The Four Steps to the LOVE Approach

y LISTEN and LEARN (L)

This is the first thing you must do with a client. Focus on her and her situation. Give her your total attention. Ask good questions to draw her out. Develop trust Form the relationship without jumping in to give her advice or solve her problem!

The Four Steps to the LOVE Approach

y OPEN OPTIONS (O)
Only after forming the relationship should the helper begin to help the client examine options in a factual, loving, and caring way. What are the choices that the client has? What are the pros and cons of those choices?

How workable, realistic, and good are they for the client?

The Four Steps to the LOVE Approach

y VISION and VALUE (V)
In this step, sometimes combined or intertwined with the O step, the helper introduces a new and healthier vision for the client. Helpers see paths that the client, perhaps, has never considered or thought possible and give her a new or reawakened vision for that in her life.

The helper also helps the client see that she is worthy of that vision.

The Four Steps to the LOVE Approach

y EXTEND and EMPOWER (E)

At the end of the interview with the client, the helper lays out a plan and offers to extend the relationship that has been developing through appropriate follow-up at your center and referrals.

These, in fact, can give the client the kind of support she needs to work out her best options.

LISTEN AND LEARN

STEP ONE : L LISTEN AND LEARN

God gave us two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion.
It is important in most situations to talk to the client individually, because she may not open up with her parents or her boyfriend in the room. It is important to have good listening skills. Before practicing these skills, you need to know what you are trying to learn through listening.

Your goal should be to develop a full picture of the client and her situation.

Develop a Picture of Your Client

y Needs

Spiritual

Physical

Emotional Emotional Intellectual

Develop a Picture of Your Client

y Physical: overall poor health, no financial resources, no safe or suitable housing, no baby clothing. y Emotional: no sense of being loved for who she is, no sense of belonging, no sense of self-worth. y Intellectual: no knowledge about sexually transmitted diseases; poor knowledge about the dangers and failure rates of condoms and other birth control methods; no knowledge about abortion procedures, risks, or post-abortion syndrome; poor educational background or training; no accurate knowledge about adoption; no knowledge about her own fertility how her body is designed. y Social: poor relationships, isolated from peers, lack of social skills. y Spiritual: no sense of being loved by God, no relationship with Jesus, no recognition of a spiritual dimension to her life, no spiritual support community.

Develop a Picture of Your Client

y Strengths
Spiritual

Physical

Emotional Emotional

Intellectual

Develop a Picture of Your Client

y Physical: good health, adequate finances, safe housing. y Emotional: good sense of self; feeling of being loved; supportive

friends, family or boyfriend.

y Intellectual: good basic knowledge about parenting, pregnancy,

and adoption; quick learner; analytical.

y Social: healthy relationships with friends, good social skills. y Spiritual: belief in God, belief that God answers prayers,

spiritual peace, relationship with Jesus, church community.

Develop a Picture of Your Client

y Areas of Awareness
Thoughts: I don t have any other alternatives; I ve been in difficulties before and survived; no one cares about me; it s my decision and my boyfriend has left it up to me; my boyfriend shows he loves me through sex; intimacy comes when you start having sex; abortion is a safe and easy solution to my problem; I could never give my baby away; I would be a bad mother if I gave my baby away; my life now is so threatened that abortion is almost a matter of self defense. Feelings: I am scared; peaceful; confused; unsure; confident; lonely.

Develop a Picture of Your Client

Wants: I want to have children someday, but not now; I want an intimate relationship with my boyfriend; I want to get married someday; I don t want to hurt my family or make things difficult for my boyfriend; I want to handle this on my own. Values: I value my independence; I value education and getting ahead in life; I don t really have any goals or plans for my life; God and His Plan are important to me; sex has value in a committed relationship whether it s heterosexual or homosexual; sex for me is recreation; I value motherhood and family. Beliefs: God doesn t love me; I can t be forgiven for everything I ve done wrong; Jesus will forgive me if I have to have an abortion; God doesn t exist.

Develop a Picture of Your Client

Needs Strengths
Physical Physical

Social

Intellectual

Social

Intellectual

Emotional

Spiritual Issues

Emotional

Spiritual

Thoughts

The diagram above may help you visualize all the areas you can explore to develop a picture of your client and help her see her situation more clearly. Note that the issues in the middle circle are generally her sexual activity or relationship and the suspected or actual pregnancy. If you think of these circles as wheels that can revolve and turn each other, you and your client wil observe that the issues in the center may be viewed from different angles and thus look different as the spaces in the circles are fil ed out and turned as you examine them.

Wants

Feelings

Values

Beliefs

Areas of Awareness

How to Develop the Picture Further

A helper can paint a fuller picture of the client and her situation by:
y being attentive to the client (verbally and non-verbally), y being aware of her body language and non-verbals, y asking open-ended questions, y clarifying and interpreting as she talks to you, y watching for statements that show contradiction, ambivalence,

or are not grounded in reality so you can discuss them more fully.

OPEN OPTIONS

STEP TWO OPEN OPTIONS

Planting the seed is not passive, it is active.
It is when you are intervening to meet the client s immediate need that you will begin opening options (O).

Clients with whom you open options might be described as being at a crossroads. Your discussion of options might help them see that there are, indeed, different paths available to them and that they can make better choices.

Crossroads Options

y For clients with a positive test or those who have a confirmed pregnancy,

you must be prepared to discuss one or more options.

y For clients with a negative

test, you must also be prepared to discuss one have consequences

some

or more options.
y Clients also need to see that choices

will lead toward danger and some toward opportunity.

Positive-Test Client:
y Abortion

(9 wks. Fetus)

y Parenting

y Adoption

Negative -Test Client:

y Continued Sexual Activity Outside Marriage y Marriage (Sexual Integrity) y Abstinence Until Marriage (Sexual Integrity)

Discuss Options in a Relational Way

Care must be taken in introducing and discussing options with the client. If you don't follow the guidelines below, the client will most likely stop listening.

Discuss Options in a Relational Way

Be factual and informative.

Be objective in your language.

Discuss Options in a Relational Way

Be involved and active in your presentation of options Be responsive to what you know about the client and her situation from the L step.

Discuss Options in a Relational Way

Be "woman-centered. Be personal.

Be loving, caring, and non-judgmental.

VISION AND VALUE

STEP THREE : V VISION and VALUE

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
This step gives us a unique opportunity to introduce something perhaps entirely new to the client, a new way of looking at herself, the world around her, and her future. This new vision and value that we have the opportunity to share is the same one that underlies all of our work in a Christian, life-affirming pregnancy center/clinic.

Your Unique Approach to the Client

Each helper will approach the Vision and Value step somewhat differently, even with the same client. There are no recipes for how to awaken new visions and values. Each client will respond differently to such a sharing

Vision About Self

Since most of our clients have such negative self images, partly due to the messages they have received about themselves from others and partly due to the bad choices they have made which reinforce their negative self image, this new message about their own value is especially pertinent.

Vision About Self

God is loving, just, and merciful might be shared by saying:
God loves you. Yes, God allows you (all of us) to suffer the consequences of bad choices, but . . . God is merciful and will always forgive you if you just ask.

Vision About Self

You are made in the image of God might be shared by saying: You have great value and dignity because God made you - you are special. Because God made you in His image you are like Him in some ways, you have great power to choose and to act, and you are responsible for your choices you can change. God made you for relationship with others you are wired to want to be in intimate relationship with others (not casual or brief relationships).

Vision About Self

There is Good News might be shared by saying: You have made some bad choices, and some of that is understandable because you just didn t know the truth and you didn t have very good examples, and that s part of why you are so unhappy. But you can start again! God will forgive you, if you ask, and He will give you the grace you need now.

Vision About Self

Women are worthy of respect might be shared by saying: You were made special by God, in His Image, as a woman. You are worthy of respect from men. No woman should ever be made to think she is worthless or ever let herself be used or abused. This is not God s plan for you. Treating you as a sex object is the opposite of treating you with respect.

Vision About God s Plan for Sexuality

Since our clients (by definition) are almost always involved in bad sexual choices, partly due to never having heard about God s Plan for our Sexuality and partly because one bad sexual choice leads to another, this vision is also pertinent.

Vision About God s Plan for Sexuality

Children are to be welcomed might be shared by saying:

God says that children are a blessing it doesn t matter whether they are wanted by someone or planned. God wants each one to be born and has a special plan for each one. They don t really belong to us but to God.

Vision About God s Plan for Sexuality

Sexual intimacy, love, and marriage go together in God s Plan might be shared by saying:

God s plan is for sex, unconditional love, marriage, and children to go together. Sex within marriage renews and strengthens the closeness of the marriage.

Vision About God s Plan for Sexuality

Sex is designed to help create children, who make the couple even closer. Children are the fruit of their love. God made sex as the private, physical way of demonstrating how united the married couple is, and their children show that unity in a public way.

Vision About Redemptive Choices

We cannot redeem our own sins; Jesus has done that for us. But when we make a positive choice following a bad (sinful) choice, we do receive back something. The vision we can share with clients is that : They have the opportunity now to make a redemptive choice . Although having a sexual relationship outside of marriage is not good, renewed virginity or sexual integrity can be a redemptive choice because it helps us recover our sense of dignity and self-worth.

Vision About Salvation

Jesus died for our sins so that the gates of heaven were opened and we all have the opportunity for eternal life. If we believe in Jesus and ask forgiveness for our sins, we will be in relationship with Him, the very thing we were created for! Our lives can be changed in this world and we can have eternal life in the next.

Vision About Salvation

Even clients who indicate some connection with Christianity may not have a real or personal understanding of the Good News. Especially if clients have been raised in another religious tradition, sometimes they have no concept of forgiveness and grace. They believe their sins bring permanent disgrace on themselves and their families. This leads to shame, hopelessness, and isolation.

Practical Help
Share the Gospel with clients.

Prayer

EXTEND AND POWER

STEP FOUR: E - EXTEND AND EMPOWER

Those who fail to plan can plan to fail.

Extending Help for Specific Needs

Every client who calls or comes to your center/clinic receives some help: : a pregnancy test, : the answer to a question, : a referral in the community for a need she has expressed.

In this sense, you and your center are extending help to the client. You need to be familiar with all of the help your own center provides.

Extending Help for an Option

If a teenage client is open to sexual integrity, for example, you can help her plan (during the same initial client interview) how she can make that change. When can she tell her boyfriend? What kind of behaviors does she need to avoid? What will she tell him? What might be his reaction(s) and how will she handle it (them)? When she dates again, where can they go to have fun and avoid sexual intimacy?

Extending Help for an Option

If a client with a positive test is open to the option of parenting, you may need to help her begin to plan during the interview: When can she tell her family? Where might she live? Can she continue to work? How will she cover her prenatal and maternity costs? Where will she go for prenatal care? How can she get financial support from the father of the child? Just as in the O step, actually physically drawing out the plan on paper can again break down the confusion and empower the client to have an actual written guideline to follow as the sprout from the seed begins to take root and grow .

Extending Our Care for the Long Term: Follow-Up and Support
It means to offer continued involvement with your center or with another program to which your center is linked. It also means to truly empower the client to act on the positive options you have opened up to her and to live out the new visions and values you have awakened in her.

How to Ask
Often you have to be strategic in how you are approaching the clients and what you have to offer them to keep them coming back for more contact with you. State her next appointment time or next plan with all the confidence in the world, never hesitating for a moment that this is the plan of action for the help you need.

How to Ask
Sowers need to have this kind of confidence when asking the client to come back in. They can say, Suzie, I am back in the office next Thursday between 2:00 and 6:00. I can see you at 2:30 or 4:00, which is best for you? Your center might have appointment cards readily available that you fill in on the spot and hand to the client.

How to Ask
Some centers use incentives programs to encourage clients to return. Clients earn points or mommy money to spend on baby items or personal care items in the center s boutique.

Your enthusiasm extended to them will usually make them want to return. Your client is looking for authentic trusting relationships whether she knows it or not and you represent safety and help to her.

The LOVE Approach

L Listen and Learn
Explore the issue through listening and learning. Investigate: Client Needs Client Strengths Client Awareness (Feelings, Thoughts, Wants, Values and Beliefs) Nonverbal Messages How to explore and listen: Be attentive Ask good (open-ended) questions Interpret and "check out" Observe and Listen for contradictions, ambivalence, lack of reality (the client is not totally at ease about her actions, thoughts, or feelings)

The LOVE Approach

O Open Options

Carefully share information about options she needs to consider to make a good decision. Use what you have learned in the L step.

The LOVE Approach

V Vision and Value
Awaken a vision in the client for a healthier life (a vision that she may never have had, or that has become dimmed). Self God s Plan for our Sexuality Redemptive Choices Salvation Prayer Help the client value herself differently. She is a special creation, worthy of love. She can be forgiven and begin again.

The LOVE Approach

E Extend and Empower
Give referrals Plan how the client will carry out an option. Follow-up for long-term support: A call from you - How can you contact her? Appointments with you - How can this be arranged? Continuation in your center programs or other long term-help.

Extending Help for an Option

Extend and empower in the E step also means helping the client plan, if she is open to one of the crossroads options you introduced in the O step.