
 In a sense, the topic sentence serves as a headline for
the paragraph, and all the other sentences supply the
story.
 Using topic sentences forces you to find the central idea
of each paragraph and helps you check paragraph
unity.
 Placement of the topic sentence depends on the writer’s
plan.
 Placement of Topic Sentence
34

 Topic Sentence First:

A majority of the economists consulted think that
business activity will drop during the first quarter of
next year. Of the 185 economists interviewed, 13%
looked for continued increases in business activity,
and 28% anticipated little or no change from the
present high level. The remaining 59% looked for a
recession. Of this group, nearly all (87%) believed
that the downturn would occur during the first
quarter of the year.
 Placement of Topic Sentence
35

 Topic Sentence at End:

The significant role of inventories in the
economic picture should not be overlooked.
At present, inventories represent 3.8 months’
supply. Their dollar value is the highest in
history. If considered in relation to increased
sales, however, they are not excessive. In
fact, they are well within the range generally
believed to be safe. Thus, inventories are not
likely to cause a downward swing in the
economy.
 Placement of Topic Sentence
36

 Topic Sentence within the Paragraph:

Numerous materials have been used in
manufacturing this part. And many have shown
quite satisfactory results. Material 329, however, is
superior to them all. When built with material 329,
the part is almost twice as strong as when built
with the next best material. It is also three ounces
lighter. Most important, it is cheaper than any of the
other products.
 Any Idea?
37