Chapter 4: Coaching, Counseling

and Supportive Communication

What did you say?

 Objectives

 Differentiate between coaching and

counseling problems
 Avoid defensiveness and disconfirmation
in interpersonal communication
 Improve ability to apply principles of
supportive communication
 Improve work relationships by using
personal management interviews

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 Communication Facts

 Communication ability determines

promotability
 Communication quality between
managers and employees is often low
 80 percent of a manager’s day is spent
in verbal communication

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 Effective Communication

 Accurate, complete shared meaning –

what sender means is what receiver gets
 Supportive – relationship between
sender and receiver is enhanced by
communication
 Timely – message arrives when receiver
can use information

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 Relationship Between Unskillful
Communication and Interpersonal
Relationships

Abrasive, Distant, Restricted,

insensitive, distrustful, inaccurate
unskillful uncaring information and
message interpersonal defective
delivery relationships communication
flow

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 Managerial Communications

 Coaching
 giving advice, direction or information to
improve performance
 “I can help you do something better”
 Counseling
 helping someone understand and resolve a
problem him/herself by displaying
understanding
 “I can help you recognize that a problem
exists”

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 Obstacles to Effective
Interpersonal Communication
 DEFENSIVENESS
 One individual feels threatened or attacked
as a result of the communication
 Self-protection becomes paramount
 Energy is spent on constructing a defense
rather than on listening
 Aggression, anger, competitiveness, and/or
avoidance as a result of the communication

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 Obstacles to Effective
Interpersonal Communications
 DISCONFIRMATION
 One individual feels incompetent, unworthy,
or insignificant as a result of the
communication
 Attempts to reestablish self-worth take
precedence
 Energy is spent trying to portray self-
importance rather than on listening
 Showing off, self-centered behavior,
withdrawal, and/or loss of motivation are
common reactions

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 Supportive
Communication Principles
 Problem-oriented, not person-oriented
 “How can we solve this problem?”
 NOT “Because of you there is a
problem.”
 Based on congruence, not incongruence
 “Your behavior really upset me.”
 NOT “Do I seem upset? No,
everything’s fine.”

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 Supportive
Communication Principles
 Descriptive, not evaluative
 “Here is what happened; here is my
reaction; here is what I suggest that
would be more acceptable to me.”
 NOT “You are wrong for doing what
you did.”

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 Supportive
Communication Principles
 Validating, not invalidating
 “I have some ideas, but do you have
any suggestions?”
 NOT “You wouldn’t understand me, so
we’ll do it my way.”

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 Supportive
Communication Principles
 Specific, not global
 “You interrupted me three times during
the meeting.”
 NOT “You’re always
trying to get attention.”

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 Supportive
Communication Principles
 Conjunctive, not disjunctive
 “Relating to what you just said, I’d like
to discuss this.”
 NOT “I want to discuss this
(regardless of what you want to
discuss).”

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 Supportive
Communication Principles
 Owned, not disowned
 “I’ve decided to turn down your
request because….”
 NOT “You have a
pretty good idea, but
they just wouldn’t
approve it.”

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 Supportive
Communication Principles
 Involves listening, not just talking
 “What do you think are the obstacles
standing in the way of improvement?”
 NOT “As I said before, you make too
many mistakes. You’re just not doing
the job.”

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 Response Types

DIRECTIVE NONDIRECTIVE
RESPONSE RESPONSE
Generally Advising, Deflecting, Probing, Reflecting Generally
useful when useful when
coaching counseling

CLOSED OPEN
RESPONSE RESPONSE

Generally Advising, Deflecting, Probing, Reflecting Generally

useful during useful during
later stages early stages
of discussion of discussion
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 Personal Management
Interview (PMI)
 Regularly scheduled, one-on-one meeting
between manager and subordinate
 Meeting is designed to assist in continuous
improvement
 Action items are generated and followed up
 Communication is supportive and two-way
 Generally takes about an hour

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 Communicating Supportively:
Behavioral Guidelines
 Differentiate between coaching and
counseling situations
 Use problem-oriented statements
 Be congruent
 Use descriptive, not evaluative,
statements
 Use validating statements

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 Communicating Supportively:
Behavioral Guidelines
 Use specific, conjunctive statements
 Own your statements
 Demonstrate supportive listening
 Implement a personal management
interview program

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 An Analysis of “Find Somebody
Else”
STATEMENT ANALYSIS OF PRINCIPLES
1. Ron Tends to be evaluative, so will cause defensiveness. Owns
rather than disowns feedback.
2. Mike Indicates defensiveness; person oriented; confrontive
approach with produce defensiveness.
3. Ron Attempts to be problem oriented, validating, and
descriptive.
4. Mike Still person oriented; global, not specific; non-supportive
listening.
5. Ron Evaluative; advising rather than asking for alternatives’
implied accusations; non-specific.
6. Mike Defensive; non-specific; avoids discussing problem
definition or problem solutions.
Etc..

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