SAFE

PLACE

Creating a Safe Environment

 Statement of Purpose:
• To foster, for all people, healthy, loving
relationships in the image of God
• To prevent unhealthy, negative, or
harmful relationships and boundary
violations, especially child abuse.
 A safe environment
• Offers children and adults the
opportunity to grow in Catholic faith and
experience relationships that promote
healthy development of:
– Spirituality
– Sexuality
– Emotional growth
– Intellectual growth
– Physical growth
 We establish safe
environments
for all by:
• Cultivating role- and age-appropriate
relationships.
• Maintaining healthy personal
boundaries.
• Creating structure to assure adult and
youth rights.
 BOUNDARIES
What are Boundaries?
A boundary is a personal space that you keep
between yourself and others. It defines “where I
end and you begin.” Boundaries work in two
ways: They allow things in, and they keep things
out. Boundaries are important because they
define areas of privacy. Initially, parents help
you begin setting your boundaries. Later, you
take a more active role in setting your
boundaries.
 External Boundaries

• Protect your body, keeping it safe

and healthy.
– Physical—Protect your body.
– Sexual—Protect your sexual body
parts and your sexuality.
 Internal Boundaries
• Protect your thoughts and
emotions.
– Emotional—Protect your feelings.
– Spiritual—Protect the deepest part
of who you are—your sense of hope,
trust, mystery, security, and
spirituality.
The purpose of a
relationship determines its
boundaries.
• Examples of relationships include:
– Parent/Child
– Brother/Sister
– Husband/Wife
Anyone charged with the care, education,
and protection of a child, youth, or other
vulnerable person is acting “in loco
parentis.” (Defined by Webster’s
Dictionary as, “in the place of a parent, or
of a parent’s authority.”)

Examples of such relationships include:

Teacher/Student
Coach/Athlete
Youth Minister/Youth
Adult Volunteer/Youth
Your Boundary Circle

YOU
 It is important for people to know what you stand
for. It is equally important that they know what you
won’t stand for.

Everyone you encounter fits somewhere in your

boundary circle. Strangers are the farthest outside,
with casual acquaintances next, friends next, good
friends and than family closest to you.

Where do the various people in your life fit within

your Boundary circle? Write their names in the
appropriate places.
 What is Sex
Webster's - sex \’seks\ n (ME, fr. L sexus)
1: either of two divisions of organisms
distinguished respectively as male or female
2: The sum of structural, functional, and
behavioral peculiarities of living beings that
serve reproduction by two interacting parents
and distinguish males and females
3. a: Sexually motivated phenomena or
behavior b: SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
 Sexuality affects all aspects of
the human person, body and
soul.
• It especially concerns affectivity, the
capacity to love and to procreate, and in
a more general way the aptitude for
forming bonds of communion with others.
• The sexual act must take place
exclusively within marriage.

Source: Catechism of the Catholic Church,

Second Edition, 1997.
The Different types of
Child Abuse
Physical Abuse

Sexual Abuse

Emotional Abuse

Spiritual abuse
 Emotional Grooming
• When someone manipulates
another’s emotions to skillfully
gain control of that person.
• Emotional grooming is used
to seduce, coerce, or “con”
others into sexual
activity.
 Key Elements of the
Emotional Grooming
Process
• False sense of trust—a groomer
convinces the victim that s/he is
the only person in the world to
trust.
• Secrecy—groomers persuade
their victims to keep “our little
secret” hidden from others.
 Language Cons
• Words and phrases – or “lines” – that
groomers use to trick and manipulate their
targets.
• Sometimes “lines” make a target feel special
or desired; other times they make a target
feel guilty or threatened.
• “Lines” may seem genuine or sincere at first,
but their real purpose is to control the target.

• Language cons are used to convince targets

to do things they shouldn’t do.
• Flattery
• Bribery
• Status
• Jealousy and Possessiveness
• Insecurity
• Accusations
• Intimidation
• Anger
• Control
 Flattery
• Exaggerated and insincere comments said
in order to get something in return.
• Is often sexually suggestive or graphic.
• Is not the same as a compliment.
 Bribery
• “Giving to get.”
• The groomer may give material things to his
target, but these “gifts” always have a string
attached.
• The target may believe that some sort of
sexual behavior is due to “pay back” the
groomer for the gifts.
 Status
• The groomer uses what s/he has (possessions) or
who s/he is (image, popularity, or position) to lure
a target into a sexual relationship.
• The target may like hanging around with the
popular crowd and be convinced that sexual
activity is “owed” in return.
 Other Forms of Status:
• Groomer uses his/her age to lure a younger
target.
• Younger targets seek status by pursuing
friendships with someone several years older.
• Some people think sexual activity will give
them status.
 Jealousy and
Possessiveness
• A normal yet difficult human emotion.
• Only a grooming tactic when used to control
or manipulate someone else.
• Examples of manipulative jealousy:
– Telling someone how to dress, who to talk to,
where to go, etc.
– Treating someone as an object to own rather than a
person to relate to.
 Insecurity
• A normal human emotion.
• It’s a grooming tactic only when it’s used to
manipulate someone else.
• The groomer uses insecurity to manipulate:
– May act insecure and ask for reassurance of the
target’s love and loyalty.
– May want pity and sympathy.
– May threaten self-harm.
 The other misuse of insecurity:

• When the groomer attempts to magnify the

target’s insecurities or create new insecurities.
• The groomer hopes the target will feel so bad
that s/he will stay in a relationship with the
groomer and become more reluctant to open up
to others.
 Accusations
• The groomer creates false or exaggerated
accusations to frighten, threaten, and ultimately
control the target.
• Frequently made in public places to humiliate or
intimidate others.
Intimidation—a powerful
form of manipulation

• Is not a normal human emotion and has no place

in healthy relationships.
• The groomer intimidates by frightening,
coercing, or threatening others into submission.
• Can be verbal, nonverbal, or a combination of
both.
• Is always wrong and always manipulative.
Examples of verbal intimidation:
• The groomer may:
– Use vulgar sexual language in front of the
target.
– Make sexual noises or sounds.
– Use specific, graphic sexual descriptions of
what the groomer want to do to the target.
– Ask questions that are too personal or sexual in
nature.
 Intimidating Physical Actions
• Looming over someone who is seated.
• Standing too close.
• Touching/grabbing self or others.
• Using loud and controlling voice tones and language.
• Staring at sexual body parts.
• Hitting the palm of the hand forcefully.
• Clothing that is too tight or too revealing.
• Faking a punch.
• Intimidating stances:
– Slouching over, holding their hands on their crotches, howling,
whistling making catcalls.
 Anger
• Anger is a normal human emotion.
• It is only a grooming tactic when used to
manipulate others.
 Control
• The ultimate goal of an
emotional groomer is to gain control of the
target and of the relationship.
• The groomer seeks to gain power or
dominance in the relationship by using any
or all of the grooming tactics.
 Code of
conduct for
youth
Within the diocese of St. Petersburg,
Florida
 The first premise of this code is that children and
youth functions expect best behaviors and
expectations are clearly defined. It is accepted that
parents are the first and foremost educators of
their children in all aspects of their development.
This experience aims at developing upright citizens
and good Christians, following a new
commandment Jesus gave His disciples,”A new
commandment I give unto you that you love one
another.” John 13:34-35

In Timothy 4:12 we read “Let no one have

contempt for your youth, but set an example for
those who believe, in speech, conduct, love, faith,
and purity.”
Timothy is urged to rely on the gifts he has received
from God.
This code urges our children and youth to rely on
God’s gift to them, especially charity, chastity, and
purity. This calls the young person to acknowledge
and promote one’s personal dignity and the rights
that go with it.

It becomes important for children and youth to know

the difference between “right” and “not right”
relationships. “Right” relationships foster personal,
spiritual, and emotional growth,e.g., the ability to
communicate, to forgive, to show affection, to be
honest, vulnerable, dependable, etc. “Not right”
relationships become harmful and hurtful, and even
abusive.
 Abuse occurs when someone does not respect
another’s boundaries, uses power, ticks, threats, or
violence to cross or change another’s boundaries,
or inflicts hurtful or unwanted behavior (physical,
verbal, emotional, or sexual) on another person.

This Code is used in conjunction with existing local or

diocesan policies, protocols or other codes and is
not intended to supercede them.

When engaging in formal and informal activities,

functions, and programs, children and youth are
expected to behave appropriately at all times,
respecting the rights of others
 Code of conduct
for children and youth

1. Christian behavior is
Expected at all times

2. Respect for individuals,

the community and facilities being
used is required
3. Cooperation and self-control
are necessary when participating
In programs and activities.

4. Dress must be in accord with

the activity and appropriate for a
Christian environment
5. Unacceptable behavior
and lack of cooperation will not be
tolerated, but will be
addressed appropriately.
Examples of unacceptable behavior
are as follows, though not limited to:

a. Disrespect for adults and peers

b. Use of vulgar language or gesture,

use of racial slurs.
c. Damaging of property
d. Fighting or intent to injure others
e. Constant disturbance of others at work or
in an activity
f. cheating
6. Possession of weapons,
possession, sale or use of alcohol
or drugs are forbidden

7. No child or youth has the right

to treat another in any manner that
Will cause physical or
emotional pain, Therefore
harassment
of any kind is Un-Christian
and unacceptable
8. Coercion or threats to do
Something physically hurtful or
for the purpose of exposing someone
or something about another is
Unacceptable behavior

9a. Chastity is a virtue to be held in

high esteem and promoted in practice.
Sexual abuse of any sort, coercing
a person to engage in sexual acts
against her or his will, physically
touching the sexual parts of
another’s body, treating a person like
a sexual object are unacceptable and
abusive behaviors.
9b. Consensual sex
Between students or
initiated by minors
to adults
must never occur
 In Gratitude
• Bishop Robert N. Lynch, Bishop of St. Petersburg,
Br. John Cummings, FMS—Superintendent of
Catholic Schools, Mr. Brian Lemoi, Director of
Faith Formation and Br. Jerry Meegan, Director
for Youth Ministry gratefully acknowledge the
work of the following professional staff member
of the Pastoral Center and Parishes and Schools of
the Diocese of St. Petersburg who developed this
Safe Environment Education Program.
 In Gratitude
• Eileen Daly • Dr. Jo Ann Quinn
• Kathy Filippelli • Kay Rizzo
• Elizabeth Fulham • Sara Stranz
• Ralph • Anna Marie
Higginbotham Wright
• Dr. Stuart Miller • Cindy Yevich
 SAFE
PLACE

Creating a Safe Environment