Protecting Your

Inner Peace
Presented by:
J. Michael Goulding, MSW, LCSW

Sponsored by:
Carolina Partners In Mental HealthCare, PLLC
Thank You!!!
I invite you challenge my
thoughts…respectfully.

Stay away from, “I know that.”

Ice Breaker
What was your take away?
Overview

Learn What Is Your Responsibility

Employ The Checklist

The Goal of the Circle

Overview (cont’d)

Defending Yourself from Client Baggage

Forming Alliances

The Mirror
Guidelines

Safety First - Stay focused.

Speak for yourself by using “I” statements.

What happens here stays here.

Speak from the heart.

Take care of yourself and any physical limitations you may have.
Guidelines

The Aikido moves are very effective. Test them

slowly and gently.

Have fun! You will not master the Aikido

techniques today.

If you want to test the Aikido moves at a higher

level, then test them with me.

Spread the word, but give credit. Do not use for

profit as this is copyrighted material.
Role-Play

• A client approaches you outside of work while you are

having a special dinner.

• Pair up

• One person plays the role of the client.

• The other person tries to get pack to dinner peacefully.

How Well Did it Work?
Write down 25 issues that
interrupt your peace.
Arms Out at Your Side
The Circle
Map Issues The latest celebrity news about who
cheated on who

Needing to organize house

Break up from 6
Death of relative 3 years months ago
ago

Recent betrayal of a close friend

Critical family
member
Laundry

A neighbor who is making more work for himself by not

listening to my advice
Take Aways!
How I Learned about
Responsibility
Where We Store Our Responsibilities
Truth about the Circle

It is the only place where you truly have control.

You can be the most effective when you focus on your

space and address how life/people impact that space.

You are responsible for managing everything that enters

your circle.
The Pipe
Common Expressions
 I have a lot of pent up emotion. I have to get this off of
my _________.

 I have been thinking about getting this taken care of all

day and cannot get it off of my _________.

 Since I have been promoted, I have had a lot on my

______.

 I have to get this ______ off my back.

 My cross to bear.
The Checklist

Have I properly educated my client?

Have I explored the best resources for my

client?

Have I used my best knowledge and skills

of therapy to help my client?
The Checklist

 Once you have done everything you

can do, everything is off of your
circle.

 Although you did everything in the

best way, you still do not have control
over the outcome.
The Checklist

 Shift your thinking from judging

yourself based on outcomes to
evaluate yourself on how well you did
everything on your checklist/circle.

 Outcomes usually improve when

people make this shift.
What Is Inside the Circle
 What Is Left When You
Clear the Circle?

 When you take away the issues that

interfere with your highest sense of
self, whether it be something divine
or psychological freedom, you are left
with peace..
What does peace
mean to you?
Everything Relates to Peace
What Is Peace?
 “Not the peace of the grave or the security
of the slave. I am talking about genuine
peace - - the kind of peace that makes life
on earth worth living -- the kind that
enables man and nations to grow and to
hope and to build a better life for their
children.”
JFK
What Is Peace?

 Connecting with your highest sense of

self while accepting life on life’s
terms.
What If you Are Not Responsible?
Getting Past The Wall
To Feelings
Past the Wall Onto Feelings
 Steps Toward
Emotional Discussion

Facts Thoughts Emotions

Getting Past the Wall to Feelings

Emotional or physical

Importance of dealing with

emotions

If you want to feel better, then

you have to address your feelings
 Steps Toward
Emotional Discussion

Emotions are physiological.

Anger is a guardian for more

vulnerable emotions.

What is behind the anger?

Emotional Decoys

“I feel like she doesn’t listen to me.”

“It really bothers me when he’s late.”

“I’m mad as hell that she cheated on

me!”
Emotional Bathroom
Alliances
Alliances

No individual is as powerful as

someone with strong Alliances.
Advantages of Alliances
Disadvantages of Alliances
Spiraling and
Testing Layers
The Mirror
How do you read the following words?
The Mirror

WOMAN WITHOUT HER MAN IS NOTHING

The Mirror
The Mirror
Advantages of The Mirror

Changes your environment

Physically altering environment

Setting a good example

Advantages of the Mirror

Master mind.

You see things accurately.

Calmly stating facts to others acts as a

reflection for others to see how they truly are.
Protecting Yourself From
Client Baggage
What Interrupts Peace?
 Someone holding you to an obligation that does not
belong to you.

 People arguing that their opinion is better than yours.

 People presenting lofty ideals that do not match with

their lowly behaviors.

 Someone trying to take away your resources by

repeatedly violating your boundaries.

 Passive aggressive behaviors that skirt the real feelings.

What Interrupts Peace?
 Being forced to use faulty ideas that have failed many
times in the past.
 People refusing to offer information on the next step
that could help you. (Stonewalling)
 Someone tries to overcome your ideas in a group with
criticism and a bullying force.
 Two people try to impose their agendas that take you in
the opposite direction.
 People wanting you to take sides with them over
someone else that you like.
How Do You Maintain Peace?

 What are the solutions to address disruption?

Why An Aikido Metaphor

 What do you know about Aikido?

 Aikido History
Aikido Principles

Evade

Align

Enter
 Aesop’s Fable
Aesop’s Fable
The Sun & The
Wind
Aligment Exercise
Validate your partner as he/she discusses an issue.
 Personal Policy
 Aikido Intention: Keep your
opponent out of your space
by peacefully defending
your boundary by escaping a
hold.

 Interpersonal Intention:
Peacefully keep someone
from “holding” you to an
obligation that does not
belong to you.
 Snake Past Head Games
 Aikido Intention: Get out of
the trap by moving your
hand directly past a
person’s head.

 Interpersonal Intention: Go
past the trap of arguing
with someone’s head games
onto directly asking for your
needs.
 Expose The Inconsistency
 Aikido Intention: Overcome
your opponent by spreading his
arms (and energy) in two
completely different directions
thus taking him off balance.

 Interpersonal Intention:
Expose the differences
between the high ideal
promises someone makes and
the actual behaviors/decisions
one actually exhibits, thus
taking him off balance.
 Pre-emptive Strikes On
Repeated Attacks
 Aikido Intention: Enter into
your opponent’s attack with
a disarming move before he
can attack again.

 Interpersonal Intention:
Address the situation
proactively, when a person
makes more than one
attack, before the other
person tries to take away
resources from you again.
 Go Straight For The Emotions
 Aikido Intention: Escape an
attacker’s hold by pointing
directly toward a person’s
core (center of the body).

 Interpersonal Intention:
Get a person to yield to
your point or leave you
alone by you pointing at the
core emotions that are
involved in a passive
aggressive conflict.
 Natural Consequences
 Aikido Intention: Overcome
your opponent by turning
his own fingers against him
until he yields.

 Interpersonal Intention:
Use the factual information
about your opponent’s
faulty ideas against him
until he yields to the new
ideas which need to be
considered.
 Adopt A Family Member
 Aikido Intention: Enter an
opponents space who is
keeping you away with a
sweeping back hand.

 Interpersonal Intention: Get

closer to someone who is
keeping you at bay by not
giving the information you
need.
 Yield & Overcome
 Aikido Intention: Overcome
your opponent with superior
force by taking him off
balance by putting yourself
in the lower position.

 Interpersonal Intention:
Overcome a person with
superior force by allowing
them to have their faulty
way and have them fail.
 Monkey In The Middle
 Aikido Intention: Bring
both opponents together
(and away from you) when
they are tugging on you in
opposite directions.

 Interpersonal Intention:
Get two people together
who have different agendas
for you and have them work
out the differences that
really exist between them.
 Get Out Of The Crossfire
 Aikido Intention: Get away
from the attacker who is
holding you while escaping
a second attacker who is
moving into hit you from
another direction.

 Interpersonal Intention:
Get out of the way and out
of the conflict that really
exists between two other
people who are trying to
get you involved.
Other Situations

 Write down a situation that you may be dealing with in your

life.

 What is your intention in facing that situation based on what

you learned today?

Care to Share?
Thoughts

 What was most helpful to you?

 What was your take away?

What’s Next?

 Spread the word

 I would love to speak at your organization!!!

 Check out the site www.victoriousmcg.com

 Copyrighted Material
Resources
 Goulding, J. (2013). “Protecting Your Inner Peace”.
Outskirts Press, Denver, CO.
Contact Information

 J. Michael Goulding MSW, LCSW

 www.victoriousmcg@gmail.com
 www.victoriousmcg.com
 919-297-8394