CRISIS OR HOW THE WORLD FELL

i je

l'esprit d'adam wincles pense en français et en anglais et ce jeune canadien s'est toujours demandé si
c'etait bien ou mal ce que cela signifiait et pourquoi parfois il pensait dans une langue plutot que dans
une autre.

Je ne me suis jamais posé de question sur qui j'etais ,c'est qui j'etais qui a fait de moi ce que je suis
devenu. JE ne me suis jamais posé de question sur qui j'étais parceque mon etre est venu a moi de lui
meme il est apparu comme une vérité anterieur une revelation.Ce qui fut difficile ce fut l'acception ,de
soi ,de changer d'etre autre que ce qu'on a ete d'accepter l'etre qu'on devient parfois presque malgré
soi,comme si le devellopement de notre nature ou personnalite se faisait d'elle meme sans que nous
puissions rellement choisir.Bien sur on peut tojouts se forcer,a aller contre soi meme mais nos existence
alors on un aspect inauthentique ou d'inauthenticité.Mais peut on aller vraiment contre soi contre sa
propre volonté longtemps d'autant plus que chaque pas de notre existence se fait en
s'autointerrogeant.Guidé par autre chose que soi ou nos croyances des que les consequences sont
mauvaises on entends souvent les gens dire j'aurais du m'ecouter ou me faire confiance a moi meme il
est alors evident que quitte a se tromper au moins avec nos propres erreurs on apprends,on est l'auteur
l'acteur et la victime.

Adam winckles aurait pu dire"je ne sias pas grand chose de mon etre,mais je sais que je suis un homme
que c'est mon desir ma volontée je la sens au fond de moi,le masculin m'attire et ce qui y est lié,c'est
mon genre"

"adam winckles is a man now" "i am a man"

since he got my paper done and the masuline gender wrote on it, i was now a litle bit more assimilated
to "something i clearly more refered to" but until where was i a man ? masculinity is hard to define and
moreover ther should be styles and itensity i was a man but in a certain way i felt also a litle bit non
binary,sometimes,in specific occasion maybe.

I dont know a lot about myself i don't really know who i am, i know my name,adam winckles ,and that i
am a man,a non binary man.and something else.

What does that mean something else.An amount of other things yet.
but what does that mean ? Qu'esce que cela veut dire ,signifie ,que je suis ça, ici et là ? Mais cela signifie
cela signifie même beaucoup ,c'est un repére et c'est grace a des reperes que l'on vit.Si tout changait
tout le temps comment ferions nous ? Comment ferions nous ?How will we do ?If everything changed all
time.

I was in my room on my bed thinking writting on a notebook i had.Et la radio à coté de moi lache son flux
d'actualité sur la guerre le monde ,tout.Je n'aime pas particulierement ecouter la radio,mais cela fait
partie de mes techniques antistress faire diversion.

I prefer silence to any kind of sound,silence is peace.But sometimes the sound of stress and anxiety
coming from my body sould and mind is so strong so crude so violent that i need some diversion.

Il y avait des choses sur le lit et d'une certaine maniere cela ressemblait a une nature morte.Une de celle
qu'aurait pu composer jacques de bascher le dandy amant de karl lagerfeld et yves saint laurent;qui
relise un court metrage huysmanien qui s'appelait histoire d'eau.et qui commencait par une scene
grandiose double en premier lieu nature morte puis scultpeure theatrale d'une jeune femme elegante
buvant du champagne dans son lit dans une coupe en verre et dont la fenetre donne sur une place
italienne l'ete elle ecrit une lettre a sa mere pour lui dire que tout va bien il ya uncote luxe un cote barqie
un cote dandy et un conte moderne,Pourtant l'esthetique qu'adam winckles apreciait par dessus tout en
terme d'habitation pour les petite surface c'etait un minimalisme pousse avec le moins de chose possible
le luxe dans les petits espaces c'etait de pouvoir se deplacer et vivre on se retoruve tres rapidement
prisonnier des objets qu'on possede,evidement quand afam wincles deviendra riche les choses changera
il pourra meme se laisser aller a la decoration baroque quand il faut "habiller les murs" et qu'on a de
l'argent tout est possible.Adam fumait une cigarette comme un plaisir exceptionnel qu'il s'etait garde
comme une recompense pour avoir reussi ses etudes de lycees et d'avoir reussi l'examen d'entre dans
une presitufueux universite difficile d'acces.Allongé sur son lit il feuillete un journal de mode ou sont
egrenner les tendances je lis mais surtout je fais attention aux images.

Je porte un kimono robe de chambre en satin avex dessus imprime des danseuse un pantalon de soie
reche style crépe couleur nude ou beige nuance foncé j'ai une petite moustache et je me trouve beau,j'ai
un miroir sur le lit entouré de nombreuse choses que j'ai sorti pour m'occuper en me preparant et en
faisant des choses ce soir j'ai rendez cous avec mon amant.Le telephone ne va pas tarder a sonner et
sans doite bva til me rjoindre ou passerat il en moto ou avec sa voiture devant la vila alors je le
rejoindrait et nous partirons dans quelques commerces de la villes un bar un cabaret un restaurant et
nous passerons la nuit a rire dore des betises et passer un bon moment ensemble ,je l'aime
profondement et c'est une chance qu'il existe que je soi tombe dessus,je crois que lui aussi meme,quand
l'amour est passe je suis tellement heureuse d'avoir laissé la porte ouverte et d'avoir sauté sur l'occaison
tellement de gens laissent passer leur chance ou l'amour tout simplement.

Il est beau assez masculin et ciril mais dans un style tres different de moi.IL EST chatin clair

pourrait etre un blind charmand moi je suis chatun brun et la seule fois ou je me suis teint enn blonf j'ai
realis que c'etait l'autre sens direction qui m'irait d'assombrir plutot que d'eclaircir la lourdeur du noir
plutot que la legete du blond
C'est la fin de l'ete et je profite avec mes amis de la vie de la chalur du temps.

On suppose ou presupose que ce jour est censé etre celui ou adam wincles va entrer a l'université et
commencer des etudes,ses etudes.

Ce qu'adam ne sait pas encore c'est qu'il va participer a une aventure dangereuse et risqué et qu'il
sauvra le monde malgré lui et à cause de lui meme.

Cher adam winckles que fait tu ou est tu ?

The beautifulness of the mind.

The beautifulnesss of the mind. The
beautifulness of the mind.

adam winckles was thinking about :

La beauté de l'esprit. la beauté de l'esprit . la beauté de l'esprit.

Si tout avait un sens une direction adam winckles savair qu'il refusait ,je sais que je refuse dira t'il
l'ambivalence des choses et celle de l'esprit ou plutot je sais que je refuse qu'il existe qu'il soit qu'il y ait
une "laideur de l'esprit" cela adam winckles se l'interdit tout bonnenment.Il s'autocensure avec
violence,i do censor myself was he ,was i thinking.

At this very special moment adam winckles was thinking,well whas it thinking lets say his mind was flying
around a multidemnsional reality with softenss;

quelque jours plutot il a rangé ses affaire et s'est organisé pour que ces quelques jours precendant sa
rentree soit le plus calme et reposant possible dans la villa a deux niveaux de ses parents aucun bruit on
n'entendait le charme silenceieux de la campagne banlieux ou en cet fin d'ete seul quelque rare grillons
et criquet s'adonnait a rendre l'atmosphere encore plus pausible agrable et acceuillante.Par cet ami
amant l'appela son amoureux lui proposa de sortir et adam winckles ne pouvait dire non,il ne pouvait
rester chez lui juste a se reposer,il fallait qu'il vive la vie et l'amour l'appelait.

Le lendemain.

this day was supposed to be adam entrance into the most awarded and prestigious college of the
country. Buy luck he was born not very far . this very special day He woke up in the morning thinking
about his future.What would it be ? But this was a remenbrance of a work made a few days earlier ,when
he decided to have some day off and he has been taking time to lay off in bed and let his imagination go.
He could see his spirit attrated by questions and will.How teacher students and the administration of
scool will be he was grabbing what he already know all the information he can take from the suburb of
his mind to create a map of what should probably be tomorrow.in the past it did already happenend that
his works of imaginations did fit perfectly to reality and he was always happy to guess to see future "in
advance from others",and when things were the opposite adam was happy to see this litle mental play
that as a game and analyse what didn t work and why.

the night before was a hot and beautiful night of summer and he had been also as many days before
meditating before sleeping on his will.The will of adam winckles was to be a man ,and to act as one ,as
much,even if he was born female.he has been thinking a lot about that what is a male what is a female
what is a man what is a woman.He never really had clear and perfect answers it all looks like
metaphysics in the deep, and always at this specifique miment a sentence the title of a chapter from
john lock essay on human understanding always come to his mind. THEIR IS NO INNATE IDEA.

No innate idea,then male and female should be a construction,from where by what.

in nature THE hyppocampe father carryies the babyes inside his ventrum.Nature and biology deconstruct
idealised(by human) nature in a way.Then what was the archeology of the idea of masculine and
feminine,archeology or anthropoogy this wasalways were adam was lots.

In the deep abstract world.

adam winckles was happy to think to say he feels himself as a man he discovered his true self and
whatever he did this was what was going to remain about him.Even if john locke made him relativise the
true self definition a bit.

But he wanted to be something else aslo not not only a transcendance to one gender to another he also
se himself on a schedule of gendrism and non gendrism as a bit of non binary also.He was no more
manuela ferrara his dead name that also had a strange story of resistence.

He found his name but he was not only that and certainly he would have others name the ones that life
give through friends and family teachers and collegues,lovers.He has already been called baby with the
voice of love and also the sounds remain even if he did forget who say so.As he was preparating himself
in his room in the family s house something hit him in the mind , the beautifulness of the oxfordian
architecture , it was the first thing he would like to see and contemplate ,he tought to write this on his
notepad list of tasks on his phone as number one ,1) to look to the architecture careffully,but in his very
subconscious another list did activate itself as a fire living souvenir 'to be a man' 'to act as a man' 'be a
man'.Another time another day.HImself to himself.

From his room he went to the living room , a piece where his parent left the tv working , maybe they
were still actually here in the house , working at home ,or on a day off, and that was the reason why he
cant find them occupied as usual gravitating around their preparations and morning preocupations.And
doing their morning rituals where his mother was going back twenty time in an hour from her room to
the living room.

this level of the house was for rooms and living room and usually when adam s parents woke up ,they
shower the night so in the morning they put their clothes on and go to the living room to watch the
news while talking about the day they prepare papers in their bags they have left in the living room on
the sofa ,a table a chair or anywhere else and when they are ready they live together for downstairs
where they quicly eat some few apples or glass of juice and they leave together each one with his own
car goinf to opposite direction.

what surpised adam winckes in this morning was that he new the attachement of his parents to the
ritual, they likes so much this morning ritual and it has became one so because of all special raffinement
of these.During years his parents only true pleasure were these morning were everything was as a clock
and adam preparing his lesson on this sofa.As a ritual also a useless but reassuring good student ritual.

But this morning the tv was working but nobody normally adam parents would have never let the tv
working alone only by accident or surpise but the were two and leaving together

a couple a reltaionship was what it was if one fell the other catch him before the crash.

If his mother did forget the tv certainly his father would have put it off,besides all the door of his parent
room was totally open and the house absoltly silent so he knew and he has been left alone.His so well
organised parent were not the type to forget something or the tv on,it was strange .on the move and as
adam get closer to swith off the machine he get irremidably attracted absorbed by the screen for few
seconds and absorbed and he start watching tv and the channel.as he was scruptating the living room
were a few evidence that somthing was not as usual were left by his parents.

The presentatress of tv information channel was in panic and alarmed much more that usual adam
tought was that it was a new technique of manipulation of the media to increase the level of stresss
signs manifestations to let people keep watching,the screen was badged with the sentence , "the most
important economical crisis the world ever knew" as catchning phrase and while he was goind to listen a
bit this morning the phrase will change twice for "state has no money" "other nations are colapsing"
before adam was leaving to college,he knew that it will certainly not only be the day where he was going
to enter in college and discover oxfordfian architecture it was also be the day of the crisis, the most
important was the crisis the more his souvenir of this special day will be erased.

FUTURE MAYBE

His parents were business leaders and certainly they left because of this issue.

Adam winckles .tired by all this specualtion i just kept watching.

But now adam didn t knew what was happening and by pure curiosity he decided to increase volume
and knowing that it was an alarmism media channel and media technique for catching audience adam
decided to "analysis" manipulation techniques and even if he just want to see tv for 5 minutes and listen
to cheap data he was going to college after all and he can allow himself to these gulty pleasure that
surely he was going to regret after.

Because he always tried to get his mind pure frome the affliction.

He always saw his mind as a pure immaculate white garden or page that it was his spiritual duty to
maintain unperverted by a wrong or filthy will, object,or a wrong vibration. Besides his desire to controle
himelf all time and everywhere sometimes his forces or attention melt as the world seduces us with so
many tricks and things,the world of men and nature.

When he finally succeded to catch a few phrases he immediatly understood that the situation in fact was
an eufemism the secretary of state was on tv with her night hair,and night tee shirt under a costume
jacket we could see that she had to wake up in the midle of the night and that the crisis was so
important that at any moment she get the occasion to look at her image.

bodyguards themselves where wearing civilians as in wars unespected traditions and rituals are removed
and new ownes are operated ,the actual crisis was creating an upcoming ,new situation,new world was
the appopriate expression in fact because everything seemed unexpected

adam decided to switch off tv, as teletransportation machine tv had placed him in a place were he
shouldn t have been with people he didn t know, he didn t need to go to another reality without getting
all what is around and that will reverse and relativise the thing itself.

Adam decided not to worry and to wait the night to have more information from his parents which
where menbers of the upper class of society after all and rich besides , the college he was preparing to
attend classes in this morning was full of nobel prizes in so many fields and teachers the most intelligent
of the world they would love or adore at least enjoy to show their mental superiority by giving to the
future elite data tools to analyse and other useful materials , at least they will comment the news as they
were excpected to as programms where the same since decades and news and media control was the
apparatus graal college was here and adam intended to make this problem as long it was his problem a
social-class-affair, this was usually as a human what he was doing. He was a socialite in a certain way and
was always trying to know everybody opinoon and point of wiev, trying to get that from the richest and
the classiest the most elegat and powerful people first.Sometimes peple were looking at him like a
gig(gigolo) because he perfectly had the attitude of a high class ecort or prostitute, made of seduction
and fake submission to another self but adam was always controling and maintening the reins.
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So thinking his way of walking and mooving smooth and natural while leaving the living room upstaire to
downstairs throw the stairs he arrived at the kitchen and went to the bathroom to

Pendant qu'il descendait l'escalier il pensait ou plutot se projetait sa maniere de marcher et de

descendre l'escalier a travers la vision de ses menbres et de ses gestes leurs attitudes generale et ce
qu'elle lui renvoyait dans son esprit adam essayait de controler son apparence et ce a quoi il
ressemblait ,pensant 'essaye un peu plus viril' 'essaie une demarche peu plus naturelle ' inf fine son
esprit ne lui donnait plus que des indicatons et des injonctioons plus lourd plus leste plus ceci plus
cela ,descendre l'escalier lui sembla alors avoir pris un temps infini,le temps reel du mouvment du corps
normal,et celui infini de la pensée.Mais il etait plutot content de lui cette demarche et cette atitude de
geste qu'il travaillait depuis des années faisait rafinné mais pas trop,agressif mais pas trop,trivial mais
pas trop,naturel et souple mais pas jusque l'aquatique à la limite.Son but etait d'atteindre l'espace d'une
prestance invisible qui s'active vers un charisme discret et d'un charisme discret a une aura flamboyante
en fonction simplement de sa propre volontée d'etre ou de ne pas etre tout devait etre pour lui d'avoir le
pouvoir ou de ne pas l'avoir.

use the miror with the good light that was always giving him the best image that was reassuring
him,adam always thought that a touch of narcissism if not to much pushed look like self confidence,he
perfumed himself and left the house to the garage where his car was and went out to the college. in the
car he was contaplating the road and he realised that he didnt looked to his costume and manner trying
to be elegant or sophisticated in the miror of the bathroom,

he was going to be 5 MINutes to early and forget the see himself from foot to head wish upset him,
usually adam always was a winner never fogetting anything and planning perfectly it was not his
habittude to forget something so important even the irrelvant he remenbered , something was going
wrong today, and it was not him, after one moment of a few second, he realised as he read in
psychological conumer behavior, the magazine of psychology of the consumer that his attitude has been
inlfuenced by another one that gave him a pinch of desorder and chaos impressement forced him to
speed and he realised that it was the tv a few moments ago, at the moment the sentence "usually i
never get manipulated and even more by tv or i am getting more stupid or it is a way more serious this
crisis" he hadn t time to read this sentencend in his mind that produced it that a multitude of small
evidences witnessing that , higways totally empty stores closed normal people in the street looking like
homeless people not knowing where they were going, these road he made it almost twice a day for
more that all his life and today he saw it with a light of dawn ,it was a shinny morning of early september
and it looked liked the sadest day of december of january faces had a more lubriious color,but it

wasnt clear he was driving ,happily when he arrived at the parking of college he saw the car of his friend
that came to him, with the nicest expression ,at this moment adam tought the world can collapse i m
happy to have the best friends in the wolrd as thomas hugged him and kissed im on the cheek whixh was
rare he told to adam, college is closed were as screwed,adam answerrd college is closed? The year is off
the state nation doesnt have monney anymore,we are even lucky to be accepted in next year lets leave
to your house i will explain you on the road.Adam tought it was a joke but thomas was not this kind of
person and moreover the parkind doesn t look like what it should be ,cars were arriving leaving quiclky
and a hue mount of them was not here people far away were crying ,yelling ,and expressing indignation
and anger as the children of the most conformist elite which was a body language that of higly
internalised emotion which always tried to save the face. Adam felt his legs were being cottonous,his
oncle was unemployed and always giving a hand he saw his face in his mind, seatted in thomas car he
asked him to come to bring back his car,after his acceptation he was realised his uncle was fiable.I only
remeberd his oncle last sentence ,don t be selfish if your collefe as all colleges of the country are closed
at this moment your parent should be fired, happily your parent have enought saving for 3 or 4 years.
My parents have enought saving not to work until they are dead uncle. He answered me you dont know
the state will devaluate monney and tax higly,i decide to stop the conversation.I remenbered visions of
my uncle his malediction he was extremely clever and always had true visions he has an amazing iq of a
fenius but his superior brain was also damaged with schyzofrenia , the brain of a genius is a gift from
nature he tolds me once, but my deseases are a production of human activity , alcoollism drug pollition
make schyzophrenia and bipolarity, not fully handicaped and not fully a genius my uncle was getting the
incmprehension of theworld happily he worked for the family ,in fact i was a random student when i was
young

but i entered first in best nation college because of him, he made all my education while momy was
making millions, and my father was trying no to look like a husband less valuable or with a different
standart wich was hard to him.In fact they didnt want to spend money on my education because my
mother as financial chief naturally try to avoid paying and my father wanted to protect our relation from
the violence of notation and his techniques of learnings.

My uncle did propose to help for six months and let my parents decide after in function of evolution, he
didn t had child as a homosexual and he was quite sad about it but as an intelecutal he was sad also not
to ever had students he was passing his time studying alone for himself, so he decided to give the best of
these years of as an heritage.

As i was thinking in the car thomas taljed to me in his car while he was driving in his car with a special
tone soft chalorous and intimate but also clear and short as the situation was calling for an austere
ascese a pure simplicity. I don't know may be i will study with my uncle or i will try to launch something a
business or a project,

what can of businnesses he told me ?

A start up i answered a project that will make quicly moneY;

as we just arrived at home i saw a teaxher of college in the strat i told to thomas to stop

this is the negociation teacher i need to talk to him, may be he will accept to give me a free lesson.Ok say
thomas while oppening his door and jumping out of the car before of me

the teacher was so happy to see us AS WE WERE water in deset ,you student i m so happy to seeyou ,
you can not pays us give us no place to teach but as long people have envy or desire to learns and as
long we can stand on our foot ,we can create a class.

He wass saying the world class the same way as a physionomist of a night club would habe sy to a badly
women this house is classy or a class is required to enter, not as atecacher would have say children don t
leave the class room, and his way to articulate words were emphatic white theatralisation and "mise en
scene" this is why we spontaneously laught when he told use

i m not a negociation teacher , i was a theather teacher in hollywood and los angeles and i had the idea
to teach to act to business men they adore it and payed me well slowly, my class was

empty of businessmen and i changed my theme i served pitching acting serioulsy withouuut being
seriously,and after being serioulsy act crazy . Negociation is my lasst theme, my husband was an
anthropologist in college and years after years a transmission passed and i realised that rituals was what
i was getting in .

Thomas said surprised, but negocation is to take part to a business ritual ?

as the teacher was continuing to talk and to expresinf his wievs thomas asked me tenuoulsy

what is your project?

Your remenber this space force that nation is designing that we were talking about one year ago and the
fact that it was about the coming back of asteroid to earth ? i did some research and a few start up
business were working on it ,if we sent a tiny tuny piece of metal we can chage trajectory to anywhere
on heart, i also had lookef for the cheapest island on eart we can rent for one day , i even had a
agreement with a stat that will make no tax on us, we will have to leace the same day the island ? IF You
follow me it will be amasing i see nobody else to do it unless you and we will share the profit equitably
believe me it will be great i already have some saving to financiate that.with no enthousiasm at all and as
he was suffering from someting dolorous thomas answered welle i dont know let me tell you
tomorrow.To be quite honest it was one of his ideas that i made mine but after all ideas are everywhere
and belong to everybody,i should have respect it by doing it,i did proposed the project to him by not
looking him in the eyes,because i knew either that he was attached to the projet either i was not going
to do something else.May be his voice revealed that seeing his friend stoling not the ideas but the ideas
of the technique to use which was the only way to make money, but as by miracle i found my car next i
didnt underst how 5 hours did pass, i was trying to see his facial expression back in my mind to read it
perfectly and see his soul,but the more i focused the more it vanished once he was surpised witout a
sounf ounce he almost smiled one he turnerd his face far from me like to escape me, this night of drama
where my parents almost not talked at diner we all decided like by a secret contract that to be stoic and
to preserce a perfect physical conditions was the best to prepare to the crisis even our voices this night
where soft and tender to keep energy for the fight.

I went to bed a day earlier i was a student laucnhed into the system and i was ready to climb the
pyhramid the world was offereing to me to my class to my family and today i was nobody more

but as my soul was style of an elite for another day i decided not to see the dark yet so i played with my
memory my memories,again before sleeping eyes closed i played to visionise future but i prefered
something more immature yet it was thomas facial expression that i was trying to read in a verry
kaleidoscopical way ,it came back ,and i was smilling laughting in my bed like any other day,because
eache time i was callign for this memory of this face or facial expression it came very differents it was
never twice the same face.

After all face we are trusting, are masks sometimes,full of lies and evilicious,but even the face that lie i
like more when you can read the lie on the face another face appears the one of the mind bad will.

Does thomas was my friend, after all we shared during years i never possesed him,

who do we really ever posses ,the one we love our wifes,our children ?

This was the last idea i had before sleeping after that my spirit left to darkness in the sleeping hours pass
like seconds .

the NEXT MORNING all thomas family were fired the country had only one person on twenty working,
the crisis was so strong that thomas did accept to work with me and not for the reason i

tought not for money,everything became so hard and cheap,that thomas did accept just to pass time
with me to escape an atmosphere of bad news that he tought will lead him to become a drug
consumer,he was also an elite son of the elite but there were no more place for such a wild elite in
america ,i decided not to dishonnor him, and to work on the project. And this day i had several very
interesing appointments.