ACTIVE LISTENING AND EMPATHY

Active Listening


It means listening by more than just hearing words, by truly understanding and acknowledging the other person s message and feelings. It allows and encourages another person to freely communicate his/her needs and opinions It s a very important skill while relating to others

Empathy


Definition -D. M. Berger:

The capacity to know emotionally what another is experiencing from within the frame of reference of that other person, the capacity to sample the feelings of another or to put oneself in another s shoes

Alvin Goldman:
The ability to put oneself into the mental shoes of another person to understand her emotions and feelings

Empathy is not


Sympathy
is the feeling of compassion or concern for another, the wish to see them better off or happier.

Pity
is feeling that another is in trouble and in need of help as they cannot fix their problems themselves, often described as "feeling sorry" for someone.

Emotional contagion
is when a person (especially an infant or a member of a mob) imitatively 'catches' the emotions that others are showing without necessarily recognizing this is happening

Listening and Empathy



Empathy should be an important component of active listening Empathetic listening is listening so intently and identifying so closely that one experiences the other person s situation, thoughts and emotions.

Components of Empathetic Listening

1.

REFLECTING: Purpose
To show that you understand how the person feels. Reflects the speaker s basic feelings.

Example:
You seem very upset.

2.

ENCOURAGING: Purpose
To convey interest. To encourage the other person to keep talking.

Example
Can you tell me more ?

3.

SUMMARIZING : Purpose
To review progress. To pull together important ideas and facts. To establish a basis for further discussion. Restates the major ideas expressed, including feelings.

Example
These seem to be the key ideas you ve expressed

4.

CLARIFYING : Purpose
To help you clarify what is said. To get more information. To help the speaker see other points of view.

How we can do it
Ask questions. Use wrong interpretations to force the speaker to explain further.

Example
When did this happen? Do I have this right? It means your friend hates you .

5.

RESTATING : Purpose
To show you are listening and understanding what is being said. To help the speaker see other points of view.

Example
So you would like your friends to include you at recess, is that right?

6.

VALIDATING : Purpose
To acknowledge the worthiness of the other person.

How we can do it
Acknowledge the value of their issues and feelings. Show appreciation for their efforts and actions.

Example
I truly appreciate your willingness to resolve this matter.

Common barriers to Listening



Constantly comparing yourself to the speaker Trying to mind read what the speaker really thinks Planning what argument or story to give next

Filtering so that one hears only certain topics or doesn't hear critical remarks Judging a statement to be crazy , boring , stupid . immature , hostile etc., before it is completed Going off on ones own daydreams Remembering your own personal experiences instead of listening to the talker

Drafting your advice before the speaker has finished Considering every conversation as intellectual debate with the goal of putting down the opponent Believing you are always right and therefore feel no need to listen Quickly changing the topic or laughing it off if the topic gets serious Placating the other person by automatically agreeing with everything

Some dangers to avoid while listening



Stereotyped reactions Pretending understanding Overreacting UnderUnder-reaching

Long windedness Inattention to non verbal cues Violating the other persons expectations

Guidelines for Empathic Listening



Be attentive Be aware of your facial expression and body language Be a sounding board Don t ask a lot of questions

Act like a mirror Don t discount the speakers feelings Don t let the speaker hook you Indicate you are listening

Follow good listening ground rules

Don t interrupt Don t change the subject or move in a new direction Don t rehearse in your own head Don t interrogate Don t teach Don t give advice

When to use Empathetic Listening



Before you take an action Before you argue or criticize When the other person wants to discuss a problem

When you sense the other person is not verbalizing their problems When another person wants to sort out his feelings and thoughts During a direct mutual conversation When you encounter new ideas

Activities
1.

Facilitator should ask the students to list any five situation in the following interpersonal situations where they have failed in empathetic listeninglistening1. 2. 3. With members of the family With friends With teachers/authority figures Take the examples from each of these situations and get the reactions from the class to find how many time we use components of empathetic listening and how the effective use of empathetic listening can change the situation.

2.

Role play:

Divide the class into 3 or 4 groups and give one situation each . Ask the students to enact the scene with common reactions and how empathetic listening can lead to better interpersonal relationship

Examples that can be usedusedA fellow student is leading a discussion in class convincing your parents to permit you to attend a party in the evening Working on a group assignment you were caught being distracted in class. How do you settle this issue with the teacher

THE END

Thank you!!!