Improve these:

Although the motorcycle hit the tree, it was not

damaged.
He was not very often on time.

Writing Clearly
Improve these:
Each and every one
The reason why is that
In spite of the fact that
I want to call your attention to
There is no doubt that
This is for documentation purposes.
Repeat it again.
Mix the ingredients together.
Signing the contract is a necessary requirement.
They did not pay attention to the traffic sign.
He was not very often on time.

Clearly
Writing

and Concisely
 1. Use definite, specific, concrete language
•number
•dates and time
•place
•people
•Frequency
•Answer Whs and How Questions
2.Use familiar, simple words;
avoid clichés, slang and jargon
3. Use lists, bullets, etc
4. Use consistent subjects, pronouns, tenses, etc
5. Avoid turning verbs to nouns
6. Be direct: use active voice, positive structure
7. Omit unnecessary words
Clearly
Writing
- avoid redundant, wordy expressions
and Concisely
Improve these:
A period of unfavorable weather set in.

She did not remember his birthday.

After much deliberation, we arrived at the conclusion that the

policy constitutes unfair treatment of employees.
We came to an agreement about the contract at the meeting.
The bank performed an analysis of the loan application.
The loan has a requirement of 50% collateral from the
applicant.
She made the a payment about two weeks ago.
We informed her that she had to give an explanation for the
late submission of the report.

Clearly,
Writing

and Concisely
 Melanie explained the proposal to Joy, but she was not happy with it.
We have received your letter and are happy to provide you with the data
you requested.

As per our discussion previously, some of our personnel will be required to

work overtime in the next few days. Please report to HR to get
information with regard to your schedule at your earliest convenience.

Certain members of our team expressed dissatisfaction with the report

from the sales department and they thought it contained missing
information.

This memorandum is being issued to remind everyone concerned

regarding the observance of official working hours... The leadership
committee will meet regularly to monitor compliance.

Clearly
Writing Improve these
and Concisely
Improve these:
I need those documents ASAP.
You need to pay your bill or we have no choice but to cut off your
service.

You didn’t read the instructions carefully, so your system has shut
down.

I can’t help you on this matter.

This is to remind everyone of the observance of official work hours.

Failure to comply will be met with sanctions.

Smoking will no longer be permitted in the building.

The committee on employee health and safety reached this decision
after considering evidence from researchers and physicians on the
dangers of second-hand smoke.
Writing

Courteously
 Use sentence heads for courtesy
May I / Shall I / Could I
I hope you don’t mind/ Do you mind if
Could you/Would you
I would appreciate it if
I really wish I could, but…
It looks like…/It appears as if/that…
Perhaps you know this already, but I
feel it bears repeating/reminding…
I don’t mean to
confuse/bother/offend/etc you

For bad news/critical statements

- avoid starting sentences with ‘You”
Writing - subordinate bad news
Courteously - use the past tense to be less direct
Improve these:
I need those documents ASAP.
Finish the report by tomorrow.
You need to pay your bill or we have no choice but to cut off your
service.
You didn’t read the instructions carefully, so your system shut down.

I can’t help you on this matter.

This is to remind everyone of the observance of official work hours.

Failure to comply will be met with sanctions.

Smoking will no longer be permitted in the building.

The committee on employee health and safety reached this decision
after considering evidence from researchers and physicians on the
dangers of second-hand smoke.
Writing

Courteously
 I need those documents ASAP.
Could you give me those documents by the end of the day?
Finish the report by tomorrow.
I hoped/wondered/thought you could finish the report by tomorrow.
You need to pay your bill or we have no choice but to cut off your
service.
We would appreciate it if you could pay the full amount by ___ to
continue using the service.
You didn’t read the instructions carefully, so your system shut down.
The system may shut down if the software incorrectly installed.
I can’t help you on this matter.
I’m afraid I can’t do that…What I can do is…

Writing

Courteously
 This is to remind everyone of the observance of official work hours.
Failure to comply will be met with sanctions.

We wanted to remind everyone to closely observe work hours to

provide timely service to our clients. Please read the 20 Jan 2014
memo for the list of sanctions that may be received by those who are
unable to comply.

Smoking will no longer be permitted in the building.

The committee on employee health and safety reached this decision
after considering evidence from researchers and physicians on the
dangers of second-hand smoke.

The committee on employee health and safety has considered

scientific evidence on the dangers of second-hand smoke. As a result,
the committee has decided to no longer permit smoking in the
building.
Writing

Courteously
Improve these

We are very sorry, but we cannot meet the deadline for

the report tomorrow because we still have not finished
all the diagrams and other attachments.

I’m sure you will agree that my qualifications match your

job needs.

I’m so sorry but there’s nothing I can do to help you.

I know you are very busy, but I would really like to meet
with you.

Clearly, Concisely
Writing

Courteously and Confidently

 Use positive language
• emphasize what you can do, not what you cannot do
• emphasize benefits, not threats/disadvantages

Be sincere
• courtesy or confidence without sincerity is patronizing
(talking down)
- personalize (use I/we hope/believe/feel statements)

Use appropriate emphasis and subordination

Stress the benefits for the reader.
Writing

Courteously
and Confidently
 We are very sorry, but we cannot meet the deadline for the report
tomorrow because we still have not finished all the diagrams and other
attachments.
We would be grateful if you can allow us to submit the report on Dec 11.
This would allow us to complete all the diagrams that would make the
report easier to understand.

I’m sure you will agree that my qualifications match your job needs.
I hope you could review my resume to see how my qualifications closely
match the needs of the job.

I’m so sorry but there’s nothing I can do to help you.

Our policy limits us in assisting you fully, but we can provide you with…

I know you are very busy, but I would really like to meet with you.
Writing
You extensive experience will be inspiring to
Courteously to our team so we look forward to meeting
you. Would 10am Thursday be convenient?
and Confidently
I hope you will contact me. I know my qualifications are not very impressive, but
I hope that you will give me a chance.