Gender Differences in Communication

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 Gender Differences in Communication

“Stereotypical Masculine & Feminine Styles and

How to Effectively Use Both”

Prepared by Amber Travis-Ballinas, MBA

Career Consultant

Career Creators
1250 Capital of Texas Hwy South Building 3, Suite 400 Austin, TX 78746
Office Phone: (512) 788-2012
Careers@CareerCreators.Consulting
www.CareerCreators.Consulting

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 What is Communication?

= the process of exchanging

ideas and information through
words or actions.
****See Basic Interpersonal Communication Model Slide

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 Communication
the process of exchanging ideas and information through words or actions

• Communication is the basis / fundamental building block of all

human relationships.

• The ability to communicate skillfully and with confidence will help

each person develop supportive and cooperative work and personal
relationships.

• Improving interpersonal communication skills will improve all

relationships; which ultimately improves chances of success.

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 Reflective Listening & Communication

• Good communication • Steps to Active /

includes active /
reflective listening
– Allows both the listener and
communicator / speaker to
build trust and
understanding
– Allows the listener to be
empathetic to the
communicator / speaker
– Saves time in the long-run
– Short-term takes a lot of
time & effort to do
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Reflective Listening:
– Clarify the communicator’s
point of view
– Paraphrase understanding
of the message
– Do not “parrot”
– Reflect core feelings back
to communicator to signal
understanding
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 Types of Communication
• Verbal Communication = speaking
• Non-verbal Communication = all
elements of communication that do not
involve speaking or words
– Written Communication = all written
language including symbols
– Technological Communication =
interacting with a machine = lacking
nonverbal cues
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 Types of Communication

• Verbal Communication = speaking

– One-way Communication = no questions, feedback, or
interactions occur
– Two-way Communication = both the communicator and
receiver interact
• Defensive Communication = communication that is aggressive,
attacking, & angry OR passive, withdrawn, & submissive
• Non-defensive Communication = communication that is assertive,
direct, & powerful without being defensive
– Steps to Non-defensive Communication:
» Define the situation
» Clarify the communicator’s position (use active / reflective
listening)
» Acknowledge the communicator’s feelings (be empathetic)
» Bring the focus back to the facts

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 Types of Communication
• Non-verbal Communication = all elements of communication
that do not involve speaking or words
– “Body Language” =
• Perception of space and use of space
• Body Language / Facial Expressions / Eye Movements
• Pitch, cadence, volume, tempo, and tone of speech
– Written Communication = all written language including symbols
– Technological Communication = interacting with a machine = lacking
nonverbal cues
– Email
– Text messaging
– Voice messages / Voicemail
– Fax
– Internet Social Networking Sites

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Barriers to Communication
• Language / Pronunciation / Diction
• Cultural Rules and Expectations
• Socialization of males and females
• Social Status / Educational Background
• Gender
• Method of communication (i.e. speaking versus writing)
• Noise / Distractions
• Incomplete communication
• Context of the communication (situation)
• Assumptions / Pre-conceived notions / Perceptual
Screens
• Personality / Personal Experiences

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 Barriers to Communication

Gender differences cause

males and females to have
very different perspectives
which impacts
why and how we communicate.

This affects all aspects of communication.

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 Stereotypical Differences in Masculine and
Feminine Characteristics
Masculine Traits:
• Self-serving attitude
• Direct use of power & authority
• Phrase directives as orders
• Task-oriented
• Need to be respected and admired
• Direct communication style
• Communicate to solve or fix problems
• Consciously tries to gain power & social status /
‘One-upmanship’ social hierarchy
• Expresses self-confidence willingly / okay to be
boastful and proud of accomplishments
• Demands credit for accomplishments
• Less likely to ask questions in public or ask for help
or directions
• Aggressive / dominant behavior
• Straight-forward and blunt communication
• Systematic rules
• Likely to attempt to win at all costs
• Negotiates specifically
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Feminine Traits:
• Concerned with other’s feelings
• Indirect use of power & authority
• Phrase directives as suggestions
• Relationship-oriented
• Need for acceptance and to be well-liked
• Indirect communication style
• Communicate to express feelings or to determine
feelings and thoughts
• Consciously tries to keep relationships equal in
power / Egalitarian social structure
• Does not express self-confidence willingly /
reluctant to ‘brag’ or ‘toot their own horn’
• Likely to give credit to others for their own
accomplishments
• More likely to ask questions / for help / for
assistance in public
• Nurturing / passive behavior
• Diplomatic / “beats around the bush” & ‘sugar-
coats’ communication
• Free-flow rules / no rules
• Likely to play fair in negotiations
• Negotiates vaguely and considers the competitors’
pleas and feelings as part of the negotiation
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 Why do we communicate?
Women =
• to express feelings
• to ‘think out loud’
• to determine feelings
• goal = want someone to listen and to understand their
feelings
Men =
• to communicate only the absolutely necessary information
• to solve problems and to “fix things”
• to give advice
• goal = want to communicate information and to solve
problems

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How much do we communicate?

Women =
– speak approximately 3 times as many words
per day as men = approximately 5000 words
per day or more
Men =
– speak approximately one-third as many
words per day as women = approximately
1700 words per day or less

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 Communication Styles
&
Conversation Rituals
Women =
• Maintaining an
appearance of equality
• Taking into
consideration the
impact of the interaction
on the other person /
people’s feelings and
situation
• Downplaying their
authority to get things
done without having to
be aggressive
• Being diplomatic and
indirect
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Men =
• Using playful opposition
(joking, banter, teasing,
etc.)
• Avoiding the “one-down”
position in the interaction /
maintaining their status on
the hierarchy
• Playing up their status /
power / position of
authority
• Being blunt, direct, and
straight-forward
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 Communication Styles & Conversation Rituals
Problem & Solution for the Female Communicator

Problem: Solution:
– misunderstandings – blend both masculine and
are caused by feminine traits
• Be diplomatic AND direct
differences in style and straight-forward.
• Women may be • Say what you mean—do
viewed as less not ‘beat around the
confident and bush’ or ‘sugar-coat’
competent than they communication
really are • Use influence and
• Men may be viewed legitimate power /
as hostile or arrogant authority to gain
understanding and
when they really are cooperation
not

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 Asking Questions in Public
Asking for HELP
Saying “I Don’t Know!”
Women =
• Willing to admit that
they are not
knowledgeable
• Not concerned about
creating a negative
impression
• More likely than men
to ask questions in
public
• Women who do ask
questions in public are
more focused on
gaining information
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Men =
• Less likely to admit that
they are not
knowledgeable
• Admitting that they do
not know / Asking for
help puts them in a
‘one-down’ position
and ruins their
reputation
• Men who do ask
questions in public are
more focused on the
interaction and about
positive impression
management
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 Asking Questions in Public
Problem & Solution for the Female Communicator
Problem:
– Women are not aware that they
can be viewed as weak; asking
questions can be viewed as
negative and a sign of
incompetence
• Admitting ignorance or asking
for help makes a person appear
to be incompetent / creates a
negative impression / causes a
person to be judged as less
capable
• Admitting ignorance or asking
for help can prevent major
problems and avert potential
catastrophes
• Admitting ignorance or asking
for help can mean that a person
is searching for knowledge and
information—this is positive.
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Solution:
– Understand and be aware of the
negative perception that does
exist.
– Do your research and educate
yourself, and then ask informed
questions sparingly.
– Clarify information on an as
needed basis
– Use reflective listening skills
– Find a mentor or guide that you
trust who can privately answer
your questions and clarify
information for you without judging
you negatively.
– ALWAYS ask for help whenever
the wrong outcome might lead to
disastrous consequences.
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 Self-confidence--Are your SURE?
Women =
• More likely to downplay
their own certainty
• Being certain = being
aggressive = being ‘un-
lady-like’
• Females modify their
speech taking into account
the impact they have on the
other person’s feelings
• Self-confidence is viewed
as a negative trait in
females therefore women
are reluctant to reveal the
confidence that they do
have.
• Women are reluctant to
‘toot their own horns’ or
brag about their
accomplishments
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Men =
• More likely to downplay their
own doubts
• Being certain = being
aggressive = being a ‘man’
• Self-confidence is a positive
trait in males therefore men
are likely to boast and exhibit
self-confident behavior.
• Men are likely to ‘toot their
own horns’ and brag about
their accomplishments and
not be judged negatively for
this behavior by society.
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 Self-confidence--Are your SURE?
Problem & Solution for the Female Communicator
Problem:
Women and men are judged by
different standards and there are
different social expectations for
each group.
• Social constraints against
women talking about their
positive accomplishments
are present in the USA.
• Social inhibitions against
boasting can cause women
to be viewed as less
confident, therefore less
competent.
• Women who do talk about
their accomplishments are
viewed as ‘over-confident’,
‘full-of-themselves’, etc.
and judged negatively by
society.
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Solution:
– DO NOT be humble in your
professional life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
– Be able to be comfortable
sharing your accomplishments
and successes with others.
– Be able to ‘toot your own
horn’
– Take credit for your work and
do not allow others to take
credit for or ‘steal’ your work
or ideas
– If you are certain that you are
correct; state that you believe
that you are correct and back
it up with facts and information
– Stay calm and unemotional
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 Negotiation Styles / Competition
Women =
• More likely to be fair
rather than try to win
• ‘Beating’ the
competition is not the
main objective
• Likely to begin vaguely
and work her way into
specifics
• Likely to invite others to
share their perspective
• Likely to consider the
competitors personal
feelings and pleas and
the impact that the
conclusion will have on
them
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Men =
• More likely to try to win or
beat the competitor at all
costs to avoid a ‘one-down’
position or damage to their
reputation
• Likely to begin specifically
and negotiate out from there
• Unlikely to invite others to
share perspective; rather
expect others to state their
issues, ideas, etc. if they
have any (part of the game)
• Unlikely to consider the
competitors feelings and
pleas or the impact that the
conclusion will have on them
• Usually expect balanced
negotiations / “give & take” or
‘tit for tat’--back and forth
negotiations
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Negotiation Styles / Competition
Problems & Solutions for the Female Communicator
Problem =
Women and men have
different expectations about
how a negotiation is
supposed to play out.
• A negotiation begun
vaguely may be viewed as
a sign of weakness and an
invitation for the competitor
to take control
• A negotiation begun with a
specific claim may be
viewed as a nonnegotiable
demand and may end the
negotiation process
completely
• Many women do not
understand that winning the
negotiation is the goal.
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Solution =
• Understand that men EXPECT
you to negotiate.
• Understand that many / most
situations in life will require
negotiation skills.
• Be aware that a negotiation is
to be played like a ‘game’ and
the goal is to WIN the game!
• Be prepared to negotiate.
• Negotiate specifically, not
vaguely, & allow for flexibility.
• Be fair and kind but do not be
taken advantage of for being
kind and fair.
• Try to create a ‘win-win’ for all.
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 Leadership
Women =
• Social constraints against
females giving direction
exist in the USA.
• Women who tell others
what to do are called
‘bossy’
• More likely to phrase ideas
as ‘suggestions’ rather
than directives
• More likely to explain
directives in terms of the
good they will do for the
group overall
• More likely to be concerned
with being liked by the
group
• More likely to allow
someone else to take credit
for their accomplishments
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Men =
• Social organization is
hierarchical for men /
someone is in the ‘one-up”
position and someone is in
the ‘one-down’ position on
the ladder ALL OF THE
TIME!
• Men are expected to give
directives and ‘boss’ the
other lower-status members
around
• More likely to state their
opinions strongly and create
an impression of confidence
• Less likely to be concerned
about being ‘liked’; rather
concerned about being
‘respected and admired’
• More likely to talk about their
positive accomplishments and
‘toot their own horn’ / be
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 Leadership
Problems & Solutions for the Female Communicator

Problem = Solution =
Society in the USA expects • Behave like a 24 / 7 professional
men and women to play by and adopt traits typical of leaders
– Be self-confident & certain
different rules. – Be caring / empathetic / fair
• Leaders are viewed – Be charismatic
as less competent • DO NOT phrase directives as
and less self-assured suggestions—give directions /
when phrasing orders as needed
directives as • State your opinions and back
‘suggestions’ them up with facts and
• Men are more likely to information.
behave in ways that • Be more concerned with being
get them recognized RESPECTED and less concerned
as “leaders” in the with being POPULAR and LIKED
by others.
workplace

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 Summary
• Historically, the workplace has had men in positions of authority and
power. Therefore, male-style communication and interaction is the
norm in most workplaces, even today.
• Female-style communication and interaction are valid and relevant
and have an important function in the workplace. However, when
used as a singular communication style, it can be a disadvantage to
women.
• Women must recognize and understand that in order to be viewed
as a competent, confident leader in the workplace; they must
incorporate male-style communication skills into their everyday
interpersonal communications.
• If women adopted male-style communication skills and men adopted
female-style communication skills; the workplace would likely be a
much more productive and enjoyable environment.
• Blend both masculine and feminine traits AND hold on to the
uniquely feminine--stay true to what makes you a WOMAN!

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 References
• Organizational Development, Chapter 3: Communication. South-Western Thomson Learning
Textbooks, 2000
• “Active Listening” graduate research paper, James G. Clawson, Darden Graduate School of
Business Foundation, University of Virgnia, Charlottesville, VA., 1986
• Talking 9 to 5, Deborah Tannen, Chapter One: “Women and Men Talking on the Job”, pgs. 143--
154
• Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray, Ph.D, Chapter One, Quill / Harper-
Collins Publishers
• Games Mother Never Taught You, The Classic Guide to Making it in a Man’s World
Corporate Gamesmanship for Women , by Betty Lehan Harragan. Mass Market Paperback, April
24, 1989

Career Creators
“The Career Design Specialists”
Career & Image Consulting Services
www.CareerDesignSpecialists.biz
(512) 788-2012
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 Thank You!
Prepared by Amber Travis-Ballinas, MBA
Career Consultant

Career Creators
“The Career Design Specialists”
Career & Image Consulting Services
www.CareerDesignSpecialists.biz
512 788-2012
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