BIO 301 Lecture 9 Sexual Relationships

Religion and Law Influence Sexual Morality Ancient Jewish doctrines forbade sexual behaviors such as adultery and sex between men. Reform Judaism is more liberal in sexual matters. Early Christianity taught negative views of sexual expression. After the Bible, no book has influenced Western ideas of morality more than The City of God. Islamic cultures have a tradition of restricting womens sexual freedom. Humanism principles support the right to privacy in sexual matters.

Sex in History: Sex and The City of God

St. Augustine of Hippo, author of City of God (De civitate Dei, begun ca. 413, finished 426) Originated the concept of original sin. Saw sex as a sin, not so much for the act itself, but for the emotion of lust which it engendered.

Moral perspectives on sexuality

Moral Judgments about Sex Depend on Context

Demographic factors such as age, sex, and religious background affect sexual attitudes

Disapproval of onenight stands

Society, Values, and the Law: Who May Marry?

U.S. attitudes toward interracial marriage have changed over time. Source: Gallup Poll

Attitudes towards gay marriage

Changing attitudes

Americans attitudes toward sexual relationships and marriage have changed over time

Moral stances on having a child out of wedlock vary greatly around the world

Sexual attitudes differ across countries

Chart reflects disapproval scores

Changing attitudes towards sexual relationships

According to a 2006 Gallup poll, Americans generally believe 25 to be the ideal marriage age for women, with 27 the preferred age for men. In 1946, however, Gallup found that 50% of Americans felt a woman should be married by 21 In 1946, many states allowed women as young as 14 to marry. How young is too young?

Sex in History: Love in Literature Have attitudes really changed?

In Romeo and Juliet, the title characters are 14 and 13; yet, Fr. Lawrence willingly performs their marriage, which is later consummated. Should the play now be considered child pornography?

Moral Judgments about Sex Depend on Context Sexual intimacy between women who are not lesbians is increasingly evident. Hooking up may be the new norm. Casual sex is more accepted in the gay male community.

Hookups often arise out of small social gatherings

Sex differences in willingness to engage in casual sex

Casual sex has a stronger appeal for men then for women.

The development of a relationship from first date involves differing but familiar story arcs Negotiating sex involves flirting. First dates may be highly scripted. As dating relationships proceed, partners may rely more heavily on interpersonal scripts. Same-sex dates rely on unique scripts. Dating relationships may evolve rapidly.
Many couples develop a mythology of the beginnings of their relationship

Flirting is the same the world over

First dates may be heavily scripted

Love Cements Many Sexual Relationships There are several kinds of love experienced by people. Romantic love appears to be a human universal experience. Being in love may be justification for marriage or sex. People fall in love with attractive persons who show interest in them.

Prairie home companions

The biological bases of love include the hormones vasopressin, oxytocin and CRF as well as neurotransmitters in the catecholamine family.

Research Highlights: This Is Your Brain in Love

The insular and anterior cingulate cortices are activated when people feel romantic love

Sternbergs love triangle

Stenbergs theory of love is comprised of passion, intimacy and commitment

Sternbergs Triangular Theory

Sternbergs three elements of love can combine to form different kinds of love.

Sternbergs seven types of love combine passion, intimacy, and commitment in different proportions

Couples may have matching or unmatched love triangles

Sternbergs Triangular Theory

Passion, Intimacy, & Commitment are the three love components Passion builds then fades Intimacy & Commitment continue to build Variations in components yield different kinds of love Intimacy alone = friendship Passion alone = infatuation Commitment alone = empty love

Love and commitment B. Fehr, 1988

The relationship of commitment to love is debated.

Rubins Love Scale

13-item questionnaire 3 components of love Attachment Caring Intimacy

Types of Love: Passionate Love a la Rubin

Passionate Love Also known as romantic love or infatuation Intense psychological feelings Generalized physiological arousal Strong sexual desire Avoid conflict Feelings of completeness Short-lived

Types of Love: Companionate Love a la Rubin

Companionate Love Less intense than passionate love Friendly affection & deep attachment Familiarity & tolerance for shortcomings More enduring than passionate love

Lees Styles of Loving (Lee, 1988)

Romantic (eros) passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment Game-playing (ludus) love that is played as a game or sport; conquest Compassionate (storge) affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity Possessive (mania) highly volatile love; obsession Altruistic (agape) selfless altruistic love; spiritual

Pause

Play Love styles video clip

Falling in Love

The chemistry of love Neurotransmitters  Norepinephrine  Dopamine  Phenylethylamine (PEA)  Oxytocin Endorphins Loss of romantic love and neurotransmitter
withdrawal

Falling in Love: Proximity

Proximity

Mere exposure effect Familiarity breeds predictability which leads to

greater comfort

Greater proximity often reflects shared interests

Falling in Love: Similarity

Similarity Level of physical attractiveness Age, educational status, and religion Race and ethnicity Why Similarity?  Share similar interests & activities  Communicate better  Confirm own views & experiences  Supportive of values & beliefs

Role of Similarity in Relationships

Role of Similarity in Relationships

Falling in Love: Reciprocity

Reciprocity

When someone shows they like us, we tend to

like them back

Increases in self-esteem Increases likelihood of relationship enduring

Falling in Love: Physical Attractiveness

Physical Attractiveness

Belief that Whats beautiful is good Status by association Most important in early stages May be an indicator of physical health Heterosexual males place greater emphasis on
physical attractiveness

Deal Breakers

Issues in Loving Relationships

Relationship between love & sex Relationship between the two is not always clear  Consider hook-ups and friends with benefits Questions to ask:  Does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship?  Do men and women have different views of sex & love?

Pause Play discuss marriage video clip

Sexual Orientation and Attitudes about Love & Sex

Many people stereotype same-sex relationships as primarily sexual However, lesbians and gay men generally seek loving, trusting, caring relationships that embrace many dimensions of sharing Sex differences among lesbians and gay men are consistent with general sex difference in attitudes toward love and sex Gay men are more likely than lesbians to separate love from sex Lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established

Pause Play same sex marriage video clip

Unhappy memories

Unrequited love is painful for both individuals involved and the rejector may experience guilt. Rejection in love damages self-worth and may result in obsessive relational intrusion or stalking.

Life Experiences Mold Our Sexual Relationships Attachment theory predicts that parenting styles influence sexual relationships. Communities impact relationship styles.

Attachment

Attachment: Intense emotional tie Adult attachments are influenced by our attachment to caregiver in infancy Attachment Style (Ainsworth)  Secure attachment  Insecure attachment  Anxious-Ambivalent attachment

Attachment

Attachment styles in Adulthood

Paired couples often are similar in their

attachment styles

Attachment style affects interaction in

relationship

Attachment Styles and Relationships

Couples in Relationships Resemble Each Other

The tendency of couples to resemble each other is called homogamy. There is evidence that homogamy contributes to the success of relationships, but there also evidence that it can also threaten them.

Communication Is a Key Factor in Successful Relationships Upbringing, gender, and cultural factors can inhibit sexual communication between partners. Premarital programs that teach communication can help couples stay together. An important component of communication is selfdisclosure. The expression of anger is not always bad for maintaining relationships. Behavioral couples therapy (BCT) attempts to improve communication styles between partners in sexual relationships.

Love, Jealousy, and Infidelity Are Connected At least two types of jealousy exist in the context of sexual relationshipssexual jealousy and emotional jealousy. Jealousy can help to maintain relationships that are threatened by other individuals. Jealousy exists due to extra-pair relationships. Extra-pair relationships have many styles and motivations. Personal and evolutionary factors influence infidelity. Extra-pair relationships are uncommon in the context of marriage.

Jealousy can help maintain relationships that are threatened by third parties

Jealousy in Relationships

Jealousy-prone person Low self-esteem High value on wealth and popularity Negative consequences Precipitates partner violence Stifles relationship development Raises anxiety, depression, anger Sex differences

What went wrong?

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction

Ingredients in a lasting love relationship

Self-acceptance Appreciation of each others qualities Commitment Good communication, realistic expectations
and shared interests Ability to face and deal with conflict

Getting angry does not necessarily threaten the stability of a relationship

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction

Characteristics of high quality relationships

Supportive communication Companionship Sexual expression and variety Seeing partner as best friend Maintaining frequent positive interaction

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction

Individual and relationship growth

Growth and change maintain relationship Overcome obstacles  View problems as challenges  Negotiate and renegotiate wants  Accept each other as unique

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction

Sexual Variety
Communication is critical Be spontaneous Plan for intimate time Dont worry about frequency standards

Changes in divorce rate over time

Divorce rate, 1950 - 2005 in 5-year intervals
6 5 % o f m arriages ending 4 3 2 1 0 50 55

60

65

70

75

80

85

90

95

00

05

Changes in divorce risk over time

The lifetime divorce risk for first marriage is 41% The lifetime divorce risk for second marriage is 60% The lifetime divorce risk for third marriage is 73%

Factors reducing lifetime divorce risk

Factor Divorce

Percent Decrease in Risk of

-30

Annual income over $50,000 (vs. under $25,000) Having a baby seven months or more after marriage (vs. before marriage) Marrying over 25 years of age (vs. under 18) Own family of origin intact (vs. divorced parents) Religious affiliation (vs. none) Some college (vs. high-school dropout)

-24 -24 -14 -14 -13

Whitehead and Popenoe The State of Our Unions (2004)

Are changes in divorce rate simply an echo of past changes in birthrate?

6.0 5.0 4.0 3.0 2.0 1.0 0.0 divorce rate births 25 yr prior

Are changes in divorce rate simply an echo of past changes in birthrate?

6.0

5.0

R2 = 0.8595

Divorce rate

4.0

3.0

2.0

1.0 2.0 2.5 3.0 3.5 4.0 4.5

Births, 25 yr prior

Marriage is an interlude of monogamy, according to NHSLS data

We Just Clicked Change continues