The Real You

Adventist Home
Society is composed of families…out of the heart
are “the issues of life”; and the heart of the
community, of the church, and of the nation is the
household. The well-being of society, the success
of the church, the prosperity of the nation, depend
upon home influences. The elevation or
deterioration of the future of society will be
determined by the manners and morals of the
youth growing up around us..
 Letters to Young Lovers
He [satan] is busily engaged in influencing
those who are wholly unsuited to each other
to unite their interest. He exults in this work,
FOR BY IT HE CAN PRODUCE MORE
MISERY AND HOPELESS WOE TO THE
HUMAN FAMILY THAN BY EXERCISING
HIS SKILL IN ANY OTHER DIRECTION

Temperament Birth order

BIRTH ORDER
Too much importance cannot be placed
on the early training of children. The
lessons that the child learns during the
first seven years of life have more to
do with forming his character than all
that it learns in future years
[GC 193.1]
 First born
• take on the temperament of a choleric
• Prompt and confident
• They are known for being capable, hard driving,
perfectionistic, exacting, exhaustingly logical,
scholarly and organized
• Some first borns will be the Type A bosses who
rule through power others will be the compliant
nurturers
 Middle born
• Middles usually take on the temperament of a
phlegmatic
• They like peace at all costs. Middles are the
negotiators, the mediators, and the
compromisers. They don’t like confrontations.
They want everybody to get along, and they tend
to have a strong fear of being the one who gets
blamed.
 Middle born
• They can be unselfish to a fault and very loyal.
They’re the nice, polite, easygoing, and usually
nondescript type of people; they don’t stand out
in a crowd, but they are very pleasant to be
around.
• When something goes wrong, they will
sometimes take the blame, even if they are not
at fault.
 Middle born
• Occasionally, the second born may think
he can outdo his older brother/sister. But if
the middle doesn’t think he can surpass
the first born’s legacy, he’ll usually react
by trying to create his own.
• are amiable, down-to-earth, and great at
listening.
 Middle born
• they tend to be more secretive than their
other siblings
• middles are usually mentally tough and
independent minded. They haven’t been
spoiled like the last born, and getting
ignored means they learned early on that
they have to make their own way.
 Middle born
• Middles make excellent marriage partners
• but two middles married to each other can
be a disaster
 Last born
• Usually take on the temperament of a sanguine
• They know that they are special
• they are often coddled and babied
• they have learned the art of persuasion and
occasionally even manipulation
• They can charm you
• they tend to take far more risks
 Last born
• less industrious, cherishing the idea of
“play now, pay later.”
• Their weaknesses include an attention
span of about five seconds
• hate to be bored almost as much as they
hate to be rejected
• If it’s not fun, they want to do something
else
 Last born
• Can be the class clown or the weak and
slow or unorganized or the rebel
• frequently extroverts, energized by the
presence of other people and good in
relationships-affectionate, uncomplicated,
and generally cheerful
• They make great friends and companions.
 Last born
• they can be temperamental and moody,
spoiled and impatient
• They can also go from laughing and joking
to crying and being moody in a matter of
seconds.
 The one and only
• Usually take on the temperament of a
melancholic
• They are not only leaders, they tend to be super
perfectionists - everything is black and white
• More likely s/he is a list maker and scholar and
thrives on logic
• tend to be very neat
 The one and only
• They are the megamovers of the world: task
oriented, extremely well organized, very
conscientious, and ultimately dependable.
• They love facts, ideas, and details and feel very
comfortable with responsibility.
• may be introverted
• usually don’t accept criticism
 The one and only
• The special situation of only borns can
create two different kinds of people:
– raised on a tightly structured, highly
disciplined plan – expected to be and to act
grown up
– She is the center of her parents’ universe, is
always made to feel superficial, and never
has to share her parents’ affection with other
siblings
 Exceptions
• The gap/years between siblings
• Sibling gender
• Physical, mental, or emotional differences
• blender effect
• Parent’s birth order
 Other factors
Childhood memories Parenting styles
- attachment -authoritarian
-lenient
-critical
 How much is your worth?
• How others/parents treat you does not
measure your worth
• Your worth is measured by the
unconditional love of God as expressed by
creation and redemption
“Each one has his own battles to fight,
his own Christian experience to gain,
independent in some respects from any
other soul; and God has lessons for
each to gain for himself that no other
can gain for him.” [2MCP 430.2]
 What’s next?
• Pray for healing – Ps. 147:3
• Advantages it brings to your life
• Forgive your parents Slide 38
• Recognize that the future isn’t a prisoner
of the past
• Change you internal dialogue Slide 39
back
“All things work together for good to those
who love GOD.” Romans 8:28

“I praise You, for I am fearfully and

wonderfully made. Wonderful are your
works; my soul knows it very well.”
Psalm 139:14
Thank you!!