SECRETS OF HAPPY LIVING

Kiruthigha .E.B
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MBA 09053

Sankar Rajan MBA 09091 Saraswat Bhattacharya MBA 09093 Vinay Gupta MBA 09121 Vivek Ramdas MBA 09123

WHY IS HAPPY LIFE SO

IMPORTANT
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LOOK AROUND YOU ,LOOK AT YOURSELF

Look at a bookstore , is the personal development and self help books are growing at an alarming rate Do you find many shows and columns in newspaper too improve life ,reduce stress Why is there so much importance attached today to work life balance,(did you find your grandparents ever talk about it)

LOOK AROUND YOU , LOOK AT YOURSELF

How many times have we come across people with anxiety disorder People with addictions

THE ANSWER: Many times ,Almost Daily !!!!

THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION POINTS OUT ..

30% of the adult population suffer from recognized psychiatric disorder Depression is the fourth biggest disease and by 2020 it will become the second biggest 1 in 4 adults suffer from serious addictions 1 in 2 people will go through a stage in life where they consider suicide 1 in 10 people attempt suicide

WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO BE
HAPPY
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LETS TAKE A JOURNEY BACK IN TIME

Primitive human mind being was to look out for any danger and avoid it or kill it- survival Another important aspect Must belong to a clan The stone age persons ambition-The more the better Comparing amongst members to identify the chief

AND WE CONTINUE DOING THIS EVEN

TODAY Our mind is in constant look out for trouble Is it good or bad ? Dangerous or safe Our we going to lose our jobs, embarrass our selves in public, will we get cancer (oh no!!!) We need to have more money, power to be accepted in society We keep comparing to identify our worth

THE EVOLUTION OF MAN

Our mind has evolved over the last thousand years, since the very first species Our minds evolved to help us survive With each generation our mind has become extremely skilled at predicting danger and avoiding danger So evolution has shaped or mind to suffer psychologically

SO WHAT IS HAPPINESS
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THERE ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT MEANINGS

A feeling of gratification we all enjoy happy feeling so no wonder we chase

The True meaning of happiness is: A rich, full and meaningful life , where are actions come from our values close to our heart

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THE HAPPINESS TRAPS

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CERTAIN MYTHS ABOUT HAPPINESS

Myth 1: happiness is a natural state for all human beings Myth 2: If you re not happy you are defective Myth 3: To create a better life , we must get rid of negative feelings Myth4 : You should be able to control what you think and feel

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THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL

The Mind enables us to shape our world the things we want, the food we eat, our career .. This amazing ability helps us control our environment Breaking News: This will work in material world, but what about our internal world thoughts ,urges memories

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CAN WE CONTROL OUR INNER WORLD

Here is a simple experiment:

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We can control but we have very little control over our inner mind Culture teach us to control our feelings, thoughts etc

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THE ACCEPTANCE AND

COMMITMENT THERAPY
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DIFFUSION TECHNIQUE
Relate to your thought in a new way accept it The mind is a great story teller hence we all fall prey to cognitive fusion

Thoughts= words in our heads y Images =pictures inside our head y Sensation feelings inside our body
y

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HOW TO DEFUSE A THOUGHT COGNITIVE

DIFFUSION Musical thought sing a thought to the rhythm of the birthday tune Naming your story Find out whether a thought is useful to you does it motivate you Thoughts are stories, so hold on to your values lightly not tightly !!! Silly voice technique

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WHAT IS DIFFUSION

Diffusion is all about seeing them for what they really are and making peace with them; allowing them to be there without fighting them

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EMOTIONS AND BEHAVIOR

Emotions never control our behavior It creates a tendency , and tendencies can be changed So never try changing your emotions to change yourself !!

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EMOTIONS ARE LIKE WEATHER

they are always present and constantly changing

A Significant event

Get Ready for action

The Mind gets involved

STRUGGLE SWITCH PUT IT OFF

With struggle switch off : Our emotions are free to move We dont waste time and energy fighting or avoiding them We dont generate all that dirty discomfort With the struggle switch on: Our emotions are stuck We waste huge energy

JUDGING EMOTIONS !!!

Why am i feeling like this Tries to pinpoint feelings leads to the thought that life is problems This sets you on self blame Search entire life history for reasons why you are like this. This leads to anger, resentment and it often ends up blaming your parents Shifting through your faults, flaws and defects Your mind is feeding you the story that your weak, something bad is going to happen Your mind is trying to fight reality that reality is wrong give me my reality Wishful thinking

What have I done to deserve this Why am I like this

What is wrong with me I cant handle this

I shouldnt feel like this

I wish I didnt feel like this

EXPANSION
Making room for unpleasant feeling sensation and urges The key :observe and be aware of yourself

Step 1:observe y Step2 breath y Step3 Allow and acknowledge those feelings
y

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URGE SURFING

OBSERVE
y y y y y y y

O=observe B=Breathe S=surf E=expand R=refocus V=value E=engage

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CONNECTION
Connection means fully living in the present; focusing on and engaging on fully whatever we do Being in present The simple 5 things technique Connecting with morning routine:)

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VALUES
Values are ideas and beliefs we hold dear to heart- how we want to live be treated and so on. Be in connect with your values- and make clear what is important to you

-The Bulls eye worksheet

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YOUR VALUES: WHAT REALLY MATTERS TO YOU, DEEP IN YOUR

HEART? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR TIME ON THIS PLANET?

What sort of person do you want to be? What personal strengths or qualities do you want to develop? 1. Work/Education: includes workplace, career, education, skills development, etc. 2. Relationships: includes your partner, children, parents, relatives, friends, co-workers, and other social contacts. 3. Personal Growth/Health: may include religion, spirituality, creativity, life skills, meditation, yoga, nature; exercise, nutrition, and/or addressing health risk factors like smoking, alcohol, drugs or overeating etc 4. Leisure: how you play, relax, stimulate, or enjoy yourself; activities for rest, recreation, fun and creativity. THE BULLS EYE: make an X in each area of the dart board, to represent where you stand today

THE BULLS EYE EFFECT.

COMMITTED ACTION
Take effective actions - Guided by values Take actions again and again

Happiness is not pleasure, success, mood, its a stable state of mind

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AWARENESS LEADS TO HAPPINESS

What is awareness? Its having a 3600 vision of our surroundings It is having awareness

About me Within me Without me Relevant to me

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AWARENESS IS ABOUT CHOOSING THE

RIGHT PATHS

Pleasure Temptations

Sins/ Unethical

Path to excellence
Hurting anyone deeply and deep love cannot be together
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AWARENESS: UNDERSTANDING THE VIEWS

Reality Your View My View

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WHAT IS AWARENESS

Awareness

L ve / N eg , Neur tic

Wis

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WHAT SHOULD ONE DO FOR BEING AWARE

Effort, Hard work

Knowledge

Discipline
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HOW ONE CAN LEAD A BALANCED LIFESTYLE/ SEEKING EXCELLENCE

Balanced Lifestyle

Success is not an accident Balancing Ones Ambition Getting out of unrealistic Measures

Discipline,

Strict measures

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HAPPY LIVING WHAT IS A HEALTHY

PROCESS
Healthy Process

Being

Doing

Having

Unhealthy Process

Having

Doing

Being
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HEALTHY PROCESS BEING DOING HAVING

Excellence happens because ones being (sum total of his strengths, interests and innate talents) Flows into his doing (the work or profession that he has chosen) The havings or the rewards associated with the work in terms of promotions, monetary rewards, name, fame, respect etc. accrue to him because of his outstanding work quality 39

FLOW : HAPPINESS RELATED TO PERFORMANCE

Task Complexity

eg R

on i

of

ow l

Task Competence

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THE CHANNEL OF FLOW: STATE OF BLISS

A very highly skilled person is engaged in a task, which is difficult and complex enough to engage his complete attention. The person gets completely immersed in the task that he loves to do as well is very good at. In such cases the work becomes a joy and hours can pass in a state of bliss such that he forgets himself So, to be happy at the cognitive level, a person has to not only be very skilled at some vocation but also has to find opportunities to express his skill

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CRITICAL ASPECT: CONTROL OF EMOTIONS

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IDENTIFYING YOURSELF
Normal Self Narcissistic Self

Real Person: Weak , Vulnerable Artificial Person: Superhero, Sky high ego We may give more credit to ourselves than required Bottom-line: Find out our own weakness and address the problem

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INTEGRATED PERSON
Spirit (Spiritual)
Enjoys what he does; encourages & supports growth of others

Heart (Emotional) Self actualizing man Mind (Cognitive)

Emotionally free; invests in nourishing relationships

Invests constantly in their chosen vocation; deals with information very effectively

Body (Physiological)

Respects his body; Follows healthy habits

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SPAN OF ATTENTION AND ITS QUALITY

Quality o attention Self Causes quality o experience

Object

The quality of the selfs attention to the experience which ensures happiness or lack of it This is one of the main reason even rich people may not H H H be happy H H U U H E.g. Enjoying a cup of coffee, Natural beauty etc. U H Paying attention to each H and every pleasurable activity can go a very long way to enjoy our material prosperity and adding to our overall happiness and gratitude Mind as a bucket which accumulates happiness as H and unhappines s as U levels.

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MEMORIES : A PERMANENT IMPRESSION

H H H U H U H H H U H

Mind as a bucket which accumulates happiness as H and unhappines s as U

One needs to be constantly aware of what is happening in ones life on a moment-to-moment basis. This helps one to collect Hs from pleasurable experiences and to avoid Us as much as possible. An awareness of this fact may help one to sort out many of ones bad habits, which generate unpleasantness

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VALUES OF A HAPPY PERSON

Truth Honesty Integrity Respect for human dignity: Love & Compassion Belief in the virtues of hard work or industriousness Respect for laws and norms Cooperativeness

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WHY PEOPLE ARE UNHAPPY

Thoughts Produces feelings Feelings like

y y y y y y y y y y

Frustration Procrastination Pressure Jealousy Greed Anger Guilt Revenge Anxiety Worry

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FORMULA FOR HAPPINESS!!

X+Y+Z+W= Happiness
X y Y y Z y W
y

Work Play Mouth shut! Meditation/ Reflection

Whatever is happening is happening and whatever is not happening is not happening!!

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Control the life-shaping power of your thoughts and attitudes

Old Traditional View Pessimism Optimism

New View Optimism Low Pessimism Low High

High

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 Hard optimism is all about not thinking negative.  Think positive vs Eliminating negative thoughts.  An attitude of positive expectancy energizes us, calls out our potential and heightens our awareness of opportunity.  A negative frame of mind saps your energy as well as the energy of people around you, weakens your confidence, hurts your creativity and problem solving skills.
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 Hard optimism doesnt come from merely repeating positive statements to ourselves to ourselves.  It comes when we change how we deal with our negative thoughts and feelings.  Positive thinking is important but nonnegative thinking is the essence of hard optimism.  Optimism or pessimism - ultimately its your choice

What an interesting life I had. And how I wish I had realized it sooner.

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Assess your current level of optimism

 A lot of people are reading themselves wrong.

 Is optimism inherited?  To a certain extent.  But it can also be developed over time i.e. shaped by your early upbringing plus the influence of lifes ups and downs.
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 Children rank particularly high on optimism but it drops

significantly once they enter puberty.  Females have greater emotional range than men i.e. more optimism and pessimism.  Fate doesnt determine our emotional fortune.  Fate is one thing, but how we choose to face it is quite another.
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 Circumstances are going to affect your attitude.  DNA also has its say in who you are and how you feel.  But your own consciousness bats last.  Change the way you look at life and you literally shape a different life for yourself.

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Be careful how you interpret the world: It is like that.

Develop the explanatory style of an optimist

 Each of us has an inner voice that only we can hear.  Those of us who end up with an optimistic explanatory style have an inner self that reaffirms our ability and predicts good fortune.  Those who have a pessimistic explanatory style have an inner voice that criticizes our performance and warns of trouble to come.
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 How optimists interpret bad events : Transient External Specific to the situation i.e. not pervasive.  How optimists interpret good events : Long lasting Internal Pervasive
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What the caterpillar calls a tragedy, the master calls a butterfly.

Eliminate the explanatory style that pessimists use

 Where do you think most of the bad news comes from thats floating around in your head?  From yourself since you talk more to yourself than to anyone else in the world.

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 Why pessimists bog down in bad events? They habitually accuse themselves of being the root cause of their troubles. Pessimists expect that bad events will be permanent. Pessimists convince themselves that bad effects will be pervasive.

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 Pessimists warped explanations for good events : Success gets attributed to external factors. Good fortune is a random event i.e. temporary. Causes of good events are specific in nature.

Whenever he thought about it he felt terrible. And so, at last, he came to a fateful decision. He decided not to think about it.

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Recognize and dispute pessimistic thoughts

 Five enemies of optimism : Concern Complaining Commiserating Criticizing Catastrophizing
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 Kill negative thinking while its young.  When worry first sets in take a moment to reflect on past successes.  Deliberately change your inner voice from problem talk to solution talk.  If youre hit with the urge to complain put it on hold until youve scanned for good news.
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 Resist the urge to commiserate with others. It is not rewarding and just sucks all the optimism out of the air.  Beware of falling into the trap of criticizing.  Never catastrophize. Catastrophizing is a feeding frenzy of brooding about the past and imagining worst-case scenarios for the future.

The door to hell is locked from the inside.

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Use positive reappraisal to handle problems and disappointments

 When adversity hits, our innate response is to focus sharply on the dangers, difficulties and downside.  Nothing wrong with this. But how long should we let it continue.  After the initial shock wears off, shift your focus away from whats troubling about the situation and search intensely for whats potentially good.
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 Optical illusion Ugly old woman vs Beautiful young woman.  Positive reappraisal refers to deliberate switching of your attention from worst-case to best-case thinking.  Eyeing adversity from a positive angle opens up our field of view. We start looking at the situation with a broader and longer-term perspective.
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 People who practice positive reappraisal have a way of emerging from difficulties stronger, happier and better off than before.  How you construe a situation literally helps create the reality.  Learn to exploit adversity.

No sense being pessimistic. Wouldnt work anyway.

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Make hope a habit

 Research shows that hope plays a surprisingly potent role in giving people a measurable advantage in realms as diverse as academic achievement, bearing up in onerous jobs and coping with tragic illness.  Hope helps move us in the direction of our goals and ambitions.
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 Under the influence of hope we think in terms of possibilities, answers and solutions instead of limits, losses and fears.  When hope fades -: We lose confidence. Our willpower starts to slip. We quit stretching, lower our sights and start calculating fallback positions.
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 Most of us make the mistake of counting on hope to just happen.  We should realize that this is a skill we should develop.  Always give hope a fighting chance.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

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VIEW OF EDWARD DE BONO

Just as burning is the proper function of fire, happiness is the proper function of mans existence. Twin aims of living in current meta-system, Happiness & Dignity. Dignity is happiness with ones self. Happiness must be realized here, in this life.

IT IS A DELIBERATE EFFORT.
Myth is that to try to culture happiness may seem to destroy spontaneity of nature. Todays world is not that peaceful & romantic. World became complex and pressures are great and confusing. Deliberate effort must be made to culture essential ingredients of happiness. Self awareness and acknowledgement is the key.

COUNTER PARTS OF HAPPINESS..

Pleasure
    

Its very real. So real that brains Pleasure centre can be stimulated externally. Natural purpose is like the sugar coating on pill to make man do necessary thing to survive. Over indulgence is like a child eating a full bottle of iron pill and gets poisoned. Greed, selfishness and self indulgent is the consequence. No natural cut off to it. So its us who have to balance.

Excitement
Highly short ter. Soon wears off and demands more and more effort.  Boredom, ingredient for further unhappiness, is created by excitement.  Most of the time counter productive, blunt our senses.  Have to be cultured very carefully.


Enthusiasm
    

Opposite of apathy, so life enhancing. Can be attached to anything. Not that counter productive without balance. But excessive enthusiasm can lead to frequent switching of interest. Possibility of being carried away, unable to invest effort and interest in absence of it.

Joy
Pleasure of more aesthetic and intellectual type.  Circumstances arouse joy may be recognized, but not easily produced on demand.  A combination of circumstances and mood.


Interest
Permanent source of pleasure.  Distinct source of happiness in itself.  Durable, dependable and permanent.


Relief
Freedom from fear and worry, freedom from guilt, freedom from pressure.  Though brief, covers specific moments of happiness, but still very important.  In todays world, relief from complexity and confusion is real happiness.  Relief from being able to make a difficult effective decision is also real happiness.


Peace
More than just the absence of discomfort.  More than just relief, complacency and smugness.  Proper functioning of human system.  No excess friction or strain, unconstrained happiness.


CONCEPT OF SELF SPACE, AND LIFE SPACE.

Self Space Life Space Near Happiness

Near Dignity Ego

THE LUMP EFFECT..

TO STRIKE A PROPER BALANCE..

Problem of happiness is the problem of balance. We prefer to deal with polarized, either/or decision. Concept of Cut Offs and Trade Off is very important. Awareness of ones own temperament and past experiences. Development of will power and discipline, also sensitization through deliberate training.

Probably not possible to induce happiness. Individual can generate or choose circumstances which themselves generate. Identifying the situations that cause moods swings. To smooth them out, rather more acknowledging them. One days depression never fails persuit of happiness.

LANCE AMSTRONG

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THE LIFE AND CAREER OF LANCE ARMSTRONG

Lance has won the Tour De France, the toughest and most prestigious cycling event for 7 consecutive years 1999 -2005. What makes this record even more remarkable is his well documented recovery from a near fatal attack of cancer. Lance recovered from this painful experience to become, against all expectations the most successful cyclist of his generation.

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FACING THE DEATH

He had symptoms of pain in testicles earlier. He ignored. Later started coughing up blood, and went for diagonosis. Though mispredicted by some doctors as sinius, finally Advanced Testicular Cancer was diagnosed. Due to late discovery it turned to metastasis, and spread to lungs and brain from abdomen. Immediate surgery and chemotherapy was needed, still leaving less than 40% chance of survival.

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DWELL WITH DEATH..

Only one thing, beyond everything, that immense will power and trust in himself. Didn't panicked, didnt lost focus Took intelligent rational decision. Chose a different combination of chemotherapy medicines. Etoposide, Ifosfamide, and Cisplatin. Using Ifosfamide instead of Bleomycin, to avoid lung toxicity. Decision saved his career. Fought internally a lot, came back in training after five month.

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