CHAPTER V

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
MARRIAGE

 isa mental decision, something that

should be objectively thought through
over a period of time. But there is also
a SPIRITUAL DIMENSION to those who
seek God’s guidance in finding a
suitable lifelong mate.
MARRIAGE A DIVINE VOCATION
For a Christian, marriage is
 A real supernatural calling, a great
sacrament, in Christ and in the
Church, as St Paul says. … It is a
sacred sign, an action of Jesus that
invades the soul of those who get
married and invites them to follow
him, by transforming their whole
married life into a divine journey on
earth. (Christ is Passing By, 23)
 It is important for married people to
acquire a clear sense of the dignity of
their vocation. They must know that they
have been called by God not only to
human love but also to a divine love,
through their human love.
 It is important for them to realise that
they have been chosen from all eternity to
cooperate with the creative power of God
by having and then bringing up children.
Our Lord asks them to make their home
and their entire family life a testimony of
all the Christian virtues.
 Love which leads to marriage and family,
can also be a marvellous divine way, a
vocation … What I have told you about
doing things perfectly, about putting love
into the little duties of each day, about
discovering that “divine something”
contained in these details, finds a special
place in that vital sphere in which human
love is enclosed.
 MARRIAGE IN GENESIS
 Almost 6,000 years ago, the first man and
woman were created. These two—Adam and
Eve—were history’s very first husband and
wife, and lived in the Garden of Eden. As
Chief Designer of marriage, God also
explained this relationship to them, and the
laws that govern it. He called it “very good.”
 Touching on the high points, a summary of
this account is found in the earliest chapters
of Genesis. What is clear is that God taught
this first couple His Way—the way that
would bring peace, supreme happiness,
 abundance, prosperity and all the good
things of life.
 Yet, because of His infinite Purpose, God
created these first human beings as free
moral agents. Adam and Eve had the
power to choose. God did not force His way
of life on them, but rather taught them
the right way, leaving the choice to them
as to what they would do.
 Genesis 3 records what happened in the
garden with Satan tempting Eve. This
account demonstrates the devil’s cunning
subtlety as he tried to discredit God and
appeal to Adam and Eve’s vanity.
 There were two special trees in the garden.
First was the “Tree of Life,” representing
God’s Way. Adam and Eve were instructed to
eat as much from this tree as they wished.
There was also the “tree of the knowledge of
good and evil.” This first married couple was
expressly forbidden to eat of the fruit
of that tree. God told them that in the day
they ate that fruit, they would “surely die.”
 Understand. God—and God alone—
decides what sin is. Man was not given the
authority to decide what sin is but rather
only whether he would sin.
 Adam and Eve had a clear choice! Through
Satan’s subtlety and their rebellion, they
rejected God and took of the forbidden fruit.
They rejected God’s perfect Law and rule—
His government over all creation—and were
taken captive by Satan and his way of sin.
Because of sin, they no longer had access to
God’s blessings, guidance, protection or the
free gift of His Holy Spirit, which they could
have acquired by eating of the Tree of Life.
 From that day forward, mankind has been
cut off from God, having rejected God and
His ways (Isa. 59:1-2). THIS is why
mankind does not—CANNOT—know the
truth about the purpose behind right
dating and the purpose behind right
courtship. He has chosen his own path—a
mixture of good and evil—and the fruit of
his choice is literally a “mix,” with some
marriages working somewhat, others
constantly riding the rollercoaster of
extremes, and many not working at all.
 Therefore,all but a select few couples
lack the supreme happiness and joy that
God intended for every marriage
 MARRIAGE, IN GOD’S REDEMPTIVE
PLAN
Marriage
 Is to help married people sanctify
themselves and others. For this reason
they receive a special grace in the
sacrament which Jesus Christ instituted.
Those who are called to the married state
will, with the grace of God, find within
their state everything they need to be holy.
 Husband and wife are called to sanctify
their married life and to sanctify
themselves in that union.
It would be a serious mistake if their
spiritual life were to develop with their
backs turned to, or at the fringes of, their
home. Family life, conjugal relations, the
care and education of children, the effort to
provide for the needs of the family as well as
for its security and development, the
relationships with other persons who make
up the community, all these are among the
ordinary human situations that Christian
couples are called upon to sanctify. (Christ is
Passing By, 23)
 Sanctify the home one day after another,
to create with love a true family
atmosphere. Many Christian virtues are
necessary in order to sanctify each day of
one’s life. First, the theological virtues
[faith, hope and charity], and then all the
others: prudence, loyalty, sincerity,
humility, industry.
THREE GOODS OF MARRIAGE

 Faith is not taken here as a

theological virtue, but as part of justice, in
so far as faith [fides] signifies the suiting
of deed to word [fiant dicta] by keeping
one's promises; for since marriage is
a contract it contains a promise whereby
this man is assigned to this woman.
 Just as the marriage promise means that
neither party is to have intercourse with a
third party, so does it require that they
should mutually pay the marriage debt.
The latter is indeed the chief of the two,
since it follows from the power which each
receives over the other. Consequently both
these things pertain to faith, although the
Boo of Sentences mentions that which is
the less manifest.
 Offspring signifies not only the
begetting of children, but also
their education, to which as its end is
directed the entire communion of
works that exists between man and
wife as united in marriage,
since parents naturally "lay up" for
their "children" (2 Corinthians
12:14); so that the offspring like a
principal end includes another, as it
were, secondary end.
 Sacrament we are to understand not only
indivisibility, but all those things that
result from marriage being a sign of
Christ's union with the Church. We may
also reply that the unity to which the
objection refers pertains to faith, just as
indivisibility belongs to the sacrament.
Further, in the specific nature the
difference is more important than the
genus, even as the form is more
important than matter in the
composition of a natural thing. Now
"sacrament" refers to marriage on the
part of its genus, while "offspring" and
"faith" refer thereto on the part of the
difference whereby it is a special kind
of sacrament. Therefore these other two
are more important than sacrament in
reference to marriage.
CONJUGAL LOVE AND FIDELITY
Three Requirements (1643)
 Conjugal love involves the appeal of body
and instinct, the power of feeling and
affectivity, the aspirations of spirit and
will. All of these aim at a union beyond
the flesh, a union of heart and soul. This
definitive mutual self-giving demands
indissolubility, faithfulness, and
openness to children. In this way,
natural conjugal love expresses
Christian values.
No Longer Two (1644-1645)
 This community of spouses embraces their
entire lives for "they are no longer two,
but one flesh" (Mt 19:6, Gen 2:24). They
must continually grow in self-giving.
Christ confirms this human communion
by the sacrament of Matrimony and
deepens it by the Eucharist.
Polygamy (1645)
 The unity of marriage is made clear when
spouses have an equal personal dignity.
Therefore, polygamy is contrary to
exclusive and undivided conjugal love.
Fidelity and Indissolubility (1646-1648)
 Conjugal love requires inviolable fidelity.
Love is not an arrangement "until further
notice." Marriage itself and the good of the
children demand total fidelity.
 This teaching is based upon God's fidelity
to the Old Covenant and Christ's fidelity
to his Church. This indissolubility
receives a deeper meaning from the
sacrament.
 Because this seems so difficult, the
spouses must hear the Good News of
God's irrevocable love for them. They
share in this love and witness to God's
love by their own fidelity.
Separated But Still Married (1649)
 Sometimes, for a variety of reasons,
common life between the spouses is
impossible. The Church permits the
spouses to live apart (a physical
separation). They are still husband and
wife and are not free to remarry.
 If
possible, they should reconcile. In either
case, the Christian community must help
them to live out their original indissoluble
commitment.
 SERVING LIFE: OFFSPRING
 The next task of parents is to serve life –
both the children who have been born and
those that are to follow. When you are
parenting children between the ages of
birth and three, the more immediate need
will appear to be to those who are already
here. You will serve life first by honouring
your offspring and providing for their
education. With this in mind, here are a
few ideas on setting up a home that is open
to life
Each person in your family has immense
dignity. And it is the role of each family
member to honour that God-given worth.
Honouring is a three step process that
involves:
 Treating each person with respect.
 Doing more than is expected.
 Maintaining a positive attitude.
Families of honour rarely yell or demean
each other. They avoid pushing each other
to the brink of anger or frustration. Rather,
they find selfless ways to help each other
out.
When children are young, honouring is
first developed by the parents who honour
each other. If a baby needs changing, the
first one on the scene takes care of it. If
the Mom has been up for several evenings
in a row taking care of a sick child, the
Dad steps in and gives her a rest. Honour
continues to be developed through the use
of manners in the home. “Please”, “thank
you”, “you are welcome” can go a long way
to develop honour.
Finally, honour can be enhanced when
everyone (especially Mom and Dad) is
asked to practice patience. Learning to
wait quietly is a cornerstone of an
honouring family.
NO MATTER WHICH DISCIPLINE
TECHNIQUE YOU USE THERE ARE
KEY STEPS TO REMEMBER:

 Remain calm and in control of your

emotions.
 Be firm – never harmful.
 Be consistent – what is wrong today
should be wrong tomorrow.
 When the discipline is over, forgive the
child and move on.
Serving life includes openness to creating
more children with God. This means that
parents who serve life respect both sexual
intimacy and their unique gift of fertility.
They understand that God chose them as
His vehicle for bringing forth new human
life and gave them sexual intimacy by
which they can procreate. Parents who
serve life understand that sexual intimacy
is something to be reverenced. It is a good
of marriage and it is to be exclusive,
faithful and open to life.